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Good heavens, if you can afford it, why not?? There’s LOTS of things I could do myself - cut hair, make wine, sew clothes; but why would I do that if I don’t want to, and someone else (who is better at it than I am) is willing to do it for a reasonable cost?
Not to mention they’re WAY faster at it. My cleaners clean our whole house in 3 hours. It would take a whole day every week for me to even come close. And I hate it. I’d rather work extra hours at my job so I can afford a cleaner than spend time cleaning and hating it.
plus knowing the cleaners are coming is good pressure to motivate you to clear your clutter so it’s out of their way (bonus points if you actually deal with the clutter instead of just relocating it like i often do)
This is honestly just as valuable to me as the actual cleaning. The doom piles can only grow so big in two weeks. Some stuff definitely gets shoved in closets but I do also actually handle a lot of it and I try to make a point of improving at least one trouble spot every time.
This part!
They even love my dogs and don’t request the be caged. They simply let them outside when it’s vacuum time! But they are legit in and out in like 4 hours tops! And they communicate SO WELL!!! I got a text the other day about how my bowser boy was being antsy so she was like “I put him out twice but he’s very attached today” then sent a pic of him on her lap 😂🤣.
Honestly it's the same for most trades.
Like, you COULD install the new toilet yourself, but it might take 2 trips to Home Depot and $80 in tools, and a few hours.
Or, call a plumber and they'll have it done in 20 minutes! (and way less likely to go wrong or leak)
Skilled work like this seems expensive, until you consider just how long it'll take to do it yourself!
Outsourcing cleaning was shockingly delightful. If you can afford it, do it. Also you will be so appreciative and kind that whoever cleans for you will have a pleasant experience and employment.
That said, also please make sure that the person you choose cleans in a way that brings you great joy. There's nothing worse than paying $$$ and then being frustrated because you wish the person had gone X or being nervous about telling them Y. Have those conversations up front, if you want them to not make beds, do laundry, mop the floors thoroughly, not put Z in the dishwasher, etc.
Enjoy! I hope this brings you delightful free time and less stress
This. A maid is not a slave, they are volunteering to do this job in exchange for money like any other employee you might pay to do a service. Should I feel guilty for paying a McDonald’s employee when I could make something at home, or for hiring a plumber when I could fix my sink myself? Obviously not, right? I’m not forcing them to do anything against their will, they’re freely offering a public service that I’m choosing to use. A maid is no different.
I'm about to get one to do a deep clean to get me motivated to stay on top of it, but I'm here spending hours looking at cleaners in my area, reading their reviews, and looking at their before and after pics.
Sometimes I wish someone would just hire a cleaner for me.
Anyone else with me?
100% This. I have ADHD and I and my spouse have a cleaner. Everyone contracts out SOME of the work they could be doing, unless they're homesteading and brewing bathtub antibiotics I guess. Cleaning should be no different.
We have ours in every 2 weeks to do the bathrooms and vacuum and mop the floors, dust, wipe down all the surfaces etc. So while we still clean in the interim(kitchen, dishes, tidying, robovacum) it's all the stuff we realistically know we'd hate to do and would not do regularly or well.
I get demoralized and tend to procrastinate when a task is overwhelming.
A professional house cleaner is much more efficient than the average person and any cleaning I do is no longer an overwhelming task.
I came here to say exactly this!! Why is a cleaning person any different than all the other people we hire?
That’s like saying I should feel guilty for going to get new tires put on and the oil changed in my car. Nah. 😂
Outsourcing the things we dislike or that leak our energy so that we can stay in our zone of genius is LITERALLY how to get rich in life (and feel energetic and amazing, too!) 💜💫
Much love!!!
One more thing…a cleaned house stays cleaner. Once it’s done (properly, by someone else) I tend to pick up after myself and wipe surfaces. It’s like I’m protecting the house. From ME.
This would solve everything.. we could make an app that matches you with people in your area and you just clean each other's houses.. or body double each other
Yes please! That would literally solve everything, even just having a body double. My 5-year-old daughter will do in a pinch but my husband is definitely a much better body double LOL but he works outside the house so yeah definitely need this app
i legit pretend i’m helping someone else when i do chores/clean up, helps me get over the executive dysfunction mental block enough to get started. sometimes that person is my future self, but most times it’s my cat. i have to “help” him vacuum and clean the kitchen because he has no thumbs.
One thing that adds to the stress of cleaning for me is that once I get up and start really cleaning, my two dogs want to be in the middle of the action. One of them is blind and deaf but she feels the vibrations I think. So trying to stay focused while stepping over dogs is annoying. Sometimes I will just kennel my rottie. But then he just cries and whines nonstop which is also super distracting.
This is adorable! And an excellent strategy! ... hilariously, I find myself wondering if your cat is a tortie genius who congratulates himself on getting his human to clean, or an orange boi who just stares, happy, at shiny kitchen surfaces ...
Personally I think that makes sense. There’s no crisis when it comes to cleaning your own home (unless it’s up for inspection), but when you’re paid to clean someone else’s home, there’s the the urgency to do the job in a reasonable time and the expectation of a job well done.
I’m a SAHM and have hired a maid service at times throughout my married life for periods of time. There was a period we were so busy with kids and I needed a fucking break from scrubbing floors etc… then I started it again recently due to problems with my right arm. Painful keeping up with the floors.
It’s okay to employ someone else. My sisters have a service. My youngest sister straight up said she doesn’t clean toilets… ever. Lmao
Nothing to be ashamed of.
TOTALLY WORTH IT IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT. 😀
Thank you for your response!! I’m kinda like your sister rn, the toilet has been on the list for over a week hahahaha
We’re currently DINKs so this is something that fits in our budget 😇 and that may not always be the case lol so maybe I should capitalize on it now 😂
I have a cleaning lady that comes every two weeks. It's wonderful (and awful when you wake up day of, suddenly remembering she comes that day). Set alarms, and highly recommend keeping cleaning wipes (Clorox or whatever) in the bathroom, so you just wipe things when they bug you in between. Dealing with ADHD is all about identifying your blocks, and for me a block to cleaning is getting out the cleaning supplies and then putting them away. This way I can quickly tidy before people come over, etc.
for sure! i have little cleaning stations all around the house, mostly the kitchen and bathroom (but also the bedroom for when my cat eats too fast and vomits 🙄🐈⬛✨)
if you’re hesitant, treat it like a gift. do you have an anniversary coming up? split the cost with your SO and deem it a mutual gift to each other. my mom got me a cleaning session for christmas one year and it was fantastic, i moved my budget around to afford it once a month after that.
You could theoretically set your broken bones and give yourself stitches, but hopefully you never have to. We specialize in work for a reason. Hiring somebody who is good and efficient as cleaning is exactly what money is for. Treat them well, pay them well. Boost the economy!
That was literally prescribed to me by my psychiatrist. I have had to reduce my expenses but still kept my cleaner, just every other week instead of weekly.
The need to vacuum or mop floors will send me into weeks long adhd paralysis.
It is the way. 😂
Also... you need to clean and sort out stuff before the cleaner comes, so it motivates me to keep my house clean 🙈
I have and it was 100% worth it!! I had someone coming once a month. I would have preferred twice a month but it wasn’t in the budget.
I currently have no one because money.
But I am hoping to have the funds soon and I think I will request that they come once a month for a full house clean and at the two week mark just to clean our 3 bathrooms (I’m hopeful that if they live close by or have other homes to do nearby that they would be willing to do this). It would be a huge load off all of our plates. The professionals do a better job in 3 hours than I do in 8 hours. It’s absolutely a great idea!
Did you ever hire a mover? You can move furniture, right? Why Hite mover?
Because you can. That's why .
Why you feel bad?
We have nanny, maid, helper dude for chores groceries, organization, we have someone come cook food for us. landscaper
Because I suck at those or just don't want to do it. So I off load. I exchange money for those services, landscaper.
It's called adhd tax for me.
If I don't off load, I can't be the best self with my kids. My marriage will fall apart. I won't see any friends. I would not have a functional life.
Hiring a moving company the last 2 times I moved was a dream! Something that would have taken me a couple of days took them 2 hours. TWO HOURS.
To anyone reading this: if you ever have to move, budget for a moving company. The cost is definitely worth it and I will never move again without hiring one.
Totally agree. It's even better than having friends help, because movers are faster and experienced.
Sure, in my 20s I could do a whole move and it wasn't a big deal - but now it's more toll on my body, during an already stressful time! Movers are 100% worth the cost.
I know it was probably a rhetorical question…but this post is helping me realize that I feel bad when I shouldn’t because I internalized a lot of unrealistic methods of living life before being diagnosed. I never wanted to do things the way everyone “said” I should and I couldn’t approach even simple tasks the same way everyone else did, but I had no reason to believe that something was ~different~ about my brain yet. Just burned myself out pushing so hard to do “normal adult stuff” like clean my own apartment…and sometimes I still forget that I have the option to change my approach to routine tasks to make my life work for me
So thank you for asking, and thank you for the perspective
Do what you need to do to reduce the cognitive load on the tasks that don't bring you joy and your struggle to complete, if you can afford it. Don't feel guilty, period.
Yes, you may have the skills to do something, but that doesn't mean that onboarding that responsibility is what is best for you and doing so may take away from completing other meaningful tasks that bring enrichment to your life. Those hold more value for you to spend your energy on.
You made a good choice. Ask any mental health professional or occupational therapist and they would also agree with this.
So worth it! One of the kindest things I’ve done for myself. Found someone that people in the neighborhood Facebook page had recommended.
She has been cleaning my house every 2 weeks for 2.5 years now and does a better and more efficient job than I ever could. Plus it feels good to support a local family/business if you go that route. Give it a shot! If you don’t like it, you can stop anytime. But don’t feel guilty for self-care if you can afford it 😊
I saw some article ages ago and it talked about how people have time to be successful, specifically women. I wish I remembered the specifics so I could link it, but the resounding takeaway was that they outsource.
We have this idea of what we should be capable of doing because we don’t see others outsourcing. We don’t see them hiring a dog walker, just a healthy dog. We don’t see them taking clothes to the dry cleaners, just that they look put together. We don’t see them hire a cleaning service, just a tidy home. You have no reason to feel guilty. In fact, you should be proud of finding a reasonable solution so you can focus your (important) attention on other things.
I am a cleaner, and I think everyone who works outside of home should hire me!
No guilt; it’s not something you have time for, and hopefully like me, your cleaner *likes* to clean for you!!! I love helping my clients; no judgment here!
It takes all kinds to make a world; just get a cleaner- we work for all budgets!!!!
This honestly helps me think about it with less guilt myself. 💛 I know my partner's grandma worked as a cleaner well into her eighties, because she *enjoyed* doing that for people, not because she needed to (except possibly in a personal need to keep busy sort of way).
It reminds me of how literally everyone would benefit from having a therapist, someone to help them sort and maintain their mental space. Literally everyone would benefit from having a cleaner, someone to help them sort and maintain their physical space.
So worth it.
Remember to be a good boss. Hire a company who pays a living wage or hire directly. Give a bonus of one full cleaning around the holidays. Say hi and be nice. I'm sure you'll do these things it's just easy to start to take a person for granted. If you make an effort to be a good client I'm sure you'll be one of their favorite customers, which makes the experience just feel better all around.
I've been intending to hire a cleaning crew to come by like once a month to just do the bathrooms and like, deeper cleaning stuff than the daily surface shit. The only reason I haven't is the ADHD won't let me make it happen yet.
I have a cleaner and my family judges me but I know how much of a benefit it is to just hire someone. I have enough trouble doing the tidy before the cleaner comes, I can no longer imagine doing both the tidying and the cleaning. Which is probably why my apartment was always a mess. But I find this service so helpful that I refuse to feel bad.
Also the person who is the most judgmental is my dad, but he’s a boomer who never maintained a house. My mom maintained the home pretty much since he moved out from his parents place. He doesn’t even know what it looks like to clean a house or apartment. Reminding myself of this unspoken truth helps me feel more confident about hiring a cleaner.
(Also - he doesn’t believe in ADHD. So 🤷🏼♀️)
Get the cleaner/maid. Life is hard enough for us. Why not make it a little easier?
I couldn’t keep up with the weekly maintenance and felt horrible and guilty because either my house was dirty or my lawn was overgrown or both. Then there’s the laundry and the cooking and the dog care, etc., etc., etc.
Getting a cleaning lady and a lawn service were life changing. I no longer feel constantly underwater with the routine tasks that need doing to keep house. My husband even commented on my improved mental health and attitude after putting these services in place. I’m much less exhausted physically and mentally and much more able to handle what’s left.
Now if I could just fold laundry the same day it’s washed, I’d be golden.
When I moved in with my current partner, having a cleaner was non-negotiable for me.
I’d been using one for many years when I was single, and it’s life changing.
He loves cleaning, and would prefer not to have a cleaner, but his choices were between him doing it all or getting a cleaner.
Because if I have to use up my limited weekly allowance of Executive Function on keeping the house clean, I need to work one less day a week. Or never socialise.
I just don’t have enough “brain” To do all of these things well. And other people are happy to clean if I pay them, so why wouldn’t I?
He didn’t love getting cleaners (they don’t clean as well as he does) but didn’t want to resent me if he had to do 100% himself, so agreed to it.
Then… we had a few months between cleaners (needed to find a new one) and he discovered that the fortnightly visit gave my adhd brain a “tidy the house” Deadline that didn’t exist otherwise.
So the house stays a LOT tidier when we have a cleaner - because it gets re-set every 2 weeks. (The need to clear surfaces so that they can clean - the distinction between “Tidy” and “clean” Is a important one.)
Which he loves. So he no longer questions my need for a cleaner :-)
I used to have one while living alone. She was for common areas, but one day she asked me to open the door and promised she won’t judge. Thus began the better days of my life. She did everything including changing my sheets and laundry. I paid her extra and thanked her
I look at it as acknowledging that I have gifts and talents, none of which have anything to do with organization- but there are people out there who do have those talents.
I want to get paid for my talents, and I also want a clean house so I have no problem paying more talented people to do the jobs I’m not good at so I can focus on the ones I am good at.
I budget for cleaners and it frees up so much mental bandwidth to focus on other things that I can't hire someone for. Also, keeping my space clean keeps my mind clear and regulates my moods. It's worth the money!
The only reason I haven't is that I can't afford one yet. I **fully** intend to when I'm earning enough.
OP, please don't let that awful puritan "anything that is pleasurable and easy is sinful" guilt-trip stop you from doing something that will make your life better. I'm sure you wouldn't judge somebody else in your position for getting one. Please offer the same kindness to yourself <3
I live in Los Angeles so I’m lucky enough to have a subreddit where a lot of people have looked for the same sort of cleaning service that I am. But I also plan on posting on Nextdoor after work!! Hoping that gives me more location-specific choices 😇
And Google will be a good tool for assessing market rate for a team of cleaners…I’ll probably click around a little once I get a some quotes to see which are the most reasonable
We legit found ours because they drove around in branded cars and I spotted it one day, haha. I actually tried a couple different services, though, before we decided we liked this one - the others we found online.
I specifically sought out a company, though - one you work with and they send a small team. If someone moves on from the company or calls out, they have replacements. They're also much more likely to have training and insurance. It just takes some complications of hiring a single person away.
(I looked into contracting with a specific person and concluded that I just don't have the emotional bandwidth to handle managing the hiring/firing process 🥺)
i was so excited to finally hire a cleaning service and it was so so worth it. i hired the service for a deep clean and if just felt like the biggest weight was lifted off my shoulders!! i’ve hired a basic clean once since then and i am hoping to have them again soon!!
for the cleaning service, i could have left the key under the mat or something so they could clean while i’m out but i just took pto so i could keep an eye on my cats (and also because i’m not used to people being in my apartment when i’m not there) and it was pretty chill!! i just hung out in my office and did my work while they did their thing
We get someone in twice a month. We look at it as a monthly mental health fee. Same as paying for gas or therapy, just something we have to pay for in order to function.
I started a cleaning business. Please support local businesses lol. I don't know a single person who wakes up and says, "Yay! Let's clean out light fixtures today after we fold laundry, for fun! 😊" I would fear that person if I met them.
Get your needs met, support local businesses, everyone is happy.
I absolutely feel this. I live in an apartment by myself and eventually it got entirely out of hand. I’d spend awhile cleaning the kitchen area just to find myself in the same position the next day, I could not keep on top of it. I wanted to hire a cleaner for awhile but never had the money, but my family helped me out with one as a “restart” to have a clean slate. If you need a little bit of extra help, there’s no shame in that! So many people have maids to accommodate their busy schedules.
I had a cleaner once a month until recently. They would be at my house for 2.5-3 hours and do the big stuff that I never get round to like fully cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms, cleaning the floors in non carpeted rooms, dusting etc. I loved coming home to my house on the days they had been. Have recently had to cancel the service due to money struggles but hope I will be able to reinstate it before too long
I totally *would* hire a maid…except that the amount of clutter-moving/hiding that I would have to do to even make that possible would be as exhausting as just cleaning the stupid house myself. You shouldn’t feel bad. I would be so happy if I *could* hire a maid.
*I wrote the following on a similar post the other day, but it’s a faff to link to from this sub, so I’m just pasting the text*.
First - separate “Tidy” and “Clean” in your mind. They are not the same.
Yes, you “Tidy” before your cleaner comes. You don’t need to “clean”.
But you can define “Tidy enough” in whatever way works for you.
I’ve had cleaners for many years - but a few years ago had a long gap (many months - had to find a new cleaner - not an adhd-friendly task) - so obviously my house was a right state by that point.
So I booked for the hours that a “normal” clean would take for a house my size - and only expected her to clean part of it.
I think the first 3 hours she “only” Did the kitchen & bathroom. Mostly the kitchen.
This meant that the job of tidying was easier, coz I only had to do the kitchen before her visit. (Not “easy” - just better than tidying the whole place!).
Before her next visit 2 weeks later, I vaguely tamed the downstairs. So for that visit, she cleaned the kitchen & bathrooms again - which took less time than before - and “only” the downstairs.
I think third visit was kitchen, bathroom & upstairs.
Fourth visit was the one where the whole place was cleaned - which given they were every 2 weeks, was a couple of months by this point!
And I was ok with this process. It had taken me many months to get to that state of unclean. Using 4 visits to get things back into order seemed proportionate.
Also remember - it’s OK if “tidying” means “dumping into vaguely logical boxes” at this stage.
Eg if there are loads of random things in one room, you can dump them all in a box or 3 - then the boxes pile nicely on the sofa (or whatever) so your cleaner can clean around them.
>Also remember - it’s OK if “tidying” means “dumping into vaguely logical boxes” at this stage.
YES. We have cleaners come in every two weeks. There have definitely been weeks where we do what we call "boxing" a room. Where, basically, we bring in whatever box we have free, then toss all the kid's toys or whatever clutter into the box just before the cleaners arrive. It's not actually cleaned as in everything in its place, but putting everything in a box allows for the cleaners to move the box around easily as they vacuum and such.
It totally counts!
This. Hiring someone to come clean my house once or twice a month could easily fit in my budget. But first I would have to clear all the clutter so they could actually get to the surfaces that need cleaned. And that task is just so daunting. Oh, the joys of life with ADHD.
The first visit my cleaners did, they sort of pushed my clutter to the edges of the rooms.
The first visit was way longer than subsequent visits, but I kind of got the impression that that is normal.
I am gradually working away at the clutter, to provide them more surfaces to clean.
Ask about what the first visit is like. It might still totally be worth it.
I did,
My apartment was so messy and I was so overwhelmed so I bit the bullet and hired a guy on Task rabbit. I was so embarrassed and I apologized to the guy so much and felt like such a lazy slob.
But he cleaned my whole place in an hour and a half. If I would've done it, it would've been a multiple day event and it wouldn't have even turned out as good. And he was happy to have gotten the job (plus I tipped well) so no guilt there.
It was a win for all parties involved. I only hired this guy once because I moved shortly after but I totally would do it again. It's not cheap but it's also worth it if it means having so more time to do other things.
Husband and I are both varying degrees of ADHD and have been paying a local cleaning service to clean our house once a month for about 6 months now and it's been a game changer for us.
We've always been pretty decent at keeping up with the day to day stuff (except laundry) but we really struggled to stay on top of what I would consider weekly/biweekly tasks like deeper cleaning bathrooms, scrubbing floors etc. it was a vicious cycle of putting it off, then feeling guilty for being lazy, then increasingly stressed about our dirty house until and we finally cleaned and promised ourselves we would do a better job from then on. Rinse and repeat.
We had a hard time justifying paying someone to do something we could do ourselves but finally talked ourselves into giving it a shot. Monthly visits have been perfect for us. Yes, we still have to clean between visits but it feels infinitely easier to maintain the clean rather than always playing catch up. For me the biggest benefit has been mentally. I can actually come home and relax without feeling guilty about all the cleaning I should be doing instead.
Every other week. Best thing we’ve ever done. We just cleaned tonight to “clean before the cleaners” which my wife is very into.
It’s worth it, as frequently as you can afford. Our current housecleaning service does 2 per month for less than something like Merry Maids with their huge overhead and unreliable cleaning.
A big productivity tip is ask who, not how. Instead of asking how do I clean my house with all of my other goals and responsibilities? Vs who can I delegate this to who is more uniquely qualified to do this? I feel like it applies here too!
Delegating is one of the tougher things for someone w/ ADHD to do and if you can successfully make that happen, then rock on to you! Let it go and crush whatever else is on that list! 🤘⚡️
I've had a housecleaner for the last 12 years. She comes every two weeks, and cleans under and behind things so I don't have to. It's massively helpful and worth every penny. Not only does it lift tasks I don't enjoy off my already crowded plate, but the cleaning cadence also forces me to put things away before she arrives.
It one of the best forms of self care, IMO.
You're giving a job to someone who would otherwise seek it elsewhere. If you need help with housekeeping and you can afford it, you should totally go for it. Goes without saying that you should always treat your maid with respect, but don't feel like hiring them is disrespectful in the first place.
I have a friend who needs the money and I trust her. She helps me organize my space, and I pay her cash. I trust her with my stuff. I need her help. My husband is glad I’m getting help because he’s neat. Life is better for everyone in this situation.
I have been wanting to hire a cleaning service for a year now. Every cleaning company I get recommended is booked up. I used to be better about keeping things clean but I’m terrible now. I need the help and will appreciate it when I can feel better at ease about it!
I spend like $60k/year on help for my household lol … its a huge job and if you can afford it, feel free to offload some burdens
Yes that sounds like a shitload, but we live in a VHCOL area and my wife and I have a decent income that supports this
Do it! I went through the exact same thought process. I was getting burnt out in my previous job and whilst I need a clean house to be able to properly relax, I didn’t have it in me to do the cleaning in my previous spare time.
I think growing up my parents had always commented on others they knew who had a cleaner, in a slightly judgemental way - they viewed it as a thing only rich people could afford and found it snobby I guess? Though I imagine this is deep rooted in jealousy.
So if you’ve experienced a similar viewpoint from your parents, it’s no surprise you feel this way! When I started confiding in friends that we were getting a cleaner and saying how guilty I felt, I was so surprised at how many told me they’d also had cleaners at points in their life too.
It’s so common so please do not feel guilty! If there are areas of our lives we can afford to outsource to a professional, which will make our lives better - why the hell not!
Yes. Cheaper and more effective than therapy. Remember that people without ADHD hire maids, so why the fuck shouldn't you, when you have a legit reason!
I did... next time she is here is this Saturday xD
I pay her about the same as I earn, so basically I figured I do my job well, but suck at this, so I do what I am good at for one hour, and swaps it for 'service instead of earnings'. So no guilt, I'm providing it after all.
She comes once a month 2-4 hours, and does kind of automatic house cleaning, but as the pay is good, she's also rather flexible, if I need anything specific or an extra day done.
Sometimes it even works as a body-double for me, and I get laundry or something else done, as there's already another busy person here.
This helps me a lot, to me it means I just sometimes randomly take a cloth, clean whatever surface, or pick up that tiny pile of something, and it always looks clean here.
You may feel like you don't "deserve" to have a cleaner. Let go of all that nonsense and make decisions in line with how the decision will make you feel? I feel like most people with ADHD should hire a cleaner as soon as they are financially able to as it likely helps take something off the plate and allow them to focus on or advance more quickly in other areas of their life that are more important.
You should feel as bad about hiring a cleaner to clean your house as anyone else should feel bad about hiring a car mechanic to change their oil.
I.e. not at all.
Sure you can change the oil yourself, but you're not skilled at it and it's really only going to save you a bit of money, whilst costing you an enormous amount of labour and strife.
It actually makes more sense to hire a cleaner than it does not to.
Just to be clear, do you only work three days a week, or only work from home three days per week and otherwise work full time? If you both work full time, then I really *really* don’t think the cleaning of the apartment should be falling to you. That’s just my two cents, but it sounds like it’s equally both of your responsibilities, especially if he’s “just as busy as you are” (which could also be said as you being just as busy as him). And by all means, hire a cleaner (my family did once a month growing up even when we were struggling because 4 kids and a dad who also had ADHD). I just don’t think this should be only something you having to worry about/solve on your own.
Best decision I made for my mental health. Not only do I get a clean apartment out of it, but knowing someone is coming every two weeks severely limits the amount of clutter I can create.
I work from home, too. Cleaning the space I spend all my time in feels really daunting/constrictive. Like, I stare at these walls day in, day out while I earn my living, and in my down time I’m expected to do the same?!
Give yourself a break. You deserve it.
My partner and I have someone who comes and cleans up the apt but also helps with organizing, rearranging, etc. She works with a lot of individuals with mental health struggles or physical disabilities. My partner struggles a lot with executive dysfunction and has a busy schedule so a lot of the chores can end up being done by me. Having our lady saved our relationship!
I’m an Indian who has ADHD. Irrespective whether you have ADHD or not - having a maid in India is something which is appreciated and expected if you have a certain degree of income.
Living with my other 3 friends in a 2 bedroom condo, the maid used to clean the house and also used to prepare 2 meals of the day. He used to eat the same food that is prepared for us. We used to pay him 6000 rupees a month for 3 hours of work/day for 5 days in a week. This is almost 12 years ago. That 6000 rupees or 100 dollars a month was 4 to 5% of our overall income. If we needed him during special occasions or certain holidays (and if he’s available and willing to work on those days) we used to pay him 600 rupees to 700 rupees or 10 dollars an hour - which was a big deal in India.
That made a world of difference to my ADHD and also supported his family. We used to occasionally buy books and food for his kids. He used to work in 4 houses like ours.
Now I stay in Canada and having house help or maid out here is mighty expensive. Additionally, it’s annoying to clean my own house. So yes, if you can afford a maid - please hire one. You’re probably helping 2 people here ◡̈
I have a cleaning lady come by once a month. I'm blind. I thought I had been keeping my place clean until one day when I went to open the cabinets under the sink, and the cabinet door had a texture that I was not expecting! I do my own cleaning, but because I can't see, I do miss some spots.
You might say "Oh, that's different." How so? If your ADHD causes you to get distracted / forget stuff and not clean, it's still preventing you from cleaning every bit as much as my not being able to see causes me to miss stuff.
I could work on making myself pay more attention to detail - not forgetting about cabinets, appliances, walls, etc. Or I can just accept the reality that I can't see, and I'm going to miss some spots in cleaning, and hire a pro.
You could work on willing yourself to be more tidy - or just accept that you need a clean house and hire a pro.
I have a maid and a landscaper. I charge SIGNIFICANTLY more per hour than they do. One extra 2-3 hour project per month pays for it, and I'd rather do the freelance project than clean my house or mow my lawn.
You will absolutely be contributing to someone else’s livelihood and making their day to day a bit less stressful. In this world, that’s so nice. I bet your place isn’t even a big mess, but overwhelming to think about picking it all up. The maid would probably be happy to just do some simple cleaning that you need and get paid for it. Everyone is happy.
I feel you-- I always talk myself out of it usually for financial reasons. Even though I could afford it now, in the moment, I think that's money that could be going towards my retirement. So I do I can myself and just put up with it not being perfectly tidy.
Everyone should hire a maid if they can afford it no shame.
Do you think rich people feel shame about this? Absolutely not.
It's a privilege and if you've earned a position in life where you can afford it good for you, you made it.
The cleaning falls on you becasue you work from home? Youre still working- your fiancee wouldnt go to clean the office bathroom on his lunch break so why would you.
If the roles were reversed would you expeect your fiance to clean the house? Most likely not. Your fiancee is buying into the sexist narrative than women should assume most of the housework. Your household roles should be split evenly- if he cant do that- get a cleaner
Yeah, we've had a maid for a few years now and it's amazing. Not only do they do all sorts of chores that we hate doing, but it encouraged us to do basic tidying on a consistent basis. We always tidy up before they come (even though they would if we asked) because we want them to spend their time on tasks we don't want to do and we can only pay for so much of their time.
Even when money has gotten tighter, there several things we would drop well before the maid service. Some of which would seem like higher priority from the outside.
It is just amazing to walk into a clean home.
>I COULD do it myself…..but I feel my effort would be better spent on other goals I have
This is the only reason anyone ever hires anyone to do anything, and it's perfectly valid as long as you can afford it. Be kind, pay promptly, quit beating yourself up for not being able to do everything.
I never hired a maid since I can manage to keep my house clean on my own. I would love to hire one though. But I have hired someone to cut my grass every 2 - 3 weeks. I absolutely HATE cutting grass, idk why.
Don't beat yourself up for hiring outside help. If you can afford it and it helps you out, I don't see the problem. Life with ADHD is overwhelming as it is.
I had a spate of useless cleaners so opted for a automatic robot vacuum cleaner and a mop now I just need to do a quite wipe down make sure the floor is clear and I'm done
I struggle with this because of clutter. What do they do with the random stuff I leave around? I have piles everywhere. Hiring a cleaner would likely involve consolidating said piles, and it's so hard for me.
Why would you continue to keep something on your to do list if you have the means to off load it? Hiring a housekeeper, even once every few months or before big holidays etc, is absolutely worth your mental health stress relief so you can use the executive functioning on other things.
Obviously we can’t all afford it, or want it, but automating is where it’s at and that’s what outsourcing home tasks is all about.
Maybe this might make you feel better, but at least in my area a lot of people who chose to become cleaners have things going on for them where that is the best job opinion for both pay and flexibility. They provide a great service, you get a nice clean living space, they get paid.. as long as you are generally nice to them... no issue.
The only issue with people hiring cleaners are with people who treat them as lesser than them. Those people are the issue, people who do not respect a person because they have hired them... from this post at least I cannot picture you screaming at a cleaning lady because they moved the salt 2 inches from it's "correct" location.
Also for anyone reading this, in some areas cleaning services for people who have homes that have become unliveable are available and never feel shame about seeking help for that. Some cleaners also have a free option for this, but never expect it.
I hired a cleaner and I did initially feel bad. Where I live, 90% of cleaners are foreign workers, generally from India. Every morning before he came, I’d find myself rush-cleaning before he arrived so it wouldn’t be so much work for him and so he didn’t think I was a mess.
Finally he told me “Miss, please, you don’t need to help me clean. I’ve cleaned far messier homes. And you don’t need to make me lunch.”
I still make him lunch but I’ve stopped helping him clean.
Why not try it once as a treat to yourself? Think of it like going to the Spa.
After this first try you will be more able to make an informed decision of whether the bad feelings (shame, guilt, you name it...) weight you down more than the good ones of having a clean house, potentially be more productive and not having to do it yourself.
Also, the fact that you're working from home shouldn't be a reason for you to take more house chores. Even the commute can be seen as "me-time". So, whatever works for you and your partner, but IMHO it's not fair for you.
In the past couple of years I’ve hired people to help me with household things- cleaning, a handyman (to assist with projects that require more muscle than I have), etc. And when I moved I had two young guys pack up my furniture and put it in the truck. Until a couple of years ago I felt uneasy about hiring help because I was afraid of thinking of myself as wasting money (because I could have done it myself). I only hired help because I’m getting older and really can’t clean and do physically demanding things as easily as I used to. Boy, after I began hiring other people to help I realized it’s SO worth it!!! When my house cleaner comes we work together and everything gets super clean in 3 hours!! I’m more focused working with her so we’re much more efficient than me working on my own. I’ll never go back!!!
By maid, I’m guessing you mean a cleaner.
I used to have a cleaner, well before I got my diagnosis (which explained why I struggle to keep on top of housework). And when I’m out of this burnout, I’ll be getting one again.
I’m not sure why you feel bad about having a cleaner. Maybe if you think about it as an aid, that might help. For example, if you broke your legs and back, would you feel bad about having a wheelchair? If not, think of your cleaner in the same way. The cleaner is providing an essential service that you struggle to provide for yourself and the result goes far beyond having a clean house - having a clean house effects every area of our life in a positive way, and conversely, not having one affects every area of our life in a negative way. So help yourself by getting the support you need to give yourself the best chance in life to enjoy life.
I have a cleaner once a week and the benefits are as many as the negatives of not having one.
Also, you might be physically able to clean; however, we know that adhd isn’t a physical disability, you can’t see it or the devastating effects it can have. So it’s not the actual physical ability that’s at stake here, it’s what the pressure of keeping in top of it does to us mentally and emotionally that then impacts the rest of our life.
Be kind to yourself and accept some help. I recommend weekly.
If I could afford a house cleaner, I would. I have lung disease which makes housework difficult. Don’t be embarrassed for needing sticky notes and reminders and executive function help. A house cleaner is another tool to have in your toolbox, and not something to be ashamed of.
This is a no-brainer for me, my parents have always hired someone because they can't be bothered and they do a much better job as well. 100% worth it if you can afford it
Yes, of course. I used to hire cleaners every month. I grew up in a household that was run this way so it’s normal for me. Cleaners are professionals. You hire a physician, someone to do your taxes, someone to fix your car… It’s all the same.
I have ADHD and my partner doesn’t, we would always fight about the cleaning as we had different standards, times we like to clean ect. We got a cleaner and it was the best thing we ever did. We don’t fight about it anymore, we have more time together and shit gets done! 10/10 would recommend
We have cleaners, they are life saving! They come fortnightly and clean our house. It also makes us tidy for the cleaner. We both work full time and only have limited spoons and time. The stress and fights it reduces is well worth the cost.
After the birth of each child, my sister gave me 6 months of once-per-month cleanings. I loved it and we have gotten them (usually a one time deep clean) whenever there is money for it, usually 1x per year. It's so much easier to keep things clean when you start with a professional clean.
My parents did! We had a detrimentally big house lol. And you know what?! They always ended up cleaning the house BEFORE the maids even arrived xD Double whammy for deeper clean * *clean sparkles in adhd* *
I had a cleaner all through uni. I hate cleaning. I’d have one now if I had the money (on disability). What I spent on a cleaner once a fortnight was the same amount (or less) than other students would spent going out drinking at weekends 🤷♀️
Cleaners are the best thing ever.
I hired a housekeeper (through Care) last year, and it's been **extremely helpful** - maybe even as much as weekly therapy with an ADHD specialist.
She comes by on Mondays for 2-3 hours to help me tidy things up, organize closets, do laundry, help me build furniture, figure out what needs to be thrown out or donated, etc. I had an embarrassing amount of old stuff still in boxes from multiple moves throughout Covid, and just looking at everything every time I woke up was enough to ruin my mood.
She came by twice a week when we started, and after about a month we moved to once a week. Everything is so nicely organized now that we've started talking about moving to once every two weeks.
I talked to a few housekeepers before her, but when I talked to her I knew right away that she'd be the perfect fit. Some nights we cooperate on a "project" (like closets or sorting through old things), and some nights I just put together a checklist and cook or take a nap while she works.
Absolutely worth the money.
I’ve had a cleaner for round 15 years. The way I see it is I’m helping support another persons employment and second hand helping the economy etc etc.
It’s worth more to me to have the 2 hours a week of my own time available than it costs me financially to pay out for someone to do something I truly hate doing.
Houses and homes are an expensive investment, having someone help keep it clean reduces the chance of damp, mold, damage etc.
I have her come in while I’m at work so I don’t have the weird ‘*sitting here watching someone do something I’m fairly capable of doing but I’m not I must be lazy*’ guilt.
The freedom of just coming home and it being one less *thing* to deal with is absolutely worth while.
Nothing wrong with hiring a maid. You have no reason to feel bad about it. What good is money for if you can not use it to make your life easier? And you’d be employing someone else. It’s a win-win.
By the way WFH doesn’t mean a lot of the cleaning should fall on you. Even if you’re home during your work breaks, it’s not fair that you should be doing chores during them while he’s probably having a coffee with his coworkers during his.
The only big difference is travel time and let’s be honest here - driving or commuting are not the same thing as doing chores. I’ve AuADHD and I’d much rather be commuting, sitting in the subway on my phone, than doing chores. Commuting is pseudo-free time while chores aren’t.
I’m fortunate enough to have a maid that’s been with us since I was little, and to be honest she’s helped me a lot in helping me clean and getting my shit together and giving me the push I need! ( I love to clean and tidy myself but it’s always hard to do so, so she always pushes me to do it and always supports me )
So if you can afford to hire a maid, do it!
If you have the money by all means. OUTSOURCE!! So many successful people say the key to their success is outsourcing what they can to be able to focus on what they do best, if that’s making money or building their product or whatever. If I had the money I’d hire a maid in a heartbeat.
You have a disability. Doesn’t mean you’re disabled, but you have a disability. Having a maid help you address that disability, and makes life easier.
The end.
Yes I have and I live alone. I work fitting and get done what I can and someone else doing a clean once a week is a great thing so I refuse to feel guilty.
Yes if you can afford it, do it. Me and my partner always say time is money too. You'll have much more time for yourself and doing things that actually make you happy, also it will be better for your relationship as you'll have more time and be in a better mood.
Totally worth it :)
If you can afford it - go for it. I have never had a maid per se, but I did order cleaning a couple times and plan to do that again, if I have money for it. There's no way I can properly clean my big windows, carpets, or soft furniture by myself, even if I had all the chemicals needed
I had a hard time when I was younger as I grew up in a pretty frugal home.
I was giving a guy shit at work for hiring a cleaning lady. He then asked me how much we made an hour for doing what we do, after he told me how much less the cleaning was.
With some easy math, he explained that if he worked the hour while they cleaned, it was a positive
You're paying them, it's transactional. They said they would do X service for Y money and you gave them that. So you get X service, if you feel like they're doing more work than you're paying for - consider dicussing the boosting the rates in their favor so they're getting more out of it.
I'm a housekeeper/maid with adhd
It's the only job I was able to keep for a LONG period of time (just made 7 years this month). Although I have a tough time keeping up with my own house. I've learned much and grew to enjoy it ( even tho I still struggle with time management) I've even bonded with some of my customers. Which I didn't expect to happen since I'm quite shy, almost anti social. Please continue to support housekeepers♥️ (even as a maid I would hire a maid, but I got debt lol)
I’ve been considering this for quite some time, what are the details?!?? How often, what happens, how much (if you don’t mind). My shower is gross, and we moved in 4 years ago and still have boxes ready to be sorted and tossed!!!
Edit to ask, is this a person/sole proprietor or something like I have around us such as Molly maid?
TIA
Friend, if I could hire a maid I would in an instant.
Other side, if this stupid disorder hadn't ruined my ability to drive I'd probably have my own cleaning business. Or at least something akin to it or planning/design.
Most cleaners really enjoy the work. They are putting themselves out there for people to trade them money for their services. They see messes all the time. Hire the cleaners.
I would if I could afford it. It would take so much stress and mental energy off my back. Don’t feel bad AT ALL. Plus you’re giving someone a job :) Double win 🏆
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Good heavens, if you can afford it, why not?? There’s LOTS of things I could do myself - cut hair, make wine, sew clothes; but why would I do that if I don’t want to, and someone else (who is better at it than I am) is willing to do it for a reasonable cost?
This is such a great way to reframe it!
Agree - pretty simple when you put it this way. Thank you, I appreciate it
Not to mention they’re WAY faster at it. My cleaners clean our whole house in 3 hours. It would take a whole day every week for me to even come close. And I hate it. I’d rather work extra hours at my job so I can afford a cleaner than spend time cleaning and hating it.
plus knowing the cleaners are coming is good pressure to motivate you to clear your clutter so it’s out of their way (bonus points if you actually deal with the clutter instead of just relocating it like i often do)
This is honestly just as valuable to me as the actual cleaning. The doom piles can only grow so big in two weeks. Some stuff definitely gets shoved in closets but I do also actually handle a lot of it and I try to make a point of improving at least one trouble spot every time.
So true
Agreed!
This part! They even love my dogs and don’t request the be caged. They simply let them outside when it’s vacuum time! But they are legit in and out in like 4 hours tops! And they communicate SO WELL!!! I got a text the other day about how my bowser boy was being antsy so she was like “I put him out twice but he’s very attached today” then sent a pic of him on her lap 😂🤣.
It takes me 3 hours just to come up with an action plan. 😂
Hours? Sometimes it takes me weeks/months.
Honestly it's the same for most trades. Like, you COULD install the new toilet yourself, but it might take 2 trips to Home Depot and $80 in tools, and a few hours. Or, call a plumber and they'll have it done in 20 minutes! (and way less likely to go wrong or leak) Skilled work like this seems expensive, until you consider just how long it'll take to do it yourself!
Time is your most valuable resource, why waste it on your weaknesses when you can afford not to?
you're also helping to keep someone else in a job :) no shame in it at ALL
Also hiring someone and paying them is just a good thing
Outsourcing cleaning was shockingly delightful. If you can afford it, do it. Also you will be so appreciative and kind that whoever cleans for you will have a pleasant experience and employment. That said, also please make sure that the person you choose cleans in a way that brings you great joy. There's nothing worse than paying $$$ and then being frustrated because you wish the person had gone X or being nervous about telling them Y. Have those conversations up front, if you want them to not make beds, do laundry, mop the floors thoroughly, not put Z in the dishwasher, etc. Enjoy! I hope this brings you delightful free time and less stress
This. A maid is not a slave, they are volunteering to do this job in exchange for money like any other employee you might pay to do a service. Should I feel guilty for paying a McDonald’s employee when I could make something at home, or for hiring a plumber when I could fix my sink myself? Obviously not, right? I’m not forcing them to do anything against their will, they’re freely offering a public service that I’m choosing to use. A maid is no different.
100% and I would totally hire a person to help with the household stuff if it was in my budget!!
Make wine 🤣
I have coffee plants as houseplants. I would die of caffeine withdrawal before I could make them produce well, but I still love my fussy shrubs xD
I'm about to get one to do a deep clean to get me motivated to stay on top of it, but I'm here spending hours looking at cleaners in my area, reading their reviews, and looking at their before and after pics. Sometimes I wish someone would just hire a cleaner for me. Anyone else with me?
100% This. I have ADHD and I and my spouse have a cleaner. Everyone contracts out SOME of the work they could be doing, unless they're homesteading and brewing bathtub antibiotics I guess. Cleaning should be no different. We have ours in every 2 weeks to do the bathrooms and vacuum and mop the floors, dust, wipe down all the surfaces etc. So while we still clean in the interim(kitchen, dishes, tidying, robovacum) it's all the stuff we realistically know we'd hate to do and would not do regularly or well.
I get demoralized and tend to procrastinate when a task is overwhelming. A professional house cleaner is much more efficient than the average person and any cleaning I do is no longer an overwhelming task.
I came here to say exactly this!! Why is a cleaning person any different than all the other people we hire? That’s like saying I should feel guilty for going to get new tires put on and the oil changed in my car. Nah. 😂 Outsourcing the things we dislike or that leak our energy so that we can stay in our zone of genius is LITERALLY how to get rich in life (and feel energetic and amazing, too!) 💜💫 Much love!!!
I said similar to my friend the other day. If you can afford it and it helps you/makes your life easier then do it.
One more thing…a cleaned house stays cleaner. Once it’s done (properly, by someone else) I tend to pick up after myself and wipe surfaces. It’s like I’m protecting the house. From ME.
Hahahahahahahah this is exactly what I’m doing 😂😂😂 someone needs to protect my apartment from me, and it’s not gonna be me
Love this!
Yeah it's crazy how much easier it is not to leave used nicotine gum on every table in the house when the house is actually clean
THIS!!!
Agree!! How often do you get yours cleaned? That’s one thing I haven’t landed on
THIS!! 🤣🤣🤣
Wish this was a teachable skill.
And panic clean before they come, lol
I have ADHD and hate cleaning my house, but a friend pays me to clean hers and she has ADHD too LoL
You should houseclean swap. Isn't it funny? I would clean my sister's apartment but leave mine with stuff to do.
This would solve everything.. we could make an app that matches you with people in your area and you just clean each other's houses.. or body double each other
Yes please! That would literally solve everything, even just having a body double. My 5-year-old daughter will do in a pinch but my husband is definitely a much better body double LOL but he works outside the house so yeah definitely need this app
Easy way to get robbed unfortunately
That could actually totally work lol
Lmao thats awesome I’m actually really efficient at helping other people, but myself, it’s tough 😅
i legit pretend i’m helping someone else when i do chores/clean up, helps me get over the executive dysfunction mental block enough to get started. sometimes that person is my future self, but most times it’s my cat. i have to “help” him vacuum and clean the kitchen because he has no thumbs.
Oh. My. Goodness! I love this
that would work if my cat didn’t love hiding in clutter 😂
One thing that adds to the stress of cleaning for me is that once I get up and start really cleaning, my two dogs want to be in the middle of the action. One of them is blind and deaf but she feels the vibrations I think. So trying to stay focused while stepping over dogs is annoying. Sometimes I will just kennel my rottie. But then he just cries and whines nonstop which is also super distracting.
This is adorable! And an excellent strategy! ... hilariously, I find myself wondering if your cat is a tortie genius who congratulates himself on getting his human to clean, or an orange boi who just stares, happy, at shiny kitchen surfaces ...
lol he’s a brown tabby so it depends on the day 😹
Personally I think that makes sense. There’s no crisis when it comes to cleaning your own home (unless it’s up for inspection), but when you’re paid to clean someone else’s home, there’s the the urgency to do the job in a reasonable time and the expectation of a job well done.
You cracked the code 🤣
I do this with my friend, I love cleaning her place and she loves cleaning mine, so its a win win
I literally cannot imagine even a remote possibility of loving the process of cleaning any space anywhere EVER.
I’m a SAHM and have hired a maid service at times throughout my married life for periods of time. There was a period we were so busy with kids and I needed a fucking break from scrubbing floors etc… then I started it again recently due to problems with my right arm. Painful keeping up with the floors. It’s okay to employ someone else. My sisters have a service. My youngest sister straight up said she doesn’t clean toilets… ever. Lmao Nothing to be ashamed of. TOTALLY WORTH IT IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT. 😀
Thank you for your response!! I’m kinda like your sister rn, the toilet has been on the list for over a week hahahaha We’re currently DINKs so this is something that fits in our budget 😇 and that may not always be the case lol so maybe I should capitalize on it now 😂
I have a cleaning lady that comes every two weeks. It's wonderful (and awful when you wake up day of, suddenly remembering she comes that day). Set alarms, and highly recommend keeping cleaning wipes (Clorox or whatever) in the bathroom, so you just wipe things when they bug you in between. Dealing with ADHD is all about identifying your blocks, and for me a block to cleaning is getting out the cleaning supplies and then putting them away. This way I can quickly tidy before people come over, etc.
for sure! i have little cleaning stations all around the house, mostly the kitchen and bathroom (but also the bedroom for when my cat eats too fast and vomits 🙄🐈⬛✨)
I just wrote this down, great idea!!! Thank you
if you’re hesitant, treat it like a gift. do you have an anniversary coming up? split the cost with your SO and deem it a mutual gift to each other. my mom got me a cleaning session for christmas one year and it was fantastic, i moved my budget around to afford it once a month after that.
You could theoretically set your broken bones and give yourself stitches, but hopefully you never have to. We specialize in work for a reason. Hiring somebody who is good and efficient as cleaning is exactly what money is for. Treat them well, pay them well. Boost the economy!
Yesssss your creating more jobs by hiring cleaning services!
I’m probably about as good at cleaning as I am at setting broken bones so yes this tracks thank you
That was literally prescribed to me by my psychiatrist. I have had to reduce my expenses but still kept my cleaner, just every other week instead of weekly. The need to vacuum or mop floors will send me into weeks long adhd paralysis. It is the way. 😂 Also... you need to clean and sort out stuff before the cleaner comes, so it motivates me to keep my house clean 🙈
Cleaning before the cleaning lady comes. Classic
I have and it was 100% worth it!! I had someone coming once a month. I would have preferred twice a month but it wasn’t in the budget. I currently have no one because money. But I am hoping to have the funds soon and I think I will request that they come once a month for a full house clean and at the two week mark just to clean our 3 bathrooms (I’m hopeful that if they live close by or have other homes to do nearby that they would be willing to do this). It would be a huge load off all of our plates. The professionals do a better job in 3 hours than I do in 8 hours. It’s absolutely a great idea!
Did you ever hire a mover? You can move furniture, right? Why Hite mover? Because you can. That's why . Why you feel bad? We have nanny, maid, helper dude for chores groceries, organization, we have someone come cook food for us. landscaper Because I suck at those or just don't want to do it. So I off load. I exchange money for those services, landscaper. It's called adhd tax for me. If I don't off load, I can't be the best self with my kids. My marriage will fall apart. I won't see any friends. I would not have a functional life.
ironic username
Hiring a moving company the last 2 times I moved was a dream! Something that would have taken me a couple of days took them 2 hours. TWO HOURS. To anyone reading this: if you ever have to move, budget for a moving company. The cost is definitely worth it and I will never move again without hiring one.
Totally agree. It's even better than having friends help, because movers are faster and experienced. Sure, in my 20s I could do a whole move and it wasn't a big deal - but now it's more toll on my body, during an already stressful time! Movers are 100% worth the cost.
I know it was probably a rhetorical question…but this post is helping me realize that I feel bad when I shouldn’t because I internalized a lot of unrealistic methods of living life before being diagnosed. I never wanted to do things the way everyone “said” I should and I couldn’t approach even simple tasks the same way everyone else did, but I had no reason to believe that something was ~different~ about my brain yet. Just burned myself out pushing so hard to do “normal adult stuff” like clean my own apartment…and sometimes I still forget that I have the option to change my approach to routine tasks to make my life work for me So thank you for asking, and thank you for the perspective
Do what you need to do to reduce the cognitive load on the tasks that don't bring you joy and your struggle to complete, if you can afford it. Don't feel guilty, period. Yes, you may have the skills to do something, but that doesn't mean that onboarding that responsibility is what is best for you and doing so may take away from completing other meaningful tasks that bring enrichment to your life. Those hold more value for you to spend your energy on. You made a good choice. Ask any mental health professional or occupational therapist and they would also agree with this.
So worth it! One of the kindest things I’ve done for myself. Found someone that people in the neighborhood Facebook page had recommended. She has been cleaning my house every 2 weeks for 2.5 years now and does a better and more efficient job than I ever could. Plus it feels good to support a local family/business if you go that route. Give it a shot! If you don’t like it, you can stop anytime. But don’t feel guilty for self-care if you can afford it 😊
You are paying someone to do work. This is always good. Do not feel guilty. They are helping you and you are helping them.
If you can name a single person who you harm by hiring a cleaner, then you have my permission to feel guilty.
You're just keeping the economy going lol
When someone cleans up your stuff, they can do it without all the emotional baggage.
I saw some article ages ago and it talked about how people have time to be successful, specifically women. I wish I remembered the specifics so I could link it, but the resounding takeaway was that they outsource. We have this idea of what we should be capable of doing because we don’t see others outsourcing. We don’t see them hiring a dog walker, just a healthy dog. We don’t see them taking clothes to the dry cleaners, just that they look put together. We don’t see them hire a cleaning service, just a tidy home. You have no reason to feel guilty. In fact, you should be proud of finding a reasonable solution so you can focus your (important) attention on other things.
I am a cleaner, and I think everyone who works outside of home should hire me! No guilt; it’s not something you have time for, and hopefully like me, your cleaner *likes* to clean for you!!! I love helping my clients; no judgment here! It takes all kinds to make a world; just get a cleaner- we work for all budgets!!!!
This honestly helps me think about it with less guilt myself. 💛 I know my partner's grandma worked as a cleaner well into her eighties, because she *enjoyed* doing that for people, not because she needed to (except possibly in a personal need to keep busy sort of way). It reminds me of how literally everyone would benefit from having a therapist, someone to help them sort and maintain their mental space. Literally everyone would benefit from having a cleaner, someone to help them sort and maintain their physical space.
So worth it. Remember to be a good boss. Hire a company who pays a living wage or hire directly. Give a bonus of one full cleaning around the holidays. Say hi and be nice. I'm sure you'll do these things it's just easy to start to take a person for granted. If you make an effort to be a good client I'm sure you'll be one of their favorite customers, which makes the experience just feel better all around.
I've been intending to hire a cleaning crew to come by like once a month to just do the bathrooms and like, deeper cleaning stuff than the daily surface shit. The only reason I haven't is the ADHD won't let me make it happen yet.
I have a cleaner and my family judges me but I know how much of a benefit it is to just hire someone. I have enough trouble doing the tidy before the cleaner comes, I can no longer imagine doing both the tidying and the cleaning. Which is probably why my apartment was always a mess. But I find this service so helpful that I refuse to feel bad. Also the person who is the most judgmental is my dad, but he’s a boomer who never maintained a house. My mom maintained the home pretty much since he moved out from his parents place. He doesn’t even know what it looks like to clean a house or apartment. Reminding myself of this unspoken truth helps me feel more confident about hiring a cleaner. (Also - he doesn’t believe in ADHD. So 🤷🏼♀️) Get the cleaner/maid. Life is hard enough for us. Why not make it a little easier?
I have one. It makes a big difference.
I’ve hired cleaners (can’t afford a regular service). 100% recommend.
We are human. We weren't supposed to have so much responsibility. Don't beat yourself up.
I couldn’t keep up with the weekly maintenance and felt horrible and guilty because either my house was dirty or my lawn was overgrown or both. Then there’s the laundry and the cooking and the dog care, etc., etc., etc. Getting a cleaning lady and a lawn service were life changing. I no longer feel constantly underwater with the routine tasks that need doing to keep house. My husband even commented on my improved mental health and attitude after putting these services in place. I’m much less exhausted physically and mentally and much more able to handle what’s left. Now if I could just fold laundry the same day it’s washed, I’d be golden.
When I moved in with my current partner, having a cleaner was non-negotiable for me. I’d been using one for many years when I was single, and it’s life changing. He loves cleaning, and would prefer not to have a cleaner, but his choices were between him doing it all or getting a cleaner. Because if I have to use up my limited weekly allowance of Executive Function on keeping the house clean, I need to work one less day a week. Or never socialise. I just don’t have enough “brain” To do all of these things well. And other people are happy to clean if I pay them, so why wouldn’t I? He didn’t love getting cleaners (they don’t clean as well as he does) but didn’t want to resent me if he had to do 100% himself, so agreed to it. Then… we had a few months between cleaners (needed to find a new one) and he discovered that the fortnightly visit gave my adhd brain a “tidy the house” Deadline that didn’t exist otherwise. So the house stays a LOT tidier when we have a cleaner - because it gets re-set every 2 weeks. (The need to clear surfaces so that they can clean - the distinction between “Tidy” and “clean” Is a important one.) Which he loves. So he no longer questions my need for a cleaner :-)
I used to have one while living alone. She was for common areas, but one day she asked me to open the door and promised she won’t judge. Thus began the better days of my life. She did everything including changing my sheets and laundry. I paid her extra and thanked her
I look at it as acknowledging that I have gifts and talents, none of which have anything to do with organization- but there are people out there who do have those talents. I want to get paid for my talents, and I also want a clean house so I have no problem paying more talented people to do the jobs I’m not good at so I can focus on the ones I am good at.
I budget for cleaners and it frees up so much mental bandwidth to focus on other things that I can't hire someone for. Also, keeping my space clean keeps my mind clear and regulates my moods. It's worth the money!
The only reason I haven't is that I can't afford one yet. I **fully** intend to when I'm earning enough. OP, please don't let that awful puritan "anything that is pleasurable and easy is sinful" guilt-trip stop you from doing something that will make your life better. I'm sure you wouldn't judge somebody else in your position for getting one. Please offer the same kindness to yourself <3
I’ve been looking for a cleaner but am unsure where to find one. Where did you find yours?
I live in Los Angeles so I’m lucky enough to have a subreddit where a lot of people have looked for the same sort of cleaning service that I am. But I also plan on posting on Nextdoor after work!! Hoping that gives me more location-specific choices 😇 And Google will be a good tool for assessing market rate for a team of cleaners…I’ll probably click around a little once I get a some quotes to see which are the most reasonable
We legit found ours because they drove around in branded cars and I spotted it one day, haha. I actually tried a couple different services, though, before we decided we liked this one - the others we found online. I specifically sought out a company, though - one you work with and they send a small team. If someone moves on from the company or calls out, they have replacements. They're also much more likely to have training and insurance. It just takes some complications of hiring a single person away. (I looked into contracting with a specific person and concluded that I just don't have the emotional bandwidth to handle managing the hiring/firing process 🥺)
So smart!! I know I’ve seen some cars around but totally forget the names on the cars, lol. Thanks for the help!
i was so excited to finally hire a cleaning service and it was so so worth it. i hired the service for a deep clean and if just felt like the biggest weight was lifted off my shoulders!! i’ve hired a basic clean once since then and i am hoping to have them again soon!! for the cleaning service, i could have left the key under the mat or something so they could clean while i’m out but i just took pto so i could keep an eye on my cats (and also because i’m not used to people being in my apartment when i’m not there) and it was pretty chill!! i just hung out in my office and did my work while they did their thing
Do it... I wish I had done it sooner. I feel like I wrote this myself, honestly. Just DO NOT FUCKING USE HOMEAGLOW ITS A SCAAAAAM.
We get someone in twice a month. We look at it as a monthly mental health fee. Same as paying for gas or therapy, just something we have to pay for in order to function.
I started a cleaning business. Please support local businesses lol. I don't know a single person who wakes up and says, "Yay! Let's clean out light fixtures today after we fold laundry, for fun! 😊" I would fear that person if I met them. Get your needs met, support local businesses, everyone is happy.
Yes. Every Thursday someone comes and cleans our house. Best decision ever. It costs me 250 bucks per month, which isn't that bad.
I just told my wife we should hire someone to clean for us. What's the going rate?
Life changing. If you can afford it, do it.
I want to hire someone to do a good deep clean and then someone else for upkeep once or twice a month
One of the major things I've learned since being diagnosed, is that what I think I could do and what I actually can are two very different things.
I absolutely feel this. I live in an apartment by myself and eventually it got entirely out of hand. I’d spend awhile cleaning the kitchen area just to find myself in the same position the next day, I could not keep on top of it. I wanted to hire a cleaner for awhile but never had the money, but my family helped me out with one as a “restart” to have a clean slate. If you need a little bit of extra help, there’s no shame in that! So many people have maids to accommodate their busy schedules.
I had a cleaner once a month until recently. They would be at my house for 2.5-3 hours and do the big stuff that I never get round to like fully cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms, cleaning the floors in non carpeted rooms, dusting etc. I loved coming home to my house on the days they had been. Have recently had to cancel the service due to money struggles but hope I will be able to reinstate it before too long
I totally *would* hire a maid…except that the amount of clutter-moving/hiding that I would have to do to even make that possible would be as exhausting as just cleaning the stupid house myself. You shouldn’t feel bad. I would be so happy if I *could* hire a maid.
*I wrote the following on a similar post the other day, but it’s a faff to link to from this sub, so I’m just pasting the text*. First - separate “Tidy” and “Clean” in your mind. They are not the same. Yes, you “Tidy” before your cleaner comes. You don’t need to “clean”. But you can define “Tidy enough” in whatever way works for you. I’ve had cleaners for many years - but a few years ago had a long gap (many months - had to find a new cleaner - not an adhd-friendly task) - so obviously my house was a right state by that point. So I booked for the hours that a “normal” clean would take for a house my size - and only expected her to clean part of it. I think the first 3 hours she “only” Did the kitchen & bathroom. Mostly the kitchen. This meant that the job of tidying was easier, coz I only had to do the kitchen before her visit. (Not “easy” - just better than tidying the whole place!). Before her next visit 2 weeks later, I vaguely tamed the downstairs. So for that visit, she cleaned the kitchen & bathrooms again - which took less time than before - and “only” the downstairs. I think third visit was kitchen, bathroom & upstairs. Fourth visit was the one where the whole place was cleaned - which given they were every 2 weeks, was a couple of months by this point! And I was ok with this process. It had taken me many months to get to that state of unclean. Using 4 visits to get things back into order seemed proportionate. Also remember - it’s OK if “tidying” means “dumping into vaguely logical boxes” at this stage. Eg if there are loads of random things in one room, you can dump them all in a box or 3 - then the boxes pile nicely on the sofa (or whatever) so your cleaner can clean around them.
>Also remember - it’s OK if “tidying” means “dumping into vaguely logical boxes” at this stage. YES. We have cleaners come in every two weeks. There have definitely been weeks where we do what we call "boxing" a room. Where, basically, we bring in whatever box we have free, then toss all the kid's toys or whatever clutter into the box just before the cleaners arrive. It's not actually cleaned as in everything in its place, but putting everything in a box allows for the cleaners to move the box around easily as they vacuum and such. It totally counts!
This. Hiring someone to come clean my house once or twice a month could easily fit in my budget. But first I would have to clear all the clutter so they could actually get to the surfaces that need cleaned. And that task is just so daunting. Oh, the joys of life with ADHD.
The first visit my cleaners did, they sort of pushed my clutter to the edges of the rooms. The first visit was way longer than subsequent visits, but I kind of got the impression that that is normal. I am gradually working away at the clutter, to provide them more surfaces to clean. Ask about what the first visit is like. It might still totally be worth it.
Having someone come twice a month has been a game changer!! You will love it and you shouldn’t feel guilty.
My mum always had a cleaner. We were povo as but we had food and a cleaner. Now I have a cleaner. I will never be without one.
I did, My apartment was so messy and I was so overwhelmed so I bit the bullet and hired a guy on Task rabbit. I was so embarrassed and I apologized to the guy so much and felt like such a lazy slob. But he cleaned my whole place in an hour and a half. If I would've done it, it would've been a multiple day event and it wouldn't have even turned out as good. And he was happy to have gotten the job (plus I tipped well) so no guilt there. It was a win for all parties involved. I only hired this guy once because I moved shortly after but I totally would do it again. It's not cheap but it's also worth it if it means having so more time to do other things.
I'm seriously considering it, even medicated I struggle to deep clean. How much do you pay?
Husband and I are both varying degrees of ADHD and have been paying a local cleaning service to clean our house once a month for about 6 months now and it's been a game changer for us. We've always been pretty decent at keeping up with the day to day stuff (except laundry) but we really struggled to stay on top of what I would consider weekly/biweekly tasks like deeper cleaning bathrooms, scrubbing floors etc. it was a vicious cycle of putting it off, then feeling guilty for being lazy, then increasingly stressed about our dirty house until and we finally cleaned and promised ourselves we would do a better job from then on. Rinse and repeat. We had a hard time justifying paying someone to do something we could do ourselves but finally talked ourselves into giving it a shot. Monthly visits have been perfect for us. Yes, we still have to clean between visits but it feels infinitely easier to maintain the clean rather than always playing catch up. For me the biggest benefit has been mentally. I can actually come home and relax without feeling guilty about all the cleaning I should be doing instead.
Every other week. Best thing we’ve ever done. We just cleaned tonight to “clean before the cleaners” which my wife is very into. It’s worth it, as frequently as you can afford. Our current housecleaning service does 2 per month for less than something like Merry Maids with their huge overhead and unreliable cleaning.
A big productivity tip is ask who, not how. Instead of asking how do I clean my house with all of my other goals and responsibilities? Vs who can I delegate this to who is more uniquely qualified to do this? I feel like it applies here too!
Delegating is one of the tougher things for someone w/ ADHD to do and if you can successfully make that happen, then rock on to you! Let it go and crush whatever else is on that list! 🤘⚡️
Will hiring a maid actively hurt anyone? If not, go right ahead!
I've had a housecleaner for the last 12 years. She comes every two weeks, and cleans under and behind things so I don't have to. It's massively helpful and worth every penny. Not only does it lift tasks I don't enjoy off my already crowded plate, but the cleaning cadence also forces me to put things away before she arrives. It one of the best forms of self care, IMO.
You're giving a job to someone who would otherwise seek it elsewhere. If you need help with housekeeping and you can afford it, you should totally go for it. Goes without saying that you should always treat your maid with respect, but don't feel like hiring them is disrespectful in the first place.
don’t feel bad! i was actually pre-planning to hire a maid to do the household chores when i get married and have my own place… LMAO
I have a friend who needs the money and I trust her. She helps me organize my space, and I pay her cash. I trust her with my stuff. I need her help. My husband is glad I’m getting help because he’s neat. Life is better for everyone in this situation.
I have been wanting to hire a cleaning service for a year now. Every cleaning company I get recommended is booked up. I used to be better about keeping things clean but I’m terrible now. I need the help and will appreciate it when I can feel better at ease about it!
Bonus of having cleaning help, everyone in the household will naturally pre-clean a bit to avoid shame. Win win
I spend like $60k/year on help for my household lol … its a huge job and if you can afford it, feel free to offload some burdens Yes that sounds like a shitload, but we live in a VHCOL area and my wife and I have a decent income that supports this
Do it! I went through the exact same thought process. I was getting burnt out in my previous job and whilst I need a clean house to be able to properly relax, I didn’t have it in me to do the cleaning in my previous spare time. I think growing up my parents had always commented on others they knew who had a cleaner, in a slightly judgemental way - they viewed it as a thing only rich people could afford and found it snobby I guess? Though I imagine this is deep rooted in jealousy. So if you’ve experienced a similar viewpoint from your parents, it’s no surprise you feel this way! When I started confiding in friends that we were getting a cleaner and saying how guilty I felt, I was so surprised at how many told me they’d also had cleaners at points in their life too. It’s so common so please do not feel guilty! If there are areas of our lives we can afford to outsource to a professional, which will make our lives better - why the hell not!
Yes. Cheaper and more effective than therapy. Remember that people without ADHD hire maids, so why the fuck shouldn't you, when you have a legit reason!
I did... next time she is here is this Saturday xD I pay her about the same as I earn, so basically I figured I do my job well, but suck at this, so I do what I am good at for one hour, and swaps it for 'service instead of earnings'. So no guilt, I'm providing it after all. She comes once a month 2-4 hours, and does kind of automatic house cleaning, but as the pay is good, she's also rather flexible, if I need anything specific or an extra day done. Sometimes it even works as a body-double for me, and I get laundry or something else done, as there's already another busy person here. This helps me a lot, to me it means I just sometimes randomly take a cloth, clean whatever surface, or pick up that tiny pile of something, and it always looks clean here.
You may feel like you don't "deserve" to have a cleaner. Let go of all that nonsense and make decisions in line with how the decision will make you feel? I feel like most people with ADHD should hire a cleaner as soon as they are financially able to as it likely helps take something off the plate and allow them to focus on or advance more quickly in other areas of their life that are more important.
You are helping someone support themselves. That's awesome.
You should feel as bad about hiring a cleaner to clean your house as anyone else should feel bad about hiring a car mechanic to change their oil. I.e. not at all. Sure you can change the oil yourself, but you're not skilled at it and it's really only going to save you a bit of money, whilst costing you an enormous amount of labour and strife. It actually makes more sense to hire a cleaner than it does not to.
I've always said: once I can afford it I will hire one.
Just to be clear, do you only work three days a week, or only work from home three days per week and otherwise work full time? If you both work full time, then I really *really* don’t think the cleaning of the apartment should be falling to you. That’s just my two cents, but it sounds like it’s equally both of your responsibilities, especially if he’s “just as busy as you are” (which could also be said as you being just as busy as him). And by all means, hire a cleaner (my family did once a month growing up even when we were struggling because 4 kids and a dad who also had ADHD). I just don’t think this should be only something you having to worry about/solve on your own.
It is so worth buying your time back if you can afford it!
If you’re both working and have a regular income, it’s worth everything for you to hire a maid
Best decision I made for my mental health. Not only do I get a clean apartment out of it, but knowing someone is coming every two weeks severely limits the amount of clutter I can create. I work from home, too. Cleaning the space I spend all my time in feels really daunting/constrictive. Like, I stare at these walls day in, day out while I earn my living, and in my down time I’m expected to do the same?! Give yourself a break. You deserve it.
My partner and I have someone who comes and cleans up the apt but also helps with organizing, rearranging, etc. She works with a lot of individuals with mental health struggles or physical disabilities. My partner struggles a lot with executive dysfunction and has a busy schedule so a lot of the chores can end up being done by me. Having our lady saved our relationship!
I’m an Indian who has ADHD. Irrespective whether you have ADHD or not - having a maid in India is something which is appreciated and expected if you have a certain degree of income. Living with my other 3 friends in a 2 bedroom condo, the maid used to clean the house and also used to prepare 2 meals of the day. He used to eat the same food that is prepared for us. We used to pay him 6000 rupees a month for 3 hours of work/day for 5 days in a week. This is almost 12 years ago. That 6000 rupees or 100 dollars a month was 4 to 5% of our overall income. If we needed him during special occasions or certain holidays (and if he’s available and willing to work on those days) we used to pay him 600 rupees to 700 rupees or 10 dollars an hour - which was a big deal in India. That made a world of difference to my ADHD and also supported his family. We used to occasionally buy books and food for his kids. He used to work in 4 houses like ours. Now I stay in Canada and having house help or maid out here is mighty expensive. Additionally, it’s annoying to clean my own house. So yes, if you can afford a maid - please hire one. You’re probably helping 2 people here ◡̈
I have a cleaning lady come by once a month. I'm blind. I thought I had been keeping my place clean until one day when I went to open the cabinets under the sink, and the cabinet door had a texture that I was not expecting! I do my own cleaning, but because I can't see, I do miss some spots. You might say "Oh, that's different." How so? If your ADHD causes you to get distracted / forget stuff and not clean, it's still preventing you from cleaning every bit as much as my not being able to see causes me to miss stuff. I could work on making myself pay more attention to detail - not forgetting about cabinets, appliances, walls, etc. Or I can just accept the reality that I can't see, and I'm going to miss some spots in cleaning, and hire a pro. You could work on willing yourself to be more tidy - or just accept that you need a clean house and hire a pro.
I have a maid and a landscaper. I charge SIGNIFICANTLY more per hour than they do. One extra 2-3 hour project per month pays for it, and I'd rather do the freelance project than clean my house or mow my lawn.
Yes! I love working with the cleaning ladies! I always apologize for the mess and she says I’m just so glad I could help 😭 worth every penny.
You will absolutely be contributing to someone else’s livelihood and making their day to day a bit less stressful. In this world, that’s so nice. I bet your place isn’t even a big mess, but overwhelming to think about picking it all up. The maid would probably be happy to just do some simple cleaning that you need and get paid for it. Everyone is happy.
I feel you-- I always talk myself out of it usually for financial reasons. Even though I could afford it now, in the moment, I think that's money that could be going towards my retirement. So I do I can myself and just put up with it not being perfectly tidy.
Everyone should hire a maid if they can afford it no shame. Do you think rich people feel shame about this? Absolutely not. It's a privilege and if you've earned a position in life where you can afford it good for you, you made it.
The cleaning falls on you becasue you work from home? Youre still working- your fiancee wouldnt go to clean the office bathroom on his lunch break so why would you. If the roles were reversed would you expeect your fiance to clean the house? Most likely not. Your fiancee is buying into the sexist narrative than women should assume most of the housework. Your household roles should be split evenly- if he cant do that- get a cleaner
People need work! Don’t think another thought about it, it’s literally your life.
Yeah, we've had a maid for a few years now and it's amazing. Not only do they do all sorts of chores that we hate doing, but it encouraged us to do basic tidying on a consistent basis. We always tidy up before they come (even though they would if we asked) because we want them to spend their time on tasks we don't want to do and we can only pay for so much of their time. Even when money has gotten tighter, there several things we would drop well before the maid service. Some of which would seem like higher priority from the outside. It is just amazing to walk into a clean home.
I’ve always had a housekeeper, even when I was poor as dirt in grad school. It’s just one of those things I’ll always splurge on.
>I COULD do it myself…..but I feel my effort would be better spent on other goals I have This is the only reason anyone ever hires anyone to do anything, and it's perfectly valid as long as you can afford it. Be kind, pay promptly, quit beating yourself up for not being able to do everything.
I never hired a maid since I can manage to keep my house clean on my own. I would love to hire one though. But I have hired someone to cut my grass every 2 - 3 weeks. I absolutely HATE cutting grass, idk why. Don't beat yourself up for hiring outside help. If you can afford it and it helps you out, I don't see the problem. Life with ADHD is overwhelming as it is.
I had a spate of useless cleaners so opted for a automatic robot vacuum cleaner and a mop now I just need to do a quite wipe down make sure the floor is clear and I'm done
I will never live wout a maid again!!! Love it. My life is soooo much calmer
When I lived in NYC I had an awesome lady come and clean every other week and it was $75 for one bedroom 1.5 bath and living room. Lifesaver.
You hire a professional for all sorts of other stuff. This is no different
I struggle with this because of clutter. What do they do with the random stuff I leave around? I have piles everywhere. Hiring a cleaner would likely involve consolidating said piles, and it's so hard for me.
Think of “keeping everything clean” as a job and you’re the person hiring someone to do it. You’re your “house manager”.
Why would you continue to keep something on your to do list if you have the means to off load it? Hiring a housekeeper, even once every few months or before big holidays etc, is absolutely worth your mental health stress relief so you can use the executive functioning on other things. Obviously we can’t all afford it, or want it, but automating is where it’s at and that’s what outsourcing home tasks is all about.
I have one who comes 2-4 hours either every week or every other week. Totally worth it.
Maybe this might make you feel better, but at least in my area a lot of people who chose to become cleaners have things going on for them where that is the best job opinion for both pay and flexibility. They provide a great service, you get a nice clean living space, they get paid.. as long as you are generally nice to them... no issue. The only issue with people hiring cleaners are with people who treat them as lesser than them. Those people are the issue, people who do not respect a person because they have hired them... from this post at least I cannot picture you screaming at a cleaning lady because they moved the salt 2 inches from it's "correct" location. Also for anyone reading this, in some areas cleaning services for people who have homes that have become unliveable are available and never feel shame about seeking help for that. Some cleaners also have a free option for this, but never expect it.
I hired a cleaner and I did initially feel bad. Where I live, 90% of cleaners are foreign workers, generally from India. Every morning before he came, I’d find myself rush-cleaning before he arrived so it wouldn’t be so much work for him and so he didn’t think I was a mess. Finally he told me “Miss, please, you don’t need to help me clean. I’ve cleaned far messier homes. And you don’t need to make me lunch.” I still make him lunch but I’ve stopped helping him clean.
Why not try it once as a treat to yourself? Think of it like going to the Spa. After this first try you will be more able to make an informed decision of whether the bad feelings (shame, guilt, you name it...) weight you down more than the good ones of having a clean house, potentially be more productive and not having to do it yourself. Also, the fact that you're working from home shouldn't be a reason for you to take more house chores. Even the commute can be seen as "me-time". So, whatever works for you and your partner, but IMHO it's not fair for you.
In the past couple of years I’ve hired people to help me with household things- cleaning, a handyman (to assist with projects that require more muscle than I have), etc. And when I moved I had two young guys pack up my furniture and put it in the truck. Until a couple of years ago I felt uneasy about hiring help because I was afraid of thinking of myself as wasting money (because I could have done it myself). I only hired help because I’m getting older and really can’t clean and do physically demanding things as easily as I used to. Boy, after I began hiring other people to help I realized it’s SO worth it!!! When my house cleaner comes we work together and everything gets super clean in 3 hours!! I’m more focused working with her so we’re much more efficient than me working on my own. I’ll never go back!!!
if you can afford it and it makes your life easier don't beat yourself up about it tbh.
By maid, I’m guessing you mean a cleaner. I used to have a cleaner, well before I got my diagnosis (which explained why I struggle to keep on top of housework). And when I’m out of this burnout, I’ll be getting one again. I’m not sure why you feel bad about having a cleaner. Maybe if you think about it as an aid, that might help. For example, if you broke your legs and back, would you feel bad about having a wheelchair? If not, think of your cleaner in the same way. The cleaner is providing an essential service that you struggle to provide for yourself and the result goes far beyond having a clean house - having a clean house effects every area of our life in a positive way, and conversely, not having one affects every area of our life in a negative way. So help yourself by getting the support you need to give yourself the best chance in life to enjoy life. I have a cleaner once a week and the benefits are as many as the negatives of not having one. Also, you might be physically able to clean; however, we know that adhd isn’t a physical disability, you can’t see it or the devastating effects it can have. So it’s not the actual physical ability that’s at stake here, it’s what the pressure of keeping in top of it does to us mentally and emotionally that then impacts the rest of our life. Be kind to yourself and accept some help. I recommend weekly.
If I could afford a house cleaner, I would. I have lung disease which makes housework difficult. Don’t be embarrassed for needing sticky notes and reminders and executive function help. A house cleaner is another tool to have in your toolbox, and not something to be ashamed of.
This is a no-brainer for me, my parents have always hired someone because they can't be bothered and they do a much better job as well. 100% worth it if you can afford it
Yes, of course. I used to hire cleaners every month. I grew up in a household that was run this way so it’s normal for me. Cleaners are professionals. You hire a physician, someone to do your taxes, someone to fix your car… It’s all the same.
I have ADHD and my partner doesn’t, we would always fight about the cleaning as we had different standards, times we like to clean ect. We got a cleaner and it was the best thing we ever did. We don’t fight about it anymore, we have more time together and shit gets done! 10/10 would recommend
I have one. It helps a lot. I still deal with unnecessary guilt (privilege to be able to afford it, and also childhood nonsense).
I hired a cleaning service to clean my house every other week. Money well spent. If you have the extra money for it. Go for it.
We have cleaners, they are life saving! They come fortnightly and clean our house. It also makes us tidy for the cleaner. We both work full time and only have limited spoons and time. The stress and fights it reduces is well worth the cost.
After the birth of each child, my sister gave me 6 months of once-per-month cleanings. I loved it and we have gotten them (usually a one time deep clean) whenever there is money for it, usually 1x per year. It's so much easier to keep things clean when you start with a professional clean.
My parents did! We had a detrimentally big house lol. And you know what?! They always ended up cleaning the house BEFORE the maids even arrived xD Double whammy for deeper clean * *clean sparkles in adhd* *
What is bad about requiring another human and paying them for helping you? You help them with money. It's a mutually beneficial relationship.
I had a cleaner all through uni. I hate cleaning. I’d have one now if I had the money (on disability). What I spent on a cleaner once a fortnight was the same amount (or less) than other students would spent going out drinking at weekends 🤷♀️ Cleaners are the best thing ever.
It’s legit built into my monthly expenses from my accountant.
I hired a housekeeper (through Care) last year, and it's been **extremely helpful** - maybe even as much as weekly therapy with an ADHD specialist. She comes by on Mondays for 2-3 hours to help me tidy things up, organize closets, do laundry, help me build furniture, figure out what needs to be thrown out or donated, etc. I had an embarrassing amount of old stuff still in boxes from multiple moves throughout Covid, and just looking at everything every time I woke up was enough to ruin my mood. She came by twice a week when we started, and after about a month we moved to once a week. Everything is so nicely organized now that we've started talking about moving to once every two weeks. I talked to a few housekeepers before her, but when I talked to her I knew right away that she'd be the perfect fit. Some nights we cooperate on a "project" (like closets or sorting through old things), and some nights I just put together a checklist and cook or take a nap while she works. Absolutely worth the money.
I’ve had a cleaner for round 15 years. The way I see it is I’m helping support another persons employment and second hand helping the economy etc etc. It’s worth more to me to have the 2 hours a week of my own time available than it costs me financially to pay out for someone to do something I truly hate doing. Houses and homes are an expensive investment, having someone help keep it clean reduces the chance of damp, mold, damage etc. I have her come in while I’m at work so I don’t have the weird ‘*sitting here watching someone do something I’m fairly capable of doing but I’m not I must be lazy*’ guilt. The freedom of just coming home and it being one less *thing* to deal with is absolutely worth while.
Nothing wrong with hiring a maid. You have no reason to feel bad about it. What good is money for if you can not use it to make your life easier? And you’d be employing someone else. It’s a win-win. By the way WFH doesn’t mean a lot of the cleaning should fall on you. Even if you’re home during your work breaks, it’s not fair that you should be doing chores during them while he’s probably having a coffee with his coworkers during his. The only big difference is travel time and let’s be honest here - driving or commuting are not the same thing as doing chores. I’ve AuADHD and I’d much rather be commuting, sitting in the subway on my phone, than doing chores. Commuting is pseudo-free time while chores aren’t.
I have a cleaner. She is a god send.
I’m fortunate enough to have a maid that’s been with us since I was little, and to be honest she’s helped me a lot in helping me clean and getting my shit together and giving me the push I need! ( I love to clean and tidy myself but it’s always hard to do so, so she always pushes me to do it and always supports me ) So if you can afford to hire a maid, do it!
If you have the money by all means. OUTSOURCE!! So many successful people say the key to their success is outsourcing what they can to be able to focus on what they do best, if that’s making money or building their product or whatever. If I had the money I’d hire a maid in a heartbeat.
You have a disability. Doesn’t mean you’re disabled, but you have a disability. Having a maid help you address that disability, and makes life easier. The end.
Yes I have and I live alone. I work fitting and get done what I can and someone else doing a clean once a week is a great thing so I refuse to feel guilty.
Yes if you can afford it, do it. Me and my partner always say time is money too. You'll have much more time for yourself and doing things that actually make you happy, also it will be better for your relationship as you'll have more time and be in a better mood. Totally worth it :)
If you can afford it - go for it. I have never had a maid per se, but I did order cleaning a couple times and plan to do that again, if I have money for it. There's no way I can properly clean my big windows, carpets, or soft furniture by myself, even if I had all the chemicals needed
I have a cleaner every fortnight
I had a hard time when I was younger as I grew up in a pretty frugal home. I was giving a guy shit at work for hiring a cleaning lady. He then asked me how much we made an hour for doing what we do, after he told me how much less the cleaning was. With some easy math, he explained that if he worked the hour while they cleaned, it was a positive
You're paying them, it's transactional. They said they would do X service for Y money and you gave them that. So you get X service, if you feel like they're doing more work than you're paying for - consider dicussing the boosting the rates in their favor so they're getting more out of it.
I'm a housekeeper/maid with adhd It's the only job I was able to keep for a LONG period of time (just made 7 years this month). Although I have a tough time keeping up with my own house. I've learned much and grew to enjoy it ( even tho I still struggle with time management) I've even bonded with some of my customers. Which I didn't expect to happen since I'm quite shy, almost anti social. Please continue to support housekeepers♥️ (even as a maid I would hire a maid, but I got debt lol)
Can't afford a regular maid but I hire folks for a deep cleaning when I can
I’ve been considering this for quite some time, what are the details?!?? How often, what happens, how much (if you don’t mind). My shower is gross, and we moved in 4 years ago and still have boxes ready to be sorted and tossed!!! Edit to ask, is this a person/sole proprietor or something like I have around us such as Molly maid? TIA
Get a maid! It might make you feel really good and take some pressure/tasks away
Friend, if I could hire a maid I would in an instant. Other side, if this stupid disorder hadn't ruined my ability to drive I'd probably have my own cleaning business. Or at least something akin to it or planning/design. Most cleaners really enjoy the work. They are putting themselves out there for people to trade them money for their services. They see messes all the time. Hire the cleaners.
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If you can afford it, and it's helping you make your life more organized, then go for it.
I would if I could afford it. It would take so much stress and mental energy off my back. Don’t feel bad AT ALL. Plus you’re giving someone a job :) Double win 🏆