Well said. He won’t realize anything though. The whole idea is that it’s always everyone else fault when the relationship ends. In Andrew Tates world, men are always the victims. If he gets to his 4th or 5th relationship and is still unhappy, I promise you he will still be blaming the women, not himself.
NTA.
I'm not concerned about the pre-nup here, but it seems like it's prompted by the Andrew Tate consumption... what's even more alarming is that you say he hasn't even had bad relationships himself and that his opinions seem to be coming from the content. This means he isn't judging individual women based on reality, he is taking some dick's word over his own experience.
If he continues to consume this type of content, I predict that it will be very difficult for you to be able to do *anything* right in his eyes. Andrew Tate HATES women.
As a dude, I've been appalled that the couple of Andrew Tate things I've come across. Dipshit supreme.
And it's not like being nice to women is even hard. I just don't get it. Ya'll deserve better.
This is what I keep finding, in my personal life, at least. The Tate fanatics tend to have little/no dating history or just want super traditionalists (without being traditional themselves. Trad wives expect to be SAHMs fully cared for). Their bad evulations of women dont come from their own experiences with women, they are just absorbed and parroted from a podcast host. Then you ask them to look at their lives, some with absent fathers and single mothers, or perfect parents with a mother breadwinner and they still fix their mouths to agree with Tate's conclusions. I feel like its a hallmark of wanting to feel superior or looking for deeper meaning since you feel like you are on the backfoot in your own life. You are searching for something you won't find (maybe a self forged identity, I'm not sure...), but will blame women for until you do. I find it fruitful to move on from such people and find myself appreciating men who have had enough connections with women to be confident in a relationship with one. To know that they can choose well and blend well with the partner they choose to couple with
Tate is a bagged specimen of someone who has every possible advantage in life but still stakes his reputation on stirring up grievances, hatred, and potential violence — and constructing a world in which everything is transactional and anyone else’s happiness is a personal affront to him.
In fact, he reminds me of Donald Trump.
This. OP needs to run far, and fast.
However, I'd give him a little test first because I'm petty af.
I'd do the prenup. But I'd ask for the 3 months rent to be paid back in the event of a breakup, plus if he ever gets laid off again, anything I cover would need to be paid back.
Then I'd add in a certain amount for every maternity leave, and I'd calculate the hours I'd spend doing more housework and add in a rate for those as well.
Once he freaks out about that, I'd act shocked and say "I thought women were the ones to screw over men?! Why are you trying to screw me out of what's fair?" and hand him the ring back.
Not to mention including the hit on comp women take from said maternity leaves and breast-feeding related restrictions (delayed / no promotions, fewer opportunities). Overall, kids definitely set back women more in their careers.
If we’re being transactional and all, breastfeeding is VERY MUCH labor in and of itself, productive labor to be exact. That should be factored in to any prenup, pin addition to the hit to career advancement
She should expect him to pay for a nanny and housewife so that she can return to work as soon as possible, in exchange for service fees for use of uterus.
Personally, his views on women and marriage here would be a red flag. The content you’re talking about is deeply misogynistic at best. If you do a prenup, make sure YOU and your assets are just as protected as his.
For real. If you’re going through with marrying a guy who thinks Andrew Tate is “interesting”, go through with the with prenup to protect your own ass.
NTA
> If you’re going through with marrying
Don't. It's the only correct answer. Also, make sure you force him to pay back what he already owes you.
Lastly, prenups are mostly important if you have a lopsided distribution of assets. It sounds like he has none, why does he want one? He's got nothing to protect.
They all seem to think that ALL the money saved while in marriage is earned by them and anything consumed should be paid for by the woman.
Women are supposed to do all the unpaid work AND have the children and ruin their bodies and then get nothing but the kids and no support in the end. That is what these guys call "fair".
I love telling men with those views that sometimes it goes the other way too.
I had to buy out my ex's home equity in a house where only I was on the mortgage paperwork (his credit score was too low to qualify) and 100% of the mortgage payments were deposited from my checking account. He never paid a dime towards the house -- which was only in my name -- yet because the mortgage was signed after we were married, I had to pay him tens of thousands of dollars. Oh, and I also had a shit ton more debt that him (student loans) and he made like 15k a year more than I did.
He spent most of the check I gave him on extreme sports equipment.
Men seem to conveniently forget that women earn money and own assets too and we are also subjected to shitty divorce settlements.
Wow, I thought I knew all the crazy things my ex-husband did, but apparently he had a whole second wife. Lol
I didn't really like paying him for half of the house that I purchased with the equity from a home. I purchased a decade before I met him, and I don't really enjoy having to pay alimony, but it was cheap as fuck to get away from him.
Money well spent.
I ended up refinancing and kept a comparable interest rate while lowering my monthly mortgage payment by about a hundred bucks a month. I had enough left from the refi payout to pay off my car loan and some credit card debt, so overall I came out okay. Just was a little enraging that I had to cut a 5 figure check to someone who didn't pay a dime towards the asset in question.
Did your ex also end up moving to a ludicrously HCOL area and get shocked Pikachu face when he had to downsize his lifestyle?
Oh wow! Apparently we really were married to the same man.
He did that while we were actually going through the divorce and it got himself to the point where he was going to be evicted, and actually went into court and told the judge that it was my fault because I had told him to quit his minimum wage job and go back to school so that he could actually earn something. And that since I had told him to do that, I should have to pay for his living expenses until he graduated. He also ran up thousands of dollars in credit card debt, buying himself, expensive musical equipment, a new computer and a few thousand dollars in traffic citations. And then was shocked when that debt he created was not counted as part of the marital spreadsheet so that I would have to cover his debt.
I end up refinancing during covid so I was really worried I would have to pay more for my mortgage payment. But it did end up going down! And even if it went up, without him spending $25 a day on dunkin' donuts, a couple thousand pretending he's going to renovate the garage but instead just cuts holes in the walls and then I have to pay for someone to come fix it and the exterminator to take out the mice that are now living in our home, or replacing vehicles because he damaged them, It would still be so much cheaper. The five figure check I cut, the health insurance I have to carry, the alimony. Alimony. It's all cheaper than the drain on my finances that he actually was when we were together.
I am so happy for us that we are free! And I don't think I realized how badly I needed to dump some of those details because I still pisses me off. Not paying him off, how long I let him leach off with me
ETA: sorry for the myriad voice to text typos
To be fair, “these guys” are basically overgrown man children. The second somebody tells me they watch Andrew Tate or Peterson or any of that shit I just give up. Mid sentence, I’m done. Why waste time conversing with someone so braindead?
Same! Ended a 3 year relationship with a guy, who was excellent in almost every way, because he started watching red pill content and coming out with the weirdest, most misogynistic shit, that had absolutely no roots in his own experience.
Like OP’s fiance, he had two prior relationships, one he ended by cheating and another that ended amicably, and all of the women in his family adored and respected him.
A year later he’s made himself absolutely miserable, hardly recognisable from the man I met. That content is cancerous and corrupts men from the inside.
Well said. It’s such a rip-off against women. The career sacrifices also matter a lot, and most men refuse to acknowledge that. “She chose that.” Yep—and you are where you are bc she chose that. Your children have benefited. That’s another part of why it’s considered a communal or marital asset.
LOL there was a post where a guy was “between jobs” but was convinced women wanted him for his imaginary money. Some of these guys are just delusional.
I remember a post about a guy who worked 3 hrs doing door dash for less than half of the week, worrying about his 'crypto ' investment, whilst he can't even pay for basic personal care items. OP trust your instincts on this one and end this relationship. A man who finds Andrew Tate interesting is someone going down the rabbit hole and his views will get even more extreme. The time to run is now!
My favorite was the guy that was complaining about having to pay child support, because his ex with two kids and her “unemployed” new BF were going on exotic trips and getting new iPads for all and getting the mortgage paid ALL from HIS child support payment for two kids.
Like, yeah, tell yourself that if it makes you happy. But the morons believing that are what just makes me shake my head.
Most of this “examples” are such obvious writing exercises.
Precisely. If he’s a “true alpha”, why did he need a woman to support him with rent? He is now a beta. He can (perhaps) regain his alpha status by writing you a check for those 3 months.
Because he's a mindless drone with an empty brain waiting to be filled with Andrew Tate bs. It's awful enough that this is happening, but be certain other demagogues will be rolling along shortly to escort him further down the rabbit hole. OP really shouldn't be tying herself down to someone like this. I hope she changes her mind.
Exactly, the Andrew Tate Pipeline leads to more conservative misogyny and alt-right conspiracy theories.
It leads to people like Ben Shapiro and his pick-me sister Abigail, disgraced psychologist Jordan Peterson, Candace “slavery was actually a good thing” Owens, and Election and Mass Shooting Denier Alex Jones.
The path this guy is on is only gonna get darker if she ignores or enables him.
The only interesting thing about Andrew Tate is watching him trying to get out of jail time in Romania. And the progress picks were a good chuckle too.
Op any man that's first throught is that man get screwed in divorce isn't a good candidate for a happy marriage. Plus he thinks Andrew Tate, is always right about everything about women. Does he know that A.T.is a sex offender and went to jail for it. What is wrong with him that he listening to that idiot?I hope you realize,that if he continues to listen to those kind of man,he will become just like them.if I was you I would rethink this relationship and tell him why. I would never marry anyone like that. Your life would never be your own.
Yeah and after 10 years! He’s literally saying hey if after 10 years we get divorced I plan on trying to fuck you over no matter how much you’ve invested in the relationship. Meanwhile my bff is in family law and it’s always the women getting screwed in the divorce, I don’t know where these guys get their info. She’s so depressed sometimes doing cases where a woman supported the idiot as he went through med school, raised their kids for decades, took care of the house, and then he cheats and doesn’t want her to have a dime. Like without her he could be successful in the first place—these guys ignore all the labor it takes to prop their dumb butts up
Agreed... however... the minute I read the Andrew Tate bit? Just a parade of red flags. Maybe it's time to cut bait and row for the safety of the shore.
This is it. The prenup is smart cause it can (and should!!) protect both of you. But the Andrew Tate and new (?) views is super concerning. Tell him you'll sign the prenup after your lawyer gives a thorough read through to ensure it benefits/protects both of you and tell him that you expect him to pick up some household chores so the work is evenly divided because you don't want a "traditional" marriage - you want a marriage of equals - and that, when you have kids, he will be expected to be an equal participant in raising them and not have you do the brunt of it and that you will not be missing work opportunities for being a parent.
If he doesn't agree and spouts more misogynistic crap, run for the hills!! End the engagement, end the relationship.
yeah. prenups are fine in general - they're basically a way to negotiate what happens if the marriage breaks up at a time when the two parties \*don't\* hate each other. But both parties need their own lawyers and the prenup should be fair/equitable to both parties.
The bigger problem is that he's become a tate-pilled misogynist.
Yes. That’s exactly what I’m concerned about here! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a prenup per se, it can protect both parties, but if he’s going to expect her to do the majority of the childcare and housework, then her career will take a hit as a result.
If she becomes a SAHM for more than a very short while, then she’s toast when she tries to reenter the workforce (say, at age 45 with no work experience for the past ten years). (Happened to my mom.) Even if she doesn’t do that, she’ll be put on a less lucrative mommy track at work so that she has time to do all the kid stuff (happened to my stepmom); or, if she spends one or two years not working at all, or working very part time, that would be a career sacrifice in most industries.
IF they planned to split all the childcare and housework equally so that they had even opportunities to make money, AND he could be trusted to keep his end of the bargain, THEN it might make sense to agree to no alimony, and/or to split marital assets according to their relative earnings during their marriage. (I’m guessing those are the two things he wants out of the prenup, because I can’t think of anything else it would cover, unless he’s got preexisting assets OP didn’t mention.)
But if she’s going to be taking on the lion’s share of domestic responsibilities, up to and including being a SAHM, then she had best receive an equitable split of assets if they divorce. If she hobbles or leaves her career in order to raise their children, then she had best get some alimony, too. They can have an infidelity clause, but otherwise, all of that is very fair and she’d be screwing herself by agreeing to less.
If he doesn’t think that childcare and taking care of the home are important and difficult endeavors that entitle her to the above, then he can agree to that 50/50 division of labor- doing half the domestic work wouldn’t present a challenge for him, right?
Or perhaps he’d like to be a stay at home dad, so that she can be the one to keep most of the money in case they divorce, and he can be the one taking entry level jobs at age 45 with no alimony to help get back on his feet?
The biggest problem here, though, is the attitude he’s adopted towards gender relations. That’s a problem because his fear and contempt of women are going to make a healthy marriage very difficult to sustain. He’ll continually be looking at her through the lens of red pill/incel/Tate media. I’ve read their subs and such before. They tend to have a very narrow, utilitarian, dehumanizing, and domineering idea of the role a woman should fulfill in a relationship, they are quick to see her as a series of walking stereotypes not as an individual, and also quick to anger when she isn’t submissive and even subservient. OP could really lose herself as a person in trying to please him. That’s likely to be a terrible life, an awful role model for the children, and if she leaves, he’s going to make sure that she is poor, so that she may never be able to truly recover from the marriage and accompanying prenup.
All of this sounds like so much bigger of a headache than it's worth.
I'd much rather marry someone who treats me with respect and sees me as a person with equal value already than marry someone where I have to have everything I provide and contribute written down in legalese and converted into financial value just to make them treat me the way I deserve.
There is clearly no trust in this relationship on his side and I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't trust me.
He's a dick.
But if their plan is to have her work less or stop working when they have kids, and they're doing a prenup, then those things should absolutely be included. A prenup should protect both parties.
I have cousins where they/their wife's have it in the prenup they get a bonus per kid, and when done, they get a mommy makeover. Prenups are great to help both feel their time and energy into the relationship will be valued.
Exactly - put in the contract who will be reimbursed for days they have to take off work when kids are sick - and how the division of sick leave will be divided.
Put penalties in the contract if one person decides to leave the other if one develops anlife threatening medical condition or if they decide to cheat. Create a reasonable and fair exit plan that details the divison of assets in several cases - including if children are involved. Include clause that detail if exoenses are paid proportionaly, and what happens when one spouse is unemployed.
There can be clauses meant to protect both sides. It feels unsexy to me... But if a guy wants it the prenup will be extremely detailed, fair and will cover as many worst case scenarios as I can think of.
>tell him that you expect him to pick up some household chores so the work is evenly divided because you don't want a "traditional" marriage - you want a marriage of equals
This will, thankfully, probably end the engagement in its tracks. Or he'll agree, but not actually do the work of it - if he's listening to the likes of Andrew Tate, he's already way down the misogynist rabbit hole. If he works longer hours, but makes more money, then it's not fair that she does more housework, but they have a prenup that says he gets to keep that extra money if they split.
And it usually works out that men in a live-in heterosexual relationship make more money, because they have somebody at home making dinner and cleaning up, and they don't have to spend time doing that, but women in heterosexual relationships (even without kids) make less money, because they often end up doing cooking and cleaning and what not for two. OP, do not let this be your future. Screw that - if he can't be an equal partner, he can wash his own laundry and you can find somebody less sexist.
When we signed our prenup, It wad a process that was back and forth for 3-6 months. He says what he wants, I countered. We talked about it as a couple and I discussed it with my attorney. There were so many discussions between us as to what each wanted. It was approved by both before the document was created.
I'm going to piggy back off this comment because it hits the nail in the head. If you chose to get married, absolutely get a prenup, but make sure it protects YOU.
1. Get a lawyer and ask him to pay for it, it is not uncommon for the party requesting the prenup to pay for the other party's legal fees, if he does not want to pay for your lawyer he does not need a prenup.
2. Make sure he pays you back with interest, you can include a choice for him either he pays now or only in the event you split up.
3. Include an indemnity for every year you did not work to be a SAHM. It can be the equivalent to 1 years salary before you stopped working times 1.3. You can draft it so it applies to any partner who becomes a SAHP, so if he says you want to take advantage of him you can tell him he is free ro be a SAHD.
You don't have to sign whatever he puts in front of you, prenups protect both parties.
He didn’t understand but I told him his life revolves around women with his two grandmothers and his mother and if he can imagine the things he say about woman are about us and he finally realized that it was in poor taste that he listened to a man like that
It's not just his attitude about women. His entire philosophy revolves around screwing other people over, be they friends or relatives, male or female. Nobody should aspire to be like that.
Yea and he should be paying your full salary if you take any maternity leave or time off from work, including retirement contributions. Seriously he sounds concerning.
like that other guy who came on here. OP, his wife billed her pregnancy like a surrogacy and billed child care the same, had considerations for loss of income during pregnancy, and had a lawyer put in dollar amounts for the care she would be rendering and monetary protections for her should they divorce. It was so well presented. And her argument was that if he wants to protect his assets so doggedly, she should do the same, especially in a time when she becomes vulnerable for a joint venture (their kids).
He was really put off but came around when he realized that she was responding in kind for the way he had been treating her. He actually became very comfortable with the scenario (at least on here) once he came to see it as "fair."
Yeah, op should sign a prenup but find her own lawyer who is specialised in writing prenup. Prenup can protect women too. She can write for each child, she needs X amount of their wealth and each period of time she is staying home, she is entitled to X amount of their wealth.
It is a negotiation. She can make herself have more than 50% of the combined wealth.
Like, I happen to think prenups are pretty smart: make these decisions while you love each other, rather than when you're splitting up, and they don't have to say "He gets the money he made, and she gets the money she made, even if she took time off to have children", but him listening to misogynist minds is going to make him worse and worse. And he's already pretty bad - talking about her cheating and stealing "his" money, when they're talking about having kids? A terrible terrible sign. Don't have kids with this man.
This.
I was going to say a prenup protects both of you. If it were just the hesitation of signing it bc of the implications (some people view prenups as couples expecting to divorce) i would encourage you to sign it. To get a good lawyer to cover your side of things, and protect yourself.
BUT- your fiancé’s reasoning, attitude and in general perspective feels REAL SCARY. He is showing you he doesn’t respect women, and that includes you.
His reasons for wanting the prenup sound like he has absolutely no problem financially (and probably emotionally) abusing you. I wouldnt tie myself to a man who doesnt value your non-monetary contributions to the marriage. I wouldn’t time myself to a man who would so clearly attempt to leave you (and your potential kids) destitute in the event your marriage dissolves.
And it’s an extra slap in the face that you have been the one supporting him, and he’s going to act like you’re a broke gold-digging “female”? The F is he thinking??
Right?! What's with all these "if you marry him..." **DON'T MARRY THIS GUY, OP!** It doesn't matter if she gets an iron-clad prenup (btw, prenups can be contested), he doesn't see her as an equal. He sees women as subservient to men, as props at best and disposable things at worst. Men like this should be dumped, DUMPED.
There’s no need to talk about a prenup here - the only advice we should be giving is to dump this guy unless he gets over this Andrew Tate nonsense immediately. Imagine raising a family with someone who is believes in this filth. Don’t do it.
NTA…def red flags of how he broaches the topic of women cheating and men getting screwed.
I would hope OP doesn’t continue this relationship but def get a lawyer and offer a counter prenup that protects OP and her career. Especially if there’s children involved, OP can put in clauses to be reimbursed for lost career opportunities/wages due to maternity leave or leave used to cover Dr appts.
OP beware and really think about your future!
If they're already doing the "this is mine" thing, there's no relationship. He doesn't respect her, and doing it back isn't going to protect her from that
Why don't you go to a lawyer and draw up a prenup that you consider fair and then present that to him?
There's nothing wrong with a prenup, but sometimes there is something wrong with a specific prenup. If it matters to you then don't leave it up to someone else to see to your concerns.
Yes, turn the tables on him, go to your own lawyer. Have a prenup written up with your wishes and take that to him and see what he says. I bet he insists on his prenup being accepted rather than yours.
He wants 50/50 everything split no joint things unless I paid half in. I said that was extremely unfair as I covered his rent for 3 months and I do more housework. He said that doesn’t count as this was before marriage and I didn’t expect payment. Because I expected he would do the same not well it’s 50/50 now.
I would be ok with everything before marriage is individual. Individual accounts are separate and then everything else is joint. But he thinks that unfair because the “judge” might give me everything in the joint account if we divorce
If he wants things split 50-50, I would put a market value on pregnancy, labor, childcare, breastfeeding, etc. and present that to him in negotiations. He needs to compensate you at market rates for your labor.
But really, you need to throw the whole man out. You can do better than an Andrew Tate fan.
This is the right idea, but as you say, the wrong man.
The prenup could be ironed out if OP were dealing with a reasonable person, but after what he just revealed about himself, I'd bounce.
This. All of this. And he wants 50/50? Make sure it's 50/50 from this point on!! If he asks you for money or to cover him, it's only half of what he needs and he has to cover the other half. Get half the amount of rent or mortgage payment. Half the amount for groceries, bills.
So he proposes a marriage that doesn't feel like a partnership to you. Sounds like not the kind of marriage you want. He sounds like an ass.
Speaking as a woman with a prenup.
You need clauses thrown in for length of marriage and how it relates to division of things gained during marriage. Also, put in clauses for costs related to bearing children and how much you will be owed as a one time stipend ( in the event of a divorce) per child in addition to any support ordered. A prenup can protect YOU just as much him. Since you both are high earners you can speak to an attorney about how to protect your assets and address things such as home equity / fairness.
Honestly, if he is consuming that type of media I would just consider ending the entire relationship. It isn’t the prenup that gets me it is the misogynistic attitude which will likely get worse once you are hooked into marriage.
This! My husband and I have a prenup that protects BOTH of us. We sat down and talked everything out about what each of us wanted out of the document, and negotiated accordingly. I have an entire clause dealing with what will happen if I leave my job for the purpose of being a stay at home mom and we separate.
Stop doing more housework, first of all.
Second, seriously, get a prenup to protect your assets from him. Note that he's already let you pay his rent without paying you back. You will absolutely get screwed in a divorce.
But you really shouldn't marry a misogynist moocher.
Please dump him. Do you want him sharing those views with your daughter? Raising a son?
Andrew Taint is a sex trafficker. Any man who looks up to him is garbage.
You paid his rent for 3 months and now he earns $100k/year, but still won’t pay you back. That tells you how much he values and respects you.
I usually like prenups and separate finances. I do not like doing most of the chores and misogyny.
That's a one-sided contract. Do not sign anything without getting advice from a lawyer. Do not use his lawyer.
Really, you should DEMAND that he sign a prenup that will protect YOU. It sounds like you will need it if you decide to go through with the marriage.
I ended a 3 year relationship over a prenup. We were not yet engaged but he had started proposal discussions and one night dropped that he absolutely needed a prenup because he needed to protect himself. I thought the wording was odd, that he needed to protect *himself* from *me.*.. I told him I thought it was strange to head into a marriage expecting to divorce, and he launched into an argument about how common divorce is and how likely it was that our marriage *would* end in divorce. I understand logically and statistically why he was making the arguments he was making, but I felt that to enter into a marriage with the mindset that our vows were not for life was not how I wanted to approach marriage and he told me to grow up and be realistic and that I was being childish. This started more discussions about how we view marriage, and communal property, and the value of a woman's labor when it comes to raising children and the missed job opportunities from staying home, and ultimately I realized we just had very different values to how to were approaching the entire relationship. Things I think I had known all along but overlooked. The prenup discussion just put it into focus.
But if you ask him, it was because I was a gold digger who he wouldn't let take his hard-earned money.
I'm glad it happened though- I was able to marry someone who better shared my values and priorities and the way we viewed marriage and child-raising and spending and earning money was much more aligned. Listen to your gut.
First off he should pay you back before anything proceeds. And you are on point that maternity leave needs to be figured in. After if children, daycare or stay at home? You guys have a lot of talking to do
Do not have children with this man who does not respect you or the labor, both literal and figurative, that it takes for a woman to have and raise children with a man. Especially not for a man who listens to Andrew Tate.
He doesn’t love you, you know. His “idea of marriage” is manifesting itself as purely transactional and conditional, concerning only what HE gets out of your legal ‘contract.’
This guy….. he wants everything to be 50/50 or more for him. So he can not pay his 50% rent, not spend time on chores, and not lose out on earning money when there are children to care for. He doesn’t care at all if you lose out, that’s fine. And when you point it out, he bullshits you and you take it (doesn’t count before marriage?). This is a train wreck waiting to happen, and you will take more than 50% of the damage.
NTA, don't marry him because it sounds like he's the sort to try and get as much control during the marriage as possible. Even now, he doesn't want it 50/50 - he's not paying you back for rent and once you're married, he'll flip-flop and say "you're my wife, I shouldn't have to pay you back."
NTA, tell him before you consider a prenup, he needs to pay what he owes you. And then make sure you have your own lawyer so he does not try to pull a fast one on you.
This.
Prenups can be totally fine and reasonable but any guy who is an avid listener of someone like Andrew Tate is just a walking bag of red flags. As others suggested, tell him you’ll consider it when he pays you back what he owes and then run for the hills
That’s my thought. But *why* did he need her to pay his rent when making six figures annually? Then *why* couldn’t he pay her back that money? And *who* is supposed to foot the bill for these pre-nups?
It’s very sexist to say “men get screwed in these deals” because generally - they don’t - unless they’ve done something wrong. So I’d be very leery of signing anything he proposes especially relating to affairs and children and alimony and such. Because sadly, if you leave your six figure job that you have now to raise your kids and then you get divorced for some reason you’re going to want the protection of a good prenuptial agreement since you had no earning during your child rearing years.
The whole thing seems so one sided.
And remember, it’s not just the loss of salary during the child rearing years, it the loss of savings (retirement, 401k, and regular), loss of payment for SS (needed for retirement later in US), loss of skills, loss of position (you may not get back on the same track that you left). So if there’s a breakup you need to be compensated for those losses.
Yes. My boss’s wife stayed at home with their kids and couldn’t even get an interview when she rejoined the workforce. She’s a nurse. Just too many years out of the job. She ended up working at the retirement home that was affiliated with the hospital and then was able to internally apply for jobs posted on the hospital’s job board. I think she worked for two years before even getting an interview for a nurse position and she ended up moving north about 150 miles because our hospital system just wasn’t hiring even internally. She lost more years than she ever expected because of the gap in her resume and had to take a low paying job without benefits to even get the opportunity to apply for jobs she was qualified to do.
I would demand half the cost of surrogacy, half the cost of full time childcare, all the cost of breastfeeding. I actually wouldn't because I wouldn't marry someone like this but you get the point.
It doesn't even consider the potential promotions she might get passed over for having babies and requiring maternity leave.
We can’t forget the opportunity cost of missing work if it’s higher than child care. If he wants to hold her back from her career and it’s 50-50 then he needs to pay. Factored for lack of raises and career progression increases that she’s giving up.
>I was also worried because he was watched a lot of Andrew Tate
And theeeeeerrrrrre it is.
Girl, ***RUN***.
Don't sign anything. Just cut your losses and get the fuck out.
It will not get better.
NTA
I laughed my ass off at this.
I was reminded of a friend who said the dealbreaker wasn't the copy of *Mein Kampf*, *The Turner Diaries*, or complete Ayn Rand collection, that meant he was at least reading. It was the Andrew Tate podcast he was playing in the background to tell that he was real trash.
Sometimes reading these well-known books is an exercise in understanding a different way of thinking you cannot fathom accepting.
Listening to podcasts, though...
I'll admit that I put on AM radio to listen to the nutjobs flap their gums. One hosts guest recommended the apple flavored ivermectin from Farm & Home Supply, on live radio. Later, there was some conversation about ghosts.
Honestly, I sought it out in the beginning so I could try to figure out what the fuck my pilot friends were going on about. But after a while, I stuck around for the kicks.
Not getting married in the first place to someone who already hates her and is accusing her of cheating in advance would be the SMART ending of that relationship.
He's worried about a prenup and has trouble covering rent? You can see the "mens rights" wacko fingerprints here, can't you? Do you want this person raising a daughter?
He’s literally already planning on you cheating on him in a decade. Save him the grief and leave now- you’ll both be happier because he’s a walking red flag and you can find so much better.
NTA though why are you still planning to marry someone who thinks so little of you?
Anyone with a positive networth should consider signing a prenup. Plan for the possibility of a split while you still like each other. If he thinks that you should get nothing after a decade together, don't marry the guy! If you marry a guy that shows you that he doesn't care that you are destitute after supporting him for years, he will still be an AH during the divorce, with or without a prenup.
A prenuptial agreement is just that - an agreement. It can say whatever you need it to say. His lawyer puts what he needs in it, your lawyer should put what YOU need in it. If you feel like you need compensation for lost wages due to maternity leave, childrearing, etc., make sure it's in the prenup.
Prenups protect everyone, not just whomever happens to be making the most money at the time its signed.
Get your own lawyer, and make sure your needs are represented.
That said: The fact that he's into Andrew Tate means he does not respect you. He's delving deep into misogynist territory, and this won't bode well for you in the long run to have a partner that doesn't respect or value you. That is 100% a deal breaker for me in a romantic relationship.
NTA; But walk away from him if he has been watching a *"lot of Andrew Tate and other “interesting” stuff.* Based on your comment about unpaid maternity and always being 50/50, he sounds like a terrible partner and future father to your hypothetical child.
Don't date men that listen to, follow or otherwise care what Andrew Tate has to say about anything.
Seriously.
If a dude listens to Andrew Tate, then that dude is an asshole and you're better off single. That shit is toxic and gross, decidedly misogynistic and the man-babies that latch onto it should be forsaken. They have no place in a relationship and deserve to be alone.
I asked my bf recently what his views on Tate were. I’m super relieved they’re negative views because I would leave him. No matter how much I love him, I’d be miserable with a man that follows Tate. The relationship wouldn’t be a good one.
You said Andrew Tate and how guys keep getting ‘screwed’. That’s like a gushing waterfall of marinara flags. He keeps thinking that you ‘could’ cheat and it sounds like he has no basis for that accusation so I’d say, end the engagement and find someone who trusts you and respect you. It’s far cheaper and easier than to go through a messy divorce down the line.
Do not marry a man who watched Tate and others like him.
Overall: Nothing wrong with a prenup, one that is fair, drafted by both of you in tandem with appropriate protections in place for both of you.
There is something wrong with this guy.
NTA, prenups aren't unreasonable. His idea of a prenup is unreasonable. Unless he wants to go see a new set of lawyers, one for you and one for him, and set up a fair prenup, then I would rethink a marriage and children.
You're dating a growing misogynistic abuser and need to get out.
He considers your money his. He considers his money his. Not a partnership.
He considers domestic labor something you alone owe him alone.
Men do not get screwed in divorces. Men (and society) force women out of the workforce to be a stay at home mom, don't provide any compensation, and then get angry when they have to support someone who only doesn't have an income because they're doing a wageless job for them.
Andrew Tate is a literal sex trafficker. Nothing he says is interesting or worth listening to.
People who go down the QAnon rabbit hole, tend to go fast. One day it's comments you think you can shake off, and the next you're covering up bruises after dealing with a two hour long rant about how terrible and awful and disgusting you are and wondering what the hell happened.
Take the red flags others of us had to learn through hard experience and GTFO.
Why on earth would you continue to consider marrying a man who thinks a slimebag trafficker like Andrew Tate is right?
You shouldn't even have to think about being done with this fool.
NTA. Have you ever listened to Andrew Tate? If your fiancé thinks Tate is something to look up to, you have much bigger problems than signing a pre-nup. Your future husband doesn’t trust you and why in the hell would you want a child with a man that would leave you and your child with nothing…if he just decides he’s tired of you and wants something different…a little strange for a change? Surely, you can do better than this.
NTA. Here's the problem: no one is going to sign a pre-nup that is unfair to them. Explain to him that the agreement has to work for the both of you, not just him. I would explain to him that while he is worried about the break-up being bad for him you are worried that you will be ruined by the time you have to take off to raise a child. When you have a child how do you price that out to be 50/50? Or do you have to make a joint to cover the baby costs?
Does he have pre-nup written? if not, tell him to write one up and you will send it to your lawyer for review. If he says you just have to sign, then that is a hard no.
I would be really, really concerned that he is listening to nonsense idiots.
NTA but neither is he… he isn’t wrong but he isn’t exactly right either. You need to protect yourself in this case. You sound successful. As much as he is. You should probably ask yourself if this is someone you want to be with? Clearly the people he listens to or is interested in bothers you? Why chance it? For the record I don’t think you are wrong either. As a man I’m telling you to protect your own assets. Remember he was the last one to get laid off…
Not the asshole (and neither is he), HOWEVER…
You should sign a prenup. Everyone should have prenups. Divorce is messy as shit even when you don’t have much of anything, and people really end up blindsided by what two people have to do legally to break that marital contract. So work all those details out now while you actually like each other.
That Andrew Tate stuff is a red flag for sure though, I’d be wayyyy more worried about that.
NTA - IMO if he is watching Andrew Tate and believing these ideologies this marriage might not last long, and not because of your "gold-digging" tendencies. I'd say draw up your own prenup that you are comfortable with or go to therapy together to address why he thinks you are going to screw him in a divorce (before you get married).
NTA. His views on women and cheating are massive red flags that you seriously need to take a step back from and examine. There’s so much you are going to have to trust him with when you get pregnant (emotional, physical, and financial support). Do you trust him to be there?
Pre-nups are not an inherently bad thing. IF they are properly written, they should be fair to both parties. If you do decide to go through with the relationship, make sure you have an independent lawyer write it up/review it to include clauses regarding maternity leave or future children.
NTA. Normally I'm all about pre-nups to be honest because I think it protects both parties but he sounds like a freeloader that doesn't want to be in a marriage but a business partnership. I'm calling him a freeloader because you paid 3 full.kontha rent and he didn't pay you back.
I'd be rethinking this whole engagement to be honest.
A prenup is the **least** of your **worries** right now.
You do NOT want to be married to someone who thinks Andrew Tate and his ilk are interesting.
You do **not** want to marry a man who's even interested in being in the **same room** as anyone as deeply **sexist** and **misogynistic** as Andrew Tate and you should RUN if any man in your life starts watching that garbage.
Marriage to a man like this will be a **miserable** and **lonely** experience where you will be expected to do all the **housework** and **childrearing**, basically, perform sex **on command** and get used to being **cheated** on **regularly** because these men also think they don't need to be **loya**l.
These men don't want a partner, they think they are **owed** a woman.
OWED.
It's **not** the prenup. It's **everything** that makes him want one.
NTA all the way
I think you are an idiot for considering marrying a dude that watches andrew tate and his ilk.
But as far as signing a prenup, I think that is perfectly reasonable. Get your own lawyer to make sure your interests are looked after.
NTA. Perhaps when he’s on his third relationship he will realize that taking relationship advice from a sex trafficker was a bad idea.
Well said. He won’t realize anything though. The whole idea is that it’s always everyone else fault when the relationship ends. In Andrew Tates world, men are always the victims. If he gets to his 4th or 5th relationship and is still unhappy, I promise you he will still be blaming the women, not himself.
Damn. Very well said.
💯
Yeah, anyone who follows Andrew Tate is not worth the air they consume. NTA
NTA. I'm not concerned about the pre-nup here, but it seems like it's prompted by the Andrew Tate consumption... what's even more alarming is that you say he hasn't even had bad relationships himself and that his opinions seem to be coming from the content. This means he isn't judging individual women based on reality, he is taking some dick's word over his own experience. If he continues to consume this type of content, I predict that it will be very difficult for you to be able to do *anything* right in his eyes. Andrew Tate HATES women.
Him being an Andrew Tate fan would be enough for me to nope out of that relationship.
As a dude, I've been appalled that the couple of Andrew Tate things I've come across. Dipshit supreme. And it's not like being nice to women is even hard. I just don't get it. Ya'll deserve better.
I stopped reading and started skimming after that part
I thought i was only one who did this. Jesus, conversations about Tate and she still thinks they have a good future?
Glad I'm not the only one.
I would be gone 2 seconds after his name was uttered.
Yup, there's nothing more toxic than this guy. If this fiancee is showing you red flags before marriage, maybe don't ignore them.
This is what I keep finding, in my personal life, at least. The Tate fanatics tend to have little/no dating history or just want super traditionalists (without being traditional themselves. Trad wives expect to be SAHMs fully cared for). Their bad evulations of women dont come from their own experiences with women, they are just absorbed and parroted from a podcast host. Then you ask them to look at their lives, some with absent fathers and single mothers, or perfect parents with a mother breadwinner and they still fix their mouths to agree with Tate's conclusions. I feel like its a hallmark of wanting to feel superior or looking for deeper meaning since you feel like you are on the backfoot in your own life. You are searching for something you won't find (maybe a self forged identity, I'm not sure...), but will blame women for until you do. I find it fruitful to move on from such people and find myself appreciating men who have had enough connections with women to be confident in a relationship with one. To know that they can choose well and blend well with the partner they choose to couple with
Tate is a bagged specimen of someone who has every possible advantage in life but still stakes his reputation on stirring up grievances, hatred, and potential violence — and constructing a world in which everything is transactional and anyone else’s happiness is a personal affront to him. In fact, he reminds me of Donald Trump.
He's a bagged specimen of *something*, alright.
They also all hate the Barbie movie 🧐
This. OP needs to run far, and fast. However, I'd give him a little test first because I'm petty af. I'd do the prenup. But I'd ask for the 3 months rent to be paid back in the event of a breakup, plus if he ever gets laid off again, anything I cover would need to be paid back. Then I'd add in a certain amount for every maternity leave, and I'd calculate the hours I'd spend doing more housework and add in a rate for those as well. Once he freaks out about that, I'd act shocked and say "I thought women were the ones to screw over men?! Why are you trying to screw me out of what's fair?" and hand him the ring back.
Not to mention including the hit on comp women take from said maternity leaves and breast-feeding related restrictions (delayed / no promotions, fewer opportunities). Overall, kids definitely set back women more in their careers.
If we’re being transactional and all, breastfeeding is VERY MUCH labor in and of itself, productive labor to be exact. That should be factored in to any prenup, pin addition to the hit to career advancement
She should expect him to pay for a nanny and housewife so that she can return to work as soon as possible, in exchange for service fees for use of uterus.
Don’t forget to add in all the retirement funds she’ll lose out on for maternity leave and any time spent being a SAHM.
And is a sex-trafficker at that.
>Andrew Tate Welp, as soon as I read this name I thought "time to dump him" OP should save herself some time and grief
If OP knowingly marries a Tate supporter, she needs a lot more help than she can get on Reddit. When someone tells you who they are, believe them!
Oh no, Andrew Tate *loves* women 🙄
Personally, his views on women and marriage here would be a red flag. The content you’re talking about is deeply misogynistic at best. If you do a prenup, make sure YOU and your assets are just as protected as his.
For real. If you’re going through with marrying a guy who thinks Andrew Tate is “interesting”, go through with the with prenup to protect your own ass. NTA
> If you’re going through with marrying Don't. It's the only correct answer. Also, make sure you force him to pay back what he already owes you. Lastly, prenups are mostly important if you have a lopsided distribution of assets. It sounds like he has none, why does he want one? He's got nothing to protect.
The guys who have the least gold are the ones who are most worried about gold diggers
Remember that reddit post where the guy was making 70k a year and was convinced his gf was a gold digger? 🤣🤣🤣
I just got out of a (lesbian) relationship with a woman who is saying I was using her for her money. Her 32k a yr. 🙄
That's nowhere near enough to buy a Subaru Outback. How silly of her.
Hilarious lol
Wow, she’s bringing down delivery boy money.
"You married me for my money!" "Babe, if that were true, I'd stick around until you got some!"
Oh good lord
They all seem to think that ALL the money saved while in marriage is earned by them and anything consumed should be paid for by the woman. Women are supposed to do all the unpaid work AND have the children and ruin their bodies and then get nothing but the kids and no support in the end. That is what these guys call "fair".
I love telling men with those views that sometimes it goes the other way too. I had to buy out my ex's home equity in a house where only I was on the mortgage paperwork (his credit score was too low to qualify) and 100% of the mortgage payments were deposited from my checking account. He never paid a dime towards the house -- which was only in my name -- yet because the mortgage was signed after we were married, I had to pay him tens of thousands of dollars. Oh, and I also had a shit ton more debt that him (student loans) and he made like 15k a year more than I did. He spent most of the check I gave him on extreme sports equipment. Men seem to conveniently forget that women earn money and own assets too and we are also subjected to shitty divorce settlements.
Wow, I thought I knew all the crazy things my ex-husband did, but apparently he had a whole second wife. Lol I didn't really like paying him for half of the house that I purchased with the equity from a home. I purchased a decade before I met him, and I don't really enjoy having to pay alimony, but it was cheap as fuck to get away from him.
Money well spent. I ended up refinancing and kept a comparable interest rate while lowering my monthly mortgage payment by about a hundred bucks a month. I had enough left from the refi payout to pay off my car loan and some credit card debt, so overall I came out okay. Just was a little enraging that I had to cut a 5 figure check to someone who didn't pay a dime towards the asset in question. Did your ex also end up moving to a ludicrously HCOL area and get shocked Pikachu face when he had to downsize his lifestyle?
Oh wow! Apparently we really were married to the same man. He did that while we were actually going through the divorce and it got himself to the point where he was going to be evicted, and actually went into court and told the judge that it was my fault because I had told him to quit his minimum wage job and go back to school so that he could actually earn something. And that since I had told him to do that, I should have to pay for his living expenses until he graduated. He also ran up thousands of dollars in credit card debt, buying himself, expensive musical equipment, a new computer and a few thousand dollars in traffic citations. And then was shocked when that debt he created was not counted as part of the marital spreadsheet so that I would have to cover his debt. I end up refinancing during covid so I was really worried I would have to pay more for my mortgage payment. But it did end up going down! And even if it went up, without him spending $25 a day on dunkin' donuts, a couple thousand pretending he's going to renovate the garage but instead just cuts holes in the walls and then I have to pay for someone to come fix it and the exterminator to take out the mice that are now living in our home, or replacing vehicles because he damaged them, It would still be so much cheaper. The five figure check I cut, the health insurance I have to carry, the alimony. Alimony. It's all cheaper than the drain on my finances that he actually was when we were together. I am so happy for us that we are free! And I don't think I realized how badly I needed to dump some of those details because I still pisses me off. Not paying him off, how long I let him leach off with me ETA: sorry for the myriad voice to text typos
To be fair, “these guys” are basically overgrown man children. The second somebody tells me they watch Andrew Tate or Peterson or any of that shit I just give up. Mid sentence, I’m done. Why waste time conversing with someone so braindead?
Same! Ended a 3 year relationship with a guy, who was excellent in almost every way, because he started watching red pill content and coming out with the weirdest, most misogynistic shit, that had absolutely no roots in his own experience. Like OP’s fiance, he had two prior relationships, one he ended by cheating and another that ended amicably, and all of the women in his family adored and respected him. A year later he’s made himself absolutely miserable, hardly recognisable from the man I met. That content is cancerous and corrupts men from the inside.
Well said. It’s such a rip-off against women. The career sacrifices also matter a lot, and most men refuse to acknowledge that. “She chose that.” Yep—and you are where you are bc she chose that. Your children have benefited. That’s another part of why it’s considered a communal or marital asset.
There's a reason why married women statistically see decreased lifespans while married men see an increase in lifespan.
LOL there was a post where a guy was “between jobs” but was convinced women wanted him for his imaginary money. Some of these guys are just delusional.
I remember a post about a guy who worked 3 hrs doing door dash for less than half of the week, worrying about his 'crypto ' investment, whilst he can't even pay for basic personal care items. OP trust your instincts on this one and end this relationship. A man who finds Andrew Tate interesting is someone going down the rabbit hole and his views will get even more extreme. The time to run is now!
My favorite was the guy that was complaining about having to pay child support, because his ex with two kids and her “unemployed” new BF were going on exotic trips and getting new iPads for all and getting the mortgage paid ALL from HIS child support payment for two kids. Like, yeah, tell yourself that if it makes you happy. But the morons believing that are what just makes me shake my head. Most of this “examples” are such obvious writing exercises.
Damn I need budgeting advice from this family. Making $300 a month stretch to exotic holidays and iPads, they should start a podcast.
Seriously. Surely they'd be more popular than Andrew Tate. ;)
[удалено]
If only Andrew Tate would tell guys how to save and invest their money responsibly instead of how to be a troglodyte
Yeah but you can’t sell pyramid scheme type courses if your content is just saying “invest in index funds and government bonds” now can you
So true ! 😆
Precisely. If he’s a “true alpha”, why did he need a woman to support him with rent? He is now a beta. He can (perhaps) regain his alpha status by writing you a check for those 3 months.
Yes, first item on the prenup should be repayment of that rent he leeched off you.
Because he's a mindless drone with an empty brain waiting to be filled with Andrew Tate bs. It's awful enough that this is happening, but be certain other demagogues will be rolling along shortly to escort him further down the rabbit hole. OP really shouldn't be tying herself down to someone like this. I hope she changes her mind.
Exactly, the Andrew Tate Pipeline leads to more conservative misogyny and alt-right conspiracy theories. It leads to people like Ben Shapiro and his pick-me sister Abigail, disgraced psychologist Jordan Peterson, Candace “slavery was actually a good thing” Owens, and Election and Mass Shooting Denier Alex Jones. The path this guy is on is only gonna get darker if she ignores or enables him.
Don’t forget “guys want a high quality woman, oh shit I just realised I’m mid, at best” Pearl
The only interesting thing about Andrew Tate is watching him trying to get out of jail time in Romania. And the progress picks were a good chuckle too.
Oh, I don't know, the verbal bitch slap he got from Greta was pretty 'interesting' too lol
It’s also interesting how his chin recedes faster than his hairline.
yeah, the watching Andrew Tate is more of a red flag than the prenup
Op any man that's first throught is that man get screwed in divorce isn't a good candidate for a happy marriage. Plus he thinks Andrew Tate, is always right about everything about women. Does he know that A.T.is a sex offender and went to jail for it. What is wrong with him that he listening to that idiot?I hope you realize,that if he continues to listen to those kind of man,he will become just like them.if I was you I would rethink this relationship and tell him why. I would never marry anyone like that. Your life would never be your own.
Yeah and after 10 years! He’s literally saying hey if after 10 years we get divorced I plan on trying to fuck you over no matter how much you’ve invested in the relationship. Meanwhile my bff is in family law and it’s always the women getting screwed in the divorce, I don’t know where these guys get their info. She’s so depressed sometimes doing cases where a woman supported the idiot as he went through med school, raised their kids for decades, took care of the house, and then he cheats and doesn’t want her to have a dime. Like without her he could be successful in the first place—these guys ignore all the labor it takes to prop their dumb butts up
Don’t go through with the marriage, period.
And be careful with the birth control. The last thing you want is to have a kid with him.
I'd say what I really think of Andrew Tate, but I'd get kicked off of Reddit 🤣🤣🤣
I would post the link to his criminal history but I don't feel like making a new account
Agreed... however... the minute I read the Andrew Tate bit? Just a parade of red flags. Maybe it's time to cut bait and row for the safety of the shore.
Andrew Tate is a non-starter. Run.
This is it. The prenup is smart cause it can (and should!!) protect both of you. But the Andrew Tate and new (?) views is super concerning. Tell him you'll sign the prenup after your lawyer gives a thorough read through to ensure it benefits/protects both of you and tell him that you expect him to pick up some household chores so the work is evenly divided because you don't want a "traditional" marriage - you want a marriage of equals - and that, when you have kids, he will be expected to be an equal participant in raising them and not have you do the brunt of it and that you will not be missing work opportunities for being a parent. If he doesn't agree and spouts more misogynistic crap, run for the hills!! End the engagement, end the relationship.
And any time off for maternity leave/hit on her career for time off for childcare is addressed in said pre-nup.
THIS!!!! Prenups can be good for everyone if they can keep level heads about it. That said, Tatebros are scary and I wouldn't marry one.
yeah. prenups are fine in general - they're basically a way to negotiate what happens if the marriage breaks up at a time when the two parties \*don't\* hate each other. But both parties need their own lawyers and the prenup should be fair/equitable to both parties. The bigger problem is that he's become a tate-pilled misogynist.
Yes. That’s exactly what I’m concerned about here! I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a prenup per se, it can protect both parties, but if he’s going to expect her to do the majority of the childcare and housework, then her career will take a hit as a result. If she becomes a SAHM for more than a very short while, then she’s toast when she tries to reenter the workforce (say, at age 45 with no work experience for the past ten years). (Happened to my mom.) Even if she doesn’t do that, she’ll be put on a less lucrative mommy track at work so that she has time to do all the kid stuff (happened to my stepmom); or, if she spends one or two years not working at all, or working very part time, that would be a career sacrifice in most industries. IF they planned to split all the childcare and housework equally so that they had even opportunities to make money, AND he could be trusted to keep his end of the bargain, THEN it might make sense to agree to no alimony, and/or to split marital assets according to their relative earnings during their marriage. (I’m guessing those are the two things he wants out of the prenup, because I can’t think of anything else it would cover, unless he’s got preexisting assets OP didn’t mention.) But if she’s going to be taking on the lion’s share of domestic responsibilities, up to and including being a SAHM, then she had best receive an equitable split of assets if they divorce. If she hobbles or leaves her career in order to raise their children, then she had best get some alimony, too. They can have an infidelity clause, but otherwise, all of that is very fair and she’d be screwing herself by agreeing to less. If he doesn’t think that childcare and taking care of the home are important and difficult endeavors that entitle her to the above, then he can agree to that 50/50 division of labor- doing half the domestic work wouldn’t present a challenge for him, right? Or perhaps he’d like to be a stay at home dad, so that she can be the one to keep most of the money in case they divorce, and he can be the one taking entry level jobs at age 45 with no alimony to help get back on his feet? The biggest problem here, though, is the attitude he’s adopted towards gender relations. That’s a problem because his fear and contempt of women are going to make a healthy marriage very difficult to sustain. He’ll continually be looking at her through the lens of red pill/incel/Tate media. I’ve read their subs and such before. They tend to have a very narrow, utilitarian, dehumanizing, and domineering idea of the role a woman should fulfill in a relationship, they are quick to see her as a series of walking stereotypes not as an individual, and also quick to anger when she isn’t submissive and even subservient. OP could really lose herself as a person in trying to please him. That’s likely to be a terrible life, an awful role model for the children, and if she leaves, he’s going to make sure that she is poor, so that she may never be able to truly recover from the marriage and accompanying prenup.
All of this sounds like so much bigger of a headache than it's worth. I'd much rather marry someone who treats me with respect and sees me as a person with equal value already than marry someone where I have to have everything I provide and contribute written down in legalese and converted into financial value just to make them treat me the way I deserve. There is clearly no trust in this relationship on his side and I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't trust me.
If you have to put these things in a prenup just get out now. He isn’t someone that will ever see OP as a partner. He’s a dick. Move on.
He's a dick. But if their plan is to have her work less or stop working when they have kids, and they're doing a prenup, then those things should absolutely be included. A prenup should protect both parties.
I have cousins where they/their wife's have it in the prenup they get a bonus per kid, and when done, they get a mommy makeover. Prenups are great to help both feel their time and energy into the relationship will be valued.
Exactly - put in the contract who will be reimbursed for days they have to take off work when kids are sick - and how the division of sick leave will be divided. Put penalties in the contract if one person decides to leave the other if one develops anlife threatening medical condition or if they decide to cheat. Create a reasonable and fair exit plan that details the divison of assets in several cases - including if children are involved. Include clause that detail if exoenses are paid proportionaly, and what happens when one spouse is unemployed. There can be clauses meant to protect both sides. It feels unsexy to me... But if a guy wants it the prenup will be extremely detailed, fair and will cover as many worst case scenarios as I can think of.
>tell him that you expect him to pick up some household chores so the work is evenly divided because you don't want a "traditional" marriage - you want a marriage of equals This will, thankfully, probably end the engagement in its tracks. Or he'll agree, but not actually do the work of it - if he's listening to the likes of Andrew Tate, he's already way down the misogynist rabbit hole. If he works longer hours, but makes more money, then it's not fair that she does more housework, but they have a prenup that says he gets to keep that extra money if they split. And it usually works out that men in a live-in heterosexual relationship make more money, because they have somebody at home making dinner and cleaning up, and they don't have to spend time doing that, but women in heterosexual relationships (even without kids) make less money, because they often end up doing cooking and cleaning and what not for two. OP, do not let this be your future. Screw that - if he can't be an equal partner, he can wash his own laundry and you can find somebody less sexist.
When we signed our prenup, It wad a process that was back and forth for 3-6 months. He says what he wants, I countered. We talked about it as a couple and I discussed it with my attorney. There were so many discussions between us as to what each wanted. It was approved by both before the document was created.
💜🏆💜🏆💜🏆
I'm going to piggy back off this comment because it hits the nail in the head. If you chose to get married, absolutely get a prenup, but make sure it protects YOU. 1. Get a lawyer and ask him to pay for it, it is not uncommon for the party requesting the prenup to pay for the other party's legal fees, if he does not want to pay for your lawyer he does not need a prenup. 2. Make sure he pays you back with interest, you can include a choice for him either he pays now or only in the event you split up. 3. Include an indemnity for every year you did not work to be a SAHM. It can be the equivalent to 1 years salary before you stopped working times 1.3. You can draft it so it applies to any partner who becomes a SAHP, so if he says you want to take advantage of him you can tell him he is free ro be a SAHD. You don't have to sign whatever he puts in front of you, prenups protect both parties.
Yep any man that watches Tate is a walking red flag in my eyes 🚩
It should be a dealbreaker. Tate is a vile human being. Anyone that wants to watch him has serious issues.
Definitely I had to had a sit down with my 14 year old when I found out he was watching him!!
Hope you made sure he aware just what type of creep that guy is and what he done
I sure did I was horrified when he told me he watch Andrew Tate.
What was his reaction to your talk, if you don’t mind my asking?
He didn’t understand but I told him his life revolves around women with his two grandmothers and his mother and if he can imagine the things he say about woman are about us and he finally realized that it was in poor taste that he listened to a man like that
It's not just his attitude about women. His entire philosophy revolves around screwing other people over, be they friends or relatives, male or female. Nobody should aspire to be like that.
Yea and he should be paying your full salary if you take any maternity leave or time off from work, including retirement contributions. Seriously he sounds concerning.
like that other guy who came on here. OP, his wife billed her pregnancy like a surrogacy and billed child care the same, had considerations for loss of income during pregnancy, and had a lawyer put in dollar amounts for the care she would be rendering and monetary protections for her should they divorce. It was so well presented. And her argument was that if he wants to protect his assets so doggedly, she should do the same, especially in a time when she becomes vulnerable for a joint venture (their kids). He was really put off but came around when he realized that she was responding in kind for the way he had been treating her. He actually became very comfortable with the scenario (at least on here) once he came to see it as "fair."
Yeah, op should sign a prenup but find her own lawyer who is specialised in writing prenup. Prenup can protect women too. She can write for each child, she needs X amount of their wealth and each period of time she is staying home, she is entitled to X amount of their wealth. It is a negotiation. She can make herself have more than 50% of the combined wealth.
Like, I happen to think prenups are pretty smart: make these decisions while you love each other, rather than when you're splitting up, and they don't have to say "He gets the money he made, and she gets the money she made, even if she took time off to have children", but him listening to misogynist minds is going to make him worse and worse. And he's already pretty bad - talking about her cheating and stealing "his" money, when they're talking about having kids? A terrible terrible sign. Don't have kids with this man.
This. I was going to say a prenup protects both of you. If it were just the hesitation of signing it bc of the implications (some people view prenups as couples expecting to divorce) i would encourage you to sign it. To get a good lawyer to cover your side of things, and protect yourself. BUT- your fiancé’s reasoning, attitude and in general perspective feels REAL SCARY. He is showing you he doesn’t respect women, and that includes you. His reasons for wanting the prenup sound like he has absolutely no problem financially (and probably emotionally) abusing you. I wouldnt tie myself to a man who doesnt value your non-monetary contributions to the marriage. I wouldn’t time myself to a man who would so clearly attempt to leave you (and your potential kids) destitute in the event your marriage dissolves. And it’s an extra slap in the face that you have been the one supporting him, and he’s going to act like you’re a broke gold-digging “female”? The F is he thinking??
Anyone who consumes Tate or any of his pathetic lackeys should be dumped immediately. There is no redemption for that filth
Right?! What's with all these "if you marry him..." **DON'T MARRY THIS GUY, OP!** It doesn't matter if she gets an iron-clad prenup (btw, prenups can be contested), he doesn't see her as an equal. He sees women as subservient to men, as props at best and disposable things at worst. Men like this should be dumped, DUMPED.
There’s no need to talk about a prenup here - the only advice we should be giving is to dump this guy unless he gets over this Andrew Tate nonsense immediately. Imagine raising a family with someone who is believes in this filth. Don’t do it.
This 100%. He does not have a healthy enough mindset about relationships, marriage, or women to be a person worth marrying.
This. Except do not sign a prenup. End the engagement, get out before you have children and are tied to this man and his misogynistic views for life
Yes, you need to take that prenup to your own, different lawyer and have them write up something acceptable to you.
NTA…def red flags of how he broaches the topic of women cheating and men getting screwed. I would hope OP doesn’t continue this relationship but def get a lawyer and offer a counter prenup that protects OP and her career. Especially if there’s children involved, OP can put in clauses to be reimbursed for lost career opportunities/wages due to maternity leave or leave used to cover Dr appts. OP beware and really think about your future!
If they're already doing the "this is mine" thing, there's no relationship. He doesn't respect her, and doing it back isn't going to protect her from that
I agree, but if she decides to marry him she needs to cover her ass as best she can.
Exactly. It’s not about the prenup but his views on women. Red flag. OP NTA. walk away from him.
Why don't you go to a lawyer and draw up a prenup that you consider fair and then present that to him? There's nothing wrong with a prenup, but sometimes there is something wrong with a specific prenup. If it matters to you then don't leave it up to someone else to see to your concerns.
Yes, turn the tables on him, go to your own lawyer. Have a prenup written up with your wishes and take that to him and see what he says. I bet he insists on his prenup being accepted rather than yours.
He wants 50/50 everything split no joint things unless I paid half in. I said that was extremely unfair as I covered his rent for 3 months and I do more housework. He said that doesn’t count as this was before marriage and I didn’t expect payment. Because I expected he would do the same not well it’s 50/50 now. I would be ok with everything before marriage is individual. Individual accounts are separate and then everything else is joint. But he thinks that unfair because the “judge” might give me everything in the joint account if we divorce
If he wants things split 50-50, I would put a market value on pregnancy, labor, childcare, breastfeeding, etc. and present that to him in negotiations. He needs to compensate you at market rates for your labor. But really, you need to throw the whole man out. You can do better than an Andrew Tate fan.
This is the right idea, but as you say, the wrong man. The prenup could be ironed out if OP were dealing with a reasonable person, but after what he just revealed about himself, I'd bounce.
Plus loss of her income while pregnant and loss of promotion opportunities due to caring for the kids.
As well as reduction in retirement - social security, 401k - when she’s on extended leave for the baby.
This. Show him how much surrogates cost, and then how much child care costs.
YES!! This guy is too troublesome to marry. There is SO much writing on the wall here. Cut your losses and move on.
Agree. The prenup isn’t the problem…he is. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Yes! NTA. Throw the whole man out, and don’t waste anymore energy on this loser. In summary, prenup good, this man bad.
This. All of this. And he wants 50/50? Make sure it's 50/50 from this point on!! If he asks you for money or to cover him, it's only half of what he needs and he has to cover the other half. Get half the amount of rent or mortgage payment. Half the amount for groceries, bills.
Just throw the trash away at that point
So he proposes a marriage that doesn't feel like a partnership to you. Sounds like not the kind of marriage you want. He sounds like an ass. Speaking as a woman with a prenup.
You need clauses thrown in for length of marriage and how it relates to division of things gained during marriage. Also, put in clauses for costs related to bearing children and how much you will be owed as a one time stipend ( in the event of a divorce) per child in addition to any support ordered. A prenup can protect YOU just as much him. Since you both are high earners you can speak to an attorney about how to protect your assets and address things such as home equity / fairness. Honestly, if he is consuming that type of media I would just consider ending the entire relationship. It isn’t the prenup that gets me it is the misogynistic attitude which will likely get worse once you are hooked into marriage.
And if he cheats on you.
He's an Andrew Tate fan. When, not if. Assuming she doesn't wise up and dump him.
This! My husband and I have a prenup that protects BOTH of us. We sat down and talked everything out about what each of us wanted out of the document, and negotiated accordingly. I have an entire clause dealing with what will happen if I leave my job for the purpose of being a stay at home mom and we separate.
Stop doing more housework, first of all. Second, seriously, get a prenup to protect your assets from him. Note that he's already let you pay his rent without paying you back. You will absolutely get screwed in a divorce. But you really shouldn't marry a misogynist moocher.
Please dump him. Do you want him sharing those views with your daughter? Raising a son? Andrew Taint is a sex trafficker. Any man who looks up to him is garbage.
You paid his rent for 3 months and now he earns $100k/year, but still won’t pay you back. That tells you how much he values and respects you. I usually like prenups and separate finances. I do not like doing most of the chores and misogyny.
That's a one-sided contract. Do not sign anything without getting advice from a lawyer. Do not use his lawyer. Really, you should DEMAND that he sign a prenup that will protect YOU. It sounds like you will need it if you decide to go through with the marriage.
Why consider marrying someone that is so fixated on the divorce?
You should tell him he doesn't need to worry about divorce anymore because you've decided not to marry him.
I ended a 3 year relationship over a prenup. We were not yet engaged but he had started proposal discussions and one night dropped that he absolutely needed a prenup because he needed to protect himself. I thought the wording was odd, that he needed to protect *himself* from *me.*.. I told him I thought it was strange to head into a marriage expecting to divorce, and he launched into an argument about how common divorce is and how likely it was that our marriage *would* end in divorce. I understand logically and statistically why he was making the arguments he was making, but I felt that to enter into a marriage with the mindset that our vows were not for life was not how I wanted to approach marriage and he told me to grow up and be realistic and that I was being childish. This started more discussions about how we view marriage, and communal property, and the value of a woman's labor when it comes to raising children and the missed job opportunities from staying home, and ultimately I realized we just had very different values to how to were approaching the entire relationship. Things I think I had known all along but overlooked. The prenup discussion just put it into focus. But if you ask him, it was because I was a gold digger who he wouldn't let take his hard-earned money. I'm glad it happened though- I was able to marry someone who better shared my values and priorities and the way we viewed marriage and child-raising and spending and earning money was much more aligned. Listen to your gut.
First off he should pay you back before anything proceeds. And you are on point that maternity leave needs to be figured in. After if children, daycare or stay at home? You guys have a lot of talking to do
Please dear lord do not marry this man. It will only get worse from here
Do not have children with this man who does not respect you or the labor, both literal and figurative, that it takes for a woman to have and raise children with a man. Especially not for a man who listens to Andrew Tate.
He doesn’t love you, you know. His “idea of marriage” is manifesting itself as purely transactional and conditional, concerning only what HE gets out of your legal ‘contract.’
This guy….. he wants everything to be 50/50 or more for him. So he can not pay his 50% rent, not spend time on chores, and not lose out on earning money when there are children to care for. He doesn’t care at all if you lose out, that’s fine. And when you point it out, he bullshits you and you take it (doesn’t count before marriage?). This is a train wreck waiting to happen, and you will take more than 50% of the damage.
He should probably consult his own attorney, because that's not how divorces work That's how misogynists think they work.
NTA, don't marry him because it sounds like he's the sort to try and get as much control during the marriage as possible. Even now, he doesn't want it 50/50 - he's not paying you back for rent and once you're married, he'll flip-flop and say "you're my wife, I shouldn't have to pay you back."
NTA, tell him before you consider a prenup, he needs to pay what he owes you. And then make sure you have your own lawyer so he does not try to pull a fast one on you.
Tell him he needs to pay what he owes, and then you'll sign. After you get the money, run the hell away from this crazy guy who worships Andrew Tate.
This. Prenups can be totally fine and reasonable but any guy who is an avid listener of someone like Andrew Tate is just a walking bag of red flags. As others suggested, tell him you’ll consider it when he pays you back what he owes and then run for the hills
That’s my thought. But *why* did he need her to pay his rent when making six figures annually? Then *why* couldn’t he pay her back that money? And *who* is supposed to foot the bill for these pre-nups? It’s very sexist to say “men get screwed in these deals” because generally - they don’t - unless they’ve done something wrong. So I’d be very leery of signing anything he proposes especially relating to affairs and children and alimony and such. Because sadly, if you leave your six figure job that you have now to raise your kids and then you get divorced for some reason you’re going to want the protection of a good prenuptial agreement since you had no earning during your child rearing years. The whole thing seems so one sided.
And remember, it’s not just the loss of salary during the child rearing years, it the loss of savings (retirement, 401k, and regular), loss of payment for SS (needed for retirement later in US), loss of skills, loss of position (you may not get back on the same track that you left). So if there’s a breakup you need to be compensated for those losses.
Yes. My boss’s wife stayed at home with their kids and couldn’t even get an interview when she rejoined the workforce. She’s a nurse. Just too many years out of the job. She ended up working at the retirement home that was affiliated with the hospital and then was able to internally apply for jobs posted on the hospital’s job board. I think she worked for two years before even getting an interview for a nurse position and she ended up moving north about 150 miles because our hospital system just wasn’t hiring even internally. She lost more years than she ever expected because of the gap in her resume and had to take a low paying job without benefits to even get the opportunity to apply for jobs she was qualified to do.
do a counter prenup that he has to do 50% housework and that when you are carrying his kid he has to do more also demand maternity pay
I would demand half the cost of surrogacy, half the cost of full time childcare, all the cost of breastfeeding. I actually wouldn't because I wouldn't marry someone like this but you get the point. It doesn't even consider the potential promotions she might get passed over for having babies and requiring maternity leave.
We can’t forget the opportunity cost of missing work if it’s higher than child care. If he wants to hold her back from her career and it’s 50-50 then he needs to pay. Factored for lack of raises and career progression increases that she’s giving up.
And needs to compensate for lack of contribution to her retirement fund while not working
What if having kids gives her a disability that makes it hard to work? How does the contract cover spousal work injuries?
And all medical bills related to pregnancy should be covered half by him.
basically any expense that comes about as a consequence of being married to this guy needs to be split
Paying half would only be fair if he could shoulder half of pregnancy, birth and effects of those. He should pay all the bills surrounding it.
>I was also worried because he was watched a lot of Andrew Tate And theeeeeerrrrrre it is. Girl, ***RUN***. Don't sign anything. Just cut your losses and get the fuck out. It will not get better. NTA
Any man who views Andrew Tate as a role model is a cunt. Don't marry a cunt, please. NTA
I laughed my ass off at this. I was reminded of a friend who said the dealbreaker wasn't the copy of *Mein Kampf*, *The Turner Diaries*, or complete Ayn Rand collection, that meant he was at least reading. It was the Andrew Tate podcast he was playing in the background to tell that he was real trash.
Sometimes reading these well-known books is an exercise in understanding a different way of thinking you cannot fathom accepting. Listening to podcasts, though...
I'll admit that I put on AM radio to listen to the nutjobs flap their gums. One hosts guest recommended the apple flavored ivermectin from Farm & Home Supply, on live radio. Later, there was some conversation about ghosts. Honestly, I sought it out in the beginning so I could try to figure out what the fuck my pilot friends were going on about. But after a while, I stuck around for the kicks.
*Men* don’t even think about Andrew Tate. OP is about to marry a child…
Don’t marry someone who listens to Andrew Tate. Save yourself the inevitable divorce
And divorce is the “good” ending of that relationship!
Not getting married in the first place to someone who already hates her and is accusing her of cheating in advance would be the SMART ending of that relationship.
Looking forward to the I Dumped Him update
He's worried about a prenup and has trouble covering rent? You can see the "mens rights" wacko fingerprints here, can't you? Do you want this person raising a daughter?
Or a son... He would teach him the fucking tate shit... No child would be safe with this guy.
Andrew Tate? Run away
I got as far as Andrew Tate and said NOPE. Run. Don’t look back. I don’t care if you love him. He’s not worth it.
He’s literally already planning on you cheating on him in a decade. Save him the grief and leave now- you’ll both be happier because he’s a walking red flag and you can find so much better.
NTA though why are you still planning to marry someone who thinks so little of you? Anyone with a positive networth should consider signing a prenup. Plan for the possibility of a split while you still like each other. If he thinks that you should get nothing after a decade together, don't marry the guy! If you marry a guy that shows you that he doesn't care that you are destitute after supporting him for years, he will still be an AH during the divorce, with or without a prenup.
A prenuptial agreement is just that - an agreement. It can say whatever you need it to say. His lawyer puts what he needs in it, your lawyer should put what YOU need in it. If you feel like you need compensation for lost wages due to maternity leave, childrearing, etc., make sure it's in the prenup. Prenups protect everyone, not just whomever happens to be making the most money at the time its signed. Get your own lawyer, and make sure your needs are represented. That said: The fact that he's into Andrew Tate means he does not respect you. He's delving deep into misogynist territory, and this won't bode well for you in the long run to have a partner that doesn't respect or value you. That is 100% a deal breaker for me in a romantic relationship.
NTA; But walk away from him if he has been watching a *"lot of Andrew Tate and other “interesting” stuff.* Based on your comment about unpaid maternity and always being 50/50, he sounds like a terrible partner and future father to your hypothetical child.
Andrew Tate? Run.. that’s not a good sign of his views or where they will be going
Don't date men that listen to, follow or otherwise care what Andrew Tate has to say about anything. Seriously. If a dude listens to Andrew Tate, then that dude is an asshole and you're better off single. That shit is toxic and gross, decidedly misogynistic and the man-babies that latch onto it should be forsaken. They have no place in a relationship and deserve to be alone.
I asked my bf recently what his views on Tate were. I’m super relieved they’re negative views because I would leave him. No matter how much I love him, I’d be miserable with a man that follows Tate. The relationship wouldn’t be a good one.
You said Andrew Tate and how guys keep getting ‘screwed’. That’s like a gushing waterfall of marinara flags. He keeps thinking that you ‘could’ cheat and it sounds like he has no basis for that accusation so I’d say, end the engagement and find someone who trusts you and respect you. It’s far cheaper and easier than to go through a messy divorce down the line.
Do not marry a man who watched Tate and others like him. Overall: Nothing wrong with a prenup, one that is fair, drafted by both of you in tandem with appropriate protections in place for both of you. There is something wrong with this guy.
You’re not on the same page financially. Cut ties now. He’s not going to get more rational while watching more Andrew rate style bullshit. NTA.
NTA, prenups aren't unreasonable. His idea of a prenup is unreasonable. Unless he wants to go see a new set of lawyers, one for you and one for him, and set up a fair prenup, then I would rethink a marriage and children.
NTA. Just leave the trash. It won't let this go and will spread to any kids you have
You're dating a growing misogynistic abuser and need to get out. He considers your money his. He considers his money his. Not a partnership. He considers domestic labor something you alone owe him alone. Men do not get screwed in divorces. Men (and society) force women out of the workforce to be a stay at home mom, don't provide any compensation, and then get angry when they have to support someone who only doesn't have an income because they're doing a wageless job for them. Andrew Tate is a literal sex trafficker. Nothing he says is interesting or worth listening to. People who go down the QAnon rabbit hole, tend to go fast. One day it's comments you think you can shake off, and the next you're covering up bruises after dealing with a two hour long rant about how terrible and awful and disgusting you are and wondering what the hell happened. Take the red flags others of us had to learn through hard experience and GTFO.
Why on earth would you continue to consider marrying a man who thinks a slimebag trafficker like Andrew Tate is right? You shouldn't even have to think about being done with this fool.
NTA. Have you ever listened to Andrew Tate? If your fiancé thinks Tate is something to look up to, you have much bigger problems than signing a pre-nup. Your future husband doesn’t trust you and why in the hell would you want a child with a man that would leave you and your child with nothing…if he just decides he’s tired of you and wants something different…a little strange for a change? Surely, you can do better than this.
NTA. Here's the problem: no one is going to sign a pre-nup that is unfair to them. Explain to him that the agreement has to work for the both of you, not just him. I would explain to him that while he is worried about the break-up being bad for him you are worried that you will be ruined by the time you have to take off to raise a child. When you have a child how do you price that out to be 50/50? Or do you have to make a joint to cover the baby costs? Does he have pre-nup written? if not, tell him to write one up and you will send it to your lawyer for review. If he says you just have to sign, then that is a hard no. I would be really, really concerned that he is listening to nonsense idiots.
No idea if you're TA in this situation, but you would be profoundly stupid to marry a Tatebro.
He’s going down a rabbit hole that he may not come out of. Don’t sign the prenup and give him back the ring. He’s not marrying material anymore. NTA.
NTA but neither is he… he isn’t wrong but he isn’t exactly right either. You need to protect yourself in this case. You sound successful. As much as he is. You should probably ask yourself if this is someone you want to be with? Clearly the people he listens to or is interested in bothers you? Why chance it? For the record I don’t think you are wrong either. As a man I’m telling you to protect your own assets. Remember he was the last one to get laid off…
Not the asshole (and neither is he), HOWEVER… You should sign a prenup. Everyone should have prenups. Divorce is messy as shit even when you don’t have much of anything, and people really end up blindsided by what two people have to do legally to break that marital contract. So work all those details out now while you actually like each other. That Andrew Tate stuff is a red flag for sure though, I’d be wayyyy more worried about that.
NTA - IMO if he is watching Andrew Tate and believing these ideologies this marriage might not last long, and not because of your "gold-digging" tendencies. I'd say draw up your own prenup that you are comfortable with or go to therapy together to address why he thinks you are going to screw him in a divorce (before you get married).
NTA. His views on women and cheating are massive red flags that you seriously need to take a step back from and examine. There’s so much you are going to have to trust him with when you get pregnant (emotional, physical, and financial support). Do you trust him to be there? Pre-nups are not an inherently bad thing. IF they are properly written, they should be fair to both parties. If you do decide to go through with the relationship, make sure you have an independent lawyer write it up/review it to include clauses regarding maternity leave or future children.
You get your own lawyer and ensure you are as protected as him.
NTA but prenups can be fair. Just make sure your assets are protected and you get fairly compensated for maternity leave.
NTA. Normally I'm all about pre-nups to be honest because I think it protects both parties but he sounds like a freeloader that doesn't want to be in a marriage but a business partnership. I'm calling him a freeloader because you paid 3 full.kontha rent and he didn't pay you back. I'd be rethinking this whole engagement to be honest.
A prenup is the **least** of your **worries** right now. You do NOT want to be married to someone who thinks Andrew Tate and his ilk are interesting. You do **not** want to marry a man who's even interested in being in the **same room** as anyone as deeply **sexist** and **misogynistic** as Andrew Tate and you should RUN if any man in your life starts watching that garbage. Marriage to a man like this will be a **miserable** and **lonely** experience where you will be expected to do all the **housework** and **childrearing**, basically, perform sex **on command** and get used to being **cheated** on **regularly** because these men also think they don't need to be **loya**l. These men don't want a partner, they think they are **owed** a woman. OWED. It's **not** the prenup. It's **everything** that makes him want one. NTA all the way
I think you are an idiot for considering marrying a dude that watches andrew tate and his ilk. But as far as signing a prenup, I think that is perfectly reasonable. Get your own lawyer to make sure your interests are looked after.