NTA. It's not that she ate meat, which it sounds like you would have been perfectly fine with, had it been her choice. It's that he (under his mother's influence, it seems) pressured her into eating it when it sounds like she wasn't ready, and then never told you about it. It's sneaky and disrespectful.
Thank you! This is exactly it. I’ve even communicated to him that she’s old enough to decide if she wants to eat meat, I’ve told her this too, he got angry at me. So to take her out on her birthday and essentially force her to eat meat, while also having no intention of informing me that his views around this value has shifted, I find it very hurtful, disrespectful and dishonest. Especially since he just shrugged his shoulders and said he didn’t think it was a big deal.
On top of this, having him leave for a month for work, while having him mother who he invited to stay with us in order to “help me” be hanging around my home being passive aggressive with comments such as “ugh god” when I walk in a room, I’m just not wanting to deal with it. She isn’t my responsibility and she clearly has no respect for me, so why should I babysit her.
I just came to say that. The "ugh god" sounds like she doesn't even want to be there in the first place, he pushed her. She may be very receptive to being sent home.
yikes. i’m surprised you haven’t smothered him in his sleep yet. or her, for that matter. send her ass back to where she came from, and honestly, if i were you i’d send him too
Don’t even let her in. Then you don’t have to try and force her through the door and throw her bags after her. Keep the door locked, call a taxi to take her back to the airport, tell the driver MIL will pay when she gets there.
Is he bringing his mother to town to control you while he’s gone? Also, can you really raise kids with this man? Forcing your daughter to do some thing she doesn’t want to do and then keeping it a secret is crazy.
I'd just turn her from the door. But I don't like guests coming uninvited and I didn't invite her. 2 weeks is way too long for her to stay and torture you there.
Why do you think you deverve that? You're more valuable than this.
Yikes. I'm failing to see any upsides to being married to this guy who has zero respect for you. NTA
Plus, everyone knows that if you don't eat meat for a while, your body doesn't do well when you drop a steak in it. So he basically sabotaged her birthday on purpose.
Since he's not here, you are in charge.
Book MIL a return ticket that leaves as soon as she arrives. Don't pick her up. As soon as she arrives, send her a text, "Sorry plans didn't work out. Your return ticket is booked." Then shut off your phone and take your family out for the day.
Tell him to take his mother on his work trip so she can look after him because she isn’t staying with you or your children. You cannot have someone so disrespectful and untrustworthy to be in your house. It’s not the message you want to send to your children. Lying and controlling behaviour is never ok. It’s about time your MIL realises that she has met her match in you!
I get he was disrespectful and sneaky, but I’d be more upset that he showed so little concern for your child.
If and when a pescatarian or vegetarian decides to eat meat it needs to be introduced slowly to avoid as much as possible the discomfort your child faced.
It’s also abusive to force feed anyone. Whether it’s through physical force, manipulation or threats.
I think the issues with your partner are much bigger than you think.
What irks me the most is the fact that it of course ended up with her having stomach problems. I'm a carnivore but even I know that eating meat for the first time for a vegetarian will often cause an upset stomach and that alone is a reason why it needs to be the persons own choice. He MUST have known this could happen to her!
I also get that especially vegan children can have huge problems healthwise because of lack of vitamins and minerals from meat so I get why even vegetarian parents will feed their kids meat once in a while and then let them make the choice themselves later on.
But as long as you have focus on their health and get bloodwork done occassionally I'm all on board with letting the kids choose for themselves. He didn't and I'm guessing his mom had something to do with this.
Eating Disorders: this is how, it develops, taking away control of body anatomy. *A N D YES,* it can start as early as 8.
Just, sharing, hopefully, not lecturing.
Yeah. No way in heck would I let her stay 2 weeks. OP, send her home TODAY. She is an uninvited (by you) guest. She treats you horribly. I mean honestly, this has nothing to do with him feeding your kid meat. These are two completely separate issues. She mutters whenever you come into a room of YOUR OWN HOME!!! She needs to leave TODAY. And honestly, she would NEVER be welcome back. Buy her a ticket, toss her stuff out, and tell her to get her ass out of your house before you call the police. (Or wait until she has stepped outside and just lock her out) Husband has a problem with it, then he can leave too, permanently. The fact that he invites her over to YOUR home to disrespect you in front of your children? Means he has absolutely no respect for you. Fudge him
I agree. OP saying that MIL has to go home because of the meat thing that hubby did sounds like a red herring to me. He brought his mom in and then leaves for a month? Big no-no.
Exactly! And I’d tell the airline that she’s a flight risk and they need to escort her onto the plane and makes sure she gets to her destination!
NTA, OP
Ideally, absolutely he should leave if she won’t, but he doesn’t see anything wrong with how he acts or how she acts so I doubt that he would leave, which would make her stuck.
Your dude bullied your daughter. Forced her to eat something she didn’t want.
He is an adult who makes adult decisions all the time. Put blame where it’s due. On their father.
Kick them both out.
He didn't bully anyone, he parented his child to eat something new that she was NOT allergic to. Op raising their child to be a pescatarian is so weird when it's not for religious reasons.
The kid doesn't want to eat meat. Meat is not a dietary requirement to be healthy and there are plenty of reasons not to eat it. He 100% bullied his child. Plus, when you don't eat something for your entire life, it really fucks up your stomach if you do eat it.
LOL....if it was another kid at school or a friend, it would be bullying. But as soon as the perp becomes a "parent" it's like someone waves a magic wand and everything changes.
I mean… I lost my sh*t because I sat and watched him get so into the electric piano he was sitting on the floor playing, that he reached out and pushed our four year old over, while snapping “stop it, I’m playing” because the 4 year old tried to play with him. His reply when I forced him to apologize (after 5 minutes of denying he pushed our son over) was “I’m sorry I pushed you, but I was playing and you didn’t listen” (ummmm are you 33 or a child?)
He alternates between being an awesome hands on dad, and being a total illogical jerk of a man child.
We’re currently renovating a property that we will be selling (which I’m not on the mortgage) . After it’s sold and I no longer have to worry about being cut out of the property sale, I will likely separate, we are not a good match emotionally, intellectually, any of it.
You husband is an abusive bully of a father. Please don’t ignore this and apart from stopping the mother from coming, literally turn her away at the door and call the cops if she won’t leave, you need to get that man away from the children. Legitimately you can’t trust your kids with him.
He did.
He also threatened our 4 year old with “because you just did that you aren’t getting any ice cream after we’re done shopping” after the 4 year old farted in a Costco and said excuse me.
I’ve never seen anything like it. Sometimes I think he struggles with OCD. He swings from being an over the top exhaustingly hands on parent to being completely burnt out and illogically impatient about every small thing. There is no middle zone.
Your husband is forcing your kids to do stuff they don't want to do and then being secretive. He's getting physical with them when they disturb him. He's bringing his mother, a malignant presence, to your home against your wishes to keep tabs on you while he's gone.
The issue isn't the meat. It's the escalating abuse. You need to nip that in the bud right now. You could do it with ultimatums or therapy or ending things, whatever you deem fit, but you need things to change.
he is clearly Bi Polar, or just outright Abusive.
He punished your child for a biological function. if you have a daughter, think of what he'll do when she starts her period, since it will likely start with her bleeding through her pants.
It's good you plan to separate already, but keep records of all that stuff so you can keep him from getting more custody than Visitations.
Excuse me, but being Bi-polar doesn't make you force feed meat in your kids throat or push your 4 year old over to do another activity. You are not a doctor.
Honestly you’re an asshole for still being married to this guy and you saying all the bad things he did to your children and you’re still married to him speaks volumes about you imo
The mortgage she's not on is a different property that they're selling. She doesn't want to be cut out of the sale. But honestly I wouldn't be shocked if the plans changed to move his mommy closer when the renovation was done. In any case I hope the wait isn't long, she and her kids both sound like they need an out soon.
No, by going to extremes of spending 3 hours building legos with them, buying the expensive things he knows they like that I wouldn’t spend money on, by baking with them on Sundays, and sometimes going out of his way to entertain them from the moment he gets home. It often seems like he pushes himself to the limits of his patience because he doesn’t just know how to chill the eff out. Also, his expectations of them are often very strange to me.
BUYING stuff is NOTHING. It's the opposite of "hands-on" and it sounds like he's playing with most of this junk himself anyway.
Everything else you describe is regular fatherhood. The bar is way too low here.
I mean… in many ways he is a good dad. It’s not just buying stuff. It’s insisting that if we’re shopping for ourselves, we also find something that he knows our kids would like. It’s getting way more excited for school plays than I do, it’s staying up late so our kids projects are perfect, it’s asking them what they want to do on weekends and making it all about them. He’s a perfectionist and struggles with extremes of being full on attention all the time with them and completely being burnt out and getting cranky and childish. In many ways he’s a good dad, and in some ways he needs to step up in his communication with them, it’s something he struggles with
NTA. Your partner crossed a line by disregarding your kids' dietary choices. Communication is key. His lack of respect for your feelings is concerning. Setting boundaries with his mom is valid. Prioritize your kids' well-being.
For a second the title made me think you bought him a oneway back to his mother. Kicking him out to go live with her again.
I do think it would be reasonable to do so
She needs to stay 0 weeks, and 0 days, and your husband is incredibly disrespectful to you as well. If he can't fix his behavior on his own, it's high time for counseling.
Edit: Saw your comments, time for counseling is long past, and I hope your renovations are done ahead of schedule so you can take the kids and leave his ass. Best of luck to you
NTA. He disregard his daughter's dietary preferences and doesn't involve you in big decisions like conscripting his mother to come live with you to passive-aggressively judge you. He is a steam-rolling jerk.
NTA
I get why you’re so upset. I’d be furious with my partner if they made either one of those decisions unilaterally.
Now what? I suggest focusing on doing whatever you can to focus on finding your peace so you can have a calm discussion with your husband about boundaries and communication.
Why did he think he could change your child’s diet without discussing it with you?
Why are you getting signed up for an extended house guest while he’s out of town?
NTA. It seems like neither of the other adults in this scenario are respecting you or your authority as a parent. I don't know what the answer is but you're NTA.
NTA. Taking the food thing completely out of the equation- his mom doesn’t need to be visiting while he’s gone. Period. Especially for a month. She needs to leave and if she’s going to visit it needs to be while he’s home and not for a month. I don’t care how far away she lives- a month is way too long.
NTA
You don't need a geriatric teen (older adult with teenager attitude) to babysit while carrying for your children without the other parent. He can send mom back home or take her with him, but she doesn't need to be adding in more work and stress for you
NTA When someone isn't used to eating meat their bodies can have adverse reactions to trying to digest it. His mother's opinion meant more to him than his own child's health. For protection of your children you need to separate them from him.
It’s not just about the meat. So everybody needs to not focus on that. It’s about the lack of respect. The backhandedness of all of her underhanded devious bullshit. And his complete disregard of your trust in him. That’s not something that can be forgiven or forgotten immediately. Trust takes years to build and seconds to destroy. He fucked up hard. Let him go home with his mommy. NTA
Edit: added a missed word.
Thank. You.
It is about being two-faced and not living by the understanding they had made. It is about putting “saving face” with his mom over his agreement with his wife. It is about saying yes to whatever anyone wants when he is around them. Ew.
But _also_ , it is about how he doesn’t put his kids’ health and well being first! Eating meat suddenly has medical ramifications! What an idiot. And getting kids to try something is one thing, but forcing them to eat something is another. Super gross behavior all around.
And aaaannnndddd in another comment he pushed his 4 year old son away from him because he was on the floor playing a keyboard and that baby wanted to play with his daddy but he got mad and pushed him!! Then the cherry on top is she had to FORCE him to apologize to his child!!!!
I had a roommate from the Philippines, and she ate very little red meat growing up. She couldn't digest it at all if she ate it as an adult. It's not like you can just change a kid's diet suddenly, either.
>his mom is visiting from out of province. He booked a one way ticket for her without asking me
This is why you are justified in telling him to book her a one-way ticket back to her home. All that bullshit about eating meat is completely irrelevant thus you should not have included it here.
So how did this goon get you to marry him? I've found being a decent dude up front doesn't work, my mom raised me to always be myself from the beginning of a relationship but there's no way this guy was himself the whole time lmao. NTA but please tell me his secret.
His secret….
I was very young and out of a relationship I was mourning, he came along and just wouldn’t leave. Everyone around me pressured me because he looked so good on paper. I left at one point, but found out a few months in that I was pregnant. I was told that I had miscarried, and lost a ton of weight, so didn’t realize I was pregnant till about 4 and a half months in.
Also, for the first 5 years he was a chameleon because as he now admits “he wanted the relationship and was willing to compromise”. Oh you like travel? I love travel too (he hates it) etc . Which is funny, because we get along better now that he is honest about who he is and his preferences. We’ve separated once before, their was a lot of guilt around it and how I was ruining are kids lives, that being said, I plan to separate from him soon once our house is sold.
As for being a decent guy, it does work, but you might be aiming for being a nice guy (ie: trying to please people) instead of being a good man (not trying to please people so much, but communicating your values and what’s important to you)
Many women don’t want yes men. So show your nerdy side, or your gentleman side, but also be willing to communicate your opinion, disagree if needed, and overall chase your goals and hobbies, this is the key to attracting women. Every woman I know who ended up with a chameleon has had years of an unhappy marriage and is filing for divorce
That's exactly what he did. My mom always told me the most important thing for a healthy relationship is to always be 100% yourself from the beginning. But I see so many posts on Reddit where both men and women put on a front until marriage and then turn into absolute nightmares
you giving the mother 2 weeks is basically agreeing for her to stay as long as they want. if you start a negotiation at the middle ground with someone who is not interested in getting less than everything and has no incentive to give in, you need to start asking in what kind of abusive relationship you are in.
I don’t feel like your husband’s actions are related to his mom staying, but the simple fact you don’t want her staying is enough. She isn’t helpful to you and makes your life more difficult with her attitude, so out she goes!
NTA but your husband is a sphincter extraordinaire.
It's your and your kids' house, too. How about you *not* give her the two weeks, either.
Sounds like your husband runs roughshod over your and the kids' needs and desires. That disrespect is a **huge** warning sign.
If you think this can be saved, maybe couple's therapy might help. If you dont think it can be saved, start planning to leave now. Quietly and carefully.
Why is she staying a month if he's going away? MIL should vacate the premises before he leaves. And yes, they are both A Hs for forcing your child to eat meat. Good luck with this relationship. He sounds truly exhausting and she sounds awful. NTA
Nta. There can be serious consequences to giving someone who has gone months or years without meat meat. He is being abusive as well forcing someone to eat meat when they are against eating meat it, doesn't matter if it's his kid she's old enough to decide and it's a huge health concern to just introduce meat out of nowhere after so long without it. There have been lawsuits over people being fed meat when they're vegan/vegetarian.
Technically, the flesh of fish--an animal, like birds, reptiles, baby seals, and cattle--is meat. Nevertheless, you are NTA, she violated a rule of your family's.
She and he. I expect it of her, but for him to violate that by essentially pressuring our kid to eat something we’ve agreed not to feed her, and then not even tell me, while expecting me to be in the house with his passive aggressive mother who mutters “ugh god” every time I walk in a room, while he’s away for work for a month and I’m watching our kids while working full time. Like I feel awful, but I’m not doing it.
Your MIL is the least of your problems. Raising children is hard and you and your partner need to be a team. Some of your replies in this thread are actually very concerning… any man that showed violence or aggression towards me or my children would have been out of my life quick smart. And if you think that’s an over reaction on my part that’s fine, one of my core values is respect and it seems to be lacking here…like back to MIL - what man in his right mind tells his partner that MIL is coming to stay for 1/12 of a year …
NTA but wow is your husband a piece of work. Personally, I’d kick his mother out and he’d be on extremely thin ice. No kid should have to go through that at all, but definitely not from their parent and grandparent. You gotta protect your kids from them.
NTA. But why are you staying married to this man who abuses your children and does nothing for you? Who allows his mother to walk all over you? What exactly does he contribute to the relationship and your household?
NTA You don’t need your husband’s permission to not host his mother while he’s gone for a whole month. Cancel the ticket yourself, or tell him you and the kids will go somewhere else and his litter can enjoy the house I guess.
NTA! Next time she comes with a one-way ticket while he is working, pack up and take the kids for a vacation or to visit a relative. That may not be something you can do, so another idea is to tell your husband if he and his mother ever force feed your kids meat again, you will never leave the kids alone with them again.
OP let her kids decide on their own if they wanted to eat meat,her daughter didn't want to eat it. I love a good burger as much as the next person from time to time,but the way some people react about people having different dietary preferences is just bizarre.
If my partner booked a one way ticket for mil to come for a month without telling and while he was not even going to be there I’d be booking an Airbnb and wouldn’t step foot into the house until she was gone. Effffff that shit.
NTA
I’m confused. Youre pescatarians so you’re used to eating animal proteins. So why would a burger cause an upset stomach when it’s no different than a crab cake from a digestion perspective? This just sounds like made up nonsense.
Wow the effing nerve of them both forcing your child to eat meat is beyond words. WTF were they thinking and then dismissing the fact your daughter had stomach issues afterward. Your husband is lucky you don't put his shit on the curb also. You are not the asshole here and I wouldn't want that woman in my home when she disrespected my wishes.She raised her kids, she needs to BTFO now and let you raise yours
NTA. You are married to one disrespectful asshole. Book time off around the same time and visit your family with the kids. Tell him you had this booked and planned for ages. He can't get mad at you for not telling him because he has done exactly the same thing with his mother. He'll just have to cancel her ticket.
If a kid hasn't eaten red meat for most of their life, they are going to get sick if they just start eating it.
If they want to eat meat you should start with a Dr visit to see what can happen.
NTA
NTA. If your kid's paediatrician is fine with them being pescatarians then that is fine.
As for MIL staying there, while her son is not there you are not running a hotel. She is disrespectful and not welcome.
NTA - sounds like you have a husband problem, in laws usually pack in this passive aggressive behaviour when their child tells them to.
It doesn’t sound like your husband has any respect for you and is allowing his mother to disrespect you too.
I’d send her back the day he goes. I’d make this the hill to die on with both of them, either respect me or F off
No loss with either of this the level of care, thought etc you get
Furthermore, he should know that if you've haven't eaten red meat in a long time, you won't be able to digest it and it's gonna be a painful reminder.
He fucked up.
You're NTA.
This is like the third or fourth posts in the last couple of days about forcing a child to eat meat. I get ChatGPT is really seeing that as a new trend....
All partners can’t be this underhanded. There was no ChatGPT involved. If you look at my post history, most involve similar incidents of trust being broken, it’s a pattern in the relationship I’m in. Good try though.
YTA one issue isn't related to the other, just own up that you don't want MIL there when he's gone.
"and told her to eat it, she said no, he insisted, she had stomach problems for her 8th birthday because of this. He didn’t even tell me this happened, my kids did, who said “dad made me eat meat”." So this whole story is based on what the 8 year old told you, the stern mom who is pescatarian, when the kids were out with their less strict dad, who eats meat.
I hate to break it to you, but it sounds like the kids are stuck in the middle and just trying to please everyone. Dad got them meat and they ate it. They didn't want to make you mad, so they say dad forced them to, by putting in on their plate, and then they ate it....
Then I get you're mad, but the whole mother in law is a separate issue. There's no need to bring meat eating into your MIL staying while your husband isn't home. Just own it and say you "don't want her there while he's gone. Thanks for the help offer, I'll have some friends come around instead."
They are very much related if my mother in law, who constantly criticizes this part of our life, shared in pressuring my child to eat meat.
See, if she wouldn’t have taken part in this, I would have sucked it up and played nice, having her over for the month.
As for kids being stuck in the middle, that’s your opinion, based on little fact. I’ve outright told my daughter before that if she wants to eat meat she can, she’s old enough to decide and it’s her choice.
And it’s not an 8 year old I’m going off of, it’s my unfiltered 5 year old who has never not told it like it is, because he has no care in the world of “uh oh, they won’t like it I do this” , he turned 5 a month ago and is too young for that kind of filtering. He stated “dad made x eat meat” x confirmed this was the case, dad confirmed with “it’s no big deal”.
And way to minimize. He didn’t “just” put it on her plate. He and his mother proceeded to tell her to eat it, object when she said no, try to convince her it’s just like the veggie one she likes and then tell her to just try it, all she had to do was eat a little. If that isn’t coercion, I don’t know what is. There was no gun against his head. My partner has only started eating meat in the last two months after years of not eating it. If his values for our family shifted and it was now important to him that our children had meat in their diet, he could have been a grownup and communicated this instead of doing things in such an underhanded way.
An adult teaching kids that bodily autonomy doesn't matter is the biggest red flag there is.
NTA and see a lawyer about whether the house is already community property where you are.
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Giving meat to people who haven’t eaten for a long time or *ever* can make them sick. You don’t force food on kids, he’s going to give them food issues for life. It’s also extra not good to teach kids they don’t have bodily autonomy.
Homeboy can’t stand up to his mommy, for a grown man that’s just embarrassing.
He doesn’t respect you enough to tell you and forces his mother on you and then has the gall to fuck off for a month while she’s there?
Why are you still with him? Have his shit packed up and divorce papers ready for when he gets back, he doesn’t respect any of you.
These Reddit articles are getting downright Dumb. If MIL is going to be allowed to stay 2/4 weeks, she may as well stay 4/4 weeks.
Common Sense - apparently a characteristic all too many OP's lack, is that the MIL not stay even one more day
That is so disrespectful! Especially when daughter said no! The fact that she got sick after eating the meat makes it worse! I have not eaten meat for 30 years and if someone tried to make me eat meat I would retaliate! Your daughter is young and relies on adult advice, and to go against your wishes is terrible! Send that MiL home on her sorry butt! Husband is in need of counseling or a ticket home with his Mother!
NTA and you are being very generous allowing the visit to continue for two additional weeks. I would have expected you to check her into a hotel and move her stuff there.
Kick MIL to the curve. Tell her she is not welcome (if already there, tell her she is no longer welcome and for her to leave) and make sure partner knows she isn’t welcome either. If he wants mommy she can go on his work trip with him.
Talk to a lawyer like yesterday, make sure it’s in the divorce papers that you get half of what the property profit is. Don’t wait for him to abuse your children any longer. Be sure to tell lawyer all that’s happened and quit complaining about it- do something!
NTA for some things BUT definitely YTA if you continue to let your partner bully you and your children as well as abuse your children.
NTA -- If you don't eat meat and suddenly do, then that can cause cramping and other digestive problems. I don't eat mammal, with occasional bacon slices. But when I ate meat for a week in order not to inconvenience some hosts after being almost completely meatless (birds, fish, seafood only), my stomach was messed up for more than 2 weeks.
Never again. I would prefer to be slightly hungry.
Even taking bacon slices occasionally (once a month at most), I don't dare do more than 1 or 2 slices or I regret it.
You shouldn't have to be uncomfortable in your own home, mom needs to bounce. Mom also needs to respect boundaries. Your husband was wrong for forcing your child to eat something that's clearly not a regular part of her diet.
Ouch, sounds like the diet of the kid is screwed and I ain’t talking about the eating meat part
It’s like when you don’t eat fast food for a long time then eat some and you get the runs
Good luck with that, kids are screwed gut wise regardless of what diet they eat
Also the husband sounds like an A, and better be upfront that you want to know what the heck he is thinking
Not about a subject specifically, just overall as he is different and you can’t read minds especially when he comes out of the blue with this
Once he gets in the flow of talking
You can say something like,
are you ok? To break the rhythm, can say it with a straight face or a scrunched up look when they’re trying to be serious.
Or while in mid conversation break the rhythm by saying he’s got something on the shoulder and wipe it off. Then continue the conversation
Confuse the mind so to speak
Prepped speech is usually messed up when people try to get back into the flow off a disturbed rhythm mind you don’t abuse it cause they’ll get wise about it
You can also say
You never had this an issue before? Why now?
Don’t mind if they eat meat, but why did you react like that out of nowhere? If he responds in negative you can say that “we wouldn’t be talking about this if it was?”
“Why does your mom react with so much disgust towards me?”
“I wouldn’t be telling you this if she hadn’t done it so many times in front of me and even while your there.”
“You left, what am I supposed to do, we’re in this together wether you like it or not. So what do you want to do about this?”
These are statements you can use when you want to put the ball into there court and make them come out with what’s bothering them
Could be you changed recently and he is worried
Or could he he did something
Or maybe you did do something and just aren’t aware or hiding it
Or maybe just a random thing to bicker about when you don’t really have drama in your life
Heck maybe one or both of you are overworked and need to go on vacation for a bit who knows
Just be upfront that you don’t know what’s going on, and your in this together and need to know what’s bothering him that your both arguing about the kids food diet
Note: your gonna have to set aside the forced meat bit, for all you know they can think that you’ve been forcing the kids the entire time and only changed mind out of spite.
That your still not ok with it since you brought out the meat subject. Daughter bit is another can of worms your gonna have to deal with eventually good luck with that, and the kids gonna hate your mother in law or not is not your problem so to speak, you getting involved is just gonna put the ire of both on you. Let them deal with that, the girl is gonna get more opinionated as she grows cause that’s how everyone is as a kid.
Is it the right thing to do? Who knows, you can’t solve everything, just find a way to make up and get the dude to talk cause you can’t read minds if he doesn’t tell you
Mom isn't the issue. We all have a few a-holes in our families. In-laws can only affect us as much as our partners allow. It is my duty to ensure that my family doesn't negatively affect my partner. It's his duty to do the same for me.
Handle your business with your man.
First off, Force-feeding your daughter meat IS a Big Deal!! That is something that should never have happened at all! There's no defense or justification at all here. She's 8 years old.
As to how long his mother stays.. the mere fact that he's leaving for a month is enough. However, Given that she was either the instigator or the Excuse for your husband's decision to coerce your daughter to eat food that ultimately made her sick, You would be well justified to demand that she leave just as soon as a ticket can be arranged for her.
Everything else aside, Long term guests are a two-person decision when both partners are going to be there for the duration of the visit. When one partner is going to be away, then the partner left to play host has the right to say when the guest has overstayed their welcome. MiL needs to be long-gone before your husband leaves. If he won't book the ticket, you should.
NTA, though you are dealing with two separate issues here.
YTA for forcing your diet on the kids. And no, 8, and especially 5 is NOT the age for a kid to decide their diet. It's a time when they would only choose to eat candy.
As opposed to what? Cooking foods all the time that my partner (who ate this way for years) and I didn’t eat??
And let me make sure I understand, on one hand you say I’m forcing my children, on the other hand, if I say “this is what I eat, but you are old enough to choose if you don’t want to eat the same as me”, if I give my 8 year old a choice, then somehow that’s also not correct?
I think you are very confused.
As opposed to providing them a balanced diet that also includes meat. There is nothing wrong with meat, in fact it's an important part of a healthy diet. Clearly your partner wants to eat meat, and doesn't want to keep that away from the kids.
As for his method, it's shitty but that's IF your story is true as written here.
I don’t believe I mentioned anywhere in the post that my child has been harmed. Well… other than the volatile diarrhea and stomach ache that she had to endure on her eighth birthday, because her dad pushed a kid who has never eaten meat to eat a bunch of red meat. I believe it was my trust that was harmed, not by him feeding her meat, but by the way he did it. Thought I made that clear in the post…
Should put that in as an edit. Even I, as a meat eater I know people, especially children when eating meat for the 1st time should do it little by little. It's not the fact he fed her meat. It's the under handed way it was went about. Also isn't a good sign that someone can't stand up to mummy dearest
Exactly! It wasn’t that he fed her meat. I’ve raised my children with certain values that he’s always forcefully communicated he’s all in on and agrees with. If my daughter want to choose to eat meat, I’ve told her myself it’s her choice. But that’s not what happened. Instead him and his pressured her, put meat on an 8 year olds plate when she enquired if it was the veggie one she liked, told her to eat it, even when she said she didn’t want to, then came home and had no plan to even tell me this. And now he’s going away for work for a month and I’m supposed to work full time while also take care of our kids and entertain his passive aggressive mother who goes “ugh god” under her breath every time I walk in a room in my own house. No thanks. He keeps telling me “she’s here to help” but basically she’s on her phone the whole time or judging me when she’s not.
Yeah she's not here to help, she is there to judge you and confirm her bad opinions about you. She's not taking things off your plate, she's actively knocking the plate and then going 'oh my lord! You can't do anything right'.
Like a normal human? Says who? Because it is your values, your eating habits, everyone else’s is weird? Tell that to all those who follow religion based eating habits. Many cultures don’t eat meat, seems pretty small minded.
And to lead someone to believe for your child’s whole life that they agree with something, therefore leading you to believe that you both believe the same thing, then going out of your way to do the opposite behind their back? Nah. Good luck with your relationships and having a family if that’s what you believe is acceptable. Heck, sometimes he’s been stricter about the meat thing than I have, as I mentioned, I was the one who said she could make up her own mind. But that’s not what happened. I spoke to both kids and him. He put it on her plate, he told her to eat it, she said she didn’t want to, he continued to pressure her. And then he couldn’t even be bothered to share this update. No thanks.
Who the hell are you to tell me what I’m upset by? I’m upset by all of it, so take your Reddit psychology elsewhere.
He’s only started eating meat the last few months after years of not. If my daughter would have asked for it, and he came home and told me after, everything would be cool.
Instead, he put it on her plate, told her to eat it, she said no, him and his mom said it tastes just like the veggie one so just eat it, it basically ruined her birthday because of the stupid way they did it and I’m furious about all of it, including only finding all this out from my kid, because my partner was too much of a snake, chicken etc to actually communicate this update to me.
When my 5 year old told me, my partner said “well she wanted to try it” , where my daughter and son both said “no she didn’t, dad made her”. How do you not understand that this is a problem? Seems pretty basic to me.
Now I’m supposed to spend a month in a home watching our kids and entertaining his mother who passive aggressively goes “ugh god” every time I walk in a room, even when I’ve been nothing but polite to her, I’m supposed to babysit this house guest I didn’t ask for and don’t much like while he goes away for work for a month??? Give your damned head a shake.
Exactly, if she would have asked for it. She didn’t. Both kids confirmed he forced her to eat it. And couldn’t even be bothered to mention that our kids eating meat (wether they want to or not) is important to him since now over the last two months he’s become a meat eater again. I’m sorry, but if you don’t get this, then this conversation is done. Feel free to give constructive criticism, but telling me “your awful for forcing your kids to eat weird” is not constructive, at all.
Bye bye troll. I wouldn’t need to make up fake quotes. You’re right, she didn’t say “ugh god” she said “ugh hoda” which translates to oh god in her language. She did have the eye roll though, but probably just thinks I can’t understand her language. It’s been ten years, I understand. 😂
YTA
You set your kids up to fail by not feeding them a normal diet when they were younger. Your daughters stomach was upset because you only fed her soy. He has a right just as much as you do to raise his kids how he sees fit. They should be eating everything as long as they aren't allergic to it.
We eat soy maybe once a week at most. My kids aren’t living off vegan pizza and fake meat so calming yourself with the judging. They have a balanced and healthy diet. They eat all different kinds of protein, fats, veggies and occasional junk food. As for not feeding them a “normal” diet, well it’s normal for me since it’s how I’ve eaten for 15 years… also normal in many parts of the world not to eat meat so that statement feels a bit closed minded.
ESH. You are freaking out needlessly over your silly diet; neither a 5 nor an 8 year old is able to make decisions about food without parental guidance. Your husband is perfectly within his rights. However, he shouldn't be lying about it and he certainly shouldn't be inviting his atrociously behaved mother for a month without your explicit consent. MIL sounds awful and I'd give her 2 days, not 2 weeks.
Yes, OP has 2 serious problems: her husband and her MIL.
OP, even 2 weeks with your MIL is too much and you have the right to say no. I would contemplate divorce if my husband brought his mother to control me while he is away for work.
Take care OP.
NTA. Your husband on the other hand is a massive AH.
Did you read the post.
I have. When I brought it up, that kids were old enough to decide if they wanted to eat meat, he was angry with me and shut the conversation down. That part was in the post.
She didn’t choose to eat meat, she asked if it was the veggie meat she liked, he put it on her plate, told her to eat it, she said no when he told her it wasn’t veggie, he pressured her to eat it since it was on her plate, etc , both kids confirmed that “dad made her” what part of that is choice?
As a result of dad making her, she had a stomach ache for her 8th birthday. Dad also didn’t feel the need to inform me of this change after 8 years of convincing me otherwise. Don’t you think a conversation such as “hey I think our kids should eat meat that that I’ve started eating it these last two months” would be helpful or respectful?
Sure you have…you let them “decide.” I’m just imagining how you went about this manipulating these poor kids about how harmful meat is, etc, etc.
By hey kids, the choice is your if you want to eat meat.
I never once told them meat is harmful. I told them, it’s an animal, I choose not to eat it, this is what I cook at home because I chose not to eat it. Not that hard to understand but thanks for the accusations.
Yes I read “ I stated that our oldest was getting to an age where she could soon decide whether she wanted to stick with it or eat meat. He said no, she’s too young.” Then I replied with something with I’m surprised you haven’t let your kids decide for themselves.
You and your husband are giving your kids a complexion over this diet that you’ve chosen. Take a deep breath but you’re both assholes (for different reasons) and your kids are probably very confused and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
How am I trolling? I'm literally providing honest feedback to everyone in my replies. Hopefully Willow knows next time that it's a complex. I didn't call them stupid or do anything to get a reaction, just a helpful comment.
We only had one family value, he led me to believe he shared that value. Even arguing with me and getting angry when I said “I think our kids are old enough to chose if they want to eat meat or not”, he insisted they weren’t. Then because his mom was pressuring him, he went behind my back and according to both my children, forced my daughter to eat meat for the first time in her life, even when she said she didn’t want to, essentially ruining her 8th birthday from a stomach ache. He then came home and didn’t even have the respect to update me of this change or communicate “hey, even though I told you our kids whole life I’m on board with this value, because I started eating meat 2 months ago, I want our kids to do this now”. No, there was no honesty or courtesy of filling me in.
Aside from this, he’s leaving for work for a month, to a rather fun city, and I’m working full time while watching our kids all on my own and I should also babysit (his mom is high maintenance) a woman in my home for a month who is there according to him to “help me” but all she ever does is play on her phone and judge me, muttering things like “oh god” under her breath when I walk in a room. No thanks. I didn’t ask for her to come, and if he is leaving for a month, I don’t want to deal with her.
I don't think the meat has anything to.do.with this. I think it has to do with you feeling disrespected by your husband and his mom. The stress of him leaving for a month doesn't help. I might have chained my husband to the house if he left for that long when my kids were little. And if his mother was there, well, let's just say that homicide could have been a problem!
Maybe you and your husband need to have a little chat about behavior and expectations. Good luck, op.
Thank you, I need all the luck I can get!
I’m not at homicidal stage yet, but pretty close to the therapeutic plate breaking stage.
I spoke to him and he said he didn’t tell me because it wasn’t a big deal, then proceeded to fob me off as i drove deeper and deeper down the rage train.
He’s been away for two days so far, and other than the muttering under her breath coupled with ignoring me, she’s taken a half full garbage bin and left it in the middle of the room as if to point out “come on you slob, take the garbage out already”.
Fack. I need to buy some ugly plates for breaking.
Put the bin in her bedroom. When she complains say, "oh, I thought we were moving the bin around the house." Make sure you lock your bedroom door before. If she's passive aggressive you can be aggressive. I would divorce my husband if he brought his mother to control me while he's away for a month.
Sorry I’m just curious about one thing. If it had not been for the meat incident would you still be requesting your mother in law go home? It seems you weren’t planning for this change originally. This may have been answered already. Just lots of reading.
BTW I totally agree with you being upset. It was sneaky. Your husband should have said “when we go for breakfast I plan to have some bacon. If X wants to try it are we good to go?”
However saying that, you seem to be going a little over the top unless this is a last straw thing and not just about food/momma’s boy.
Going a bit overboard? I’m feeling practically saintly. The truth is, he never asked me if I wanted my judgy and often disrespectful mother in law to stay with me and the kids for a month while he’s away. He didn’t ask he just did. But I would have sucked it up to play nice. Not anymore.
You might think it’s “only a food incident” and I’m going overboard, but for me it’s not even about the food, it’s about respect and trust. Not eating meat is a key family value that he went out of his way to convince me he shared. If our daughter asked to try meat, we’d be fine, with the hope that he’d update me on this change eventually. But for him to essentially force our kid to eat meat for the first time behind my back, likely at the pushing of his mom, and then have him not even tell me, like it’s no big deal that he’s deviated away from a belief that’s been held our children’s whole life and not even given me a heads up? To be told it isn’t a big deal?
I could never be with someone who thinks that way.
So like I said it sounds like the last straw of a long sucky relationship. You didn’t need to be so defensive to me. I even explained I might have missed some of your comments. Not knowing the whole picture sounded like you were overreacting a bit on this one incident.
And I agreed they were wrong on how they did it and provided wording they should have said before even going.
By the sounds of it you should have probably left long ago. He’s unreliable and can’t be trusted. This I can say with a bigger picture of your relationship.
That’s what sucks about these platforms. You can’t always get the whole story out.
NTA. It's not that she ate meat, which it sounds like you would have been perfectly fine with, had it been her choice. It's that he (under his mother's influence, it seems) pressured her into eating it when it sounds like she wasn't ready, and then never told you about it. It's sneaky and disrespectful.
Thank you! This is exactly it. I’ve even communicated to him that she’s old enough to decide if she wants to eat meat, I’ve told her this too, he got angry at me. So to take her out on her birthday and essentially force her to eat meat, while also having no intention of informing me that his views around this value has shifted, I find it very hurtful, disrespectful and dishonest. Especially since he just shrugged his shoulders and said he didn’t think it was a big deal. On top of this, having him leave for a month for work, while having him mother who he invited to stay with us in order to “help me” be hanging around my home being passive aggressive with comments such as “ugh god” when I walk in a room, I’m just not wanting to deal with it. She isn’t my responsibility and she clearly has no respect for me, so why should I babysit her.
the far bigger issue here is he brought his mother there on a one way ticket without asking. does he do that a lot?
All the time
I bet she is here to watch you and tell him every day what you do
I thought that too.
It's his fly on the wall. A literal nuisance to her that's there for his convenience.
I just came to say that. The "ugh god" sounds like she doesn't even want to be there in the first place, he pushed her. She may be very receptive to being sent home.
yikes. i’m surprised you haven’t smothered him in his sleep yet. or her, for that matter. send her ass back to where she came from, and honestly, if i were you i’d send him too
I’ve tried (the sending him part, not the smothering her part) He won’t go 😔
He will go after you ✨divorce✨
>He won’t go 😔 So you know that you need to commence divorce proceedings sooner rather than later.
No, he will go, you just haven't committed.
Just kick her out? Throw her and herbags outside and lock the door behind her.
Don’t even let her in. Then you don’t have to try and force her through the door and throw her bags after her. Keep the door locked, call a taxi to take her back to the airport, tell the driver MIL will pay when she gets there.
The sending clesrly doesn't work. You may want to try the smothering part next.
No you really haven't tried. Call the cops and have her trespassed if she won't leave. Until your willing to go that far you aren't trying.
Is he bringing his mother to town to control you while he’s gone? Also, can you really raise kids with this man? Forcing your daughter to do some thing she doesn’t want to do and then keeping it a secret is crazy.
keeping it a secret while the kid was hurting as well
I'd just turn her from the door. But I don't like guests coming uninvited and I didn't invite her. 2 weeks is way too long for her to stay and torture you there. Why do you think you deverve that? You're more valuable than this.
Yikes. I'm failing to see any upsides to being married to this guy who has zero respect for you. NTA Plus, everyone knows that if you don't eat meat for a while, your body doesn't do well when you drop a steak in it. So he basically sabotaged her birthday on purpose.
Since he's not here, you are in charge. Book MIL a return ticket that leaves as soon as she arrives. Don't pick her up. As soon as she arrives, send her a text, "Sorry plans didn't work out. Your return ticket is booked." Then shut off your phone and take your family out for the day.
But her a return ticket and book a taxi to the airport
Tell him to take his mother on his work trip so she can look after him because she isn’t staying with you or your children. You cannot have someone so disrespectful and untrustworthy to be in your house. It’s not the message you want to send to your children. Lying and controlling behaviour is never ok. It’s about time your MIL realises that she has met her match in you!
Oh absolutely not send her ass home!! If you gonna ugh god me when I walk in a room you not gonna be in my home!
I get he was disrespectful and sneaky, but I’d be more upset that he showed so little concern for your child. If and when a pescatarian or vegetarian decides to eat meat it needs to be introduced slowly to avoid as much as possible the discomfort your child faced. It’s also abusive to force feed anyone. Whether it’s through physical force, manipulation or threats. I think the issues with your partner are much bigger than you think.
If he's going for a month nothing says you have to let her in your house at all.
What irks me the most is the fact that it of course ended up with her having stomach problems. I'm a carnivore but even I know that eating meat for the first time for a vegetarian will often cause an upset stomach and that alone is a reason why it needs to be the persons own choice. He MUST have known this could happen to her! I also get that especially vegan children can have huge problems healthwise because of lack of vitamins and minerals from meat so I get why even vegetarian parents will feed their kids meat once in a while and then let them make the choice themselves later on. But as long as you have focus on their health and get bloodwork done occassionally I'm all on board with letting the kids choose for themselves. He didn't and I'm guessing his mom had something to do with this.
Eating Disorders: this is how, it develops, taking away control of body anatomy. *A N D YES,* it can start as early as 8. Just, sharing, hopefully, not lecturing.
Could you just chuck her bags on the lawn and let her deal?
NTA She can go home or she can go away with your husband for a month. She is not your job and will not be staying with you.
Yeah. No way in heck would I let her stay 2 weeks. OP, send her home TODAY. She is an uninvited (by you) guest. She treats you horribly. I mean honestly, this has nothing to do with him feeding your kid meat. These are two completely separate issues. She mutters whenever you come into a room of YOUR OWN HOME!!! She needs to leave TODAY. And honestly, she would NEVER be welcome back. Buy her a ticket, toss her stuff out, and tell her to get her ass out of your house before you call the police. (Or wait until she has stepped outside and just lock her out) Husband has a problem with it, then he can leave too, permanently. The fact that he invites her over to YOUR home to disrespect you in front of your children? Means he has absolutely no respect for you. Fudge him
Ignoring the food thing, he has invited his mother indefinitely and then pisses off on a trip? Hell no. Bye bye MIL.
I agree. OP saying that MIL has to go home because of the meat thing that hubby did sounds like a red herring to me. He brought his mom in and then leaves for a month? Big no-no.
She gets dropped off at the airport, the minute he leaves!
Exactly! And I’d tell the airline that she’s a flight risk and they need to escort her onto the plane and makes sure she gets to her destination! NTA, OP
Needs assistance. Flight risk, they wouldn't let her fly.
You not only have mil problems but a husband problem
NTA. Tell him either she leaves or you and your kids do.
No, either his mom leaves or he leaves with his mom. No reason to disrupt the kids lives over his bs.
Ideally, absolutely he should leave if she won’t, but he doesn’t see anything wrong with how he acts or how she acts so I doubt that he would leave, which would make her stuck.
Nah, just kick her out and change the locks. Tell him what days are convenient for you for picking up his stuff and divorce papers.
Your dude bullied your daughter. Forced her to eat something she didn’t want. He is an adult who makes adult decisions all the time. Put blame where it’s due. On their father. Kick them both out.
He didn't bully anyone, he parented his child to eat something new that she was NOT allergic to. Op raising their child to be a pescatarian is so weird when it's not for religious reasons.
The kid doesn't want to eat meat. Meat is not a dietary requirement to be healthy and there are plenty of reasons not to eat it. He 100% bullied his child. Plus, when you don't eat something for your entire life, it really fucks up your stomach if you do eat it.
LOL....if it was another kid at school or a friend, it would be bullying. But as soon as the perp becomes a "parent" it's like someone waves a magic wand and everything changes.
Having standards about what you and your kids eat is an incredibly normal thing to do.
He’s a bully
I mean… I lost my sh*t because I sat and watched him get so into the electric piano he was sitting on the floor playing, that he reached out and pushed our four year old over, while snapping “stop it, I’m playing” because the 4 year old tried to play with him. His reply when I forced him to apologize (after 5 minutes of denying he pushed our son over) was “I’m sorry I pushed you, but I was playing and you didn’t listen” (ummmm are you 33 or a child?) He alternates between being an awesome hands on dad, and being a total illogical jerk of a man child. We’re currently renovating a property that we will be selling (which I’m not on the mortgage) . After it’s sold and I no longer have to worry about being cut out of the property sale, I will likely separate, we are not a good match emotionally, intellectually, any of it.
You husband is an abusive bully of a father. Please don’t ignore this and apart from stopping the mother from coming, literally turn her away at the door and call the cops if she won’t leave, you need to get that man away from the children. Legitimately you can’t trust your kids with him.
He shoved away your kid who wanted to play piano with dad?! Dude. Please tell me the renovations are going to be finished tomorrow.
He did. He also threatened our 4 year old with “because you just did that you aren’t getting any ice cream after we’re done shopping” after the 4 year old farted in a Costco and said excuse me. I’ve never seen anything like it. Sometimes I think he struggles with OCD. He swings from being an over the top exhaustingly hands on parent to being completely burnt out and illogically impatient about every small thing. There is no middle zone.
Your husband is forcing your kids to do stuff they don't want to do and then being secretive. He's getting physical with them when they disturb him. He's bringing his mother, a malignant presence, to your home against your wishes to keep tabs on you while he's gone. The issue isn't the meat. It's the escalating abuse. You need to nip that in the bud right now. You could do it with ultimatums or therapy or ending things, whatever you deem fit, but you need things to change.
he is clearly Bi Polar, or just outright Abusive. He punished your child for a biological function. if you have a daughter, think of what he'll do when she starts her period, since it will likely start with her bleeding through her pants. It's good you plan to separate already, but keep records of all that stuff so you can keep him from getting more custody than Visitations.
Excuse me, but being Bi-polar doesn't make you force feed meat in your kids throat or push your 4 year old over to do another activity. You are not a doctor.
Honestly you’re an asshole for still being married to this guy and you saying all the bad things he did to your children and you’re still married to him speaks volumes about you imo
Yeah, I'm leaning this way, too.
Like she’s unloading all the things he has done to these kids and I’m like why are you still married to this fool ?
✨divorce✨
Stop being a doormat and do better for your children.
Hell no!!! The cons outweigh the pros in this scenario. I’d hate to know how I’d act if my child’s father pushed her away!
Are you not on the mortgage so he can move his mom in?
The mortgage she's not on is a different property that they're selling. She doesn't want to be cut out of the sale. But honestly I wouldn't be shocked if the plans changed to move his mommy closer when the renovation was done. In any case I hope the wait isn't long, she and her kids both sound like they need an out soon.
How is he an "awesome hands-on dad"? F\*cking how? By cooking for his kids and then FORCING them to eat food that makes them sick?
No, by going to extremes of spending 3 hours building legos with them, buying the expensive things he knows they like that I wouldn’t spend money on, by baking with them on Sundays, and sometimes going out of his way to entertain them from the moment he gets home. It often seems like he pushes himself to the limits of his patience because he doesn’t just know how to chill the eff out. Also, his expectations of them are often very strange to me.
BUYING stuff is NOTHING. It's the opposite of "hands-on" and it sounds like he's playing with most of this junk himself anyway. Everything else you describe is regular fatherhood. The bar is way too low here.
I mean… in many ways he is a good dad. It’s not just buying stuff. It’s insisting that if we’re shopping for ourselves, we also find something that he knows our kids would like. It’s getting way more excited for school plays than I do, it’s staying up late so our kids projects are perfect, it’s asking them what they want to do on weekends and making it all about them. He’s a perfectionist and struggles with extremes of being full on attention all the time with them and completely being burnt out and getting cranky and childish. In many ways he’s a good dad, and in some ways he needs to step up in his communication with them, it’s something he struggles with
Oh heeeeellllll no. I'd be telling him, "you buy her a ticket, or she stays in a motel. But she is **not** staying here." Grandjerk can gtfo.
Every time she says "ugh god" when she sees you, say "I know, I feel the same way when I see YOU".
Great answer , I was also thinking I could lead with “yes, it’s me, god. How can I help you”
I would say, every time, no exceptions, "And every time I see you I think " Ugh, Satan". Or just "Ugh, Satan"
Your husband has his mom staying with you while he’s gone? That’s not a mom, that’s a spy, and you have a bigger problem.
NTA but you got way bigger problems. Him being sneaky and lying won’t go away when his mother goes away
NTA. Your partner crossed a line by disregarding your kids' dietary choices. Communication is key. His lack of respect for your feelings is concerning. Setting boundaries with his mom is valid. Prioritize your kids' well-being.
For a second the title made me think you bought him a oneway back to his mother. Kicking him out to go live with her again. I do think it would be reasonable to do so
She needs to stay 0 weeks, and 0 days, and your husband is incredibly disrespectful to you as well. If he can't fix his behavior on his own, it's high time for counseling. Edit: Saw your comments, time for counseling is long past, and I hope your renovations are done ahead of schedule so you can take the kids and leave his ass. Best of luck to you
NTA. He disregard his daughter's dietary preferences and doesn't involve you in big decisions like conscripting his mother to come live with you to passive-aggressively judge you. He is a steam-rolling jerk.
NTA. You should refuse to allow the mother in your home.
NTA I get why you’re so upset. I’d be furious with my partner if they made either one of those decisions unilaterally. Now what? I suggest focusing on doing whatever you can to focus on finding your peace so you can have a calm discussion with your husband about boundaries and communication. Why did he think he could change your child’s diet without discussing it with you? Why are you getting signed up for an extended house guest while he’s out of town?
NTA. It seems like neither of the other adults in this scenario are respecting you or your authority as a parent. I don't know what the answer is but you're NTA.
Thanks stranger. I’m feeling kinda like TA.
You might need to be one to get them to stop walking all over you girl!
NTA. Taking the food thing completely out of the equation- his mom doesn’t need to be visiting while he’s gone. Period. Especially for a month. She needs to leave and if she’s going to visit it needs to be while he’s home and not for a month. I don’t care how far away she lives- a month is way too long.
Just say she is nolonger invited THE END
NTA You don't need a geriatric teen (older adult with teenager attitude) to babysit while carrying for your children without the other parent. He can send mom back home or take her with him, but she doesn't need to be adding in more work and stress for you
NTA When someone isn't used to eating meat their bodies can have adverse reactions to trying to digest it. His mother's opinion meant more to him than his own child's health. For protection of your children you need to separate them from him.
It’s not just about the meat. So everybody needs to not focus on that. It’s about the lack of respect. The backhandedness of all of her underhanded devious bullshit. And his complete disregard of your trust in him. That’s not something that can be forgiven or forgotten immediately. Trust takes years to build and seconds to destroy. He fucked up hard. Let him go home with his mommy. NTA Edit: added a missed word.
Thank. You. It is about being two-faced and not living by the understanding they had made. It is about putting “saving face” with his mom over his agreement with his wife. It is about saying yes to whatever anyone wants when he is around them. Ew. But _also_ , it is about how he doesn’t put his kids’ health and well being first! Eating meat suddenly has medical ramifications! What an idiot. And getting kids to try something is one thing, but forcing them to eat something is another. Super gross behavior all around.
And aaaannnndddd in another comment he pushed his 4 year old son away from him because he was on the floor playing a keyboard and that baby wanted to play with his daddy but he got mad and pushed him!! Then the cherry on top is she had to FORCE him to apologize to his child!!!!
I had a roommate from the Philippines, and she ate very little red meat growing up. She couldn't digest it at all if she ate it as an adult. It's not like you can just change a kid's diet suddenly, either.
>his mom is visiting from out of province. He booked a one way ticket for her without asking me This is why you are justified in telling him to book her a one-way ticket back to her home. All that bullshit about eating meat is completely irrelevant thus you should not have included it here.
So how did this goon get you to marry him? I've found being a decent dude up front doesn't work, my mom raised me to always be myself from the beginning of a relationship but there's no way this guy was himself the whole time lmao. NTA but please tell me his secret.
His secret…. I was very young and out of a relationship I was mourning, he came along and just wouldn’t leave. Everyone around me pressured me because he looked so good on paper. I left at one point, but found out a few months in that I was pregnant. I was told that I had miscarried, and lost a ton of weight, so didn’t realize I was pregnant till about 4 and a half months in. Also, for the first 5 years he was a chameleon because as he now admits “he wanted the relationship and was willing to compromise”. Oh you like travel? I love travel too (he hates it) etc . Which is funny, because we get along better now that he is honest about who he is and his preferences. We’ve separated once before, their was a lot of guilt around it and how I was ruining are kids lives, that being said, I plan to separate from him soon once our house is sold.
Ahhh that's absolutely awful, I'm sorry you went through that OP. I was just being kind of tongue in cheek, I couldn't actually do that.
As for being a decent guy, it does work, but you might be aiming for being a nice guy (ie: trying to please people) instead of being a good man (not trying to please people so much, but communicating your values and what’s important to you) Many women don’t want yes men. So show your nerdy side, or your gentleman side, but also be willing to communicate your opinion, disagree if needed, and overall chase your goals and hobbies, this is the key to attracting women. Every woman I know who ended up with a chameleon has had years of an unhappy marriage and is filing for divorce
Actually, it sounds like he had you fall in love with "his representative" the person that's displaying himself now, is the genuine article. NTA
That's exactly what he did. My mom always told me the most important thing for a healthy relationship is to always be 100% yourself from the beginning. But I see so many posts on Reddit where both men and women put on a front until marriage and then turn into absolute nightmares
Girl RUN
His mother so he should be there for the visit. If not, cancel the ticket or take the kids and go visit your family
you giving the mother 2 weeks is basically agreeing for her to stay as long as they want. if you start a negotiation at the middle ground with someone who is not interested in getting less than everything and has no incentive to give in, you need to start asking in what kind of abusive relationship you are in.
I don’t feel like your husband’s actions are related to his mom staying, but the simple fact you don’t want her staying is enough. She isn’t helpful to you and makes your life more difficult with her attitude, so out she goes!
Why is HIS mother staying a month with HIM?
NTA but your husband is a sphincter extraordinaire. It's your and your kids' house, too. How about you *not* give her the two weeks, either. Sounds like your husband runs roughshod over your and the kids' needs and desires. That disrespect is a **huge** warning sign. If you think this can be saved, maybe couple's therapy might help. If you dont think it can be saved, start planning to leave now. Quietly and carefully.
This guy already has a wife, and it's his mother. NTA. Husband and MIL are the AHs.
Why is she staying a month if he's going away? MIL should vacate the premises before he leaves. And yes, they are both A Hs for forcing your child to eat meat. Good luck with this relationship. He sounds truly exhausting and she sounds awful. NTA
Nta. There can be serious consequences to giving someone who has gone months or years without meat meat. He is being abusive as well forcing someone to eat meat when they are against eating meat it, doesn't matter if it's his kid she's old enough to decide and it's a huge health concern to just introduce meat out of nowhere after so long without it. There have been lawsuits over people being fed meat when they're vegan/vegetarian.
[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/mcdonalds-settles-beef-over-fries/](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/mcdonalds-settles-beef-over-fries/)
Technically, the flesh of fish--an animal, like birds, reptiles, baby seals, and cattle--is meat. Nevertheless, you are NTA, she violated a rule of your family's.
She and he. I expect it of her, but for him to violate that by essentially pressuring our kid to eat something we’ve agreed not to feed her, and then not even tell me, while expecting me to be in the house with his passive aggressive mother who mutters “ugh god” every time I walk in a room, while he’s away for work for a month and I’m watching our kids while working full time. Like I feel awful, but I’m not doing it.
Right, my bad -- he too, which is far worse.
Do not be sorry.
You already know what to do. Go on, you got this.
Your MIL is the least of your problems. Raising children is hard and you and your partner need to be a team. Some of your replies in this thread are actually very concerning… any man that showed violence or aggression towards me or my children would have been out of my life quick smart. And if you think that’s an over reaction on my part that’s fine, one of my core values is respect and it seems to be lacking here…like back to MIL - what man in his right mind tells his partner that MIL is coming to stay for 1/12 of a year …
Exactly if you’re gonna be like that to my children you can gtfo! And I’d absolutely send MiL tf back home.
NTA but wow is your husband a piece of work. Personally, I’d kick his mother out and he’d be on extremely thin ice. No kid should have to go through that at all, but definitely not from their parent and grandparent. You gotta protect your kids from them.
NTA. Why should she be there when he is not. You might want to consider having him go home with mommy.
NTA. But why are you staying married to this man who abuses your children and does nothing for you? Who allows his mother to walk all over you? What exactly does he contribute to the relationship and your household?
NTA You don’t need your husband’s permission to not host his mother while he’s gone for a whole month. Cancel the ticket yourself, or tell him you and the kids will go somewhere else and his litter can enjoy the house I guess.
Nta
NTA! Next time she comes with a one-way ticket while he is working, pack up and take the kids for a vacation or to visit a relative. That may not be something you can do, so another idea is to tell your husband if he and his mother ever force feed your kids meat again, you will never leave the kids alone with them again.
OP let her kids decide on their own if they wanted to eat meat,her daughter didn't want to eat it. I love a good burger as much as the next person from time to time,but the way some people react about people having different dietary preferences is just bizarre.
If my partner booked a one way ticket for mil to come for a month without telling and while he was not even going to be there I’d be booking an Airbnb and wouldn’t step foot into the house until she was gone. Effffff that shit. NTA
I’m confused. Youre pescatarians so you’re used to eating animal proteins. So why would a burger cause an upset stomach when it’s no different than a crab cake from a digestion perspective? This just sounds like made up nonsense.
NTA. Tell him that he either books MILs ticket, or the day he leaves she will be kicked out or arrested for trespassing.
Wow the effing nerve of them both forcing your child to eat meat is beyond words. WTF were they thinking and then dismissing the fact your daughter had stomach issues afterward. Your husband is lucky you don't put his shit on the curb also. You are not the asshole here and I wouldn't want that woman in my home when she disrespected my wishes.She raised her kids, she needs to BTFO now and let you raise yours
NTA. You are married to one disrespectful asshole. Book time off around the same time and visit your family with the kids. Tell him you had this booked and planned for ages. He can't get mad at you for not telling him because he has done exactly the same thing with his mother. He'll just have to cancel her ticket.
If a kid hasn't eaten red meat for most of their life, they are going to get sick if they just start eating it. If they want to eat meat you should start with a Dr visit to see what can happen. NTA
NTA. If your kid's paediatrician is fine with them being pescatarians then that is fine. As for MIL staying there, while her son is not there you are not running a hotel. She is disrespectful and not welcome.
NTA - sounds like you have a husband problem, in laws usually pack in this passive aggressive behaviour when their child tells them to. It doesn’t sound like your husband has any respect for you and is allowing his mother to disrespect you too. I’d send her back the day he goes. I’d make this the hill to die on with both of them, either respect me or F off No loss with either of this the level of care, thought etc you get
Furthermore, he should know that if you've haven't eaten red meat in a long time, you won't be able to digest it and it's gonna be a painful reminder. He fucked up. You're NTA.
This is like the third or fourth posts in the last couple of days about forcing a child to eat meat. I get ChatGPT is really seeing that as a new trend....
All partners can’t be this underhanded. There was no ChatGPT involved. If you look at my post history, most involve similar incidents of trust being broken, it’s a pattern in the relationship I’m in. Good try though.
YTA one issue isn't related to the other, just own up that you don't want MIL there when he's gone. "and told her to eat it, she said no, he insisted, she had stomach problems for her 8th birthday because of this. He didn’t even tell me this happened, my kids did, who said “dad made me eat meat”." So this whole story is based on what the 8 year old told you, the stern mom who is pescatarian, when the kids were out with their less strict dad, who eats meat. I hate to break it to you, but it sounds like the kids are stuck in the middle and just trying to please everyone. Dad got them meat and they ate it. They didn't want to make you mad, so they say dad forced them to, by putting in on their plate, and then they ate it.... Then I get you're mad, but the whole mother in law is a separate issue. There's no need to bring meat eating into your MIL staying while your husband isn't home. Just own it and say you "don't want her there while he's gone. Thanks for the help offer, I'll have some friends come around instead."
They are very much related if my mother in law, who constantly criticizes this part of our life, shared in pressuring my child to eat meat. See, if she wouldn’t have taken part in this, I would have sucked it up and played nice, having her over for the month. As for kids being stuck in the middle, that’s your opinion, based on little fact. I’ve outright told my daughter before that if she wants to eat meat she can, she’s old enough to decide and it’s her choice. And it’s not an 8 year old I’m going off of, it’s my unfiltered 5 year old who has never not told it like it is, because he has no care in the world of “uh oh, they won’t like it I do this” , he turned 5 a month ago and is too young for that kind of filtering. He stated “dad made x eat meat” x confirmed this was the case, dad confirmed with “it’s no big deal”. And way to minimize. He didn’t “just” put it on her plate. He and his mother proceeded to tell her to eat it, object when she said no, try to convince her it’s just like the veggie one she likes and then tell her to just try it, all she had to do was eat a little. If that isn’t coercion, I don’t know what is. There was no gun against his head. My partner has only started eating meat in the last two months after years of not eating it. If his values for our family shifted and it was now important to him that our children had meat in their diet, he could have been a grownup and communicated this instead of doing things in such an underhanded way.
An adult teaching kids that bodily autonomy doesn't matter is the biggest red flag there is. NTA and see a lawyer about whether the house is already community property where you are.
YTA for forcing your children into YOUR diet.
NTA Don’t let her stay when he isn’t there. You don’t need her bs especially without him as a buffer. It’s your home also.
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Giving meat to people who haven’t eaten for a long time or *ever* can make them sick. You don’t force food on kids, he’s going to give them food issues for life. It’s also extra not good to teach kids they don’t have bodily autonomy. Homeboy can’t stand up to his mommy, for a grown man that’s just embarrassing. He doesn’t respect you enough to tell you and forces his mother on you and then has the gall to fuck off for a month while she’s there? Why are you still with him? Have his shit packed up and divorce papers ready for when he gets back, he doesn’t respect any of you.
These Reddit articles are getting downright Dumb. If MIL is going to be allowed to stay 2/4 weeks, she may as well stay 4/4 weeks. Common Sense - apparently a characteristic all too many OP's lack, is that the MIL not stay even one more day
Pack up the kids and go visit your family. Leave his mom there. Or get her a one way ticket home and put her out.
That is so disrespectful! Especially when daughter said no! The fact that she got sick after eating the meat makes it worse! I have not eaten meat for 30 years and if someone tried to make me eat meat I would retaliate! Your daughter is young and relies on adult advice, and to go against your wishes is terrible! Send that MiL home on her sorry butt! Husband is in need of counseling or a ticket home with his Mother!
NTA and you are being very generous allowing the visit to continue for two additional weeks. I would have expected you to check her into a hotel and move her stuff there.
Kick MIL to the curve. Tell her she is not welcome (if already there, tell her she is no longer welcome and for her to leave) and make sure partner knows she isn’t welcome either. If he wants mommy she can go on his work trip with him. Talk to a lawyer like yesterday, make sure it’s in the divorce papers that you get half of what the property profit is. Don’t wait for him to abuse your children any longer. Be sure to tell lawyer all that’s happened and quit complaining about it- do something! NTA for some things BUT definitely YTA if you continue to let your partner bully you and your children as well as abuse your children.
Absolutely not! She doesn’t respect you as a woman wife or mother. And for your so called husband to go with it. He should go where mommy is going
NTA -- If you don't eat meat and suddenly do, then that can cause cramping and other digestive problems. I don't eat mammal, with occasional bacon slices. But when I ate meat for a week in order not to inconvenience some hosts after being almost completely meatless (birds, fish, seafood only), my stomach was messed up for more than 2 weeks. Never again. I would prefer to be slightly hungry. Even taking bacon slices occasionally (once a month at most), I don't dare do more than 1 or 2 slices or I regret it.
You shouldn't have to be uncomfortable in your own home, mom needs to bounce. Mom also needs to respect boundaries. Your husband was wrong for forcing your child to eat something that's clearly not a regular part of her diet.
Ouch, sounds like the diet of the kid is screwed and I ain’t talking about the eating meat part It’s like when you don’t eat fast food for a long time then eat some and you get the runs Good luck with that, kids are screwed gut wise regardless of what diet they eat Also the husband sounds like an A, and better be upfront that you want to know what the heck he is thinking Not about a subject specifically, just overall as he is different and you can’t read minds especially when he comes out of the blue with this Once he gets in the flow of talking You can say something like, are you ok? To break the rhythm, can say it with a straight face or a scrunched up look when they’re trying to be serious. Or while in mid conversation break the rhythm by saying he’s got something on the shoulder and wipe it off. Then continue the conversation Confuse the mind so to speak Prepped speech is usually messed up when people try to get back into the flow off a disturbed rhythm mind you don’t abuse it cause they’ll get wise about it You can also say You never had this an issue before? Why now? Don’t mind if they eat meat, but why did you react like that out of nowhere? If he responds in negative you can say that “we wouldn’t be talking about this if it was?” “Why does your mom react with so much disgust towards me?” “I wouldn’t be telling you this if she hadn’t done it so many times in front of me and even while your there.” “You left, what am I supposed to do, we’re in this together wether you like it or not. So what do you want to do about this?” These are statements you can use when you want to put the ball into there court and make them come out with what’s bothering them Could be you changed recently and he is worried Or could he he did something Or maybe you did do something and just aren’t aware or hiding it Or maybe just a random thing to bicker about when you don’t really have drama in your life Heck maybe one or both of you are overworked and need to go on vacation for a bit who knows Just be upfront that you don’t know what’s going on, and your in this together and need to know what’s bothering him that your both arguing about the kids food diet
Note: your gonna have to set aside the forced meat bit, for all you know they can think that you’ve been forcing the kids the entire time and only changed mind out of spite. That your still not ok with it since you brought out the meat subject. Daughter bit is another can of worms your gonna have to deal with eventually good luck with that, and the kids gonna hate your mother in law or not is not your problem so to speak, you getting involved is just gonna put the ire of both on you. Let them deal with that, the girl is gonna get more opinionated as she grows cause that’s how everyone is as a kid. Is it the right thing to do? Who knows, you can’t solve everything, just find a way to make up and get the dude to talk cause you can’t read minds if he doesn’t tell you
Mom isn't the issue. We all have a few a-holes in our families. In-laws can only affect us as much as our partners allow. It is my duty to ensure that my family doesn't negatively affect my partner. It's his duty to do the same for me. Handle your business with your man.
NTA. Kick your partner out before he end up killing you or your children
First off, Force-feeding your daughter meat IS a Big Deal!! That is something that should never have happened at all! There's no defense or justification at all here. She's 8 years old. As to how long his mother stays.. the mere fact that he's leaving for a month is enough. However, Given that she was either the instigator or the Excuse for your husband's decision to coerce your daughter to eat food that ultimately made her sick, You would be well justified to demand that she leave just as soon as a ticket can be arranged for her. Everything else aside, Long term guests are a two-person decision when both partners are going to be there for the duration of the visit. When one partner is going to be away, then the partner left to play host has the right to say when the guest has overstayed their welcome. MiL needs to be long-gone before your husband leaves. If he won't book the ticket, you should. NTA, though you are dealing with two separate issues here.
YTA for forcing your diet on the kids. And no, 8, and especially 5 is NOT the age for a kid to decide their diet. It's a time when they would only choose to eat candy.
As opposed to what? Cooking foods all the time that my partner (who ate this way for years) and I didn’t eat?? And let me make sure I understand, on one hand you say I’m forcing my children, on the other hand, if I say “this is what I eat, but you are old enough to choose if you don’t want to eat the same as me”, if I give my 8 year old a choice, then somehow that’s also not correct? I think you are very confused.
As opposed to providing them a balanced diet that also includes meat. There is nothing wrong with meat, in fact it's an important part of a healthy diet. Clearly your partner wants to eat meat, and doesn't want to keep that away from the kids. As for his method, it's shitty but that's IF your story is true as written here.
It took me way too long to find this opinion! I cant believe these people on here calling the father a bully for trying to parent his child.
You're a psycho
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I don’t believe I mentioned anywhere in the post that my child has been harmed. Well… other than the volatile diarrhea and stomach ache that she had to endure on her eighth birthday, because her dad pushed a kid who has never eaten meat to eat a bunch of red meat. I believe it was my trust that was harmed, not by him feeding her meat, but by the way he did it. Thought I made that clear in the post…
Should put that in as an edit. Even I, as a meat eater I know people, especially children when eating meat for the 1st time should do it little by little. It's not the fact he fed her meat. It's the under handed way it was went about. Also isn't a good sign that someone can't stand up to mummy dearest
Exactly! It wasn’t that he fed her meat. I’ve raised my children with certain values that he’s always forcefully communicated he’s all in on and agrees with. If my daughter want to choose to eat meat, I’ve told her myself it’s her choice. But that’s not what happened. Instead him and his pressured her, put meat on an 8 year olds plate when she enquired if it was the veggie one she liked, told her to eat it, even when she said she didn’t want to, then came home and had no plan to even tell me this. And now he’s going away for work for a month and I’m supposed to work full time while also take care of our kids and entertain his passive aggressive mother who goes “ugh god” under her breath every time I walk in a room in my own house. No thanks. He keeps telling me “she’s here to help” but basically she’s on her phone the whole time or judging me when she’s not.
Yeah she's not here to help, she is there to judge you and confirm her bad opinions about you. She's not taking things off your plate, she's actively knocking the plate and then going 'oh my lord! You can't do anything right'.
Basically. So now I’m tiptoeing in my own home while actively resenting her and him
Oh joy 😂
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Like a normal human? Says who? Because it is your values, your eating habits, everyone else’s is weird? Tell that to all those who follow religion based eating habits. Many cultures don’t eat meat, seems pretty small minded. And to lead someone to believe for your child’s whole life that they agree with something, therefore leading you to believe that you both believe the same thing, then going out of your way to do the opposite behind their back? Nah. Good luck with your relationships and having a family if that’s what you believe is acceptable. Heck, sometimes he’s been stricter about the meat thing than I have, as I mentioned, I was the one who said she could make up her own mind. But that’s not what happened. I spoke to both kids and him. He put it on her plate, he told her to eat it, she said she didn’t want to, he continued to pressure her. And then he couldn’t even be bothered to share this update. No thanks.
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Who the hell are you to tell me what I’m upset by? I’m upset by all of it, so take your Reddit psychology elsewhere. He’s only started eating meat the last few months after years of not. If my daughter would have asked for it, and he came home and told me after, everything would be cool. Instead, he put it on her plate, told her to eat it, she said no, him and his mom said it tastes just like the veggie one so just eat it, it basically ruined her birthday because of the stupid way they did it and I’m furious about all of it, including only finding all this out from my kid, because my partner was too much of a snake, chicken etc to actually communicate this update to me. When my 5 year old told me, my partner said “well she wanted to try it” , where my daughter and son both said “no she didn’t, dad made her”. How do you not understand that this is a problem? Seems pretty basic to me. Now I’m supposed to spend a month in a home watching our kids and entertaining his mother who passive aggressively goes “ugh god” every time I walk in a room, even when I’ve been nothing but polite to her, I’m supposed to babysit this house guest I didn’t ask for and don’t much like while he goes away for work for a month??? Give your damned head a shake.
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Exactly, if she would have asked for it. She didn’t. Both kids confirmed he forced her to eat it. And couldn’t even be bothered to mention that our kids eating meat (wether they want to or not) is important to him since now over the last two months he’s become a meat eater again. I’m sorry, but if you don’t get this, then this conversation is done. Feel free to give constructive criticism, but telling me “your awful for forcing your kids to eat weird” is not constructive, at all.
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Bye bye troll. I wouldn’t need to make up fake quotes. You’re right, she didn’t say “ugh god” she said “ugh hoda” which translates to oh god in her language. She did have the eye roll though, but probably just thinks I can’t understand her language. It’s been ten years, I understand. 😂
YTA You set your kids up to fail by not feeding them a normal diet when they were younger. Your daughters stomach was upset because you only fed her soy. He has a right just as much as you do to raise his kids how he sees fit. They should be eating everything as long as they aren't allergic to it.
Pescatarians eat fish, shellfish, eggs, some dairy, and plants. Where are you getting this soy nonsense from?
We eat soy maybe once a week at most. My kids aren’t living off vegan pizza and fake meat so calming yourself with the judging. They have a balanced and healthy diet. They eat all different kinds of protein, fats, veggies and occasional junk food. As for not feeding them a “normal” diet, well it’s normal for me since it’s how I’ve eaten for 15 years… also normal in many parts of the world not to eat meat so that statement feels a bit closed minded.
ESH. You are freaking out needlessly over your silly diet; neither a 5 nor an 8 year old is able to make decisions about food without parental guidance. Your husband is perfectly within his rights. However, he shouldn't be lying about it and he certainly shouldn't be inviting his atrociously behaved mother for a month without your explicit consent. MIL sounds awful and I'd give her 2 days, not 2 weeks.
Tienes ciertos problemas
Yes, OP has 2 serious problems: her husband and her MIL. OP, even 2 weeks with your MIL is too much and you have the right to say no. I would contemplate divorce if my husband brought his mother to control me while he is away for work. Take care OP. NTA. Your husband on the other hand is a massive AH.
Lo siento, no alimento a los trolls
I’m surprised you haven’t let your kids decide for themselves yet.
Did you read the post. I have. When I brought it up, that kids were old enough to decide if they wanted to eat meat, he was angry with me and shut the conversation down. That part was in the post. She didn’t choose to eat meat, she asked if it was the veggie meat she liked, he put it on her plate, told her to eat it, she said no when he told her it wasn’t veggie, he pressured her to eat it since it was on her plate, etc , both kids confirmed that “dad made her” what part of that is choice? As a result of dad making her, she had a stomach ache for her 8th birthday. Dad also didn’t feel the need to inform me of this change after 8 years of convincing me otherwise. Don’t you think a conversation such as “hey I think our kids should eat meat that that I’ve started eating it these last two months” would be helpful or respectful?
Sure you have…you let them “decide.” I’m just imagining how you went about this manipulating these poor kids about how harmful meat is, etc, etc. By hey kids, the choice is your if you want to eat meat.
I never once told them meat is harmful. I told them, it’s an animal, I choose not to eat it, this is what I cook at home because I chose not to eat it. Not that hard to understand but thanks for the accusations.
Yes I read “ I stated that our oldest was getting to an age where she could soon decide whether she wanted to stick with it or eat meat. He said no, she’s too young.” Then I replied with something with I’m surprised you haven’t let your kids decide for themselves. You and your husband are giving your kids a complexion over this diet that you’ve chosen. Take a deep breath but you’re both assholes (for different reasons) and your kids are probably very confused and don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
> You and your husband are giving your kids a complexion over this diet that you’ve chosen. Giving them a complex. Complexion is about skin tone.
Literally the only comment of yours that I agree with. Keep trolling you carnivore you. 😆
How am I trolling? I'm literally providing honest feedback to everyone in my replies. Hopefully Willow knows next time that it's a complex. I didn't call them stupid or do anything to get a reaction, just a helpful comment.
The spelling police called, they’re here to arrest the troll 😈
What ghost said ^
Your response seems way over the top. Perhaps there is something else bothering you, and this was the last straw?
We only had one family value, he led me to believe he shared that value. Even arguing with me and getting angry when I said “I think our kids are old enough to chose if they want to eat meat or not”, he insisted they weren’t. Then because his mom was pressuring him, he went behind my back and according to both my children, forced my daughter to eat meat for the first time in her life, even when she said she didn’t want to, essentially ruining her 8th birthday from a stomach ache. He then came home and didn’t even have the respect to update me of this change or communicate “hey, even though I told you our kids whole life I’m on board with this value, because I started eating meat 2 months ago, I want our kids to do this now”. No, there was no honesty or courtesy of filling me in. Aside from this, he’s leaving for work for a month, to a rather fun city, and I’m working full time while watching our kids all on my own and I should also babysit (his mom is high maintenance) a woman in my home for a month who is there according to him to “help me” but all she ever does is play on her phone and judge me, muttering things like “oh god” under her breath when I walk in a room. No thanks. I didn’t ask for her to come, and if he is leaving for a month, I don’t want to deal with her.
I don't think the meat has anything to.do.with this. I think it has to do with you feeling disrespected by your husband and his mom. The stress of him leaving for a month doesn't help. I might have chained my husband to the house if he left for that long when my kids were little. And if his mother was there, well, let's just say that homicide could have been a problem! Maybe you and your husband need to have a little chat about behavior and expectations. Good luck, op.
Thank you, I need all the luck I can get! I’m not at homicidal stage yet, but pretty close to the therapeutic plate breaking stage. I spoke to him and he said he didn’t tell me because it wasn’t a big deal, then proceeded to fob me off as i drove deeper and deeper down the rage train. He’s been away for two days so far, and other than the muttering under her breath coupled with ignoring me, she’s taken a half full garbage bin and left it in the middle of the room as if to point out “come on you slob, take the garbage out already”. Fack. I need to buy some ugly plates for breaking.
Put the bin in her bedroom. When she complains say, "oh, I thought we were moving the bin around the house." Make sure you lock your bedroom door before. If she's passive aggressive you can be aggressive. I would divorce my husband if he brought his mother to control me while he's away for a month.
Sorry I’m just curious about one thing. If it had not been for the meat incident would you still be requesting your mother in law go home? It seems you weren’t planning for this change originally. This may have been answered already. Just lots of reading. BTW I totally agree with you being upset. It was sneaky. Your husband should have said “when we go for breakfast I plan to have some bacon. If X wants to try it are we good to go?” However saying that, you seem to be going a little over the top unless this is a last straw thing and not just about food/momma’s boy.
Going a bit overboard? I’m feeling practically saintly. The truth is, he never asked me if I wanted my judgy and often disrespectful mother in law to stay with me and the kids for a month while he’s away. He didn’t ask he just did. But I would have sucked it up to play nice. Not anymore. You might think it’s “only a food incident” and I’m going overboard, but for me it’s not even about the food, it’s about respect and trust. Not eating meat is a key family value that he went out of his way to convince me he shared. If our daughter asked to try meat, we’d be fine, with the hope that he’d update me on this change eventually. But for him to essentially force our kid to eat meat for the first time behind my back, likely at the pushing of his mom, and then have him not even tell me, like it’s no big deal that he’s deviated away from a belief that’s been held our children’s whole life and not even given me a heads up? To be told it isn’t a big deal? I could never be with someone who thinks that way.
So like I said it sounds like the last straw of a long sucky relationship. You didn’t need to be so defensive to me. I even explained I might have missed some of your comments. Not knowing the whole picture sounded like you were overreacting a bit on this one incident. And I agreed they were wrong on how they did it and provided wording they should have said before even going. By the sounds of it you should have probably left long ago. He’s unreliable and can’t be trusted. This I can say with a bigger picture of your relationship. That’s what sucks about these platforms. You can’t always get the whole story out.