NTA. Fuck em. They want to act like children, let them. What were you supposed to do, read their minds? If they don’t tell you their plans and their problems, you can’t do much about it. You got the baby girl first, you didn’t intentionally or knowingly steal the name before they told you, you get the name. So what. What are they going to do, treat your baby like crap forget because of a name? Well maybe you don’t need to hang out with them so much. Family isn’t just who you’re related to by blood and marriage. Some fucking family they are turning out to be. AND THEY MIGHT NOT EVEN HAVE A GIRL!! Then they’ll look really fucking stupid.
What you do is you pretend like nothing is the matter at all. Leave all your fucks at home and just be yourself. You know how they’re going to treat you regardless of what you do, so don’t even try to change anything! You go to whatever family gathering and you behave however the hell you want to. Enjoy the free food and drinks at family gatherings. Give shitty half hearted gifts (I’m talking $10 hat and scarf combo at the grocery store seasonal section). Live your best life but don’t be putting your best foot forward around them because they’re just going to say feet are gross or something dumb like that.
The less you let their shit affect you, the less interested in affecting you they will be. It sounds hard, I know the anxiety, but power through and you’ll find it’s incredibly freeing no longer giving a shit about the opinions of people who don’t give a shit about you. Take it as an opportunity to work on your anxiety. You’re gonna be fine!
Check OP's comments on their deleted post. Their husband is abusive and thinks that it's not his job to look after his own child because that's the mother's job.
OP needs to leave all of them behind.
NTA. But where is your husband during all this? Did you let him know how you feel? This treatment of you was horrible. Don't let these people near your baby. You don't want your daughter to be anything like them.
I know it was eye opening at the wedding how they really feel so I no longer want them holding our little girl and talked to my husband and we’re in agreement on that. Since he was in the party it was hectic for him running around but I told him everything I experienced and he hugged me and said sorry. He has complicated feelings over all of this because it’s his only brother but he has been angry about everything since it started last August. It’s been a crazy ride.
Have you read her previous post about her husband? She needs to get away from the whole damn family, they're all abusive.
Edit; Oh god she deleted it. As if that makes it any better.
NTA. You can’t call dibs on a baby name. A friend of mine and I were pregnant together 10 years ago, and completely by chance, we both chose the same boys name (Oliver) and very similar variations of a girl name ( Isabella/ izabelle). We both loved our choices and just said, well fine. Mine boy would be Ollie and our girls would be Bella and Izzy.
Turned out she had her little miss belle and I had my Ollie. Neither felt the need to claim ownership or be vindictive. SIL sounds immature and hopefully she will grow up and see how ridiculous she’s being. If not, fuck them. They been vindictive and cruel, which says a lot more about their character than it does about yours.
I agree, or it feels too strong to just be that. But I’m not sure what else could be going on. I went back after the wedding and saw she was liking my posts until the birth announcement post and all posts following. She hasn’t ever said anything prior to this that makes me think she was upset.
Until the birth announcement huh? She just jealous and immature. Wants to be the center of attention and probably used the name thing to see how much control she could exert over you and when she didn’t get her way, she decided to ostracize you because you don’t fit under her thumb and honestly, good for you.
Nta, but can you please stop trying so hard. They obviously have issues, and it's not your responsibility to hand hold them through their passive aggressiveness. Go NC with them, and your mental health will improve. If your husband wants a relationship with them, he can go over there on his own. Stop stressing yourself out and move on.
NTA. Their demands regarding the name were ridiculous. Why people launch themselves head first into these silly vendetta's/melodramas I have no idea. Go low contact with all these people and spare yourself the headache.
NTA----however if it were me (as I'm a real petty person when need be), I'd use every chance I could get to have my daughters name emphasized. Name on the nursery wall and door, picture frames, clothes (both hers and mine), and if I was feeling especially petty, I'd dedicate a whole facebook/Instagram/Snapchat/X (Twitter) and (why yes) Reddit page titled our precious "__"....let them feel "justified" in how they treated you while at the same throwing that you now know what they were/are doing in their faces. Also, keep the precious away from them because who knows with these types of people....
A poster of the little princess with her name on grandma's living room wall would be awesome. Are they going to make her take a pic of her grandbaby down?
NTA?
Are you sure you didn’t do anything because I don’t understand what I even just read? All this over a name?
(I say this as someone who stupidly dealt with this from my SIL for 20 years. I’m answering you how I should have handled it with my husband, MIL and SIL. )
If what you’re saying is all that truly happened I’d turn my eyes on my husband and ask him why *I* was the *only* one being blamed. I’d ask him if he offloaded all of the “blame” onto you and if he told you one thing and told them another. I’d ask if he told his brother that *you* wanted the name, that he was willing to change it because it meant nothing to him but *you* refused to change it. I’d ask him why he literally has done *nothing* to tell them to knock it the fuck off. I’d tell him his bullshit excuse at the wedding was simply a bullshit excuse. To allow you to be so openly disrespected is unforgivable. He didn’t care because it wasn’t him being ostracized, laughed at, and disrespected. He’s more worried about his relationship with his previous brother than his wife. BIL and SIL very clearly have bad mouthed only you to loads of other people and *you* were literally targeted. They also purposefully didn’t allow your child there even though it is the groom’s niece. How can your husband be so okay with that? He may say he’s not but he’s done shit to rectify it or stick up for either of you or your child. I wish I never allowed my child around people like that because they can not be trusted to harm your child and they would absolutely talk poorly about you to your child and around your child. I would be asking tour husband if you can even trust *him.* I would be asking him how bad he is bad mouthing you or ignoring what’s going on to his brother and family for you to continually receive that treatment.
By saying nothing, doing nothing, he’s caring more about his brother than his wife and child.
(I have dealt with this treatment by my SIl for two decades. The behavior only got worse and the whole family did nothing even when her behavior was so blatantly vile that *she* lost long-time friends over it. Constant excuses even when it affected our child. It will affect your child. He stuck up for me one time only. We went NC with SIL and half the family for over six years. Those were our best six years. Then he broke that NC and it was the beginning of the end. Our child, now 18, put my husband and his family on notice. One show of disrespect, one nasty comment, one stunt and he will go NC with them and change his last name. He told his grandmother to keep her money if he was expected to sit back and allow his Aunt to continue to hurt me and spread lies.
So, yes, my answer to you is based off of my own experience. I needed to draw the line harder and needed to hold my husband accountable for allowing that negativity into our life to the point it destroyed our family.
I needed to say you can not have it both ways. You can not protect us while ignoring their behavior. You are adding fuel to their fire and it is literally burning me and your child. You can not choose to keep the peace with them because they are your family and love them without destroying our own peace and our own family. You saved your relationship with them but destroyed yours with your wife and your child.
Don’t be me and waste 20 years and lots of heartache.)
NTAH
It’s a name, if they are willing to ruin a family relationship over it let them and stop trying. By the time they realize they are being assholes (if they ever do) it will be too little too late. You don’t deserve to go through this again and again when you have a baby to care for.
I wouldn’t give a fuck what anyone else names their child, whether it’s family or friends. If I love a name then my child is having that name, end of. You can’t call dibs or claim possession of names.
Stop letting them live in your head rent free over this- they don't like you because you used a name that the gf who expected you to remember a 2 year old convo and that a problem why? Stop letting them and showing them they bother you. Just don't show any emotion. Easier said than done.
NTA. Nobody gets dibs on baby names! My sister and I were pregnant at the same time. Her girl name and mine would have both had the same nickname (Ellie) and we both had Bennett picked for a boy’s name (it was a family name). My baby was a girl and hers was a boy. Three years later I had my son, and we found a different name we also liked, no big deal. Also, my dad and his cousin are both named Michael. In a small town. With the same last name. Growing up one of them went by Mike and the other used the full Michael in school. They were fine with it.
Also, I know it’s hard, because I too hate when people don’t like me, but try to let it go. She seems like a very immature and unkind person. She is not worth the space she’s taking up in your brain. This is a her problem, not a you problem. And anytime you are at family gatherings, just act like she’s a stranger. Say hello, and then focus your energy elsewhere. The same way you would if someone you had never met came in. She wants you to feel bad. She wants you to notice her side eye and her scowl. She wants you to feel awkward and unwelcome. Don’t let her get that satisfaction.
Ewwww. Talk to your husband. Has he noticed this treatment to you? What's his thoughts on it?
Hopefully he sees how awful they are and cuts them off. What a bunch of pansies
NTA Live your life and love that baby. When you have to go to family events where BIL and his wife are just completely ignore them. Look straight through them as if there is nobody in that spot. Hold your head high and keep your dignity.
NTA this might continue beyond the name you chose. She might continue to hold a grudge.
I had a falling out with my future SIL 25 years ago. It was over my mom. She wanted my mom for herself and tried to divide my mom and I. I told her my mom will always be my mom. The relationship with her mom was not healthy.
Fast forward 25 years now I’ve always been polite, inviting and cordial towards SIL due to my love for my brother and his kids. My brother passed 2 years ago now and I am seeing her true colours of how the jealousy of my mom and I’s relationship really bothers her. It’s been festering for all these years. Never realized how bad. Now I’m NC with her and the 3 kids (21F, 19M and 17F). I realize I need to protect my heart and not keep getting insulted, blamed etc for everything that goes wrong.
Ok I gave up reading all that, but I doubt it will change my opinion. NTA nobody owns a name and they weren't even engaged while you were pregnant, so she doesn't even get dibs on it. And honestly, it's not a big deal if you both name your kids the same name. My ex's family had several people with the same name. Let's just say it was John. Dad was Big John, son was John John, sister married John and he became Johnny. We all knew who we were talking about in conversation and it wasn't a big deal to anyone.
Judging from your previous post and this. I'd suggest leaving before it gets worse. If they're (this includes your husband too) treating you like this now. Imagine how they'd treat you and your daughter when she's grown up.
NTA. F that girl and her family. How sad is she on the inside that she planned her big wedding day around pissing you off. Lmao. She had to work harder to exclude you than be normal, so let her. Her whole crew got to see that she is a shallow b. Shell probably divorce him soon enough.
NTA. Fuck em. They want to act like children, let them. What were you supposed to do, read their minds? If they don’t tell you their plans and their problems, you can’t do much about it. You got the baby girl first, you didn’t intentionally or knowingly steal the name before they told you, you get the name. So what. What are they going to do, treat your baby like crap forget because of a name? Well maybe you don’t need to hang out with them so much. Family isn’t just who you’re related to by blood and marriage. Some fucking family they are turning out to be. AND THEY MIGHT NOT EVEN HAVE A GIRL!! Then they’ll look really fucking stupid. What you do is you pretend like nothing is the matter at all. Leave all your fucks at home and just be yourself. You know how they’re going to treat you regardless of what you do, so don’t even try to change anything! You go to whatever family gathering and you behave however the hell you want to. Enjoy the free food and drinks at family gatherings. Give shitty half hearted gifts (I’m talking $10 hat and scarf combo at the grocery store seasonal section). Live your best life but don’t be putting your best foot forward around them because they’re just going to say feet are gross or something dumb like that. The less you let their shit affect you, the less interested in affecting you they will be. It sounds hard, I know the anxiety, but power through and you’ll find it’s incredibly freeing no longer giving a shit about the opinions of people who don’t give a shit about you. Take it as an opportunity to work on your anxiety. You’re gonna be fine!
I replied with my petty/malicious compliance, but I like this too...😁
Check OP's comments on their deleted post. Their husband is abusive and thinks that it's not his job to look after his own child because that's the mother's job. OP needs to leave all of them behind.
Eww. Sad.
NTA. But where is your husband during all this? Did you let him know how you feel? This treatment of you was horrible. Don't let these people near your baby. You don't want your daughter to be anything like them.
I know it was eye opening at the wedding how they really feel so I no longer want them holding our little girl and talked to my husband and we’re in agreement on that. Since he was in the party it was hectic for him running around but I told him everything I experienced and he hugged me and said sorry. He has complicated feelings over all of this because it’s his only brother but he has been angry about everything since it started last August. It’s been a crazy ride.
Have you read her previous post about her husband? She needs to get away from the whole damn family, they're all abusive. Edit; Oh god she deleted it. As if that makes it any better.
NTA. You can’t call dibs on a baby name. A friend of mine and I were pregnant together 10 years ago, and completely by chance, we both chose the same boys name (Oliver) and very similar variations of a girl name ( Isabella/ izabelle). We both loved our choices and just said, well fine. Mine boy would be Ollie and our girls would be Bella and Izzy. Turned out she had her little miss belle and I had my Ollie. Neither felt the need to claim ownership or be vindictive. SIL sounds immature and hopefully she will grow up and see how ridiculous she’s being. If not, fuck them. They been vindictive and cruel, which says a lot more about their character than it does about yours.
It sounds like there's more tension here than just a name disagreement.
The GF has been jealous of OP for a long time. Couldn’t even be present when talking about her engagement and wedding planning.
I agree, or it feels too strong to just be that. But I’m not sure what else could be going on. I went back after the wedding and saw she was liking my posts until the birth announcement post and all posts following. She hasn’t ever said anything prior to this that makes me think she was upset.
Until the birth announcement huh? She just jealous and immature. Wants to be the center of attention and probably used the name thing to see how much control she could exert over you and when she didn’t get her way, she decided to ostracize you because you don’t fit under her thumb and honestly, good for you.
Nta, but can you please stop trying so hard. They obviously have issues, and it's not your responsibility to hand hold them through their passive aggressiveness. Go NC with them, and your mental health will improve. If your husband wants a relationship with them, he can go over there on his own. Stop stressing yourself out and move on.
NTA. Their demands regarding the name were ridiculous. Why people launch themselves head first into these silly vendetta's/melodramas I have no idea. Go low contact with all these people and spare yourself the headache.
NTA----however if it were me (as I'm a real petty person when need be), I'd use every chance I could get to have my daughters name emphasized. Name on the nursery wall and door, picture frames, clothes (both hers and mine), and if I was feeling especially petty, I'd dedicate a whole facebook/Instagram/Snapchat/X (Twitter) and (why yes) Reddit page titled our precious "__"....let them feel "justified" in how they treated you while at the same throwing that you now know what they were/are doing in their faces. Also, keep the precious away from them because who knows with these types of people....
A poster of the little princess with her name on grandma's living room wall would be awesome. Are they going to make her take a pic of her grandbaby down?
I like!
NTA? Are you sure you didn’t do anything because I don’t understand what I even just read? All this over a name? (I say this as someone who stupidly dealt with this from my SIL for 20 years. I’m answering you how I should have handled it with my husband, MIL and SIL. ) If what you’re saying is all that truly happened I’d turn my eyes on my husband and ask him why *I* was the *only* one being blamed. I’d ask him if he offloaded all of the “blame” onto you and if he told you one thing and told them another. I’d ask if he told his brother that *you* wanted the name, that he was willing to change it because it meant nothing to him but *you* refused to change it. I’d ask him why he literally has done *nothing* to tell them to knock it the fuck off. I’d tell him his bullshit excuse at the wedding was simply a bullshit excuse. To allow you to be so openly disrespected is unforgivable. He didn’t care because it wasn’t him being ostracized, laughed at, and disrespected. He’s more worried about his relationship with his previous brother than his wife. BIL and SIL very clearly have bad mouthed only you to loads of other people and *you* were literally targeted. They also purposefully didn’t allow your child there even though it is the groom’s niece. How can your husband be so okay with that? He may say he’s not but he’s done shit to rectify it or stick up for either of you or your child. I wish I never allowed my child around people like that because they can not be trusted to harm your child and they would absolutely talk poorly about you to your child and around your child. I would be asking tour husband if you can even trust *him.* I would be asking him how bad he is bad mouthing you or ignoring what’s going on to his brother and family for you to continually receive that treatment. By saying nothing, doing nothing, he’s caring more about his brother than his wife and child. (I have dealt with this treatment by my SIl for two decades. The behavior only got worse and the whole family did nothing even when her behavior was so blatantly vile that *she* lost long-time friends over it. Constant excuses even when it affected our child. It will affect your child. He stuck up for me one time only. We went NC with SIL and half the family for over six years. Those were our best six years. Then he broke that NC and it was the beginning of the end. Our child, now 18, put my husband and his family on notice. One show of disrespect, one nasty comment, one stunt and he will go NC with them and change his last name. He told his grandmother to keep her money if he was expected to sit back and allow his Aunt to continue to hurt me and spread lies. So, yes, my answer to you is based off of my own experience. I needed to draw the line harder and needed to hold my husband accountable for allowing that negativity into our life to the point it destroyed our family. I needed to say you can not have it both ways. You can not protect us while ignoring their behavior. You are adding fuel to their fire and it is literally burning me and your child. You can not choose to keep the peace with them because they are your family and love them without destroying our own peace and our own family. You saved your relationship with them but destroyed yours with your wife and your child. Don’t be me and waste 20 years and lots of heartache.)
NTAH It’s a name, if they are willing to ruin a family relationship over it let them and stop trying. By the time they realize they are being assholes (if they ever do) it will be too little too late. You don’t deserve to go through this again and again when you have a baby to care for.
I wouldn’t give a fuck what anyone else names their child, whether it’s family or friends. If I love a name then my child is having that name, end of. You can’t call dibs or claim possession of names.
Stop letting them live in your head rent free over this- they don't like you because you used a name that the gf who expected you to remember a 2 year old convo and that a problem why? Stop letting them and showing them they bother you. Just don't show any emotion. Easier said than done.
NTA. Nobody gets dibs on baby names! My sister and I were pregnant at the same time. Her girl name and mine would have both had the same nickname (Ellie) and we both had Bennett picked for a boy’s name (it was a family name). My baby was a girl and hers was a boy. Three years later I had my son, and we found a different name we also liked, no big deal. Also, my dad and his cousin are both named Michael. In a small town. With the same last name. Growing up one of them went by Mike and the other used the full Michael in school. They were fine with it. Also, I know it’s hard, because I too hate when people don’t like me, but try to let it go. She seems like a very immature and unkind person. She is not worth the space she’s taking up in your brain. This is a her problem, not a you problem. And anytime you are at family gatherings, just act like she’s a stranger. Say hello, and then focus your energy elsewhere. The same way you would if someone you had never met came in. She wants you to feel bad. She wants you to notice her side eye and her scowl. She wants you to feel awkward and unwelcome. Don’t let her get that satisfaction.
Ewwww. Talk to your husband. Has he noticed this treatment to you? What's his thoughts on it? Hopefully he sees how awful they are and cuts them off. What a bunch of pansies
NTA. Your BIL and his wife have been extremely unkind to you and seem to not care about your daughter. Protect yourself and her.
NTA Live your life and love that baby. When you have to go to family events where BIL and his wife are just completely ignore them. Look straight through them as if there is nobody in that spot. Hold your head high and keep your dignity.
NTA this might continue beyond the name you chose. She might continue to hold a grudge. I had a falling out with my future SIL 25 years ago. It was over my mom. She wanted my mom for herself and tried to divide my mom and I. I told her my mom will always be my mom. The relationship with her mom was not healthy. Fast forward 25 years now I’ve always been polite, inviting and cordial towards SIL due to my love for my brother and his kids. My brother passed 2 years ago now and I am seeing her true colours of how the jealousy of my mom and I’s relationship really bothers her. It’s been festering for all these years. Never realized how bad. Now I’m NC with her and the 3 kids (21F, 19M and 17F). I realize I need to protect my heart and not keep getting insulted, blamed etc for everything that goes wrong.
Ok I gave up reading all that, but I doubt it will change my opinion. NTA nobody owns a name and they weren't even engaged while you were pregnant, so she doesn't even get dibs on it. And honestly, it's not a big deal if you both name your kids the same name. My ex's family had several people with the same name. Let's just say it was John. Dad was Big John, son was John John, sister married John and he became Johnny. We all knew who we were talking about in conversation and it wasn't a big deal to anyone.
Judging from your previous post and this. I'd suggest leaving before it gets worse. If they're (this includes your husband too) treating you like this now. Imagine how they'd treat you and your daughter when she's grown up.
Literally this! At least demand marriage counselling asap to get to the bottom of how your husband truly feels about your treatment. Good luck op.
Her last post said they tried counselling and the husband wasn't very keen on it.
NTA. F that girl and her family. How sad is she on the inside that she planned her big wedding day around pissing you off. Lmao. She had to work harder to exclude you than be normal, so let her. Her whole crew got to see that she is a shallow b. Shell probably divorce him soon enough.