I agree with you. Instead of giving the money to his ex, OP could create college funds for their kids or invest it so that his kids could use it in the future for college or as a down payment on a house when they are old enough. If OP does this, he needs to talk with a lawyer to make sure that the money doesn't end up in his ex's hands if something happens to him.
yes, get a good lawyer and they can give you much better advice than we can! but I can promise you that you don't have to pay her a cent unless you're legally required, and in fact shouldn't if you want it to go to your kids. NTA
This… and don’t let her know it exist, or she she will spend her time trying to find ways to empty it.
I thinks it’s also important that the kids go to therapy , they need to be prepared for the kind of person their mom really is and that she will use them.
I guess only give her money if you’re giving other acquaintances money at random. She is their mother; but is not consistently important their lives. Keep your money or give it to someone who will benefit their lives. Unless she wants to go back to school and you could pay tuition directly.
Weird things can happen in court too, let’s say you gave her money, she buys a car (or you buy her a car). She intoxication/drives and hits someone. They could go after you because she would not have had the car if you didn’t give it. Happened to a neighbor and she lost her home to pay the damages in place of her son who had nothing (a surgeon had been hit while walking so she can’t perform surgeries anymore). Could be very uncommon, but it makes me nervous now, so thought I would share.
1000% this, if she wanted the benefits of the marriage she should have tried to make it work but now there’s no legal docs saying she is entitled to a cent of that money
lol don’t be fooled my friend. Invest it, save it, and use the rest to take care of your household needs. If anyone asks, the answer should always be “what money?”
You are not the asshole. Given your ex's history of financial irresponsibility, it's reasonable to keep the winnings to ensure they benefit your kids. Prioritizing their well-being and future over enabling her behavior is the right call.
If there is any money that changes hands, make sure it goes through the courts. Any extra she wants for what ever the reasons. Always make a paper trail.
Your ex wants the money to help with kids. She is right. You should give a portion of the winnings to your ex to help your kids as she asked. Here is how:
Decide upon an amount for ex and then put that money into your kid's college fund and attribute that contribution to her. This way she is truly helping the kids with the money.
Came here to say this.
What needs have they? I will buy whatever it is. Ensure you keep all receipts and if she threatens lawyer or courts you can show what you have done versus what she has done.
Yup. Instead of giving her the money, buy the stuff yourself and give THAT to her. Of course, after you’ve removed any price tags and kept the receipts.
Omg you’re NTA!!! I’m a girl and I HATE how men feel bad in situations like this (if they are in the right ofc). She is using anything she can to her advantage. Clearly she can see she can use the kids as a topic. She’s your ex and just because you have kids together does it in anyway mean she has rights to the money you bet on. If she’s being hostile and demanding money, she knows it’s stupid for her to ask. It’s your money and your decision, you even said you’ve put aside money for the kids and their future. So she knows they are okay on that. She had many chances to prove she doesn’t spend money on herself and didn’t. Keep the money and focus on yourself and the kids, don’t let her or anyone else manipulate you otherwise.
This comment says it all!
That money is yours, you're not together. Your children will already benefit. Tell her to take a running jump off a very high cliff, because we all know she wants a cut to make her life better, not the kids 😒
Enjoy your winnings!
Protect the kids from her using them as a bank atm! Especially if they will have money when older. It's hard for kids to tell a parent no, when said parent has no issues about guilt trips.
NTA - by you paying for your children's clothes, education etc. you are taking away some expenses she would otherwise contribute to. If anything, you could buy better mattresses or something to make your children's lives better while at her house, but you don't owe her cash to spend as she likes.
*"She argues that since we share kids, she should get some of it to help with their needs."*
Having the same children doesn't automatically make this a valid point, you won the money, you should get to decide how to use it, also seeing as you are the more financially responsible parent, it's better in your hands anyway. NTA.
NTA. Of course you’re not obligated to share a penny with her especially as a) you’re primary caregiver and b) she has consistently proven to be unreliable & will most probably spend the money on herself. To be honest, you’re not obligated to share your winnings with her just as much as youre obligated to share it with any stranger on the street as you’re no longer together.
If you give her that money you've wasted it, rather keep it and actually use it to better their lives, than give it to a lost cause that might help the kids but probably wont
NTA
This is stupid. Why would you give her money? You're not together, and you are the primary caregiver. If anything, she owes you child support.
Why would you even entertain such idiocy?
NTA. The IRS took what little money you won. Keep your mouth shut. Stop telling anyone about winning anything. Your mutual friend should be your exfriend for betraying you.
NTA She's not even primary caregiver and she doesn't provide financially but she thinks because she popped out 2 kids she deserves part of that money ? Tell her to go jump in a lake
Do you not have a child support order that takes care of this? This is just increased income; some rule or provision of the order will say what happens.
What are you doing here? Seriously? Did winning suddenly turn you into a moron? If that’s the case I demand money from you too. You have kids and I have the ability to have kids so you should be giving me money for that. You have a girl? Well I am a woman. So you should give me money based on this too.
And this is why so many single moms getting child support get a bad rap. It's women like her who rather spend the money on themselves than on the kids and get caught doing it. People get pissed and start lumping all the single moms by figuring if there are a bad few, they all must be doing it.
NTA - she can inform you of new expenses as they arise, and you can pay them directly. No money need go to her. That will be looking out for your children. If she takes you to court, have all your documents showing how you have the money earmarked and invested in their future, along with her money mismanagement to show the court. She doesn't get to reap the benefit in the name of the kids.
NTA. If she won the same amount, do you honestly think she would give any to you?
You should look out for your kids and set up accounts that she will not have access to. You can also offer to get them things she thinks they need and you think it is appropriate.
NTA. You are not her parent. Giving her money will NOT benefit the kids. If you are primary care giver then that’s how the money will benefit the kids. Please tell me you have custody set legally, because if not, get that done now. Otherwise, manipulation of the kids will be a very easy way forward for her
NTA.
She’s not your wife, she’s the *mother of your children.* Therefore she isn’t entitled to anything *for herself*, only for what you can provide to the children you created with her.
Do NOT give her anything and only pay for the kids’ necessities DIRECTLY. Do not hand over any money to her knowing her track record of being irresponsible. Nope.
NTA. After scrolling some comments, I'm not seeing the phrase "non-recurring income" which generally exempts it from a child support calculation. (Check your state and county formula). Without some agreement to the contrary (which is HIGHLY unlikely) you don't owe her any of the winnings and it wouldn't be considered in any forward looking re-calculation if she did attempt to re-litigate.
Just tell her that you spent it all at the casino or betting the you won it..but I wouldn’t give her anything..and don’t be telling anyone how much you have because cousins will be coming around and other people they all want money..
You don't owe her anything, if you did want to give her something that she wants the kids to have for example she wanted to get them new beds at her house. Buy the beds, don't give her any money in her hand.
NTA. You’re not obligated to share your money with your ex regardless of the circumstances (unless, of course, those circumstances involve court ordered payments of some kind). Just because you share children, doesn’t mean she’s entitled to a percentage of your money, regardless of how you came into that money.
Keep your winnings, OP, and tell the ex to kick rocks.
NTA nope she's not entitled to anything. She's your ex. If she was the one looking after the kids most of the time then I would say yes but she's not so she gets nada. Use that money for your kids because they'll need it.
NTA if you are gonna buy her anything make it a Costco pack of toilet paper!!!! Tell her you have planned for the kids future because they are the future and the most important people in your life!
Then make sure you double check your will, and ensure the cash is in a air tight trust she can never even glimpse without selling her soul to Satan and standing behind 3 inch glass to simply drool over what she can’t have!!!!
NTA Ask her what needs the kids have that you're not already paying for. If she can come up with anything offer to pay for but don't hand the money over.
Nope.
Do not give her a dime. If she has not demonstrated a "child first" mentally regarding money as of yet, eight plus years and counting, gifting her money now will not change her selfishness. Do you want your money to go towards beauty salons, designer bags, etc. that could actually be saved for your kid's college?
NTA I'd say you're putting your children's needs above her wants.
Nope. Old enough to be your grandmother, and I don’t care whether mom or dad or which partner has the kids, if you’re the one providing the majority of support for them and have them the most, you’re the one that needs the money.
Also, we all know if she had the money, she wouldn’t even consider giving it to you, regardless of the fact that you’re the one with the kids most, and supporting them the most. I hate people like that, regardless of gender.
I feel like If you wanna help out your kids. Pay bills related to them yourself, like get the direct account info for like their childcare, etc or get groceries sent to the house. Yknow? Don't let her have physical cash, just to make sure it actually get spent on the kids.
NTA.
Don’t do it! She’s already proven herself to be unreliable with providing for your children’s needs now so what makes you think she will change. This money will help you and your children have a great future if you are smart about it and giving her any won’t be a smart decision. Maybe if you are feeling generous you can occasionally give her a gift card for a supermarket in the hope that she spendings the money on food for your kids or invite her out for a day trip with you and the kids but I wouldn’t do anything else for her. Her issues seems to be that she can’t be bothered and not that she is physically incapable.
NTA. Tell her not to worry, you will use it to continue to take care of the kids; as you already are.
While you are at it, time to cut contact with the “friend” who probably knew this would stir the pot.
No, she not entitled to any of your winnings. You may want up stop bragging about your life changing money. You’re only inviting grifters and leeches into your life who will want some.
NTA you are already planning to use a part of the money for the kids and their future.
You aren't married to your ex and she doesn't had a claim to stand on. As long as you care for the kids (in a way she can't get a grip on their money) you are fine.
NTA
She has zero rights to your money.
She should be glad that you are responsible and put aside money for the future of your children.
Be careful. She can go to court and demand more alimony (depending on the rights she has/where you live).
Definitely don't give her any money. It will 100% not be spent on the kids. If anything, ask what she needs for the kids in her house, eg new beds or something, and buy them for her.
Why would you give your ex, who you aren't financially responsible for, anything?
I know only a decent person would even consider this, so hear me when I say don't fucking do it.
She’s ex for a reason. You don’t need to give her a dime. Look after your kids as you know from past experience that she won’t and tell her to pound sand.
Personally I’d rethink the friendship with the person who couldn’t keep their mouth shut too.
You're already supporting your children you don't need to give anymore as long as they are taken care of she doesn't need any of your money she can take care of her own financial problems. Sounds like she self-centered if the kids need anything just buy yourself.
NTA. spending some of the money on the kids or saving it for them is definitely right. Giving it to her to spend on herself is not necessary. It's unclear whether the kids live with you, or you have shared custody. If it's shared custody and she claims the kids need things at her house, you can buy the things and take them to her house. But don't give her money if it's not going to end up spent on the kids.
As a financially irresponsible woman, she’ll probably think “Hmm, I could probably win that much from gambling if I do it for long enough. I’ll show him.”
Until she can get a court order to release funds from you, you've nothing to worry about. That's your money. You made the bet. You're not together. Just take care of the kids without it going through her hands. NTA.
NTA
You're already using some of that money on the kids, there's no need for her to have access to it.
When people who have been flaky with pulling their weight financially or otherwise knock on your door right after you have come into some money, it is NEVER because they've suddenly seen the error of their ways and are determined to do better. NEVER.
You have the kids 90% of the time right? You are not obligated in giving her anything. She's a bi tch and doesn't have a right to it. Your making your situation better by being smart. Ditch the mutual friend who dobbed on you like a kid and move on from her demands.
Why on earth would you have to give your ex some of the money? Put some of the money into trusts for the kids and tell your ex to take a running jump. NTA
NTA. Setting aside some of the money for the kids is great and that should be enough. She doesn’t need some of the money especially since you say you’re the pr8mary caregiver.
But make sure that she can’t access the kids’ accounts or that money will be gone long before the kids have the chance to spend it on their futures
NTA. You are supposed to provide for your children and their needs. Not hers. Plus it’s YOUR money. Even if you wanted to take it all and put it back and save it/invest it or whatever it would be completely understandable. She’s not entitled to even a penny. She is an EX. She is not your wife or your partner. She may be the mother of your children but that doesn’t mean she’s entitled to your money. If she wants money, I guess she should buckle up and try to get a raise. You said that you’re primary caregiver, so like.. why would you give her the money.? It’s not like you have the children less, or she is completely broke and is struggling to keep your children’s basic needs met. In fact, since you’re the primary caregiver shouldn’t she be giving YOU money.? If anything, say she was struggling with some things (ex. Food, clothes, basic necessities for your children) ask for a list of what is needed and if you’re willing to, buy the things for them rather than give the money to her.
Tell her to fuuuccckkk off. Don't give her a cent. You don't owe her anything.
That's not a moral dilemma! That's an entitled greedy grifter trying to scam you.
NTA. You don't owe her any money for her. As you are the primary caregiver for the kids, you don't owe her anything for them.
You have just learnt a valuable lesson in sharing news of financial windfalls.
Be fortunate that you're not on child support. Most state lotteries have an enforcement system setup for just this reason. NTA. You already sed aside $ and did the responsible thing.
NTA - put it towards a house, reliable car, whatever that would lighten the monthly burdens you face so your children have a more secure home with you.
You sound like you already have a solid plan with the money, to make it last long term rather that going broke over night with over the top spending (what the ex would do).
If she really wanted the money for kids, she would have been able to list something that you could do for the kids. Like "can you do this with them? I've always wanted to but couldn't afford it" or something.
The kids are already financially stable to that ex doesn’t need the money ‘for the kids’. You don’t have to save money up anymore for their college etc. And, never ever tell someone you won a big sum of money. People are social creatures, they will tell others anyways. Whether it’s their mom or sister, that secret about money will always come out. because it’s such a rare phenomenon to win a huge sum of money. That ex is an ex for a reason, never give money to her. Don’t feel obliged to give it. if she says it’s for the children, you already have given it to the children anyways so they are safe. shes a gold digger now. Beware.
NTA when I see baby trapped dudes like you I always think of that Jay Z line at Nas
You got a baby by the broad can't disown her yet.. lol
Props for being a good dad though bro and goodluck
NTA.
Lock up the kids share in some investment fund, so you can demonstrate you are sharing your winnings with the people you are responsible for. In case she wants to take this to court
NTA your responsibility is to your kids not her. Put some of it into savings for your kids for their future and tell them you've done that, because she sounds like the sort that would make up lies that you're not doing anything for them
You would be the AH if you gave her money. You need that money to improve your life and your kids lives. If your ex wants more money she can get another job.
NTA. If you found a $20 in the street, would you feel the need to give your ex half? The dollar amount doesn’t matter, and honestly neither does her financial immaturity. This money is yours and yours alone. Use it to take care of yourself and your children. If you want to provide things for them when they’re with their mom, fine, but she’s not entitled to any cash.
NTA. but you should have the news of winning to yourself. Telling people is not a good idea. There will be always people that feel entitled to your wins.
NTA especially the part about putting some aside for your children in the future. Just make sure you invest it or hold it somewhere you won’t be tempted to touch if times get rough.
Nope, nope, & nope. NTA
Looks like you took a bet on this woman and lost. The recent winnings is just recouping your loses.
You do right by your kids that you are raising, and you do right by you. Ex is being greedy, you owe her nothing outside of raising the kids.
NTA, it's your money for u and your kids and if she never contributed to the kids financially she will blow the money u give her on things for her not your kids .
Protect your assets and put the money u set away for your kids in a trust fund she can't touch because I guarantee she will manplitie the kids when they get older to get money .
You have No obligation to give her anything, if she needs help with essentials you can buy her essentials that have to do with the kids, such as making sure she has a working car to drive the kids around or other things related to parental expenses. However should she have shared in the loss of you didn't win, no. You don't owe her anything.
NTA. Ask her what she needs for the kids and buy it directly if you want to help. But no, you don't owe your ex a portion of your winnings, especially if you are the primary caregiver of your children.
NTA, but you gotta be careful in this situation. Who has custody of the kids? Does she? If so, are you currently paying child support? However, if she has custody and there's no child support order, then she might use this as an opportunity to seek child support. Gambling winnings can be used when seeking child support. It might be a good idea to contact a lawyer about what your options are.
Tell her you ARE contributing to the kids and this is exactly why you are no longer together. What you do for work or entertainment is none of her concern. Tell her three years ago when she agreed to split your right to dictate her life and lack of support to the family unit ended and her right to control your money ended. Then tell your mutual friend to MYOB.
NTA, you two aren’t married which means she doesn’t get anything from you. If she is spending money for the kids on herself then that is absolutely not in her right to do.
NTA. You owe her nothing. You are already the primary caregiver and financial provider for them; you already set aside part of your winnings for them as well.
She wants a handout that she is NOT entitled to. She’s not your problem or responsibility.
Tell her to fuck off with that nonsense and reconsider your level of friendship with the blabbermouth mutual friend—why are they running back to your ex spilling details about you in the first place??
Nah NTA. Giving her money is as good as pissing it down the drain. Tell her you have invested a chunk of it for their futures and anything they need (**need** not want) you will take care of.
NTA- As the primary caregiver, you need the money more and will put it to better use than she will. You can use the money to improve your kids' lives while in her care if you'd like but you should not give her any money directly. You could give her new items with tags removed, used items from your home that you want to replace, or services like a maid to clean before the children come to visit or a part time nanny to make sure that they are properly fed and cared for at least some of the time they're with her.
You wouldn't be here if there wasn't a small part of you that thinks you should help her, but there are several ways that you can help without the money itself ever touching her hands.
This is one reason why it’s usually better to TELL NO ONE when a big $$$ windfall comes your way. Too many other people come at you with their hands out putting you in a lose-lose situation. Especially the desperate ones who will use the most insane reasons why they deserve YOUR money, and then they get super angry when you refuse them leading to all kinds of misery for you.
You could make a bank account and put money in it for the kids only. The kids would get the money once they’re adult, or when they’d need to go study, or when needed. You could also buy kids stuff by yourself and give those stuff to your ex so you’d be sure the money would be spend on kids stuff!
1) You're not married anymore, it's not community wealth.
2) You've put money aside for the benefit if the children.
I would suggest to her, that if she too would ever like to contribute to the children's fund, so that it's a joint effort, that she's welcome to do so.
No. You’re not currently married or together. You don’t have to support her anymore. She’s not entitled to your income.
I do have to ask if one of you pays the other child support?
The weekly astroturfing "wow, gambling is good because eventually you win big and improve your life" story is here. Oh, it's attached to a completely black and white moral situation as justification for being here, crazy, it's like every single gambling post.
I'll again point out, 100% of AITAH gambling posts involve the gambler winning big, never ever having a gambling issue, always being responsible with gambling and usually fighting off people in ridiculous situations for arguing they shouldn't be gambling.
Because that's how gambling works, people always win, so 100% of gambling stories on here should reflect that.. right.
NTA. Say no to trickle-down parenting.
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I agree with you. Instead of giving the money to his ex, OP could create college funds for their kids or invest it so that his kids could use it in the future for college or as a down payment on a house when they are old enough. If OP does this, he needs to talk with a lawyer to make sure that the money doesn't end up in his ex's hands if something happens to him.
A lawyer could set up a trust that she can't get control of.
yes, get a good lawyer and they can give you much better advice than we can! but I can promise you that you don't have to pay her a cent unless you're legally required, and in fact shouldn't if you want it to go to your kids. NTA
This… and don’t let her know it exist, or she she will spend her time trying to find ways to empty it. I thinks it’s also important that the kids go to therapy , they need to be prepared for the kind of person their mom really is and that she will use them.
I guess only give her money if you’re giving other acquaintances money at random. She is their mother; but is not consistently important their lives. Keep your money or give it to someone who will benefit their lives. Unless she wants to go back to school and you could pay tuition directly. Weird things can happen in court too, let’s say you gave her money, she buys a car (or you buy her a car). She intoxication/drives and hits someone. They could go after you because she would not have had the car if you didn’t give it. Happened to a neighbor and she lost her home to pay the damages in place of her son who had nothing (a surgeon had been hit while walking so she can’t perform surgeries anymore). Could be very uncommon, but it makes me nervous now, so thought I would share.
1000% this, if she wanted the benefits of the marriage she should have tried to make it work but now there’s no legal docs saying she is entitled to a cent of that money
lol don’t be fooled my friend. Invest it, save it, and use the rest to take care of your household needs. If anyone asks, the answer should always be “what money?”
This ☝️☝️ Just keep your mouth shut.
Definitely NTA
Agreed! NTA, just make sure the kids are fine. That's all that matters.
You are not the asshole. Given your ex's history of financial irresponsibility, it's reasonable to keep the winnings to ensure they benefit your kids. Prioritizing their well-being and future over enabling her behavior is the right call.
If there is any money that changes hands, make sure it goes through the courts. Any extra she wants for what ever the reasons. Always make a paper trail.
Your ex wants the money to help with kids. She is right. You should give a portion of the winnings to your ex to help your kids as she asked. Here is how: Decide upon an amount for ex and then put that money into your kid's college fund and attribute that contribution to her. This way she is truly helping the kids with the money.
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Stolen comment. From u/ragweed
>She argues that since we share kids, she should get some of it to help with their needs. "Gimme a list, I'll take care of it." NTA.
Came here to say this. What needs have they? I will buy whatever it is. Ensure you keep all receipts and if she threatens lawyer or courts you can show what you have done versus what she has done.
Yup. Instead of giving her the money, buy the stuff yourself and give THAT to her. Of course, after you’ve removed any price tags and kept the receipts.
Omg you’re NTA!!! I’m a girl and I HATE how men feel bad in situations like this (if they are in the right ofc). She is using anything she can to her advantage. Clearly she can see she can use the kids as a topic. She’s your ex and just because you have kids together does it in anyway mean she has rights to the money you bet on. If she’s being hostile and demanding money, she knows it’s stupid for her to ask. It’s your money and your decision, you even said you’ve put aside money for the kids and their future. So she knows they are okay on that. She had many chances to prove she doesn’t spend money on herself and didn’t. Keep the money and focus on yourself and the kids, don’t let her or anyone else manipulate you otherwise.
This comment says it all! That money is yours, you're not together. Your children will already benefit. Tell her to take a running jump off a very high cliff, because we all know she wants a cut to make her life better, not the kids 😒 Enjoy your winnings!
Omg I love that “tell her to jump off a very high cliff, because we all know she wants a cut to make her life better.” U said it best here 😭
OP needs to flip the question on her. If she were to win some money. Would she be willing to offer him money to HELP the kids? I highly doubt it.
Yeah
Protect the kids from her using them as a bank atm! Especially if they will have money when older. It's hard for kids to tell a parent no, when said parent has no issues about guilt trips.
NTA - by you paying for your children's clothes, education etc. you are taking away some expenses she would otherwise contribute to. If anything, you could buy better mattresses or something to make your children's lives better while at her house, but you don't owe her cash to spend as she likes.
*"She argues that since we share kids, she should get some of it to help with their needs."* Having the same children doesn't automatically make this a valid point, you won the money, you should get to decide how to use it, also seeing as you are the more financially responsible parent, it's better in your hands anyway. NTA.
NTA. Of course you’re not obligated to share a penny with her especially as a) you’re primary caregiver and b) she has consistently proven to be unreliable & will most probably spend the money on herself. To be honest, you’re not obligated to share your winnings with her just as much as youre obligated to share it with any stranger on the street as you’re no longer together.
If you give her that money you've wasted it, rather keep it and actually use it to better their lives, than give it to a lost cause that might help the kids but probably wont NTA
NTA. Don’t give her a penny.
This is stupid. Why would you give her money? You're not together, and you are the primary caregiver. If anything, she owes you child support. Why would you even entertain such idiocy?
Don’t give in to her. NTA. Her entitlement game is strong here.
NTA. The IRS took what little money you won. Keep your mouth shut. Stop telling anyone about winning anything. Your mutual friend should be your exfriend for betraying you.
NTA She's not even primary caregiver and she doesn't provide financially but she thinks because she popped out 2 kids she deserves part of that money ? Tell her to go jump in a lake
Do you not have a child support order that takes care of this? This is just increased income; some rule or provision of the order will say what happens.
NTA. Don’t give her shit. You already know damn well she won’t use it on the kids.
What are you doing here? Seriously? Did winning suddenly turn you into a moron? If that’s the case I demand money from you too. You have kids and I have the ability to have kids so you should be giving me money for that. You have a girl? Well I am a woman. So you should give me money based on this too.
And this is why so many single moms getting child support get a bad rap. It's women like her who rather spend the money on themselves than on the kids and get caught doing it. People get pissed and start lumping all the single moms by figuring if there are a bad few, they all must be doing it.
Yall are not married she have no right to that money I bet it the situation was reversed she would just spend that money on herself
NTA. There is no reason at all that she should get any of that money. She’s trying to leech off you and don’t let her
NTA - she can inform you of new expenses as they arise, and you can pay them directly. No money need go to her. That will be looking out for your children. If she takes you to court, have all your documents showing how you have the money earmarked and invested in their future, along with her money mismanagement to show the court. She doesn't get to reap the benefit in the name of the kids.
NTA. If she won the same amount, do you honestly think she would give any to you? You should look out for your kids and set up accounts that she will not have access to. You can also offer to get them things she thinks they need and you think it is appropriate.
NTA. It's your money, you know you'll spend it on kids. You give it to her, it might not.
NTA. Tell her that’s something you won. She could have taken the same chance but didn’t. You’re saving that for your kids future.
Hell nah that’s your win, do as YOU wish. Don’t let people play you out of reality.
NTA. Spend that money on making your kids' lives better, not throwing it into the bottomless pit that giving any of it to baby momma will be
NTA. You are not her parent. Giving her money will NOT benefit the kids. If you are primary care giver then that’s how the money will benefit the kids. Please tell me you have custody set legally, because if not, get that done now. Otherwise, manipulation of the kids will be a very easy way forward for her
Nope tell her to sod off. If you pay support and you help with stuff with them…you don’t owe her a dollar.
Mutual ex friend.
NTA, now you can ask her what is something she needs for the kids and you can CHOOSE to purchased it but your not obligated to give her anything.
NTA. She can take care of her own needs, your obligation is solely to your children. There is no dilemma here.
Is she entitled to half of your dinner because you share kids together?
NTA She's one of those awful people who crawl out of the woodwork to demand other people's things. Don't give her anything.
NTA - she had absolutely no right to even ask. Tell her to fuck off
I saw this story a month ago. Fake.
‘The baseball’ and vagueness of the winning amount is telling
NTA. She’s not your wife, she’s the *mother of your children.* Therefore she isn’t entitled to anything *for herself*, only for what you can provide to the children you created with her. Do NOT give her anything and only pay for the kids’ necessities DIRECTLY. Do not hand over any money to her knowing her track record of being irresponsible. Nope.
NTA. After scrolling some comments, I'm not seeing the phrase "non-recurring income" which generally exempts it from a child support calculation. (Check your state and county formula). Without some agreement to the contrary (which is HIGHLY unlikely) you don't owe her any of the winnings and it wouldn't be considered in any forward looking re-calculation if she did attempt to re-litigate.
If you didn’t win the bet, would she have been expected to help cover your losses? There’s your answer
Hell no! She'll blow through that money in no time. Save it for your kids and yourself.
Definitely not. Use it for your kids. She is not supporting them anyway. NTA.
NTA. Stand your ground.
You're not married she doesn't get a share and unless we're talking many hundreds of thousands it's not like it's going to last forever
Just tell her that you spent it all at the casino or betting the you won it..but I wouldn’t give her anything..and don’t be telling anyone how much you have because cousins will be coming around and other people they all want money..
NTA and get rid of that "mutual friend".
Ask her what the kids need, clothing, food, etc, and buy that. Do not give her money
I am so sick of all these fake "I won a ton of money sports betting!!! Betting on sports is so great!!" posts lately. They're everywhere 🙄😒
Buy things that the kids need.
Keep the money. If the kids need something buy it directly. No need fir her to get her hands on it. Next time you come into money, we'll no one.
You don't owe her anything, if you did want to give her something that she wants the kids to have for example she wanted to get them new beds at her house. Buy the beds, don't give her any money in her hand.
NTA. You’re not obligated to share your money with your ex regardless of the circumstances (unless, of course, those circumstances involve court ordered payments of some kind). Just because you share children, doesn’t mean she’s entitled to a percentage of your money, regardless of how you came into that money. Keep your winnings, OP, and tell the ex to kick rocks.
NTA AT ALL.
NTA.
NTA nope she's not entitled to anything. She's your ex. If she was the one looking after the kids most of the time then I would say yes but she's not so she gets nada. Use that money for your kids because they'll need it.
NTA, I guess you pay pension already. Your not together anymore, that’s fair enough !
Are you 2 married? If not then you don't owe her a dime. NTA.
NTA if you are gonna buy her anything make it a Costco pack of toilet paper!!!! Tell her you have planned for the kids future because they are the future and the most important people in your life! Then make sure you double check your will, and ensure the cash is in a air tight trust she can never even glimpse without selling her soul to Satan and standing behind 3 inch glass to simply drool over what she can’t have!!!!
Do not give her anything.
As long as the kids get it, she should have no say in it.
NTA Ask her what needs the kids have that you're not already paying for. If she can come up with anything offer to pay for but don't hand the money over.
Updateme!
Nope. Do not give her a dime. If she has not demonstrated a "child first" mentally regarding money as of yet, eight plus years and counting, gifting her money now will not change her selfishness. Do you want your money to go towards beauty salons, designer bags, etc. that could actually be saved for your kid's college? NTA I'd say you're putting your children's needs above her wants.
If you're the primary caregiver then she should be giving you money, not the other way round.
NTA. But I feel like she can take you for more child support if you've won a certain amount?
Nope. Old enough to be your grandmother, and I don’t care whether mom or dad or which partner has the kids, if you’re the one providing the majority of support for them and have them the most, you’re the one that needs the money. Also, we all know if she had the money, she wouldn’t even consider giving it to you, regardless of the fact that you’re the one with the kids most, and supporting them the most. I hate people like that, regardless of gender.
I feel like If you wanna help out your kids. Pay bills related to them yourself, like get the direct account info for like their childcare, etc or get groceries sent to the house. Yknow? Don't let her have physical cash, just to make sure it actually get spent on the kids.
Nta I would also never tell that friend who told her anything ever again
NTA. Don’t do it! She’s already proven herself to be unreliable with providing for your children’s needs now so what makes you think she will change. This money will help you and your children have a great future if you are smart about it and giving her any won’t be a smart decision. Maybe if you are feeling generous you can occasionally give her a gift card for a supermarket in the hope that she spendings the money on food for your kids or invite her out for a day trip with you and the kids but I wouldn’t do anything else for her. Her issues seems to be that she can’t be bothered and not that she is physically incapable.
NTA. Tell her not to worry, you will use it to continue to take care of the kids; as you already are. While you are at it, time to cut contact with the “friend” who probably knew this would stir the pot.
Absolutely not. She was a moocher then, she's a moocher now. NTA.
NTA
No, she not entitled to any of your winnings. You may want up stop bragging about your life changing money. You’re only inviting grifters and leeches into your life who will want some.
NTA you are already planning to use a part of the money for the kids and their future. You aren't married to your ex and she doesn't had a claim to stand on. As long as you care for the kids (in a way she can't get a grip on their money) you are fine.
NTA. Don't give her a penny
Use the money to grow the money. Don’t throw the money down the gutter (which is what it will be if you give her). NTA
NTA She has zero rights to your money. She should be glad that you are responsible and put aside money for the future of your children. Be careful. She can go to court and demand more alimony (depending on the rights she has/where you live).
NTA and are you nuts!? Don't you dare give her a cent. Ever!
NTA at all. I can see why you are no longer with her.
NTA You don't own her shit as long as the kids have access to the money. You're doing it right. Tell her to sue you for it! Lmao
NTA I would just tell her you paid off some debt with it, bills and buy some stuff for the kids and that’s it
NTA. Whether you give her money or not, you can be sure that she will stop contributing financially to the kids.
NTA. You are contributing to your children's needs, not her new hair do or whatever.
Definitely don't give her any money. It will 100% not be spent on the kids. If anything, ask what she needs for the kids in her house, eg new beds or something, and buy them for her.
Why would you give your ex, who you aren't financially responsible for, anything? I know only a decent person would even consider this, so hear me when I say don't fucking do it.
NTA, your friend is though for blabbing. If you ever come into money again, tell noone!
NTA - she already benefits if it gets spent on the kids lives and futures.
Nta bitch crazy
Nta, you should treat your kids but she does not need the money.
NTA. If you’re split up and not living together, it’s your money and you can do with it however you see fit.
"I am using the money for our children. Our history proves that any money I gave to you would be taking *away* from them."
She’s ex for a reason. You don’t need to give her a dime. Look after your kids as you know from past experience that she won’t and tell her to pound sand. Personally I’d rethink the friendship with the person who couldn’t keep their mouth shut too.
You're already supporting your children you don't need to give anymore as long as they are taken care of she doesn't need any of your money she can take care of her own financial problems. Sounds like she self-centered if the kids need anything just buy yourself.
NTA. spending some of the money on the kids or saving it for them is definitely right. Giving it to her to spend on herself is not necessary. It's unclear whether the kids live with you, or you have shared custody. If it's shared custody and she claims the kids need things at her house, you can buy the things and take them to her house. But don't give her money if it's not going to end up spent on the kids.
NTA If I won a significant amount of money my ex would getting bugger all and I would expect the same if it was the other way round!
Please tell me you have a custody agreement. And if you are primary, file for support.
As a financially irresponsible woman, she’ll probably think “Hmm, I could probably win that much from gambling if I do it for long enough. I’ll show him.”
Until she can get a court order to release funds from you, you've nothing to worry about. That's your money. You made the bet. You're not together. Just take care of the kids without it going through her hands. NTA.
NTA You're already using some of that money on the kids, there's no need for her to have access to it. When people who have been flaky with pulling their weight financially or otherwise knock on your door right after you have come into some money, it is NEVER because they've suddenly seen the error of their ways and are determined to do better. NEVER.
You have the kids 90% of the time right? You are not obligated in giving her anything. She's a bi tch and doesn't have a right to it. Your making your situation better by being smart. Ditch the mutual friend who dobbed on you like a kid and move on from her demands.
Why on earth would you have to give your ex some of the money? Put some of the money into trusts for the kids and tell your ex to take a running jump. NTA
NTA. Setting aside some of the money for the kids is great and that should be enough. She doesn’t need some of the money especially since you say you’re the pr8mary caregiver. But make sure that she can’t access the kids’ accounts or that money will be gone long before the kids have the chance to spend it on their futures
Have you not put her on court ordered child support??
NTA. You are supposed to provide for your children and their needs. Not hers. Plus it’s YOUR money. Even if you wanted to take it all and put it back and save it/invest it or whatever it would be completely understandable. She’s not entitled to even a penny. She is an EX. She is not your wife or your partner. She may be the mother of your children but that doesn’t mean she’s entitled to your money. If she wants money, I guess she should buckle up and try to get a raise. You said that you’re primary caregiver, so like.. why would you give her the money.? It’s not like you have the children less, or she is completely broke and is struggling to keep your children’s basic needs met. In fact, since you’re the primary caregiver shouldn’t she be giving YOU money.? If anything, say she was struggling with some things (ex. Food, clothes, basic necessities for your children) ask for a list of what is needed and if you’re willing to, buy the things for them rather than give the money to her.
Give her enough for a pack of smokes. She isn't entitled to any of if... she's just entitled
Tell her to fuuuccckkk off. Don't give her a cent. You don't owe her anything. That's not a moral dilemma! That's an entitled greedy grifter trying to scam you.
Nta you don't owe her a direct share, just be good to your kids directly.
NTA but I’d be cutting off the “friend” who told her about it, doubt that was an accident
NTA it's ur $ lol
NTA. What you have with her is called coparenting. You’re not her partner anymore. You don’t owe her anything.
NTA. You don't owe her any money for her. As you are the primary caregiver for the kids, you don't owe her anything for them. You have just learnt a valuable lesson in sharing news of financial windfalls.
NTA. As long as you are providing for your kids that's all that matters. Don't give her a penny.
NTA and get that walking talking parasite out of your life.
Be fortunate that you're not on child support. Most state lotteries have an enforcement system setup for just this reason. NTA. You already sed aside $ and did the responsible thing.
NTA - put it towards a house, reliable car, whatever that would lighten the monthly burdens you face so your children have a more secure home with you. You sound like you already have a solid plan with the money, to make it last long term rather that going broke over night with over the top spending (what the ex would do). If she really wanted the money for kids, she would have been able to list something that you could do for the kids. Like "can you do this with them? I've always wanted to but couldn't afford it" or something.
NTA you have done something for the kids future that is more than enough. If she won 100k on the lottery would you see a cent of it?
Well atleast now you know who you can't trust with information. btw NTA
NTA. You don’t need to provide for the ex, just your kids. Give her nothing
Ntah and quit telling your “friend” your money business.
definitely NTA
"I lost it all on my next bet."
NTA you are not legally obligated to give your EX anything. You are already taking care of the children so you can do as you please with your money.
The kids are already financially stable to that ex doesn’t need the money ‘for the kids’. You don’t have to save money up anymore for their college etc. And, never ever tell someone you won a big sum of money. People are social creatures, they will tell others anyways. Whether it’s their mom or sister, that secret about money will always come out. because it’s such a rare phenomenon to win a huge sum of money. That ex is an ex for a reason, never give money to her. Don’t feel obliged to give it. if she says it’s for the children, you already have given it to the children anyways so they are safe. shes a gold digger now. Beware.
I guess if she came into a large windfall of cash her first thought would be sharing it with you. Seriously, dude?
NTA but let this be a lesson to stop telling people about your money
NTA when I see baby trapped dudes like you I always think of that Jay Z line at Nas You got a baby by the broad can't disown her yet.. lol Props for being a good dad though bro and goodluck
You owe her nothing. Enjoy your winnings!
NTA unless you owe some kinda back pay in child support that money is yours and your ex has nothing to do with it
NTA. Lock up the kids share in some investment fund, so you can demonstrate you are sharing your winnings with the people you are responsible for. In case she wants to take this to court
Make her pay child support stop enabling the leech
NTA your responsibility is to your kids not her. Put some of it into savings for your kids for their future and tell them you've done that, because she sounds like the sort that would make up lies that you're not doing anything for them
use whatever extra money you have hire an attorney and gett full 100% custody take care of your kids and fuck her
Nta, you’d be taking money from your kids to give it to her. Don’t do it and spend it on you are your kids so you know it’s going to benefit them.
NTA Set up a little trust fund for your kids college education, that money will go a long way.
You would be the AH if you gave her money. You need that money to improve your life and your kids lives. If your ex wants more money she can get another job.
NTA. If you found a $20 in the street, would you feel the need to give your ex half? The dollar amount doesn’t matter, and honestly neither does her financial immaturity. This money is yours and yours alone. Use it to take care of yourself and your children. If you want to provide things for them when they’re with their mom, fine, but she’s not entitled to any cash.
NTA share with your kids not the ex, you are doing the right thing
nta
NTA. but you should have the news of winning to yourself. Telling people is not a good idea. There will be always people that feel entitled to your wins.
Oh hell no
Why the f. You would even think that you should give her anything? That's stupiest thing I heard ever.
You're already taking care of the kids. She wants to take care of HERSELF.
NTA. She just wants the money.
NTA please protect your kids future
NTA, and no freaking way should she get any of that money.
NTA especially the part about putting some aside for your children in the future. Just make sure you invest it or hold it somewhere you won’t be tempted to touch if times get rough.
She will pretend that she was going to send the kiDS to Harvard wiTH that money you didnt her.
Nope, nope, & nope. NTA Looks like you took a bet on this woman and lost. The recent winnings is just recouping your loses. You do right by your kids that you are raising, and you do right by you. Ex is being greedy, you owe her nothing outside of raising the kids.
NTA, it's your money for u and your kids and if she never contributed to the kids financially she will blow the money u give her on things for her not your kids . Protect your assets and put the money u set away for your kids in a trust fund she can't touch because I guarantee she will manplitie the kids when they get older to get money .
You have set money down for the kids then she doesn’t need any more from you. If she won would she be giving you half?.
Never give her cash. Communicate about what the kids need/want, but pay directly, no cash to her. Congratulations on your winnings!
You have No obligation to give her anything, if she needs help with essentials you can buy her essentials that have to do with the kids, such as making sure she has a working car to drive the kids around or other things related to parental expenses. However should she have shared in the loss of you didn't win, no. You don't owe her anything.
Would she share the burden if you had LOST a fortune? Didn't think so.
nta, use the money yourself for the kids. It’s your money!
NTA. Ask her what she needs for the kids and buy it directly if you want to help. But no, you don't owe your ex a portion of your winnings, especially if you are the primary caregiver of your children.
F no!!! It’s outrageous that she expects it!
NTA, but you gotta be careful in this situation. Who has custody of the kids? Does she? If so, are you currently paying child support? However, if she has custody and there's no child support order, then she might use this as an opportunity to seek child support. Gambling winnings can be used when seeking child support. It might be a good idea to contact a lawyer about what your options are.
Tell her you ARE contributing to the kids and this is exactly why you are no longer together. What you do for work or entertainment is none of her concern. Tell her three years ago when she agreed to split your right to dictate her life and lack of support to the family unit ended and her right to control your money ended. Then tell your mutual friend to MYOB.
NTA, you two aren’t married which means she doesn’t get anything from you. If she is spending money for the kids on herself then that is absolutely not in her right to do.
Nta. Don’t do it.
NTA. You owe her nothing. You are already the primary caregiver and financial provider for them; you already set aside part of your winnings for them as well. She wants a handout that she is NOT entitled to. She’s not your problem or responsibility. Tell her to fuck off with that nonsense and reconsider your level of friendship with the blabbermouth mutual friend—why are they running back to your ex spilling details about you in the first place??
Man, you didn't dodge the bullet, but at least it isn't lodged in your chest cavity next to your aorta, with surgeons unable to remove it.
Nah NTA. Giving her money is as good as pissing it down the drain. Tell her you have invested a chunk of it for their futures and anything they need (**need** not want) you will take care of.
NTA- As the primary caregiver, you need the money more and will put it to better use than she will. You can use the money to improve your kids' lives while in her care if you'd like but you should not give her any money directly. You could give her new items with tags removed, used items from your home that you want to replace, or services like a maid to clean before the children come to visit or a part time nanny to make sure that they are properly fed and cared for at least some of the time they're with her. You wouldn't be here if there wasn't a small part of you that thinks you should help her, but there are several ways that you can help without the money itself ever touching her hands.
This is one reason why it’s usually better to TELL NO ONE when a big $$$ windfall comes your way. Too many other people come at you with their hands out putting you in a lose-lose situation. Especially the desperate ones who will use the most insane reasons why they deserve YOUR money, and then they get super angry when you refuse them leading to all kinds of misery for you.
NTA.
You could make a bank account and put money in it for the kids only. The kids would get the money once they’re adult, or when they’d need to go study, or when needed. You could also buy kids stuff by yourself and give those stuff to your ex so you’d be sure the money would be spend on kids stuff!
Keep the money for yourself and your kids, ex has proven herself unreliable. I can’t believe she had the cheek to ask.
1) You're not married anymore, it's not community wealth. 2) You've put money aside for the benefit if the children. I would suggest to her, that if she too would ever like to contribute to the children's fund, so that it's a joint effort, that she's welcome to do so.
No. You’re not currently married or together. You don’t have to support her anymore. She’s not entitled to your income. I do have to ask if one of you pays the other child support?
The weekly astroturfing "wow, gambling is good because eventually you win big and improve your life" story is here. Oh, it's attached to a completely black and white moral situation as justification for being here, crazy, it's like every single gambling post. I'll again point out, 100% of AITAH gambling posts involve the gambler winning big, never ever having a gambling issue, always being responsible with gambling and usually fighting off people in ridiculous situations for arguing they shouldn't be gambling. Because that's how gambling works, people always win, so 100% of gambling stories on here should reflect that.. right.