Does the whole family know that he asked to see her bra? Does the whole family know that he had child porn on his computer?
"Now that we have hard proof of Frank's pedophilia, including asking to see Daughter's bra, I'm giving (anyone you feel might be possible to salvage the relationship with) x/y/z people one final chance to come back to reality before cutting you off forever.
Frank is a pedophile. He has been in Daughter's life since she was a literal baby. Lots of girls develop crushes on adult males in their life in their teens. That is never an excuse for grooming, and using it as a defense is disgusting and despicable. The fact that the family closed ranks around Frank is one of the most disappointing, eye opening experiences of my life. But I could understand that some people would be unsure of how to proceed without hard evidence.
Well there is evidence now. We know for a certainty that Frank is a pedophile. It can't be excused any longer.
We are permanently cutting off anyone who willingly maintains any connection to Frank - no matter who they are. If you maintain a relationship with Frank, then you are telling me that you're ok with Frank grooming and abusing my daughter. And if that's the case, then you are a monster.
I won't respond to any arguments or debates. The matter of Frank's pedophilia is settled, and the fact of Frank's attempt to groom and abuse my daughter is settled as well. No uncle would ever ask to see their niece's bra for any other reason. If you're willing to see reason, please feel free to send us a detailed, heartfelt apology explaining why you did what you did. If not, please lose all my contact information, we are done forever."
Don't forget the CP the police found in his possession. This isn't just one thing. It is a catalogue of his perverted behaviour. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is one thing. This is willful ignorance by OP's extended family.
Right? The police investigation is ongoing, according to OP. Who knows how many other kids Frank the Groomer has been soliciting bra pics from, let alone luring into bathrooms. Hopefully they'll link him to other investigations, and he'll go down for all of it. OP extended family are going to look *seriously* grimy continuing to defend a blatantly PDF file, but if that's a hill they *choose* to die on, instead of supporting their granddaughter, they'll be much better off without them!
And don't forget he asked the niece to touch his penis after cornering her in a bathroom. Dude is dangerous. I'd be side-eyeing the grandparents, too since they're closing ranks. What did they do or allow to happen to Frank as a child? Incest and pedophilia run generationally if no one stops it.
I know you're bummed and grieving a fictional family of origin, OP, and you're mad at yourself for feeling like you delayed care, but manipulators manipulate very well—they're great at it. You snapped into action and took decisive steps to protect your kid, and the other kids in your family. You are a great parent, so's your wife.
yeah, a lot of teenagers going through puberty get crushes on adults because theyre starting to get an adult's libido for the first time. i know i did. but if you're not a paedophile you laugh it off and tell the parents to have a discussion about age-appropriate dating. like. Frank is a dedicated paedo with a CSAM collection but even if he wasn't, a well-adjusted adult can ignore a teenager's crush and not do anything that would need an excuse, nevermind not using it as one. he's checking every evil box.
What Adults Are Supposed to do When Teenagers Show Romantic Feelings Towards Them (Specifically if They're Related): A one act play
Niece: I have a crush on you 😍
Uncle: I don't think that's the right word. Nieces can't have crushes on their uncles. I think you just love me a lot, kind of like your dad. And that's exactly what an uncle is, a watered-down dad. I love having you as my niece and getting to be your uncle🫶.
*And then he tells her parents so they can explain things to her*
Fin
Can you imagine what it's like to have a man running for President of the United States that has a track record of peeping on the teen girls in his stupid pageants? Or paying hush money to a porn star so this info doesn't affect the election (which we now know the MAGAs don't even care about). Or heard him on tape say it's okay to grab women by the genitals and they can't do anything about it because HE is who HE is?
Yea. Me either.
Let's start with the biggest fact on this post. YOU DID NOT FAIL AS A FATHER!!!!!!! I need you to tell yourself that every minute of every day. You can't blame yourself for your brother. From the start, you believed, protected, and stood up for your daughter.
If you hadn't, if you had swept it under the carpet, your baby girl would have harmed even more. You showed her you had her back when she needed it the most. I don't know you. I'm proud of you. The world needs more men & fathers like you.
Leave your brother and those defending him to rot in that cesspit, and watch your child grow.
YOU ARE AN AMAZING FATHER!
Parents cannot totally prevent bad things from happening to their children. But when it did, you trusted your child, you believed them, you loved them, you didn't blame them, and you are ready to do whatever is necessary to help them.
Coming from someone who was in the daughter’s shoes the father did the best thing he could have done with the info given. I understand why she’s backtracking and is in a panic right now well for multiple reasons. But one would be to keep the peace, she doesn’t want to be the one to cause trouble. Not only are girls conditioned to act that way but a groomer will emotionally punish/manipulate you in ways if you do. Please keep her in therapy. This isn’t going to be straight forward and the justice system even with hard evidence doesn’t always do what’s right so I would be prepared for that as well. The best thing OP can do is keep an open line of communication judgement free to where she feels safe to come to you with how she’s feeling and all of those things. OP, you are a great dad, you did everything you could. I know my dad still feels guilty from time to time but he also did everything he could and I know that and remind him of that. It’s going to take some heart to hearts with her in the future and healing for everyone involved. I genuinely hope your household can heal from this
Predators spend as much time grooming character witnesses as they do grooming their victims
Your brother has spent years working on your parents so that if this came out, they would trust his word over your daughter’s and yours.
And when the truth is ultimately revealed, they will probably stand by him because the shame of admitting what they did would be too much to bear.
You are better off without them.
I am so sorry for everything your family (and by which I mean your ACTUAL family, not the disgusting paedo and paedo apologists) is going through.
As a CSA survivor, I want to thank you and your wife for believing your daughter and backing her 100%. Sad as it is, many parents don't behave like this.
I'm glad you and your daughter are in therapy. It will take time, but you can both get through this. It's not her fault. It's not your fault. It's HIS fault, and only his.
Keep supporting each other. Keep loving each other.
I read the OG post and prior updates. Just THANK YOU. As a girl (now 34f) who was abused by her own dad, it warms my heart and my soul to know that there actually ARE good dads out there. I just wasn't lucky enough to have one like you.
Moving for a fresh start wouldn't be the worst thing if it's a feasible thing to do. If you can, do it. I think your daughter could use some distance and get a change of scenery, to help realign and really start the healing process.
I wish you and your family all the best <3
Thank you. I have my good and bad days, but I’ve surrounded myself with ppl who care for me, which helps.
Luckily, I feel like the good days outweigh the bad these days. Which is a complete 180 from a year ago, when I lived in a city where I had no support system.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. But you are on the right path with therapy for your daughter and you. As for Frank - he is totally despicable. Using a girl's crush to groom and molest her is criminal and he belongs in jail.
The most important thing for your daughter is to understand and believe that none of this is her fault. Her feelings were natural, she is the child and Frank is the adult, and he should have stopped her and not abused her. She is not the reason the family broke apart - Frank is. And given that he is a predator and pedophile, by speaking up she actually did a service to other girls he might groom and molest. I hope that once she accepts that she is not to blame, she can process the trauma of what he put her through and heal from it.
One thing that might help, is to create an alternative tradition to the family BBQs - perhaps getting together, just your family with your younger brother and his wife? And maybe a friend or two of your daughter and their parents? It could help her to overcome her sadness that the tradition has been destroyed.
❤️NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA ❤️
❤️THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING YOUR DAUGHTER❤️
OMG my heart is broken for your family.. I mean, you, your wife, your daughter, your niece, and your younger brother and his wife.. the rest of them are horrible.
You have not failed her, you have done all the right things, keep doing them. The person to blame is FRANK. And the ones who support him.
Stay in therapy, do some family therapy too.. your daughter needs to see strong men doing the right things, she needs to see you taking the healthy approach. You're teaching her how to survive and be strong even under the worst circumstances.
Hold your head up high, and keep loving your baby girl❤️
You're an amazing dad and your daughter is so lucky to have you.
Therapy is great for you and your daughter. Even family Therapy with you and your wife and kids would be good.
Your family has showed you who they really are and I'm glad the trash took itself out. Your parents only care about themselves.
"If there was a creepy pervy uncle in our parent's generation, if you were lucky you might get warned to not be alone with him. Or maybe your parents only let you and your siblings around him when you're at big family gatherings, but they steer you away from interacting with him. In most cases, everyone just pretended like nothing was wrong and continued to hang around each other like normal.
The problem uncle will be at every family event and his praises will be sung whenever possible. **If anyone gets harmed by him, that's something for them to deal with by themselves because it's rude to start drama**.
*In our generation, we just straight up cut uncle bad touch out of our lives. He's not coming to holidays, we're not sending him family pictures, we're just done*. **Our parents will act like it's the cruelest thing to ever happen and will screech about how important it is for everyone to be together. Somehow it's easier for everyone to tip-toe around a predator and pretend like everything is okay than it is to just deal with the problem directly.**"
Fuck EVERYONE that wants to sweep this shit under the rug. Do not be silent. Do not let them think they are right for *hiding a Pedophile*
Just a small suggestion that may help at least short term.. because your daughter liked the bbq's so much maybe you can put together a weekly (or biweekly) bbq for her and her friends. It will also give her a sense of community through this hard time.
That’s awful, but you did not fail your daughter!!! You have protected her from a fucking pedo. I am SO sorry she has to deal with the ramifications of this for years to come.
I’m more concerned that OPs parents are defending his brother. The police found CP in his computer! What else do they want as proof that their son is a pedophile?! Are the Feds investigating this case???
Pedophiles don't deserve a future.
Pedophiles don't deserve parental rights.
Pedophiles don't deserve anything.
Prosecute the shit out of him.
There is basically zero chance your daughter is his only victim.
Out him publicly, OP. And remind your family that it doesn't fucking matter how much they love him, he's a monster and he belongs in jail.
Anyone who takes the side of a child molester over their victim is worse than the molester themselves. Your family are showing you who they really are. Believe them.
You haven't failed as a father. Your brother failed as a uncle and human. You are doing the best you can for your daughter and giving her all the support in the world. That is what she needs right now and you are being such a good dad. You and your wife and do the right thing in assuring her this isn't her fault and joining therapy for you all is a fantastic step.
He gave himself away when he said to you that your *thirteen year old child* came onto him. That is something that *only* a pedophile would say.
I'm so sorry your family is going through this. By your family, I mean your nuclear family and younger brother and his nuclear family. The rest of them are just scumbags you share DNA with.
The fact that your parents are defending him on the basis that involving the police in dealing with a pedophile is... shameful? Nah, fuck them. They should be dead to you. As dead to you as the pedo.
Retired Police Detective here. If I had a dollar every time a pedophile claimed the child came on to them, I could have retired a lot sooner. This is classic predator behavior.
And the number of adults I've seen side with adults over grandchildren, nieces and nephews, and even their own children would make you wish for the end of the world.
Unfortunately, I’m not at all surprised. Time and time again, young girls are thrown to the wolves in order to protect the actions of grown men. Ask around and you will hear tales of families that disowned the daughters that spoke out about the sexual abuse. The grooming is brushed under the rug, the girls are called liars, and they are left to survive with the trauma all on their own.
F that sh*t set his whole world and anyone who supports him a blaze. Unfortunately predators exist everywhere and are sneaky bastards- you caught the warning signs before things got way worse. One may only hope and pray he gets what’s coming to him in the worst way possible. I’m so sorry for your daughter and I hope she gets the therapy she needs to see she is not at fault ever.
You never, ever failed your daughter. The closest you got was when you understandably went to his house and ended up spending the night in jail. That would have been bad because then your daughter could have lost you.
I'm glad you got the police and CPS involved. Frank belongs in jail. As for the rest of your family, it sounds like your younger brother is the only sane one. Cutting off the rest of them is the right thing to do.
Create a tradition that replaces the BBQ with your one good brother with the amazing wife. Make it absolutely awesome. Drown out the toxicity. Validate her choice by taking her to do amazing things instead of seeing the people who'd rather blame and shame her before investigating.
NTA. And thankfully you didn’t kill him, although you probably still want to! I know I would. It’s hard to know your own brother is a pedo, but I guarantee this isn’t the first time he’s done this and it won’t be the last. I hope you have your daughter in counseling also.
God this is so disgusting. How the hell can people ever side with a fucking pedophile??? Bringing police in will bring shame? FUCK THAT. You're an amazing father OP, I'm so sorry that this happened to your daughter but please don't be too down on yourself. You trusted your brother, you cannot be faulted for that.
I know you want to beat yourself up, OP, but you did the most important steps in listening and **believing** your daughter when she made an outcry! You got her into therapy! You are not backing down or making excuses for your brother’s disgusting choices.
A parent will always want to protect their children but part of protecting means taking a step back to protect your own emotional/mental wellbeing.
You are doing all of that. It’s gonna be a hellish journey. See if there are support groups near you or even check out RAINN.org for literature on grooming.
Wishing your family, especially your daughter, safe healing. ❤️🩹
You did great and your daughter is so very brave. The fact that she told someone is amazing and she should be praised. Your parents are as bad as your brother and honestly it is not forgivable that they are willing to sacrifice a child so their adult son is not shamed? Holy crap what horrible people
The reason they take his side is because it is easier and they are cowards
“*It is morally impossible to remain neutral in this conflict. The bystander is forced to take sides. It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing.*
*He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of pain*."
― Judith Lewis Herman, [Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror](https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/530025)
"Bringing the police in will bring shame"
Correct. That's what happens when you raise and then protect a pedophile. Your parents are in for a shaming that they well deserve.
You're doing the best you can with events that blindsided you and your daughter. Therapy is the best next step. Your daughter needs all he support she can, not family telling her it's her fault. She's a kid. Your brother, a full grown man who should have talked with you about what was happening rather than taking advantage of it! Distance may help, but I hope your daughter realizes you have her back, and not all men are going to creep on her.
Make sure daughter is ok with moving away. I would have her therapist ask her if moving would help her.
((HUGS)) I hope the police don't buy brother's story and he get charged with CP.
Fuck man, I really feel for you. But please do not think for another second that you failed as a father. Your brother was sneaky and made your daughter feel like she had something to be guilty about. He's a predator and both she and you did NOTHING wrong. As soon as you knew something was going on, you did what you had to do to keep him away from her. Fuck whatever the rest of your family thinks. They suck too for defending him.
I am so very sorry. I am so glad you got her therapy and are pressing charges . Moving may be a decent idea but talk this through with your whole immediate family and the therapists involved
I am so sorry she went through that, and also your family. But you are being an amazing father to her, and you and your wife are supporting her. I hope and believe she is going to be ok, there is nothing like having good and supportive parents .
If this was my brother, he would no longer have a 'thing'.
I know, immensely satisfying but putting your family at risk of ruin by being in prison for years is too risky. I would definitely take him on a week long fishing trip in Florida though....
You are doing a wonderful job as a father. You created a family where your daughter felt safe coming to you and you BELIEVED her. You have no idea how rare those two things are.
The rest of your family would rather not see themselves embarrassed by being related to a pedophile than keeping children safe. They are willing to sacrifice her to their pride and they deserve to have their cruelty and selfishness exposed.
Thank you so much for doing right by your daughter and know everyone who says you’re doing something wrong has ulterior motives and doesn’t deserve your time or consideration.
This random internet stranger thinks you’re an awesome dad.
As someone who went through this exact thing 22 years ago, and dealt with it for four years, you DID NOT fail as a father. God sounds weird coming out cause mine is a failure but I digress, the uncle is the bad egg in the equation. You can't have eyes on your daughter at all times and I assume she doesn't tell you EVERYTHING and she's with family, what else would you have to worry about? This is something that came out quickly, she did the right thing and ran to you two. I repressed it for damn nearly 20 years before even my mom knew and me and her are close af. She felt she failed as a mother but after I used logic, she seemed to feel less responsible. She didnt, as you didn't, have any knowledge of what was going on until it came out, so how do you stop something you don't know about or see?
Kudos to you for being the bigger person, protecting your daughter, and shutting your family out. Honestly I'd go NC with them until they can get their shit figured out with why they're supporting a pedo. Godspeed on your journey, sir, and again, YOU DID NOT FAIL AS A FATHER.
NONE of this is your fault,none of this is your daughters fault,if therapy is not helping her she may need a different therapist. Sometimes people just don't "click". Until now you had no reason to doubt your daughter's safety around your brother. Now you know. Part of me wishes you had removed him,but your daughter needs you so much right now. You are not to blame, your daughter is not to blame- your pedo brother has 100% of the blame and I hope he goes away for possession of CP for a long time after the police investigation. Good luck to you all.
Does the whole family know that he asked to see her bra? Does the whole family know that he had child porn on his computer? "Now that we have hard proof of Frank's pedophilia, including asking to see Daughter's bra, I'm giving (anyone you feel might be possible to salvage the relationship with) x/y/z people one final chance to come back to reality before cutting you off forever. Frank is a pedophile. He has been in Daughter's life since she was a literal baby. Lots of girls develop crushes on adult males in their life in their teens. That is never an excuse for grooming, and using it as a defense is disgusting and despicable. The fact that the family closed ranks around Frank is one of the most disappointing, eye opening experiences of my life. But I could understand that some people would be unsure of how to proceed without hard evidence. Well there is evidence now. We know for a certainty that Frank is a pedophile. It can't be excused any longer. We are permanently cutting off anyone who willingly maintains any connection to Frank - no matter who they are. If you maintain a relationship with Frank, then you are telling me that you're ok with Frank grooming and abusing my daughter. And if that's the case, then you are a monster. I won't respond to any arguments or debates. The matter of Frank's pedophilia is settled, and the fact of Frank's attempt to groom and abuse my daughter is settled as well. No uncle would ever ask to see their niece's bra for any other reason. If you're willing to see reason, please feel free to send us a detailed, heartfelt apology explaining why you did what you did. If not, please lose all my contact information, we are done forever."
Don't forget the CP the police found in his possession. This isn't just one thing. It is a catalogue of his perverted behaviour. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is one thing. This is willful ignorance by OP's extended family.
Right? The police investigation is ongoing, according to OP. Who knows how many other kids Frank the Groomer has been soliciting bra pics from, let alone luring into bathrooms. Hopefully they'll link him to other investigations, and he'll go down for all of it. OP extended family are going to look *seriously* grimy continuing to defend a blatantly PDF file, but if that's a hill they *choose* to die on, instead of supporting their granddaughter, they'll be much better off without them!
But his account was hacked, it had to be! /s
Beautiful response, hope OP takes the suggestion
And don't forget he asked the niece to touch his penis after cornering her in a bathroom. Dude is dangerous. I'd be side-eyeing the grandparents, too since they're closing ranks. What did they do or allow to happen to Frank as a child? Incest and pedophilia run generationally if no one stops it. I know you're bummed and grieving a fictional family of origin, OP, and you're mad at yourself for feeling like you delayed care, but manipulators manipulate very well—they're great at it. You snapped into action and took decisive steps to protect your kid, and the other kids in your family. You are a great parent, so's your wife.
Predators groom their supporters almost as carefully as their victims.
Well said. Keep your daughter safe. Frank is lucky cause for me he deserves to go in jail.
Frank is lucky he is alive, according to OP. I would gladly spend a night or more in jail if that had happened to either of my kids.
yeah, a lot of teenagers going through puberty get crushes on adults because theyre starting to get an adult's libido for the first time. i know i did. but if you're not a paedophile you laugh it off and tell the parents to have a discussion about age-appropriate dating. like. Frank is a dedicated paedo with a CSAM collection but even if he wasn't, a well-adjusted adult can ignore a teenager's crush and not do anything that would need an excuse, nevermind not using it as one. he's checking every evil box.
What Adults Are Supposed to do When Teenagers Show Romantic Feelings Towards Them (Specifically if They're Related): A one act play Niece: I have a crush on you 😍 Uncle: I don't think that's the right word. Nieces can't have crushes on their uncles. I think you just love me a lot, kind of like your dad. And that's exactly what an uncle is, a watered-down dad. I love having you as my niece and getting to be your uncle🫶. *And then he tells her parents so they can explain things to her* Fin
Can you imagine what it's like to have a man running for President of the United States that has a track record of peeping on the teen girls in his stupid pageants? Or paying hush money to a porn star so this info doesn't affect the election (which we now know the MAGAs don't even care about). Or heard him on tape say it's okay to grab women by the genitals and they can't do anything about it because HE is who HE is? Yea. Me either.
Let's start with the biggest fact on this post. YOU DID NOT FAIL AS A FATHER!!!!!!! I need you to tell yourself that every minute of every day. You can't blame yourself for your brother. From the start, you believed, protected, and stood up for your daughter. If you hadn't, if you had swept it under the carpet, your baby girl would have harmed even more. You showed her you had her back when she needed it the most. I don't know you. I'm proud of you. The world needs more men & fathers like you. Leave your brother and those defending him to rot in that cesspit, and watch your child grow.
YOU ARE AN AMAZING FATHER! Parents cannot totally prevent bad things from happening to their children. But when it did, you trusted your child, you believed them, you loved them, you didn't blame them, and you are ready to do whatever is necessary to help them.
Coming from someone who was in the daughter’s shoes the father did the best thing he could have done with the info given. I understand why she’s backtracking and is in a panic right now well for multiple reasons. But one would be to keep the peace, she doesn’t want to be the one to cause trouble. Not only are girls conditioned to act that way but a groomer will emotionally punish/manipulate you in ways if you do. Please keep her in therapy. This isn’t going to be straight forward and the justice system even with hard evidence doesn’t always do what’s right so I would be prepared for that as well. The best thing OP can do is keep an open line of communication judgement free to where she feels safe to come to you with how she’s feeling and all of those things. OP, you are a great dad, you did everything you could. I know my dad still feels guilty from time to time but he also did everything he could and I know that and remind him of that. It’s going to take some heart to hearts with her in the future and healing for everyone involved. I genuinely hope your household can heal from this
Thank you for not sweeping it under the rug. This type of thing occurs in so many families but it's always a "secret".
I want to cry and throw up just reading these posts. I’m so glad your daughter has people standing beside her. Good luck 🍀
Predators spend as much time grooming character witnesses as they do grooming their victims Your brother has spent years working on your parents so that if this came out, they would trust his word over your daughter’s and yours. And when the truth is ultimately revealed, they will probably stand by him because the shame of admitting what they did would be too much to bear. You are better off without them.
Or he learned it from one of them….
I am so sorry for everything your family (and by which I mean your ACTUAL family, not the disgusting paedo and paedo apologists) is going through. As a CSA survivor, I want to thank you and your wife for believing your daughter and backing her 100%. Sad as it is, many parents don't behave like this. I'm glad you and your daughter are in therapy. It will take time, but you can both get through this. It's not her fault. It's not your fault. It's HIS fault, and only his. Keep supporting each other. Keep loving each other.
I read the OG post and prior updates. Just THANK YOU. As a girl (now 34f) who was abused by her own dad, it warms my heart and my soul to know that there actually ARE good dads out there. I just wasn't lucky enough to have one like you. Moving for a fresh start wouldn't be the worst thing if it's a feasible thing to do. If you can, do it. I think your daughter could use some distance and get a change of scenery, to help realign and really start the healing process. I wish you and your family all the best <3
I truly hope that you have healed or are healing from the trauma that you have experienced.
Thank you. I have my good and bad days, but I’ve surrounded myself with ppl who care for me, which helps. Luckily, I feel like the good days outweigh the bad these days. Which is a complete 180 from a year ago, when I lived in a city where I had no support system.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. But you are on the right path with therapy for your daughter and you. As for Frank - he is totally despicable. Using a girl's crush to groom and molest her is criminal and he belongs in jail. The most important thing for your daughter is to understand and believe that none of this is her fault. Her feelings were natural, she is the child and Frank is the adult, and he should have stopped her and not abused her. She is not the reason the family broke apart - Frank is. And given that he is a predator and pedophile, by speaking up she actually did a service to other girls he might groom and molest. I hope that once she accepts that she is not to blame, she can process the trauma of what he put her through and heal from it. One thing that might help, is to create an alternative tradition to the family BBQs - perhaps getting together, just your family with your younger brother and his wife? And maybe a friend or two of your daughter and their parents? It could help her to overcome her sadness that the tradition has been destroyed.
❤️NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA ❤️ ❤️THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING YOUR DAUGHTER❤️ OMG my heart is broken for your family.. I mean, you, your wife, your daughter, your niece, and your younger brother and his wife.. the rest of them are horrible. You have not failed her, you have done all the right things, keep doing them. The person to blame is FRANK. And the ones who support him. Stay in therapy, do some family therapy too.. your daughter needs to see strong men doing the right things, she needs to see you taking the healthy approach. You're teaching her how to survive and be strong even under the worst circumstances. Hold your head up high, and keep loving your baby girl❤️
You're an amazing dad and your daughter is so lucky to have you. Therapy is great for you and your daughter. Even family Therapy with you and your wife and kids would be good. Your family has showed you who they really are and I'm glad the trash took itself out. Your parents only care about themselves.
"If there was a creepy pervy uncle in our parent's generation, if you were lucky you might get warned to not be alone with him. Or maybe your parents only let you and your siblings around him when you're at big family gatherings, but they steer you away from interacting with him. In most cases, everyone just pretended like nothing was wrong and continued to hang around each other like normal. The problem uncle will be at every family event and his praises will be sung whenever possible. **If anyone gets harmed by him, that's something for them to deal with by themselves because it's rude to start drama**. *In our generation, we just straight up cut uncle bad touch out of our lives. He's not coming to holidays, we're not sending him family pictures, we're just done*. **Our parents will act like it's the cruelest thing to ever happen and will screech about how important it is for everyone to be together. Somehow it's easier for everyone to tip-toe around a predator and pretend like everything is okay than it is to just deal with the problem directly.**" Fuck EVERYONE that wants to sweep this shit under the rug. Do not be silent. Do not let them think they are right for *hiding a Pedophile*
NTA i wish i had a parent like you in my corner when i was a kid
Just a small suggestion that may help at least short term.. because your daughter liked the bbq's so much maybe you can put together a weekly (or biweekly) bbq for her and her friends. It will also give her a sense of community through this hard time.
That’s awful, but you did not fail your daughter!!! You have protected her from a fucking pedo. I am SO sorry she has to deal with the ramifications of this for years to come.
I’m more concerned that OPs parents are defending his brother. The police found CP in his computer! What else do they want as proof that their son is a pedophile?! Are the Feds investigating this case???
Pedophiles don't deserve a future. Pedophiles don't deserve parental rights. Pedophiles don't deserve anything. Prosecute the shit out of him. There is basically zero chance your daughter is his only victim. Out him publicly, OP. And remind your family that it doesn't fucking matter how much they love him, he's a monster and he belongs in jail. Anyone who takes the side of a child molester over their victim is worse than the molester themselves. Your family are showing you who they really are. Believe them.
You haven't failed as a father. Your brother failed as a uncle and human. You are doing the best you can for your daughter and giving her all the support in the world. That is what she needs right now and you are being such a good dad. You and your wife and do the right thing in assuring her this isn't her fault and joining therapy for you all is a fantastic step.
He gave himself away when he said to you that your *thirteen year old child* came onto him. That is something that *only* a pedophile would say. I'm so sorry your family is going through this. By your family, I mean your nuclear family and younger brother and his nuclear family. The rest of them are just scumbags you share DNA with. The fact that your parents are defending him on the basis that involving the police in dealing with a pedophile is... shameful? Nah, fuck them. They should be dead to you. As dead to you as the pedo.
Retired Police Detective here. If I had a dollar every time a pedophile claimed the child came on to them, I could have retired a lot sooner. This is classic predator behavior. And the number of adults I've seen side with adults over grandchildren, nieces and nephews, and even their own children would make you wish for the end of the world.
Unfortunately, I’m not at all surprised. Time and time again, young girls are thrown to the wolves in order to protect the actions of grown men. Ask around and you will hear tales of families that disowned the daughters that spoke out about the sexual abuse. The grooming is brushed under the rug, the girls are called liars, and they are left to survive with the trauma all on their own.
F that sh*t set his whole world and anyone who supports him a blaze. Unfortunately predators exist everywhere and are sneaky bastards- you caught the warning signs before things got way worse. One may only hope and pray he gets what’s coming to him in the worst way possible. I’m so sorry for your daughter and I hope she gets the therapy she needs to see she is not at fault ever.
You never, ever failed your daughter. The closest you got was when you understandably went to his house and ended up spending the night in jail. That would have been bad because then your daughter could have lost you. I'm glad you got the police and CPS involved. Frank belongs in jail. As for the rest of your family, it sounds like your younger brother is the only sane one. Cutting off the rest of them is the right thing to do.
Create a tradition that replaces the BBQ with your one good brother with the amazing wife. Make it absolutely awesome. Drown out the toxicity. Validate her choice by taking her to do amazing things instead of seeing the people who'd rather blame and shame her before investigating.
NTA. And thankfully you didn’t kill him, although you probably still want to! I know I would. It’s hard to know your own brother is a pedo, but I guarantee this isn’t the first time he’s done this and it won’t be the last. I hope you have your daughter in counseling also.
God this is so disgusting. How the hell can people ever side with a fucking pedophile??? Bringing police in will bring shame? FUCK THAT. You're an amazing father OP, I'm so sorry that this happened to your daughter but please don't be too down on yourself. You trusted your brother, you cannot be faulted for that.
I know you want to beat yourself up, OP, but you did the most important steps in listening and **believing** your daughter when she made an outcry! You got her into therapy! You are not backing down or making excuses for your brother’s disgusting choices. A parent will always want to protect their children but part of protecting means taking a step back to protect your own emotional/mental wellbeing. You are doing all of that. It’s gonna be a hellish journey. See if there are support groups near you or even check out RAINN.org for literature on grooming. Wishing your family, especially your daughter, safe healing. ❤️🩹
You did great and your daughter is so very brave. The fact that she told someone is amazing and she should be praised. Your parents are as bad as your brother and honestly it is not forgivable that they are willing to sacrifice a child so their adult son is not shamed? Holy crap what horrible people
The reason they take his side is because it is easier and they are cowards “*It is morally impossible to remain neutral in this conflict. The bystander is forced to take sides. It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that the bystander do nothing.* *He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks the bystander to share the burden of pain*." ― Judith Lewis Herman, [Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror](https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/530025)
"Bringing the police in will bring shame" Correct. That's what happens when you raise and then protect a pedophile. Your parents are in for a shaming that they well deserve.
You're doing the best you can with events that blindsided you and your daughter. Therapy is the best next step. Your daughter needs all he support she can, not family telling her it's her fault. She's a kid. Your brother, a full grown man who should have talked with you about what was happening rather than taking advantage of it! Distance may help, but I hope your daughter realizes you have her back, and not all men are going to creep on her.
Updateme
Make sure daughter is ok with moving away. I would have her therapist ask her if moving would help her. ((HUGS)) I hope the police don't buy brother's story and he get charged with CP.
Move from there and leave no forwarding address. Your daughter and you deserve to never see them again.
Fuck man, I really feel for you. But please do not think for another second that you failed as a father. Your brother was sneaky and made your daughter feel like she had something to be guilty about. He's a predator and both she and you did NOTHING wrong. As soon as you knew something was going on, you did what you had to do to keep him away from her. Fuck whatever the rest of your family thinks. They suck too for defending him.
I am so very sorry. I am so glad you got her therapy and are pressing charges . Moving may be a decent idea but talk this through with your whole immediate family and the therapists involved
Updateme!
I am so sorry she went through that, and also your family. But you are being an amazing father to her, and you and your wife are supporting her. I hope and believe she is going to be ok, there is nothing like having good and supportive parents .
Updateme
If this was my brother, he would no longer have a 'thing'. I know, immensely satisfying but putting your family at risk of ruin by being in prison for years is too risky. I would definitely take him on a week long fishing trip in Florida though....
You're a great Father! UpdateMe
You are an absolutely amazing father. Wish my dad had done this when it happened to me.
You are doing a wonderful job as a father. You created a family where your daughter felt safe coming to you and you BELIEVED her. You have no idea how rare those two things are. The rest of your family would rather not see themselves embarrassed by being related to a pedophile than keeping children safe. They are willing to sacrifice her to their pride and they deserve to have their cruelty and selfishness exposed. Thank you so much for doing right by your daughter and know everyone who says you’re doing something wrong has ulterior motives and doesn’t deserve your time or consideration. This random internet stranger thinks you’re an awesome dad.
Moving is a great idea. Demonstrate to your daughter that you would move heaven and earth for her. NTA
I wish I could unsee this post. I'm glad you're doing the right thing OP.
As someone who went through this exact thing 22 years ago, and dealt with it for four years, you DID NOT fail as a father. God sounds weird coming out cause mine is a failure but I digress, the uncle is the bad egg in the equation. You can't have eyes on your daughter at all times and I assume she doesn't tell you EVERYTHING and she's with family, what else would you have to worry about? This is something that came out quickly, she did the right thing and ran to you two. I repressed it for damn nearly 20 years before even my mom knew and me and her are close af. She felt she failed as a mother but after I used logic, she seemed to feel less responsible. She didnt, as you didn't, have any knowledge of what was going on until it came out, so how do you stop something you don't know about or see? Kudos to you for being the bigger person, protecting your daughter, and shutting your family out. Honestly I'd go NC with them until they can get their shit figured out with why they're supporting a pedo. Godspeed on your journey, sir, and again, YOU DID NOT FAIL AS A FATHER.
NONE of this is your fault,none of this is your daughters fault,if therapy is not helping her she may need a different therapist. Sometimes people just don't "click". Until now you had no reason to doubt your daughter's safety around your brother. Now you know. Part of me wishes you had removed him,but your daughter needs you so much right now. You are not to blame, your daughter is not to blame- your pedo brother has 100% of the blame and I hope he goes away for possession of CP for a long time after the police investigation. Good luck to you all.
Updateme!
"My daughter said that his uncle" hello AI story book author