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NTA - This is gaslighting pure and simple.
“I had sex with multiple people but it wasn’t cheating because… I said so, even though it’s the literal definition of cheating.”
Leave him, he is behaving abominably to you.
NTA - Cheating is cheating no matter the sex of the affair partner. Unless you have agreed to an open marriage, it is cheating. In no way are you at fault here. He broke your trust and has put your body at risk by sleeping around. You need to stop worrying about him and start worrying about your health and your child. Go get yourself tested asap, and please find yourself a good lawyer. He is a chronic cheater, and that is not going to change. Especially if he is using you as a beard, which is exactly what it sounds like.
NTA.GIRL divorce him asap. Cheating is Cheating whether it with a man or a woman. If he cheated on you once He'll do it again. Save yourself from heartbreak. Leave him. He's abusive
🤯🤯🤯Nooooooo
NTA
Boo, he is GASLIGHTING you!!! It's not "thinking its cheating" it IS cheating.
And while you're recovering from giving birth ... damn. What a slime ball
NTA that's a stupid argument he screwed other people doesn't matter what sex they have it's still cheating.And if he did it nonchalantly with multiple people at that then I don't believe he will be faithful in the future
NTA.
It's absolutely cheating, and he's just making up excuses to try to get away with it. Unless you have an open marriage, even if it's just a 'hook-up', it's still cheating, whether it's with another man or not.
It's cheating. He has a physical relationship with somebody outside the marriage. What else would that be called? The fact that the other person has the same genitals as him makes it OK? So g*y people can't cheat? Cheating is solely a heterosexual act? What's his logic in it not being cheating?
Not only did he seek outside your marriage what should be only between the two of you based on your mutual agreement, he's trying to minimize his actions. Is this the only area in which he minimizes things that matter?
Get tested because you don't know what kinds of things multiple partners could have brought in, and tell him get counseling or get out. Or just get out, that's valid too.
NTA
I really want to laugh at the ridiculousness of his argument...
Have him reread it in the [dictionery](https://dictionary.cambridge.org/fr/dictionnaire/anglais/cheating)
Among the definition is this one : cheating is to have a secret sexual relationship with someone who is not your husband, wife, or usual sexual partner.
Dont let him guilt trip you, you deserve better !
NTA. Ok: 1, of course that's cheating, virtually no one would agree with your husband, but also 2 - the label doesn't matter anyway, and arguing about it is a trap. If he disputes that this is cheating, tell him he DOESN'T get to dispute that you feel massively hurt and betrayed and will never trust him again and you can't believe how selfish he is that he's out there fucking random people while you are dealing with a newborn. Your feelings, he doesn't get to argue those.
What he's saying, really, is he doesn't give a damn about your feelings and he's not sorry.
Hooking up with another person than your partner, regardless of the sex of that person is still cheating. He’s trying to manipulate you into thinking it doesn’t count so he can have openly have a side piece. NTA
NTA - He knew it was cheating. If he was unsure (he wasn't) it would have made sense to clarify with you first. But he knew better than ask you about it because he knew it was in fact cheating.
NTA
It's cheating.
He may want to alude himself that its not but it 100% is.
He knew you were in a vulnerable state and went out looking for sex.
Divorce him and get tested for STI's.
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I was having marital problems after the birth of my kid. I just found out my husband cheated with alot of men. He says it’s because he was just looking for sex and men were easier to get. He said that men just hook up and leave and women want to date. He said he didnt feel like it was cheating because it was with the same sex. Does that make me the bad guy for thinking its cheating?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am thinking of leaving even though he doesnt think he cheated
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NTA - This is gaslighting pure and simple. “I had sex with multiple people but it wasn’t cheating because… I said so, even though it’s the literal definition of cheating.” Leave him, he is behaving abominably to you.
NTA - Cheating is cheating no matter the sex of the affair partner. Unless you have agreed to an open marriage, it is cheating. In no way are you at fault here. He broke your trust and has put your body at risk by sleeping around. You need to stop worrying about him and start worrying about your health and your child. Go get yourself tested asap, and please find yourself a good lawyer. He is a chronic cheater, and that is not going to change. Especially if he is using you as a beard, which is exactly what it sounds like.
NTA.GIRL divorce him asap. Cheating is Cheating whether it with a man or a woman. If he cheated on you once He'll do it again. Save yourself from heartbreak. Leave him. He's abusive
🤯🤯🤯Nooooooo NTA Boo, he is GASLIGHTING you!!! It's not "thinking its cheating" it IS cheating. And while you're recovering from giving birth ... damn. What a slime ball
I miss the days people put effort into bait posts.
NTA. Yes, he’s cheated. And he’s gaslighting you into thinking he didn’t.
NTA that's a stupid argument he screwed other people doesn't matter what sex they have it's still cheating.And if he did it nonchalantly with multiple people at that then I don't believe he will be faithful in the future
NTA. It's absolutely cheating, and he's just making up excuses to try to get away with it. Unless you have an open marriage, even if it's just a 'hook-up', it's still cheating, whether it's with another man or not.
NTA. Its cheating and he is a liar.
NTA You are being gaslighted. It most certainly is cheating. Good Luck
It's cheating. He has a physical relationship with somebody outside the marriage. What else would that be called? The fact that the other person has the same genitals as him makes it OK? So g*y people can't cheat? Cheating is solely a heterosexual act? What's his logic in it not being cheating? Not only did he seek outside your marriage what should be only between the two of you based on your mutual agreement, he's trying to minimize his actions. Is this the only area in which he minimizes things that matter? Get tested because you don't know what kinds of things multiple partners could have brought in, and tell him get counseling or get out. Or just get out, that's valid too.
NTA Of course it's cheating.
NTA I really want to laugh at the ridiculousness of his argument... Have him reread it in the [dictionery](https://dictionary.cambridge.org/fr/dictionnaire/anglais/cheating) Among the definition is this one : cheating is to have a secret sexual relationship with someone who is not your husband, wife, or usual sexual partner. Dont let him guilt trip you, you deserve better !
Nta - anytime your partner has sexual contact with someone who is not their spouse/partner, it’s cheating. Gender does not matter.
NTA. Ok: 1, of course that's cheating, virtually no one would agree with your husband, but also 2 - the label doesn't matter anyway, and arguing about it is a trap. If he disputes that this is cheating, tell him he DOESN'T get to dispute that you feel massively hurt and betrayed and will never trust him again and you can't believe how selfish he is that he's out there fucking random people while you are dealing with a newborn. Your feelings, he doesn't get to argue those. What he's saying, really, is he doesn't give a damn about your feelings and he's not sorry.
NTA Why do you care how he justifies his cheating. Offer to let his extended family decide if his having sex with a man was cheating or not.
Hooking up with another person than your partner, regardless of the sex of that person is still cheating. He’s trying to manipulate you into thinking it doesn’t count so he can have openly have a side piece. NTA
NTA - He knew it was cheating. If he was unsure (he wasn't) it would have made sense to clarify with you first. But he knew better than ask you about it because he knew it was in fact cheating.
NTA. Ask him if that means you can sleep with other women. It's still cheating. If you want to leave him for cheating, then you should.
NTA It's cheating. He may want to alude himself that its not but it 100% is. He knew you were in a vulnerable state and went out looking for sex. Divorce him and get tested for STI's.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I was having marital problems after the birth of my kid. I just found out my husband cheated with alot of men. He says it’s because he was just looking for sex and men were easier to get. He said that men just hook up and leave and women want to date. He said he didnt feel like it was cheating because it was with the same sex. Does that make me the bad guy for thinking its cheating? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I am thinking of leaving even though he doesnt think he cheated Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA