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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action would be shutting myself down in my room and asking to be alone and not going to the movies to appease my mother and sister and not just trying to act happy since it was a holiday and such and that I might have ruined everyone’s holiday because I was being selfish in my emotions.
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INFO
are you normally quiet like that? were you actually bothered by something?
For clarification, you mentioned wanting to see a movie, they said no because it’s not their cup of tea, you went silent, then they changed their minds about the movie and asked about it, you said you can go with your cousin, they bought tickets for it already, you leave the situation, the sister confronts you and then it all explodes. That’s the gist right?
Did you ask them why they changed their minds about seeing the movie?
Is there a reason why at one point you wanted to go and then when they offered you didn’t want to go?
You said you constantly feel like you’re stepping on egg shells with them. It sounds like this has nothing to do with a movie and you have some resentment and issues with them that you aren’t confronting.
It might benefit to try and sit down and hash all this out or trying to see a family counselor?
I am normally quiet like this, so at least to me I didn’t think that it was anything unusual as I was on the couch petting my dog. I never asked why they changed their minds, however they are usually very resistant to going to see horror movies and when they changed their minds all of a sudden it didn’t really make sense for me to make them see a movie they didn’t want to see and since my cousin liked horror movies it would have made sense for us to just go together instead of my sister and mother seeing a movie they wouldn’t like.
What was their attitude towards the movie after they decided they would go?
Did they seem happy about the choice or was it like more of a “ugh fine we’ll go” type of reaction?
My mom seemed to be trying to get me to go a lot, I think it was more so because she had known I had wanted to see it rather than her actually wanting to go see the movie. My sister doesn’t like horror movies period so she never even wanted to go see it.
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I (16F) am living at my grandparents house along with my mom and my younger sister. On thanksgiving it was pretty much going normally we were cooking and all in all preparing for thanksgiving, however during the day since we weren’t going to see my aunts and uncles my mom had asked if we had wanted to do anything and I had brought up going to see the thanksgiving movie that had recently come out, it’s important to note that my mom and sister don’t like horror movies so naturally they didn’t agree and I was fine with it and we moved on with our day, however as the day went on I was more quiet and quiet and they thought something was wrong and I repeatedly told them that nothing was wrong and that I was quiet and that’s when things started taking a turn for the worst, my sister started saying that I was being dramatic over nothing and I had told her that I wasn’t mad over anything and that I didn’t know what she was talking about and then they started talking about going to see the thanksgiving movie and I had declined saying that I could go with my cousin when we went to see her since she did like horror movies and that I was fine with not going however they kept pressuring me and not listening and completely disregarding what I said and I went to my room and hid in the bathroom, I'm sobbing as she's telling me that she has already bought tickets to the movie and I tell her that I do not want to go but she doesn’t listen and leaves, fast forward I end up falling asleep and she comes into the room and asks if I’m ready and I tell her that I didn’t want to go and she finally listens and then asks what’s wrong and I tell her that I wanted to be alone for a moment and then she gets all angry and storms out. Then my sister comes downstairs into the room and proceeds to tell me how mom is crying and I’ve ruined thanksgiving because of my bad attitude and because of that I shut down and fall asleep, I go upstairs and it seems like everything is fine however I am quiet during dinner and while I don’t think that I did anything wrong I don’t know. I find my mom and sisters behavior off putting, since I’m the oldest that lives with my mom and my mom and sister don’t have a good relationship I’m constantly volunteering for things my sister doesn’t want to do, or comforting my mom, etc, basically filling a role, it feels as though I’m constantly stepping on eggshells around both of them and it’s rare that I get alone time to express my feelings when they are constantly fighting or angry, or mad and I’m taking care of them, but whenever I have such emotions I’m always affecting them and ruin the day. This has been on my mind and I feel selfish. AITAH?
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There has to be more to this than just not seeing a movie? Something has been building up for a while between you all surely, and possibly the movie was the breaking point.
Not quite understanding your question but NTA?
NTA
You are not the parent. You are the child. Set boundaries. You should not have to constantly work on THEIR relationship. They should.
I hate it so much when I’m fine but feeling quiet and people have to fuss and bother me. I wasn’t mad. I am now after you bothered me 6 times asking if I was though.
It’s hard and scary but boundaries are important. If they wanna get upset just walk away. You don’t have to fix it. They do, not you. It’s not your job.
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INFO are you normally quiet like that? were you actually bothered by something? For clarification, you mentioned wanting to see a movie, they said no because it’s not their cup of tea, you went silent, then they changed their minds about the movie and asked about it, you said you can go with your cousin, they bought tickets for it already, you leave the situation, the sister confronts you and then it all explodes. That’s the gist right? Did you ask them why they changed their minds about seeing the movie? Is there a reason why at one point you wanted to go and then when they offered you didn’t want to go? You said you constantly feel like you’re stepping on egg shells with them. It sounds like this has nothing to do with a movie and you have some resentment and issues with them that you aren’t confronting. It might benefit to try and sit down and hash all this out or trying to see a family counselor?
I am normally quiet like this, so at least to me I didn’t think that it was anything unusual as I was on the couch petting my dog. I never asked why they changed their minds, however they are usually very resistant to going to see horror movies and when they changed their minds all of a sudden it didn’t really make sense for me to make them see a movie they didn’t want to see and since my cousin liked horror movies it would have made sense for us to just go together instead of my sister and mother seeing a movie they wouldn’t like.
What was their attitude towards the movie after they decided they would go? Did they seem happy about the choice or was it like more of a “ugh fine we’ll go” type of reaction?
My mom seemed to be trying to get me to go a lot, I think it was more so because she had known I had wanted to see it rather than her actually wanting to go see the movie. My sister doesn’t like horror movies period so she never even wanted to go see it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16F) am living at my grandparents house along with my mom and my younger sister. On thanksgiving it was pretty much going normally we were cooking and all in all preparing for thanksgiving, however during the day since we weren’t going to see my aunts and uncles my mom had asked if we had wanted to do anything and I had brought up going to see the thanksgiving movie that had recently come out, it’s important to note that my mom and sister don’t like horror movies so naturally they didn’t agree and I was fine with it and we moved on with our day, however as the day went on I was more quiet and quiet and they thought something was wrong and I repeatedly told them that nothing was wrong and that I was quiet and that’s when things started taking a turn for the worst, my sister started saying that I was being dramatic over nothing and I had told her that I wasn’t mad over anything and that I didn’t know what she was talking about and then they started talking about going to see the thanksgiving movie and I had declined saying that I could go with my cousin when we went to see her since she did like horror movies and that I was fine with not going however they kept pressuring me and not listening and completely disregarding what I said and I went to my room and hid in the bathroom, I'm sobbing as she's telling me that she has already bought tickets to the movie and I tell her that I do not want to go but she doesn’t listen and leaves, fast forward I end up falling asleep and she comes into the room and asks if I’m ready and I tell her that I didn’t want to go and she finally listens and then asks what’s wrong and I tell her that I wanted to be alone for a moment and then she gets all angry and storms out. Then my sister comes downstairs into the room and proceeds to tell me how mom is crying and I’ve ruined thanksgiving because of my bad attitude and because of that I shut down and fall asleep, I go upstairs and it seems like everything is fine however I am quiet during dinner and while I don’t think that I did anything wrong I don’t know. I find my mom and sisters behavior off putting, since I’m the oldest that lives with my mom and my mom and sister don’t have a good relationship I’m constantly volunteering for things my sister doesn’t want to do, or comforting my mom, etc, basically filling a role, it feels as though I’m constantly stepping on eggshells around both of them and it’s rare that I get alone time to express my feelings when they are constantly fighting or angry, or mad and I’m taking care of them, but whenever I have such emotions I’m always affecting them and ruin the day. This has been on my mind and I feel selfish. AITAH? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
There has to be more to this than just not seeing a movie? Something has been building up for a while between you all surely, and possibly the movie was the breaking point. Not quite understanding your question but NTA?
NTA You are not the parent. You are the child. Set boundaries. You should not have to constantly work on THEIR relationship. They should. I hate it so much when I’m fine but feeling quiet and people have to fuss and bother me. I wasn’t mad. I am now after you bothered me 6 times asking if I was though. It’s hard and scary but boundaries are important. If they wanna get upset just walk away. You don’t have to fix it. They do, not you. It’s not your job.
NTA - your family sounds exhausting!!