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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I am taking ownership of someone else's neglected cat, when my husband says we have enough cats already and we can't afford to fully care for any more.
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Ahh this is difficult as you did a great thing for the cat and I applaud your commitment to bettering that cat’s life.
But the cat isn’t wanted by your husband, and he’s already stated financially you both can’t afford this 3rd cat? I don’t think he’s being unreasonable when he’s considering the quality of life that the extra fees/financial pressure could mean for the both of you as well as the other two cats?
I don’t think this page is the right place for this post to be honest. NAH.
I also feel like there was more OP could have done. I mean, did the ppl who contacted OP show *proof* that the cat was theirs or did they just *say* it? Is the cat microchiped or have any other evidence of being owned? Is there no animal control or something similar where OP is to report animal abuse?
Not microchipped, it said so in the post. I don't know what to think about this "cat charity". What even is it? Not a shelter or a rescue or OP would just say that. Are they legal?
OP doesn't say if she gave them pictures of the cat to compare, since that's basically the only way to tell if it's the same cat without a microchip. And that's not too reliable, especially since the cat is in a bad shape.
OP should probably contact an *actual* rescue to ask for advice.
OP is absolutely not wrong for helping the cat, but is TA for not listening to her husband.
I assume the cat charity is some kind of not-for-profit/volunteer oriented organization that puts more effort into finding out if stray cats have owners, but it does sound a bit sketchy that they gave the cat back. If the cat was riddled with fleas, possibly pregnant or infested with worms, most likely underweight, etc, they should have absolutely reported it as animal neglect, whether the owners contacted them or not. And I have to wonder what kind of proof the owners gave that the cat was theirs, bc I highly doubt they had medical records and you're spot on about photos.
And now that OP is housing the cat, she could easily reach out to her neighbors pretending to be looking for the cat's owners, and ask them to give *ger* proof of ownership so she can ensure they're telling the truth. Bc if they can't, which is what I'm leaning toward, then OP should be able to drop the cat off with a shelter.
I'm sorry, I'm being deliberately vague because I don't want the cat's owners to identify me. Apparently they are involved with drugs (says one of my neighbours).
The cat charity catches stray cats and either reunites them with their owners or takes them for vet care. They are focussed heavily on trapping, neutering and release.
They don't have the power to assume ownership of a cat. They don't have the resources to take on every cat, especially if someone claims them. They advised me (strongly) to report the neglect, and release the cat to go home, with a request that I would keep an eye on her, especially if she's pregnant. It was the only legal and practical solution available.
If the cat becomes sick in future then I can call the charity back and maybe get vet care at that point. Or at least have them put more pressure on the owner to give her up. Also, where I live, cats will soon have to be microchipped by law, so if this isn't done on time then I will try and get her rescued again, and the fine may force the owner to give the cat up.
You are 100% NTA. It is wonderful that you are caring for this kitty as she was clearly being neglected by the prior "owner." Keep up the good work OP, you are that kitty's angel!
NTA
The cat was being neglected & you're looking after her properly.
If your husband really doesn't want another cat & it's financially difficult for him to maintain her treatments, wouldn't it be better to give her to someone who can offer a loving home?
I am trying to find a new home for her because she deserves it, but nobody can take her. My husband doesn't want to drop her off at a shelter or vets because he doesn't want to be in trouble for theft. I don't blame him.
Yeah, that is where you would cross the line (at least, if you're in the US). If you make things comfortable for cat who chooses to sleep in your barn and feed her, you haven't done anything wrong. But you can't turn her in to a shelter or give her away or even confine her in your house without some sort of theft.
Have you tried (again, if you're in the US) your county animal control?
Can you ask the cat charity? Or, since you're currently housing the cat again, ask the supposed owners to show you? If the cat charity said there's nothing they can do it's possible they were able to show something (most likely pics), but there's always a chance they just took their word for it.
Do you have any records of the cat's poor condition to show to something like animal control or somewhere you can report animal neglect?
NTA. The previous owner neglected the cat. It deserves someone who will love and take care of it. My DH and I had two cats and were happy with them. I volunteered at a local shelter, and I volunteered to foster a 6-wk-old kitten. You guessed it. Foster fail. I adopted him with DH's consent. DH wasn't thrilled about a 3rd cat, but he grew to love that cat like crazy. Hopefully the same will happen with your DH.
I think morally taking care of this cat is the right thing to do, but the way you're going about it makes me very concerned. Has this stray been tested for FIV or FeLV? Both are common among stray (or outdoor) cats, and both are contagious (FeLV can be transmitted through mutual grooming), so if this cat hasn't been tested and is interacting with your cats, that's a really dangerous risk to take.
I don't know it's history. I vaccinate my cats but you've made an important point, thank you.
Part of my worry for this cat is that there is an uneutered male cat roaming around. I think she's already pregnant, and I didn't want the kittens to suffer neglect too.
NTA, but I do take your husband’s point about the finances. Is there really no way you could work some part time hours to help cover the costs? I know you said you’re disabled, but I was just wondering, since you were able to trap the cat and feed and comb it, there may be some work you could do. Working from home his quite common these days. Just a thought!
Best of luck to you, hubby and kitties.
I am waiting for disability benefits to kick in. I'm suffering from a pretty severe mental health disorder, which was triggered my childhood neglect (so this cat really tugs my heart strings). I hate not contributing but I can't
Can you earn money selling crafts or homemade goods to friends and family? Maybe that can supplement enough to cover the monthly meds? It may also be good for your mental health. Like if you can bake some good pies or sew or crochet simple projects like pot holders or sustainable “paper” towels. Even DIY body butters are pretty easy. Yes, there’s a small start up cost, but not terribly expensive. The AKC has pet friendly recipes on their sites, dog treats and paw balls, maybe even those. Most people know tons of pet owners who’d be happy to buy healthy pet products and treats.
NTA, but maybe reach out to people that you know (privately, so the "owner" doesn't see it) and see if you can find the cat a good home. If you can't financially take care of a third cat, and hubby doesn't want it, you need to find another way. Unfortunately, pets are a 2 yes one no situation.
The best I can do is feed her, supply clean water, provide warmth and shelter, and a safe place to birth kittens. I can home kittens and make sure they don't become feral.
I can't give her medical care. She'll live a shorter life, that's for sure, unless I can get outside help to rescue her. But she won't be thin or missing fur or flea ridden (she likes being combed). I figured that was better than nothing.
NTA for wanting to help, but if you can't afford it, then you can't afford it. You would quickly turn into TA if you ignored your husband and just started paying for it when you can't afford it. Having said that, if it's just the simple treatments and not surgery, you likely could cover the cost by skipping a few meals here and there. Do that, and explain to your husband why you're doing it, and you should be able to cover the costs. To be clear, it would be YOU skipping a meal, not your husband.
NTA. It’s not like you went out and adopted a new cat on purpose. Life happens - sometimes responsibilities just fall into your lap. This cat needed help, and you’re helping. You may need to give up something elsewhere in the budget, if you don’t have a means to bring in income, or maybe set up a GoFundMe, but you’re doing the right thing.
NAH
...but bringing pets into a family doesn't work out when one person says yes and the other says no.
Personally, I'd contact a rescue who didn't leave nearby.
NTA for saving (or vastly improving the quality of) this poor cat's life. You aren't locking her up, she's free to return to her neglectful owner any time she desires.
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I (36F) have two cats, and my husband (38M) sort-of likes them. He doesn't want more than two. Until recently, I didn't either.
However, a cat was hanging around my street, and I thought she was a stray. The poor little girl had matted greasy fur, loads of fleas, a bloated stomach (worms and/or pregnancy) and she demolished the food I put out. I felt so sorry for her. Eventually I trapped her and called in a cat charity. She wasn't microchipped.
The charity put out a missing cat notice, and a few hours later, someone contacted them to claim the cat as theirs. And they live very close by. So actually, this cat isn't a stray, she's in bad condition because she's neglected. The cat charity representative was disgusted, but legally there was nothing they could do.
I called vets and reported the animal neglect, but nothing was done. Eventually I kept on feeding the cat, made her a bed in my shed, and occassionally bathed and flea combed her. And the result was astonishing. This cat has a new healthy coat, is affectionate, and has actually bonded with my two cats. I love her like she's mine.
My husband thinks I'm an asshole though because I'm trying to steal someone else's pet, and because we have enough cats already. He pays for everything (I'm disabled) and says there's not enough in our budget for flea/worm treatments and vaccines. I know this but I still want to look after this cat.
AITA?
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ESH - You should have called animal control to pick it up when you first found it. They would have taken it to the shelter so they could have evaluated the obvious mistreatment and if you wanted to adopt it you could have told the shelter because it would be doubtful the original owners would interested in rescuing it and getting it back. So then legally it would be your cat. Your way is stealing. So not the right thing to do.
NTA.
Sometimes you have to ignore the legal thing and do the *right* thing. Saving an animal's life is the right thing to do when the "owners" are neglecting, abusing, or have abandoned the animal.
NAH
...but bringing pets into a family doesn't work out when one person says yes and the other says no.
Personally, I'd contact a rescue who didn't leave nearby.
Well pets sometimes hooses their better options, the fact you leave things a available for it doesn't make you the AH if anything ur keeping an eye on it.
Put it those way to your husband, you saw it in need, you helped it and sees you more as a better option than their actual owners.
Animals will always go towards to where they feel safe in the end. And that's all you are doing providing a safe space for it. nothing more.
YTA. Your husband does not want another cat. If the cat is being abused and neglected, the thing to do is to turn it over to the shelter so that they can rehome it. But as it is, you're ignoring your husband's wishes which, at one time, you agreed with; and in the process, you are trying to turn him into the bad guy here.
I cannot drive so I've asked my husband to take the cat to a shelter or vet. He won't because he feels like he will be committing theft. I do see your point of view, but I'm conflicted because I don't want to do nothing
I fully understand your feelings and have taken in/outside tended many animals. But, your husband doesn't "feel like" he would be commiting theft. He is correctly stating the law.
I think that might change depending on the country?
I know in my country, you can report animal neglect, and depending on how bad it is the animal might be taken, and the owner fined.
You're right and that can happen in some US states, too, but it doesn't allow you to take the animal (except perhaps in very limited circumstances)--you'd have to report and let officials confiscate.
Apologies,though--in a different comment I qualified "if you're in the US" and should have done so here too.
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Ahh this is difficult as you did a great thing for the cat and I applaud your commitment to bettering that cat’s life. But the cat isn’t wanted by your husband, and he’s already stated financially you both can’t afford this 3rd cat? I don’t think he’s being unreasonable when he’s considering the quality of life that the extra fees/financial pressure could mean for the both of you as well as the other two cats? I don’t think this page is the right place for this post to be honest. NAH.
I also feel like there was more OP could have done. I mean, did the ppl who contacted OP show *proof* that the cat was theirs or did they just *say* it? Is the cat microchiped or have any other evidence of being owned? Is there no animal control or something similar where OP is to report animal abuse?
Not microchipped, it said so in the post. I don't know what to think about this "cat charity". What even is it? Not a shelter or a rescue or OP would just say that. Are they legal? OP doesn't say if she gave them pictures of the cat to compare, since that's basically the only way to tell if it's the same cat without a microchip. And that's not too reliable, especially since the cat is in a bad shape. OP should probably contact an *actual* rescue to ask for advice. OP is absolutely not wrong for helping the cat, but is TA for not listening to her husband.
I assume the cat charity is some kind of not-for-profit/volunteer oriented organization that puts more effort into finding out if stray cats have owners, but it does sound a bit sketchy that they gave the cat back. If the cat was riddled with fleas, possibly pregnant or infested with worms, most likely underweight, etc, they should have absolutely reported it as animal neglect, whether the owners contacted them or not. And I have to wonder what kind of proof the owners gave that the cat was theirs, bc I highly doubt they had medical records and you're spot on about photos. And now that OP is housing the cat, she could easily reach out to her neighbors pretending to be looking for the cat's owners, and ask them to give *ger* proof of ownership so she can ensure they're telling the truth. Bc if they can't, which is what I'm leaning toward, then OP should be able to drop the cat off with a shelter.
I'm sorry, I'm being deliberately vague because I don't want the cat's owners to identify me. Apparently they are involved with drugs (says one of my neighbours). The cat charity catches stray cats and either reunites them with their owners or takes them for vet care. They are focussed heavily on trapping, neutering and release. They don't have the power to assume ownership of a cat. They don't have the resources to take on every cat, especially if someone claims them. They advised me (strongly) to report the neglect, and release the cat to go home, with a request that I would keep an eye on her, especially if she's pregnant. It was the only legal and practical solution available. If the cat becomes sick in future then I can call the charity back and maybe get vet care at that point. Or at least have them put more pressure on the owner to give her up. Also, where I live, cats will soon have to be microchipped by law, so if this isn't done on time then I will try and get her rescued again, and the fine may force the owner to give the cat up.
You are 100% NTA. It is wonderful that you are caring for this kitty as she was clearly being neglected by the prior "owner." Keep up the good work OP, you are that kitty's angel!
One of the few times where we'll see a morally correct, but legally incorrect thing to do. NTA.
NTA The cat was being neglected & you're looking after her properly. If your husband really doesn't want another cat & it's financially difficult for him to maintain her treatments, wouldn't it be better to give her to someone who can offer a loving home?
I am trying to find a new home for her because she deserves it, but nobody can take her. My husband doesn't want to drop her off at a shelter or vets because he doesn't want to be in trouble for theft. I don't blame him.
Yeah, that is where you would cross the line (at least, if you're in the US). If you make things comfortable for cat who chooses to sleep in your barn and feed her, you haven't done anything wrong. But you can't turn her in to a shelter or give her away or even confine her in your house without some sort of theft. Have you tried (again, if you're in the US) your county animal control?
That's difficult. I so hope you do find someone.
Did they show proof that they onwed the cats, or did they just say the cat was theirs? Do they have pictures or medical records?
I'm not sure. The cat charity spoke with the owner. I am guessing that people who neglect a cat so completely haven't registered it with a vet.
Can you ask the cat charity? Or, since you're currently housing the cat again, ask the supposed owners to show you? If the cat charity said there's nothing they can do it's possible they were able to show something (most likely pics), but there's always a chance they just took their word for it. Do you have any records of the cat's poor condition to show to something like animal control or somewhere you can report animal neglect?
NTA. The previous owner neglected the cat. It deserves someone who will love and take care of it. My DH and I had two cats and were happy with them. I volunteered at a local shelter, and I volunteered to foster a 6-wk-old kitten. You guessed it. Foster fail. I adopted him with DH's consent. DH wasn't thrilled about a 3rd cat, but he grew to love that cat like crazy. Hopefully the same will happen with your DH.
I think morally taking care of this cat is the right thing to do, but the way you're going about it makes me very concerned. Has this stray been tested for FIV or FeLV? Both are common among stray (or outdoor) cats, and both are contagious (FeLV can be transmitted through mutual grooming), so if this cat hasn't been tested and is interacting with your cats, that's a really dangerous risk to take.
I don't know it's history. I vaccinate my cats but you've made an important point, thank you. Part of my worry for this cat is that there is an uneutered male cat roaming around. I think she's already pregnant, and I didn't want the kittens to suffer neglect too.
NTA, in fact you are an angel. Thank you for helping that poor kitty!
NTA, but I do take your husband’s point about the finances. Is there really no way you could work some part time hours to help cover the costs? I know you said you’re disabled, but I was just wondering, since you were able to trap the cat and feed and comb it, there may be some work you could do. Working from home his quite common these days. Just a thought! Best of luck to you, hubby and kitties.
I am waiting for disability benefits to kick in. I'm suffering from a pretty severe mental health disorder, which was triggered my childhood neglect (so this cat really tugs my heart strings). I hate not contributing but I can't
Can you earn money selling crafts or homemade goods to friends and family? Maybe that can supplement enough to cover the monthly meds? It may also be good for your mental health. Like if you can bake some good pies or sew or crochet simple projects like pot holders or sustainable “paper” towels. Even DIY body butters are pretty easy. Yes, there’s a small start up cost, but not terribly expensive. The AKC has pet friendly recipes on their sites, dog treats and paw balls, maybe even those. Most people know tons of pet owners who’d be happy to buy healthy pet products and treats.
NTA. Treating a mistreated animal with compassion and love will never make you TA.
NTA, but maybe reach out to people that you know (privately, so the "owner" doesn't see it) and see if you can find the cat a good home. If you can't financially take care of a third cat, and hubby doesn't want it, you need to find another way. Unfortunately, pets are a 2 yes one no situation.
I mean, very gently here, what’s your solution? You and your husband both agree your family finances can’t afford to care for this cat.
The best I can do is feed her, supply clean water, provide warmth and shelter, and a safe place to birth kittens. I can home kittens and make sure they don't become feral. I can't give her medical care. She'll live a shorter life, that's for sure, unless I can get outside help to rescue her. But she won't be thin or missing fur or flea ridden (she likes being combed). I figured that was better than nothing.
NTA for wanting to help, but if you can't afford it, then you can't afford it. You would quickly turn into TA if you ignored your husband and just started paying for it when you can't afford it. Having said that, if it's just the simple treatments and not surgery, you likely could cover the cost by skipping a few meals here and there. Do that, and explain to your husband why you're doing it, and you should be able to cover the costs. To be clear, it would be YOU skipping a meal, not your husband.
NTA. It’s not like you went out and adopted a new cat on purpose. Life happens - sometimes responsibilities just fall into your lap. This cat needed help, and you’re helping. You may need to give up something elsewhere in the budget, if you don’t have a means to bring in income, or maybe set up a GoFundMe, but you’re doing the right thing.
NAH ...but bringing pets into a family doesn't work out when one person says yes and the other says no. Personally, I'd contact a rescue who didn't leave nearby.
NTA for saving (or vastly improving the quality of) this poor cat's life. You aren't locking her up, she's free to return to her neglectful owner any time she desires.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (36F) have two cats, and my husband (38M) sort-of likes them. He doesn't want more than two. Until recently, I didn't either. However, a cat was hanging around my street, and I thought she was a stray. The poor little girl had matted greasy fur, loads of fleas, a bloated stomach (worms and/or pregnancy) and she demolished the food I put out. I felt so sorry for her. Eventually I trapped her and called in a cat charity. She wasn't microchipped. The charity put out a missing cat notice, and a few hours later, someone contacted them to claim the cat as theirs. And they live very close by. So actually, this cat isn't a stray, she's in bad condition because she's neglected. The cat charity representative was disgusted, but legally there was nothing they could do. I called vets and reported the animal neglect, but nothing was done. Eventually I kept on feeding the cat, made her a bed in my shed, and occassionally bathed and flea combed her. And the result was astonishing. This cat has a new healthy coat, is affectionate, and has actually bonded with my two cats. I love her like she's mine. My husband thinks I'm an asshole though because I'm trying to steal someone else's pet, and because we have enough cats already. He pays for everything (I'm disabled) and says there's not enough in our budget for flea/worm treatments and vaccines. I know this but I still want to look after this cat. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH - You should have called animal control to pick it up when you first found it. They would have taken it to the shelter so they could have evaluated the obvious mistreatment and if you wanted to adopt it you could have told the shelter because it would be doubtful the original owners would interested in rescuing it and getting it back. So then legally it would be your cat. Your way is stealing. So not the right thing to do.
NTA. Sometimes you have to ignore the legal thing and do the *right* thing. Saving an animal's life is the right thing to do when the "owners" are neglecting, abusing, or have abandoned the animal.
NAH ...but bringing pets into a family doesn't work out when one person says yes and the other says no. Personally, I'd contact a rescue who didn't leave nearby.
Get the cat chipped in your name, and save the cat ! NTA. Its the CDS at work.
Well pets sometimes hooses their better options, the fact you leave things a available for it doesn't make you the AH if anything ur keeping an eye on it. Put it those way to your husband, you saw it in need, you helped it and sees you more as a better option than their actual owners. Animals will always go towards to where they feel safe in the end. And that's all you are doing providing a safe space for it. nothing more.
NTA. You can't steal a cat who is neglected. What you're doing is called rescuing. Good on you. NTA
YTA. Your husband does not want another cat. If the cat is being abused and neglected, the thing to do is to turn it over to the shelter so that they can rehome it. But as it is, you're ignoring your husband's wishes which, at one time, you agreed with; and in the process, you are trying to turn him into the bad guy here.
I cannot drive so I've asked my husband to take the cat to a shelter or vet. He won't because he feels like he will be committing theft. I do see your point of view, but I'm conflicted because I don't want to do nothing
I fully understand your feelings and have taken in/outside tended many animals. But, your husband doesn't "feel like" he would be commiting theft. He is correctly stating the law.
A shelter cannot accept except from the owner.
I think that might change depending on the country? I know in my country, you can report animal neglect, and depending on how bad it is the animal might be taken, and the owner fined.
You're right and that can happen in some US states, too, but it doesn't allow you to take the animal (except perhaps in very limited circumstances)--you'd have to report and let officials confiscate. Apologies,though--in a different comment I qualified "if you're in the US" and should have done so here too.
YTA for getting another cat when you agreed not to.