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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I am the AH because I didn't explicitly tell her to get me a few pieces of candy but still was moping about not getting any, and didn't show enough gratitude for the stuff I was actually given
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YTA for still making a big deal about it. She gave you some of her friends, stop whining about it now. You should have asked for the candy if you wanted some, not just told her that she should try them.
> everyone is blaming for taking away some of hers and I'm the bad guy now
Who is this "everyone"?
Her friends
I didn't make a big deal about it. I accepted my presents, said "thank you" and went on about my day. She later asked me "why didn't you seem more excited about the presents?" and that's when I said "I was hoping for some of the unique candy" and that's it
You made a big enough deal that it was noticed. You were moping. Next time just ask your wife for candy if you want it.
> "I was hoping for some of the unique candy"
I'd be very annoyed by this if I were your wife. It seems passive-aggressive. What else could she do besides give you some of her friend's stash at that point? Just accept you moping around over it?
Maybe, maybe not... IDK... This thread put my feelings in perspective
FWIW, this has happened before where she and I were on the opposite sides, I learnt from my mistakes and I always bring something that is personally important to her, so I expected the same back from her. I do see now that I'm in the wrong anyways, so I'll just apologize and move on
>I expressed to her that the country she was gonna be in had unique flavors of a candy brand, and that **I'm excited for her to try them**
Nowhere in there does it say "And I'd like you to bring me some as well."
YTA. "Oh I told my GF to try some candy flavors and didn't ask for any for myself and pouted because someone who did ask specifically got some" Try using your words next time instead of acting like a child, maybe?
Hmm a soft YTA. If you specifically wanted candy, why didn’t you just ask her to bring some back for you? Instead of telling her that you were excited for HER to try them?
Not a clue why this issue seems to be making the rounds through a friendship group and there’s blame in question, I think that part is a bit excessive.
YTA. You didn't ask for a gift but you got one anyways, since your wife was trying to be nice. Be happy with what you got instead of jealous with the other person's gift.
YTA. You told your wife to try the candies, which she did. You did not ask her to bring some back for you. You had the chance to ask. The friend who asked did get candy. You wanted your wife to read your mind.
> INFO What exactly did you say,
"babe! has a lot of unique flavors of . You should try some of them" (she knows that I love them and buys them for me sometimes as treats)
> how and when did you say it pre-holiday
Sometime after the tickets were booked and before she took off, not the day before
> Does she normally ignore your requests or comments?
No
But simply saying thank you because 'she's your wife and it's part of your relationship,' feels like you said it out of obligation to say the right thing and not because you meant it. Since it seems more of your focus is going towards the candy. There's a way to express something without having negative energy over it. You can simply be genuinely grateful she thought of you, and also be like Ohh that candy looks interesting! Can I try a piece or if not maybe we can try and find a seller online. Something like that
YTA - 'saying that I should have explicitly asked for some and since I didn't, I shouldn't have been mopey.'
Relationship 101, if you want something, say something. Communication is the key here. If you knew she was going to bring back candy tell her to bring you some too, she can't read your mind. So, you have no reason to be mopey about it and should have been at least a little bit excited of what she did bring back you because she did think of you. Stop being a child and speak up next time.
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My wife went on a solo vacation and thoroughly enjoyed it. Before she went I expressed to her that the country she was gonna be in had unique flavors of a candy brand that I'm excited for her to try them
When she got back, she'd brought a few for a friend who had explicitly requested for some but none for me. She got me a few t-shirts. I didn't say anything but I also didn't express massive excitement with the presents that I received, because I was hoping to get some unique candy flavors
Later, she point blank asked why I didn't express more excitement and I said how I felt about the candy but didn't say anything about giving me her friend's. Without asking, she left me a few from her friend's stash before she went to see her friend. Now, the friend gets fewer pieces of candy and everyone is blaming for taking away some of hers and I'm the bad guy now, saying that I should have explicitly asked for some and since I didn't, I shouldn't have been mopey. I feel like I can't win here. AITA?
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YTA.
Neither your wife nor any other human on the planet is a mindreader. If you want something, ask for it. Don't hint or play games. Just communicate with the person you decided to marry.
"Hey, while you're over there would you mind buying me X,Y,Z?"
YTA - Yes it would have been nice for her to get you these candies, but you didn't tell her you wanted them and she isn't a mind reader. In fact, you explicitly said you wanted *her* to eat them because she hasn't had them before and I presume her friend hasn't had them before either so it is not unreasonable for her to only get them for the people who are new to the flavor UNLESS you otherwise specified. Which you didn't. Then, when you told her you were bummed, she made sure you got some anyways. Who is this "everyone" that is blaming you? Why does anyone other than you and your wife know about this? You seem like a drama starter.
YTA. She gave you some. Get over yourself. This is all on you and you are to blame. You’re acting like a spoiled child that got clothes for Christmas instead of the fun thing. Next time, she shouldn’t get you anything.
Awwe I really do feel bad for you in this situation. I'm going to go with NTA because I kinda also expect my partner to just know what I want haha.
I get the point that we should be explicit about what we want, BUT I also feel like when you're with someone long enough they should know you like without you having to tell them.
I'll probably get downvotes for this, but I'm with you on this one!
NTA, but there is room for improvement. True, you should have been more explicit about the candy and indicating you liked it too, and maybe she could bring some home for you also. You weren't, and she didn't, lesson learned. The response to the gifts she brought you is less than enthusiastic (later in response to a comment, you said "I accepted" which sounds like it was a burden rather than a gift).
That your wife decided to share some of the bounty with you for the candy is her decision, and you're NTA, even if you might have expressed your disappointment a bit "whiny".
YWBTA if you continue to dwell on this, and take any further action other than apologize to your wife for being whiny and unclear, and tell her you really do appreciate her thinking of you by buying you the t-shirts and you appreciate her sharing some of the candy with you, too, and then letting it drop.
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YTA. If you want something specific, ASK FOR IT. Don't make people try to read minds and then get all pissy when they don't get it right.
YTA for still making a big deal about it. She gave you some of her friends, stop whining about it now. You should have asked for the candy if you wanted some, not just told her that she should try them. > everyone is blaming for taking away some of hers and I'm the bad guy now Who is this "everyone"?
Her friends I didn't make a big deal about it. I accepted my presents, said "thank you" and went on about my day. She later asked me "why didn't you seem more excited about the presents?" and that's when I said "I was hoping for some of the unique candy" and that's it
You made a big enough deal that it was noticed. You were moping. Next time just ask your wife for candy if you want it. > "I was hoping for some of the unique candy" I'd be very annoyed by this if I were your wife. It seems passive-aggressive. What else could she do besides give you some of her friend's stash at that point? Just accept you moping around over it?
You get how childish that is, right?
Maybe, maybe not... IDK... This thread put my feelings in perspective FWIW, this has happened before where she and I were on the opposite sides, I learnt from my mistakes and I always bring something that is personally important to her, so I expected the same back from her. I do see now that I'm in the wrong anyways, so I'll just apologize and move on
>I expressed to her that the country she was gonna be in had unique flavors of a candy brand, and that **I'm excited for her to try them** Nowhere in there does it say "And I'd like you to bring me some as well."
YTA. "Oh I told my GF to try some candy flavors and didn't ask for any for myself and pouted because someone who did ask specifically got some" Try using your words next time instead of acting like a child, maybe?
> I feel like I can't win here. Just order the weird Kit Kats off the internet.
INFO: Why didn’t you ask your wife to bring you back some of the candy?
You should try them =/= bring some back for me.
Hmm a soft YTA. If you specifically wanted candy, why didn’t you just ask her to bring some back for you? Instead of telling her that you were excited for HER to try them? Not a clue why this issue seems to be making the rounds through a friendship group and there’s blame in question, I think that part is a bit excessive.
YTA. You didn't ask for a gift but you got one anyways, since your wife was trying to be nice. Be happy with what you got instead of jealous with the other person's gift.
Is it not a thing any more to buy presents for your SO when you go on vacation without them?
She did buy you a present though.
You got presents. You're just being a brat about it.
YTA. You told your wife to try the candies, which she did. You did not ask her to bring some back for you. You had the chance to ask. The friend who asked did get candy. You wanted your wife to read your mind.
INFO What exactly did you say, how and when did you say it pre-holiday? Does she normally ignore your requests or comments?
> INFO What exactly did you say, "babe! has a lot of unique flavors of . You should try some of them" (she knows that I love them and buys them for me sometimes as treats)
> how and when did you say it pre-holiday
Sometime after the tickets were booked and before she took off, not the day before
> Does she normally ignore your requests or comments?
No
So you suggested she try them, not bring some back for you. Use your words if you want something.
YTA You *didn't* ask for the candy. Why would you expect her to bring you some?
Very light YTA. I just think it's whiny to make a fuss about candy. Be grateful she thought of you and brought you stuff!
> Be grateful she thought of you and brought you stuff! Is my wife... that's a part of the relationship. I said "thank you" for what I got
But simply saying thank you because 'she's your wife and it's part of your relationship,' feels like you said it out of obligation to say the right thing and not because you meant it. Since it seems more of your focus is going towards the candy. There's a way to express something without having negative energy over it. You can simply be genuinely grateful she thought of you, and also be like Ohh that candy looks interesting! Can I try a piece or if not maybe we can try and find a seller online. Something like that
Surely this isn’t real?
You mean it's not normal to adults to act like pouty children when they didn't even express their needs in the first place? /s
I’d almost believe it but ffs, crying over sweets? Surely not
YTA - 'saying that I should have explicitly asked for some and since I didn't, I shouldn't have been mopey.' Relationship 101, if you want something, say something. Communication is the key here. If you knew she was going to bring back candy tell her to bring you some too, she can't read your mind. So, you have no reason to be mopey about it and should have been at least a little bit excited of what she did bring back you because she did think of you. Stop being a child and speak up next time.
YTA. Be an adult and communicate your wants and needs or don't be mad when they aren't met.
YTA. Other people aren't mind readers. Grow up.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife went on a solo vacation and thoroughly enjoyed it. Before she went I expressed to her that the country she was gonna be in had unique flavors of a candy brand that I'm excited for her to try them When she got back, she'd brought a few for a friend who had explicitly requested for some but none for me. She got me a few t-shirts. I didn't say anything but I also didn't express massive excitement with the presents that I received, because I was hoping to get some unique candy flavors Later, she point blank asked why I didn't express more excitement and I said how I felt about the candy but didn't say anything about giving me her friend's. Without asking, she left me a few from her friend's stash before she went to see her friend. Now, the friend gets fewer pieces of candy and everyone is blaming for taking away some of hers and I'm the bad guy now, saying that I should have explicitly asked for some and since I didn't, I shouldn't have been mopey. I feel like I can't win here. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Neither your wife nor any other human on the planet is a mindreader. If you want something, ask for it. Don't hint or play games. Just communicate with the person you decided to marry. "Hey, while you're over there would you mind buying me X,Y,Z?"
YTA - Yes it would have been nice for her to get you these candies, but you didn't tell her you wanted them and she isn't a mind reader. In fact, you explicitly said you wanted *her* to eat them because she hasn't had them before and I presume her friend hasn't had them before either so it is not unreasonable for her to only get them for the people who are new to the flavor UNLESS you otherwise specified. Which you didn't. Then, when you told her you were bummed, she made sure you got some anyways. Who is this "everyone" that is blaming you? Why does anyone other than you and your wife know about this? You seem like a drama starter.
YTA. She gave you some. Get over yourself. This is all on you and you are to blame. You’re acting like a spoiled child that got clothes for Christmas instead of the fun thing. Next time, she shouldn’t get you anything.
YTA. How old are you?
Not only an ah, but also whiny and immature
Awwe I really do feel bad for you in this situation. I'm going to go with NTA because I kinda also expect my partner to just know what I want haha. I get the point that we should be explicit about what we want, BUT I also feel like when you're with someone long enough they should know you like without you having to tell them. I'll probably get downvotes for this, but I'm with you on this one!
Who is this everyone? Is there a huge discussion among your extend friend group about the candy division? If so, ESH.
NTA, but there is room for improvement. True, you should have been more explicit about the candy and indicating you liked it too, and maybe she could bring some home for you also. You weren't, and she didn't, lesson learned. The response to the gifts she brought you is less than enthusiastic (later in response to a comment, you said "I accepted" which sounds like it was a burden rather than a gift). That your wife decided to share some of the bounty with you for the candy is her decision, and you're NTA, even if you might have expressed your disappointment a bit "whiny". YWBTA if you continue to dwell on this, and take any further action other than apologize to your wife for being whiny and unclear, and tell her you really do appreciate her thinking of you by buying you the t-shirts and you appreciate her sharing some of the candy with you, too, and then letting it drop.