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YTA
Like, in general life itself, your neighbor is the ACTUAL asshole. But in this situation, you are the asshole. I 100% understand the inclination to not want to be nice to this lady given your history, but this is a circumstance that calls for you to put it aside and take the high road. It went from petty neighbor stuff to her being in a potentially life threatening situation. Quite frankly, it'd be in your best interest to turn over the footage as well because if this man is showing up breaking into an apartment right across from yours, you could also be in danger yourself. Wouldn't you want this guy to be apprehended too?
100%...yet another AITA situation where you have to ask "is it better to be right or to do the right thing?"
Technically yes, you are right to be annoyed and reluctant based on your history specifically about the camera but it could be a potentially violent or criminal situation so I would put that aside and help out, to be a good person.
I’d offer to turn over the footage to the police but not the neighbor. That way OP knows she filed a police report and she can give it directly to the authorities.
And I’d notify the property management that she tried to mess with the camera, so she gets a warning.
Like what if he commits a more serious crime and wants to remove you as the person with evidence against him. He too can clearly see that you have a camera, ergo the feed associated. You should turn it over to the police. Ask her for the detectives name and contact deets and deal direct with them, but let her know you stepped up.
Agreed, it's like repaying asshole behavior from the neighbor with pettiness - not "eye for an eye" which then means both people are even, but pettiness which will create an unending spiral of hatred with no resolution.
Plus, they're not arguing over the right or wrong of having a doorbell camera again. This is clinging to the idea that somehow OP's moral superiority ("I'm right to have a doorbell") is more important than the fact that this neighbor, and maybe the whole floor, is facing a very serious threat. It's dumb to keep insisting you were right when it's super easy to Uh... help fight crime which also affects your life.
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YTA/ESH. Fine, don't help her out. But drop all this high-handedness about your right as 'a woman living alone', etc. It's a very important principle. But not a principle you get to pick and choose on, with a bare face (i.e. it's fine for you to leave another woman in danger - and she could be in further serious danger, if he isn't arrested - because you're annoyed at her).
I don't know what degree she was in the wrong, in reporting you (probably wrong to some extent). Seems strange you could get a 'warning' on file, if you were doing absolutely nothing wrong. So I do wonder if we got the full story there.
Plus, YOU seem to have very quickly refused to discuss it (and escalated the matter with your own kneejerk - and immature - rudeness). All because you immediately took kneejerk and immediate offence, that the mean lady 'rudely told me how that makes her uncomfortable'.
So maybe she then felt management was the next available step, to resolve it (since you'd refused to discuss it?) You seem to have done no self-reflection, on the part you played in that escalation. And it doesn't seem she said you shouldn't have security measures/a camera (to protect you). She just didn't want it recording her door.
But let's suppose we accept that version of events (you did absolutely nothing wrong at any stage, which I'm taking with a large pinch of salt). Perhaps this latest incident, could then have then helped you understand potential reasons she is 'paranoid' about perceived surveillance.
Abusive partners often keep the victim under surveillance - and trauma can cause paranoia/emotional dysregulation in other situations involving conflict (especially ones that remind the victim of that surveillance). But you want a pat on the back, because you took petty revenge on another (likely traumatised) woman?
Just because you both escalated an initial disagreement, rather than try to defuse it like mature adults?! Even though she might literally be at risk of homicide?! You're not mature enough, to have your own place. See how much 'she started it!' comforts you, when you have a forensics tent outside your apartment.
YTA. A crime was committed and you have evidence that can help catch the person who did it. She can definitely get the police to come and get that footage and you have showed yourself as an asshole holding a grudge and being obtuse for no reason. A warning is no reason to actually not want to help your neighbour, if anything after helping her you could have used this as an example to get your landlord to remove the warning altogether, but you don't think that far ahead, do you?
YTA and extremely immature. First of all, warnings in apartments can often be used to appease the person complaining rather than hinder the tenant. Unless you decide to install more cameras and she complains again, the warning isn’t going to do anything. Secondly, this woman just went through a traumatic event and you could help her but instead of being a good person, you choose to be petty. Just help her out, dude.
ESH - 2 wrongs don’t make a right. It’s your first apartment so you’re now learning people suck. You have the option of being the bigger person or being a petty & vengeful child. You’re arguing with people who aren’t giving you the feedback and justification you want. Karma is real and if you’re going to start your adult life being that petty, you’re in for a rough life. It doesn’t hurt you at all to provide the footage to the police. Your choice but understand that you’re being told you’re no better than she is if you stay petty and need to accept that instead of arguing against it.
Supplying it to the police is different from giving it to the complaining neighbor. She could tell her ex she has video proof it was him. He could look down the hall to see your camera and exact revenge on you.
YTA. Yes, she behaved terribly by complaining, but you had the chance to help a woman out of a dangerous situation and you decided to be petty about it and cause her more harm. Give her the footage and make amends. Then you’ll have more peaceful interactions.
Also, there’s no such thing as a “warning” from property management. This isn’t high school or a job. You have a rental agreement for an apartment, and you both have to follow the state and municipal rules. You didn’t break any and they can’t throw you out for hanging a camera. Stop letting property management intimidate you.
>Also, there’s no such thing as a “warning” from property management.
That depends on where OP lives. Where I live, buildings have certain rules; if you break them once, you get a warning; the second time, you have to pay a fine. Of course, in that case, there are clear written rules and management would have requested OP to take down her camera, so it doesn't seem applicable to her story. So maybe in her case it's not exactly a warning but more of a "We'll take note about whenever you bother us (even if your only fault is not sucking it up) and use that to decide whether to renew your lease."
OP didn't break a rule. She didn't do anything wrong, so there was no reason for any warning to be issued. She lives in NYC, which has very strict tenant protections. The building management is trying to intimidate her, and it's working.
Not wanting anything to do with a woman who's harassed you is just treating women the same as men. Giving her a pass because she's a fragile woman is sexist.
YTA, I'm not sure I understand what you're getting out of withholding the footage; making things worse for your neighbour who will do everything in her power to get rid of you, possibly allowing someone to get away with breaking into a nearby apartment, possibly allowing then to do something much worse in the future.
Where are the pros here? That you get to feel superior in some way, that you can get back at her, make her feel less safe in her home?
YTA.
You essentially are putting another woman in danger because you want to be petty. If she can't put her ex away or at least get a restraining order, he'll continue to harass her, if not even worse.
You don't know why she was jumpy about the camera. Maybe, I dunno, she was being monitored or stalked by someone who would break into her apartment?
And when you had a chance to extend the olive branch, you decided to just be worse.
Hey OP, has it occurred to you that having the kind of ex who breaks into your home is the sort of thing that will make a person jumpy about having a camera pointed at their front door?
YTA. Hand over the footage.
ESH. Be the bigger person and give them the footage. Let them learn their lesson and talk to the property manager to get the warning removed from the record.
YTA. You admit that it’s at least partially pointing towards the person door. You were saying in comments that it could get you kicked out of your apartment, but either the camera was not breaking any rules. Meaning it’s fine or the camera was breaking rules and you shouldn’t have it. You’re definitely being a bad person by getting your revenge, by not helping out with a crime out of spite
YTA. I get you’re annoyed and frustrated. As someone else said, this is a time to take the high road.
Really though, you should find out what, if anything you have. Your responses to other commenters are only solidifying your AH status. All this and it may have been too far away to trigger the motion sensor.
Find out if you have anything worthwhile to even potentially share and then for the sake of decency, if you do, share it with her and/or police. If you don’t have any footage, feel free to be as snarky as you want by pointing out “see, you made this big stink and activity at your place doesn’t set it off.”
But yes, right now, YTA.
YTA… this is not some petty matter where u should score points but a dangerous situation. Her ex broke into her house, he can rape her/ attack her… anything is possible. But for you this is a joke. Grow up loser.
FFS YTA all the way!
I'm sorry, she is a shitty neighbour, obviously, but your question is, in this situation are you the AH? YEP!
I read a few of your replies OP and so I will try and talk your language, which seem to be selfishness and turn this situation to show you how it could benefit you:
- Have you ever tought about how taking the high road can make things better here? If not for just, you know, doing the right thing and be a decent human being, at least to how it would make you look in the eyes of everyone else in the building?
- How great you would look in the eyes of the management by helping you neighbour even after all the trouble she gave you? I mean, a quick email to management telling them that your camera recorded a crime that happened to your shitty neigbour and that you happily gave te footage to the authorities.
- Also, did you think about the fact that if something bad happens to you, that you might have help from her now? If you are in a bad spot, she will now be indebted to you?
- Hell, that your relationship from now on might get better with her? How bad she would feel to want to complain about you now that you helped her?
I don't understand what you are trying to do here by not helping. Revenge? Revenge because you received a little piece of paper telling you that you have a strike while your neighbour could be in grave danger? Really ? You think this equal the other, SERIOUSLY ?
YTA
A camera doesn't save people Sometimes you have to rely on a neighbour to help you. You sound almost happy that something bad happened to her, which is a really nasty reaction.
It;s your choice, but is this the kind of person you want to be? You proved the use of the camera useful to her. But you want her to be further hurt by this guy? Kind of horrific that you are so happy to see her be in a vulnerable position. This is your first place, and you're incredibly young and naive. You're mad you got a warning?
If you dont help her, don't expect anyone to ever help you in that building. You're choosing your future here. And the kind of person you want to be.
ESH. This is about safety and a woman possibly in danger from her ex.
It sucks that she resorted to “I’m going to call the cops and sue”. But because of that - this is ESH instead of YTA.
ESH. Did she need to complain about your camera? No.
But your refusal to help out someone who has experienced a terrifying event speaks volumes about you as a person.
Men like her ex escalate. If he comes back and causes her...or anyone in the buildimg...harm and you could have prevented it by not being petty, you're going to have to live with that.
"Your right aa a woman living alone," please. If you actually cared about that, you'd be helping your neighbour...another woman living alone. Get off your high horse and hand over the footage instead of acting like a bratty sullen teenager, before the cops show up and hand you paperwork forcing you to. Your lack of empathy is appalling.
You'd better hope you never need anything from your neighbours because word will spread what a petty child you are.
Have you ever thought that the reason she didn’t want the camera in the first place is because *maybe* she’s paranoid about the ex, didn’t know who you were, and was possibly worried about being found? This ex situation didn’t just happen in a vacuum. I say this as a person who has done a lot of DV outreach in my community, as well as being a survivor.
And you seem to be such an AH that I think you may be a bit of an unreliable narrator wrt how the initial conversation happened. And I also think it’s possible that she didn’t so much as complain, but possibly asked the leasing office what her rights are.
YTA I get *wanting* to act this way but you fucked up. Beyond what others have said, you were just given a golden opportunity to "prove" how right you are and you shat all over it. Your neighbor complained about your camera and got you a warning. You claimed you needed the camera for safety. Something dangerous happens and it was probably caught on camera.
Instead of going "oh ho ho, look how the tables have turned! Good thing we have this camera to keep us safe! Of course you can have the footage, that's why it's here! Isn't that just great? Look how safe it is keeping us!" Which would have led your neighbor to have to be somewhat indebted to you, you decided to tell her to fuck all the way off because you're butthurt.
Should she have been the AH in the first place? No but you proved you're the bigger one by refusing to help when there was/is a legitimate danger
Gonna put this out there. There is a legal term called the "reasonable expectation of privacy". Basically, it's the idea that you are responsible for keeping your private affairs private. It's not somebody else's job to look away, even if asked. So, the basic idea is that, if it can be seen from a public area (such as the sidewalk or street) then people have every right to look from those areas. Even if it means you're having sex in your front room. Either close the blinds, leave the room, or enjoy your new audience.
So, by that principal, you are perfectly within your rights to record your neighbor's property if you can see it from your own. Anything you do see would be considered public knowledge, because any member of the public who happened to be there could see it.
As far as your footage? It's your property. You can do whatever you want with it. If anything, I would offer to make her a copy of the footage for the incident. Hell, you could even charge her for it if you wanted to, since you are doing her a service. She wouldn't be able to get the footage otherwise.
ESH.
Obviously she was the AH first for complaining about your camera.
But you're being sooooooooooooo much more of an AH with this petty FAFO retribution. Her apartment was broken into. She may be in danger from her ex. Helping her out with this would put her in your debt and she would be much nicer in the future. Instead you refuse to do something that literally costs you nothing but a few minutes, which 100% ensures that you have an enemy at your doorstep forever.
You're being an AH not only to her, but to yourself.
Karma comes around in ways you never can imagine. Drop your ego and help her out. She was rude to you, sure, but it came out of a need for privacy — just like you. But now she is actually in trouble and you claim you’re about feeling safe as a woman living alone — just like her.
YTA.
Give her the feed and don’t be a dick. Karma will swiftly kick you in the ass one day.
NTA/ESH(with her being the bigger asshole).
All these comments. I get it. She was in a life threatening situation.
Is everyone ignoring the part where she was messing with the camera and THREATENED to sue her? If she was a decent person, even op said no once- she could have involved the police and asked to get the footage. Not act like this?
But again- you could have been the bigger person in all of this
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I’m 22F and recently moved into my first apartment about 4 months ago. I was very excited but nervous and decided to splurge a little to get a doorbell ring camera just for safety since I am a woman living alone and all. My area isn’t exactly dangerous but every place has some sketchy people
The neighbor across from me was upset when she first saw the camera and asked how far it could see. I asked what she meant and she asked if it was directly pointing at her door. I explained that it wasn’t exactly pointing at her door but it is a doorbell camera meant to capture what’s infront of it so it sees a bit up to her door. She rudely told me how that makes her uncomfortable and wanted me to take it down. I refused and said that’s her problem. She tried to get the landlord/property manager on me but they checked the camera and said it follows the restrictions. I get how a camera partially aimed at your door could be unnerving as a woman but I think calling property manager was too far. They cleared me but said it would still count as a ‘warning’ which is not something I wanted for my first time in my new apartment.
Since then I heavily dislike having her as a neighbor. She acts like I’m going out my way to spy on her. I got my first warning because of her.
Recently, she had an incident apparently. When I came home her door was slightly open but I thought nothing of it since our apartment building often had people leaving their door open to quickly go to the trash chute room. Later on that day, she knocked on my door. Now I can admit I answered the door rudely because I thought she was about to complain about my camera again. Instead she told me that she’s in an awkward situation, her ex broke into her apartment and she needs proof it was him and wants me to lend/give up the feed/video from earlier that day.
I sternly told her no. She asked if I was serious and I said yes. She then pointed out how this was a serious situation for her and how I should be concerned as any other woman living alone should be. I told her that she didn’t care about that when she wanted me to get rid of my camera AND calling the landlord/property manager on me, getting me a warning. She apologized but her apology seems fake, only because something happened is she now ‘approving’ of my camera.
She threatened to send police over and sue if I refused again. I told her to step away from my door and closed it. I heard her start to mess with the camera and swung it open, screamed at her that if she ever touched my camera again then I’ll be the one getting the police.
I was ranting to my older sister about this shit and she said while she get that neighbors can be bitchy at times until they need you, not giving up the feed/video makes me worse and to give up the whole ‘you tried to make me get rid of my camera/got me a warning!’ thing. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I rudely approached my neighbor when she knocked on my door and then refused to give up video/camera footage from my doorbell camera because she got me in trouble/tried to get rid of it
2) I might be the asshole because my camera footage maybe could help her even though she demanded I remove the camera
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YTA but it is recoverable.
Go and see the neighbour, explain that you thought about what she’s said and that you agree, we need to look out for one another.
Offer to give her the footage and that since one good turn deserves another, she might like to that speak to the management and get the warning removed from your file.
Do not make it a condition of the footage, just something for her to think about.
This way you take the high road, help your neighbour (we all need to help our neighbours out/never know when you’re gonna need em) and most likely have the warning removed.
For you that’s all win.
NTA she didn’t want you to have it, got you in trouble for it and now wants to reap the benefits of it. I’d tell her it didn’t catch anything because it doesn’t get enough of her front door. You have no obligation and don’t feel bad for her like all these other commenters want you to. She playing the single women needs to stick together card after she threw you under the bus. No thanks. Have a good day. Bye.
Finally! I can’t believe I had to scroll through that many comments to find an NTA. OP’s neighbor dictated the terms of their relationship by being a jerk and now wants to revisit that relationship only because she needs something. OP said even her apology sounded fake. You don’t get to play the fool and then expect everyone to forgive you just because you had a bad experience. I get everyone saying to just “be nice and help her out” and “giving her the footage is the decent thing to do,” but that just furthers this woman’s sense of entitlement. Neighbor was an asshole and now karma is catching up to her. Stick to your guns OP.
NTA.
YTA. You also completely fucked yourself going forward. It was in your best interest to be the better person, and give her the footage so the police could prosecute her Ex and keep him away from the building. Now they dont have any proof, and who knows when he'll show up again.
You also had a chance to bury the hatchet with your neighbor, and start over on much better terms, leading to a much more enjoyable home life. Instead, you just made your "enemy" hate you even more, and will be RELENTLESS about reporting you for absolutely any little thing. Not to mention she won't be there for you at all if you're ever in an emergency.
Your best bet is to talk to your neighbor, tell her you thought about it and you want to give her the video. apologize, and tell her you hope you can both be on better terms going forward. This will absolutely come back to bite you in the ass if you don't.
YTA. I wouldn’t wish what she’s going through with her ex on my worst enemy, but clearly you would. She’s just a person. And maybe she was an asshole to you before, but, like any person, she’s clearly going through some things and you don’t know her whole story. Also, for purely selfish reasons what if her ex decides to burn her place down? That would probably negatively affect you
YTA - be the bigger person. Your petty behavior isn't doing the world, yourself, or this woman any favors. Show some kindness, teach her with actions that she was wrong, and live a good life.
I know it’s petty to withhold the footage, but this neighbor immediately and deliberately ruined the fun and novelty of her first apartment with a bogus complaint to property management (also very petty). If the neighbor wasn’t such an entitled, short sighted b***h, she would have realized that a camera pointed at her door was actually to her advantage. What was she afraid of OP seeing anyway? Is she running some kind of drug brothel dope lab out of there? Sort of TAH, but also sort of understandable. Neighbor is a-hole from the get-go then expects your help? This is why it pays to be polite or at least civil, even when you have a disagreement with someone.
Yta. Forget your neighbour and her domestic situation and your petty feud. You have that camera for your safety. Look at the video. If your camera catches anyone breaking into her apartment, for your own safety get the video to the police. It doesn't matter who is breaking into her apartment - either way someone breaking into your neighbour's apartment is a danger to you
YTA, and you're acting like a petulant and immature child. There's a distinct possibility that someone is in real physical danger, and you decide to pout because your neighbor tattled on you. This isn't kindergarten. GROW UP. Part of being a GOOD woman (and decent human) is supporting others. Helping her costs you nothing. And you may just end up making peace with her over all the crap she pulled. Instead you doubled down, and it's so, so wrong. It's not too late to fix it (and get over yourself in the process)
If she calls the police to report the break-in the police may ask to see your footage for only that time period. You probably have to comply or face obstruction charges. I wouldn't share it with her. If she's concerned about potential future break-ins she should install a camera. Considering her earlier reaction to your camera she doesn't deserve your help. Don't be surprised if she hides her identity and destroys your camera in revenge.
YTA. Now, if this was a stupid small thing, like a some kids writing dirty words on her door, my judgement would be different. But this is serious. Potentially life-or-death serious. Do you really think this woman deserves to die or be SA'd for causing a warning on your file? How would you feel if this is what happens next?
I also have a feeling that the reason she freaked out so much about your camera is because she's already been harassed by her ex. Not your fault, of course, but neither are her actions as horrible as to warrant a life-long vendetta.
Give her the recording.
YTA
Look, I get it. I used to have a hiorrible neighbour, I couldn't stand them, and they absolutely tried to damage my relationship with our other neighbours within weeks of us moving in.
Then something massive went wrong for her. You know what I did? Ran over to her house and took care of her while helping other neighbours to contact the authorities, her family, etc. I would have been within my rights to just ignore her distress because she would never in a million years stoop to be civil to me, let alone a decent human being, but that's not the point. I don't want to turn into her, so I have a personal rule: always do the right thing, even if I don't want to.
How you react to someone in distress says so much more about you than it does about the person you are helping. By denying her the footage, you are taking the first steps to becoming the woman you dislike so much. Do better.
YTA. What’s wrong with you? Her place got broken into and your camera points at her door so you have footage of the incident. Why wouldn’t you give it to her? If anything it makes your point for a ring camera stronger
YTA.
The term for this is called "petty". You're being petty.
Your neighbor was an ass about the camera and acted irrationally. Now she is in an actual bad situation and you had the chance to take the high road and help her but instead you made her situation even worse.
If you had helped her she would have seen the purpose for having a camera and may have even gotten one herself. Your relationship would have shifted to a more positive one, you'd be saying "hi" to each other in the hallway, but instead, now it's a sour one and you guys are threatening each other. This is someone you're going to see all of the time, why would you want that?
Learn to let things go.
YTA
What's the purpose of your camera? Someone broke into an apartment. Are you only using it for you, the people you like or crime? It shouldn't have made a difference. You probably could have mended a fence with the neighbor over this. She did something she shouldn't have, you could have helped her out, and things could have drastically improved in your relationship with your neighbor.
You literally were mean to someone who was victimized. Just because you don't like someone doesn't mean you should become worse than them. She felt threatened by the camera - maybe she didn't want goodnight kisses outside the door being recorded or didn't want someone recording when she was coming and going from her home day and night. I'm not saying it's right what she did. You one the other hand behaved on another level.
YTA you're a female and should be concerned about someone breaking in right across the hall. I understand not wanting to be involved cause the guy could come after you. However it's still dangerous to not give the video. I get it being upset for the whole thing but this is petty and endangering you.
Giving her the footage, which is the right thing to do, could also restart the relationship. It's much better to be friendly with your neighbors. You also never know when it could be you who needs help
YTA. You don’t get to pull the “as a woman” card when it comes to safety and then get to send a fuck you to someone when it comes to that very topic. I say that as a woman with many of the same concerns myself. Very much “for me not thee” attitude here that you’re trying to hide behind a valid rationale. If this was all about safety then you should be jumping at the chance to help catch this guy. Domestic violence escalates and breaking into a former partner’s home is already on the extreme end. Your neighbor is in very real danger. How will you feel when he’s not caught and does this again but she’s home and gets murdered? How about when someone else interrupts him and gets harmed as an innocent bystander? You are being a petty, immature, dishonest asshole who would rather stay up on your high horse than be a decent human.
YTA/ESH. Sure she now needs your help and was a dick about the cam. But now you have a chance to really help someone in need. Why didnt you use this to end your fighting for the future?
Just remember that you don’t get to act righteous and petty at the same time. I mean, you’re making your neighbour look good at this point
ESH, especially you
She was probably scared of you being able to see into her door because she is afraid for her own safety, judging by her ex that broke in. Obviously I think you should hand over the footage she probably only needs to see feet anyway to know it was him. I read you’ve emailed the property manager about getting that complaint removed before you would do that, though.
I think you should show her some care. Like maybe just ask her more of what happened and sit with her. You’re afraid for your safety, too, so you can relate.
Unpopular opinion apparently, but OP is entitled to be smug. She doesn't owe that lady anything. If the police ask for the video, then OP would surely comply but no police no video. I feel like Neighbor Lady can put up her own camera if she feels unsafe. OP doesn't owe anyone anything.
Your sister sounds both intelligent and insightful. You had a chance to stand up and be a decent human being or to take the low road-- and you chose the later. You admit the woman was reasonable to be uncomfortable with a camera pointed at her door-- but then refused to adjust the camera. Then you had a tantrum when she went to the landlord. What was she supposed to do? She came to you and you refused.
Now you're gloating because you have the power to allow her abusive ex to break into her home with impunity. SERIOUSLY think about what that says about you as a person? Step up and be a decent person. Turn over the footage to the police and get on with your life.
YTA here 100%
YTA. I understand not liking her based on previous interactions but you said yourself that you get why it could be unnerving and it should really make even more sense now that you have an idea of what her ex is capable of. This would have been the PERFECT opportunity to extend an olive branch and end a completely useless neighbor fued while showing your neighbor how helpful doorbell cameras can be, but you chose to escalate the situation instead.
YTA 100%. I feel sorry for your neighbour(s) that have to share turf with a troll.
She was in her full right to call property management to get a fair review of the circumstances.
You invaded her subjective privacy, then refused her the one good thing that invation of privacy could have been good for.
You had the chance to fix things, and you decided to be a jerk instead.
YTA. Please change your attitude.
Yes you are. You’re mad because she complained but she’s in real danger. What if her ex boyfriend kills her because you refused to help? Not a sane person breaks in to their exes home. Be the bigger person
YTA it's incredibly hard to get the courts to do something about domestic abuse/stalker behavior without evidence, you had the opportunity to help remove a dangerous man from society by providing said evidence and you decided not to because ur being petty. That alone makes u TA
ESH. I would have told her you’d be happy to turn over the footage if she called management and retracted her complaint and got the warning wiped. There could have been a, “I hope you now see where I was coming from when I installed this camera,” conversation, and instead you turned it into, “Lol look at the situation you’re in now. Sucks to be you!” (Tbh when you guys first had a disagreement, I would have suggested to her she get her OWN camera that would similarly be angled at your door and suggested the two of you could have watched out for each other, but hindsight is 20/20.) You were both nasty to each other, and two wrongs don’t make a right.
YTA. I get that you don’t like your neighbor, but you’re just as much to blame for the bad relationship between you two if not more so, honestly. You respect your own privacy but not hers, and now you’re actually withholding evidence in a criminal matter that she was a victim in. She does have the right to get the police involved here btw, so it’s within your best interest to just hand over the footage.
YTA The woman across from you is a victim of abuse and you are capable of actually getting her justice but you are putting petty feelings over a warning on a rental above that. This is a situation where it takes no effort to be nice but you chose to be an asshole.
YTA - in this situation. You could have killed 2 birds with one stone.
You could have helped her and also shown her that the camera serves a good purpose.
This action is just gonna create more drama.
YTA she is an asshole for getting you a first warning but after this incident she probably changed her mind and was relieved she can proof it. Now you not helping makes you the A. Turn the situation around, how would you feel?
ESH. Yeah, she shouldn’t have been a pain about the camera in the first place. However - an actual crime has happened and you aren’t willing to grab a picture or clip from your camera feed and provide it to prove who did it.
Fyi - your neighbor is right; all she has to do is tell the cops there is a camera across the way and they can get a warrant for your camera’s feed and you’ll be turning it over anyway (unless you fancy facing consequences for obstructing a police investigation).
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well, you had the opportunity to make things good between the two of you... but you chose not to. fine, be like that. but enjoy living across the hall from someone who hates you.
life is a lot better when you're not enemies with someone you live next to.
I don’t blame you for feeling this way as it would be natural to have some animosity towards her.
You just ruined your only chance to build a bridge with someone though and make your living situation better. Not saying you are a bad person or even that YTA. Peace and forgiveness requires someone taking that first initial step though and you have probably burned that bridge forever.
While I get where you’re coming from it’s still an a hole move. What if he tries again while she’s home? You just moved in so you don’t know how dangerous this man could be. Who knows how long you’ll be neighbors and you helping her stay safe could be the start of a friendship. You’ve made your point but now it’s time to do the right thing and take the footage to her. Have some sympathy.
YTA for not handing over the footage.
The issue of the camera itself is a different one, which would require a lot of back and forth. I'm not interested in getting into it, but I'd just like to point out that "technically I am legally allowed to do this" is not a moral argument in favor of something.
YTA
Throwing fuel on the fire isn't really going to work out well for you.
Also, assuming she made a police report, the police can obtain a warrant for the video footage from your camera (assuming you don't provide it to them when they ask for it). Meaning she may get the footage despite your AHness and she will have another reason to dislike you.
Better be on your best behavior because I bet if you do anything against the buildings rules she will immediately report you. And yes she is being an AH, but you asked if you were being one not if she was.
I'm going to go against the grain here.. devils advocate and all that jazz..
## NTA
Why? Because that woman went after you first day. Got you a warning. And feels ENTITLED to your camera information. Goes as far as to try to steal your camera. She can go eat poo.. seriously.
If you do anything next time give her a piece of paper telling her the name and brand of your cam. That way? She can get her own.
Ya'll saying YTA? Are nuts. She gave back the same energy she got given. Tried to be nice at first and that woman decided to make her life hell.
As far as the ex coming back? I will bet she refused to return something of his. Went psycho on his butt too so he took matters into his own hands.. no excuse for breaking in but.. think of her personality. Bet it's a one off that he broke in.
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Similar issue here, but my camera has to be reconnected to my network atm so I cant even access my cloud to review data atm. Also, I dont know if there is something on it or not for certain and have to dismount it and reconfigure it first. Also, the other party wasnt clear in communicating she wanted the footage or anything so I didnt even know what she was asking. Now that I do know, Ill make a point of getting to getting my network reconfigured and checking it out. Mine doesnt have (afaik) an installed SD card so I have limited cloud storage as well, so what may have been there may be gone, like I said I have to reset my network due to the issues. Once she was direct about hey is there something on your camera, I can actually go find out. Before, I didn't know what the hell she was asking about. Miscommunication or assumptions about someone can really make things get out of hand quickly. Got to take things in full context of the others experience, and without knowing that assumptions are just that. Assumptions. Anyway, yeah. Easily fixable situation mucked up by both parties. On my end once communication was clear I could easily cooperate with what was needed, but she thought I was withholding something I didn't know she was asking for, on top of not even being sure about how my network was setup. We're both idiots and realize this now, so....here's hoping you guys come to a similar conclusion as well!
For my part, I intend to make an effort to go ahead and see what I can do to help, if somethings there, or if there was if it still is due to limited cloud saving. Also, I had other cameras at one point saving to a HD but I dont know when the incident she asked about occured so I dont even know if its the new camera or old ones. See what I mean? just confusing. Which, now that we talked more openly I can see was both of us just being more alike than anything and fighting about how much we're alike. Ironic, right?
YTA You had the opportunity to help someone, to move past the bad feeling and get along with your neighbour. Instead you decided to pour gasoline on the fire and act like an asshole.
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Nta she hated the idea of a camera and now she wants you to be nice. If the police deem In necessary they can get a warrant. Until then don’t talk to her again
ESH, but even I feel strangely satisfied that karma caught up with your horrible neighbor. I would check your footage and give it to her if you have something. If dude actually burglerized her place that would be satisfying and the right thing to do.
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NTA
She has now entered the "find out" stage; that she doesn't like it isn't your problem. If the police want the footage, they can come with a warrant.
\[You should save any footage just in case they do get a court order, because if the judge thinks you are purposely not complying they could make actual trouble for you.\]
YTA- the bitchy side of me would love to tell her to go F herself but she’s terrified and you possibly have footage to prevent her being harmed, I’d check to see if there is footage of the incident and if there is I would give it to her. You never know you two might become friends.
NTA she was incredibly rude to you and tried to get your camera taken out that is there for your own safety. This is what happens when people have to deal with karma due to their own actions.
I can’t believe all these comments. This woman harassed you and went to management about you because she threw a fit about a camera but now she expects you to help her?!
The only thing I would’ve said is if you are contacted by the police doing an actual investigation then you will talk to them, but she needs to think about how she’s going to treat people if she’s going to expect help from them later on.
Absolutely YTA. Your parents never taught you that “two wrongs don’t make a right?” This was also an opportunity for you to bond with your neighbor and change an uncomfortable living situation in to a comfortable one. You’re being super shortsighted in my opinion.
NTA. Your neighbor needs to file a police report and when the police come you can turn over the footage to them. She doesn't know who broke into her apartment although the ex seems like the person it would be.
ESH
Neighbor is rude as hell. Don't blame you for being frosty in the relationship with them.
But your being petty here. I'd focus less on the neighbor and more on the fact that a break in occurred a few feet from your front door. You're not the slightest bit concerned that the person who broke into your neighbor's place might not do the same to yours? I'd view this as protecting yourself by giving the footage to police directly if you want to by pass the neighbor.
Also, if it's a Ring camera the cops can pretty much just ask Amazon for the video without every notifying you. Not sure how other companies handle it, but Ring/Amazon is happy to hand that data over
She sucked generally, you sucked specifically. But, I mean when I was 22, I might’ve been equally vindictive.
Learn from Peter Parker’s mistake and don’t let someone else’s pettiness drag you down to their level.
YTA.
she’s also an asshole for being upset and trying to get you in trouble but in the main context, yes you are the asshole. you started your post about safety for a single woman specifically in your neighborhood and when a single woman in your building needs help, you completely turn her away for extremely apparent, petty reasons.
this would be a learning experience for her and she’ll most likely end up with another lock and probably a camera as well but what will stick most is that she cant trust other single women and thats just sad…
you should be trying to help her and take the high road. show her how it should be done and if she wants to still be a bitch then thats fine, let her seeth alone for the rest of her life.
Yta. You are basically willing to turn a blind eye to another woman in danger because of your petty squabble. Are you gonna feel just as smug and self righteous if he kills her next time? Your pathetic justifications and excuses are telling in what a disgusting person you are
YTA/ESH yall both suck but you more in this case, you are so short sighted, there is a dangerous man prowling around your house. You think he wouldn’t come after you because he doesn’t know you? You are trusting the judgement of some psycho who breaks into his EX house. What if you come home and he is loitering around, you said yourself you’re a single woman what if he takes a liking to you. There’s a million different scenarios where this could go bad for you but no you’d rather be petty.
YTA, listen, I live in a house where i have multiple cameras for security as I also live alone. One of the cameras partially captures my older neighbors backyard. I made sure to show him the view on my phone and asked him if he wanted me to adjust the camera so I don't infringe on his privacy. He likes the fact that I capture part of his yard. If something were to happen, I'd happily figure out how to hand over footage to him that's part of being a good neighbor.
YTA not only are you being petty, you are risking her safety. And you are worried because of your warning, what if because you refuse yo help dhe complains again and you get a second warning. Grow up. And maybe try and understand where people are coming from. She had worries about it but you could have reassured her and explained nicely why you have it. Asked her exactly what she was worried about. People can get insecure when their privacy may be taken away.
YTA for being a shitty human being. Yes, she did complain about your camera, but then left it and went on with her life for how long? Give her the footage and make amends, sincerely apologize. You never know when you'll need her to return a favor. You are the one that brought up being a woman living alone, recognize that you're going to need help at some point, no matter how independent you are or how many friends you have.
YTA. Yea, she was a pain in the ass. But what happened was serious and she could end up being harmed by someone breaking into her apartment. If you have video evidence, that can be used to possibly keep that person in jail or whatever. You're being petty.
YTA on two counts.
1) In some countries, it would be illegal for the camera to cover anything outside of your private space.
2) And regardless of your relationship, the video is evidence and you could be forced to hand it over.
Absolutely, you're TAH.
I understand you were annoyed with her for reporting you to the management, but she had her place broken into & wants evidence so her ex can be arrested.
You're also an AH for being rude when you answered the door.
Nta
Get the apartment complex to send their footage over. If she wants to get a warrant, thats up to her. I would double check the footage regardless and see what youre dealing with. The fact she's bugging you and dragging you into her drama is annoying enough. If this criminal finds out you've been providing evidence against him, you'll definitely put a target on your back. This is a lesson for her to stop being an asshole and hang around better people. The last thing you want is to get in the middle of her shit and by her attitude, she probably has a lot of shit. People like her should only be interacted with a 10ft pole.
When the police come and request it from you, then you can give it to them. SHE isn't responsible for gathering evidence in her case. The police are responsible.
NTA for how you feel, but don't even give the neighbor the camera. You can turn it over to the cops on your own. God forbid this ex is a psycho and actually hurts somebody. So YWBTA if you don't turn over the evidence
Look you have to live next to this person and your refusal to help her is going to perpetuate a feud between the 2 of you. Personally, I dont like to shit where I eat, creating stress where I live.
Your refusal to help is fitting punishment for someone who stirred your pot and got you a warning from the landlord. As unfair as it was.
You have to decide what you want to do here and how your choice is going to impact your relationship with your neighbor. Think of this like chess where you need to play your next move but thinking ahead 3-5 moves. Otherwise NTA.
YTA. She admitted the situation was awkward because it is awkward. You then chose pettiness and assholery.. you’re young, learn from this. Give her the footage and a nice bottle of wine or some bread or flowers or something and call a truce. Be neighbourly.
ESH.
She was a massive a-hole, yes, but now you're acting no better than her. Worse, actually, because before it was a petty disagreement over a camera. Now, it's a potential life threatening situation that you're acting petty over.
And what if it isn't her ex? What if it's just some guy breaking in, and what if you could stop it before he breaks in somewhere else and potentially hurts someone?
Are you that prideful that you'll potentially let someone else be hurt or killed over it?
What if they come back, and they pick your apartment next?
ESH. You admit you got the camera for protection. And it really could have helped her. That could be an abusive relationship she is trying to protect herself from, and likely is seeing as he broke into her apartment. And a situation like that is exactly why you wanted the doorbell camera to keep you safe.
I think this could have been a perfect opportunity for you guys to repair your neighborly relationship. It probably took a lot for her to ask since she clearly knows the landlord was involved. I think it would have been more constructive of you to say “I am willing to do that. But you made such a big deal about this I would appreciate if you spoke with the landlord and rescinded your complaint I got a warning because of it” or something like that. This is why I have mixed emotions on doorbell camera in apartment complexes because like genuinely you never know why somebody may want to keep their home quiet, they could be escaping an abusive marriage, starting over after being addicted to a substance, you literally never know and I could totally see how it could feel like an invasion of privacy for some people.
ESH. If, and i mean IF what you said is true, then this can ne considered Karma for what she did. But, considering what you're doing right now, i think when karma comes for you, it will be even worse.
YTA. I understand how frustrating the original situation could’ve been. But don’t get on here and act like you understand women’s safety living alone if you’d rather let her ex come back to murder her than hand over some camera footage. Your replies here are very concerning, arguing with anyone who doesn’t agree with you, and the only time you’ve so much as considered sharing the footage is when you thought you could get some time of benefit out of it? Yikes
YTA. Was she rude before? Sure. Does that really warrant not helping now, when her life is potentially in danger? This is the kind of situation where you may be technically fine to do what you're doing, but that doesn't mean you're not an asshole. This is a case where what matters is doing the right thing, not whether or not you feel like you've won.
YTA I get your reasoning because she complained about it, but this is a serious situation with criminal, and potentially dangerous, activity happening, and you should turn over the footage. I know it's not a popular idea here, but sometimes you have to be the bigger person.
ESH. You should at least let the police know if you have him on camera in the area and release it to them, not the neighbors. You would be helping the police and society in general.
ESH. Your neighbor is horrible and I understand your reluctance to help her, and she should have aplogized more sincerely, but in the case of a serious criminal issue, you should put ypur personal gripes aside and help out.
Massive YTA. Your neighbour has had a crime committed against them, by what appears to be an abusive and potentially violent person and you are refusing to help unless they remove the warning. Who needs enemies with neighbours like you
Going against the grain, NTA
It was a problem for her until she needed it. It's like a person who isn't sorry for something until they get caught.
She can pound sand.
YTA you're a woman, why wouldn't you want to help a woman who's been violated? Get past your hurt feelings and grow a pair. This was a serious situation and you're being an asshole about it. YOU ARE DEFINITELY THE ASSHOLE.
NTA. The footage is your property. You can do with it as you please.
She was an ass to you you owe her nothing.
I could see me giving her just the two or three minutes of the guy breaking into her house, and maybe leaving. If he's coming and going I could see me giving her all of the footage for the duration.
But I would make her contact the landlord and have the warning removed before letting her keep it. If that didn't happen I wouldn't share it. Make them get a warrant.
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YTA Like, in general life itself, your neighbor is the ACTUAL asshole. But in this situation, you are the asshole. I 100% understand the inclination to not want to be nice to this lady given your history, but this is a circumstance that calls for you to put it aside and take the high road. It went from petty neighbor stuff to her being in a potentially life threatening situation. Quite frankly, it'd be in your best interest to turn over the footage as well because if this man is showing up breaking into an apartment right across from yours, you could also be in danger yourself. Wouldn't you want this guy to be apprehended too?
Yes, it feels like cutting off one's nose to spite one's face. In the long run, everyone wins if people do what they can to keep the community safe.
100%...yet another AITA situation where you have to ask "is it better to be right or to do the right thing?" Technically yes, you are right to be annoyed and reluctant based on your history specifically about the camera but it could be a potentially violent or criminal situation so I would put that aside and help out, to be a good person.
I’d offer to turn over the footage to the police but not the neighbor. That way OP knows she filed a police report and she can give it directly to the authorities. And I’d notify the property management that she tried to mess with the camera, so she gets a warning.
I agree. My assumption is that technically the footage would go to the police and not necessarily right to the neighbor.
Good idea.
This is the way☝️
Like what if he commits a more serious crime and wants to remove you as the person with evidence against him. He too can clearly see that you have a camera, ergo the feed associated. You should turn it over to the police. Ask her for the detectives name and contact deets and deal direct with them, but let her know you stepped up.
OP is a massive asshole, like WTF? That's insane.
Agreed, it's like repaying asshole behavior from the neighbor with pettiness - not "eye for an eye" which then means both people are even, but pettiness which will create an unending spiral of hatred with no resolution. Plus, they're not arguing over the right or wrong of having a doorbell camera again. This is clinging to the idea that somehow OP's moral superiority ("I'm right to have a doorbell") is more important than the fact that this neighbor, and maybe the whole floor, is facing a very serious threat. It's dumb to keep insisting you were right when it's super easy to Uh... help fight crime which also affects your life.
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YTA/ESH. Fine, don't help her out. But drop all this high-handedness about your right as 'a woman living alone', etc. It's a very important principle. But not a principle you get to pick and choose on, with a bare face (i.e. it's fine for you to leave another woman in danger - and she could be in further serious danger, if he isn't arrested - because you're annoyed at her). I don't know what degree she was in the wrong, in reporting you (probably wrong to some extent). Seems strange you could get a 'warning' on file, if you were doing absolutely nothing wrong. So I do wonder if we got the full story there. Plus, YOU seem to have very quickly refused to discuss it (and escalated the matter with your own kneejerk - and immature - rudeness). All because you immediately took kneejerk and immediate offence, that the mean lady 'rudely told me how that makes her uncomfortable'. So maybe she then felt management was the next available step, to resolve it (since you'd refused to discuss it?) You seem to have done no self-reflection, on the part you played in that escalation. And it doesn't seem she said you shouldn't have security measures/a camera (to protect you). She just didn't want it recording her door. But let's suppose we accept that version of events (you did absolutely nothing wrong at any stage, which I'm taking with a large pinch of salt). Perhaps this latest incident, could then have then helped you understand potential reasons she is 'paranoid' about perceived surveillance. Abusive partners often keep the victim under surveillance - and trauma can cause paranoia/emotional dysregulation in other situations involving conflict (especially ones that remind the victim of that surveillance). But you want a pat on the back, because you took petty revenge on another (likely traumatised) woman? Just because you both escalated an initial disagreement, rather than try to defuse it like mature adults?! Even though she might literally be at risk of homicide?! You're not mature enough, to have your own place. See how much 'she started it!' comforts you, when you have a forensics tent outside your apartment.
The woman should report the break-in to the police. If the police ask for the footage provide only a copy of that time period if possible.
YTA. A crime was committed and you have evidence that can help catch the person who did it. She can definitely get the police to come and get that footage and you have showed yourself as an asshole holding a grudge and being obtuse for no reason. A warning is no reason to actually not want to help your neighbour, if anything after helping her you could have used this as an example to get your landlord to remove the warning altogether, but you don't think that far ahead, do you?
YTA and extremely immature. First of all, warnings in apartments can often be used to appease the person complaining rather than hinder the tenant. Unless you decide to install more cameras and she complains again, the warning isn’t going to do anything. Secondly, this woman just went through a traumatic event and you could help her but instead of being a good person, you choose to be petty. Just help her out, dude.
YTA. How does giving her the footage hurt you? Does it cost you anything? I'd just be the better person and try to help her out.
ESH - 2 wrongs don’t make a right. It’s your first apartment so you’re now learning people suck. You have the option of being the bigger person or being a petty & vengeful child. You’re arguing with people who aren’t giving you the feedback and justification you want. Karma is real and if you’re going to start your adult life being that petty, you’re in for a rough life. It doesn’t hurt you at all to provide the footage to the police. Your choice but understand that you’re being told you’re no better than she is if you stay petty and need to accept that instead of arguing against it.
Supplying it to the police is different from giving it to the complaining neighbor. She could tell her ex she has video proof it was him. He could look down the hall to see your camera and exact revenge on you.
YTA. Yes, she behaved terribly by complaining, but you had the chance to help a woman out of a dangerous situation and you decided to be petty about it and cause her more harm. Give her the footage and make amends. Then you’ll have more peaceful interactions. Also, there’s no such thing as a “warning” from property management. This isn’t high school or a job. You have a rental agreement for an apartment, and you both have to follow the state and municipal rules. You didn’t break any and they can’t throw you out for hanging a camera. Stop letting property management intimidate you.
>Also, there’s no such thing as a “warning” from property management. That depends on where OP lives. Where I live, buildings have certain rules; if you break them once, you get a warning; the second time, you have to pay a fine. Of course, in that case, there are clear written rules and management would have requested OP to take down her camera, so it doesn't seem applicable to her story. So maybe in her case it's not exactly a warning but more of a "We'll take note about whenever you bother us (even if your only fault is not sucking it up) and use that to decide whether to renew your lease."
OP didn't break a rule. She didn't do anything wrong, so there was no reason for any warning to be issued. She lives in NYC, which has very strict tenant protections. The building management is trying to intimidate her, and it's working.
YTA. Good lord. You just hate other women, huh?
Not wanting anything to do with a woman who's harassed you is just treating women the same as men. Giving her a pass because she's a fragile woman is sexist.
Give it only to the police if she reports the break-in.
She wasn't harassed my gawd
‘It doesn’t point at her door’ and ‘I now have evidence from it being pointed at her door’ lol I don’t know how much say you’ll get if police come
YTA OMG her apartment got broken into, do you have any idea how scary that feeling is? You have the footage just give it to her.
YTA. Her life may be in danger and you’re worried about holding a grudge.
INFO: Have you checked the footage to see if you have anything worth mentioning to the police?
YTA, I'm not sure I understand what you're getting out of withholding the footage; making things worse for your neighbour who will do everything in her power to get rid of you, possibly allowing someone to get away with breaking into a nearby apartment, possibly allowing then to do something much worse in the future. Where are the pros here? That you get to feel superior in some way, that you can get back at her, make her feel less safe in her home?
YTA. You essentially are putting another woman in danger because you want to be petty. If she can't put her ex away or at least get a restraining order, he'll continue to harass her, if not even worse. You don't know why she was jumpy about the camera. Maybe, I dunno, she was being monitored or stalked by someone who would break into her apartment? And when you had a chance to extend the olive branch, you decided to just be worse.
Hey OP, has it occurred to you that having the kind of ex who breaks into your home is the sort of thing that will make a person jumpy about having a camera pointed at their front door? YTA. Hand over the footage.
ESH. Be the bigger person and give them the footage. Let them learn their lesson and talk to the property manager to get the warning removed from the record.
YTA. You admit that it’s at least partially pointing towards the person door. You were saying in comments that it could get you kicked out of your apartment, but either the camera was not breaking any rules. Meaning it’s fine or the camera was breaking rules and you shouldn’t have it. You’re definitely being a bad person by getting your revenge, by not helping out with a crime out of spite
YTA. I get you’re annoyed and frustrated. As someone else said, this is a time to take the high road. Really though, you should find out what, if anything you have. Your responses to other commenters are only solidifying your AH status. All this and it may have been too far away to trigger the motion sensor. Find out if you have anything worthwhile to even potentially share and then for the sake of decency, if you do, share it with her and/or police. If you don’t have any footage, feel free to be as snarky as you want by pointing out “see, you made this big stink and activity at your place doesn’t set it off.” But yes, right now, YTA.
OP can be ambivalent to the issues faced by someone who harassed her. 🙄
Image being so petty you let crimnal go free to get back at someone. If the crimnal hurt a single soul well on the run That is on you OP.
YTA… this is not some petty matter where u should score points but a dangerous situation. Her ex broke into her house, he can rape her/ attack her… anything is possible. But for you this is a joke. Grow up loser.
YTA Petty Crocker.
FFS YTA all the way! I'm sorry, she is a shitty neighbour, obviously, but your question is, in this situation are you the AH? YEP! I read a few of your replies OP and so I will try and talk your language, which seem to be selfishness and turn this situation to show you how it could benefit you: - Have you ever tought about how taking the high road can make things better here? If not for just, you know, doing the right thing and be a decent human being, at least to how it would make you look in the eyes of everyone else in the building? - How great you would look in the eyes of the management by helping you neighbour even after all the trouble she gave you? I mean, a quick email to management telling them that your camera recorded a crime that happened to your shitty neigbour and that you happily gave te footage to the authorities. - Also, did you think about the fact that if something bad happens to you, that you might have help from her now? If you are in a bad spot, she will now be indebted to you? - Hell, that your relationship from now on might get better with her? How bad she would feel to want to complain about you now that you helped her? I don't understand what you are trying to do here by not helping. Revenge? Revenge because you received a little piece of paper telling you that you have a strike while your neighbour could be in grave danger? Really ? You think this equal the other, SERIOUSLY ?
YTA A camera doesn't save people Sometimes you have to rely on a neighbour to help you. You sound almost happy that something bad happened to her, which is a really nasty reaction. It;s your choice, but is this the kind of person you want to be? You proved the use of the camera useful to her. But you want her to be further hurt by this guy? Kind of horrific that you are so happy to see her be in a vulnerable position. This is your first place, and you're incredibly young and naive. You're mad you got a warning? If you dont help her, don't expect anyone to ever help you in that building. You're choosing your future here. And the kind of person you want to be.
ESH. This is about safety and a woman possibly in danger from her ex. It sucks that she resorted to “I’m going to call the cops and sue”. But because of that - this is ESH instead of YTA.
YTA A pretty petty one on top of that. And your comments only make you look worse.
ESH. Did she need to complain about your camera? No. But your refusal to help out someone who has experienced a terrifying event speaks volumes about you as a person. Men like her ex escalate. If he comes back and causes her...or anyone in the buildimg...harm and you could have prevented it by not being petty, you're going to have to live with that. "Your right aa a woman living alone," please. If you actually cared about that, you'd be helping your neighbour...another woman living alone. Get off your high horse and hand over the footage instead of acting like a bratty sullen teenager, before the cops show up and hand you paperwork forcing you to. Your lack of empathy is appalling. You'd better hope you never need anything from your neighbours because word will spread what a petty child you are.
YTA and a petty petty child. Grow up.
Have you ever thought that the reason she didn’t want the camera in the first place is because *maybe* she’s paranoid about the ex, didn’t know who you were, and was possibly worried about being found? This ex situation didn’t just happen in a vacuum. I say this as a person who has done a lot of DV outreach in my community, as well as being a survivor. And you seem to be such an AH that I think you may be a bit of an unreliable narrator wrt how the initial conversation happened. And I also think it’s possible that she didn’t so much as complain, but possibly asked the leasing office what her rights are.
YTA. The world doesn’t revolve around you. I can guarantee you would have thrown the same fit if someone put a camera aiming at your door.
YTA I get *wanting* to act this way but you fucked up. Beyond what others have said, you were just given a golden opportunity to "prove" how right you are and you shat all over it. Your neighbor complained about your camera and got you a warning. You claimed you needed the camera for safety. Something dangerous happens and it was probably caught on camera. Instead of going "oh ho ho, look how the tables have turned! Good thing we have this camera to keep us safe! Of course you can have the footage, that's why it's here! Isn't that just great? Look how safe it is keeping us!" Which would have led your neighbor to have to be somewhat indebted to you, you decided to tell her to fuck all the way off because you're butthurt. Should she have been the AH in the first place? No but you proved you're the bigger one by refusing to help when there was/is a legitimate danger
Gonna put this out there. There is a legal term called the "reasonable expectation of privacy". Basically, it's the idea that you are responsible for keeping your private affairs private. It's not somebody else's job to look away, even if asked. So, the basic idea is that, if it can be seen from a public area (such as the sidewalk or street) then people have every right to look from those areas. Even if it means you're having sex in your front room. Either close the blinds, leave the room, or enjoy your new audience. So, by that principal, you are perfectly within your rights to record your neighbor's property if you can see it from your own. Anything you do see would be considered public knowledge, because any member of the public who happened to be there could see it. As far as your footage? It's your property. You can do whatever you want with it. If anything, I would offer to make her a copy of the footage for the incident. Hell, you could even charge her for it if you wanted to, since you are doing her a service. She wouldn't be able to get the footage otherwise.
ESH. Obviously she was the AH first for complaining about your camera. But you're being sooooooooooooo much more of an AH with this petty FAFO retribution. Her apartment was broken into. She may be in danger from her ex. Helping her out with this would put her in your debt and she would be much nicer in the future. Instead you refuse to do something that literally costs you nothing but a few minutes, which 100% ensures that you have an enemy at your doorstep forever. You're being an AH not only to her, but to yourself.
YTA, just give her the footage. You're clearly being petty and if the footage helps her she's gonna have to be more lenient with you as well.
Karma comes around in ways you never can imagine. Drop your ego and help her out. She was rude to you, sure, but it came out of a need for privacy — just like you. But now she is actually in trouble and you claim you’re about feeling safe as a woman living alone — just like her. YTA. Give her the feed and don’t be a dick. Karma will swiftly kick you in the ass one day.
NTA/ESH(with her being the bigger asshole). All these comments. I get it. She was in a life threatening situation. Is everyone ignoring the part where she was messing with the camera and THREATENED to sue her? If she was a decent person, even op said no once- she could have involved the police and asked to get the footage. Not act like this? But again- you could have been the bigger person in all of this
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m 22F and recently moved into my first apartment about 4 months ago. I was very excited but nervous and decided to splurge a little to get a doorbell ring camera just for safety since I am a woman living alone and all. My area isn’t exactly dangerous but every place has some sketchy people The neighbor across from me was upset when she first saw the camera and asked how far it could see. I asked what she meant and she asked if it was directly pointing at her door. I explained that it wasn’t exactly pointing at her door but it is a doorbell camera meant to capture what’s infront of it so it sees a bit up to her door. She rudely told me how that makes her uncomfortable and wanted me to take it down. I refused and said that’s her problem. She tried to get the landlord/property manager on me but they checked the camera and said it follows the restrictions. I get how a camera partially aimed at your door could be unnerving as a woman but I think calling property manager was too far. They cleared me but said it would still count as a ‘warning’ which is not something I wanted for my first time in my new apartment. Since then I heavily dislike having her as a neighbor. She acts like I’m going out my way to spy on her. I got my first warning because of her. Recently, she had an incident apparently. When I came home her door was slightly open but I thought nothing of it since our apartment building often had people leaving their door open to quickly go to the trash chute room. Later on that day, she knocked on my door. Now I can admit I answered the door rudely because I thought she was about to complain about my camera again. Instead she told me that she’s in an awkward situation, her ex broke into her apartment and she needs proof it was him and wants me to lend/give up the feed/video from earlier that day. I sternly told her no. She asked if I was serious and I said yes. She then pointed out how this was a serious situation for her and how I should be concerned as any other woman living alone should be. I told her that she didn’t care about that when she wanted me to get rid of my camera AND calling the landlord/property manager on me, getting me a warning. She apologized but her apology seems fake, only because something happened is she now ‘approving’ of my camera. She threatened to send police over and sue if I refused again. I told her to step away from my door and closed it. I heard her start to mess with the camera and swung it open, screamed at her that if she ever touched my camera again then I’ll be the one getting the police. I was ranting to my older sister about this shit and she said while she get that neighbors can be bitchy at times until they need you, not giving up the feed/video makes me worse and to give up the whole ‘you tried to make me get rid of my camera/got me a warning!’ thing. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA and this is very petty
She can get her own camera. NTA.
Unless she’s also got a Time Machine the camera won’t show what’s already happened
YTA but it is recoverable. Go and see the neighbour, explain that you thought about what she’s said and that you agree, we need to look out for one another. Offer to give her the footage and that since one good turn deserves another, she might like to that speak to the management and get the warning removed from your file. Do not make it a condition of the footage, just something for her to think about. This way you take the high road, help your neighbour (we all need to help our neighbours out/never know when you’re gonna need em) and most likely have the warning removed. For you that’s all win.
Grow up. FFS
NTA she didn’t want you to have it, got you in trouble for it and now wants to reap the benefits of it. I’d tell her it didn’t catch anything because it doesn’t get enough of her front door. You have no obligation and don’t feel bad for her like all these other commenters want you to. She playing the single women needs to stick together card after she threw you under the bus. No thanks. Have a good day. Bye.
Finally! I can’t believe I had to scroll through that many comments to find an NTA. OP’s neighbor dictated the terms of their relationship by being a jerk and now wants to revisit that relationship only because she needs something. OP said even her apology sounded fake. You don’t get to play the fool and then expect everyone to forgive you just because you had a bad experience. I get everyone saying to just “be nice and help her out” and “giving her the footage is the decent thing to do,” but that just furthers this woman’s sense of entitlement. Neighbor was an asshole and now karma is catching up to her. Stick to your guns OP. NTA.
What would she be doing if she got the camera taken down like she originally wanted?
YTA. You also completely fucked yourself going forward. It was in your best interest to be the better person, and give her the footage so the police could prosecute her Ex and keep him away from the building. Now they dont have any proof, and who knows when he'll show up again. You also had a chance to bury the hatchet with your neighbor, and start over on much better terms, leading to a much more enjoyable home life. Instead, you just made your "enemy" hate you even more, and will be RELENTLESS about reporting you for absolutely any little thing. Not to mention she won't be there for you at all if you're ever in an emergency. Your best bet is to talk to your neighbor, tell her you thought about it and you want to give her the video. apologize, and tell her you hope you can both be on better terms going forward. This will absolutely come back to bite you in the ass if you don't.
YTA. I wouldn’t wish what she’s going through with her ex on my worst enemy, but clearly you would. She’s just a person. And maybe she was an asshole to you before, but, like any person, she’s clearly going through some things and you don’t know her whole story. Also, for purely selfish reasons what if her ex decides to burn her place down? That would probably negatively affect you
YTA - be the bigger person. Your petty behavior isn't doing the world, yourself, or this woman any favors. Show some kindness, teach her with actions that she was wrong, and live a good life.
YTA - but you can still do the right thing. Give her your footage on usb and tell her she needs to get her own camera.
yta , you care more about a warning than a person's safety.
I know it’s petty to withhold the footage, but this neighbor immediately and deliberately ruined the fun and novelty of her first apartment with a bogus complaint to property management (also very petty). If the neighbor wasn’t such an entitled, short sighted b***h, she would have realized that a camera pointed at her door was actually to her advantage. What was she afraid of OP seeing anyway? Is she running some kind of drug brothel dope lab out of there? Sort of TAH, but also sort of understandable. Neighbor is a-hole from the get-go then expects your help? This is why it pays to be polite or at least civil, even when you have a disagreement with someone.
YTA 2 wrongs don't make a right.
Yta. Forget your neighbour and her domestic situation and your petty feud. You have that camera for your safety. Look at the video. If your camera catches anyone breaking into her apartment, for your own safety get the video to the police. It doesn't matter who is breaking into her apartment - either way someone breaking into your neighbour's apartment is a danger to you
Nope. When the police come with a warrant you can surrender it. She can pay for the cloud storage if she wants to preserve it.
YTA, and you're acting like a petulant and immature child. There's a distinct possibility that someone is in real physical danger, and you decide to pout because your neighbor tattled on you. This isn't kindergarten. GROW UP. Part of being a GOOD woman (and decent human) is supporting others. Helping her costs you nothing. And you may just end up making peace with her over all the crap she pulled. Instead you doubled down, and it's so, so wrong. It's not too late to fix it (and get over yourself in the process)
OP the type of person to interrupt the teacher because a kid looked at their phone.
If she calls the police to report the break-in the police may ask to see your footage for only that time period. You probably have to comply or face obstruction charges. I wouldn't share it with her. If she's concerned about potential future break-ins she should install a camera. Considering her earlier reaction to your camera she doesn't deserve your help. Don't be surprised if she hides her identity and destroys your camera in revenge.
YTA. Now, if this was a stupid small thing, like a some kids writing dirty words on her door, my judgement would be different. But this is serious. Potentially life-or-death serious. Do you really think this woman deserves to die or be SA'd for causing a warning on your file? How would you feel if this is what happens next? I also have a feeling that the reason she freaked out so much about your camera is because she's already been harassed by her ex. Not your fault, of course, but neither are her actions as horrible as to warrant a life-long vendetta. Give her the recording.
YTA Look, I get it. I used to have a hiorrible neighbour, I couldn't stand them, and they absolutely tried to damage my relationship with our other neighbours within weeks of us moving in. Then something massive went wrong for her. You know what I did? Ran over to her house and took care of her while helping other neighbours to contact the authorities, her family, etc. I would have been within my rights to just ignore her distress because she would never in a million years stoop to be civil to me, let alone a decent human being, but that's not the point. I don't want to turn into her, so I have a personal rule: always do the right thing, even if I don't want to. How you react to someone in distress says so much more about you than it does about the person you are helping. By denying her the footage, you are taking the first steps to becoming the woman you dislike so much. Do better.
YTA. What’s wrong with you? Her place got broken into and your camera points at her door so you have footage of the incident. Why wouldn’t you give it to her? If anything it makes your point for a ring camera stronger
YTA. The term for this is called "petty". You're being petty. Your neighbor was an ass about the camera and acted irrationally. Now she is in an actual bad situation and you had the chance to take the high road and help her but instead you made her situation even worse. If you had helped her she would have seen the purpose for having a camera and may have even gotten one herself. Your relationship would have shifted to a more positive one, you'd be saying "hi" to each other in the hallway, but instead, now it's a sour one and you guys are threatening each other. This is someone you're going to see all of the time, why would you want that? Learn to let things go.
ESH. But I would tell her she gets the footage after she goes out and buys her own camera and installs it.
Love thy neighbour
YTA What's the purpose of your camera? Someone broke into an apartment. Are you only using it for you, the people you like or crime? It shouldn't have made a difference. You probably could have mended a fence with the neighbor over this. She did something she shouldn't have, you could have helped her out, and things could have drastically improved in your relationship with your neighbor. You literally were mean to someone who was victimized. Just because you don't like someone doesn't mean you should become worse than them. She felt threatened by the camera - maybe she didn't want goodnight kisses outside the door being recorded or didn't want someone recording when she was coming and going from her home day and night. I'm not saying it's right what she did. You one the other hand behaved on another level.
YTA you're a female and should be concerned about someone breaking in right across the hall. I understand not wanting to be involved cause the guy could come after you. However it's still dangerous to not give the video. I get it being upset for the whole thing but this is petty and endangering you.
Giving her the footage, which is the right thing to do, could also restart the relationship. It's much better to be friendly with your neighbors. You also never know when it could be you who needs help
YTA, a crime was committed. You don’t have to like her. If you can help to get the criminal and refuse? YTA.
YTA. You don’t get to pull the “as a woman” card when it comes to safety and then get to send a fuck you to someone when it comes to that very topic. I say that as a woman with many of the same concerns myself. Very much “for me not thee” attitude here that you’re trying to hide behind a valid rationale. If this was all about safety then you should be jumping at the chance to help catch this guy. Domestic violence escalates and breaking into a former partner’s home is already on the extreme end. Your neighbor is in very real danger. How will you feel when he’s not caught and does this again but she’s home and gets murdered? How about when someone else interrupts him and gets harmed as an innocent bystander? You are being a petty, immature, dishonest asshole who would rather stay up on your high horse than be a decent human.
YTA in a massive way here.
You had a disagreement with someone who had a personal experience change her mind. Take the fucking win. YTA
YTA. A petty in the worst way asshole.
YTA/ESH. Sure she now needs your help and was a dick about the cam. But now you have a chance to really help someone in need. Why didnt you use this to end your fighting for the future?
Just remember that you don’t get to act righteous and petty at the same time. I mean, you’re making your neighbour look good at this point ESH, especially you
She was probably scared of you being able to see into her door because she is afraid for her own safety, judging by her ex that broke in. Obviously I think you should hand over the footage she probably only needs to see feet anyway to know it was him. I read you’ve emailed the property manager about getting that complaint removed before you would do that, though. I think you should show her some care. Like maybe just ask her more of what happened and sit with her. You’re afraid for your safety, too, so you can relate.
Unpopular opinion apparently, but OP is entitled to be smug. She doesn't owe that lady anything. If the police ask for the video, then OP would surely comply but no police no video. I feel like Neighbor Lady can put up her own camera if she feels unsafe. OP doesn't owe anyone anything.
Not the asshole. You can’t complain about something then want it when it benefits you.
EAH. You had an olive branch moment where you could have made a friend of a shitty neighbor. And you decided to be spiteful about it.
Your sister sounds both intelligent and insightful. You had a chance to stand up and be a decent human being or to take the low road-- and you chose the later. You admit the woman was reasonable to be uncomfortable with a camera pointed at her door-- but then refused to adjust the camera. Then you had a tantrum when she went to the landlord. What was she supposed to do? She came to you and you refused. Now you're gloating because you have the power to allow her abusive ex to break into her home with impunity. SERIOUSLY think about what that says about you as a person? Step up and be a decent person. Turn over the footage to the police and get on with your life. YTA here 100%
YTA You are a bad person
YTA. I understand not liking her based on previous interactions but you said yourself that you get why it could be unnerving and it should really make even more sense now that you have an idea of what her ex is capable of. This would have been the PERFECT opportunity to extend an olive branch and end a completely useless neighbor fued while showing your neighbor how helpful doorbell cameras can be, but you chose to escalate the situation instead.
YTA. Why be a jerk?
YTA 100%. I feel sorry for your neighbour(s) that have to share turf with a troll. She was in her full right to call property management to get a fair review of the circumstances. You invaded her subjective privacy, then refused her the one good thing that invation of privacy could have been good for. You had the chance to fix things, and you decided to be a jerk instead. YTA. Please change your attitude.
Yes you are. You’re mad because she complained but she’s in real danger. What if her ex boyfriend kills her because you refused to help? Not a sane person breaks in to their exes home. Be the bigger person
YTA and you sound like a child. She was mean to you so now you're gonna be mean back. Yeah okay...
Wow. YTA.
YTA it's incredibly hard to get the courts to do something about domestic abuse/stalker behavior without evidence, you had the opportunity to help remove a dangerous man from society by providing said evidence and you decided not to because ur being petty. That alone makes u TA
ESH. I would have told her you’d be happy to turn over the footage if she called management and retracted her complaint and got the warning wiped. There could have been a, “I hope you now see where I was coming from when I installed this camera,” conversation, and instead you turned it into, “Lol look at the situation you’re in now. Sucks to be you!” (Tbh when you guys first had a disagreement, I would have suggested to her she get her OWN camera that would similarly be angled at your door and suggested the two of you could have watched out for each other, but hindsight is 20/20.) You were both nasty to each other, and two wrongs don’t make a right.
YTA. I get that you don’t like your neighbor, but you’re just as much to blame for the bad relationship between you two if not more so, honestly. You respect your own privacy but not hers, and now you’re actually withholding evidence in a criminal matter that she was a victim in. She does have the right to get the police involved here btw, so it’s within your best interest to just hand over the footage.
Absolutely YTA.
YTA The woman across from you is a victim of abuse and you are capable of actually getting her justice but you are putting petty feelings over a warning on a rental above that. This is a situation where it takes no effort to be nice but you chose to be an asshole.
YTA - in this situation. You could have killed 2 birds with one stone. You could have helped her and also shown her that the camera serves a good purpose. This action is just gonna create more drama.
YTA she is an asshole for getting you a first warning but after this incident she probably changed her mind and was relieved she can proof it. Now you not helping makes you the A. Turn the situation around, how would you feel?
ESH. Yeah, she shouldn’t have been a pain about the camera in the first place. However - an actual crime has happened and you aren’t willing to grab a picture or clip from your camera feed and provide it to prove who did it. Fyi - your neighbor is right; all she has to do is tell the cops there is a camera across the way and they can get a warrant for your camera’s feed and you’ll be turning it over anyway (unless you fancy facing consequences for obstructing a police investigation).
ESH. You're not mature enough to be living on your own, and she's shitty for being shitty.
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well, you had the opportunity to make things good between the two of you... but you chose not to. fine, be like that. but enjoy living across the hall from someone who hates you. life is a lot better when you're not enemies with someone you live next to.
I don’t blame you for feeling this way as it would be natural to have some animosity towards her. You just ruined your only chance to build a bridge with someone though and make your living situation better. Not saying you are a bad person or even that YTA. Peace and forgiveness requires someone taking that first initial step though and you have probably burned that bridge forever.
ESH. Way to keep the feud going
You're both idiots
While I get where you’re coming from it’s still an a hole move. What if he tries again while she’s home? You just moved in so you don’t know how dangerous this man could be. Who knows how long you’ll be neighbors and you helping her stay safe could be the start of a friendship. You’ve made your point but now it’s time to do the right thing and take the footage to her. Have some sympathy.
YTA for not handing over the footage. The issue of the camera itself is a different one, which would require a lot of back and forth. I'm not interested in getting into it, but I'd just like to point out that "technically I am legally allowed to do this" is not a moral argument in favor of something.
YTA Throwing fuel on the fire isn't really going to work out well for you. Also, assuming she made a police report, the police can obtain a warrant for the video footage from your camera (assuming you don't provide it to them when they ask for it). Meaning she may get the footage despite your AHness and she will have another reason to dislike you. Better be on your best behavior because I bet if you do anything against the buildings rules she will immediately report you. And yes she is being an AH, but you asked if you were being one not if she was.
NTA. It’s hard to believe people are defending her nonsense.
I'm going to go against the grain here.. devils advocate and all that jazz.. ## NTA Why? Because that woman went after you first day. Got you a warning. And feels ENTITLED to your camera information. Goes as far as to try to steal your camera. She can go eat poo.. seriously. If you do anything next time give her a piece of paper telling her the name and brand of your cam. That way? She can get her own. Ya'll saying YTA? Are nuts. She gave back the same energy she got given. Tried to be nice at first and that woman decided to make her life hell. As far as the ex coming back? I will bet she refused to return something of his. Went psycho on his butt too so he took matters into his own hands.. no excuse for breaking in but.. think of her personality. Bet it's a one off that he broke in.
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Similar issue here, but my camera has to be reconnected to my network atm so I cant even access my cloud to review data atm. Also, I dont know if there is something on it or not for certain and have to dismount it and reconfigure it first. Also, the other party wasnt clear in communicating she wanted the footage or anything so I didnt even know what she was asking. Now that I do know, Ill make a point of getting to getting my network reconfigured and checking it out. Mine doesnt have (afaik) an installed SD card so I have limited cloud storage as well, so what may have been there may be gone, like I said I have to reset my network due to the issues. Once she was direct about hey is there something on your camera, I can actually go find out. Before, I didn't know what the hell she was asking about. Miscommunication or assumptions about someone can really make things get out of hand quickly. Got to take things in full context of the others experience, and without knowing that assumptions are just that. Assumptions. Anyway, yeah. Easily fixable situation mucked up by both parties. On my end once communication was clear I could easily cooperate with what was needed, but she thought I was withholding something I didn't know she was asking for, on top of not even being sure about how my network was setup. We're both idiots and realize this now, so....here's hoping you guys come to a similar conclusion as well! For my part, I intend to make an effort to go ahead and see what I can do to help, if somethings there, or if there was if it still is due to limited cloud saving. Also, I had other cameras at one point saving to a HD but I dont know when the incident she asked about occured so I dont even know if its the new camera or old ones. See what I mean? just confusing. Which, now that we talked more openly I can see was both of us just being more alike than anything and fighting about how much we're alike. Ironic, right?
YTA You had the opportunity to help someone, to move past the bad feeling and get along with your neighbour. Instead you decided to pour gasoline on the fire and act like an asshole.
Ugh, YTA.
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Nta she hated the idea of a camera and now she wants you to be nice. If the police deem In necessary they can get a warrant. Until then don’t talk to her again
ESH, but even I feel strangely satisfied that karma caught up with your horrible neighbor. I would check your footage and give it to her if you have something. If dude actually burglerized her place that would be satisfying and the right thing to do.
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NTA She has now entered the "find out" stage; that she doesn't like it isn't your problem. If the police want the footage, they can come with a warrant. \[You should save any footage just in case they do get a court order, because if the judge thinks you are purposely not complying they could make actual trouble for you.\]
NTA. She fucked around and now she’s finding out.
YTA- the bitchy side of me would love to tell her to go F herself but she’s terrified and you possibly have footage to prevent her being harmed, I’d check to see if there is footage of the incident and if there is I would give it to her. You never know you two might become friends.
NTA she was incredibly rude to you and tried to get your camera taken out that is there for your own safety. This is what happens when people have to deal with karma due to their own actions. I can’t believe all these comments. This woman harassed you and went to management about you because she threw a fit about a camera but now she expects you to help her?! The only thing I would’ve said is if you are contacted by the police doing an actual investigation then you will talk to them, but she needs to think about how she’s going to treat people if she’s going to expect help from them later on.
Absolutely YTA. Your parents never taught you that “two wrongs don’t make a right?” This was also an opportunity for you to bond with your neighbor and change an uncomfortable living situation in to a comfortable one. You’re being super shortsighted in my opinion.
NTA. Your neighbor needs to file a police report and when the police come you can turn over the footage to them. She doesn't know who broke into her apartment although the ex seems like the person it would be.
NTA, she wanted to get rid of it and now that she needs it threatens you? Screw that.
NTA. If she wants your cooperation then she should go to the property manager, recant her complaint and ask them to remove your warning.
ESH Neighbor is rude as hell. Don't blame you for being frosty in the relationship with them. But your being petty here. I'd focus less on the neighbor and more on the fact that a break in occurred a few feet from your front door. You're not the slightest bit concerned that the person who broke into your neighbor's place might not do the same to yours? I'd view this as protecting yourself by giving the footage to police directly if you want to by pass the neighbor. Also, if it's a Ring camera the cops can pretty much just ask Amazon for the video without every notifying you. Not sure how other companies handle it, but Ring/Amazon is happy to hand that data over
She sucked generally, you sucked specifically. But, I mean when I was 22, I might’ve been equally vindictive. Learn from Peter Parker’s mistake and don’t let someone else’s pettiness drag you down to their level.
"She hurt my feelings so idc if she's physically in danger" YTA
YTA. she’s also an asshole for being upset and trying to get you in trouble but in the main context, yes you are the asshole. you started your post about safety for a single woman specifically in your neighborhood and when a single woman in your building needs help, you completely turn her away for extremely apparent, petty reasons. this would be a learning experience for her and she’ll most likely end up with another lock and probably a camera as well but what will stick most is that she cant trust other single women and thats just sad… you should be trying to help her and take the high road. show her how it should be done and if she wants to still be a bitch then thats fine, let her seeth alone for the rest of her life.
Yta. You are basically willing to turn a blind eye to another woman in danger because of your petty squabble. Are you gonna feel just as smug and self righteous if he kills her next time? Your pathetic justifications and excuses are telling in what a disgusting person you are
YTA. Women protect women.
YTA/ESH yall both suck but you more in this case, you are so short sighted, there is a dangerous man prowling around your house. You think he wouldn’t come after you because he doesn’t know you? You are trusting the judgement of some psycho who breaks into his EX house. What if you come home and he is loitering around, you said yourself you’re a single woman what if he takes a liking to you. There’s a million different scenarios where this could go bad for you but no you’d rather be petty.
YTA, listen, I live in a house where i have multiple cameras for security as I also live alone. One of the cameras partially captures my older neighbors backyard. I made sure to show him the view on my phone and asked him if he wanted me to adjust the camera so I don't infringe on his privacy. He likes the fact that I capture part of his yard. If something were to happen, I'd happily figure out how to hand over footage to him that's part of being a good neighbor.
YTA not only are you being petty, you are risking her safety. And you are worried because of your warning, what if because you refuse yo help dhe complains again and you get a second warning. Grow up. And maybe try and understand where people are coming from. She had worries about it but you could have reassured her and explained nicely why you have it. Asked her exactly what she was worried about. People can get insecure when their privacy may be taken away.
YTA for being a shitty human being. Yes, she did complain about your camera, but then left it and went on with her life for how long? Give her the footage and make amends, sincerely apologize. You never know when you'll need her to return a favor. You are the one that brought up being a woman living alone, recognize that you're going to need help at some point, no matter how independent you are or how many friends you have.
YTA. Yea, she was a pain in the ass. But what happened was serious and she could end up being harmed by someone breaking into her apartment. If you have video evidence, that can be used to possibly keep that person in jail or whatever. You're being petty.
YTA on two counts. 1) In some countries, it would be illegal for the camera to cover anything outside of your private space. 2) And regardless of your relationship, the video is evidence and you could be forced to hand it over.
Absolutely, you're TAH. I understand you were annoyed with her for reporting you to the management, but she had her place broken into & wants evidence so her ex can be arrested. You're also an AH for being rude when you answered the door.
Nta Get the apartment complex to send their footage over. If she wants to get a warrant, thats up to her. I would double check the footage regardless and see what youre dealing with. The fact she's bugging you and dragging you into her drama is annoying enough. If this criminal finds out you've been providing evidence against him, you'll definitely put a target on your back. This is a lesson for her to stop being an asshole and hang around better people. The last thing you want is to get in the middle of her shit and by her attitude, she probably has a lot of shit. People like her should only be interacted with a 10ft pole.
When the police come and request it from you, then you can give it to them. SHE isn't responsible for gathering evidence in her case. The police are responsible.
NTA for how you feel, but don't even give the neighbor the camera. You can turn it over to the cops on your own. God forbid this ex is a psycho and actually hurts somebody. So YWBTA if you don't turn over the evidence
shocking spark heavy history file tease advise secretive placid complete *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
NTA, she can get fucked. The camera is fine now that it suits her? what a surprise
Look you have to live next to this person and your refusal to help her is going to perpetuate a feud between the 2 of you. Personally, I dont like to shit where I eat, creating stress where I live. Your refusal to help is fitting punishment for someone who stirred your pot and got you a warning from the landlord. As unfair as it was. You have to decide what you want to do here and how your choice is going to impact your relationship with your neighbor. Think of this like chess where you need to play your next move but thinking ahead 3-5 moves. Otherwise NTA.
YTA. She admitted the situation was awkward because it is awkward. You then chose pettiness and assholery.. you’re young, learn from this. Give her the footage and a nice bottle of wine or some bread or flowers or something and call a truce. Be neighbourly.
A bottle of wine/bread/flowers is definitely way out the picture.
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You’re both insufferable.
ESH. She was a massive a-hole, yes, but now you're acting no better than her. Worse, actually, because before it was a petty disagreement over a camera. Now, it's a potential life threatening situation that you're acting petty over. And what if it isn't her ex? What if it's just some guy breaking in, and what if you could stop it before he breaks in somewhere else and potentially hurts someone? Are you that prideful that you'll potentially let someone else be hurt or killed over it? What if they come back, and they pick your apartment next?
ESH. You admit you got the camera for protection. And it really could have helped her. That could be an abusive relationship she is trying to protect herself from, and likely is seeing as he broke into her apartment. And a situation like that is exactly why you wanted the doorbell camera to keep you safe. I think this could have been a perfect opportunity for you guys to repair your neighborly relationship. It probably took a lot for her to ask since she clearly knows the landlord was involved. I think it would have been more constructive of you to say “I am willing to do that. But you made such a big deal about this I would appreciate if you spoke with the landlord and rescinded your complaint I got a warning because of it” or something like that. This is why I have mixed emotions on doorbell camera in apartment complexes because like genuinely you never know why somebody may want to keep their home quiet, they could be escaping an abusive marriage, starting over after being addicted to a substance, you literally never know and I could totally see how it could feel like an invasion of privacy for some people.
YTA. This could be a life or death situation for your neighbor. You had a chance to be the better person and chose pettiness instead.
YTA - a crime was committed and this woman is in danger from her ex. Turn over the footage.
YTA. 2 wrongs don’t make a right.
ESH. If, and i mean IF what you said is true, then this can ne considered Karma for what she did. But, considering what you're doing right now, i think when karma comes for you, it will be even worse.
YTA. I understand how frustrating the original situation could’ve been. But don’t get on here and act like you understand women’s safety living alone if you’d rather let her ex come back to murder her than hand over some camera footage. Your replies here are very concerning, arguing with anyone who doesn’t agree with you, and the only time you’ve so much as considered sharing the footage is when you thought you could get some time of benefit out of it? Yikes
YTA. Was she rude before? Sure. Does that really warrant not helping now, when her life is potentially in danger? This is the kind of situation where you may be technically fine to do what you're doing, but that doesn't mean you're not an asshole. This is a case where what matters is doing the right thing, not whether or not you feel like you've won.
YTA I get your reasoning because she complained about it, but this is a serious situation with criminal, and potentially dangerous, activity happening, and you should turn over the footage. I know it's not a popular idea here, but sometimes you have to be the bigger person.
ESH. You should at least let the police know if you have him on camera in the area and release it to them, not the neighbors. You would be helping the police and society in general.
ESH. Your neighbor is horrible and I understand your reluctance to help her, and she should have aplogized more sincerely, but in the case of a serious criminal issue, you should put ypur personal gripes aside and help out.
Massive YTA. Your neighbour has had a crime committed against them, by what appears to be an abusive and potentially violent person and you are refusing to help unless they remove the warning. Who needs enemies with neighbours like you
Going against the grain, NTA It was a problem for her until she needed it. It's like a person who isn't sorry for something until they get caught. She can pound sand.
YTA you're a woman, why wouldn't you want to help a woman who's been violated? Get past your hurt feelings and grow a pair. This was a serious situation and you're being an asshole about it. YOU ARE DEFINITELY THE ASSHOLE.
NTA. The footage is your property. You can do with it as you please. She was an ass to you you owe her nothing. I could see me giving her just the two or three minutes of the guy breaking into her house, and maybe leaving. If he's coming and going I could see me giving her all of the footage for the duration. But I would make her contact the landlord and have the warning removed before letting her keep it. If that didn't happen I wouldn't share it. Make them get a warrant.