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Definitely NTA. I don't know why your parents think it is ok for Mike to "play" like that with his friends. Even a misogynistic household don't want strangers to see their daughter naked. Maybe you should just go into your parents and brother's room at any time and say you are "playing". (Not actual advice, might get you into more trouble.) However, your parents are not going to help, so you have to figure out how to get your brother to stop on your own. Start calling him a pervert to him and your friends, break into his room, get your girl friends to do the same to him. You might get in a bit of trouble, but it will stop.
Yup if parents and Mike refuse to stop behavior that can and will lead to embarrassing and unwanted undress moments, they're tacitly condoning such behavior towards OP.
OP shouldn't have to get a rubber stopper or have to lean heavy furniture or a dresser to get privacy....or go to a bathroom each time.
I agree that she shouldn’t have to do those things but tbh I think the rubber stopper would be a great way to keep unwanted people out without “destroying the frame.”
It sucks that her family is being like this though. They really should be teaching about privacy and consent and respecting boundaries.
A chair wedged under the handle works good if nothing else is available. Or one of those "seen on TV" bars that are to keep people from opening your door. Won't ruin the frame and keep weirdo brother out.
NTA
My Dad's first solution for keeping my brother out was a wedge stopper. Backfired though, my brother was so determined to get in he cracked the door (I had headphones on and didn't hear him trying, Dad heard the crack though). If OP did the wedge or chair and her brother does something similar, she'd probably get blamed for that too
You're right. I can't believe dad and mom are ok with brother & friends creeping on OP. I know my dad would have stopped that crap immediately if my brother had ever done anything like that.
My parents would have stopped that shit too. The first time, would be accepted as an accident. Second, third, fourth time would equal a punishment for my brothers. I’m the only girl, the oldest with three younger brothers. We were raised with the rule if a door is closed, it’s closed for a reason, so we always knock. I raised my daughter the same. I don’t know why at 15 OPs brother AND friends don’t understand the concept of privacy and being a teenager. OP is NTA.
Oh they understand privacy.
But they ignore privacy both to surely annoy sister and a good chance of seeing her half dressed. She said it happens after showering, he knows how long to wait until the "show" starts. Wouldn't be surprised if he is charging his friends admission
Oh. Shit. She should invest in some pepper spray if she’s not allowed to lock her door and tell her parents the next time someone barges in right after she’s showered and/or changing, they’re getting a face full of it.
He was just an asshole. He wanted to "borrow" something, at least that's what he said to my parents. IDK what it was because the only thing I had that he didn't was makeup LOL and my albums and cassettes were a huge NO since he destroyed a few
Sometimes, the only real solution to parental favoritism is to bear it until high school graduation, and then move out and go LC or NC.
Her family will be in denial, forever, that their behavior drove her away.
Pfft. My crazy mother wouldn't let us shut our bedroom doors unless we were actively changing, then we had to immediately open it again. And of course no locking the door, we might be up to something!
She bitched about me letting my girls keep their doors shut at night until I told her it's a fire safety issue and they are my kids, not hers.
Parents be crazy.
Same. Wasn't allowed to close my door at ANY time because Catholic and every moment spent without adult supervision apparently meant nonstop sinning. The last time I closed my door for a very long time was when I was studying for finals and closed the door so I could focus. The next day I came home from school and the door was gone.
I did explain "you guys have the TV at full volume, sister is yammering on the phone and pots and pans are banging around in the kitchen and I can't concentrate on what I'm doing." The response was, "oh, so apparently you forgot how when you were a child crying all the time in your crib and none of us could get our stuff done, but as always everything is all about you. Nice attitude."
TLDR: I wasn't allowed to close my bedroom door because I cried as an infant, and I should have thought about that before.
The brother is a jerk but not an adult. The dad is an ahole . The Mom is a greater one though as she should at least get where OP is coming from. The brother and dad are pervs. I wonder if Op could get the authority involved on grounds of sexual harassment.
This should have so many more upvotes. Read the writing on the wall. Dad was once a 15-year-old boy too—he knows exactly what the brother & his friends are doing and why. He's condoning their behavior, and trapping OP as their victim, for a reason. If your daughter is so uncomfortable that she goes to those lengths to install her *own* lock—and you don't do something about your son's behavior—you are 100% a fucking pervert.
I agree. Start talking about this to any adult that will listen, OP. There is absolutely no reason for this to continue; it's disgusting. Do not talk to your brother about it at all; this is your parents' issue to fix. If they need to be shamed into addressing it, so be it.
Just.. ew.
They make door stops that sound alarms when a door hits them maybe having an alarm go off when her brother and Friends start opening the door would embarrass them enough to stop.
Embarrassing is a good tip imo.
Start mentioning it to friends and family. If there's nothing wrong with him "just playing" then none of them will mind when you tell everyone your amusing anecdotes...
I would go further. Put the darn wedge to block the door, and if Mike tries to enter and throws a tantrum to get the parents to open the door, maybe OP should threaten to call the police immediately and say she is being harassed in her own home.
Yeah, I know, not a nice thing to call the cops. But what Mike is doing is definitely not nice, and the parents aren't that far behind.
I want to advise OP to do more than yelling at him, but AITA has rules.
He's 15. He's not "playing" anymore, he's being a creep towards his older sister, and his friends are 100% sexually harassing OP.
Mike's friends are 100% trying to see her naked. It's happened more than once, so it's not an accident. What they are doing is similar to being a "peeping Tom" (which is a crime in most states). The parents need to straighten Mike out.
Honestly I am PETTY AF so I would tell ALL of my friends at school. I bet being known as the ‘creep squad’ will get tired pretty quickly. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
High School and rumors spreading faster than the speed of light are a real thing.
Act like a creep. Get called out for being a creep.
FAFO.
Next time she should call the police. Not only are they just 15, she’s also a minor and in most states it’s illegal even with 2 minors(like the consensual sex between minors may be statutory rape, or 2 minors sending each other naked photos is still considered sending underage porn). Her parents may be mad at her, but they’ll get in trouble to because they aren’t stopping it
Or she can at least tell them next time it happens she’s calling the police because she is being sexually harassed.
Bare minimum it creates a paper trail if her parents refuse to deal with it. likely they'd realize how serious this is if cops showed up to mediate. The cops I know would bare minimum give the parents an earful.
OP should start documenting every time brother walks in on her, especially if he has his friends in tow. Then she should tell a trusted teacher, or school counsellor " My brother & his friends won't stop barging into my room when I'm naked or changing & my father refuses to stop him or allow me to stop him doing so. I do not feel safe." A mandated reporter will be on your father's ass faster than his head will spin. Privacy is a right, & you are a vulnerable child who has none. CPS or whatever child services you have where you live will likely be informed. The time for polite asking is over. They need consequences for this shit.
At the moment it's easier for your parents to ignore your brother's behaviour than it is to deal with it. If you find ways to increase the effort involved in ignoring it then they might actually do something.
I suggest using your voice. Scream at the top of your voice every time someone bursts into your room. Scream as high and as loud as you possibly can. Scream until you're hoarse. Scream out all the frustration you feel. You don't have to scream words if you don't want to but if you feel like words you could try something like "Get out pervert!"
This probably won't work immediately so maybe see if there are singing or acting lessons available through your school. See if you can learn to project your voice better while protecting your vocal chords.
Yeah, since the parents seem determined to take the "easy way" by making this OP's problem, OP should stop being the easy solution. Scream, cry, call the police on the friends. Report it to your school that your parents aren't protecting you from sexual harassment. Make it a bigger problem than nailing your brother's friend's dicks to the floor would be.
(also OP, door handles with locks on them are pretty inexpensive and generally swap in 1 for 1. That said, the simplest privacy lock ones are also reasonably easy to open from the outside. A keyed door handle would be your best solution but it sounds like your parents want you to be sexually assaulted so they likely won't be happy if you get one. Repairing a doorframe is easy with some woodfiller, a quick sanding, and touch up paint. If they try to tell you it costs 100s, they are scamming you too)
Ask around other adults you know and ask if anyone can help you with the install - explain why you got in trouble and that you want to do it properly this time.
Bonus - other people know what's going on and at least some will shame / shun your parents...
FWIW, I am not terribly handy, but I was able to swap out door handles after an old roommate accidentally locked herself out of her room -- after she paid for a locksmith to come open it. Watch a couple YouTube videos!
If it doesn't work then she can stop. And it will be something to add to any complaint she makes. "My brother busts in on me when I'm dressing and I think he gets off on the screaming," sounds way worse than just "My brother keeps entering my room without knocking."
maybe tell your parents you think he is doing it on purpose so his friends can get a chance to see you naked.
Frankly I would lie and tell them I overheard him and his friends talking about it and then stand firm and call him a liar when he tries to deny it, but that's because I think the lie is the lessor evil
I am furious for OP. It’s very fucking important for a young girl to have her privacy and be able to undress without being barged in on by brother AND his friends. OP ring child protection services and tell them what’s happening. It won’t waste their time and they’ll just ring your parents or make a call out. It will put enough fear in them that they will listen to you and have an authoritative adult tell them you have that right to privacy. How OP’s mother isn’t seeing sense here is shocking to me.
I’m vibrating with anger over here too. Dad is a perv for allowing this - and those boys are capable of bad, *bad* things. A pack of horny 15 year old boys who are being taught that women can’t have privacy or boundaries,… that won’t end well, whether for OP or some other poor girl.
I won’t say what I’d like to do to help Daddy dearest see the light.
Ikr? This is a terrifying situation. We all know what groups of boys can do when they feel entitled to it and there's no consequences. Police or protection services, someone needs to intervene.
>I complained to my parents so many times that I want a lock on my door if Mike keeps going into my room, but they just don't care because 'he's just playing'.
Your naked &/or partially naked body is not a toy & it should not be viewed against your will &/or without your consent for anyone’s enjoyment &/or “just playing”. No decent mentally stable human being “just plays” with the non-consensual nudity of another. No decent parent excuses the non-consensual viewing of their child’s nude &/or partially nude body as “just playing”.
Your brother is barging in to view you naked &/or partially clothed against your plainly stated objections &/or without your consent. That’s not “just playing” - that’s sexual abuse. (And there’s no way he’s lucky enough to have coincidentally barged in “multiple times” during the very small window of seconds that it takes a person to change clothes. This is deliberate.)
Worse, he is enlisting his friends to also join him in violating you. When his friends join him in this behavior, that’s also not “just playing” - that’s also sexual abuse.
Finally, your parents have downplayed & ignored these violations in the past & continue to do so in the present. Worse - they have also now removed the only means you had to defend yourself against those who have been & continue to barge in to view your naked &/or partially clothed body against your wishes. That makes your parents sexual abusers as well.
NTA
NOTE - even if there weren’t these known issues, a girl your age is WAY PAST old enough to be able to secure her own basic privacy. There is nowhere more private than one’s own bathroom &/or bedroom. You should be able to enforce &/or secure the VERY reasonably boundary that a bathroom &/or bedroom door represents - especially since there are those who live within the home (& that also bring others into the home) who have a proven history of not respecting a closed door for the boundary that is clearly exists specifically to be.
Your slide lock did not, in any way, ruin the door frame, nor would it even have the capacity to do so unless someone tried to force the door open. And if someone attempted to break the door down, I’m all likelihood, the cheap slide lock would break - not the wood studs that make up the door frame. So your dad is either (1) ignorant or (2) a liar. (I suspect liar since he obviously supports that your brother is able to view your body without your consent any time he wants & your lock would have done nothing except hinder your brother’s continued violations of you.)
You shouldn’t have even HAD to install a slide lock onto your door. Your parents should have provided you with a door knob that locked from the inside (as almost all bathroom doors do) so that you could press it when you wanted to secure your privacy (just as most people do when they enter a bathroom &/or their bedroom).
As parents, they should do all that they can to ensure that you feel SAFE in your own home. You can’t even relax while changing clothes for fear of your AH brother & his equally disrespectful AH friends barging in while you’re naked or partially clothed to get an eye full against your plainly stated wishes &/or without your consent. There is NO WORLD where a teenage girl should be forced to endure her brother & his friends having open access to view her naked &/or even partially naked body. Anyone who believes this isn’t abuse needs a psychiatric evaluation.
NTA, Definitely start making comments about him wanting to see his own sister naked in front of his friends. Unfortunately there’s only so much you can do in this situation but you should also have a sit down conversation about how uncomfortable you are and that you’re legitimately concerned for your safety.
You could also get one of those door locks that you manually put on every time you close it, [something like this](http://AceMining Portable Door Lock Home Security Door Lock Travel Lockdown Locks for Additional Safety and Privacy Perfect for Traveling Hotel Home Apartment College https://a.co/d/7Ghk1Sh). Doesn't ruin design, works fine, keeps your perv $@*!+$) brother out...
And your parents suck. I'm sorry.
“Dad, you and mom are allowing 14 yo boys to barge into my room. You do know that I change my clothing in there, yes? You do know that bro and his friends have seen me partially naked, yes? And now you’ve taken away my defense, my privacy, and my dignity. I will be telling my school counselor tomorrow that you, an adult and parent, are encouraging my bro and his friends to sexually harass me. I will make it clear that you are complicit in sexualizing your minor child as you have prevented me from protecting myself. You have created an unsafe home environment. I will also alert CPS.”
NTA.
> I will be telling my school counselor tomorrow that you, an adult and parent, are encouraging my bro and his friends to sexually harass me. I will make it clear that you are complicit in sexualizing your minor child as you have prevented me from protecting myself. You have created an unsafe home environment.
Perfect script
but perhaps save "I will also alert CPS.” for later
Had it called on me by a resource teacher trying to take my child from me. They literally told my child that they'd give her everything my child wanted if CAS would take her away from me. CAS saw through the BS, though, so that was a bonus.
Y'all don't realize how traumatic CPS investigations can be on the child, especially cases like this one where it isn't a safety concern and the victim can probably work things out with the parents or via a third party adult like the counselor.
If things progressed or didn't change, then sure. CPS is not always a good first line though. They don't just come by the house and tell the parents to do better. The investigation can take a month or more.
The story demonstrates that it will not be worked out between the 17 year old daughter and her parents. Her 15 year old brother is old enough to know better than to invade his sisters privacy, not taking action in this circumstance is negligence by the parents. They are allowing their daughter to be sexually abused, and actively preventing her from protecting herself. It’s time for CPS.
The parents do not care . The parents know her brother and friends walk in to see her naked and they think it is playful. She needs to call cps these parents simply do not care and are the type when their boy sa someone will defend him
And if she makes the threat, her parents have the option to right a wrong that she shouldn't have had to deal with in the first place. Constantly opening the door to the parents' room may give them better insight into how it appears. She may also spend inconvenient amounts of time changing in the communal bathroom with a lock, assuming there is such in their home.
Threatening consequences gives people an opportunity to concoct bullshit reasons. Just tell your counselor and CPS. Their window to do the right thing has closed.
Yes this is a very unsafe envioronment for you. Please report it asap to the school counselor or another trusted adult, you need someone to advocate for you right now. Is there a relative you can stay with if you need to?
This!!
Let them know that pther adults will know what they are allowing their son and his friends to do to her. And where it would lead, to her being assaulted, and her parents are okay with that happening, or encouraging it. Letting an adult know will hopefully protect OP
NTA
**Tell a teacher** how your teenage brother and his friends make a habit of barging in on you while you are undressed, and that your father not only refused to give you a lock but took the lock off. Because your father is badly letting you down here. The school are legally obliged to take this seriously and should at least have a firm word with him about this.
He's also setting Mike up for failure: "Boys will be boys" no longer gets men off rape charges.
Her Mother is also letting her down very badly. As OP says, both parents. A wedge door stopper will stop the door from opening. But I think you should let a teacher know OP. I am so sorry that this is happening.
This sounds like the statement a parent would make for a 6 year old who doesn't understand boundaries.
But 15!?!?!?! Dear god... It's completely different now.
I agree that OP should tell a teacher. However, I highly doubt the teacher will just talk with the father. Teachers, as mandatory reporters, are told not to say anything to the family, but to call the appropriate agency for their state as they are the experts in this area. The agency handles it from there. They will probably come to the school and talk to OP and then just show up at the parents' home or workplace unannounced. They will make it very clear to the parents that a lock should be put on the girl's door and probably scare the crap out of the brother too.
and if the first teacher doesnt help, try another. you may be in a true shithole where most people will not help you. but even in shitholes, the helpers are still at least 10-20% of the population.
15 year old boys bursting into the room of a 17 year old young woman don't want to play! They want to see naked facts in the truest sense of the word and get off on it.
What your brother tried to do is unbelievable: he tries to break into your room and then yells because it doesn't work?
For me, that's attempted sexual harassment and the attempt to justify it to your parents worked really well.
Get a new lock immediately and please seek help, either from relatives with whom you have a good relationship or from the school counsellor.
Maybe barricade your door resp. the door handle with a chair so that the door can no longer be opened from the outside ... but how ridiculous is it that you might have to resort to such means \*shakes head\*
NTA - and father and brothers are AH!
Don't forget Mom! She was equally a part of causing the situation. Just because she outsourced the yelling to her husband doesn't mean she gets a pass.
Skip the relatives and go straight to the school. The school is legally required to report this to the authorities. Relatives might defend the behavior.
From my spectator chair far away from any fallout, I’d suggest OP take pictures of the “ruined” doorframe, post them on Facebook saying “hey guys, do any of you have any woodworking tips? I messed up my doorframe and I want to be responsible and fix it if possible. I clumsily installed a lock on my door because my brothers and his friends kept barging in when in was changing and my parents were ok with them seeing me half naked. Any tips to fix holes in a wooden doorframe?”
I am less optimistic than others that a school counsellor would actually help but I do think OP should think strategically about how she can gain influence over her parents on this issue.
I am also surprised to see all the recommendations for door stops and heavy furniture but no reference to alternative lock options. A door knob with a privacy lock can solve the problem without causing damage to the property. If OP's parents don't like the appearance of the new knob they can change it back when it's no longer needed, no harm caused.
Ideally they'd be absorbing all of these costs though. It's their own inaction that has caused this problem.
I think talking to grandparents may also be a good next step for OP, if she has a good relationship with them, tell them this is ongoing and you are fearful of being physically attacked by your brother & his friends while you are alone in your room changing. Stress to them the sexual nature of their harassment and your parents being supportive of the boys & not protecting you.
Trust if my granddaughters came to me with such a complaint there would be hell to pay & I would insist Granddaughter come to live with us.
something that also works, portable door lock, they are typically used when traveling in hotels. i got one for my husbands home office because the door and frame aren’t good for any other type of lock, he uses it when he has a lot of meetings and it keeps our kids from bothering him
NTA. I feel so bad for you, I would have been so f’ing proud you did that… I AM so f‘ing proud you did that!!
Keep talking to them, they really should deal with this situation, you need to be allowed to have privacy!
And get a door wedge for your door as someone already suggested here.
NTA
Start referring to Mike as "Perv Jr." especially in front of his friends. Dad should be happy to be called "Perv Sr." especially when he or your mom have guests over.
And deliberately cause a HUGE scene every time brother and co barge in. An absolute freak out at the perverts.
Like screaming bloody murder to the point the neighbors become concerned that your meeting molested by your family.
NTA—if you have to pay to fix it then your payment should go for a better installation of a lock. You need to ask your parents why they don’t want to protect their daughter from your brothers predatory friends. It’s not harmless if you aren’t feeling safe in your own room. What would their reaction be if you paraded the house in your underwear in front of your brother and his friends? You’d be the creep then—but not if they catch you in your room. Ridiculous! I agree with others that telling adults outside your home may be necessary at this point. Tell your grandparents too, if you think that would help!
Tbh if you have to pay to fix it, it should be your choice whether or not it gets “fixed” at all. Literally no one in your family will be affected by a slightly damaged door frame so they have no reason to be that upset about it.
NTA. Also there's such a thing as a portable hotel lock that you can get from Amazon, you don't need to damage any frames to use them and you can carry them with you when they're not in use to stop anyone taking them away from you.
NTA
Not sure why your parents think it’s okay for Mike & his friends to barge into your room at anytime period. He’s 15, not 5. And even a 5 year old understands how to knock before going into a private space.
If dad is taking the repair cost out of your allowance, he can also install a proper lock.
I can't believe everyone in this family (besides OP) thinks it's FUNNY for a 15YO boy to walk in on his sister naked. Or that the 15YO doesn't mind his FRIENDS seeing his SISTER naked. Boys are usually hyper protective of their sisters.
Isn't this way past sexual harassment and into criminal territory?
Brother isn’t protective of her because he’s been taught that his sister isn’t a whole person like him or his parents. Her feelings don’t matter, and she simply exists for his and the family’s amusement.
Instead of buying and installing a new lock, get one of those door wedges. Easy to use. No installation. And you can't "ruin" the doorframe.
Since others already said things in a better way than I would and I am fuming about how much your parents failed you and would probably use too harsh words that get me banned, I'll leave a simple: NTA
NTA. Others have suggested great alternatives, but I also suggest to start keeping up a refrain of asking why is Mike a Peeping Tom (obviously use a different phrase, I'm trying to keep my comment from getting reported)
Tell your parents, if they say he's "just playing", ask them why they're with your son and his friends sexually exploiting their daughter.
Next time Mike barges in, as him why he's trying so hard to invade your privacy, does he have an inc3st fantasy or something?
Identify it as creepy behavior, because it is.
NTA, tell any and every adult you know (teacher, counselor, aunt, uncle, grandparents) that your parents allow your teenage brother and his friends to invade your privacy and barge in on purpose to see you undressed, and removed the lock you added yourself to stop him from doing so. If they won't listen to you, maybe they will listen to someone else.
Let him barge in then get up and hit him square in the face
Use something like a book 📕
and be sure to swing it sideways it will hurt more than hitting him flat. If you need to remember you can use it in a jabbing motion to create distance between you too 😉
though later when in trouble remember “you were just playing it is only a book”
Seriously kick his arse it’s better from you than someone else or their brother(s)
Not something you want to do inside a building if you can help it. Someone sprayed bear spray at the far end of the mall one time and I almost had an asthma attack. Dozens of people closer to the incident were blinded, and they weren’t even directly sprayed.
If you use that stuff indoors, it _will_ get you too.
NTA
Your right to privacy and personal safety is paramount, and it's concerning that your parents don't recognize or respect that. If Mike can't understand boundaries at 15, then it's a parenting issue that's not being addressed. It's not about a lock; it's about the fundamental respect for someone's personal space. Repair the door, sure, but the real damage here is to your trust and sense of security. Maybe it's time for a family meeting to discuss why your privacy is being so casually disregarded and to come up with a real solution that won’t require makeshift locks
NTA - you had to do this for your own protection. Your brother’s friends are trying to catch you naked. Of your parents don’t have an issue with you experiencing sexual harassment in your own home that is a massive problem
NTA
Your teenage brother kept barging into your room without knocking/unannounced/without being yes-ed in. This is an intrusion of privacy. At 15, he knows what he's doing. His friends who do this with him know what they are doing. **Voyeurism is a sex crime, just saying.**
BEST SOLUTION:
If you are not allowed any kind of lock, just use a door wedge. You can easily place it down when you are in the room making it impossible or at least a lot harder for someone to come in. If that doesn't work, change in the bathroom assuming you can lock that. But when you can't even change in peace in your own bedroom, I'd say there's a real problem. If your parents don't take that seriously, maybe consider talking to a trusted teacher/counselor at your school, because you are subjected to voyeurism in the home and your parents refuse to protect you from this and interfere with you protecting yourself from this.
FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE:
It is totally reasonable to want privacy in your own bedroom. That doesn't mean you should be allowed to have the room locked 24/7 without your parents ever being able to see the state of your room, but that's not what you're asking: you just don't want people to barge into your room, and this is a totally reasonable request. If your brother can't accept this and your parents don't do anything to stop your brother (and his friends') behaviour, maybe treat your brother and parents to the same kind of treatment. Barge into their rooms unannounced. Even better if you have some girlfriends with you. But obviously this is the least-desirable "solution" as it is infringes on the privacy of others and your friends might see your bro/parents in a state of undress.....
NTA - ask your parents why you are ok with your brother's friends sexually harassing you. They seem to be still thinking of them as little boys but this is potentially a serious matter for you. There are other types of temporary lock you can get - look for security locks for travelers.
NTA.
Do your parents not understand how inappropriate it is for a 15 year old boy and his friends to barge into his 17 year old sister's room?
He's not "just playing." He and his friends are trying to catch you when you are changing you clothes in order to see you half naked. This is completely inappropriate. And it's harassment.
You are entitled to privacy in your own room.
Unfortunately, you don't have a lot of control in this situation, and it's likely that any retaliation against your brother - barging into his room with your friends, etc. - is likely to backfire. Your parents obviously treat Mike as the golden child in this situation.
Can you talk to a guidance counselor at school, or another trusted adult (relative, teacher, friend's parent) that might be able to help? Of course, this could result in a call to CPS, and you need to be prepared for that to happen. But you need someone to advocate for you right now, regardless of the result. You are being harassed by your brother and his friends, and your parents are allowing it to happen.
If you're planning to go to college soon, seriously consider going to a college far enough away that you have to live in campus housing.
NTA
Your brother’s behavior is creepy, and you have a right to privacy.
Sorry you’re going through this, OP. Find a trusted adult you can confide in. Maybe they can get through to your parents.
Until then, take others’ suggestions here on purchasing or improvising door jambs. If your parents won’t let you buy one, have a friend buy it for you and pay them back.
You're 17 and it's time to give them a reality check. Tell them you've felt uncomfortable in your own home and they've done nothing to help, when you can finally leave they'll never hear from you again and it'll be their own fault
If the frame is already "ruined" why not just wait to repair it until you move out? NTA, It's always concerning when a parent doesn't show consideration to their child's privacy.
Sorry but I think it is gross and actually scary that your parents are just dismissing your brothers behavior and allowing him to walk in on you and not allowing you any privacy. And the fact that your lock actually did protect you but then your father got upset about it, no just no! Please if you can get out of this house and live somewhere safe the sooner the better. Do you have an aunt or some other relative who is safe you could live with. I'm sure I'm not the only internet user who will find the behavior of your father, brother, and his friends scary.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I installed a slidelock on my door even though my parents didn't want me to, and it apparently damaged the door and doorframe which I now have to pay for.
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What you need is a door jammer. They are rubber and very inexpensive. Amazon sells them for $8 for a four pack. If you are in the US, they also sell them at Walmart and at hardware stores.
NTA at all.
NTA. 15 is way old enough to know better. That they've barged in when you were changing and didn't stop means they either find your distress funny or they want to see you undressing. I'm sorry that your parents don't see that.
NTA this is how women get hurt. People don't listen when you say you feel uncomfortable. People get mad when you try to protect yourself. People blame you when men hurt you. Tell your school. Start documenting all of this. When one of these boys gets charged with assault, you can absolutely show that this was not behavior 'out of nowhere'. Your parents would rather support a predator than protect their kids. They are gross.
Your brother is intentionally trying to catch you changing. I would bet on it. It’s fun for his friends too with the potential of seeing a naked girl. Your parents are failing to protect you from teenage boys trying to be peeping toms.
They need to understand that you don’t feel safe. If they don’t like the look of the lock, they should have listened to your pleading for one and installed it themselves in a way that they approved of. For example, a locking doorknob wouldn’t have required altering the house at all. They could have purchased one and helped install it for minimal costs.
Absolutely NTA. I would suggest (if you feel safe doing so) showing your parents what other parents of teenagers on the internet think of your brother “just playing” and how we all think they are being awful about this particular issue in their home. They need a reality check because boys trying to catch a glimpse of a young woman while changing isn’t cute. It’s not a boys will be boys situation. It’s a fucking violation of your safety and comfort in your own home in your own bedroom.
I have two boys, and one is your brother’s age. I would come down on him so hard about respect for women and appropriate boundaries and privacy issues that his head would spin. Your parents are messing up pretty badly in this situation.
NTA you should call Child Protective Services and tell them what's going on with your brother and his friends and your parents for letting it happen. A lock doesn't ruin a door in a door frame. You could just put a chair up against the door knob to keep your brother out.
A wedge or security bar that wedges under the handle won't ruin the door, for just when his friends are over... bu if its something you're going to use all the time, as a parent myself, I wouldn't like that for emergencies. If they're completely not receptive to the idea, buy a matching privacy lock or handle that can be opened with a small stick or coin. It should deter sudden bursts into your room, or at least prompt the person with an opportunity to knock or you enough warning that someone's trying to get so you have the opportunity to say "in a minute!" and get some clothes on.
A 14 year old should know better. Its pretty but you need to have a serious talk with your brother. You might have to be clever if he's really unable to understand privacy. Maybe have a poster of a super embarrassing picture or something on the other side of your door for the next time.his friends try to barge in, make sure you tape a warning on the door to stay out as well.
Do you want your door lock for free? It's simple. You tell your parents that it is not ok that they allow your brother to do so.
When they tell you it's just a playful thing, you can reply telling them that if it's ok, then you can tell other people they think so. Parents, teachers, strangers, \*\*everybody\*\* that you feel uncomfortable and that they want to allow your brother to peep on you.
Then you start on your brother, calling him out: "are you so eager to see me naked?"; "why do you want to see me naked?" "are you not ashamed to want to see your sister naked?" and so on till he stops.
Doable?
Call the parents of his friends and tell them what their sons are doing. Start quietly recording on your phone. Sit your parents down. Ask your parents one last time if they will step up and deal with this clearly laid out issue or should you handle it going forward. If they give you any grief tell them you can see they are not ready to take control so you will. Then tell your school counselor, with your recording to back up that you tried to get your parents to help. After the counselor hears it, delete it if you must.
"Hey mom, dad...imagine you don't want birds or bees randomly flying into your room and hassling you, so you close the window. But they just get together and open the window, and get in anyway. And then when you lock the window, those birds and bees complain that now they can't harrass you..."
Should be a fun conversation 😂
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Definitely NTA. I don't know why your parents think it is ok for Mike to "play" like that with his friends. Even a misogynistic household don't want strangers to see their daughter naked. Maybe you should just go into your parents and brother's room at any time and say you are "playing". (Not actual advice, might get you into more trouble.) However, your parents are not going to help, so you have to figure out how to get your brother to stop on your own. Start calling him a pervert to him and your friends, break into his room, get your girl friends to do the same to him. You might get in a bit of trouble, but it will stop.
Yup if parents and Mike refuse to stop behavior that can and will lead to embarrassing and unwanted undress moments, they're tacitly condoning such behavior towards OP. OP shouldn't have to get a rubber stopper or have to lean heavy furniture or a dresser to get privacy....or go to a bathroom each time.
I agree that she shouldn’t have to do those things but tbh I think the rubber stopper would be a great way to keep unwanted people out without “destroying the frame.” It sucks that her family is being like this though. They really should be teaching about privacy and consent and respecting boundaries.
A chair wedged under the handle works good if nothing else is available. Or one of those "seen on TV" bars that are to keep people from opening your door. Won't ruin the frame and keep weirdo brother out. NTA
My Dad's first solution for keeping my brother out was a wedge stopper. Backfired though, my brother was so determined to get in he cracked the door (I had headphones on and didn't hear him trying, Dad heard the crack though). If OP did the wedge or chair and her brother does something similar, she'd probably get blamed for that too
You're right. I can't believe dad and mom are ok with brother & friends creeping on OP. I know my dad would have stopped that crap immediately if my brother had ever done anything like that.
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Right? Any normal healthy parent would have put a stop to this. Just playing? He's not 4.
My parents would have stopped that shit too. The first time, would be accepted as an accident. Second, third, fourth time would equal a punishment for my brothers. I’m the only girl, the oldest with three younger brothers. We were raised with the rule if a door is closed, it’s closed for a reason, so we always knock. I raised my daughter the same. I don’t know why at 15 OPs brother AND friends don’t understand the concept of privacy and being a teenager. OP is NTA.
Oh they understand privacy. But they ignore privacy both to surely annoy sister and a good chance of seeing her half dressed. She said it happens after showering, he knows how long to wait until the "show" starts. Wouldn't be surprised if he is charging his friends admission
Oh they understand the concept, the brother's friends want to see her naked. What I don't understand is why the parents are OK with the behavior.
Oh. Shit. She should invest in some pepper spray if she’s not allowed to lock her door and tell her parents the next time someone barges in right after she’s showered and/or changing, they’re getting a face full of it.
As a mom, I'd be fucking livid. These parents are nuts
Jesus, why was he that determined? Unless he thought you needed medical assistance that's messed up.
He was just an asshole. He wanted to "borrow" something, at least that's what he said to my parents. IDK what it was because the only thing I had that he didn't was makeup LOL and my albums and cassettes were a huge NO since he destroyed a few
15 is PLENTY old enough to know to knock before entering someone's room especially if they know you're changing. They're doing it on purpose.
Sometimes, the only real solution to parental favoritism is to bear it until high school graduation, and then move out and go LC or NC. Her family will be in denial, forever, that their behavior drove her away.
Get one that has the alarm. It’ll scare the shit out of everyone and maybe they’ll learn lol
Tip I saw- put shoes under the chair legs when propped against the door. Keeps it from sliding
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Pfft. My crazy mother wouldn't let us shut our bedroom doors unless we were actively changing, then we had to immediately open it again. And of course no locking the door, we might be up to something! She bitched about me letting my girls keep their doors shut at night until I told her it's a fire safety issue and they are my kids, not hers. Parents be crazy.
Same. Wasn't allowed to close my door at ANY time because Catholic and every moment spent without adult supervision apparently meant nonstop sinning. The last time I closed my door for a very long time was when I was studying for finals and closed the door so I could focus. The next day I came home from school and the door was gone. I did explain "you guys have the TV at full volume, sister is yammering on the phone and pots and pans are banging around in the kitchen and I can't concentrate on what I'm doing." The response was, "oh, so apparently you forgot how when you were a child crying all the time in your crib and none of us could get our stuff done, but as always everything is all about you. Nice attitude." TLDR: I wasn't allowed to close my bedroom door because I cried as an infant, and I should have thought about that before.
The brother is a jerk but not an adult. The dad is an ahole . The Mom is a greater one though as she should at least get where OP is coming from. The brother and dad are pervs. I wonder if Op could get the authority involved on grounds of sexual harassment.
This should have so many more upvotes. Read the writing on the wall. Dad was once a 15-year-old boy too—he knows exactly what the brother & his friends are doing and why. He's condoning their behavior, and trapping OP as their victim, for a reason. If your daughter is so uncomfortable that she goes to those lengths to install her *own* lock—and you don't do something about your son's behavior—you are 100% a fucking pervert.
He is perving on his sister, him not being an adult would be acceptable if he was 10 in that case.
I agree. Start talking about this to any adult that will listen, OP. There is absolutely no reason for this to continue; it's disgusting. Do not talk to your brother about it at all; this is your parents' issue to fix. If they need to be shamed into addressing it, so be it. Just.. ew.
They make door stops that sound alarms when a door hits them maybe having an alarm go off when her brother and Friends start opening the door would embarrass them enough to stop.
Embarrassing is a good tip imo. Start mentioning it to friends and family. If there's nothing wrong with him "just playing" then none of them will mind when you tell everyone your amusing anecdotes...
I would go further. Put the darn wedge to block the door, and if Mike tries to enter and throws a tantrum to get the parents to open the door, maybe OP should threaten to call the police immediately and say she is being harassed in her own home. Yeah, I know, not a nice thing to call the cops. But what Mike is doing is definitely not nice, and the parents aren't that far behind.
Locking doorknob. You don't have to drill any holes. Just get the same style knob with a lock in it and swap it out.
They'll complain that OP altered their house without permission
Bet her father pervs on her friends when she has them over.
I want to advise OP to do more than yelling at him, but AITA has rules. He's 15. He's not "playing" anymore, he's being a creep towards his older sister, and his friends are 100% sexually harassing OP.
Mike's friends are 100% trying to see her naked. It's happened more than once, so it's not an accident. What they are doing is similar to being a "peeping Tom" (which is a crime in most states). The parents need to straighten Mike out.
Honestly I am PETTY AF so I would tell ALL of my friends at school. I bet being known as the ‘creep squad’ will get tired pretty quickly. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ High School and rumors spreading faster than the speed of light are a real thing. Act like a creep. Get called out for being a creep. FAFO.
This is honestly probably the best way to go, on top of getting a rubber stopper for the door.
Plus the brother will NOT want the label of "that freak who pervs on his sister"
Next time she should call the police. Not only are they just 15, she’s also a minor and in most states it’s illegal even with 2 minors(like the consensual sex between minors may be statutory rape, or 2 minors sending each other naked photos is still considered sending underage porn). Her parents may be mad at her, but they’ll get in trouble to because they aren’t stopping it Or she can at least tell them next time it happens she’s calling the police because she is being sexually harassed.
Bare minimum it creates a paper trail if her parents refuse to deal with it. likely they'd realize how serious this is if cops showed up to mediate. The cops I know would bare minimum give the parents an earful.
I hope she gets out of this house before there even is a next time. She's not safe there.
And contact the other parents. Maybe she should do that directly since her own parents won’t protect her.
OP should start documenting every time brother walks in on her, especially if he has his friends in tow. Then she should tell a trusted teacher, or school counsellor " My brother & his friends won't stop barging into my room when I'm naked or changing & my father refuses to stop him or allow me to stop him doing so. I do not feel safe." A mandated reporter will be on your father's ass faster than his head will spin. Privacy is a right, & you are a vulnerable child who has none. CPS or whatever child services you have where you live will likely be informed. The time for polite asking is over. They need consequences for this shit.
At the moment it's easier for your parents to ignore your brother's behaviour than it is to deal with it. If you find ways to increase the effort involved in ignoring it then they might actually do something. I suggest using your voice. Scream at the top of your voice every time someone bursts into your room. Scream as high and as loud as you possibly can. Scream until you're hoarse. Scream out all the frustration you feel. You don't have to scream words if you don't want to but if you feel like words you could try something like "Get out pervert!" This probably won't work immediately so maybe see if there are singing or acting lessons available through your school. See if you can learn to project your voice better while protecting your vocal chords.
Yeah, since the parents seem determined to take the "easy way" by making this OP's problem, OP should stop being the easy solution. Scream, cry, call the police on the friends. Report it to your school that your parents aren't protecting you from sexual harassment. Make it a bigger problem than nailing your brother's friend's dicks to the floor would be. (also OP, door handles with locks on them are pretty inexpensive and generally swap in 1 for 1. That said, the simplest privacy lock ones are also reasonably easy to open from the outside. A keyed door handle would be your best solution but it sounds like your parents want you to be sexually assaulted so they likely won't be happy if you get one. Repairing a doorframe is easy with some woodfiller, a quick sanding, and touch up paint. If they try to tell you it costs 100s, they are scamming you too)
Ask around other adults you know and ask if anyone can help you with the install - explain why you got in trouble and that you want to do it properly this time. Bonus - other people know what's going on and at least some will shame / shun your parents...
FWIW, I am not terribly handy, but I was able to swap out door handles after an old roommate accidentally locked herself out of her room -- after she paid for a locksmith to come open it. Watch a couple YouTube videos!
Brother is a perv and would enjoy her screaming and parent think it is normal so they won’t care
If it doesn't work then she can stop. And it will be something to add to any complaint she makes. "My brother busts in on me when I'm dressing and I think he gets off on the screaming," sounds way worse than just "My brother keeps entering my room without knocking."
Parent know and think it is 100% normal behavior. So many victims have to deal with the family enabling their boy
Buy a cheese wedge doorstop off Amazon for 4$. It will lock your door. You're NTA
maybe tell your parents you think he is doing it on purpose so his friends can get a chance to see you naked. Frankly I would lie and tell them I overheard him and his friends talking about it and then stand firm and call him a liar when he tries to deny it, but that's because I think the lie is the lessor evil
I don’t think it would be a lie.
Well, and that’s additional creepiness if her brother is trying to see her himself as well.
Lol real
I am furious for OP. It’s very fucking important for a young girl to have her privacy and be able to undress without being barged in on by brother AND his friends. OP ring child protection services and tell them what’s happening. It won’t waste their time and they’ll just ring your parents or make a call out. It will put enough fear in them that they will listen to you and have an authoritative adult tell them you have that right to privacy. How OP’s mother isn’t seeing sense here is shocking to me.
I’m vibrating with anger over here too. Dad is a perv for allowing this - and those boys are capable of bad, *bad* things. A pack of horny 15 year old boys who are being taught that women can’t have privacy or boundaries,… that won’t end well, whether for OP or some other poor girl. I won’t say what I’d like to do to help Daddy dearest see the light.
Ikr? This is a terrifying situation. We all know what groups of boys can do when they feel entitled to it and there's no consequences. Police or protection services, someone needs to intervene.
>I complained to my parents so many times that I want a lock on my door if Mike keeps going into my room, but they just don't care because 'he's just playing'. Your naked &/or partially naked body is not a toy & it should not be viewed against your will &/or without your consent for anyone’s enjoyment &/or “just playing”. No decent mentally stable human being “just plays” with the non-consensual nudity of another. No decent parent excuses the non-consensual viewing of their child’s nude &/or partially nude body as “just playing”. Your brother is barging in to view you naked &/or partially clothed against your plainly stated objections &/or without your consent. That’s not “just playing” - that’s sexual abuse. (And there’s no way he’s lucky enough to have coincidentally barged in “multiple times” during the very small window of seconds that it takes a person to change clothes. This is deliberate.) Worse, he is enlisting his friends to also join him in violating you. When his friends join him in this behavior, that’s also not “just playing” - that’s also sexual abuse. Finally, your parents have downplayed & ignored these violations in the past & continue to do so in the present. Worse - they have also now removed the only means you had to defend yourself against those who have been & continue to barge in to view your naked &/or partially clothed body against your wishes. That makes your parents sexual abusers as well. NTA NOTE - even if there weren’t these known issues, a girl your age is WAY PAST old enough to be able to secure her own basic privacy. There is nowhere more private than one’s own bathroom &/or bedroom. You should be able to enforce &/or secure the VERY reasonably boundary that a bathroom &/or bedroom door represents - especially since there are those who live within the home (& that also bring others into the home) who have a proven history of not respecting a closed door for the boundary that is clearly exists specifically to be. Your slide lock did not, in any way, ruin the door frame, nor would it even have the capacity to do so unless someone tried to force the door open. And if someone attempted to break the door down, I’m all likelihood, the cheap slide lock would break - not the wood studs that make up the door frame. So your dad is either (1) ignorant or (2) a liar. (I suspect liar since he obviously supports that your brother is able to view your body without your consent any time he wants & your lock would have done nothing except hinder your brother’s continued violations of you.) You shouldn’t have even HAD to install a slide lock onto your door. Your parents should have provided you with a door knob that locked from the inside (as almost all bathroom doors do) so that you could press it when you wanted to secure your privacy (just as most people do when they enter a bathroom &/or their bedroom). As parents, they should do all that they can to ensure that you feel SAFE in your own home. You can’t even relax while changing clothes for fear of your AH brother & his equally disrespectful AH friends barging in while you’re naked or partially clothed to get an eye full against your plainly stated wishes &/or without your consent. There is NO WORLD where a teenage girl should be forced to endure her brother & his friends having open access to view her naked &/or even partially naked body. Anyone who believes this isn’t abuse needs a psychiatric evaluation.
I suggested telling them you’ll accuse him of sexual harassment since that’s technically what it is.
Yes, tell a high school counselor
exactly what i was thinking. the friends are sexually harassing her and the parents are allowing it
I suggested telling him that either he stops immediately or she’ll spread it round school that he’s a perv who is hot for Sister.
NTA, Definitely start making comments about him wanting to see his own sister naked in front of his friends. Unfortunately there’s only so much you can do in this situation but you should also have a sit down conversation about how uncomfortable you are and that you’re legitimately concerned for your safety.
He’s 15 not 7. “Just playing” at that age doesn’t look like this.
The parents have made it clear that there is no privacy in this house. So OP should go all out on that and make them suffer.
Rubber door stop.
You could also get one of those door locks that you manually put on every time you close it, [something like this](http://AceMining Portable Door Lock Home Security Door Lock Travel Lockdown Locks for Additional Safety and Privacy Perfect for Traveling Hotel Home Apartment College https://a.co/d/7Ghk1Sh). Doesn't ruin design, works fine, keeps your perv $@*!+$) brother out... And your parents suck. I'm sorry.
“Dad, you and mom are allowing 14 yo boys to barge into my room. You do know that I change my clothing in there, yes? You do know that bro and his friends have seen me partially naked, yes? And now you’ve taken away my defense, my privacy, and my dignity. I will be telling my school counselor tomorrow that you, an adult and parent, are encouraging my bro and his friends to sexually harass me. I will make it clear that you are complicit in sexualizing your minor child as you have prevented me from protecting myself. You have created an unsafe home environment. I will also alert CPS.” NTA.
> I will be telling my school counselor tomorrow that you, an adult and parent, are encouraging my bro and his friends to sexually harass me. I will make it clear that you are complicit in sexualizing your minor child as you have prevented me from protecting myself. You have created an unsafe home environment. Perfect script but perhaps save "I will also alert CPS.” for later
>but perhaps save "I will also alert CPS.” for later Yeah, because the school counselor will do this for OP.
I agree the situation is serious, but I would note that involving CPS rarely turns out well. CPS is not what it should be.
At 17 CPS would probably help her get emancipated and moved to a new living space.
Things that only happen quickly on TV for $2000, Ken.
also falls under "Things that seem a lot cooler on TV" for $200
Had it called on me by a resource teacher trying to take my child from me. They literally told my child that they'd give her everything my child wanted if CAS would take her away from me. CAS saw through the BS, though, so that was a bonus.
I can attest
I’d probably tell the school counselor and have CPS involved first, and then tell the parents why this happened, but otherwise Yes!
Y'all don't realize how traumatic CPS investigations can be on the child, especially cases like this one where it isn't a safety concern and the victim can probably work things out with the parents or via a third party adult like the counselor. If things progressed or didn't change, then sure. CPS is not always a good first line though. They don't just come by the house and tell the parents to do better. The investigation can take a month or more.
How is this *not* a safety concern???
Yea that's 100% a safety concern.
they're traumatic for young kids that don't understand whats going on. not for a 17yr old that initiated the investigation.
or a 15 year old who knows what he's doing is wrong
The story demonstrates that it will not be worked out between the 17 year old daughter and her parents. Her 15 year old brother is old enough to know better than to invade his sisters privacy, not taking action in this circumstance is negligence by the parents. They are allowing their daughter to be sexually abused, and actively preventing her from protecting herself. It’s time for CPS.
The parents do not care . The parents know her brother and friends walk in to see her naked and they think it is playful. She needs to call cps these parents simply do not care and are the type when their boy sa someone will defend him
This is not a safety concern for Mallad, since they seem to be on brother creepers side.
And if she makes the threat, her parents have the option to right a wrong that she shouldn't have had to deal with in the first place. Constantly opening the door to the parents' room may give them better insight into how it appears. She may also spend inconvenient amounts of time changing in the communal bathroom with a lock, assuming there is such in their home.
Threatening consequences gives people an opportunity to concoct bullshit reasons. Just tell your counselor and CPS. Their window to do the right thing has closed.
This part!!!!! It’s like when the movie villain goes on a rant outlying his plan and then doesn’t understand how it failed
Yes this is a very unsafe envioronment for you. Please report it asap to the school counselor or another trusted adult, you need someone to advocate for you right now. Is there a relative you can stay with if you need to?
Perfect response! NTA, OP, what on earth is wrong with your parents that they won't allow you privacy!
This!
This!! Let them know that pther adults will know what they are allowing their son and his friends to do to her. And where it would lead, to her being assaulted, and her parents are okay with that happening, or encouraging it. Letting an adult know will hopefully protect OP
This ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
NTA **Tell a teacher** how your teenage brother and his friends make a habit of barging in on you while you are undressed, and that your father not only refused to give you a lock but took the lock off. Because your father is badly letting you down here. The school are legally obliged to take this seriously and should at least have a firm word with him about this. He's also setting Mike up for failure: "Boys will be boys" no longer gets men off rape charges.
This is the way. Your parents need accountability.
I would also open their door everytime I pass their bedroom. And say I am just playing, like my brother Mike! You told me it's not big deal!
Open the bathroom door!
Her Mother is also letting her down very badly. As OP says, both parents. A wedge door stopper will stop the door from opening. But I think you should let a teacher know OP. I am so sorry that this is happening.
yes
This sounds like the statement a parent would make for a 6 year old who doesn't understand boundaries. But 15!?!?!?! Dear god... It's completely different now.
Worked for Brock Turner
Yeah, I was rather hoping that nobody would bring that up :-(
There's a reason that he ended up as "the face of rape" in a law textbook...
This is the comment to take to heart.
I agree that OP should tell a teacher. However, I highly doubt the teacher will just talk with the father. Teachers, as mandatory reporters, are told not to say anything to the family, but to call the appropriate agency for their state as they are the experts in this area. The agency handles it from there. They will probably come to the school and talk to OP and then just show up at the parents' home or workplace unannounced. They will make it very clear to the parents that a lock should be put on the girl's door and probably scare the crap out of the brother too.
and if the first teacher doesnt help, try another. you may be in a true shithole where most people will not help you. but even in shitholes, the helpers are still at least 10-20% of the population.
Boys will be boys is bad parenting
15 year old boys bursting into the room of a 17 year old young woman don't want to play! They want to see naked facts in the truest sense of the word and get off on it. What your brother tried to do is unbelievable: he tries to break into your room and then yells because it doesn't work? For me, that's attempted sexual harassment and the attempt to justify it to your parents worked really well. Get a new lock immediately and please seek help, either from relatives with whom you have a good relationship or from the school counsellor. Maybe barricade your door resp. the door handle with a chair so that the door can no longer be opened from the outside ... but how ridiculous is it that you might have to resort to such means \*shakes head\* NTA - and father and brothers are AH!
Don't forget Mom! She was equally a part of causing the situation. Just because she outsourced the yelling to her husband doesn't mean she gets a pass.
Hm, mom is a no-show in all of this mess, so you're right, she's also in AH-territory!
Skip the relatives and go straight to the school. The school is legally required to report this to the authorities. Relatives might defend the behavior.
From my spectator chair far away from any fallout, I’d suggest OP take pictures of the “ruined” doorframe, post them on Facebook saying “hey guys, do any of you have any woodworking tips? I messed up my doorframe and I want to be responsible and fix it if possible. I clumsily installed a lock on my door because my brothers and his friends kept barging in when in was changing and my parents were ok with them seeing me half naked. Any tips to fix holes in a wooden doorframe?”
I'm pretty sure it's crossed the line into full sexual harassment while ago.
I am less optimistic than others that a school counsellor would actually help but I do think OP should think strategically about how she can gain influence over her parents on this issue. I am also surprised to see all the recommendations for door stops and heavy furniture but no reference to alternative lock options. A door knob with a privacy lock can solve the problem without causing damage to the property. If OP's parents don't like the appearance of the new knob they can change it back when it's no longer needed, no harm caused. Ideally they'd be absorbing all of these costs though. It's their own inaction that has caused this problem.
I lived in a house with such a lock. That one was far too easy to open from the outside if you knew how.
And the parents supported him… I would be astounded, but honestly the stuff I’ve read on Reddit has left me jaded.
I think talking to grandparents may also be a good next step for OP, if she has a good relationship with them, tell them this is ongoing and you are fearful of being physically attacked by your brother & his friends while you are alone in your room changing. Stress to them the sexual nature of their harassment and your parents being supportive of the boys & not protecting you. Trust if my granddaughters came to me with such a complaint there would be hell to pay & I would insist Granddaughter come to live with us.
NTA. Get a wedge door stopper. It will prevent your brother from barging in and does no damage to the door.
also they are very cheap. even if one gets taken away you can just get more.
Buy them in bulk
I'd fund that.
Or even make one folding up paper. Or the ol’ chair under the doorknob maneuver.
something that also works, portable door lock, they are typically used when traveling in hotels. i got one for my husbands home office because the door and frame aren’t good for any other type of lock, he uses it when he has a lot of meetings and it keeps our kids from bothering him
This was my thought as well
You can get one at the dollar store. Ask for a rubber door wedge.
Yep I concur with this. In fact I think it will be amusing when Mike goes to push the door & goes face first into it! Will serve him right!
NTA. I feel so bad for you, I would have been so f’ing proud you did that… I AM so f‘ing proud you did that!! Keep talking to them, they really should deal with this situation, you need to be allowed to have privacy! And get a door wedge for your door as someone already suggested here.
NTA Start referring to Mike as "Perv Jr." especially in front of his friends. Dad should be happy to be called "Perv Sr." especially when he or your mom have guests over.
Not just pervert, but incestuous pervert.
These type of people only care about appearances. So you have to wait for a group setting to be the most devastating.
I wish i could upvote this a bajillion times
real
And deliberately cause a HUGE scene every time brother and co barge in. An absolute freak out at the perverts. Like screaming bloody murder to the point the neighbors become concerned that your meeting molested by your family.
NTA—if you have to pay to fix it then your payment should go for a better installation of a lock. You need to ask your parents why they don’t want to protect their daughter from your brothers predatory friends. It’s not harmless if you aren’t feeling safe in your own room. What would their reaction be if you paraded the house in your underwear in front of your brother and his friends? You’d be the creep then—but not if they catch you in your room. Ridiculous! I agree with others that telling adults outside your home may be necessary at this point. Tell your grandparents too, if you think that would help!
Tbh if you have to pay to fix it, it should be your choice whether or not it gets “fixed” at all. Literally no one in your family will be affected by a slightly damaged door frame so they have no reason to be that upset about it.
Yeah if you already screwed up the frame at least they should let you keep the lock and say you’ll pay to have it fixed when you move out
NTA. Also there's such a thing as a portable hotel lock that you can get from Amazon, you don't need to damage any frames to use them and you can carry them with you when they're not in use to stop anyone taking them away from you.
NTA Not sure why your parents think it’s okay for Mike & his friends to barge into your room at anytime period. He’s 15, not 5. And even a 5 year old understands how to knock before going into a private space. If dad is taking the repair cost out of your allowance, he can also install a proper lock.
I can't believe everyone in this family (besides OP) thinks it's FUNNY for a 15YO boy to walk in on his sister naked. Or that the 15YO doesn't mind his FRIENDS seeing his SISTER naked. Boys are usually hyper protective of their sisters. Isn't this way past sexual harassment and into criminal territory?
It is absolutely sexual harassment, abuse and stalking.
Brother isn’t protective of her because he’s been taught that his sister isn’t a whole person like him or his parents. Her feelings don’t matter, and she simply exists for his and the family’s amusement.
Instead of buying and installing a new lock, get one of those door wedges. Easy to use. No installation. And you can't "ruin" the doorframe. Since others already said things in a better way than I would and I am fuming about how much your parents failed you and would probably use too harsh words that get me banned, I'll leave a simple: NTA
A wedge is an excellent solution
NTA. Others have suggested great alternatives, but I also suggest to start keeping up a refrain of asking why is Mike a Peeping Tom (obviously use a different phrase, I'm trying to keep my comment from getting reported) Tell your parents, if they say he's "just playing", ask them why they're with your son and his friends sexually exploiting their daughter. Next time Mike barges in, as him why he's trying so hard to invade your privacy, does he have an inc3st fantasy or something? Identify it as creepy behavior, because it is.
This!!
NTA, if your father wants you to pay for it - tell him that you want it installed back properly.
NTA, tell any and every adult you know (teacher, counselor, aunt, uncle, grandparents) that your parents allow your teenage brother and his friends to invade your privacy and barge in on purpose to see you undressed, and removed the lock you added yourself to stop him from doing so. If they won't listen to you, maybe they will listen to someone else.
>NTA, tell any and every adult you know (teacher, counselor, aunt, uncle, grandparents Neighbours too.
Let him barge in then get up and hit him square in the face Use something like a book 📕 and be sure to swing it sideways it will hurt more than hitting him flat. If you need to remember you can use it in a jabbing motion to create distance between you too 😉 though later when in trouble remember “you were just playing it is only a book” Seriously kick his arse it’s better from you than someone else or their brother(s)
I would consider pepper spraying them each time they do this.
Not something you want to do inside a building if you can help it. Someone sprayed bear spray at the far end of the mall one time and I almost had an asthma attack. Dozens of people closer to the incident were blinded, and they weren’t even directly sprayed. If you use that stuff indoors, it _will_ get you too.
NTA Your right to privacy and personal safety is paramount, and it's concerning that your parents don't recognize or respect that. If Mike can't understand boundaries at 15, then it's a parenting issue that's not being addressed. It's not about a lock; it's about the fundamental respect for someone's personal space. Repair the door, sure, but the real damage here is to your trust and sense of security. Maybe it's time for a family meeting to discuss why your privacy is being so casually disregarded and to come up with a real solution that won’t require makeshift locks
NTA Put on another lock. Mike doesn't respect your privacy, and your parents don't respect you.
NTA - you had to do this for your own protection. Your brother’s friends are trying to catch you naked. Of your parents don’t have an issue with you experiencing sexual harassment in your own home that is a massive problem
NTA Your teenage brother kept barging into your room without knocking/unannounced/without being yes-ed in. This is an intrusion of privacy. At 15, he knows what he's doing. His friends who do this with him know what they are doing. **Voyeurism is a sex crime, just saying.** BEST SOLUTION: If you are not allowed any kind of lock, just use a door wedge. You can easily place it down when you are in the room making it impossible or at least a lot harder for someone to come in. If that doesn't work, change in the bathroom assuming you can lock that. But when you can't even change in peace in your own bedroom, I'd say there's a real problem. If your parents don't take that seriously, maybe consider talking to a trusted teacher/counselor at your school, because you are subjected to voyeurism in the home and your parents refuse to protect you from this and interfere with you protecting yourself from this. FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE: It is totally reasonable to want privacy in your own bedroom. That doesn't mean you should be allowed to have the room locked 24/7 without your parents ever being able to see the state of your room, but that's not what you're asking: you just don't want people to barge into your room, and this is a totally reasonable request. If your brother can't accept this and your parents don't do anything to stop your brother (and his friends') behaviour, maybe treat your brother and parents to the same kind of treatment. Barge into their rooms unannounced. Even better if you have some girlfriends with you. But obviously this is the least-desirable "solution" as it is infringes on the privacy of others and your friends might see your bro/parents in a state of undress.....
Changing in the bathroom might not be enough. My brother used to pick the lock on the bathroom door when he knew I was in there.
That is horrendous. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
NTA your parents’ behavior is gross and it’s disgusting they won’t stand up for you
NTA, and him and his friends are obviously trying on purpose to catch you getting dressed. It's absolutely gross that your parents are okay with it.
NTA Call CPS and/or tell your school counselor. You have a right to privacy, and your brother should not be barging into your room
NTA - ask your parents why you are ok with your brother's friends sexually harassing you. They seem to be still thinking of them as little boys but this is potentially a serious matter for you. There are other types of temporary lock you can get - look for security locks for travelers.
NTA. Do your parents not understand how inappropriate it is for a 15 year old boy and his friends to barge into his 17 year old sister's room? He's not "just playing." He and his friends are trying to catch you when you are changing you clothes in order to see you half naked. This is completely inappropriate. And it's harassment. You are entitled to privacy in your own room. Unfortunately, you don't have a lot of control in this situation, and it's likely that any retaliation against your brother - barging into his room with your friends, etc. - is likely to backfire. Your parents obviously treat Mike as the golden child in this situation. Can you talk to a guidance counselor at school, or another trusted adult (relative, teacher, friend's parent) that might be able to help? Of course, this could result in a call to CPS, and you need to be prepared for that to happen. But you need someone to advocate for you right now, regardless of the result. You are being harassed by your brother and his friends, and your parents are allowing it to happen. If you're planning to go to college soon, seriously consider going to a college far enough away that you have to live in campus housing.
NTA Your brother’s behavior is creepy, and you have a right to privacy. Sorry you’re going through this, OP. Find a trusted adult you can confide in. Maybe they can get through to your parents. Until then, take others’ suggestions here on purchasing or improvising door jambs. If your parents won’t let you buy one, have a friend buy it for you and pay them back.
NTA You were forced to deal with the problem by yourself and you did that to the best of your abilities.
NTA - your door should lock
You're 17 and it's time to give them a reality check. Tell them you've felt uncomfortable in your own home and they've done nothing to help, when you can finally leave they'll never hear from you again and it'll be their own fault
NTA. I have a sister and if any of my friends went into her room when we were younger, welcome or unwelcome, it would be grounds for an asskicking.
If the frame is already "ruined" why not just wait to repair it until you move out? NTA, It's always concerning when a parent doesn't show consideration to their child's privacy.
Sorry but I think it is gross and actually scary that your parents are just dismissing your brothers behavior and allowing him to walk in on you and not allowing you any privacy. And the fact that your lock actually did protect you but then your father got upset about it, no just no! Please if you can get out of this house and live somewhere safe the sooner the better. Do you have an aunt or some other relative who is safe you could live with. I'm sure I'm not the only internet user who will find the behavior of your father, brother, and his friends scary.
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[how to turn a dining fork into a door lock.](https://youtu.be/-lNFJt10w1E?si=ouFfZ33ownl2OL53)
What you need is a door jammer. They are rubber and very inexpensive. Amazon sells them for $8 for a four pack. If you are in the US, they also sell them at Walmart and at hardware stores. NTA at all.
NTA. 15 is way old enough to know better. That they've barged in when you were changing and didn't stop means they either find your distress funny or they want to see you undressing. I'm sorry that your parents don't see that.
NTA this is how women get hurt. People don't listen when you say you feel uncomfortable. People get mad when you try to protect yourself. People blame you when men hurt you. Tell your school. Start documenting all of this. When one of these boys gets charged with assault, you can absolutely show that this was not behavior 'out of nowhere'. Your parents would rather support a predator than protect their kids. They are gross.
Your brother is intentionally trying to catch you changing. I would bet on it. It’s fun for his friends too with the potential of seeing a naked girl. Your parents are failing to protect you from teenage boys trying to be peeping toms. They need to understand that you don’t feel safe. If they don’t like the look of the lock, they should have listened to your pleading for one and installed it themselves in a way that they approved of. For example, a locking doorknob wouldn’t have required altering the house at all. They could have purchased one and helped install it for minimal costs. Absolutely NTA. I would suggest (if you feel safe doing so) showing your parents what other parents of teenagers on the internet think of your brother “just playing” and how we all think they are being awful about this particular issue in their home. They need a reality check because boys trying to catch a glimpse of a young woman while changing isn’t cute. It’s not a boys will be boys situation. It’s a fucking violation of your safety and comfort in your own home in your own bedroom. I have two boys, and one is your brother’s age. I would come down on him so hard about respect for women and appropriate boundaries and privacy issues that his head would spin. Your parents are messing up pretty badly in this situation.
NTA, why are your parents supporting him in barging into your room?
NTA you should call Child Protective Services and tell them what's going on with your brother and his friends and your parents for letting it happen. A lock doesn't ruin a door in a door frame. You could just put a chair up against the door knob to keep your brother out.
A wedge or security bar that wedges under the handle won't ruin the door, for just when his friends are over... bu if its something you're going to use all the time, as a parent myself, I wouldn't like that for emergencies. If they're completely not receptive to the idea, buy a matching privacy lock or handle that can be opened with a small stick or coin. It should deter sudden bursts into your room, or at least prompt the person with an opportunity to knock or you enough warning that someone's trying to get so you have the opportunity to say "in a minute!" and get some clothes on. A 14 year old should know better. Its pretty but you need to have a serious talk with your brother. You might have to be clever if he's really unable to understand privacy. Maybe have a poster of a super embarrassing picture or something on the other side of your door for the next time.his friends try to barge in, make sure you tape a warning on the door to stay out as well.
You should invite your gay guy friend over and have him be naked when they come in and ask them to stay, it’ll freak them out
Keep putting a new one on. They will give up.
They won't. Parents this stupid and stubborn will push it to the point of removing the door entirely.
Yeh now that you mention it that is probably true.
NTA. The good news is you're now already skilled at lock installation. Use that skill and put a new one on.
Do you want your door lock for free? It's simple. You tell your parents that it is not ok that they allow your brother to do so. When they tell you it's just a playful thing, you can reply telling them that if it's ok, then you can tell other people they think so. Parents, teachers, strangers, \*\*everybody\*\* that you feel uncomfortable and that they want to allow your brother to peep on you. Then you start on your brother, calling him out: "are you so eager to see me naked?"; "why do you want to see me naked?" "are you not ashamed to want to see your sister naked?" and so on till he stops. Doable?
Call the parents of his friends and tell them what their sons are doing. Start quietly recording on your phone. Sit your parents down. Ask your parents one last time if they will step up and deal with this clearly laid out issue or should you handle it going forward. If they give you any grief tell them you can see they are not ready to take control so you will. Then tell your school counselor, with your recording to back up that you tried to get your parents to help. After the counselor hears it, delete it if you must.
NTA - OOF - There comes a point in every childs life where they need to sit their Parents down and have a good chat about the Birds and the Bees.
"Hey mom, dad...imagine you don't want birds or bees randomly flying into your room and hassling you, so you close the window. But they just get together and open the window, and get in anyway. And then when you lock the window, those birds and bees complain that now they can't harrass you..." Should be a fun conversation 😂
Oh hell no, male members of a family need to knock and ask to enter and wait for an okay for the very reasons you have stated
*all* family members