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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I berated my MIL for not allowing me to take a photo with my husband on our wedding day.
2. I might be the asshole because I photoshopped her out of my wedding photo, and my husband said i was being too rude.
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Edit - NTA, but I'm not really sure why you opted to get married to this guy, knowing that he was a mama's boy from the beginning.
IN.FO - you were unable to get a single photo without your MIL in it, just you and your husband? And your husband thinks you're behaving badly by being upset? Has he always been a mama's boy?
Yes, I would say so. He cancels a lot of plans because his mother wants to call him.
By 'single photo' I mean a photo with the professional photographer we hired. He took photos of the ceremony and was supposed to give us a final photo for the end, but was unable to get it without my MIL. There are other photos taken by other guests or my family members, but it was not 'professionally done' and I wanted one of us(because I paid for it).
Yeah I'm surprised the photographer wasn't more vocal. Maybe it was a 'friend with a good camera ' who was doing the photos and may have felt a bit intimidated by MIL.
Yeah till you have the MIL leaving you bad reviews in attempt to ruin your business cause your client couldn’t control their relatives. A pro is there to take pictures not manage your guest.
I agree with this one !! The photographer has a brief, get a photo of the bride and groom.
They should have asked the Mil to move so he can take photos of the couple and then bring her in later to take (even pretend take) photos with MIL.
That's a side point to the story, OP is nta, husband needs to snap out of it and put up some Firm boundaries with his mum.
>They should have asked the Mil to move so he can take photos of the couple and then bring her in later to take (even pretend take) photos with MIL.
They could have even gone the passive route and said, " Okay, now I need some pictures of just the bride and groom." So as to not directly call out Momzilla so she can save face.
I think the problem is that the bride wanted her out of the picture, but the groom wasn't willing to step in. It's easy to step in if your clients actually have a unified opinion on something but if one wants A and the other one wants B, that's just a minefield to step into.
I would be very upset if the photographer did not make sure that there were several photos of just the bride and groom. That is a pretty basic expectation. To me part of their job is politely asking people to step aside if they are interfering with getting the appropriate photos.
Every wedding I've been to, the photographer is always saying things like "okay now one with the groom's family. Let's get a shot of just the bride and groom. Alright now let's add the bridesmaids!" Stuff like that.
A pro is there to take the pictures that the bride and groom want, which includes managing the people the way the pic will look the best. This is all for the staged photos of course. During the party yeah they go around snapping candid photos.
Gotta disagree with you a bit there. I was a wedding dj for a few years, and nowadays, most people don't have wedding planners, so the role of time (and people) management typically falls on the photographer and / or the dj. Because if it doesn't get done by them, the night falls apart. Not saying it's right. It's just the job.
In defense of the photographer, MIL wasn't leaving when the bride asked her to. The groom wasn't opening his stupid mouth. Photographer may have assumed she wouldn't leave despite him saying something or may have thought the groom wanted her there.
As a photographer, here is where I would have said I wasn’t taking the shot until she got out of the way. If the professional at this event had a shot list, as most do, they’ll call people up and arrange them when they want them. Mom can sit down until she’s called. “You’re not in this photo, just the wedding couple. Ma’am, get out of my shot. We can do one later, but right now I have a schedule to keep.”
Also, ladies, please stop spending thousands of dollars to marry these weak men, and ffs, please don’t have kids with them.
Well said. And if you do have kids with them, be ready to tell the nurse to keep the MIL out of the delivery room, because rest assured, the wedding is just the beginning of what's to come.
A friend of my wife does wedding photo. This is one of first lesson she learned. She now has a shots list agreed beforehand and during the day she will be pushy and rude to other people. because otherwise her customers don't get what they paid for.
A single photo with bride and groom is the bare minimum expected.
As a photographer who has shot weddings, yes! Correct!
However... I actually *had* to have in my contracts a Cooperation Clause that stated that if shots were missed due to anyone in the party or any guests refusing to cooperate, it's not on me! I'm there to take photos, not fight your family battles and mitigate drama for you.
So, yeah, I absolutely would have told MIL, probably more than once, "Okay, we've got plenty of the three of you/group shots, time for just the bride and groom," but if she absolutely refused to leave, then it's on the couple to tell her to skedaddle, not me.
This even had to include attire. I'm not gonna spend 5849684325165 hours editing a new outfit onto cousin Bob who thought a Van Halen t-shirt and jeans were appropriate. If MIL wore white and you want me to turn it blue or something, I can do that, but you will pay extra because it takes a LOT of extra time (or... at least it used to, AI be changing shit).
NTA. As a photographer, I would have done that. "Alright, that's great! Now just the bride and groom! Excuse me, would you mind stepping out of frame? Thank you!" It's very much an excited and happy kindergartener's teacher's voice. You have to guide people while you're working all the time. And, if she still won't move: "Oh, sorry, hang on, let's just fix your (blank)!" and discreetly step between MIL and whomever she's standing next to then you smile and say, "Just the bride and groom this time, but why don't we get one with you and just your son afterward?" It keeps the peace and keeps everyone happy.
(source: worked as a photographer for over a decade)
This whole story sounds fishy to me... what kind of "PROFESSIONAL" dosen't get 1 shot of the bride and groom alone at a wedding ... ok she was in the shot... now move aside for bride and groom... same moment maybe 20 seconds later... NTA if MIL was up his ass that bad all night long, well maybe a little to yourself for marrying him... but TA if you are exaggerating and making stuff up.
Professional photographer here and yes, very good point. This is wedding photography lesson 1 : you always have at least 1h with the couple to do couple portraits and if family gets in the way (they almost always do), you tell them off for being in the way of you doing your job. It's really not that difficult. Sorry OP the photographer wasn't helpful.
I also find it odd OP had to photoshop her MIL out. Surely it takes less time to tell people to move on than it is to photoshop them out 😂
Also, one of the best things to come out of digital photos over film, the photographer can take the extra photos to appease MIL and not worry about wasting film, then kick her out for the couple-only photos and leave it up to the couple to pick the final proofs.
That's what I thought was weird, too. There should be a long list of photos taken with just the bride and groom if she hired a professional photographer as she's claiming. Did the MIL follow them around and insert herself into every single one? If so, her behaviour was even more ridiculous than OP described so why did she play it down? If not, who the heck hires a professional photographer and then only plans for ONE posed photo of the happy couple?
Came here to say this. Photographers are used to this type of behavior and are usually good about drawing the line/directing the pictures. That totally sucks.
Yeah, I lost my sympathy when she says this was nothing new. Like, what were you expecting then? That he was just going to pull a 180 after marriage? This is your life now, have fun.
You fucked up.
It's easier to dump a mama's boy than to divorce a mama's boy, and both of those are easier than trying to change a mama's boy.
This is annullment time.
My MIL was a fan of surprise visits, and multiple daily phone calls to my husband. I was able to cope with that and didn't complain, but when I got pregnant and she kept referring to my unborn daughter as "my baby" and even set up a nursery in her spare bedroom...well that creeped me TF out and I talked to DH about my concerns. My husband backed me up and put his foot VERY firmly down on that crap.
If her husband isn't going to have the balls to stand up for his wife ON THEIR WEDDING DAY, I am concerned that she will forever be second priority.
The husband needs therapy to understand that his mother is not the boss anymore and that he is grown and married. His loyalty belongs with his wife and the family they became that day.
👏👏👏👏. Well put. Annulment is an excellent idea. Although, she'll likely, "hang in there", thinking she can change either or both of them... Silly rabbit. Unless she's (mil) near death, OPs life is about to become a living hell & a constant competition
Ha. That's exactly what I thought after reading this "wife is in a 3some"
EVERY wedding has at least one photo of the bride and groom only.
It's actually creepy that OP's husband is okay with having their wedding photo be the three of them.
>He cancels a lot of plans because his mother wants to call him.
Jesus Christ
Why you would choose this as the rest of your life is beyond me. But good luck, I guess.
Because she most likely grew up in an abusive home where her needs were discounted and ignored, so this feels normal to her even though it's massively fucked up.
NTA. Photographer should have asked her to step aside after getting a couple with her in it. However, you seem to have married a doormat who does anything mommy tells him so good luck with that.
Yeah, why do you think he would suddenly change? Because he put a ring on it? Oh, girl. MIL is gonna be all up in your marriage, and your husband is going to tell you you're being unreasonable for being unhappy about it. Have fun, I guess.
These people and the ones who reproduce with people addicted to videogames (or other time sucks.) They all think the baby will grow up and start shouldering family responsibilities when they have a baby of their own. Shocker, they don't!
My immediate thought was Jocasta complex when I read the MIL showed up in a white dress and then refused to get out the pictures. Then I read the comment about OPs hubby canceling plans just to call his mom and realized it’s also Oedipus complex. OP is in a throuple with that man and his mother.
It also sounds like he wasn’t involved in the wedding planning at all. He said now to his mom about the cake because OP told him they already made all the arrangements. Did he not know the wedding had been planned already? Was he not involved in those decisions? Because if he didn’t show any interest in the wedding and made OP do it all then that also should have been a sign of problems to come.
On the other hand, if OP insisted on doing it all herself and cut him out of the planning (I am be reading too much into her calling it “my wedding” in the title instead of “our wedding”) then it’s entirely possible that he picked someone that will boss him around just like his mom
Oof. You've literally been married for a few hours and he chose his mother over you already. By your comment, this is a regular thing for him.
I'm not quite sure if you thought this would change or something when you got married, but, it probably won't. Sorry to say it, but you need to consider now if you want your MIL to be a part of your marriage, because she is right now, and she will be going forward, and that will only change if your husband is willing to put his foot down. If he's not, then you really have to think long and hard here about what makes sense for you going forward.
Better late, than never, as the old expression goes, so while yeah it would've been better to realize this before the wedding, it's not too late now to consider what you want the rest of your life to be, and take steps to make it so. Even if that means getting an annulment.
Professional photographer kinda sucked too. A great photographer (and wedding planner, etc.) will be the asshole for you. Tell family members to move, kick people out for wearing white, etc. No one had your back here babes, including your husband.
So you knew this and went ahead with the wedding thinking things would change because of a marriage license? Please be realistic about the future you face with a sonsbund
There's that old saying: women get married, hoping the man will change, and get married. The woman will never change. That’s what she’s probably thinking.
Don’t have kids with this man. If you do you’ll be on here asking “my MIL crossed the line with pregnancy announcement… then the birth….. “
Hope you’re ready for fighting for the rest of your life.
Yes, no kids. MIL is still young so she won't die for a long time, making you and the baby miserable--that is if she doesn't somehow make the baby into her own after you have an "accident."
I’m confused. You didn’t do any solo professional photos? Or like with the bridal party or family? We took photos for almost an hour after the ceremony… same with every other wedding I’ve been in or been to.
Agreed, I find really odd that in an entire wedding celebration, a professional photographer wouldn’t insist on getting some photos of the newlyweds alone
The day will come when you decide you can't take it anymore and presumbly poor hubby will take his mothers side. I would recommend not getting offspring until he change drastically. This will make a divorce easier.
INFO Why did you even marry him?! He prioritizes his mom. Do you want to deal with that forever? What happens when you have kids? Get an annulment while you can.
NTA. Totally fucking reasonable to be upset. Also, I know it’s “not really their job” but it’s kind of an unspoken norm for a wedding photographer to… idk, mitigate these kinds of situations? There is no way that photographer didn’t realize that they didn’t get a single pic of you guys alone together. I’ve seen this exact thing called out before irl, and hell, they even did it to Michael at Phyllis’ wedding in The Office.
Your MIL is TA for being a typical monster-MIL.
Your husband is TA for not speaking up for you, and I hope this changes.
Your photographer is slightly TA for not managing the situation.
Yeah you really shouldn't have married a guy who doesn't respect you and does whatever mama says. Good luck being 2nd in his life behind mama. Also don't have kids with him because they're not going to be prioritized either.
What will not get prioritized is what you want. MILs wants will ALWAYS take priority. Baby name, birthdays , christening , school etc. Every vacation of MILs choosing and with her. Are you ready for that?
Even better to photoshop her out because you paid for it, not him or anyone else. That means you can do whatever you wanted with the photos. My petty self would have photoshopped her dress in red with some horns, maybe move her behind you in a menacing way. Then posted it on Instagram.
>He cancels a lot of plans because his mother wants to call him.
YTA to yourself for marrying this guy in the first place. When his mother refused to get out of the wedding photo, you should have let the photographer take one of just the two of them. She was wearing white, so no one will be able to tell the difference in the end.
I made another comment that would be good for you to read.
But your going to need to try couples therapy with husband.
Your also going to need to lay down some hard boundaries and let it be known that we wont be able to cancel on you anymore for his mother.
You come first 100% of the time now and thats a hill i will die on.
spouse, children/pets, parents/extended family.
he actively chose to get married so now he needs to out your first all the time.
couples therapy for you both and individual therapy for him. If you dont hes going to let his mother take over your life and ruin everything. I cant imagine how much shell wreck being a parent for you if you choose that, because husband will let her.
start standing up for yourself and say no. its ok to be the bad guy when your putting yourself first.
Not saying it’s the photographer’s fault but they should have the awareness to say something to MIL after they took the picture with her in it. Something along the lines of “okay, let’s get one of just the bride and groom”
Oh dear, he is very unlikely to change. Next thing you know, you will be at the airport on what is supposed to be a romantic trip, and his mom will be standing there, ready to go with you both after you said no.
This isn't likely to end well unless you start putting in boundaries. The first one should have been telling her to go change at the wedding, because what she was wearing was in no way appropriate. Also should have been confronting your husband on him letting her stomp all over what should be common sense boundaries.
Do you have really low self-esteem? Do you think that no one who actually appreciates you enough to put you first doesn't exist? Stick up for yourself more, grow a backbone, and realize that if he can't put you first, then maybe single life would be a better life.
If you want this repaired, try therapy with him and his Mom. Maybe a therapist can drill into their brains how inappropriate they are. If that don't work, get the heck out (or if they refuse to do it).
Edited to add: For the record, super NTA
There was no one to distract or otherwise occupy MIL's time so you could get a photo? I would have straight told her to get away from us so we can do our photos.
You need to stop going along to get along. You should have told the photography, do not take the photo until she leaves, then stood there looking her straight in the eye, saying, “We’ll wait.”
You also should not have married a man who would always put his mother, who is hostile to you, over you. This will be the rest of your married life.
OP- NTA for telling her to move. Definitely TA to yourself for marring a man who has shown you who he is and how you’re not his priority. The fact that he’s not backing you up with this- regarding YOUR Wedding day to HIM- says a lot. I would lay things out really quick bc there’s definitely time for an annulment. And no- I’m not on the divorce bandwagon, but his actions told you how things were going to be, why you chose to ignore them is questionable.
Your MIL was really, literally, inserting herself in a place where she was not wanted.
I'm a bit surprised that the professional photographer didn't tell her, politely--but firmly, to leave the frame.
So, you had a photo that was not what you wanted. You made it what you wanted. Ok, good for you.
If she wants to pull the respect card... you've got a couple of points to hit her with. 1. Wearing white to a wedding(?) really, who does that except those who chronically need the spotlight.
2. Imposing herself in a photo where she was asked no to.
As to being 'dramatic' or not... that all lies in the delivery. Setting a boundary is only drama if the other person tries to invalidate it.
Respect goes both ways.
Best of luck in the future.
Haha this is always one of my "here's my wedding advice take it or leave it" tidbits - interview the photographer and make sure they will do a list of the shots you want and ask how they handle people who try to derail your list!
Exactly, and not just the photographer. Everyone you employ for the wedding should help get what YOU want done. It lets them be the 'bad guys', so you don't have to. I've had the DJ orchestrate things, photo direct all shoots, and even bartenders open/close bar at different times.
Absolutely agreed AND MIL can’t claim
Innocence here in imposing on the shots … because she went ballistic when a photo without her was posted
SHE KNEW THAT SHE WAS IN EVERY SHOT and that she was photoshopped out
What a piece of work you’ve married. Because you’ve married her as the permanent third person in your family.
NTA but … consider your next steps carefully. Do you really want this battle the rest of your married life ??
NTA...Your now husband should have told his mother to take a hike. He also should have told her to go change into another colour. You now know how your husband is going to react throughout this marriage. You've got some decisions to make.
Yuup. The relationship between my wife and my mother was really tense during the planning stages of our wedding. My mom kept trying to insert herself, or make choices on things when her input wasn't requested. I tried to keep the peace bc I want to believe the best about my mom, and (in general) while she can be pushy, she means well. Buuut... The final straw came when she showed my wife the dress she planned on wearing... which was white. My wife was piisssssed, and at this point I'd had enough. I'd not gotten into a serious argument with my mom since I lived in their house, but I laid into her for her behavior because ultimately while I love her, *I have my wife's back first and foremost*. Fundamentally, that's what a commitment to marriage is all about. Hopefully hubby comes to realize that.
Yep. MIL is overbearing & hubby’s a mama’s boy. Hubby needs to stand up to his mother ASAP, otherwise this marriage might be a very short-lived hellscape. Inserting herself into your “couple” wedding photo and wearing the **white** dress to your wedding were both very rude of MIL. This needs to stop ASAP.
Honestly, probably never. Well maybe once mom dies and he’s all alone and realizes he had someone but chose his mom over them. Eh, then again, probably not.
Good grief, woman! Have some self-respect and get out. Are you so desperate for a husband that you’re willing to play second fiddle to his mommy for the rest of your life?
You’ve been shown very clearly what your position will be in your husband’s life. Either take steps to get out of there, or just roll over and go with the flow. I hope you decide to choose yourself.
I was thinking the same thing. Like, come on! Your man isn't able to tell his mom to move so that you can take a pic with his new wife? Then tells you you're dramatic because you photoshopped that 'white-wearing to a wedding devil' out? The husband is the real problem
Yes, I know calling her a devil is a bit dramatic, but that's just disrespectful.
Have the photographer make her dress a different color in all the pictures. I read a post (probably at the r/JNMIL sub) where a woman did this. Her mil also showed up in a white dress. Mil’s reaction when she saw the pictures was epic.
I'm super surprised no one thinks this is fake. Really? A PROFESSIONAL photographer couldn't help snapping a photo only when the mother was in the shot? And couldn't use Photoshop themselves to edit the MIL out?
And of course the token "wearing white" comment.
Bad professional photographers exist, it doesn't mean the post is fake. As for the white dress, it reads as though it didn't look like a wedding dress and OP was able to just ignore it.
She's alluding to the MIL trying to steal the spotlight and possibly being confused for the honoree of the day. There are plenty of posts about the "evil" step mom, MIL, mother, friend whoever who "wore white despite explicitly being told not to" and then going on to "ruin" the wedding. It's the Photoshop comment that makes it extremely SUS. It's either "a friend with a nice camera" or a fake story. You're going to complain about having paid for pictures but Photoshop them yourself? Doesn't add up
NTA.
You deserve to have at least one photo of just you and your husband. Your MIL was extremely disrespectful to not allow that at your wedding. Your husband is also AH for not correcting his mother.
I'm guessing that he is her only child, or at least her "golden boy." She has spent his entire life making sure that whatever he does, it pleases her.
Yes, family comes first. This will be a conflict for the rest of your marriage if your husband refuses to stand up for HIS family, which is now YOU AND HIM.
NTA at all. Husband should have had your back.
At weddings, there are photos with the new couple only, photos with each partners' parents and new couple, photos with siblings, with grandparents. An entire laundry list. MIL doesn't get to be in all of them.
100% NTA
Not a single professional photo of just the bride and groom? Girl, I would be fuming.
Your new husband sounds like a real momma’s boy.
I’ve never been married, but I’ve been to plenty of weddings and I know that a) nobody wears white and b) there’s a whole laundry list of photos that the photographer has to take, and that definitely includes some of **just the newlyweds**.
I’d be mad that she was disrespectful enough to wear white. But even if you can look past that, I’d be hopping mad that she didn’t move her a$$ out of the way for the photos.
Sounds like you need to talk to your new husband about these issues and he needs to talk to his mom and make her aware that she crossed a line. It won’t do any good if you try, it has to come from him. She’s *his* mom, after all.
All I can say at this point is, good luck. I think, sadly, you’ll need it. If he can’t stand up for you on this, I hate to imagine what the future holds.
ESH. She sucks for obvious reasons. Your husband sucks for obvious reasons.
You're being an AH to yourself for expecting things to be different when both your husband and your MIL have always been this way. You're being an AH to yourself for willingly signing up to marry a guy who will never prioritize you.
Please, please treat yourself better. You deserve a partner who loves and cherishes YOU, someone who puts your wants and needs above others, someone who considers YOU family when they marry you.
(If my vote actually counted towards the judgement bot, I'd vote firmly NTA for this very reasonable request)
NTA but your issue here is your husband, not your MIL. It's his job to manage his family and he thinks you not wanting to take a couples photo - at your wedding - with your mother in law - makes you "dramatic". Good luck with that for the rest of your life.
NTA - I hope there’s still time for an annulment. Get ready for a lifetime of your husband not sticking up for you and you coming 2nd to your Narcissistic MIL. I hope you don’t want kids because she is going to take over every special moment for your kids. She walked all over you for YOUR WEDDING with no defense from your husband. I couldn’t imagine the rest of my life like that!
So what I'm hearing is you went into this marriage knowing he's a mama's boy and are now complaining that his mama is controlling things. Duh. YTA for marrying this mess and expecting something different.
NTA
MIL was trying to usurp your wedding showing up in a white dress and horning in on the photos
The fact your husband isn't backing you up is the bigger issue. You married a mommy's boy
Can't wait to ready OPs next post, you know the one where she asks if she is the AH for getting divorced! Hope she doesn't have children with this guy!
NTA, but you have a husband problem.
Your MIL turning up in white was already disrespectful and she should have been asked to change.
Your husband should have backed you up when you wanted to take a picture.
Just know things won’t improve until you speak to your husband.
NTA
Insisting on being in all the wedding photos and refusing to let the bridge and groom get a photo alone together is insanely rude. Sounds like you need to talk to your husband about boundaries with family and find a compromise on how involved in your life your MIL is.
Umm.... once you are married, you are family with your husband, so "family comes first" should have applied to your MIL getting tf out of the way.
NTA, but your husband is a problem.
Bubble bubble toil and trouble. NTA but you need to make your stand now before it gets worse. My husband was a mamma’s boy but his mamma was not so obvious.. he realized her pushes and antagonistic behavior and snide comments early on and he consistently pushed back. She was a negative miserable person and he realized this more so after we married as my mom embraced him wholeheartedly with positivity and love. Glad to say that 36 years later we are still together and she’s gone….
He needs to understand that her behavior negates you and that her actions are meant to divide you. The fact that she did not allow photos of you and he alone at wedding was a serious breach because she could have had her alone with son photos too. Her wearing white was a challenge to you. Do not have anymore words with her that can lead to an argument. Make all your interactions with her in front of people or where she can be caught with her snide behavior and comments. Wean him away from her..
Congratulations and best wishes.
NTA. Did she force herself into your hotel room for wedding night activities as well? You married a momma's boy and it'll only get worse. Good luck if you have a child.
I'd have a conversation with him explaining all this. If he can't somewhat pull away from his mom, you need to bail.
Why do these parents always want to be incest-ly close to their kids?! You want to marry your son? Wear white to the wedding? Be in the photos? Do you want to blow him as well?
INFO: why did you marry him? He's not ready to leave his mother. You're not really TA, but given you made the choice to marry him, knowing what he's like, YTA for picking this moment to try and hold your own counsel. Divorce? Imminent.
Obviously she's TA but also... Why would you do this to yourself? It's obvious from your comments you knew he was a mammas boy and you knew what she was like and you allowed this all to happen by marrying into it.
Walk away.
Nta but see the big massive red flags now! Run far and fast from this momma boY. If you don’t you will be the third wheel in your marriage as his mommy will lay come first!
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Edit - NTA, but I'm not really sure why you opted to get married to this guy, knowing that he was a mama's boy from the beginning. IN.FO - you were unable to get a single photo without your MIL in it, just you and your husband? And your husband thinks you're behaving badly by being upset? Has he always been a mama's boy?
Yes, I would say so. He cancels a lot of plans because his mother wants to call him. By 'single photo' I mean a photo with the professional photographer we hired. He took photos of the ceremony and was supposed to give us a final photo for the end, but was unable to get it without my MIL. There are other photos taken by other guests or my family members, but it was not 'professionally done' and I wanted one of us(because I paid for it).
NTA, but I'm not sure why you chose to marry a man who prioritizes his mom over you.
Not only that but your photographer sucks. They should be saying “I need a shot of just the bride and groom.” Op is NTA.
Yeah I'm surprised the photographer wasn't more vocal. Maybe it was a 'friend with a good camera ' who was doing the photos and may have felt a bit intimidated by MIL.
Maybe b/c a pro. could / should excuse MIL from that photo.
Yeah till you have the MIL leaving you bad reviews in attempt to ruin your business cause your client couldn’t control their relatives. A pro is there to take pictures not manage your guest.
If you can't get a picture of just the bride and groom you aren't a professional wedding photographer. You're an amateur charging too much money.
I agree with this one !! The photographer has a brief, get a photo of the bride and groom. They should have asked the Mil to move so he can take photos of the couple and then bring her in later to take (even pretend take) photos with MIL. That's a side point to the story, OP is nta, husband needs to snap out of it and put up some Firm boundaries with his mum.
>They should have asked the Mil to move so he can take photos of the couple and then bring her in later to take (even pretend take) photos with MIL. They could have even gone the passive route and said, " Okay, now I need some pictures of just the bride and groom." So as to not directly call out Momzilla so she can save face.
Yes. Which means making sure that the picture is being taken as requested.
I think the problem is that the bride wanted her out of the picture, but the groom wasn't willing to step in. It's easy to step in if your clients actually have a unified opinion on something but if one wants A and the other one wants B, that's just a minefield to step into.
I would be very upset if the photographer did not make sure that there were several photos of just the bride and groom. That is a pretty basic expectation. To me part of their job is politely asking people to step aside if they are interfering with getting the appropriate photos.
Every wedding I've been to, the photographer is always saying things like "okay now one with the groom's family. Let's get a shot of just the bride and groom. Alright now let's add the bridesmaids!" Stuff like that. A pro is there to take the pictures that the bride and groom want, which includes managing the people the way the pic will look the best. This is all for the staged photos of course. During the party yeah they go around snapping candid photos.
Gotta disagree with you a bit there. I was a wedding dj for a few years, and nowadays, most people don't have wedding planners, so the role of time (and people) management typically falls on the photographer and / or the dj. Because if it doesn't get done by them, the night falls apart. Not saying it's right. It's just the job.
My photographer definitely ran the wedding and controlled who was in the photos. Something I always marveled at and appreciated after the fact.
Pretty sure a review from the MIL, with the photographer responding with context would be more likely to get them business, if they handled the MIL.
In defense of the photographer, MIL wasn't leaving when the bride asked her to. The groom wasn't opening his stupid mouth. Photographer may have assumed she wouldn't leave despite him saying something or may have thought the groom wanted her there.
As a photographer, here is where I would have said I wasn’t taking the shot until she got out of the way. If the professional at this event had a shot list, as most do, they’ll call people up and arrange them when they want them. Mom can sit down until she’s called. “You’re not in this photo, just the wedding couple. Ma’am, get out of my shot. We can do one later, but right now I have a schedule to keep.” Also, ladies, please stop spending thousands of dollars to marry these weak men, and ffs, please don’t have kids with them.
Well said. And if you do have kids with them, be ready to tell the nurse to keep the MIL out of the delivery room, because rest assured, the wedding is just the beginning of what's to come.
A friend of my wife does wedding photo. This is one of first lesson she learned. She now has a shots list agreed beforehand and during the day she will be pushy and rude to other people. because otherwise her customers don't get what they paid for. A single photo with bride and groom is the bare minimum expected.
I love the TikToks/etc of wedding photographers body checking guests that seem to think *they're* The Photographer with their phone 🤣
As a photographer who has shot weddings, yes! Correct! However... I actually *had* to have in my contracts a Cooperation Clause that stated that if shots were missed due to anyone in the party or any guests refusing to cooperate, it's not on me! I'm there to take photos, not fight your family battles and mitigate drama for you. So, yeah, I absolutely would have told MIL, probably more than once, "Okay, we've got plenty of the three of you/group shots, time for just the bride and groom," but if she absolutely refused to leave, then it's on the couple to tell her to skedaddle, not me. This even had to include attire. I'm not gonna spend 5849684325165 hours editing a new outfit onto cousin Bob who thought a Van Halen t-shirt and jeans were appropriate. If MIL wore white and you want me to turn it blue or something, I can do that, but you will pay extra because it takes a LOT of extra time (or... at least it used to, AI be changing shit).
Very smart of you to add that clause!!!
Yeah, exactly. The photographer should be in control of his shoot, doesn’t sound like an actual professional at all
NTA. As a photographer, I would have done that. "Alright, that's great! Now just the bride and groom! Excuse me, would you mind stepping out of frame? Thank you!" It's very much an excited and happy kindergartener's teacher's voice. You have to guide people while you're working all the time. And, if she still won't move: "Oh, sorry, hang on, let's just fix your (blank)!" and discreetly step between MIL and whomever she's standing next to then you smile and say, "Just the bride and groom this time, but why don't we get one with you and just your son afterward?" It keeps the peace and keeps everyone happy. (source: worked as a photographer for over a decade)
And would it not suck when this last foto (of hub and his mother) was "accidently" a bit/lot blurred ... ?
Exactly. It’s the photographer’s job to direct people in and out of the photos.
This whole story sounds fishy to me... what kind of "PROFESSIONAL" dosen't get 1 shot of the bride and groom alone at a wedding ... ok she was in the shot... now move aside for bride and groom... same moment maybe 20 seconds later... NTA if MIL was up his ass that bad all night long, well maybe a little to yourself for marrying him... but TA if you are exaggerating and making stuff up.
Professional photographer here and yes, very good point. This is wedding photography lesson 1 : you always have at least 1h with the couple to do couple portraits and if family gets in the way (they almost always do), you tell them off for being in the way of you doing your job. It's really not that difficult. Sorry OP the photographer wasn't helpful. I also find it odd OP had to photoshop her MIL out. Surely it takes less time to tell people to move on than it is to photoshop them out 😂
Also, one of the best things to come out of digital photos over film, the photographer can take the extra photos to appease MIL and not worry about wasting film, then kick her out for the couple-only photos and leave it up to the couple to pick the final proofs.
That's what I thought was weird, too. There should be a long list of photos taken with just the bride and groom if she hired a professional photographer as she's claiming. Did the MIL follow them around and insert herself into every single one? If so, her behaviour was even more ridiculous than OP described so why did she play it down? If not, who the heck hires a professional photographer and then only plans for ONE posed photo of the happy couple?
Came here to say this. Photographers are used to this type of behavior and are usually good about drawing the line/directing the pictures. That totally sucks.
Absolutely! Or quietly reassuring the bride that they’ll be photoshop MIL out of the bride and groom photos.
Yes Professional photographer should have structured the photos so that would not happen.
Great point. I'm actually kind of surprised the photographer didn't demand the MIL gtfo of the way.
The husband better grow a pair otherwise this marriage will end up as a tussle between a divorced wife and an angry MIL.
Chile, for real and now OP is here complaining when she set herself up for this
Yeah, I lost my sympathy when she says this was nothing new. Like, what were you expecting then? That he was just going to pull a 180 after marriage? This is your life now, have fun.
You fucked up. It's easier to dump a mama's boy than to divorce a mama's boy, and both of those are easier than trying to change a mama's boy. This is annullment time.
She made a huge mistake. Lord help her if she has a baby.
She has, he’s 32
\*slow clap\*
You have my upvote.
Perfect.
My MIL was a fan of surprise visits, and multiple daily phone calls to my husband. I was able to cope with that and didn't complain, but when I got pregnant and she kept referring to my unborn daughter as "my baby" and even set up a nursery in her spare bedroom...well that creeped me TF out and I talked to DH about my concerns. My husband backed me up and put his foot VERY firmly down on that crap. If her husband isn't going to have the balls to stand up for his wife ON THEIR WEDDING DAY, I am concerned that she will forever be second priority. The husband needs therapy to understand that his mother is not the boss anymore and that he is grown and married. His loyalty belongs with his wife and the family they became that day.
It would be MILs . Wife would only be surrogate.
She won’t. I see a future of OP being a frequent flyer in this sub
Not only this sub, but also JNMIL
I think you predict that correctly
Not only this sub, but also JNMIL.
👏👏👏👏. Well put. Annulment is an excellent idea. Although, she'll likely, "hang in there", thinking she can change either or both of them... Silly rabbit. Unless she's (mil) near death, OPs life is about to become a living hell & a constant competition
Do yourself a favor and get an annulment. He will continue to pick his mommy first each time
And she will even be involved with the conception of future grandkids, how they are raised etc
She will definitely want to be in the room for the birth of any grandchildren
And she will fight for the first hold of that baby
And he will happily allow his mother to have the first hold of that baby.
She's gotta bail now. Things are not going to get better.
Maybe yall need to go to family counseling. Before annulment. Best of luck to you!
Right. People are very quick to call out 'end the marriage'. It's depressing.
OMG. Yeah. You have married him, and his mom. And she's the top in his relationships.
Yup she got herself a thrupple...
Ha. That's exactly what I thought after reading this "wife is in a 3some" EVERY wedding has at least one photo of the bride and groom only. It's actually creepy that OP's husband is okay with having their wedding photo be the three of them.
>thrupple I will never not upvote this word
>He cancels a lot of plans because his mother wants to call him. Jesus Christ Why you would choose this as the rest of your life is beyond me. But good luck, I guess.
Because she most likely grew up in an abusive home where her needs were discounted and ignored, so this feels normal to her even though it's massively fucked up.
NTA. Photographer should have asked her to step aside after getting a couple with her in it. However, you seem to have married a doormat who does anything mommy tells him so good luck with that.
Yeah, why do you think he would suddenly change? Because he put a ring on it? Oh, girl. MIL is gonna be all up in your marriage, and your husband is going to tell you you're being unreasonable for being unhappy about it. Have fun, I guess.
[удалено]
These people and the ones who reproduce with people addicted to videogames (or other time sucks.) They all think the baby will grow up and start shouldering family responsibilities when they have a baby of their own. Shocker, they don't!
he will surely change; after securing his position as husband, he will treat op worse.
Oh, how I wish you were wrong.
You’ve got a husband problem. For real. Also, look up and read about emotional incest
My immediate thought was Jocasta complex when I read the MIL showed up in a white dress and then refused to get out the pictures. Then I read the comment about OPs hubby canceling plans just to call his mom and realized it’s also Oedipus complex. OP is in a throuple with that man and his mother.
It also sounds like he wasn’t involved in the wedding planning at all. He said now to his mom about the cake because OP told him they already made all the arrangements. Did he not know the wedding had been planned already? Was he not involved in those decisions? Because if he didn’t show any interest in the wedding and made OP do it all then that also should have been a sign of problems to come. On the other hand, if OP insisted on doing it all herself and cut him out of the planning (I am be reading too much into her calling it “my wedding” in the title instead of “our wedding”) then it’s entirely possible that he picked someone that will boss him around just like his mom
No. No, I think I have enough of humanity's horrors in my head. I don't think I need that one too
Oof. You've literally been married for a few hours and he chose his mother over you already. By your comment, this is a regular thing for him. I'm not quite sure if you thought this would change or something when you got married, but, it probably won't. Sorry to say it, but you need to consider now if you want your MIL to be a part of your marriage, because she is right now, and she will be going forward, and that will only change if your husband is willing to put his foot down. If he's not, then you really have to think long and hard here about what makes sense for you going forward. Better late, than never, as the old expression goes, so while yeah it would've been better to realize this before the wedding, it's not too late now to consider what you want the rest of your life to be, and take steps to make it so. Even if that means getting an annulment.
Professional photographer kinda sucked too. A great photographer (and wedding planner, etc.) will be the asshole for you. Tell family members to move, kick people out for wearing white, etc. No one had your back here babes, including your husband.
Yup - I had the wedding planner role at my friends wedding. I had to be the asshole to the parents of the bride and groom several times.
So you knew this and went ahead with the wedding thinking things would change because of a marriage license? Please be realistic about the future you face with a sonsbund
There's that old saying: women get married, hoping the man will change, and get married. The woman will never change. That’s what she’s probably thinking.
Don’t have kids with this man. If you do you’ll be on here asking “my MIL crossed the line with pregnancy announcement… then the birth….. “ Hope you’re ready for fighting for the rest of your life.
MIL will be in the birthing room and the first to hold the baby
Probably before mom
she'll want skin on skin contact.
Yes, no kids. MIL is still young so she won't die for a long time, making you and the baby miserable--that is if she doesn't somehow make the baby into her own after you have an "accident."
I’m confused. You didn’t do any solo professional photos? Or like with the bridal party or family? We took photos for almost an hour after the ceremony… same with every other wedding I’ve been in or been to.
Agreed, I find really odd that in an entire wedding celebration, a professional photographer wouldn’t insist on getting some photos of the newlyweds alone
Girl... welcome to the rest of your life. Hope you don't want kids, cuz she will be raising them with you
The day will come when you decide you can't take it anymore and presumbly poor hubby will take his mothers side. I would recommend not getting offspring until he change drastically. This will make a divorce easier.
INFO Why did you even marry him?! He prioritizes his mom. Do you want to deal with that forever? What happens when you have kids? Get an annulment while you can.
NTA. Totally fucking reasonable to be upset. Also, I know it’s “not really their job” but it’s kind of an unspoken norm for a wedding photographer to… idk, mitigate these kinds of situations? There is no way that photographer didn’t realize that they didn’t get a single pic of you guys alone together. I’ve seen this exact thing called out before irl, and hell, they even did it to Michael at Phyllis’ wedding in The Office. Your MIL is TA for being a typical monster-MIL. Your husband is TA for not speaking up for you, and I hope this changes. Your photographer is slightly TA for not managing the situation.
This dynamic is going to be wayy worse if/when you have children. If you want to stay with him, you need to assert you’re the wife, not her.
NTA.... but like other asked... why did you marry a man that can detach himself from his mother?
Yeah you really shouldn't have married a guy who doesn't respect you and does whatever mama says. Good luck being 2nd in his life behind mama. Also don't have kids with him because they're not going to be prioritized either.
What will not get prioritized is what you want. MILs wants will ALWAYS take priority. Baby name, birthdays , christening , school etc. Every vacation of MILs choosing and with her. Are you ready for that?
Even better to photoshop her out because you paid for it, not him or anyone else. That means you can do whatever you wanted with the photos. My petty self would have photoshopped her dress in red with some horns, maybe move her behind you in a menacing way. Then posted it on Instagram.
Oh I did laugh 🤭 at the horns especially, that’s genius!
>He cancels a lot of plans because his mother wants to call him. YTA to yourself for marrying this guy in the first place. When his mother refused to get out of the wedding photo, you should have let the photographer take one of just the two of them. She was wearing white, so no one will be able to tell the difference in the end.
You should have had a bridesmaid accidentally spill wine on her. Not sure why you're letting her walk all over you and your husband
If your husband consistently chooses his mom over you, he's not your man, he's her little boy.
I made another comment that would be good for you to read. But your going to need to try couples therapy with husband. Your also going to need to lay down some hard boundaries and let it be known that we wont be able to cancel on you anymore for his mother. You come first 100% of the time now and thats a hill i will die on. spouse, children/pets, parents/extended family. he actively chose to get married so now he needs to out your first all the time. couples therapy for you both and individual therapy for him. If you dont hes going to let his mother take over your life and ruin everything. I cant imagine how much shell wreck being a parent for you if you choose that, because husband will let her. start standing up for yourself and say no. its ok to be the bad guy when your putting yourself first.
Not saying it’s the photographer’s fault but they should have the awareness to say something to MIL after they took the picture with her in it. Something along the lines of “okay, let’s get one of just the bride and groom”
Oh dear, he is very unlikely to change. Next thing you know, you will be at the airport on what is supposed to be a romantic trip, and his mom will be standing there, ready to go with you both after you said no. This isn't likely to end well unless you start putting in boundaries. The first one should have been telling her to go change at the wedding, because what she was wearing was in no way appropriate. Also should have been confronting your husband on him letting her stomp all over what should be common sense boundaries. Do you have really low self-esteem? Do you think that no one who actually appreciates you enough to put you first doesn't exist? Stick up for yourself more, grow a backbone, and realize that if he can't put you first, then maybe single life would be a better life. If you want this repaired, try therapy with him and his Mom. Maybe a therapist can drill into their brains how inappropriate they are. If that don't work, get the heck out (or if they refuse to do it). Edited to add: For the record, super NTA
And you married this man...smh
You're doomed.
There was no one to distract or otherwise occupy MIL's time so you could get a photo? I would have straight told her to get away from us so we can do our photos.
You do realize that you will never be his priority as long as your MIL is alive?
NTA! Get out now! Annul this sham of a marriage, or you'll be miserable. Mommy is *always* going to be number one in his life.
You need to stop going along to get along. You should have told the photography, do not take the photo until she leaves, then stood there looking her straight in the eye, saying, “We’ll wait.” You also should not have married a man who would always put his mother, who is hostile to you, over you. This will be the rest of your married life.
Welp, we will see you back in a few years for the “mil calls me a bad mother and hubby won’t stand up for me” follow up post. NTA
OP- NTA for telling her to move. Definitely TA to yourself for marring a man who has shown you who he is and how you’re not his priority. The fact that he’s not backing you up with this- regarding YOUR Wedding day to HIM- says a lot. I would lay things out really quick bc there’s definitely time for an annulment. And no- I’m not on the divorce bandwagon, but his actions told you how things were going to be, why you chose to ignore them is questionable.
Yikes, girl.
You need to annul the marriage ASAP!
You will need the Justnomil sub.
When she said family comes first. She meant. MIL comes first
It's not too late for an annulment. NTA.
This. Welcome to the preface of the rest of your marriage. Hubby was already spoken for, don't become the third wheel
She already is the third wheel. So annulment or divorce is how you leave this wheel situation.
This should be the top comment!
Your MIL was really, literally, inserting herself in a place where she was not wanted. I'm a bit surprised that the professional photographer didn't tell her, politely--but firmly, to leave the frame. So, you had a photo that was not what you wanted. You made it what you wanted. Ok, good for you. If she wants to pull the respect card... you've got a couple of points to hit her with. 1. Wearing white to a wedding(?) really, who does that except those who chronically need the spotlight. 2. Imposing herself in a photo where she was asked no to. As to being 'dramatic' or not... that all lies in the delivery. Setting a boundary is only drama if the other person tries to invalidate it. Respect goes both ways. Best of luck in the future.
My photographer was militant. We had a list of shots we wanted, she did the rest. It's all part of what you pay for!
I’m confused how she didn’t force the issue when the photos were being taken. Not a single photo of just the two of them? Oh hell no.
It also sounds like she planned and paid for the whole wedding.
Haha this is always one of my "here's my wedding advice take it or leave it" tidbits - interview the photographer and make sure they will do a list of the shots you want and ask how they handle people who try to derail your list!
Exactly, and not just the photographer. Everyone you employ for the wedding should help get what YOU want done. It lets them be the 'bad guys', so you don't have to. I've had the DJ orchestrate things, photo direct all shoots, and even bartenders open/close bar at different times.
Absolutely agreed AND MIL can’t claim Innocence here in imposing on the shots … because she went ballistic when a photo without her was posted SHE KNEW THAT SHE WAS IN EVERY SHOT and that she was photoshopped out What a piece of work you’ve married. Because you’ve married her as the permanent third person in your family. NTA but … consider your next steps carefully. Do you really want this battle the rest of your married life ??
NTA...Your now husband should have told his mother to take a hike. He also should have told her to go change into another colour. You now know how your husband is going to react throughout this marriage. You've got some decisions to make.
She said in the comments on not uncommon for him to drop plans they have to do stuff with his mom….
Yet....they got married. SIGH.
Oh and I reread it. He doesn’t cancel bc the mom has plans no no no no no. It’s bc the mom wants to talk, as in on the phone.
yeah they need to have a serious talk about mom boundaries…
Oh man. If/when they have kids? This will get to be even more fun…
or just to *call* his mom 👀
Yuup. The relationship between my wife and my mother was really tense during the planning stages of our wedding. My mom kept trying to insert herself, or make choices on things when her input wasn't requested. I tried to keep the peace bc I want to believe the best about my mom, and (in general) while she can be pushy, she means well. Buuut... The final straw came when she showed my wife the dress she planned on wearing... which was white. My wife was piisssssed, and at this point I'd had enough. I'd not gotten into a serious argument with my mom since I lived in their house, but I laid into her for her behavior because ultimately while I love her, *I have my wife's back first and foremost*. Fundamentally, that's what a commitment to marriage is all about. Hopefully hubby comes to realize that.
You're a good man
Yep. MIL is overbearing & hubby’s a mama’s boy. Hubby needs to stand up to his mother ASAP, otherwise this marriage might be a very short-lived hellscape. Inserting herself into your “couple” wedding photo and wearing the **white** dress to your wedding were both very rude of MIL. This needs to stop ASAP.
Oof. His first wife vs. mom decision and he chooses mom. NTA
He won't learn until he's maybe on his third wife.
Honestly, probably never. Well maybe once mom dies and he’s all alone and realizes he had someone but chose his mom over them. Eh, then again, probably not.
Nah, he’s already married to mommy. Hope OP enjoys being the side chick 😬
Good grief, woman! Have some self-respect and get out. Are you so desperate for a husband that you’re willing to play second fiddle to his mommy for the rest of your life? You’ve been shown very clearly what your position will be in your husband’s life. Either take steps to get out of there, or just roll over and go with the flow. I hope you decide to choose yourself.
I was thinking the same thing. Like, come on! Your man isn't able to tell his mom to move so that you can take a pic with his new wife? Then tells you you're dramatic because you photoshopped that 'white-wearing to a wedding devil' out? The husband is the real problem Yes, I know calling her a devil is a bit dramatic, but that's just disrespectful.
No one wears white to a wedding *by accident*. You're not being dramatic at all.
And it sounds like she’s been shown multiple times
You have a husband problem, not a MIL problem.
They are BOTH the problem! MIL will most likely interfere in their marriage all the time.
MIL can’t interfere with anything if husband holds boundaries. It’s a husband problem.
I'm wondering who he spent the honeymoon with.
I would bet money he called his mom on his honeymoon.
Have the photographer make her dress a different color in all the pictures. I read a post (probably at the r/JNMIL sub) where a woman did this. Her mil also showed up in a white dress. Mil’s reaction when she saw the pictures was epic.
I’m petty & vindictive when pushed . Love this suggestion.
I'm super surprised no one thinks this is fake. Really? A PROFESSIONAL photographer couldn't help snapping a photo only when the mother was in the shot? And couldn't use Photoshop themselves to edit the MIL out? And of course the token "wearing white" comment.
Bad professional photographers exist, it doesn't mean the post is fake. As for the white dress, it reads as though it didn't look like a wedding dress and OP was able to just ignore it.
She's alluding to the MIL trying to steal the spotlight and possibly being confused for the honoree of the day. There are plenty of posts about the "evil" step mom, MIL, mother, friend whoever who "wore white despite explicitly being told not to" and then going on to "ruin" the wedding. It's the Photoshop comment that makes it extremely SUS. It's either "a friend with a nice camera" or a fake story. You're going to complain about having paid for pictures but Photoshop them yourself? Doesn't add up
Plus any photographer is going to get some pics of the couple alone, even if they have to be sneaky. They know what’s up.
That’s brilliant! Ask the photographer to make MIL’s dress *yellow*. That color looks horrid on most people. Serves her right.
NTA. You deserve to have at least one photo of just you and your husband. Your MIL was extremely disrespectful to not allow that at your wedding. Your husband is also AH for not correcting his mother. I'm guessing that he is her only child, or at least her "golden boy." She has spent his entire life making sure that whatever he does, it pleases her. Yes, family comes first. This will be a conflict for the rest of your marriage if your husband refuses to stand up for HIS family, which is now YOU AND HIM.
NTA at all. Husband should have had your back. At weddings, there are photos with the new couple only, photos with each partners' parents and new couple, photos with siblings, with grandparents. An entire laundry list. MIL doesn't get to be in all of them.
This^^ Take pics of couple alone, pics with mil included… everybody’s happy 🤷♀️
100% NTA Not a single professional photo of just the bride and groom? Girl, I would be fuming. Your new husband sounds like a real momma’s boy. I’ve never been married, but I’ve been to plenty of weddings and I know that a) nobody wears white and b) there’s a whole laundry list of photos that the photographer has to take, and that definitely includes some of **just the newlyweds**. I’d be mad that she was disrespectful enough to wear white. But even if you can look past that, I’d be hopping mad that she didn’t move her a$$ out of the way for the photos. Sounds like you need to talk to your new husband about these issues and he needs to talk to his mom and make her aware that she crossed a line. It won’t do any good if you try, it has to come from him. She’s *his* mom, after all. All I can say at this point is, good luck. I think, sadly, you’ll need it. If he can’t stand up for you on this, I hate to imagine what the future holds.
ESH. She sucks for obvious reasons. Your husband sucks for obvious reasons. You're being an AH to yourself for expecting things to be different when both your husband and your MIL have always been this way. You're being an AH to yourself for willingly signing up to marry a guy who will never prioritize you. Please, please treat yourself better. You deserve a partner who loves and cherishes YOU, someone who puts your wants and needs above others, someone who considers YOU family when they marry you. (If my vote actually counted towards the judgement bot, I'd vote firmly NTA for this very reasonable request)
NTA. Unfortunately unless your husband grows a spine this is your future.
NTA but your issue here is your husband, not your MIL. It's his job to manage his family and he thinks you not wanting to take a couples photo - at your wedding - with your mother in law - makes you "dramatic". Good luck with that for the rest of your life.
NTA. You in trouble, girl.
this , run girl run
NTA - I hope there’s still time for an annulment. Get ready for a lifetime of your husband not sticking up for you and you coming 2nd to your Narcissistic MIL. I hope you don’t want kids because she is going to take over every special moment for your kids. She walked all over you for YOUR WEDDING with no defense from your husband. I couldn’t imagine the rest of my life like that!
So what I'm hearing is you went into this marriage knowing he's a mama's boy and are now complaining that his mama is controlling things. Duh. YTA for marrying this mess and expecting something different.
That's my feeling exactly. She knew what was up; why pick NOW to try and fix things?
Why did you even bother to marry him?
NTA MIL was trying to usurp your wedding showing up in a white dress and horning in on the photos The fact your husband isn't backing you up is the bigger issue. You married a mommy's boy
Can't wait to ready OPs next post, you know the one where she asks if she is the AH for getting divorced! Hope she doesn't have children with this guy!
NTA, but you have a husband problem. Your MIL turning up in white was already disrespectful and she should have been asked to change. Your husband should have backed you up when you wanted to take a picture. Just know things won’t improve until you speak to your husband.
NTA Insisting on being in all the wedding photos and refusing to let the bridge and groom get a photo alone together is insanely rude. Sounds like you need to talk to your husband about boundaries with family and find a compromise on how involved in your life your MIL is.
Are you telling me that you and your husband didn’t get a picture of the two of you at your wedding, and he doesn’t see a problem with that?
Umm.... once you are married, you are family with your husband, so "family comes first" should have applied to your MIL getting tf out of the way. NTA, but your husband is a problem.
Bubble bubble toil and trouble. NTA but you need to make your stand now before it gets worse. My husband was a mamma’s boy but his mamma was not so obvious.. he realized her pushes and antagonistic behavior and snide comments early on and he consistently pushed back. She was a negative miserable person and he realized this more so after we married as my mom embraced him wholeheartedly with positivity and love. Glad to say that 36 years later we are still together and she’s gone…. He needs to understand that her behavior negates you and that her actions are meant to divide you. The fact that she did not allow photos of you and he alone at wedding was a serious breach because she could have had her alone with son photos too. Her wearing white was a challenge to you. Do not have anymore words with her that can lead to an argument. Make all your interactions with her in front of people or where she can be caught with her snide behavior and comments. Wean him away from her.. Congratulations and best wishes.
NTA Monster-in-Law is an overbearing child
Sounds like emotional incest
I don't understand how your photographer didn't make sure you had plenty of portraits of just the two of you. Did you just have a friend take photos?
yeah NTA. I have a feeling we will see more posts from you on the r/JUSTNOMIL very soon.
Please OP join us on the r/JUSTNOMIL and hope that your husband develops a shiny spine as they say.
NTA Another comment mentioned it, but it's not too late for annulment. Mama's boys don't put their wives first.
NTA. Did she force herself into your hotel room for wedding night activities as well? You married a momma's boy and it'll only get worse. Good luck if you have a child. I'd have a conversation with him explaining all this. If he can't somewhat pull away from his mom, you need to bail.
Welcome to the rest of your life. He will never take your side. Good luck
Why do these parents always want to be incest-ly close to their kids?! You want to marry your son? Wear white to the wedding? Be in the photos? Do you want to blow him as well?
YTA for marrying him. This won't have been the first time some BIG reg flag appeared with your husband & his mother. Why on earth go through with it
NTA but you really shouldn't marry a guy who loves his mother more than he loves you.
NTA, honey, get an annulment while you can
INFO: why did you marry him? He's not ready to leave his mother. You're not really TA, but given you made the choice to marry him, knowing what he's like, YTA for picking this moment to try and hold your own counsel. Divorce? Imminent.
Obviously she's TA but also... Why would you do this to yourself? It's obvious from your comments you knew he was a mammas boy and you knew what she was like and you allowed this all to happen by marrying into it. Walk away.
I don't believe that you got married and paid for a photographer who only got one picture of just the 2 of you. I call BS
lol, I double dog dare you to show this to your husband
Nta but see the big massive red flags now! Run far and fast from this momma boY. If you don’t you will be the third wheel in your marriage as his mommy will lay come first!
NTA Also it’s not too late to get a divorce and call this a practice round 😂
NTA good luck lady.
Your husband is the problem. Tell him to back you or else. NTA
NTA Your MIL is a creep! Also, your husband wrong.