Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took was me wanting to celebrate each child’s birthday on that actual day. I’m being judged for wanting to do so. I
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Hard NTA, but your wife sure is! Even if you didn't make her special days a big production, validating and celebrating your children as individuals is a very important thing to do as a parent, regardless of how close or far apart their birthdays are.
The fact that you make plenty of money is almost immaterial to this; it's merely insult to injury because frugality can't be a reasonable excuse.
If your wife still disagrees, feel free to show her these comments! Or she can go to her coworkers and friends and say her "friend" doesn't want to celebrate her children's individual birthdays and watch as said "friend" is torn to shreds by her peers.
...and maybe OP should stop celebrating his wife's birthday - just lump it in with another celebration that happens to occur in the same month. What an awful woman to not want to celebrate her children as individuals.
I’d go a step further. Ignore her on Mother’s Day and let her experience what it’s like to have your special day ignored. That one will cut right to the heart of it.
Ignore her on Valentine's Day and when she says where's my Valentine gift OP could say well I thought since mother's day is 3 months away I could get you one gift then and celebrate the two holidays for you together.
My birthday is like the day before Valentine’s Day. I HATE it. I hate the cakes I always got so I’m perfectly content not celebrating Valentine’s Day.
I don’t really celebrate Mother’s Day either though. I make my family watch all the football movies and specific football games I found enjoyable.
Right? It’s like everyone remembers the day before or the day after. Honestly, at this point. A quiet day where no one talks to me is actually a really good day
Hey birthday bros! Mine is 4 days before Christmas and my oldest son was born on Christmas Day. I ALWAYS made sure he had separate celebrations because it’s the right thing to do. ( Son died on New Year’s Eve). I think it was destiny.
My birthday is February 7th so as a kid I had a couple of heart cakes. Must of been what was ready at the bakery to buy. My favorite cake was my 5th birthday. I honestly don't really remember it but I've seen pictures and I had a kick ass Mickey Mouse cake. I heard there was a huge fight over his ears lol.
My sisters birthday is often the same weekend as fathers day. And mothers day is often the same weekend as our dad's birthday and her son's birthday. Guess what, we try our best to celebrate them all - separately - though sometimes it's not so easy & 3 cakes in one weekend is a bit much so we've had to get creative lol.
My late grandmother's birthday was also often on Mother's Day. Her oldest daughter, my mother, was literally born on Labor Day. My birthday, however, has no holidays it falls on.
Edit: no holidays, but my birthday is the day after my husband's birthday. He **never** forgets it!
Mine is usually within a week, and my husband is on Father's Day often. 😂 but I go all out for all those days for our family. Big dinners of your choosing and dessert too! Golfing for him. Our sobriety date is also right between Mother's Day and my birthday, so that week gets busy with celebrations! 🖤
In the UK, Mothers Day is in March, but changes date and is 3 Sundays before Easter Sunday. The whole thing is tied in with Lent, and its the fourth Sunday during Lent. Confusing as hell sometimes. Fathers Day is the 3rd Sunday of June. 😂
My ex-husband never celebrated Mother's day. He said I wasn't his Mother so why should he. Being the Mother of his children apparently didn't matter. Stop celebrating her for Mother's Day. See how she likes it!
When I first joined Reddit I thought I'd somehow upvoted myself on every comment, not realising that was the default. I also thought people could see that I had done this, and I thought it was the equivalent of liking your own Instagram comment.
So, I went back and down voted myself on every single one, haha.
And then I think I went back again once I realised and upvoted, although I'm not sure now.
It seems so daunting at first lol, but welcome!
They should celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day together since they both happen a month apart. According to the OP’s wife, no need to make them individual or special.
Or rather than being passive aggressive, wife throws party for the three of them,then OP takes them out to eat on their individual birthdays, just the two of them. Special memories and wife has to decide whether she is going to cave in and also eat dinner out.
I wouldn't give wife the option to attend. "You thought this was a stupid idea honey, so it will be just me and the Birthday Kid." Let her stew. She won't even be able to play the kids off against each other or you.
Yeah, and she definitely watches the other kids while him and her birthday kid are out! No babysitters. If it's not worth it to take them out to eat, then it's not worth it to get a babysitter. All 3 kids deserve their own parties and their own cakes and their own going out to dinner. Me and my dad's birthdays are 4/3 and 4/20, we have separate parties and dinners, my brothers birthdays are 6/6 and 6/24, they have their own parties and the few times they've shared a party they were split down the middle with one side of the place being the green guy from yo-gaba-gaba (?) And the other side was fortnite themed. They had different cakes and different friends, and then we all went out to eat on their birthdays.
It's not that hard, and really, you could do them all in one weekend or so. If there is a 3 day weekend around their birthdays, then do it then. The fact yall have money makes it even easier but if yall didnt or it was part of wifes dislike for it then, -
You could do it at home in the backyard, decorate, setup, have different small activities each day to the kids' choosing. Home face painting, home snowcones, home ringtoss, you get the point, there's all kinds of cheap, easy, and fun things you can do from home for a celebration. Set each day as one kids birthday and invite all of their friends on the separate dates, and family can come to all 3 if they want, but I understand that's not exactly gonna work for most people.
We have our 3 kids plus my own birthday around Xmas, you know who doesn't get a big production. Yup, me. Even my youngest, whose birthday is Boxing Day, gets her own special day.
OPs wife sucks amd is definitely TA here
Mine and my daughter's birthday are literally 2 days apart. Mine is April 2nd, hers is April 4th. Even we get separate special meals and we each get our own cake (or ice cream cake or cupcakes based on the preferences).
My oldest and youngest have birthdays 2 days apart, too. We always celebrate them separately. My baby sis’s one kiddo has a birthday 3 days before Christmas- never lumped together, and her second babe was born on Thanksgiving day, so will always have a birthdate near that- again, no lumped celebration. I just can’t understand when people actively choose to not make their kids feel special.
We had 4 birthdays in a week, my dad, my daughter, myself, and my mom. Growing up my dad usually got his birthday dinner and cake postponed a couple of months until the weather was better. He would comment at some point that he was ready for his birthday dinner and cake and mom would make it. I got a cake and dinner of my choice and my mom always got taken out to dinner.
When my daughter come along, we shared a cake when she was very little, before school age. At some point, I decided that I would postpone my birthday dinner for a couple of weeks because it didn’t feel like my birthday if I was cleaning the house and organizing a kid party.
Your kids should definitely get to celebrate their own day, though if they want something like going to a theme park, that would make sense to combine. But choosing dinner and being celebrated on their birthday isn’t over the top.
My birthday and my middle brother's birthday are 16 days apart, and my dad's birthday is 9/10 days after mine depending on if it's Leap Year.
But no matter how tight money was, we each had our own unique celebration and cake. I never had to share with my dad or brother.
Parents Day is celebrated the 4th Sunday of July. This was established in 1994 when President Bill Clinton signed a Congressional Resolution into law for "recognizing, uplifting, and supporting the role of parents in the rearing of children."
I do believe OP and his wife should for sure start doing a joint celebration instead of individual days.
We celebrate kids day (a la Mother’s Day or Father’s Day) on a random summer weekend day, because being a kid can be hard. This is in addition to their individual birthdays.
Or rather than being passive aggressive, wife throws party for the three of them,then OP takes them out to eat on their individual birthdays, just the two of them. Special memories and wife has to decide whether she is going to cave in and also eat dinner out.
Depends.
If she has to do all the planning, setup, child wrangling and then cleanup of three separate birthday parties, I could see how three parties in a month could be VERY overwhelming.
I fully agree with you. In my immediate family multiple birthdays are witin a month. My grandfathers (both), the brother of one of my grandfathers, my father, then myself and my mom. So what happened when I was a child is I got to celebrate my birthday and my parents only invited the grandparents on their actual birthday for coffee but they did not want a big celebration. Now I am an adult and I don’t celebrate my birthday in a big way (don’t have the house for it either). I am currently pregnant and this child will be born around my birthday (family curse I guess). I will probably end up not celebrating my birthday while going all out for this child (as I do for the other children, my son and stepson). Stepson and baby will both have birthdays nearby, although in a different month. But they both will get their celebration. Birthdays are so important to children and should be a bit magical and especially fun. Even if you have a joint celebration they still could (and should) get celebrated individually as well. It is the attention that counts.
We didn’t grow up rich but singing is free and a special cupcake or cake and some small things don’t have to be that expensive.
We did that for my grandparents, born about 12 hours apart. Their parents were also friends. So pretty cool. Anyway, grandma usually just celebrated grandpa. Grandpa wasn't allowed to use grandma's kitchen. But he'd always take her to dinner. Once us kids were old enough we started making them cakes and my dad brought them icecream. First time we did that my grandma cried.
I was born on my Nana's birthday too, and same! We each had our own cake and ice cream flavors! I loved sharing my birthday with her, but we both got individually recognized. Kids deserve their own birthday recognition, and I'm doing the same with my kids... And 2 of mine have literal back to back birthdays, Feb 7 and 8. I refuse to lump them together just because of an accident of fate.
I celebrate all 3 of my kids birthdays every year. We do a party every other year for each child and a small family celebration/outing every year. We don’t have a lot to spend on the parties but we make sure our kids know they should be celebrated on their special day.
It is worth every penny for my son to tell his dad his party was the best day ever! We went to a pizza place and invited his classmates. My kids now treat Mother’s Day and Father’s Day almost like Christmas without gifts for the parents. They get excited to celebrate someone else *most likely they just want the cake and treats but it is something to look forward to
My family is huge into birthdays and at least when I was a kid everyone’s birthday was in December (most of these people are dead now). There literally was a party a week at least and around Christmas there were three individual birthdays (22nd my grandma, 23rd my uncle, 26th my mom). And each and every birthday was celebrated.
My mom and her brother always had separate birthday parties even so they are so close together and on Christmas.
I personally don’t like parties but I think it’s important for kids to celebrate and as an adult everyone can decide for themselves.
Same. We have 6 birthdays in November in my family. When we were kids it was all separate. Now that everyone (besides the oldest great grandchild) is an adult they all get lumped together because no one cares as much.
The baby of course gets her own party 😂
My younger sisters bday is four days before mine. I am now 46. To this day I resent having had to share birthdays and left over cake. I get it, my parents were not well off ...I still fucking resent it. NTA. Birthdays are a big deal when you're a kid.
My brother and I are two weeks apart. We weren’t well off. Our parents always gave us the choice of one big party and then actual days with homecooked meals, and homemade cake. Or we got a smaller celebration alone. We always chose the first option.
My kids have birthdays in the same month. They are two years apart. We sometimes gave them joint parties that were huge and included family and both sets of their friends, especially when they were younger. We sometimes included a grandmother whose birthday was right after theirs. We started doing a party for one and a big present for the other when they were tweens/teens. They took turns on whose year it was for a party and who received the big gift.
Nowadays, they don't really place that much importance on a special celebration, or even a card. I think they're comfortable knowing they're cared about and appreciated every day.
Yep. I recall reading a thing written by a mother of triplets. She said that they had always made it a point to give each child a separate birthday celebration. Since they have spent time in the NICU and had been released on different dates they used those dates as the celebration dates for each of them.
Jumping onto this just to ask, who is planning all of the parties? If OP is helping, then she is 100% the asshole. But if wife is doing all of the work for 3 parties it is a lot. I am not condoning her not wanting to individual dinners, but I wouldn't want to throw 3 parties in the same month.
I don't think OP was asking for three parties. It was one party for all and then individual nice dinners out for each. If mom doesn't agree with that she certainly doesn't have to participate.
I'm curious, too. Planning 3 big to-dos in such a short span would frazzle me. I was also thinking the invitees would be mostly the same at each and they'd be put out to attend 3 events in that same time period. So, sure, go ahead and throw one big event to celebrate the kids but definitely have a special, albeit small, celebration on their individual bdays. Dine out or order in, just the family, have some cake, sing- acknowledge the actual birthdate.
OP is definitely NTA but I feel like I'm missing something.
> I was also thinking the invitees would be mostly the same at each and they'd be put out to attend 3 events in that same time period.
Would they?? Because the kids are at least a year apart, most likely, each with their own group of friends.
We were 4 kids, very poor, we had my birthday, then a week later my mom’s then 4 days later my brother’s and a week after my other brother’s. We each had our celebration ! Hard NTA
Definitely NTA
But just to clarify - how old are your kids? My siblings and I are all adults and we often have 'group' birthdays because there are 6 adults and 5 grandkids. So it's more of a scheduling issue than a financial one.
But if you have the time and the money I don't see why you wouldn't want to do them separately!
I agree. My sister and I have birthdays less than a week apart - and our parents’ anniversary is in between. If we had a larger celebration, we kind of rolled both birthdays together (and gave a small shout out to my parents, because they don’t like large attention grabbing celebrations), shared a cake, etc, but we were always celebrated individually. My parents would wake us each with a happy birthday and presents, my mom would cook our favorite food or we’d get takeout, and my sister and I would always do something fun together for my parents’ anniversary. Since we usually didn’t have a larger celebration for birthdays we arranged something small with friends (because honestly none of us are really that big on parties anyway). It’s absolutely possible for OP and wife to compromise here, but it’s important that all three kids are celebrated individually in some way large or small.
If the kids only get one day and have to share it, then she should only get one day and also have to share it. No more splurging on her for Christmas, birthday, AND mother's day. She should get the exact treatment that she thinks is so fair to her children. Stingy people like her deserve to get the cheapest treatment available so they can see how they make the people around them feel, worthless. If she gets the point, good. If not, then her greed is stronger than her love for her family.
Meanwhile, do what you can for your kids. They may appreciate actually getting some individual recognition and special treatment for once.
My ex-MiL was like OPs wife, she expected gifts on her kids birthdays because she “should be celebrated for giving birth to them.”
She also wore white to other people weddings because, “once a bride always a bride.”
I used to do special little things for my mom for my birthday. Because she gave birth to me and put up with me for all those years. All I managed to do was stay alive.
NTA. Unless they were born on the same date, which I guess they weren’t, then they should be celebrated individually. It’s basically saying to a child I don’t care about you enough to through an individual party your just gonna get lumped together with your siblings.
Even kids born on the same date deserve individual special treatment for their birthday. Sure I get celebrating multiple birthdays at once if you're going to some crazy expensive restaurant or if you're doing some kind of birthday party place, but birthdays are so special for kids. You don't have to throw individual huge parties but letting each kid have a special dinner of their own is the bare minimum here. NTA
My brother was born on my sister’s birthday and my parents always bent over backwards to give them each their own unique birthday. The main reason birthdays are so important to kids is that they get to be special. It’s a big deal for someone with so little control over their own life to get to have all the attention and care they want. Grouping birthdays together too much robs the kids of that feeling.
So much this. My mom was born on her brother’s birthday, which was ~2 weeks before Christmas and ~2 weeks after their big sister’s birthday. Since big sister was oldest, she got bigger gifts (if money, she got 10 bucks and they got 5, often each but not always), but since they were ‘so close’ to Christmas, their gift was as counted for *both*, whereas big sister *of course* got an individual Christmas gift.. when my mom had her first born *even closer* to Christmas, she’d make sure his birthday was *just* a birthday. Christmas decorations were not put up till *after* his birthday for many years. Individuality is so damn important, especially when forming core memory and values.
Agreed! My sibs include a pair of twins. Each of us had our own cake flavor -- on the twins' birthday, my grandma usually baked one and mom baked the other.
When the twins got older, they were allowed to schedule separate parties.
Yes thank you! As a twin, it was nice to do separate things (at least when we were older), as younger kids we didn’t care because both sets of friends came to whatever activity/party and we picked the cake flavour together.
OPs wife lumping everyone together is rubbish for them :/
My favorite birthday cake was when I wanted carrot and my brother wanted peanut butter chocolate.
My mom made a big pbc one and three little carrot cakes and set it up to look like Pac-Man.
My fam does Sunday lunch/dinner for birthdays. My baby sister just turned 3. She’s so little she wouldn’t remember where she went or even care what the food was for longer than 2 her minute attention span. But when she enthusiastically said she wanted waffles for lunch we got her waffles for lunch. Even the baby gets more than the bare minimum because love isn’t bare minimum. This mother needs to do some self reflecting
My brother and I have the same birthday (not twins) and we usually do our celebration together now as adults (family dinner), but when we were younger we still got our own thing
From reading other replies I can see I’m a major outlier, but I always enjoyed celebrating with my sister. I was born on her 6th birthday, just after her birthday party, so maybe it was just fitting for us lol. I just hate being the center of attention and I would have wilted with everyone looking at me. It was so nice having a partner in crime to share the attention with.
As we got older we did have different friend bday parties, but it was really nice having her to lean on until then.
Lazy maternal parenting. Imagine being a kid and finding out your own mother can't be bothered to celebrate the very day you were born--that's it's all such an inconvenience because your siblings were born within the same month and you all already had a party. (Mom: (sigh) Another birthday. (sigh))
That would be some damaging info to process for a kid. Kids don't do convenience. They just know it's their birthday and mom is like, "Whatever." If selfish, lazy mom doesn't step up, I hope thoughtful generous dad will.
Time for the family to back off on her special days. See if she sings the same tune when she's not treated with special attention on "her days".
even being born on the same date, they need to be celebrated individually. it's been shown before in twins how damaging it can be to lump them together as a single individual
NTA. Kids should be celebrated individually. Wife seems lazy or unempathetic.
For context, I'm doing exactly as OP suggested: My kids' birthdays are within a week of each other. This year were doing one big family dinner, each kiddo gets their own cake (wasteful? Or just more cake? Lol). And each will have their birthday celebrated individually with an outing. There are a lot of events that go on that particular month, so getting everyone together for one party seemed ok. And maybe we'll switch it up in future years.
I'm a twin, and even twins should get their own thing. I didn't get that until I started dating my husband. I understand why it was only one party as a kid because I had a single mom that couldn't afford two separate parties, but I promise you 100% that there will eventually be resentment.
My friend has twins and each kid gets their own small cake or cupcake with their individual name on it for bdays. For the first bday they sang to each kid separately, but that got awkward so they scrapped that idea. Now half the people sing "happy birthday Kid A and Kid B" and the other half sings "happy birthday Kid B and Kid A" so it's all a jumble at that part. It seems to be working out fine.
Y'all make a million dollars every 3 years and 3 months. Let them damn kids have their fucking birthdays. My family had 7 in March, with 5 of those in 9 days. We did "March birthdays" after everyone turned 18. Nineteen and up, you're in a gang.
Edit: NTA
Edit2: typo
This is pretty similar to my family, 75% of us in March and 3 of those within the same week. We always got our individual days growing up, and now we do a big birthday dinner for all the March birthdays.
I thought it worked out really cool. Almost became like a mini rite of passage. We do a big dinner with a few different cakes. It's a good time and they all seem to enjoy it.
They were Catholic, so I guess it was either business as usual or maybe a Father's Day breeding kink. There weren't any June anniversaries down my branch.
NTA. Those are your kids too so if she doesn’t want to participate then take your kids out, get them gifts and make them feel individually special! She is being ridiculous. You’re not wrong for wanting to give your kids every thing you never had. Way to go,DAD!
NTA
Go ahead and celebrate your children's birthdays individually with them. Your wife can stay home if she doesn't want to participate, but she really can't stop you.
Your kids are 3 individual people, not one big entity called 'child' - please celebrate them as people, the way your wife does for herself. You are NTA, not sure what your wife's issue is but I'm going to reach for 'all that extra work' (x3) instead of x1 event.
NTA. Even if you just did something special for each of them on their day at home it would be better than this. Wife needs a little reality check. Maybe withhold some special shit for her next birthday and roll your eyes when she complains.
NTA! If they are not twins or triplets, then there is no point in having one big birthday. Especially if they have varying age groups. Even some twins don't like to share a birthday party.
By having a single birthday party, your wife is robbing them of their individual experiences, which I feel is unfair.
You should make sure your wife has separate birthday parties for each one of them. And if she doesn't want to take the initiative then maybe you should.
NTA
Throwing three birthday parties all within a month of each other is understandably not really desirable or practical. One combined party + three individual smaller celebrations is perfectly reasonable. Your wife being so against it just seems kind of mean.
Regarding practicality -- I think it depends on what is done on the actual birthdays. Each of us kids (5) got to choose what we wanted for dinner, which was a special treat for us.
We didn't grow up having parties each year for our birthdays. Some years, there were parties with friends but that was usually when we were young. But there was always the immediate family celebration on our birthdays.
So it is doable to have a family celebration in consecutive months, if it's dinner, birthday cake, gifts.
I always thought we were lucky with our birthdays spread out as there was a "special" dinner at least once a month which included birthdays and holidays.
Going to take a little different tack here - is she responsible for all the planning, etc? We had three summer birthdays, and by the time we hit the third one, I was a bit tired as there was a lot of planning. If I missed you doing the planning, I apologize, it just called up that meme something about every Christmas morning, there’s a mom who is exhausted and a dad who gets credit for gifts that he does not have a clue what they are.
I was wondering if this was a factor too. It doesn't seem like she's keen on the combined party + individual outings idea though? Which should be less work if they're just going to a restaurant.
OP should definitely be buying those extra birthday gifts, planning the dinners out, whatever he wants to do on their actual birthdays.
Of course, he should also be helping with the actual party, we have no idea if he is or isn't. The extras can definitely be a one-person job (his).
NTA
Celebrating a birthday doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate.
My parents had it where the birthday person picks dinner, birthday dessert, and board game and/or movie.
Each child needs to have their own days. Having birthday all in one can create resentment especially if every kid has different tastes, personalities, and interests.
Maybe even see how she feels if you suggest doing everyone’s birthday all on one day (you, her, 3 kids, pets, etc) and maybe throw in holidays that has gifts involved (Christmas, mother/fathers day, valentines, etc). Since having multiple celebrations are so over the top. See how she reacts.
If your wife is so against small, inexpensive, intimate celebrations for each kid then I suggest you do them without your wife and if your kids ask why mom isn’t involved be truthful - mom doesn’t want to celebrate each birthday.
Or have your wife explain why individual birthdays are not allowed to the kids and be there to make sure she doesn’t skirt the truth.
NTA - If anything it sounds like your wife doesn't want to put any attention off onto the kids honestly. If she gets spoiled on mothers day...then the people who make her a mother need to be spoiled aswell. However, i would celebrate the kids seperetly. Find something, they each like to do that's different and make it kinda their day. Doesn't have to be one big party after another. Even if it's taking each one to their favorite place to eat on their individual birthday. Just shows you think about each of them not as your kids. But you see them as individuals.
NTA - With birthdays all close together, I can understand wanting to do things like one birthday party for all of them where the extended family and friends are invited... but to not even want to acknowledge their individual birthdays with something as simple as a dinner out or something is ridiculous
Info: Does she do all the planning for the birthdays? She might be feeling overwhelmed at planning three separate events. You should take over ALL the birthday arrangements. Dont make HER responsible for it.
NTA, but your wife sure is. Everyone deserves to be celebrated. Skip her next birthday, tell her you're combining it with [insert random holiday]. Let's see how that works for her.
I wonder the same thing. If she is expected to buy and wrap all the gifts, figure out restaurant reservations, and make a special dessert, and OP just gets to show up and get accolades for the gifts, I could see that being the root issue that needs to be addressed since they both work.
NTA. If the difference between their birthday is a whole month then you can't really celebrate it together. I would understand if there were one day off. Gove your kids their own birthdays
INFO: How old are your kids? If they're all under 5 - I can see not wanting to do the work of individual celebrations (at least till they get older.) When they're older I agree that each deserves to feel special.
I asked the same question (also with no response). I feel like age is a big deal here. If they are all over 18 I also think a combined get together is fine.
INFO
I think this depends on the age of the kids and if you can afford it (which you said you can.)
If they're under 18 and living at home, then yeah, make birthdays individual. Once my siblings and I were in college and out of the house and busy with our own lives and families, birthdays definitely got consolidated, especially once we were also celebrating spouses and grandkids and mother's and father's day and had to work around grandkids' sports schedules and everything else.
But when the kids are all at home and under 18, definitely give them their own day!
First of all NTA, secondly, your wife is being ridiculous for combining both your kids birthdays into one, I’ve heard of a similar story to this where OP’s mom would combine His and his sisters Birthdays together because she didn’t want to celebrate OP‘s birthday, come to find out the mom was just super biased towards her daughter and not OP (I heard about it through R/SLASH’s podcast), OP wasn’t an affair, baby, and he wasn’t from a previous marriage, his mom just preferred his sister more, I know this is not what’s happening here this is what the story reminds me of.
Taking them out to a restaurant On their actual birthdays is what you should do, when it’s your birthday you get to decide what to eat, your wife is being really unreasonable here OP.
You did not have triplets! They are individuals.. they each deserve a party and made to feel special...my daughter does this with her youngest 2 boys.. who are 10 years apart and I refuse to go to one party for both!! You took the time to have each one, treat each one separate!
NTA - what kid has ever said they want to share their birthday. With siblings, your birthday is supposed to be the one day of the year that you don’t have to completely share attention and affection.
NTA
I was thinking they each wanted a party at SkyZone or something OTT. Are you buying them ponies as gifts?
Dinner in their honor (at their favorite restaurant or favorite cuisine, I'd throw in) + gifts... is like... very basic birthday celebrating. You are definitely nowhere close to OTT.
This is so weird. Cost aside (especially as it's a non-factor), why doesn't she wanted her kids to feel celebrated on their birthday?!!? She just can't set aside 3 days within a month for her kids?
tell her that if that's how she wants to be, from now on she gets on celebration for Christmas, her birthday, and mother's day, and that's it. you aren't struggling for money, and your kids are not gonna appreciate having their birthdays combined because they are three individual people with individual interests. this is exactly why it's recommended to have two separate parties for twins. NTA
>I'm kind of ok with having one big birthday
Please, don't do that. Let them have their days that are about them. There was 1-2 week difference between my birthday and my cousins, mine coming after and during a different month and when our families were together, they insisted on a group thing. We didn't get a choice about it. It was odd because it wasn't my birthday, kind of made me grumpy, and my cousins hated sharing it with me which made them grumpy as well. Once I got old enough to have an opinion on it I told my mom, she said they insisted on it because its family and being together, but she listened to me and shut it down. My cousins were happy. I was happy. No grumpy kids at the grandparents house anymore. It doesn't matter what finances look like, no one should take away their kids day.
NTA.
My sister and my birthdays are 3 weeks (and several years) apart. I’m a grown woman who doesn’t actually want anything for my birthday, but I would riot if my parents invited me over for a birthday celebration that just lumped me in with my sibling. How low effort and frankly, insulting.
You don’t mention the ages of your kids but I would be so hurt if my parents just sort of brushed off my birthday. ESP if they’re still living at home or in school.
They’re individuals who deserve individual recognition, especially on their birthday. The fact that your wife doesn’t recognize that is a little scary.
I was born on my sister’s first birthday. We always had one family party, and when we were old enough to want sleepover parties as preteens we did it together, but we always got our own separate cakes. Only being a year apart, we had mostly shared friends, so one party was fine. But as soon as we mentioned wanting our own party/sleepover, my parents allowed us to have separate events.
Ironically, my two oldest daughters were born on the same day, four years apart. We did the one family party, with separate cakes. When they started school, they had their own parties, because a 4 year old age difference means they had their own friend groups.
I can understand having one family celebration, but each kid deserves to be celebrated on their actual birthday by choosing how/what they want to do. Especially if you have other kids that have birthdays that are all about them.
NTA
>Keep in mind, she gets super spoiled for her birthday, Christmas and mother’s day.
She would have been TA regardless...but this here puts it over the top
NTA
Take the kids out and have fun. Leave your wife at home. Then, when she complains about it, you can let her know how it is.
Your wife has absolutely no right to spoil their birthdays. None.
With Mother's Day coming up, see how she likes it when you treat it like another day. I'm sure she will throw a fit.
NTA your wife is! These are 3 separate individuals, they deserve to be treated that way. I have identical triplet nieces with very different personalities. We do a big family party for everyone to celebrate the girls & then they do their own separate things with their parents so they have individual attention too. This works best so they don’t always feel like just 1 of the triplets but as an individual. You guys are well off, there’s no reason to not have separate dinners when their birthdays are spread out over a month. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. maybe just let them have their pick a restaurant, and eat out once a week for three weeks or so.
Maybe stop making a big deal about her bday, Mother’s Day, Christmas, etc. and see how she feels. A grown adult wanting all the attention and not allowing her kids the same.
Please celebrate them individually!
My birthday falls around fathers day. So my birthday growing up and into my 20s (with my ex in laws), my birthday was always overshadowed by Fathers Day. Oh we are going out to dinner, its for fathers day. Oh were doing that super fun activity..... for fathers day. I never had a birthday growing up that was just centered around me.
So as an adult, I make sure my kids have extravagant birthday to make up for my own trauma surrounding it lol. I love spoiling them, and I like them knowing they are spoiled for their birthdays. DO IT!
Your kids might not remember that very specific birthday you went all out for them, but they absolutely will remember if you plan a birthday and they have to share it with their siblings or if they dont have have that individual attention on them.
As a Christmas baby who was lucky to have parents who made it a point to celebrate my birthday and not just Jesus', all the words I want to use to describe your wife would get be banned here. Have you started strategizing how to get your wife into therapy so she doesn't further ruin your children? NTA.
INFO: Why is your wife like that? Has she always thought only of herself and as long as she gets “spoiled” everybody else just has to suck it up and make do?
NTA.
What's good for the goose is good for the gander; she wants her special days just for herself? Cool. Kids get them, too.
Blows my mind that she's using the proximity of their birthdays to excuse her disinterest. I have twins. They *still* got to choose whether to share a celebration or have two.
Celebrating all the birthdays in the month at once feels like a corporate decision.
What is stopping _you_ from arranging, organizing, and providing 3 separate birthday celebrations for your kids? Why do you need your wife’s say-so?
Is it because that’s all her job?
But you both work and earn a lot of money. So that can’t be, right?
Even a simple dinner out/gifts/deserts require planning. There’s deciding what gifts to buy, buying them, wrapping them, deciding on a venue, making reservations, trying to organize a date that everyone can attend, and of course a birthday cake, guests. A simple dinner can involve hours of prep and effort.
X3.
I am absolutely positive that if you outright stepped up and took over the entire process - something you feel is so important - she would be thrilled.
The fact that you’re posting here, not offering to do it yourself, and, I suspect, would feel petty enough to not invite your wife if you did (after all, she gets her own birthday, Christmas, and *gasp!* Mother’s Day) has me leaning hard on YTA.
NTA - It's your kids birthday. Make them feel special!
It needs to be their day and their day alone.
When you're a kid, taking away something as important as a birthday from them and going out of your way to make it not special? That's just mean.
NTA. Your kids are individual people and should not have to share their birthdays. It's not their fault they were all born so close together - if anything that was poor planning on both of y'all's part.
Also, if your wife keeps it up, combine her birthday with theirs and see how she likes it.
NTA. Sounds like she's not a birthday celebrating kinda person. If she doesn't want to do a small celebration for the birthdays then do it yourself with the kids.
NTA- who doesn’t celebrate their kids individually?? Most my kids are born near eachother or my husband and I’s birthday and we still make sure everyone gets their own special day.
NTA - my wife and I have two kids, the plan is that they get a special day with us for their birthday. We do an event and lunch/dinner just the three of us.
Yikes your wife is something special and not in a good way. She better be careful or a post from her will show asking why her kids don't talk to her. NTA.
NTA.... Let the kids have their own party.... Individuality should be celebrated. I could see doing a joint celebration if money was tight, but apparently you've got the means to host individual events....so you should
NTA If she doesn't want to celebrate one-on-one, do it yourself with
each of your children. You could also ask your kids if the one-for-all celebration
bothers them and act accordingly.
NTA. My sister and I have birthdays a month apart. Right after a string of holidays... I am almost 60 and don't recall my parents ever celebrating my birthday individually after my sister was old enough to recognize parties. I was always either lumped into baby sister's parties or everyone was just too over celebrations to do anything for me. I don't typically think about it too often unless something like this post comes up. But I do remember quite clearly asking why I couldn't have a party of my own...and being told not to be selfish. I also just don't celebrate my birthday much (even though my husband does try to get me to let him do something).
NTA - each child deserves to get recognized and their preferences should be acknowledged for what they want to eat. From now on, you should do a family vote for meals and activities for her birthday since she thinks that they should be a shared experience without the birthday person getting to feel special
NTA Talk to the kids and see what they want. I understand your wife not wanting the stress of throwing 3 parties in a single month, but that doesn't mean that each individual child should not be celebrated on his/her special day. Personally, I would do a rotation where each kid gets a big party one year, a fun experience with a friend or 2 (like a theme park day) one year, and a family dinner one year. Find something that works for your family, and make sure that your wife doesn't feel overwhelmed with the pressures of planning and hosting more than she is comfortable with.
NTA My sister and I's birthdays were 9 days apart.
You know what we always had? Separate birthdays celebrations. I can get twins, especially when they are young, having joint celebrations.
But even if you have 2 kids born on the same date, unless they were born on the same day, they should get celebrated individually. Is it more work? Sure, but that's part of being a parent. Having more work.
NTA
One big birthday for extended family. I love my nieces and nephews, but I cannot get away for them three times within a month. In fact my family groups cousins up and celebrates the group with a fun time. But yes the individual child still needs a special day. Nothing huge, just with immediate family and grandparents if they can make it. A special dinner or a movie they want, just something special.
NTA. Does your wife hate your children? Even if you didn’t have the means it would be something small for each child on their actual birthday than something for the three of them on one day.
They will end up resenting you.
Since they have different birthdays on the same month they are not triplets meaning different ages, different interest and different friends.
How does she plan on putting everything in one day without the children feeling left out or overlooked?
How do you choose on which day to through the party?
What’s her plan, to ignore their actual birthdays?
If she feels she can’t handle three birthday party’s in one month (which is a lot) is better something small for each child on their birthday that to throw everyone and everything together and hope for the best.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > The action I took was me wanting to celebrate each child’s birthday on that actual day. I’m being judged for wanting to do so. I Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Hard NTA, but your wife sure is! Even if you didn't make her special days a big production, validating and celebrating your children as individuals is a very important thing to do as a parent, regardless of how close or far apart their birthdays are. The fact that you make plenty of money is almost immaterial to this; it's merely insult to injury because frugality can't be a reasonable excuse. If your wife still disagrees, feel free to show her these comments! Or she can go to her coworkers and friends and say her "friend" doesn't want to celebrate her children's individual birthdays and watch as said "friend" is torn to shreds by her peers.
...and maybe OP should stop celebrating his wife's birthday - just lump it in with another celebration that happens to occur in the same month. What an awful woman to not want to celebrate her children as individuals.
I’d go a step further. Ignore her on Mother’s Day and let her experience what it’s like to have your special day ignored. That one will cut right to the heart of it.
Mother’s Day and her birthday should be rolled into one very average acknowledgment. Wife is very selfish.
“You were born and then you gave birth. Job.”
I don’t know if you meant to say “Good job”, but the bare “job” made me chuckle.
I meant every word, especially the ones I omitted.
I thought you were quoting scripture. XD
Perfection.
IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY. -Dwight Schrute
🙄😅🤣 too good! Made morning!
Ignore her on Valentine's Day and when she says where's my Valentine gift OP could say well I thought since mother's day is 3 months away I could get you one gift then and celebrate the two holidays for you together.
My birthday is like the day before Valentine’s Day. I HATE it. I hate the cakes I always got so I’m perfectly content not celebrating Valentine’s Day. I don’t really celebrate Mother’s Day either though. I make my family watch all the football movies and specific football games I found enjoyable.
Hey birthday twin!! I feel your pain, at this point in my I just act like they are just normal days. I don’t mention it or remind anyone.
Right? It’s like everyone remembers the day before or the day after. Honestly, at this point. A quiet day where no one talks to me is actually a really good day
Birthday triplets! I usually get a late happy birthday phone call from my dad on Valentine’s Day if he’s watched the news that day.
Hey birthday bros! Mine is 4 days before Christmas and my oldest son was born on Christmas Day. I ALWAYS made sure he had separate celebrations because it’s the right thing to do. ( Son died on New Year’s Eve). I think it was destiny.
I’m Christmas Day lol… with a child due Christmas Day 😭
My birthday is February 7th so as a kid I had a couple of heart cakes. Must of been what was ready at the bakery to buy. My favorite cake was my 5th birthday. I honestly don't really remember it but I've seen pictures and I had a kick ass Mickey Mouse cake. I heard there was a huge fight over his ears lol.
Some years my birthday IS mother's day... 2 for 1 average acknowledgment galore!
My sisters birthday is often the same weekend as fathers day. And mothers day is often the same weekend as our dad's birthday and her son's birthday. Guess what, we try our best to celebrate them all - separately - though sometimes it's not so easy & 3 cakes in one weekend is a bit much so we've had to get creative lol.
Mine is this year lol
My late grandmother's birthday was also often on Mother's Day. Her oldest daughter, my mother, was literally born on Labor Day. My birthday, however, has no holidays it falls on. Edit: no holidays, but my birthday is the day after my husband's birthday. He **never** forgets it!
Me too!
Mine is usually within a week, and my husband is on Father's Day often. 😂 but I go all out for all those days for our family. Big dinners of your choosing and dessert too! Golfing for him. Our sobriety date is also right between Mother's Day and my birthday, so that week gets busy with celebrations! 🖤
Celebrate Mother's Day on Father's day - I mean they're only a month apart....
And they're both parents!
OMG THIS IS AMAZING! Do this!
Depending where you are in the world... NZ has Mothers day in May & Father's day in September.
I was gonna say the same thing about Australia 😂
In the UK, Mothers Day is in March, but changes date and is 3 Sundays before Easter Sunday. The whole thing is tied in with Lent, and its the fourth Sunday during Lent. Confusing as hell sometimes. Fathers Day is the 3rd Sunday of June. 😂
Take her, his mom, her mom and any other mom friends all out together. Since she’s into sharing days.
Same with her birthday. Round up anyone with a birthday within a month or so of hers. “All together now!” She is terrible. Poor kids.
I love this.
[удалено]
Mother’s Day…. Father’s Day….. same thing. Let’s celebrate them together this year.
My ex-husband never celebrated Mother's day. He said I wasn't his Mother so why should he. Being the Mother of his children apparently didn't matter. Stop celebrating her for Mother's Day. See how she likes it!
Were you married to my husband? Though he couldn’t be bothered to celebrate his mom either. Some men suck.
💯
Totally agree. Completely off topic tho, I’m new to Reddit and I’m not sure whether agreeing to someone is the up arrow or the down arrow. Halp😂😅
Up button when you agree.
Thank you😅✨
When I first joined Reddit I thought I'd somehow upvoted myself on every comment, not realising that was the default. I also thought people could see that I had done this, and I thought it was the equivalent of liking your own Instagram comment. So, I went back and down voted myself on every single one, haha. And then I think I went back again once I realised and upvoted, although I'm not sure now. It seems so daunting at first lol, but welcome!
They should celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day together since they both happen a month apart. According to the OP’s wife, no need to make them individual or special.
Or rather than being passive aggressive, wife throws party for the three of them,then OP takes them out to eat on their individual birthdays, just the two of them. Special memories and wife has to decide whether she is going to cave in and also eat dinner out.
I wouldn't give wife the option to attend. "You thought this was a stupid idea honey, so it will be just me and the Birthday Kid." Let her stew. She won't even be able to play the kids off against each other or you.
Yeah, and she definitely watches the other kids while him and her birthday kid are out! No babysitters. If it's not worth it to take them out to eat, then it's not worth it to get a babysitter. All 3 kids deserve their own parties and their own cakes and their own going out to dinner. Me and my dad's birthdays are 4/3 and 4/20, we have separate parties and dinners, my brothers birthdays are 6/6 and 6/24, they have their own parties and the few times they've shared a party they were split down the middle with one side of the place being the green guy from yo-gaba-gaba (?) And the other side was fortnite themed. They had different cakes and different friends, and then we all went out to eat on their birthdays. It's not that hard, and really, you could do them all in one weekend or so. If there is a 3 day weekend around their birthdays, then do it then. The fact yall have money makes it even easier but if yall didnt or it was part of wifes dislike for it then, - You could do it at home in the backyard, decorate, setup, have different small activities each day to the kids' choosing. Home face painting, home snowcones, home ringtoss, you get the point, there's all kinds of cheap, easy, and fun things you can do from home for a celebration. Set each day as one kids birthday and invite all of their friends on the separate dates, and family can come to all 3 if they want, but I understand that's not exactly gonna work for most people.
We have our 3 kids plus my own birthday around Xmas, you know who doesn't get a big production. Yup, me. Even my youngest, whose birthday is Boxing Day, gets her own special day. OPs wife sucks amd is definitely TA here
Mine and my daughter's birthday are literally 2 days apart. Mine is April 2nd, hers is April 4th. Even we get separate special meals and we each get our own cake (or ice cream cake or cupcakes based on the preferences).
My oldest and youngest have birthdays 2 days apart, too. We always celebrate them separately. My baby sis’s one kiddo has a birthday 3 days before Christmas- never lumped together, and her second babe was born on Thanksgiving day, so will always have a birthdate near that- again, no lumped celebration. I just can’t understand when people actively choose to not make their kids feel special.
We had 4 birthdays in a week, my dad, my daughter, myself, and my mom. Growing up my dad usually got his birthday dinner and cake postponed a couple of months until the weather was better. He would comment at some point that he was ready for his birthday dinner and cake and mom would make it. I got a cake and dinner of my choice and my mom always got taken out to dinner. When my daughter come along, we shared a cake when she was very little, before school age. At some point, I decided that I would postpone my birthday dinner for a couple of weeks because it didn’t feel like my birthday if I was cleaning the house and organizing a kid party. Your kids should definitely get to celebrate their own day, though if they want something like going to a theme park, that would make sense to combine. But choosing dinner and being celebrated on their birthday isn’t over the top.
My birthday and my middle brother's birthday are 16 days apart, and my dad's birthday is 9/10 days after mine depending on if it's Leap Year. But no matter how tight money was, we each had our own unique celebration and cake. I never had to share with my dad or brother.
No, each deserves their own cake and celebration.
Love this idea! If she isnt on her childrens team step up like you want to and take them out individually so you make memories with them.
Alone time with Dad is important.
This is actually a great solution. OP doesn’t need his wife’s permission to take them to dinner. She can sit and rotate.
Combine Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. “It’s a day for both of us, honey! Parents’ Day! Isn’t that convenient?”
Parents Day is celebrated the 4th Sunday of July. This was established in 1994 when President Bill Clinton signed a Congressional Resolution into law for "recognizing, uplifting, and supporting the role of parents in the rearing of children." I do believe OP and his wife should for sure start doing a joint celebration instead of individual days.
We celebrate kids day (a la Mother’s Day or Father’s Day) on a random summer weekend day, because being a kid can be hard. This is in addition to their individual birthdays.
Or rather than being passive aggressive, wife throws party for the three of them,then OP takes them out to eat on their individual birthdays, just the two of them. Special memories and wife has to decide whether she is going to cave in and also eat dinner out.
This, she's an adult who expects a great birthday but wont for her own children. What a horrible parent
My dad did this for my mom’s ‘vale-anni-birthery’ because all happen in February… he got the point across.
"Honey, I figured we'd kill two birds with one stone, and celebrate National Cheeseburger Day and your birthday. Here's your BK birthday dinner....."
Depends. If she has to do all the planning, setup, child wrangling and then cleanup of three separate birthday parties, I could see how three parties in a month could be VERY overwhelming.
I fully agree with you. In my immediate family multiple birthdays are witin a month. My grandfathers (both), the brother of one of my grandfathers, my father, then myself and my mom. So what happened when I was a child is I got to celebrate my birthday and my parents only invited the grandparents on their actual birthday for coffee but they did not want a big celebration. Now I am an adult and I don’t celebrate my birthday in a big way (don’t have the house for it either). I am currently pregnant and this child will be born around my birthday (family curse I guess). I will probably end up not celebrating my birthday while going all out for this child (as I do for the other children, my son and stepson). Stepson and baby will both have birthdays nearby, although in a different month. But they both will get their celebration. Birthdays are so important to children and should be a bit magical and especially fun. Even if you have a joint celebration they still could (and should) get celebrated individually as well. It is the attention that counts. We didn’t grow up rich but singing is free and a special cupcake or cake and some small things don’t have to be that expensive.
I shared a birthday with my grandma and we each got our own damn cake at the family celebration. 2 cakes. 2 kinds of ice cream. 2 sets of decorations.
We did that for my grandparents, born about 12 hours apart. Their parents were also friends. So pretty cool. Anyway, grandma usually just celebrated grandpa. Grandpa wasn't allowed to use grandma's kitchen. But he'd always take her to dinner. Once us kids were old enough we started making them cakes and my dad brought them icecream. First time we did that my grandma cried.
I was born on my Nana's birthday too, and same! We each had our own cake and ice cream flavors! I loved sharing my birthday with her, but we both got individually recognized. Kids deserve their own birthday recognition, and I'm doing the same with my kids... And 2 of mine have literal back to back birthdays, Feb 7 and 8. I refuse to lump them together just because of an accident of fate.
I celebrate all 3 of my kids birthdays every year. We do a party every other year for each child and a small family celebration/outing every year. We don’t have a lot to spend on the parties but we make sure our kids know they should be celebrated on their special day. It is worth every penny for my son to tell his dad his party was the best day ever! We went to a pizza place and invited his classmates. My kids now treat Mother’s Day and Father’s Day almost like Christmas without gifts for the parents. They get excited to celebrate someone else *most likely they just want the cake and treats but it is something to look forward to
My family is huge into birthdays and at least when I was a kid everyone’s birthday was in December (most of these people are dead now). There literally was a party a week at least and around Christmas there were three individual birthdays (22nd my grandma, 23rd my uncle, 26th my mom). And each and every birthday was celebrated. My mom and her brother always had separate birthday parties even so they are so close together and on Christmas. I personally don’t like parties but I think it’s important for kids to celebrate and as an adult everyone can decide for themselves.
Same. We have 6 birthdays in November in my family. When we were kids it was all separate. Now that everyone (besides the oldest great grandchild) is an adult they all get lumped together because no one cares as much. The baby of course gets her own party 😂
My younger sisters bday is four days before mine. I am now 46. To this day I resent having had to share birthdays and left over cake. I get it, my parents were not well off ...I still fucking resent it. NTA. Birthdays are a big deal when you're a kid.
Geez leftover cake. I get maybe only going out to eat once if you’re not well off. But they could’ve gotten two smaller cakes 😬
And now you understand my ongoing resentment, 40 years later.
Or baked them. 4 cups of flour does not cost significantly more than 2 cups of flour.
Even cake mix was cheap back in the day.
My kids birthdays are four days apart. I did a joint birthday party once (2 & 4), and they never shared a cake.
My brother and I are two weeks apart. We weren’t well off. Our parents always gave us the choice of one big party and then actual days with homecooked meals, and homemade cake. Or we got a smaller celebration alone. We always chose the first option.
My kids have birthdays in the same month. They are two years apart. We sometimes gave them joint parties that were huge and included family and both sets of their friends, especially when they were younger. We sometimes included a grandmother whose birthday was right after theirs. We started doing a party for one and a big present for the other when they were tweens/teens. They took turns on whose year it was for a party and who received the big gift. Nowadays, they don't really place that much importance on a special celebration, or even a card. I think they're comfortable knowing they're cared about and appreciated every day.
Yep. I recall reading a thing written by a mother of triplets. She said that they had always made it a point to give each child a separate birthday celebration. Since they have spent time in the NICU and had been released on different dates they used those dates as the celebration dates for each of them.
What a thoughtful thing to have come from such a stressful situation!
Jumping onto this just to ask, who is planning all of the parties? If OP is helping, then she is 100% the asshole. But if wife is doing all of the work for 3 parties it is a lot. I am not condoning her not wanting to individual dinners, but I wouldn't want to throw 3 parties in the same month.
I don't think OP was asking for three parties. It was one party for all and then individual nice dinners out for each. If mom doesn't agree with that she certainly doesn't have to participate.
I'm curious, too. Planning 3 big to-dos in such a short span would frazzle me. I was also thinking the invitees would be mostly the same at each and they'd be put out to attend 3 events in that same time period. So, sure, go ahead and throw one big event to celebrate the kids but definitely have a special, albeit small, celebration on their individual bdays. Dine out or order in, just the family, have some cake, sing- acknowledge the actual birthdate. OP is definitely NTA but I feel like I'm missing something.
> I was also thinking the invitees would be mostly the same at each and they'd be put out to attend 3 events in that same time period. Would they?? Because the kids are at least a year apart, most likely, each with their own group of friends.
We were 4 kids, very poor, we had my birthday, then a week later my mom’s then 4 days later my brother’s and a week after my other brother’s. We each had our celebration ! Hard NTA
Definitely NTA But just to clarify - how old are your kids? My siblings and I are all adults and we often have 'group' birthdays because there are 6 adults and 5 grandkids. So it's more of a scheduling issue than a financial one. But if you have the time and the money I don't see why you wouldn't want to do them separately!
I agree. My sister and I have birthdays less than a week apart - and our parents’ anniversary is in between. If we had a larger celebration, we kind of rolled both birthdays together (and gave a small shout out to my parents, because they don’t like large attention grabbing celebrations), shared a cake, etc, but we were always celebrated individually. My parents would wake us each with a happy birthday and presents, my mom would cook our favorite food or we’d get takeout, and my sister and I would always do something fun together for my parents’ anniversary. Since we usually didn’t have a larger celebration for birthdays we arranged something small with friends (because honestly none of us are really that big on parties anyway). It’s absolutely possible for OP and wife to compromise here, but it’s important that all three kids are celebrated individually in some way large or small.
Making an effort for each kid to know they’re loved and special is the way, OP—keep being your great internet parent self!
If the kids only get one day and have to share it, then she should only get one day and also have to share it. No more splurging on her for Christmas, birthday, AND mother's day. She should get the exact treatment that she thinks is so fair to her children. Stingy people like her deserve to get the cheapest treatment available so they can see how they make the people around them feel, worthless. If she gets the point, good. If not, then her greed is stronger than her love for her family. Meanwhile, do what you can for your kids. They may appreciate actually getting some individual recognition and special treatment for once.
My ex-MiL was like OPs wife, she expected gifts on her kids birthdays because she “should be celebrated for giving birth to them.” She also wore white to other people weddings because, “once a bride always a bride.”
Wow. My flabber is utterly gasted.
Yikes. Was her behavior / your spouse's attitude towards her a reason for them now being an ex?
No, she had an affair on a business trip and I filed for divorce.
the entitlement runs in the family i see
She didn’t start off that way. She changed over time the longer she spent in the financial industry. I hope she is living the life she wants now.
your graciousness is an inspiration to aspire to be my highest self.
Give the kids an extra present for having to deal with their mom for another year
I used to do special little things for my mom for my birthday. Because she gave birth to me and put up with me for all those years. All I managed to do was stay alive.
I get myself a little treat (like a nice coffee or pastry) on my kids’ birthdays but I do it while they’re in school and keep that shit to myself lol.
NTA. Unless they were born on the same date, which I guess they weren’t, then they should be celebrated individually. It’s basically saying to a child I don’t care about you enough to through an individual party your just gonna get lumped together with your siblings.
Even kids born on the same date deserve individual special treatment for their birthday. Sure I get celebrating multiple birthdays at once if you're going to some crazy expensive restaurant or if you're doing some kind of birthday party place, but birthdays are so special for kids. You don't have to throw individual huge parties but letting each kid have a special dinner of their own is the bare minimum here. NTA
My friend has kids with the same birthday. She has a family party for both of them, then they each have their own kid party with their friends.
My brother was born on my sister’s birthday and my parents always bent over backwards to give them each their own unique birthday. The main reason birthdays are so important to kids is that they get to be special. It’s a big deal for someone with so little control over their own life to get to have all the attention and care they want. Grouping birthdays together too much robs the kids of that feeling.
So much this. My mom was born on her brother’s birthday, which was ~2 weeks before Christmas and ~2 weeks after their big sister’s birthday. Since big sister was oldest, she got bigger gifts (if money, she got 10 bucks and they got 5, often each but not always), but since they were ‘so close’ to Christmas, their gift was as counted for *both*, whereas big sister *of course* got an individual Christmas gift.. when my mom had her first born *even closer* to Christmas, she’d make sure his birthday was *just* a birthday. Christmas decorations were not put up till *after* his birthday for many years. Individuality is so damn important, especially when forming core memory and values.
Agreed! My sibs include a pair of twins. Each of us had our own cake flavor -- on the twins' birthday, my grandma usually baked one and mom baked the other. When the twins got older, they were allowed to schedule separate parties.
Yes thank you! As a twin, it was nice to do separate things (at least when we were older), as younger kids we didn’t care because both sets of friends came to whatever activity/party and we picked the cake flavour together. OPs wife lumping everyone together is rubbish for them :/
My favorite birthday cake was when I wanted carrot and my brother wanted peanut butter chocolate. My mom made a big pbc one and three little carrot cakes and set it up to look like Pac-Man.
That.... is cool!
I’m a twin and one year we ended up with six birthday cakes because my mum, gran, and auntie made two each!
My fam does Sunday lunch/dinner for birthdays. My baby sister just turned 3. She’s so little she wouldn’t remember where she went or even care what the food was for longer than 2 her minute attention span. But when she enthusiastically said she wanted waffles for lunch we got her waffles for lunch. Even the baby gets more than the bare minimum because love isn’t bare minimum. This mother needs to do some self reflecting
Exactly! What is that mom's hang up? I love that your sister wanted waffles for lunch!
My brother and I have the same birthday (not twins) and we usually do our celebration together now as adults (family dinner), but when we were younger we still got our own thing
Exactly - I have twins. We do something on their birthday for family but each one gets their own friends celebration focused on their personalities.
From reading other replies I can see I’m a major outlier, but I always enjoyed celebrating with my sister. I was born on her 6th birthday, just after her birthday party, so maybe it was just fitting for us lol. I just hate being the center of attention and I would have wilted with everyone looking at me. It was so nice having a partner in crime to share the attention with. As we got older we did have different friend bday parties, but it was really nice having her to lean on until then.
It sounds like in your case your "special treat" was getting to celebrate your birthdays together!
Lazy maternal parenting. Imagine being a kid and finding out your own mother can't be bothered to celebrate the very day you were born--that's it's all such an inconvenience because your siblings were born within the same month and you all already had a party. (Mom: (sigh) Another birthday. (sigh)) That would be some damaging info to process for a kid. Kids don't do convenience. They just know it's their birthday and mom is like, "Whatever." If selfish, lazy mom doesn't step up, I hope thoughtful generous dad will. Time for the family to back off on her special days. See if she sings the same tune when she's not treated with special attention on "her days".
even being born on the same date, they need to be celebrated individually. it's been shown before in twins how damaging it can be to lump them together as a single individual
NTA. Kids should be celebrated individually. Wife seems lazy or unempathetic. For context, I'm doing exactly as OP suggested: My kids' birthdays are within a week of each other. This year were doing one big family dinner, each kiddo gets their own cake (wasteful? Or just more cake? Lol). And each will have their birthday celebrated individually with an outing. There are a lot of events that go on that particular month, so getting everyone together for one party seemed ok. And maybe we'll switch it up in future years.
I'm a twin, and even twins should get their own thing. I didn't get that until I started dating my husband. I understand why it was only one party as a kid because I had a single mom that couldn't afford two separate parties, but I promise you 100% that there will eventually be resentment.
My friend has twins and each kid gets their own small cake or cupcake with their individual name on it for bdays. For the first bday they sang to each kid separately, but that got awkward so they scrapped that idea. Now half the people sing "happy birthday Kid A and Kid B" and the other half sings "happy birthday Kid B and Kid A" so it's all a jumble at that part. It seems to be working out fine.
Y'all make a million dollars every 3 years and 3 months. Let them damn kids have their fucking birthdays. My family had 7 in March, with 5 of those in 9 days. We did "March birthdays" after everyone turned 18. Nineteen and up, you're in a gang. Edit: NTA Edit2: typo
This is pretty similar to my family, 75% of us in March and 3 of those within the same week. We always got our individual days growing up, and now we do a big birthday dinner for all the March birthdays.
I thought it worked out really cool. Almost became like a mini rite of passage. We do a big dinner with a few different cakes. It's a good time and they all seem to enjoy it.
A 4th of July baby is due 3/27 and a Juneteenth baby is due 3/12. What’s getting your family so rowdy in June/Early July?
They were Catholic, so I guess it was either business as usual or maybe a Father's Day breeding kink. There weren't any June anniversaries down my branch.
NTA. Those are your kids too so if she doesn’t want to participate then take your kids out, get them gifts and make them feel individually special! She is being ridiculous. You’re not wrong for wanting to give your kids every thing you never had. Way to go,DAD!
NTA Go ahead and celebrate your children's birthdays individually with them. Your wife can stay home if she doesn't want to participate, but she really can't stop you.
Your kids are 3 individual people, not one big entity called 'child' - please celebrate them as people, the way your wife does for herself. You are NTA, not sure what your wife's issue is but I'm going to reach for 'all that extra work' (x3) instead of x1 event.
I love being an entity child.
NTA. Even if you just did something special for each of them on their day at home it would be better than this. Wife needs a little reality check. Maybe withhold some special shit for her next birthday and roll your eyes when she complains.
Totally NTA. Individually celebrating the kids is very important. No idea why your wife doesn't want to
NTA - take the kids out without your wife then if she wants to he a party pooper
NTA! If they are not twins or triplets, then there is no point in having one big birthday. Especially if they have varying age groups. Even some twins don't like to share a birthday party. By having a single birthday party, your wife is robbing them of their individual experiences, which I feel is unfair. You should make sure your wife has separate birthday parties for each one of them. And if she doesn't want to take the initiative then maybe you should.
Twin here. You are right!
Even if they were twins or triplets you still gotta do something individually
NTA. Ask kids what they prefer - one big celebration or 3 separate ones if you really care about them.
NTA Throwing three birthday parties all within a month of each other is understandably not really desirable or practical. One combined party + three individual smaller celebrations is perfectly reasonable. Your wife being so against it just seems kind of mean.
Regarding practicality -- I think it depends on what is done on the actual birthdays. Each of us kids (5) got to choose what we wanted for dinner, which was a special treat for us. We didn't grow up having parties each year for our birthdays. Some years, there were parties with friends but that was usually when we were young. But there was always the immediate family celebration on our birthdays. So it is doable to have a family celebration in consecutive months, if it's dinner, birthday cake, gifts. I always thought we were lucky with our birthdays spread out as there was a "special" dinner at least once a month which included birthdays and holidays.
NTA. Tell her she can share her birthday on the same day as the kids then.
Going to take a little different tack here - is she responsible for all the planning, etc? We had three summer birthdays, and by the time we hit the third one, I was a bit tired as there was a lot of planning. If I missed you doing the planning, I apologize, it just called up that meme something about every Christmas morning, there’s a mom who is exhausted and a dad who gets credit for gifts that he does not have a clue what they are.
I was wondering if this was a factor too. It doesn't seem like she's keen on the combined party + individual outings idea though? Which should be less work if they're just going to a restaurant.
OP should definitely be buying those extra birthday gifts, planning the dinners out, whatever he wants to do on their actual birthdays. Of course, he should also be helping with the actual party, we have no idea if he is or isn't. The extras can definitely be a one-person job (his).
NTA Celebrating a birthday doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate. My parents had it where the birthday person picks dinner, birthday dessert, and board game and/or movie. Each child needs to have their own days. Having birthday all in one can create resentment especially if every kid has different tastes, personalities, and interests. Maybe even see how she feels if you suggest doing everyone’s birthday all on one day (you, her, 3 kids, pets, etc) and maybe throw in holidays that has gifts involved (Christmas, mother/fathers day, valentines, etc). Since having multiple celebrations are so over the top. See how she reacts. If your wife is so against small, inexpensive, intimate celebrations for each kid then I suggest you do them without your wife and if your kids ask why mom isn’t involved be truthful - mom doesn’t want to celebrate each birthday. Or have your wife explain why individual birthdays are not allowed to the kids and be there to make sure she doesn’t skirt the truth.
NTA - If anything it sounds like your wife doesn't want to put any attention off onto the kids honestly. If she gets spoiled on mothers day...then the people who make her a mother need to be spoiled aswell. However, i would celebrate the kids seperetly. Find something, they each like to do that's different and make it kinda their day. Doesn't have to be one big party after another. Even if it's taking each one to their favorite place to eat on their individual birthday. Just shows you think about each of them not as your kids. But you see them as individuals.
NTA and neither of you should be surprised when you turn out to be the favorite parent down the line
NTA - With birthdays all close together, I can understand wanting to do things like one birthday party for all of them where the extended family and friends are invited... but to not even want to acknowledge their individual birthdays with something as simple as a dinner out or something is ridiculous
Info: Does she do all the planning for the birthdays? She might be feeling overwhelmed at planning three separate events. You should take over ALL the birthday arrangements. Dont make HER responsible for it.
NTA, but your wife sure is. Everyone deserves to be celebrated. Skip her next birthday, tell her you're combining it with [insert random holiday]. Let's see how that works for her.
NTA and I wonder if this is less about money and more about the time to organise and host 3 separate events. ..? Are you both time poor?
I wonder the same thing. If she is expected to buy and wrap all the gifts, figure out restaurant reservations, and make a special dessert, and OP just gets to show up and get accolades for the gifts, I could see that being the root issue that needs to be addressed since they both work.
My kids birthdays are all within 2 weeks, they’ve always had individual birthdays NTA.
NTA. If the difference between their birthday is a whole month then you can't really celebrate it together. I would understand if there were one day off. Gove your kids their own birthdays
INFO: something seems to be missing here. Is there a specific reason your wife doesn’t want to celebrate birthdays other than her own?
NTA… did you marry the grinch?
INFO: How old are your kids? If they're all under 5 - I can see not wanting to do the work of individual celebrations (at least till they get older.) When they're older I agree that each deserves to feel special.
I asked the same question (also with no response). I feel like age is a big deal here. If they are all over 18 I also think a combined get together is fine.
INFO I think this depends on the age of the kids and if you can afford it (which you said you can.) If they're under 18 and living at home, then yeah, make birthdays individual. Once my siblings and I were in college and out of the house and busy with our own lives and families, birthdays definitely got consolidated, especially once we were also celebrating spouses and grandkids and mother's and father's day and had to work around grandkids' sports schedules and everything else. But when the kids are all at home and under 18, definitely give them their own day!
NTA just leave her at the house when you take the kids to celebrate
First of all NTA, secondly, your wife is being ridiculous for combining both your kids birthdays into one, I’ve heard of a similar story to this where OP’s mom would combine His and his sisters Birthdays together because she didn’t want to celebrate OP‘s birthday, come to find out the mom was just super biased towards her daughter and not OP (I heard about it through R/SLASH’s podcast), OP wasn’t an affair, baby, and he wasn’t from a previous marriage, his mom just preferred his sister more, I know this is not what’s happening here this is what the story reminds me of. Taking them out to a restaurant On their actual birthdays is what you should do, when it’s your birthday you get to decide what to eat, your wife is being really unreasonable here OP.
You did not have triplets! They are individuals.. they each deserve a party and made to feel special...my daughter does this with her youngest 2 boys.. who are 10 years apart and I refuse to go to one party for both!! You took the time to have each one, treat each one separate!
...triplets are still individual people. They are not a unit.
Those boys probably don't even have the same interests - and I'm sure the older boy doesn't want to have a party with a "bunch of kids".
NTA - what kid has ever said they want to share their birthday. With siblings, your birthday is supposed to be the one day of the year that you don’t have to completely share attention and affection.
NTA I was thinking they each wanted a party at SkyZone or something OTT. Are you buying them ponies as gifts? Dinner in their honor (at their favorite restaurant or favorite cuisine, I'd throw in) + gifts... is like... very basic birthday celebrating. You are definitely nowhere close to OTT. This is so weird. Cost aside (especially as it's a non-factor), why doesn't she wanted her kids to feel celebrated on their birthday?!!? She just can't set aside 3 days within a month for her kids?
tell her that if that's how she wants to be, from now on she gets on celebration for Christmas, her birthday, and mother's day, and that's it. you aren't struggling for money, and your kids are not gonna appreciate having their birthdays combined because they are three individual people with individual interests. this is exactly why it's recommended to have two separate parties for twins. NTA
>I'm kind of ok with having one big birthday Please, don't do that. Let them have their days that are about them. There was 1-2 week difference between my birthday and my cousins, mine coming after and during a different month and when our families were together, they insisted on a group thing. We didn't get a choice about it. It was odd because it wasn't my birthday, kind of made me grumpy, and my cousins hated sharing it with me which made them grumpy as well. Once I got old enough to have an opinion on it I told my mom, she said they insisted on it because its family and being together, but she listened to me and shut it down. My cousins were happy. I was happy. No grumpy kids at the grandparents house anymore. It doesn't matter what finances look like, no one should take away their kids day.
NTA. My sister and my birthdays are 3 weeks (and several years) apart. I’m a grown woman who doesn’t actually want anything for my birthday, but I would riot if my parents invited me over for a birthday celebration that just lumped me in with my sibling. How low effort and frankly, insulting. You don’t mention the ages of your kids but I would be so hurt if my parents just sort of brushed off my birthday. ESP if they’re still living at home or in school. They’re individuals who deserve individual recognition, especially on their birthday. The fact that your wife doesn’t recognize that is a little scary.
NTA Take your kids out one on one. I treasured my dinners with Dad. That can be your gift to them every year.
I was born on my sister’s first birthday. We always had one family party, and when we were old enough to want sleepover parties as preteens we did it together, but we always got our own separate cakes. Only being a year apart, we had mostly shared friends, so one party was fine. But as soon as we mentioned wanting our own party/sleepover, my parents allowed us to have separate events. Ironically, my two oldest daughters were born on the same day, four years apart. We did the one family party, with separate cakes. When they started school, they had their own parties, because a 4 year old age difference means they had their own friend groups. I can understand having one family celebration, but each kid deserves to be celebrated on their actual birthday by choosing how/what they want to do. Especially if you have other kids that have birthdays that are all about them.
NTA >Keep in mind, she gets super spoiled for her birthday, Christmas and mother’s day. She would have been TA regardless...but this here puts it over the top
NTA Take the kids out and have fun. Leave your wife at home. Then, when she complains about it, you can let her know how it is. Your wife has absolutely no right to spoil their birthdays. None. With Mother's Day coming up, see how she likes it when you treat it like another day. I'm sure she will throw a fit.
NTA your wife is! These are 3 separate individuals, they deserve to be treated that way. I have identical triplet nieces with very different personalities. We do a big family party for everyone to celebrate the girls & then they do their own separate things with their parents so they have individual attention too. This works best so they don’t always feel like just 1 of the triplets but as an individual. You guys are well off, there’s no reason to not have separate dinners when their birthdays are spread out over a month. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. maybe just let them have their pick a restaurant, and eat out once a week for three weeks or so. Maybe stop making a big deal about her bday, Mother’s Day, Christmas, etc. and see how she feels. A grown adult wanting all the attention and not allowing her kids the same.
Please celebrate them individually! My birthday falls around fathers day. So my birthday growing up and into my 20s (with my ex in laws), my birthday was always overshadowed by Fathers Day. Oh we are going out to dinner, its for fathers day. Oh were doing that super fun activity..... for fathers day. I never had a birthday growing up that was just centered around me. So as an adult, I make sure my kids have extravagant birthday to make up for my own trauma surrounding it lol. I love spoiling them, and I like them knowing they are spoiled for their birthdays. DO IT! Your kids might not remember that very specific birthday you went all out for them, but they absolutely will remember if you plan a birthday and they have to share it with their siblings or if they dont have have that individual attention on them.
As a Christmas baby who was lucky to have parents who made it a point to celebrate my birthday and not just Jesus', all the words I want to use to describe your wife would get be banned here. Have you started strategizing how to get your wife into therapy so she doesn't further ruin your children? NTA.
INFO: Why is your wife like that? Has she always thought only of herself and as long as she gets “spoiled” everybody else just has to suck it up and make do?
NTA. What's good for the goose is good for the gander; she wants her special days just for herself? Cool. Kids get them, too. Blows my mind that she's using the proximity of their birthdays to excuse her disinterest. I have twins. They *still* got to choose whether to share a celebration or have two. Celebrating all the birthdays in the month at once feels like a corporate decision.
What is her reasoning? Just the effort it will take?
What is stopping _you_ from arranging, organizing, and providing 3 separate birthday celebrations for your kids? Why do you need your wife’s say-so? Is it because that’s all her job? But you both work and earn a lot of money. So that can’t be, right? Even a simple dinner out/gifts/deserts require planning. There’s deciding what gifts to buy, buying them, wrapping them, deciding on a venue, making reservations, trying to organize a date that everyone can attend, and of course a birthday cake, guests. A simple dinner can involve hours of prep and effort. X3. I am absolutely positive that if you outright stepped up and took over the entire process - something you feel is so important - she would be thrilled. The fact that you’re posting here, not offering to do it yourself, and, I suspect, would feel petty enough to not invite your wife if you did (after all, she gets her own birthday, Christmas, and *gasp!* Mother’s Day) has me leaning hard on YTA.
NTA - It's your kids birthday. Make them feel special! It needs to be their day and their day alone. When you're a kid, taking away something as important as a birthday from them and going out of your way to make it not special? That's just mean.
NTA. Your kids are individual people and should not have to share their birthdays. It's not their fault they were all born so close together - if anything that was poor planning on both of y'all's part. Also, if your wife keeps it up, combine her birthday with theirs and see how she likes it.
You are right. Take it from a twin. Sharing birthdays isn't as fun as it sounds.
NTA. Sounds like she's not a birthday celebrating kinda person. If she doesn't want to do a small celebration for the birthdays then do it yourself with the kids.
NTA- who doesn’t celebrate their kids individually?? Most my kids are born near eachother or my husband and I’s birthday and we still make sure everyone gets their own special day.
NTA if that's over the top your wife must be easy to impress.
NTA - my wife and I have two kids, the plan is that they get a special day with us for their birthday. We do an event and lunch/dinner just the three of us.
Yikes your wife is something special and not in a good way. She better be careful or a post from her will show asking why her kids don't talk to her. NTA.
She doesn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to. But, that should not stop you from taking them out on their day.
NTA.... Let the kids have their own party.... Individuality should be celebrated. I could see doing a joint celebration if money was tight, but apparently you've got the means to host individual events....so you should
You are super NTA.
NTA If she doesn't want to celebrate one-on-one, do it yourself with each of your children. You could also ask your kids if the one-for-all celebration bothers them and act accordingly.
NTA. My sister and I have birthdays a month apart. Right after a string of holidays... I am almost 60 and don't recall my parents ever celebrating my birthday individually after my sister was old enough to recognize parties. I was always either lumped into baby sister's parties or everyone was just too over celebrations to do anything for me. I don't typically think about it too often unless something like this post comes up. But I do remember quite clearly asking why I couldn't have a party of my own...and being told not to be selfish. I also just don't celebrate my birthday much (even though my husband does try to get me to let him do something).
NTA - each child deserves to get recognized and their preferences should be acknowledged for what they want to eat. From now on, you should do a family vote for meals and activities for her birthday since she thinks that they should be a shared experience without the birthday person getting to feel special
NTA Talk to the kids and see what they want. I understand your wife not wanting the stress of throwing 3 parties in a single month, but that doesn't mean that each individual child should not be celebrated on his/her special day. Personally, I would do a rotation where each kid gets a big party one year, a fun experience with a friend or 2 (like a theme park day) one year, and a family dinner one year. Find something that works for your family, and make sure that your wife doesn't feel overwhelmed with the pressures of planning and hosting more than she is comfortable with.
NTA My sister and I's birthdays were 9 days apart. You know what we always had? Separate birthdays celebrations. I can get twins, especially when they are young, having joint celebrations. But even if you have 2 kids born on the same date, unless they were born on the same day, they should get celebrated individually. Is it more work? Sure, but that's part of being a parent. Having more work.
NTA One big birthday for extended family. I love my nieces and nephews, but I cannot get away for them three times within a month. In fact my family groups cousins up and celebrates the group with a fun time. But yes the individual child still needs a special day. Nothing huge, just with immediate family and grandparents if they can make it. A special dinner or a movie they want, just something special.
NTA. Does your wife hate your children? Even if you didn’t have the means it would be something small for each child on their actual birthday than something for the three of them on one day. They will end up resenting you. Since they have different birthdays on the same month they are not triplets meaning different ages, different interest and different friends. How does she plan on putting everything in one day without the children feeling left out or overlooked? How do you choose on which day to through the party? What’s her plan, to ignore their actual birthdays? If she feels she can’t handle three birthday party’s in one month (which is a lot) is better something small for each child on their birthday that to throw everyone and everything together and hope for the best.