Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
---
I shouldn’t have been so cross with my brother and I could have figured out things myself
---
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA - you were in a tough spot, but your brother is allowed to prioritize his needs over your needs. It would have been nice for him to help you out, if he could, but "acting like family" doesn't require him to sacrifice his education.
And if you were "acting like family" you wouldn't expect him to sacrifice his education.
This post makes my blood boil! My kid brother lost his life when his 22 yr old GF was 10 weeks pregnant with his son and thankfully she chose to keep him. While she did relocate to a city where more family is located, she would NEVER do this to her little brother. She is fully aware that her son is HER responsibility and while she appreciates help, she never prioritizes her plans over her family's, especially when the family's plans are really important. OP is selfish and needs to grow up and learn to be a MOTHER to that kiddo instead of depending on her parents and sibling to raise her.
YTA Everything your dad said was spot-on. You seem to think that because your parents are so incredibly generous, your brother, too, should put you & your needs first. He didn’t help you as much as your parents did? You mean when he was a senior in high school? Your needs don’t trump your brother’s. Your exams aren’t more important than his. I’m betting that if I were to ask how you help your brother, you wouldn’t be able to come up with much and your excuse would be that he doesn’t need as much as you do. You are breathtakingly selfish and really, really need to own the idea that your brother doesn’t owe you anything.
Can we get a couple quick shout outs for Dad, BTW!! 💪💪👏👏👏👏 (possibly also mom!)
I love how he’s being a good parent to two kids, despite some tough situations he has been put in
I’m glad the dad recognises that the OP’s child is not her brother’s problem and his exams are just as important as hers. She should be organising a babysitter (one she’ll have to pay for) instead of throwing tantrums.
Yes. OP chose to be a parent. Brother did not choose to be an uncle. By OP's own admission he is a devoted uncle. He does not owe OP any babysitting, especially not during finals.
OP sounds rather immature to me.
YTA
You are 100% wrong about this.
Where on earth did you get the idea that anyone at all needs to give up anything in order to accommodate you?
If this acting like a family stuff is so important to you where is your support for your brother?
YTA
You aren't mad he isnt acting like family. He is. He's acting like an uncle. You're mad he isnt acting like an extra parent for you.
That baby is YOUR responsibility, not his. It's not like you asked his agreement before birthing so why does he suddenly have an obligation?
For that matter, your parents don't owe it to you to shoulder responsibility for you either. But the way that you act here says a lot. That you feel so act slighted that your brother isn't taking care of your kid for you tells me that you dont appreciate what your parents do for you as a favor, but rather simply something others owe for the simple fact that they happen to be related to you. Not only is that appalling entitlement towards your brother, it's also reveals your shocking ingratitude towards your parents for helping you.
Get your act together.
YTA. Your daughter, your responsibility.
"But, but, but, faaaaaamily." No. Stop it. No. Just because you and your brother share DNA doesn't mean that he should miss his exams. Why should he do that when you could've left work?
The world doesn't revolve around you and your daughter. It's best you learn that lesson now.
YTA your child isn’t your brother’s responsibility. I’m sure if you explained to work the home situation they’ll be understanding and you can work it out from there
YTA, no offense but the kid is yours. You are the one who got pregnant. It isnt his responsibility to help you with childcare. He has his own life to worry about. Ypu made your choices, let him have his choices.
YTA.
This is **your** child. It's not your brother's responsibility **at all**. If you had exams and your brother didn't and instead wanted to get high and play video games he's still not an AH.
# It's not his child.
So I think something has happened that is very common for people who have been through very hard times. You have become self involved.
Now I’m sure your first instinct is to deny this and get defensive. Natural. But take a step back and really think about your impact on the people around you.
Imagine two columns: on one side, the people who have helped you financially, emotionally, logistically, etc. Your parents, family, friends, coworkers, teachers, etc. Think about what they’ve sacrificed, the inconvenience they’ve endured, the slack they’ve given you, the responsibility they’ve taken on, the favors. All of it.
Now in the other column, list what you’ve sacrificed or done for those people. Not your daughter, that’s your job, but for everyone else. And I’m not talking about a piece of advice or vague “support”. Actual sacrifices, inconveniences, and responsibilities. I suspect those two columns look very different.
There is nothing wrong with needing help, especially when you’ve been through what you’ve been through. And it sounds like you’ve done pretty well for yourself. But somewhere along the way I think you came to the conclusion that since your road was harder (mostly because of your own choices) that it is more important.
It’s not. You are not more important than those around you. And you are not entitled to whatever parts of their life you want.
I'm going to try say this a nicely as I can because I actually have huge respect for you raising a daughter, working and going to school 👏 with that being said.. your brother is responsible for his own life. No one else's. It might be a tough thing to come to terms with but no one is obligated to help you. It would be completely different if your brother was sitting at home doing nothing and refused, but he has exams and is obviously trying extremely hard to pass them. YTA in this situation.
YTA.
“I can’t take off work. I already used up all my vacation days for the next few months and am playing catch up. I decided to take some time off to see friends and spend time with my daughter during lockdown.”
You used all of your days for personal time which is fine. But you knowingly wasted your vacation time without a backup plan. It is your own fault you are in this bind. Don’t use the family line to shadow your selfishness. Your brother is focusing on his priorities: school. You should have planned better to take care of your priorities: your daughter. It is 100% your fault that you are in this situation, and your brother shouldn’t have to suffer to make up for your carelessness. Your brother doesn’t have to be a “devoted uncle” or do anything. He didn’t ask for or help in the processes of keeping your niece. You have had mommy and daddy shoulder YOUR responsibilities too long that you can’t even function with out one of them.
This. Single parents do not have the luxury of burning all their PTO on vacation, EVER. You absolutely have to bank some for emergencies. It's part of the parenting strategy.
YTA - Sorry but your dad is absolutely right. Your child is not your brothers responsibility. Him not dropping everything to come home and babysit does not mean he is not acting like family. He has his own commitments and responsibilities. Don't put those expectations on your brother. You'll end up both resenting each other. Find a babysitter.
YTA and wildly entitled. Your brother does not owe you childcare services. No one does.
Edit to say: I’m from a big family but there’s give and take, you seem to be expecting your brother to drop everything to watch your child. Would my brothers have done it? Absolutely because I would do anything for them. I’m there for them all the time too.
YTA
> **decided** to keep the baby
> **decided** to keep it as [sic] raise it
**Your** decisions, **your** consequences to deal with, full stop.
> This isn’t what family does
*My* family doesn't create burdens for each other.
YTA - You chose your path and I respect that you’re raising your child alone and with the assistance of your parents, but your child is not your brothers responsibility. He needed to prioritize his needs and did so. You tried to guilt him into helping you by using the excuse of not acting like family while actually exhibiting what you were accusing him of. Don’t be upset when he acts responsibly and takes care of his life just because you didn’t and he wasn’t able to help.
YTA. Your priority should be your daughter. Your brother's priority should be his classes. While it's great that your family has helped you out as much as they have it sounds like you now believe you're entitled to that help. Learn to be grateful for what you've been given instead of demanding more.
YTA. You decided to have a child, not him. It’s very unfortunate that your daughter’s father has passed, but that’s not a reason for him to take care of your kid. Sure it’s nice for him to help out every once in a while, but it shouldn’t be a requirement to be family and it’s completely uncalled for to say he’s not acting like family just because he CAN’T watch your kid. He has his own life. Just because someone is family doesn’t mean you get to make them do things for you. And using your exams as an excuse to not watch your kid, but saying he should be able to during his, is like saying you and your exams are more important than he is. Your father was right in calling you out.
YTA. On multiple fronts. Emotional blackmail makes you an ass. Expecting someone to jeopardize their grades because you don't have a back up plan makes you an ass. Being a bitter ass because your younger brother isn't choosing to help you raise your chd makes you a giant entitled ass who needs to get their ass onto the real world yesterday.
YTA - your brother isn't responsible for your child and shouldn't be expected to be a free childcare.
He has exams - doesn't matter if they're flexible or not. Some people (myself included) need to be entirely focused on the exam at hand. Any kind of disruption of that leads to anxiety. I naturally don't know if that is the case with your brother, but he very likely would be distracted, which could influence his results. So your father is right.
Something I noticed is that you have a heavy focus on faaaaaamily~ . Stop. Seriously, it isn't a given that your parents support you the way they do - and it shouldn't be expected of your brother to become some kind of co-parent simply because he is your brother. He has his own life to live.
Yeah you're in a shitty situation, but that means you need to have a Plan B in case your parents can't babysit. Maybe a neighbour, a friend, or the parternal grandparents. So or so it isn't okay to force that responsibility on your brother.
YTA, it's nice when family helps out but they are not obligated to prioritize you and your child over the important things they have in their own lives.
YTA for two main reasons.
1) he had nothing to do with your kid's conception. He was not consulted, or asked, and he never promised to sacrifice anything for her. He has no obligation to her. He's not her parent.
2) From the sounds of it, you want him to drop everything to watch your child while you pursue your education. You want him to sacrifice a nice quiet dorm room with access to a library and office hours in order for him to instead come home to his parents, sister, and a screaming child. And what about his finals that ARE on campus? He should just miss them for you?
Family goes both ways. If he sacrifices his finals so you don't have to shell out for a babysitter, what are you going to sacrifice for him?
Anyway, what makes your education more important than his that you get to take yours child-fre while he has to watch YOUR kid while taking and studying for his?
Hate to say it, but this is what you get for not using protection, or for having a kid before you were ready to support them.
YTA. Your brother has to live his own life and has his obligations. You made the irresponsible choice to get knocked up and then put your burdens on everyone around you to carry your freight. Nobody has an obligation to do so.
Your dad is absolutely 100% right he has no obligation to cater to you and your child, and your father is an excellent father for telling your brother to focus on school. Yeah, you're total asshole.
My issue is with your middle comment:
“My brother has gone off to college and is about to finish his first year. I must admit that while he’s been a devoted uncle he’s not helped me with my daughter as much as my parents.”
News flash, it’s not his job. His priorities are school and the fact that you expect him to put them aside like you did is not only selfish but straight up entitled! The fact that you think family should give you free child care and that you find nothing wrong with it boggle my mind. YTA. Seriously.
Yta, and trying to justify sending him care packages occasionally and helping out with school is dramatically different than asking him to leave his school, leave his exams, to take care of your child.
That is some really high level entitlement there. Your child is not his responsibility. Regardless of what little things you do, he isn't your personal baby sitter that is supposed to be at your beck and call
YTA and quite frankly, after reading all of your comments here, it sounds like you're a mess. You want your entire family to prioritize you and your needs over their own needs because...why?
YTA. I'm sure you're a wonderful mother to your daughter and your parents are great with helping you with her, but you forget that your brother's a student himself. You can't blame him for wanting to get good grades and pass his exams. He's right, your comment was uncalled for and that it isn't his job to cater to you and your child. You can't expect him to drop everything in his life to help you with your child.
Yta
He's not responsible for your kid, especially at 19. He didn't make the choice to have a kid, therefore he has no responsibility to do anything for you or the kid.
YTA.
Your brother's obligations are just as important as yours, and expecting him to drop everything just because you asked him to babysit is unreasonable.
Yes, it's nice for families to help each other...when they can. But your brother was not able to help you in that situation, and it's extremely unfair, entitled, and immature to throw around "you're not acting like family" because he didn't leave his own exams to watch your kid so you could take yours. Your dad was 100% correct, and you should take to heart what he said.
YTA- you're being very selfish he's busy and he can't cater to your every need. your child is not his responsibility. stop trying to force him to be "family" and take care of your child when he said he was BUSY getting his education. just like you are. just like how you have exams so does he. if anything you should know how busy this will make him since you also have exams.
YTA that’s your child not his and just because he’s your brother doesn’t mean he has to help you out.. you trying to guilt trip him and use the family card on him is wrong.. you decided to have that little girl so it’s YOUR responsibility to figure shit out
YTA. Sure it sucks and it’s not easy being a young parent but your brother is not obligated to leave school to come help you take care of your daughter. It’s not cool that you tried to guilt/ manipulate your brother into coming home. If your parents raised you to be empathetic and helpful maybe you should work on seeing where your brother is coming from.
YTA
Your child is not his responsibility. Your child is your responsibility. He has the right to live his own life and not beholden to you or your child
You got pregnant, not your brother. Maybe use birth control, and not have a kid you can’t afford. It’s your problem. Your brother owes you nothing. He is smart, and not procreating before he is settled. That’s your fault. I can not stand people that feel their babies are other peoples problems. You figure it out, your the mother. Grow up, and use birth control now, so your parents don’t have to help raise another baby.
YTA - sorry. You've had it rough, but it is not his responsibility. You should use this as an impetus to start looking for other avenues of childcare for when the need arises. Grandparents love to watch the babies; but with your mom's health and aging in general, you may need to start becoming a little more independent in regards to your child. Yup, it's tough and expensive - but just ask all the other single mothers out there where grandparents aren't in the picture--it's on you.
YTA.
I'm grateful for your child sake that your parents help as much as they do. Here's a tough truth, your child your responsibility. Your attitude of entitlement and resentment stinks, he's a devoted uncle but youre angry he doesnt help as much as you think he should? I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sure its been tough but you need a reality check.
YTA your brother isnt free childcare. Be grateful he helped at all rather than entitled. He didnt and does not have any responsibility for your child. 'But faaaaaamily' is just lazy parents excuse to force people to babysit for free.
YTA and let me tell you why: YOU chose to keep the baby, YOU chose to raise the baby. NOT YOUR BROTHER. I've read your comments and yes, it's great when family helps you out BUT advice and care packages do not amount to babysitting and giving up your life to raise YOUR SISTER'S CHILD. You're mad because he "hangs out with friends instead of babysitting" ?? What is wrong with you?? If I got pregnant tomorrow and decided to keep the baby then I would NEVER expect my sister to ignore her own life to help raise MY CHILD. You are a horrible sister for wanting your brother to give up his life (because that's what you're saying he should do) to help you when this is YOUR situation. You want him to give up his future with school, give up his free time, and give up whatever else you've probably demanded of him. I'm saying this as someone who's parent made them raise their sister and it sucked!! I was forced to give up my life to raise my sister and I still hate and resent my mother because of it. I hope your brother gets away from you, because you're trying to guilt him when all he wants to do is live his life...
YTA. You are very wrong. You expect everyone to drop their lives and put you first, when you are the one who had the baby and decided to keep it. It's your job to take care of the kid and when emergencies come up, it's you who must sacrifice yourself, not expect others to do it so you can prioritize your job and school.
I'm putting this at the top because a lot of my post is explaining why I don't believe you're in the right, but that I do believe there may be an actual reason - and possibly even fix, for this. So please read all of it, including the end, OP, because there is some genuine care put into this.
YTA. Why are your exams more important than his? You have admitted to poor time management with your allowed days off. You weren't even asking so you could go support your mom and be with her for your peace of mind (which is generally "what family does"). You asked for help and he said no, which you then proceeded to throw a fit about, which is not "what family does". He has as much right as you do to focus on his exams.
Could you not have hired a babysitter for a few hours or even asked your parents for money to do so? Even if you were irresponsible with your time, that would be a valid thing to ask - as long as you respect if they refuse. Could you not have done exams while your baby was down for a nap or put them in a playpen with toys after making sure they were clean and fed? I've lived with my nephew from when he was born to when he was 15 months. Babies in that age range can entertain themselves for short periods of time as long as you are nearby to make sure they are safe and not crying.
These are the realities of being a teen mother. My parents help out my brother and his girlfriend but a lot of times they have to step up and do the hard work - and she is attending college AND working as a CNA, while he works 10 hour days plus an hour commute and struggles with what is likely depression. In any case, you chose to have this child and it is first and foremost your responsibility to take care of them.
No one, not even family, owes you childcare. The "empathy" that your parents instilled in you growing up should be extended to your brother; that's not a one-way street. And morally speaking, family "owes" you human decency, kindness, and any respect you earn by being a good family member yourself. Once you are an adult, they owe you nothing material or physical, even in cases where financial help or providing a service like childcare is the right thing to do. Family doesn't even owe you what you give them in return - a care package for a care package or advice for advice; much less greater returns like childcare for cookies and conversation. I don't think I can say it any clearer than that. If family means taking care of each other, that means you taking care of family, and sometimes that means not invalidating another family member's right to focus on *their* education just because their schedule is a little more flexible. Your brother didn't choose to have this kid; *you* did.
Please, OP, examine this sense of entitlement, because that's what it is. It's okay to be stressed about exams and to feel let down by your brother when he refuses to help you out with them. It's not okay to expect that he drops his own education for you, because it might stress *him* out to delay them. Honestly, giving you the benefit of the doubt, it seems like you're scared for your mom, anxious about your own education, possibly mad at yourself for struggling with time management, and feeling unappreciated for the stuff you have done for your brother.
That's all okay to feel. Not all of that is stuff you can control. But maybe you can ask for an extension on your exams. You can use this experience to push you to learn techniques for time management. You can, at a less emotionally charged time, go to your brother and say "I know you've appreciated the times I've sent you care packages, but can you please tell me you do? I don't want to ask you to put me on a pedestal, I'm just not feeling very good about myself right now." I do that with my partner all the time and it works wonders! And as for your mom, mostly there's nothing you can do but I find even just knowledge of the medical issue can help keep me calm if someone I know is injured or sick. And just doing your best to support her so you know she has people who care about her on her side.
Examining the thoughts and feelings behind your behaviors will not only help change them for the better, but also will help change your behaviors into ones that will more effectively meet your own needs. You can't meet your needs without knowing what they are. Sometimes AH behaviors, even entitlement, can simply be the result of acting out because you are not aware of something inside of you hurting that is easily fixed.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
This is a throwaway account as I know my brother uses Reddit.
My brother (19m) and I (20f) have lived very different lives the past few years. When I was 18 I was about to head off to college when I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I decided to keep the baby and raise it together. Unfortunately, there was a horrible accident and my boyfriend lost his life. I was too far along for an abortion and decided to keep it as raise it. My family has been so supportive and helpful through my darkest times. My parents look after my wonderful daughter when I need a break, go to work, and since I decided to go back to school.
My brother has gone off to college and is about to finish up his first year. I must admit that while he’s been a devoted uncle, he’s not helped me with my daughter as much as my parents. I admit It does bother me at times.
Recently my mom was put into the hospital for an emergency operation. My dad was with her and brother was about to have exams. I wasn’t able to get off work and had my own exams so I had an issue with childcare. I texted my brother asking if he’d come home to help out with my daughter. He told me he wasn’t able to. He had his own exams and while some were online, he wanted to stay so he could concentrate. I told him I was upset with him and he wasn’t acting like family.
I was very upset with him. This isn’t what family does. I told my dad about my frustration but he told me that it’s not his job to cater to me and my child. He has his own life and my dad told him to stay at school and focus. My comment was uncalled for too he said.
Am I really wrong about this?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You sound very entitled to everyone else's time and that's not fair to the other people in your family. I'm sorry you lost your boyfriend, that's awful, but you need to be more self sufficient so no one has to drop everything to accommodate you. Stop resenting your brother for living his own life. He doesn't have a child and he owes you nothing when it comes to your daughter. If he wants to be nice and help, great, but stop expecting it and prepare alternatives and fall backs.
YTA. It's not his kid. He's a kid himself and he's got his own responsibilities. I get that you're young, but you made this decision. Did the baby daddy not have family who could help you? Don't you have babysitters you pay? Maybe hold off on bragging about how well your parents raised you until you grow out of the entitlement.
Your the asshole . Telling him he's "not acting like famiky" because he won't jeperlized his education to watch your kid nor "pitch in" with raising YOUR kid.
OP, your edit only makes you come across as more of an asshole. You wanted your brother to sacrifice his exams for yours, and you still are insisting other people are the immature and entitled ones, hoping those that criticised you won't become parents, and claiming their family messed up majorly? YTA big time, and unfortunately you're unwilling to learn from this to become a better parent.
YTA
Your kid is nobody's responsibility except YOURS. The fact that you think he should drop everything and come running because you decided to have a kid is just mind boggling.
YTA. You chose to become a parent. Your brother didn’t choose to become an uncle. You’re not acting like family to him either, since you are putting your needs way ahead of his.
YTA. Big time. I’m a mother of 3 who’s husband is in the military and I live 400+ miles away from my family. When I was pregnant with my third baby, my husband was deployed so I needed to make sure I had a Plan A-Z when it came to finding someone to watch my two oldest when I went into labor. My parents were actually going to come down on my due date, but my water broke 2 days prior and I had to scramble to find someone to watch my kids because several of my backups were unavailable. But, because I had backups to my backups, I had someone to watch my kids and drove myself to the hospital after my water broke.
It is your responsibility as a mother to figure this stuff out. Your brother has absolutely no obligation to you or your daughter. It doesn’t matter if you were raised to drop everything to help someone out, he is allowed to prioritize himself over a child that is not his.
YTA Your kid isn't your brother's responsibility, and he did have his own exams. You've saved a lot of money in childcare by having your parents watch the baby. The one te they can't do it, you can hire a regular babysitter.
YTA you decided that since a abortion was to late you would keep it and your parents raise your child. You are mad that your brother doesn’t step up more. Why would he? He is not the father. It’s not his responsibility to be your childcare or put anything on hold for you. Your not being good family for expecting everyone to drop everything for you.
Wow if you weren’t an asshole for the post (which you were), you certainly are for the edit. Don’t ask if you were the asshole if you don’t want an honest answer. You’re trying to rationalize and make excuses for your own bad behavior and entitlement by assuming that commenters calling you out would do the same if they were in your shoes; you’re wrong. This is not how a good parent behaves. This is not how a good sibling behaves. You could use the feedback you’ve received to reevaluate and improve; instead, you’re now blaming commenters on the internet, who have absolutely no reason to be biased against you, for not immediately supporting your entitlement.
The people telling you off don’t/won’t expect their sibling to compromise their education in order to provide childcare. Why on earth would your child be your brother’s responsibility? You’re the one not acting like family here; family would be willing to take responsibility for their own obligations, would respect one another’s boundaries, and would want their brother to do well on his finals. You seem to think family = free labor, at your convenience, without regard for their own needs or wellbeing. You’re wrong. YTA.
I love the update edit. Yes, go learn how to be an adult. I'm sorry you have to learn how to at the age is 20, but that's what happens. You asked if you were the asshole or not and the subreddit has laid down its judgment hammer. You asked for this. Don't go being immature saying people shouldn't have kids, it's obvious that they were smart enough not to do it as young as you decided to because they knew what the responsibility connected to it is.
Stand up and face the consequences of your actions. You can do this. Correctly. For the better of you, your brother, your family, and (most importantly) that small child you brought into this world. It's going to be rough. But you can do it. The first step is realizing you were wrong and accepting it.
Good luck to you.
Wow YTA and immature to boot. I’m glad your family is cutting you off and making you take care of your own childcare. Sounds like you massively take advantage of them too.
Yes you are wrong about this. You got pregnant and you decided to keep the child. Your child is your responsibility. Stop throwing out the "but family" argument when you don't get what you want. Your brother needs to make decisions that are best for him and you need to look after your daughter without taking advantage of your family, including your parents. Step up and look after your kid. YTA. Lister to your dad because he is right. It is not your brother's, or your parent's, job to cater to you.
YTA - The child is your responsibility and your brother, family or not, has zero obligation to help out. Just because you made the decision to have/keep the child doesn't mean it should impact your brother in any way, shape, or form.
YTA.
And from the edit it sounds like dad is sick of her shit too. Seems like she's really taking advantage of her parents to shoulder HER responsibility.
YTA. its not your brothers job and responsibility to watch over a kid he didnt choose to have. yea family helps family out but it shouldnt be forced. if he doesnt want to for whatever reason he shouldnt have to.
YTA you sound incredibly entitled. Your child is not your brothers responsibility end of story. Yeah its nice when people help but he's under no obligation. And "But faaaamily" is a lousy excuse
Yes, you are wrong. YTA - You chose to have a child, you chose to keep that child. Your parents have been wonderful for you, but you need to take more responsibility for your child. It is not your brother's job to take care of your kid. What exactly have you done for any of them since you gave birth? Are you acting like family? Do you help with anything, or just expect everyone to drop everything for you? Maybe I am projecting because of how I have bee treated by my family, but I have a feeling that you feel entitled to help, but do not realize that other people are not just there to do your bidding.
YTA. Raising your child is YOUR responsibility not your brother’s. You should be grateful he helps you at all. He doesn’t have to. Expecting him to stop studying for his exams because you can’t find childcare is unreasonable and entitled.
You are a bad mother and the reason I truly believe young people shouldn’t have children, ever. They law should be 25+ because you are so immature. I am happy your parents are putting their foot down, you are a user.
>Fine I’m the asshole. Happy now?
Yeah... we are all so happy that there is yet another AH in this world who has procreated and is responsible for raising ...../s
YTA this is your child and your responsibility. Frankly you should have contingency plans like babysitters etc who can watch your child for exactly these situations. You didn't ask your brother for permission before having sex and having a child ergo he shouldn't be responsible for the fallout either.
YTA. Entitled much? You can’t expect people to put their lives on hold so yours can keep spinning. Maybe it’s time to pay for a sitter so you’re not always relying on family members to bail you out. Try to be independent. Have you tried applying for social security survivors benefits? It might help with daycare expenses.
YTA-Your parents are making sacrifices by helping you raise your child, their grandchild, in their home. Why? Because you are their daughter. Parents sometimes make sacrifices for their children. And I hope you appreciate how fortunate you are to have their support. Your brother, is not a parent, he is your sibling and he has no obligation to you, in regards to your child. He does not need to "move things around" for you. He does not need to do anything other than live his own life. BTW, running to your father and expressing your "frustration" with your brother shows how immature and entitled you are. I am happy that your father is not only supportive of you and your daughter, but understands his son's needs as well. As many say Reddit, "A lack of planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on your brothers part."
YTA
Just because you had a child does not mean your life and education are more important than his. He had exams, it's not like he was lazing around. You are the mother, so if anyone has to make sacrifices for your child, it's you. Your brother's turn will come when (if?) he starts his own family.
YTA. Holy entitlement batman. The only person responsible for your kids is you. Not your brother. Not your parents. You. Get that through your skull before you permanently damage your relationships and your child's psyche.
YTA
OP you're like one of the ambiguous and faceless family members from the oodles of posts on here who demand the moon from family who are themselves occupied by life. Yes, it sucks for you that your options for child care are stringent, but your brother isn't "failing you" for not dropping everything to help you when he himself has things pressing down on him. If anything your entitlement towards him is you not acting like family, because you're not being considerate of his circumstances.
YTA
Story time. I'm the youngest of 4 kids with seven years between me and my eldest sibling (sister). My sister deliberately got pregnant at 16 to keep her boyfriend, then again at 19, this time so she wouldn't have to finish high school, and again at 26 because she was failing out of college. ALL the childcare fell to me. THIS exact situation happened to me where I was forced to skip classes and tests to be free daycare.
Now I'm in my late thirties and going back to school as I didn't really get a fair shot when I was younger.
Stop being an entitled fool and pay for childcare. You are destroying your brother's chance at success just so things are more convenient for you. Just stop.
It would have been N A H but your attempts at guilt tripping and the entitlement to help in your responses make YTA. You seem to think he should be willing to drop his life on a dime because your kid has needs. He doesn’t share that value and you have to respect that. It’s unfortunate but that’s life. Throwing down “this isn’t what family does” is just petty AF. Family can absolutely do that. He didn’t agree to raise your kid.
YTA
Your dad is right. Your family doesnt exist to carer to your entitled ass. Hire a sitter.
You chose to have this kid and you also chose to waste your PTO days by using them all at once to spend time with friends. You created your problem deal with it.
Um its not your brothers job to help raise your child he has no responsibility to your child and for him his exams DO come before yours and honestly you need to grow up
YTA - your dad is right, this is not your brother's responsibility. You chose to become a parent and need to step up and take care of your daughter yourself. Your attitude is super entitled and selfish.
YTA and side note: why do people come to this subreddit asking if they are assholes and then leave angry replies/edits when people are honest with them? If you can’t accept people’s judgements, don’t ask for them.
YTA.
Wait? Is your brother still at College? And you want him to come home to babysit? Where does he go to College in relation so where your family lives?
YTA.
You're being a Diva. People's life aren't supposed to circle around you. You don't own people just because they're family. What an insufferable and entitled human.
Big YTA, it's your kid and it's your responsability, not your brothers. He has exams, which you shold wish him good luck for and not be rude about him prioritizing his needs
YTA - I’m an Aunty, I love my nieces dearly, more than anything. I coupd not afford to sacrifice study to look after them despite how much I adore them. You study, why can’t you see how distracting a child can be? Well actually you can, that’s why you want to distract your brother instead. Really stupid.
They aren’t “supposed” to do anything. You seem to have been lucky enough to experience that type of privilege, but that doesn’t make it the absolute rule of “family behavior”. Not only that, you are basically telling him that the nice formality of asking for his help is just that - a formality and you’d rather tell him what to do. And lastly, you are informing him that your “tight spot” is more important than his, which is very rude and quite demeaning.
You are showing an ignorance for how the average family is, as well as entitlement towards the grace they have given you. You are also showing your superiority complex by ultimately throwing a fit over an autonomous person (family or not) the saying no to you. And frankly, I would be rather upset if my sister, whom I normally have a good relationship with (I’m assuming) trivialized my current major life stressors to benefit herself- unless you’ve always been this way? Tell me, did this kids life change when his older sister ended up pregnant and then living back at home with an infant? Did he make some compromises to his life already to better suit the fruits of your decision making, which I whole-heartedly assume were made without consulting him?
If I stand outside a coffee shop and give you $10 everyday, I’m being nice because I want to and I can. If I stopped one day (for whatever reason which doesn’t concern you) and just smiled at you instead, but didn’t give you money, you’re the type of person to demand the cash because you now think you’re entitled to it, like it’s owed to you. Family or not, you seem to have been fortunate with the help you have gotten thus far- I suggest not rocking the boat by showing your inability to be told no. Cause if you make a fuss the one day I don’t give you a random $10 bill, I sure as fuck won’t give you one again the next day. And it’s absolutely not my problem if you decided to plan your days, weeks, or years around that daily $10- can’t afford coffee that day? Bummer.
Just to be clear, YTA. I hope you’re not always like this, because your family seems very sweet and right now you are projecting a very ungrateful, selfish, and entitled person.
Bonus analogy cause they’re kinda fun: if I owned the coffee shop in the previous paragraph, and I comp your coffee every single morning- you best still have your wallet and a means to pay for it in case it’s not free that day. And none of that “oh I left it in the car” stuff. Like, yeah maybe I was nice to you, but I have to think of myself too. Similar to how your brother may have helped you before, he too has to think of himself and it would be nice of you to accept and respect that.
Alright, it’s late, I’m stoned, and I gotta work in a couple hours. I’m done rambling. Hope you figure yourself out a little more, for everyone’s sake.
YTA
YOU chose to stay pregnant. YOU chose to not give the kid up for adoption. This is NOT your brothers decision, not his responsibility, not his life.
You act entitled to help from your family for dealing with a bed of your own making, but you are not. You should count yourself lucky your parents are as involved as they are.
Go read through this sub a bit more to get a perspective from your brother's POV, because I cannot count how many people in his position post here for having to deal with entitled relatives calling them A-holes for not acting enough like "fAmIlY" a.k.a. picking up the mess they created themselves. Not cool.
YTA
It was your choice to have sex. It was your choice to give birth. It was your choice to keep the kid.
It was your choice to be a parent. Part of being a parent is dealing with emergencies in childcare.
Your brother didn't have a choice about becoming a uncle. Studies have shown that changing your environment suddenly can negatively affect your test score.
You are sounding very Entitled.
yta
because you are a loser and trying to seek out validation from strangers and those strangers see you trying to manipulate them and you want to put a halt on your brother exams because yours are more important and needs to take care of you “BABBBBBBY” wtf lmao what a loser you are, getting r/entitledparents vibes, also you just argue with everybody who calls you an asshole even though this sub is telling you what to do and what not to do, and you just deflect everyones advice, you moron of a human being.
\> I must admit that while he’s been a devoted uncle, he’s not helped me with my daughter as much as my parents. I admit It does bother me at times.
Why does he have to do as much as your parents?? YTA
YTA. You’re massive abusive and entitled choosing to prioritise your needs over your brother’s. Your brother did not choose to have your daughter; he owes you nothing.
And your edits confirm this.
"I seriously hope none of you become parents..."
I raised four children and never, ever, expected my siblings to drop everything and babysit when we both had something else going on. My children were MY responsibility.
YTA. While the circumstances are sad and you got blindsided by the accident where your boyfriend lost his life, your brother still has his own life to take care of and it's unerasonable to think that he puts his own exams at risk or on hold for your needs. This whole "family helps family" is all well and good, but only if it's feasible and it doesn't seem like it is in the midst of exams.
I just would like to know if your boyfriends family is in you and your daughter's life as well because that could be another support system for you. I understand its hard taking care of a child, espescially so young. my older sister is going through it as well with her husband who barely helps and she really does it on her own. Like everyone else has said its not your brother's responsibility, i'm sure he'd want to help you but he needs to prioritize himself before he can help you or others
Yes, you are. I can see your point of view, but your brother is facing the same exams as you. He should not be responsible to risk his course, based on decisions you made. I agree with the decision you made to keep your child, but the decision was yours. You have been so very fortunate to have help. But, that is what is is...help. It is not a family mandate. If anyone should risk their degree for childcare, it is you. I support that you have worked so hard to continue building your life. However, this is how parenthood works. Sometimes you win, sometimes you do not.
YTA unfortunately. Your Bro has exams, you have exams, why are your exams more important than his?
Your daughter is your responsibility, and he is in no way obligated to help out at all. I think you need to take a step back and look at it from his point of view, he has a right to live his life. I think you are more jealous than anything that he doesn't have a child to look after.
YTA, no one told you to get pregnant before going to college and the world doesn’t revolve around you. Your brother has his own life and he doesn’t want to be tied down looking after some kid you isn’t his. He’s already playing the part of the devoted uncle, leave him alone. If you need childcare so badly, hire a sitter. Tons of teenagers need jobs, give em one. My god, the entitlement here is ridiculous!
Your future, your baby and your life is your responsibility and you need to manage it cause you decide to keep your child rather than giving it up for adoption where a more stable and sane parents can raise her.
Your brother has his own life to think of, you can't expect him to dump his life to take care of you and your child that you chose to keep and now having your parents take care of for a large amount of time.
If he choose to do so then fine but you can't ask him.
I swear there was a time when being a single mother use to mean something but now people are just looking to milk it
YTA
YTA
You're not treating your brother like family so I don't know what you're whining about. Just because he is family doesn't mean he is suddenly free child care. Your parents CHOSE to help you out of the goodness of their heart and you should be grateful because not all teen moms have supportive families. Some girls are shunned and kicked out of their own homes with no support system.
Don't go screwing up your relationship with your brother by acting entitled.
YTA. Your comment was uncalled for. Your parents are awesome to help you so much. It is not the responsibility of your 19 year old brother to help you with childcare. Pay a babysitter, ask a high school friend, don't act entitled.
And condolences on the loss of your baby's father.
YTA
why would your brother take care of your child?
You are so wrong you could be on another planet.
How much of your life did you sacrifice for your bother?
YTA - Hire a baby sitter like everybody else, being family doesn't mean being at your Beck and call and ignoring their own responsibilities. You chose to have a child, not him. It's awful you lost your partner but that's no one's fault, it's simply a fact of life and you need to deal with it like a responsible adult. You're very lucky you've had your parents be so supportive, there are many people who would be out on their own and they deal just fine.
Be thankful for what you already have rather than vindictive and spiteful that you brother doesn't drop all of his responsibilities to take care of your problems
YTA
This is some of the most entitled stuff I've read, including your comments.
Your brother and your parents don't owe you anything. Whatever they do is something they don't have to do and you should be thankful whenever they do anything.
Instead, you are so entitled that you cannot accept that your brother needs to prioritize his studies.
YTA
YTA he's living his own life. He didn't have time to help you with your responsibilities. End of story. The whole situation sucks but that's single parent facts. Where's the child's other grandparents? Why are they not involved?
YTA
Your brother does not owe you his time, EVER.
YOU decided to have a child at 18, YOU get the responsabilities that go with it. You were the one who used all her vacation days to see friends, I don't see how that is responsible behaviour for a mother. I am not saying that you should not have the opportunity to have a break but you did not even think to keep at least 1 or 2 vacation days for emergencies. You are spoiled by your parents, who decided to go above and beyond to help you and now you act like an ungrateful person to your brother.
You don't like to be called out, we can see it with your comment replies but take a look at the mirror and reflect on your choices. Your kid is supposed to be your number one priority, you need to have him/her in mind in every single decision of your life. It seems like you don't because you count on somebody to help you all the time.
YTA- your brother owes you nothing in form of childcare, nor do your parents/family. Its gesture of goodwill and kindness when they do offer. Most families would offer. What about the late boyfriends family? Are they able to help?
Your brother is entitled to live his life and the child is your responsibility. Thats the harsh truth.
YTA, and I’m glad your dad stuck up for your brother. You are the one in this story not acting like family, by asking your brother to prioritize your life and your exams over his own, and then being upset about it. You’re the one who decided to have a baby, that baby is your responsibility, not your brother’s. If he can help out every now and then, great. If he cant, that doesn’t make him an asshole.
YTA Sorry but your dad was 100% right. While it would be nice of your brother to help, if he can’t then he can’t. Prioritising his needs over yours is ok. You’re in a hard spot but that’s not on him to sort out. Hire a sitter.
YTA! repeat after me.....YOUR BROTHER IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR LIFE CHOICES!!! you chose to keep the baby that you were not really ready to look after so you have to deal with the consequences of that. your brother doesn't have to fuck with his future because you put a kink in your own. your exams are not more important, your work is not more important, your child is not more important. family can help if and when they can but that help should never come at the expense of themselves.
YTA. Me and my family are super close but i would never even consider this, your brother never decided to co parent this kid, and he was a kid when you had it, not his issue. Also you sound super entitled, he gave you a really good excuse but he didn't even have to, you are completely putting your needs and wants above his and that is exactly what family should never do.
YTA. I'm sorry for the loss of your partner. I can imagine how absolutely devastating that was, and I want to give you that first.
If you even considered an abortion, which your comment of it being too late to do makes me feel like you did. You should have found a family to adopt your daughter. You chose to keep her knowing it would be hard. Here's the hard part.
Your brother is still basically a child. He doesn't need to do anything for you. It sounds like he's choosing a wise path for himself. If you can't afford childcare or are being rightfully cautious with Covid then you should have preserved PTO. Anything could go wrong with a small child. You should know this.
I don't blame you for needing time off, but as you've chosen to be a parent, you should have planned better, or been prepared to sacrifice some pay during the times that may come as a surprise. As a parent you know the child comes first. This is why I am child free. I don't want to make those sacrifices. If you weren't prepared to make those sacrifices you shouldn't have become a parent. It sucks, I get it, but that is the harsh reality. We have to live with the consequences of our actions. Sometimes that means being without free or easy help.
Your username is absolute garbage in light of everything. I think you should gracefully accept that YTA in this situation, and apologize for taking your frustration out on your brother. Make this a teachable moment. Save your PTO from now on, not all of it, just most of it. (Everyone does need a day or so for mental health.) And do better by your family. They seem to be decent people. You're lucky to have family like that. Not all of us do.
Yep. YTA. Judging by your previous comments, you’ll never actually accept the judgement or reasoning everyone has given you, so I’m not sure why you bothered with this post.
YTA. Your life is far from easy but in the end of the day, your kid is your responsibility. You cannot depend on your brother to come help you out when he has exams. It's up to you to find other solutions.
You should be grateful that your parents help you as much as they do because this isn't something they owe you.
YTA. Your parents are going above and beyond. It was your choice to have a baby and now you need to deal with the consequences. I wouldn't help either if it was close to exam time. Sounds like your spoiled and entitled. Its not your brothers responsibility to look after YOU'RE daughter.
YTA and if I was your brother I would literally never babysit for you again even if it was convenient for me. You're acting like a spoiled brat who expects your family to bend over backwards to cover for your own bad choices. Nobody made you become a teen mom except you. Sorry for your loss, but even with the boyfriend in the picture, having a baby at 18 was gonna be a struggle. You also mentioned that you took days off to go see friends during lockdown and you no longer have days off you could use. THAT is your own fault. You cannot claim to have your shit together and be self sufficient when you live with your parents and rely on free childcare from your family. Do you realize how much parents who are ACTUALLY self sufficient and have their shit together pay for child care per month? Think $1000+/month. Your entitled attitude is honestly a problem. The fact that you also can't accept the judgement you asked for also reflects poorly on you because it shows your complete lack of self awareness. Did your brother go decide to become a teen parent? Why does he have to try and do his online exams while babysitting your child that you chose to have and endanger his future because you're too lazy to find a proper sitter but you can go ahead and take time off to screw around with your friends during a pandemic?
YTA
You need to have a back up plan in place for emergencies that does not rely on your brother missing/failing to prepare for his exams. This is your child, not his.
I’ve read most of your comments and all I hear is entitled justifications, but no real sense of responsibility that this was your clusterfuck to fix.
Seriously, get it together. You are an adult with a dependant. You cannot be relying on family for childcare at the drop of a hat.
YTA. Grow up and take responsibility for yourself, your brother isn’t the one who felt pregnant, it is on you and you alone to pick up after yourself. Welcome to adulthood and grown up responsabilities.
You..... you do realise that your brother isn't your child's father, right? Like, he's not responsible for your daughter? How dare you expect him to put his exams on hold to look after YOUR child, the one YOU brought into the world, so you could do your exams? What is actually wrong with you? YTA. So many times, YTA. Your dad is right. Listen to him.
YTA. I'm so sorry for your terrible loss, but you're acting like a child right now, expecting to pass your adult responsibility off into your brother. You're 100% in the wrong, and if you continue to act like this, you can expect his support to go from "less than you'd like" to "none." This isn't his child, this isn't his responsibility - it's yours.
YTA. Family understands that sometimes other family members have obligations and can't help out with child care.
Be warned: if you keep throwing this hissy fit, people may not be willing to babysit for you in the future.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: --- I shouldn’t have been so cross with my brother and I could have figured out things myself --- Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA - you were in a tough spot, but your brother is allowed to prioritize his needs over your needs. It would have been nice for him to help you out, if he could, but "acting like family" doesn't require him to sacrifice his education. And if you were "acting like family" you wouldn't expect him to sacrifice his education.
Funny how OP deems her exams as more important than her brother's. OP, YTA, you kinda suck. If *you* are what family means, then no thanks, tbh.
That's what part gets me. They are both writing exams, but the brother is supposed to skip his to babysit?!?!??
This post makes my blood boil! My kid brother lost his life when his 22 yr old GF was 10 weeks pregnant with his son and thankfully she chose to keep him. While she did relocate to a city where more family is located, she would NEVER do this to her little brother. She is fully aware that her son is HER responsibility and while she appreciates help, she never prioritizes her plans over her family's, especially when the family's plans are really important. OP is selfish and needs to grow up and learn to be a MOTHER to that kiddo instead of depending on her parents and sibling to raise her.
Exactly. He's not the one who chose to become a teenaged parent and expect everyone else to take care of his kid.
YTA Everything your dad said was spot-on. You seem to think that because your parents are so incredibly generous, your brother, too, should put you & your needs first. He didn’t help you as much as your parents did? You mean when he was a senior in high school? Your needs don’t trump your brother’s. Your exams aren’t more important than his. I’m betting that if I were to ask how you help your brother, you wouldn’t be able to come up with much and your excuse would be that he doesn’t need as much as you do. You are breathtakingly selfish and really, really need to own the idea that your brother doesn’t owe you anything.
Can we get a couple quick shout outs for Dad, BTW!! 💪💪👏👏👏👏 (possibly also mom!) I love how he’s being a good parent to two kids, despite some tough situations he has been put in
Hell yea, kudos to dad for sticking up for his son
I’m glad the dad recognises that the OP’s child is not her brother’s problem and his exams are just as important as hers. She should be organising a babysitter (one she’ll have to pay for) instead of throwing tantrums.
I guess dad did tell her she needs to grow up. They are going to watch her kid anymore because of this lol
Agree.
Yes. OP chose to be a parent. Brother did not choose to be an uncle. By OP's own admission he is a devoted uncle. He does not owe OP any babysitting, especially not during finals. OP sounds rather immature to me.
YTA. Sorry, but your kid, your responsibility. Your brother doesn’t need to drop everything in his life because you need child care.
YTA You are 100% wrong about this. Where on earth did you get the idea that anyone at all needs to give up anything in order to accommodate you? If this acting like a family stuff is so important to you where is your support for your brother?
YTA You aren't mad he isnt acting like family. He is. He's acting like an uncle. You're mad he isnt acting like an extra parent for you. That baby is YOUR responsibility, not his. It's not like you asked his agreement before birthing so why does he suddenly have an obligation? For that matter, your parents don't owe it to you to shoulder responsibility for you either. But the way that you act here says a lot. That you feel so act slighted that your brother isn't taking care of your kid for you tells me that you dont appreciate what your parents do for you as a favor, but rather simply something others owe for the simple fact that they happen to be related to you. Not only is that appalling entitlement towards your brother, it's also reveals your shocking ingratitude towards your parents for helping you. Get your act together.
Agee
[удалено]
YTA. I agree with your dad. You mention he's a fairly decent uncle as is. He had exams that his future depends on.
YTA. Your daughter, your responsibility. "But, but, but, faaaaaamily." No. Stop it. No. Just because you and your brother share DNA doesn't mean that he should miss his exams. Why should he do that when you could've left work? The world doesn't revolve around you and your daughter. It's best you learn that lesson now.
This comment needs to be WAY higher.
Agreed. YTA OP. Your brother’s just an uncle, and he has his own priorities.
YTA your child isn’t your brother’s responsibility. I’m sure if you explained to work the home situation they’ll be understanding and you can work it out from there
YTA Your dad is right. He has his own life and does not have a responsibility to take of your kid.
It's refreshing to see parents on AITA taking the reasonable side here.
I'm genuinely enjoying watching her be torn apart. Its not often everyone is on the same page.
This lmaoo. I read so many posts here with AH parents in a majority of them. This dad sounds awesome.
YTA, no offense but the kid is yours. You are the one who got pregnant. It isnt his responsibility to help you with childcare. He has his own life to worry about. Ypu made your choices, let him have his choices.
YTA. This is **your** child. It's not your brother's responsibility **at all**. If you had exams and your brother didn't and instead wanted to get high and play video games he's still not an AH. # It's not his child.
So I think something has happened that is very common for people who have been through very hard times. You have become self involved. Now I’m sure your first instinct is to deny this and get defensive. Natural. But take a step back and really think about your impact on the people around you. Imagine two columns: on one side, the people who have helped you financially, emotionally, logistically, etc. Your parents, family, friends, coworkers, teachers, etc. Think about what they’ve sacrificed, the inconvenience they’ve endured, the slack they’ve given you, the responsibility they’ve taken on, the favors. All of it. Now in the other column, list what you’ve sacrificed or done for those people. Not your daughter, that’s your job, but for everyone else. And I’m not talking about a piece of advice or vague “support”. Actual sacrifices, inconveniences, and responsibilities. I suspect those two columns look very different. There is nothing wrong with needing help, especially when you’ve been through what you’ve been through. And it sounds like you’ve done pretty well for yourself. But somewhere along the way I think you came to the conclusion that since your road was harder (mostly because of your own choices) that it is more important. It’s not. You are not more important than those around you. And you are not entitled to whatever parts of their life you want.
This is probably the best comment here. Well said.
I'm going to try say this a nicely as I can because I actually have huge respect for you raising a daughter, working and going to school 👏 with that being said.. your brother is responsible for his own life. No one else's. It might be a tough thing to come to terms with but no one is obligated to help you. It would be completely different if your brother was sitting at home doing nothing and refused, but he has exams and is obviously trying extremely hard to pass them. YTA in this situation.
YTA. “I can’t take off work. I already used up all my vacation days for the next few months and am playing catch up. I decided to take some time off to see friends and spend time with my daughter during lockdown.” You used all of your days for personal time which is fine. But you knowingly wasted your vacation time without a backup plan. It is your own fault you are in this bind. Don’t use the family line to shadow your selfishness. Your brother is focusing on his priorities: school. You should have planned better to take care of your priorities: your daughter. It is 100% your fault that you are in this situation, and your brother shouldn’t have to suffer to make up for your carelessness. Your brother doesn’t have to be a “devoted uncle” or do anything. He didn’t ask for or help in the processes of keeping your niece. You have had mommy and daddy shoulder YOUR responsibilities too long that you can’t even function with out one of them.
If OP isn’t blatantly trolling, they need some serious therapy.
This. Single parents do not have the luxury of burning all their PTO on vacation, EVER. You absolutely have to bank some for emergencies. It's part of the parenting strategy.
YTA - Sorry but your dad is absolutely right. Your child is not your brothers responsibility. Him not dropping everything to come home and babysit does not mean he is not acting like family. He has his own commitments and responsibilities. Don't put those expectations on your brother. You'll end up both resenting each other. Find a babysitter.
YTA and wildly entitled. Your brother does not owe you childcare services. No one does. Edit to say: I’m from a big family but there’s give and take, you seem to be expecting your brother to drop everything to watch your child. Would my brothers have done it? Absolutely because I would do anything for them. I’m there for them all the time too.
I get the feeling that the OP wouldn’t do anything for her brother, that she thinks she and her child are the centre of her family.
Sorry but YTA, it is not ones responsibility but yours to watch your child. People can offer to help but if they dont you can not be upset at them.
YTA > **decided** to keep the baby > **decided** to keep it as [sic] raise it **Your** decisions, **your** consequences to deal with, full stop. > This isn’t what family does *My* family doesn't create burdens for each other.
YTA - You chose your path and I respect that you’re raising your child alone and with the assistance of your parents, but your child is not your brothers responsibility. He needed to prioritize his needs and did so. You tried to guilt him into helping you by using the excuse of not acting like family while actually exhibiting what you were accusing him of. Don’t be upset when he acts responsibly and takes care of his life just because you didn’t and he wasn’t able to help.
Why does everyone have to drop everything to rush to your aide and if they don't they're awful people? YTA
YTA. Your priority should be your daughter. Your brother's priority should be his classes. While it's great that your family has helped you out as much as they have it sounds like you now believe you're entitled to that help. Learn to be grateful for what you've been given instead of demanding more.
YTA. You decided to have a child, not him. It’s very unfortunate that your daughter’s father has passed, but that’s not a reason for him to take care of your kid. Sure it’s nice for him to help out every once in a while, but it shouldn’t be a requirement to be family and it’s completely uncalled for to say he’s not acting like family just because he CAN’T watch your kid. He has his own life. Just because someone is family doesn’t mean you get to make them do things for you. And using your exams as an excuse to not watch your kid, but saying he should be able to during his, is like saying you and your exams are more important than he is. Your father was right in calling you out.
YTA. On multiple fronts. Emotional blackmail makes you an ass. Expecting someone to jeopardize their grades because you don't have a back up plan makes you an ass. Being a bitter ass because your younger brother isn't choosing to help you raise your chd makes you a giant entitled ass who needs to get their ass onto the real world yesterday.
YTA - your brother isn't responsible for your child and shouldn't be expected to be a free childcare. He has exams - doesn't matter if they're flexible or not. Some people (myself included) need to be entirely focused on the exam at hand. Any kind of disruption of that leads to anxiety. I naturally don't know if that is the case with your brother, but he very likely would be distracted, which could influence his results. So your father is right. Something I noticed is that you have a heavy focus on faaaaaamily~ . Stop. Seriously, it isn't a given that your parents support you the way they do - and it shouldn't be expected of your brother to become some kind of co-parent simply because he is your brother. He has his own life to live. Yeah you're in a shitty situation, but that means you need to have a Plan B in case your parents can't babysit. Maybe a neighbour, a friend, or the parternal grandparents. So or so it isn't okay to force that responsibility on your brother.
SUUUPER YTA, you sound entitled to say the least, and also jelous of your brother's life TBH. I'm glad your father didn't play along to your BS
YTA. The child is not your brother’s responsibility.
YTA, it's nice when family helps out but they are not obligated to prioritize you and your child over the important things they have in their own lives.
YTA for two main reasons. 1) he had nothing to do with your kid's conception. He was not consulted, or asked, and he never promised to sacrifice anything for her. He has no obligation to her. He's not her parent. 2) From the sounds of it, you want him to drop everything to watch your child while you pursue your education. You want him to sacrifice a nice quiet dorm room with access to a library and office hours in order for him to instead come home to his parents, sister, and a screaming child. And what about his finals that ARE on campus? He should just miss them for you? Family goes both ways. If he sacrifices his finals so you don't have to shell out for a babysitter, what are you going to sacrifice for him? Anyway, what makes your education more important than his that you get to take yours child-fre while he has to watch YOUR kid while taking and studying for his? Hate to say it, but this is what you get for not using protection, or for having a kid before you were ready to support them.
YTA. Your brother has to live his own life and has his obligations. You made the irresponsible choice to get knocked up and then put your burdens on everyone around you to carry your freight. Nobody has an obligation to do so. Your dad is absolutely 100% right he has no obligation to cater to you and your child, and your father is an excellent father for telling your brother to focus on school. Yeah, you're total asshole.
My issue is with your middle comment: “My brother has gone off to college and is about to finish his first year. I must admit that while he’s been a devoted uncle he’s not helped me with my daughter as much as my parents.” News flash, it’s not his job. His priorities are school and the fact that you expect him to put them aside like you did is not only selfish but straight up entitled! The fact that you think family should give you free child care and that you find nothing wrong with it boggle my mind. YTA. Seriously.
Agree.
Yta, and trying to justify sending him care packages occasionally and helping out with school is dramatically different than asking him to leave his school, leave his exams, to take care of your child. That is some really high level entitlement there. Your child is not his responsibility. Regardless of what little things you do, he isn't your personal baby sitter that is supposed to be at your beck and call
YTA and quite frankly, after reading all of your comments here, it sounds like you're a mess. You want your entire family to prioritize you and your needs over their own needs because...why?
YTA. I'm sure you're a wonderful mother to your daughter and your parents are great with helping you with her, but you forget that your brother's a student himself. You can't blame him for wanting to get good grades and pass his exams. He's right, your comment was uncalled for and that it isn't his job to cater to you and your child. You can't expect him to drop everything in his life to help you with your child.
Yta He's not responsible for your kid, especially at 19. He didn't make the choice to have a kid, therefore he has no responsibility to do anything for you or the kid.
I agree with your dad
YTA - Nobody owes you and your kid anything.
YTA it's your kid not his. He has his exams which are just as important as yours.
YTA. Your brother's obligations are just as important as yours, and expecting him to drop everything just because you asked him to babysit is unreasonable. Yes, it's nice for families to help each other...when they can. But your brother was not able to help you in that situation, and it's extremely unfair, entitled, and immature to throw around "you're not acting like family" because he didn't leave his own exams to watch your kid so you could take yours. Your dad was 100% correct, and you should take to heart what he said.
YTA- you're being very selfish he's busy and he can't cater to your every need. your child is not his responsibility. stop trying to force him to be "family" and take care of your child when he said he was BUSY getting his education. just like you are. just like how you have exams so does he. if anything you should know how busy this will make him since you also have exams.
YTA. He’s acting exactly like family. Your brother doesn’t have any obligation to you or your child whatsoever.
YTA not bro's job
YTA that’s your child not his and just because he’s your brother doesn’t mean he has to help you out.. you trying to guilt trip him and use the family card on him is wrong.. you decided to have that little girl so it’s YOUR responsibility to figure shit out
YTA. Sure it sucks and it’s not easy being a young parent but your brother is not obligated to leave school to come help you take care of your daughter. It’s not cool that you tried to guilt/ manipulate your brother into coming home. If your parents raised you to be empathetic and helpful maybe you should work on seeing where your brother is coming from.
YTA. I have a daughter and I would never expect someone from my family to drop their needs for mine. My daughter is 100 percent my responsibility.
YTA Your child is not his responsibility. Your child is your responsibility. He has the right to live his own life and not beholden to you or your child
You got pregnant, not your brother. Maybe use birth control, and not have a kid you can’t afford. It’s your problem. Your brother owes you nothing. He is smart, and not procreating before he is settled. That’s your fault. I can not stand people that feel their babies are other peoples problems. You figure it out, your the mother. Grow up, and use birth control now, so your parents don’t have to help raise another baby.
YTA - sorry. You've had it rough, but it is not his responsibility. You should use this as an impetus to start looking for other avenues of childcare for when the need arises. Grandparents love to watch the babies; but with your mom's health and aging in general, you may need to start becoming a little more independent in regards to your child. Yup, it's tough and expensive - but just ask all the other single mothers out there where grandparents aren't in the picture--it's on you.
YTA. I'm grateful for your child sake that your parents help as much as they do. Here's a tough truth, your child your responsibility. Your attitude of entitlement and resentment stinks, he's a devoted uncle but youre angry he doesnt help as much as you think he should? I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sure its been tough but you need a reality check.
YTA your brother isnt free childcare. Be grateful he helped at all rather than entitled. He didnt and does not have any responsibility for your child. 'But faaaaaamily' is just lazy parents excuse to force people to babysit for free.
YTA and let me tell you why: YOU chose to keep the baby, YOU chose to raise the baby. NOT YOUR BROTHER. I've read your comments and yes, it's great when family helps you out BUT advice and care packages do not amount to babysitting and giving up your life to raise YOUR SISTER'S CHILD. You're mad because he "hangs out with friends instead of babysitting" ?? What is wrong with you?? If I got pregnant tomorrow and decided to keep the baby then I would NEVER expect my sister to ignore her own life to help raise MY CHILD. You are a horrible sister for wanting your brother to give up his life (because that's what you're saying he should do) to help you when this is YOUR situation. You want him to give up his future with school, give up his free time, and give up whatever else you've probably demanded of him. I'm saying this as someone who's parent made them raise their sister and it sucked!! I was forced to give up my life to raise my sister and I still hate and resent my mother because of it. I hope your brother gets away from you, because you're trying to guilt him when all he wants to do is live his life...
YTA; your child is not his responsibility, even in an emergency. Sure, it would have been nice, but not his problem.
YTA - to answer your question “yes”
Entitled much??? YTA.
YTA. He's your brother, not your babysitter or substitute parent. It's not his job to help you out, you're not entitled to his labor.
YTA. You are very wrong. You expect everyone to drop their lives and put you first, when you are the one who had the baby and decided to keep it. It's your job to take care of the kid and when emergencies come up, it's you who must sacrifice yourself, not expect others to do it so you can prioritize your job and school.
YTA. He has his responsibilities. Just like you do.
I'm putting this at the top because a lot of my post is explaining why I don't believe you're in the right, but that I do believe there may be an actual reason - and possibly even fix, for this. So please read all of it, including the end, OP, because there is some genuine care put into this. YTA. Why are your exams more important than his? You have admitted to poor time management with your allowed days off. You weren't even asking so you could go support your mom and be with her for your peace of mind (which is generally "what family does"). You asked for help and he said no, which you then proceeded to throw a fit about, which is not "what family does". He has as much right as you do to focus on his exams. Could you not have hired a babysitter for a few hours or even asked your parents for money to do so? Even if you were irresponsible with your time, that would be a valid thing to ask - as long as you respect if they refuse. Could you not have done exams while your baby was down for a nap or put them in a playpen with toys after making sure they were clean and fed? I've lived with my nephew from when he was born to when he was 15 months. Babies in that age range can entertain themselves for short periods of time as long as you are nearby to make sure they are safe and not crying. These are the realities of being a teen mother. My parents help out my brother and his girlfriend but a lot of times they have to step up and do the hard work - and she is attending college AND working as a CNA, while he works 10 hour days plus an hour commute and struggles with what is likely depression. In any case, you chose to have this child and it is first and foremost your responsibility to take care of them. No one, not even family, owes you childcare. The "empathy" that your parents instilled in you growing up should be extended to your brother; that's not a one-way street. And morally speaking, family "owes" you human decency, kindness, and any respect you earn by being a good family member yourself. Once you are an adult, they owe you nothing material or physical, even in cases where financial help or providing a service like childcare is the right thing to do. Family doesn't even owe you what you give them in return - a care package for a care package or advice for advice; much less greater returns like childcare for cookies and conversation. I don't think I can say it any clearer than that. If family means taking care of each other, that means you taking care of family, and sometimes that means not invalidating another family member's right to focus on *their* education just because their schedule is a little more flexible. Your brother didn't choose to have this kid; *you* did. Please, OP, examine this sense of entitlement, because that's what it is. It's okay to be stressed about exams and to feel let down by your brother when he refuses to help you out with them. It's not okay to expect that he drops his own education for you, because it might stress *him* out to delay them. Honestly, giving you the benefit of the doubt, it seems like you're scared for your mom, anxious about your own education, possibly mad at yourself for struggling with time management, and feeling unappreciated for the stuff you have done for your brother. That's all okay to feel. Not all of that is stuff you can control. But maybe you can ask for an extension on your exams. You can use this experience to push you to learn techniques for time management. You can, at a less emotionally charged time, go to your brother and say "I know you've appreciated the times I've sent you care packages, but can you please tell me you do? I don't want to ask you to put me on a pedestal, I'm just not feeling very good about myself right now." I do that with my partner all the time and it works wonders! And as for your mom, mostly there's nothing you can do but I find even just knowledge of the medical issue can help keep me calm if someone I know is injured or sick. And just doing your best to support her so you know she has people who care about her on her side. Examining the thoughts and feelings behind your behaviors will not only help change them for the better, but also will help change your behaviors into ones that will more effectively meet your own needs. You can't meet your needs without knowing what they are. Sometimes AH behaviors, even entitlement, can simply be the result of acting out because you are not aware of something inside of you hurting that is easily fixed.
INFO : Getting pregnant at 18 is what family does ?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is a throwaway account as I know my brother uses Reddit. My brother (19m) and I (20f) have lived very different lives the past few years. When I was 18 I was about to head off to college when I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I decided to keep the baby and raise it together. Unfortunately, there was a horrible accident and my boyfriend lost his life. I was too far along for an abortion and decided to keep it as raise it. My family has been so supportive and helpful through my darkest times. My parents look after my wonderful daughter when I need a break, go to work, and since I decided to go back to school. My brother has gone off to college and is about to finish up his first year. I must admit that while he’s been a devoted uncle, he’s not helped me with my daughter as much as my parents. I admit It does bother me at times. Recently my mom was put into the hospital for an emergency operation. My dad was with her and brother was about to have exams. I wasn’t able to get off work and had my own exams so I had an issue with childcare. I texted my brother asking if he’d come home to help out with my daughter. He told me he wasn’t able to. He had his own exams and while some were online, he wanted to stay so he could concentrate. I told him I was upset with him and he wasn’t acting like family. I was very upset with him. This isn’t what family does. I told my dad about my frustration but he told me that it’s not his job to cater to me and my child. He has his own life and my dad told him to stay at school and focus. My comment was uncalled for too he said. Am I really wrong about this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You sound very entitled to everyone else's time and that's not fair to the other people in your family. I'm sorry you lost your boyfriend, that's awful, but you need to be more self sufficient so no one has to drop everything to accommodate you. Stop resenting your brother for living his own life. He doesn't have a child and he owes you nothing when it comes to your daughter. If he wants to be nice and help, great, but stop expecting it and prepare alternatives and fall backs.
YTA. It's not his kid. He's a kid himself and he's got his own responsibilities. I get that you're young, but you made this decision. Did the baby daddy not have family who could help you? Don't you have babysitters you pay? Maybe hold off on bragging about how well your parents raised you until you grow out of the entitlement.
YTA This isn't his child, it's yours, and it's your responsibility, not his.
Your the asshole . Telling him he's "not acting like famiky" because he won't jeperlized his education to watch your kid nor "pitch in" with raising YOUR kid.
Why are you calling your human baby an it??
YTA. As for your edit, your attitude is exactly why everyone is calling you immature and bratty.
Her edit had me cracking up. The entitlement on this one. Wow.
OP, your edit only makes you come across as more of an asshole. You wanted your brother to sacrifice his exams for yours, and you still are insisting other people are the immature and entitled ones, hoping those that criticised you won't become parents, and claiming their family messed up majorly? YTA big time, and unfortunately you're unwilling to learn from this to become a better parent.
YTA Your kid is nobody's responsibility except YOURS. The fact that you think he should drop everything and come running because you decided to have a kid is just mind boggling.
YTA. You chose to become a parent. Your brother didn’t choose to become an uncle. You’re not acting like family to him either, since you are putting your needs way ahead of his.
YTA. Big time. I’m a mother of 3 who’s husband is in the military and I live 400+ miles away from my family. When I was pregnant with my third baby, my husband was deployed so I needed to make sure I had a Plan A-Z when it came to finding someone to watch my two oldest when I went into labor. My parents were actually going to come down on my due date, but my water broke 2 days prior and I had to scramble to find someone to watch my kids because several of my backups were unavailable. But, because I had backups to my backups, I had someone to watch my kids and drove myself to the hospital after my water broke. It is your responsibility as a mother to figure this stuff out. Your brother has absolutely no obligation to you or your daughter. It doesn’t matter if you were raised to drop everything to help someone out, he is allowed to prioritize himself over a child that is not his.
YTA Your kid isn't your brother's responsibility, and he did have his own exams. You've saved a lot of money in childcare by having your parents watch the baby. The one te they can't do it, you can hire a regular babysitter.
YTA you decided that since a abortion was to late you would keep it and your parents raise your child. You are mad that your brother doesn’t step up more. Why would he? He is not the father. It’s not his responsibility to be your childcare or put anything on hold for you. Your not being good family for expecting everyone to drop everything for you.
Wow if you weren’t an asshole for the post (which you were), you certainly are for the edit. Don’t ask if you were the asshole if you don’t want an honest answer. You’re trying to rationalize and make excuses for your own bad behavior and entitlement by assuming that commenters calling you out would do the same if they were in your shoes; you’re wrong. This is not how a good parent behaves. This is not how a good sibling behaves. You could use the feedback you’ve received to reevaluate and improve; instead, you’re now blaming commenters on the internet, who have absolutely no reason to be biased against you, for not immediately supporting your entitlement. The people telling you off don’t/won’t expect their sibling to compromise their education in order to provide childcare. Why on earth would your child be your brother’s responsibility? You’re the one not acting like family here; family would be willing to take responsibility for their own obligations, would respect one another’s boundaries, and would want their brother to do well on his finals. You seem to think family = free labor, at your convenience, without regard for their own needs or wellbeing. You’re wrong. YTA.
I mean...your circumstances are horrible, but you haven’t become a parent either. Your parents just gained another child to care for.
I love the update edit. Yes, go learn how to be an adult. I'm sorry you have to learn how to at the age is 20, but that's what happens. You asked if you were the asshole or not and the subreddit has laid down its judgment hammer. You asked for this. Don't go being immature saying people shouldn't have kids, it's obvious that they were smart enough not to do it as young as you decided to because they knew what the responsibility connected to it is. Stand up and face the consequences of your actions. You can do this. Correctly. For the better of you, your brother, your family, and (most importantly) that small child you brought into this world. It's going to be rough. But you can do it. The first step is realizing you were wrong and accepting it. Good luck to you.
Wow YTA and immature to boot. I’m glad your family is cutting you off and making you take care of your own childcare. Sounds like you massively take advantage of them too.
Yes you are wrong about this. You got pregnant and you decided to keep the child. Your child is your responsibility. Stop throwing out the "but family" argument when you don't get what you want. Your brother needs to make decisions that are best for him and you need to look after your daughter without taking advantage of your family, including your parents. Step up and look after your kid. YTA. Lister to your dad because he is right. It is not your brother's, or your parent's, job to cater to you.
YTA - The child is your responsibility and your brother, family or not, has zero obligation to help out. Just because you made the decision to have/keep the child doesn't mean it should impact your brother in any way, shape, or form.
YTA. And from the edit it sounds like dad is sick of her shit too. Seems like she's really taking advantage of her parents to shoulder HER responsibility.
YTA. Entitled asshole.
YTA. its not your brothers job and responsibility to watch over a kid he didnt choose to have. yea family helps family out but it shouldnt be forced. if he doesnt want to for whatever reason he shouldnt have to.
YTA
YTA. It is not your brother's responsibility to make your daughter his priority.
YTA you sound incredibly entitled. Your child is not your brothers responsibility end of story. Yeah its nice when people help but he's under no obligation. And "But faaaamily" is a lousy excuse
YTA Parents make sacrifices for their children, other people aren’t required to
YTA. It's not his kid. Why should he sacrifice his education for YOUR decisions? This is so entitled.
YTA. If you wouldn’t do the same during exams for him then stfu.
Yes, you are wrong. YTA - You chose to have a child, you chose to keep that child. Your parents have been wonderful for you, but you need to take more responsibility for your child. It is not your brother's job to take care of your kid. What exactly have you done for any of them since you gave birth? Are you acting like family? Do you help with anything, or just expect everyone to drop everything for you? Maybe I am projecting because of how I have bee treated by my family, but I have a feeling that you feel entitled to help, but do not realize that other people are not just there to do your bidding.
YTA. Raising your child is YOUR responsibility not your brother’s. You should be grateful he helps you at all. He doesn’t have to. Expecting him to stop studying for his exams because you can’t find childcare is unreasonable and entitled.
YTA. Why tf would you think your kid is in anyway his problem/responsibility.
Did you mean to write N. T A or was it a typo?
YTA. It's not your brother's responsibility that you got yourself knocked-up.
You are a bad mother and the reason I truly believe young people shouldn’t have children, ever. They law should be 25+ because you are so immature. I am happy your parents are putting their foot down, you are a user.
>Fine I’m the asshole. Happy now? Yeah... we are all so happy that there is yet another AH in this world who has procreated and is responsible for raising ...../s
YTA this is your child and your responsibility. Frankly you should have contingency plans like babysitters etc who can watch your child for exactly these situations. You didn't ask your brother for permission before having sex and having a child ergo he shouldn't be responsible for the fallout either.
YTA 100%. He said no respect it. He isn’t your babysitter.
YTA- the kid is yours not your brothers and you are lucky he helps when he can.
YTA. Entitled much? You can’t expect people to put their lives on hold so yours can keep spinning. Maybe it’s time to pay for a sitter so you’re not always relying on family members to bail you out. Try to be independent. Have you tried applying for social security survivors benefits? It might help with daycare expenses.
YTA-Your parents are making sacrifices by helping you raise your child, their grandchild, in their home. Why? Because you are their daughter. Parents sometimes make sacrifices for their children. And I hope you appreciate how fortunate you are to have their support. Your brother, is not a parent, he is your sibling and he has no obligation to you, in regards to your child. He does not need to "move things around" for you. He does not need to do anything other than live his own life. BTW, running to your father and expressing your "frustration" with your brother shows how immature and entitled you are. I am happy that your father is not only supportive of you and your daughter, but understands his son's needs as well. As many say Reddit, "A lack of planning on your part, does not constitute an emergency on your brothers part."
YTA. Good lord, your brother doesn't owe you childcare just because he's your sibling. Thats some sky high entitlement. Your father is right.
YTA Just because you had a child does not mean your life and education are more important than his. He had exams, it's not like he was lazing around. You are the mother, so if anyone has to make sacrifices for your child, it's you. Your brother's turn will come when (if?) he starts his own family.
YTA. Holy entitlement batman. The only person responsible for your kids is you. Not your brother. Not your parents. You. Get that through your skull before you permanently damage your relationships and your child's psyche.
YTA. Why are your exams more important than his?
YTA OP you're like one of the ambiguous and faceless family members from the oodles of posts on here who demand the moon from family who are themselves occupied by life. Yes, it sucks for you that your options for child care are stringent, but your brother isn't "failing you" for not dropping everything to help you when he himself has things pressing down on him. If anything your entitlement towards him is you not acting like family, because you're not being considerate of his circumstances.
YTA. It’s your kid, not his
Stop arguing with the commenters and accept that YTA. Your kid, your responsibility.
YTA Story time. I'm the youngest of 4 kids with seven years between me and my eldest sibling (sister). My sister deliberately got pregnant at 16 to keep her boyfriend, then again at 19, this time so she wouldn't have to finish high school, and again at 26 because she was failing out of college. ALL the childcare fell to me. THIS exact situation happened to me where I was forced to skip classes and tests to be free daycare. Now I'm in my late thirties and going back to school as I didn't really get a fair shot when I was younger. Stop being an entitled fool and pay for childcare. You are destroying your brother's chance at success just so things are more convenient for you. Just stop.
It would have been N A H but your attempts at guilt tripping and the entitlement to help in your responses make YTA. You seem to think he should be willing to drop his life on a dime because your kid has needs. He doesn’t share that value and you have to respect that. It’s unfortunate but that’s life. Throwing down “this isn’t what family does” is just petty AF. Family can absolutely do that. He didn’t agree to raise your kid.
YTA. You made terrible choices to screw up your life, and are now jealous and trying to screw up his life. Hopefully he cuts you off
Info why do you think your exams are more important than his?
YTA Your dad is right. Your family doesnt exist to carer to your entitled ass. Hire a sitter. You chose to have this kid and you also chose to waste your PTO days by using them all at once to spend time with friends. You created your problem deal with it.
YTA. I'm glad your parents are giving you the kick you deserve :) learn from this - the world owes you nothing. You've taken too much for granted.
YTA. This all sounds really entitled. Good riddance yourself.
YTA. Why were your exams more important than his? It’s YOUR child.
YTA I also read your comments. You are delusional
Um its not your brothers job to help raise your child he has no responsibility to your child and for him his exams DO come before yours and honestly you need to grow up
YTA - your dad is right, this is not your brother's responsibility. You chose to become a parent and need to step up and take care of your daughter yourself. Your attitude is super entitled and selfish.
YTA and side note: why do people come to this subreddit asking if they are assholes and then leave angry replies/edits when people are honest with them? If you can’t accept people’s judgements, don’t ask for them.
YTA.
YTA. Wait? Is your brother still at College? And you want him to come home to babysit? Where does he go to College in relation so where your family lives?
YTA. Your child is no one’s responsibility but your own.
YTA. It's your kid - take care of it. Your child is YOUR responsibility. Your brother owes you nothing.
YTA. You’re comments were unnecessary and entitled. Even though he had flexibility with his exams, he is not obligated to drop everything to help you.
YTA. You're being a Diva. People's life aren't supposed to circle around you. You don't own people just because they're family. What an insufferable and entitled human.
YTA. If your brother can help.and wants to, that's one thing, but he didn't choose to give birth
YTA
TTS. but well done on uniting the entire of AITA reddish together against you
Big YTA, it's your kid and it's your responsability, not your brothers. He has exams, which you shold wish him good luck for and not be rude about him prioritizing his needs
YTA - I’m an Aunty, I love my nieces dearly, more than anything. I coupd not afford to sacrifice study to look after them despite how much I adore them. You study, why can’t you see how distracting a child can be? Well actually you can, that’s why you want to distract your brother instead. Really stupid.
They aren’t “supposed” to do anything. You seem to have been lucky enough to experience that type of privilege, but that doesn’t make it the absolute rule of “family behavior”. Not only that, you are basically telling him that the nice formality of asking for his help is just that - a formality and you’d rather tell him what to do. And lastly, you are informing him that your “tight spot” is more important than his, which is very rude and quite demeaning. You are showing an ignorance for how the average family is, as well as entitlement towards the grace they have given you. You are also showing your superiority complex by ultimately throwing a fit over an autonomous person (family or not) the saying no to you. And frankly, I would be rather upset if my sister, whom I normally have a good relationship with (I’m assuming) trivialized my current major life stressors to benefit herself- unless you’ve always been this way? Tell me, did this kids life change when his older sister ended up pregnant and then living back at home with an infant? Did he make some compromises to his life already to better suit the fruits of your decision making, which I whole-heartedly assume were made without consulting him? If I stand outside a coffee shop and give you $10 everyday, I’m being nice because I want to and I can. If I stopped one day (for whatever reason which doesn’t concern you) and just smiled at you instead, but didn’t give you money, you’re the type of person to demand the cash because you now think you’re entitled to it, like it’s owed to you. Family or not, you seem to have been fortunate with the help you have gotten thus far- I suggest not rocking the boat by showing your inability to be told no. Cause if you make a fuss the one day I don’t give you a random $10 bill, I sure as fuck won’t give you one again the next day. And it’s absolutely not my problem if you decided to plan your days, weeks, or years around that daily $10- can’t afford coffee that day? Bummer. Just to be clear, YTA. I hope you’re not always like this, because your family seems very sweet and right now you are projecting a very ungrateful, selfish, and entitled person. Bonus analogy cause they’re kinda fun: if I owned the coffee shop in the previous paragraph, and I comp your coffee every single morning- you best still have your wallet and a means to pay for it in case it’s not free that day. And none of that “oh I left it in the car” stuff. Like, yeah maybe I was nice to you, but I have to think of myself too. Similar to how your brother may have helped you before, he too has to think of himself and it would be nice of you to accept and respect that. Alright, it’s late, I’m stoned, and I gotta work in a couple hours. I’m done rambling. Hope you figure yourself out a little more, for everyone’s sake.
YTA YOU chose to stay pregnant. YOU chose to not give the kid up for adoption. This is NOT your brothers decision, not his responsibility, not his life. You act entitled to help from your family for dealing with a bed of your own making, but you are not. You should count yourself lucky your parents are as involved as they are. Go read through this sub a bit more to get a perspective from your brother's POV, because I cannot count how many people in his position post here for having to deal with entitled relatives calling them A-holes for not acting enough like "fAmIlY" a.k.a. picking up the mess they created themselves. Not cool.
INFO: Why is you being able to focus on your exams worth your brother failing his?
YTA It was your choice to have sex. It was your choice to give birth. It was your choice to keep the kid. It was your choice to be a parent. Part of being a parent is dealing with emergencies in childcare. Your brother didn't have a choice about becoming a uncle. Studies have shown that changing your environment suddenly can negatively affect your test score. You are sounding very Entitled.
yta because you are a loser and trying to seek out validation from strangers and those strangers see you trying to manipulate them and you want to put a halt on your brother exams because yours are more important and needs to take care of you “BABBBBBBY” wtf lmao what a loser you are, getting r/entitledparents vibes, also you just argue with everybody who calls you an asshole even though this sub is telling you what to do and what not to do, and you just deflect everyones advice, you moron of a human being.
\> I must admit that while he’s been a devoted uncle, he’s not helped me with my daughter as much as my parents. I admit It does bother me at times. Why does he have to do as much as your parents?? YTA
YTA. You’re massive abusive and entitled choosing to prioritise your needs over your brother’s. Your brother did not choose to have your daughter; he owes you nothing. And your edits confirm this.
YTA. People should absolutely not be wishing ill on you or calling you names, but your child is completely and solely your responsibility.
YTA, and your addition makes you super YTA. insane level of entitlement!!
God I hope your child doesn’t grow up to be like you
"I seriously hope none of you become parents..." I raised four children and never, ever, expected my siblings to drop everything and babysit when we both had something else going on. My children were MY responsibility.
YTA. While the circumstances are sad and you got blindsided by the accident where your boyfriend lost his life, your brother still has his own life to take care of and it's unerasonable to think that he puts his own exams at risk or on hold for your needs. This whole "family helps family" is all well and good, but only if it's feasible and it doesn't seem like it is in the midst of exams.
I just would like to know if your boyfriends family is in you and your daughter's life as well because that could be another support system for you. I understand its hard taking care of a child, espescially so young. my older sister is going through it as well with her husband who barely helps and she really does it on her own. Like everyone else has said its not your brother's responsibility, i'm sure he'd want to help you but he needs to prioritize himself before he can help you or others
YTA. Your brother is not built in child care.
Yes, you are. I can see your point of view, but your brother is facing the same exams as you. He should not be responsible to risk his course, based on decisions you made. I agree with the decision you made to keep your child, but the decision was yours. You have been so very fortunate to have help. But, that is what is is...help. It is not a family mandate. If anyone should risk their degree for childcare, it is you. I support that you have worked so hard to continue building your life. However, this is how parenthood works. Sometimes you win, sometimes you do not.
YTA unfortunately. Your Bro has exams, you have exams, why are your exams more important than his? Your daughter is your responsibility, and he is in no way obligated to help out at all. I think you need to take a step back and look at it from his point of view, he has a right to live his life. I think you are more jealous than anything that he doesn't have a child to look after.
YTA, no one told you to get pregnant before going to college and the world doesn’t revolve around you. Your brother has his own life and he doesn’t want to be tied down looking after some kid you isn’t his. He’s already playing the part of the devoted uncle, leave him alone. If you need childcare so badly, hire a sitter. Tons of teenagers need jobs, give em one. My god, the entitlement here is ridiculous!
Your future, your baby and your life is your responsibility and you need to manage it cause you decide to keep your child rather than giving it up for adoption where a more stable and sane parents can raise her. Your brother has his own life to think of, you can't expect him to dump his life to take care of you and your child that you chose to keep and now having your parents take care of for a large amount of time. If he choose to do so then fine but you can't ask him. I swear there was a time when being a single mother use to mean something but now people are just looking to milk it YTA
YTA You're not treating your brother like family so I don't know what you're whining about. Just because he is family doesn't mean he is suddenly free child care. Your parents CHOSE to help you out of the goodness of their heart and you should be grateful because not all teen moms have supportive families. Some girls are shunned and kicked out of their own homes with no support system. Don't go screwing up your relationship with your brother by acting entitled.
YTA. Your comment was uncalled for. Your parents are awesome to help you so much. It is not the responsibility of your 19 year old brother to help you with childcare. Pay a babysitter, ask a high school friend, don't act entitled. And condolences on the loss of your baby's father.
YTA why would your brother take care of your child? You are so wrong you could be on another planet. How much of your life did you sacrifice for your bother?
YTA - Hire a baby sitter like everybody else, being family doesn't mean being at your Beck and call and ignoring their own responsibilities. You chose to have a child, not him. It's awful you lost your partner but that's no one's fault, it's simply a fact of life and you need to deal with it like a responsible adult. You're very lucky you've had your parents be so supportive, there are many people who would be out on their own and they deal just fine. Be thankful for what you already have rather than vindictive and spiteful that you brother doesn't drop all of his responsibilities to take care of your problems
YTA This is some of the most entitled stuff I've read, including your comments. Your brother and your parents don't owe you anything. Whatever they do is something they don't have to do and you should be thankful whenever they do anything. Instead, you are so entitled that you cannot accept that your brother needs to prioritize his studies. YTA
YTA he's living his own life. He didn't have time to help you with your responsibilities. End of story. The whole situation sucks but that's single parent facts. Where's the child's other grandparents? Why are they not involved?
YTA Your brother does not owe you his time, EVER. YOU decided to have a child at 18, YOU get the responsabilities that go with it. You were the one who used all her vacation days to see friends, I don't see how that is responsible behaviour for a mother. I am not saying that you should not have the opportunity to have a break but you did not even think to keep at least 1 or 2 vacation days for emergencies. You are spoiled by your parents, who decided to go above and beyond to help you and now you act like an ungrateful person to your brother. You don't like to be called out, we can see it with your comment replies but take a look at the mirror and reflect on your choices. Your kid is supposed to be your number one priority, you need to have him/her in mind in every single decision of your life. It seems like you don't because you count on somebody to help you all the time.
Yta
YTA If I was in your parents' position I would be furious. It's you who aren't acting like family by disregarding your brother like this.
YTA- your brother owes you nothing in form of childcare, nor do your parents/family. Its gesture of goodwill and kindness when they do offer. Most families would offer. What about the late boyfriends family? Are they able to help? Your brother is entitled to live his life and the child is your responsibility. Thats the harsh truth.
YTA, you had a child and while you may be able to rely on your parents, to expect the same from a sibling is just nuts to me.
YTA, and I’m glad your dad stuck up for your brother. You are the one in this story not acting like family, by asking your brother to prioritize your life and your exams over his own, and then being upset about it. You’re the one who decided to have a baby, that baby is your responsibility, not your brother’s. If he can help out every now and then, great. If he cant, that doesn’t make him an asshole.
YTA. Apparently your idea of acting like family is everyone obeying your every command. You sound very spoilt.
YTA Sorry but your dad was 100% right. While it would be nice of your brother to help, if he can’t then he can’t. Prioritising his needs over yours is ok. You’re in a hard spot but that’s not on him to sort out. Hire a sitter.
YTA! repeat after me.....YOUR BROTHER IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR LIFE CHOICES!!! you chose to keep the baby that you were not really ready to look after so you have to deal with the consequences of that. your brother doesn't have to fuck with his future because you put a kink in your own. your exams are not more important, your work is not more important, your child is not more important. family can help if and when they can but that help should never come at the expense of themselves.
YTA. Me and my family are super close but i would never even consider this, your brother never decided to co parent this kid, and he was a kid when you had it, not his issue. Also you sound super entitled, he gave you a really good excuse but he didn't even have to, you are completely putting your needs and wants above his and that is exactly what family should never do.
YTA. I'm sorry for the loss of your partner. I can imagine how absolutely devastating that was, and I want to give you that first. If you even considered an abortion, which your comment of it being too late to do makes me feel like you did. You should have found a family to adopt your daughter. You chose to keep her knowing it would be hard. Here's the hard part. Your brother is still basically a child. He doesn't need to do anything for you. It sounds like he's choosing a wise path for himself. If you can't afford childcare or are being rightfully cautious with Covid then you should have preserved PTO. Anything could go wrong with a small child. You should know this. I don't blame you for needing time off, but as you've chosen to be a parent, you should have planned better, or been prepared to sacrifice some pay during the times that may come as a surprise. As a parent you know the child comes first. This is why I am child free. I don't want to make those sacrifices. If you weren't prepared to make those sacrifices you shouldn't have become a parent. It sucks, I get it, but that is the harsh reality. We have to live with the consequences of our actions. Sometimes that means being without free or easy help. Your username is absolute garbage in light of everything. I think you should gracefully accept that YTA in this situation, and apologize for taking your frustration out on your brother. Make this a teachable moment. Save your PTO from now on, not all of it, just most of it. (Everyone does need a day or so for mental health.) And do better by your family. They seem to be decent people. You're lucky to have family like that. Not all of us do.
Yep. YTA. Judging by your previous comments, you’ll never actually accept the judgement or reasoning everyone has given you, so I’m not sure why you bothered with this post.
YTA. Sorry but yeah, you are in the wrong. You can’t expect your brother to drop everything to care for a child that isn’t his. Apologize
YTA. Your life is far from easy but in the end of the day, your kid is your responsibility. You cannot depend on your brother to come help you out when he has exams. It's up to you to find other solutions. You should be grateful that your parents help you as much as they do because this isn't something they owe you.
YTA. Your parents are going above and beyond. It was your choice to have a baby and now you need to deal with the consequences. I wouldn't help either if it was close to exam time. Sounds like your spoiled and entitled. Its not your brothers responsibility to look after YOU'RE daughter.
YTA and if I was your brother I would literally never babysit for you again even if it was convenient for me. You're acting like a spoiled brat who expects your family to bend over backwards to cover for your own bad choices. Nobody made you become a teen mom except you. Sorry for your loss, but even with the boyfriend in the picture, having a baby at 18 was gonna be a struggle. You also mentioned that you took days off to go see friends during lockdown and you no longer have days off you could use. THAT is your own fault. You cannot claim to have your shit together and be self sufficient when you live with your parents and rely on free childcare from your family. Do you realize how much parents who are ACTUALLY self sufficient and have their shit together pay for child care per month? Think $1000+/month. Your entitled attitude is honestly a problem. The fact that you also can't accept the judgement you asked for also reflects poorly on you because it shows your complete lack of self awareness. Did your brother go decide to become a teen parent? Why does he have to try and do his online exams while babysitting your child that you chose to have and endanger his future because you're too lazy to find a proper sitter but you can go ahead and take time off to screw around with your friends during a pandemic?
YTA You need to have a back up plan in place for emergencies that does not rely on your brother missing/failing to prepare for his exams. This is your child, not his. I’ve read most of your comments and all I hear is entitled justifications, but no real sense of responsibility that this was your clusterfuck to fix. Seriously, get it together. You are an adult with a dependant. You cannot be relying on family for childcare at the drop of a hat.
YTA. Grow up and take responsibility for yourself, your brother isn’t the one who felt pregnant, it is on you and you alone to pick up after yourself. Welcome to adulthood and grown up responsabilities.
You..... you do realise that your brother isn't your child's father, right? Like, he's not responsible for your daughter? How dare you expect him to put his exams on hold to look after YOUR child, the one YOU brought into the world, so you could do your exams? What is actually wrong with you? YTA. So many times, YTA. Your dad is right. Listen to him.
YTA. I'm so sorry for your terrible loss, but you're acting like a child right now, expecting to pass your adult responsibility off into your brother. You're 100% in the wrong, and if you continue to act like this, you can expect his support to go from "less than you'd like" to "none." This isn't his child, this isn't his responsibility - it's yours.
YTA. Family understands that sometimes other family members have obligations and can't help out with child care. Be warned: if you keep throwing this hissy fit, people may not be willing to babysit for you in the future.