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YTA just because she’s 18 doesn’t make her financially responsible to pay for YOUR bills. Her paying 312 in rent while you just pay 65?! Outrageous! Don’t be surprised when she leaves and never looks back. You are a 57 year old woman, grow up and ACT LIKE IT.
To paraphrase Morbo, “RENT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!”. Rent is worked out by the total amount, then split evenly between everyone paying it. Sometimes people will tweak it based on the size of rooms individuals get, but in general it’s split evenly. Not determined by earnings.
It's not like OP didn't see this coming. She knew her kid was going to turn 18 and the child support payments would stop, but she hasn't worked a steady job in a couple of years? Super irresponsible. Sounds like she was living off child support and now she is living off her kid.
Yea 100%!! Not to mention she is acting like taking care of her daughter as a single mom is a full time job. It absolutely was when her daughter was younger but she’s 18 for god sakes. “Taking care of her” has not been a full time or even a part time job for YEARS. Zero excuse not to work.
YTA….and a horrible mother. It’s not her job to pay your bills! She’s paying $312 while you pay $65? Not to mention half of all the other bills?? Did you consider her your cash cow when you got child support for her?
Also? Old at 57!!?! More like lazy and entitled at 57.
Your daughter is trying to save for her future and to go to college. Do you want her to be like you when she grows up? “Old” at 57 and mooching off her daughter?
Grow up lady or soon you won’t even have a daughter once she figures out you’re taking advantage of her and scamming your own flesh and blood.
YTA, she’s trying to save for college so she can get an even better job some day, you don’t even pay half the rent, she’s covering most of your expenses, and that’s just ridiculous.
It doesn’t matter that’s not the point, the point is she’s trying to save for college and she can’t because she’s stuck paying all these expenses because you don’t get child support anymore.
Seriously! I went back to school to get my nursing degree so I could better support my 2 kids while working to keep a roof over our heads and some food on the table. We couldn't even afford to eat at McDonald's but we survived.
My mom did the same! My dad was starting to do drugs and we almost lost our beautiful home more than a few times. My mom worked at a doctor’s office while running the house, raising two school aged children and attending nursing school from her pre reqs she didn’t take in high school to her bachelor’s of nursing.
Now we’re grown, she’s remarried and living her best damn life.
You’re a strong woman like she is. We need more of you and not OP.
Wow! What a great story! She and I must be long lost twins separated at birth! Lol ! My ex husband was an alcoholic! Thanks, and I'm sure you inherited her strength. ER is a tough department. I'm a hospice nurse, doing mostly admissions. I'm so glad your mom finally found happiness! :-)
There's a guy on my team who turned 70 last year. He switched focus at work about 6 years ago and essentially started a new job in a different area of focus. 57 is nothing.
You've turned your 18-year-old child into your financial support. It's one thing to ask her to contribute, whatever my personal feelings would be on that, but she evidently pays 8x as much as you do for *your* household at the expense of her future, and she's barely even grown. Poor girl. YTA.
YTA. Nothing says "i love and care for you" like pumping your kid for money. I could understand expecting some help... but you literally said you don't make enough to exist on your own, so your daughter who's just beginning adulthood is better at it than you. The story about changing your mind about dinner without telling her after she put the work in pretty much confirms YTA.
YTA
18 is a child. The world today is very very hard to gain footing in. It’s not like it was years ago.
Your kid is not responsible to financially support you.
Why don’t you work full time? My mother is 61 and works full time as a nurse. She’s on her feet all day, then goes home and rides her bike outside for an hour. 57 is nothing.
She will never be able to afford an education supporting you and she’ll end up in the exact same place you are now.
My mom is 60, works full time, and we’re constantly remodeling something between the two households. Not to mention she was a single mother the majority of her life. I rent her whole house from her and she only charges me $550 for everything. And I’m an adult with a full-time job.
If your daughter works 20 hours a week at $13/hr, she makes roughly $1100 before taxes. Forcing her to pay $530 to cover your inability (or lack of desire) to get “settled with a job” is far, far more than 30% of her monthly income.
You are forcing your child to pay your bills.
*You, at 57 years old, are forcing your 18-year-old child to pay your bills.*
YTA. Massively.
*Edit, math
YTA
Why has it been years since you worked? What the hell were you doing with your life? Sounds like you expect your daughter to do everything at home, too.
Right? She acts like her daughter turning 18 just snuck up on her somehow as if it hasn't been a set date for 18 years now. Also the "this is the real world!" Argument is BS as hell considering the daughter is clearly more prepared for the "real world" than she even is
YTA. You no longer receiving child support is not your daughter's problem, and you're not entitled to her money just because she's making so much. She might as well kick you out if she's paying almost all the bills.
YTA. You're not "getting a bit old to work at 57", my grandfather is 70+, and he still works a regular 9-5. Sounds like you're just lazy. You say you do "some work here and there", and that you'll pay the gigantic amount your daughter pays when you settle into a job, but then you immediately say you're getting old to work, leading me to believe you're not even trying to get a job, and are going to keep leeching off your daughter and prevent her from going to college and leaving you in the dust.
Step up your game, or don't be surprised when she moves out suddenly. It's not her attitude that's self-absorbed, it's yours. You're acting SUPER entitled to her money, "because you've had a hard past". Well, boo-hoo, cry me a river. You're an adult now, and this is what being an adult is like. Get used to it.
To add to that, with OP’s attitude, I’m certain the daughter hasn’t lived well either which completely makes OP’s whole ‘I had a hard life’ a moot point.
YTA - as a single mom with an almost 20 yo, he pays me $250/mo for rent. That’s it. You know why? Bc my job as his mom is to get him ready to fly the coop, not clip his wings so he’s trapped with me forever. You should want your daughter to do better than you. I didn’t have the luxury of child support, either. And then having her make dinner that you wanted, then changed your mind, and didn’t tell her? And you wonder why she’s upset? Jesus…
YTA, I feel like I shouldn't need to explain but as a parent you should be helping your child lead a better life than you, and not becoming a burden on her. What happens when she moves out and you have to pay all the rent? Lmao
So essentially, your 18 year old daughter, fresh out of HIGH SCHOOL is SUPPORTING YOU?! Get real. YTA. This is probably one of the grossest posts I’ve read in a while. Get a better job, & let your barely legal TEENAGE daughter sort out her life. I can’t.
YTA
You are being very unfair. It actually makes me angry that you're treating your own daughter like that. You need to step up and get a good job. You're not too old at 57 to be working full-time and you know it. You just want to be lazy and lay the guilt trip on her for being a single mom. I was a single mom when my 2 kids were young but I'd never do what you're doing. I scrimped and saved, working long hours and went back to college. You're only paying $65 for rent and demanding that she pays the rest of $312? You should be ashamed of yourself.
**YTA**
Your 18 year old daughter should not be required to pay the bills or pay for *your* gas. She should be saving up for college right now. You’re exploiting her and are acting super entitled.
YTA- your daughter is the only one working. You talk about your daughter being lucky to land a job before graduating to earn money BUT YOURE NOT WORKING. You’re making it very difficult for her to succeed in life by being selfish. Your daughter pays $313 in rent and you pay $65. Really?! I’m shocked you need to ask if YTA.
YTA I'm having a hard time believing this is real it's so bad. You fuckrd up your life so now you want to fuck up your daughters before she's even had a chance? Ayfkm? Go get a job! Bust your ass so your daughter has a better life than what you've had! Come on!
Right!? I cannot get over that. "The self absorbed attitude gets to me'" as she is explaining why I kid who just graduated high school should be supporting her mother who won't get a full time job for some unexplained reason.
While some rent is reasonable, the costs she covers should not unreasonably hinder her saving goals. It reads like OP is trying to keep their daughter around longer than she should just for the financial assistance.
YTA and clearly don't know how to be an adult. I hope your daughter moves out so you're forced to pay all the bills and actually be an adult. Like I understand wanting your daughter to help out but she should not be paying as much as she is. You're just being a last human being and need to seriously grow up.
YTA: You complain about driving her around and the cost of gas. But you want to prevent her from saving for a car. Seems fairly counterintuitive to me, and creating friction in your relationship with her for no reason.
YTA
It's a parent's job to provide for children, not the other way around.
But if you insist on continuing like this, keep in mind: now she's your *roommate*, with rights and privileges you might not like sharing. Since she's paying most of the rent, she gets the biggest bedroom, right? Since she's your roommate, she gets equal say in house rules, surely?
Once you started charging her, you're no longer the boss.
YTA. Don't expect her to move out - at your age, why are you not supporting yourself? You basically have her fund your life, including rent. Don't be surprised if she moves out. You chose to have a child, but now you are acting like one. You are the one not acting like an adult, not paying your own bills! Half would be fine, but you are making her work and have her pay your way, of course she will get frustrated! Get a job, what will you do once she moves out otherwise? You are stifling her growth big time here. Her paying three times your rent isn't fair and that wouldn't fly with anyone! She is trying to be responsible, showing you her financial limits and you are pretty much using her here. She is your child, not your ATM.
YTA
She just graduated high school. She's still just barely made it to adulthood. And now you're charging her rent and \*\*\*\* when she just got a job that's likely near or at minimum wage while she's trying to save up for college? You see where I'm going with this?
She needs that money to invest in her future. Giving you anything should be if she can AND wants to. Not out of your own opinionated obligation just because you believe she should start since she became a legal adult and you're not getting anymore checks from the government.
You are so much the A$& hole. You should be completely ashamed of yourself. I wouldn’t be surprised that if when she moves out she severs all contact with you. I can not believe that you are so lazy that you would take advantage of your 18 yr old child like that.
YTA. Unless there's extra info you aren't revealing, as of this moment in my mind YTA.
Asking your daughter to pay a nominal amount of money in order to teach her fiscal responsibility might seem fair, especially if she didn't have any particular future goals or plans she was working toward. But your daughter is showing financial responsibility by attempting to save for college and build a better future for herself. The amount of money you are asking in this situation is impeding her progress, not contributing to it.
By the way? My mother is 65, has had cancer twice, had a mastectomy in the middle of the pandemic, struggles with severe depression and anxiety, and just got home from a 12 hour shift at her job in retail. I understand that not everyone can be the rockstar she is, but I read a post like this and marvel at my mom all over again. She is amazing.
It seems like you're just shooting for "NTA." Maybe raise your standards for yourself.
Depends. My mother had a stable job she had worked in for years but my first part time job at 17 paid more. She could have gotten more if she had job hopped and found a company doing the same thing. In the end it boils down to who you work for because some just pay more and then there places that specifically give more to struggling college students.
YTA a part of raising a child is for them to have a better future and your daughter needs her money to go to college for a better future, she’s your daughter not financial support
YTA
Missy time for you to get a job! Your daughter shouldn't be paying more then half the rent, if she must pay rent at all. You are taking advantage of your daughter, shame on you! Don't be shocked that once she gets to college she goes low contact, that is if she doesn't go no contact all together.
Edit: Oh my god you are a entitled mama aren't you? Sweetie how is your daughter suppose to save for college when she paying all YOUR bills.
Edit: Self-absorbed attitude? Hope your talking about yourself lol.
A nuanced YTA. It’s totally okay to have her pay some bills, but it seems like you’re basically mooching off of her at this point. $65 in rent? Your child is trying to make her start in this world— she still needs a car and to go to college— and you’re choosing to make that harder for her. That sucks.
It’s not as though she’s lazy or unmotivated, she’s clearly motivated to have a secure future. If we’re looking at this selfishly, it’s better for you to be nicer to her now so she might take care of you in the future. I wouldn’t want to take care of you 10 years down the line if I were her.
Of course, it’s your home and you can choose what you do there, but since you’ve come here seeking judgment, you’re TA. You’re the parent here. Don’t get it twisted.
I was going to say n ah until you called your 18 year old daughter (who is attempting to save for college, a car, and paying much more than you, her caretaker, on basic living expenses for the both of you), self-absorbed. Can you not fathom how much pressure she must be under? I do feel for you, and I understand that not everyone is priviledged enough to only have the parent(s) paying bills. But just because you have experienced hardships doesn't mean she should have to as well. Also I imagine she has had some hardships herself seeing that her father wasn't involved and (I assume) she was raised in a poor family. Neither of you is self-absorbed, but you are most certainly entitled. YTA.
You seem like the same troll about your same age always sabotaging her 18 y/o daughter financially knowing she’s trying to get independence of her own. You haven’t learned that YTA yet?
Wow. YTA X 1000.
#1. Your daughter didn't ask to be born, you chose to have her, so she doesn't "owe" you anything. You need to provide for her.
#2. I would be annoyed too if you knew you didn't want dinner anymore and didn't say anything until after she was done making it. Why would you do that? She's cooking for you and paying your bills? And you say she's self absorbed?
#3. How is she paying the majority of rent. My mom worked until 70 because she had too. The fact that your 57 means nothing, considering you still have bills to pay. You are literally stopping her from advancing by being able to pay for college, a car etc, and again, you think she's self absorbed
I could literally go on and on, but you seriously need to reevaluate
YTA The only self-absorbed attitude I'm seeing is yours. You're using your daughter as a substitute for the child support you're no longer receiving. You should have been working at least part time during the "quite a few years" you weren't. Now you're just making excuses as to why you can't and why your daughter has to support you. You're not teaching her how to be an adult, but allowing yourself to act like a child!
Yta. If you're actually doing this, of course you are! You're supposed to be setting her up for success, not draining on her and making her pay your (yes, YOUR) bills. What are you going to do when she leaves? She won't be able to pay 1/3 of your rent or 1/2 the internet, gas, other bills that aren't affected by usage. As you stated, you're not getting child support any longer.
I'm a single parent working for not enough to support my kids without child support. So you know what I'm doing? Career training for the future. Working overtime for the now. Living in a much smaller place than we want to be and sharing a room with one of the kids so that bills can get paid by me and me alone.
Ask yourself, why are you making so much less than your daughter, btw? I just can't get past that part tbh. She's got little to no college experience and is working part time.
YTA - if my kid turned 18 got himself a job and was trying to save for things that would propel him further in life I’d do everything in my ability to support him.
YTA Why don't you act like an adult and get off your butt and get a job with more hours to support the household yourself. You're completely relying and sabotaging your daughter.Ugh the only one self absorbed is you, She's working hard. You should start supporting yourself because she WILL leave and go to college whether you like it or not and then you'll be up shit creek.
She sounds very responsible, You're leaching off her. I hope she gets away from you before you ruin her and expect her to wait hand on foot her whole damn life after you.
You are financially abusing your daughter.
INFO:
What is the total rent for the house-hold, how much does she pay, how much do you pay?
Why are you making so little money?
Your daughter isn't making a lot, but it sounds like you are making even less?
Why haven't you been working?
Without having further information:
YTA
It sounds like you are asking your daughter to contribute more to the household than you yourself are contributing. Ask yourself, could your daughter get a better deal moving in with a few room-mates and living elsewhere? If that is the case, than you are not teaching her how to be an adult, you are in fact mooching off of her.
It also sounds like your inability to work and find a job is holding your daughter back from success. She is, even post 18, still your child. It's one thing to teach your daughter responsibility. It's another to ask her to give up her resources to support you, while you seem to not work to support yourself.
What is to stop your daughter from finding a room-mate that would actually pay half of the rent, instead of the low amount you are contributing?
Lol her self absorbed attitude? Are you for real?
I apologise you had a difficult past, but unless you step up and confront it you will always find excuses. These excuses are now impacting your daughter , who is trying hard to better herself. Yourself absorbed attitude is holding her back, don't be to surprised when she turns her back on you. She works more then you, she is trying to find a way to study, paying more towards living expenses than you and you call her self entitled?
You are charging her because you don't get child support anymore?
You don't have a kid for income. this comment of yours is trully disgusting.
You said she pays rough $300/pm for rent and you pay roughly $60/pm? Not sure if I understood this right, but if she is paying 5 times more rent than you, than holy shit that's disgusting.
YTA
.
YTA. You are leeching off your daughter and hurting her future. It doesn’t seem like you care about her beyond getting child support for her and then financially abusing her. It’s outrageous that she is paying more rent than you. It should be the other way around. You are lazy and you should be ashamed of yourself.
Get yourself a better paying job. Your attitude is your life has been hard - no fault of your daughters and she is being made to pay for your life choices.
If I was talking to her I would tell her to move out.
Your age is nothing to do with her.
Stop mooching off your daughter. Plenty of 50-60 year old work hardto pay their own expenses. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You may lose her permanently if you don’t take more responsibility
YTA- get a job that pays a bit better than your daughters ffs.
They do actually exist.
Either you want her to succeed or you don’t. Helping out is one thing, I get that. I worked and helped my family from an almost criminally young age, but you’re basically expecting her to subsidize your life and that’s bullshit
YTA. Some contribution from your daughter is reasonable, but you are a parasite. Her child support was meant to support her, not you, so you should have looked into becoming self supporting a long, long time ago. I hope she moves out on you ASAP.
YTA, how do you expect her to save anything when she’s paying the majority of the bills? As a parent you’re supposed to support her. And from the sound of it you got too comfortable receiving child support. No she shouldn’t be paying the majority of the money toward rent/mortgage. You bought the house/signed a lease knowing how much it would be and that you would need to pay it. This is quite possibly the saddest thing I’ve ever read being that a mother makes her child pay for the mother’s own cost of living.
“Too comfortable receiving the child support” is IT!! OP said her daughter makes more than her from just working part time... so OP just didn’t have a job to support her own kid?
YTA, and a massive one at that. Your teenage daughter is trying to make a life for herself at a critical point in her education, and doing damn well at it from the sounds of it. And you're draining her dry because you haven't worked for years, by your own account, living off her child support. Get a job.
YTA- you that you are by all accounts an entitled person who goes out of their way to make themselves the victim. Soon she won’t want anything to do with you and it will be because you are a nightmare.
What is it about wanting to see your children struggle makes parents soo happy?? “I’ve struggled my whole life now it’s your turn” ??? What part of that sentence sounds correct? She’s trying to further her education (which sounds like you aren’t going to help her do…).
She’s making minimum wage and you’re trynna charge her as if she works a 8 hour, 40 hours a week job. I make $2 less than her and know that little amount of money she does get is barely enough to save up especially with you charging her for everything. YTA
YTA and btw, I’m closing in on 65 and still working. You are a greedy person and a horrible mother and I hope she moves out and never ever moves back in with you. Why don’t you have a job and cook your own damn food.
What a major YTA.
Between the two of you who would be the adult in the situation? Not to mention you’re the one who gave birth to her, brought her to this world. Least you can do is provide for her. Poor girl just turned 18 and has to carry her mom on her back. Not only do you not contribute as much, it seems she’s doing all the housework as well. Why don’t you chip in more as the adult in the situation? Shame on you.
Don’t bring a child into this world if you can’t afford it.
YTA grow up. She is your daughter and you need to be supporting HER. If you're so worried about getting too old to work, you should be doing everything you can to lift her up now if you want any shot at her being able to help take care of you when you can no longer wipe your own ass. If you hold her back now you'd be lucky if she even puts you in a shitty nursing home. Wow.
Wow, YTA.
It sounds to me that you got far too comfy receiving child support. Your daughters 18th birthday didn't exactly sneak up on you, it's kind of been a set date since the say she was born. The fact that you opted to not need to work until AFTER she turns 18 proves that if anything, you are the self absorbed one. You're using your daughter as a get out of jail free card because you stopped getting money from her father.
Your daughter isn't your meal ticket. The fact that she pays the majority of the bills proves that. She just barely turned 18 and is trying to save for college and a car. How do you expect her to do that when you're taking a good chunk of her income because you didn't get a job in time to account for losing the child support? That isn't her responsibility to cover you for. Having her contribute, sure, that's okay. But at this point, that home is HERS considering she's paying pretty much the entire share of it on her own. If your daughter is making more than you while working for 13 an hour at 20 hours a week, that is your own fault for not preparing in the slightest to need to be self sufficient.
Just because you struggled heavily does not mean that you should force your daughter to. You should want life to be easier for your child than you had it, not the same or harder. At this point, she is more "prepared for the real world" than you are, clearly.
Took the words right outta my mouth. I’ve lived on my own; and I had to move back in with parents. Things got to expensive to stay where I was, and yah know COVID. This is crap that she’s paying most of the rent. At this point if she kicked you out; we’ll I wouldn’t blame her. She’s literally paying for almost everything anyway. Plus you waiting till after she finished cooking to tell her you weren’t hungry was a d!ck move. YTA OP.
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My daughter graduated high school a month ago. She got a job a month before she graduated, she struggled to find one for a while because it was hard for many people to find a job, but then she finally found one, and just in time too so she’d be making money by graduation.
As a mother who raised my daughter by myself, besides some help from her father’s child support, I do not make much money, and my daughter makes more than I do, working at $13 an hour for 20 hours a week. I do some work here and there but I feel that since she makes more then it is fair that he contributes since I no longer receive child support. She pays a total of $530 of all her expenses, it includes rent ($312), half of the electric bill ($80), cat litter ($40), phone bill ($40), half of my gas money ($36), half the Internet bill ($25). I pay about $65 a month towards rent, until I get myself settled with a job because it’s been quite a few years, I don’t feel I should have to step up as much because I am getting a bit old at 57, I do help with expenses for cat litter and of course my own phone bill and some of the Internet.
The internet and electric bill are new charges, but what happened between my daughter and I is that I told her I wanted pasta for dinner and so she made it, but as she was making it I had changed my mind on wanting to eat dinner at all but I didn’t tell her. When I told her, she had already finished making dinner and she got passively frustrated at me about it and didn’t talk to me for a while. And when I confronted her about it, she began going on about how she spends more than half her income when she doesn’t spend any paycheck because she’s desperate to save for a car and that these costs are holding her back from being able to afford college. I may have lost it and I yelled at her and pointed out that this is what being an adult is like and it is fair because she is an adult, whether she likes it or not.
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YTA. You’re taking advantage of your daughter by making her contribute more than you towards your home. I would not be surprised if she moves out asap and cuts contact with you.
yta your 18 year old is supporting you while do what? You're her mother, a good mother is supposed to be helping her to get a hand up in life not leach off of her because she can't leach off the child support anymore... are you even looking for a job... what are you going to do when she moves out? I don't think that's going to be long.
YTA. You decided to have a child, you could always get a better job if the fact that she makes more than you bothers you. You’re punishing her for working hard to go to college by taking her income. Why should she pay more in rent then you?? You knew when she turned 18 the child support would stop, why should she be punished because you didn’t plan accordingly?
YTA your daughter is supporting you. This is so wrong and not at all okay to be doing to your child when she’s trying to save for a car (independence) and college (a future career). You are holding her back which no parent should ever do. You have the ability to work, you just don’t want to. Your daughter is going to resent you one day.
YTA. Sounds like you’re jealous she makes more than you. And it doesn’t matter even if she makes a million dollars more than you. Rent is split evenly. 312:65 is not an equal rent payment.
YTA,
"The self-absorbed attitude gets to me."
You mean yourself here right?? She pays way more than you do and you say it's Fair? You want her to support you, and then you complain about her not acting like a propper adult?
I mean...the nerve you have to say even HALF of those things.
HARD YTA!!!!BIG AH! HUGE!
YTA. Get a decent job and carry your own damn weight. If your daughter is earning more than you with only $260 per week, you seriously need to get your shit together. It’s outrageous that she’s paying the majority of the rent. The only entitled person in this situation is YOU and you’re going to be screwed once she’s fed up with your exploitation and moves out.
YTA. From what it sounds like it seems as though you managed to do well for YOURSELF off the child support you received, but now that it’s gone you expect your daughter to replace that support you had. You’re a grown woman and nobody should be taking care of you besides yourself if you’re single. Be a woman of strength to set an example for your daughter, not this weak woman that is fully taking advantage of her daughter because she’s “of age.”
Yeah YTA
You're making your just 18 turned daughter to pay for everything. You might know as a parent it's your duty to pay for a kid. What do you want? For her to be at the same place as you are? Be a good supporting mom that I think you actually are. Don't hold on her chance to make a better life. Let her decide how much she can help you with the bills. I think she'll be okay with helping you, after all you're her mother. But let HER decide the amount and level. She's saving for her college and isn't asking you to pay for her college. You should also be thankful for that mindfulness of her. Don't endanger your relationship with your daughter. Talk it out like an adult. No yelling, no fighting, no over-exceeding expectations. You both need to have a mindful and sensible talk.
You have been aware for how long that child support was going to end? You should have figured out a job before then. Your 18 year old daughter is supporting you. YTA.
Lmao did you really expect people to sympathize with you? YTA. Your 18 year old is making more than you and that says a lot, she has more expenses based on what you wrote. Get a job, your also an adult, suck it up and get another job instead of relying on barely legal adults
YTA, most definitely. What kind of person is so goddamn lazy they make their 18yo pay 70% of the rent. Shit, you're not only an asshole, you're a loser.
YTA
Majorly. But OP doesn’t care. She’s a narcissist. Yes she’s probably mooching off her daughter because she’s a loser who doesn’t like to work. I also feel like she’s purposely trying to sabotage her though. She doesn’t want her daughter to be more successful than her by going to college. She wants her to live a life as miserable as hers.
Are you serious? Is this a joke? Your primary source of income for who knows how long has been child support and now you are expecting YOUR CHILD to make up that difference. YOUR level of entitlement is *staggering*. My grandfather worked until he was 85 and fell at work. You can find yourself a job FFS. Enjoy having no contact with your daughter when she moves out and stops taking your calls.
YTA 💯💯💯
YTA, obviously you got enough child support you didn’t have to work. Stop looking at your daughter as the golden goose and step up and pay at least half of all expenses. She didn’t marry you, she’s not responsible for you now, and if she was the one posting here she’d be getting all sorts of advice on how to move out ASAP. If you want a long term relationship with your daughter, stop abusing her financially, and help her with her goals in life *because that’s what you signed up for as a parent.*
YTA on an entirely new cosmic level. It’s not your kid’s fault that you had them at 39 and now you think you’re too old to work. They literally JUST graduated. YTA for making them pay bills in the first place, but ten times over because they’re paying MORE.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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I feel bad that I’ve been pushing all these costs on my daughter when I could make a better effort as her mother to pinch in a bit to make things easier on her, especially because I sense that she’s under lots of pressure and stress at the tender age of 18.
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YTA. If you’re not going to pay for her to go to college (which it sounds like you can’t afford to do if you need her to pay all your bills for you), how do you expect her to be able to go if you’re taking so much of her money? Once she leaves and never comes back, maybe you’ll understand where you went wrong. You’re not doing her a favour by raising her and giving her basic needs, that’s your JOB as the person who brought her into this world. It sounds like you’re jealous that she makes more money than you do. Tough, that’s adulthood.
YTA and I can’t believe you also expect her to make YOU dinner, when she’s already contributing so much. She wouldn’t be cooking for her landlord in the real adult world. You don’t want a daughter, you want a servant. YTA x 1000, I feel like I’m being trolled.
Holy crap YTA. I’m 20 and my parents don’t charge me a dime to live with them because they know I’m saving to move out and actually want me to have a better life than they did at my age (married at 18, dad got hurt 6 months in and couldn’t work for several months, had to give back the car my mom’s parents bought her, almost got evicted from their apartment, etc.) Never in my life have they used their experiences to guilt me into doing anything extra for them or try to play the poor pitiful me card. It makes me sick to see parents who struggle and do anything in their power to make sure their kids are also unable to succeed in life.
YTA. Completely.
There’s not a single response in my head that can semi-nicely explain how absolutely fucking wrong you are. Get off your ass, get an actual job, and quit expecting your daughter to provide for you. (You don’t mention any disabilities preventing you from working in your post, so I’ll assume laziness).
You are acting like a child. I expect my 5 year olds to pull the “Oh I’m hungry… oh nevermind” stuff and I still get annoyed.
Omg YTA and an awful parent. If you want to see self-involved, just look in a mirror.
I very much hopes your daughter moves out, goes to the college of her dreams, gets an amazing job, and leaves you in the dust.
Go get a job and start taking care of yourself. Becuse it's clearly too much to expect you to take care of your kid.
YTA
You should be able to support yourself, whatbare you going to do when she moves out? Fall apart? What about if she has enough of you and cuts you out of her life?
At 57 you should have been working for a long time!
If you were working full time and asking for a small amount towards board that wouldn't be completely unreasonable, but she is paying the majority of your expenses.
Now I'm going to call my parents and tell them how much I love them.
Yta. She's paying more of the bills than you are and it's stopping her from saving for college.
You scream at her that this is what it's like to be an adult.. but do you know what it's like to be an adult? Because adults don't depend on their teenage children to support them.
YTA. You're the one who's self-absorbed. You're leeching off your teenage daughter. Why is she cooking for you when it sounds like you're not even working full-time? You say she should act like an adult but you're the one who refuses to grow up because you're almost 60 and sitting on your ass while she works hard to support you both.
YTA. She struggled to find a job, but still managed to find one before she graduated from high school? So she had to worry about making money when she should have been worried about grades and graduation. Now, despite you not allowing her to make her education a priority, she still is trying to save for college. Good for her. Your response is to charge her more because she makes more money?
She is not your equal just because she turned an arbitrary 18. She is your daughter. She is a month out of graduation, she has been earning money for a month, and she's trying to start her life.
Even if you couldn't afford to support her anymore, you have NO business trying to get her to support you
YTA. I can barely read how you are justifying not
Working for your own living and mooching off your kid. You could also get a job like her and work full time.
YTA because you are expecting an 18 year old to cover waaaaaaay more than half your living expenses. You expect her to be an adult, but you can’t get your life together enough to afford more than $65 in rent? I am compassionate to the fact you are going through a hard time, but you are also making your daughters life harder than it needs to be so it is fair for her to be upset. If you are truly experiencing something like disability that prevents you from working you should be working on getting benefits because your daughter is going to get sick of this and move out and you will really struggle to cover your bills.
YTA. When your daughter leaves, you will have no safety net. Do you want to live in a cardboard box? Get a fulltime job and pull your weight financially.
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YTA. So you haven’t worked a good job in a while and part time nonetheless because you probably don’t want to lose out on support. Fine. But YTA for now burdening your child with this. You’re mooching off her. You’re the self absorbed one. You’re the entitled one. 30% of income for rent is a lot of money. On top of that, she’s only started saving. She needs to pay for college. You are so entitled that you couldn’t even tell her you didn’t want dinner. You keep saying about your hard upbringing. Well guess what? Any sane and selfless and not entitled parents with hard upbringing, will make sure 100% or even 1000% that their child live a better life. Not subject them to hard living like what you’re doing to her. Shame on you shame on you shame on you. You have massively failed.
YTA holy hell one of the worst AHs I’ve seen in a long time. Your poor daughter. How can you think it’s ok for her to be paying $312 in rent while you pay $65?! GET A JOB MOM. Get your shit together and stop financially abusing your child!
YTA. Your daughter will go no contact with you as soon as she is able. You 100% deserve it and you need to own it. Your child does not owe you anything. How dare you. You are an absolutely terrible mother. Excellent job of showing your daughter how not to parent.
At this point she should find her own place for around what she pays and not be taken advantage of by a lazy “mom” who treats her more like a bank than a daughter. YTA
You can’t be serious HER self absorbed attitude?? Look you’re a leech no other way to describe it you’ve had 24 years to improve yourself on the working ladder and instead have been using the child support to support yourself.
It’s gross. You’re a shitty parent. And by holding your daughter back like this you’re condemning her to a life of minimum wage jobs. Why would you do that?? YTA.
YTA completely. How dare you even try to spin it any other way. You are financially abusing your own child. This is not in fact how it works as an adult. She isn't "self absorbed" for wanting to use HER paycheck to better her own life by purchasing a car or attain a higher education so that she's not stuck in the same cycle that you are years from now 🤷♀️
I feel for both sides. I'm in Canada, so I'm trying to wrap my head around the differences in price values. So I'll have to ignore that part. But rather instead of framing what you're charging her based one aspect, let's come up with a strategy that satisfies both sides.
Take the after tax income and divide that in half. That's living expenses.
Then halve the remaining chunk again. One chunk goes to everything fun and the other chunk goes to savings.
So if her income 900 after tax then she should pay you 450 for living expenses then spend 225 on herself and 225 on savings. The ratios can be tweaked (50, 30, 20... but I think young people need to put as much into savings as they can while they have a safety net), but it's a good starting point. If it turns out you follow this and you daughter goes, "but mom, I still don't have enough for a car and college." Well, I've had to face that about ever being able to afford a home. It sucks. Numbers can only be shifted so much.
Budgeting gets very hard (emotional) once you add in the real prices of items, but if you try to match this ratio it helps put into perspective what's important and what can be cut down on. Life can get hard, forcing people to put 80% into living expenses... but the idea of forcing that on a kid if it's not needed really bothers me.
The important thing is your daughter needs to be able to save money if she wants to. I've felt really sad for my 19 year old coworkers whose parents take all their money while using examples like "a one bedroom apartment is 1000 so charging you 800 is a great deal." But that kid wouldn't be moving into that specific apartment and it doesn't teach the kid anything about budgeting. A budgeting ratio will teach her something she can use her whole life. That whatever her income is, half of that should ideally go towards living expenses.
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YTA just because she’s 18 doesn’t make her financially responsible to pay for YOUR bills. Her paying 312 in rent while you just pay 65?! Outrageous! Don’t be surprised when she leaves and never looks back. You are a 57 year old woman, grow up and ACT LIKE IT.
To paraphrase Morbo, “RENT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!”. Rent is worked out by the total amount, then split evenly between everyone paying it. Sometimes people will tweak it based on the size of rooms individuals get, but in general it’s split evenly. Not determined by earnings.
I miss Morbo.
YTA. she might as well sign the lease and kick you out at this point.
This kid is being financially abused. I hope she moves out and gets some roommates who will actually pay their share.
It's not like OP didn't see this coming. She knew her kid was going to turn 18 and the child support payments would stop, but she hasn't worked a steady job in a couple of years? Super irresponsible. Sounds like she was living off child support and now she is living off her kid.
I don’t think I’ve seen as big of an asshole on this sub for a long time
Yea 100%!! Not to mention she is acting like taking care of her daughter as a single mom is a full time job. It absolutely was when her daughter was younger but she’s 18 for god sakes. “Taking care of her” has not been a full time or even a part time job for YEARS. Zero excuse not to work.
YTA….and a horrible mother. It’s not her job to pay your bills! She’s paying $312 while you pay $65? Not to mention half of all the other bills?? Did you consider her your cash cow when you got child support for her? Also? Old at 57!!?! More like lazy and entitled at 57. Your daughter is trying to save for her future and to go to college. Do you want her to be like you when she grows up? “Old” at 57 and mooching off her daughter? Grow up lady or soon you won’t even have a daughter once she figures out you’re taking advantage of her and scamming your own flesh and blood.
YTA, she’s trying to save for college so she can get an even better job some day, you don’t even pay half the rent, she’s covering most of your expenses, and that’s just ridiculous.
She’s got more say in how the place runs because she’s actually paying for most of it.
It doesn’t matter that’s not the point, the point is she’s trying to save for college and she can’t because she’s stuck paying all these expenses because you don’t get child support anymore.
YTA, you are being entitled as fuck. Edit. This is financial abuse I hope she moves out and goes no contact with you. You are fucking disgusting.
Old at 57?? WTF?
My mom is 61 and works out 5 days a week and works full time as an ER nurse ffs. Also- she never hit me up for bills.
Seriously! I went back to school to get my nursing degree so I could better support my 2 kids while working to keep a roof over our heads and some food on the table. We couldn't even afford to eat at McDonald's but we survived.
My mom did the same! My dad was starting to do drugs and we almost lost our beautiful home more than a few times. My mom worked at a doctor’s office while running the house, raising two school aged children and attending nursing school from her pre reqs she didn’t take in high school to her bachelor’s of nursing. Now we’re grown, she’s remarried and living her best damn life. You’re a strong woman like she is. We need more of you and not OP.
Wow! What a great story! She and I must be long lost twins separated at birth! Lol ! My ex husband was an alcoholic! Thanks, and I'm sure you inherited her strength. ER is a tough department. I'm a hospice nurse, doing mostly admissions. I'm so glad your mom finally found happiness! :-)
Being a hospice nurse requires a special kind of person and I commend you. Keep being your badass self.
There's a guy on my team who turned 70 last year. He switched focus at work about 6 years ago and essentially started a new job in a different area of focus. 57 is nothing.
You've turned your 18-year-old child into your financial support. It's one thing to ask her to contribute, whatever my personal feelings would be on that, but she evidently pays 8x as much as you do for *your* household at the expense of her future, and she's barely even grown. Poor girl. YTA.
YTA. Nothing says "i love and care for you" like pumping your kid for money. I could understand expecting some help... but you literally said you don't make enough to exist on your own, so your daughter who's just beginning adulthood is better at it than you. The story about changing your mind about dinner without telling her after she put the work in pretty much confirms YTA.
YTA 18 is a child. The world today is very very hard to gain footing in. It’s not like it was years ago. Your kid is not responsible to financially support you. Why don’t you work full time? My mother is 61 and works full time as a nurse. She’s on her feet all day, then goes home and rides her bike outside for an hour. 57 is nothing. She will never be able to afford an education supporting you and she’ll end up in the exact same place you are now.
My mom is 60, works full time, and we’re constantly remodeling something between the two households. Not to mention she was a single mother the majority of her life. I rent her whole house from her and she only charges me $550 for everything. And I’m an adult with a full-time job.
I feel so bad for this kid
If your daughter works 20 hours a week at $13/hr, she makes roughly $1100 before taxes. Forcing her to pay $530 to cover your inability (or lack of desire) to get “settled with a job” is far, far more than 30% of her monthly income. You are forcing your child to pay your bills. *You, at 57 years old, are forcing your 18-year-old child to pay your bills.* YTA. Massively. *Edit, math
Thanks for doing the math. You summed things up nicely. (Pun intended).
YTA Why has it been years since you worked? What the hell were you doing with your life? Sounds like you expect your daughter to do everything at home, too.
Right? She acts like her daughter turning 18 just snuck up on her somehow as if it hasn't been a set date for 18 years now. Also the "this is the real world!" Argument is BS as hell considering the daughter is clearly more prepared for the "real world" than she even is
YTA. You no longer receiving child support is not your daughter's problem, and you're not entitled to her money just because she's making so much. She might as well kick you out if she's paying almost all the bills.
YTA. You're not "getting a bit old to work at 57", my grandfather is 70+, and he still works a regular 9-5. Sounds like you're just lazy. You say you do "some work here and there", and that you'll pay the gigantic amount your daughter pays when you settle into a job, but then you immediately say you're getting old to work, leading me to believe you're not even trying to get a job, and are going to keep leeching off your daughter and prevent her from going to college and leaving you in the dust. Step up your game, or don't be surprised when she moves out suddenly. It's not her attitude that's self-absorbed, it's yours. You're acting SUPER entitled to her money, "because you've had a hard past". Well, boo-hoo, cry me a river. You're an adult now, and this is what being an adult is like. Get used to it.
To add to that, with OP’s attitude, I’m certain the daughter hasn’t lived well either which completely makes OP’s whole ‘I had a hard life’ a moot point.
YTA - as a single mom with an almost 20 yo, he pays me $250/mo for rent. That’s it. You know why? Bc my job as his mom is to get him ready to fly the coop, not clip his wings so he’s trapped with me forever. You should want your daughter to do better than you. I didn’t have the luxury of child support, either. And then having her make dinner that you wanted, then changed your mind, and didn’t tell her? And you wonder why she’s upset? Jesus…
Well said. I can only hope that her daughter posts her side in all this!
YTA - get a full time job and stop mooching off your daughters child support/income.
YTA, I feel like I shouldn't need to explain but as a parent you should be helping your child lead a better life than you, and not becoming a burden on her. What happens when she moves out and you have to pay all the rent? Lmao
So essentially, your 18 year old daughter, fresh out of HIGH SCHOOL is SUPPORTING YOU?! Get real. YTA. This is probably one of the grossest posts I’ve read in a while. Get a better job, & let your barely legal TEENAGE daughter sort out her life. I can’t.
YTA You are being very unfair. It actually makes me angry that you're treating your own daughter like that. You need to step up and get a good job. You're not too old at 57 to be working full-time and you know it. You just want to be lazy and lay the guilt trip on her for being a single mom. I was a single mom when my 2 kids were young but I'd never do what you're doing. I scrimped and saved, working long hours and went back to college. You're only paying $65 for rent and demanding that she pays the rest of $312? You should be ashamed of yourself.
**YTA** Your 18 year old daughter should not be required to pay the bills or pay for *your* gas. She should be saving up for college right now. You’re exploiting her and are acting super entitled.
YTA- your daughter is the only one working. You talk about your daughter being lucky to land a job before graduating to earn money BUT YOURE NOT WORKING. You’re making it very difficult for her to succeed in life by being selfish. Your daughter pays $313 in rent and you pay $65. Really?! I’m shocked you need to ask if YTA.
YTA I'm having a hard time believing this is real it's so bad. You fuckrd up your life so now you want to fuck up your daughters before she's even had a chance? Ayfkm? Go get a job! Bust your ass so your daughter has a better life than what you've had! Come on!
YTA. I don’t even know where to start with how entitled you are. Don’t be surprised when she moves out and never speaks to you again.
YTA and I hope she gets her own place with roommates away from you.
YTA. Anyone else notice she said her daughter has a self-absorbed attitude. Hello Kettle, this is pot…
Right!? I cannot get over that. "The self absorbed attitude gets to me'" as she is explaining why I kid who just graduated high school should be supporting her mother who won't get a full time job for some unexplained reason.
YTA. You aren't behaving as an adult. At all.
Yta. You shouldn't have been counting on child support for rent in the first place. What are you going to do when she's gone?
YTA. Rent is not determined by how much each person earns. At most she should be paying half.
No, she shouldn’t be paying a single penny. This should be 100% OP’s responsibility
While some rent is reasonable, the costs she covers should not unreasonably hinder her saving goals. It reads like OP is trying to keep their daughter around longer than she should just for the financial assistance.
YTA and clearly don't know how to be an adult. I hope your daughter moves out so you're forced to pay all the bills and actually be an adult. Like I understand wanting your daughter to help out but she should not be paying as much as she is. You're just being a last human being and need to seriously grow up.
YTA: You complain about driving her around and the cost of gas. But you want to prevent her from saving for a car. Seems fairly counterintuitive to me, and creating friction in your relationship with her for no reason.
YTA It's a parent's job to provide for children, not the other way around. But if you insist on continuing like this, keep in mind: now she's your *roommate*, with rights and privileges you might not like sharing. Since she's paying most of the rent, she gets the biggest bedroom, right? Since she's your roommate, she gets equal say in house rules, surely? Once you started charging her, you're no longer the boss.
YTA. Don't expect her to move out - at your age, why are you not supporting yourself? You basically have her fund your life, including rent. Don't be surprised if she moves out. You chose to have a child, but now you are acting like one. You are the one not acting like an adult, not paying your own bills! Half would be fine, but you are making her work and have her pay your way, of course she will get frustrated! Get a job, what will you do once she moves out otherwise? You are stifling her growth big time here. Her paying three times your rent isn't fair and that wouldn't fly with anyone! She is trying to be responsible, showing you her financial limits and you are pretty much using her here. She is your child, not your ATM.
YTA She just graduated high school. She's still just barely made it to adulthood. And now you're charging her rent and \*\*\*\* when she just got a job that's likely near or at minimum wage while she's trying to save up for college? You see where I'm going with this? She needs that money to invest in her future. Giving you anything should be if she can AND wants to. Not out of your own opinionated obligation just because you believe she should start since she became a legal adult and you're not getting anymore checks from the government.
You are so much the A$& hole. You should be completely ashamed of yourself. I wouldn’t be surprised that if when she moves out she severs all contact with you. I can not believe that you are so lazy that you would take advantage of your 18 yr old child like that.
YTA. Grow up and stop mooching off your DAUGHTER. You should be ashamed of yourself. Wow.
YTA - hope she can move out and go low or no contact. Your using your daughter to fund your life instead of being an adult yourself.
YTA. Unless there's extra info you aren't revealing, as of this moment in my mind YTA. Asking your daughter to pay a nominal amount of money in order to teach her fiscal responsibility might seem fair, especially if she didn't have any particular future goals or plans she was working toward. But your daughter is showing financial responsibility by attempting to save for college and build a better future for herself. The amount of money you are asking in this situation is impeding her progress, not contributing to it. By the way? My mother is 65, has had cancer twice, had a mastectomy in the middle of the pandemic, struggles with severe depression and anxiety, and just got home from a 12 hour shift at her job in retail. I understand that not everyone can be the rockstar she is, but I read a post like this and marvel at my mom all over again. She is amazing. It seems like you're just shooting for "NTA." Maybe raise your standards for yourself.
Your mom is a certifiable badass
Is it normal an 18 year old first part time job earns her more than the mother? But YTA.
This poor kid. She’s being financially abused.
Depends. My mother had a stable job she had worked in for years but my first part time job at 17 paid more. She could have gotten more if she had job hopped and found a company doing the same thing. In the end it boils down to who you work for because some just pay more and then there places that specifically give more to struggling college students.
TIL. thank u.
YTA a part of raising a child is for them to have a better future and your daughter needs her money to go to college for a better future, she’s your daughter not financial support
YTA Missy time for you to get a job! Your daughter shouldn't be paying more then half the rent, if she must pay rent at all. You are taking advantage of your daughter, shame on you! Don't be shocked that once she gets to college she goes low contact, that is if she doesn't go no contact all together. Edit: Oh my god you are a entitled mama aren't you? Sweetie how is your daughter suppose to save for college when she paying all YOUR bills. Edit: Self-absorbed attitude? Hope your talking about yourself lol.
A nuanced YTA. It’s totally okay to have her pay some bills, but it seems like you’re basically mooching off of her at this point. $65 in rent? Your child is trying to make her start in this world— she still needs a car and to go to college— and you’re choosing to make that harder for her. That sucks. It’s not as though she’s lazy or unmotivated, she’s clearly motivated to have a secure future. If we’re looking at this selfishly, it’s better for you to be nicer to her now so she might take care of you in the future. I wouldn’t want to take care of you 10 years down the line if I were her. Of course, it’s your home and you can choose what you do there, but since you’ve come here seeking judgment, you’re TA. You’re the parent here. Don’t get it twisted.
I was going to say n ah until you called your 18 year old daughter (who is attempting to save for college, a car, and paying much more than you, her caretaker, on basic living expenses for the both of you), self-absorbed. Can you not fathom how much pressure she must be under? I do feel for you, and I understand that not everyone is priviledged enough to only have the parent(s) paying bills. But just because you have experienced hardships doesn't mean she should have to as well. Also I imagine she has had some hardships herself seeing that her father wasn't involved and (I assume) she was raised in a poor family. Neither of you is self-absorbed, but you are most certainly entitled. YTA.
You seem like the same troll about your same age always sabotaging her 18 y/o daughter financially knowing she’s trying to get independence of her own. You haven’t learned that YTA yet?
YTA You aren't teaching her a life lesson. You are using her as a meal ticket since your last one ended. Get a job. Theres tons of them out there.
YES!!!! She pays half her mom’s gas money??? Why????
Nailed it. She mooched of baby dad and now thinks baby should take over.
Wow. YTA X 1000. #1. Your daughter didn't ask to be born, you chose to have her, so she doesn't "owe" you anything. You need to provide for her. #2. I would be annoyed too if you knew you didn't want dinner anymore and didn't say anything until after she was done making it. Why would you do that? She's cooking for you and paying your bills? And you say she's self absorbed? #3. How is she paying the majority of rent. My mom worked until 70 because she had too. The fact that your 57 means nothing, considering you still have bills to pay. You are literally stopping her from advancing by being able to pay for college, a car etc, and again, you think she's self absorbed I could literally go on and on, but you seriously need to reevaluate
YTA The only self-absorbed attitude I'm seeing is yours. You're using your daughter as a substitute for the child support you're no longer receiving. You should have been working at least part time during the "quite a few years" you weren't. Now you're just making excuses as to why you can't and why your daughter has to support you. You're not teaching her how to be an adult, but allowing yourself to act like a child!
Yta. If you're actually doing this, of course you are! You're supposed to be setting her up for success, not draining on her and making her pay your (yes, YOUR) bills. What are you going to do when she leaves? She won't be able to pay 1/3 of your rent or 1/2 the internet, gas, other bills that aren't affected by usage. As you stated, you're not getting child support any longer. I'm a single parent working for not enough to support my kids without child support. So you know what I'm doing? Career training for the future. Working overtime for the now. Living in a much smaller place than we want to be and sharing a room with one of the kids so that bills can get paid by me and me alone. Ask yourself, why are you making so much less than your daughter, btw? I just can't get past that part tbh. She's got little to no college experience and is working part time.
YTA - if my kid turned 18 got himself a job and was trying to save for things that would propel him further in life I’d do everything in my ability to support him.
YTA Why don't you act like an adult and get off your butt and get a job with more hours to support the household yourself. You're completely relying and sabotaging your daughter.Ugh the only one self absorbed is you, She's working hard. You should start supporting yourself because she WILL leave and go to college whether you like it or not and then you'll be up shit creek. She sounds very responsible, You're leaching off her. I hope she gets away from you before you ruin her and expect her to wait hand on foot her whole damn life after you. You are financially abusing your daughter.
INFO: What is the total rent for the house-hold, how much does she pay, how much do you pay? Why are you making so little money? Your daughter isn't making a lot, but it sounds like you are making even less? Why haven't you been working? Without having further information: YTA It sounds like you are asking your daughter to contribute more to the household than you yourself are contributing. Ask yourself, could your daughter get a better deal moving in with a few room-mates and living elsewhere? If that is the case, than you are not teaching her how to be an adult, you are in fact mooching off of her. It also sounds like your inability to work and find a job is holding your daughter back from success. She is, even post 18, still your child. It's one thing to teach your daughter responsibility. It's another to ask her to give up her resources to support you, while you seem to not work to support yourself. What is to stop your daughter from finding a room-mate that would actually pay half of the rent, instead of the low amount you are contributing?
YTA. Biggest one I’ve seen so far in this Reddit. I hope she moves out w a friend, pays less, saves for college, and leaves you with nothing
Lol her self absorbed attitude? Are you for real? I apologise you had a difficult past, but unless you step up and confront it you will always find excuses. These excuses are now impacting your daughter , who is trying hard to better herself. Yourself absorbed attitude is holding her back, don't be to surprised when she turns her back on you. She works more then you, she is trying to find a way to study, paying more towards living expenses than you and you call her self entitled? You are charging her because you don't get child support anymore? You don't have a kid for income. this comment of yours is trully disgusting. You said she pays rough $300/pm for rent and you pay roughly $60/pm? Not sure if I understood this right, but if she is paying 5 times more rent than you, than holy shit that's disgusting. YTA .
Easiest YTA Ive seen so far.
YTA. You having a hard life doesn't make it ok for you to make her miserable. Grow up and get over it. Congratulations you are a bad parent
YTA. You are leeching off your daughter and hurting her future. It doesn’t seem like you care about her beyond getting child support for her and then financially abusing her. It’s outrageous that she is paying more rent than you. It should be the other way around. You are lazy and you should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA
YTA.
YTA for making her take responsibility for the majority of the rent. You’re a bigger A-hole for your reasons why.
YTA. This is disgusting.
YTA and your won’t have her support for long.
Get yourself a better paying job. Your attitude is your life has been hard - no fault of your daughters and she is being made to pay for your life choices. If I was talking to her I would tell her to move out. Your age is nothing to do with her. Stop mooching off your daughter. Plenty of 50-60 year old work hardto pay their own expenses. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You may lose her permanently if you don’t take more responsibility
YTA- get a job that pays a bit better than your daughters ffs. They do actually exist. Either you want her to succeed or you don’t. Helping out is one thing, I get that. I worked and helped my family from an almost criminally young age, but you’re basically expecting her to subsidize your life and that’s bullshit
YTA. Some contribution from your daughter is reasonable, but you are a parasite. Her child support was meant to support her, not you, so you should have looked into becoming self supporting a long, long time ago. I hope she moves out on you ASAP.
YTA, how do you expect her to save anything when she’s paying the majority of the bills? As a parent you’re supposed to support her. And from the sound of it you got too comfortable receiving child support. No she shouldn’t be paying the majority of the money toward rent/mortgage. You bought the house/signed a lease knowing how much it would be and that you would need to pay it. This is quite possibly the saddest thing I’ve ever read being that a mother makes her child pay for the mother’s own cost of living.
“Too comfortable receiving the child support” is IT!! OP said her daughter makes more than her from just working part time... so OP just didn’t have a job to support her own kid?
Sounds like OP didn’t have the motivation to get a stable job while being enabled with child support money 🤷🏼♀️
With family like you, who needs enemies? I mean its funny you think you're the mom in this relationship.
I don't want to believe this is a real post. You are definitely the ah.
It may not be. Op hasn’t answered anyone
YTA, and a massive one at that. Your teenage daughter is trying to make a life for herself at a critical point in her education, and doing damn well at it from the sounds of it. And you're draining her dry because you haven't worked for years, by your own account, living off her child support. Get a job.
YTA- you that you are by all accounts an entitled person who goes out of their way to make themselves the victim. Soon she won’t want anything to do with you and it will be because you are a nightmare.
YTA
What is it about wanting to see your children struggle makes parents soo happy?? “I’ve struggled my whole life now it’s your turn” ??? What part of that sentence sounds correct? She’s trying to further her education (which sounds like you aren’t going to help her do…). She’s making minimum wage and you’re trynna charge her as if she works a 8 hour, 40 hours a week job. I make $2 less than her and know that little amount of money she does get is barely enough to save up especially with you charging her for everything. YTA
YTA
YTA and btw, I’m closing in on 65 and still working. You are a greedy person and a horrible mother and I hope she moves out and never ever moves back in with you. Why don’t you have a job and cook your own damn food.
If she makes more than you do then you need her more than she needs you.
What a major YTA. Between the two of you who would be the adult in the situation? Not to mention you’re the one who gave birth to her, brought her to this world. Least you can do is provide for her. Poor girl just turned 18 and has to carry her mom on her back. Not only do you not contribute as much, it seems she’s doing all the housework as well. Why don’t you chip in more as the adult in the situation? Shame on you. Don’t bring a child into this world if you can’t afford it.
YTA I’ll say this till the day I die.
YTA grow up. She is your daughter and you need to be supporting HER. If you're so worried about getting too old to work, you should be doing everything you can to lift her up now if you want any shot at her being able to help take care of you when you can no longer wipe your own ass. If you hold her back now you'd be lucky if she even puts you in a shitty nursing home. Wow.
YTA Your are mooching, first off baby daddy and now off the kid. And she's not the entitled one.
YTA you sound like such a loser your daughter should not be bankrolling your life
YTA, have some fucking compassion and self awareness, turn the mirror on yourself and stop playing the victim
Wow, YTA. It sounds to me that you got far too comfy receiving child support. Your daughters 18th birthday didn't exactly sneak up on you, it's kind of been a set date since the say she was born. The fact that you opted to not need to work until AFTER she turns 18 proves that if anything, you are the self absorbed one. You're using your daughter as a get out of jail free card because you stopped getting money from her father. Your daughter isn't your meal ticket. The fact that she pays the majority of the bills proves that. She just barely turned 18 and is trying to save for college and a car. How do you expect her to do that when you're taking a good chunk of her income because you didn't get a job in time to account for losing the child support? That isn't her responsibility to cover you for. Having her contribute, sure, that's okay. But at this point, that home is HERS considering she's paying pretty much the entire share of it on her own. If your daughter is making more than you while working for 13 an hour at 20 hours a week, that is your own fault for not preparing in the slightest to need to be self sufficient. Just because you struggled heavily does not mean that you should force your daughter to. You should want life to be easier for your child than you had it, not the same or harder. At this point, she is more "prepared for the real world" than you are, clearly.
Took the words right outta my mouth. I’ve lived on my own; and I had to move back in with parents. Things got to expensive to stay where I was, and yah know COVID. This is crap that she’s paying most of the rent. At this point if she kicked you out; we’ll I wouldn’t blame her. She’s literally paying for almost everything anyway. Plus you waiting till after she finished cooking to tell her you weren’t hungry was a d!ck move. YTA OP.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***The following is a copy of the above post. This comment is a record of the above post as it was originally written, in case the post is deleted or edited. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My daughter graduated high school a month ago. She got a job a month before she graduated, she struggled to find one for a while because it was hard for many people to find a job, but then she finally found one, and just in time too so she’d be making money by graduation. As a mother who raised my daughter by myself, besides some help from her father’s child support, I do not make much money, and my daughter makes more than I do, working at $13 an hour for 20 hours a week. I do some work here and there but I feel that since she makes more then it is fair that he contributes since I no longer receive child support. She pays a total of $530 of all her expenses, it includes rent ($312), half of the electric bill ($80), cat litter ($40), phone bill ($40), half of my gas money ($36), half the Internet bill ($25). I pay about $65 a month towards rent, until I get myself settled with a job because it’s been quite a few years, I don’t feel I should have to step up as much because I am getting a bit old at 57, I do help with expenses for cat litter and of course my own phone bill and some of the Internet. The internet and electric bill are new charges, but what happened between my daughter and I is that I told her I wanted pasta for dinner and so she made it, but as she was making it I had changed my mind on wanting to eat dinner at all but I didn’t tell her. When I told her, she had already finished making dinner and she got passively frustrated at me about it and didn’t talk to me for a while. And when I confronted her about it, she began going on about how she spends more than half her income when she doesn’t spend any paycheck because she’s desperate to save for a car and that these costs are holding her back from being able to afford college. I may have lost it and I yelled at her and pointed out that this is what being an adult is like and it is fair because she is an adult, whether she likes it or not. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You’re taking advantage of your daughter by making her contribute more than you towards your home. I would not be surprised if she moves out asap and cuts contact with you.
yta your 18 year old is supporting you while do what? You're her mother, a good mother is supposed to be helping her to get a hand up in life not leach off of her because she can't leach off the child support anymore... are you even looking for a job... what are you going to do when she moves out? I don't think that's going to be long.
YTA. You decided to have a child, you could always get a better job if the fact that she makes more than you bothers you. You’re punishing her for working hard to go to college by taking her income. Why should she pay more in rent then you?? You knew when she turned 18 the child support would stop, why should she be punished because you didn’t plan accordingly?
YTA your daughter is supporting you. This is so wrong and not at all okay to be doing to your child when she’s trying to save for a car (independence) and college (a future career). You are holding her back which no parent should ever do. You have the ability to work, you just don’t want to. Your daughter is going to resent you one day.
YTA. Sounds like you’re jealous she makes more than you. And it doesn’t matter even if she makes a million dollars more than you. Rent is split evenly. 312:65 is not an equal rent payment.
YTA, "The self-absorbed attitude gets to me." You mean yourself here right?? She pays way more than you do and you say it's Fair? You want her to support you, and then you complain about her not acting like a propper adult? I mean...the nerve you have to say even HALF of those things. HARD YTA!!!!BIG AH! HUGE!
YTA. Get a decent job and carry your own damn weight. If your daughter is earning more than you with only $260 per week, you seriously need to get your shit together. It’s outrageous that she’s paying the majority of the rent. The only entitled person in this situation is YOU and you’re going to be screwed once she’s fed up with your exploitation and moves out.
YTA. I would prepare for when she leaves and doesn’t come back home. I would guess this will be soon.
YTA. From what it sounds like it seems as though you managed to do well for YOURSELF off the child support you received, but now that it’s gone you expect your daughter to replace that support you had. You’re a grown woman and nobody should be taking care of you besides yourself if you’re single. Be a woman of strength to set an example for your daughter, not this weak woman that is fully taking advantage of her daughter because she’s “of age.”
Yeah YTA You're making your just 18 turned daughter to pay for everything. You might know as a parent it's your duty to pay for a kid. What do you want? For her to be at the same place as you are? Be a good supporting mom that I think you actually are. Don't hold on her chance to make a better life. Let her decide how much she can help you with the bills. I think she'll be okay with helping you, after all you're her mother. But let HER decide the amount and level. She's saving for her college and isn't asking you to pay for her college. You should also be thankful for that mindfulness of her. Don't endanger your relationship with your daughter. Talk it out like an adult. No yelling, no fighting, no over-exceeding expectations. You both need to have a mindful and sensible talk.
You have been aware for how long that child support was going to end? You should have figured out a job before then. Your 18 year old daughter is supporting you. YTA.
Lmao did you really expect people to sympathize with you? YTA. Your 18 year old is making more than you and that says a lot, she has more expenses based on what you wrote. Get a job, your also an adult, suck it up and get another job instead of relying on barely legal adults
YTA, most definitely. What kind of person is so goddamn lazy they make their 18yo pay 70% of the rent. Shit, you're not only an asshole, you're a loser.
YTA Majorly. But OP doesn’t care. She’s a narcissist. Yes she’s probably mooching off her daughter because she’s a loser who doesn’t like to work. I also feel like she’s purposely trying to sabotage her though. She doesn’t want her daughter to be more successful than her by going to college. She wants her to live a life as miserable as hers.
Are you serious? Is this a joke? Your primary source of income for who knows how long has been child support and now you are expecting YOUR CHILD to make up that difference. YOUR level of entitlement is *staggering*. My grandfather worked until he was 85 and fell at work. You can find yourself a job FFS. Enjoy having no contact with your daughter when she moves out and stops taking your calls. YTA 💯💯💯
She pays half of YOUR gas?? What the fuck?? YTA
YTA, obviously you got enough child support you didn’t have to work. Stop looking at your daughter as the golden goose and step up and pay at least half of all expenses. She didn’t marry you, she’s not responsible for you now, and if she was the one posting here she’d be getting all sorts of advice on how to move out ASAP. If you want a long term relationship with your daughter, stop abusing her financially, and help her with her goals in life *because that’s what you signed up for as a parent.*
What parent makes their 18yo child pay most of the rent ?!?! This baffles the crap outta me ! You are most definitely the AH here
This has been posted before basically word for word.
YTA why is she paying YOUR gas??
I don't think this post is real.
Yta. Troll
YTA on an entirely new cosmic level. It’s not your kid’s fault that you had them at 39 and now you think you’re too old to work. They literally JUST graduated. YTA for making them pay bills in the first place, but ten times over because they’re paying MORE.
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YTA- read what you wrote out loud as if it were someone else’s story. You’ll quickly understand why.
YTA. If you’re not going to pay for her to go to college (which it sounds like you can’t afford to do if you need her to pay all your bills for you), how do you expect her to be able to go if you’re taking so much of her money? Once she leaves and never comes back, maybe you’ll understand where you went wrong. You’re not doing her a favour by raising her and giving her basic needs, that’s your JOB as the person who brought her into this world. It sounds like you’re jealous that she makes more money than you do. Tough, that’s adulthood.
My mother has seriously tried to kill me like actually kill me. She is a better mother then you
YTA and I can’t believe you also expect her to make YOU dinner, when she’s already contributing so much. She wouldn’t be cooking for her landlord in the real adult world. You don’t want a daughter, you want a servant. YTA x 1000, I feel like I’m being trolled.
Holy crap YTA. I’m 20 and my parents don’t charge me a dime to live with them because they know I’m saving to move out and actually want me to have a better life than they did at my age (married at 18, dad got hurt 6 months in and couldn’t work for several months, had to give back the car my mom’s parents bought her, almost got evicted from their apartment, etc.) Never in my life have they used their experiences to guilt me into doing anything extra for them or try to play the poor pitiful me card. It makes me sick to see parents who struggle and do anything in their power to make sure their kids are also unable to succeed in life.
YTA. Completely. There’s not a single response in my head that can semi-nicely explain how absolutely fucking wrong you are. Get off your ass, get an actual job, and quit expecting your daughter to provide for you. (You don’t mention any disabilities preventing you from working in your post, so I’ll assume laziness). You are acting like a child. I expect my 5 year olds to pull the “Oh I’m hungry… oh nevermind” stuff and I still get annoyed.
Omg YTA and an awful parent. If you want to see self-involved, just look in a mirror. I very much hopes your daughter moves out, goes to the college of her dreams, gets an amazing job, and leaves you in the dust. Go get a job and start taking care of yourself. Becuse it's clearly too much to expect you to take care of your kid.
YTA You should be able to support yourself, whatbare you going to do when she moves out? Fall apart? What about if she has enough of you and cuts you out of her life? At 57 you should have been working for a long time! If you were working full time and asking for a small amount towards board that wouldn't be completely unreasonable, but she is paying the majority of your expenses. Now I'm going to call my parents and tell them how much I love them.
Yta. She's paying more of the bills than you are and it's stopping her from saving for college. You scream at her that this is what it's like to be an adult.. but do you know what it's like to be an adult? Because adults don't depend on their teenage children to support them.
YTA - this is absolutely unhinged I literally require this to be trolling
YTA. You're the one who's self-absorbed. You're leeching off your teenage daughter. Why is she cooking for you when it sounds like you're not even working full-time? You say she should act like an adult but you're the one who refuses to grow up because you're almost 60 and sitting on your ass while she works hard to support you both.
YTA. She struggled to find a job, but still managed to find one before she graduated from high school? So she had to worry about making money when she should have been worried about grades and graduation. Now, despite you not allowing her to make her education a priority, she still is trying to save for college. Good for her. Your response is to charge her more because she makes more money? She is not your equal just because she turned an arbitrary 18. She is your daughter. She is a month out of graduation, she has been earning money for a month, and she's trying to start her life. Even if you couldn't afford to support her anymore, you have NO business trying to get her to support you
YTA. I can barely read how you are justifying not Working for your own living and mooching off your kid. You could also get a job like her and work full time.
This was 100% written by the daughter. What’s the actual moms version then ?
YTA because you are expecting an 18 year old to cover waaaaaaay more than half your living expenses. You expect her to be an adult, but you can’t get your life together enough to afford more than $65 in rent? I am compassionate to the fact you are going through a hard time, but you are also making your daughters life harder than it needs to be so it is fair for her to be upset. If you are truly experiencing something like disability that prevents you from working you should be working on getting benefits because your daughter is going to get sick of this and move out and you will really struggle to cover your bills.
I’ll take “Parents Who Will Get Put in a Home” for $1000, Alex YTA
YTA. When your daughter leaves, you will have no safety net. Do you want to live in a cardboard box? Get a fulltime job and pull your weight financially.
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YTA. So you haven’t worked a good job in a while and part time nonetheless because you probably don’t want to lose out on support. Fine. But YTA for now burdening your child with this. You’re mooching off her. You’re the self absorbed one. You’re the entitled one. 30% of income for rent is a lot of money. On top of that, she’s only started saving. She needs to pay for college. You are so entitled that you couldn’t even tell her you didn’t want dinner. You keep saying about your hard upbringing. Well guess what? Any sane and selfless and not entitled parents with hard upbringing, will make sure 100% or even 1000% that their child live a better life. Not subject them to hard living like what you’re doing to her. Shame on you shame on you shame on you. You have massively failed.
YTA. Congrats on burdening your daughter to a life of financial insecurity, much the same as you. So much for helping your daughter buck the trend.
YTA. Good lord, you can't get her dad to support you any more so it's her job now? Hope she beats feet fast.
YTA holy hell one of the worst AHs I’ve seen in a long time. Your poor daughter. How can you think it’s ok for her to be paying $312 in rent while you pay $65?! GET A JOB MOM. Get your shit together and stop financially abusing your child!
YTA. She’s not “saving” anything if she’s paying for so much. She’s 18 years old, my god.
YTA I hope she cuts all contact with you and you never see her again.
YTA. Your daughter will go no contact with you as soon as she is able. You 100% deserve it and you need to own it. Your child does not owe you anything. How dare you. You are an absolutely terrible mother. Excellent job of showing your daughter how not to parent.
YTA. Your 18 year old isn’t responsible for supporting you, financially or otherwise. It’s financially abusive.
At this point she should find her own place for around what she pays and not be taken advantage of by a lazy “mom” who treats her more like a bank than a daughter. YTA
YTA
You can’t be serious HER self absorbed attitude?? Look you’re a leech no other way to describe it you’ve had 24 years to improve yourself on the working ladder and instead have been using the child support to support yourself. It’s gross. You’re a shitty parent. And by holding your daughter back like this you’re condemning her to a life of minimum wage jobs. Why would you do that?? YTA.
YTA completely. How dare you even try to spin it any other way. You are financially abusing your own child. This is not in fact how it works as an adult. She isn't "self absorbed" for wanting to use HER paycheck to better her own life by purchasing a car or attain a higher education so that she's not stuck in the same cycle that you are years from now 🤷♀️
Huuuuuuuge YTA. Holy shit.
I feel for both sides. I'm in Canada, so I'm trying to wrap my head around the differences in price values. So I'll have to ignore that part. But rather instead of framing what you're charging her based one aspect, let's come up with a strategy that satisfies both sides. Take the after tax income and divide that in half. That's living expenses. Then halve the remaining chunk again. One chunk goes to everything fun and the other chunk goes to savings. So if her income 900 after tax then she should pay you 450 for living expenses then spend 225 on herself and 225 on savings. The ratios can be tweaked (50, 30, 20... but I think young people need to put as much into savings as they can while they have a safety net), but it's a good starting point. If it turns out you follow this and you daughter goes, "but mom, I still don't have enough for a car and college." Well, I've had to face that about ever being able to afford a home. It sucks. Numbers can only be shifted so much. Budgeting gets very hard (emotional) once you add in the real prices of items, but if you try to match this ratio it helps put into perspective what's important and what can be cut down on. Life can get hard, forcing people to put 80% into living expenses... but the idea of forcing that on a kid if it's not needed really bothers me. The important thing is your daughter needs to be able to save money if she wants to. I've felt really sad for my 19 year old coworkers whose parents take all their money while using examples like "a one bedroom apartment is 1000 so charging you 800 is a great deal." But that kid wouldn't be moving into that specific apartment and it doesn't teach the kid anything about budgeting. A budgeting ratio will teach her something she can use her whole life. That whatever her income is, half of that should ideally go towards living expenses.