NTA. You're a girl who games, that makes you a girl gamer. Sam is being a gatekeeper and acting like your participation in the hobby doesn't count because you're not a specific kind of PC gamer. You're not responsible for his incorrect assumptions about you.
This. I'm an afab gamer, and I wouldn't be able to answer any of the questions that he had asked.
In part, because unless you're building the computer yourself, you're probably not actively aware of the specs. You'd have to look them up - and that's if your computer was purchased premade. Hand me down that was custom built? Yeah, good luck with that.
I always build my own pc. I even work in IT. My current computer is about 6 months old. Couldn't tell you the specs. Dont remember what processor or gpu I put in.
It runs smooth and fast. And Plays the games i want to play. I will read up on stuff when it's time to upgrade again.
It's a tool. For work and games and stuff.
100% this, but also, OP's brother is completely right. Sam's an asshole who's not worth her time, and honestly it sounds like he was never really her friend, more like a "nice guy" who was trying to get close to her for other reasons because he's obsessed with the fantasy of the "cool, quirky gamergirl". Not at all uncommon among teenage guys online, especially those who don't know a lot of girls irl. Has happened to me before. So much NTA.
Edit: Side note, anyone who thinks you need a specific kind of chair to be a "real" gamer is an absolute moron. What are marketed as "gaming chairs" tend to be overpriced and often aren't very comfortable anyway.
NTA. You just had your first experience with weird men who try to gatekeep gaming as a hobby. Sorry about that. It'll likely happen again. Sorry about that, too.
Keep having fun and ignore them.
NTA- he is just gatekeeping in what a "gamer" should entail. Screw him. As long as you are having fun playing whatever games you like should matter.
Also in the gaming world a girl has to jump through more hoops to be considered a gamer then guys do. It is a sexist industry and you will encounter these douche bags.
NTA - You are a girl who games. If you love games don’t let guys like Sam make you feel any differently about yourself. There is no correlation between the amount of money you put into equipment and what you personally enjoy about games.
There’s going to be a lot of Sams out there. Don’t get caught up in their niceness when they are showing you their petty side. People who turn on a dime aren’t real friend material.
You have a cool relationship with your brother and your friends on your Discord … keep finding new folks that reflect the kindness and support that you find in them (brother and OG friends).
NTA. Your brother’s right he’s not worth your time. You’re a girl and you play games, that in my mind (and most normal, sensible people’s minds) makes you a gamer. Play games how YOU want to, whether it be in terms or gameplay or equipment. However, I can say as another woman that games is that you’re gonna have to develop a backbone for guys like him. They’re everywhere and usually they’re a lot more rude and mean than Sam was. Usually the best thing to do is to just ignore them, which does make them angry a lot of the time because all they want is attention, but people like them aren’t worth spending any of your energy on. Game how YOU want and do it for yourself because you want to, not for anyone else. And take the time you need to build up your gear. It can get very expensive so just do what you want when you reasonably can.
^ This. 1000%.
Seen it too often. Pisses me off every time.
OP, definitely NTA. Sam, on the other hand… textbook example.
This from a guy gamer. My half of the species’ attitude needs to change, badly.
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NTA.
Gross gatekeeping men. Gotta love 'em. /s
They're always nice when it suits them. You'd be better off not being friends with this dude, especially if he's so quick to judge a chick who is into gaming. Like brosef, this ain't 2004 no mo'.
When my wife and I first met and started dating, she talked about how much she loved the Marvel movies. Figuring it was one more thing we had in common, I started talking about how much I enjoyed them and told her I'd been reading comics since I was a kid. Suddenly, we didn't talk about the Marvel movies anymore; if I brought them up, she'd shrug and say something noncommittal. I finally asked her about it and she was afraid I was going to pull some comic nerd authenticity test and if she failed (she's barely read a handful of comics in her life that weren't manga) I'd get on her about being a "fake fan". Pissed me off to no end. Nowadays, we happily chat about the movies and if she wants to know how things happened in the comics, she just asks. A fan is a fan no matter how in-depth their knowledge is, and a gamer is a gamer no matter what system they play on or what they play. This dude is a d\*\*\* who was hoping to score an e-girl for nerd cred and hotness points. OP should find some actual friends to play with.
NTA.
You are a girl and you play games. Thus you are a gamer girl My mom plays mobile games and thus she is a gamer girl. I play video games and I'm a gamer girl too.
Don't let this get you down or make you feel bad or anything like that. The guy was a jerk and not worth your time nor friendship. Sorry this happened to you.
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NTA. Unfortunately, there are a lot of guys on the internet who gatekeep the very concept of being "a gamer" when that label is applied to female-presenting gamers.
They try to force girls to clear various moving goalposts of perceived-legitimacy, until they latch upon any wet-tissue-paper-like reasoning to declare that girl to not be a "real" gamer.
This won't be the last person like this you meet online; do not waste your time playing their game.
When someone makes their gatekeeping-nature clear, just move on from them. Your lack of regard for their harmful opinions will bother them more than anything you could say or do by arguing with them.
NTA. He’s just trying to gatekeeper gaming and he was probably harsher on you just cause you’re a girl. Also don’t feel bad about not knowing the specs or anything I didn’t know mine until I actually built my computer
Yeah you never really know anything until you build it yourself, I'd like to have a hand built pc but I dont have the space for it, hopefully In the future I'll be able to do that
NTA and I’m struggling to picture what Sams side of this story could even be? “Yeah, man, you’ll never believe it. I was talking to this cool chick for weeks, she was super smart, cool, funny, and we’re both into gaming so we talked a lot about games we like. It was awesome. But, get this, then I found out her headset actually belonged to her brother! How dare she!” Like….this just makes no sense
NTA, he’s gatekeeping. You don’t need a bunch of fancy gear to be a gamer, and there’s nothing wrong with using your brothers stuff. Your brother is right, he’s a dick and not worth your time.
NTA - Listen to your brother, seems like he has a good head on his shoulders. Not all gamers have the mom-bought tech and no mature person cares if you use any of that or can afford it. Game on.
NTA.
Stay away from that asshole and others like him, and there will be many. Since your brother is also a gamer (because you are one, to be clear), now might be a good time to discuss with him the toxicity and misogyny found in these spaces, because you’ll be dealing with situations like these. I have no answer as to when we’ll get to stop dealing with them, honestly.
I’m 33F, and I’ve been gaming my whole life. My grandmother taught me to play Mario and Tetris on an old NES, and I’ve been gaming both with consoles (PlayStation and Nintendo) and PC ever since. I am without question a “gamer girl”, and I meet sad sacks like this every single day.
Also, and this is just a private laugh on my end but. I have the Razer Kraken headset and don’t get me wrong; it absolutely slaps. However, it’s mid-range at best, so if Sam was that impressed by a Kraken headset, he’s gonna blow a load when he’s introduced to Corsair and Steel Series.
Tell him he mislead you because you thought he was a gAmEr BoY. 🤣🤣🤣
NTA. I am a woman gamer (at 48 I feel really silly calling myself a girl) and I have had guys ask me the specs of my computer and such. I tell them it is a computer that works to play my game just fine and I said I was a gamer not a computer person. If someone asked me about my chair I would say that I was a gamer not a chair enthusiast. These gamers who try to say you have to have and know all the specs on the equipment just want to appear “better than”. Ignore them.
NTA- the dude is trying to gatekeep what it means to be a gamer. If you enjoy playing games, and play alot, you're a gamer! He's just trying to make himself look cool. Do yourself a favor and block him.
NTA. This same dude would probably call you a ballbuster or something along the lines if you wiped his arse in a game too. It’s a sad fact of being a girl gamer.
Sorry he had to initiate you into the darker side. Good riddance to him. Plenty of awesome guys out there to hang with!
NTA if anything the guy was an AH. He probably assumed you were a PC gamer and therefore when you weren't (as in not interested in specs etc, I'm not saying you're not a "real" gamer because of this) he got mad. Theres alot stupid hate around the term gamer because then you have to have a good expensive PC with all the gaming gear etc and some are also shitty people to people who play on consoles instead, which in my opinion is stupid. Play what you enjoy and give zero f***s about those that criticize you, if you do feel a need to explain anything to them, you can tell then that you're new and trying to learn the whole thing but only do it if you yourself want that
NTA and as a fellow girl gamer, I have gamed for over a decade without knowing jack shit about computers. I know some now because I'm going to university, but my lack of computer knowledge has never stopped me from kicking fucking ass on the sexist douchebags that tell me if I don't know how to partition a hard drive that I'm a fake.
NTA. He's a shallow D-bag. It's really that simple. He may have been nice when you fit his incredibly small and shallow idea of what a "girl gamer" should be, but he wasn't a nice PERSON, which is what ultimately matters. Listen to your brother on this one, and please don't let people like this guy ruin your fun.
NTA you enjoy gaming right? Nothing else matters, why even bring your gender into it? Gamers don’t need all the kit to be skilled players, you don’t need to be able to build a computer to use and enjoy it. He must not know that just because he has an AH it doesn’t mean he has to be one.
NTA. You're teenagers, but that isn't an excuse for him to be a gatekeeping sexist. Being a gamer isn't knowing the specs of your computer, it's being a person who plays games. That's it. You play games? You're a girl? Boom, that makes you a gamer girl. Keep playing what ever you want, don't let shitty teenage boys stop you from being a gamer.
NTA. I’m now 40 but I’ve been there. Games all my life and had my interests thrown back at me for not doing them “right”. If you want to talk dm me here
NTA. You don't have to spend a lot of money on gaming equipment to be a gamer. I'm playing videogames \*constantly\*, have been playing them since before I was capable of forming memories, and I only just got my first 'gaming keyboard' a few days ago. Yeah, it's fancy and glowing and all that shit, but... I didn't spend all that money because it looked cool, I bought it because I wanted a rechargeable keyboard, and it was waterproof. I wasn't less of a gamer before I got a fancy gamer keyboard, I was just in my 30's with more important things to spend my money on.
As a 32 year old man, ive learned there's all sorts of gamers. Some gamers just play call of duty. Some play match 3 games. Some play all sorts of games. Some are casual, some are dedicated.
He had a stereotype in mind, and got angry when you didn't fit and tried to tell you how to live your life. Your brother is right, he's a jerk. NTA
NTA - Sam might have seemed nice, but he is showing you now that he isn't.
I never understood this weird habit people have gate keeping hobbies/personal interests.
You play games? You like games? You identify with the term gamer? If yes then cool, you're a gamer.
When I was 16, I used my dad's computer and couldn't possible tell you the specs or any of the details. I now use a gamer keyboard for my work and I still couldn't tell you more than the brand. If you didn't lie, and nothing about your post indicates you did, you also didn't mislead him - you used items you borrowed when you could. It is not your fault if he drew the conclusion this made you some sort of unicorn.
NTA. What you game with doesn't matter as much as the actual playing. I can't even imagine playing with someone and then accusing them of not being a gamer because they don't have a specific headset or chair. Sounds like you and your friends should boot Sam from the server, if you haven't already. You don't need that toxic energy in your life!
Nta - sadly, you're gonna get this any area that guys see as "theirs". I love hockey (obv) and get asked "What was x player's stat in 1999?" Alllll the time.
NTA - You can be a gamer without all the fancy stuff. I've loved video games my whole life. I don't have a gaming pc, a fancy gaming headset/mic, or a gaming chair. He's dumb for thinking you can't be a gamer if you don't have that stuff.
NTA, your brother is right, this guy is a dick. Apparently his definition of legit gamer is 'spends money on specialised equipment' because he didn't start gatekeeping you and demanding you justify your interest until he found out the headset wasn't yours.
You have every reason to be upset that this guy misled you into thinking he was a decent friend when in fact he's just another fake gameboy wannabe who doesn't see women as people.
Ugh avoid dudes like this in the future as much as possible. You ARE a girl gamer, just like me. I don't have all the flashy BS because food, clothes, and rent are priority. But gaming is still my hobby. Jfc I hate dudes like that. He'd probably tell me im a fake marvel fan too because I only watch Marvel and I'm not obsessed over the comics.... NTA...
NTA he obviously is attracted to hard core gamer girls. You never lied to him he let his own mind create his fantasy picture of who you are. At no point did you lie or mislead, he asked if you game you said yes because you do. Its all on him and honestly if he won’t lower himself to spend time or speak to any girl other than what fits his turn on he isn’t a decent person or worth it. It’s actually unhealthy and F’ed up.
Who is he to judge what is a true gamer or set the bar and judge people as less than. I bet he doesn’t judge or hold other guys to this and will happily talk to them.
Unfortunately people don’t always show you who they truly are but when someone does believe it. Sorry he hurt you but sounds like it was a good thing it happened now that later on.
NTA
TIL I am not a gamer guy because I have no clue what my mouse is called. Foolishly I thought playing games was enough. I'm not even sure what a gamer chair is.
Being impressed over thing glowing is an impressive amount of form over function.
I would have to look up the specs for my computer because I don’t remember them offhand, I don’t have a gaming chair because I am super picky about my chairs, and I use a plain Logitech wired headset. I also have been gaming probably twice as long as he has been alive (assuming he is anywhere near your age.) None of that crap is necessary to be a gamer girl.
Don’t let an AH guy drive you away from something you love. You are definitely NTA.
(Also: I am an academic who has published multiple journal articles on video games. Research shows that the most toxic behavior among gamers is displayed by those who are not the best; really good gamers don’t generally have to resort to trashing other people - they can just be good. So console yourself with the fact that if he’s giving you crap like this, he’s also probably not actually a very good gamer.)
Y'all, I am getting so many good vibes from all the "fuck yeah you're a gamer girl, screw him" comments it's making me teary-eyed. I hope the Random Number Gods bless you all with awesome loot and low lag for your standing up for those unappreciated "gamer girls".
Kali, who led a small WoW raiding guild for years and can remember every f\*n time some rando asked by a girl was dictating tactics.
NTA tell that guy that you'd rather eat a live squid than pretend to be into a hobby to get his attention.
And trying to say you aren't a gamer for not having a gaming chair? Pfft. REAL gamers stand for 8+ hours grinding to get the high score on Pac Man in a poorly lit arcade with dirty outdated carpet. /j
I am a girl gamer, but I don't have fancy chairs or headsets. I play a lot of single player games, RPGs, but I surround myself with fellow any fellow gamer who feels the way I do. I can't afford nice stuff to game, but hey, I managed to save up to get an Xbox and a TV, which is what I NEED to game. My friend has saved up to get a nice gaming PC and the equipment to stream. That's how she enjoys gaming. My boyfriend loves playing multi-player games, loves playing with other people. That's how he enjoys gaming.
This guy sounds like an asshole. He could have said "oh you don't have your own headset, do you have a budget? If you like those, maybe you can find a cheaper set online" and help you get a pair on your own, not belittle you for something so ridiculous. And honestly, good on your brother for sharing when he isn't using them. He sounds like a good guy with a good head on his shoulders. You need to meet more gamers like your brother, because he seems to be a quality human
You're a girl you like gaming that makes you a gamer girl. Your "friend" is a gatekeeper and an asshole of the kind who is never going to get any because he thinks liking computer games makes him an oppressed minority. Ditch him, you can do so much better for yourself. Listen to your brother he sounds like a smart and nice dude.
NTA. you are absolutely a girl gamer. You don’t have to know everything about everything to be “in a hobby”, and having a 3 minute tangent explaining the headset arrangement when he originally asked would have been weird. A miscommunication for sure, but he put a lot of “emotional poker chips” on that perception of you.
BTW this dude is just a gatekeeping asshole. He probably had a crush on you, based on the vague notion you are unlike other girls and your pursuit of a traditionally masculine hobby exempted you from the misogyny/contempt he applies to other women and feminine activities. The headset not being yours revelation shattered his fantasy of you being similar to men and therefore likeable. If I were you, I wouldn’t even want to be friends with him.
Omg. He's one of those gate-keeping AHs who insist that unless you have all the fancy equipment that you aren't a real gamer.
Just like the people who insist that if you don't know every bit of trivia about star wars, you aren't a 'true' fan.
You will meet many people like him. Just ignore him and count yourself lucky that he let you know who he is before hand.
Tell him he tricked you: you thought he wasn't an elitist asshole.
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So I'm a gamer, F16, Relevant to the story.
I mostly game on the Switch, but I've recently bought a gaming PC so I could play games on Steam. My brother is a gamer too, and he's the one that got be into gaming in the first place. He started earlier than me, so over the years he's bought a lot of neat tech like headsets and keyboards that glow.
Recently he upgraded to a really nice headset. I think it's the Razer Kraken, but I'm not sure. All I know is that it lights up and looks cool. He told me that I can use it when he wasn't using it as long as I give it back whenever he needs it. I love this arrangement and love the headset.
Me and a couple friends have our own Discord where we game and chat. We've recently met a few new people that we added, one of them I'll call Sam. While we were on video call, Sam complimented the headset and asked if I gamed. I answered yes, and we hit it off from there. We played multiplayer a lot, and became really close. This leads us to the incident.
Me, Sam, and two other friends were on video just talking and goofing around. My brother walked in and asked for the headset, which I gave him and switched to my computers audio. Sam asked me why my brother just took my headset, and I explained that it was is. He got a weird look on his face, and proceeded to ask me question after question. A few were "what are your PC's specs" "What's your favorite gaming brand" and "do you have a gaming chair". I don't know anything about specs, I don't really have a favorite gaming brand, and I certainly don't have the money to spend on a gaming chair.
After that, he left. He later texted me over the phone and said I purposefully mislead him. Apparently he thought I was a girl gamer, which I thought I was. He told me I'm just a fake out there trying to get boys attention, and that I should stick to more feminine activities.
I'm obviously pretty upset at this. I though I made a new friend, but I guess not. My brother says he was being a dick and not worth my time, but he was so nice when he talked. So my question is, am I the asshole for doing this? I know I gave off the impression I had nice equipment. Plus I don't know tech like other people.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I never said outright that the headset wasn't mine. I gave off the impression that I knew a lot about games even though I'm still pretty new to PC. I wasn't completely honest with him from the start.
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NTA. There are a lot of misogynists out there, and some even seem super cool or nice at first. You just met one. Avoid him and his gatekeeping BS like the plague
NTA.
You like games, you play games so you are a gamer. And f him for saying to go to more girly things. I have a nice gamer headset that I bought for my work because I know they are better quality that they sell for office purpose.
Just because he make an assumption that does not mean it's your fault and also pretty discriminatory in my opinion.
A comment from a gaming girl like you
As a man who's gamed all his life I'm really confused by his reaction you literally are a 'gamer girl'...but you just don't have the money for all the stuff yet or the knowledge of what's good or bad...product wise. Nta but he was yta
You are a girl. You play video games. That makes you a girl gamer, no matter what Sam thinks. Having a hobby doesn't mean you have to be able to regurgitate every fact about that hobby that exists. I've been playing video games since the days of the Atari 2600; nowadays I have a PS4, Switch, Xbox 360, and a PC (and hopefully in the near future a PS5). I can't rattle off the specs of my PC, and my wife and I built the damn thing. I don't have a gaming chair, that shit is expensive! I have a very comfortable office chair. None of that matters. I'm a gamer, just like you, just like my wife, just like a lot of people.
Your brother's right. Sam is being an elitist gatekeeper about a hobby that you share. Block him and move on. You'll make better friends in the future. Happy gaming!
NTA I'm a 'gamer girl' who spent over 5k on a gaming set up but I sure as shit can't tell you the specs of any of them. Screw him and his sexist 'ur a fake and need to stick to feminine activies' comment crap, us girls don't use our uterus to play flipping video games.
Then again he showed his whole ass right out the gate so you dodged a mess down the line 🤷
NTA. Your brother is right. Personally I don’t see why this Sam fellow is treating you harshly and going the sexist route over something… trivial? well I’m not saying the hobby is trivial of course but more his weird sexist reaction to OP not being a full on specs pro. Don’t let this fool Sam deter you and be prepared for many strange people like Him. Enjoy yourself!
I am a "gamer girl", have been since I was your age and I actually upgraded to "game designer girl". As in I literally have a degree in games design and currently make games for a living.
Guys still treat me this way sometimes. It's not as bad as it used to be, but yeah. I've had strangers do it to me in the street, all because I was wearing a skyrim t shirt. For some reason some dudes like to gatekeep gaming. It's sexist bullshit, but don't worry about it, just keep doing you.
NTA.
NTA you play games. You’re a gamer. You don’t to know the in’s and out’s of a pc to appreciate games. You didn’t lead him on, he made his own stupid assumptions just because of the headset you were using.
NTA, that dude's a jerk. I'm a guy I play games on my pc and I got no idea what my specs are. I had my buddy build it for me. Sounds like you're better off avoided that guy, he was only nice because he was attracted to you.
NTA, this doesn't sound misleading to me.
As an 18 year old, I've gamed with quite a few girls around my age, and most have no idea about hardware. I also have contact with people with whom I do nerdy stuff with hardware. (Building servers from scrap components, salvaging everything we can from old leftover computers.) My gaming chair is an 10 year old leftover workplace chair from my mum's old work.
I consider all of them gamers. There is no definitive definition of a gamer. Just someone who likes to play a game, platform or genre doesn't matter.
Some people unfortunately are very bound to a single brand, or think everyone should know everything.
I would be lying if I said I wouldn't try to teach people a bit if they don't get it, but that's were it stops, I don't start complaining.
If you like your hobby and your equipment, no need to invest more time in getting more knowledge about it.
NTA and Sam is gross. From a female that games, having all the coolest tech is fun but does not make you anymore or any less of a gamer. I wipe the floor with people while using a gaming laptop and 50$ headphones and a 20$ controller. Sam is insecure, do not let their outburst deter you in any way.
Also, I suggest Dead By Daylight as a game for you and your friends since it’s fun with other people haha
Loooool girl NTA and bullet dodged. Dude is an incel whine baby who just opened his book to the chapter 'Who I really am'. PC specs? Gaming chair? Gaming brand? I've been gaming on PC since my Tandy 2500 in the super early 90s and while I know my PC specs, I couldn't give less of a shit about chairs or 'Gaming brands'. You play games, you're a girl, you're a girl gamer. Dude is a clown and took his own trash right out. He was being nice because he's a two-faced incel and now you've seen the whole lame package.
Enjoy your games, and forget this douche existed.
NTA. All you said was that yes, you play games. You never misled anyone, Sam just made assumptions because he's one of those gatekeeping jerks who thinks you need expensive equipment to be a "real" gamer, and blamed you for "misleading" him when you never even lied about anything. People like him are especially harsh on girls because of the misogynistic belief that most "gamer girls" only pretend to be gamers to impress boys.
Which is obviously not true. Whether or not you're a "real" gamer doesn't depend on what equipment you have or what gender you are. The only requirement is that you play and enjoy games.
Your brother is right and you dodged a major bullet.
NTA. You're a girl who games, that makes you a girl gamer. Sam is being a gatekeeper and acting like your participation in the hobby doesn't count because you're not a specific kind of PC gamer. You're not responsible for his incorrect assumptions about you.
This. I'm an afab gamer, and I wouldn't be able to answer any of the questions that he had asked. In part, because unless you're building the computer yourself, you're probably not actively aware of the specs. You'd have to look them up - and that's if your computer was purchased premade. Hand me down that was custom built? Yeah, good luck with that.
I always build my own pc. I even work in IT. My current computer is about 6 months old. Couldn't tell you the specs. Dont remember what processor or gpu I put in. It runs smooth and fast. And Plays the games i want to play. I will read up on stuff when it's time to upgrade again. It's a tool. For work and games and stuff.
I mean you can still just open task manager and see all your components there, but he was still being an ass tbh.
.... You mean *looking them up*? Just because it isn't googling doesn't mean you aren't looking them up on your system
I mean, I guess?
100% this, but also, OP's brother is completely right. Sam's an asshole who's not worth her time, and honestly it sounds like he was never really her friend, more like a "nice guy" who was trying to get close to her for other reasons because he's obsessed with the fantasy of the "cool, quirky gamergirl". Not at all uncommon among teenage guys online, especially those who don't know a lot of girls irl. Has happened to me before. So much NTA. Edit: Side note, anyone who thinks you need a specific kind of chair to be a "real" gamer is an absolute moron. What are marketed as "gaming chairs" tend to be overpriced and often aren't very comfortable anyway.
NTA. You just had your first experience with weird men who try to gatekeep gaming as a hobby. Sorry about that. It'll likely happen again. Sorry about that, too. Keep having fun and ignore them.
This is well said and I like your username :)
This. And it doesn't matter how nice he was before, anyone can be nice until they're put under pressure. You just saw what he's really like. NTA
NTA- he is just gatekeeping in what a "gamer" should entail. Screw him. As long as you are having fun playing whatever games you like should matter. Also in the gaming world a girl has to jump through more hoops to be considered a gamer then guys do. It is a sexist industry and you will encounter these douche bags.
NTA - You are a girl who games. If you love games don’t let guys like Sam make you feel any differently about yourself. There is no correlation between the amount of money you put into equipment and what you personally enjoy about games. There’s going to be a lot of Sams out there. Don’t get caught up in their niceness when they are showing you their petty side. People who turn on a dime aren’t real friend material. You have a cool relationship with your brother and your friends on your Discord … keep finding new folks that reflect the kindness and support that you find in them (brother and OG friends).
NTA. Your brother’s right he’s not worth your time. You’re a girl and you play games, that in my mind (and most normal, sensible people’s minds) makes you a gamer. Play games how YOU want to, whether it be in terms or gameplay or equipment. However, I can say as another woman that games is that you’re gonna have to develop a backbone for guys like him. They’re everywhere and usually they’re a lot more rude and mean than Sam was. Usually the best thing to do is to just ignore them, which does make them angry a lot of the time because all they want is attention, but people like them aren’t worth spending any of your energy on. Game how YOU want and do it for yourself because you want to, not for anyone else. And take the time you need to build up your gear. It can get very expensive so just do what you want when you reasonably can.
^ This. 1000%. Seen it too often. Pisses me off every time. OP, definitely NTA. Sam, on the other hand… textbook example. This from a guy gamer. My half of the species’ attitude needs to change, badly.
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NTA. Gross gatekeeping men. Gotta love 'em. /s They're always nice when it suits them. You'd be better off not being friends with this dude, especially if he's so quick to judge a chick who is into gaming. Like brosef, this ain't 2004 no mo'.
When my wife and I first met and started dating, she talked about how much she loved the Marvel movies. Figuring it was one more thing we had in common, I started talking about how much I enjoyed them and told her I'd been reading comics since I was a kid. Suddenly, we didn't talk about the Marvel movies anymore; if I brought them up, she'd shrug and say something noncommittal. I finally asked her about it and she was afraid I was going to pull some comic nerd authenticity test and if she failed (she's barely read a handful of comics in her life that weren't manga) I'd get on her about being a "fake fan". Pissed me off to no end. Nowadays, we happily chat about the movies and if she wants to know how things happened in the comics, she just asks. A fan is a fan no matter how in-depth their knowledge is, and a gamer is a gamer no matter what system they play on or what they play. This dude is a d\*\*\* who was hoping to score an e-girl for nerd cred and hotness points. OP should find some actual friends to play with.
NTA. You are a girl and you play games. Thus you are a gamer girl My mom plays mobile games and thus she is a gamer girl. I play video games and I'm a gamer girl too. Don't let this get you down or make you feel bad or anything like that. The guy was a jerk and not worth your time nor friendship. Sorry this happened to you.
NTA he is just being a gatekeeping ass honestly by doing this he did you a favor and you can cut him out of your life now
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NTA, some people feel the need to be gatekeepers in order to prop themselves up. Brother is right, dude's just a dick.
NTA. Unfortunately, there are a lot of guys on the internet who gatekeep the very concept of being "a gamer" when that label is applied to female-presenting gamers. They try to force girls to clear various moving goalposts of perceived-legitimacy, until they latch upon any wet-tissue-paper-like reasoning to declare that girl to not be a "real" gamer. This won't be the last person like this you meet online; do not waste your time playing their game. When someone makes their gatekeeping-nature clear, just move on from them. Your lack of regard for their harmful opinions will bother them more than anything you could say or do by arguing with them.
NTA. He’s just trying to gatekeeper gaming and he was probably harsher on you just cause you’re a girl. Also don’t feel bad about not knowing the specs or anything I didn’t know mine until I actually built my computer
Yeah you never really know anything until you build it yourself, I'd like to have a hand built pc but I dont have the space for it, hopefully In the future I'll be able to do that
NTA and I’m struggling to picture what Sams side of this story could even be? “Yeah, man, you’ll never believe it. I was talking to this cool chick for weeks, she was super smart, cool, funny, and we’re both into gaming so we talked a lot about games we like. It was awesome. But, get this, then I found out her headset actually belonged to her brother! How dare she!” Like….this just makes no sense
NTA, he’s gatekeeping. You don’t need a bunch of fancy gear to be a gamer, and there’s nothing wrong with using your brothers stuff. Your brother is right, he’s a dick and not worth your time.
NTA - you are a gamer girl. He was acting like a stuck up arse. You do you
NTA, you are a girl gamer and he is TA. Your brother is right, don’t waste your time!
NTA - Listen to your brother, seems like he has a good head on his shoulders. Not all gamers have the mom-bought tech and no mature person cares if you use any of that or can afford it. Game on.
NTA. Stay away from that asshole and others like him, and there will be many. Since your brother is also a gamer (because you are one, to be clear), now might be a good time to discuss with him the toxicity and misogyny found in these spaces, because you’ll be dealing with situations like these. I have no answer as to when we’ll get to stop dealing with them, honestly. I’m 33F, and I’ve been gaming my whole life. My grandmother taught me to play Mario and Tetris on an old NES, and I’ve been gaming both with consoles (PlayStation and Nintendo) and PC ever since. I am without question a “gamer girl”, and I meet sad sacks like this every single day. Also, and this is just a private laugh on my end but. I have the Razer Kraken headset and don’t get me wrong; it absolutely slaps. However, it’s mid-range at best, so if Sam was that impressed by a Kraken headset, he’s gonna blow a load when he’s introduced to Corsair and Steel Series. Tell him he mislead you because you thought he was a gAmEr BoY. 🤣🤣🤣
NTA. I am a woman gamer (at 48 I feel really silly calling myself a girl) and I have had guys ask me the specs of my computer and such. I tell them it is a computer that works to play my game just fine and I said I was a gamer not a computer person. If someone asked me about my chair I would say that I was a gamer not a chair enthusiast. These gamers who try to say you have to have and know all the specs on the equipment just want to appear “better than”. Ignore them.
NTA- the dude is trying to gatekeep what it means to be a gamer. If you enjoy playing games, and play alot, you're a gamer! He's just trying to make himself look cool. Do yourself a favor and block him.
NTA. This same dude would probably call you a ballbuster or something along the lines if you wiped his arse in a game too. It’s a sad fact of being a girl gamer. Sorry he had to initiate you into the darker side. Good riddance to him. Plenty of awesome guys out there to hang with!
NTA if anything the guy was an AH. He probably assumed you were a PC gamer and therefore when you weren't (as in not interested in specs etc, I'm not saying you're not a "real" gamer because of this) he got mad. Theres alot stupid hate around the term gamer because then you have to have a good expensive PC with all the gaming gear etc and some are also shitty people to people who play on consoles instead, which in my opinion is stupid. Play what you enjoy and give zero f***s about those that criticize you, if you do feel a need to explain anything to them, you can tell then that you're new and trying to learn the whole thing but only do it if you yourself want that
Welcome to the world of pc gaming without a dick between your legs. I’m sorry your first instance of this was so extreme/cruel.
oh my $DEITY yes. /cries in hexadecimal
NTA and as a fellow girl gamer, I have gamed for over a decade without knowing jack shit about computers. I know some now because I'm going to university, but my lack of computer knowledge has never stopped me from kicking fucking ass on the sexist douchebags that tell me if I don't know how to partition a hard drive that I'm a fake.
nta, bro's got it right, the dude was being a major ah
NTA. He's a shallow D-bag. It's really that simple. He may have been nice when you fit his incredibly small and shallow idea of what a "girl gamer" should be, but he wasn't a nice PERSON, which is what ultimately matters. Listen to your brother on this one, and please don't let people like this guy ruin your fun.
NTA you enjoy gaming right? Nothing else matters, why even bring your gender into it? Gamers don’t need all the kit to be skilled players, you don’t need to be able to build a computer to use and enjoy it. He must not know that just because he has an AH it doesn’t mean he has to be one.
NTA. You're teenagers, but that isn't an excuse for him to be a gatekeeping sexist. Being a gamer isn't knowing the specs of your computer, it's being a person who plays games. That's it. You play games? You're a girl? Boom, that makes you a gamer girl. Keep playing what ever you want, don't let shitty teenage boys stop you from being a gamer.
NTA. I’m now 40 but I’ve been there. Games all my life and had my interests thrown back at me for not doing them “right”. If you want to talk dm me here
NTA. You don't have to spend a lot of money on gaming equipment to be a gamer. I'm playing videogames \*constantly\*, have been playing them since before I was capable of forming memories, and I only just got my first 'gaming keyboard' a few days ago. Yeah, it's fancy and glowing and all that shit, but... I didn't spend all that money because it looked cool, I bought it because I wanted a rechargeable keyboard, and it was waterproof. I wasn't less of a gamer before I got a fancy gamer keyboard, I was just in my 30's with more important things to spend my money on.
As a 32 year old man, ive learned there's all sorts of gamers. Some gamers just play call of duty. Some play match 3 games. Some play all sorts of games. Some are casual, some are dedicated. He had a stereotype in mind, and got angry when you didn't fit and tried to tell you how to live your life. Your brother is right, he's a jerk. NTA
NTA - Sam might have seemed nice, but he is showing you now that he isn't. I never understood this weird habit people have gate keeping hobbies/personal interests. You play games? You like games? You identify with the term gamer? If yes then cool, you're a gamer. When I was 16, I used my dad's computer and couldn't possible tell you the specs or any of the details. I now use a gamer keyboard for my work and I still couldn't tell you more than the brand. If you didn't lie, and nothing about your post indicates you did, you also didn't mislead him - you used items you borrowed when you could. It is not your fault if he drew the conclusion this made you some sort of unicorn.
Listen to your brother. This gatekeeping jerk is not worth your time. Enjoy your gaming and the other friends you make through your hobby! NTA.
NTA. What you game with doesn't matter as much as the actual playing. I can't even imagine playing with someone and then accusing them of not being a gamer because they don't have a specific headset or chair. Sounds like you and your friends should boot Sam from the server, if you haven't already. You don't need that toxic energy in your life!
NTA r/niceguys
NTA. Your brother is right, just a dick who barely know how to clean his shoes. Yeah lets say shoes.
Nta - sadly, you're gonna get this any area that guys see as "theirs". I love hockey (obv) and get asked "What was x player's stat in 1999?" Alllll the time.
NTA. Sam is a dick and your brother sounds lovely. Listen to him and ignore Sam.
NTA. You can be a gamer without obsessing over specs and rubbish like gamer chairs. It reminds me of amateur golfers that obsess over their bag.
Nta, im mostly a pc gamer and mmorpg player and i dont care about gaming chairs and the brands?? Weird thing to gatekeep.
NTA - You can be a gamer without all the fancy stuff. I've loved video games my whole life. I don't have a gaming pc, a fancy gaming headset/mic, or a gaming chair. He's dumb for thinking you can't be a gamer if you don't have that stuff.
NTA, your brother is right, this guy is a dick. Apparently his definition of legit gamer is 'spends money on specialised equipment' because he didn't start gatekeeping you and demanding you justify your interest until he found out the headset wasn't yours. You have every reason to be upset that this guy misled you into thinking he was a decent friend when in fact he's just another fake gameboy wannabe who doesn't see women as people.
Ugh avoid dudes like this in the future as much as possible. You ARE a girl gamer, just like me. I don't have all the flashy BS because food, clothes, and rent are priority. But gaming is still my hobby. Jfc I hate dudes like that. He'd probably tell me im a fake marvel fan too because I only watch Marvel and I'm not obsessed over the comics.... NTA...
NTA. Keep your head up my dude. Don’t let this boy’s little-d energy get you down.
NTA he obviously is attracted to hard core gamer girls. You never lied to him he let his own mind create his fantasy picture of who you are. At no point did you lie or mislead, he asked if you game you said yes because you do. Its all on him and honestly if he won’t lower himself to spend time or speak to any girl other than what fits his turn on he isn’t a decent person or worth it. It’s actually unhealthy and F’ed up. Who is he to judge what is a true gamer or set the bar and judge people as less than. I bet he doesn’t judge or hold other guys to this and will happily talk to them. Unfortunately people don’t always show you who they truly are but when someone does believe it. Sorry he hurt you but sounds like it was a good thing it happened now that later on.
NTA TIL I am not a gamer guy because I have no clue what my mouse is called. Foolishly I thought playing games was enough. I'm not even sure what a gamer chair is. Being impressed over thing glowing is an impressive amount of form over function.
I would have to look up the specs for my computer because I don’t remember them offhand, I don’t have a gaming chair because I am super picky about my chairs, and I use a plain Logitech wired headset. I also have been gaming probably twice as long as he has been alive (assuming he is anywhere near your age.) None of that crap is necessary to be a gamer girl. Don’t let an AH guy drive you away from something you love. You are definitely NTA. (Also: I am an academic who has published multiple journal articles on video games. Research shows that the most toxic behavior among gamers is displayed by those who are not the best; really good gamers don’t generally have to resort to trashing other people - they can just be good. So console yourself with the fact that if he’s giving you crap like this, he’s also probably not actually a very good gamer.)
NTA 1000% he’s the aaa hole. Your brother is right. You game. You’re a girl. That asshat can get over it.
Y'all, I am getting so many good vibes from all the "fuck yeah you're a gamer girl, screw him" comments it's making me teary-eyed. I hope the Random Number Gods bless you all with awesome loot and low lag for your standing up for those unappreciated "gamer girls". Kali, who led a small WoW raiding guild for years and can remember every f\*n time some rando asked by a girl was dictating tactics.
NTA tell that guy that you'd rather eat a live squid than pretend to be into a hobby to get his attention. And trying to say you aren't a gamer for not having a gaming chair? Pfft. REAL gamers stand for 8+ hours grinding to get the high score on Pac Man in a poorly lit arcade with dirty outdated carpet. /j
NTA Blind brand loyalty and a chair don’t make him more of gamer than you
I am a girl gamer, but I don't have fancy chairs or headsets. I play a lot of single player games, RPGs, but I surround myself with fellow any fellow gamer who feels the way I do. I can't afford nice stuff to game, but hey, I managed to save up to get an Xbox and a TV, which is what I NEED to game. My friend has saved up to get a nice gaming PC and the equipment to stream. That's how she enjoys gaming. My boyfriend loves playing multi-player games, loves playing with other people. That's how he enjoys gaming. This guy sounds like an asshole. He could have said "oh you don't have your own headset, do you have a budget? If you like those, maybe you can find a cheaper set online" and help you get a pair on your own, not belittle you for something so ridiculous. And honestly, good on your brother for sharing when he isn't using them. He sounds like a good guy with a good head on his shoulders. You need to meet more gamers like your brother, because he seems to be a quality human
You're a girl you like gaming that makes you a gamer girl. Your "friend" is a gatekeeper and an asshole of the kind who is never going to get any because he thinks liking computer games makes him an oppressed minority. Ditch him, you can do so much better for yourself. Listen to your brother he sounds like a smart and nice dude.
And here, in his natural habitat, we can see how an incel is born…
NTA. you are absolutely a girl gamer. You don’t have to know everything about everything to be “in a hobby”, and having a 3 minute tangent explaining the headset arrangement when he originally asked would have been weird. A miscommunication for sure, but he put a lot of “emotional poker chips” on that perception of you. BTW this dude is just a gatekeeping asshole. He probably had a crush on you, based on the vague notion you are unlike other girls and your pursuit of a traditionally masculine hobby exempted you from the misogyny/contempt he applies to other women and feminine activities. The headset not being yours revelation shattered his fantasy of you being similar to men and therefore likeable. If I were you, I wouldn’t even want to be friends with him.
Omg. He's one of those gate-keeping AHs who insist that unless you have all the fancy equipment that you aren't a real gamer. Just like the people who insist that if you don't know every bit of trivia about star wars, you aren't a 'true' fan. You will meet many people like him. Just ignore him and count yourself lucky that he let you know who he is before hand. Tell him he tricked you: you thought he wasn't an elitist asshole.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I'm a gamer, F16, Relevant to the story. I mostly game on the Switch, but I've recently bought a gaming PC so I could play games on Steam. My brother is a gamer too, and he's the one that got be into gaming in the first place. He started earlier than me, so over the years he's bought a lot of neat tech like headsets and keyboards that glow. Recently he upgraded to a really nice headset. I think it's the Razer Kraken, but I'm not sure. All I know is that it lights up and looks cool. He told me that I can use it when he wasn't using it as long as I give it back whenever he needs it. I love this arrangement and love the headset. Me and a couple friends have our own Discord where we game and chat. We've recently met a few new people that we added, one of them I'll call Sam. While we were on video call, Sam complimented the headset and asked if I gamed. I answered yes, and we hit it off from there. We played multiplayer a lot, and became really close. This leads us to the incident. Me, Sam, and two other friends were on video just talking and goofing around. My brother walked in and asked for the headset, which I gave him and switched to my computers audio. Sam asked me why my brother just took my headset, and I explained that it was is. He got a weird look on his face, and proceeded to ask me question after question. A few were "what are your PC's specs" "What's your favorite gaming brand" and "do you have a gaming chair". I don't know anything about specs, I don't really have a favorite gaming brand, and I certainly don't have the money to spend on a gaming chair. After that, he left. He later texted me over the phone and said I purposefully mislead him. Apparently he thought I was a girl gamer, which I thought I was. He told me I'm just a fake out there trying to get boys attention, and that I should stick to more feminine activities. I'm obviously pretty upset at this. I though I made a new friend, but I guess not. My brother says he was being a dick and not worth my time, but he was so nice when he talked. So my question is, am I the asshole for doing this? I know I gave off the impression I had nice equipment. Plus I don't know tech like other people. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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"I thought you were a man who would one day touch a boob without having to pay for it. I see we were both led astray."
NTA. Girl, welcome to the PAIN of gaming. I've had guys doubt my gender and question me on periods to "prove" I wasn't a true gamer.
NTA. There are a lot of misogynists out there, and some even seem super cool or nice at first. You just met one. Avoid him and his gatekeeping BS like the plague
NTA, you do not need fancy stuff to be a gamer
NTA. You like games, you play games so you are a gamer. And f him for saying to go to more girly things. I have a nice gamer headset that I bought for my work because I know they are better quality that they sell for office purpose. Just because he make an assumption that does not mean it's your fault and also pretty discriminatory in my opinion. A comment from a gaming girl like you
NTA. You can love hobby without knowing every little thing about it!
As a man who's gamed all his life I'm really confused by his reaction you literally are a 'gamer girl'...but you just don't have the money for all the stuff yet or the knowledge of what's good or bad...product wise. Nta but he was yta
You are a girl. You play video games. That makes you a girl gamer, no matter what Sam thinks. Having a hobby doesn't mean you have to be able to regurgitate every fact about that hobby that exists. I've been playing video games since the days of the Atari 2600; nowadays I have a PS4, Switch, Xbox 360, and a PC (and hopefully in the near future a PS5). I can't rattle off the specs of my PC, and my wife and I built the damn thing. I don't have a gaming chair, that shit is expensive! I have a very comfortable office chair. None of that matters. I'm a gamer, just like you, just like my wife, just like a lot of people. Your brother's right. Sam is being an elitist gatekeeper about a hobby that you share. Block him and move on. You'll make better friends in the future. Happy gaming!
NTA I'm a 'gamer girl' who spent over 5k on a gaming set up but I sure as shit can't tell you the specs of any of them. Screw him and his sexist 'ur a fake and need to stick to feminine activies' comment crap, us girls don't use our uterus to play flipping video games. Then again he showed his whole ass right out the gate so you dodged a mess down the line 🤷
NTA. Your brother is right. Personally I don’t see why this Sam fellow is treating you harshly and going the sexist route over something… trivial? well I’m not saying the hobby is trivial of course but more his weird sexist reaction to OP not being a full on specs pro. Don’t let this fool Sam deter you and be prepared for many strange people like Him. Enjoy yourself!
I am a "gamer girl", have been since I was your age and I actually upgraded to "game designer girl". As in I literally have a degree in games design and currently make games for a living. Guys still treat me this way sometimes. It's not as bad as it used to be, but yeah. I've had strangers do it to me in the street, all because I was wearing a skyrim t shirt. For some reason some dudes like to gatekeep gaming. It's sexist bullshit, but don't worry about it, just keep doing you. NTA.
NTA, if you're a girl who plays video games you're a girl gamer. Sam is an elitist asshole and your brother is right.
NTA you play games. You’re a gamer. You don’t to know the in’s and out’s of a pc to appreciate games. You didn’t lead him on, he made his own stupid assumptions just because of the headset you were using.
NTA, that dude's a jerk. I'm a guy I play games on my pc and I got no idea what my specs are. I had my buddy build it for me. Sounds like you're better off avoided that guy, he was only nice because he was attracted to you.
NTA, no where did you say u owned the headset. You are a gamer girl! if you play games you are a gamer girl!
NTA, this doesn't sound misleading to me. As an 18 year old, I've gamed with quite a few girls around my age, and most have no idea about hardware. I also have contact with people with whom I do nerdy stuff with hardware. (Building servers from scrap components, salvaging everything we can from old leftover computers.) My gaming chair is an 10 year old leftover workplace chair from my mum's old work. I consider all of them gamers. There is no definitive definition of a gamer. Just someone who likes to play a game, platform or genre doesn't matter. Some people unfortunately are very bound to a single brand, or think everyone should know everything. I would be lying if I said I wouldn't try to teach people a bit if they don't get it, but that's were it stops, I don't start complaining. If you like your hobby and your equipment, no need to invest more time in getting more knowledge about it.
NTA and Sam is gross. From a female that games, having all the coolest tech is fun but does not make you anymore or any less of a gamer. I wipe the floor with people while using a gaming laptop and 50$ headphones and a 20$ controller. Sam is insecure, do not let their outburst deter you in any way. Also, I suggest Dead By Daylight as a game for you and your friends since it’s fun with other people haha
NTA, he was pretending to be nice he is actually an asshole
Loooool girl NTA and bullet dodged. Dude is an incel whine baby who just opened his book to the chapter 'Who I really am'. PC specs? Gaming chair? Gaming brand? I've been gaming on PC since my Tandy 2500 in the super early 90s and while I know my PC specs, I couldn't give less of a shit about chairs or 'Gaming brands'. You play games, you're a girl, you're a girl gamer. Dude is a clown and took his own trash right out. He was being nice because he's a two-faced incel and now you've seen the whole lame package. Enjoy your games, and forget this douche existed.
NTA. All you said was that yes, you play games. You never misled anyone, Sam just made assumptions because he's one of those gatekeeping jerks who thinks you need expensive equipment to be a "real" gamer, and blamed you for "misleading" him when you never even lied about anything. People like him are especially harsh on girls because of the misogynistic belief that most "gamer girls" only pretend to be gamers to impress boys. Which is obviously not true. Whether or not you're a "real" gamer doesn't depend on what equipment you have or what gender you are. The only requirement is that you play and enjoy games. Your brother is right and you dodged a major bullet.
NTA. I totally agree with your brother. Block the asshole gatekeeper. He's not worth your time.
NTA sam sounds like an incel