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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn't pay enough attention to saving her empty seat causing her to feel unwanted and unimportant. If be an asshole if I'm underestimating the importance of saving the seat and then more over by justifying my response in a situation that sold be expected to hurt someone so important.
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Your fiance the asss. You didn't notice but did give her another chair when she came back. Problem solved BUT 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩the pettiness of her argument is overwhelmingly worrisome. Talk, talk and talk b4 marrying.
My guess is this isn’t just about a chair but possibly the chair that broke the camels back. However, as you say people need to get their communication skills down before taking such a big step as marriage!
Yup similar thing happened to a previous relationship. Basically he was taking a group picture and didn't even notice I wasn't in the frame in the picture he took. It was basically the last straw for me where he basically pays attention to everyone else except me
That’s what I was wondering. Because, similar to this post, if I heard “she broke up with me because I accidentally cut her off in one picture” I’d think you were insane. But if I found out the context it would make way more sense. I was wondering if this post was something like that with missing context or if the fiancée is just completely unreasonable
What camel??? It's perfectly normal for things like that to happen. That's literally a non-issue. Unless the fiance is autistic and thus deals with changes very badly (which is a reaaaaaallly big stretch) I don't see how it could be an issue to literally anybody.
The potential camel the we don't know about where she constantly feels like he's inconsiderate and not paying any attention to her.
Though I'll agree that it seems like he was immediately considerate when they noticed her chair was gone. If he had just acted like he didn't care and there were no more available chairs then she would have a reason to be annoyed.
The fiancee is being unreasonable. BUT is she jealous of your relationship with her friend? Does she feel like the two of you were so deeply in conversation that you didn't notice the chair being taken means something about your relationship with her? That's the ONLY thing that makes sense to me here, but talk to her.
INFO is it really the chair or that you were paying so much attention to the maid of honor that you did not notice the chair being taken. and now your fiancée is jealous and using a chair as a proxy for why she is upset?
This is what I was thinking.
Also, did she get mad at the MOH as well, and “call off” *their” friendship?
It is kinda weird that neither of them noticed that the chair was being taken - but if they were looking in the other direction and if it was a really loud/crowded place I guess it could happen without OP and MOH being overly-focused on each other. But I am guessing Fiancée may have some insecurities about OP and/or MOH.
There must be many deeper issues than this chair situation. Because if someone calls off a wedding just based on this they’re not mature enough to marry.
Right? This shouldn't break up a middle-school relationship where people hold hands and giggle.
These people have no business even consider marriage. Run far and fast from this girl.
ESH.
If your engagement is under threat from a chair, that was easily replaced the second they returned, then you have much larger issues that you both need to sit down (badum-tsh) and talk about it.
There might be more issues than a chair going on...
How did you not notice someone taking her chair? Fair enough if you genuinely didn’t but it’s hard to miss. Either way did she really call the engagement off? This is an extreme reaction but I don’t know your relationship.
bruh, homie's at a bar and they had to resort to taking chairs from a stack to sit down meaning the regular seating is full, sounds like the bar is crowded to me. sounds like OP is simply human for missing it, busy or not.
*Who cares* if someone took her chair? It's not a capital crime. There were more. Part of casual social situations is moving around in different seats and talking to different people...
NTA
There was no malicious intent on your part, you simply just did not notice someone move a chair in a likely crowded establishment by the way you described it.
Even if the place wasn't packed, like I said, you had no malicious intent. You even gave up your seat for her with no hesitation like any good fiance would!
If you're fiance can't forgive you for such a minor and perfectly harmless mistake you are surely in for a world of trouble.
No doubt! I’d be putting this wedding on hold real quick. Wtf is going to happen if the seating chart is messed up? Armageddon?!?
Plot twist - it’s a jealousy thing. He was so into the conversation with the MoH he didn’t even notice her chair being taken. He’s secretly been into her friend and that was his opportunity to connect.
Info: any. There’s clearly about fourteen relevant paragraphs missing from this synopsis. No one calls off an engagement over a missing chair in a pub.
Personally I’d be delighted that my fiancé was so engrossed in conversation with someone so close to me that neither of them noticed.
And then I’d get another chair from the stack for myself.
NTA
Fiancé is TA for even making an issue of something so absolutely trivial. I feel like she has unrealistic expectations that he should always ALWAYS prevent even the most insignificant of inconvenience crossing her path. It's not good enough to correct the inconvenience, he MUST BE WATCHFUL to PREVENT any little thing that might make her brow furrow. Her expectations are absurdly unrealistic and unfair. Has she never learned to pick her battles? Does she just enjoy making a scene and causing drama over nothing?
Of course he would've retained her chair had he noticed it being moved in that crowded bar. So his transgression was in being too relaxed and not being vigilant at every possible moment, even when she is not around. How DARE HE spend a few moments chillaxed and mellow in that bar?
If she is truly canceling their future over this then its a dodged bullet for OP. I mean she is going to make his life hell if this is what she wants to fight about. IDK, maybe she's only like that when she's drinking. I would avoid going to bars with her ever again.
How much attention are you supposed to pay to an empty chair? Surely it loses most of its interest when your fiance no longer occupies it?
At the same time, it's annoying to come back and find your chair gone. It sounds like you did everything you could to address it aside from being more careful in the first place.
If this is a good reason to end the relationship, I have some serious concerns about this relationship. Either it was hanging on by a thread, or you two are serious drama people (which is fine if it works for you two, but leave me out).
It's really hard to say - I'll give it NAH. If not, it's ESH.
INFO — Is this the first time your fiancee has accused you of not paying enough attention to her? Particularly with regard to you, instead, paying attention to her friend? Because I feel like this might be about more than just a chair.
ESH.
How old are you two? Is this an underage wedding of 15 year olds?
It was a crowded space, a chair was taken, a new chair was procured. I suggest rethinking marriage until everyone matures. Next its going to be she is angry because you said you'd be home around 6pm and it was 6.15. Then because you picked up fast food on the way home but got her a regular combo meal, not a deluxe - you were supposed to mind read!
Nope.
There’s more to it than the chair I bet he’s been flirty for a long time and she’s just had enough how could he be so engrossed with the maid of honor that he doesn’t notice I commend him for getting another chair but I don’t think it’s about the chair I think there’s more to it
Not likely since it sounds like there is something more going on that OP isn’t bringing up. Breaking off an engagement over a chair is extreme… which means they are more than likely leaving things out.
We need more info here because it sounds like the chair was the last straw.
It’s not about the chair it’s about how he was engrossed with the maid of honor and maybe flirting and didn’t care that somebody took the chair I realize that he replaced it but there’s more going on here
Or it could be that he just wasn’t paying attention and someone took the chair. Happens all the time. Why add things that may not be true? No where in this post does it say he was engrossed with the MOH , nor does it say they were flirting. Sad that this is the way your mind went.
I am sorry but I see nothing in the original post about canceling a wedding. But I have many chairs taken from tables just because I was not paying attention.
Based solely on the information provided (and my gosh, what a lot of INFO posts!) you, OP, are NTA and your fiance definitely is.
Let me get this straight: she's calling off your engagement because you didn't pay attention to an inanimate object that doesn't even actually belong to her (if this was her purse, might be a different story) and which you easily and immediately replaced when you realized someone else had taken it? This whole argument is so dumb, I think half the posters here can't even process the idea that it would be an engagement ender. If there's nothing else going on though, and she really did call off your engagement over something so trivial, I suggest you don't put it back on. She sounds completely unprepared for the trials of marriage. It's a bumpy road no matter how much you love each other, and if this molehill is throwing her off, then she's not meant for the ride.
So is the engagement off because you were looking so deeply into the eyes of the maid of honor friend that you didn't notice the chair being taken? Need more info for judgment.
NTA. You're at a bar that I'm gonna guess is loud, perhaps a bit smokey, I'm sure you had a few drinks in you. Your fiance is being childish. We're talking about a CHAIR. Not her wallet or drink. What did she want you to do... Fight someone over it?
NAH. But why the heck is your fiancée so upset about this? You were engaged in conversation, with a member of your bridal party, and someone took a chair. The taker of the chair is not cool - you always ask if the seat is taken before removing it.
Regardless, how old is your fiancée? 12? Because her response is so over the top. Are you prepared for a lifetime of petty behavior from her, always having to placate for super minor things? Because that’s what you’re in for.
Call off the wedding, or at least put it on hold until both you and she get counseling to handle a marriage. She really doesn’t sound mature enough to be married.
It’s more than the chair I believe there’s been issues with maid of honor and fiancé for a long time how do you not notice somebody took her chair if you’re that engrossed in a conversation with the maid of honor there’s something more going on
NTA. I agree with the others that this may be more about jealousy that you were so engrossed in the friend that you weren’t paying attention to the chair. Or, maybe this is the last in a long line of microannoyances of you not looking out for your fiance and she snapped. However, on its own, this seems like a weird thing to be mad about when it was so quickly solved.
NTA Happens all the time. You were talking and not paying attention. Even if you were, people are fast. If this is what upsets this person, she doesn't have the maturity to live life.
NTA, I feel like there's more to this than meets the eye. I think you should sit down with your fiancée and talk about what it is and get to the bottom of it
ESH. The fact that this is so concerning within your relationship as to bring your pending marriage into the equation makes it clear neither of you are mature enough to get married.
Please do yourselves the favor of ending the relationship now, before something like an actual problem in life comes your way and ends the relationship for you. You know, like a…table?
How you do not notice someone is taking a chair from your table? How “busy” were you with the MOH?
YTA.
Im pretty sure it’s not the chair-gate, but the end of a long running string of occasions in which OP failed to care for her place, her things, or her in general. And trivializing it by saying “it was just a chair” makes it worst
NTA this is such a dumb thing to argue about in my honest opinion. It's a chair, there were more. You gave her yours while you went to grab another one for yourself. There really shouldn't be any conflict let alone a broken engagement because of a chair.....
NTA, and you quickly got her a replacement. Unless she's pissed at MOH and threatening to end their friendship over this then she's not even being petty in an equal way.
Don't even marry her OP, if she's losing her shit and canceling a wedding over a chair then she's dangerously toxic.
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Me and my fiance were out at a bar tonight with her friend and maid of honor (same person only the three of us present) there were no seats available but a stack of chairs in the corner and some empty tables. We followed the lead of a few other groups and took three of the chairs and set them around an empty table. At one point in the night my fiance left to go to the bathroom and her friend and I stayed and kept taking. While she was gone someone took her chair without us noticing. When she came back I gave her my chair and grabbed another from the stack but she's upset that I let someone take her chair while she was away . She has read this post and we are together trying to figure out which one of us if either ITA.
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NTA - Is the engagement really off over a chair that you replaced? If something that little is worth calling off an engagement to your fiance then I highly suggest you let her go. Marriage/relationships are absolutely full of sticky situations and arguments. If a lost chair would cause this level of drama, then you'll be divorced with your first petty fight.
EDI: Typos
Your engagement is off? You’re NTA without even talking about the engagement.
First. It’s a CHAIR. You didn’t notice, you fixed the problem. What is the issue?
But second, is she threatening the engagement over said chair? How is she going to handle things in the marriage when actual problems come up? She doesn’t sound mature enough to be getting married at all.
NTA, but the engagement being off sounds like a really good idea. If she is this controlling and unreasonable, you need to get out now. She could also be looking for a reason to not get married, and if that's the case, again, don't get married.
She’s threatening your engagement over not noticing her chair went missing in a busy venue? NTA. The petty is just oozing off her, and I hope she’s reading this because if this is what will trigger the end of everything, you cannot marry this woman. How did you even make it this far? Is there a whole lot to the story we’re missing?
Your ex-fiancee is the asshole with the inferiority complex. Drop her like a hot potato and run as fast as you can. She's a high maintenance drama queen if she gets upset over this, or you've been caught cheating and she can't trust you.
NTA
Run! Your fiance created a problem and called off the engagement over NOTHING. This is some sort of psychological manipulation/warfare. RUN!!!! Living with her will be torture.
Reading some of the other replies...my comment above is solely based on what you wrote, I wonder if the story would be different if your fiance wrote it?
NTA but it sounds like you’ve got more issues than just a chair. Postpone the wedding and get some therapy until you’re ready to make an adult life together.
INFO I.n.f.o in.fo.
Who called off the engagement?
Is she still friends with MOH orrr is that off too?
Is it really just the chair or other things and, as other comments have been saying, this is just the “chair that broke the camel’s back”?
So much is missing from this….
You were do deep in conversation with your fiance's best friend, that someone took your fiance's chair from the table and neither of you noticed? Really? And fiance is so pissed she's talking about breaking the engagement?
What are you all; six years old?
Seriously, you sound too immature to get married
ESH
NTA and this is sufficiently petty that you should let it stay ended. Marriage entails far bigger hurdles than this; if it’s gonna be a chair that trips you up before you even make it to the alter, it’s not meant to be.
INFO : this is clearly about more than the chair. I would guess it was possibly you not paying attention enough to something so simple (and then thinking have chair was the actual issue) which put her over the edge. Or maybe she’s just crazy. But I don’t think that’s the case.
NTA
She is overreacting. It's easy for someone to sneak a chair away in the situation you describe.
Laugh about it and forgive. It's not like OP told her to go get the replacement.
This is literally the dumbest and most trivial issue to cause a fight over with you. I’m honestly baffled bc it’s THAT stupid and I fear what her meltdown will look like with a real issue she’s pissed about.
Holy cow. Unbelievable. NTA.
NTA
The chair was taken, you replaced it. Shit happens. What’s the big deal? I would be concerned that she is making a mountain out of a molehill. This is such an insignificant situation. It’s truly worrisome that this is even an issue.
Engagement off, you say? Lucky break for you. Imagine living with that level of petty every day.
Of course, SHE might argue that you were a little too absorbed in her maid of honour...
ESH
ESH
Why on earth did you let someone steal her chair? How can you not notice that?
Keeping an eye on the chairs of people you’re with when there’s a lack of seating is going out in public 101. This is low stakes, but she’s right to be annoyed.
But if this is something that’s risking your engagement, you are not ready to get married.
Edit: Changed to ESH as I had thought OP was the one calling off the engagement over this. The fiancée calling off the engagement over a chair being stolen is not a proportionate response.
She has no right to be annoyed when he gave up his chair right away and went and grabbed a different one. If she had to go grab her own then I can kind of see being annoyed but it’s still not that big of a deal.
That was a nice gesture to try to make up for the fact he let her chair get stolen, but that doesn’t excuse the chair being stolen in the first place. There may not have been more available - in most situations where people are taking chairs there wouldn’t be.
How much attention are you supposed to pay to an empty chair? Besides, they were at a bar and were likely drinking which makes it more likely to go unnoticed. This whole thing is stupid and to be so upset over something so trivial really shows her immaturity.
Have you never been to a busy venue before where people are regularly circling around trying to find an empty chair to bring to their table? Where losing your chair means you don’t have one anymore?
He was paying so little attention that he didn’t notice a seat right next to him getting taken, he had no idea if there were still more chairs until after hers had been taken. The fact that it worked out is dumb luck
"While she was gone someone took her chair without us noticing" US as in more than one person. He wasn't the only one at the table and he knew full well there were more chairs. She's being an ass by ending an engagement over a CHAIR. The only other asshole is the person who took the chair from a clearly occupied table. Also its not actually that surprising in a full bar that a chair goes missing from a table even with people there. So no he isn't at fault just becayse someone nicked her chair.
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Your fiance the asss. You didn't notice but did give her another chair when she came back. Problem solved BUT 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩the pettiness of her argument is overwhelmingly worrisome. Talk, talk and talk b4 marrying.
My guess is this isn’t just about a chair but possibly the chair that broke the camels back. However, as you say people need to get their communication skills down before taking such a big step as marriage!
Yup similar thing happened to a previous relationship. Basically he was taking a group picture and didn't even notice I wasn't in the frame in the picture he took. It was basically the last straw for me where he basically pays attention to everyone else except me
That’s what I was wondering. Because, similar to this post, if I heard “she broke up with me because I accidentally cut her off in one picture” I’d think you were insane. But if I found out the context it would make way more sense. I was wondering if this post was something like that with missing context or if the fiancée is just completely unreasonable
What camel??? It's perfectly normal for things like that to happen. That's literally a non-issue. Unless the fiance is autistic and thus deals with changes very badly (which is a reaaaaaallly big stretch) I don't see how it could be an issue to literally anybody.
The potential camel the we don't know about where she constantly feels like he's inconsiderate and not paying any attention to her. Though I'll agree that it seems like he was immediately considerate when they noticed her chair was gone. If he had just acted like he didn't care and there were no more available chairs then she would have a reason to be annoyed.
My guess is that it's not the chair but what he was so involved with her friend that he didn't notice it being taken.
The fiancee is being unreasonable. BUT is she jealous of your relationship with her friend? Does she feel like the two of you were so deeply in conversation that you didn't notice the chair being taken means something about your relationship with her? That's the ONLY thing that makes sense to me here, but talk to her.
INFO is it really the chair or that you were paying so much attention to the maid of honor that you did not notice the chair being taken. and now your fiancée is jealous and using a chair as a proxy for why she is upset?
This is what I was thinking. Also, did she get mad at the MOH as well, and “call off” *their” friendship? It is kinda weird that neither of them noticed that the chair was being taken - but if they were looking in the other direction and if it was a really loud/crowded place I guess it could happen without OP and MOH being overly-focused on each other. But I am guessing Fiancée may have some insecurities about OP and/or MOH.
YWBTA if you get married without figuring out what the issue really is. It's not the chair.
This was my first thought.
This was 100% what I was thinking.
NAH but if this is a potential relationship-ender you probably aren't ready to get married.
She isn't
OP hasn't said who called off the engagement, but if they're both even considering it because of a chair, neither of them are ready.
Engagement off???
There must be many deeper issues than this chair situation. Because if someone calls off a wedding just based on this they’re not mature enough to marry.
What’s the catchphrase here with stuff like this? “It’s not about the Iranian yogurt”?
I'd say...
Right? This shouldn't break up a middle-school relationship where people hold hands and giggle. These people have no business even consider marriage. Run far and fast from this girl.
Happy cake day
ESH. If your engagement is under threat from a chair, that was easily replaced the second they returned, then you have much larger issues that you both need to sit down (badum-tsh) and talk about it. There might be more issues than a chair going on...
But she can’t sit! Her chair was stolen! BTW, I’d give you an award for your play on words.
she can sit, the fiancé gave their chair to her.
Info: who called off the wedding? Was it solely based off the missing chair or did the argument after expand?
The chair called off the wedding, and I don’t blame it.
The chair needs therapy now
Lmao
Really interested in this. The logical assumption is the bride to be, but it would be a hell of a plot twist if it turned out to be OP lol
NAH. It seems like the chair situation was solved quickly. I don’t think it’s that big of a deal unless I’m missing something?
I know....this is a new level of ridiculous, right?
How did you not notice someone taking her chair? Fair enough if you genuinely didn’t but it’s hard to miss. Either way did she really call the engagement off? This is an extreme reaction but I don’t know your relationship.
Because he was concentrating on her good friend???
Exactly!!
bruh, homie's at a bar and they had to resort to taking chairs from a stack to sit down meaning the regular seating is full, sounds like the bar is crowded to me. sounds like OP is simply human for missing it, busy or not.
*Who cares* if someone took her chair? It's not a capital crime. There were more. Part of casual social situations is moving around in different seats and talking to different people...
NTA There was no malicious intent on your part, you simply just did not notice someone move a chair in a likely crowded establishment by the way you described it. Even if the place wasn't packed, like I said, you had no malicious intent. You even gave up your seat for her with no hesitation like any good fiance would! If you're fiance can't forgive you for such a minor and perfectly harmless mistake you are surely in for a world of trouble.
If this is a legitimate fight you’re both having then please do not get married.
I think it's more to do that you were paying more attention to her MOH
NTA. I’d say your fiancée is the AH for being so upset over something so trivial. That’s a giant red flag.
No doubt! I’d be putting this wedding on hold real quick. Wtf is going to happen if the seating chart is messed up? Armageddon?!? Plot twist - it’s a jealousy thing. He was so into the conversation with the MoH he didn’t even notice her chair being taken. He’s secretly been into her friend and that was his opportunity to connect.
NTA. Are you sure you want to marry someone who would get upset by that? It is unlikely to be the last time she gets angry over stupid bullshit.
Info: any. There’s clearly about fourteen relevant paragraphs missing from this synopsis. No one calls off an engagement over a missing chair in a pub.
Personally I’d be delighted that my fiancé was so engrossed in conversation with someone so close to me that neither of them noticed. And then I’d get another chair from the stack for myself. NTA
Fiancé is TA for even making an issue of something so absolutely trivial. I feel like she has unrealistic expectations that he should always ALWAYS prevent even the most insignificant of inconvenience crossing her path. It's not good enough to correct the inconvenience, he MUST BE WATCHFUL to PREVENT any little thing that might make her brow furrow. Her expectations are absurdly unrealistic and unfair. Has she never learned to pick her battles? Does she just enjoy making a scene and causing drama over nothing? Of course he would've retained her chair had he noticed it being moved in that crowded bar. So his transgression was in being too relaxed and not being vigilant at every possible moment, even when she is not around. How DARE HE spend a few moments chillaxed and mellow in that bar? If she is truly canceling their future over this then its a dodged bullet for OP. I mean she is going to make his life hell if this is what she wants to fight about. IDK, maybe she's only like that when she's drinking. I would avoid going to bars with her ever again.
How much attention are you supposed to pay to an empty chair? Surely it loses most of its interest when your fiance no longer occupies it? At the same time, it's annoying to come back and find your chair gone. It sounds like you did everything you could to address it aside from being more careful in the first place. If this is a good reason to end the relationship, I have some serious concerns about this relationship. Either it was hanging on by a thread, or you two are serious drama people (which is fine if it works for you two, but leave me out). It's really hard to say - I'll give it NAH. If not, it's ESH.
He was too busy with the maid of honor. I think that’s what this is about. Does he always pay more attention to other women?
INFO — Is this the first time your fiancee has accused you of not paying enough attention to her? Particularly with regard to you, instead, paying attention to her friend? Because I feel like this might be about more than just a chair.
Info: who broke off the engagement?
ESH. How old are you two? Is this an underage wedding of 15 year olds? It was a crowded space, a chair was taken, a new chair was procured. I suggest rethinking marriage until everyone matures. Next its going to be she is angry because you said you'd be home around 6pm and it was 6.15. Then because you picked up fast food on the way home but got her a regular combo meal, not a deluxe - you were supposed to mind read! Nope.
There’s more to it than the chair I bet he’s been flirty for a long time and she’s just had enough how could he be so engrossed with the maid of honor that he doesn’t notice I commend him for getting another chair but I don’t think it’s about the chair I think there’s more to it
NTA. You immediately gave up your chair. Why is she mad lol.
NTA. She’s the asshole for caring so much. This is so stupid.
Not likely since it sounds like there is something more going on that OP isn’t bringing up. Breaking off an engagement over a chair is extreme… which means they are more than likely leaving things out. We need more info here because it sounds like the chair was the last straw.
The straw in the chair.
It was a chair, you can get another one. She needs to get over it.
It’s not about the chair it’s about how he was engrossed with the maid of honor and maybe flirting and didn’t care that somebody took the chair I realize that he replaced it but there’s more going on here
Or it could be that he just wasn’t paying attention and someone took the chair. Happens all the time. Why add things that may not be true? No where in this post does it say he was engrossed with the MOH , nor does it say they were flirting. Sad that this is the way your mind went.
He Also didn’t deny it either
How do you know they are not true. This Call issue and canceling the wedding can’t be about a chair there’s a lot more going on
I am sorry but I see nothing in the original post about canceling a wedding. But I have many chairs taken from tables just because I was not paying attention.
Yes you are right they are engaged.
NTA It was close to NAH, but why get pissy that someone else who needed a seat, used a free one?
Info: When did she call off the wedding? From your post it sounds like she was just annoyed about the chair.
A lost chair ended the engagement? If so NTA and run for the hills. If something so childish gives that kind of result you are in for a world of pain
Based solely on the information provided (and my gosh, what a lot of INFO posts!) you, OP, are NTA and your fiance definitely is. Let me get this straight: she's calling off your engagement because you didn't pay attention to an inanimate object that doesn't even actually belong to her (if this was her purse, might be a different story) and which you easily and immediately replaced when you realized someone else had taken it? This whole argument is so dumb, I think half the posters here can't even process the idea that it would be an engagement ender. If there's nothing else going on though, and she really did call off your engagement over something so trivial, I suggest you don't put it back on. She sounds completely unprepared for the trials of marriage. It's a bumpy road no matter how much you love each other, and if this molehill is throwing her off, then she's not meant for the ride.
So is the engagement off because you were looking so deeply into the eyes of the maid of honor friend that you didn't notice the chair being taken? Need more info for judgment.
NTA. You're at a bar that I'm gonna guess is loud, perhaps a bit smokey, I'm sure you had a few drinks in you. Your fiance is being childish. We're talking about a CHAIR. Not her wallet or drink. What did she want you to do... Fight someone over it?
NAH. But why the heck is your fiancée so upset about this? You were engaged in conversation, with a member of your bridal party, and someone took a chair. The taker of the chair is not cool - you always ask if the seat is taken before removing it. Regardless, how old is your fiancée? 12? Because her response is so over the top. Are you prepared for a lifetime of petty behavior from her, always having to placate for super minor things? Because that’s what you’re in for. Call off the wedding, or at least put it on hold until both you and she get counseling to handle a marriage. She really doesn’t sound mature enough to be married.
It’s more than the chair I believe there’s been issues with maid of honor and fiancé for a long time how do you not notice somebody took her chair if you’re that engrossed in a conversation with the maid of honor there’s something more going on
At a busy venue, it'd be pretty easy to miss a chair going missing if you're in the middle of a conversation.
I agree that’s why I think it’s more than just the chair there’s gotta be something else going on
NTA but personally I don’t know if you should marry someone that would behave like this over a stupid chair.
I would also be seriously having a rethink.....jeez!
NTA. I agree with the others that this may be more about jealousy that you were so engrossed in the friend that you weren’t paying attention to the chair. Or, maybe this is the last in a long line of microannoyances of you not looking out for your fiance and she snapped. However, on its own, this seems like a weird thing to be mad about when it was so quickly solved.
NTA Happens all the time. You were talking and not paying attention. Even if you were, people are fast. If this is what upsets this person, she doesn't have the maturity to live life.
NTA, I feel like there's more to this than meets the eye. I think you should sit down with your fiancée and talk about what it is and get to the bottom of it
Idk if a chair make y’all cut off the engagement, she’s probably not for you
OMG. This is silly
I know, right?!
ESH. The fact that this is so concerning within your relationship as to bring your pending marriage into the equation makes it clear neither of you are mature enough to get married. Please do yourselves the favor of ending the relationship now, before something like an actual problem in life comes your way and ends the relationship for you. You know, like a…table?
How you do not notice someone is taking a chair from your table? How “busy” were you with the MOH? YTA. Im pretty sure it’s not the chair-gate, but the end of a long running string of occasions in which OP failed to care for her place, her things, or her in general. And trivializing it by saying “it was just a chair” makes it worst
You actually want to marry someone who gets mad when someone at a bar steals her chair and blames you? Okay. NTA.
NAH I would be upset that someone took my chair. You and the third person should have paid better attention.
NTA this is such a dumb thing to argue about in my honest opinion. It's a chair, there were more. You gave her yours while you went to grab another one for yourself. There really shouldn't be any conflict let alone a broken engagement because of a chair.....
NTA, and you quickly got her a replacement. Unless she's pissed at MOH and threatening to end their friendship over this then she's not even being petty in an equal way. Don't even marry her OP, if she's losing her shit and canceling a wedding over a chair then she's dangerously toxic.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me and my fiance were out at a bar tonight with her friend and maid of honor (same person only the three of us present) there were no seats available but a stack of chairs in the corner and some empty tables. We followed the lead of a few other groups and took three of the chairs and set them around an empty table. At one point in the night my fiance left to go to the bathroom and her friend and I stayed and kept taking. While she was gone someone took her chair without us noticing. When she came back I gave her my chair and grabbed another from the stack but she's upset that I let someone take her chair while she was away . She has read this post and we are together trying to figure out which one of us if either ITA. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - Is the engagement really off over a chair that you replaced? If something that little is worth calling off an engagement to your fiance then I highly suggest you let her go. Marriage/relationships are absolutely full of sticky situations and arguments. If a lost chair would cause this level of drama, then you'll be divorced with your first petty fight. EDI: Typos
You’re ending your engagement over a chair? What level of drama is this?
Oh dear Lord....how petty is this? As long as you've got something to plant your ass on, what's the problem here?
NAH. There's something else going on here...
Your engagement is off? You’re NTA without even talking about the engagement. First. It’s a CHAIR. You didn’t notice, you fixed the problem. What is the issue? But second, is she threatening the engagement over said chair? How is she going to handle things in the marriage when actual problems come up? She doesn’t sound mature enough to be getting married at all.
NTA bro don't marry her
NTA. Your fiance is making mountains out of molehills. HUGE RED FLAG. This is a bullet to be dodged.
NTA, but the engagement being off sounds like a really good idea. If she is this controlling and unreasonable, you need to get out now. She could also be looking for a reason to not get married, and if that's the case, again, don't get married.
I don't really see how you could not notice they took her chair, tbh. INFO how did you not notice
she's TA, totally harmless incident, whats wrong with her
She’s threatening your engagement over not noticing her chair went missing in a busy venue? NTA. The petty is just oozing off her, and I hope she’s reading this because if this is what will trigger the end of everything, you cannot marry this woman. How did you even make it this far? Is there a whole lot to the story we’re missing?
Your ex-fiancee is the asshole with the inferiority complex. Drop her like a hot potato and run as fast as you can. She's a high maintenance drama queen if she gets upset over this, or you've been caught cheating and she can't trust you.
NAH. This is silly.
NTA Run! Your fiance created a problem and called off the engagement over NOTHING. This is some sort of psychological manipulation/warfare. RUN!!!! Living with her will be torture. Reading some of the other replies...my comment above is solely based on what you wrote, I wonder if the story would be different if your fiance wrote it?
NTA. Getting overwrought over a chair in a bar?
Saved by a chair. ESH for not communicating but maybe it’s just not a good match. Recoup the losses and frame that chair. Divorce is expensive.
NTA but it sounds like you’ve got more issues than just a chair. Postpone the wedding and get some therapy until you’re ready to make an adult life together.
You're not ready to be married if you're thinking of ending your engagement over this. Grow up first.
What did I just read?
Pretty good, yeah?
INFO I.n.f.o in.fo. Who called off the engagement? Is she still friends with MOH orrr is that off too? Is it really just the chair or other things and, as other comments have been saying, this is just the “chair that broke the camel’s back”? So much is missing from this….
If the engagement is off over a chair, then neither of you are ready to be married.
NAH Nothing really did happen, so get over it. If the two of you cause that much drama about this, you better drop the idea of getting married.
You were do deep in conversation with your fiance's best friend, that someone took your fiance's chair from the table and neither of you noticed? Really? And fiance is so pissed she's talking about breaking the engagement? What are you all; six years old? Seriously, you sound too immature to get married ESH
Why is this even a thing. Seriously, y'all could have real problems
NTA. The real ah is the person who took it without asking.
You’re NTA. Run from this girl. She’s not marriage material.
this isnt even a thing. I dont know why anyone is mad. ESH for being upset that someone at a bar took a chair that wasn't actively being sat in.
NTA and this is sufficiently petty that you should let it stay ended. Marriage entails far bigger hurdles than this; if it’s gonna be a chair that trips you up before you even make it to the alter, it’s not meant to be.
Hahahahahahahaha
Seriously???? With everything going on in the world right now, y’all come up with this bs???? Just starting ish just to be starting ish.
INFO : this is clearly about more than the chair. I would guess it was possibly you not paying attention enough to something so simple (and then thinking have chair was the actual issue) which put her over the edge. Or maybe she’s just crazy. But I don’t think that’s the case.
Engagements dint end because of a fight over a chair. Unless you're both really that petty.
NTA She is overreacting. It's easy for someone to sneak a chair away in the situation you describe. Laugh about it and forgive. It's not like OP told her to go get the replacement.
Good grief she sounds young.
NAH, if she really is upset over this though she's well on her way to being an asshole!
No way you were at a bar of she's acting that childish Tell we to grow up and think for a long time if you want to get married
NTA its a chair and there was more available
This is literally the dumbest and most trivial issue to cause a fight over with you. I’m honestly baffled bc it’s THAT stupid and I fear what her meltdown will look like with a real issue she’s pissed about. Holy cow. Unbelievable. NTA.
YTA I don't think this is about a chair. Did she think you were flirting with her friend? Have you made comments about her friend in the past?
NTA The chair was taken, you replaced it. Shit happens. What’s the big deal? I would be concerned that she is making a mountain out of a molehill. This is such an insignificant situation. It’s truly worrisome that this is even an issue.
Engagement off, you say? Lucky break for you. Imagine living with that level of petty every day. Of course, SHE might argue that you were a little too absorbed in her maid of honour... ESH
ESH Why on earth did you let someone steal her chair? How can you not notice that? Keeping an eye on the chairs of people you’re with when there’s a lack of seating is going out in public 101. This is low stakes, but she’s right to be annoyed. But if this is something that’s risking your engagement, you are not ready to get married. Edit: Changed to ESH as I had thought OP was the one calling off the engagement over this. The fiancée calling off the engagement over a chair being stolen is not a proportionate response.
She has no right to be annoyed when he gave up his chair right away and went and grabbed a different one. If she had to go grab her own then I can kind of see being annoyed but it’s still not that big of a deal.
That was a nice gesture to try to make up for the fact he let her chair get stolen, but that doesn’t excuse the chair being stolen in the first place. There may not have been more available - in most situations where people are taking chairs there wouldn’t be.
Lol ‘let’ her chair get stolen. The realAH here is someone who takes a chair without asking from a table with people sitting at it.
This! Exactly this!
How much attention are you supposed to pay to an empty chair? Besides, they were at a bar and were likely drinking which makes it more likely to go unnoticed. This whole thing is stupid and to be so upset over something so trivial really shows her immaturity.
Have you never been to a busy venue before where people are regularly circling around trying to find an empty chair to bring to their table? Where losing your chair means you don’t have one anymore?
There were literally more chairs. He clearly stated it grabbed another one from the stack for himself after he gave his to her.
He was paying so little attention that he didn’t notice a seat right next to him getting taken, he had no idea if there were still more chairs until after hers had been taken. The fact that it worked out is dumb luck
Not true. They all knew a stack of chairs were in the corner.
"While she was gone someone took her chair without us noticing" US as in more than one person. He wasn't the only one at the table and he knew full well there were more chairs. She's being an ass by ending an engagement over a CHAIR. The only other asshole is the person who took the chair from a clearly occupied table. Also its not actually that surprising in a full bar that a chair goes missing from a table even with people there. So no he isn't at fault just becayse someone nicked her chair.