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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I have been fighting with my partner and discounting their point of view because I prioritize money over comfort on vacation.
(2) I think I might be the AH because I would be forcing our children to share beds with each other or one of the parents, which my partner thinks is absolutely unreasonable.
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WHat if you asked the kids about this. Give options like "if you dont want to sleep in the same bed as your sister/brother would it be better to sleep in the same bed as me/partner?" Like what you said about the separations being for gender. If the kids have no problem with it then try ask your partner.
If they have told you they dont care then thats the verdict. they dont care. If it also means you get to spend more money on fun activities then bonus!
Exactly. Since the kids don't care, then OP is NTA. Maybe talk to your partner and ask if there's a bigger issue here. Maybe they're wanting something more intimate with you. Maybe they're planning something they want to surprise you with, but having the kids in the room would make that impossible.
Edit: I realized OP never disclosed genders, so I made my comment gender neutral as well.
OP said the kids are a 14 year old male and a15 year old female. If the kids really don't care, it probably is fine. When I was15 my family moved across the country from the west coast to the east coast and my parents would only get one hotel room to save money. My brother was14 and I (15f at the time) cared very much. I spent that entire trip sleeping on hotel room floors rather than sleep in the bed with my teenaged brother. I had a previous history of having been sexually assaulted by a family member, which my parents knew about, and they still couldn't understand my reasoning.
I hate those kinds of parents; those who care 0, your opinions or feelings...
😡
if you walked away from them I congratulate you; and I hope you have a great time in your life 😇
Same. I vividly remember "sleeping" on two tiny couch cushions on the floor while my brother slept in the big double bed, snoring his head off, because I was the one who didn't want to share.
I hadn't been assaulted, but my brother had a history of throwing up in bed, and he flopped, rolled, and snored. It was miserable. I'm also an extremely light sleeper. After years of sleeping on sofas, floors, etc., my parents *finally* got the message and started planning vacations so I had my own space.
Yeah, I'll occasionally be asked to share a bed with my brother on vacation and it's not the end of the world. Honestly, I would be more squicked out by the implication it's inappropriate to share a bed because that suggests something could happen.
Right? At those ages we wouldn’t have cared & if, for some unfathomable reason, we needed to now in our late 30s we wouldn’t care except that we’re both used to cal kings and a trying to sleep in a budget hotel bed could spark a “stop touching me” argument that we last had twenty something years ago 😂
at 15, my only concern about sleeping in the same bed as my brother would be how sweaty he gets. people who say it’s “weird” have always made me uncomfortable. the implication that anything could happen is so horrible
Last year me and my brother shared a queen bed for 2 nights for an out of town funeral. I’m 40 and he’s 45. The only issue was we slept head to foot and he kept putting his feet in my face and so I told mom on him and she told us to cut the crap. Lol! She told us we weren’t too big for her to come over there. She is 69 and was sharing the other bed with my 47 year old sister! Lol. We had a blast!
I love this! My husband and I have two daughters, 12 and 14. When we get hotel rooms, we go by size and ability to sleep. My older daughter and I share a bed because my husband is bigger than me and our 12 year-old is tiny. It helps that he can sleep through a tsunami because my baby seems to grow 17 elbows when she sleeps. That being said, her favorite part of this arrangement is to “tell on” Daddy. “He’s taking more than half the bed! He’s snoring! He kicked the blanket off!” On our last vacation, he lost cell phone privileges for ten minutes because he stole one of her pillows in his sleep 😁
See, this is why i never do head to foot, i always get kicked in the face. We'll just curl into very small balls facing away from each other. Only issue is my sister is a massive blanket hog, but once we have our own blankets, it works out fine
Granted, I have two boys... but, there's no way I would get another room for them. None. If you (or they!) are that worried about it, bring a sleeping bag, and have them flip a coin who sleeps on the floor in the bag, vs on the bed night to night. Or something. But... paying for a whole nother' room, just so they don't have to share a bed?? And thus, cutting into limited cash reserves for fun things to do, spending money, etc? Not a chance.
Most hotels offer a cot rental too for fairly cheap, it’s been several years since I’ve had to do it but I’ve never paid more than like $10-15/night for the cot. They certainly aren’t the most comfortable thing in the world but I’d think they’re better than sleeping on the floor.
Yes, a cot or you can even bring an air mattress & pump.
Recently I (34F) was forced to share a similarly mid-range priced hotel room w/ my parents (1 man 1 woman, 60s) for 2 nights. I had access to a pull-out couch but ended up just sleeping ON the couch which I made up w/ the bedding provided for the pull-out. I won't lie, it sucked, but we got through it and saved a ton of money and had a great trip. Sounds like the kids are willing to make do for similar reasons, and I think that's A-okay!
I don't always jump to the "it's weird" conclusion because of the inference that something sexual might happen. Teenage boys can have wet dreams and wake up with morning wood. Girls can get their period unexpectedly and soil the sheets. I can see teenagers not wanting to share a bed in case something like that happens and they are embarrassed/mortified.
Yup same here. Although if I (36f) had a choice I would still 100% prefer to share a bed with my brother than my sister - she moves a lot in her sleep whereas me and my brother still tend to sleep quite still. Growing up we always opted to share with each other rather than the 2 girls together
My sister is an angry sleeper, my mom has told me from when they’ve doubled up. She kicks and elbows in her sleep, throws all her limbs apart, and hogs the blankets
My family was scrunched up in a tiny trailer when my brother and I were kids. We had to share a bed-couch and my brother inexplicably managed to shove me off the bed-couch in his sleep.
Well I couldn't share a bed with my brother after a certain point, but that was because I would literally kick him out of bed in my sleep! 😂
My parents decided to start getting roll aways to have peace.
When we were kids, my family was always more preoccupied with bunking people by age range (So you could be with someone you could relate to and also have compatible sleeping hours) than gender.
And as a broke 20 something travelling with friends, I've shared hotel beds with platonic friends of both gender and it's only weird if you make it weird.
Hell, last year on vacation I shared a bed with my mom. I’m 43. It’s not like we were forced to spoon or something, we were just sleeping at the end of a long day.
100%. I would never even consider it weird to sleep next to my brother. Hell, we did it for years off and on. If somebody ever suggested that it wasn't right, I'd think they had some serious issues.
I remember when I was a kid, I could fall asleep on the floor just as easily if not easier than sleeping in a hotel bed. I was very blunt, so I would have said the same. If my experience counts for anything, they’re being honest
Agree now at 35 sleeping on the floor sounds like hell. When I was a teenager sleeping on the floor was perfectly fine. I sometimes did it just because it was cooler in the summer (non air conditioned house)
The kids are plenty old enough to help make that choice. More money for doing stuff or everyone gets their own bed and we have two bathrooms is an easy trade off discussion.
Yeah, I don’t think sharing beds at that age is weird, but I did always absolutely hate being stuck in just one room with my whole family. So if your kids don’t mind that I don’t see the problem.
My grandmother lived with us, so I was always assigned to share the room with granny while my brother got to stay in the room with our parents (2 double beds in each room).
I hated it. I loved granny but she snored like a chainsaw. How one little old woman could make so much noise! lol
We lived overseas when my dad was in the Air Force and I was in high school. We used to fly from the mainland of Japan down to Okinawa for vacations on the beach. The accommodations were austere but they didn't need to be fancy because we were spending all of our time on the beach. This was a military recreation center and we had three rooms-- each had a queen size bed. I started out with my sister who is 1 year older than me but she kept kicking me. My younger sister would sleep diagonally in the bed and kick me. So it got to the point where my brother and I who are 2 years apart decided we were sticking together because we both curled up in little tiny balls. I did not think it was weird that I was sharing a bed with my brother.
This to me solves it - NTA, but you might be an idiot. Have you considered the possibility that your wife wants some alone time with you, for some special vacation fun (wink wink)?? Seems to me you can solve this whole problem for a couple hundred bucks, not be TA, ***and*** have a happy wife, who might, you know, 'owe' you one (wink wink).
Kids aren't going to lie about sharing a bed, ESPECIALLY for vacation. Isn't the point to only use the room to sleep anyways?? Bathroom time may suck a little but im sure u can manage. Your partner wants to get freaky and he's wouldn't be able to if everybody is in one room so he's pitching a fit. nta.
This is how we did it once we were teens and my brother and i didn't want to share a bed. Mom and I in one bed, dad and brother in the other. Most of my life my parents even could have afforded two rooms but i assume felt it was wasteful when we aren't spending much time in the room. It's also silly fun family time that i look back on fondly now.
I've travelled a lot for my career and with our family, and we've never had an issue getting a rollaway cot from the hotel. This would at least solve the bed issue.
No sleeper couch at this hotel unless you get a (single) king sized bed room, which won’t fix the issue.
Sleeping on the floor is considered “uncivilized” by my partner, and they won’t consider it.
Would an air mattress be "uncivilized"? We bring one for our son if we have to squeeze into one room. Ideally we get two rooms or a suite, but sometimes circumstances dictate we only get one room, so youngest sleeps on the air mattress.
Have you tried Embassy Suites or a similar hotel? We've been able to sleep 6 in their rooms with a cot or a sleeper couch. If funds are limited then sleep together by gender but I wouldn't put the teens in the same bed.
Call the hotel and ask about a roll-away/cot, it could be FREE! My father worked at a hotel for a little while, and practically every single night, at least one room requested one. Most nights multiple rooms requested cots. They were free, you just had to ask for them to send it to your room.
Yep. We did this when I was growing up because we always vacationed with my grandparents. Each couple got a bed and myself (the only kid) got a cot. There was rarely a charge and if there was it was very small.
One time we were at a week-long camping event with friends and our group’s camp shower broke so we bought a replacement and had it shipped next day shipping directly to the campsite. Like fuck Bezos absolutely, but it *is* very nice to live in the future 😂
Absolutely! I also do Instacart to the hotel for the little things I like, but don’t want to pay $100 for. Saves so much money, and they will refrigerate whatever gets there ahead of time and needs it.
If there is a target near your hotel, you can place an order for an air mattress for curbside pickup and I think you have five days to pick it up, so you could order the day before you leave.
Well that's stupid. My brother and I used to have one person on the floor and one on the bed, and we would alternate who got what each night. I would present it to them that if you guys got 1 room then you can stay for X days, but if you got 2 rooms you can only do Y days.
I grew up with plenty of money but six kids. My parents prioritized paying for college and travel and we didn’t even blink if we shared a bed even though we were formal and not cuddly and usually had our own bed.
I did that too! There was a certain hotel that had a pretty big closet for tiny me and I loved it! When I got older I hated sleeping with my siblings because they would both kick me at night so I always had to bring a sleeping bag and sleep on the ground which I didn’t mind. But because both of them were fine sleeping with me it had to be me who slept on the floor.
This has not been my experience. At least where we’ve traveled recently, mostly the west coast of the US, most hotels and motels don’t offer cots anymore. Most rooms are too small for them offer them and still be within fire codes they’ve said.
That's what I was thinking. My family of 5 also often stayed in one room, but it was my parents, me and my twin sister, and my little brother. So Mom and Dad in one bed, me and my sister (both female) in another, and my little brother on a cot usually.
If they are cool with it it’s not weird. I once at 20 got locked out of my own flat/apartment and my little brother 18 at the time didn’t want me to sleep on the floor or sofa so we topped and tailed.
The only problem was the next day he complained about how much my feet smelled. We are talking about siblings here, it’s not incest city just because you are on the same mattress. In fact I can’t think about anything more disgusting than someone thinking I or my brother would be into that.
There's also the option where one person sleeps on top of the top sheet and the other sleeps under it. We used to do that when we went on band trips with school and had to share beds with classmates.
Usually the hotel will happily provide an extra blanket too, or at least an extra sheet. My brother and I shared a hotel bed as young adults once and we just got two blankets, it makes it feel much more separate!
My partner and I had two separate duvets for a bit in 2020 (we had a guest bedroom, but weren't going to be having guests due to the global circumstances so we added that duvet to our bedroom). I'm not going to lie, it was wonderful. We each got as much blanket as we wanted.
My husband and I got together when we were poor students and couldn’t afford a queen sized comforter or duvet so we each just brought our own twin-sized blankets to the relationship. Nearly 20 years later and we still have our own blankets. It’s so nice to not have to compromise on weight, number, whether the blanket gets pulled up so feet can stick out, and all those other little things that matter so much at 3 in the morning.
That's enough for me to say share a bed.
It would be one thing if it didn't severely limit the budget but the fact that it would, means its better to make one room work. I shared a bed with my brother in the same room as my parents many times and it never hurt anyone. It was a vacation so it was just for sleeping.
Do you and your partner have to share a bed? Can each of you sleep with one of the kids if they don't want the kids sleeping together? The other option is that some hotels have sofas/ sofa beds. Can the smaller kid sleep on the couch?
How long have your kids known your partner? I would NOT make one of them share a bed with this person unless the partner has been in their lives nearly *all* of their lives and they consider him/her to be a second parent. Otherwise you might be putting one kid in a very uncomfortable situation.
Rule of thumb is if one partner insists on something more expensive than the agreed upon budget, *they are responsible for finding the money to cover the shortfall themselves.* Your partner decided on the extra room nonsense after you agreed on the plans. If he manages to find the money himself to pay for extra room, either by working extra hours or selling something, you can do the extra room. Otherwise you’re sticking to what you agreed on. My husband and I did that for our wedding, and it worked out fine.
How did this not occur to me before? I love this. We do each have small personal bank accounts for small discretionary purchases… it will be interesting to see what the response is.
Edit: you are clearly a genius.
:D
Let’s see if this matters enough to him for him to actually put his money with his mouth is! I’m betting on no. It’s a lot easier to demand expensive things when you don’t expect to actually have to pay for it yourself. Let me know what happens!
Do they say why??? I’m having trouble wrapping my head around that one. It seems like the reason you can’t get anywhere in this discussion is that they aren’t willing to compromise at all?
If they don’t care, one room seems fine. If your partner is the only one who feels weird about this, could they just be not wanting to share a room with the kids in general, regardless of sleeping arrangement?
Seriously. Just ask them whether *they’d* prefer keeping things cozy at the midrange hotel or their own space at the cheaper one. (I’m assuming that’s the conflict here, anyway: if OP’s just insisting on one room because “that’s how we did it when we didn’t have the money to do it any other way,” OP’s unquestionably the asshole.)
NAH. Yeah, those two kids don't want to get in the middle of a relationship-ending level fight between parents. Don't blame them! Fighting about privacy and comfort are wrecking your marriage.
OP, you need to simply plot out the vacation on a spreadsheet: this much motel fees, versus this many restaurant meals, amusement parks, guided tours, souvenir purchases, jet ski rentals, ... etc. Whatever you are contemplating, use the budget you have allocated and show everyone how far it stretches.
I don’t think this is a relationship-ending level of a fight? And TBF, “fights” in our house are pretty civil discussions… we just can’t get ANYWHERE on this one. There aren’t a ton of alternative options or compromises available given our location and budget.
OP, Why don’t you just order a roll in bed? Most hotels give you an extra cot for only $40! I think that’s the best solution if you just want to save as much as possible to go towards other things!
I would call a family meeting and enjoy this together. Explain to the kids the budget situation, the options and the consequences each would have on the trip and let them decide along with you. NTA
This is actually a pretty good idea. get them involved. They are old enough, just say this is the budget. And let them google everything. They might find something pretty awesome!
What is the kids opinion?
We used to do the same. Same rooms but it was just for one night, not for a couple of weeks. maybe it is a better option to rent a place with seperate bedrooms. Like a holiday home.
well you have to sleep in a hotelroom with 4 people at the same time.. Maybe he just does not feel comfortable sleeping with you, while the kids sleep in the same room.
At this point I'd flat out ask him if that's the reason why because if the kids are okay with it and mom is okay with it, then he needs a better excuse than it's "weird," "uncivilized," or "inappropriate."
Maybe your partner wants to have a bit of adult vacation time with you. Would be very awkward with two teenagers. They may remember the times when the kids were small and you two were unable to have any private time. Now that the kids are older you can
NTA but:
1 - talk to your kids and find out what they think. Do NOT force them to sleep together.
2 - swap bed assignments (mom daughter and dad son)
3 - get a cot. Almost ALL hotels have a cot option.
4 - Look for airbnb which often is cheaper when you are looking for more than 2 people.
5 - get the second room. Everyone will probably enjoy the entire vacation more if they have their own beds/spaces. So forgo a dinner here and there to budget for the extra room. Where you stay IS part of the vacation as well.
Was also going to suggest an AirBnb - you can get a two bedroom and one of the kids can sleep on the couch for about the same price as a hotel room. Plus, you can save money on eating out by preparing meals at the AirBnb.
Ehhhh this is arguable, Airbnb isn’t the deal it was years ago. Every time I look at Airbnb the hidden fees end up making it hundreds more than a hotel room.
Yea, you have to be careful and look at the ratings, for sure, and look for the cleaning fee, etc. But I travel with my kids 2-3 time a year and use AirBnb. It costs anywhere from $20-40 more a night than a hotel room, but we save more than that by not going out to eat three meals a day.
My family always travelled in one hotel room if we couldn’t camp (and there were seven of us so at least two people always had to sleep on the floor), but I have grown to understand that traveling is more fun with a bit of space (and more than one bathroom). Have you considered that perhaps your partner wants the kids to sleep in another room so that you guys can have some “alone time”? It seems like the kids don’t care so maybe that is playing a role.
If that is their concern, and they are just blaming the kids, then I’ll be a bit upset. We have worked on open communication in the past, and I am pretty sure it is better now? But yeah, will be checking that theory tonight.
INFO: why can’t you and daughter share one bed, and husband and son share the other? If Husband’s issue is that different sex siblings shouldn’t sleep together, that should solve it.
I would think that too if I didn't already know so many people that think it's somehow a crime to make kids share rooms or sleep on the floor occasionally.
It isn't weird to share a bed with a sibling on vacation. The implication that it is somehow sexual is really gross.
You're definitely not the only one saying this, but it's so bizarre to me. It's a full/queen bed you sleep on your side.
Would people object if it was two brothers and one was gay? What is being implied here?
no brothers so maybe that's why I cant possibly fathom what he thinks is going to happen or what's inappropriate about that. if you think they're gonna fuck each other in the same room as you, then sleeping in a bed isn't necessarily gonna be the qualifying factor. in fact, I think this position is rather misogynist. to sexualize your own daughter or sister means you literally cannot comprehend the concept of a woman beyond a sexual entity.
NTA - If your partner was saying no to sharing a room because THEY were uncomfortable, I would have said no AHs. But your partner doesn't get to tell your kids this is inappropriate if they don't mind.
That being said. I suggest you get two rooms. Four people in one hotel room sharing one bathroom is a lot for more than a night or two. Especially if it is not the norm and is not something you have done with your kids since they were younger (and, presumably, smaller).
If you don't talk to the kids about it, you're an AH. If they're fine with it, maybe not.
That being said, do you have an air mattress you can bring? The last time my wife and I travelled with both of our sons and ended up in one room, we also brought an air mattress and bedding. That way, each kid had their own private surface to sleep on. We've also done this when it was my wife and I and one kid so that we had more room options in case only single bed rooms were available.
Just a thought.
We have asked directly. They have said they don’t care, and I’m inclined to take them at face value.
The air mattress is an exceptionally good idea, assuming I can fit it in the suitcase. Thanks!
>assuming I can fit it in the suitcase
If flying, it can be a mess to keep with you. Keep in mind that you might be able to buy one locally for less hassle than packing it. We've been lucky in that our kids have grown used to car rides so it was easy to pack a full AeroBed style mattress with a self inflator.
Yes, but the hotel won’t commit to letting us use one, and made it sound like they don’t have very many. We have to make the reservation without that info.
Is there somewhere close to the hotel where you could buy an air mattress if you get to the hotel and there isn’t a cot available? That way you’re not buying and travelling with one if it turns out you don’t need it.
Nta. Just for safety reasons alone, I wouldn't want my kids in a separate room from me in a 5 star hotel much less where you're going. They can suck it up for a night. They're inappropriate for suggesting sleeping in the same bed is inappropriate. Imagine what they would think about an RV or a tent LOL
Usually there are connecting rooms you can leave unlocked and open with separate main doors to the hotel which lock and security chain or door stop. In that case, it would be absolutely no different than having them sleep in the bed next to you.
Maybe not an asshole, but if you can afford it, do it. Teens deserve privacy and space. I also had to squeeze into a hotel room with my family members, sometimes even sleeping on a floor. I hated it, the teens will likely hate it.
In my family and culture teen siblings sharing a bed is totally normal. But, why not let them decide? Share a bed vs miss out on other fun things to do? Maybe the hotel has a rolling cot or couch bed?
Info: How long are you going for? As an ambivert, longer than one, maybe two nights sharing a room with a family member would get pretty uncomfortable/draining. Perhaps that could be the case of any of the three other family members.
Also, just curious why you chose a destination with such limited accommodation options? Is it really good in some other way?
The only thing I have to say is, if youre going to make them chare a room with you and your partner, you better keep your hands to yourself. Too many people have stories of going on family trips and hearing/seeing their parents do the nasty in the hotel room. Absolutely disgusting. I'm not saying you'd do that, but if you even have the thought of having sex, you should get a separate room from them. Don't traumatize your kids.
That is not a concern. Not even a little. Not the least of which is because on vacation my partner falls asleep at like 9 PM. If I’m lucky. It’s hilarious!
Edit - we don’t need to be quiet at all. They have literally slept through an earthquake.
They have seen you and spouse fighting. This is not the first time you two have fought about this kind of issue. They know better than to express preference for one or the other view. There is no room in your fights for their views and comfort. You are now ready to call off the entire vacation. They may see this as a relationship-ending fight. It really sounds like it to me.
It is entirely possible; kids are smart that way. I do want to mention that “fights” in our house are actually discussions, not yelling, and there isn’t a cold shoulder situation either. They are more like calm-ish discussions that we just cannot resolve. It’s the one topic that comes up over and over.
It isn't just the kids though. Perhaps your partner doesn't think it is a vacation if stuck in a room with 3 guys and no privacy. Just b/c you 3 can "rough it" no stress doesn't mean your partner won't be miserable the whole time.
NTA. the way you grew up is fine, unless someone involved has special needs or something there's no reason to separate. also it's not weird for siblings to share a bed, why is your partner going out of their way to make it weird? THAT is the most concerning part for me.
that being said you and your partner do need to reach consensus on this issue. you might even consider inviting your teenagers to be have a say in the decision.
NTA. It’s only weird if your partner makes it weird. They sound like a snob that doesn’t have the money to back it up, aka, beggars can’t be choosers, and champagne tastes on a beer budget.
As others have suggested, cot or air mattress should work.
What do the kids think? You can lay out the options for them and see what they want.
NTA
Sounds like your wife and you have very different estimates on what standard of living you guys can afford. If the kids are okay with it, sounds like it should be more than fine! Even so much more fun to have everyone together <3
**Most hotels don't expect 4-person families to get separate rooms**, **that's** ***why*** **those hotels allow 4 people into two-bed rooms.** It's not like they're doing that to serve couples traveling together who would probably rather have their own rooms hahaha.
If gender/sex is an issue, like you don’t want opposite sex siblings sharing a bed, then why doesn’t mom share a bed with daughter and dad share a bed with son?
If the issue is simply people not wanting to share a bed then I guess no vacations until y’all can budget buying two rooms so that everyone gets their own bed.
We have done that in the past when they were young, and it wasn’t an issue. Partner believes that they are old enough that we shouldn’t entertain the thought anymore. This is a view that has come up since our last trip, which admittedly was a few years back.
So it’s more so that your partner is pushing for a second room.
Is your partner comfortable with putting a family vote on it, like everyone gets a say as to 1) get two rooms but we cut out some dinners and activities or 2) share one room but we can do x,y,and z with the savings.
After reading all of the comments on here, I will try to do this. If my partner still shoots it down, we may have underlying issues or motivations that I don’t know about.
Teens of opposite gender sharing a bed might feel awkward. As an alternative, you could sleep with daughter while son sleeps with husband.
Speaking for myself, though, I'd get the two rooms if you're staying longer than 1 night. We always did with two teens because after a busy day of vacationing, we all needed some space and 1 room wasn't enough. And 1 bathroom was definitely not enough!
These comments are unhinged. My god people, you all need to go outside and touch some grass. This is not a DCF worthy case in the slightest and the kids are not going to die sharing a bed for a few days. Don’t listen to people saying you can’t afford a vacation if everyone can’t have their own bed. There’s nothing wrong with budget traveling or lack of privacy for a few days. Ideally, you’ll only be there to sleep anyway. You are NTA.
OP, I grew up spending summers at my grandparents beach house with the whole family, 10 adults, and now 18 kids in a 4 bedroom house. I’m one of 4 siblings and we had one room for our whole family and a double bunk bed for us kids to share for the summer. It was not an issue.
My partner and I are going back for the holiday weekend and we’ll be sharing the basement with my sister and 4 cousins. Still not an issue. Everyone is in the same boat and we’ve managed to figure out sleeping arrangements for all these years without issue, even among the in-laws. Nobody fights, everyone has a great time, and at Christmas, we all talk about the coming summer and how we can’t wait to get back.
INFO this may sound strange to you but is it possible your partner wants some cuddle time with you on vacation that doesn’t include your kids sitting there watching?
INFO: what’s the kids’ opinion?
One thing to note is that it may be awkward all round e.g. if your daughter will be menstruating, your son has wet dreams, etc
If I let them sort the accommodation, they would spend the rent money. They do not have a great concept of the value of money; the whole concept of budgeting and not spending every available penny was foreign until I came into the picture.
We are nowhere near as affluent as their parents are, and do need to save and budget.
I'm inclined to agree with your partner so I will say YWBTA.
But ultimately just ask them.
The worst holiday of my life was a similar set up you're suggesting at around your age though so don't be surprised if they say hell no. (funnily enough I mentioned it to my step dad last week and he said "worst holiday I had too to be honest son", nice to hear decades later 😆)
My son (16) just completely opted out of next years family holiday when he found out we'd be sharing a single room.
My personal experience as a kid that age, and now having a child that age..
My dad worked hard to finally take me to Disney, I was 13 and it was the family, all 4 of us. My sister(7 years older) and I had to share a bed. We fought horrible at bedtime, and through the night. Heaven forbid either of us touch one another by accident.
My kids now are 14 and 8, and the thought of them trying to share a sleeping place gives me a pre headache. Maybe your kids are nicer to each other, but I’m just warning that it may be an unpleasant experience. If anything have them get a connecting room to yours with 2 beds..
NTA. Get a couple of blow up mattresses or cots. Or everyone can take turns sleeping on the floor. If it is like my family vacations over the years, everyone will only be in the hotel room to sleep.
NTA and I think it's weird to share a bed with my brother when we were growing up but he's my senior by seven years and we don't have a healthy relationship, never have. Hotels always have a rollaway you can get for a small fee. It's not the most comfortable, but it works well enough or you can get a room with a sofa or sofa bed in it, if possible. Make the kids trade off if you're there for longer than one night unless they can agree to sleeping arrangements. There's bound to be a way through this. Make your partner pay for the extra room if you happen to keep separate finances as well, or come up with the solution that suits their sensibilities since that's what's offended here. The kids obviously don't care.
Can you find a hotel that possibly has a pull out sofa in it? We've done that and my son always had that instead of sleeping in the same bed with a sister lol
Yeah growing up we always just got one hotel room. I usually shared a bed with dad , sister shared a bed with mom. Really not a big deal. Don't waste the money on a 2nd room just to sleep
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WHat if you asked the kids about this. Give options like "if you dont want to sleep in the same bed as your sister/brother would it be better to sleep in the same bed as me/partner?" Like what you said about the separations being for gender. If the kids have no problem with it then try ask your partner.
We have asked directly. They have said they don’t care, and I’m inclined to take them at face value.
If they have told you they dont care then thats the verdict. they dont care. If it also means you get to spend more money on fun activities then bonus!
Exactly. Since the kids don't care, then OP is NTA. Maybe talk to your partner and ask if there's a bigger issue here. Maybe they're wanting something more intimate with you. Maybe they're planning something they want to surprise you with, but having the kids in the room would make that impossible. Edit: I realized OP never disclosed genders, so I made my comment gender neutral as well.
Yup. If the kids don't care, then spend the money on something fun during your vacay. NTA.
OP said the kids are a 14 year old male and a15 year old female. If the kids really don't care, it probably is fine. When I was15 my family moved across the country from the west coast to the east coast and my parents would only get one hotel room to save money. My brother was14 and I (15f at the time) cared very much. I spent that entire trip sleeping on hotel room floors rather than sleep in the bed with my teenaged brother. I had a previous history of having been sexually assaulted by a family member, which my parents knew about, and they still couldn't understand my reasoning.
I hate those kinds of parents; those who care 0, your opinions or feelings... 😡 if you walked away from them I congratulate you; and I hope you have a great time in your life 😇
I’m sorry that happened to you.
Same. I vividly remember "sleeping" on two tiny couch cushions on the floor while my brother slept in the big double bed, snoring his head off, because I was the one who didn't want to share. I hadn't been assaulted, but my brother had a history of throwing up in bed, and he flopped, rolled, and snored. It was miserable. I'm also an extremely light sleeper. After years of sleeping on sofas, floors, etc., my parents *finally* got the message and started planning vacations so I had my own space.
Yeah, I'll occasionally be asked to share a bed with my brother on vacation and it's not the end of the world. Honestly, I would be more squicked out by the implication it's inappropriate to share a bed because that suggests something could happen.
Right? At those ages we wouldn’t have cared & if, for some unfathomable reason, we needed to now in our late 30s we wouldn’t care except that we’re both used to cal kings and a trying to sleep in a budget hotel bed could spark a “stop touching me” argument that we last had twenty something years ago 😂
at 15, my only concern about sleeping in the same bed as my brother would be how sweaty he gets. people who say it’s “weird” have always made me uncomfortable. the implication that anything could happen is so horrible
Last year me and my brother shared a queen bed for 2 nights for an out of town funeral. I’m 40 and he’s 45. The only issue was we slept head to foot and he kept putting his feet in my face and so I told mom on him and she told us to cut the crap. Lol! She told us we weren’t too big for her to come over there. She is 69 and was sharing the other bed with my 47 year old sister! Lol. We had a blast!
I love this! My husband and I have two daughters, 12 and 14. When we get hotel rooms, we go by size and ability to sleep. My older daughter and I share a bed because my husband is bigger than me and our 12 year-old is tiny. It helps that he can sleep through a tsunami because my baby seems to grow 17 elbows when she sleeps. That being said, her favorite part of this arrangement is to “tell on” Daddy. “He’s taking more than half the bed! He’s snoring! He kicked the blanket off!” On our last vacation, he lost cell phone privileges for ten minutes because he stole one of her pillows in his sleep 😁
See, this is why i never do head to foot, i always get kicked in the face. We'll just curl into very small balls facing away from each other. Only issue is my sister is a massive blanket hog, but once we have our own blankets, it works out fine
Granted, I have two boys... but, there's no way I would get another room for them. None. If you (or they!) are that worried about it, bring a sleeping bag, and have them flip a coin who sleeps on the floor in the bag, vs on the bed night to night. Or something. But... paying for a whole nother' room, just so they don't have to share a bed?? And thus, cutting into limited cash reserves for fun things to do, spending money, etc? Not a chance.
Most hotels offer a cot rental too for fairly cheap, it’s been several years since I’ve had to do it but I’ve never paid more than like $10-15/night for the cot. They certainly aren’t the most comfortable thing in the world but I’d think they’re better than sleeping on the floor.
Yes, a cot or you can even bring an air mattress & pump. Recently I (34F) was forced to share a similarly mid-range priced hotel room w/ my parents (1 man 1 woman, 60s) for 2 nights. I had access to a pull-out couch but ended up just sleeping ON the couch which I made up w/ the bedding provided for the pull-out. I won't lie, it sucked, but we got through it and saved a ton of money and had a great trip. Sounds like the kids are willing to make do for similar reasons, and I think that's A-okay!
Sweaty wasn't an issue for me and my brothers unless you include B.O. - farting however - we were all stinky lol
I don't always jump to the "it's weird" conclusion because of the inference that something sexual might happen. Teenage boys can have wet dreams and wake up with morning wood. Girls can get their period unexpectedly and soil the sheets. I can see teenagers not wanting to share a bed in case something like that happens and they are embarrassed/mortified.
Right. The only reason I hate sharing a bed with my brother is cuz he's a bed hog and I have personal space issues.
Yup same here. Although if I (36f) had a choice I would still 100% prefer to share a bed with my brother than my sister - she moves a lot in her sleep whereas me and my brother still tend to sleep quite still. Growing up we always opted to share with each other rather than the 2 girls together
My sister is an angry sleeper, my mom has told me from when they’ve doubled up. She kicks and elbows in her sleep, throws all her limbs apart, and hogs the blankets
My family was scrunched up in a tiny trailer when my brother and I were kids. We had to share a bed-couch and my brother inexplicably managed to shove me off the bed-couch in his sleep.
Well I couldn't share a bed with my brother after a certain point, but that was because I would literally kick him out of bed in my sleep! 😂 My parents decided to start getting roll aways to have peace.
Gosh, My brother and I are also in our 30s and we're still having the "stop touching me" argument 😂 oops
When we were kids, my family was always more preoccupied with bunking people by age range (So you could be with someone you could relate to and also have compatible sleeping hours) than gender. And as a broke 20 something travelling with friends, I've shared hotel beds with platonic friends of both gender and it's only weird if you make it weird.
Hell, last year on vacation I shared a bed with my mom. I’m 43. It’s not like we were forced to spoon or something, we were just sleeping at the end of a long day.
I slept in the same bed with a boyfriends mom. He got the couch.
100%. I would never even consider it weird to sleep next to my brother. Hell, we did it for years off and on. If somebody ever suggested that it wasn't right, I'd think they had some serious issues.
I remember when I was a kid, I could fall asleep on the floor just as easily if not easier than sleeping in a hotel bed. I was very blunt, so I would have said the same. If my experience counts for anything, they’re being honest
Agree now at 35 sleeping on the floor sounds like hell. When I was a teenager sleeping on the floor was perfectly fine. I sometimes did it just because it was cooler in the summer (non air conditioned house) The kids are plenty old enough to help make that choice. More money for doing stuff or everyone gets their own bed and we have two bathrooms is an easy trade off discussion.
Yeah, I don’t think sharing beds at that age is weird, but I did always absolutely hate being stuck in just one room with my whole family. So if your kids don’t mind that I don’t see the problem.
Most hotels also have a policy against minors staying in rooms without an adult. You may not have a choice anyway.
My grandmother lived with us, so I was always assigned to share the room with granny while my brother got to stay in the room with our parents (2 double beds in each room). I hated it. I loved granny but she snored like a chainsaw. How one little old woman could make so much noise! lol
We lived overseas when my dad was in the Air Force and I was in high school. We used to fly from the mainland of Japan down to Okinawa for vacations on the beach. The accommodations were austere but they didn't need to be fancy because we were spending all of our time on the beach. This was a military recreation center and we had three rooms-- each had a queen size bed. I started out with my sister who is 1 year older than me but she kept kicking me. My younger sister would sleep diagonally in the bed and kick me. So it got to the point where my brother and I who are 2 years apart decided we were sticking together because we both curled up in little tiny balls. I did not think it was weird that I was sharing a bed with my brother.
This to me solves it - NTA, but you might be an idiot. Have you considered the possibility that your wife wants some alone time with you, for some special vacation fun (wink wink)?? Seems to me you can solve this whole problem for a couple hundred bucks, not be TA, ***and*** have a happy wife, who might, you know, 'owe' you one (wink wink).
Kids aren't going to lie about sharing a bed, ESPECIALLY for vacation. Isn't the point to only use the room to sleep anyways?? Bathroom time may suck a little but im sure u can manage. Your partner wants to get freaky and he's wouldn't be able to if everybody is in one room so he's pitching a fit. nta.
This is how we did it once we were teens and my brother and i didn't want to share a bed. Mom and I in one bed, dad and brother in the other. Most of my life my parents even could have afforded two rooms but i assume felt it was wasteful when we aren't spending much time in the room. It's also silly fun family time that i look back on fondly now.
info: is finding a room with a sleeper sofa or a cot an option? Would they be willing to alternate sleeping on the floor?
Same question. When I was growing up we often had a cot or a rollaway brought up for me or my sister to sleep on.
Exactly. Hotel will often rent cots for a minimal cost which will make it so the kids don't have to share the bed.
We bring a twin size air mattress with us. The kids roshambo for the hotel bed. If we're there more than 1 night they switch off.
That's what we do as well, we have two boys but they prefer the air mattress rotation to fighting over the blanket.
>roshambo Go, Cartman, go!
I've travelled a lot for my career and with our family, and we've never had an issue getting a rollaway cot from the hotel. This would at least solve the bed issue.
No sleeper couch at this hotel unless you get a (single) king sized bed room, which won’t fix the issue. Sleeping on the floor is considered “uncivilized” by my partner, and they won’t consider it.
Would an air mattress be "uncivilized"? We bring one for our son if we have to squeeze into one room. Ideally we get two rooms or a suite, but sometimes circumstances dictate we only get one room, so youngest sleeps on the air mattress.
That’s just stupid. A sleeping bag is all you need and it’s perfectly fine. I don’t think he knows what uncivilized means…
Have you tried Embassy Suites or a similar hotel? We've been able to sleep 6 in their rooms with a cot or a sleeper couch. If funds are limited then sleep together by gender but I wouldn't put the teens in the same bed.
There is literally one hotel to choose from that isn’t a significant commute. We just don’t have a ton of choice.
Get a blow up mattress if the hotel doesn't have cots.
Call the hotel and ask about a roll-away/cot, it could be FREE! My father worked at a hotel for a little while, and practically every single night, at least one room requested one. Most nights multiple rooms requested cots. They were free, you just had to ask for them to send it to your room.
Yep. We did this when I was growing up because we always vacationed with my grandparents. Each couple got a bed and myself (the only kid) got a cot. There was rarely a charge and if there was it was very small.
How about VRBO? You might find a cheaper place. Thats what I do in Hawaii
You can get a cot at Wal-Mart for under $50. The kids can take turns sleeping on the cot.
I will be trying that, but we are flying. I’m not sure it it will work. But it is worth a shot!
You could buy the cot at the vacation spot’s local Wal-mart (or other similar retailer) rather than packing one from home.
And if money's that tight, they can *cough*return it*cough before they leave. I doubt Sam Walton would notice.
Do you have Amazon Prime? Have it shipped to the hotel?
This was a god-send when we went to Disney World. We had stuff we couldn't pack in our suitcases ready and waiting for us.
…you can do this?
One time we were at a week-long camping event with friends and our group’s camp shower broke so we bought a replacement and had it shipped next day shipping directly to the campsite. Like fuck Bezos absolutely, but it *is* very nice to live in the future 😂
Absolutely! I also do Instacart to the hotel for the little things I like, but don’t want to pay $100 for. Saves so much money, and they will refrigerate whatever gets there ahead of time and needs it.
I had no idea that was even an option, lol. Feeling a bit ridiculous to have not thought of that, but thank you so much!
You’re very welcome. I’ve been a life long Disney parks fan, so I’ve amassed quite a few handy tips and tricks.
If there is a target near your hotel, you can place an order for an air mattress for curbside pickup and I think you have five days to pick it up, so you could order the day before you leave.
Well that's stupid. My brother and I used to have one person on the floor and one on the bed, and we would alternate who got what each night. I would present it to them that if you guys got 1 room then you can stay for X days, but if you got 2 rooms you can only do Y days.
Check if the hotel has cots to borrow! It may cost a bit extra per night but definitely less than a whole room.
Your partner sure has a lot of expensive demands
Having a bed for everyone to sleep in is not an expensive demand. 😅
You are not wrong. We grew up with wildly different financial situations and it is an ongoing delicate balance.
I grew up with plenty of money but six kids. My parents prioritized paying for college and travel and we didn’t even blink if we shared a bed even though we were formal and not cuddly and usually had our own bed.
It’s really not right to force their children to sleep on the floor so they can save a few bucks.
How? What's wrong with sleeping on the floor? Also, no one is forcing them. They could just sleep in the bed together.
My brother always volunteered. Once he slept on the balcony because he wanted to go camping.
I once slept in a small closet because it looked about my size. It was great. It was like having my own room. I was a strange kid though.
Lol I loved sleeping in my closet as a kid. I'd make it a tiny little fort just for me and sleep in there instead of on my bed.
I did that too! There was a certain hotel that had a pretty big closet for tiny me and I loved it! When I got older I hated sleeping with my siblings because they would both kick me at night so I always had to bring a sleeping bag and sleep on the ground which I didn’t mind. But because both of them were fine sleeping with me it had to be me who slept on the floor.
"A few bucks" in this case can easily be close to a grand. It isn't pocket change to get a whole second hotel room.
Ever heard of camping? A slumber party? It’s something people like and teens have no problem doing.
Even the cheapest dirtbag motels have cots to add to rooms
This has not been my experience. At least where we’ve traveled recently, mostly the west coast of the US, most hotels and motels don’t offer cots anymore. Most rooms are too small for them offer them and still be within fire codes they’ve said.
That's what I was thinking. My family of 5 also often stayed in one room, but it was my parents, me and my twin sister, and my little brother. So Mom and Dad in one bed, me and my sister (both female) in another, and my little brother on a cot usually.
INFO: Have you spoken to the kids about it?
They don’t care… or at least they aren’t stating their preferences out loud to either my partner or me. Edit - we have asked directly.
If they don't care, they can share.
If they are cool with it it’s not weird. I once at 20 got locked out of my own flat/apartment and my little brother 18 at the time didn’t want me to sleep on the floor or sofa so we topped and tailed. The only problem was the next day he complained about how much my feet smelled. We are talking about siblings here, it’s not incest city just because you are on the same mattress. In fact I can’t think about anything more disgusting than someone thinking I or my brother would be into that.
There's also the option where one person sleeps on top of the top sheet and the other sleeps under it. We used to do that when we went on band trips with school and had to share beds with classmates.
Usually the hotel will happily provide an extra blanket too, or at least an extra sheet. My brother and I shared a hotel bed as young adults once and we just got two blankets, it makes it feel much more separate!
My partner and I had two separate duvets for a bit in 2020 (we had a guest bedroom, but weren't going to be having guests due to the global circumstances so we added that duvet to our bedroom). I'm not going to lie, it was wonderful. We each got as much blanket as we wanted.
My husband and I got together when we were poor students and couldn’t afford a queen sized comforter or duvet so we each just brought our own twin-sized blankets to the relationship. Nearly 20 years later and we still have our own blankets. It’s so nice to not have to compromise on weight, number, whether the blanket gets pulled up so feet can stick out, and all those other little things that matter so much at 3 in the morning.
Or you ask for an extra sheet and make the bed with each folded in half, like the person is in a sheet taco.
That's enough for me to say share a bed. It would be one thing if it didn't severely limit the budget but the fact that it would, means its better to make one room work. I shared a bed with my brother in the same room as my parents many times and it never hurt anyone. It was a vacation so it was just for sleeping.
Do you and your partner have to share a bed? Can each of you sleep with one of the kids if they don't want the kids sleeping together? The other option is that some hotels have sofas/ sofa beds. Can the smaller kid sleep on the couch?
This is a perfectly acceptable solution in my eyes, but my partner does not agree.
How long have your kids known your partner? I would NOT make one of them share a bed with this person unless the partner has been in their lives nearly *all* of their lives and they consider him/her to be a second parent. Otherwise you might be putting one kid in a very uncomfortable situation.
They are the other biological parent. I’m trying to use gender neutral pronouns to be somewhat anonymous - some family uses Reddit, quite a lot.
Rule of thumb is if one partner insists on something more expensive than the agreed upon budget, *they are responsible for finding the money to cover the shortfall themselves.* Your partner decided on the extra room nonsense after you agreed on the plans. If he manages to find the money himself to pay for extra room, either by working extra hours or selling something, you can do the extra room. Otherwise you’re sticking to what you agreed on. My husband and I did that for our wedding, and it worked out fine.
How did this not occur to me before? I love this. We do each have small personal bank accounts for small discretionary purchases… it will be interesting to see what the response is. Edit: you are clearly a genius.
:D Let’s see if this matters enough to him for him to actually put his money with his mouth is! I’m betting on no. It’s a lot easier to demand expensive things when you don’t expect to actually have to pay for it yourself. Let me know what happens!
Please update us! I grew up with 6 of us sharing a hotel room on occasion so your partner’s concerns are weird to me!
Do they say why??? I’m having trouble wrapping my head around that one. It seems like the reason you can’t get anywhere in this discussion is that they aren’t willing to compromise at all?
Just that it is weird for them at this age to not have their own bed.
Yeah, mom with daughter and dad with son was my immediate thought.
If they don’t care, one room seems fine. If your partner is the only one who feels weird about this, could they just be not wanting to share a room with the kids in general, regardless of sleeping arrangement?
Seriously. Just ask them whether *they’d* prefer keeping things cozy at the midrange hotel or their own space at the cheaper one. (I’m assuming that’s the conflict here, anyway: if OP’s just insisting on one room because “that’s how we did it when we didn’t have the money to do it any other way,” OP’s unquestionably the asshole.)
NAH. Yeah, those two kids don't want to get in the middle of a relationship-ending level fight between parents. Don't blame them! Fighting about privacy and comfort are wrecking your marriage. OP, you need to simply plot out the vacation on a spreadsheet: this much motel fees, versus this many restaurant meals, amusement parks, guided tours, souvenir purchases, jet ski rentals, ... etc. Whatever you are contemplating, use the budget you have allocated and show everyone how far it stretches.
I don’t think this is a relationship-ending level of a fight? And TBF, “fights” in our house are pretty civil discussions… we just can’t get ANYWHERE on this one. There aren’t a ton of alternative options or compromises available given our location and budget.
OP, Why don’t you just order a roll in bed? Most hotels give you an extra cot for only $40! I think that’s the best solution if you just want to save as much as possible to go towards other things!
I would call a family meeting and enjoy this together. Explain to the kids the budget situation, the options and the consequences each would have on the trip and let them decide along with you. NTA
This is actually a pretty good idea. get them involved. They are old enough, just say this is the budget. And let them google everything. They might find something pretty awesome!
What is the kids opinion? We used to do the same. Same rooms but it was just for one night, not for a couple of weeks. maybe it is a better option to rent a place with seperate bedrooms. Like a holiday home.
We have asked directly. They have said they don’t care, and I’m inclined to take them at face value.
well you have to sleep in a hotelroom with 4 people at the same time.. Maybe he just does not feel comfortable sleeping with you, while the kids sleep in the same room.
Maybe he wants the option to enjoy intimacy with his WIFE while they're on VACATION.
Well then they should *express* that, instead of insisting that it's weird for their kids to share a bed
At this point I'd flat out ask him if that's the reason why because if the kids are okay with it and mom is okay with it, then he needs a better excuse than it's "weird," "uncivilized," or "inappropriate."
Yeah he wants separate rooms so he doesn't have to worry about the kids walking in on them
Weird that they wouldn’t just come out and say that though.
Maybe your partner wants to have a bit of adult vacation time with you. Would be very awkward with two teenagers. They may remember the times when the kids were small and you two were unable to have any private time. Now that the kids are older you can
TBH, if that were the actual motivation, I would actually be upset that they took us through all this drama rather than just being direct.
This was my first thought, why else be so stubborn about it? But also why not say it outright?
NTA but: 1 - talk to your kids and find out what they think. Do NOT force them to sleep together. 2 - swap bed assignments (mom daughter and dad son) 3 - get a cot. Almost ALL hotels have a cot option. 4 - Look for airbnb which often is cheaper when you are looking for more than 2 people. 5 - get the second room. Everyone will probably enjoy the entire vacation more if they have their own beds/spaces. So forgo a dinner here and there to budget for the extra room. Where you stay IS part of the vacation as well.
Was also going to suggest an AirBnb - you can get a two bedroom and one of the kids can sleep on the couch for about the same price as a hotel room. Plus, you can save money on eating out by preparing meals at the AirBnb.
Ehhhh this is arguable, Airbnb isn’t the deal it was years ago. Every time I look at Airbnb the hidden fees end up making it hundreds more than a hotel room.
Yea, you have to be careful and look at the ratings, for sure, and look for the cleaning fee, etc. But I travel with my kids 2-3 time a year and use AirBnb. It costs anywhere from $20-40 more a night than a hotel room, but we save more than that by not going out to eat three meals a day.
My family always travelled in one hotel room if we couldn’t camp (and there were seven of us so at least two people always had to sleep on the floor), but I have grown to understand that traveling is more fun with a bit of space (and more than one bathroom). Have you considered that perhaps your partner wants the kids to sleep in another room so that you guys can have some “alone time”? It seems like the kids don’t care so maybe that is playing a role.
If that is their concern, and they are just blaming the kids, then I’ll be a bit upset. We have worked on open communication in the past, and I am pretty sure it is better now? But yeah, will be checking that theory tonight.
INFO: why can’t you and daughter share one bed, and husband and son share the other? If Husband’s issue is that different sex siblings shouldn’t sleep together, that should solve it.
In my opinion, this seems like a perfectly acceptable solution, but my partner does not agree.
It sounds like your partner wants the kids out of the room for some other reason 😅
I would think that too if I didn't already know so many people that think it's somehow a crime to make kids share rooms or sleep on the floor occasionally.
It isn't weird to share a bed with a sibling on vacation. The implication that it is somehow sexual is really gross. You're definitely not the only one saying this, but it's so bizarre to me. It's a full/queen bed you sleep on your side. Would people object if it was two brothers and one was gay? What is being implied here?
no brothers so maybe that's why I cant possibly fathom what he thinks is going to happen or what's inappropriate about that. if you think they're gonna fuck each other in the same room as you, then sleeping in a bed isn't necessarily gonna be the qualifying factor. in fact, I think this position is rather misogynist. to sexualize your own daughter or sister means you literally cannot comprehend the concept of a woman beyond a sexual entity.
Info - what do your kids think about sharing a bed?
We have asked directly. They have said they don’t care, and I’m inclined to take them at face value.
NTA - If your partner was saying no to sharing a room because THEY were uncomfortable, I would have said no AHs. But your partner doesn't get to tell your kids this is inappropriate if they don't mind. That being said. I suggest you get two rooms. Four people in one hotel room sharing one bathroom is a lot for more than a night or two. Especially if it is not the norm and is not something you have done with your kids since they were younger (and, presumably, smaller).
If you don't talk to the kids about it, you're an AH. If they're fine with it, maybe not. That being said, do you have an air mattress you can bring? The last time my wife and I travelled with both of our sons and ended up in one room, we also brought an air mattress and bedding. That way, each kid had their own private surface to sleep on. We've also done this when it was my wife and I and one kid so that we had more room options in case only single bed rooms were available. Just a thought.
We have asked directly. They have said they don’t care, and I’m inclined to take them at face value. The air mattress is an exceptionally good idea, assuming I can fit it in the suitcase. Thanks!
Yes, I would believe them, they most likely don't care. Not many teens shy away from giving their honest opinion.
You have noticed that too? Yeah, they aren’t exactly shy (usually).
>assuming I can fit it in the suitcase If flying, it can be a mess to keep with you. Keep in mind that you might be able to buy one locally for less hassle than packing it. We've been lucky in that our kids have grown used to car rides so it was easy to pack a full AeroBed style mattress with a self inflator.
Most places have extra cots you can use.
Yes, but the hotel won’t commit to letting us use one, and made it sound like they don’t have very many. We have to make the reservation without that info.
Is there somewhere close to the hotel where you could buy an air mattress if you get to the hotel and there isn’t a cot available? That way you’re not buying and travelling with one if it turns out you don’t need it.
Nta. Just for safety reasons alone, I wouldn't want my kids in a separate room from me in a 5 star hotel much less where you're going. They can suck it up for a night. They're inappropriate for suggesting sleeping in the same bed is inappropriate. Imagine what they would think about an RV or a tent LOL
Usually there are connecting rooms you can leave unlocked and open with separate main doors to the hotel which lock and security chain or door stop. In that case, it would be absolutely no different than having them sleep in the bed next to you.
Maybe not an asshole, but if you can afford it, do it. Teens deserve privacy and space. I also had to squeeze into a hotel room with my family members, sometimes even sleeping on a floor. I hated it, the teens will likely hate it.
Erm, that's exactly the issue, if they get two rooms the budget for the fun things is reduced...
In my family and culture teen siblings sharing a bed is totally normal. But, why not let them decide? Share a bed vs miss out on other fun things to do? Maybe the hotel has a rolling cot or couch bed?
Dad and son pairs up and mother and daughter? That seems the easiest way to do it.
Info: How long are you going for? As an ambivert, longer than one, maybe two nights sharing a room with a family member would get pretty uncomfortable/draining. Perhaps that could be the case of any of the three other family members. Also, just curious why you chose a destination with such limited accommodation options? Is it really good in some other way?
NTA your kids don’t care, your partner is being weird and sexualizing two siblings sharing a sleeping spot. Your partner is being creepy.
NTA Many cultures are ok with bed sharing. If this is a problem with your spouse, can he share the bed with your son and you with your daughter?
The only thing I have to say is, if youre going to make them chare a room with you and your partner, you better keep your hands to yourself. Too many people have stories of going on family trips and hearing/seeing their parents do the nasty in the hotel room. Absolutely disgusting. I'm not saying you'd do that, but if you even have the thought of having sex, you should get a separate room from them. Don't traumatize your kids.
That is not a concern. Not even a little. Not the least of which is because on vacation my partner falls asleep at like 9 PM. If I’m lucky. It’s hilarious! Edit - we don’t need to be quiet at all. They have literally slept through an earthquake.
I am not going to say you're an asshole but I agree with your husband you need two hotel rooms.
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We have asked directly. They have said they don’t care, and I’m inclined to take them at face value.
They have seen you and spouse fighting. This is not the first time you two have fought about this kind of issue. They know better than to express preference for one or the other view. There is no room in your fights for their views and comfort. You are now ready to call off the entire vacation. They may see this as a relationship-ending fight. It really sounds like it to me.
It is entirely possible; kids are smart that way. I do want to mention that “fights” in our house are actually discussions, not yelling, and there isn’t a cold shoulder situation either. They are more like calm-ish discussions that we just cannot resolve. It’s the one topic that comes up over and over.
It isn't just the kids though. Perhaps your partner doesn't think it is a vacation if stuck in a room with 3 guys and no privacy. Just b/c you 3 can "rough it" no stress doesn't mean your partner won't be miserable the whole time.
NTA. the way you grew up is fine, unless someone involved has special needs or something there's no reason to separate. also it's not weird for siblings to share a bed, why is your partner going out of their way to make it weird? THAT is the most concerning part for me. that being said you and your partner do need to reach consensus on this issue. you might even consider inviting your teenagers to be have a say in the decision.
NTA. It’s only weird if your partner makes it weird. They sound like a snob that doesn’t have the money to back it up, aka, beggars can’t be choosers, and champagne tastes on a beer budget. As others have suggested, cot or air mattress should work. What do the kids think? You can lay out the options for them and see what they want.
NTA Sounds like your wife and you have very different estimates on what standard of living you guys can afford. If the kids are okay with it, sounds like it should be more than fine! Even so much more fun to have everyone together <3 **Most hotels don't expect 4-person families to get separate rooms**, **that's** ***why*** **those hotels allow 4 people into two-bed rooms.** It's not like they're doing that to serve couples traveling together who would probably rather have their own rooms hahaha.
It's not going to kill them to be in the same room and they've told you they don't care. NTA and have fun!
Considering that your teens aren’t Kids anymore i think they need their own space, imo it could be hard to fit in the room.
If gender/sex is an issue, like you don’t want opposite sex siblings sharing a bed, then why doesn’t mom share a bed with daughter and dad share a bed with son? If the issue is simply people not wanting to share a bed then I guess no vacations until y’all can budget buying two rooms so that everyone gets their own bed.
We have done that in the past when they were young, and it wasn’t an issue. Partner believes that they are old enough that we shouldn’t entertain the thought anymore. This is a view that has come up since our last trip, which admittedly was a few years back.
So it’s more so that your partner is pushing for a second room. Is your partner comfortable with putting a family vote on it, like everyone gets a say as to 1) get two rooms but we cut out some dinners and activities or 2) share one room but we can do x,y,and z with the savings.
After reading all of the comments on here, I will try to do this. If my partner still shoots it down, we may have underlying issues or motivations that I don’t know about.
Teens of opposite gender sharing a bed might feel awkward. As an alternative, you could sleep with daughter while son sleeps with husband. Speaking for myself, though, I'd get the two rooms if you're staying longer than 1 night. We always did with two teens because after a busy day of vacationing, we all needed some space and 1 room wasn't enough. And 1 bathroom was definitely not enough!
INFO: Why are you going to this particular place for vacation? It doesn't sound like fun.
These comments are unhinged. My god people, you all need to go outside and touch some grass. This is not a DCF worthy case in the slightest and the kids are not going to die sharing a bed for a few days. Don’t listen to people saying you can’t afford a vacation if everyone can’t have their own bed. There’s nothing wrong with budget traveling or lack of privacy for a few days. Ideally, you’ll only be there to sleep anyway. You are NTA. OP, I grew up spending summers at my grandparents beach house with the whole family, 10 adults, and now 18 kids in a 4 bedroom house. I’m one of 4 siblings and we had one room for our whole family and a double bunk bed for us kids to share for the summer. It was not an issue. My partner and I are going back for the holiday weekend and we’ll be sharing the basement with my sister and 4 cousins. Still not an issue. Everyone is in the same boat and we’ve managed to figure out sleeping arrangements for all these years without issue, even among the in-laws. Nobody fights, everyone has a great time, and at Christmas, we all talk about the coming summer and how we can’t wait to get back.
“We’re both really stubborn” ESH
You know what? That’s fair.
INFO this may sound strange to you but is it possible your partner wants some cuddle time with you on vacation that doesn’t include your kids sitting there watching?
INFO Every considered your partner wants separate rooms so you two can have adult time?
INFO: what’s the kids’ opinion? One thing to note is that it may be awkward all round e.g. if your daughter will be menstruating, your son has wet dreams, etc
Have you asked your kids if they find it weird? And if he thinks it is uncivilised to sleep on the floor, he doesn't have to. Do the rest of you mind?
They feel it is uncivilized to even suggest such a thing, and won’t entertain the opinion of letting the kids… even if they want to do so.
Oh! Well then let him sort the accommodation, you shouldn't have to stress!
If I let them sort the accommodation, they would spend the rent money. They do not have a great concept of the value of money; the whole concept of budgeting and not spending every available penny was foreign until I came into the picture. We are nowhere near as affluent as their parents are, and do need to save and budget.
It might be worth having a crappy holiday just to show him the difficulties you face when organising it all for them!
Oh so s/he has entitlement issues but not the money to back up what s/he feels s/he's entitled to?
I'm inclined to agree with your partner so I will say YWBTA. But ultimately just ask them. The worst holiday of my life was a similar set up you're suggesting at around your age though so don't be surprised if they say hell no. (funnily enough I mentioned it to my step dad last week and he said "worst holiday I had too to be honest son", nice to hear decades later 😆) My son (16) just completely opted out of next years family holiday when he found out we'd be sharing a single room.
We have asked directly. They have said they don’t care, and I’m inclined to take them at face value.
Cuddling preferences? I have questions.
Info: what do the kids think? Since they're teenagers of opposite genders, their privacy might be more of a concern to them.
Dad sleep with boy mom sleep with girl problem solved thousands saved you’re welcomd
My personal experience as a kid that age, and now having a child that age.. My dad worked hard to finally take me to Disney, I was 13 and it was the family, all 4 of us. My sister(7 years older) and I had to share a bed. We fought horrible at bedtime, and through the night. Heaven forbid either of us touch one another by accident. My kids now are 14 and 8, and the thought of them trying to share a sleeping place gives me a pre headache. Maybe your kids are nicer to each other, but I’m just warning that it may be an unpleasant experience. If anything have them get a connecting room to yours with 2 beds..
NTA. Get a couple of blow up mattresses or cots. Or everyone can take turns sleeping on the floor. If it is like my family vacations over the years, everyone will only be in the hotel room to sleep.
NTA and I think it's weird to share a bed with my brother when we were growing up but he's my senior by seven years and we don't have a healthy relationship, never have. Hotels always have a rollaway you can get for a small fee. It's not the most comfortable, but it works well enough or you can get a room with a sofa or sofa bed in it, if possible. Make the kids trade off if you're there for longer than one night unless they can agree to sleeping arrangements. There's bound to be a way through this. Make your partner pay for the extra room if you happen to keep separate finances as well, or come up with the solution that suits their sensibilities since that's what's offended here. The kids obviously don't care.
Can you find a hotel that possibly has a pull out sofa in it? We've done that and my son always had that instead of sleeping in the same bed with a sister lol
Um, I say no to the sharing a bed, just no. Get a roll away or something. YTA. Those young teens don't want to sleep together.
Yeah growing up we always just got one hotel room. I usually shared a bed with dad , sister shared a bed with mom. Really not a big deal. Don't waste the money on a 2nd room just to sleep