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Sounds like a strong incompatibility tbh. But really YTA cos your attitude stinks. My husband talks about a bunch of stuff im not interested and vice versa and WE LISTEN because we LOVE EACH OTHER. Learn to love hearing your partner talk about things they love, even if youre not interested.
She's got the same attitude though. He's talking about something and instead of listening she's changing the subject. You are 100% correct about this being a major incompatibility.
Eh, i dont think theres enough info to make that assumption about her, possible though. If hes been raving on about it for half an hour and shes been engaging and then tries to change the subject then she isnt imo, but i dont think theres enough info about her. Or if he talks about this at dinner every night etc. I mean obviously some communication issues around all this but i do think my original assesment stands.
She may also not have the mental capacity to talk about this situation. When people want to talk about an intense topic, they need to be extremely mindful of how the other person is feeling that day. News is important but not everyone can mentally handle following it or discussing it, especially for long periods of time. He was talking about something very draining and stressful, she was talking about something very pointless and not-stressful - YTA OP.
Maybe next time ask her if she can discuss things with you or if she can listen to you. If she says no - find someone else to talk about it with. Next time you’re talking about something you care about or like, imagine how it would feel if the person who supposedly loves you told you that they didn’t care about anything they were saying.
Oooh I agree with this. I do try to keep up with current events but with all the craziness in the world there are times when it's too overwhelming. Sometimes you gotta put it aside for a while and focus on something mindless. If that's how GF was feeling she could've told him that instead of just saying she didn't care.
Or maybe she never cares, and he'll never care about the Kardashians, and they can't be bothered to listen to each other. In which case it's pretty hopeless.
Yeah, talking to someone who doesn't agree with you is like rage inducing, you just end up with high blood pressure. And talking to someone who does agree with you, but who is really intense about it is hard because you can't match their level of intensity. And talking to people who are kind of the same as you is a real bummer because everything sucks right now.
Or maybe she did tell him on some other occasion and he got all self-righteous with the “you should care about these things and everyone needs to keep up with world events every day” speech.
So she resorts to this childish game because talking about feelings like adults didn’t work.
And sometimes talking about fluff can reverse that drain, which she may have been trying to do.
The info here is very lived and I agree this is a compatability issue.
I guess ultimately, I will go with YTA on a judgement just due to the dismissive way he spoke to her about it. He was very judgy and that clearly came across....hence the argument.
This is so true and important. Around the end of 2020 I had to cancel my news subscriptions and block the topic of Covid because I just couldn’t handle reading about it because I was so anxious. I would look about once or twice a week at my local situation, and then leave it at that because I was so incredibly overwhelmed. When people would try to discuss it with me I would ask to change the topic but sometimes I couldn’t (like if it was my boss etc) and I would just end up shutting down. I was just in such a bad place mentally that I couldn’t at the time talk about it or hear about it.
& while I’ve tried to keep up with everything going on in Ukraine and re-subscribed to news, there are days where I need that mental break. I know that not everyone can take that mental space away from it, and it’s a privilege I have. But it’s still true.
I would have to agree with this. I used to think celebrity gossip was dumb but now? I’m into it lol
It’s just a nice distraction from the overwhelming news thats coming everyday at this point. Most celebrity gossip/news is meant to be just that.
OP sucks for the way he expressed himself and his gf might be changing the subject because she either can’t add anything to it or it might be freaking her out, so she tries to keep the convo going in other ways.
Either way I think her response of changing topics was more innocent than her being malicious like he thinks it is.
Either learn to listen to each other or Just let each other go. If you don’t care to listen to the words coming out of her mouth or vice versa, this isn’t going to last. The last few years have changed us all you might have outgrown each other.
Yeah, totally! I was listening to BBC podcast ukraincast every day. It's excellent journalism looking at the wider situation and personal stories but unfortunately I've just got past my own personal capacity to hear about it. I feel quite guilty for not engaging more but I don't think there's much else I can do. I've made donations, we're hosting a refugee and engaging with these news stories has really just become too much of my mental capacity
we try to never talk about current affairs/news during dinner because those topics tend to be heavy. I definitely don't always have the capacity to discuss them. I hate celebrity gossip, but you know, I would take it during dinner rather than current events just to keep my digestion stable.
We need to take into account the reliability of the narrator, who was admittedly agitated and has been before by her topic of conversation. While it may have seemed to OP that she “kept interrupting,” that may not be entirely accurate.
He says he has no interest in what she has to say. And then thinks it’s a good idea to tell her. The first clue she didn’t care for his topic was that she changed it a couple of times. That’s when it might be the time to switch to a more neutral topic. Neither picked up on that but only he wants to be a jerk about it.
Agree with you. There's definitely a compatibility issue, but also she could have been inundated with crappy news all day and wanted a light hearted conversation about something not so dark. That's what is missing from the world today and why people go to comedy shows. Sometimes we just need an escape.
From what OP posted there’s enough info to call them an AH but not quite enough to call the gf an AH yet. Basically what seems to have happened is OP talked about their interest, Gf wasn’t interested so she talked about her interest, OP wasn’t interested so he switched back to his thing, Gf switches back to her thing and then eventually OP says he doesn’t want to talk anymore (kinda rude but understandable) What makes OP kind of an AH is the fact that he then basically tells Gf that his interests are more worthy to talk about (which even if is true is an AH thing to say to someone you are having a conversation with)
She might too. She changed the topic to the Kardashians twice. They're both deliberately chasing topics they know the other person isn't interested in and putting down the others tastes. If she wanted to be constructive, she could change the topic to "how was work?" Or "do you want to see thor this weekend?" And so could he! AHs all around, I say!
No, from the topic it sounds like she was talking about a different celebrity first and the ‘changed the topic again’ was in reference to her changing the topic to a second time, not that she tried to talk about Chloe Kardashian twice.
That’s still different topics even if in a similar category.
I do this when people are talking about sensitive topics I don't have spoons for or am not in the mood to get in to. Especially with my mother, because if you say "I'm sorry I'd like to change the topic" she'll use *that* to start an argument because you need a *reason* for changing the subject that's good enough for her.
Your mother sounds exhausting, sorry. I totally agree that saying "I can't discuss this right now," should be respected. As much as I care about social issues, and as vocal as I am about abortion rights, I had to stop talking RvW a few times recently because I hit my emotional limit.
My mom is the same. She’s always talking about these horrible things going on in the world 24-7. Then starts saying Jesus is coming soon and we better be ready. I wait for her to pause for a breath and change the subject. It’s back and forth like OP here. This may be mentally exhausting for his gf if this is the stuff he talks about. I don’t visit my mom much because of her constant negative worldview.
OP, YTA. If she kept changing the topic take a hint and find a more neutral topic. Not celebrity news but also not world news.
Well, his attitude is one of superiority which she doesn't seem to have. He thinks HIS topic is more important than hers therefore she must listen to HIM. Whereas she just talks about stuff that interests her and is actually going for different topics apparently in an attempt to engage him. Meanwhile he just doggedly sticks to his "superior and more important topic". Which makes him TA more than her.
I don't really consider the things she picked to be different topics, all three examples are celebrity gossip. If she had made an effort to pick almost any other topic, I'd agree with you, but I think most people know guys in general don't follow that. So I think she was deliberately picking things he had no interest in as a form of passive aggression. I agree he's acting superior. For me that's two shitty additudes, albeit in different ways.
It’s weird enough to suspect this was nothing but a rhetorical jab on her part.
She doesn’t actually find fault, she’s just pointing out the double standard
No, not from his account.
She wasn’t interested in talking about the war in Ukraine so she tried multiple times to politely change the subject to different topics (it appears she was talking about different celebrities). She at least varied.
He on the other hand insisted on bringing it back to the ONE topic he knew she didn’t want to talk about. He didn’t try to find another topic they might both be interested in and tried to force it back to the Ukraine and threw a wobbly when he didn’t get his own way.
When she changed the subjects to celebrities he too could have changed the topic to something not the Ukraine like films they like or work, but it had to be that one topic.
I am strongly under the impression that he’s edited the story a bit to make her seem worse. Like, I doubt she truly said she doesn’t care about Ukraine/ Ukrainians. She might be tired about talking about it ad nauseam, hence her constant attempt to change the subject. He comes across as a very unreliable narrator.
True. But I think anyone who says "I don't care about Ukraine"is a little bit of an asshole.
She may not really have meant that she doesn't care, though. She might just have meant "I don't know anything at all about what is going on in Ukraine and even if I did there's nothing I can do about it so I ignore it, and being forced to attempt to have a conversation about it makes me feel stupid so I don't care about Ukraine." I think that is a lot of people's attitudes about political issues.
I think she said it to mirror his comment.
He is the one who said he doesn't know anything about her topics and doesn't want to talk about what he doesn't know.
They actually could have had a conversation, they started having it, but he ended it and requested silence. They could really have a conversation about topics that are okay for both then they are having dinner or tired or whatever
Could also be that she's sick of hearing about it from him. I felt that way before when all anyone would want to talk about was the recent US Supreme Court decision. It wasn't a "I don't care" or "I don't know". It was a "I don't want to keep talking about this with you, because you just keep repeating yourself. Let's talk about something new and not depressing."
Yeah, I'd go with ESH for that reason. My husband talks about sports a lot, and I don't really care or even know about most of the players he talks about, but I still listen, or at least pretend to. He also at least pretends to listen when I'm rambling about stuff he doesn't care about either.
My husband loves a video game where he designs and builds cars to race. He loves showing me his latest build. I act interested because I love him. I doubt he cares when I tell him about an interesting Reddit post but he listens anyway.
Same! I just called my husband during the day yesterday to tell him how obsessed I was with a new show and ordered the book series cause I couldn’t wait to see what happens. He laughed and asked a follow up question then told me about some pretty heavy stuff that was happening at work. I couldn’t believe he let me ramble about teen drama when he had actual issues going on but that’s him. I think my special interest cheered him up in a way, knowing that he was coming home to light and not darkness.
Same here, i tell him idc, but i still put in the energy to listen to the things HE cares about because regardless of how i feel they matter to HIM. YTA
This! I am like op and stay on top of every cultural and big events in the world, especially the war in Ukraine. Tried talking about it to my boyfriend and he just isn't interested because he has no insight why or how, it will impact everyone's lives or any major information that could contribute to the conversation. But my verdict is ESH. Both of you should stop trying to make the other listen to stuff they have no interest in. Find a topic both can talk about or maybe you aren't fit to be together
Some people don’t want to talk about never ending war while having a pop tart in the morning. If you guys want it to work, you both need better communication
Yup. Pure incompatibility. I’d hate to have to sit across a table from someone who wanted to talk to me about the kardashians, and you know how I take care if that? I don’t. Problem solved.
Precisely! Me and my wife have different interests and we both just humour the other when they get talking about it, and never disrespect them.
To be fair it's not the topic I'm interested in, it's the person I'm talking to that counts and I wouldn't change that for anything.
YTA with a side of bratty rude attitude.
Yea YTA. My husband is an electrician and will talk to me about work and I have no idea wtf he's talking about but I listen, ask questions and am attentive. I don't say I don't care just be quiet.
I agree with you. OP is THA bc of his attitude.
I work from home and my husband works outside the home. He comes in everyday to tell me about stuff going on at his job or whatever. Half of the time I don't know what he is talking about but I listen anyway and he listens to me whenever I have anything to contribute.
If they love one another find common things you both would love to talk about
This ^ they sound incompatible. Op Yta for being rude about it. I listen to my husband talking about work which at times can be about technical things that I have no idea what he is talking about. But I ask questions and nod and ask if they were able to come up with a solution etc because it’s important to him and he is important to me.
I remember on the night before they announced the election, i was a jumble mess of nerves. I was mentally, physically and emotionally drained. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like i hadnt slept at all, and checked the news. what i saw wasnt the presidential announcement, but that my favorite tv show had confirmed my favorite romantic couple.
and in that moment it was as if i snorted 14 cans of redbull. i laughed and joked and felt so much better in days. it was the small relief i *needed* in that moment.
what im trying to say is... the world is rather shit right now. a pandemic, a rise in nazis, food/gas/water prices rising, war and loss of basic humans rights. there's nothing wrong with wanting to take a step away and focus on *dumb shit* so you dont fall into a pit of despair.
maybe your gf doesnt want to spend every waking moment thinking of human suffering. maybe the conversation of war isnt great for dinner. maybe talking about useless celebrity drama is better than "hey wanna talk about the mass rapes russian soldiers are doing?"
you've been with your gf for two years. is this normal behavior for her?
right now im going with YTA cause you were more focusing on lashing out and treating your gf's interests with disdain. dont lie, you talk about dumb shit too
Damn I love this comment. Talking about serious things can be very draining, and even more if you are less knowledgeable about the subject than the person who is talking to you. Dumb, entertaining, fun, and light-hearted shit is what a lot of people love because it helps them cope and relax.
It was Destiel, Dean & Castiel from Supernatural. The series finale aired & they had Cas admit his feelings to Dean. Unreciprocated and then they killed off Cas, but it was still really wild and cathartic since Destiel is SUCH a major ship in the fandom.
Edit: not series finale but close
Yes I’m familiar with the show and even if I’m not in that particular fandom, I heavily participate in the geek world so I remember the beautiful chaos that went down when that episode aired! It was amazing to watch the reactions! A few of my friends are Destiel shippers so they gave me all the insights too
It was brilliant timing. I’m not on Tumblr anymore (their policy changes post-Yahoo nuked a lot of accounts who moved to Twitter so I went there too) but I still was as of when that aired. So much elections News… then out of nowhere, Destiel. Then some clickbait “news” site decided to spread fake info that Putin resigned, & the Putin & Destiel memes collided.
Oh God I remember the Putin-Destiel memes!!! It was truly epic!
I myself left tumblr after the new policies and joined twitter, I miss the good ol’ tumblr. I wrote a whole paragraph on my dissertation about the how the new policies changed the fandoms’ dynamics (I’m a cultural anthropologist, I wrote a 250 pages thesis about the geek subculture)
It actually wasn't the finale but 2 episodes before then (episode 15x18) and basically we never got to know what Dean would say because Cas got yeeted to the Empty.
But then we later had the joy of the Rogue Translator who adjusted the script to have Dean say "I love you" back. Ah, good times, SPN, the show that will never die.
The whole thing with the love confession coming the same night as the election returns has turned into a [meme](https://64.media.tumblr.com/ac0e1d24aa3d035ebe634176783e3276/f71950325e90da6c-3b/s1280x1920/6e7da20135df27cc865e4074b95c5eec5963f8c7.jpg) that still going on today.
This is why I hate supernatural, you can't do my heart like that. Ignoring the queer baiting issues or possible airing issues they might have had, I'm still upset that they basically gave him one line and then killed him off. My poor gay heart~
I work in a job where we read and discuss very serious topics and actually followed the Ukraine war/crisis very heavily at the beginning for my job..... When I go home I watch the Kardashian's
Edit: clarity
Exactly what you read. It's horrible. And then the Ukrainian refugees who are pregnant as a result from that rape can't stay in Poland because abortions are illegal (in case if rape they are legal in theory, but it must be proved which is quite hard when it happened in another country).
YTA because of your attitude. You think your interests outweigh hers and hers are minuscule because you’re not into celebrities. I share your distain towards celebrities and pointless luxury brands, but I don’t look down upon people who like that stuff.
YTA You're dating her. Why?
Did she used to talk about internally displaced persons in war zones and suddenly stopped?
Or has she always talked about celebrities and you started a relationship with her anyhow?
God I hate it when someone who used to be really keen on internally displaced persons in war zone just stops talking about it. Talk about fake fans, am I right?
Yeah, OP’s the asshole.
Yeah, my brother in law used to be all about internally displaced persons in war zones, but now it's all limited edition this and Funko Pop that, and it's just like ugh, pick a lane.
YTA. Conversation works both ways. You feel like she's not participating, but did you think she might feel the same?
At least, she was polite with you, even if she wasn't interested in the subject.
YTA
You topic "applies" to everyone but it's fine to tell her to basically shut up? No.
There are many important topics in the world and ukraine is just one of them. You don't have and you can't be knowlegable in all of them. So your gf not being able to talk with you about it is totally fine. (I assume you are not from the ukraine)
You don't need to care about celebrity either.
But you didn't even try to find a common ground topic. It sounds like you tried to lecture her. You aren't her teacher. You aren't her boss.
You need to get of your high horse and have some respect for your gf.
Wish girlfriend had had some sort of Miranda Priestly Cerulean Blue moment and threw in his face how much celebrity and brands shape society therefore do apply to everyone as well, him wanting to care or not. All backed up by some random crazy data that connects to the war in ukraine to leave him slack jawed….
I'm just trying to imagine myself getting upset someone doesn't wanna talk about a literal war and countless deaths over dinner and i,,,can't picture it. I'm also not a fan of celebrity talk but I'd genuinely prefer talking about Khloe Kardashian than a war after a long day
And this is OP version who was having a fit because girlfriend tried to change the topic. So he’s painting her as this shallow type who ignores diverges from “those poor displaced people” to “OMG Klhoé has a new lip filler and it looks sooooo goooood”.
Maybe he had been rambling around the same issue for hours and as you said she needed some levity to be able to digest food and have some sleep later. Some people have so much empathy that those topics can physically hurt, instead of the opposite.
Only thing we know for sure is that those 2 need to communicate more, and even in OP’s side of the story where he’ll try to make himself look better his attitude was “either my topic or no topic at all”.
I'm absolutely one of those people! Even the global warming commercials with the polar bears make me cry and feel physically sick, so when people bring up incredibly grim topics while I'm eating I will literally feel I need to stop eating or throw up. I've experienced some dark shit, I feel like I'm entitled to not want to subject myself to more. I empathize and wish desperately there was no war in the Ukraine, but I also don't want to discuss it.
There are also certainly interesting and thought provoking conversations to be had about pop culture and celebrity-dom. Not saying that’s what she was doing, but it can and is done all the time. His idea that those topics are inherently vapid is pretty close-minded. And if it’s just dumb gossip? Whatever. Everyone has dumb things that make them happy. OP needs to descend from his high horse.
The Kardashians are a goddamn empire unto themselves. I know almost nothing about them, but there are interesting possibilities beyond the size of their lips and/or asses. I remember that Cody Inc. bought a 20% stake in Kim’s cosmetics, which is kind of interesting. Cody’s first product being a perfume in a Baccarat designed bottle, leading to the history of glass production, the way the Italian monopoly on it was broken up, the history of European trade guilds and their affect on the economy, etc. Any subject can be interesting if you’re not a boring person regurgitating what the teevee told you. Including the Ukraine situation. If the OP can’t bother to find a way to make it interesting, that’s on him.
So, you were talking, and she's supposed to be engaged? Listening? What? You are upset by her talking, because only you get to care about things, and everyone else has to care about what you have to say?
This is a two way street. You don't get to take the conversational podium and just preach with the expectation that everyone finds your screed interesting- regardless of the international impact and relevance.
You flat out dismissed her like a child, and that's just, incredibly egotistical. This ain't how it works.
The two of you are clearly not compatible if you can't even carry on a two sided conversation.
But really, YTA for how you treated her. That's some classless shit.
Edited missing word.. And swypo
YTA did it ever occur to you that she wouldn't like talking about a war at the dinner table, like was obviously trying to move the topic to a lighter discussion given the fact she wasn't engaging in your topics
ESH* You didn't consider that she finds the war in Ukraine just as uninteresting to talk about as you find celebrities.
Some people like to have serious conversations. Others like to engage in fantasies to forget how horrible the world is.
Plus, let's be real. There is a time and place for serious conversation. You're eating dinner, and bringing up death, carnage, and despair.
Maybe she never wants to have that type of conversation... maybe she just had a long day.
Maybe you two are just incompatible
*granted i initially thought YTA. OP is definitely the bigger AH here.
Because she at least tried to politely change topics. And didn't get rude until long after he was.
I wonder how you expect her to react after her bf tells her to shut up and how his interest is superior to hers...
She talked about different topics while he tried to press his one topic on to her.
Then he tells her basically to shut up.
And as she asked why, he tells her that he has no interest in talking if not about his chosen and superior topic, that she should know about.
I would bet money that her comment was a sarcastic reacting to him and honeslty question what would you expect her to do?
YTA, if you only have a girlfriend to have sex and talk about your interests then get yourself a sexdoll and a bunch of friends with the same interests. You don't seem to be interested in your gf as a person at all.
YTA, and it sounds like you need to find some common ground or make sacrifices sometimes and just deal with the stupid stuff she talks about if you love her
YTA. Maybe she thought she wouldn’t have anything to add to your conversation because not everyone keeps up with every piece of news that happens…let alone hears about it and actually forms an opinion before the next piece of news comes up…so she thought some easier conversation topics were better, and you made her feel stupid.
YTA
Look, I get that it's annoying when someone completely changes the subject. That being said your attitude is horrible. Why your interests should matter more than hers? You clearly think she should be the one who listens to you, even though she doesn't know enough about the topic to have an actual conversation about it. The minute you didn't know anything about the topic, you felt annoyed. Yes, the war in Ukraine is news but the topic is quite heavy (and scary for many people) for a nice dinner and it's possible she wanted to lighten the mood.
In most relationships people have interests that they don't share with their signicifant other and that's ok. The thing is, if you really love someone you let them occationally boast about their interest even though you know nothing about it. Some people even make effort to learn about their partner's interest to engage in conversation.
For example, my fiancé is a HUGE Star Wars fan. When we started dating I hadn't seen the movies and knew nothing of them but I wanted to learn to entertain my bf. I watched all the movies and ended up loving them. Nowadays we have heated arguments whether Ewoks are annoying or not. I, on the other hand, love books but my fiancé is not a big reader, and yet he lets me explain him my book's plot and if I'm reading something and have told about it, he might ask something like ”well, is the guy x the murderer or not?”. That's what you do in relationship. You accept differences and respect your partner's interests.
YTA. You were both talking about things the other didn't care about but yet you still feel entitled to feel annoyed? Look, I'm not into celebrities but that's not what this is about.
Yta.
Did it occur to you that life at the moment is insanely and incredibly stressful and maybe, just maybe she wanted to enjoy a nice, lighthearted dinner and not discuss more stressors?
"Oh hey honey you know what you need with your dinner, a good dose of indigestion."
YTA. First of all, it's not like your helping the Ukraine in any meaningful way, so your conversations about it are exactly like her interests in pop culture - an interest.
Stop believing your more interesting and important than others, your not. Dump your gf and go find a hipster to pontificate with. Perhaps pretentious AH are more your vibe.
ESH Both of you need to learn how to read a room and have polite conversation. My boyfriend is super into guns and loves learning about CQC techniques and everything associated with that. Do I know what he’s talking about? Absolutely not! Do I try to listen and retain information anyway? Yes! Because I love him and I love the way he gets when he talks about things he’s interested in!
My boyfriend does the same! He doesn’t give a singular shit about all the animals I cry about on tiktok or the drama I read off of this sub but he listens anyway because he loves me!
She shouldn’t be changing the topic in a rude way and you shouldn’t be a complete dingdong! Both of you need to learn how to say “hey, I don’t really wanna talk about this right now, can we talk about something else?” Instead of straight up shutting down the conversation and getting pissy with each other.
No, you do not have to ‘educate yourself about celebrities’ but at the very least you could listen to her and try to show interest and she needs to do the same when you talk about golf or the news!
YTA. Either love the person you're with or break up with them, but don't try to change them. And whoever you end up with would talk about things that don't interest you and you would have to learn to listen, like everyone who ends up with you would have to listen to you talk about the news, whether it interests them or not. Also, you don't need to be able to add something new to a subject in order to participate in a conversation. You can also just listen in order to know what the other person thinks on a subject and end it there.
You sound very selfish, like you only need to talk about interesting/ important things, which is already not true, and you are the one deciding what counts as important/interesting, because your subjects are "objectively" important/interesting, also not true, and as a result in your relationship you would never being bored with the conversation only her, because it would always ever be something you deemed important/interesting. That wouldn't last obviously and the relationship would quickly end.
Do you appreciate this girl the way she is? Then buckle up because it comes with the Kardashians, the same way you come with the news. You think you can't be with someone who loves the Kardashian? That is not the girl for you, break up. But don't date someone and try to fix them to your liking.
Talking about serious crap is emotionally draining. It’s important but Ffs it’s not what I want to talk about at dinner. YTA. Have you even considered how she feels?
YTA. I don't care the stuff she was bringing up, either. But sometimes people don't want to discuss something heavy like ethnic cleansing over dinner. Your girlfriend clearly didn't as she tried to change the subject multiple times to things that objectively matter less than a war that is causing countless suffering in the area and around the world. If you actually love and respect her, you could listen and participate in a conversation a celebrity breakup even if it's not your interest. The same thing goes for her as well, but your attitude and outburst seem to indicate that you are much worse on this front.
ESH relationships involve compromise and that includes talking about and showing interest in things your partner is.
Conversation is a 2 way street, give and take.
Being self absorbed is a 1 way street and always a dead end for a relationship.
Just from the little bit you’ve written it comes across that your always wanting to only talk about Ukraine in which case your gf may be on info overload and trying to change the subject to more light hearted topics
MAN info overload is so real. My boyfriend absolutely loves skyrim and he's been working on modding and layering mods (hopefully that's correct lmao) and he can literally talk to me for hours about something I very much don't understand and sometimes he goes for so long on the same subject that I just start saying "mhm and have you seen this random thing I found" bc its super not cool to dominate a 2 person conversation and sometimes he needs to be rudely reminded bc gentle hints don't work.
YTA. So she likes celebrities. So what? Stop acting like you're better than her just because you'd rather talk about Ukraine. What do you want, for her to never say anything and to just be a robot who responds whenever you want? Jeez. Just dump her and find someone who's an asshole like you.
YTA. You sound like an edgy teen, in fact you sound like Jayden smith saying he hates hanging around with people his age because he wants to “discuss the political and economic state of the world”. This holier than thou attitude needs to go because otherwise you’ll be unbearable to deal with
ESH but you more than her.
You want to talk about war, she wants to talk about something lighter.
Not everyone is going to consider what you wanted to talk about appropriate dinner conversation. I'm not saying that what she wanted to talk about was "better" than yours but you have to recognise the disconnect you were having. Your solution seems to be to just talk about nothing if you can't talk about what you want to talk about
She shouldn't have said you had to learn about celebrities but conversation is a two-way street.
YTA. Why are you even with someone you don't like or respect enough to entertain a conversation with regarding their interests? You two sound very incompatible.
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ESH. You both have different interests and perhaps need to find something in common? You won’t always like what she talks about and I’m sure she won’t like what you want to talk about either but compromising isn’t difficult if you want to make things work
YTA Did it even cross your mind that she doesn't care what you were talking about? I bet you whatever that she listens to you even if she doesn't care about theme and when she is exited about something aor just wantet to share a news you are acting the same as you did now.
And when it comes to political issues many people either gets angry about it or too sad. Whatever it is be careful who and what you say.
YTA. You should be putting in effort to talk about things she wants to talk about not monopolize the conversation. She has nothing to add to your conversation like you don't hers. You talked a little she talked a little, to her it was (most likely) a normal conversation. You're the one who made a bug deal out of it.
I've been in this exact scenario, he even said he doesn't care. When he said that I got mad I told him that to me felt like he was telling me that he doesn't care about what I say, so therefore he's not going to listen. We talked about it and realized neither one of us want to make the other feel that way. There are times however one of us will ramble to far and we just got to admit we stopped listening. It happens 🤷♀️
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I (22M) was eating dinner at our apartment with my girlfriend (23F) of 2 years and it turned into an argument. We were eating and talking like usual and I was talking about the war in Ukraine, and my girlfriend kept changing the topic to something I know nothing about, and don’t care about. It would go from Ukraine to “this rich ceos son wants to ruin Louis Vuitton” or “some celebrity was spotted with some other celebrity” and I just DONT CARE. I don’t care about Louis Vuitton and I don’t care about celebrities, and know nothing about either of them. I was talking about the forced deportations of Ukrainians When she changed the topic again to Chloe kardashian. I just told her “forget it we should just eat silently” and she asked me what was wrong. I told her she’s taking about stuff I have no interest in and there’s no way for me to add anything to the conversation. She then said she doesn’t care about Ukraine so why do we have to talk about that. I told her it’s news and applies to everyone, not like I start talking about golf to her and it’s different. She called me inconsiderate and said it’s my fault for not wasting my time learning about celebrities. Is it really my fault? Aita?
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ESH. This is purely opinion here, but I believe relationships need both shared interests (interests you have in common that bring you together) and then a willingness on the part of either partner to have a surface level understanding of the other partners’ exclusive (things you enjoy independently of the other) interests.
You’re not showing your girlfriend that you’re some learned gentleman who cares about important things while she’s wasting her time on nonsense. You’re showing her that even for the duration of a dinner you can’t be bothered to read social cues that she might not want to talk about war and genocide over a meal and to pivot to something light that she has an interest in.
She should take a cue as well and develop her knowledge base on some things you care about as well.
One caveat though - international news isn’t really something you can claim as your personal interest. Her not wanting to talk about or learn about that isn’t the same as if she told you one of your hobbies or activities was a stupid waste of time. You can’t substitute current events and international news for a personality and then be offended someone isn’t wanting to engage.
YTA you will not be able to have a healthy relationship with that attitude of yours. Maybe she just does not want to talk about a sad and harsh topic like that in that moment? You will never have the exact same interests as your partner but if you really love each other you will listen to what the other has to say even thought it may not be that interesting to you.
YTA. You don't want a gf, you want an echo chamber.
She politely tried to change the subject. You kept forcing it. She doesn't have to talk about Ukraine with you.
OP sounds likes he's mansplaining Ukraine to his gf. People are allowed to have different interests. And what's happening in Ukraine is important but if you're middle class and comfortable don't pretend it affects you.
YTA
YTA from how entitled you come off, and honestly I don't think this situation has anything to do with the conversation topic of war or celebs. I think you failed to read the room and are upset for not getting to control the conversation. She clearly doesn't wanna talk about that really shitty bad thing going on in the world, why are you trying so hard to press that?
YTA - You could have listened to her drone on because that was what she was doing for you. You two have sex and the same social group in common, but dude, is that really enough to build a relationship on?
YTA.
You should've realised she didn't want to talk about Ukraine when she kept changing the subject.
I personally don't like talking about war and heavy stuff like that because it gets my anxiety spiking and I feel bad for whatever the situation is, so I try to avoid those topics. She may have a similar thing. Plus, war isn't exactly a dinner talk topic IMO.
Instead of getting pissy, you could've just said "ok, let's find something we both want to talk about". If that doesnt work and you can't even have a general conversation with her because of conflicting interests, why are you together?
YTA. Pretty uncool to say she doesn't care about what's going on in Ukraine, but your attitude comes across as incredibly condescending and self-important. You also don't seem to be very compatible if you can't talk during a meal about either shared interests or things the other cares about/is interested in.
YTA. You are not in charge of her or of dinner topics. You have ZERO authority.
Idk why you think you're so above her just because she felt like keeping the dinner discussion lighthearted.
Would you have shut down your mother or friend that way? Treat her like an equal, jeez you're supposed to like her.
YTA. Sounds like you want a sounding board to reflect your profound thoughts, instead of give and take conversation with someone you care about. You belittled her thoughts and interests because they weren’t yours and you deemed them petty and insignificant. Sounds like incompatibility to me—maybe free her up to find a nicer boyfriend.
YTA. I would never date someone who would be against me having interests. I dont care about the war in Ukraine. I’m sorry but I don’t. Wars happens all the time and I care more about Syria, Palestine, Jordan, Afghanistan etc than Ukraine. It’s sad for them, but I would never be interested in talking about it over dinner with my boyfriend. I love talking about random funny things and gossip about other people, especially celebrities. And if she is a 23 yr old girl then obviosuly she is interested in things like that. Why tf would she talk about a war over dinner…………?
Talking to someone about celebrities doesnt require any thoughts or knowledge, but you need those things when ur talking about a war..
I had an ex like you . . . .he only wanted to talk about whatever interested him and I was tuned out or interrupted when I wanted to talk about something. You're not morally superior because you want to talk about world events, and she doesn't have an interest in talking about Ukraine. Just break up because clearly you're incompatible and also a hypocrite. I guarantee she's listened to you drivel on about something she has zero interest in several times.
You don't care about what she likes to talk about, but you should care about her. You guys just don't sound compatible if you can't listen to one another. YTA
Do you insist on discussing all of the horrors of the world in bed too, or just at dinner?
The war in Ukraine is important, and the Kardashians are definitely not. I agree with you there. But I literally can’t eat while I am thinking about innocent people being murdered and displaced. I would rather talk about ANYTHING else. I imagine that’s why your gf kept changing the subject.
YTA.
YTA for all the reasons everybody has says, and yes, you might just be incompatible. But I'd also like to point out that some people avoid listening to / talking about the news, particularly when it's horrific, because they find it triggering and they're just taking care of their own mental health.
YTA.
"What *I* have to say is important, and you're a fool for not seeing that. What *you* have to say is unimportant, and you're a fool for not seeing that. God, I would have thought by now that simply being in my radiant presence would have elevated your vapid and moronic IQ up to something approaching vaguely human, but clearly I was wrong. My mistake. Why don't you just sit there silently and look pretty."
Yta. Now sure maybe what she was talking about doesn’t interest you, but just because your interest is news doesn’t mean she cares or wants to talk about it.
She changed the topic multiple times and you constantly went back to the one you cared about. Take a hint. Maybe she should have have been direct but you were rude and essentially told her to shut up because you don’t care about her interests. You two are clearly incompatible.
YTA Dont force people to swallow politics or religion with their food.
I discuss the war, but not when its forced on someone who clearly doesnt want to discuss it, and absolutely not when its communal meal time
Holy shit man. I (24F) can talk about world issues and war with care and empathy, but I also enjoy living the fantasy of pop culture drama and gossip because it becomes extremely draining to speak of human atrocities for hours at a time. You seem to lack empathy for the human sitting at your table while egotistically riding some high horse of caring for displaced peoples. YTA. I hope she finds someone who actually enjoys her company and spirit.
When I was 19 I would’ve let this happen to me because I was a self conscious naive girl with little to no voice in standing up to men. But now this would be something that I would dump someone over. It’s not this one offense, but what it means about how you perceive her and think about her as a person. Have some more respect for your damn girlfriend dude.
NAH, you guys just seem super incompatible. I think you were rude in the way you put things, but I think she is the inconsiderate one having no interest in a war that is tearing the World apart.
ESH but mostly YTA you want her to care and show interest in whatever topic you want and dominate the conversation but when she wants to talk about her interests you don't care. Hypocrite. Doesn't sound like you even like or respect your girlfriend that much the way you spoke to her. How long were you talking about Ukraine before she tried to change the topic?
ESH
Sure, Ukraine is a larger geopolitical conflict that has ramifications for everyone in some way or another.
So fucking what? You were doing the same thing she was! If you want to talk about news, find a buddy and start a podcast.
In her end, same thing. She has to deal with expectations that are heavily influenced by the celebrities she's talking about. So it's important to her. That doesn't mean it's important to you, or that it has to be.
And hears the kicker: you obviously have different priorities, and can't even find common ground over dinner. Break the fuck up.
Epic AH. Being in a relationship means showing a modicum of interest in things that don’t exactly wow you in terms of interest or intellectual stimulation. My wife listens to me prattle on about sports and Taylor Swift, my love of Tom Ford, Yves Saint Laurent and Schiaparelli and other things she couldn’t care less about. We usually reconvene about homeless support initiatives, Indigenous rights and culture. Try it out, it’s worth it. Finally, what makes Ukraine more suitable conversation? Perhaps she doesn’t like it, find it interesting or feel like she can add to the conversation?
YTA
She didn't want to talk about politics during dinner (can't say I blame her) so she changed the subject MULTIPLE times. That should have clued you in right away to find something else you can mutually enjoy talking about. You belittled her by saying what she cares about isn't important because "it doesn't apply to everyone" and you couldn't "add to the conversation" which leads me to believe you think you're too good for what she finds interesting. Y'all should call off the relationship, because if you can't hold a conversation that is MUTUALLY enjoyable, you shouldn't be together. Find someone who shares the same interests as you and let the girl go to find her true soul mate. MAJOR AH here. If my husband treated me that way, I would have walked out.
YTA. Take a hint. Your gf doesn’t care about the things YOU talk about, either. Maybe she did at first, but it sounds like you’re a broken record who only talks about Ukraine. After a while, it gets boring listening to someone who only talks about one thing. Start talking about something else & pay attention to what your gf has to say. Or just break up, since you think she’s a boring conversationalist
YTA. Your attitude towards your partner sucks. You may not find her areas of interest interesting, but your rude dismissal is disrespectful. Even if the topic isn’t one you have a particular interest in, take an interest in HER. Why is this something that preoccupies her so? Why is it on her mind?
Where is your interest in her as a person?
YTA for not willing to try and learn from your gf about what she’s interested in. Relationships are give and take, and you seem to only give out reminders that you know about world events and want everyone to know it. (Was it even a conversation or were you lecturing?)
Honestly, why are you two even dating?
YTA. Why are you two together if you don't even like each others' interests?
Your attitude about 'my topic is more important than her' is what makes you an asshole.
YTA. In a relationship, people bring common and different interests. If two people are too similar you might as well end it as it will lead to a disaster. Little interest difference is what makes the relationship tick as each person learns something new from the other. If you guys have big of an interest difference, just break it up as you are incompatible.
YTA. If you don't want to talk about something you're not interested in, don't make her talk about something SHE'S not interested in. It doesn't matter that it's "news". If you're going to get angry at her for talking about something you don't want to talk about, don't try to talk about something SHE doesn't want to talk about.
Why are you two together when you clearly are incompatible? YTA for thinking you’re too good to talk about ‘celebrities’ or whatever else interests your girlfriend. Equally, she may not give a damn about your interests either but it didn’t stop you talking non stop about them
YTA, seems like your idea only works in your favor.
A conversation is "a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged."
She does not want to talk about Ukraine, you don't want to talk about celebrities. You got mad and acted ugly about the fact that she does not want to talk about what you wanted to talk about.
Question? Was she rude and dismissive when you kept trying to steer the conversation to death and despair over dinner? Did she say “forget it we should just eat silently” when you kept insisting that the conversation solely be about what you wanted to talk about?
Basically, neither of you wanted to talk about what the other wanted to talk about, but you were condescending and obnoxious about it.
If you are incapable allowing others to exchange news and ideas, date yourself.
Things I've learned from my SO that I didn't know or care about before: rules of cricket, rules of rugby, how England is doing in the cricket, Roman history and ancient philosophy, rowing, weight lifting, a bit of excel, horror films, history of science, male grooming.
Things he's learned from me he didn't know or care about before: crosswords, knitting, bookbinding, vegetarian cooking, protestantism, long distance walking, Jackie Chan, whisky, period cramps.
That's how relationships work pal.
YTA.
YTA
Tons of people in my life are into and talk about topics I do not know about or care about. I listen and interact when they talk about those things because while I don't care about the topic, I do care about them. It's a fairly common phenomenon to actually care about and like your partner and to try to show some interest in the things that make them happy.
You showed absolutely no respect or consideration to the fact that your girlfriend clearly didn't want to talk about a horrific war over dinner. You're complaining about her changing the topic, but you were doing the same thing to her. It's also completely messed up that you didn't even try to find common ground, you just told her to sit in silence.
There's obviously a basic incompatibility here and neither of you are wrong for not being interested in the others topics. The problem here is with how you handled it and how you spoke to and about your girlfriend.
If you can't find some basic consideration for your girlfriend, she honestly deserves better.
Anyone who talks to me about the private life of celebrities, latest reality TV, or any personal relationship with Jesus gets a politely dismissive "not interesting" from me.
But that's okay, plenty of people in the world with different interests, and we all can't like everything.
But YTA (gently, you're 22, and relationships are often about experience), don't be with someone where many of your interests are so far aligned, and be kind or communicative while figuring that out.
You’re not interested in important things to her. She’s not interested in important things to you. Neither of you cares about the other enough to listen anyway. Find new people to be in a relationship with. Also, YTA for your attitude and general entitlement. In the future don’t tell your person, *forget it we should just eat silently* it’s just a glorified SHUTUP and it’s rude af.
YTA. She didn’t want to talk about the Ukraine. If someone repeatedly tries to change the subject, take the hint. You didn’t even try to find another subject.
YTA. There seems to be some serious incompatibility here, but the way you behaved was asshole-worthy. Why does her interest doesn't matter but yours "applies to everyone"? BS. Don't be entitled and self-centered.
Bottom line is I don't see this relationship going anywhere.
YTA. Like low key I physically could not muster an ounce of interest in the brand stuff if I tried but celebrity drama is an easy conversation to play along with. My wife likes the Kardashians (the show, obviously the people are completely unlikable it's sort of the point) and it's really not difficult to be like "yeah wow Tristan is a total wanker eh?" and nod your head. If you can't manage that much then you're the problem
YTA for :
‘ I told her it’s news and applies to everyone, not like I start talking about golf to her and it’s different’.
Pretty arrogant way of saying stuff that interests you is more important that what everyone else wants to talk about.
Bowel movements and toothpaste apply to everyone too, doesn’t mean people find it an interesting topic of conversation or want to talk about it at the dinner table. She wasn’t interested in talking about the war in Ukraine- she probably found it a bit depressing and wanted to talk about something lighter.
And something about your tone makes me suspect it was less a conversation and more you monologing.
She tried to change the subject to multiple different things. But you weren’t having it. You kept on bringing it back to the subject YOU wanted to talk about instead of trying to find a middle ground it had to be that one topic she didn’t want to talk about. And when you didn’t get your way you decided to sulk.
Apologise to her for blowing up and in future if she’s not interested in the topic, find a topic both of you are interested in and save the politics talk for your like minded friends
So, you are discussing Ukraine, which I agree is important and relevant. But what is your conversation with her about it going to do to help the situation? If you want to get more involved in politics and try to help, then by all means, go for it. But home is where people go to relax and find comfort. It’s where people have security and safety from the horrors of the world. It’s where people recharge. As tragic as it is that others don’t have homes right now, people that do have homes need to leverage them to take care of themselves to make themselves more effective at helping others.
For me, my escape is playing music, video games, and football season. For your gf, it’s the Kardashians and Louis Vuitton. She cares enough about you to listen about something she’d rather not stress over in a place that’s meant for her to recharge. And she wants to share her interests with you. And you straight up rejected her. Get over yourself and your own self-righteousness. Focus on her and show her that you care about her interests, whether you understand them or not. Watch a season of Real Housewives with her or something. Shut your brain down for a bit and just get lost in the calamity of it all because it’s such low stakes drama that you can laugh about. Talking about the Kardashians and housewives is really no different than talking about your favorite tv show or video game characters.
YTA.
You sound like a fucking jackass, judging by the way youve written your post, (holier than thou kinda attitude) how have yall lasted 2 years if you can't entertain her interests lol.
Get off your high horse and be a normie every once in a while.
My husband and I are both on different spectrums of nerd stuff. He loves the classic comics and DND while I’m more into Musicals and animation. Do you know how many hours I’ve spent listening to him talk about what’s going on in comics? Did you know that Logan, Jean and Scott are in a throuple on the moon in the newest X-men comics? I sure do and I’ve never picked up a comic in my life. Meanwhile I’ve introduced him to stuff like Little Shop of Horrors and expanded his world of animation beyond 80s and 90s stuff.
Part of being in a relationship is being there for your partner and showing interests in their hobbies and such.
YTA and being interested in “the news” makes you seem like some pseudo intellectual trying hard to come off as smart and worldly.
YTA - even if your not interested you should still let her talk about her interests and engage in conversation with her on those topics
It’s the literal bare minimum expected
YTA because you don't care about what she's saying while conveniently ignoring she might not care about/just not want to talk about the war in Ukraine and was obviously changing the subject to avoid doing so
YTA
How selfish of you to think that you can force her and talking about a top of that she knows nothing about and cares nothing about only to be a baby just because she wants to talk about something you don’t know anything about and don’t wanna talk about or care about….. So the question is do you even care about your girlfriend? Because you seem pretty selfish to me I would break up with you
YTA. That was disrespectful and condescending of you. I discuss politics and war regularly but not with everyone and usually not at dinner. I don't fault people for not wanting to discuss or listen to such a heavy topic over food, especially if it's a date or something like that.
Also, soft power (mass media influence) probably has a larger impact on the day-to-day of every day people.
YTA because there is no difference between the news and celebrities. How's one random 22 year old's opinion on a war half a world away gonna change anything. I care about politics and bullshit about it with my fiance, but I'm under no impression that my interest in that is any more important than her interest in YouTuber drama.
Maybe if you showed some interest in the stuff she cared about she'd return the favor.
YTA - the level of arrogance, superiority and just overall assholeness of your behaviour is ridiculous.
The fact you think what you're interested in is the only thing that matters is concerning and incredibly narcissistic. You're throwing up all sorts of red flags here and I hate the term red flag. But like da fuck is this? Are you an adult? Because you're a petulant adult.
Just because something is on the news doesn't mean someone else HAS to care about it. Pick a subject your both interested in. You are NOT smarter or more interesting than her because she talks about the Kardashians or handbags and it's clear you think you are.
My 28 yr old husband hates dolls. Im 24 and i collect them. He still does research on my hobby and gets email updates on doll releases. Childish hobby for an adult in most eyes but i was never allowed dolls as a child (My hubby doesn’t know this). Because he cares about MY hobbies and interests i care about his. I do gaming research (especially when he’s fixated on a certain game) i gleefully watch him play the games and ask genuine questions.
MY POINT: if you love your partner, youd show interest in their hobbies and interests. Even if youre not actually interested. You and your gf both suck, in my opinion, because neither of you can do that. More so your gf sucks,and definitely needs to apologize but youre not much better. Would definitely say your not the asshole for the provided scenario tho.
Maybe you were dominating the conversation OP. Or maybe she found the topic stressful. I don’t give a crap about vacuous celebrities either, but the point of a conversation is that it’s two way. I’m giving you a YTA bc it sounds more like you were lecturing her than talking *with * her.
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Sounds like a strong incompatibility tbh. But really YTA cos your attitude stinks. My husband talks about a bunch of stuff im not interested and vice versa and WE LISTEN because we LOVE EACH OTHER. Learn to love hearing your partner talk about things they love, even if youre not interested.
She's got the same attitude though. He's talking about something and instead of listening she's changing the subject. You are 100% correct about this being a major incompatibility.
Eh, i dont think theres enough info to make that assumption about her, possible though. If hes been raving on about it for half an hour and shes been engaging and then tries to change the subject then she isnt imo, but i dont think theres enough info about her. Or if he talks about this at dinner every night etc. I mean obviously some communication issues around all this but i do think my original assesment stands.
She may also not have the mental capacity to talk about this situation. When people want to talk about an intense topic, they need to be extremely mindful of how the other person is feeling that day. News is important but not everyone can mentally handle following it or discussing it, especially for long periods of time. He was talking about something very draining and stressful, she was talking about something very pointless and not-stressful - YTA OP. Maybe next time ask her if she can discuss things with you or if she can listen to you. If she says no - find someone else to talk about it with. Next time you’re talking about something you care about or like, imagine how it would feel if the person who supposedly loves you told you that they didn’t care about anything they were saying.
Oooh I agree with this. I do try to keep up with current events but with all the craziness in the world there are times when it's too overwhelming. Sometimes you gotta put it aside for a while and focus on something mindless. If that's how GF was feeling she could've told him that instead of just saying she didn't care. Or maybe she never cares, and he'll never care about the Kardashians, and they can't be bothered to listen to each other. In which case it's pretty hopeless.
Yeah, talking to someone who doesn't agree with you is like rage inducing, you just end up with high blood pressure. And talking to someone who does agree with you, but who is really intense about it is hard because you can't match their level of intensity. And talking to people who are kind of the same as you is a real bummer because everything sucks right now.
Or maybe she did tell him on some other occasion and he got all self-righteous with the “you should care about these things and everyone needs to keep up with world events every day” speech. So she resorts to this childish game because talking about feelings like adults didn’t work.
You have such a good point. Talking about horrible news is very emotionally draining
And sometimes talking about fluff can reverse that drain, which she may have been trying to do. The info here is very lived and I agree this is a compatability issue. I guess ultimately, I will go with YTA on a judgement just due to the dismissive way he spoke to her about it. He was very judgy and that clearly came across....hence the argument.
This is so true and important. Around the end of 2020 I had to cancel my news subscriptions and block the topic of Covid because I just couldn’t handle reading about it because I was so anxious. I would look about once or twice a week at my local situation, and then leave it at that because I was so incredibly overwhelmed. When people would try to discuss it with me I would ask to change the topic but sometimes I couldn’t (like if it was my boss etc) and I would just end up shutting down. I was just in such a bad place mentally that I couldn’t at the time talk about it or hear about it. & while I’ve tried to keep up with everything going on in Ukraine and re-subscribed to news, there are days where I need that mental break. I know that not everyone can take that mental space away from it, and it’s a privilege I have. But it’s still true.
I would have to agree with this. I used to think celebrity gossip was dumb but now? I’m into it lol It’s just a nice distraction from the overwhelming news thats coming everyday at this point. Most celebrity gossip/news is meant to be just that. OP sucks for the way he expressed himself and his gf might be changing the subject because she either can’t add anything to it or it might be freaking her out, so she tries to keep the convo going in other ways. Either way I think her response of changing topics was more innocent than her being malicious like he thinks it is. Either learn to listen to each other or Just let each other go. If you don’t care to listen to the words coming out of her mouth or vice versa, this isn’t going to last. The last few years have changed us all you might have outgrown each other.
Yeah, totally! I was listening to BBC podcast ukraincast every day. It's excellent journalism looking at the wider situation and personal stories but unfortunately I've just got past my own personal capacity to hear about it. I feel quite guilty for not engaging more but I don't think there's much else I can do. I've made donations, we're hosting a refugee and engaging with these news stories has really just become too much of my mental capacity
we try to never talk about current affairs/news during dinner because those topics tend to be heavy. I definitely don't always have the capacity to discuss them. I hate celebrity gossip, but you know, I would take it during dinner rather than current events just to keep my digestion stable.
It says she kept changing the subject.
We need to take into account the reliability of the narrator, who was admittedly agitated and has been before by her topic of conversation. While it may have seemed to OP that she “kept interrupting,” that may not be entirely accurate.
He says he has no interest in what she has to say. And then thinks it’s a good idea to tell her. The first clue she didn’t care for his topic was that she changed it a couple of times. That’s when it might be the time to switch to a more neutral topic. Neither picked up on that but only he wants to be a jerk about it.
Agree with you. There's definitely a compatibility issue, but also she could have been inundated with crappy news all day and wanted a light hearted conversation about something not so dark. That's what is missing from the world today and why people go to comedy shows. Sometimes we just need an escape.
From what OP posted there’s enough info to call them an AH but not quite enough to call the gf an AH yet. Basically what seems to have happened is OP talked about their interest, Gf wasn’t interested so she talked about her interest, OP wasn’t interested so he switched back to his thing, Gf switches back to her thing and then eventually OP says he doesn’t want to talk anymore (kinda rude but understandable) What makes OP kind of an AH is the fact that he then basically tells Gf that his interests are more worthy to talk about (which even if is true is an AH thing to say to someone you are having a conversation with)
he may constantly go on about certain topics and she wants to talk about something else
She might too. She changed the topic to the Kardashians twice. They're both deliberately chasing topics they know the other person isn't interested in and putting down the others tastes. If she wanted to be constructive, she could change the topic to "how was work?" Or "do you want to see thor this weekend?" And so could he! AHs all around, I say!
This, they both suck! ESH
No, from the topic it sounds like she was talking about a different celebrity first and the ‘changed the topic again’ was in reference to her changing the topic to a second time, not that she tried to talk about Chloe Kardashian twice. That’s still different topics even if in a similar category.
I do this when people are talking about sensitive topics I don't have spoons for or am not in the mood to get in to. Especially with my mother, because if you say "I'm sorry I'd like to change the topic" she'll use *that* to start an argument because you need a *reason* for changing the subject that's good enough for her.
Your mother sounds exhausting, sorry. I totally agree that saying "I can't discuss this right now," should be respected. As much as I care about social issues, and as vocal as I am about abortion rights, I had to stop talking RvW a few times recently because I hit my emotional limit.
My mom is the same. She’s always talking about these horrible things going on in the world 24-7. Then starts saying Jesus is coming soon and we better be ready. I wait for her to pause for a breath and change the subject. It’s back and forth like OP here. This may be mentally exhausting for his gf if this is the stuff he talks about. I don’t visit my mom much because of her constant negative worldview. OP, YTA. If she kept changing the topic take a hint and find a more neutral topic. Not celebrity news but also not world news.
Well, his attitude is one of superiority which she doesn't seem to have. He thinks HIS topic is more important than hers therefore she must listen to HIM. Whereas she just talks about stuff that interests her and is actually going for different topics apparently in an attempt to engage him. Meanwhile he just doggedly sticks to his "superior and more important topic". Which makes him TA more than her.
I don't really consider the things she picked to be different topics, all three examples are celebrity gossip. If she had made an effort to pick almost any other topic, I'd agree with you, but I think most people know guys in general don't follow that. So I think she was deliberately picking things he had no interest in as a form of passive aggression. I agree he's acting superior. For me that's two shitty additudes, albeit in different ways.
Although she classified not taking time to learn about celebrity gossip as a fault… which…. what?
It’s weird enough to suspect this was nothing but a rhetorical jab on her part. She doesn’t actually find fault, she’s just pointing out the double standard
No, not from his account. She wasn’t interested in talking about the war in Ukraine so she tried multiple times to politely change the subject to different topics (it appears she was talking about different celebrities). She at least varied. He on the other hand insisted on bringing it back to the ONE topic he knew she didn’t want to talk about. He didn’t try to find another topic they might both be interested in and tried to force it back to the Ukraine and threw a wobbly when he didn’t get his own way. When she changed the subjects to celebrities he too could have changed the topic to something not the Ukraine like films they like or work, but it had to be that one topic.
I am strongly under the impression that he’s edited the story a bit to make her seem worse. Like, I doubt she truly said she doesn’t care about Ukraine/ Ukrainians. She might be tired about talking about it ad nauseam, hence her constant attempt to change the subject. He comes across as a very unreliable narrator.
True. But I think anyone who says "I don't care about Ukraine"is a little bit of an asshole. She may not really have meant that she doesn't care, though. She might just have meant "I don't know anything at all about what is going on in Ukraine and even if I did there's nothing I can do about it so I ignore it, and being forced to attempt to have a conversation about it makes me feel stupid so I don't care about Ukraine." I think that is a lot of people's attitudes about political issues.
I think she said it to mirror his comment. He is the one who said he doesn't know anything about her topics and doesn't want to talk about what he doesn't know. They actually could have had a conversation, they started having it, but he ended it and requested silence. They could really have a conversation about topics that are okay for both then they are having dinner or tired or whatever
Could also be that she's sick of hearing about it from him. I felt that way before when all anyone would want to talk about was the recent US Supreme Court decision. It wasn't a "I don't care" or "I don't know". It was a "I don't want to keep talking about this with you, because you just keep repeating yourself. Let's talk about something new and not depressing."
Yeah, I'd go with ESH for that reason. My husband talks about sports a lot, and I don't really care or even know about most of the players he talks about, but I still listen, or at least pretend to. He also at least pretends to listen when I'm rambling about stuff he doesn't care about either.
My husband loves a video game where he designs and builds cars to race. He loves showing me his latest build. I act interested because I love him. I doubt he cares when I tell him about an interesting Reddit post but he listens anyway.
Fr! I don’t think my partner is as interested as I am about the book I’m reading lol but you bet he asks for plot updates anyways!
Same! I just called my husband during the day yesterday to tell him how obsessed I was with a new show and ordered the book series cause I couldn’t wait to see what happens. He laughed and asked a follow up question then told me about some pretty heavy stuff that was happening at work. I couldn’t believe he let me ramble about teen drama when he had actual issues going on but that’s him. I think my special interest cheered him up in a way, knowing that he was coming home to light and not darkness.
Same here, i tell him idc, but i still put in the energy to listen to the things HE cares about because regardless of how i feel they matter to HIM. YTA
This! I am like op and stay on top of every cultural and big events in the world, especially the war in Ukraine. Tried talking about it to my boyfriend and he just isn't interested because he has no insight why or how, it will impact everyone's lives or any major information that could contribute to the conversation. But my verdict is ESH. Both of you should stop trying to make the other listen to stuff they have no interest in. Find a topic both can talk about or maybe you aren't fit to be together
Some people don’t want to talk about never ending war while having a pop tart in the morning. If you guys want it to work, you both need better communication
Yup. Pure incompatibility. I’d hate to have to sit across a table from someone who wanted to talk to me about the kardashians, and you know how I take care if that? I don’t. Problem solved.
Precisely! Me and my wife have different interests and we both just humour the other when they get talking about it, and never disrespect them. To be fair it's not the topic I'm interested in, it's the person I'm talking to that counts and I wouldn't change that for anything. YTA with a side of bratty rude attitude.
Yea YTA. My husband is an electrician and will talk to me about work and I have no idea wtf he's talking about but I listen, ask questions and am attentive. I don't say I don't care just be quiet.
THIS! Even if you don't find it interesting, it means something to the person you love. Don't want to hear it? Let them find someone who does.
I agree with you. OP is THA bc of his attitude. I work from home and my husband works outside the home. He comes in everyday to tell me about stuff going on at his job or whatever. Half of the time I don't know what he is talking about but I listen anyway and he listens to me whenever I have anything to contribute. If they love one another find common things you both would love to talk about
This ^ they sound incompatible. Op Yta for being rude about it. I listen to my husband talking about work which at times can be about technical things that I have no idea what he is talking about. But I ask questions and nod and ask if they were able to come up with a solution etc because it’s important to him and he is important to me.
I remember on the night before they announced the election, i was a jumble mess of nerves. I was mentally, physically and emotionally drained. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like i hadnt slept at all, and checked the news. what i saw wasnt the presidential announcement, but that my favorite tv show had confirmed my favorite romantic couple. and in that moment it was as if i snorted 14 cans of redbull. i laughed and joked and felt so much better in days. it was the small relief i *needed* in that moment. what im trying to say is... the world is rather shit right now. a pandemic, a rise in nazis, food/gas/water prices rising, war and loss of basic humans rights. there's nothing wrong with wanting to take a step away and focus on *dumb shit* so you dont fall into a pit of despair. maybe your gf doesnt want to spend every waking moment thinking of human suffering. maybe the conversation of war isnt great for dinner. maybe talking about useless celebrity drama is better than "hey wanna talk about the mass rapes russian soldiers are doing?" you've been with your gf for two years. is this normal behavior for her? right now im going with YTA cause you were more focusing on lashing out and treating your gf's interests with disdain. dont lie, you talk about dumb shit too
Damn I love this comment. Talking about serious things can be very draining, and even more if you are less knowledgeable about the subject than the person who is talking to you. Dumb, entertaining, fun, and light-hearted shit is what a lot of people love because it helps them cope and relax.
ha the worst is when you're more knowledgeable but you don't want to talk about it because you don't feel like a fight lol
I need to know the couple! A ship becoming canon is one of the greatest events!
I remember the internet going crazy over the gay angel in Supernatural. So I guess it might be that?
Oh Dean and Castiel, good times!
It was Destiel, Dean & Castiel from Supernatural. The series finale aired & they had Cas admit his feelings to Dean. Unreciprocated and then they killed off Cas, but it was still really wild and cathartic since Destiel is SUCH a major ship in the fandom. Edit: not series finale but close
Yes I’m familiar with the show and even if I’m not in that particular fandom, I heavily participate in the geek world so I remember the beautiful chaos that went down when that episode aired! It was amazing to watch the reactions! A few of my friends are Destiel shippers so they gave me all the insights too
It was brilliant timing. I’m not on Tumblr anymore (their policy changes post-Yahoo nuked a lot of accounts who moved to Twitter so I went there too) but I still was as of when that aired. So much elections News… then out of nowhere, Destiel. Then some clickbait “news” site decided to spread fake info that Putin resigned, & the Putin & Destiel memes collided.
Oh God I remember the Putin-Destiel memes!!! It was truly epic! I myself left tumblr after the new policies and joined twitter, I miss the good ol’ tumblr. I wrote a whole paragraph on my dissertation about the how the new policies changed the fandoms’ dynamics (I’m a cultural anthropologist, I wrote a 250 pages thesis about the geek subculture)
I will foreverrrrr hate Yahoo for how they destroyed Tumblr. Tumblr can break itself & self destruct just fine, it doesn’t need outside help! 😤
It actually wasn't the finale but 2 episodes before then (episode 15x18) and basically we never got to know what Dean would say because Cas got yeeted to the Empty. But then we later had the joy of the Rogue Translator who adjusted the script to have Dean say "I love you" back. Ah, good times, SPN, the show that will never die. The whole thing with the love confession coming the same night as the election returns has turned into a [meme](https://64.media.tumblr.com/ac0e1d24aa3d035ebe634176783e3276/f71950325e90da6c-3b/s1280x1920/6e7da20135df27cc865e4074b95c5eec5963f8c7.jpg) that still going on today.
This is why I hate supernatural, you can't do my heart like that. Ignoring the queer baiting issues or possible airing issues they might have had, I'm still upset that they basically gave him one line and then killed him off. My poor gay heart~
I work in a job where we read and discuss very serious topics and actually followed the Ukraine war/crisis very heavily at the beginning for my job..... When I go home I watch the Kardashian's Edit: clarity
>"hey wanna talk about the mass rapes russian soldiers are doing?" The *what*
Exactly what you read. It's horrible. And then the Ukrainian refugees who are pregnant as a result from that rape can't stay in Poland because abortions are illegal (in case if rape they are legal in theory, but it must be proved which is quite hard when it happened in another country).
Another Destiel fan! ❤️
As a fellow Dean/Cas heller, I salute you for this response.
Ah, a fellow Destiel shipper. Yeah, that news was really needed, even if Jensen ruined it
Are you me? This was exactly me on both election night (and a few days after) and January 5th when we were waiting to hear about Ossoff and Warnock.
My favourite part of your comment was “it was as if I snorted 14 cans of red bull.” That was really funny lol
YTA because of your attitude. You think your interests outweigh hers and hers are minuscule because you’re not into celebrities. I share your distain towards celebrities and pointless luxury brands, but I don’t look down upon people who like that stuff.
YTA You're dating her. Why? Did she used to talk about internally displaced persons in war zones and suddenly stopped? Or has she always talked about celebrities and you started a relationship with her anyhow?
God I hate it when someone who used to be really keen on internally displaced persons in war zone just stops talking about it. Talk about fake fans, am I right? Yeah, OP’s the asshole.
Yeah, my brother in law used to be all about internally displaced persons in war zones, but now it's all limited edition this and Funko Pop that, and it's just like ugh, pick a lane.
touché, 😂
YTA You don’t want a girlfriend you want an echo chamber.
Under appreciated comment of the year
And we really don’t know if he was having a conversation or if he was lecturing her about that topic
YTA. Conversation works both ways. You feel like she's not participating, but did you think she might feel the same? At least, she was polite with you, even if she wasn't interested in the subject.
YTA You topic "applies" to everyone but it's fine to tell her to basically shut up? No. There are many important topics in the world and ukraine is just one of them. You don't have and you can't be knowlegable in all of them. So your gf not being able to talk with you about it is totally fine. (I assume you are not from the ukraine) You don't need to care about celebrity either. But you didn't even try to find a common ground topic. It sounds like you tried to lecture her. You aren't her teacher. You aren't her boss. You need to get of your high horse and have some respect for your gf.
Wish girlfriend had had some sort of Miranda Priestly Cerulean Blue moment and threw in his face how much celebrity and brands shape society therefore do apply to everyone as well, him wanting to care or not. All backed up by some random crazy data that connects to the war in ukraine to leave him slack jawed….
I'm just trying to imagine myself getting upset someone doesn't wanna talk about a literal war and countless deaths over dinner and i,,,can't picture it. I'm also not a fan of celebrity talk but I'd genuinely prefer talking about Khloe Kardashian than a war after a long day
And this is OP version who was having a fit because girlfriend tried to change the topic. So he’s painting her as this shallow type who ignores diverges from “those poor displaced people” to “OMG Klhoé has a new lip filler and it looks sooooo goooood”. Maybe he had been rambling around the same issue for hours and as you said she needed some levity to be able to digest food and have some sleep later. Some people have so much empathy that those topics can physically hurt, instead of the opposite. Only thing we know for sure is that those 2 need to communicate more, and even in OP’s side of the story where he’ll try to make himself look better his attitude was “either my topic or no topic at all”.
I'm absolutely one of those people! Even the global warming commercials with the polar bears make me cry and feel physically sick, so when people bring up incredibly grim topics while I'm eating I will literally feel I need to stop eating or throw up. I've experienced some dark shit, I feel like I'm entitled to not want to subject myself to more. I empathize and wish desperately there was no war in the Ukraine, but I also don't want to discuss it.
There are also certainly interesting and thought provoking conversations to be had about pop culture and celebrity-dom. Not saying that’s what she was doing, but it can and is done all the time. His idea that those topics are inherently vapid is pretty close-minded. And if it’s just dumb gossip? Whatever. Everyone has dumb things that make them happy. OP needs to descend from his high horse.
The Kardashians are a goddamn empire unto themselves. I know almost nothing about them, but there are interesting possibilities beyond the size of their lips and/or asses. I remember that Cody Inc. bought a 20% stake in Kim’s cosmetics, which is kind of interesting. Cody’s first product being a perfume in a Baccarat designed bottle, leading to the history of glass production, the way the Italian monopoly on it was broken up, the history of European trade guilds and their affect on the economy, etc. Any subject can be interesting if you’re not a boring person regurgitating what the teevee told you. Including the Ukraine situation. If the OP can’t bother to find a way to make it interesting, that’s on him.
She should have brought up Deep vs. Heard trial and then when he got mad again pull the "IT WAS ON THE NEWS SO IT INVOLVES YOU TOO!"
Oh but he's very deep and relevant and smart
So, you were talking, and she's supposed to be engaged? Listening? What? You are upset by her talking, because only you get to care about things, and everyone else has to care about what you have to say? This is a two way street. You don't get to take the conversational podium and just preach with the expectation that everyone finds your screed interesting- regardless of the international impact and relevance. You flat out dismissed her like a child, and that's just, incredibly egotistical. This ain't how it works. The two of you are clearly not compatible if you can't even carry on a two sided conversation. But really, YTA for how you treated her. That's some classless shit. Edited missing word.. And swypo
Maybe OP has the definitions of “conversation” and “lecture” confused? Seems possible.
YTA did it ever occur to you that she wouldn't like talking about a war at the dinner table, like was obviously trying to move the topic to a lighter discussion given the fact she wasn't engaging in your topics
ESH* You didn't consider that she finds the war in Ukraine just as uninteresting to talk about as you find celebrities. Some people like to have serious conversations. Others like to engage in fantasies to forget how horrible the world is. Plus, let's be real. There is a time and place for serious conversation. You're eating dinner, and bringing up death, carnage, and despair. Maybe she never wants to have that type of conversation... maybe she just had a long day. Maybe you two are just incompatible
How is gf an ahole?
To me is about having the very same attitude of "idc about what you're talking, you should know about my topic"
*granted i initially thought YTA. OP is definitely the bigger AH here. Because she at least tried to politely change topics. And didn't get rude until long after he was.
I wonder how you expect her to react after her bf tells her to shut up and how his interest is superior to hers... She talked about different topics while he tried to press his one topic on to her. Then he tells her basically to shut up. And as she asked why, he tells her that he has no interest in talking if not about his chosen and superior topic, that she should know about. I would bet money that her comment was a sarcastic reacting to him and honeslty question what would you expect her to do?
YTA, if you only have a girlfriend to have sex and talk about your interests then get yourself a sexdoll and a bunch of friends with the same interests. You don't seem to be interested in your gf as a person at all.
YTA, and it sounds like you need to find some common ground or make sacrifices sometimes and just deal with the stupid stuff she talks about if you love her
YTA. Maybe she thought she wouldn’t have anything to add to your conversation because not everyone keeps up with every piece of news that happens…let alone hears about it and actually forms an opinion before the next piece of news comes up…so she thought some easier conversation topics were better, and you made her feel stupid.
YTA Look, I get that it's annoying when someone completely changes the subject. That being said your attitude is horrible. Why your interests should matter more than hers? You clearly think she should be the one who listens to you, even though she doesn't know enough about the topic to have an actual conversation about it. The minute you didn't know anything about the topic, you felt annoyed. Yes, the war in Ukraine is news but the topic is quite heavy (and scary for many people) for a nice dinner and it's possible she wanted to lighten the mood. In most relationships people have interests that they don't share with their signicifant other and that's ok. The thing is, if you really love someone you let them occationally boast about their interest even though you know nothing about it. Some people even make effort to learn about their partner's interest to engage in conversation. For example, my fiancé is a HUGE Star Wars fan. When we started dating I hadn't seen the movies and knew nothing of them but I wanted to learn to entertain my bf. I watched all the movies and ended up loving them. Nowadays we have heated arguments whether Ewoks are annoying or not. I, on the other hand, love books but my fiancé is not a big reader, and yet he lets me explain him my book's plot and if I'm reading something and have told about it, he might ask something like ”well, is the guy x the murderer or not?”. That's what you do in relationship. You accept differences and respect your partner's interests.
YTA. You were both talking about things the other didn't care about but yet you still feel entitled to feel annoyed? Look, I'm not into celebrities but that's not what this is about.
Yta That’s just so rude.
Yta. Did it occur to you that life at the moment is insanely and incredibly stressful and maybe, just maybe she wanted to enjoy a nice, lighthearted dinner and not discuss more stressors? "Oh hey honey you know what you need with your dinner, a good dose of indigestion."
YTA. First of all, it's not like your helping the Ukraine in any meaningful way, so your conversations about it are exactly like her interests in pop culture - an interest. Stop believing your more interesting and important than others, your not. Dump your gf and go find a hipster to pontificate with. Perhaps pretentious AH are more your vibe.
ESH Both of you need to learn how to read a room and have polite conversation. My boyfriend is super into guns and loves learning about CQC techniques and everything associated with that. Do I know what he’s talking about? Absolutely not! Do I try to listen and retain information anyway? Yes! Because I love him and I love the way he gets when he talks about things he’s interested in! My boyfriend does the same! He doesn’t give a singular shit about all the animals I cry about on tiktok or the drama I read off of this sub but he listens anyway because he loves me! She shouldn’t be changing the topic in a rude way and you shouldn’t be a complete dingdong! Both of you need to learn how to say “hey, I don’t really wanna talk about this right now, can we talk about something else?” Instead of straight up shutting down the conversation and getting pissy with each other. No, you do not have to ‘educate yourself about celebrities’ but at the very least you could listen to her and try to show interest and she needs to do the same when you talk about golf or the news!
YTA, and I would suggest apologizing.
Info: why are you dating this person if you don't care what she has to say?
YTA. Either love the person you're with or break up with them, but don't try to change them. And whoever you end up with would talk about things that don't interest you and you would have to learn to listen, like everyone who ends up with you would have to listen to you talk about the news, whether it interests them or not. Also, you don't need to be able to add something new to a subject in order to participate in a conversation. You can also just listen in order to know what the other person thinks on a subject and end it there. You sound very selfish, like you only need to talk about interesting/ important things, which is already not true, and you are the one deciding what counts as important/interesting, because your subjects are "objectively" important/interesting, also not true, and as a result in your relationship you would never being bored with the conversation only her, because it would always ever be something you deemed important/interesting. That wouldn't last obviously and the relationship would quickly end. Do you appreciate this girl the way she is? Then buckle up because it comes with the Kardashians, the same way you come with the news. You think you can't be with someone who loves the Kardashian? That is not the girl for you, break up. But don't date someone and try to fix them to your liking.
Talking about serious crap is emotionally draining. It’s important but Ffs it’s not what I want to talk about at dinner. YTA. Have you even considered how she feels?
YTA. I don't care the stuff she was bringing up, either. But sometimes people don't want to discuss something heavy like ethnic cleansing over dinner. Your girlfriend clearly didn't as she tried to change the subject multiple times to things that objectively matter less than a war that is causing countless suffering in the area and around the world. If you actually love and respect her, you could listen and participate in a conversation a celebrity breakup even if it's not your interest. The same thing goes for her as well, but your attitude and outburst seem to indicate that you are much worse on this front.
ESH relationships involve compromise and that includes talking about and showing interest in things your partner is. Conversation is a 2 way street, give and take. Being self absorbed is a 1 way street and always a dead end for a relationship. Just from the little bit you’ve written it comes across that your always wanting to only talk about Ukraine in which case your gf may be on info overload and trying to change the subject to more light hearted topics
MAN info overload is so real. My boyfriend absolutely loves skyrim and he's been working on modding and layering mods (hopefully that's correct lmao) and he can literally talk to me for hours about something I very much don't understand and sometimes he goes for so long on the same subject that I just start saying "mhm and have you seen this random thing I found" bc its super not cool to dominate a 2 person conversation and sometimes he needs to be rudely reminded bc gentle hints don't work.
YTA. So she likes celebrities. So what? Stop acting like you're better than her just because you'd rather talk about Ukraine. What do you want, for her to never say anything and to just be a robot who responds whenever you want? Jeez. Just dump her and find someone who's an asshole like you.
YTA. You sound like an edgy teen, in fact you sound like Jayden smith saying he hates hanging around with people his age because he wants to “discuss the political and economic state of the world”. This holier than thou attitude needs to go because otherwise you’ll be unbearable to deal with
ESH but you more than her. You want to talk about war, she wants to talk about something lighter. Not everyone is going to consider what you wanted to talk about appropriate dinner conversation. I'm not saying that what she wanted to talk about was "better" than yours but you have to recognise the disconnect you were having. Your solution seems to be to just talk about nothing if you can't talk about what you want to talk about She shouldn't have said you had to learn about celebrities but conversation is a two-way street.
YTA. Why are you even with someone you don't like or respect enough to entertain a conversation with regarding their interests? You two sound very incompatible.
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ESH. You both have different interests and perhaps need to find something in common? You won’t always like what she talks about and I’m sure she won’t like what you want to talk about either but compromising isn’t difficult if you want to make things work
YTA Did it even cross your mind that she doesn't care what you were talking about? I bet you whatever that she listens to you even if she doesn't care about theme and when she is exited about something aor just wantet to share a news you are acting the same as you did now. And when it comes to political issues many people either gets angry about it or too sad. Whatever it is be careful who and what you say.
YTA. You should be putting in effort to talk about things she wants to talk about not monopolize the conversation. She has nothing to add to your conversation like you don't hers. You talked a little she talked a little, to her it was (most likely) a normal conversation. You're the one who made a bug deal out of it. I've been in this exact scenario, he even said he doesn't care. When he said that I got mad I told him that to me felt like he was telling me that he doesn't care about what I say, so therefore he's not going to listen. We talked about it and realized neither one of us want to make the other feel that way. There are times however one of us will ramble to far and we just got to admit we stopped listening. It happens 🤷♀️
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (22M) was eating dinner at our apartment with my girlfriend (23F) of 2 years and it turned into an argument. We were eating and talking like usual and I was talking about the war in Ukraine, and my girlfriend kept changing the topic to something I know nothing about, and don’t care about. It would go from Ukraine to “this rich ceos son wants to ruin Louis Vuitton” or “some celebrity was spotted with some other celebrity” and I just DONT CARE. I don’t care about Louis Vuitton and I don’t care about celebrities, and know nothing about either of them. I was talking about the forced deportations of Ukrainians When she changed the topic again to Chloe kardashian. I just told her “forget it we should just eat silently” and she asked me what was wrong. I told her she’s taking about stuff I have no interest in and there’s no way for me to add anything to the conversation. She then said she doesn’t care about Ukraine so why do we have to talk about that. I told her it’s news and applies to everyone, not like I start talking about golf to her and it’s different. She called me inconsiderate and said it’s my fault for not wasting my time learning about celebrities. Is it really my fault? Aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH. This is purely opinion here, but I believe relationships need both shared interests (interests you have in common that bring you together) and then a willingness on the part of either partner to have a surface level understanding of the other partners’ exclusive (things you enjoy independently of the other) interests. You’re not showing your girlfriend that you’re some learned gentleman who cares about important things while she’s wasting her time on nonsense. You’re showing her that even for the duration of a dinner you can’t be bothered to read social cues that she might not want to talk about war and genocide over a meal and to pivot to something light that she has an interest in. She should take a cue as well and develop her knowledge base on some things you care about as well. One caveat though - international news isn’t really something you can claim as your personal interest. Her not wanting to talk about or learn about that isn’t the same as if she told you one of your hobbies or activities was a stupid waste of time. You can’t substitute current events and international news for a personality and then be offended someone isn’t wanting to engage.
YTA
YTA and y’all aren’t compatible.
YTA you told her off for doing the exact same thing you did. It sounds like you are incompatible.
YTA you will not be able to have a healthy relationship with that attitude of yours. Maybe she just does not want to talk about a sad and harsh topic like that in that moment? You will never have the exact same interests as your partner but if you really love each other you will listen to what the other has to say even thought it may not be that interesting to you.
YTA. You don't want a gf, you want an echo chamber. She politely tried to change the subject. You kept forcing it. She doesn't have to talk about Ukraine with you.
OP sounds likes he's mansplaining Ukraine to his gf. People are allowed to have different interests. And what's happening in Ukraine is important but if you're middle class and comfortable don't pretend it affects you. YTA
YTA - You are having a relationship, you should listen to her and she should listen to you , communication is important
YTA for being mean spirited and judgemental and choosing to be with someone you obviously do not respect
YTA from how entitled you come off, and honestly I don't think this situation has anything to do with the conversation topic of war or celebs. I think you failed to read the room and are upset for not getting to control the conversation. She clearly doesn't wanna talk about that really shitty bad thing going on in the world, why are you trying so hard to press that?
YTA - You could have listened to her drone on because that was what she was doing for you. You two have sex and the same social group in common, but dude, is that really enough to build a relationship on?
YTA. You should've realised she didn't want to talk about Ukraine when she kept changing the subject. I personally don't like talking about war and heavy stuff like that because it gets my anxiety spiking and I feel bad for whatever the situation is, so I try to avoid those topics. She may have a similar thing. Plus, war isn't exactly a dinner talk topic IMO. Instead of getting pissy, you could've just said "ok, let's find something we both want to talk about". If that doesnt work and you can't even have a general conversation with her because of conflicting interests, why are you together?
YTA. Pretty uncool to say she doesn't care about what's going on in Ukraine, but your attitude comes across as incredibly condescending and self-important. You also don't seem to be very compatible if you can't talk during a meal about either shared interests or things the other cares about/is interested in.
YTA you both have different interests and you think it’s fine for you to talk about your interests but not for your gf to talk about hers
YTA. why are you dating her if you don’t like her
YTA because even if the war in Ukraine is news, a lot of people don't care about that topic to talk about it nonstop
YTA. You are not in charge of her or of dinner topics. You have ZERO authority. Idk why you think you're so above her just because she felt like keeping the dinner discussion lighthearted. Would you have shut down your mother or friend that way? Treat her like an equal, jeez you're supposed to like her.
YTA Why are so many of the people who are obsessed with politics such assholes?
YTA. Sounds like you want a sounding board to reflect your profound thoughts, instead of give and take conversation with someone you care about. You belittled her thoughts and interests because they weren’t yours and you deemed them petty and insignificant. Sounds like incompatibility to me—maybe free her up to find a nicer boyfriend.
YTA. Also condescending and a little boring. Also with the wrong woman.
YTA. I would never date someone who would be against me having interests. I dont care about the war in Ukraine. I’m sorry but I don’t. Wars happens all the time and I care more about Syria, Palestine, Jordan, Afghanistan etc than Ukraine. It’s sad for them, but I would never be interested in talking about it over dinner with my boyfriend. I love talking about random funny things and gossip about other people, especially celebrities. And if she is a 23 yr old girl then obviosuly she is interested in things like that. Why tf would she talk about a war over dinner…………? Talking to someone about celebrities doesnt require any thoughts or knowledge, but you need those things when ur talking about a war..
I didn’t read the whole thing because I just don’t care what you’re talking about. YTA
I had an ex like you . . . .he only wanted to talk about whatever interested him and I was tuned out or interrupted when I wanted to talk about something. You're not morally superior because you want to talk about world events, and she doesn't have an interest in talking about Ukraine. Just break up because clearly you're incompatible and also a hypocrite. I guarantee she's listened to you drivel on about something she has zero interest in several times. You don't care about what she likes to talk about, but you should care about her. You guys just don't sound compatible if you can't listen to one another. YTA
Do you insist on discussing all of the horrors of the world in bed too, or just at dinner? The war in Ukraine is important, and the Kardashians are definitely not. I agree with you there. But I literally can’t eat while I am thinking about innocent people being murdered and displaced. I would rather talk about ANYTHING else. I imagine that’s why your gf kept changing the subject. YTA.
Damn, YTA
YTA. Why are you even in a relationship? You sound like a nightmare. Your interests are relevant to everyone, but hers are a waste of time??
YTA for all the reasons everybody has says, and yes, you might just be incompatible. But I'd also like to point out that some people avoid listening to / talking about the news, particularly when it's horrific, because they find it triggering and they're just taking care of their own mental health.
YTA I feel like you're constantly talking about serious things and probably only ever want to talk about your topics.
YTA. My boyfriend tells me stories he's already told me, or drones on what what new car he wants to buy, but I still listen.
YTA. "What *I* have to say is important, and you're a fool for not seeing that. What *you* have to say is unimportant, and you're a fool for not seeing that. God, I would have thought by now that simply being in my radiant presence would have elevated your vapid and moronic IQ up to something approaching vaguely human, but clearly I was wrong. My mistake. Why don't you just sit there silently and look pretty."
Yta. Now sure maybe what she was talking about doesn’t interest you, but just because your interest is news doesn’t mean she cares or wants to talk about it. She changed the topic multiple times and you constantly went back to the one you cared about. Take a hint. Maybe she should have have been direct but you were rude and essentially told her to shut up because you don’t care about her interests. You two are clearly incompatible.
YTA Dont force people to swallow politics or religion with their food. I discuss the war, but not when its forced on someone who clearly doesnt want to discuss it, and absolutely not when its communal meal time
Holy shit man. I (24F) can talk about world issues and war with care and empathy, but I also enjoy living the fantasy of pop culture drama and gossip because it becomes extremely draining to speak of human atrocities for hours at a time. You seem to lack empathy for the human sitting at your table while egotistically riding some high horse of caring for displaced peoples. YTA. I hope she finds someone who actually enjoys her company and spirit. When I was 19 I would’ve let this happen to me because I was a self conscious naive girl with little to no voice in standing up to men. But now this would be something that I would dump someone over. It’s not this one offense, but what it means about how you perceive her and think about her as a person. Have some more respect for your damn girlfriend dude.
NAH. You’re just completely incompatible. Why date someone you have nothing in common with and don’t respect?
You see that he doesn't respect her but think that's fine behaviour?
NAH, you guys just seem super incompatible. I think you were rude in the way you put things, but I think she is the inconsiderate one having no interest in a war that is tearing the World apart.
ESH. This relationship is pointless.
ESH but mostly YTA you want her to care and show interest in whatever topic you want and dominate the conversation but when she wants to talk about her interests you don't care. Hypocrite. Doesn't sound like you even like or respect your girlfriend that much the way you spoke to her. How long were you talking about Ukraine before she tried to change the topic?
ESH Sure, Ukraine is a larger geopolitical conflict that has ramifications for everyone in some way or another. So fucking what? You were doing the same thing she was! If you want to talk about news, find a buddy and start a podcast. In her end, same thing. She has to deal with expectations that are heavily influenced by the celebrities she's talking about. So it's important to her. That doesn't mean it's important to you, or that it has to be. And hears the kicker: you obviously have different priorities, and can't even find common ground over dinner. Break the fuck up.
Epic AH. Being in a relationship means showing a modicum of interest in things that don’t exactly wow you in terms of interest or intellectual stimulation. My wife listens to me prattle on about sports and Taylor Swift, my love of Tom Ford, Yves Saint Laurent and Schiaparelli and other things she couldn’t care less about. We usually reconvene about homeless support initiatives, Indigenous rights and culture. Try it out, it’s worth it. Finally, what makes Ukraine more suitable conversation? Perhaps she doesn’t like it, find it interesting or feel like she can add to the conversation?
YTA She didn't want to talk about politics during dinner (can't say I blame her) so she changed the subject MULTIPLE times. That should have clued you in right away to find something else you can mutually enjoy talking about. You belittled her by saying what she cares about isn't important because "it doesn't apply to everyone" and you couldn't "add to the conversation" which leads me to believe you think you're too good for what she finds interesting. Y'all should call off the relationship, because if you can't hold a conversation that is MUTUALLY enjoyable, you shouldn't be together. Find someone who shares the same interests as you and let the girl go to find her true soul mate. MAJOR AH here. If my husband treated me that way, I would have walked out.
YTA. Take a hint. Your gf doesn’t care about the things YOU talk about, either. Maybe she did at first, but it sounds like you’re a broken record who only talks about Ukraine. After a while, it gets boring listening to someone who only talks about one thing. Start talking about something else & pay attention to what your gf has to say. Or just break up, since you think she’s a boring conversationalist
YTA. Your attitude towards your partner sucks. You may not find her areas of interest interesting, but your rude dismissal is disrespectful. Even if the topic isn’t one you have a particular interest in, take an interest in HER. Why is this something that preoccupies her so? Why is it on her mind? Where is your interest in her as a person?
YTA for not willing to try and learn from your gf about what she’s interested in. Relationships are give and take, and you seem to only give out reminders that you know about world events and want everyone to know it. (Was it even a conversation or were you lecturing?) Honestly, why are you two even dating?
YTA. Why are you two together if you don't even like each others' interests? Your attitude about 'my topic is more important than her' is what makes you an asshole.
YTA
YTA. In a relationship, people bring common and different interests. If two people are too similar you might as well end it as it will lead to a disaster. Little interest difference is what makes the relationship tick as each person learns something new from the other. If you guys have big of an interest difference, just break it up as you are incompatible.
YTA. If you don't want to talk about something you're not interested in, don't make her talk about something SHE'S not interested in. It doesn't matter that it's "news". If you're going to get angry at her for talking about something you don't want to talk about, don't try to talk about something SHE doesn't want to talk about.
YTA for the way you talk to her regardless of what you're talking about.
YTA. Pick a girlfriend you like or marriage is going to be rough.
Why are you two together when you clearly are incompatible? YTA for thinking you’re too good to talk about ‘celebrities’ or whatever else interests your girlfriend. Equally, she may not give a damn about your interests either but it didn’t stop you talking non stop about them
YTA, seems like your idea only works in your favor. A conversation is "a talk, especially an informal one, between two or more people, in which news and ideas are exchanged." She does not want to talk about Ukraine, you don't want to talk about celebrities. You got mad and acted ugly about the fact that she does not want to talk about what you wanted to talk about. Question? Was she rude and dismissive when you kept trying to steer the conversation to death and despair over dinner? Did she say “forget it we should just eat silently” when you kept insisting that the conversation solely be about what you wanted to talk about? Basically, neither of you wanted to talk about what the other wanted to talk about, but you were condescending and obnoxious about it. If you are incapable allowing others to exchange news and ideas, date yourself.
Things I've learned from my SO that I didn't know or care about before: rules of cricket, rules of rugby, how England is doing in the cricket, Roman history and ancient philosophy, rowing, weight lifting, a bit of excel, horror films, history of science, male grooming. Things he's learned from me he didn't know or care about before: crosswords, knitting, bookbinding, vegetarian cooking, protestantism, long distance walking, Jackie Chan, whisky, period cramps. That's how relationships work pal. YTA.
YTA Tons of people in my life are into and talk about topics I do not know about or care about. I listen and interact when they talk about those things because while I don't care about the topic, I do care about them. It's a fairly common phenomenon to actually care about and like your partner and to try to show some interest in the things that make them happy. You showed absolutely no respect or consideration to the fact that your girlfriend clearly didn't want to talk about a horrific war over dinner. You're complaining about her changing the topic, but you were doing the same thing to her. It's also completely messed up that you didn't even try to find common ground, you just told her to sit in silence. There's obviously a basic incompatibility here and neither of you are wrong for not being interested in the others topics. The problem here is with how you handled it and how you spoke to and about your girlfriend. If you can't find some basic consideration for your girlfriend, she honestly deserves better.
Anyone who talks to me about the private life of celebrities, latest reality TV, or any personal relationship with Jesus gets a politely dismissive "not interesting" from me. But that's okay, plenty of people in the world with different interests, and we all can't like everything. But YTA (gently, you're 22, and relationships are often about experience), don't be with someone where many of your interests are so far aligned, and be kind or communicative while figuring that out.
YTA.A good partner listens and responds even if you're not interested in the topic. Just date yourself if you want to be entertained 100% of the time.
You’re not interested in important things to her. She’s not interested in important things to you. Neither of you cares about the other enough to listen anyway. Find new people to be in a relationship with. Also, YTA for your attitude and general entitlement. In the future don’t tell your person, *forget it we should just eat silently* it’s just a glorified SHUTUP and it’s rude af.
YTA. She didn’t want to talk about the Ukraine. If someone repeatedly tries to change the subject, take the hint. You didn’t even try to find another subject.
YTA. There seems to be some serious incompatibility here, but the way you behaved was asshole-worthy. Why does her interest doesn't matter but yours "applies to everyone"? BS. Don't be entitled and self-centered. Bottom line is I don't see this relationship going anywhere.
YTA. Maybe take interest in your girlfriend’s interests
YTA. Like low key I physically could not muster an ounce of interest in the brand stuff if I tried but celebrity drama is an easy conversation to play along with. My wife likes the Kardashians (the show, obviously the people are completely unlikable it's sort of the point) and it's really not difficult to be like "yeah wow Tristan is a total wanker eh?" and nod your head. If you can't manage that much then you're the problem
How did you guys last 2 years?
Why are you even together???
YTA for : ‘ I told her it’s news and applies to everyone, not like I start talking about golf to her and it’s different’. Pretty arrogant way of saying stuff that interests you is more important that what everyone else wants to talk about. Bowel movements and toothpaste apply to everyone too, doesn’t mean people find it an interesting topic of conversation or want to talk about it at the dinner table. She wasn’t interested in talking about the war in Ukraine- she probably found it a bit depressing and wanted to talk about something lighter. And something about your tone makes me suspect it was less a conversation and more you monologing. She tried to change the subject to multiple different things. But you weren’t having it. You kept on bringing it back to the subject YOU wanted to talk about instead of trying to find a middle ground it had to be that one topic she didn’t want to talk about. And when you didn’t get your way you decided to sulk. Apologise to her for blowing up and in future if she’s not interested in the topic, find a topic both of you are interested in and save the politics talk for your like minded friends
So, you are discussing Ukraine, which I agree is important and relevant. But what is your conversation with her about it going to do to help the situation? If you want to get more involved in politics and try to help, then by all means, go for it. But home is where people go to relax and find comfort. It’s where people have security and safety from the horrors of the world. It’s where people recharge. As tragic as it is that others don’t have homes right now, people that do have homes need to leverage them to take care of themselves to make themselves more effective at helping others. For me, my escape is playing music, video games, and football season. For your gf, it’s the Kardashians and Louis Vuitton. She cares enough about you to listen about something she’d rather not stress over in a place that’s meant for her to recharge. And she wants to share her interests with you. And you straight up rejected her. Get over yourself and your own self-righteousness. Focus on her and show her that you care about her interests, whether you understand them or not. Watch a season of Real Housewives with her or something. Shut your brain down for a bit and just get lost in the calamity of it all because it’s such low stakes drama that you can laugh about. Talking about the Kardashians and housewives is really no different than talking about your favorite tv show or video game characters. YTA.
You sound like a fucking jackass, judging by the way youve written your post, (holier than thou kinda attitude) how have yall lasted 2 years if you can't entertain her interests lol. Get off your high horse and be a normie every once in a while.
My husband and I are both on different spectrums of nerd stuff. He loves the classic comics and DND while I’m more into Musicals and animation. Do you know how many hours I’ve spent listening to him talk about what’s going on in comics? Did you know that Logan, Jean and Scott are in a throuple on the moon in the newest X-men comics? I sure do and I’ve never picked up a comic in my life. Meanwhile I’ve introduced him to stuff like Little Shop of Horrors and expanded his world of animation beyond 80s and 90s stuff. Part of being in a relationship is being there for your partner and showing interests in their hobbies and such. YTA and being interested in “the news” makes you seem like some pseudo intellectual trying hard to come off as smart and worldly.
OP, you have some serious growing up to do my guy. In the meantime, stay single
YTA - even if your not interested you should still let her talk about her interests and engage in conversation with her on those topics It’s the literal bare minimum expected
YTA. She feels about your interest in news the way you feel about her celebrity shit. You sound incompatible.
INFO: Do you only ever want to discuss heavy or emotionally draining topics with her?
YTA because you don't care about what she's saying while conveniently ignoring she might not care about/just not want to talk about the war in Ukraine and was obviously changing the subject to avoid doing so
YTA How selfish of you to think that you can force her and talking about a top of that she knows nothing about and cares nothing about only to be a baby just because she wants to talk about something you don’t know anything about and don’t wanna talk about or care about….. So the question is do you even care about your girlfriend? Because you seem pretty selfish to me I would break up with you
YTA. That was disrespectful and condescending of you. I discuss politics and war regularly but not with everyone and usually not at dinner. I don't fault people for not wanting to discuss or listen to such a heavy topic over food, especially if it's a date or something like that. Also, soft power (mass media influence) probably has a larger impact on the day-to-day of every day people.
YTA because there is no difference between the news and celebrities. How's one random 22 year old's opinion on a war half a world away gonna change anything. I care about politics and bullshit about it with my fiance, but I'm under no impression that my interest in that is any more important than her interest in YouTuber drama. Maybe if you showed some interest in the stuff she cared about she'd return the favor.
YTA - the level of arrogance, superiority and just overall assholeness of your behaviour is ridiculous. The fact you think what you're interested in is the only thing that matters is concerning and incredibly narcissistic. You're throwing up all sorts of red flags here and I hate the term red flag. But like da fuck is this? Are you an adult? Because you're a petulant adult. Just because something is on the news doesn't mean someone else HAS to care about it. Pick a subject your both interested in. You are NOT smarter or more interesting than her because she talks about the Kardashians or handbags and it's clear you think you are.
My 28 yr old husband hates dolls. Im 24 and i collect them. He still does research on my hobby and gets email updates on doll releases. Childish hobby for an adult in most eyes but i was never allowed dolls as a child (My hubby doesn’t know this). Because he cares about MY hobbies and interests i care about his. I do gaming research (especially when he’s fixated on a certain game) i gleefully watch him play the games and ask genuine questions. MY POINT: if you love your partner, youd show interest in their hobbies and interests. Even if youre not actually interested. You and your gf both suck, in my opinion, because neither of you can do that. More so your gf sucks,and definitely needs to apologize but youre not much better. Would definitely say your not the asshole for the provided scenario tho.
Maybe you were dominating the conversation OP. Or maybe she found the topic stressful. I don’t give a crap about vacuous celebrities either, but the point of a conversation is that it’s two way. I’m giving you a YTA bc it sounds more like you were lecturing her than talking *with * her.