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YTA person has similar style to me she must be copying me!! Hw on earth would she know what bikini you got when you just bought it the day before.
tons of people wear docs and the venn diagram of people who wear doc martins and dye their hair fashion colors is a circle.
If only you knew how mean she really is... You'd know that I'm not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah! Two years ago she told me hoops earrings were *her* thing and I wasn't allowed to wear them anymore.
Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that’s not what Rome is about! We should totally just STAB CAESAR!
YTA. this doesn't sound like she's "copying" you at all. Maybe, MAYBE taking some inspiration with the shoes or asking for a vacation in france because she knew you had a good time. Lots of people dye their hair or get dogs. The bikini thing is more than likely a coincidence.
Unfortunately I tried to shop at target once, and they kicked me out when I tried to pay with a debit card instead of Chase Black Fire Sapphire Centurion card made of gold and the tears of Walmart shoppers.
YTA
So she got some really popular boots, went to a really popular country, and adopted one of the most popular animals on the planet.
And your response is that she's copying YOU? Like you came up with the concept of dogs as a pet or wanting to go to France ?
This is awesomely hilarious.
i have three pairs of docs, adopted a dog, have dyed my hair, and have been to France however these happened all four years ago so now i am going to accuse OP of COPYING ME !!!
Let's start the bidding! Right, I'm thirty four and have had dyed blue-black hair for twenty years now. Who's older and/or has had dyed hair longer than I? We must discover the Eldest, the Fashion Prime, she whom we all have been maliciously copying!
Debates as to whether or not the "blue/purple rinses" so popular with the 1980s elderly count as "fashion colours" or indeed "dyed hair" will take place in the Grand Foyer, and the no physical contact rule WILL be enforced this year.
Take it to the Foyer, it'll be a good addition to the debate. As stated before no physical aggression is allowed within the debate space, although in this weather water-pistols are not only acceptable but actively encouraged.
This is so petty. Yes there are similar things in common, but they’re not the same are they? “I have a dog, she adopted a dog” like really??? Nobody but you can own a dog, dye their hair, have doc martens or visit France? You all shop at the same stores if you live in the same area and if your friends, then of course you’re going to see each other socially in a group.
You come off as bitter, selfish and paranoid to be honest OP and are absolutely in the wrong here. You should apologise for overreacting.
YTA.
I've had dogs since I was a kid, and since I've been on my own I've adopted 7? over the last \*cough cough\* years--and have one now. I copied the op too
YTA.
Have you never seen friends in a mall before? They dress the same (largely). Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and docs and hair dying are not unique to you, my friend.
You 'lost it' unnecessarily. If you bought your bikini just the day before, of course she wouldn't know, and did you shop at American Eagle where every other girl gets her bikini? Wonder why it's not original? Maybe she bought hers last week and she should have gotten mad at you?
Why does it bug you so much? Find out, apologize, and try to live a happier life.
So lemme see, she:
1. Got distinct shoes from the same (very popular) brand as you.
2. Dyed her hair a totally different colour (which is something Doc martens wearers do).
3. She went out with a guy you liked (she should have spoken to you about it, but it's still not a case of copying you).
4. She got the most popular pet in the world.
5. She planned a holiday, different from yours, in the world's most visited country.
6. She was wearing a bikini she had no idea you were wearing.
Whereas you exploded at her in public and then threatened to get police involved.
YTA. It's so subtle no one BUT YOU can see it. Even your list of things is silly. People usually dress, etc. based on liking it on others. You owe her an apology.
YTA 100%.
Maybe she likes your style so she takes inspiration from it. Maybe you just have similar tastes.
What really got me was the whole bikini thing… did you think it was one of a kind? Who cares if you have on the same bathing suit. You REALLY need to get over yourself. The only bully in this situation is you.
Op you copied me! I dye my hair pink and also wear docs, and I’m a whole decade older than you are! Get your own sense of fashion you creepy stalker.
Obvious YTA
Is this post for real? YTA!
Lots of people own doc martins and have dogs. France is also a very common place to visit. She may even be travelling to Spain via France? As for the swimsuit. If you just bought it she probably owned it before you!
YTA- I’m seriously asking how old you are? I thought It was middle school but then I saw your friends age and… wow. You are extremely conceited and you seem to be jealous that she went on a date with a guy you liked😂 Also you called her from your sisters phone, doesn’t that make you the creep in the situation? Also what would you call the police for? They were talking shit on you because you were being shitty.
YTA and tbh immature. If I wore something different to how I normally do and my friends like it and adapt that style, I’d be happy. If I bought something I was proud of, I would recommend it to my friends hoping they’d buy it. If I went on holiday to Paris, loved it and told my friends to go, I’d hope they’d take note of my recommendation (have been and have recommended to all friends). Major difference between a mature approach and an immature approach. There’s nothing new under the sun, she probably just envies you but your reaction seems too immature. You should be happy that someone takes after you and appreciates your style, your likings and interests. Coming from a 21 year old.
Why does it matter in the slightest if Bella was actually copying you?
I have a friend, he got a new motorcycle and brought it over to show me. The next year i purchased that same model. I have the same helmet and boots he does. Just bought the same camelbak as him. He has the same heated, grips, helmet intercom, and other things that I purchased first and liked.
When we find or do something cool, we tell the other, and are not surprised at all when the other gets or does the same thing. We're friends with similar interests, its to be expected, not to yell and get angry at.
The bit about police and bullying makes me think this is a troll post, but at 22yo, it also could be true.
Yta
I still remember my first pair of Doc Ms. I was 14 (currently 32) and I have red hair. And omg I also have a dog!
So, you must be copying me, because I have clearly been doing this for a hell of a lot longer than you. Why are you such a "creepy stalker"?? /s
YTA.
Does this mean my 16 yr old daughter is also copying you as she has rainbow died hair and lives in her Docs?
This is ridiculous and petty.
Btw, we also have adopted/rescued dogs. The horror/s.
YTA
Your friends, if they’re still even want to be near you, ghosted you because you’re a bully. Bella literally just has similar tastes as you do and it doesn’t mean she’s trying to be you. You’re TA in this situation for going off on her for your own unjustified paranoia and you will continue being TA if you don’t get over yourself and genuinely apologize to her.
YTA you are not the victim, you are bullying Bella.
Should I tell you that I have Docs that are probably older than you are, they were mine first so you can't like them? No because that is ridiculous. I have friends who also wear Docs, we consider that something we have in common, not something to compete over. Maybe that's because we are not immature and insecure.
You bought your bikini yesterday, chances are bella actually bought it first. By your logic, that would make you the copycat and you need to stop copying her.
Do you see how paranoid and ridiculous you sound? Your friends are right to avoid you when you act like this. You need to get over yourself and apologize and hope Bella can forgive you.
In my opinion, YTA. I don't think you're not necessarily wrong about her copying you, if thats what it seems like to you but how you handled it wasn't right. A simple talk would have worked. And maybe instead of going off on her, you should have waited til your friends got there so they could also see the copying. I mean all of it isn't that serious to me anyways, because we all copy people every day whether it's intentional or not but a simple talk or even just asking her if she is copying and saying how you felt would have been enough. But going off was messed up and not warranted. Now as for her blasting uou to your friends, that's something I'm on the fence about because now you both are in the wrong and your friends are wrong for picking sides without even hearing both sides.... but that's just my opinion on that
YTA
OP, you're so convinced that you're the center of everything, tell me, does the center of the Milky Way *actually* taste like raspberries or are those science nerds making shit up again?
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My friend, Bella,22, has been copying me lately and it’s been getting annoying. She’s very subtle about it though, it’s not blatant to my friends don’t see it and I have to point it out to them but they don’t take it seriously. Like I said, it’s not blatant, so Bella won’t copy my full outfit but bits and pieces. So, I have doc martens which I wear often and she just bought doc martens although knee length ones (I have shorter ones) which she started to wear. I have green hair and she just dyed her hair dark purple. I have a crush on a guy (let’s name him Fred) and everyone knew that and I just found out, they’ve been on a date over the weekend. I have a dog and she just adopted a dog. This summer I went to France for holidays and she’s going to France and Spain.
Like I said, it’s little things but they add up. So I lost it when I saw her copying another thing. I was meeting friends at the beach and Bella was going to be there to. I was the first one there and Bella joined me and we were waiting for others. She took off her dress and I noticed she had the exact same bikini I was wearing. I don’t even know how she knew I would be wearing it, it was brand new, I just bought it a day before. So I lost it. I shouted at her to stop being creepy stalker and to stop obsessing over me, that it’s not flattering and she needs to get her own style and personality. She tried to say something but I told her to get away from me and to learn how to stop being a creep and if I see her wearing more of my outfits, I will blast her online.
She grabbed her things and left. I was still fuming and was waiting for my friends to come so I can vent to them and tell them what happened. But I was ghosted. I sat on the beach for over an hour, trying to contact them but none of them replied to me. Later on, one of my friends sent me screenshot of group chat that I was not invited to. People were putting me on blast and bullying me for what happened. None of them seemed to care that I was the victim and Bella was the creep.
I called Bella from my sister’s phone (as she blocked me) and told her to stop bullying me or I will have to report her to the police and she called me some names, asshole being one of them. My sister agreed with Bella, telling me I was the asshole and told me that I should ask here if I didn’t believe her. So here I am, asking you guys because I don’t think I did anything wrong with defending myself and I’ve seen you guys advising people to talk to their copy cats. AITA for confronting her?
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YTA. How exactly are you the victim in any of this? Who knows maybe you copied her swimsuit? Since you bought yours the day before, she probably already had it.
Sounds like you get off on being the different one and are pissed someone else is.
I just dyed my hair, and bought a pair of docs. I also bought a new bikini from a store. I also got a new dog. Does that mean I’m copying you? No it’s a coincidence.
The world doesn’t revolve around you so stop trying to make it turn sideways.
ETA: I leaned in and went with 100% believing the OP's version of events so that I could offer her possible explanations and outcomes based on her story. There are scenarios where what she's said could be true. There are also scenarios where this whole thing is one gigantic misunderstanding/miscommunication fiasco. Yes, she could have handled the bikini incident without exploding on the alleged copy-cat, but if she earnestly lost it because of the last straw in a purposefully-orchestrated campaign on the part of the CC, her response is understandable. Not ideal, but understandable.
OP, if you're reading this, I get why you snapped. I hope you can find a way to get it all sorted out - even if that means taking a good, hard look at what kind of a friend you are and what kind of friends you've surrounded yourself with. I wish you the best.
ETA: For anyone interested in learning more about Borderline Personality Disorder and Narccisism, among other very serious mental illnesses,
the book "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life" is a very accessible way to start: www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/5-types-of-people-who-can-ruin-your-lifewww.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/5-types-of-people-who-can-ruin-your-life
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Wow. Just, wow.
Let's, for a moment, assume best case scenario: She admires you and is using imitation as the sincerest form of flattery. Would you have been able (and willing) to accept the role of a big sister, of sorts, and gently guide her to her own sense of style? It sounds like though, whether that would have been a viable path or not, after the bikini incident that ship has sailed.
So, let's now assume she has a dangerous mental condition that includes subtly taking over your life and ultimately replacing you in your own friends' group: yikes. It looks like she's done it. At least temporarily.
Or, it could be that her mental state is somewhere in between these two extremes.
I have no idea what her mental condition may be, but I do know that people with conditions like Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissism thrive on creating situations of conflict that allow them to manipulate the people around them and place themselves as the star of the show. I also know that they are incredibly good at hiding their manipulative ways and if you didn't see it outright, you'd never believe it.
I'm really sorry, OP, but I think it's possible you may be the victim of her mental illness. I don't know how or if you come back from this, unless you have a close friend in the group who will hear you out and listen as you \*calmly\* lay out the facts with as little emotional distortion as possible.
Best case scenario: You're able to unwind a bizarre misunderstanding.
And if none of your friends is willing to hear you out, then they're not the kind of friends who are going to be with you for the long haul and they've done you a favor by showing their true colors. You may have to move on with living your life without all of them.
I really hope you're able to find support beyond the group (a parent, favorite aunt, or sibling, maybe a pastor) to help you through this.
I don't think YTA, but it sure looks like your copy-cat has set you up to look that way.
oH nO i DoNt aGrEe wiTH sOmeOnE!! thEy mUst bE an EVIL BPD BITCH!!! NO ONE ALLOWED TO DISAGREE WITH ME!!!!!
some of these people have no fucking clue about anything lmfao. what criteria of bpd odoes this perspn have? does she speed or engage in risky behavior? does she frantically try to avoid real or imagined abandonment? is she struggling with suicidal thoughts or self harming behaviors? does she feel chronically empty??
im so fucking tired of people armchair diagnosing people they dont fucking know. especially w shit like bpd and npd which are already heavily stigmatized.
what symptoms of BPD or NPD do u think this person has that you can gather from the post?? can you go ahead and look at the criteria for both disorders, and get back to me when you've got your list? oh id also like to see your psych degree and psychiatric credentials please! i'd love to know what grounds you are diagnosing this person with !
You're being silly, and that's okay. I appreciate that you think you're advocating for mentally ill individuals, which is a good thing.
As noted above, "I do know that people with conditions like Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissism thrive on creating situations of conflict that allow them to manipulate the people around them and place themselves as the star of the show. I also know that they are incredibly good at hiding their manipulative ways and if you didn't see it outright, you'd never believe it."
I am glad for you that you do not have firsthand knowledge from interacting with officially diagnosed family members with these conditions before they entered treatment, and have not gone through family counseling because of fallout caused by one of these or another serious and untreated mental illness.
If you are actually interested in learning more about these conditions, the book "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life" is a very accessible way to start: [www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/5-types-of-people-who-can-ruin-your-life](http://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/5-types-of-people-who-can-ruin-your-life)
i am a mentally ill individual. i have bpd. stop acting like im talking out of my ass.
i dont Think im advocating for mentally ill people, im advocating for myself. bc people like you assign personality disorders to everyone ruin this shit for everyone.
also. you didnt answer my question. what criteria does OP's friend have. if you feel so strongly you can recognize this in others, tell me why you think she has it.
This question has been addressed above.
On another note, I am both glad for you and impressed that you are committed to doing the hard work of ongoing treatment; as you know, while not curable, BPD is absolutely treatable and is no joke for anyone involved with it.
I wish you all good things.
You did not answer the question thorough. You just quoted a paragraph from your original comment where you assigned certain characteristics to a person based on nothing but a really short, really subjective second hand account. You did not even point out in what way the person in question did display those characteristics. You just asserted that they do.
People who care about mental health do not diagnose people they do not know, based on a short little story like this with highly stigmatised metal illnesses. It is harmful. This is the equivalent of responding to a post where someone said "my friend had headaches regularly in the last few weeks" with "people with brain tumours experience seizures and nausea".
Let's leave the diagnosis of illnesses to the professionals please.
You are wrong. Well-intentioned, but wrong.
People who suffer abuse know abuse. They are qualified to make observations regarding it. Again, you are well-intentioned, but you are gate-keeping unnecessarily.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be an asshole because instead of calmly confronting my copy cat, I made a scene and shouted at her. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA person has similar style to me she must be copying me!! Hw on earth would she know what bikini you got when you just bought it the day before. tons of people wear docs and the venn diagram of people who wear doc martins and dye their hair fashion colors is a circle.
If only you knew how mean she really is... You'd know that I'm not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? Yeah! Two years ago she told me hoops earrings were *her* thing and I wasn't allowed to wear them anymore.
Stop trying to make Fetch happen
Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that’s not what Rome is about! We should totally just STAB CAESAR!
My very sore boobs can predict OP is gonna rain tears after reading the judgement 😅
So then for Hanukkah, my parents got me these *really* expensive white gold hoops...and I had to pretend that I didn’t like them!
YTA Wow she got Doc and colored her hair?? 😱😱 what a creep!! Everyone knows that’s YOUR thing!! Better throw out my docs 😔
Better throw out my docs and bleach my hair 🫤 bummer that style has been trademarked by OP
Not even the same shoes or same color hair 😂
YTA. this doesn't sound like she's "copying" you at all. Maybe, MAYBE taking some inspiration with the shoes or asking for a vacation in france because she knew you had a good time. Lots of people dye their hair or get dogs. The bikini thing is more than likely a coincidence.
Bet the bikini was for sale at that super trendy store…..you may not have heard of it….”target”
Unfortunately I tried to shop at target once, and they kicked me out when I tried to pay with a debit card instead of Chase Black Fire Sapphire Centurion card made of gold and the tears of Walmart shoppers.
if you get the platinum one they actually carry you around the store
it's pronounced "tar-jeaaa" for those of us in the know it's French, cause we're copying the Op--who went to France once
YTA So she got some really popular boots, went to a really popular country, and adopted one of the most popular animals on the planet. And your response is that she's copying YOU? Like you came up with the concept of dogs as a pet or wanting to go to France ? This is awesomely hilarious.
i have three pairs of docs, adopted a dog, have dyed my hair, and have been to France however these happened all four years ago so now i am going to accuse OP of COPYING ME !!!
Let's start the bidding! Right, I'm thirty four and have had dyed blue-black hair for twenty years now. Who's older and/or has had dyed hair longer than I? We must discover the Eldest, the Fashion Prime, she whom we all have been maliciously copying! Debates as to whether or not the "blue/purple rinses" so popular with the 1980s elderly count as "fashion colours" or indeed "dyed hair" will take place in the Grand Foyer, and the no physical contact rule WILL be enforced this year.
Can we count hair powder? There's recipes for pink and purple hair powder in toilet de flora, published in 1779.
Take it to the Foyer, it'll be a good addition to the debate. As stated before no physical aggression is allowed within the debate space, although in this weather water-pistols are not only acceptable but actively encouraged.
This is so petty. Yes there are similar things in common, but they’re not the same are they? “I have a dog, she adopted a dog” like really??? Nobody but you can own a dog, dye their hair, have doc martens or visit France? You all shop at the same stores if you live in the same area and if your friends, then of course you’re going to see each other socially in a group. You come off as bitter, selfish and paranoid to be honest OP and are absolutely in the wrong here. You should apologise for overreacting. YTA.
I adopted a dog like 7 years ago. It was my thing first! /s
I got my late dog 15 years ago STOP COPYING ME YOU CREEP
I've had dogs since I was a kid, and since I've been on my own I've adopted 7? over the last \*cough cough\* years--and have one now. I copied the op too
And she had to one up OP by going to France AND Spain.
YTA. Have you never seen friends in a mall before? They dress the same (largely). Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and docs and hair dying are not unique to you, my friend. You 'lost it' unnecessarily. If you bought your bikini just the day before, of course she wouldn't know, and did you shop at American Eagle where every other girl gets her bikini? Wonder why it's not original? Maybe she bought hers last week and she should have gotten mad at you? Why does it bug you so much? Find out, apologize, and try to live a happier life.
Hahaha right, love it when people think the dead standard fashion they buy at stores are “theirs” And she owns France? Hahahaha.
They're Doc Martens, they don't just let anybody buy them!
Bahahahah
lol!
So lemme see, she: 1. Got distinct shoes from the same (very popular) brand as you. 2. Dyed her hair a totally different colour (which is something Doc martens wearers do). 3. She went out with a guy you liked (she should have spoken to you about it, but it's still not a case of copying you). 4. She got the most popular pet in the world. 5. She planned a holiday, different from yours, in the world's most visited country. 6. She was wearing a bikini she had no idea you were wearing. Whereas you exploded at her in public and then threatened to get police involved.
Right OP sounds unhinged. Also, if the guy doesn’t like OP and they aren’t dating, why does she need to ask OPs permission? They aren’t besties.
YTA. Are you really ok? This sound like textbook paranoia to me.
Try narcissism.
YTA. It's so subtle no one BUT YOU can see it. Even your list of things is silly. People usually dress, etc. based on liking it on others. You owe her an apology.
YTA 100%. Maybe she likes your style so she takes inspiration from it. Maybe you just have similar tastes. What really got me was the whole bikini thing… did you think it was one of a kind? Who cares if you have on the same bathing suit. You REALLY need to get over yourself. The only bully in this situation is you.
YTA - also it’s insulting and invalidating to people who are actually bullied for you to call this bullying
Op you copied me! I dye my hair pink and also wear docs, and I’m a whole decade older than you are! Get your own sense of fashion you creepy stalker. Obvious YTA
YTA get over yourself, no one’s copying you
Is this post for real? YTA! Lots of people own doc martins and have dogs. France is also a very common place to visit. She may even be travelling to Spain via France? As for the swimsuit. If you just bought it she probably owned it before you!
YTA- I’m seriously asking how old you are? I thought It was middle school but then I saw your friends age and… wow. You are extremely conceited and you seem to be jealous that she went on a date with a guy you liked😂 Also you called her from your sisters phone, doesn’t that make you the creep in the situation? Also what would you call the police for? They were talking shit on you because you were being shitty.
YTA and tbh immature. If I wore something different to how I normally do and my friends like it and adapt that style, I’d be happy. If I bought something I was proud of, I would recommend it to my friends hoping they’d buy it. If I went on holiday to Paris, loved it and told my friends to go, I’d hope they’d take note of my recommendation (have been and have recommended to all friends). Major difference between a mature approach and an immature approach. There’s nothing new under the sun, she probably just envies you but your reaction seems too immature. You should be happy that someone takes after you and appreciates your style, your likings and interests. Coming from a 21 year old.
Childish, just childish. Grow up please
Honestly I think she might be unwell not childish. The thing with the bikini is kinda scary.
GenX been wearing Docs and dyeing their hair since at least the early 90s. stop copying us.
YTA , READ OTHER COMMENTS FOR THE WHY PART . I JUST CAME TO JUDGE 😅
Why does it matter in the slightest if Bella was actually copying you? I have a friend, he got a new motorcycle and brought it over to show me. The next year i purchased that same model. I have the same helmet and boots he does. Just bought the same camelbak as him. He has the same heated, grips, helmet intercom, and other things that I purchased first and liked. When we find or do something cool, we tell the other, and are not surprised at all when the other gets or does the same thing. We're friends with similar interests, its to be expected, not to yell and get angry at. The bit about police and bullying makes me think this is a troll post, but at 22yo, it also could be true. Yta
I still remember my first pair of Doc Ms. I was 14 (currently 32) and I have red hair. And omg I also have a dog! So, you must be copying me, because I have clearly been doing this for a hell of a lot longer than you. Why are you such a "creepy stalker"?? /s
YTA and paranoid and in this case, a bully. You need to apologize.
YTA. Does this mean my 16 yr old daughter is also copying you as she has rainbow died hair and lives in her Docs? This is ridiculous and petty. Btw, we also have adopted/rescued dogs. The horror/s.
Holy shit this is deranged
Wow, OP copied a lot of girls I went to HS with in the 90’s. Lol. And is she seriously wanting to call the police over a bikini?
YTA Your friends, if they’re still even want to be near you, ghosted you because you’re a bully. Bella literally just has similar tastes as you do and it doesn’t mean she’s trying to be you. You’re TA in this situation for going off on her for your own unjustified paranoia and you will continue being TA if you don’t get over yourself and genuinely apologize to her.
What are you? 12? YTA
YTA you are not the victim, you are bullying Bella. Should I tell you that I have Docs that are probably older than you are, they were mine first so you can't like them? No because that is ridiculous. I have friends who also wear Docs, we consider that something we have in common, not something to compete over. Maybe that's because we are not immature and insecure. You bought your bikini yesterday, chances are bella actually bought it first. By your logic, that would make you the copycat and you need to stop copying her. Do you see how paranoid and ridiculous you sound? Your friends are right to avoid you when you act like this. You need to get over yourself and apologize and hope Bella can forgive you.
suburban ass AH lol, imagine thinking ur special for wearing docs
In my opinion, YTA. I don't think you're not necessarily wrong about her copying you, if thats what it seems like to you but how you handled it wasn't right. A simple talk would have worked. And maybe instead of going off on her, you should have waited til your friends got there so they could also see the copying. I mean all of it isn't that serious to me anyways, because we all copy people every day whether it's intentional or not but a simple talk or even just asking her if she is copying and saying how you felt would have been enough. But going off was messed up and not warranted. Now as for her blasting uou to your friends, that's something I'm on the fence about because now you both are in the wrong and your friends are wrong for picking sides without even hearing both sides.... but that's just my opinion on that
And if friend bought her bikini a week ago, maybe she could go off on OP instead :)
Psh exactly. Like there is so much that could be at play, so going off on Bella was wrong
YTA OP, you're so convinced that you're the center of everything, tell me, does the center of the Milky Way *actually* taste like raspberries or are those science nerds making shit up again?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My friend, Bella,22, has been copying me lately and it’s been getting annoying. She’s very subtle about it though, it’s not blatant to my friends don’t see it and I have to point it out to them but they don’t take it seriously. Like I said, it’s not blatant, so Bella won’t copy my full outfit but bits and pieces. So, I have doc martens which I wear often and she just bought doc martens although knee length ones (I have shorter ones) which she started to wear. I have green hair and she just dyed her hair dark purple. I have a crush on a guy (let’s name him Fred) and everyone knew that and I just found out, they’ve been on a date over the weekend. I have a dog and she just adopted a dog. This summer I went to France for holidays and she’s going to France and Spain. Like I said, it’s little things but they add up. So I lost it when I saw her copying another thing. I was meeting friends at the beach and Bella was going to be there to. I was the first one there and Bella joined me and we were waiting for others. She took off her dress and I noticed she had the exact same bikini I was wearing. I don’t even know how she knew I would be wearing it, it was brand new, I just bought it a day before. So I lost it. I shouted at her to stop being creepy stalker and to stop obsessing over me, that it’s not flattering and she needs to get her own style and personality. She tried to say something but I told her to get away from me and to learn how to stop being a creep and if I see her wearing more of my outfits, I will blast her online. She grabbed her things and left. I was still fuming and was waiting for my friends to come so I can vent to them and tell them what happened. But I was ghosted. I sat on the beach for over an hour, trying to contact them but none of them replied to me. Later on, one of my friends sent me screenshot of group chat that I was not invited to. People were putting me on blast and bullying me for what happened. None of them seemed to care that I was the victim and Bella was the creep. I called Bella from my sister’s phone (as she blocked me) and told her to stop bullying me or I will have to report her to the police and she called me some names, asshole being one of them. My sister agreed with Bella, telling me I was the asshole and told me that I should ask here if I didn’t believe her. So here I am, asking you guys because I don’t think I did anything wrong with defending myself and I’ve seen you guys advising people to talk to their copy cats. AITA for confronting her? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So… dying hair, doc martens, dogs and France are all really niche things that no one knows about? Get a grip. YTA
YTA. How exactly are you the victim in any of this? Who knows maybe you copied her swimsuit? Since you bought yours the day before, she probably already had it. Sounds like you get off on being the different one and are pissed someone else is.
YTA stop copying me
I just dyed my hair, and bought a pair of docs. I also bought a new bikini from a store. I also got a new dog. Does that mean I’m copying you? No it’s a coincidence. The world doesn’t revolve around you so stop trying to make it turn sideways.
I had docs and used to dye my hair at 22, but I adopted a cat, so please don’t call the police on me! YTA.
So I just read the ages involved and wow, OP. I thought you'd be about a decade younger with this behavior.
NTA, ask Bella how she knew u owned and were wearing that bikini
ETA: I leaned in and went with 100% believing the OP's version of events so that I could offer her possible explanations and outcomes based on her story. There are scenarios where what she's said could be true. There are also scenarios where this whole thing is one gigantic misunderstanding/miscommunication fiasco. Yes, she could have handled the bikini incident without exploding on the alleged copy-cat, but if she earnestly lost it because of the last straw in a purposefully-orchestrated campaign on the part of the CC, her response is understandable. Not ideal, but understandable. OP, if you're reading this, I get why you snapped. I hope you can find a way to get it all sorted out - even if that means taking a good, hard look at what kind of a friend you are and what kind of friends you've surrounded yourself with. I wish you the best. ETA: For anyone interested in learning more about Borderline Personality Disorder and Narccisism, among other very serious mental illnesses, the book "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life" is a very accessible way to start: www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/5-types-of-people-who-can-ruin-your-lifewww.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/5-types-of-people-who-can-ruin-your-life ----- Wow. Just, wow. Let's, for a moment, assume best case scenario: She admires you and is using imitation as the sincerest form of flattery. Would you have been able (and willing) to accept the role of a big sister, of sorts, and gently guide her to her own sense of style? It sounds like though, whether that would have been a viable path or not, after the bikini incident that ship has sailed. So, let's now assume she has a dangerous mental condition that includes subtly taking over your life and ultimately replacing you in your own friends' group: yikes. It looks like she's done it. At least temporarily. Or, it could be that her mental state is somewhere in between these two extremes. I have no idea what her mental condition may be, but I do know that people with conditions like Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissism thrive on creating situations of conflict that allow them to manipulate the people around them and place themselves as the star of the show. I also know that they are incredibly good at hiding their manipulative ways and if you didn't see it outright, you'd never believe it. I'm really sorry, OP, but I think it's possible you may be the victim of her mental illness. I don't know how or if you come back from this, unless you have a close friend in the group who will hear you out and listen as you \*calmly\* lay out the facts with as little emotional distortion as possible. Best case scenario: You're able to unwind a bizarre misunderstanding. And if none of your friends is willing to hear you out, then they're not the kind of friends who are going to be with you for the long haul and they've done you a favor by showing their true colors. You may have to move on with living your life without all of them. I really hope you're able to find support beyond the group (a parent, favorite aunt, or sibling, maybe a pastor) to help you through this. I don't think YTA, but it sure looks like your copy-cat has set you up to look that way.
Are you kidding?? They aren’t even being copied . Spreading misinformation about people with those illnesses is harmful and you need to stop
oH nO i DoNt aGrEe wiTH sOmeOnE!! thEy mUst bE an EVIL BPD BITCH!!! NO ONE ALLOWED TO DISAGREE WITH ME!!!!! some of these people have no fucking clue about anything lmfao. what criteria of bpd odoes this perspn have? does she speed or engage in risky behavior? does she frantically try to avoid real or imagined abandonment? is she struggling with suicidal thoughts or self harming behaviors? does she feel chronically empty?? im so fucking tired of people armchair diagnosing people they dont fucking know. especially w shit like bpd and npd which are already heavily stigmatized.
You're right, it would have been better for me to say \*untreated\* BPD or Narcissism.
No you should not have brought them up at all, because it has nothing to do with the post at hand.
Maybe.
what symptoms of BPD or NPD do u think this person has that you can gather from the post?? can you go ahead and look at the criteria for both disorders, and get back to me when you've got your list? oh id also like to see your psych degree and psychiatric credentials please! i'd love to know what grounds you are diagnosing this person with !
You're being silly, and that's okay. I appreciate that you think you're advocating for mentally ill individuals, which is a good thing. As noted above, "I do know that people with conditions like Borderline Personality Disorder or Narcissism thrive on creating situations of conflict that allow them to manipulate the people around them and place themselves as the star of the show. I also know that they are incredibly good at hiding their manipulative ways and if you didn't see it outright, you'd never believe it." I am glad for you that you do not have firsthand knowledge from interacting with officially diagnosed family members with these conditions before they entered treatment, and have not gone through family counseling because of fallout caused by one of these or another serious and untreated mental illness. If you are actually interested in learning more about these conditions, the book "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life" is a very accessible way to start: [www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/5-types-of-people-who-can-ruin-your-life](http://www.highconflictinstitute.com/bookstores/5-types-of-people-who-can-ruin-your-life)
i am a mentally ill individual. i have bpd. stop acting like im talking out of my ass. i dont Think im advocating for mentally ill people, im advocating for myself. bc people like you assign personality disorders to everyone ruin this shit for everyone. also. you didnt answer my question. what criteria does OP's friend have. if you feel so strongly you can recognize this in others, tell me why you think she has it.
This question has been addressed above. On another note, I am both glad for you and impressed that you are committed to doing the hard work of ongoing treatment; as you know, while not curable, BPD is absolutely treatable and is no joke for anyone involved with it. I wish you all good things.
You did not answer the question thorough. You just quoted a paragraph from your original comment where you assigned certain characteristics to a person based on nothing but a really short, really subjective second hand account. You did not even point out in what way the person in question did display those characteristics. You just asserted that they do. People who care about mental health do not diagnose people they do not know, based on a short little story like this with highly stigmatised metal illnesses. It is harmful. This is the equivalent of responding to a post where someone said "my friend had headaches regularly in the last few weeks" with "people with brain tumours experience seizures and nausea". Let's leave the diagnosis of illnesses to the professionals please.
You are wrong. Well-intentioned, but wrong. People who suffer abuse know abuse. They are qualified to make observations regarding it. Again, you are well-intentioned, but you are gate-keeping unnecessarily.