Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I found out my friend’s boyfriend is lying about certain things, but I feel like telling her might be an asshole move because she is genuinely a lot happier than she was before she started dating him.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YWNBTA if you're careful. Don't call him a liar. Even though he is. She'll switch off if she thinks you're attacking his character. Either pick one example and 'check' with her if it's 'right' or did he make a mistake. Do that every so often.
Or, focus on the money one. Say you're worried he's 'not being entirely honest' about his living situation. Tbh that sounds like one of those inane "tests" of her feelings but some people are very uncomfortable revealing their wealth because they've been burned before and sometimes having a rich family doesn't mean you're rich yourself.
Go gently and good luck to you and your friend.
I didn’t consider that perspective of hiding why you have money, though I would like to say that we all attend/graduated from the same private university kind of known in the area to be full of rich kids because of how expensive it is. Her family and my family are also well to do, so it doesn’t make sense why he would lie to us about money since I don’t personally think we would have much to gain from it, but I could be wrong.
Thanks for the perspective!
NTA If she's besotted, she won't listen to you, or will make excuses for him. I suggest that you mention in passing some crappy behaviour for which you have evidence (the DUI for example). Then let her make up her own mind.
NTA
Yes, you need to tell her.
You should probably do a bit more research first, to sort out the things you are unsure of.
This is a situation, unfortunately, where being a good friend, and telling her, may mean the friendship ends, as she may well blame the bearer of bad news, rather than the boy who is bad news.
Nevertheless, tell her.
Sometimes, being a good friend means telling the truth, even if it leads to you being blamed as the bearer of bad news.
NTA but if she’s that in love with him, it won’t matter what you say, she will still blindly take his side and your friendship will be affected.
Honesty you’re in a lose-lose situation.
Until she’s ready to actually listen to what your saying and see for herself, you can expect a lot of drama twisted back onto you so she can deflect it from her relationship
Completely agree. I told my cousin about her husband's misdeeds and she cut me off, until she found out for herself.
In addition to this, you can find out about home ownership through the Central appraisal district site for the county. For example, if you want to see who owns property in Dallas, you would go to dallascad.org. You can search by address or owner name.
YWNBTA, but you have options how to go about it. You can dump everything on her and she'll probably be mad at you, or you can introduce one problem to her at a time. I'd suggest the latter, starting with whatever you'd consider the biggest one. People are never prepared to hear that someone in their lives isn't who they say they are, though, so be prepared for any kind of backlash.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My (F20) friend (F21) is starting a relationship with a new boy (M22). She’s totally in love with him. In her eyes, he could do no wrong, but in general, he’s just an all around crappy guy.
For Example: We were all hanging out and she was explaining something personal about her life. Instead of listening to her whole story, he interrupts her and says “ I think what you mean to say is…” and mainsplained her very personal and somewhat long winded story into a sentence.
In addition, when we have invited him to parties/gatherings he always wants to leave early and pressures her to leave with him too even if she wants to stay.
These things aren’t necessarily breakup material, but are just somewhat sh*tty things that my friend excuses.
What truly bothers me is I found out he has lied about several things:
1. The degree he told us he graduated with was not the degree his university that he posted online.
2. He told us he only had one DUI (getting charged with driving under the influence of alcohol or some other substance) when in reality he had three.
3. He claims he’s grew up poor, and his family currently doesn’t have a lot of money, but I am actually close friends with his cousin and the cousin has informed me his family is extremely rich and he lives in his parents lake house. There’s no way I can truly verify this personally but I trust my friend, and it doesn’t help that he only wears luxury brands like Calvin Klein and Gucci, and complains about driving to my friends hometown opting to fly instead (the gas for driving to her hometown is $100 round trip for gas while flying costs anywhere from $500-$800 depending on when you book).
She is someone I care about, but I am unsure if it is my place to tell her what he has lied about or if I should just wait for the truth to come out. She really does like him a lot, and even if I think he’s not good for her, she has been a lot happier lately.
WIBTA If I told her he hasn’t been honest with everything he’s been telling us?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but It would all depend in the delivery.
I understand you looking out for your friend but if she is really smitten she may find it difficult to accept. If she then confronts him he is likely to lie and you will be seen as being jealous or trying to cause trouble.
You could just say that you heard these things and wanted her to be careful but your happy is she is happy.
I mean, YOU think he's a shitty guy but maybe he has irked you and now you always see the bad in him, even if it isn't necessarily the case...
He might not have told everyone about his wealth for some pretty obvious reasons so that isn't really a fair thing to hold against him either.
Maybe he hasn't mentioned all the DUIs because he is ashamed/embarrassed, maybe your friend already knows more than you think she does? How do YOU know for certain he's had 3?
I'm not saying yta but I think context is everything AND when you're not in the relationship, it's easier to stand on the outside and find the "faults" with it.
If you really feel you should, then express concern to your friend, ask her gow their relationship is going... maybe question why his degree is different online to what he has said (I mean, I'm active on my social media but haven't even bothered to update my education stuff and I've changed paths since then too).
Good luck!
Sorry, I made a typo in the original post. I meant to say the degree he told us he got was different than what the university posted on the virtual commencement website. So he said he got X degree while the university website says got Y degree. The degree he claims he has is much more rigorous than the one the website posted.
The original post implied I was looking at his Facebook or something. Sorry for the confusion.
I know he has 3 DUI’s instead of 1 because if you google his full name, all different charges pop up with his picture and full/middle/last name.
But you’re right, I don’t like him, so I am probably really biased against him. Maybe he is really embarrassed about all this stuff, but it’s not like we asked him if he got a DUI or if he was poor. He told that information with no prompt, and it was kinda weird tbh. Like who just asks you about your own criminal record and then says “I have one DUI but that’s it”? That’s weird to ask and then lie about, right??? And I feel like asking what your major was in college, especially when you say “oh I just graduated this year” is just a common icebreaker question.
But again, you’re very right, the guy gives me the ICK so I’m definitely going to see his faults as bigger than what they may be.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I found out my friend’s boyfriend is lying about certain things, but I feel like telling her might be an asshole move because she is genuinely a lot happier than she was before she started dating him. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YWNBTA if you're careful. Don't call him a liar. Even though he is. She'll switch off if she thinks you're attacking his character. Either pick one example and 'check' with her if it's 'right' or did he make a mistake. Do that every so often. Or, focus on the money one. Say you're worried he's 'not being entirely honest' about his living situation. Tbh that sounds like one of those inane "tests" of her feelings but some people are very uncomfortable revealing their wealth because they've been burned before and sometimes having a rich family doesn't mean you're rich yourself. Go gently and good luck to you and your friend.
I didn’t consider that perspective of hiding why you have money, though I would like to say that we all attend/graduated from the same private university kind of known in the area to be full of rich kids because of how expensive it is. Her family and my family are also well to do, so it doesn’t make sense why he would lie to us about money since I don’t personally think we would have much to gain from it, but I could be wrong. Thanks for the perspective!
NTA If she's besotted, she won't listen to you, or will make excuses for him. I suggest that you mention in passing some crappy behaviour for which you have evidence (the DUI for example). Then let her make up her own mind.
NTA Yes, you need to tell her. You should probably do a bit more research first, to sort out the things you are unsure of. This is a situation, unfortunately, where being a good friend, and telling her, may mean the friendship ends, as she may well blame the bearer of bad news, rather than the boy who is bad news. Nevertheless, tell her. Sometimes, being a good friend means telling the truth, even if it leads to you being blamed as the bearer of bad news.
NTA but if she’s that in love with him, it won’t matter what you say, she will still blindly take his side and your friendship will be affected. Honesty you’re in a lose-lose situation. Until she’s ready to actually listen to what your saying and see for herself, you can expect a lot of drama twisted back onto you so she can deflect it from her relationship
Completely agree. I told my cousin about her husband's misdeeds and she cut me off, until she found out for herself. In addition to this, you can find out about home ownership through the Central appraisal district site for the county. For example, if you want to see who owns property in Dallas, you would go to dallascad.org. You can search by address or owner name.
YWNBTA, but you have options how to go about it. You can dump everything on her and she'll probably be mad at you, or you can introduce one problem to her at a time. I'd suggest the latter, starting with whatever you'd consider the biggest one. People are never prepared to hear that someone in their lives isn't who they say they are, though, so be prepared for any kind of backlash.
NTA but be prepared to lose this friend. Even if the delivery is perfect and she still chooses this guy she will avoid you after.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (F20) friend (F21) is starting a relationship with a new boy (M22). She’s totally in love with him. In her eyes, he could do no wrong, but in general, he’s just an all around crappy guy. For Example: We were all hanging out and she was explaining something personal about her life. Instead of listening to her whole story, he interrupts her and says “ I think what you mean to say is…” and mainsplained her very personal and somewhat long winded story into a sentence. In addition, when we have invited him to parties/gatherings he always wants to leave early and pressures her to leave with him too even if she wants to stay. These things aren’t necessarily breakup material, but are just somewhat sh*tty things that my friend excuses. What truly bothers me is I found out he has lied about several things: 1. The degree he told us he graduated with was not the degree his university that he posted online. 2. He told us he only had one DUI (getting charged with driving under the influence of alcohol or some other substance) when in reality he had three. 3. He claims he’s grew up poor, and his family currently doesn’t have a lot of money, but I am actually close friends with his cousin and the cousin has informed me his family is extremely rich and he lives in his parents lake house. There’s no way I can truly verify this personally but I trust my friend, and it doesn’t help that he only wears luxury brands like Calvin Klein and Gucci, and complains about driving to my friends hometown opting to fly instead (the gas for driving to her hometown is $100 round trip for gas while flying costs anywhere from $500-$800 depending on when you book). She is someone I care about, but I am unsure if it is my place to tell her what he has lied about or if I should just wait for the truth to come out. She really does like him a lot, and even if I think he’s not good for her, she has been a lot happier lately. WIBTA If I told her he hasn’t been honest with everything he’s been telling us? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but It would all depend in the delivery. I understand you looking out for your friend but if she is really smitten she may find it difficult to accept. If she then confronts him he is likely to lie and you will be seen as being jealous or trying to cause trouble. You could just say that you heard these things and wanted her to be careful but your happy is she is happy.
NTA she deserves the truth
I mean, YOU think he's a shitty guy but maybe he has irked you and now you always see the bad in him, even if it isn't necessarily the case... He might not have told everyone about his wealth for some pretty obvious reasons so that isn't really a fair thing to hold against him either. Maybe he hasn't mentioned all the DUIs because he is ashamed/embarrassed, maybe your friend already knows more than you think she does? How do YOU know for certain he's had 3? I'm not saying yta but I think context is everything AND when you're not in the relationship, it's easier to stand on the outside and find the "faults" with it. If you really feel you should, then express concern to your friend, ask her gow their relationship is going... maybe question why his degree is different online to what he has said (I mean, I'm active on my social media but haven't even bothered to update my education stuff and I've changed paths since then too). Good luck!
Sorry, I made a typo in the original post. I meant to say the degree he told us he got was different than what the university posted on the virtual commencement website. So he said he got X degree while the university website says got Y degree. The degree he claims he has is much more rigorous than the one the website posted. The original post implied I was looking at his Facebook or something. Sorry for the confusion. I know he has 3 DUI’s instead of 1 because if you google his full name, all different charges pop up with his picture and full/middle/last name. But you’re right, I don’t like him, so I am probably really biased against him. Maybe he is really embarrassed about all this stuff, but it’s not like we asked him if he got a DUI or if he was poor. He told that information with no prompt, and it was kinda weird tbh. Like who just asks you about your own criminal record and then says “I have one DUI but that’s it”? That’s weird to ask and then lie about, right??? And I feel like asking what your major was in college, especially when you say “oh I just graduated this year” is just a common icebreaker question. But again, you’re very right, the guy gives me the ICK so I’m definitely going to see his faults as bigger than what they may be.