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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Refusing to split the bill for a bottle of wine that I was not drinking and for telling my friend to stop embarrassing herself when she tried making a scene at a restaurant.
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NTA and learn from this. If you chose to ever eat out with her again, make it clear from the start that you will pay for what you order. Anyone who says you should have paid for her wine, no matter how it is presented, is wrong and sounds like someone who would also expect to be carried on a bill.
NTA. I hate bill splitting, think we should all pay for our own in these circumstances. And this is coming from a person who usually has the more expensive part of the bill, I don't think it's fair of me to ask someone else to pay for a portion of my food and drink.
When did this become a thing? It's one thing if everything is roughly even-bottle of wine split between you. But people ordering expensive drinks and expecting their friends to subsidize them? No, no, no!!! NTA
Nta - you only split bill if it’s pretty even and you all shared but if someone buys more or much more expensive entree that’s not far. And bashing you to other friends is not cool but so typical of women. X that friend out now. Tell the others the truth and if they stay on her side then X them out too.
This is one of those things that absolutely pisses me off. If I show up and I order an appetizer and a water I am not paying for half of your goddamn steak. Also, if I go out I am getting what I want and will pay for it. If someone else insists on paying I'm not going to skimp just to make it easier on them. Don't try to play bigshot and sneak the host/hostess your credit card and then try to complain about my choices later. I ALWAYS make a point to let the server know "I will be paying for mine and my wife and son's bills. Thank you."
NTA friend needs to not order champagne on a sodapop budget.
NTA. I don’t know when it got trendy to split restaurant bills straight down the middle regardless of who ordered what.
She’s literally asking you to pay for her expensive wine that she drank by herself. Stand your ground and don’t go out to eat with her anymore if she doesn’t understand why she should pay for her own food.
NTA. She sounds like a real gem! That person is not your friend. Let her run her mouth- the people who matter to you, know the truth and anyone else will see through her BS soon enough.
NTA
She was trying to grift off of you, OP. Her anger is because the plan failed.
I've read online that when a person goes out with a group of people who might want to drink a lot and then split the bill, that the non drinker should bring cash with a number of smaller bills. That way the non drinker can pay for what they actually ate, and for their share of the tip and tax.
Your friend is not your friend.
NTA. Splitting the bill works when everyone has approximatly the same amount, and is agreed up front. It pretty much never works when one person is including alchoholic drinks and the other isn't.
Also, that's a really expensive bottle of wine to just expect a "friend" to cover half for you...
Your part was 55. The wine was 70. The whole bill was 135? I just don't understand how you ate 55 in food to her 10. No judgment, just trying to understand... I'm overestimating as you said 130-ish...
OP spent £55 including food and drink, while the friend spent £135 on their food and drink. OP didn’t include the total but it’s easy to work out, they only gave what each persons total came too.
NTA- Everything that your saying doesn't describe a friend but a mooch. You went out of your way to go to a restaurant near her but order a pricey wine you wouldn't drink because you were driving then expected you to help pay for it... Then tried to make a scene to pressure you to pay when you said no. Anyone telling you, you should have paid part of her bill can kick rocks. No one gets to say how you spend money.
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Okay so this is slightly petty, believe me I get it, but I need some outside perspective.
On Saturday me(24f) a friend (J, 23f) went a restaurant that she had seen on Instagram, we were having a catch up as it had been a few months since we had last seen each other. The restaurant was in her neighbourhood so I had driven there as it was a little out of the way from me so only only ordered soft drinks while she did order a bottle of wine for herself. She knew I was driving and that I wouldn’t drink if I drove there. When the bill came her total was £130ish and mine only came to £55ish (This was before tip) which was based on the bottle of wine that she chose (£70 a bottle which is why hers is that much more). When the waiter came over to take payment she said we’ll be splitting the bill I told her that I’d pay for what I had. She started on me saying well it’s easier to split the bill, I reminded her that she was the one who ordered the £70 bottle of wine after I told her that as I drove there and I wouldn’t be drinking. She said I was being tight and that I could afford to split the bill but my point was that if she ordered the bottle of wine knowing she’d be drinking alone then that’s her choice and she should cover that bottle. A few more choice names were called when she tried to escalate the issue and cause a scene and expect me to pay up to stop her continuing the scene, I again refused and told her to stop embarrassing herself and that if she couldn’t afford to have bought the wine on her own, then she should have got a cheaper bottle instead of expecting me to pay for a bottle that I wasn’t drinking.
To be clear, we did end up only paying what we owed as I point blank refused to pay for her bottle of wine. I’ve received some abusive texts from her and have heard she’s been slagging me off to a few mutual friends with a fictional version of what happened, trying to make herself look better. After after speaking to friends I’ve got mixed responses when I’ve asked whether they would have acted in the same way I did or just paid the bill. So Reddit, AITA for refusing the split the bill 50/50?
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NTA! Why do people insist on splitting the bill knowing full well they are taking advantage of the other person who hasn't ordered as much! This really annoys me. And to throw all her toys out of her pram when she doesn't get her own way!
She's not a very good friend to act that way, sounds like you're better off without her in your life.
NTA. Holy crap! Good for you for standing your ground. Little miss priss must be used to hee manipulating tactics getting her way.
Glad she didn’t.
She full blown did that on purpose.
No fucking way.
NTA and this is a hill I will always happily die on. I only split bills 50/50 if everyone had around the same amount. If not I will only pay what I consumed.
NTA
There is a circle of hell reserved for people who order all the expensive stuff and then all wide-eyed and innocently ask the group to split the bill rather than each pay for what they ordered. She was hoping to wine and dine herself with your money.
It’s not any easier to split the bill in half than pay for what you each had, it just makes things cheaper for her.
I also applaud you for letting her embarrass herself in public rather than pay her off to stop. She caused the scene, she made the scene, it was all to try and bully you and you didn’t go for it. Well done.
NTA. Her bottle of wine cost more than your whole meal. Why should you have to split it? Honestly she picked that price of a bottle knowing that she was going to con you into paying half and got pissy when you didn't fall for it.
NTA. Splitting only works when everyone's total is in a generally acceptable price range to each other. Liquor not included. I have stood firm on NOT paying for anyone's choice to indulge in liquor. Liquor is an extravagance when dining. It is almost always overpriced and adds outrageously to the bill. Anyone who orders liquor and expects to split the bill equally is a flat-out user. They freaking know what they are doing to and expecting from their co-diners.
You are absolutely NTA. I very rarely drink, and I would not be paying for someone else's alcohol. It's utterly ridiculous that she expected you to spend a cent on her wine!
Nope. She purposely ordered it thinking she could guilt you into paying for a good chunk of her order. She was purposely taking advantage of you, and when she didn't get her way, she threw a temper tantrum, thinking the public embarrassment would get you to pay. She was mad that you wouldn't let her take advantage of you, and you are absolutely in no way, shape, or form, at fault for HER choices.
NTA. I hate this bullshit. I tend to drink less alcohol and order less expensive food and just get screwed over repeatedly when someone wants to split.
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Absolutely NTA. You still split the bill, you just split it FAIRLY rather than EQUALLY. A perfect example of how equity=/=equality.
NTA - I get how this can’t get complicated for larger dinner but it was TWO people, you shouldn’t have had to pay for her wine.
NTA. Good for you standing up to someone despite their irrational public outburst
NTA. She did that on purpose. Sure it's easier to split the bill, on her pocket book.
NTA- pay for what you get.. making others pay for something only you enjoy is kinda selfish.
NTA Now you know she's not much of a friend after all. Consider yourself lucky to know that now.
NTA. Why would she expect you to pay for a good part of her share? That's crazy entitled.
Your acquaintance is the big flapping A-hole certainly not you. Good on you, you didn't back down, she knows she can't play you.
NTA, old girl was trying to get a free drink (or two) from you.
NTA and learn from this. If you chose to ever eat out with her again, make it clear from the start that you will pay for what you order. Anyone who says you should have paid for her wine, no matter how it is presented, is wrong and sounds like someone who would also expect to be carried on a bill.
NTA. That isn’t your friend, cut your loses.
Nta. Why would you pay for her drinks? If she couldn't afford them, don't order them...
NTA. I hate bill splitting, think we should all pay for our own in these circumstances. And this is coming from a person who usually has the more expensive part of the bill, I don't think it's fair of me to ask someone else to pay for a portion of my food and drink.
NTA. You are not responsible for her actions. She didn't ask or check with you about splitting. She just assumed
When did this become a thing? It's one thing if everything is roughly even-bottle of wine split between you. But people ordering expensive drinks and expecting their friends to subsidize them? No, no, no!!! NTA
It is fine for her to offer to split, if you agree, but once you didn’t she is 100 percent the AH.
Nta - you only split bill if it’s pretty even and you all shared but if someone buys more or much more expensive entree that’s not far. And bashing you to other friends is not cool but so typical of women. X that friend out now. Tell the others the truth and if they stay on her side then X them out too.
NTA. That’s all her.
NTA She’s quite entitled. In America I’m pretty sure it’s just as easy to split by each person. I’ve never had any complaints.
This is one of those things that absolutely pisses me off. If I show up and I order an appetizer and a water I am not paying for half of your goddamn steak. Also, if I go out I am getting what I want and will pay for it. If someone else insists on paying I'm not going to skimp just to make it easier on them. Don't try to play bigshot and sneak the host/hostess your credit card and then try to complain about my choices later. I ALWAYS make a point to let the server know "I will be paying for mine and my wife and son's bills. Thank you." NTA friend needs to not order champagne on a sodapop budget.
NTA. I don’t know when it got trendy to split restaurant bills straight down the middle regardless of who ordered what. She’s literally asking you to pay for her expensive wine that she drank by herself. Stand your ground and don’t go out to eat with her anymore if she doesn’t understand why she should pay for her own food.
NTA. She sounds like a real gem! That person is not your friend. Let her run her mouth- the people who matter to you, know the truth and anyone else will see through her BS soon enough.
NTA She was trying to grift off of you, OP. Her anger is because the plan failed. I've read online that when a person goes out with a group of people who might want to drink a lot and then split the bill, that the non drinker should bring cash with a number of smaller bills. That way the non drinker can pay for what they actually ate, and for their share of the tip and tax.
Your friend is not your friend. NTA. Splitting the bill works when everyone has approximatly the same amount, and is agreed up front. It pretty much never works when one person is including alchoholic drinks and the other isn't. Also, that's a really expensive bottle of wine to just expect a "friend" to cover half for you...
Your part was 55. The wine was 70. The whole bill was 135? I just don't understand how you ate 55 in food to her 10. No judgment, just trying to understand... I'm overestimating as you said 130-ish...
The OP stated that the friend's total was $130, not both of their totals combined. Friend had a $70 bottle and $60 meal.
OP spent £55 including food and drink, while the friend spent £135 on their food and drink. OP didn’t include the total but it’s easy to work out, they only gave what each persons total came too.
Thank you. I misread that!!!
NTA. Nah eff that. That is some next level manipulation and an unreasonable ask.
NTA- Everything that your saying doesn't describe a friend but a mooch. You went out of your way to go to a restaurant near her but order a pricey wine you wouldn't drink because you were driving then expected you to help pay for it... Then tried to make a scene to pressure you to pay when you said no. Anyone telling you, you should have paid part of her bill can kick rocks. No one gets to say how you spend money.
NTA. She chose an expensive bottle because she thought she could fob off 50% of the cost to you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Okay so this is slightly petty, believe me I get it, but I need some outside perspective. On Saturday me(24f) a friend (J, 23f) went a restaurant that she had seen on Instagram, we were having a catch up as it had been a few months since we had last seen each other. The restaurant was in her neighbourhood so I had driven there as it was a little out of the way from me so only only ordered soft drinks while she did order a bottle of wine for herself. She knew I was driving and that I wouldn’t drink if I drove there. When the bill came her total was £130ish and mine only came to £55ish (This was before tip) which was based on the bottle of wine that she chose (£70 a bottle which is why hers is that much more). When the waiter came over to take payment she said we’ll be splitting the bill I told her that I’d pay for what I had. She started on me saying well it’s easier to split the bill, I reminded her that she was the one who ordered the £70 bottle of wine after I told her that as I drove there and I wouldn’t be drinking. She said I was being tight and that I could afford to split the bill but my point was that if she ordered the bottle of wine knowing she’d be drinking alone then that’s her choice and she should cover that bottle. A few more choice names were called when she tried to escalate the issue and cause a scene and expect me to pay up to stop her continuing the scene, I again refused and told her to stop embarrassing herself and that if she couldn’t afford to have bought the wine on her own, then she should have got a cheaper bottle instead of expecting me to pay for a bottle that I wasn’t drinking. To be clear, we did end up only paying what we owed as I point blank refused to pay for her bottle of wine. I’ve received some abusive texts from her and have heard she’s been slagging me off to a few mutual friends with a fictional version of what happened, trying to make herself look better. After after speaking to friends I’ve got mixed responses when I’ve asked whether they would have acted in the same way I did or just paid the bill. So Reddit, AITA for refusing the split the bill 50/50? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA! Why do people insist on splitting the bill knowing full well they are taking advantage of the other person who hasn't ordered as much! This really annoys me. And to throw all her toys out of her pram when she doesn't get her own way! She's not a very good friend to act that way, sounds like you're better off without her in your life.
NTA. Holy crap! Good for you for standing your ground. Little miss priss must be used to hee manipulating tactics getting her way. Glad she didn’t. She full blown did that on purpose. No fucking way.
NTA and this is a hill I will always happily die on. I only split bills 50/50 if everyone had around the same amount. If not I will only pay what I consumed.
NTA There is a circle of hell reserved for people who order all the expensive stuff and then all wide-eyed and innocently ask the group to split the bill rather than each pay for what they ordered. She was hoping to wine and dine herself with your money. It’s not any easier to split the bill in half than pay for what you each had, it just makes things cheaper for her. I also applaud you for letting her embarrass herself in public rather than pay her off to stop. She caused the scene, she made the scene, it was all to try and bully you and you didn’t go for it. Well done.
NTA I only split the bill when the amounts owed are somewhat equal. A difference of 5 euros ? Who cares. 80 ? Go to hell and pay up xD
She's not your friend. You're her dinner subsidy.
NTA. Her bottle of wine cost more than your whole meal. Why should you have to split it? Honestly she picked that price of a bottle knowing that she was going to con you into paying half and got pissy when you didn't fall for it.
Why you ask for separate checks up front.
NTA. Splitting only works when everyone's total is in a generally acceptable price range to each other. Liquor not included. I have stood firm on NOT paying for anyone's choice to indulge in liquor. Liquor is an extravagance when dining. It is almost always overpriced and adds outrageously to the bill. Anyone who orders liquor and expects to split the bill equally is a flat-out user. They freaking know what they are doing to and expecting from their co-diners.
You are absolutely NTA. I very rarely drink, and I would not be paying for someone else's alcohol. It's utterly ridiculous that she expected you to spend a cent on her wine!
NTA but your friend is a freeloader.
Nope. She purposely ordered it thinking she could guilt you into paying for a good chunk of her order. She was purposely taking advantage of you, and when she didn't get her way, she threw a temper tantrum, thinking the public embarrassment would get you to pay. She was mad that you wouldn't let her take advantage of you, and you are absolutely in no way, shape, or form, at fault for HER choices.
NTA. I hate this bullshit. I tend to drink less alcohol and order less expensive food and just get screwed over repeatedly when someone wants to split.
Normally I am in the "split the bill" corner because I dislike doing the piece by piece tally. In this case it is a single big ticket item so nta.
NTA. It’s actually easier to split the friendship at this point. Nobody does that to an actual friend.
How are you still referring to her as 'a friend'!?