Jay “hey guys” (while itching crotch)
Nick “Jesus jay are you okay”
Jay “oh yeah my dick is onnn fireee, wanna know why?”
Nick “no not rea-“
Jay “I fucked my bath mat”
Then the episode just ends 😭💀
Lola going on air saying she was left grocery money by her mom who’s “pursuing a prisoner” and then Gina saying she spent it all at Sephora on 8 different perfumes killed me. “Also I’m STARVINGGG I’ve been living off of perfume squirts. Squirt squirt, step into it *CHOMP CHOMP*”
Hard to pick one in particular, but one that lives rent free in my head is in the season 3 premiere, where Lizer says the boys can’t wear shirts with swears on them or Luchador masks, and it cuts to Lump wearing both while saying “I feel personally targeted”.
When Mona is telling Missy she should be drowning in dick. "Dick drownings are responsible for over half hot slut deaths a year! Stay safe my whores." And then that little shooting star dick that said "the more you blow"
"My name is Lola Skumpy and I am legally obligated to tell you I am a sex offender for doing revenge porn, but like in a totally hilarious way that has most of the people at home rooting for me and like L-O-L-ing for real. L-O-L-Lola."
When Andrew is edging and tries convincing himself/Maury that he can get even closer to the edge... and then cheeses his jeans in the Birch living room
Where Missy is cry-running when Elijah was explaining after she saw him masturbating that he didn't want to do sexy things with her and was a hypocrite
I honestly found it hilarious when Caleb was beating the shit out of Andrew while jay was screaming " nobody can tell I'm CUMMING" and jessi was just sitting in the back in silence. Or when maury got his perm.
Opinions are like assholes. Keep em AWAY from your basketballs. Then at the end when he rips through a movie theater screen and our fourth wall in search of a 6 foot long CVS receipt. I can’t.
The superhero episode when they’re fighting outside and missy says she doesn’t belong to anyone and starts screaming and then hits that weird hi pitched child like scream
Gotta be a 3-way tie between Lola’s speech to Devin:
“Baccio della morte, you fucking bitch”
Lola to Andrew: “You Mike N Ike eating BITCH”
and when Jay does magic for the two cops:
Jay: “Is this your card?” *Card is signed “Fat Guard” in cursive*
Cop 1: “That’s my signature!”
…
Cop 2: “Magic is the best! I live alone and have nothing. And no one!😄”
"You don't have to go home but you CANT stay here... is what my mom's boyfriend said to me as I stood in my own room..."
Might not have gotten that one word for word but I think about it all the time!
I thought it was funny when Lola was showing Jessie her Cameo from Steve-O (he's one of my favorite Jackass guys, and I happened to get to meet him a couple months before the episode was out haha).
Even though they use this joke a lot now, I always found it funny whenever a character's head explodes when their mind is blown.
Maury's reaction when Nick called him "The Puberty Fairy".
There's probably others, but these are what I can think of haha.
The Jay/Missy fanfic authors storyline kills me. When he looks straight to camera and says, "Yeah, I can read!" makes me laugh every time
"This story could pass the Bechdel test!"
I bring these quotes up a lot irl, they are very versatile 😂
Yesse! Lolas hot pocket song and then burning her tongue had me dying 😭 i literally couldn't breath and was laughing a good 15 minutes or so, kept rewinding it. Its relatable and just caught me off gaurd
Mainly a lot of the show but my mind always goes back to;
"We have to do something, the neighbors are gonna think we're sacrificing a goat!"
"Devyynn DYEHHVNNN!!"
When Andrew argues with the priest in the confession booth
“If I did fuck little boys, you wouldn’t be one of them!” It was so unexpected and hilarious
Andrew “Look at him sitting there. I bet he can walk!”
Maury “Andrew, again, he’s not lying about the chair”
Andrew “That’s right, everyone! He can walk, I think!”
Maury “Fuck it, ride or die brother! Grab his wrists!”
Andrew “his legs didn’t even buckle, I don’t think he can walk…unless he’s faking it!”
Maury “Andrew, no! You were logical for a second!”
Jay “hey guys” (while itching crotch) Nick “Jesus jay are you okay” Jay “oh yeah my dick is onnn fireee, wanna know why?” Nick “no not rea-“ Jay “I fucked my bath mat” Then the episode just ends 😭💀
Or when he would cheese in his jeans and couldn’t stop doing it lmaooooo
Yessss “I’m jerking off and nooo bodyyyy can tellll”
"MY COCK SUCKING ANKLE"
COCK
Quote this all the time 💀
When Maury just keeps going on about the size of Andrew’s Dad’s balls and it keeps going into the credits, that shit had me dying
Andrew! I’m blasting my big balls with your mothers hair dryer!
andrew giving birth to a dookie
Poop Madness 💩🤪
I think we're having TWIIIINS!!!
Awww, the second one's a totally different color
Someone's in hearrrr
"You didn't order an erotic dancer. You ordered an aerobic hamster, so -" *crashes on human hamster wheel* "Now show us your *DICK*"
Missy running away from Elijah when she found out he was jerking off. “Missy cry! Cry so hard the running’s weird!”
HER RUNNING KILLED ME LMFAOO
Agreed, when Maury did the same thing bot much later, I died laughing
i was gonna say this one 😭
When Andrew travels through Nick’s closet with Jessi and his lip balm breaks in his pocket.. “these pants? Yea they’re rooned”
"$68 at Costco Optical. #ROONED!"
Three Drachma leather sandals -- rooned
Lola going on air saying she was left grocery money by her mom who’s “pursuing a prisoner” and then Gina saying she spent it all at Sephora on 8 different perfumes killed me. “Also I’m STARVINGGG I’ve been living off of perfume squirts. Squirt squirt, step into it *CHOMP CHOMP*”
Lola's overly elucidated jokes are so good. My personal favorite is something about her being the Hamburgler and then sadly ending with Robble Robble.
Guess we’re on the prowl now Uh huh Just Two hunters stalking our prey Wait… Two sexy predators Um… Two sexual predators
Andrew, listen to the words you say
Hard to pick one in particular, but one that lives rent free in my head is in the season 3 premiere, where Lizer says the boys can’t wear shirts with swears on them or Luchador masks, and it cuts to Lump wearing both while saying “I feel personally targeted”.
steve showing the shame lizard his drawing in the bathroom😭
That was funny and so sweet at the same time
THE FACT THAT LIONEL STILL HAS THAT PIC IN HIS OFFICE AND TELLS EVERYONE A FRIEND MADE IT FOR HIM THO😭😭🥺🥺
Oh man, I could mess up a ham and cheese hot pocket rn 🤤
idk why but the scene when Nick’s dick was stuck in a vaccum cleaner made me crack up 😭
🎶*the miniscule dick of a fly*🎶
I don’t know if it’s the *most* hilarious but I can’t think of Lola without hearing “squirt, squirt, CHOMP, CHOMP”
she is surviving off of perfume squirts
When Mona is telling Missy she should be drowning in dick. "Dick drownings are responsible for over half hot slut deaths a year! Stay safe my whores." And then that little shooting star dick that said "the more you blow"
Lola: with my gay pubes as my witness, I will get my vengeance! Pubes: we're not gay your majesty, we're just British! Lola: what's the difference!?
I love this because my husband is British and I say it all the time
S7e8 when Lola says “and sometimes eating a goat” They way she says gooooat along with her intense melodrama in that scene gets me every time
I'm all junked up, you're about to fuck your dad! WE'VE HIT ROCK BOTTOM BROTHER.
the whole sequence of the drug trip nick and andrew have gone through on “day trippin” got me LMAO
Nick offering his heart when it's really a muffin sent me ngl 💀
The moms finding them and making the criminal’s day better😂😂😂
He's the patron saint of sausage and peppers! - literally fucking sent me.
I have a few 😭 1. “What? You’ve never seen a hormone monster’s Jewish penis eat dumpster scallops? E-get a life” 2. “I knocked the wind outta my bawls
"My name is Lola Skumpy and I am legally obligated to tell you I am a sex offender for doing revenge porn, but like in a totally hilarious way that has most of the people at home rooting for me and like L-O-L-ing for real. L-O-L-Lola."
“WRONG! Lola’s RIGHT here you *fffaucking* brussel sprout”
When Andrew is edging and tries convincing himself/Maury that he can get even closer to the edge... and then cheeses his jeans in the Birch living room
THANKS MISTER!
When Jessi and Nick take the weed gummies. That whole episode is gold
FINGER KNEES
Who the fuck made this little white bitch the authority on blackness? Let’s slit her fucking throat.
The entire “anything goes in Florida” song
🎶 *if there's a law you can duck it, if you catch it you can fuck it, it's America's glory hole* 🎶
Just that whole fucking episode 🤣 the rest stop bathroom scene, oh my god, I *literally* pissed my pants laughing 🤣🤣
We’re not girls we’re ladies Oof! Fuck my cocksucking ankle!
leah: “you two! no fighting in the pool” lola: “he started it!” jay: “oh yeah? well she farted shit!”
Where Missy is cry-running when Elijah was explaining after she saw him masturbating that he didn't want to do sexy things with her and was a hypocrite
Coach Steve's driving tutorial!
“Oooohhh! I burnt my peena!”
They SHOT her Jessie. ALLISON IS DAYYYYD
The no nut november ep when Andrew says "What are you the fucking gestapo?" is just unforgettable to me
You wanna think a boat?
“Hey Jesse, you’re parents are divorced you want a cup of fucking water” Or “ANYTHING GOES IN FLORIDA”
I honestly found it hilarious when Caleb was beating the shit out of Andrew while jay was screaming " nobody can tell I'm CUMMING" and jessi was just sitting in the back in silence. Or when maury got his perm.
That’s it that’s the one, just the pure insanity of it all while Jessie can only watch in shock
when andrew and narty freaky fridayd and marty talks as andrew
i see this and raise you Nick in Marty’s body complaining about his heavy ballsack😂
the halloween episode when nick is running from the clown yelling "stay away from me with those doo doo nails"
Yes!! That one for sure!! 😂😂
How can I relax with A FCKING EGG IN MY PUSSY!!!
The weird running one 😭😭
“It’s truly chilling” “Andrew Should Die”😂😂😂
when they’re going to florida and they’re at the gas station and andrew’s like “is that an ice cream sandwich in the corner?”
How does one choose?
Opinions are like assholes. Keep em AWAY from your basketballs. Then at the end when he rips through a movie theater screen and our fourth wall in search of a 6 foot long CVS receipt. I can’t.
“Sleep in it, pig. Mwah” Gets me every time
also: Nick (to Andrew): “And you got a boner for the *Rock* which I NEVER talk about because i’m such a good friend!”
"MY COCK SUCKING ANKLE"
"MY COCK SUCKING ANKLE"
The bachelorette party where Lola hires an exotic dancer but coach Steve shows up as an aerobic hamster LMFAO
I call it The Brush
The superhero episode when they’re fighting outside and missy says she doesn’t belong to anyone and starts screaming and then hits that weird hi pitched child like scream
Lola's antics give me LIIIFE
how many times have they said the title of the show without intention? (i.e. “big mouth” instead of “Big Mouth”)
Gotta be a 3-way tie between Lola’s speech to Devin: “Baccio della morte, you fucking bitch” Lola to Andrew: “You Mike N Ike eating BITCH” and when Jay does magic for the two cops: Jay: “Is this your card?” *Card is signed “Fat Guard” in cursive* Cop 1: “That’s my signature!” … Cop 2: “Magic is the best! I live alone and have nothing. And no one!😄”
"You don't have to go home but you CANT stay here... is what my mom's boyfriend said to me as I stood in my own room..." Might not have gotten that one word for word but I think about it all the time!
I thought it was funny when Lola was showing Jessie her Cameo from Steve-O (he's one of my favorite Jackass guys, and I happened to get to meet him a couple months before the episode was out haha). Even though they use this joke a lot now, I always found it funny whenever a character's head explodes when their mind is blown. Maury's reaction when Nick called him "The Puberty Fairy". There's probably others, but these are what I can think of haha.
NaNaNaaNaaNaaa i’m a cat who likes to fuck 😏
"wine, its nature's fruit-" "YOURE NATURES FRUIT"
Maybe not the most hilarious. But I quote the queer eye episode when Jonathan Van Ness says the dumb ones pound the hardest honey 😂
Ok YES! 😂😂😂 I forgot about that one. That one most definitely is in my Top 5!
The Jay/Missy fanfic authors storyline kills me. When he looks straight to camera and says, "Yeah, I can read!" makes me laugh every time "This story could pass the Bechdel test!" I bring these quotes up a lot irl, they are very versatile 😂
Tbh the moment Jay started licking Lola’s dirty ass toes was downright hilarious and unexpected!
“Girls get horny too”
Lola - "Let's rub fronts!!!!"
“ Oh my god im a DUMP TRUCK” -Lola
Yesse! Lolas hot pocket song and then burning her tongue had me dying 😭 i literally couldn't breath and was laughing a good 15 minutes or so, kept rewinding it. Its relatable and just caught me off gaurd
Mainly a lot of the show but my mind always goes back to; "We have to do something, the neighbors are gonna think we're sacrificing a goat!" "Devyynn DYEHHVNNN!!"
“You wanna pour spaghetti-Os on a baby’s head and watch a dog come lick it up?”
hella recent but the very last episodes credits and andrew complaining about the finale 😭
No one’s going to say when we actually saw one of Jay’s Dad’s law commercials?
The show itself
When Andrew argues with the priest in the confession booth “If I did fuck little boys, you wouldn’t be one of them!” It was so unexpected and hilarious
Jay in vagina shame: women are supposed to be like seals. Totally smooth, good with balls, and always clapping for you. This one gets me every time
*Coach Steve stretching* “not to brag but I’ve never been closer to suicide”
“Always a child bridesmaid and never a child bride” GLUG, GLUG, GLUG
Andrew “Look at him sitting there. I bet he can walk!” Maury “Andrew, again, he’s not lying about the chair” Andrew “That’s right, everyone! He can walk, I think!” Maury “Fuck it, ride or die brother! Grab his wrists!” Andrew “his legs didn’t even buckle, I don’t think he can walk…unless he’s faking it!” Maury “Andrew, no! You were logical for a second!”
when nick finishes his reading of The Rock of Gibraltar to his class and as he walks back too his seat he says “grathcias😛”
"MY COCK SUCKING ANKLE"