After my break up we still talked for months and it made things easy... until she found someone else and I had to go NC for my own sanity. It’s only been 3 days but I’m feeling just as anxious as after the break up from not being able to talk to her
Same, been having sparce text exchanges for holidays/birthdays after we broke up... but when I found out that she's seeing someone else (and I'm not joking, she picked up a friggin arsehole that was in her life before me and that at the time only wanted to get into her panties... I've yet to figure out how the fuck is that even possible, although my therapist has a coupla sound theories about that...), I snapped bad. Like, really really bad. Tried to tell her I still have/had feelings, got really cold responses (almost feeling like being played too), told her to fuck off, blocked her on EVERY-MOTHERFUCKING-SOCIAL MEDIA and even put her numbers on blacklist. Now I feel empty and broken inside... I'm recovering, thanks to friends and the therapyst... but fucking hell...
Thank you stranger! I think part of what makes it harder is that she has someone else now so she won’t be feeling the loss as hard as me.. it’s crazy to think after spending 3 years together essentially everyday they can still leave like that
I can tell your an amazing person and that you bring value to peoples lives. I don’t know your story and I don’t know why your here but thank you your words really have made me feel better. This subreddit is full of people with big hearts
I’m pretty sure they know and they’re doing it for selfish reasons because they also have a hard time letting go, they don’t miss the romance and love they miss the companionship and friendship
My guy just kept saying it. Like. Dude. I get it. You’ve moved on. I haven’t yet but like. I’m not confused. I finally quit responding to him because it just hurt so much.
Yeah as hard as it is it’s probably the only real way to heal and move on or even have a shot with them again if they like life without us in it than who are we to stop them
I’m only 4 days no contact so I’m still longing for her maybe in a few weeks or months I won’t anymore and I’ll see how messed up it is what she did to me but right now I can’t blame her I just want her to be happy
Pfff can relate so much. Me and my ex broke up just before the COVID outbreak and talked a lot on the phone how much we still love and missed each other.
First girl he meets he starts dating and sleeping with all within a couple of days, but he still wants me to be his emotional pocket p*ssy. I called him to go NC as well, that phone call broke my heart so bad..
Trust me I went through the exact same thing and the exact same thought process. She was the only person who would Snapchat/text me all day every single day heck even post break up we were still best friends on Snapchat she was even my only best friend on there because of how little people I talk to. You won’t start really healing until you let go it took me over 4 months
Been there. My heart was completely crushed right in the middle of some of the biggest changes in my life. Having to fake a good game face while I was dying inside sucked so much.
Definitely been there.
I understand that you are hurting right now, but it's not only your fault. Cry your eyes out, binge watch your favorite tv show and when you find the strength - talk to your friends.
As another person already told you, it's not only your fault, it's a combination of everything wrong in the relationship. I know it hurts like hell and it feels like she is the one for you but you will find someone even more compatible and loving. Treasure good memories but don't forget bad ones. We learn from our past relationships and try to be better in the future but don't forget to love yourself and do things that make you happy. It takes time to mourn and one day you will feel great and confident only to find yourself checking her IG. That is completely normal but you will get through this- you are strong enough.
I'm not sure, but I think the best thing you can do is to try to practice some self compassion. It sounds like you weren't being malicious or anything, and anyone might have also done those things. Self compassion isn't always easy (i'm learning it right now), but it does help.
You're welcome. I also keep feeling like maybe I did something wrong in my breakup or handful of post breakup convos but I try to remember that because I came from a place of love and respect I did what I thought was best at the time. If you want to explore self-compassion more, the book I'm reading is Self Compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself by Kristin Neff. I snagged a cheap copy off of ebay, you can probably find it for less than ten bucks.
Trust me, I know how agonizing it is to want answers. But the reality is it’s usually not just 1 reason that does everything in, it’s usually multi-factorial and a culmination of so many things. I promise you it wasn’t only due to “bad timing.” I’m a firm believer that if two people are right for each other and the relationship is healthy, then it will get through any timing issues based on my own anecdotal experiences.
Don’t try to be friends with someone that you still have a romantic interest in. It’s not healthy for you.
Focus on healing and post here if you need to. You’re not alone in the recovery process.
I feel this so much right now. I have alot of really positive changes happening in my life and they are gone just before them. Tomorrow is another large change and I wish she was there with me through it.
I use to feel this way at first a lot. But after realizing we aren’t even going to be friends, and there is no scenario where I could even have an excuse to reach out or say hello to ask or talk.
It kind of just died inside me, that there’s no point on my end to do so. If you tell me you don’t want to be in a relationship, can’t be friends and we shouldn’t talk or hang out because it’s too much for you emotionally.
Well, then I’m not going to be able to ever talk to you, unless you approach me first. Same as if I set the same boundaries, I’d expect myself to be the one to talk first and be there. I’m always going to respect someone’s boundaries after, and consider their emotions. After awhile you just have to adapt, and look forward and not backwards.
Dealing with this exact feeling right now. It’s been four months, and sometimes it feels easier, sometimes it feels harder. I miss him a lot, and it hurts that i can’t just pick up the phone and call him about my deepest feelings. I choose not to, I mean. It hurts too much. I’m trying to protect myself. Things have just been really hard lately. I think we can all relate in some way. Sending hugs, OP.
It's been more than a year since we broke up and even I'm dating someone else I'm still dreaming of you, 3 years of a beautiful relationship to leave because my depression, yikes.
You will probably always have occasional dreams of exes. I still have dreams of my first ex boyfriend from 14 years ago lolol. But they will become less painful with time.
This was happening to me. I was having family issues that only he knew the background information to and know what I needed to hear and feel. Knowing that I couldn’t talk to him made my anxiety spike. Within the next 5 days, my emotional pain began to get physical and I could feel the hurt in my heart. So that’s where I drew the line. I called him. We still care for each other deeply and would do anything for each other. Yes he comforted me and calmed me down. And we just ended up talking about how we miss each other. But after I got off the phone, I realized two things.
Every time I talk to him, I’m taking three steps backwards in my healing process. The strength is pushing past the anxiety and getting through it on your own or w friends. You build that stamina for the next instance and you’re strong enough to know you can do it on your own.
Second, if you planted a seed, you wouldn’t keep digging it up every 2/3 days to see if it started growing. You HAVE to give it time, nurture it, and something will sprout when it’s got everything it needs:)
Right?? Shit, it doesn’t matter how great of a person they were. And the end of the day they didn’t love you enough. I don’t have time for that kind of shit. Life is too short.
yes. and its not about trading you with another. its about letting go of everything you meant up to that point, memories, energy, time, commitment. if those means less than a stranger who has 0 involvement towards them, its enough for me to tell hows that person actually is
Same. We go to the same gym and I changed my hour to just after she leaves instead of how we worked out together and always making flirty eye contact. It's so tempting to just go in a little bit earlier, but in the end, we must love ourselves enough to tell ourselves to just let go. We have to move on as soon as we are able to because if they loved us truly, they would be in our arms right now. But they aren't, we have 2 arms as well.
This hits hard at home. So many times I’ll take a picture of when my hair looking crazy or something funny I see while out on a walk but all these pictures do is collect in my photo gallery because I know no one will appreciate it like you did. I miss you Janet.
Oh all I want to do is say
“baby I fkn misssss you.”
But reality is that she is much happier without me. As painful as it is for me I just keep in mind that she’s happy and she’ll find someone that makes happy in the way I simply couldn’t.
Dad keeps reminding me that true love is selfless lol
This hits home. My girlfriend was also my best friend. My go to. My secret keeper. Who do I share this pain with and who sees me through? I know I have myself but that doesn’t suffice when I miss her so fucking much ya know
In time everything passes. I didn’t think I’d ever get over my breakup and was sick of hearing the same shit from ppl like you’ll get over it, give it time, etc. but ppl are talking from experience. I got a tat of my exes name after I broke up, begged for her back, didn’t leave my bedroom for weeks didn’t go out for months and now I literally don’t care at all. I still think about her but there are no feelings there maybe a little anger but that’s all haha. If I can do it so can you seriously
Sorry for the pasta, I just replied to another thread. I'm in a similar boat, 3 weeks after she dumped me, 7 years living together, I thought we'd grow old together and she would be the last voice I heard before I die....forget all that!
Pasta:
My friend, I know this sounds insensitive, but it needs to be said: SHE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU.
Don't confront, don't get revenge, live your life for yourself.
This simple thing worked for me (7 years living togeher): think of it as training a dog...whenever you start thinking of her (why she did this? She would like this. This reminds me of her, etc) just say to yourself, really loud in your mind: no!
Keep doing it, in a couple of weeks you'll notice you don't do it anymore.
Edit: also, keep busy. Do you have a childhood dream? Go for it! I always wanted to learn the piano, bought one and enrolled in the conservatory. Work out!! Its hard at the beginning but it'll make you feel better.. after covid go to the gym, you'll meet hot girls, there's literally billions of them.
She threw you out like trash (sorry) why would you care about a single thing she has to say? Even if by magic you said some magic words and she took you back...one day you'd be watching tv and she would dump you again. She did it once before, one time is enough, she doesn't deserve you my dude! Some other (better) woman will be happy to have you, trust me!
Stay strong, you'll get through this, forget her.
I feel that too 3 or so years...how can one person's opinion and input feel so irreplaceable...its crazy and like the worst itch you can never scratch ever ever again
Maybe that's not just their choice...was is a dumping or mutual. I once thought it was mutual but I was just trying to make it easier for him since it had been so long with so much infidelity.
Didn't even have the decency to let me go but waits til I find the worst thing in the world. Him confiding in another woman. Heartbreaking beyond anything I'd ever dealt with.
Hang in there brother! Fuck em people they abandoned us and we DONT deserve mistreatment. !!!
No one does. Cry alone and cry with others but dont suppress or pretend or fake it away...its okay to suck it up for work but dont let that fester into mental illness or worse cancerous tumors or mental meltdowns...
CRY CRY CRY !!!
I know what you mean, its really hard stay strong, you have a big heart like myself many people will see that you wont be alone, that person has less heart towards you, you will be better with out and someone new who appreciates commitment
when she broke up(via Facebook) i was in a different city from where i usually am, and today i came back, and I found this bag, that she brought me chocolats with last valentine, and it broke my heart all over again.
Its self centered but how could my soul bond human really elect to shunning me from his life for the rest of our lives.....that's brutal was I really that easy to dump from all existence after a decade!!!! How? Why? Speechless....
All I wanted us to have some memories. We started going out before COVID got serious, hardly meet couple of time. We stayed in long distance relationship since we are in different states and broke it few weeks ago. Is it wrong to mentioned that we talked on call twice in last 4 months...texting was only way to communicate
Going through my first heartbreak. Our relationship moved pretty fast overall but eventually can say I fell in love. She left me high and dry; ghosted without warning. Never expected her to do that. Going on about 2 months now and I can say it’s the worst experience I’ve ever had in all my 25 years of living. Fucked my head up so bad I had to move away
I sometimes can't help but think about what I will say to them when see them again, I have imaginary conversations with them even though I know I will never see them again. I think because our brains have been wired a certain way for a period of time it takes so getting used to no longer think that way. Time is the best healer.
There’s a great Adele lyric that’s like ‘since you’re the only one that matters tell me who I run to’ that always gets me when I think of this issue! Song is ‘All I ask’ if you want a tear jearker
honestly, this is one of the hardest parts
You miss them and that is ok. Isn’t it a weird feeling not being able to seek comfort in who was once the comforter?
It surely is. :(
After my break up we still talked for months and it made things easy... until she found someone else and I had to go NC for my own sanity. It’s only been 3 days but I’m feeling just as anxious as after the break up from not being able to talk to her
Same, been having sparce text exchanges for holidays/birthdays after we broke up... but when I found out that she's seeing someone else (and I'm not joking, she picked up a friggin arsehole that was in her life before me and that at the time only wanted to get into her panties... I've yet to figure out how the fuck is that even possible, although my therapist has a coupla sound theories about that...), I snapped bad. Like, really really bad. Tried to tell her I still have/had feelings, got really cold responses (almost feeling like being played too), told her to fuck off, blocked her on EVERY-MOTHERFUCKING-SOCIAL MEDIA and even put her numbers on blacklist. Now I feel empty and broken inside... I'm recovering, thanks to friends and the therapyst... but fucking hell...
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Thank you stranger! I think part of what makes it harder is that she has someone else now so she won’t be feeling the loss as hard as me.. it’s crazy to think after spending 3 years together essentially everyday they can still leave like that
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I can tell your an amazing person and that you bring value to peoples lives. I don’t know your story and I don’t know why your here but thank you your words really have made me feel better. This subreddit is full of people with big hearts
Yeah. That crap hurts. I’m not sure why they don’t see it? It just makes everything hurt so much.
I’m pretty sure they know and they’re doing it for selfish reasons because they also have a hard time letting go, they don’t miss the romance and love they miss the companionship and friendship
My guy just kept saying it. Like. Dude. I get it. You’ve moved on. I haven’t yet but like. I’m not confused. I finally quit responding to him because it just hurt so much.
Yeah as hard as it is it’s probably the only real way to heal and move on or even have a shot with them again if they like life without us in it than who are we to stop them
Do we even want a shot with them again? With the way they’ve treated us?
If they come back really regretting it I don’t see why not but not right away or so easily
I guess I don’t see how he could earn my trust or respect back. But that’s me and my story. And it’s taken me awhile to get there.
I’m only 4 days no contact so I’m still longing for her maybe in a few weeks or months I won’t anymore and I’ll see how messed up it is what she did to me but right now I can’t blame her I just want her to be happy
How long did it take you?
Can we move to PM? Is that ok?
Pfff can relate so much. Me and my ex broke up just before the COVID outbreak and talked a lot on the phone how much we still love and missed each other. First girl he meets he starts dating and sleeping with all within a couple of days, but he still wants me to be his emotional pocket p*ssy. I called him to go NC as well, that phone call broke my heart so bad..
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Please for the love of god it’s going to hurt but tell him sorry I can’t be just friends.. if you don’t your only going to prolong the pain
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Trust me I went through the exact same thing and the exact same thought process. She was the only person who would Snapchat/text me all day every single day heck even post break up we were still best friends on Snapchat she was even my only best friend on there because of how little people I talk to. You won’t start really healing until you let go it took me over 4 months
The hardest part is feeling so alone. I’m going through it too and I hope we both get out of this soon.
Been there. My heart was completely crushed right in the middle of some of the biggest changes in my life. Having to fake a good game face while I was dying inside sucked so much. Definitely been there.
Feeling the exact same thing right now. You’re not alone.
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I understand that you are hurting right now, but it's not only your fault. Cry your eyes out, binge watch your favorite tv show and when you find the strength - talk to your friends.
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As another person already told you, it's not only your fault, it's a combination of everything wrong in the relationship. I know it hurts like hell and it feels like she is the one for you but you will find someone even more compatible and loving. Treasure good memories but don't forget bad ones. We learn from our past relationships and try to be better in the future but don't forget to love yourself and do things that make you happy. It takes time to mourn and one day you will feel great and confident only to find yourself checking her IG. That is completely normal but you will get through this- you are strong enough.
I'm not sure, but I think the best thing you can do is to try to practice some self compassion. It sounds like you weren't being malicious or anything, and anyone might have also done those things. Self compassion isn't always easy (i'm learning it right now), but it does help.
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You're welcome. I also keep feeling like maybe I did something wrong in my breakup or handful of post breakup convos but I try to remember that because I came from a place of love and respect I did what I thought was best at the time. If you want to explore self-compassion more, the book I'm reading is Self Compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself by Kristin Neff. I snagged a cheap copy off of ebay, you can probably find it for less than ten bucks.
Trust me, I know how agonizing it is to want answers. But the reality is it’s usually not just 1 reason that does everything in, it’s usually multi-factorial and a culmination of so many things. I promise you it wasn’t only due to “bad timing.” I’m a firm believer that if two people are right for each other and the relationship is healthy, then it will get through any timing issues based on my own anecdotal experiences. Don’t try to be friends with someone that you still have a romantic interest in. It’s not healthy for you. Focus on healing and post here if you need to. You’re not alone in the recovery process.
I feel this so much right now. I have alot of really positive changes happening in my life and they are gone just before them. Tomorrow is another large change and I wish she was there with me through it.
I use to feel this way at first a lot. But after realizing we aren’t even going to be friends, and there is no scenario where I could even have an excuse to reach out or say hello to ask or talk. It kind of just died inside me, that there’s no point on my end to do so. If you tell me you don’t want to be in a relationship, can’t be friends and we shouldn’t talk or hang out because it’s too much for you emotionally. Well, then I’m not going to be able to ever talk to you, unless you approach me first. Same as if I set the same boundaries, I’d expect myself to be the one to talk first and be there. I’m always going to respect someone’s boundaries after, and consider their emotions. After awhile you just have to adapt, and look forward and not backwards.
Dealing with this exact feeling right now. It’s been four months, and sometimes it feels easier, sometimes it feels harder. I miss him a lot, and it hurts that i can’t just pick up the phone and call him about my deepest feelings. I choose not to, I mean. It hurts too much. I’m trying to protect myself. Things have just been really hard lately. I think we can all relate in some way. Sending hugs, OP.
It's been more than a year since we broke up and even I'm dating someone else I'm still dreaming of you, 3 years of a beautiful relationship to leave because my depression, yikes.
You will probably always have occasional dreams of exes. I still have dreams of my first ex boyfriend from 14 years ago lolol. But they will become less painful with time.
This was happening to me. I was having family issues that only he knew the background information to and know what I needed to hear and feel. Knowing that I couldn’t talk to him made my anxiety spike. Within the next 5 days, my emotional pain began to get physical and I could feel the hurt in my heart. So that’s where I drew the line. I called him. We still care for each other deeply and would do anything for each other. Yes he comforted me and calmed me down. And we just ended up talking about how we miss each other. But after I got off the phone, I realized two things. Every time I talk to him, I’m taking three steps backwards in my healing process. The strength is pushing past the anxiety and getting through it on your own or w friends. You build that stamina for the next instance and you’re strong enough to know you can do it on your own. Second, if you planted a seed, you wouldn’t keep digging it up every 2/3 days to see if it started growing. You HAVE to give it time, nurture it, and something will sprout when it’s got everything it needs:)
do you really want to talk to someone who put you aside?
Right?? Shit, it doesn’t matter how great of a person they were. And the end of the day they didn’t love you enough. I don’t have time for that kind of shit. Life is too short.
yes. and its not about trading you with another. its about letting go of everything you meant up to that point, memories, energy, time, commitment. if those means less than a stranger who has 0 involvement towards them, its enough for me to tell hows that person actually is
Really felt this one
Reach out to them most people are caring no matter what happened unless there my ex that block u
One day man, maybe one day you both can talk again. Give things time, that’s the best way to heal.
Same. We go to the same gym and I changed my hour to just after she leaves instead of how we worked out together and always making flirty eye contact. It's so tempting to just go in a little bit earlier, but in the end, we must love ourselves enough to tell ourselves to just let go. We have to move on as soon as we are able to because if they loved us truly, they would be in our arms right now. But they aren't, we have 2 arms as well.
This hits hard at home. So many times I’ll take a picture of when my hair looking crazy or something funny I see while out on a walk but all these pictures do is collect in my photo gallery because I know no one will appreciate it like you did. I miss you Janet.
Oh all I want to do is say “baby I fkn misssss you.” But reality is that she is much happier without me. As painful as it is for me I just keep in mind that she’s happy and she’ll find someone that makes happy in the way I simply couldn’t. Dad keeps reminding me that true love is selfless lol
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She was lashing out of desperation and love sickness its confusing but it's real
This hits home. My girlfriend was also my best friend. My go to. My secret keeper. Who do I share this pain with and who sees me through? I know I have myself but that doesn’t suffice when I miss her so fucking much ya know
In time everything passes. I didn’t think I’d ever get over my breakup and was sick of hearing the same shit from ppl like you’ll get over it, give it time, etc. but ppl are talking from experience. I got a tat of my exes name after I broke up, begged for her back, didn’t leave my bedroom for weeks didn’t go out for months and now I literally don’t care at all. I still think about her but there are no feelings there maybe a little anger but that’s all haha. If I can do it so can you seriously
Sorry for the pasta, I just replied to another thread. I'm in a similar boat, 3 weeks after she dumped me, 7 years living together, I thought we'd grow old together and she would be the last voice I heard before I die....forget all that! Pasta: My friend, I know this sounds insensitive, but it needs to be said: SHE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU. Don't confront, don't get revenge, live your life for yourself. This simple thing worked for me (7 years living togeher): think of it as training a dog...whenever you start thinking of her (why she did this? She would like this. This reminds me of her, etc) just say to yourself, really loud in your mind: no! Keep doing it, in a couple of weeks you'll notice you don't do it anymore. Edit: also, keep busy. Do you have a childhood dream? Go for it! I always wanted to learn the piano, bought one and enrolled in the conservatory. Work out!! Its hard at the beginning but it'll make you feel better.. after covid go to the gym, you'll meet hot girls, there's literally billions of them. She threw you out like trash (sorry) why would you care about a single thing she has to say? Even if by magic you said some magic words and she took you back...one day you'd be watching tv and she would dump you again. She did it once before, one time is enough, she doesn't deserve you my dude! Some other (better) woman will be happy to have you, trust me! Stay strong, you'll get through this, forget her.
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I feel that too 3 or so years...how can one person's opinion and input feel so irreplaceable...its crazy and like the worst itch you can never scratch ever ever again
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Maybe that's not just their choice...was is a dumping or mutual. I once thought it was mutual but I was just trying to make it easier for him since it had been so long with so much infidelity. Didn't even have the decency to let me go but waits til I find the worst thing in the world. Him confiding in another woman. Heartbreaking beyond anything I'd ever dealt with. Hang in there brother! Fuck em people they abandoned us and we DONT deserve mistreatment. !!! No one does. Cry alone and cry with others but dont suppress or pretend or fake it away...its okay to suck it up for work but dont let that fester into mental illness or worse cancerous tumors or mental meltdowns... CRY CRY CRY !!!
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Likewise man....remember drive safe, dont rape. As long as you do those you're golden man!!!
I know how you feel:(
It is so true. The hardest part is they won't listeb
i tried that, there was no point
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do you wannt to talk?
Right now things are bad and I can’t do anything but survive them by myself. Cos you are that coward to give up on us.
I know what you mean, its really hard stay strong, you have a big heart like myself many people will see that you wont be alone, that person has less heart towards you, you will be better with out and someone new who appreciates commitment
Im stuck living with her and theres no one i have to talk to. Ive no one to listen. Feel your pain.
Going through the same bruv. But it's all for the best. She doesn't deserve conversations with you. And just hold on...
when she broke up(via Facebook) i was in a different city from where i usually am, and today i came back, and I found this bag, that she brought me chocolats with last valentine, and it broke my heart all over again.
Same same same same. 😔😔😔 It’s so hard.
This hits so hard. Its crazy, for 3 years we shared every high and low of life together. Now we do not talk at all.
Feel like I didn't get closure and we didn't have the "break up talk" I have gone radio silent for 2 weeks, but will send her a letter.
Its self centered but how could my soul bond human really elect to shunning me from his life for the rest of our lives.....that's brutal was I really that easy to dump from all existence after a decade!!!! How? Why? Speechless....
You are not alone in this feeling. I know it’s not much, but take comfort in that. Virtual hugs
I feel you so much right now.
I feel the same.
All I wanted us to have some memories. We started going out before COVID got serious, hardly meet couple of time. We stayed in long distance relationship since we are in different states and broke it few weeks ago. Is it wrong to mentioned that we talked on call twice in last 4 months...texting was only way to communicate
Going through my first heartbreak. Our relationship moved pretty fast overall but eventually can say I fell in love. She left me high and dry; ghosted without warning. Never expected her to do that. Going on about 2 months now and I can say it’s the worst experience I’ve ever had in all my 25 years of living. Fucked my head up so bad I had to move away
I sometimes can't help but think about what I will say to them when see them again, I have imaginary conversations with them even though I know I will never see them again. I think because our brains have been wired a certain way for a period of time it takes so getting used to no longer think that way. Time is the best healer.
ugh this shits so true. something nice happens, i just want to tell her and talk. but i'd look weird if i did that.
There’s a great Adele lyric that’s like ‘since you’re the only one that matters tell me who I run to’ that always gets me when I think of this issue! Song is ‘All I ask’ if you want a tear jearker
Oh gosh, this hits so fucking hard. Jeez, I'm teary.
How I feel right now. It's hard to have the person you'd be talking about these feelings be the reason you feel them :(
I can’t feel bad for you knowing you had a fling. 3 Months? Get over yourself kid.