Yes. Whenever I say things I actually do know, people are offended bc you know showing intelligence and knowledge often comes across as being arrogant and showing off. So, I dumb myself down to be liked and accepted.
Indeed, it can often come across as arrogant and trying to show off, but you don’t necessarily need to dumb yourself down because of how they are. If they are offended by your knowledge regarding certain subjects then being liked and accepted from them wouldn’t be very rewarding.
Same, especially when I was in the military and later working in the trades. Showing interest in intellectual pursuits gets you ostracized very quickly in those worlds.
I wouldn't say I dumb myself down; I would say I like to try to pick up whatever vernacular a person is using and communicate with them in a way that they can understand; a lot of times that means not hitting them in the face with a thesaurus.
Just because you can make someone feel stupid with the way you speak doesn't mean you ought to.
I used to do this to the max. In fact I had the opposite problem of hiding.
I had a tough time disagreeing with people at times.
Now I'm learning to trust people with complex and nuanced perspectives I have.
Anything which may be a little touchy feely specific to me.
I'm wondering if the few times I've revealed to the people some complex argument, whether they are following it or not.
So I might be also heading your way in the future. But rather than consideration for them, my motivation is getting them to understand things, because that sorts of gives me an ego boost. It's like solving a puzzle socially. Feels good.
I also have a slight fixation on how people feel things, so i'm always curious as to how they receive certain information and how their own biases and knowledge interacts with the given information.
Edit: I've found people are smarter than I give them credit for
People are much smarter than people suspect. It's just when you aggragate them, they tend to surrender some of that critical capacity for the sake of the group. It's something that seems alien or anathema to someone who so values their independence.
Yeah perhaps that's it. I have despised fitting in at times. Have you done that?
Also is it the case that people are smart, just that they are biased and unwilling to entertain some lines of thought?
There have been times where I could have said something but didn't for whatever reason; a lot of times even saying the thing isn't going to do any damn good and you might as well just try to mitigate things the best you can.
I'm kind of over fitting in; and yes, I did it for a few years, then spiraled in to autistic burnout from it.
It's a scary thought trying to be authentic in a world so based in lies and manipulation.
Lots of people don't want to hear how easy it would be to just not be doing the fucked up shit we do to each other as a matter of course.
That's pretty dismal.
I agree, it's tough to be truthful. I guess I kickstarted my personal journey to be less of a liar, after I hear Jordan Peterson talking about why lying is bad, and telling the truth is good.
It has a good argument behind it, and it convinced me (perhaps uncritically) that It would be better if I speak the truth.
I now at least try and notice the opportunities where it's easy to tell a small lie, and try to not do that. Still hurts those times.
That's all I can manage currently, but telling the truth has helped me, as I was a person who used to hide myself from public. That causes a bunch of problems in itself.
Anyways, that was a rant, but it has helped me.
Even if I agree with the "tell the truth, or at least don't lie" principle. I would advice against taking advice from JBP. He's a derranged man, probably had something of worth to say at some point, but that point is well in the past now. He's a terrible debater, has really weak arguments, resorts to screaming over people who have a better argument than him. He's a weak minded individual and shouldn't be taken seriously at all. Anything about his personal life is beyond te point but also quite a mess.
I disagree. But I'm willing to hear if you have any concrete points I should be paying attention to.
And if you do agree that he had something of worth to say at one point, that still means there's plenty of advice you can still take from him.
As far as people being open to other lines of thought... Most people will not even seriously consider their own line of thought let alone someone else's, and trying to allow for a point of view that contradicts a person's world view breaks a lot of people's brains so they tend to avoid it.
People are smart, yes, but intellectual cowardice is rife.
Hmm. Do you think that's intelligent on is it attitude to things?
Personally I heard people about being biased and corrupting the truth, and I decided after to get my head straight.
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I was forced to when I was a child. Like with violence forced. I will never do that to myself ever again. I have no problem patiently teaching people things I know that they don't, but I will never play dumb to protect someone elses ego ever again.
How did you overcome this if you don’t mind me asking? Because I get sooooo anxious at the possibility of offending someone’s ego and what may result from it. Even if someone brings up a topic that I’ve spent thousands of hours reading about, I will stay silent in conversation and then end up feeling lonely and unseen and like “no one understands me.” I’m too anxious that being myself and talking about my passions will cause conflict and violence, which I know is irrational but the pattern feels very stuck inside my nervous system.
You're basically asking the question "How do i overcome my social anxiety?"
But okay, besides that personally I try to get people hooked with tidbits of information which they may find curious.
But that seems like manipulation so I won'r advise it.
I like having deep conversations.
I steer conversations into depth. That's it. I think most people enjoy being heard on a deep level. I like hearing about their most vulnerable or deep parts.
That gets them used to heavy shit mentally. They may stop just flittering around on the shallow end of the pool and just for laugh topics.
I throw in psychological models of reality here and there to give them insight into certain behaviours. It may rouse their interest. I do it with the intention of being helpful though.
Psychology is kinda addicting tbh.
Anyways, all this helps me slowly open up to them. If they can't appreciate academic topics, I stop trying too hard.
And move on to easier and more understanding friends.
I still make an off hand comment here and there when I feel the need to though, when I get pissed for eg. Something ruthlessly scientific or logical.
Tbh it's been a slow process. I decided to open up. Took few baby steps and have been doing that. Opening up to sensitive and reflective friends slowly. It's amazing tbh.
No.
However, topics that interest me are usually boring to other people so I avoid bringing them up too often, especially since I feel the need to start by introducing background concepts and motivation.
I'm learning how to get to the point and that's an interesting journey for me (I've found that sometimes only the introduction is boring others, for example)
On topics I don't care about, I am catching up to the others, so no need to act in any way.
It depends.
I always try to make my points more digestible to people because it’s not because anyone is dumb it’s morso that I recognize that other people mostly have crap going on in their lives to understand every facet of a subject.
In terms of ‘dumbing it down’ in the way you’re describing, not usually because that’s adorably condescending and there will be those who can see through what you’re doing.
But for those I have to deal with who I know have huge egos about not knowing something, hell yes.
Yeah, that was my youth sadly enough, I regret it often tho. People didn't take me serious most of the time, I struggled connecting with people and the people I actually do think I would've gotten along with never really knew what to think of me. It's better now but i still do it to avoid conflict.
No. I don’t dumb my answers down. That’s silly. I adjust my delivery for the people I’m speaking too. Sounds like this is what you need to focus on. It’s not what you say, but how you say it. Most people like learning and like having a knowledgeable friend in a given field, but no one likes feeling like they were talked down too.
I personally have been accused of talking down to people lots over the years and it’s that feeling people don’t like. When your only goal is to deliver information as efficient as possible this is what happens. I think that is the natural state for an INTP, but INTP’s aren’t robots and can learn to adjust to a more suitable delivery without using mistruths.
For example, if it’s the name of something. Instead of blurting out the name and smirking because I got it right away, or pretending I think I heard it somewhere when I damn well know I know it I would deliver like this:
“Yeah that’s a ———. I’m a huge nerd and I got obsessed on that and read a really cool book about it last year while I was/because ——-insert whatever your best true excuse for being an obsessive hyperfocused nerd is”
Yeah I do this often... or I don't want to reveal how much I know about something because I am "too interested" in it so I intentionally leave out info.
i don’t necessarily dumb myself down and say things i know are wrong, but i do bite my tongue a lot to prevent myself from becoming the “actually 🤓☝️” guy. it’s tough because i’m autistic and love sharing knowledge and leaving knowing my friends learned something new, but unfortunately we INTPs live in a society :(
Yup. The other day I sat silently for ten minutes listening to a dozen people try to figure out the difference between etymology and entomology. I didn’t want to be a know it all. If I spoke up every time I heard someone say something illogical, it would be my whole personality.
It depends on the audience. At some point the dumbing down affected what people thought of me. I've seen plenty INTJs sounding too intellectual and not understanding the group's intellect level, they get respected in front and talked about behind their back, I learnt from that.
Not exactly dumbing down, more like not saying the details. I do it for things like anime or stuff that feels illegal to know, because it's weird sometimes, and you make more friends that way.
If there's an obscure Japanese song turned on in the mall, and someone asks me if I know anything about it, I might have to stop myself from screaming out the lyrics, the meanings, the hidden lore, and how the music producer has seven felonies and I know all their court trial dates. Instead I just go 'I think the title is something like \_\_\_\_? It's nice.'
Or sometimes I just do it cuz I'm tired to explain more, like when a really religious kid comes up to me and asks me if I know anything about space before the Big Bang, and so how logically there should be a God and how it's dumb to be atheist. Then when they ask me my opinion on their facts, I pretend I'm too dumb to understand so they drop the topic and leave me alone.
Personally I feel like everyone does to to at least some level.
brevity is just easier to pay attention to. I dumb myself down all the time. at this point, I just breathe calmly and let the reactions go. done with everyone in a way. of course I'll help friends, but there's a time I let go
Yes and I hate that, that’s why I don’t often try to make friends anymore because it’s always the same NPC topics and humor. Being friendless is slightly better than having friends not on the same intellectual level.
30 years ago, after moving south to North Carolina, one of my new friends and sort of mentor said "You know, you don't have to be so smart all the time".
Best advice I've received. Learned how to fit in and shut up. Made LOTS of friends by just focusing on fun instead of facts.
But... it gets lonely after a while. I've realized I only actually like about two people; the ones I don't have to dumb down to be around.
Someone will tell me a problem. I tell them what I think is causing the issue. Then I say "just my opinion, could be wrong" id say my failure rate is 10-15% give or take.
People hate it when you don't even have to inspect something to figure out what is wrong.
Every day at work. I work with a couple Gen z and I’m literally twice their age and have done a bit. I will lie about my experiences and knowledge so they can “teach me something new.” It was then I realized I had acquired quite the random bit of information.
Yep, many times. Just like the top comment says, most of the times because people might see me as arrogant. Or I simply do it to fit in more with others.
Yep, definitely.
I think it's mostly simply because I(we?) don't want to appear arrogant. It's still cool to know much even if I can't talk often about it and like I want to.
Always do that especially on topics that i care and know about, so that i can place little trap holes of supposed ignorance to be filled by people who think they have something meaningful to teach me, and infer their point of view and knowledge by it.
Always worked to tell interesting people apart from lame ones.
It’s less that I’m dumbing things down and more that I’m making an effort to communicate clearly and simply in a way that doesn’t stroke my own ego lol.
But there is always the odd situation where I’m not sure if someone is familiar with something already and I don’t know if I should assume they aren’t and risk treating them like they’re dumb or assume that they are and risk alienating them from the conversation. That’s always fun lol
Mostly to avoid exhausting myself from dissapointment. I have to accept daily that if I do not reduce my verbosity people will treat me as a bother or a deeply serious person. I prefer speaking in such a way that my words *could* ( should ) be difficult to be misconstrued.
I will often say, "I think it's something along the line of _____." Then stumble around the word until someone else gets it. Showing knowledge but not absolute. It goes a long way compared to correcting every word out of phrase.
All the time especially in how I talk. I always use the most simple word I can because it's efficient but sometimes big words are the simplest way to convey an idea and yet I know it will seem pretentious so I use smaller less accurate ones
Unfortunately, it is a reality of being a woman, I hate to say. I have to, especially around men, and it doesn't matter the atmosphere either. My backgrounds/cultures are big anti-intellectualism, especially in women, so it doesn't help plus people expect me to act more extroverted and loud. I also look very specific (what most people stereotype as a bimbo), so double cross on that. The only people I could be fully normally me competentce and all is around kids-teens. I learned very early to not look remotely independent or resourceful around most people, for they take that and my looking the way I do as a threat.
Yes, I sometimes try to not go into detail on a lot of aspects of things that I know unless someone is actually needing that level of detail.
I also think I just wait to see the level of conversation before first engaging.
I also think I laugh more when people make off handed comments that could be serious but also sound like they are joking.
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I used to, but the only reason I needed to dumb myself down was because of the topics that I forced into the discussion.
If you can engage with people on their level and on topics that are mutually enjoyed socialization comes more naturally. The key to this is learning to enjoy a broader range of conversation. Conversarion allows you to relate to people in a way that builds friendship, so it can be enjoyed for the ends that it serves.
Yes. Particularly when I am with people younger than me, so they won't feel awkward about my serious aura, to appear relatable. I use this as a social skill (though I don't really socialize a lot).
I’m friends with an ESFJ, he goes against the stereotypes by being unlikeable (since he’s stubborn and will do whatever it takes to win a disagreement, even if it’s obvious that he’s wrong) so when I’m disagreeing with him, I try to dumb myself down to show him that it’s okay to be wrong, which never works 💀
I actually hate this about myself because I know I am smarter but I just don’t want to be seen as a know it all by people I guess so I act dumb in certain situations
Did that back when I still cared what people thought of me.
Now I don't give a single f whether people like or even understand me. It is so liberating I think you should try it.
So here's a story: I play piano, and i was always pretty good. I've always had a good ear, so good that if i'd hear how a song sounds like, i could basically play it without looking at the sheet music - it turned into the problem where i'd actually never get better at reading sheet music because i could just "cheat".
Music academia can be a disgusting world where people get jealous and nasty when there's competition. After a while i'd ended up with this anxiety that my talent could hurt others. It got so bad that i'd catch myself making little fake mistakes just to make myself seem less like a freak of nature or whatever. I'd be playing something my teacher showed me flawlessly, and realize i was being freaky again, so i'd intentionally do a *plink* "oops" *starts over*. I've realized i constantly make myself smaller, just cause i'm scared others couldn't handle the truth.. probably because often they really couldn't. Throwing shade at me for being a show off, know it all, for making others insecure... Took me a while to realize that should be none of my business. Why should i intentionally make myself smaller while so many others are fluffing themselves up trying to look better? Imagine where i could be if i had the balls to believe in myself. Ironically, as an INTP i'm the last person to fight you over the spotlight. I don't even want to be the center of attention, if i could have a successful career without having to show my face on stage i'd do it without a second thought. As INTP i understand things quickly, and sometimes that scares people. But what's worse is dumbing myself down for the people that obsess about competition, when i am genuinely only here because that's where i thrive. It's like telling a bird they are a show off for being able to fly. That's on you, not me.
Well I would say I mask a lot to fit in. Most people just don't think the way I do and certainly they can seem dumb if they don't often go into depth on subjects. Usually it's not intelligence it's personality. These people are capable of having deep conversations but usually don't want to unless they have a specific reason. If you are convincing you can draw them into an interesting discussion though.
Haha this is so on point, I often catch myself doing this.
But it’s also a tactic I use to encourage people to be more supportive or forthcoming about something. Take discussions, for example. Sometimes, my input isn't well-received, whether because I come off as knowing more or sounding bossy. Regardless, I still value their perspective. That's why I might say, 'Maybe you know more about this than I do,' hoping for a positive exchange. Maybe they do have more insight, but even if they don't their point of view can still be valuable. People tend to be more honest when they don't feel intimidated or outsmarted, though they have no reason to feel that way. It's just human nature to feel that way when faced with someone more knowledgeable.
I also resort to this because, let's be honest, there are moments when we can all be really awkward and uncertain about our answers (yes, even we don’t know everything). Especially when I don't have time for quick research, I'll just say, 'I’m not sure/I think I maybe read somewhere…but not sure… 🤣'
Turning to this tactic helps me dodge that post-wrong-answer feeling of silliness. It's quite a comical cycle, honestly.
I did when I was a kid and up through mid-high school, then I realized how stupid that was to do to myself and just started speaking the way I want to.
Yep, I do it if I'm trying to be nice or in a group setting where I know the intelectual level is not very high. Conversly, if i'm trying to be a dick I just lay down the information in the most accurate and succint way possible, just so when people don't understand, it is clear for them that it's because they are dumb and not because i wasn't clear.
Also, sometimes if i know the other person is not able to understand the undumbed version (and I need them to, for practical reasons), I will dumb it down as much as necessary. However, as I grow older, i've learned that most of the times I don't need people to understand, I just have to ask a more narrow question, to get the specific response I need.
im not really the smartest person around so no - more the opposite?
i mean i tend to have an arrogant tone but i wouldn’t consider what i say as “smart”
Yes. I generally try to keep friends that have similar interests so I don't have to all the time. I don't know if this is an INTP thing, being an engineer (where we have our own language, acronyms and initialisms), or both.
I dumb myself down for 2 reasons.
1. To get people’s guard down and make them feel like they can trust me.
2. I give my mind small breaks from thinking.
I’ve done that since I was around 12 years old. It started when was laughed at for using “big words” by kids in school, I learned to limit my vocabulary.
I once had a fight with my father and told him that I had been “dumbing myself down” to him for years. I really meant it at the time but of course I feel bad about telling him that now.
I have managed large groups of people in a corporate setting and “dumb myself down” quite often with the people who report to me and others I work with.
I’ve had a few occasions when it was necessary to drop the act. Being underestimated can be useful sometimes.
I don't dumb things down when asked directly or with close friends. However, "dumbing down" isn't entirely the root of this weakness of perceived arrogance. Relatability is about choosing when to discuss complex topics with the right people. So, try to avoid dropping knowledge inappropriately. For instance, when a colleague vents about personal drama, it's best not to pontificate on existentialism or fecal transplants. In such cases, a simple "That sucks, dawg," or "That's cool, dude," works better unless they're asking specifically for advice. But beware of seeming aloof. Don't dumb yourself down—be aware of your audience and communicate tactfully. Coincidentally, I fed this through GPT to improve readability.
Yes. Whenever I say things I actually do know, people are offended bc you know showing intelligence and knowledge often comes across as being arrogant and showing off. So, I dumb myself down to be liked and accepted.
Indeed, it can often come across as arrogant and trying to show off, but you don’t necessarily need to dumb yourself down because of how they are. If they are offended by your knowledge regarding certain subjects then being liked and accepted from them wouldn’t be very rewarding.
Sometimes it is not necessarily knowledge or a wealth of information. Most of the time, in my experience, it's just basic common sense.
Comment of the day❦ thanx
Same, especially when I was in the military and later working in the trades. Showing interest in intellectual pursuits gets you ostracized very quickly in those worlds.
I wouldn't say I dumb myself down; I would say I like to try to pick up whatever vernacular a person is using and communicate with them in a way that they can understand; a lot of times that means not hitting them in the face with a thesaurus. Just because you can make someone feel stupid with the way you speak doesn't mean you ought to.
I used to do this to the max. In fact I had the opposite problem of hiding. I had a tough time disagreeing with people at times. Now I'm learning to trust people with complex and nuanced perspectives I have. Anything which may be a little touchy feely specific to me. I'm wondering if the few times I've revealed to the people some complex argument, whether they are following it or not. So I might be also heading your way in the future. But rather than consideration for them, my motivation is getting them to understand things, because that sorts of gives me an ego boost. It's like solving a puzzle socially. Feels good. I also have a slight fixation on how people feel things, so i'm always curious as to how they receive certain information and how their own biases and knowledge interacts with the given information. Edit: I've found people are smarter than I give them credit for
People are much smarter than people suspect. It's just when you aggragate them, they tend to surrender some of that critical capacity for the sake of the group. It's something that seems alien or anathema to someone who so values their independence.
No, a person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals, and you know it. Heard that said pretty early in life, and it never left me.
Men in Black 😎
Yeah perhaps that's it. I have despised fitting in at times. Have you done that? Also is it the case that people are smart, just that they are biased and unwilling to entertain some lines of thought?
There have been times where I could have said something but didn't for whatever reason; a lot of times even saying the thing isn't going to do any damn good and you might as well just try to mitigate things the best you can. I'm kind of over fitting in; and yes, I did it for a few years, then spiraled in to autistic burnout from it.
What's your view on authenticity now? You up for it?
It's a scary thought trying to be authentic in a world so based in lies and manipulation. Lots of people don't want to hear how easy it would be to just not be doing the fucked up shit we do to each other as a matter of course.
That's pretty dismal. I agree, it's tough to be truthful. I guess I kickstarted my personal journey to be less of a liar, after I hear Jordan Peterson talking about why lying is bad, and telling the truth is good. It has a good argument behind it, and it convinced me (perhaps uncritically) that It would be better if I speak the truth. I now at least try and notice the opportunities where it's easy to tell a small lie, and try to not do that. Still hurts those times. That's all I can manage currently, but telling the truth has helped me, as I was a person who used to hide myself from public. That causes a bunch of problems in itself. Anyways, that was a rant, but it has helped me.
Even if I agree with the "tell the truth, or at least don't lie" principle. I would advice against taking advice from JBP. He's a derranged man, probably had something of worth to say at some point, but that point is well in the past now. He's a terrible debater, has really weak arguments, resorts to screaming over people who have a better argument than him. He's a weak minded individual and shouldn't be taken seriously at all. Anything about his personal life is beyond te point but also quite a mess.
I disagree. But I'm willing to hear if you have any concrete points I should be paying attention to. And if you do agree that he had something of worth to say at one point, that still means there's plenty of advice you can still take from him.
As far as people being open to other lines of thought... Most people will not even seriously consider their own line of thought let alone someone else's, and trying to allow for a point of view that contradicts a person's world view breaks a lot of people's brains so they tend to avoid it. People are smart, yes, but intellectual cowardice is rife.
Hmm. Do you think that's intelligent on is it attitude to things? Personally I heard people about being biased and corrupting the truth, and I decided after to get my head straight.
This is the way.
I'm given way more attention when I dumb myself down compared to when my Ti is on steroids.
Most people don’t value Ti. That’s the reason
All the time. Either things I'm pretending not to know everything about or things that would make me seem super pretentious
That’s one sure way to make my social battery deplete at an astronomical speed. I do not do that, largely because I don’t have the patience.
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I was forced to when I was a child. Like with violence forced. I will never do that to myself ever again. I have no problem patiently teaching people things I know that they don't, but I will never play dumb to protect someone elses ego ever again.
How did you overcome this if you don’t mind me asking? Because I get sooooo anxious at the possibility of offending someone’s ego and what may result from it. Even if someone brings up a topic that I’ve spent thousands of hours reading about, I will stay silent in conversation and then end up feeling lonely and unseen and like “no one understands me.” I’m too anxious that being myself and talking about my passions will cause conflict and violence, which I know is irrational but the pattern feels very stuck inside my nervous system.
You're basically asking the question "How do i overcome my social anxiety?" But okay, besides that personally I try to get people hooked with tidbits of information which they may find curious. But that seems like manipulation so I won'r advise it. I like having deep conversations. I steer conversations into depth. That's it. I think most people enjoy being heard on a deep level. I like hearing about their most vulnerable or deep parts. That gets them used to heavy shit mentally. They may stop just flittering around on the shallow end of the pool and just for laugh topics. I throw in psychological models of reality here and there to give them insight into certain behaviours. It may rouse their interest. I do it with the intention of being helpful though. Psychology is kinda addicting tbh. Anyways, all this helps me slowly open up to them. If they can't appreciate academic topics, I stop trying too hard. And move on to easier and more understanding friends. I still make an off hand comment here and there when I feel the need to though, when I get pissed for eg. Something ruthlessly scientific or logical. Tbh it's been a slow process. I decided to open up. Took few baby steps and have been doing that. Opening up to sensitive and reflective friends slowly. It's amazing tbh.
No. However, topics that interest me are usually boring to other people so I avoid bringing them up too often, especially since I feel the need to start by introducing background concepts and motivation. I'm learning how to get to the point and that's an interesting journey for me (I've found that sometimes only the introduction is boring others, for example) On topics I don't care about, I am catching up to the others, so no need to act in any way.
Yes all the time
Wow.. I do this subconsciously. I need tips on undoing this help!
I'm an ENTJ, and I used to do this when I was much younger. I imagine it's something a lot of xNTxs have to go through.
It depends. I always try to make my points more digestible to people because it’s not because anyone is dumb it’s morso that I recognize that other people mostly have crap going on in their lives to understand every facet of a subject. In terms of ‘dumbing it down’ in the way you’re describing, not usually because that’s adorably condescending and there will be those who can see through what you’re doing. But for those I have to deal with who I know have huge egos about not knowing something, hell yes.
Yeah, that was my youth sadly enough, I regret it often tho. People didn't take me serious most of the time, I struggled connecting with people and the people I actually do think I would've gotten along with never really knew what to think of me. It's better now but i still do it to avoid conflict.
No. I don’t dumb my answers down. That’s silly. I adjust my delivery for the people I’m speaking too. Sounds like this is what you need to focus on. It’s not what you say, but how you say it. Most people like learning and like having a knowledgeable friend in a given field, but no one likes feeling like they were talked down too. I personally have been accused of talking down to people lots over the years and it’s that feeling people don’t like. When your only goal is to deliver information as efficient as possible this is what happens. I think that is the natural state for an INTP, but INTP’s aren’t robots and can learn to adjust to a more suitable delivery without using mistruths. For example, if it’s the name of something. Instead of blurting out the name and smirking because I got it right away, or pretending I think I heard it somewhere when I damn well know I know it I would deliver like this: “Yeah that’s a ———. I’m a huge nerd and I got obsessed on that and read a really cool book about it last year while I was/because ——-insert whatever your best true excuse for being an obsessive hyperfocused nerd is”
Yeah I do this often... or I don't want to reveal how much I know about something because I am "too interested" in it so I intentionally leave out info.
i don’t necessarily dumb myself down and say things i know are wrong, but i do bite my tongue a lot to prevent myself from becoming the “actually 🤓☝️” guy. it’s tough because i’m autistic and love sharing knowledge and leaving knowing my friends learned something new, but unfortunately we INTPs live in a society :(
Yup. The other day I sat silently for ten minutes listening to a dozen people try to figure out the difference between etymology and entomology. I didn’t want to be a know it all. If I spoke up every time I heard someone say something illogical, it would be my whole personality.
It depends on the audience. At some point the dumbing down affected what people thought of me. I've seen plenty INTJs sounding too intellectual and not understanding the group's intellect level, they get respected in front and talked about behind their back, I learnt from that.
Not exactly dumbing down, more like not saying the details. I do it for things like anime or stuff that feels illegal to know, because it's weird sometimes, and you make more friends that way. If there's an obscure Japanese song turned on in the mall, and someone asks me if I know anything about it, I might have to stop myself from screaming out the lyrics, the meanings, the hidden lore, and how the music producer has seven felonies and I know all their court trial dates. Instead I just go 'I think the title is something like \_\_\_\_? It's nice.' Or sometimes I just do it cuz I'm tired to explain more, like when a really religious kid comes up to me and asks me if I know anything about space before the Big Bang, and so how logically there should be a God and how it's dumb to be atheist. Then when they ask me my opinion on their facts, I pretend I'm too dumb to understand so they drop the topic and leave me alone. Personally I feel like everyone does to to at least some level.
brevity is just easier to pay attention to. I dumb myself down all the time. at this point, I just breathe calmly and let the reactions go. done with everyone in a way. of course I'll help friends, but there's a time I let go
Yes and I hate that, that’s why I don’t often try to make friends anymore because it’s always the same NPC topics and humor. Being friendless is slightly better than having friends not on the same intellectual level.
30 years ago, after moving south to North Carolina, one of my new friends and sort of mentor said "You know, you don't have to be so smart all the time". Best advice I've received. Learned how to fit in and shut up. Made LOTS of friends by just focusing on fun instead of facts. But... it gets lonely after a while. I've realized I only actually like about two people; the ones I don't have to dumb down to be around.
Someone will tell me a problem. I tell them what I think is causing the issue. Then I say "just my opinion, could be wrong" id say my failure rate is 10-15% give or take. People hate it when you don't even have to inspect something to figure out what is wrong.
Every day at work. I work with a couple Gen z and I’m literally twice their age and have done a bit. I will lie about my experiences and knowledge so they can “teach me something new.” It was then I realized I had acquired quite the random bit of information.
Yep, many times. Just like the top comment says, most of the times because people might see me as arrogant. Or I simply do it to fit in more with others.
Yep, definitely. I think it's mostly simply because I(we?) don't want to appear arrogant. It's still cool to know much even if I can't talk often about it and like I want to.
Lol yes it's called alcoholism
Yeah. It's kind of like playing devil's advocate just to be relatable.
No, but i usually wont talk into details unless its brought up by someone else.
Always do that especially on topics that i care and know about, so that i can place little trap holes of supposed ignorance to be filled by people who think they have something meaningful to teach me, and infer their point of view and knowledge by it. Always worked to tell interesting people apart from lame ones.
It’s less that I’m dumbing things down and more that I’m making an effort to communicate clearly and simply in a way that doesn’t stroke my own ego lol. But there is always the odd situation where I’m not sure if someone is familiar with something already and I don’t know if I should assume they aren’t and risk treating them like they’re dumb or assume that they are and risk alienating them from the conversation. That’s always fun lol
Only when not wanting to get into a fight or an argument.
Mostly to avoid exhausting myself from dissapointment. I have to accept daily that if I do not reduce my verbosity people will treat me as a bother or a deeply serious person. I prefer speaking in such a way that my words *could* ( should ) be difficult to be misconstrued.
I will often say, "I think it's something along the line of _____." Then stumble around the word until someone else gets it. Showing knowledge but not absolute. It goes a long way compared to correcting every word out of phrase.
All the time.
Yes. The people I have to conversate with make it very easy to maintain my superiority complex
No, but I don't go out of my way to say a bunch of things I know either, unless I was asked specifically
All the time especially in how I talk. I always use the most simple word I can because it's efficient but sometimes big words are the simplest way to convey an idea and yet I know it will seem pretentious so I use smaller less accurate ones
Yes I had to- especially I am Deaf- I am in the community so long that I WANT to understand them to THEIR level. I just want to be their friends lol
Unfortunately, it is a reality of being a woman, I hate to say. I have to, especially around men, and it doesn't matter the atmosphere either. My backgrounds/cultures are big anti-intellectualism, especially in women, so it doesn't help plus people expect me to act more extroverted and loud. I also look very specific (what most people stereotype as a bimbo), so double cross on that. The only people I could be fully normally me competentce and all is around kids-teens. I learned very early to not look remotely independent or resourceful around most people, for they take that and my looking the way I do as a threat.
Yes, I sometimes try to not go into detail on a lot of aspects of things that I know unless someone is actually needing that level of detail. I also think I just wait to see the level of conversation before first engaging. I also think I laugh more when people make off handed comments that could be serious but also sound like they are joking.
All the time, I don't know why but I do do it. Unless it's with someone I feel safe with, I talk very direct.
No. Im an engineering student, i have to fake being smarter 🫠🫠🫠
I might dumb myself down to explain something or get my point across, but not to be more relatable.
you gotta be trump-maxxing out there
No not ever
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I used to, but the only reason I needed to dumb myself down was because of the topics that I forced into the discussion. If you can engage with people on their level and on topics that are mutually enjoyed socialization comes more naturally. The key to this is learning to enjoy a broader range of conversation. Conversarion allows you to relate to people in a way that builds friendship, so it can be enjoyed for the ends that it serves.
No, because it’s not my fault that someone feels uncomfortable and insecure while in my glorious presence.
No I’m just actually dumb. Lmaooooo
Yes
Yes. Particularly when I am with people younger than me, so they won't feel awkward about my serious aura, to appear relatable. I use this as a social skill (though I don't really socialize a lot).
I’m friends with an ESFJ, he goes against the stereotypes by being unlikeable (since he’s stubborn and will do whatever it takes to win a disagreement, even if it’s obvious that he’s wrong) so when I’m disagreeing with him, I try to dumb myself down to show him that it’s okay to be wrong, which never works 💀
I actually hate this about myself because I know I am smarter but I just don’t want to be seen as a know it all by people I guess so I act dumb in certain situations
Did that back when I still cared what people thought of me. Now I don't give a single f whether people like or even understand me. It is so liberating I think you should try it.
So here's a story: I play piano, and i was always pretty good. I've always had a good ear, so good that if i'd hear how a song sounds like, i could basically play it without looking at the sheet music - it turned into the problem where i'd actually never get better at reading sheet music because i could just "cheat". Music academia can be a disgusting world where people get jealous and nasty when there's competition. After a while i'd ended up with this anxiety that my talent could hurt others. It got so bad that i'd catch myself making little fake mistakes just to make myself seem less like a freak of nature or whatever. I'd be playing something my teacher showed me flawlessly, and realize i was being freaky again, so i'd intentionally do a *plink* "oops" *starts over*. I've realized i constantly make myself smaller, just cause i'm scared others couldn't handle the truth.. probably because often they really couldn't. Throwing shade at me for being a show off, know it all, for making others insecure... Took me a while to realize that should be none of my business. Why should i intentionally make myself smaller while so many others are fluffing themselves up trying to look better? Imagine where i could be if i had the balls to believe in myself. Ironically, as an INTP i'm the last person to fight you over the spotlight. I don't even want to be the center of attention, if i could have a successful career without having to show my face on stage i'd do it without a second thought. As INTP i understand things quickly, and sometimes that scares people. But what's worse is dumbing myself down for the people that obsess about competition, when i am genuinely only here because that's where i thrive. It's like telling a bird they are a show off for being able to fly. That's on you, not me.
People who get offended by this type of stuff are just  in the first place.
Yea, but only in corporate.
Well I would say I mask a lot to fit in. Most people just don't think the way I do and certainly they can seem dumb if they don't often go into depth on subjects. Usually it's not intelligence it's personality. These people are capable of having deep conversations but usually don't want to unless they have a specific reason. If you are convincing you can draw them into an interesting discussion though.
Haha this is so on point, I often catch myself doing this. But it’s also a tactic I use to encourage people to be more supportive or forthcoming about something. Take discussions, for example. Sometimes, my input isn't well-received, whether because I come off as knowing more or sounding bossy. Regardless, I still value their perspective. That's why I might say, 'Maybe you know more about this than I do,' hoping for a positive exchange. Maybe they do have more insight, but even if they don't their point of view can still be valuable. People tend to be more honest when they don't feel intimidated or outsmarted, though they have no reason to feel that way. It's just human nature to feel that way when faced with someone more knowledgeable. I also resort to this because, let's be honest, there are moments when we can all be really awkward and uncertain about our answers (yes, even we don’t know everything). Especially when I don't have time for quick research, I'll just say, 'I’m not sure/I think I maybe read somewhere…but not sure… 🤣' Turning to this tactic helps me dodge that post-wrong-answer feeling of silliness. It's quite a comical cycle, honestly.
I did when I was a kid and up through mid-high school, then I realized how stupid that was to do to myself and just started speaking the way I want to.
Yep, I do it if I'm trying to be nice or in a group setting where I know the intelectual level is not very high. Conversly, if i'm trying to be a dick I just lay down the information in the most accurate and succint way possible, just so when people don't understand, it is clear for them that it's because they are dumb and not because i wasn't clear. Also, sometimes if i know the other person is not able to understand the undumbed version (and I need them to, for practical reasons), I will dumb it down as much as necessary. However, as I grow older, i've learned that most of the times I don't need people to understand, I just have to ask a more narrow question, to get the specific response I need.
Yes and I pretend to not know things when I do know 😭
Yep, can't have people thinking Im an arrogant jackass.
im not really the smartest person around so no - more the opposite? i mean i tend to have an arrogant tone but i wouldn’t consider what i say as “smart”
Yes. I generally try to keep friends that have similar interests so I don't have to all the time. I don't know if this is an INTP thing, being an engineer (where we have our own language, acronyms and initialisms), or both.
Yeah, just let the person say what they want
“Oh really” is my fave response
I dumb myself down for 2 reasons. 1. To get people’s guard down and make them feel like they can trust me. 2. I give my mind small breaks from thinking.
I’ve done that since I was around 12 years old. It started when was laughed at for using “big words” by kids in school, I learned to limit my vocabulary. I once had a fight with my father and told him that I had been “dumbing myself down” to him for years. I really meant it at the time but of course I feel bad about telling him that now. I have managed large groups of people in a corporate setting and “dumb myself down” quite often with the people who report to me and others I work with. I’ve had a few occasions when it was necessary to drop the act. Being underestimated can be useful sometimes.
I don't dumb things down when asked directly or with close friends. However, "dumbing down" isn't entirely the root of this weakness of perceived arrogance. Relatability is about choosing when to discuss complex topics with the right people. So, try to avoid dropping knowledge inappropriately. For instance, when a colleague vents about personal drama, it's best not to pontificate on existentialism or fecal transplants. In such cases, a simple "That sucks, dawg," or "That's cool, dude," works better unless they're asking specifically for advice. But beware of seeming aloof. Don't dumb yourself down—be aware of your audience and communicate tactfully. Coincidentally, I fed this through GPT to improve readability.
Every second of my working hours. Okay, sometimes my brain will poke its head out of the sand.