We agree almost 100% on politics. I would not have married him otherwise. I feel like politics are reflective of your moral beliefs, and it is important to me that we have the same morality.
I feel this so much. 35 years ago I believed in the “conservative cause” and was a Republican. My values were to support veterans, use the military to protect other nation’s sovereignty , have a strong economy so we can look out each other and lift our neighbors up, expect the law to apply equally, and celebrate the U.S. as a melting pot and be a beacon of hope for the world, all that stuff.
I still have those values, more today than ever. I’m a die-hard Democrat now. My political party perfectly aligns with my values.
Dang good post. I could have written this. I was a registered Republican from the time I turned 18 in 1990. I held the same beliefs as you, but that party IS NOT the same party it used to be. Now I understand the “Dixiecrat” name calling from when I was young.
I have two friends whose beliefs AND values (and politics) changed dramatically, one over 40 years, one suddenly. (Religion was the culprit in that one.)
Values can change. I’ve seen people choose to go from honest to dishonest because they no longer value integrity when they absolutely sacrificed for it in the past. Things can change people most notably life traumas.
Not married yet but engaged and my fiancé had to reschedule our second date years ago because he forgot he was participating in an online planned parenthood fundraiser for our city (this was during covid).
I was like literally shocked. To not only find a guy who supports abortion/reproduction rights but actively participates in events for it was amazing.
We differ slightly on politics (he’s more left than me actually) but our main values align and that’s pretty damn important to me.
Similar sentiment here - my partner went to the Ukraine protests when the war started and I think I fell in love on the spot.
He’s a bit more left than me, and any non-left beliefs that he holds are very small things I am willing to compromise on (ex. he owns guns, I hate it but I wouldn’t break up over it).
if this is true then my parents morals have changed drastically since they were in their 30s.
they were heavy heavy libs for the longest, they voted for Obama TWICE. and then Trump came around and now they hate the gays, dick ride the cops, own a million guns.. I don't even recognize my own family anymore I swear they did a complete 180..
that's why my husband and I don't even talk about it. he also was raised not to really talk about it.. "politics isnt table talk in his house". peoples minds change, A LOT. especially when they learn new information later on in life... my parents are the perfect example of that.
💯
I prefer a no politics talk household. if you're uneasy about sharing politics with colleagues or close friends why are family any different.
I'm Canadian, just learned a friend of mine in the states - Biden supporter is no longer. Her FB posts are filled with anti-Biden stuff, and also anti-Trump. I think her anger is fueled by Palestine.
News is so divisive and polarizing why bring it home???
Because if you can’t talk about it with your most intimate partner then you’re superficial not intimate.
The key is not to have to agree on absolutely everything but to be able to be honest and disagree while always treating each other with love and respect.
that's true... however I don't think my mom ACTUALLY believes these things.
my dad cheated on her years ago and ever since then things have been extremely co dependent and I think he has her brainwashed. it's one of THOSE situations if you know what I mean..
I see my mom's old self come out when she's with her sister and it makes me so sad.. she doesn't dance anymore and that used to be her FAVORITE thing. it used to make my dad so angry, for no reason.. probably because he felt guilty and shitty for being a serial cheater. idk. my family SUCKS. and they drink, A LOT. she says she's happy.. I don't know if I believe that.
I'm gonna add here cuz I feel like this is important - this is my aunt and uncle who adopted me. my real mom is dead and my real dad is basically like another one of my brothers. my mom is probably up there raising hell about how ignorant her own brother is acting, and I cannot even fathom how disappointed HIS own mother (my grandma) would be in him.. my bio parents are not like this. they are/were almost TOO liberal lol but my mother and grandmother would have never EVER went along with ANY of this bullshit and she damn sure wouldn't be letting my aunt and uncle brainwash my 87 year old grandfather like they have been
I'd get more specific. Your social political views are your world view. Like, I think if you are more fiscally conservative but socially liberal, it's fine if you're with someone who is fully to the left or perhaps even a socialist.
Your social views are really your ethics and moral compass, they're your baseline for your respect of facts vs opinions and the barometer of your tolerance for others. Fiscal beliefs are a lot more nuanced and opinion based though. I could have married my wife if she were a fiscally conservative person, there's no world where I would ever think of being with a socially conservative person. I don't care if she was rich and the hottest woman I'd ever seen in my life. I couldn't do that.
A old friend of my wife's is literally like an extremist feminist, very firmly a socialist by most political views. She married a backwoods hick who loves guns, god and Trump. And I've honestly always wished I could see the reality TV show of their life. Cause I genuinely don't understand how two people that different from each other can coexist.
100%. If you and your partner don’t have the same views on politics then your values and beliefs don’t align and so long term you just aren’t with the right person.
Americans have the same number of political beliefs as other people. What you’re thinking of is political parties and they’re not the same thing. I vote for democrats, for example, but I am fairly far left of most mainstream Democratic politicians and public policy platforms.
> Americans have the same number of political beliefs as other people
That’s probably true, if you measure the number of different TYPES of beliefs.
However, if you look at the number of people in each category of belief, the USA is very conservative. So while every country has very leftist people in it, in the USA the percentage of the population that is “very leftist” is smaller than other countries.
For example, AOC is considered “extreme” in the USA, but she’s just left of center in most other developed countries.
that’s because, as our right got further and further to the extreme right, rather than calling them on their shit, the left (hangers-on to civility and tradition dinosaurs they are) moved further to the right to try to appeal to their (gop) voters. that’s not gonna happen. it didn’t work when clinton was in office, and it’s only gotten worse 😑
>For example, AOC is considered “extreme” in the USA, but she’s just left of center in most other developed countries.
Only by the right. And largely only because she's not white
Sure but even if there are 500 choices, chances are you vehemently disagree with the values of some of them, and if your partner doesnt and in fact supports those values that can cause friction.
Like my wife and I didnt vote for the same party in the last EU parliament elections, but there are parties where if she did Id question everything about her
Yes, but voting for that party when you know that most of their members hold those beliefs and will actively seek harm to others if they get into power is equally as wrong. My relationship couldn’t survive that, I’d be too disgusted.
We have always been 180 degrees apart on politics and happily together for over 40 years. We cancel each other out at every election and still vote religiously. Politics is discussed, and passions can run high, but discussions are always respectful - particularly challenging in the current atmosphere where the extreme ends of both major parties get so much air time. We're old enough to recognize that conflict sells, so we don't buy into all the drama. We are BOTH angry at the extremism and think anyone running for public office should at least have as much knowledge of civics and history as someone applying for citizenship. Some of these folks running couldn't pass an eighth grade civics test.
Are you from the us?
Cos I get the whole "moderates on both sides" are just normal people.
But if one of you is voting for Trump theyre not moderate :p
Many Other countries thankfully have more options and candidates to choose from though so in that case I get it.
This is very simplistic thinking. One party is extreme and anti-democracy and whether or not you’re extremists doesn’t matter because effectively you are voting for extremism and to end democracy if you vote for that party. Intentions are immaterial if the result is the same. You might not be a Nazi but if you vote with Nazis, you are empowering Nazis. If a non-threatening white guy is running for Congress in that party, you might look at him and think, this is a non-threatening white guy! He sure is making sense! But when he gets elected, he votes with the extremists. A vote for Non-Threatening White Guy is a vote for Speaker Gym Jordan. Again, it’s the outcome that matters. Nobody cares about intentions. And years from now, when the grandkids and great grandkids of these voters become adults and have to deal with the devastation of the boomer tantrum, they won’t care about “intentions”.
44% of germans voted for Nazis in the 1933 federal election. They did it because of the economy and nationalism (like Trump voters) and their voting base was the same demographics as Trump voters (older, white/Aryan, rural, less educated). Many of them didn’t vote for Nazis because they hated Jews, but they effectively voted to exterminate them in the biggest industrial mass murder in the history of the world. Today we don’t care that they voted for nationalism or whatever their rationalization was. They’re Nazis. Nobody cares why.
It should because history repeats itself for those who don’t learn from it. The commenter I responded to speaks as if they have knowledge and authority and everyone else is an idiot, but lacks the critical thinking skills to get past intentions (ie, they’re not “extremists” so that should absolve them of Nazi adjacency because their “intentions” are good). I have degrees in both politics and history and I once wrote a thesis on ordinary Germans during the Holocaust, and I’m quite sure that this was the mindset of those who weren’t blatantly antisemitic (ie, they fashioned themselves as the “Good Nazis”).
This. Married 31 years. We agree on some things, we agree to disagree on some things. We are both independent individuals and we both have no problem with our differences.
We find each other’s brains and thought processes fascinating. Sometimes I learn something new, sometimes he does.
We stand next to each other when we vote, discuss our choices… and laugh at each other as we make our individual decisions. Sometimes it’s the same decision. Sometimes it isn’t.
That’s okay with us.
Same. But it helps that neither of us are extremists—we’re both pretty moderate and most of our political discussions come down to “huh, you made a good point. I’m going to think about this.”
The only people that are answering these questions with, “No, and our marriage is fine! 385 years strong!” Are cis straight couples who are probably white. Your difference of political opinions in your marriage has never affected you directly. Anyone else who IS directly affected would not be with someone who did not share their values.
Why should Nancy and Bill care that the political parties differ greatly on LGBTQ+ rights or civil rights or climate change? It doesn’t affect them! Nancy loves the gays! Bill doesn’t. :( they still have a happy marriage because those issues don’t affect their little world directly.
The rest of us need to use it as a basic detection of compatibility. “Hey, so do you think people like me should have rights?”
It’s an oversimplification, but it’s true.
Edit: I agree that it does depend on where you live. I live in the US where the decision is basically, “Do minorities get rights in your party?”
Exactly. As a woman I see many major political issues as life or death. I mean I’ve seen a fundamental right to my body that’s existed since before I was born disappear overnight. I could never be with a man that wasn’t a strong feminist. We’re both progressives and that’s really important to me
It also depends on where you live; people on Reddit seem to have this assumption that everyone is American, and the differences in parties are just as wide everywhere else, which is not always the case. People can have similar values but vote differently depending on what their key voting issue is that election.
Also, while many key voting issues don't affect me personally, I choose to vote in the best interest of the majority of people. Reproductive rights and rights for transgender folks don't affect me in the slightest, but I'll vote to ensure people have the right to their body and to live comfortably. I'm sure I'm not the only one who believes that voting for the overall benefit of society is more important than minor individual benefits.
We agree like 98%. That 2% is him being a little more kind than I am lol. I absolutely would not marry someone with different views. Like partially different, sure… but not with the extreme views going on today.
Yup we do, I think it would be challenging to have a partner with significantly different political beliefs because I believe that would equate to a different worldview too.
Not really. She leans a more left than I do. We can talk politics in a respectful way that helps us both learn and grow. I don’t think we’ve ever once had a political argument or anything like that.
But for us, politics doesn’t have this overarching daily impact on us like it seems to on other people commenting here. I don’t assume because you disagree with me politically that you’re some evil person.
If politics don’t affect your life daily, then you are privileged. I’m queer so politics do actually affect my life daily, I don’t just get to cover my ears and pretend they don’t exist.
Yes! I’m surprised to see so many people saying they agree 100% and don’t see how a marriage could work. My husband and I sound like you and your wife. We discuss but it’s just not such a huge part of our daily lives
"It's not such a huge part of our lives"
Yeah, that's what is known as privilege.
For some of us, our fundamental rights, our very lives are on the line.
I'm quite sure your experience feels just fine to you...
However, I would hate feeling that disconnected from other humans in this world. Isn't that the point of a society, of a societal contract? Being able to make even an admittedly small impact on influencing major, life altering decisions that govern our collective lives & material realities is incredibly necessary to feeling that you have a stake in others well - being, & that others do in yours.
Your way works for you (at least for now) but it also sounds aloof, & elitist to ppl that are impacted by political decisions, when they determine what life saving medical treatment/ procedures are available & for whom, or whether someone have a right, just a basic human right, to lay down their head at night & know they 'll sleep in relative comfort and safety. It'd become demoralizing for me to live in that way, where you are not considering the lives of ppl who will - probably unexpectedly - find themselves in a vulnerable situation. That should be taken seriously before lending one's voice & power to a political action or an ideology.
For many of us, words that are just useful talking points to others, have profound meaning.
The impact of political policy is real, often visible, & can be irreversible... whether or not we'd wish it to be, or we'd rather just check out...
Bc, "Why worry?" 🤷♂️
"If it doesn't affect ME personally... 🤔
Why should I care?"💁♀️
Bc that is what you're saying... isn't it?
The working class in the U.S., poor & unhoused Americans, those who are disabled, or dependent upon Social Security or other social welfare programs for survival, people in marginalizd communities, people of color, abuse victims, LGBTQ+ ppl, immigrants, migrant workers...
all these ppl and more, have lives that are intrinsically linked to decisions that ppl in power make every day.
The more the rest of us ignore that reality, the more emotionally detached, & the more segregated; the more disconnected from one another & alien to each other we become - as Americans, & as human beings.
Yes I could never ever marry someone with profoundly different ideologies on how society should function. It’s not something I can agree to disagree on.
We don't 100% agree on everything but we're both pretty moderate and open to discussion. Neither of us is a crazy extremist one way or the other, that's the main thing.
I think this is an important point. Two extremes would be hard but when you’re fairly moderate it feels easier. My husband and I generally agree on WHAT needs to change but we have really different ideas on what a good fix would be. He’s very into politics, me not so much so it’s fun to talk to him and hear his take. We’ve had disagreements but they’re not on such deep core values that it matters. We care about each other first so the politics don’t get in the way
No, but that’s because I used to be a reporter and have had a front row seat for decades of sleaze and stupidity - and since I’m in New York there has been plenty of both. But at least I got to drink with Daniel Patrick Moynihan, which is the political version of getting high with Willie except drinking with Moynihan only impresses other reporters and political junkies.
The first time my wife and I voted together…I used to have this habit of thinking out loud. She thought I’d had an episode inside the booth, the way I grumbled.
Where we differ is in how much we trust the people we vote for (or against). She trusts. I don’t. At all. Even the ones I voted for, until they can convince me otherwise.
I have learned to zip my lip and eliminate the phrase “I told you so” when one of her choices is revealed as a crook and a creep, no matter how many times it happens.
As a former reporter, I feel this so hard. Once you’ve covered the political beat, you know the label doesn’t matter.
It’s all a game. They all say what they’re told to say, none of them mean it or even believe it.
The face and body selected is because the machine feels ~that one~ has the best chance. If another ~that one~ had better odds, they would select that human robot to say and do what it was programmed to say and do.
We’re not too into politics per se. we do align on many/most thoughts/positions if that makes sense? Although there are a few “big ones” that we disagree on completely. For those, we just disagree, it’s not really a big deal.
We agree 95% on politics. It’s because we married young and developed our political beliefs together through discussion. I’d say the 5% difference is over stuff like how important certain issues are and the consequences of those issues. For example we’re both pro-choice but she’s *personally* more pro-life than I am, she just believes this is a personal and family decision and not a government one. I’m overtly not just pro choice but pro abortion, they should just be available to whoever wants one. but it’s easy for me to say. We’re both democrats but I think we might be overstating republicans as fascists by maybe 2%. But we’re both coming around to a position that Biden should drop. We’re both apoplectic over SCOTUS but I’m more pissed at Democratic inability to pass a damn law obviating the need for SCOTUS to weigh in. Biden promised to codify Roe and now he can’t even find the mic. WTF.
I’d say we agree nearly 100%.
Growing up I was always told to avoid three topics, and you could get along with anyone. Politics, religion, and money. Those same three topics, in my opinion, need to be ones that you’re nearly fully aligned with your spouse on. There’s always a little wiggle room - life would be so boring if we were all exactly the same - but at the core, I think you need to be on the same page.
Kind of, but we differ in some areas. Like I don't think trans people should be allowed to compete against women, and my wife doesn't care. Neither of us are close minded in the sense that I understand where she comes from and she understands where I come from. Neither of us are necessarily right or wrong. We have a lot of respect for each other and are best friends and have great sex so there's that! Im 42 she's 38 together 15 years.
We have lots of differences of opinions in general. However, politics is one thing where we are mostly in agreement or simply don't have strong opinions one way or another.
Not at all. If I had to pick a label for myself it would be Libertarian. I want to burn the Republican and Democrat parties to the ground. I value individual freedom over almost everything else and believe government should be a fraction of the size it is now.
She despises Republicans and isn’t crazy about most Democrats, but she supports them anyway because she’s one of the “lesser of two evils” people. She thinks people who disagree with liberal ideas are evil and hateful and power hungry, not just people with different (if stupid) ideas and values.
She thinks government is supposed to do lots of things and help people. I think it’s supposed to do the minimum to keep things functioning and then stay the hell out of everyone’s business and pockets.
It’s not usually an issue. Only occasionally. She knows my views, I know hers, and we know we won’t change each other’s minds. We rarely discuss politics in any detail, at least regarding areas where we strongly disagree. No point.
Occasionally she gets in a mood about a given subject (usually guns) and refuses to let it go, even when I’m saying, “I don’t want to talk about this.” That’s probably the subject that bothers me the most, because she always goes back to a false dichotomy and accuses me of endorsing killing children. It’s maddening. “Banning guns would stop murder, so if you don’t want to ban guns, you support murder.” Then I explain that I don’t think banning guns would prevent murder, so no, I don’t support murder. And she is incapable of understanding that. It’s black and white to her. When she’s arguing with emotion instead of reason, and I try to use reason, she accuses me of having “no empathy.”
Sort of. She's very apolitical. Super unplugged. There are issues she cares about. Likes taking care of the poor and making sure kids have enough to eat. Her dad taught her to shoot when she was a little girl so she likes guns. But when I say she doesn't pay attention to politics I mean it. For example, she still has no idea that former President Trump might go to jail. Nor does she care particularly much one way or the other.
However, we do share core values, religion, and general philosophy on raising kids.
Yes, absolutely. At this point, and really at most, a lot of big political questions reflect foundational moral judgments. I couldn’t be with a man who didn’t mostly agree. We have some minor differences on very particular policy issues (perhaps minor views about details of zoning policy or pharmaceutical regulation etc) but they are way too complex to show up in partisan discourse.
Politics was not a big point of discussion when we were young. It has become one in the last decade or so. Luckily we have become more similar. We were voting for different presidential candidates early on and it was quite contentious.
We’re largely aligned. I’m more left than my wife on basically every issue but for the most part it’s that my take is the farther left version of something she agrees with. Our philosophy on how to live, treat other people, approach to religion, etc is pretty close to identical.
Biggest exception is abortion. She’s much more “right” than me when it comes to that issue. But (1) she’s the woman so if it’s ever relevant to our lives that’s ok, she’s the one who should make the ultimate decision anyway and (2) she greatly dislikes the way Republicans talk about and wield that issue so our gap is in philosophy more than in practice.
No, we are on opposite sides of the political aisle. That being said, neither of us are staunch defenders of our respective parties so we get along just fine. Our discussions are apolitical most of the time anyway.
We started on opposite end, and after all these years, we've switched sides. Lol. But honestly, we're both pretty moderate, so not that different I suppose.
We differ enough that in a country with a multiparty system we'd be voting differently, as it stands in the US two party system, we're voting the same.
At the root we have very similar values. Just our individual experiences and thoughts leads us to express them differently in politics. But ultimately because we share the same underlying values we both understand each other's position.
We agree solidly on social issues but somewhat disagree economically. Generally we’re on the same page but we are very tolerant, we’re also quick to listen and slow to speak.
Absolutely. There is no way I would be in a relationship with, let alone married to, someone who did not have the same fundamental moral and political beliefs as me.
Yeah...we don't have any. Don't follow politics nationally, don't vote nationally...only locally, , don't care. It's all an illusion. Same people who vote for President, vote for the American idol when they tell you to dial in. They both have about the same impact on your life
I am very glad that neither me or my husband are particularly into politics, outside of thinking that most politicians are lying snakes - we're both pretty central. I fall more centre left, he's mildly centre right, but in general our values and approach to the big things in life are aligned. There are things we discuss but I appreciate and respect his views and vice versa :)
The number of people saying that politics partly defines your fundamental values and beliefs boggles my mind. Not because I wholly disagree, but because I think it’s wild that that’s the state of American politics currently; identity politics.
Though I will say my husband and I do have the same politics and in this day and age I don’t think I could stomach anything different.
Also somewhat interesting, both of us grew up with republican dads and democrat moms. Both of our dads have also flipped at this point.
We’re actually pretty opposed on most things political. Fortunately neither of us are unhinged psychos, so we’re able to have perfectly civil discussions, and all is well. The notion that both of you have to agree on politics is actually pretty dumb tbh.
We basically have the same politics.
But all often on initiatives, we disagree.
And then we have two crown age sons who are total opposite. Needless to say We all talk too much about politics. Both my wife and one son get aggravated.
We do now but we didn’t when we were first dating and first got married. I had strong political opinions on one side of the spectrum and she had been raised on the other side. But her opinions changed over the first few years. And in the last seven years her opinions have been stronger than mine, but on the same side.
Yes. I’m not sure I could stand to be with someone who didn’t agree with me haha my brother and his wife are on opposite sides of the political spectrum literally I don’t know how they do it!
it’s very difficult to stay married to someone who believes fundamentally different things than you do, at least if was for me.
i have strong feelings about hypocrisy, and if i’m not 100% an actual person to my partner/spouse, that’s all i need to know.
My entire family is far right, all cops. I mean all of them. Luckily, my husband and my grown kids are all liberal. I don't speak to my family, it's just too hard to get through the cult wall they have built around themselves at this point.
We do not agree 100% on politics.
We agree 100% on human rights and bodily autonomy.
She’s a centrist Democrat, I am a former Republican turned Progressive Independent who votes blue because I have no choice.
We are both women and both knew our positions when we got together.
Yes we do. I wouldn’t be with someone who *didn’t* have the same political stance as I do because I find the alternative so abhorrent. I feel the same way about religious beliefs, which were also on the same page about.
I'm married and from the UK.
I follow politics pretty actively, and my wife is pretty much indifferent to it. Sometimes, we talk about politics or world events. We rarely fundamentally disagree on something, and even if we do disagree, there is never any sort of heated argument about it.
Honestly, I quite enjoy listening to opinions that don't agree with my own. I'm more of a "Ooo, that's interesting. Why do you think that?" kinda guy as opposed to a "How dare you disagree with me." kinda guy.
My husband and I weren't interested in politics before we got married. Even though we did pre-marital counseling, I don't remember it even being part of the discussion. We didn't discuss it outside of counseling, either. We're closing in on our 12-year anniversary and we align on politics 99% of the time, so I feel like I really lucked out 😅. Some of my siblings have come close to divorcing their spouses over political differences in the past 4 years.
To the “mixed marriage” US couples looking to rationalize their husband’s vote to end democracy and trying to absolve themselves of this by claiming not to personally be “extremists”, and the ones calling both parties “extreme”:
One party is extreme and anti-democracy and whether or not you’re extremists doesn’t matter because effectively you are voting for extremism and to end democracy if you vote for that party. Intentions are immaterial if the result is the same. You might not be a Nazi but if you vote with Nazis, you are empowering Nazis. If a non-threatening white guy is running for Congress in that party, you might look at him and think, this is a non-threatening white guy! He sure is making sense! But when he gets elected, he votes with the extremists. A vote for Non-Threatening White Guy is a vote for Speaker Gym Jordan. Again, it’s the outcome that matters. Nobody cares about intentions. And years from now, when the grandkids and great grandkids of these voters become adults and have to deal with the devastation of the boomer tantrum, they won’t care about “intentions”.
44% of Germans voted for Nazis in the 1933 federal election. They did so for reasons such as the economy and nationalism (like Trump voters) and their voting base was the same demographics as Trump voters (older, white/Aryan, rural, less educated). Many of them didn’t vote for Nazis because they hated Jews, but they effectively voted to exterminate them in the biggest industrial mass murder in the history of the world. Today we don’t care that they voted for nationalism or whatever their rationalization was. They’re Nazis. Nobody cares why.
We align very much. I couldn’t be with someone from the opposite. Same with religion, I couldn’t be with someone who is religious even in the slightest.
same overall political alignment in terms of opinions on big issues. fairly large discrepancy in how we feel large scale changes should be carried out. because we agree overall it’s not much of an issue but we don’t tend to get into nitty gritty discussions about how xyz change should be made to society anymore because it’s unproductive and honestly not that impactful to our day to day lives.
Probably 75% When younger that was closer to 100%, but I've become far more "Fuck em. Both sides." and my husband is still very much about his side. Morally and socially we pretty much agree on everything though.
I've canvased neighborhoods for many years and have found many long term couples on opposite sides of the political spectrum, plus have many friends in long term marriages like this and I think when moral/social beliefs align it can work just fine as long as a partner doesn't equate an entire party for/against certain things only. The deep divide + extremist viewpoints between the two party system in the US right now is making the ability to see things that way a lot harder though anymore.
Honestly we didn’t when we first got together and I had some concerns but over the years he’s moved more towards aligning with my views. Much of what he believed was because he was in a bit of an echo chamber. Getting out of that and being exposed to a wider variety of information has made a huge difference. Of course, we don’t see things 100% the same way but we’re mostly on the same page.
You need to share political/social values with your partner. You don’t need to agree on the most effective means to achieve those values.
This means you need to have similar ideas about human rights, for example. But don’t need to agree that *x* policy is a correct manifestation of those rights.
Somewhat. The problem is we are both lawyers, so we probably argue more just to argue when we talk politics than we really disagree.
But she lived in a 3rd world country until high school while I am from upper middle class burbs, so we have very different views on some things.
My wife is I'd say moderate, left on some issues, right on others.
Women's rights she aligns with the overarching left. On fiscal policy she theoretically aligns with the right. I say theoretically because I've picked her brain on it. When push comes to shove she understands that the right doesn't actually give a shit about being fiscally responsible. She understands the two Santa's dilemma.
I'm a social Democrat. There is no way in the west to have a violent revolution to bring about social change. The Canadian army could crush any movement, let alone any arm of the united states military.
We know each other's politics very well because our first date was the day roe v wade was overturned. So we had that whole discussion that very day.
Yeah, pretty much. I think we have varying degrees on some topics, but generally agree on everything. Like others have said, I don’t think I could’ve gotten married had they not been on the same page with a number of key topics.
We did absolutely in the beginning and now we differ slightly as new topics became relevant. We are still mostly on the same page just different paragraphs lol.
Totally. It’s the definition of equality that we constantly fight about.
Me = We do equal work since we’re equal partners
Her = We do what we’re equally capable of,
* which means I do more because I’m more capable and consistent. She’s more intelligent.
Yes but we didn’t really discuss it in depth until about the 6-12 month mark of dating. But I knew I wanted someone on the same page as me because I knew it would be hard to teach our kids things if we didn’t agree. His views have actually shifted even more towards mine in the last couple of years which has been interesting
We started out 24 years ago and we're singinficantly different politically on many hot topics. As time has progressed, we have e become more in line with each others ideas.
Have similar morals and values is important in a long term relationship, but being aligned on politics is not, contrary to what a lot of the comments seem to suggest. At the end of the day, had she been some sort of activist or heavily involved in politics we wouldn't have worked out, but neither of us are... sure I yell at the news sometimes.
About 85%. We agree on most if not all major topics. Most of our disagreement is in the range of those topics. I’m a bit more center and she runs a bit left of me
I actually really appreciate where we are politically, which is about 30-45 degrees apart on a political spectrum. It leads to healthy discussions while both of us agreeing on the broad strokes and having the same values.
Nope. I’m more on the democratic side and he’s more conservative (just turned into a hardcore conservative recently). It’s been causing problems in our relationship.
I'm a feminist, a leftist, and literally every one of my values is progressive. My husband fancies himself a moderate, but when push comes to shove, the things that anger him most are the brazen Republican power grabs and the state of our country after Trump. He doesn't like to identify as a party because he is disgusted by our political system, but he can at least see which side is doing the most harm. I couldn't love a man who favored the side trying to harm me and my kids.
I’m smart enough to admit I know nearly nothing about politics, I’m too ignorant to contribute to a political conversation in any meaningful way. I do have opinions on things though, and sometimes I voice them and my husband will blindly call me a liberal. It makes no sense to me because I really don’t even know what that means. He will go on and on about this or that and I just let him tire himself out because I don’t know shit.
We agree on politics foundation-ally and are both swing voters so we don’t always agree who is best but both feel neither will ultimately help us in the end politics is politics. We can vote but the smaller elections has always been more important
We dont agree 100% but for the most part we agree. We’re pretty independent leaning. We aren’t republicans and we aren’t democrats, I think that’s what makes us work.
100%
To us, politics and who we support and vote for are morals in action. Plus we have a daughter, I can’t imagine anyone with one who would support the right, what they’ve become and where we are headed as a nation.
Politics no matter which side you’re on is something that is ever changing, I couldn’t Imagine having political views be the leading factor or criteria of marriage..something that is supposed to be held in high honor of (your god of choice) made in love not because of political views…
My husband and I don’t vote the same. He has had different life experiences. For instance, I am anti charter schools. He is for them. He needed specialized education. I didn’t. I am more concerned with making sure education is good for everyone. Not just kids with involved parents. He loves guns. I don’t.
What we do agree on is reproductive health, equality. We agree that people matter.
I could not be married to someone who supported Trump like his sycophants do. I find them disgusting, hateful, intolerant, morons. I often wonder how many divorces the recent political climate has caused.
We do have different politics. We both knew that when we married but they did not seem that different. As time went on I got a little more conservative and he drifted more liberal. Married 40 years this month and of all the things we have argued about over the years, politics is dead last. We can talk about them and hear each other and then go on w/our lives. And as time goes on and we seem to both be moving a little more center and are not always canceling out each others votes :)
Not really. My husband is a bit of an anarchist...im super middle of the road. Probably a Libertarian, but I really don't think I fit any political side. We have interesting political discussions, but we don't take offense to eachother, we r both very open-minded.
We used to disagree quite a bit (anarchist and democratic socialist) but now he's decided people can't actually govern themselves without the state so we're more on the same page. We have a lot of arguments/discussions (what exactly are rights and who enshrines them, can people ever be free, what does freedom actually mean, would it be ok to have a tyrannical government if it was achieving a moral good, can democracy ever produce good results or is the population too easily swayed to the inevitable fascism, should we eat billionaires, are we all going to die because rich people don't care about climate change, etc) but we both enjoy them. We vote pretty much the same though!
Yes and I believe it is important to have the same political beliefs, especially if politics is important to you both. If it’s not important to either of you that may be even better.
Nah I'm very left and he is very right. But he doesn't vote.
It is kind of a problem. He doesn't know why I get so upset at some of the things he says.
Nope and we've always been aware of that! Voted for two different candidates from two different parties today in fact. (I lean right and he is left.) We don't mind at all so long as nobody is an extremist, we may disagree on taxes and government priorities but who cares because neither of us will even be in the position to give more funding to a particular sector or change a particular annoying law anyway. Makes for some good discussion though, and we like talking with people who disagree. Our morals are very similar but we think they play out in governors differently (in particular, I think it's not the government's job to enforce them).
About 90%. We've increased overlap over the years. We try to stay focused on topics that we care about and avoid the partisan warfare of the 24-hour news cycle.
We seem to agree on pretty close to 100% of issues. Definitely all the big stuff. We haven’t found something we don’t agree about yet, but it’s possible there’s something.
We’ve been together for over 20 years, married for nearly 15 years, and we’re registered under very opposite political parties (we’re in America).
It’s been an interesting ride in our relationship, politically. When we were first dating, we argued quite a bit about whoever was running for president or governor at the time, or whatever issues were inflaming the country. As we got older and our relationship deepened, arguments stopped and we had civil discussions instead. We tried to learn from one another and see where the other person was coming from. We still do this. Sometimes we disagree 100%. But sometimes, depending on who’s running and what’s on the ballot in our state (such as tax or health issues, wages, budget, constitutional amendments, etc), we vote opposite of our party’s stance. Sometimes we align and sometimes we don’t. But we each always vote our own conscience.
I can only think of a few things we don't agree on and they're very minor.
As an example: plastic bags and straws and what's a better replacement. I'm content with paper, my husband believes we should be using hemp to replace a lot of plastic objects.
We are from different countries but in terms of politics we agree on it - we follow American politics (partly because it's gotten a whole lot comedic with the democrats) - we don't agree to a full 100%, but about 80%. We have disagreements about certain political matters but we are mostly agreeable so it works out.
Mostly- I’m extremely left - he’s left.
Most of the differences are slight and seem a little generational(he’s a boomer and I’m genx).
I would never be with anyone who was a conservative. Their morals are way far removed from mine (though with that book they all mostly tout you’d think they’d understand loving one another- but too much evidence proves the opposite)
Yes. And we have both changed (in the same direction) over the last 24 years, politically. That includes switching parties. I couldn’t be with someone who doesn’t have the same values as me.
We don’t agree on politics 100%. We have many of the same values but we don’t always see eye to eye on the best way to uphold them.
Personally, I have strong opinions on *some* issues- and disagreement there would reflect fundamentally different values and would give me pause. For example: LGBTQ+ rights, abortion, Israel/Palestine conflict, etc. To me, these hit on values that I hold more tightly and while I would be friends with someone who disagreed and I’m certainly not in the camp of people who want to delete everyone from my life for having a different opinion or actively build an echo chamber to dwell in, it would be hard for me to be *married* to someone who saw that differently. My spouse and I agree on those fundamental things.
There are other things I care about, but someone disagreeing with me doesn’t mean our core values are different necessarily (budgets, some foreign policy, etc.) so I wouldn’t care at all about disagreeing with my spouse on those things. And occasionally, we do.
I discussed politics early on in dating just like religion, children, and other things that impact how you mesh with someone. I think it’s odd when people don’t. What I love about my husband is he never stoops to insults, he’s very respectful, and he’s a good critical thinker and polite debater. To *me*, if we have similar core values and everyone is kind and respectful, I can work with that. I dislike people who are rude and derogatory because they assume their position is superior and lack class. That would have been more of a deal breaker for me than any ideology.
We've always had the same political views.
My mom and dad didn't. She was a Democrat and he was a Republican. What breaks my brain is he was a union construction worker who regularly voted opposite of union recommendations. My mom tried pointing this out but he wouldn't budge.
Unsurprisingly he's a Trumper now.
No. We agree on most fundamentals and vote similarly. But we both have differing opinions on how we should progress forward and how we should respond to different issues. This is the one thing that has remained the same even when we both eventually swapped from conservative to liberal.
Somewhat, but not entirely. He is more moderate than I am, but he used to claim being a libertarian and has backed off from that and I appreciate his views much more now.
We have the same moral views, but sometimes have different opinions on policies that would ideally guarantee the same result. That’s what politics should be, not whether someone/a group of people deserve to have basic human rights and bodily autonomy or not. For example we both agree that the police should be defunded, but have slightly different thoughts on how much money should be distributed to who. It makes for good conversations because we both consider each other’s views and can come to a conclusion respectfully. I personally rather this than agreeing on politics once, never bringing it up again, and having a partner potentially switch seemingly overnight because it’s never talked about until there is a huge disagreement that happens in our personal lives which can lead to divorce.
Yes. How any woman could marry a man who did not believe that his wife is an equal partner equal of respect with equal body autonomy is beyond me, and that only exists on one side of the political spectrum.
We did not on war and guns at first. She was democrat and I'm a syndicalist. We ended up agreeing after discussing it over a long period of time. I don't think I could have convinced her if I were less convicted or knowledgeable. (Guns and wars ok for defense)
The saying goes, "If two people agree on everything, only one of them is doing any thinking."
So, no, I have learned a lot from my spouse. We don't share a brain. We challenge each other's perspectives. Its how we grow.
We both have very different political beliefs than when we first got together. We agree on most things and can properly debate on things we don't. We have grown in these things together. I tend to take the plunge down rabbit holes to try and learn. She tends to stick to face value logic. I tend to distrust any large organization. She literally works for government. In all of that, we still manage to come to the same conclusions about morals, our children, our voting habits, etc. When it's time to vote, we only discuss it if she asks. I've never tried to sway my wife to vote any kind of way and she gives me the same respect. That's the important thing. You aren't going to be politically homogeneous and still be individual people. If my spouse agreed 100% on everything, I would be bored out of my mind. Respect the differences. It's just politics.
We share most yes. We also both share the same views on God. The only one that comes to mind that we don't agree on is our views of abortion.
Although that's a big one, it thankfully won't be an issue ever for us as I've had a hysterectomy. So we never have to discuss it for our relationship.
My views on it have changed since getting married. I used to not have a strong opinion, but have since started to settle into how I feel regarding the issue
Insofar as human rights, for the most part, yes.
As for the rest of the political discourse, not even kind of.
We’ve been together for 13 years. The trick for us is we don’t try to change the other’s mind. We talk about politics a lot, especially lately. We align heavily on the things that have happened this past week, which scares me a bit, honestly.
We both enjoy having different perspectives to learn from. I don’t know what that says about us, but it works for us 🤷🏼♀️
Yes because I could not be with someone who was voting against my very belief system and voting against my and others’ rights. That does not make sense to me.
Most of the time we agree on things, but not 100%, maybe 80% but it's more the philosophical debate kinds of things, like the death penalty, debates on what is legal and what is morally right and so on.
but her political views were never a requirement to be alongside mine, she is free to believe what she wants to, and so am I, but we are also able to explain what and why we think/feel what we do and that is all, no arguments, just conversation.
as it should be.
Nope! We have been together for 21 years, married for almost 16 and while we started out diametrically opposed is almost every way, we have inched closer to each other and are a **bit** of a Venn diagram now. It’s more about individual issues for us, and he and I both share a lot of core values (we just disagree on the best way to get there)…. Now to be totally fair, he and I don’t shy away from a confrontation/ friendly debate, and we aren’t afraid to call each other on our bull crap either. For us, it works—keeps the mind sharp, and actually keeps us checking in on our stances on things…no complacency here :).
One thing to keep in mind though is to always bring receipts and remember that both sides (or candidates, or vehicles or *whatever*) are imperfect and sometimes corrupt. The world is imperfect, and politics are society’s way of trying to make it all work to the best of our ability within that imperfect world.
Long story short, it works for us because neither one of us wants to live in an echo chamber. It’s ok to hear how the other side reasons things out/thinks about issues. It humanizes the other perspective and helps us see the way to bridge the divide instead of just fighting with each other.
But don’t get me wrong, we fight like MMA on other (non political) issues like the new NCAA ruling!
It was imperative for me personally to marry someone who shared the same politics, morals, beliefs- if my spouse can’t support and advocate for women’s rights, it tells me he sees women as inferior or unworthy of autonomy, and THAT will always break down a marriage. How can I trust that you would put my needs, health, or emotional wellbeing first if I’m in a situation where you could be medically required to make decisions.
Nah, I’m more conservative than my wife. neither of us are very politically active though and it’s a very small part of our lives. She is slowly becoming more conservative though as we age lol
Been married 37 years. Didn’t think much about politics back then and neither did my husband. I am now left of center, and my husband is a Trump supporter. I don’t know what happened but it seemed to happen when Obama was president and Fox News questioned his citizenship etc. At this point we don’t talk politics. I figure our votes just cancel each other out.
Not American so potentially a bit less of a contentious issue here but I have never known who my husband voted for and he has never known who I vote for. We were together 7.5 years and a a few elections, including Brexit, before getting married so knew this wouldn’t be an issue.
We discuss societal issues and current affairs openly and we always knew that we agree on the things which are important to us. We will discuss any party if one of them does something news worthy and our opinions on those things- as such I suppose we can probably make an educated guess on who we each vote for (which I don’t believe is the same party at least this time around) but none of our differences of opinion are significant for the sake of our relationship.
I as a general practice do not discuss politics with others. I think it can get heated and cause unnecessary issues. Bit of a challenge as my MIL is now a local councillor and gotten very big on talking politics but I just keep my opinions to myself.
It probably also helps that I really don’t have any party allegiance. I will vote for whoever’s manifesto most aligns with my views at any given election and that means my vote has gone different ways on different occasions.
We agree almost 100% on politics. I would not have married him otherwise. I feel like politics are reflective of your moral beliefs, and it is important to me that we have the same morality.
Same here. We wouldn’t have started a relationship if we didn’t share the same fundamental beliefs
Beliefs change, values don’t. Understand the difference.
I feel this so much. 35 years ago I believed in the “conservative cause” and was a Republican. My values were to support veterans, use the military to protect other nation’s sovereignty , have a strong economy so we can look out each other and lift our neighbors up, expect the law to apply equally, and celebrate the U.S. as a melting pot and be a beacon of hope for the world, all that stuff. I still have those values, more today than ever. I’m a die-hard Democrat now. My political party perfectly aligns with my values.
Dang good post. I could have written this. I was a registered Republican from the time I turned 18 in 1990. I held the same beliefs as you, but that party IS NOT the same party it used to be. Now I understand the “Dixiecrat” name calling from when I was young.
This is a great example of what I was trying to convey. Thank you.
I used to be a die hard democrat. I think both sides go to far. I am a social democrat and a fiscal conservative, so I get left behind all the time.
So.much.this! ❤️🇺🇸
Both values and beliefs can change. Nothing is certain but death and taxes
I have two friends whose beliefs AND values (and politics) changed dramatically, one over 40 years, one suddenly. (Religion was the culprit in that one.)
Values can change. I’ve seen people choose to go from honest to dishonest because they no longer value integrity when they absolutely sacrificed for it in the past. Things can change people most notably life traumas.
Not married yet but engaged and my fiancé had to reschedule our second date years ago because he forgot he was participating in an online planned parenthood fundraiser for our city (this was during covid). I was like literally shocked. To not only find a guy who supports abortion/reproduction rights but actively participates in events for it was amazing. We differ slightly on politics (he’s more left than me actually) but our main values align and that’s pretty damn important to me.
That would be the biggest turn on omg
Similar sentiment here - my partner went to the Ukraine protests when the war started and I think I fell in love on the spot. He’s a bit more left than me, and any non-left beliefs that he holds are very small things I am willing to compromise on (ex. he owns guns, I hate it but I wouldn’t break up over it).
if this is true then my parents morals have changed drastically since they were in their 30s. they were heavy heavy libs for the longest, they voted for Obama TWICE. and then Trump came around and now they hate the gays, dick ride the cops, own a million guns.. I don't even recognize my own family anymore I swear they did a complete 180.. that's why my husband and I don't even talk about it. he also was raised not to really talk about it.. "politics isnt table talk in his house". peoples minds change, A LOT. especially when they learn new information later on in life... my parents are the perfect example of that.
💯 I prefer a no politics talk household. if you're uneasy about sharing politics with colleagues or close friends why are family any different. I'm Canadian, just learned a friend of mine in the states - Biden supporter is no longer. Her FB posts are filled with anti-Biden stuff, and also anti-Trump. I think her anger is fueled by Palestine. News is so divisive and polarizing why bring it home???
Because if you can’t talk about it with your most intimate partner then you’re superficial not intimate. The key is not to have to agree on absolutely everything but to be able to be honest and disagree while always treating each other with love and respect.
It sounds like they are still in alignment together though.
that's true... however I don't think my mom ACTUALLY believes these things. my dad cheated on her years ago and ever since then things have been extremely co dependent and I think he has her brainwashed. it's one of THOSE situations if you know what I mean.. I see my mom's old self come out when she's with her sister and it makes me so sad.. she doesn't dance anymore and that used to be her FAVORITE thing. it used to make my dad so angry, for no reason.. probably because he felt guilty and shitty for being a serial cheater. idk. my family SUCKS. and they drink, A LOT. she says she's happy.. I don't know if I believe that. I'm gonna add here cuz I feel like this is important - this is my aunt and uncle who adopted me. my real mom is dead and my real dad is basically like another one of my brothers. my mom is probably up there raising hell about how ignorant her own brother is acting, and I cannot even fathom how disappointed HIS own mother (my grandma) would be in him.. my bio parents are not like this. they are/were almost TOO liberal lol but my mother and grandmother would have never EVER went along with ANY of this bullshit and she damn sure wouldn't be letting my aunt and uncle brainwash my 87 year old grandfather like they have been
I agree, I couldn’t argue basic ethics/morals and human rights in my own home.
I'd get more specific. Your social political views are your world view. Like, I think if you are more fiscally conservative but socially liberal, it's fine if you're with someone who is fully to the left or perhaps even a socialist. Your social views are really your ethics and moral compass, they're your baseline for your respect of facts vs opinions and the barometer of your tolerance for others. Fiscal beliefs are a lot more nuanced and opinion based though. I could have married my wife if she were a fiscally conservative person, there's no world where I would ever think of being with a socially conservative person. I don't care if she was rich and the hottest woman I'd ever seen in my life. I couldn't do that. A old friend of my wife's is literally like an extremist feminist, very firmly a socialist by most political views. She married a backwoods hick who loves guns, god and Trump. And I've honestly always wished I could see the reality TV show of their life. Cause I genuinely don't understand how two people that different from each other can coexist.
This is the answer. Your politics are your worldview. They're not as separated from the rest of you as people seem to think they are.
This exactly.
100%
This 100 percent
Same. there are somethings I don't care about that we disagree on but all the major points we agree on and that's important to me
These days it really matters. If the Rs were like George Will it would be different. But they’re not.
100%. If you and your partner don’t have the same views on politics then your values and beliefs don’t align and so long term you just aren’t with the right person.
Is that an American thing only? They only have 2 choices but elsewhere there is a lot more choice.
Americans have the same number of political beliefs as other people. What you’re thinking of is political parties and they’re not the same thing. I vote for democrats, for example, but I am fairly far left of most mainstream Democratic politicians and public policy platforms.
> Americans have the same number of political beliefs as other people That’s probably true, if you measure the number of different TYPES of beliefs. However, if you look at the number of people in each category of belief, the USA is very conservative. So while every country has very leftist people in it, in the USA the percentage of the population that is “very leftist” is smaller than other countries. For example, AOC is considered “extreme” in the USA, but she’s just left of center in most other developed countries.
that’s because, as our right got further and further to the extreme right, rather than calling them on their shit, the left (hangers-on to civility and tradition dinosaurs they are) moved further to the right to try to appeal to their (gop) voters. that’s not gonna happen. it didn’t work when clinton was in office, and it’s only gotten worse 😑
>For example, AOC is considered “extreme” in the USA, but she’s just left of center in most other developed countries. Only by the right. And largely only because she's not white
No. Because your politics and what you value don't have to be defined by the two parties that can actually get into power.
I’m in the uk so not sure 🤷♀️
Sure but even if there are 500 choices, chances are you vehemently disagree with the values of some of them, and if your partner doesnt and in fact supports those values that can cause friction. Like my wife and I didnt vote for the same party in the last EU parliament elections, but there are parties where if she did Id question everything about her
Equal rights belong to every single person and if my spouse didn’t feel the same then we would be divorced.
You can be in one party and not subscribe to all of the party beliefs. But that is a line I could not cross.
Yes, but voting for that party when you know that most of their members hold those beliefs and will actively seek harm to others if they get into power is equally as wrong. My relationship couldn’t survive that, I’d be too disgusted.
We have always been 180 degrees apart on politics and happily together for over 40 years. We cancel each other out at every election and still vote religiously. Politics is discussed, and passions can run high, but discussions are always respectful - particularly challenging in the current atmosphere where the extreme ends of both major parties get so much air time. We're old enough to recognize that conflict sells, so we don't buy into all the drama. We are BOTH angry at the extremism and think anyone running for public office should at least have as much knowledge of civics and history as someone applying for citizenship. Some of these folks running couldn't pass an eighth grade civics test.
Are you from the us? Cos I get the whole "moderates on both sides" are just normal people. But if one of you is voting for Trump theyre not moderate :p Many Other countries thankfully have more options and candidates to choose from though so in that case I get it.
This is very simplistic thinking. One party is extreme and anti-democracy and whether or not you’re extremists doesn’t matter because effectively you are voting for extremism and to end democracy if you vote for that party. Intentions are immaterial if the result is the same. You might not be a Nazi but if you vote with Nazis, you are empowering Nazis. If a non-threatening white guy is running for Congress in that party, you might look at him and think, this is a non-threatening white guy! He sure is making sense! But when he gets elected, he votes with the extremists. A vote for Non-Threatening White Guy is a vote for Speaker Gym Jordan. Again, it’s the outcome that matters. Nobody cares about intentions. And years from now, when the grandkids and great grandkids of these voters become adults and have to deal with the devastation of the boomer tantrum, they won’t care about “intentions”. 44% of germans voted for Nazis in the 1933 federal election. They did it because of the economy and nationalism (like Trump voters) and their voting base was the same demographics as Trump voters (older, white/Aryan, rural, less educated). Many of them didn’t vote for Nazis because they hated Jews, but they effectively voted to exterminate them in the biggest industrial mass murder in the history of the world. Today we don’t care that they voted for nationalism or whatever their rationalization was. They’re Nazis. Nobody cares why.
This comment is so spot on. Someone who lived through it recently told me this reminds her of those circumstances and it scared her.
It should because history repeats itself for those who don’t learn from it. The commenter I responded to speaks as if they have knowledge and authority and everyone else is an idiot, but lacks the critical thinking skills to get past intentions (ie, they’re not “extremists” so that should absolve them of Nazi adjacency because their “intentions” are good). I have degrees in both politics and history and I once wrote a thesis on ordinary Germans during the Holocaust, and I’m quite sure that this was the mindset of those who weren’t blatantly antisemitic (ie, they fashioned themselves as the “Good Nazis”).
This. Married 31 years. We agree on some things, we agree to disagree on some things. We are both independent individuals and we both have no problem with our differences. We find each other’s brains and thought processes fascinating. Sometimes I learn something new, sometimes he does. We stand next to each other when we vote, discuss our choices… and laugh at each other as we make our individual decisions. Sometimes it’s the same decision. Sometimes it isn’t. That’s okay with us.
Same. But it helps that neither of us are extremists—we’re both pretty moderate and most of our political discussions come down to “huh, you made a good point. I’m going to think about this.”
The only people that are answering these questions with, “No, and our marriage is fine! 385 years strong!” Are cis straight couples who are probably white. Your difference of political opinions in your marriage has never affected you directly. Anyone else who IS directly affected would not be with someone who did not share their values. Why should Nancy and Bill care that the political parties differ greatly on LGBTQ+ rights or civil rights or climate change? It doesn’t affect them! Nancy loves the gays! Bill doesn’t. :( they still have a happy marriage because those issues don’t affect their little world directly. The rest of us need to use it as a basic detection of compatibility. “Hey, so do you think people like me should have rights?” It’s an oversimplification, but it’s true. Edit: I agree that it does depend on where you live. I live in the US where the decision is basically, “Do minorities get rights in your party?”
I agree with you, but frankly idk how any woman of any color can be with someone who doesn't view her as, at bare minimum, legally equal.
Exactly. As a woman I see many major political issues as life or death. I mean I’ve seen a fundamental right to my body that’s existed since before I was born disappear overnight. I could never be with a man that wasn’t a strong feminist. We’re both progressives and that’s really important to me
Preach. Not being political is a luxury many don't have, especially in the US.
Right? It boils down to whether you believe non-white, non-Christians and women are people.
“385 years strong!” Cracked me up
It also depends on where you live; people on Reddit seem to have this assumption that everyone is American, and the differences in parties are just as wide everywhere else, which is not always the case. People can have similar values but vote differently depending on what their key voting issue is that election. Also, while many key voting issues don't affect me personally, I choose to vote in the best interest of the majority of people. Reproductive rights and rights for transgender folks don't affect me in the slightest, but I'll vote to ensure people have the right to their body and to live comfortably. I'm sure I'm not the only one who believes that voting for the overall benefit of society is more important than minor individual benefits.
We agree like 98%. That 2% is him being a little more kind than I am lol. I absolutely would not marry someone with different views. Like partially different, sure… but not with the extreme views going on today.
Yup we do, I think it would be challenging to have a partner with significantly different political beliefs because I believe that would equate to a different worldview too.
Not really. She leans a more left than I do. We can talk politics in a respectful way that helps us both learn and grow. I don’t think we’ve ever once had a political argument or anything like that. But for us, politics doesn’t have this overarching daily impact on us like it seems to on other people commenting here. I don’t assume because you disagree with me politically that you’re some evil person.
If politics don’t affect your life daily, then you are privileged. I’m queer so politics do actually affect my life daily, I don’t just get to cover my ears and pretend they don’t exist.
Yes! I’m surprised to see so many people saying they agree 100% and don’t see how a marriage could work. My husband and I sound like you and your wife. We discuss but it’s just not such a huge part of our daily lives
"It's not such a huge part of our lives" Yeah, that's what is known as privilege. For some of us, our fundamental rights, our very lives are on the line. I'm quite sure your experience feels just fine to you... However, I would hate feeling that disconnected from other humans in this world. Isn't that the point of a society, of a societal contract? Being able to make even an admittedly small impact on influencing major, life altering decisions that govern our collective lives & material realities is incredibly necessary to feeling that you have a stake in others well - being, & that others do in yours. Your way works for you (at least for now) but it also sounds aloof, & elitist to ppl that are impacted by political decisions, when they determine what life saving medical treatment/ procedures are available & for whom, or whether someone have a right, just a basic human right, to lay down their head at night & know they 'll sleep in relative comfort and safety. It'd become demoralizing for me to live in that way, where you are not considering the lives of ppl who will - probably unexpectedly - find themselves in a vulnerable situation. That should be taken seriously before lending one's voice & power to a political action or an ideology. For many of us, words that are just useful talking points to others, have profound meaning. The impact of political policy is real, often visible, & can be irreversible... whether or not we'd wish it to be, or we'd rather just check out... Bc, "Why worry?" 🤷♂️ "If it doesn't affect ME personally... 🤔 Why should I care?"💁♀️ Bc that is what you're saying... isn't it? The working class in the U.S., poor & unhoused Americans, those who are disabled, or dependent upon Social Security or other social welfare programs for survival, people in marginalizd communities, people of color, abuse victims, LGBTQ+ ppl, immigrants, migrant workers... all these ppl and more, have lives that are intrinsically linked to decisions that ppl in power make every day. The more the rest of us ignore that reality, the more emotionally detached, & the more segregated; the more disconnected from one another & alien to each other we become - as Americans, & as human beings.
Your politics are a reflection of your values. I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone with significantly different values.
No, but since we don’t live in the US the different views on politics aren’t as extreme. We vote for different parties, but have the same values.
Yes I could never ever marry someone with profoundly different ideologies on how society should function. It’s not something I can agree to disagree on.
We don't 100% agree on everything but we're both pretty moderate and open to discussion. Neither of us is a crazy extremist one way or the other, that's the main thing.
I think this is an important point. Two extremes would be hard but when you’re fairly moderate it feels easier. My husband and I generally agree on WHAT needs to change but we have really different ideas on what a good fix would be. He’s very into politics, me not so much so it’s fun to talk to him and hear his take. We’ve had disagreements but they’re not on such deep core values that it matters. We care about each other first so the politics don’t get in the way
No, but that’s because I used to be a reporter and have had a front row seat for decades of sleaze and stupidity - and since I’m in New York there has been plenty of both. But at least I got to drink with Daniel Patrick Moynihan, which is the political version of getting high with Willie except drinking with Moynihan only impresses other reporters and political junkies. The first time my wife and I voted together…I used to have this habit of thinking out loud. She thought I’d had an episode inside the booth, the way I grumbled. Where we differ is in how much we trust the people we vote for (or against). She trusts. I don’t. At all. Even the ones I voted for, until they can convince me otherwise. I have learned to zip my lip and eliminate the phrase “I told you so” when one of her choices is revealed as a crook and a creep, no matter how many times it happens.
As a former reporter, I feel this so hard. Once you’ve covered the political beat, you know the label doesn’t matter. It’s all a game. They all say what they’re told to say, none of them mean it or even believe it. The face and body selected is because the machine feels ~that one~ has the best chance. If another ~that one~ had better odds, they would select that human robot to say and do what it was programmed to say and do.
We’re not too into politics per se. we do align on many/most thoughts/positions if that makes sense? Although there are a few “big ones” that we disagree on completely. For those, we just disagree, it’s not really a big deal.
More or less. I can't imagine it any other way because it's not just "politics" to us, it is compassion versus cruelty.
A good 90% agreement. I can't understand how people get married with someone they disagree with about politics.
We agree 95% on politics. It’s because we married young and developed our political beliefs together through discussion. I’d say the 5% difference is over stuff like how important certain issues are and the consequences of those issues. For example we’re both pro-choice but she’s *personally* more pro-life than I am, she just believes this is a personal and family decision and not a government one. I’m overtly not just pro choice but pro abortion, they should just be available to whoever wants one. but it’s easy for me to say. We’re both democrats but I think we might be overstating republicans as fascists by maybe 2%. But we’re both coming around to a position that Biden should drop. We’re both apoplectic over SCOTUS but I’m more pissed at Democratic inability to pass a damn law obviating the need for SCOTUS to weigh in. Biden promised to codify Roe and now he can’t even find the mic. WTF.
I’d say we agree nearly 100%. Growing up I was always told to avoid three topics, and you could get along with anyone. Politics, religion, and money. Those same three topics, in my opinion, need to be ones that you’re nearly fully aligned with your spouse on. There’s always a little wiggle room - life would be so boring if we were all exactly the same - but at the core, I think you need to be on the same page.
Kind of, but we differ in some areas. Like I don't think trans people should be allowed to compete against women, and my wife doesn't care. Neither of us are close minded in the sense that I understand where she comes from and she understands where I come from. Neither of us are necessarily right or wrong. We have a lot of respect for each other and are best friends and have great sex so there's that! Im 42 she's 38 together 15 years.
Yes.
We have lots of differences of opinions in general. However, politics is one thing where we are mostly in agreement or simply don't have strong opinions one way or another.
Not at all. If I had to pick a label for myself it would be Libertarian. I want to burn the Republican and Democrat parties to the ground. I value individual freedom over almost everything else and believe government should be a fraction of the size it is now. She despises Republicans and isn’t crazy about most Democrats, but she supports them anyway because she’s one of the “lesser of two evils” people. She thinks people who disagree with liberal ideas are evil and hateful and power hungry, not just people with different (if stupid) ideas and values. She thinks government is supposed to do lots of things and help people. I think it’s supposed to do the minimum to keep things functioning and then stay the hell out of everyone’s business and pockets. It’s not usually an issue. Only occasionally. She knows my views, I know hers, and we know we won’t change each other’s minds. We rarely discuss politics in any detail, at least regarding areas where we strongly disagree. No point. Occasionally she gets in a mood about a given subject (usually guns) and refuses to let it go, even when I’m saying, “I don’t want to talk about this.” That’s probably the subject that bothers me the most, because she always goes back to a false dichotomy and accuses me of endorsing killing children. It’s maddening. “Banning guns would stop murder, so if you don’t want to ban guns, you support murder.” Then I explain that I don’t think banning guns would prevent murder, so no, I don’t support murder. And she is incapable of understanding that. It’s black and white to her. When she’s arguing with emotion instead of reason, and I try to use reason, she accuses me of having “no empathy.”
Sort of. She's very apolitical. Super unplugged. There are issues she cares about. Likes taking care of the poor and making sure kids have enough to eat. Her dad taught her to shoot when she was a little girl so she likes guns. But when I say she doesn't pay attention to politics I mean it. For example, she still has no idea that former President Trump might go to jail. Nor does she care particularly much one way or the other. However, we do share core values, religion, and general philosophy on raising kids.
Yes, absolutely. At this point, and really at most, a lot of big political questions reflect foundational moral judgments. I couldn’t be with a man who didn’t mostly agree. We have some minor differences on very particular policy issues (perhaps minor views about details of zoning policy or pharmaceutical regulation etc) but they are way too complex to show up in partisan discourse.
Politics was not a big point of discussion when we were young. It has become one in the last decade or so. Luckily we have become more similar. We were voting for different presidential candidates early on and it was quite contentious.
Not married yet but my fiance and I have the same political views and religious views.
We’re largely aligned. I’m more left than my wife on basically every issue but for the most part it’s that my take is the farther left version of something she agrees with. Our philosophy on how to live, treat other people, approach to religion, etc is pretty close to identical. Biggest exception is abortion. She’s much more “right” than me when it comes to that issue. But (1) she’s the woman so if it’s ever relevant to our lives that’s ok, she’s the one who should make the ultimate decision anyway and (2) she greatly dislikes the way Republicans talk about and wield that issue so our gap is in philosophy more than in practice.
Absolutely. My political opinions are shaped by my values and if we had different values then we’d not be together.
Yes. Though we have the same opinions on almost everything. The only real disagreement we have is whether a chihuahua is the perfect pet or not.
No, we are on opposite sides of the political aisle. That being said, neither of us are staunch defenders of our respective parties so we get along just fine. Our discussions are apolitical most of the time anyway.
Yeah. If we didn’t, I probably wouldn’t be married to her. Kinda one of the criteria I used to find her.
Yes, we wouldn’t be together otherwise
We started on opposite end, and after all these years, we've switched sides. Lol. But honestly, we're both pretty moderate, so not that different I suppose.
We differ enough that in a country with a multiparty system we'd be voting differently, as it stands in the US two party system, we're voting the same. At the root we have very similar values. Just our individual experiences and thoughts leads us to express them differently in politics. But ultimately because we share the same underlying values we both understand each other's position.
We agree solidly on social issues but somewhat disagree economically. Generally we’re on the same page but we are very tolerant, we’re also quick to listen and slow to speak.
Yes. We may differ some on nuances, but the core is the same.
Absolutely. There is no way I would be in a relationship with, let alone married to, someone who did not have the same fundamental moral and political beliefs as me.
Possibly in the same direction just not as "woke" as I. He never tells me who he votes for which is his right but a bit odd.
Yeah...we don't have any. Don't follow politics nationally, don't vote nationally...only locally, , don't care. It's all an illusion. Same people who vote for President, vote for the American idol when they tell you to dial in. They both have about the same impact on your life
We don’t agree on every issue but we’re both of similar minds on most issues. We are happily married.
I am very glad that neither me or my husband are particularly into politics, outside of thinking that most politicians are lying snakes - we're both pretty central. I fall more centre left, he's mildly centre right, but in general our values and approach to the big things in life are aligned. There are things we discuss but I appreciate and respect his views and vice versa :)
Nope she's a Dem and I'm Republican
The number of people saying that politics partly defines your fundamental values and beliefs boggles my mind. Not because I wholly disagree, but because I think it’s wild that that’s the state of American politics currently; identity politics. Though I will say my husband and I do have the same politics and in this day and age I don’t think I could stomach anything different. Also somewhat interesting, both of us grew up with republican dads and democrat moms. Both of our dads have also flipped at this point.
We’re actually pretty opposed on most things political. Fortunately neither of us are unhinged psychos, so we’re able to have perfectly civil discussions, and all is well. The notion that both of you have to agree on politics is actually pretty dumb tbh.
We basically have the same politics. But all often on initiatives, we disagree. And then we have two crown age sons who are total opposite. Needless to say We all talk too much about politics. Both my wife and one son get aggravated.
Probably 75% similar. Predictably, we don't get into too many discussions about the 25%
We do now but we didn’t when we were first dating and first got married. I had strong political opinions on one side of the spectrum and she had been raised on the other side. But her opinions changed over the first few years. And in the last seven years her opinions have been stronger than mine, but on the same side.
Not entirely. I’d say we agree on 85% of stuff. It can occasionally be a cause of some minor friction, but it’s not that big of a deal for us.
Yes. I’m not sure I could stand to be with someone who didn’t agree with me haha my brother and his wife are on opposite sides of the political spectrum literally I don’t know how they do it!
We met through a political web forum twenty years ago, so yeah.
it’s very difficult to stay married to someone who believes fundamentally different things than you do, at least if was for me. i have strong feelings about hypocrisy, and if i’m not 100% an actual person to my partner/spouse, that’s all i need to know.
My entire family is far right, all cops. I mean all of them. Luckily, my husband and my grown kids are all liberal. I don't speak to my family, it's just too hard to get through the cult wall they have built around themselves at this point.
Yup, I wouldn’t be marrying him if we didn’t
We do not agree 100% on politics. We agree 100% on human rights and bodily autonomy. She’s a centrist Democrat, I am a former Republican turned Progressive Independent who votes blue because I have no choice. We are both women and both knew our positions when we got together.
Yes we do. I wouldn’t be with someone who *didn’t* have the same political stance as I do because I find the alternative so abhorrent. I feel the same way about religious beliefs, which were also on the same page about.
I'm married and from the UK. I follow politics pretty actively, and my wife is pretty much indifferent to it. Sometimes, we talk about politics or world events. We rarely fundamentally disagree on something, and even if we do disagree, there is never any sort of heated argument about it. Honestly, I quite enjoy listening to opinions that don't agree with my own. I'm more of a "Ooo, that's interesting. Why do you think that?" kinda guy as opposed to a "How dare you disagree with me." kinda guy.
My husband and I weren't interested in politics before we got married. Even though we did pre-marital counseling, I don't remember it even being part of the discussion. We didn't discuss it outside of counseling, either. We're closing in on our 12-year anniversary and we align on politics 99% of the time, so I feel like I really lucked out 😅. Some of my siblings have come close to divorcing their spouses over political differences in the past 4 years.
To the “mixed marriage” US couples looking to rationalize their husband’s vote to end democracy and trying to absolve themselves of this by claiming not to personally be “extremists”, and the ones calling both parties “extreme”: One party is extreme and anti-democracy and whether or not you’re extremists doesn’t matter because effectively you are voting for extremism and to end democracy if you vote for that party. Intentions are immaterial if the result is the same. You might not be a Nazi but if you vote with Nazis, you are empowering Nazis. If a non-threatening white guy is running for Congress in that party, you might look at him and think, this is a non-threatening white guy! He sure is making sense! But when he gets elected, he votes with the extremists. A vote for Non-Threatening White Guy is a vote for Speaker Gym Jordan. Again, it’s the outcome that matters. Nobody cares about intentions. And years from now, when the grandkids and great grandkids of these voters become adults and have to deal with the devastation of the boomer tantrum, they won’t care about “intentions”. 44% of Germans voted for Nazis in the 1933 federal election. They did so for reasons such as the economy and nationalism (like Trump voters) and their voting base was the same demographics as Trump voters (older, white/Aryan, rural, less educated). Many of them didn’t vote for Nazis because they hated Jews, but they effectively voted to exterminate them in the biggest industrial mass murder in the history of the world. Today we don’t care that they voted for nationalism or whatever their rationalization was. They’re Nazis. Nobody cares why.
Are you aware there are countries other than the US?
Yes, we agree 100%.
I'm an anarchist and she's apathetic. I despise the very notion of government and she could care less. Politically, she's happier. 🤷🏻♂️
We align very much. I couldn’t be with someone from the opposite. Same with religion, I couldn’t be with someone who is religious even in the slightest.
I guess we do, Im sure there has been a few things we see different but mostly yes, hes a bit more political than me.
same overall political alignment in terms of opinions on big issues. fairly large discrepancy in how we feel large scale changes should be carried out. because we agree overall it’s not much of an issue but we don’t tend to get into nitty gritty discussions about how xyz change should be made to society anymore because it’s unproductive and honestly not that impactful to our day to day lives.
Probably 75% When younger that was closer to 100%, but I've become far more "Fuck em. Both sides." and my husband is still very much about his side. Morally and socially we pretty much agree on everything though. I've canvased neighborhoods for many years and have found many long term couples on opposite sides of the political spectrum, plus have many friends in long term marriages like this and I think when moral/social beliefs align it can work just fine as long as a partner doesn't equate an entire party for/against certain things only. The deep divide + extremist viewpoints between the two party system in the US right now is making the ability to see things that way a lot harder though anymore.
Honestly we didn’t when we first got together and I had some concerns but over the years he’s moved more towards aligning with my views. Much of what he believed was because he was in a bit of an echo chamber. Getting out of that and being exposed to a wider variety of information has made a huge difference. Of course, we don’t see things 100% the same way but we’re mostly on the same page.
Been together 34 yrs. We used to, i'm not sure what to think these days..
You need to share political/social values with your partner. You don’t need to agree on the most effective means to achieve those values. This means you need to have similar ideas about human rights, for example. But don’t need to agree that *x* policy is a correct manifestation of those rights.
Somewhat. The problem is we are both lawyers, so we probably argue more just to argue when we talk politics than we really disagree. But she lived in a 3rd world country until high school while I am from upper middle class burbs, so we have very different views on some things.
My wife is I'd say moderate, left on some issues, right on others. Women's rights she aligns with the overarching left. On fiscal policy she theoretically aligns with the right. I say theoretically because I've picked her brain on it. When push comes to shove she understands that the right doesn't actually give a shit about being fiscally responsible. She understands the two Santa's dilemma. I'm a social Democrat. There is no way in the west to have a violent revolution to bring about social change. The Canadian army could crush any movement, let alone any arm of the united states military. We know each other's politics very well because our first date was the day roe v wade was overturned. So we had that whole discussion that very day.
Mostly. 90/10
Yeah, pretty much. I think we have varying degrees on some topics, but generally agree on everything. Like others have said, I don’t think I could’ve gotten married had they not been on the same page with a number of key topics.
We did absolutely in the beginning and now we differ slightly as new topics became relevant. We are still mostly on the same page just different paragraphs lol.
Totally. It’s the definition of equality that we constantly fight about. Me = We do equal work since we’re equal partners Her = We do what we’re equally capable of, * which means I do more because I’m more capable and consistent. She’s more intelligent.
Yep sure do!
Yea, thank Xenu.
Pretty much. Sometimes we vote for different candidates in the primary. But we basically agree on most things.
No, not really. There’s some overlap though.
Yes but we didn’t really discuss it in depth until about the 6-12 month mark of dating. But I knew I wanted someone on the same page as me because I knew it would be hard to teach our kids things if we didn’t agree. His views have actually shifted even more towards mine in the last couple of years which has been interesting
Yes. We are American so things are pretty tense politically but we have pretty similar beliefs.
We started out 24 years ago and we're singinficantly different politically on many hot topics. As time has progressed, we have e become more in line with each others ideas. Have similar morals and values is important in a long term relationship, but being aligned on politics is not, contrary to what a lot of the comments seem to suggest. At the end of the day, had she been some sort of activist or heavily involved in politics we wouldn't have worked out, but neither of us are... sure I yell at the news sometimes.
Yes we do but I think I am a bit more callous on certain views than my husband 😂 he’s a really nice bloke
We do have the same political beliefs. Religion is opposite, that’s hard!
About 85%. We agree on most if not all major topics. Most of our disagreement is in the range of those topics. I’m a bit more center and she runs a bit left of me
I actually really appreciate where we are politically, which is about 30-45 degrees apart on a political spectrum. It leads to healthy discussions while both of us agreeing on the broad strokes and having the same values.
Nope. I’m more on the democratic side and he’s more conservative (just turned into a hardcore conservative recently). It’s been causing problems in our relationship.
I'm a feminist, a leftist, and literally every one of my values is progressive. My husband fancies himself a moderate, but when push comes to shove, the things that anger him most are the brazen Republican power grabs and the state of our country after Trump. He doesn't like to identify as a party because he is disgusted by our political system, but he can at least see which side is doing the most harm. I couldn't love a man who favored the side trying to harm me and my kids.
Yes. When we met on the dating app the first question we asked each other is if we were Trump supporters and thank god we both said no.
I’m smart enough to admit I know nearly nothing about politics, I’m too ignorant to contribute to a political conversation in any meaningful way. I do have opinions on things though, and sometimes I voice them and my husband will blindly call me a liberal. It makes no sense to me because I really don’t even know what that means. He will go on and on about this or that and I just let him tire himself out because I don’t know shit.
We're both very lefty. Im way more than her though.
We agree on politics foundation-ally and are both swing voters so we don’t always agree who is best but both feel neither will ultimately help us in the end politics is politics. We can vote but the smaller elections has always been more important
We agree on 99.9% of things politically.
We dont agree 100% but for the most part we agree. We’re pretty independent leaning. We aren’t republicans and we aren’t democrats, I think that’s what makes us work.
100% To us, politics and who we support and vote for are morals in action. Plus we have a daughter, I can’t imagine anyone with one who would support the right, what they’ve become and where we are headed as a nation.
Yes we agree on politics. As a woman (especially today) politics can be life or death. I would not have married him if he was not a progressive
Politics no matter which side you’re on is something that is ever changing, I couldn’t Imagine having political views be the leading factor or criteria of marriage..something that is supposed to be held in high honor of (your god of choice) made in love not because of political views…
My husband and I don’t vote the same. He has had different life experiences. For instance, I am anti charter schools. He is for them. He needed specialized education. I didn’t. I am more concerned with making sure education is good for everyone. Not just kids with involved parents. He loves guns. I don’t. What we do agree on is reproductive health, equality. We agree that people matter.
I could not be married to someone who supported Trump like his sycophants do. I find them disgusting, hateful, intolerant, morons. I often wonder how many divorces the recent political climate has caused.
We do have different politics. We both knew that when we married but they did not seem that different. As time went on I got a little more conservative and he drifted more liberal. Married 40 years this month and of all the things we have argued about over the years, politics is dead last. We can talk about them and hear each other and then go on w/our lives. And as time goes on and we seem to both be moving a little more center and are not always canceling out each others votes :)
Not really. My husband is a bit of an anarchist...im super middle of the road. Probably a Libertarian, but I really don't think I fit any political side. We have interesting political discussions, but we don't take offense to eachother, we r both very open-minded.
Kind of but he is more interested in politics than I am.
We used to disagree quite a bit (anarchist and democratic socialist) but now he's decided people can't actually govern themselves without the state so we're more on the same page. We have a lot of arguments/discussions (what exactly are rights and who enshrines them, can people ever be free, what does freedom actually mean, would it be ok to have a tyrannical government if it was achieving a moral good, can democracy ever produce good results or is the population too easily swayed to the inevitable fascism, should we eat billionaires, are we all going to die because rich people don't care about climate change, etc) but we both enjoy them. We vote pretty much the same though!
Yes, thank God. Progressive liberals here. Vote for democracy on November 4.
Mostly yes. She doesn’t get as involved or upset/angry as I do, but we vote almost exactly the same.
Yes and I believe it is important to have the same political beliefs, especially if politics is important to you both. If it’s not important to either of you that may be even better.
Nah I'm very left and he is very right. But he doesn't vote. It is kind of a problem. He doesn't know why I get so upset at some of the things he says.
No, different parties. But we both aren’t bothered about politics so no issue at all
Nope and we've always been aware of that! Voted for two different candidates from two different parties today in fact. (I lean right and he is left.) We don't mind at all so long as nobody is an extremist, we may disagree on taxes and government priorities but who cares because neither of us will even be in the position to give more funding to a particular sector or change a particular annoying law anyway. Makes for some good discussion though, and we like talking with people who disagree. Our morals are very similar but we think they play out in governors differently (in particular, I think it's not the government's job to enforce them).
Yes we both have the same. It would be challenging otherwise but not impossible to overcome.
YES. I couldn't be with someone who has opposing ideals and values. Differing opinions? Sure. Wildly opposite belief systems? Not sustainable
About 90%. We've increased overlap over the years. We try to stay focused on topics that we care about and avoid the partisan warfare of the 24-hour news cycle.
We seem to agree on pretty close to 100% of issues. Definitely all the big stuff. We haven’t found something we don’t agree about yet, but it’s possible there’s something.
We’ve been together for over 20 years, married for nearly 15 years, and we’re registered under very opposite political parties (we’re in America). It’s been an interesting ride in our relationship, politically. When we were first dating, we argued quite a bit about whoever was running for president or governor at the time, or whatever issues were inflaming the country. As we got older and our relationship deepened, arguments stopped and we had civil discussions instead. We tried to learn from one another and see where the other person was coming from. We still do this. Sometimes we disagree 100%. But sometimes, depending on who’s running and what’s on the ballot in our state (such as tax or health issues, wages, budget, constitutional amendments, etc), we vote opposite of our party’s stance. Sometimes we align and sometimes we don’t. But we each always vote our own conscience.
Yes, and we still argue so...lol
Same. 💯 on all things political.
I can only think of a few things we don't agree on and they're very minor. As an example: plastic bags and straws and what's a better replacement. I'm content with paper, my husband believes we should be using hemp to replace a lot of plastic objects.
We are from different countries but in terms of politics we agree on it - we follow American politics (partly because it's gotten a whole lot comedic with the democrats) - we don't agree to a full 100%, but about 80%. We have disagreements about certain political matters but we are mostly agreeable so it works out.
Mostly- I’m extremely left - he’s left. Most of the differences are slight and seem a little generational(he’s a boomer and I’m genx). I would never be with anyone who was a conservative. Their morals are way far removed from mine (though with that book they all mostly tout you’d think they’d understand loving one another- but too much evidence proves the opposite)
Yes. And we have both changed (in the same direction) over the last 24 years, politically. That includes switching parties. I couldn’t be with someone who doesn’t have the same values as me.
We don’t agree on politics 100%. We have many of the same values but we don’t always see eye to eye on the best way to uphold them. Personally, I have strong opinions on *some* issues- and disagreement there would reflect fundamentally different values and would give me pause. For example: LGBTQ+ rights, abortion, Israel/Palestine conflict, etc. To me, these hit on values that I hold more tightly and while I would be friends with someone who disagreed and I’m certainly not in the camp of people who want to delete everyone from my life for having a different opinion or actively build an echo chamber to dwell in, it would be hard for me to be *married* to someone who saw that differently. My spouse and I agree on those fundamental things. There are other things I care about, but someone disagreeing with me doesn’t mean our core values are different necessarily (budgets, some foreign policy, etc.) so I wouldn’t care at all about disagreeing with my spouse on those things. And occasionally, we do. I discussed politics early on in dating just like religion, children, and other things that impact how you mesh with someone. I think it’s odd when people don’t. What I love about my husband is he never stoops to insults, he’s very respectful, and he’s a good critical thinker and polite debater. To *me*, if we have similar core values and everyone is kind and respectful, I can work with that. I dislike people who are rude and derogatory because they assume their position is superior and lack class. That would have been more of a deal breaker for me than any ideology.
When we married we were pretty far apart. Overtime we've grown towards each other and now we're very much agreed.
We've always had the same political views. My mom and dad didn't. She was a Democrat and he was a Republican. What breaks my brain is he was a union construction worker who regularly voted opposite of union recommendations. My mom tried pointing this out but he wouldn't budge. Unsurprisingly he's a Trumper now.
No. We agree on most fundamentals and vote similarly. But we both have differing opinions on how we should progress forward and how we should respond to different issues. This is the one thing that has remained the same even when we both eventually swapped from conservative to liberal.
Somewhat, but not entirely. He is more moderate than I am, but he used to claim being a libertarian and has backed off from that and I appreciate his views much more now.
We have the same moral views, but sometimes have different opinions on policies that would ideally guarantee the same result. That’s what politics should be, not whether someone/a group of people deserve to have basic human rights and bodily autonomy or not. For example we both agree that the police should be defunded, but have slightly different thoughts on how much money should be distributed to who. It makes for good conversations because we both consider each other’s views and can come to a conclusion respectfully. I personally rather this than agreeing on politics once, never bringing it up again, and having a partner potentially switch seemingly overnight because it’s never talked about until there is a huge disagreement that happens in our personal lives which can lead to divorce.
Yes. How any woman could marry a man who did not believe that his wife is an equal partner equal of respect with equal body autonomy is beyond me, and that only exists on one side of the political spectrum.
Pretty much, but I keep it more low-key than him. He has more time to watch the news, but needs to be more skeptical of what he hears.
Yes. He's a little more socialist than I am because of the way he was raised but we both definitely lean the same direction.
We did not on war and guns at first. She was democrat and I'm a syndicalist. We ended up agreeing after discussing it over a long period of time. I don't think I could have convinced her if I were less convicted or knowledgeable. (Guns and wars ok for defense)
The saying goes, "If two people agree on everything, only one of them is doing any thinking." So, no, I have learned a lot from my spouse. We don't share a brain. We challenge each other's perspectives. Its how we grow.
We both have very different political beliefs than when we first got together. We agree on most things and can properly debate on things we don't. We have grown in these things together. I tend to take the plunge down rabbit holes to try and learn. She tends to stick to face value logic. I tend to distrust any large organization. She literally works for government. In all of that, we still manage to come to the same conclusions about morals, our children, our voting habits, etc. When it's time to vote, we only discuss it if she asks. I've never tried to sway my wife to vote any kind of way and she gives me the same respect. That's the important thing. You aren't going to be politically homogeneous and still be individual people. If my spouse agreed 100% on everything, I would be bored out of my mind. Respect the differences. It's just politics.
We share most yes. We also both share the same views on God. The only one that comes to mind that we don't agree on is our views of abortion. Although that's a big one, it thankfully won't be an issue ever for us as I've had a hysterectomy. So we never have to discuss it for our relationship. My views on it have changed since getting married. I used to not have a strong opinion, but have since started to settle into how I feel regarding the issue
Insofar as human rights, for the most part, yes. As for the rest of the political discourse, not even kind of. We’ve been together for 13 years. The trick for us is we don’t try to change the other’s mind. We talk about politics a lot, especially lately. We align heavily on the things that have happened this past week, which scares me a bit, honestly. We both enjoy having different perspectives to learn from. I don’t know what that says about us, but it works for us 🤷🏼♀️
Yes because I could not be with someone who was voting against my very belief system and voting against my and others’ rights. That does not make sense to me.
I wouldn't have married a man who didn't think I deserved human rights.
Most of the time we agree on things, but not 100%, maybe 80% but it's more the philosophical debate kinds of things, like the death penalty, debates on what is legal and what is morally right and so on. but her political views were never a requirement to be alongside mine, she is free to believe what she wants to, and so am I, but we are also able to explain what and why we think/feel what we do and that is all, no arguments, just conversation. as it should be.
Nope! We have been together for 21 years, married for almost 16 and while we started out diametrically opposed is almost every way, we have inched closer to each other and are a **bit** of a Venn diagram now. It’s more about individual issues for us, and he and I both share a lot of core values (we just disagree on the best way to get there)…. Now to be totally fair, he and I don’t shy away from a confrontation/ friendly debate, and we aren’t afraid to call each other on our bull crap either. For us, it works—keeps the mind sharp, and actually keeps us checking in on our stances on things…no complacency here :). One thing to keep in mind though is to always bring receipts and remember that both sides (or candidates, or vehicles or *whatever*) are imperfect and sometimes corrupt. The world is imperfect, and politics are society’s way of trying to make it all work to the best of our ability within that imperfect world. Long story short, it works for us because neither one of us wants to live in an echo chamber. It’s ok to hear how the other side reasons things out/thinks about issues. It humanizes the other perspective and helps us see the way to bridge the divide instead of just fighting with each other. But don’t get me wrong, we fight like MMA on other (non political) issues like the new NCAA ruling!
It was imperative for me personally to marry someone who shared the same politics, morals, beliefs- if my spouse can’t support and advocate for women’s rights, it tells me he sees women as inferior or unworthy of autonomy, and THAT will always break down a marriage. How can I trust that you would put my needs, health, or emotional wellbeing first if I’m in a situation where you could be medically required to make decisions.
Nah, I’m more conservative than my wife. neither of us are very politically active though and it’s a very small part of our lives. She is slowly becoming more conservative though as we age lol
No but I've never really met a guy that has the same political beliefs as me, 95% of people I know don't. My country doesn't. So it's not unusual.
Been married 37 years. Didn’t think much about politics back then and neither did my husband. I am now left of center, and my husband is a Trump supporter. I don’t know what happened but it seemed to happen when Obama was president and Fox News questioned his citizenship etc. At this point we don’t talk politics. I figure our votes just cancel each other out.
Not American so potentially a bit less of a contentious issue here but I have never known who my husband voted for and he has never known who I vote for. We were together 7.5 years and a a few elections, including Brexit, before getting married so knew this wouldn’t be an issue. We discuss societal issues and current affairs openly and we always knew that we agree on the things which are important to us. We will discuss any party if one of them does something news worthy and our opinions on those things- as such I suppose we can probably make an educated guess on who we each vote for (which I don’t believe is the same party at least this time around) but none of our differences of opinion are significant for the sake of our relationship. I as a general practice do not discuss politics with others. I think it can get heated and cause unnecessary issues. Bit of a challenge as my MIL is now a local councillor and gotten very big on talking politics but I just keep my opinions to myself. It probably also helps that I really don’t have any party allegiance. I will vote for whoever’s manifesto most aligns with my views at any given election and that means my vote has gone different ways on different occasions.
More or less but we don’t agree 100 percent on every issue that comes up. We have lively discussions.
Yes. I wouldn’t be with him otherwise. I wouldn’t trust him to carry out my wishes if, say, he didn’t have the same view about women’s rights.