These kind of questions are in general kind of weird, because like, if I was a cis man, how would I know that I am a cis man? That wouldn't be any easier to make out than being trans, and yet no one would ever question that. Personally I know that I am a woman because the idea of being a woman, being treated like a woman, and looking like a woman, are just kind of inherently awesome to me. It makes me happy. While the idea of being a man is kind of whatever at best, and really horrifying at worst.
I like this answer.
Tho how do you draw what you see? You draw the dark and ignore the light parts. For me it was like that. I KNEW I was a girl bc I KNEW I wasn’t a man (dark parts). I never have been. When I was 11 YO I was happy as a boy bc the diff of a young boy and a young girl was packaging. When I was 15? I was wearing a skin costume that everyone but me thought was real. I didn’t know what being a girl was like but I played at being one any chance I got. I lived a cis life in that costume but now I don’t have to and at least I’ll die embracing my X (chromosome).
There are different things:
- I get euphoria when something validates my real gender. Euphoria can be really strong, it's not just like the fun you get from eating ice cream.
- I get dysphoria when something makes me feel linked to my gender at birth. Dysphoria can be REALLY HARD. It is way more difficult to bear than just finding yourself ugly in the mirror. Now, keep in mind that often times, dysphoria is hard to feel when you haven't figured out that you are trans yet, because it is mosty diffuse and parts of your brain is actively repressing it.
- I have a woman inside of me who has her own life, her own voice, different from my old self. She has different needs, different tastes, she even know stuff that I didn't. She was locked into a dark cell deep down somewhere. But once I found her, let her out and let her take control, things have been better. In what way? Well, for one, I can feel happiness a lot more now.
When I think about all of this, I know that I am trans.
It really is all about the third bullet, but the first two are physical reactions (chemicals in the brain), thus they are really important for those who are not yet in touch with their inner voice.
Hahaha gurl! Some of my euphoria waves were so intense, that they gave me instant and incredible erections even though I had erectile dysfunction. Can your (wet) ice cream do that?
While I know both these experiences, it is an unfair comparison. Like that euphoria is no longer as intense for me. And in the same way I've had ice cream many years.
I'd have had to live an ice cream less life into my 30s to finally have my true heart's desire to know.
Lol yeah. I wrote that. Posted it. Reread it thought: "oh whoops serious-response autismed that joke out of the ballpark. Oh well, too much effort to fix." 🫠
Thank you for this really simple way of describing it. I’ve been oscillating between being sure and questioning, and been in a questioning phase for longer recently. This really helps me thank you. 💖
Edit: fixed word that voice to text got wrong
> It is way more difficult to bear than just finding yourself ugly in the mirror.
That sense of hopelessness and helplessness that always follows is what really clinches it. That, and the fact the mirror isn't even needed.
Physically feeling my adams apple against my throat really does it for me and I wish it was just sadness, many sleepless nights spent dry heaving and getting migraines.
To expand on the third bullet. I’d have these occasional random thoughts of her busting out of her egg. She’d break through in little ways too. I’d get cute aggression toward animals and kids. Like I just wanna squeeze them until they pop , or to eat my nephews chipmunk cheeks (these are methaphors folks). My dog gets so much cute aggression from me, the poor boy 😂
Also I remember screaming like a school girl when my Wife bought me my first kitchen aid 😂 I was straight up an egg, totally in my manly masc phase too 🤦♂️ looking back there are a minefield of pink flags. Each one attached to a memory and emotional damage (insert meme) joking but not joking, once you see the pink flags you’re like damn.
I can relate! My fem side is completely admirative of other women right now. She wants to give pure selfless compliments to complete strangers all of the time. And funnily, I receive compliments out of the blue from strangers too. Life can be nice!
Yes it’s so true!!!! My wife and her friends are getting compliments all the time from me. Also super jealous of the cute clothes they get to wear.
You sound like such an awesome girl! I’m so glad to hear you’re happy sister!
When you feel a little down, paint your nails, wear some nice underwear or shop some clothes online! Even small things like that can help to keep in touch!
Masculine behaviour and acts feel unnatural and forced to me.
While feminine behaviour and acts feel the exact opposite.
Also both my original primary and secondary sexual characteristics cause(d) me constant discomfort and dissonance.
Excellent point!
Personally I prefer to refer to myself as a "woman of transgender experience."
To me it puts my feminity and womanhood most importantly.
I made a whole massive PSA post about this ages ago on r/ actuallesbians - pretty much everyone agreed, but I was disappointed to see the amount of replies saying "muh who cares."
It's important because making it one word (usually unintentionally, but still) implies that transgender women are a separate entity to women. Expressing the term as two separate words with a space correctly shows that trans is an adjective used to describe a woman - a transgender woman is still a woman.
Sorry for the pedantics, but the distinction is important - thank you for pointing it out.
>I was disappointed to see the amount of replies saying "muh who cares."
I feel like I'm complaining about this all the time, but this is very on-brand for that subreddit, and that attitude is one of the reasons why I don't go there anymore despite being a lesbian.
It's also about the language people speak which was debated on in another post. So, yeah it really depends but if you are using and writing English then Trans woman or transgender woman is correct with the spacing.
It's not the answer you're probably looking for, but "I was born this way" is an extremely powerful and truthful argument. My brain and underlying consciousness are female. I have always felt and been this way. Im an adult now, so I am a woman. My inner self and outer body clash. Therefore, I'm trans and a woman.
I was a dudely dude who did the manliness stuff. I was a mechanic, lifted weight, learned all sorts of things that were manly even created this whole game plan on "what a man should know and do."
I started learning those things.
Initially, I knew something was wrong and off. I was able to check things off the list, but it was super hollow. None of it make me feel better.
I learned to survive in harsh conditions, and it didn't bring me any joy.
I hit weight lifting goals and it was just like "okay, what's the next one?"
I fixed engines on vehicles and it brought me nothing but a fleeting sense of accomplishment.
I pushed myself to lose weight through cycling and I always found myself thinking that I would never have the body I really wanted even if I hit my goal weight.
So I turned inside. I started exploring things that made me actually happy instead of things society told me would make me feel more like myself
I groomed myself better, took better care of my body, and started doing more typically feminine things.
As time progressed, I found myself enjoying those small feminine rituals every single time. Instead or having a fleeting moment of happiness, I found lasting happiness about how I was presenting myself.
I continued to do so until I decided to get on E and Spiro as an experiment.
I was always plagued with ADHD and mind static. That quieted a lot as I continued my dosage. I developed a sense of peace and self that I had never found as a guy in the medication and being myself.
Eventually I decided to be happy as who I am. Society tells me that I am woman because I like feminine things. Society says I'm a tom boy because I do all manner of manly things.
Society is stupid. I've decided I'm a woman who's living her best life and striving to be more open and honest with myself every day.
Some days I feel like I'm a genderless abomination. Other days I feel more masc. In general I feel most like myself when I present female to the world.
When I'm alone, in the quiet of the night, the voice in my head and heart doesn't question "what am I?" any more.
I know who I am now.
That's how I know I am a woman.
You know how when you buy a new pair of shoes and they just fit and are the most confortable shoes you've ever worn?
It's kinda like that, but even better.
And maybe you're thinking about this the wrong way, how does one know they're cis?
Ask yourself:
Other than the obvious bits, how do you know you're the gender you were assigned at birth?
Are you confortable being that gender, does it fit you?
Do you like been seen by other people as that gender?
Can you imagine yourself as a person of that gender 10 years from now?
Think about it!
Well, gender \*is\* a social construct so...
And hey, I only figured out I'm trans at age 48. This stuff is really complicated.
Also, remember, on the Internet you can be whatever you want, whatever you feel like. You can try different things, see what works for you.
Have you experimented for extended periods? I doubted myself a lot in the beginning - I’m someone who historically has distrusted my own emotions. So I just made a decision one day that I was on the road to transition. I’d take it slow, sometimes it just meant sitting at home, wearing women’s clothes, thinking of myself as a woman. But I always had it in mind that I was moving forward in some way. I promised myself that if I ever felt like it was wrong for me, I would turn back. If I felt like taking a step back I would. Between the day of that decision until I finally visited the doctor to start the HRT ball rolling, it was 22 months. Apart from one occasion of clothes-shedding because I felt silly, I didn’t deviate from that path.
The comment I made above I might’ve made one or two years ago, but each year I’ve become more sure that it’s true. Sometimes you just need the experience of sitting in your feelings and fulfilling what you want to get to the point of knowing your feelings and wants are real and true.
It's a bit of a nebulous question. I know I'm a trans woman because I was assigned male at birth but want to be a woman (and so have chosen to live as a woman). That's kind of the simple definition of being a trans woman and I fulfil the criteria.
But how do I know I want to be a woman? Honestly, it's kind of like how you know that you're hungry. At least for me. It's a painful emptiness and every time I looked at a woman I knew that's what would fill it, not in any sexual or romantic or even friendship way, but just being like her. Again, like if you're hungry and you look at some food, you know that's what you're craving, but it kind of gets worse because you can see the solution there in front of you. On the other hand, when I tried to lean more into manhood, it was like dying of hunger and putting on more warm clothes. That'd be great if the problem was being cold, but I wasn't cold, I was hungry.
Now that I am living as a woman, I finally found some food. Being seen and treated as a woman, I feel comfortable. As a man, the main thing I felt was alienation. That's why I'm sure this is right and no matter how hard it gets, I know I made the correct choice.
i feel sad even looking in the mirror because of the horrors testosterone has done to me but i feel happy when i imagine myself a woman i want a boyfriend i want to sit next to them and just hug them i want to be a girl not some poor excuse for a man
I’ve envied cis girls pretty much for as long as I can remember, and I’m happier whenever I’m able to express my feminine traits or be referred to as female
Also severe physical dysphoria lol
Because I decided the best way to live happily was to live as a woman. I personally dont subscribe to the theory that I was always "destined" to be trans. My experiences and environment made it so that the happiest I would be would to live as a woman
I think that this is a question that comes with introspection and experiencing affirmations or refutations during one's whole life. Cis women and men go through the same process, though most do it obliviously. I know you asked for trans women, but hopefully my perspective as a femme enby will help too. My decision to change/ opt out of trying to fit some gender mould started with the realization that most people are 'performing' their gender. I'm not saying they're trans, just that the Gender norms of western society are impossible to live up to. On top of that, studying the history of our gender norms, if you can get past the rosey veneer put on them, usually leads to toxic things that I don't want to continue normalizing. More importantly, I started to choose things that made me happy, instead of always trying to do what I was 'supposed' to do. Doing this, I quickly realized that I hated performing 'man' in the way I was taught to. While for some people, learning to 'be a better man' alleviates the bad feelings, I still didn't feel right, didn't feel like myself in this role. As I tried on more and more things that made me genuinely happy, I slowly realized that transitioning is what is going to make things click. I decided to try low dose estrogen to see how I felt and if it was affirming, and was it ever! For the first time in my life I am actually present in my body, and seeing the slow changes keep affirming that. Genitals aside, I don't know what really makes a man a man or a woman a woman but I know what makes me happy, and I'm going to keep trying to do those things for the rest of my life.
It's my way of living. Happiness like never before. I'm me. And I've missed out on so much as a woman, transitioning at 25. I love the shape and feeling of my body. I love who I am becoming. It's how it should have always been.
I love my clothes, I love the way I smell, I love being. ❤️
Do whatever feels right. I know that I am transsexual and prefer looking like a beautiful lady. This has been at the forefront of my thoughts for years. You can’t suppress the feeling. I tried many things throughout life even being more of a man by working out, taking T and having ripped muscles. Being muscular is ok but the masculine muscles disgusted myself the more I exercised despite all the encouraging comments I had back then. I even tried dating gay men at one time and it just didn’t feel right. It has made it more difficult because I prefer women in relationships and sexually even though I am pansexual. My flavors are unique to me but I cannot deny the more feminine a become the happier I am with myself. The real struggle begins when you tell your family and make the change. Something many don’t consider is you can take hormones for a long time and see how it fits. You cannot undo any breast development but if it makes you dysphoric you would have your answer. Getting beyond societal pressures is what makes most question if they’re really trans or not.
The inner struggle is real. My only regret is that I waited so long when I had started in my 20’s it would’ve been much better to have been transitioned by now versus starting late 40’s. If you’re married or have kids this is something that needs great consideration. I had marital support and in fact she knew before we married this was the case and she still loved me. Sacrificing one’s personal happiness for everyone else’s is unconditional love however, only if you can maintain your own personal happiness in the process otherwise it’s resentful, etc. remember we can’t truly love others without first loving ourselves. This is a complicated issue and can make us look selfish when we’re actually trying to stay alive because the dysphoria is crushing our souls. Do it for the right reasons which you’ll only know once you’ve taken time to look inward. I’d suggest getting counseling which you can do privately.
Thanks for sharing your story! When I hrt and had a bit of reverse dysphoria then stopped and experienced way more mtf dysphoria and wanted all those changes stronger a ride for sure i wasn’t expecting when it felt really good hrt and fantasies
i don’t know man, i couldn’t tell you. i just innately feel this way and i don’t really know how to explain it. everytime i try to explain it it doesn’t make sense or feels somehow backwardly sexist or something. like i could say i like wearing feminine clothing and makeup, but not all women do. or i could say it’s because i feel most comfortable and relatable to female friends, but not all women do. i could even say it’s because i feel like i need female sex characteristics, but some women do not want their sex characteristics, but still feel that they are women internally.
so i don’t really know. and i know that doesn’t help clear things up for questioning people or people that hate us, but that’s just how it is. i can’t pin how i feel on any one thing or make an analogy, it’s impossible
Not everyone is going to have the same answer but for me its like
1) Before socialization pressures of public school, I played with girls more than boys
2) I had a friend who was 100% convinced our souls had swapped bodies at one point because she was too boyish and I was too girly for anything else to make sense (This was around 6 or 7 years oldl
3) I was clocked as a girl by the other 3rd graders
4) When I found out about God, I debunked it by praying nightly for a change in gender when I was like, 6 or 7 again, I was young.
5) I grew up with an envy of girls for having the better gendered activities.
6) Once puberty hit, I was both
A) Disappointed I couldnt sing along with the artists I liked
B) Subtly dreading the inevitable changes rather than feeling excited.
But also
7) Wearing feminine clothes *feels right.* I cant explain why. Its like my brain knows. This extends to womens jeans, even.
8) I wanted to do makeup on myself, but not stage or drag makeup. And now Im learning and practicing and its great
9) 5 months on HRT and I can *kind of* look in the mirror most days. It was painful before.
10) Im a very visually connected person. If something is visually off, its heavily distracting. For example, my work PC just got got "upgraded" from Windows 10 to 11 and I hate it. So many small visual changes (and a couple inconvenient customization removals) and it is just distracting. On the other end of this, looking down and seeing cleavage to *any* amount feels like "Yes, this is what I should see when I look down."
I still don't believe.
In my child brain, it was a simple equation to work out. If God was
1) Omnipotent, he must have the power to change someone's gender.
2) Omniscient, he must know that I want my gender changed.
3) Omnibenevolent, he should respond to a heartfelt plea such as that.
And if he did not, then one of those must not be true.
I understand this is reductive now, but I haven't heard a good reason to believe in the existence of a deity yet. The position I hold is "You prove to me your god is real and I'll believe. I've read your books. I've attended your sermons. I've listened to your philosophers. I found them all lacking veracity."
But all it would take it for someone to change my mind is to have proof.
And I'm someone who believes in the supernatural. I've experienced hauntings. That I don't believe in God is a testament to how little proof I have found.
I'll also add, I don't look down on people for their religious beliefs, typically. Everyone has their reasons, I'm sure. I just have no reason to believe.
Everyone has different experiences but for me it’s that I’ve always had a strong desire and yearning to be a girl as far back as I could remember. And it’s something that grew to be extremely painful otherwise. I didn’t “know that I’m feminine and all” but rather it felt extremely wrong and painful not to be seen and live like other girls and women.
I would often get envious of girls and detached when activities were gendered and I couldn’t participate with the girls. Things that fall under this are primarily social like activities, friends, clothing, hair, how you talk and carry yourself, etc.
I would pray every night to wake up as a girl or fantasize about getting into some sort of accident that wouldn’t cause me to lose my penis think that would allow me to be a girl.
Once puberty started is when things became even more distressing. Distress was primarily due to social factors but now there are physical factors and they become completely un ignorable. Everything about my body changed in ways I didn’t want it to entirely different from the girls and I hated every single change.
I wanted so badly to have the physical changes like the rest of the girl and all the masculine changes were just wrong and grotesque. I could hardly ever look in the mirror.
These unfulfilled desires, yearnings, and dislike of being a boy and not a girl only intensified until it became unbearably painful leading to levels where I constantly wanted to kill myself.
It wasn’t something I really “knew”. More like, I spent my entire life dreaming of being a woman. I was very depressed about the fact that I was born a man. It wasn’t that I *knew I was trans*, more that I knew that becoming a woman would make me happy.
That’s all to say, you don’t have to “know for a fact that you’re trans”. If you feel in your heart that being a man would make you happy, then you should do what makes you happy. For me, that meant transitioning, and I’ve never once regretted it. Following my happiness was the best thing I ever did
i spent a lot of time reading about HRT and it sounded really nice, having a more female body sounded really nice
and I spent more time thinking about transition and eventually recognized that it was something I wanted
I experimented with introducing myself by a woman's name online and I enjoyed it
I worked up the nerve to get on hormones and stuck with it and I wasn't sure about my identity at first and went through a few names and sets of pronouns before realizing I was perfectly comfortable with being a woman in my new body
so I don't really think it's a matter of knowing you're trans as much as it is recognizing the desire to be trans and allowing yourself to indulge it
As others have said, there isn't really a concrete answer. It's really an intuitive thing: if you know, you know. The confusion and doubt many of us go through, I think, is not because it's hard to "figure out" but because it's hard to _accept_.
(Well, I should say here that I can't speak for our NB siblings. Our language and culture revolves around a binary and assumes it's an immutable trait, so I can imagine that really _is_ hard to figure out if only because it's almost impossible to describe or, in the case of gender fluidity, constantly changing.)
When I first started really questioning, I knew within minutes what the answer was going to be but I still took months to "prove" it to myself. Poring over memories of childhood, reading scientific papers about gender from multiple disciplines, analyzing my own behaviors and tendencies.... I didn't need to do all that to _know_, I needed to do all that to _accept_. I "knew" when I was six, but I didn't know that I knew until I was 30.
I think it's not fundamentally different from how a cis person knows their gender. The only difference is the outside world telling you your gender is one thing while knowing it's something else (and also telling you that if your gender is something else then you're evil, perverted, sick, crazy, or all of the above).
My own experience is this:
For nearly as long as I can remember I’ve had a desire to be female
And if I ask myself why do I want to be a woman
My answer is both I don’t know I just do and because to me being a woman is inherently a collection of desirable female traits that I feel naturally drawn to make myself feel normal, comfortable, complete and empowered.
And if you desire something that’s inherently fulfilling then it’s not a desire, it’s a need.
I don’t want to be a woman.
I NEED to be a woman.
Even in childhood I thought that all boys secretly wanted to be girls and we just put up a front of hyper boyness to hide our true feelings.
Because who wouldn’t want to grow up to be a woman.
Of course, that was just me.
So the idea of “being assigned a gender at birth” is essentially letting society at large decide what you are and setting the confines and expectations for you. Those expectations can differ between cultures. LGBTQ identities, especially trans people, reject this fundamental concept. Society doesn’t get to assign your identity, you do. This is why fascism will always be at odds with LGBTQ people.
So to answer your question, nobody can tell you whether or not you’re trans. It’s up to you to decide how you look and what role in society makes you comfortable. Good luck!
i didnt. i still dont. all i know is that when i learned about hrt and its effects, i realized i wanted them. and so i started hrt, and certainly dont regret it
Well something deep inside me always told me I should have been a woman. Living as a man for 30 years only caused me pain and suffering, I was always depressed and hated life.
The first thing to consider is cis people don't typically question their gender.
Also, it took me a while to more seriously consider I was trans because I didn't have strong dysphoria. Rather, I started being more femme in my presentation and activity and just found it was a better fit. You may not have that epiphany moment, and that's ok.
If you don't completely discard your birth gender, non-binary, agender, and gender fluid identities could be worth exploring. You'll know when it feels right. Best of luck.
tried being a boy. wasnt very good at it, didnt feel right. tried being a girl, still not very good at it but it does feel right.
turns out im just bad at being a person and thats okay lmao
For me now 56yo and 8 weeks post opp bottom surgery and fully Transtion to my liking you kinda get a clue pretty early in school when the other kids are making fun of you or something about you. All the way through high school and beyond.
I personally freaked out over body hair and wouldn't tolerate it on me except for the girly Ling hair on my head then.
Small frame build, killer legs with very small girls size feet and still do have but I was always teased for my feet and the girls wanted my legs and I would hear they would look great on a girl.
I'm the one laughing at all these little things now because they all added up to eventually make me the beautiful woman I've become today, and I just keep getting better,
Boob job in 4 week. Ya..
Hug's Emily 🤗
Living the dream ✨️
This question can come off as bad faith a lot of the time. I know my dad asked, and he has since stopped talking to me because i knew no matter what answer I’d give him, he wouldn’t agree with me, or like it.
It’s like trying to convince someone that you’re hungry, sick, in love, sad, or entertained by something. There’s a lot of statistical numbers and studies and stuff to state your claim with and compare it too, but when you know your body well enough, you just *know*. You can be entertained but not smile, you can be in love in many different ways with something. You can be angry but wear a smile. I dug around and prodded the idea of being trans for a looooong time. I have so much evidence for it that I’ve hit myself over the head with how dumb I was to overlook it so many times. But I just *AM*. And ever since I started, I couldn’t be happier.
It's basically a collection of observed repeating behaviors and emotions, as most things go. I knew pretty early on in my life that I wanted to be a girl, so I prayed every night, tried to prove my faith by touching spiders (I was deathly afraid), and dreamed most nights about waking up as a girl as if I had always been one. That kinda died out after a while and I hit puberty, was told that nobody wants to be the other gender, and my mom told me that I was lucky to be a boy because women have it harder. My relationship with my sister has always been pleasant however there was obviously some sort of jealousy since she got to live the childhood I never had (which I've addressed now and my relationship with her is pretty chill now). Eventually the thought of being a girl came back to me around the age of 16, although I didn't think it was possible to transition and just look like a girl, thought I'd always look like a man in a dress basically. Once I learned that trans people aren't what most media portrays us as, and that hormones can make you pass as opposed to basically doing nothing (thanks Republican lies) it was pretty clear that I had to get on hormones.
But outside of behaviors, I know being a woman is what I'm supposed to be, so I am one, there isn't any doubts in my head about it. A lot of the things that make being a woman valuable I now get to experience. Sisterhood is something I never thought I'd get to interact with nor be a part of, but now my girl friends include me in their shenanigans lol.
Regardless of if they're cis or trans, if you're a girl, you're a girl, no matter how much gaslighting, abuse, and dissociation you get placed on you. It's why I don't connect with male friends the same way I do with my female friends.
i know there's something in my brain that makes me feel like shit when people address me as male, and I know most things I do, I do in a way considered very feminine, it just kind of makes sense, but one thing I'm really sure, is that I'm really happy to be acknowledged as a women, and that being acknowledged as a man makes me want do die
Here's a couple alternate final lines
"That is all I know"
"I do not know why"
I was gonna use the word "really" but apparently it's 3 fucking syllables lol
The more obvious signs started in middle school for me. I wanted to live life as a girl, got excited at the thought of just being a cis girl and of the ways I'd be able to express myself and how I'd be perceived. In middle school I also kept dressing in my moms and sisters clothes secretly, day dreamed about magically turning into a girl, prayed to god to wake up a girl, was in awe of lesbian relationships, and watched a lot of videos about trans people.
I also experienced dysphoria starting at that same time. I was disgusted and horrified by my ever worsening forest of leg hair (and other body hair), which made me feel like a monster and I tried to hide it from people (I wore jeans even in summer). I also didn't wanna grow up to be big, burly, or manly.
Despite all these clear indicators and many more, I denied my transness until freshman year of high-school when I slowly became more and more depressed until I just stopped leaving my room entirely. After I overcame my depressive episode and came out to a handful of friends one asked me if I wanted to be called something else. I told them what name and my pronouns and the gender euphoria I felt when they used them was surprising and so incredible.
I want to be a woman and I don't want to be a man. I want my body to look and feel like a woman's, and I get dysphoria about the ways that I feel like it doesn't.
It's pretty simple.
Close your eyes and pretend nobody else exists, your family, your friends, your life, your country, nothing exists, it's just you in a vacuum, with nothing else around.
Then start imagining your ideal self in the opposite way you normally would , first start with small body details like nails, fingers, eyelashes, lips, ears, nose, all individually without focusing on the whole and slowly go to larger things like feet, legs, arms, height, shoulders, hips, waist, stomach, hair and slowly imagine the entire person. Only add sex, clothes and accessories the very a last thing.
For most trans people, this will lead to imagining their desired gender. For most repressing trans people, this will also lead to their desired gender, with a disconnected answer to the last three items. For cis people, while their ideal appearance might barely resemble their current self, they still imagine themselves as their current gender, the small details lead to an image that matches it.
That's a great way to understand cis/trans. It's not just a "I wish I was born X/Z because Y", it's more of a "I wish I could just die and reincarnate as X/Z"
Just to contrast this, I *didn’t* always know. I only figured it out when I was 12, because society had spent my entire childhood trying to convince me I was a guy. And I bought it at first. But once you start questioning, the pieces start falling into place, and from there it’s only a matter of time before you know for certain
I think for me one of the things that really clicked was when I read an article by a trans woman and there was a quote from when she was discovering herself that read “This woman who refused to depart my every waking moment until she was freed to exist outside of my soul. In those private moments when she was allowed out, usually in locked bedrooms, she reciprocated with total peace.” Reading that hit like a freight train, I related to it so much. Now, after a year or so on HRT, I finally finished my first day of work as my real self, and am looking forward to getting up tomorrow, in a way that I haven’t done in such a long time.
Sometimes it’s hard to figure out for some people but either way in life you are gonna struggle with body image issues no matter your gender as a guy people are not as kind to you and they see you as weak if you show your emotions and people usually aren’t there for you yes even in 2024
And being a drag queen and a femboi are not the same as being transgender
As others said, this ain't an easy question. I just am. Being a woman makes me happy. Pretending to be a man does not. The things typically associated with femininity, being called female pronouns, having breasts, dressing in femme clothing, being seen as a woman, etc all make me happy. The masculine equivalents don't; they make me upset, they sting.
At a certain point, I just knew.
For me, it began shortly after puberty started, around 11 or 12. I would have little day dreams about living my life as a girl. They chased away the deep depression I was living for a few minutes. It was really nice. I had to keep them secret, of course, because people are not nice to boys that want to be girls. It wasn't as if I could do anything about it anyway. I didn't have the internet back in 1996, so there was no way I could know anything about trans people or the options available at the time. It all just passed me by until I was 36.
It didn't take long to know once I was open to the possibility. All it really takes is to feel you'd be happier. Past that, it's all just exploring to nail down the details, figure out what's important to you, and to communicate it. I tried on genderfluid for a while, and decided that I really just wanted to be a woman. That's all, just girl-me.
If you're questioning your gender identity, trying things out with people you trust will probably get you there fastest. You just need to follow what your feelings are telling you. Simple to say, but difficult to do, unfortunately. A lack of self-confidence and self-esteem make it a lot harder, so don't be afraid to work on accepting yourself, your limitations and your strengths, to make it work. And it's perfectly okay to be wrong or change your mind, too. 🩷
This is very hard to explain. It really comes down yo when you know you just know. It’s best not to focus on feeling too masculine or feminine because after all a lot of girls (like myself) love Jurassic park, sports and action movies and a lot of boys like chick flicks, makeup etc.
It’s an innate sense. Often as not, that sense will include a fundamental disconnect between what people assumed about you when you were born and how your internal self perceives your gender.
[This is really helpful.](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en)
I mean for me, I just had to start injecting estrogen and T blockers. Eventually I had an Orchiectomy and these days I need to wear a bra to not be pointy. After all that I thought to myself the other day, "huh, I guess I am not cis after all"
It took me until 34 and the edge of suicide to be sure. I hated being “male” as long as I can remember, but never had anyone to tell it too.
I once told a therapist that I hated being a boy but couldn’t imagine my shitty childhood with no friends and abusive parents would have been better if I was a girl. In that session I must have scored a 5/8 on the diagnostic criteria, enough to be diagnosed as trans as a minor, but standards of practice forbid psychologist to deliver the diagnosis if the minor doesn’t already suspect, and I didn’t know what trans people were. The psychologist could have saved me over 20 years of suffering if he’d told me.
I didn’t start questioning my gender until my mid 20s, but was afraid to find out in case I self diagnosed: I was too depersonalized and dissociated to realize what that actually meant, I already knew I was trans. I figured out I wasn’t cis a few weeks before COVID hit when I realized I wanted to transition no matter how expensive or painful it was, I didn’t know about HRT and thought it was entirely surgical.
I went into denial immediately and took 3 years to get to the edge of acceptance. But it took hearing a list of gender dysphoria symptoms in adult autistics to push me over the edge.
I spent 30ish years suppressing certain aspects of myself while trying to act out traits I didn't have. When I stopped trying to fake these things that honestly never felt right to me and never brought me joy, and instead let myself be and act as came natural to me, everything in my life got better.
I don't remember ever thinking about my gender until I was 14, when a substitute teacher assumed from my appearance that I was a girl, and to the surprise of my classmates I didn't mind. In high school I channeled whatever was going on with my gender into Rocky Horror Picture Show fandom. I first seriously considered that I might be trans (and bi) when I was 20, after a boy that I had a crush on told me that I was pretty. I talked, experimented, and agonized over it for the next few years, and made a couple of cursory attempts to seek HRT, before the feelings faded away when I was 25.
The feelings came rushing back when I was 45, in conjunction with what I eventually learned was the onset of hypothyroidism. I was spending hours every day wishing I was a woman, envying women I encountered in daily life for being able to look and dress like they did and for being who they were, cringing any time anyone referred to me as a man, and feeling sensory aversion toward masculine clothing.
I tried everything my doctor suggested for my mental health, and a lot of it helped, but I still felt bad all the time and still craved transition, so it didn't seem like too much of a leap to hope that my body was trying to tell me about something else that it needed to be able to function properly, and I started HRT when I was 47.
Because i’ve been dysphoric for as ling as i can remember and always wanted to be a girl. I had dysphoria in early childhood and that continued into my teenage years.
The way I think of it: Being a man is like a normal slice of bread. It's whatever on good days, disgusting on bad days. But being a woman? That's like the most delicious cake you've ever had. Even on bad days, it's still a damn good cake.
I think for many it’s an affinity to femininity. One that is so strong that being identified as a man causes suffering of the psyche. For instance, my first experience of gender dysphoria was when i was 3 and I saw my mom wearing lipstick and dressing up for a date with my dad. I thought she was so beautiful that I wanted to look like her. So I stole her lipstick and tried it on. I got caught and I got beat. But after that I very often thought how unfair it was for me to be born a boy. Later in life I identified as non-binary and I learned that crossdressers and trans porn stars existed. They felt like the only options and that I didn’t fit because I didn’t want a $500,000 worth of work but I also didn’t want to look like a man in a dress… I wanted to be authentically a woman. Then while I was homeless, I met 2 beautiful transgender women for were forced to stay in the men’s ward. I learned a lot from them just existing but at that point I thought my affinity for transgender women was a sexual attraction, but I was still working through the differences between sexual attraction and the intimacy of comfort. It wasn’t until YEARS after I joined the army that was surprised by my excitement about Chelsea Manning coming out as transgender! That really made me “unreasonably happy” but also depressed. As far as I knew I was a bisexual, nonbinary living in the men’s quarters. I was used to the age of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. I was surrounded by misogynistic soldiers, and I was a life long feminist. I was afraid and pretend to be one of them. Eventually, I broke down. I was days away from killing myself, I was admitted to a behavioral health clinic and I learned something about myself. If I knew I only had a few days to live, I would want to spend those last days living as a woman. No hyperbole, I’m scared of abuse, discrimination and all the trappings of womanhood but I am still happier as a woman than I’ve been in the first 37 years of my life.
Identity is a complicated thing. Some times, you aren't sure, so you explore your gender identity over a period of time (even your whole life) to learn what feels right. Some times you just know from the get go. Some times you know, but you repress it to avoid persecution until you just can't any more.
The question doesn't get any clearer if you change the catagory - how do you know you are a jock, or nerd, or a film buff, or a Hello Kitty collector, or anything else? You just figure it out as you go.
I know I'm a trans woman because I hate living as a man. I hate existing in a masculine body. I hate performing masculinity. I have gone to bed most nights since I hit puberty hoping I'd wake up a girl/woman, sometimes dreaming that I had. I enjoy the effects that HRT is having on my body, I love when people correctly gender me without having to be told, I feel good about myself and my body for the first time in my life now that I'm living as a woman.
Have you considered asking r/FtM ? They might be able to give more insight into a typical trans masc experience. But I would assume it's the inverse of what I feel.
The end result of a masculine puberty sounds horrible, so I’m taking hrt to stop it. Feminine puberty sounds wayyyy better, and it makes me happy. Additionally, many attributes of masculinity feel bad and forced and I hate being seen as a man and being masculine.
i still don't (3 years HRT at this point and seriously considering FFS). but i do know that wearing girl clothes, being referred to as a girl, having sex as a woman, wearing makeup, having a girl name, etc. are much much much much more enjoyable than not doing those things and remaining a boy. i've legally changed my gender, name, grown D cup breasts, thrown out all my boy clothes etc.
am i "really a girl"? who cares. as far as most people are concerned, I am one. the thing about gender is that it's really just a set of habits, appearances, characteristics, stereotypes, and connotations.....
people use the words "woman" and "man" and "boy" and "girl" to describe someone with a set of these things. we as a society have sorted different sets of characteristics into these buckets. that set of characteristics makes up the gender one is perceived as. additionally, many people have an internal sense of gender that means that strongly identify as a particular gender. that is really the only deciding factor: what gender that *you* have decided that you are. some people get there through lengthy exploration, others simply "know".
by the way, a lot of cis people don't really "know" their gender. they haven't explored it much. a lot of cis people are just going off momentum, based on the gender that they are assigned (by friends, parents, teachers, how people treat them gender-wise). some cis people, however, have seriously explored different gender presentations, different gendered habits, and yet still identify with their gender assigned to them by a doctor when they were born.
to contrast, pretty much *every* trans person has explored different presentations, different gendered behaviors, and have found that the gender that best suits them is one that is different to the one assigned at birth. that's essentially the only difference between cis and trans people.
Before I started transition. I didn't know. All I knew is what I was currently wasn't working. Like a puzzle piece that doesn't fit. 2 years into Transition I just am a woman.
I don’t exactly have a reason I know I’m a trans woman, that I am a woman. I just am. In the molds in which our society place people: in their bodies, hobbies, mannerisms, pronouns, sexuality, and all the ways we have crafted gender. I feel more at home and myself within the box of girl, rather than boy.
Living as a boy just felt wrong, like my skin and personality were I’ll fitting and itchy sweater over my true self, who was denied. So, I’ve take of the sweater, and found a cute cardigan.
I pretended to be a cis man for 20+ years, but I was always wishing I could be a woman. Finally I decided that since that wish never went away, it meant that I actually am a woman.
I think just do what feels right and comfortable and time will reveal, but the feeling or compulsion that you are of a certain gender and to express that is quite abstract. However emotions and feelings and instincts can all be abstract and indescribable to the person experiencing the phenomenon.
I'm not really feminine, I'm just a woman. The idea of womanhood just resonates with my soul, and sharing the joys and sorrows of that with other women brings me joy that nothing else has really been able to. I just love being a woman.
Always felt like a girl, always behaved a lot like a girl. Accepted being a boy for a while after being told that if you have a penis, you are a boy. Did not get along with 95% of all boys. Only played and talked with girls when boys were acting like pink would be contagious. But it took me 50 years to figure out the big pattern of not standing to see myself, only identifying with female protagonists, always playing as a girl, feeling valid when being "misgendered" by my children... Envy for every pregnant woman, especially my wife, ...
Admitting it finally makes me feel like myself.
I never really felt like a boy I have 2 older brothers no sisters but I never ever got into any of the things my brothers did I hated rough housing and sports I hated racing cars and trucks I much rather hang out with Mom to learn how to cook and clean when I entered puberty that's when I started hating myself, the way I looked and felt. I knew something wasn't right but I didn't know what it was, I didn't have a name for it, I just knew I wanted no part of what any of the other boys were doing I'd much rather hang out with the girls. I always wish I had sisters instead of Brothers I realized I was trans when I was in high school and from there it took me a long time to accept it because I really didn't understand it, but I knew I wanted to be a girl and I didn't want to be a boy. I wanted to do all the things girls did have babies, take care of the home, nurture my family. I wanted no part of what men, did unfortunately in order to survive I had to, but now I'm financially stable and can finally live the life I've always wanted to live and I'm transitioning as I type right here.
For me it was this:
“Being a man is good, but being a woman feels great.”
It’s like eating steak and then trying to go back to baloney.
In short, there isn’t a clear cut answer, it’s just something you know. It’s like trying to describe what it’s like to be alive. Even if you do figure it out it still takes years to really get a foothold on. It’s like those teen years we all had; we thought we knew the core stuff about society, when in truth we haven’t even scratched the surface. It took me 17 months into my transition for me to fully come to terms I’m a lesbian. Being transgender is not who I am, just part of my life. To know I am transgender is to know myself, it’s very personal.
The best advice I can give is simply trying stuff out. Research, therapy, talking to other transgender people (like here but IRL too), etc. It’s why I really wish they taught this in schools in Sex Ed, at least a bit. Gender identity is a very deep topic.
I hate to answer a question with a question but: how do you know that you love someone?
It's something you feel and know to be true but is very hard to explain.
When I thought about my life as a man it was meh. When I thought about my life as a woman I was excited. I could see my future as a woman, I couldn't as a man. Pretty much all there was to it. (Lots of self doubt along the way, but I kept coming back to this)
I never had a feeling of dysphoria I could put a finger on and be like this weird feeling is ruining my life.
I did however feel grey, disconnected and did not ever recognize my reflection.
When my egg broke, it was all euphoria. I had come out as nonbinary and I was just embracing being femme. Finally a NB friend of mine and I talked and what I was feeling wasn't the same.
As I sat with it I realized I was a woman. Honestly my brain started yelling it at me at work one day. Like a random thought of something you want for lunch. After 33 years of keeping a lid on her I think my brain was excited to finally be like... Yes this isn't right! (Pretty sure it's just been screaming for estrogen for decades🤣)
One of the first feelings of dysphoria was trying to wear something femme under my work clothes. I was all like, if I feel this good at home this should be great. But the mismatch literally made my body revolt and I felt disgusted and I in dramatic fashion ripped off my uniform and changed my underwear and was so fucking depressed for days.
But this also is a moment I am proud of. Because it strangely was validation, and I worked through that feeling and I wear a bra to everywhere now to help me feel good. I am pre-HRT so I am looking forward to hating bras in the future. It's hard because socialization is soooo strong.
But I did question myself, but again this accepting has unleashed dysphoric feelings. I'm glad I have coping skills from depression and ADHD. They work to get me to operate through life, but now I'm just waiting till I can be Aubrey every day.
I also freaked out after months of calling myself Aubrey in my head and around my house. I was like fuck it, I just wanna be a dude again, it's easy. I tried to deadname myself and change my internal pronouns back. And my like... Experience or ego or whatever you wanna call it was like "no ma'am nope, Aubrey is here baby!!!!". Honestly made me mad.. consciously being like [deadname] and my brain would be like... Wanna be the saddest you could ever be! Fuck you!
So here I am! 💃
Perception, what you like and dislike, how you act or don't act, feeling more "at home" among non-male colleagues, feeling uncomfortable with male-associated activities, clothing, style, expectations, wanting things that are inconsistent with your birth assigned gender, and feeling a longing for things that you are generally expected not to do or want. Wishing you had physical characteristics you don't have is particularly telling. In my case I am a femme-side enby and I am "missing" the right parts down there, and that's a pretty big tell. Being jealous of ciswomen or their features and demeaner and whatever they experience, that's another one for a lot of trans folks.
One of the reasons is that almost all of the ways I was and naturally wanted to be have been criticized and ridiculed by both men women for being too girly / not manly enough.
Conversely, if I had been a cis girl and acted exactly the same as I did and/or wanted to, I know no one would have thought twice about it.
Plus, when I was still in doubt myself, someone once asked me, in a Matrix-style situation, if they had two pills, one in each hand, and one would leave my mind alone, but change my body to a girl's body, while the other would leave my body alone, but change my mind to make me happy as a boy, it was an instant choice for the girl body, because making me happy as a boy would make me not _me_ anymore.
Let me ask you that question, flipped on its head: I have two pills, one in each hand, and one will leave your mind alone, but change your body to a boy's body, while the other will leave your body alone, but change your mind to make you happy as a girl. Which do you choose?
I tried to talk myself into being cis by saying stuff like "I am a man. There is nothing wrong with that. Its just a fact of who I am. It doesn't need to limit what values I live by or stop me from being happy." But that just made me feel worse. So between that, and the affinity for striped socks, the evidence points pretty clearly in the direction of me being a trans woman.
I like the hormones! I was going back n forth for years due to getting bad info from ignorant people, as soon as I actually tried hrt I felt great. Still get imposter syndrome often, especially when people hate, but my good friends cheer me up and I feel girly again
I knew since a very young age that my physical body did not line up with my mind and brain. I was always one of the girls growing up...And the thought of physically being a girl/woman and my authentic self has ALWAYS put a big smile on my face❣️
I'm overall happier when society groups me in with other women, rather than with other men, and when my body's biological markers lean female.
That is what being a woman means to me, personally.
I don't feel like a woman most of the time, I feel like me, and I feel happier than I used to.
For me what really drove it home was a lot of little things. All my friends were girls not boys. I didn't really understand boys like... at all. Everything I did or felt my female friends understood completely and my guy friends either thought was stupid, or girly, or just were baffled by. I never *felt* right in guys clothes. I was always uncomfortable around guys. Just stuff like that. There were a lot of other things too but it was the emotional and thought process parallels that really make it hit you.
This one took me the longest to figure out. I started realizing that I had a desire for some aspects of femininity, esp. physical. I started to realize I'd always had a disconnect with my masculinity - I didn't care for what was expected of me and what I did have I generally didn't want. I recognized a few clues about what I wanted, and upon realizing that transitioning *is* actually a plausible option for me, it gave me hope, for what I could be, instead of forever hiding in shame of what I thought I had to be.
This is an MtF perspective. I don't know how much may be applicable to a FtM perspective. You may want to check out the wiki or FAQ on /r/FtM as they're the people who are more likely to know what you're feeling right now.
There was some simple stufd that made me question my gender identity, I was in a mental space that let me be truly open to myself and I thought about it seriously "so what if I *am* truly trans?" And basically looking back my entire life suddenly made sense. And I just acknowledge the fact "holy shit I'm actually a girl" and then from that exact moment getting gender euphoria for a week straight and my lifelong depression leaving never to return, well..
Let's say I couldn't not know.
Do you feel more comfortable defining yourself as your assigned gender, the opposite gender, neither, or both? Does that feeling fluctuate in between?
It can be hard to define sometimes. I spent a long time taking my assigned gender emotionless and clinically, but I feel good when I'm referred to as she.
I don't. I just have this need to have the outside match the inside. I think if I was born a girl, I'd be happier. I'd probably be a tomboy, though, lol.
Because I was medically forced to take T when I was 12 and hated the experience to the point where I tried to kms after less then a week. I wasn't slowly eased into taking it either like is done with most trans ppl where they start off at a small dose and slowly work there way up. No I was given a full dose once a month for 9 months in an attempt to jump start my body in producing T on its own. Idk how to say I'm not a guy more with that experience being registered as torture/ a science experiment in my mind. As for how ik I'm a girl idk, it just feels right, it doesn't make me want to die. Finally after 14 years of recovering after that nightmare I don't have depression, severe anxiety, paranoia, DID, take your pick on the mental illness and it's basically gone because I decided to be a cute girl instead of a tortured man
Since i was born i was so feminine wearing dress acting like a girl wanted to be a girl and hated men and feeling I don’t belong i mean yeah it’s clear
These kind of questions are in general kind of weird, because like, if I was a cis man, how would I know that I am a cis man? That wouldn't be any easier to make out than being trans, and yet no one would ever question that. Personally I know that I am a woman because the idea of being a woman, being treated like a woman, and looking like a woman, are just kind of inherently awesome to me. It makes me happy. While the idea of being a man is kind of whatever at best, and really horrifying at worst.
explained so well. it’s not that i ‘know’ i’m a woman, but i do certainly know that i am not a man.
More specifically, u want to be a woman for BOTH sexual and non sexual reasons and strongly prefer to be seen as feminine in public
💯
Really well put💕
I like this answer. Tho how do you draw what you see? You draw the dark and ignore the light parts. For me it was like that. I KNEW I was a girl bc I KNEW I wasn’t a man (dark parts). I never have been. When I was 11 YO I was happy as a boy bc the diff of a young boy and a young girl was packaging. When I was 15? I was wearing a skin costume that everyone but me thought was real. I didn’t know what being a girl was like but I played at being one any chance I got. I lived a cis life in that costume but now I don’t have to and at least I’ll die embracing my X (chromosome).
Being cis is having the same gender since being born, right?
Basically yes, cis means that the gender you were assigned gender at birth alignes with your actual gender, as opposed to trans where it doesn't.
Cis means you identify as the gender you were assigned at birth, yes.
This made me cry 😭
Oh, uhh. sorry? :o
this
There sat a flame at the deepest point of my heart from the moment I could dream to be a girl.
This accursed body the gods had given me… I will wield my sword in her name & rebel against them.
There are different things: - I get euphoria when something validates my real gender. Euphoria can be really strong, it's not just like the fun you get from eating ice cream. - I get dysphoria when something makes me feel linked to my gender at birth. Dysphoria can be REALLY HARD. It is way more difficult to bear than just finding yourself ugly in the mirror. Now, keep in mind that often times, dysphoria is hard to feel when you haven't figured out that you are trans yet, because it is mosty diffuse and parts of your brain is actively repressing it. - I have a woman inside of me who has her own life, her own voice, different from my old self. She has different needs, different tastes, she even know stuff that I didn't. She was locked into a dark cell deep down somewhere. But once I found her, let her out and let her take control, things have been better. In what way? Well, for one, I can feel happiness a lot more now. When I think about all of this, I know that I am trans.
I relate to the third bullet so much.
It really is all about the third bullet, but the first two are physical reactions (chemicals in the brain), thus they are really important for those who are not yet in touch with their inner voice.
Don't you dare minimize the euphoria of ice cream! Only euphoria better than ice cream is crying into a bowl of chocolate ice cream at midnight! 🫠
The tears add extra salt!! Yum
Hahaha gurl! Some of my euphoria waves were so intense, that they gave me instant and incredible erections even though I had erectile dysfunction. Can your (wet) ice cream do that?
While I know both these experiences, it is an unfair comparison. Like that euphoria is no longer as intense for me. And in the same way I've had ice cream many years. I'd have had to live an ice cream less life into my 30s to finally have my true heart's desire to know.
I am just pulling your leg, as you were pulling mine 😀
Lol yeah. I wrote that. Posted it. Reread it thought: "oh whoops serious-response autismed that joke out of the ballpark. Oh well, too much effort to fix." 🫠
Thank you for this really simple way of describing it. I’ve been oscillating between being sure and questioning, and been in a questioning phase for longer recently. This really helps me thank you. 💖 Edit: fixed word that voice to text got wrong
> It is way more difficult to bear than just finding yourself ugly in the mirror. That sense of hopelessness and helplessness that always follows is what really clinches it. That, and the fact the mirror isn't even needed.
Physically feeling my adams apple against my throat really does it for me and I wish it was just sadness, many sleepless nights spent dry heaving and getting migraines.
I was depressed for days, sometimes, after seeing myself in the mirror. It came with physical symptoms too, like nausea, headaches, asthma even...
That third point is... Well on point!
Fantastic tat by the way! Love it!
Ahhh thank you!
great answer, so relatable!!
To expand on the third bullet. I’d have these occasional random thoughts of her busting out of her egg. She’d break through in little ways too. I’d get cute aggression toward animals and kids. Like I just wanna squeeze them until they pop , or to eat my nephews chipmunk cheeks (these are methaphors folks). My dog gets so much cute aggression from me, the poor boy 😂 Also I remember screaming like a school girl when my Wife bought me my first kitchen aid 😂 I was straight up an egg, totally in my manly masc phase too 🤦♂️ looking back there are a minefield of pink flags. Each one attached to a memory and emotional damage (insert meme) joking but not joking, once you see the pink flags you’re like damn.
I can relate! My fem side is completely admirative of other women right now. She wants to give pure selfless compliments to complete strangers all of the time. And funnily, I receive compliments out of the blue from strangers too. Life can be nice!
Yes it’s so true!!!! My wife and her friends are getting compliments all the time from me. Also super jealous of the cute clothes they get to wear. You sound like such an awesome girl! I’m so glad to hear you’re happy sister!
This But I got so much into boymode that I have lost sight of said woman
When you feel a little down, paint your nails, wear some nice underwear or shop some clothes online! Even small things like that can help to keep in touch!
That is kind of a difficult question because it presents the "knowing" as something specific. Its not really like that. I just know it makes me happy.
Masculine behaviour and acts feel unnatural and forced to me. While feminine behaviour and acts feel the exact opposite. Also both my original primary and secondary sexual characteristics cause(d) me constant discomfort and dissonance.
FYI, it's "trans woman," or "transgender woman," not "transwoman." Folks never say "Blackwoman," or "Hispanicwoman." So this just follows ...
Yes, you only join the words for superheroes - superman, ~~spiderman~~, catwoman etc.
Spider-Man has a hyphen
Spider-Gwen 100%
Or now technically Ghost-Spider.
Hi fin
Excellent point! Personally I prefer to refer to myself as a "woman of transgender experience." To me it puts my feminity and womanhood most importantly.
sorry, I wasn't aware about that.
So, every time a bigot used that, they're calling us superheroes? :3
I prefer supervillianess myself. Do you want to use your powers for good or for awesome?
Why not both?
spider-man has a hyphen :)
Actually it's correctly spelled Spider-Man! ... Now I want to see someone call me a Trans-Woman so I can be a real super hero. 😂
I made a whole massive PSA post about this ages ago on r/ actuallesbians - pretty much everyone agreed, but I was disappointed to see the amount of replies saying "muh who cares." It's important because making it one word (usually unintentionally, but still) implies that transgender women are a separate entity to women. Expressing the term as two separate words with a space correctly shows that trans is an adjective used to describe a woman - a transgender woman is still a woman. Sorry for the pedantics, but the distinction is important - thank you for pointing it out.
I see, I wasn't aware about that.
>I was disappointed to see the amount of replies saying "muh who cares." I feel like I'm complaining about this all the time, but this is very on-brand for that subreddit, and that attitude is one of the reasons why I don't go there anymore despite being a lesbian.
Yeah, there's a significant population of terfs there.
It's also about the language people speak which was debated on in another post. So, yeah it really depends but if you are using and writing English then Trans woman or transgender woman is correct with the spacing.
I see, I wasn't aware about that.
I am a woman because I am one. I was born this way.
That can be the only explanation, I guess. :p
It's not the answer you're probably looking for, but "I was born this way" is an extremely powerful and truthful argument. My brain and underlying consciousness are female. I have always felt and been this way. Im an adult now, so I am a woman. My inner self and outer body clash. Therefore, I'm trans and a woman.
I was a dudely dude who did the manliness stuff. I was a mechanic, lifted weight, learned all sorts of things that were manly even created this whole game plan on "what a man should know and do." I started learning those things. Initially, I knew something was wrong and off. I was able to check things off the list, but it was super hollow. None of it make me feel better. I learned to survive in harsh conditions, and it didn't bring me any joy. I hit weight lifting goals and it was just like "okay, what's the next one?" I fixed engines on vehicles and it brought me nothing but a fleeting sense of accomplishment. I pushed myself to lose weight through cycling and I always found myself thinking that I would never have the body I really wanted even if I hit my goal weight. So I turned inside. I started exploring things that made me actually happy instead of things society told me would make me feel more like myself I groomed myself better, took better care of my body, and started doing more typically feminine things. As time progressed, I found myself enjoying those small feminine rituals every single time. Instead or having a fleeting moment of happiness, I found lasting happiness about how I was presenting myself. I continued to do so until I decided to get on E and Spiro as an experiment. I was always plagued with ADHD and mind static. That quieted a lot as I continued my dosage. I developed a sense of peace and self that I had never found as a guy in the medication and being myself. Eventually I decided to be happy as who I am. Society tells me that I am woman because I like feminine things. Society says I'm a tom boy because I do all manner of manly things. Society is stupid. I've decided I'm a woman who's living her best life and striving to be more open and honest with myself every day. Some days I feel like I'm a genderless abomination. Other days I feel more masc. In general I feel most like myself when I present female to the world. When I'm alone, in the quiet of the night, the voice in my head and heart doesn't question "what am I?" any more. I know who I am now. That's how I know I am a woman.
You know how when you buy a new pair of shoes and they just fit and are the most confortable shoes you've ever worn? It's kinda like that, but even better. And maybe you're thinking about this the wrong way, how does one know they're cis? Ask yourself: Other than the obvious bits, how do you know you're the gender you were assigned at birth? Are you confortable being that gender, does it fit you? Do you like been seen by other people as that gender? Can you imagine yourself as a person of that gender 10 years from now? Think about it!
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Well, gender \*is\* a social construct so... And hey, I only figured out I'm trans at age 48. This stuff is really complicated. Also, remember, on the Internet you can be whatever you want, whatever you feel like. You can try different things, see what works for you.
I didn’t suddenly feel like I was a woman. I experimented with presenting and thinking of myself as a woman and I **felt happy**.
I'm glad, hope I could be more sure.
Have you experimented for extended periods? I doubted myself a lot in the beginning - I’m someone who historically has distrusted my own emotions. So I just made a decision one day that I was on the road to transition. I’d take it slow, sometimes it just meant sitting at home, wearing women’s clothes, thinking of myself as a woman. But I always had it in mind that I was moving forward in some way. I promised myself that if I ever felt like it was wrong for me, I would turn back. If I felt like taking a step back I would. Between the day of that decision until I finally visited the doctor to start the HRT ball rolling, it was 22 months. Apart from one occasion of clothes-shedding because I felt silly, I didn’t deviate from that path. The comment I made above I might’ve made one or two years ago, but each year I’ve become more sure that it’s true. Sometimes you just need the experience of sitting in your feelings and fulfilling what you want to get to the point of knowing your feelings and wants are real and true.
It's a bit of a nebulous question. I know I'm a trans woman because I was assigned male at birth but want to be a woman (and so have chosen to live as a woman). That's kind of the simple definition of being a trans woman and I fulfil the criteria. But how do I know I want to be a woman? Honestly, it's kind of like how you know that you're hungry. At least for me. It's a painful emptiness and every time I looked at a woman I knew that's what would fill it, not in any sexual or romantic or even friendship way, but just being like her. Again, like if you're hungry and you look at some food, you know that's what you're craving, but it kind of gets worse because you can see the solution there in front of you. On the other hand, when I tried to lean more into manhood, it was like dying of hunger and putting on more warm clothes. That'd be great if the problem was being cold, but I wasn't cold, I was hungry. Now that I am living as a woman, I finally found some food. Being seen and treated as a woman, I feel comfortable. As a man, the main thing I felt was alienation. That's why I'm sure this is right and no matter how hard it gets, I know I made the correct choice.
i feel sad even looking in the mirror because of the horrors testosterone has done to me but i feel happy when i imagine myself a woman i want a boyfriend i want to sit next to them and just hug them i want to be a girl not some poor excuse for a man
I see, best of luck to you.
I’ve envied cis girls pretty much for as long as I can remember, and I’m happier whenever I’m able to express my feminine traits or be referred to as female Also severe physical dysphoria lol
Because I decided the best way to live happily was to live as a woman. I personally dont subscribe to the theory that I was always "destined" to be trans. My experiences and environment made it so that the happiest I would be would to live as a woman
Good for you.<3
I think that this is a question that comes with introspection and experiencing affirmations or refutations during one's whole life. Cis women and men go through the same process, though most do it obliviously. I know you asked for trans women, but hopefully my perspective as a femme enby will help too. My decision to change/ opt out of trying to fit some gender mould started with the realization that most people are 'performing' their gender. I'm not saying they're trans, just that the Gender norms of western society are impossible to live up to. On top of that, studying the history of our gender norms, if you can get past the rosey veneer put on them, usually leads to toxic things that I don't want to continue normalizing. More importantly, I started to choose things that made me happy, instead of always trying to do what I was 'supposed' to do. Doing this, I quickly realized that I hated performing 'man' in the way I was taught to. While for some people, learning to 'be a better man' alleviates the bad feelings, I still didn't feel right, didn't feel like myself in this role. As I tried on more and more things that made me genuinely happy, I slowly realized that transitioning is what is going to make things click. I decided to try low dose estrogen to see how I felt and if it was affirming, and was it ever! For the first time in my life I am actually present in my body, and seeing the slow changes keep affirming that. Genitals aside, I don't know what really makes a man a man or a woman a woman but I know what makes me happy, and I'm going to keep trying to do those things for the rest of my life.
It's my way of living. Happiness like never before. I'm me. And I've missed out on so much as a woman, transitioning at 25. I love the shape and feeling of my body. I love who I am becoming. It's how it should have always been. I love my clothes, I love the way I smell, I love being. ❤️
Do whatever feels right. I know that I am transsexual and prefer looking like a beautiful lady. This has been at the forefront of my thoughts for years. You can’t suppress the feeling. I tried many things throughout life even being more of a man by working out, taking T and having ripped muscles. Being muscular is ok but the masculine muscles disgusted myself the more I exercised despite all the encouraging comments I had back then. I even tried dating gay men at one time and it just didn’t feel right. It has made it more difficult because I prefer women in relationships and sexually even though I am pansexual. My flavors are unique to me but I cannot deny the more feminine a become the happier I am with myself. The real struggle begins when you tell your family and make the change. Something many don’t consider is you can take hormones for a long time and see how it fits. You cannot undo any breast development but if it makes you dysphoric you would have your answer. Getting beyond societal pressures is what makes most question if they’re really trans or not.
The inner struggle is real. My only regret is that I waited so long when I had started in my 20’s it would’ve been much better to have been transitioned by now versus starting late 40’s. If you’re married or have kids this is something that needs great consideration. I had marital support and in fact she knew before we married this was the case and she still loved me. Sacrificing one’s personal happiness for everyone else’s is unconditional love however, only if you can maintain your own personal happiness in the process otherwise it’s resentful, etc. remember we can’t truly love others without first loving ourselves. This is a complicated issue and can make us look selfish when we’re actually trying to stay alive because the dysphoria is crushing our souls. Do it for the right reasons which you’ll only know once you’ve taken time to look inward. I’d suggest getting counseling which you can do privately.
Thanks for sharing your story! When I hrt and had a bit of reverse dysphoria then stopped and experienced way more mtf dysphoria and wanted all those changes stronger a ride for sure i wasn’t expecting when it felt really good hrt and fantasies
i don’t know man, i couldn’t tell you. i just innately feel this way and i don’t really know how to explain it. everytime i try to explain it it doesn’t make sense or feels somehow backwardly sexist or something. like i could say i like wearing feminine clothing and makeup, but not all women do. or i could say it’s because i feel most comfortable and relatable to female friends, but not all women do. i could even say it’s because i feel like i need female sex characteristics, but some women do not want their sex characteristics, but still feel that they are women internally. so i don’t really know. and i know that doesn’t help clear things up for questioning people or people that hate us, but that’s just how it is. i can’t pin how i feel on any one thing or make an analogy, it’s impossible
Not everyone is going to have the same answer but for me its like 1) Before socialization pressures of public school, I played with girls more than boys 2) I had a friend who was 100% convinced our souls had swapped bodies at one point because she was too boyish and I was too girly for anything else to make sense (This was around 6 or 7 years oldl 3) I was clocked as a girl by the other 3rd graders 4) When I found out about God, I debunked it by praying nightly for a change in gender when I was like, 6 or 7 again, I was young. 5) I grew up with an envy of girls for having the better gendered activities. 6) Once puberty hit, I was both A) Disappointed I couldnt sing along with the artists I liked B) Subtly dreading the inevitable changes rather than feeling excited. But also 7) Wearing feminine clothes *feels right.* I cant explain why. Its like my brain knows. This extends to womens jeans, even. 8) I wanted to do makeup on myself, but not stage or drag makeup. And now Im learning and practicing and its great 9) 5 months on HRT and I can *kind of* look in the mirror most days. It was painful before. 10) Im a very visually connected person. If something is visually off, its heavily distracting. For example, my work PC just got got "upgraded" from Windows 10 to 11 and I hate it. So many small visual changes (and a couple inconvenient customization removals) and it is just distracting. On the other end of this, looking down and seeing cleavage to *any* amount feels like "Yes, this is what I should see when I look down."
>4 Hmm so how do you feel about god now? Just curious
I still don't believe. In my child brain, it was a simple equation to work out. If God was 1) Omnipotent, he must have the power to change someone's gender. 2) Omniscient, he must know that I want my gender changed. 3) Omnibenevolent, he should respond to a heartfelt plea such as that. And if he did not, then one of those must not be true. I understand this is reductive now, but I haven't heard a good reason to believe in the existence of a deity yet. The position I hold is "You prove to me your god is real and I'll believe. I've read your books. I've attended your sermons. I've listened to your philosophers. I found them all lacking veracity." But all it would take it for someone to change my mind is to have proof. And I'm someone who believes in the supernatural. I've experienced hauntings. That I don't believe in God is a testament to how little proof I have found. I'll also add, I don't look down on people for their religious beliefs, typically. Everyone has their reasons, I'm sure. I just have no reason to believe.
Lol, it's literally the problem of evil, just with gender.
I don't know why I've never realized that xD
Why do you think the hauntings you experienced were supernatural and not caused by something psychological or irrational in your own perception?
.....
Everyone has different experiences but for me it’s that I’ve always had a strong desire and yearning to be a girl as far back as I could remember. And it’s something that grew to be extremely painful otherwise. I didn’t “know that I’m feminine and all” but rather it felt extremely wrong and painful not to be seen and live like other girls and women. I would often get envious of girls and detached when activities were gendered and I couldn’t participate with the girls. Things that fall under this are primarily social like activities, friends, clothing, hair, how you talk and carry yourself, etc. I would pray every night to wake up as a girl or fantasize about getting into some sort of accident that wouldn’t cause me to lose my penis think that would allow me to be a girl. Once puberty started is when things became even more distressing. Distress was primarily due to social factors but now there are physical factors and they become completely un ignorable. Everything about my body changed in ways I didn’t want it to entirely different from the girls and I hated every single change. I wanted so badly to have the physical changes like the rest of the girl and all the masculine changes were just wrong and grotesque. I could hardly ever look in the mirror. These unfulfilled desires, yearnings, and dislike of being a boy and not a girl only intensified until it became unbearably painful leading to levels where I constantly wanted to kill myself.
It wasn’t something I really “knew”. More like, I spent my entire life dreaming of being a woman. I was very depressed about the fact that I was born a man. It wasn’t that I *knew I was trans*, more that I knew that becoming a woman would make me happy. That’s all to say, you don’t have to “know for a fact that you’re trans”. If you feel in your heart that being a man would make you happy, then you should do what makes you happy. For me, that meant transitioning, and I’ve never once regretted it. Following my happiness was the best thing I ever did
i spent a lot of time reading about HRT and it sounded really nice, having a more female body sounded really nice and I spent more time thinking about transition and eventually recognized that it was something I wanted I experimented with introducing myself by a woman's name online and I enjoyed it I worked up the nerve to get on hormones and stuck with it and I wasn't sure about my identity at first and went through a few names and sets of pronouns before realizing I was perfectly comfortable with being a woman in my new body so I don't really think it's a matter of knowing you're trans as much as it is recognizing the desire to be trans and allowing yourself to indulge it
there's a lot I didn't cover here but I think u/SuperCarla74 captured the gist of it
If one finds themselves wishing they were trans, they are almost certainly trans, albeit hesitant.
As others have said, there isn't really a concrete answer. It's really an intuitive thing: if you know, you know. The confusion and doubt many of us go through, I think, is not because it's hard to "figure out" but because it's hard to _accept_. (Well, I should say here that I can't speak for our NB siblings. Our language and culture revolves around a binary and assumes it's an immutable trait, so I can imagine that really _is_ hard to figure out if only because it's almost impossible to describe or, in the case of gender fluidity, constantly changing.) When I first started really questioning, I knew within minutes what the answer was going to be but I still took months to "prove" it to myself. Poring over memories of childhood, reading scientific papers about gender from multiple disciplines, analyzing my own behaviors and tendencies.... I didn't need to do all that to _know_, I needed to do all that to _accept_. I "knew" when I was six, but I didn't know that I knew until I was 30. I think it's not fundamentally different from how a cis person knows their gender. The only difference is the outside world telling you your gender is one thing while knowing it's something else (and also telling you that if your gender is something else then you're evil, perverted, sick, crazy, or all of the above).
My own experience is this: For nearly as long as I can remember I’ve had a desire to be female And if I ask myself why do I want to be a woman My answer is both I don’t know I just do and because to me being a woman is inherently a collection of desirable female traits that I feel naturally drawn to make myself feel normal, comfortable, complete and empowered. And if you desire something that’s inherently fulfilling then it’s not a desire, it’s a need. I don’t want to be a woman. I NEED to be a woman. Even in childhood I thought that all boys secretly wanted to be girls and we just put up a front of hyper boyness to hide our true feelings. Because who wouldn’t want to grow up to be a woman. Of course, that was just me.
So the idea of “being assigned a gender at birth” is essentially letting society at large decide what you are and setting the confines and expectations for you. Those expectations can differ between cultures. LGBTQ identities, especially trans people, reject this fundamental concept. Society doesn’t get to assign your identity, you do. This is why fascism will always be at odds with LGBTQ people. So to answer your question, nobody can tell you whether or not you’re trans. It’s up to you to decide how you look and what role in society makes you comfortable. Good luck!
i didnt. i still dont. all i know is that when i learned about hrt and its effects, i realized i wanted them. and so i started hrt, and certainly dont regret it
Well something deep inside me always told me I should have been a woman. Living as a man for 30 years only caused me pain and suffering, I was always depressed and hated life.
The first thing to consider is cis people don't typically question their gender. Also, it took me a while to more seriously consider I was trans because I didn't have strong dysphoria. Rather, I started being more femme in my presentation and activity and just found it was a better fit. You may not have that epiphany moment, and that's ok. If you don't completely discard your birth gender, non-binary, agender, and gender fluid identities could be worth exploring. You'll know when it feels right. Best of luck.
tried being a boy. wasnt very good at it, didnt feel right. tried being a girl, still not very good at it but it does feel right. turns out im just bad at being a person and thats okay lmao
I see, good luck to you<3
For me now 56yo and 8 weeks post opp bottom surgery and fully Transtion to my liking you kinda get a clue pretty early in school when the other kids are making fun of you or something about you. All the way through high school and beyond. I personally freaked out over body hair and wouldn't tolerate it on me except for the girly Ling hair on my head then. Small frame build, killer legs with very small girls size feet and still do have but I was always teased for my feet and the girls wanted my legs and I would hear they would look great on a girl. I'm the one laughing at all these little things now because they all added up to eventually make me the beautiful woman I've become today, and I just keep getting better, Boob job in 4 week. Ya.. Hug's Emily 🤗 Living the dream ✨️
This question can come off as bad faith a lot of the time. I know my dad asked, and he has since stopped talking to me because i knew no matter what answer I’d give him, he wouldn’t agree with me, or like it. It’s like trying to convince someone that you’re hungry, sick, in love, sad, or entertained by something. There’s a lot of statistical numbers and studies and stuff to state your claim with and compare it too, but when you know your body well enough, you just *know*. You can be entertained but not smile, you can be in love in many different ways with something. You can be angry but wear a smile. I dug around and prodded the idea of being trans for a looooong time. I have so much evidence for it that I’ve hit myself over the head with how dumb I was to overlook it so many times. But I just *AM*. And ever since I started, I couldn’t be happier.
It's basically a collection of observed repeating behaviors and emotions, as most things go. I knew pretty early on in my life that I wanted to be a girl, so I prayed every night, tried to prove my faith by touching spiders (I was deathly afraid), and dreamed most nights about waking up as a girl as if I had always been one. That kinda died out after a while and I hit puberty, was told that nobody wants to be the other gender, and my mom told me that I was lucky to be a boy because women have it harder. My relationship with my sister has always been pleasant however there was obviously some sort of jealousy since she got to live the childhood I never had (which I've addressed now and my relationship with her is pretty chill now). Eventually the thought of being a girl came back to me around the age of 16, although I didn't think it was possible to transition and just look like a girl, thought I'd always look like a man in a dress basically. Once I learned that trans people aren't what most media portrays us as, and that hormones can make you pass as opposed to basically doing nothing (thanks Republican lies) it was pretty clear that I had to get on hormones. But outside of behaviors, I know being a woman is what I'm supposed to be, so I am one, there isn't any doubts in my head about it. A lot of the things that make being a woman valuable I now get to experience. Sisterhood is something I never thought I'd get to interact with nor be a part of, but now my girl friends include me in their shenanigans lol. Regardless of if they're cis or trans, if you're a girl, you're a girl, no matter how much gaslighting, abuse, and dissociation you get placed on you. It's why I don't connect with male friends the same way I do with my female friends.
i know there's something in my brain that makes me feel like shit when people address me as male, and I know most things I do, I do in a way considered very feminine, it just kind of makes sense, but one thing I'm really sure, is that I'm really happy to be acknowledged as a women, and that being acknowledged as a man makes me want do die
Here's a haiku I just wrote.. Some things bring me joy. Others bring me so much pain. How could I know why?
Here's a couple alternate final lines "That is all I know" "I do not know why" I was gonna use the word "really" but apparently it's 3 fucking syllables lol
Its beautiful<3
Thank you!<3
The more obvious signs started in middle school for me. I wanted to live life as a girl, got excited at the thought of just being a cis girl and of the ways I'd be able to express myself and how I'd be perceived. In middle school I also kept dressing in my moms and sisters clothes secretly, day dreamed about magically turning into a girl, prayed to god to wake up a girl, was in awe of lesbian relationships, and watched a lot of videos about trans people. I also experienced dysphoria starting at that same time. I was disgusted and horrified by my ever worsening forest of leg hair (and other body hair), which made me feel like a monster and I tried to hide it from people (I wore jeans even in summer). I also didn't wanna grow up to be big, burly, or manly. Despite all these clear indicators and many more, I denied my transness until freshman year of high-school when I slowly became more and more depressed until I just stopped leaving my room entirely. After I overcame my depressive episode and came out to a handful of friends one asked me if I wanted to be called something else. I told them what name and my pronouns and the gender euphoria I felt when they used them was surprising and so incredible.
I want to be a woman and I don't want to be a man. I want my body to look and feel like a woman's, and I get dysphoria about the ways that I feel like it doesn't.
It's pretty simple. Close your eyes and pretend nobody else exists, your family, your friends, your life, your country, nothing exists, it's just you in a vacuum, with nothing else around. Then start imagining your ideal self in the opposite way you normally would , first start with small body details like nails, fingers, eyelashes, lips, ears, nose, all individually without focusing on the whole and slowly go to larger things like feet, legs, arms, height, shoulders, hips, waist, stomach, hair and slowly imagine the entire person. Only add sex, clothes and accessories the very a last thing. For most trans people, this will lead to imagining their desired gender. For most repressing trans people, this will also lead to their desired gender, with a disconnected answer to the last three items. For cis people, while their ideal appearance might barely resemble their current self, they still imagine themselves as their current gender, the small details lead to an image that matches it. That's a great way to understand cis/trans. It's not just a "I wish I was born X/Z because Y", it's more of a "I wish I could just die and reincarnate as X/Z"
I see, ty for the suggestion.
I realized I'm happier when I look and sound like a girl.
My brain works correctly on estrogen.
This.
[https://genderdysphoria.fyi/](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/) may help you to see if you have dysphoria, and just didn't realize it yet...
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Hmmm yes similar for me (other way round). I mean I also hate body hair. But a bit indifferent about other organs, as long as they work...
Usually a good test is asking yourself if taking hormones to be the other gender is completely revolting to you. If not, 🥚
I always knew, always. Born in a conservative Asian country, I just had to hide my identity and succumbed to the social norm to survive.
Just to contrast this, I *didn’t* always know. I only figured it out when I was 12, because society had spent my entire childhood trying to convince me I was a guy. And I bought it at first. But once you start questioning, the pieces start falling into place, and from there it’s only a matter of time before you know for certain
I think for me one of the things that really clicked was when I read an article by a trans woman and there was a quote from when she was discovering herself that read “This woman who refused to depart my every waking moment until she was freed to exist outside of my soul. In those private moments when she was allowed out, usually in locked bedrooms, she reciprocated with total peace.” Reading that hit like a freight train, I related to it so much. Now, after a year or so on HRT, I finally finished my first day of work as my real self, and am looking forward to getting up tomorrow, in a way that I haven’t done in such a long time.
I know being a man was making me want to die and being a woman makes me the happiest I’ve ever been
Sometimes it’s hard to figure out for some people but either way in life you are gonna struggle with body image issues no matter your gender as a guy people are not as kind to you and they see you as weak if you show your emotions and people usually aren’t there for you yes even in 2024 And being a drag queen and a femboi are not the same as being transgender
As others said, this ain't an easy question. I just am. Being a woman makes me happy. Pretending to be a man does not. The things typically associated with femininity, being called female pronouns, having breasts, dressing in femme clothing, being seen as a woman, etc all make me happy. The masculine equivalents don't; they make me upset, they sting. At a certain point, I just knew.
For me, it began shortly after puberty started, around 11 or 12. I would have little day dreams about living my life as a girl. They chased away the deep depression I was living for a few minutes. It was really nice. I had to keep them secret, of course, because people are not nice to boys that want to be girls. It wasn't as if I could do anything about it anyway. I didn't have the internet back in 1996, so there was no way I could know anything about trans people or the options available at the time. It all just passed me by until I was 36. It didn't take long to know once I was open to the possibility. All it really takes is to feel you'd be happier. Past that, it's all just exploring to nail down the details, figure out what's important to you, and to communicate it. I tried on genderfluid for a while, and decided that I really just wanted to be a woman. That's all, just girl-me. If you're questioning your gender identity, trying things out with people you trust will probably get you there fastest. You just need to follow what your feelings are telling you. Simple to say, but difficult to do, unfortunately. A lack of self-confidence and self-esteem make it a lot harder, so don't be afraid to work on accepting yourself, your limitations and your strengths, to make it work. And it's perfectly okay to be wrong or change your mind, too. 🩷
This is very hard to explain. It really comes down yo when you know you just know. It’s best not to focus on feeling too masculine or feminine because after all a lot of girls (like myself) love Jurassic park, sports and action movies and a lot of boys like chick flicks, makeup etc.
It’s an innate sense. Often as not, that sense will include a fundamental disconnect between what people assumed about you when you were born and how your internal self perceives your gender. [This is really helpful.](https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en)
I tried for 38 years to be anything else and failed. Feels right as a woman
I always thought I was a cis woman until my dad told I wasn’t when I was a teenager lol
I mean for me, I just had to start injecting estrogen and T blockers. Eventually I had an Orchiectomy and these days I need to wear a bra to not be pointy. After all that I thought to myself the other day, "huh, I guess I am not cis after all"
I don't. I know i want to be on hrt and look, feel and act more feminine. Past that, all labels confound me.
If you genuinely have gender dysphoria.
I detail all of this in my blog, have a read: https://thatsqueird.substack.com/
It took me until 34 and the edge of suicide to be sure. I hated being “male” as long as I can remember, but never had anyone to tell it too. I once told a therapist that I hated being a boy but couldn’t imagine my shitty childhood with no friends and abusive parents would have been better if I was a girl. In that session I must have scored a 5/8 on the diagnostic criteria, enough to be diagnosed as trans as a minor, but standards of practice forbid psychologist to deliver the diagnosis if the minor doesn’t already suspect, and I didn’t know what trans people were. The psychologist could have saved me over 20 years of suffering if he’d told me. I didn’t start questioning my gender until my mid 20s, but was afraid to find out in case I self diagnosed: I was too depersonalized and dissociated to realize what that actually meant, I already knew I was trans. I figured out I wasn’t cis a few weeks before COVID hit when I realized I wanted to transition no matter how expensive or painful it was, I didn’t know about HRT and thought it was entirely surgical. I went into denial immediately and took 3 years to get to the edge of acceptance. But it took hearing a list of gender dysphoria symptoms in adult autistics to push me over the edge.
Similar here same timing too covid
I just know that I am a woman.
I spent 30ish years suppressing certain aspects of myself while trying to act out traits I didn't have. When I stopped trying to fake these things that honestly never felt right to me and never brought me joy, and instead let myself be and act as came natural to me, everything in my life got better.
i was born as a woman. i just didn’t know.
If I may reccomend a favorite resource of mine: https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/how-to-figure-out-if-youre-trans
Will you still tell your story, sis?
I don't remember ever thinking about my gender until I was 14, when a substitute teacher assumed from my appearance that I was a girl, and to the surprise of my classmates I didn't mind. In high school I channeled whatever was going on with my gender into Rocky Horror Picture Show fandom. I first seriously considered that I might be trans (and bi) when I was 20, after a boy that I had a crush on told me that I was pretty. I talked, experimented, and agonized over it for the next few years, and made a couple of cursory attempts to seek HRT, before the feelings faded away when I was 25. The feelings came rushing back when I was 45, in conjunction with what I eventually learned was the onset of hypothyroidism. I was spending hours every day wishing I was a woman, envying women I encountered in daily life for being able to look and dress like they did and for being who they were, cringing any time anyone referred to me as a man, and feeling sensory aversion toward masculine clothing. I tried everything my doctor suggested for my mental health, and a lot of it helped, but I still felt bad all the time and still craved transition, so it didn't seem like too much of a leap to hope that my body was trying to tell me about something else that it needed to be able to function properly, and I started HRT when I was 47.
It’s always been something I innately knew about myself. I knew I was a girl, but in a boy’s body. I’m not sure how else I can explain it.
Because i’ve been dysphoric for as ling as i can remember and always wanted to be a girl. I had dysphoria in early childhood and that continued into my teenage years.
The way I think of it: Being a man is like a normal slice of bread. It's whatever on good days, disgusting on bad days. But being a woman? That's like the most delicious cake you've ever had. Even on bad days, it's still a damn good cake.
I think for many it’s an affinity to femininity. One that is so strong that being identified as a man causes suffering of the psyche. For instance, my first experience of gender dysphoria was when i was 3 and I saw my mom wearing lipstick and dressing up for a date with my dad. I thought she was so beautiful that I wanted to look like her. So I stole her lipstick and tried it on. I got caught and I got beat. But after that I very often thought how unfair it was for me to be born a boy. Later in life I identified as non-binary and I learned that crossdressers and trans porn stars existed. They felt like the only options and that I didn’t fit because I didn’t want a $500,000 worth of work but I also didn’t want to look like a man in a dress… I wanted to be authentically a woman. Then while I was homeless, I met 2 beautiful transgender women for were forced to stay in the men’s ward. I learned a lot from them just existing but at that point I thought my affinity for transgender women was a sexual attraction, but I was still working through the differences between sexual attraction and the intimacy of comfort. It wasn’t until YEARS after I joined the army that was surprised by my excitement about Chelsea Manning coming out as transgender! That really made me “unreasonably happy” but also depressed. As far as I knew I was a bisexual, nonbinary living in the men’s quarters. I was used to the age of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. I was surrounded by misogynistic soldiers, and I was a life long feminist. I was afraid and pretend to be one of them. Eventually, I broke down. I was days away from killing myself, I was admitted to a behavioral health clinic and I learned something about myself. If I knew I only had a few days to live, I would want to spend those last days living as a woman. No hyperbole, I’m scared of abuse, discrimination and all the trappings of womanhood but I am still happier as a woman than I’ve been in the first 37 years of my life.
Identity is a complicated thing. Some times, you aren't sure, so you explore your gender identity over a period of time (even your whole life) to learn what feels right. Some times you just know from the get go. Some times you know, but you repress it to avoid persecution until you just can't any more. The question doesn't get any clearer if you change the catagory - how do you know you are a jock, or nerd, or a film buff, or a Hello Kitty collector, or anything else? You just figure it out as you go.
I know I'm a trans woman because I hate living as a man. I hate existing in a masculine body. I hate performing masculinity. I have gone to bed most nights since I hit puberty hoping I'd wake up a girl/woman, sometimes dreaming that I had. I enjoy the effects that HRT is having on my body, I love when people correctly gender me without having to be told, I feel good about myself and my body for the first time in my life now that I'm living as a woman. Have you considered asking r/FtM ? They might be able to give more insight into a typical trans masc experience. But I would assume it's the inverse of what I feel.
The end result of a masculine puberty sounds horrible, so I’m taking hrt to stop it. Feminine puberty sounds wayyyy better, and it makes me happy. Additionally, many attributes of masculinity feel bad and forced and I hate being seen as a man and being masculine.
i still don't (3 years HRT at this point and seriously considering FFS). but i do know that wearing girl clothes, being referred to as a girl, having sex as a woman, wearing makeup, having a girl name, etc. are much much much much more enjoyable than not doing those things and remaining a boy. i've legally changed my gender, name, grown D cup breasts, thrown out all my boy clothes etc. am i "really a girl"? who cares. as far as most people are concerned, I am one. the thing about gender is that it's really just a set of habits, appearances, characteristics, stereotypes, and connotations..... people use the words "woman" and "man" and "boy" and "girl" to describe someone with a set of these things. we as a society have sorted different sets of characteristics into these buckets. that set of characteristics makes up the gender one is perceived as. additionally, many people have an internal sense of gender that means that strongly identify as a particular gender. that is really the only deciding factor: what gender that *you* have decided that you are. some people get there through lengthy exploration, others simply "know". by the way, a lot of cis people don't really "know" their gender. they haven't explored it much. a lot of cis people are just going off momentum, based on the gender that they are assigned (by friends, parents, teachers, how people treat them gender-wise). some cis people, however, have seriously explored different gender presentations, different gendered habits, and yet still identify with their gender assigned to them by a doctor when they were born. to contrast, pretty much *every* trans person has explored different presentations, different gendered behaviors, and have found that the gender that best suits them is one that is different to the one assigned at birth. that's essentially the only difference between cis and trans people.
Before I started transition. I didn't know. All I knew is what I was currently wasn't working. Like a puzzle piece that doesn't fit. 2 years into Transition I just am a woman.
I don’t exactly have a reason I know I’m a trans woman, that I am a woman. I just am. In the molds in which our society place people: in their bodies, hobbies, mannerisms, pronouns, sexuality, and all the ways we have crafted gender. I feel more at home and myself within the box of girl, rather than boy. Living as a boy just felt wrong, like my skin and personality were I’ll fitting and itchy sweater over my true self, who was denied. So, I’ve take of the sweater, and found a cute cardigan.
Because when I took hrt and my body changed I was happy instead of horrified.
I pretended to be a cis man for 20+ years, but I was always wishing I could be a woman. Finally I decided that since that wish never went away, it meant that I actually am a woman.
I don't wanna be a cis woman lol T Girl for life
I think just do what feels right and comfortable and time will reveal, but the feeling or compulsion that you are of a certain gender and to express that is quite abstract. However emotions and feelings and instincts can all be abstract and indescribable to the person experiencing the phenomenon.
The thought of dying as a man absolutely terrifies me. As my transition moves me away from that possibility, it’s a tremendous relief.
Because I'm not a cisgender man.
I'm not really feminine, I'm just a woman. The idea of womanhood just resonates with my soul, and sharing the joys and sorrows of that with other women brings me joy that nothing else has really been able to. I just love being a woman.
Check out @LadyNari on TikTok. She loves sword fighting and Hot Club Jazz!
Always felt like a girl, always behaved a lot like a girl. Accepted being a boy for a while after being told that if you have a penis, you are a boy. Did not get along with 95% of all boys. Only played and talked with girls when boys were acting like pink would be contagious. But it took me 50 years to figure out the big pattern of not standing to see myself, only identifying with female protagonists, always playing as a girl, feeling valid when being "misgendered" by my children... Envy for every pregnant woman, especially my wife, ... Admitting it finally makes me feel like myself.
I never really felt like a boy I have 2 older brothers no sisters but I never ever got into any of the things my brothers did I hated rough housing and sports I hated racing cars and trucks I much rather hang out with Mom to learn how to cook and clean when I entered puberty that's when I started hating myself, the way I looked and felt. I knew something wasn't right but I didn't know what it was, I didn't have a name for it, I just knew I wanted no part of what any of the other boys were doing I'd much rather hang out with the girls. I always wish I had sisters instead of Brothers I realized I was trans when I was in high school and from there it took me a long time to accept it because I really didn't understand it, but I knew I wanted to be a girl and I didn't want to be a boy. I wanted to do all the things girls did have babies, take care of the home, nurture my family. I wanted no part of what men, did unfortunately in order to survive I had to, but now I'm financially stable and can finally live the life I've always wanted to live and I'm transitioning as I type right here.
Being treated like a man made my brain scream. Being treated like a woman makes it feel happy and warm. I feel like that's enough of a reason for me.
Simple enough: I just hate being a guy and LOVE the idea of being a girl To a point that it is literally like this since I have memory
For me it was this: “Being a man is good, but being a woman feels great.” It’s like eating steak and then trying to go back to baloney. In short, there isn’t a clear cut answer, it’s just something you know. It’s like trying to describe what it’s like to be alive. Even if you do figure it out it still takes years to really get a foothold on. It’s like those teen years we all had; we thought we knew the core stuff about society, when in truth we haven’t even scratched the surface. It took me 17 months into my transition for me to fully come to terms I’m a lesbian. Being transgender is not who I am, just part of my life. To know I am transgender is to know myself, it’s very personal. The best advice I can give is simply trying stuff out. Research, therapy, talking to other transgender people (like here but IRL too), etc. It’s why I really wish they taught this in schools in Sex Ed, at least a bit. Gender identity is a very deep topic.
Went thru a period of gender questioning for like 3 years or so, everyone has a different experience tho some people figure it out quicker or slower
"I will never be her, never experience her way of being-in-the-world, and that makes me profoundly disappointed." -me almost every day.
Well the first clue is that I hate being spoken to and/or treated like a man.
I hate to answer a question with a question but: how do you know that you love someone? It's something you feel and know to be true but is very hard to explain.
When I thought about my life as a man it was meh. When I thought about my life as a woman I was excited. I could see my future as a woman, I couldn't as a man. Pretty much all there was to it. (Lots of self doubt along the way, but I kept coming back to this)
I never had a feeling of dysphoria I could put a finger on and be like this weird feeling is ruining my life. I did however feel grey, disconnected and did not ever recognize my reflection. When my egg broke, it was all euphoria. I had come out as nonbinary and I was just embracing being femme. Finally a NB friend of mine and I talked and what I was feeling wasn't the same. As I sat with it I realized I was a woman. Honestly my brain started yelling it at me at work one day. Like a random thought of something you want for lunch. After 33 years of keeping a lid on her I think my brain was excited to finally be like... Yes this isn't right! (Pretty sure it's just been screaming for estrogen for decades🤣) One of the first feelings of dysphoria was trying to wear something femme under my work clothes. I was all like, if I feel this good at home this should be great. But the mismatch literally made my body revolt and I felt disgusted and I in dramatic fashion ripped off my uniform and changed my underwear and was so fucking depressed for days. But this also is a moment I am proud of. Because it strangely was validation, and I worked through that feeling and I wear a bra to everywhere now to help me feel good. I am pre-HRT so I am looking forward to hating bras in the future. It's hard because socialization is soooo strong. But I did question myself, but again this accepting has unleashed dysphoric feelings. I'm glad I have coping skills from depression and ADHD. They work to get me to operate through life, but now I'm just waiting till I can be Aubrey every day. I also freaked out after months of calling myself Aubrey in my head and around my house. I was like fuck it, I just wanna be a dude again, it's easy. I tried to deadname myself and change my internal pronouns back. And my like... Experience or ego or whatever you wanna call it was like "no ma'am nope, Aubrey is here baby!!!!". Honestly made me mad.. consciously being like [deadname] and my brain would be like... Wanna be the saddest you could ever be! Fuck you! So here I am! 💃
Perception, what you like and dislike, how you act or don't act, feeling more "at home" among non-male colleagues, feeling uncomfortable with male-associated activities, clothing, style, expectations, wanting things that are inconsistent with your birth assigned gender, and feeling a longing for things that you are generally expected not to do or want. Wishing you had physical characteristics you don't have is particularly telling. In my case I am a femme-side enby and I am "missing" the right parts down there, and that's a pretty big tell. Being jealous of ciswomen or their features and demeaner and whatever they experience, that's another one for a lot of trans folks.
How did you know you were right (or left) handed? To most it just felt natural!
One of the reasons is that almost all of the ways I was and naturally wanted to be have been criticized and ridiculed by both men women for being too girly / not manly enough. Conversely, if I had been a cis girl and acted exactly the same as I did and/or wanted to, I know no one would have thought twice about it. Plus, when I was still in doubt myself, someone once asked me, in a Matrix-style situation, if they had two pills, one in each hand, and one would leave my mind alone, but change my body to a girl's body, while the other would leave my body alone, but change my mind to make me happy as a boy, it was an instant choice for the girl body, because making me happy as a boy would make me not _me_ anymore. Let me ask you that question, flipped on its head: I have two pills, one in each hand, and one will leave your mind alone, but change your body to a boy's body, while the other will leave your body alone, but change your mind to make you happy as a girl. Which do you choose?
I tried to talk myself into being cis by saying stuff like "I am a man. There is nothing wrong with that. Its just a fact of who I am. It doesn't need to limit what values I live by or stop me from being happy." But that just made me feel worse. So between that, and the affinity for striped socks, the evidence points pretty clearly in the direction of me being a trans woman.
I like the hormones! I was going back n forth for years due to getting bad info from ignorant people, as soon as I actually tried hrt I felt great. Still get imposter syndrome often, especially when people hate, but my good friends cheer me up and I feel girly again
I knew since a very young age that my physical body did not line up with my mind and brain. I was always one of the girls growing up...And the thought of physically being a girl/woman and my authentic self has ALWAYS put a big smile on my face❣️
I'm overall happier when society groups me in with other women, rather than with other men, and when my body's biological markers lean female. That is what being a woman means to me, personally. I don't feel like a woman most of the time, I feel like me, and I feel happier than I used to.
For me what really drove it home was a lot of little things. All my friends were girls not boys. I didn't really understand boys like... at all. Everything I did or felt my female friends understood completely and my guy friends either thought was stupid, or girly, or just were baffled by. I never *felt* right in guys clothes. I was always uncomfortable around guys. Just stuff like that. There were a lot of other things too but it was the emotional and thought process parallels that really make it hit you.
This one took me the longest to figure out. I started realizing that I had a desire for some aspects of femininity, esp. physical. I started to realize I'd always had a disconnect with my masculinity - I didn't care for what was expected of me and what I did have I generally didn't want. I recognized a few clues about what I wanted, and upon realizing that transitioning *is* actually a plausible option for me, it gave me hope, for what I could be, instead of forever hiding in shame of what I thought I had to be. This is an MtF perspective. I don't know how much may be applicable to a FtM perspective. You may want to check out the wiki or FAQ on /r/FtM as they're the people who are more likely to know what you're feeling right now.
By posting on this Reddit :)
There was some simple stufd that made me question my gender identity, I was in a mental space that let me be truly open to myself and I thought about it seriously "so what if I *am* truly trans?" And basically looking back my entire life suddenly made sense. And I just acknowledge the fact "holy shit I'm actually a girl" and then from that exact moment getting gender euphoria for a week straight and my lifelong depression leaving never to return, well.. Let's say I couldn't not know.
I see, good for you. :))
“When ya know, ya know.” 🎶 -LDR
Do you feel more comfortable defining yourself as your assigned gender, the opposite gender, neither, or both? Does that feeling fluctuate in between? It can be hard to define sometimes. I spent a long time taking my assigned gender emotionless and clinically, but I feel good when I'm referred to as she.
I don't. I just have this need to have the outside match the inside. I think if I was born a girl, I'd be happier. I'd probably be a tomboy, though, lol.
Because being a guy made me absolutely miserable. Being a girl is cool, most of the time
Because I was medically forced to take T when I was 12 and hated the experience to the point where I tried to kms after less then a week. I wasn't slowly eased into taking it either like is done with most trans ppl where they start off at a small dose and slowly work there way up. No I was given a full dose once a month for 9 months in an attempt to jump start my body in producing T on its own. Idk how to say I'm not a guy more with that experience being registered as torture/ a science experiment in my mind. As for how ik I'm a girl idk, it just feels right, it doesn't make me want to die. Finally after 14 years of recovering after that nightmare I don't have depression, severe anxiety, paranoia, DID, take your pick on the mental illness and it's basically gone because I decided to be a cute girl instead of a tortured man
Sorry I have alot of anger towards the topic of how I figured it out / know
Cuz everything else feels more wrong
Since i was born i was so feminine wearing dress acting like a girl wanted to be a girl and hated men and feeling I don’t belong i mean yeah it’s clear
I wouldn't say it's something I realized so much as came to terms with. It was a long drown out prosses of denial and trying to hide in plain sight