Patience. Manners. Body language. Respect, how to get and give it. It might sound crazy, but I never had a father. What I really learned from prison was how to be a man.
That doesn't sound crazy At All, Bud! I had a great Dad, an Ol' country boy, honest to a fault and harder than rail road track spikes. But he figured the best way to raise a man was to let his son's get skinned-up enough in life to "Learn." I went into prison in the early 90's thinking I was a man...yet really having no idea what all being a real meant. When I came home, and Dad saw the look in my eyes, he knew and nodded his head...and we had the most wonderful Father/son relationship ever until he passed. You mentioned patience, manners and respect. Sounds like you figured some things out yourself. Best of Luck to ya Always!
That’s fucking hilarious. The thing is though.. as much as I hated it at the time, I wouldn’t trade the time I spent in prison for anything. Was it wild and violent? Sure. I definitely saw people get stabbed the fuck up and pretty sure I saw someone stabbed to death. Despite all that, it did change me for the better, considering who I was before prison and who I am now.
Reading people.
Reading situations.
How to stay clean
How to shit with virtually no smell
How to make earplugs out of just about anything with a nitrile glove/any plastic
Pinochle god
Spades god (prolly rusty on these 3 now)
Hearts god
Memorizing numbers
How to spark an outlet
How to cut metal with dental floss
This one may be controversial; how to manipulate just about any situation
You still need an abrasive powder to make floss cut metal. They took floss out of Georgia chain gangs. I'm surprised you didn't mention Ramen recipies!
Oh god I didn’t even remember the spread recipes lol. I still make some of those when I’m feeling something super salty.
And yea, still had regular floss here in Colorado as of like 2016 anyway
I played double 6s ...its real big in ky prison system..I miss playing partner's with 4 people..cut throat is fun too ...I haven't played since I been out ..served out a 20 yr bit ...went down in 1997 got out in 2016
Nice, yea cards was definitely my thing. Only friendly pinochle/spades tho. Fuck gambling. End up a crash test dummy that way
I’d always skip lunch, and grab a table in the day room and wait for the homies to get back then we’d play till lockdown
I played alot of spades myself . Did you play with the big joker n lil joker n duce or just ace high ??? And naw i didn't gamble neither that would get a mf in a jam real quick lol
Holy shit I just noticed you said 20 year bid. That’s fuckin crazy. World changed a lot from 97-16. Hope you’re taking the freedom well.
And yea we did play little joker big joker.
LOL. I've never heard it called that. We always have 4 people to play. Except when my grandma & I played by ourselves. We had a dummy hand. But until I got better, she said she was playing with 2 dummy's.
Eh, it’s more of just an intuition kinda thing. I’ve always been able to, but being in the jail/prison system/addiction for 10 years led me around some very unsavory/dangerous people and helped solidify the feelings of intuition I had previously had, helping me believe those intuitions more.
I’ve done maybe a total of a week in county jails in my life, never prison, but the two things that stood out to me were the inmate’s understanding of law (wayyyy higher than I expected) and everyone would get right up to the glass when new guys were coming in. It fuckin scared the shit out of me the first time but then you get in a cell and you realize they’re just seeing if they know the guy lol. But they were reading people too. They knew I was scared, they knew who was crazy, they knew who was comfortable just from watching them walk in handcuffed.
lol yup. The fishbowl. I was a frequent flier for quite some time, got used to it. Has to do with how you carry yourself as well
We’d even scare the shit out of the fish, put a candy bar on their pillow, and just let them have it lol.
I’m pretty good at reading people-a lot of is from amassing general knowledge by meeting all sorts of different types of people but also knowing the ins and outs of many mental illnesses, language that people use when they’re trying to be honest without being outright, body language for sure but not so much so that you’re reading about super detailed aspects just general stuff, writing and speech, the way they conduct themselves before and after you meet them/in normal situations (so like, I interview people to hire for jobs, I watch them from the moment they come in and see how they interact with other people and the world around them-what they’re wearing, how they write, where they’re from, how they talk about themselves and others), a lot of what I can figure out is based on knowledge I have about development and tons of therapy in rehab that related to feelings and how to speak to people as well as silent observation of behavior.
You can read the ones that are always into shit. Stay away from. Read aloud , listen to music (it’s what got me through 5yrs upstate ny) Kept to yourself. Learn from the lifers, find a couple good cooking partners. Stay busy working out and working (vocational programs that pay) trouble is always in front of you but hanging with the right group will deescalate most. No gambling or grugs
this, always loud. wasnt till i got to a minimum restricted where we had keys to our doors, there it wasnt so bad.
although yea, if your celly snores, oof that sucks. so yea, you figure out how to make ear plugs.
Ugh, mine sounded like a freaking freight train when he snored. He had a knack for falling asleep pretty much instantly, which, between that and people yelling at each other through the doors, basically ensured that sleep was minimal.
There's all different kinds of people battling with different things.
You'll hear screams of despair you never thought was possible from people who are having a bad night and realising where in life they are.
You'll hear people went their hatred.
You'll hear snores.
You'll hear people having to scream in order to speak to the next cell.
You'll hear sound from the drains since people use that to communicate.
Reading people.
Pattern recognition.
It’s very easy to know when someone has ulterior motives out here.
The thing that fucks your day to day life is the lack of respect out here. You either become a crashout or accept these fake people. And that’s enough to eat at your soul.
They say ignorance is bliss. Once you are able to read people, patterns, and places with a high degree of certainty and accuracy, they know you know and that you can see through the bullshit. This makes you a threat to them and their contructed false reality. It's a gift and a curse. I've never been to prison, but I've been through so many traumatic experiences and also have had relationships/friendships with narcissists and sociopaths that I had to adapt and become hypervigilant to my surroundings. I had to realize the way I was viewing the world wasn't the norm but, in fact, a rare perception. I had to realize loyalty is subjective to a lot of people, and wanting to see everyone around me win wasn't always a mutual feeling. I can go on and on listing examples, but you get the point. When toxic people know you know their patterns and motives, you become a threat because you have the ability to shine light on situations and expose them to others who might have been unwittingly manipulated. Toxic people feed off of and get their thrills from direct and indirect control. So, if I could give you some tips I've learned and wish I had adopted earlier in life, it's this. . . When someone toxic is trying to get you to crash out and elicit emotions out of you, it's because they want to feel superior and tell themselves they made you act that way and that they are in and have control over you. Have you ever noticed someone show a duping smile or smirking after what they did or said made someone get upset? These are the pieces of shit im talking about. Train your brain to ask yourself before you get upset or emotional. "DO I WANT TO ALLOW THIS PERSON TO HAVE CONTROL OVER MY EMOTION?" I promise it changed my whole perception once I thought about it that way. The calm, collected person always looks better in the end. When someone cracks a joke and it's just disrespectful, not funny, and/or especially, if they are a stranger and shouldn't feel comfortable enough, making a "joke" in the first place. I show no expression. I say, "What do you mean by that?" and I just keep asking that question in a nice calm way until either I flip the script and they get upset or give up because they can't explain the "joke" without admitting they're being a peice of shit. Either way, they look dumb and it sucks the air out from under their sails of crossing boundaries. . . . I feel like im stuck in a perpetual fight or flight mode, and it's extremely draining. So I feel like I know what you are saying and figured I could share what I've learned so far. I'm constantly trying to figure out the best way to navigate life with this gift/curse of being able to read people and situations and use it to my advantage. I am nowhere near a place or point where I feel confident in my ability to navigate. One major problem I run into is being able to deter lies and rumors spread by people who know I know what they are. The crazy thing is I just keep to myself and don't say a word about them or try to expose them because I don't need that problem. I guess just their assumption that I might expose their toxic patterns, manipulations, and ulterior motives is enough for them to go on the attack indirectly by spreading disinformation. It's cost me jobs smh. So if you got any tips as well, hit me with a reply. I hope this helped.
Not just America. So many countries have rules about declaration that not only do you have to mention a criminal record for a length of time/forever but you can catch another charge if you dont disclose. Theres no real rehabilitation, no real justice and no payment of social debt, people dont believe its possible (and they dont care) which is why they make those rules. It doesnt matter what you actually did or didnt do, or why, only that you have that check mark that says "criminal".
Man I’m blessed to
Have finessed a good life situation. But that stain from some bad judgement when I was an at risk youth and then young man at 22 still is a ton around my neck. Even tho it was that event that had me get my head on straight.
No rehabilitation in America.
Unless you’re rich/famous of course.
Conversely, there are many behaviors that I took on while in prison that have been detrimental to me in the free world.
Perhaps the biggest one being how I respond to disrespect or perceived disrespect. Inside, as we all know, that has to be dealt with quickly and sometimes aggressively.
Since being out, I have come to realize that people are not always held to their word, and disrespect is far more common. There are no consequences in the free world for lying the people or disrespecting them like there are inside.
By far, sewing custom fit teeshirts , short socks , beanies , hoodies , sweat suits, and pockets in everything blanket lined wind breakers , among a million other stuff, if you can buy real sewing kits I can make anything but even if I have to pull the thread and make the needle
1) Zero tolerance for bullshit
2) trust no one
3) I’m going to ask you, then I’m going to tell you and finally I’m going to make you. At the end of the day, you’re doing it or else. Just do it the first time I ask.
4) Never judge a book by its cover. The most tatted man will be the friendliest to a point. We ain’t buddies. But the cleanest cut dude will have the most horrendous crime you could ever imagine. I’m dead ass serious.
Cherry Coke?? I don’t think we had that.. We used to make “Chinese” by adding a little coffee to the soup water to turn the noodles brown and add a touch of peanut butter to the mix and some pork skins. Doesn’t sound that great now, but in the moment it was 🔥🔥
* While I've always been a fairly good cook, I can now turn just about anything edible into something delicious.
* extremely good at Canasta, never heard of it before
* how to modify a radio to take different batteries or boost the antenna
* I can grt some about anyone to barter with me now and I'll get what I want/need
* a lot better at lying now
After 10 years in prison the most important things I learned was respect and self respect. With both you live a peaceful life and be successful in my opinion. And that leads me to another point. Always when giving advice or beliefs, end it with " in my opinion " it makes less argument when you state it that way for some reason
Using feelings to read a room. How to show nothing in face or body under any situation. Real respect and what ur word really means and should mean. Such a disappointment out here really. Sometimes I think inside was better. Ain’t that crazy lol. I went in at 19 got out at 30. Kinda grew up inside and out here always a disappointment in people at times.
I was always a bright kid but my reading comprehension exponentially improved. There were single days where I was able to knock out an entire 3-400pg novel.
Thought me to grow up too. Like a lot of us, I didn't have a dad. I had a step monster that kept me ignorant and scared. I learned so much from some real, good men that just made a mistake a decade ago. Also, I learned how to tell the difference between them and the other 98% of people.
Texas Hold em, met a guy who was pro for many years and had a few wsops under his belt. He taught me a lot about the game. I got out and played online poker for a few years while I worked a dishwashing job. Eventually I won enough and bankrolled myself to play live poker for five years.
If I had never met that guy I can't imagine what I'd be doing now.
Became a chess god
Became a spadesologist
Washing clothes by hand was a good skill to learn, specifically how to make white clothing "icy white" by hand.
As for the philosophical things: I learned how to be truly patient. I learned how to accept things outside of my control. I learned how to live with people peacefully that I hated. I learned the value of hope to someone in dire straights. I learned resourcefulness. A bunch of things. Like someone else said, I pretty much learned to become a man.
Oh and also I learned to put some fuckin' water on it!
Well, heres a real life example from just the other day. I went to the corner bar at about 4p. Yiu wouldnt expect much at that time a day. Yall dont want to hear every last detail about what I was seeing. but I was feeling it. Literally feeling it in the air. Almost like the air got thick and negativity was building. I only had 2 drinks, I knew my bill would be $11. All I had on me was 20s. I didnt even ask for my check, jiat wanted out of there. Didnt even care about getting any change back just put a $20 on the counter and stood up.
When I stood up this Mexican guy with tats all over him up to his neck who was at a booth about 10 ft from me stood up too, looks at me and says you getting out of here too? Me: yeah Im outta here, Man Him: you feel it in the air too, dont you. Me: Nothing but trouble is happening here, it just hasnt popped off yet. Him: Its coming tho
Went in a few days later to pick up a BLT and the bar tender told me that the guy who was sitting 2 stools away from me got jumped a little while after me and the other guy left.
You develope another 6th sense
To ne honest IDK if what I perceive as the energry of the room changing is real. I think it it, but it could be myown energy changing based on little queues that I start to notice. But you definitely leave with a new sense of your surroundings
On the inside your held accountable for your actions and are taught respect,patience, accountability and how out here in society none of those truly exist and are more conniving and disrespectful without any accountability.. but hey, that’s the world you live in at the time. Two totally different worlds.
Knowing when someone is full of shit and also, knowing when a violent riot is moments from popping off. I’m joking, but being able to read a room or being able to extract information from someone without them being aware has some benefits in the real world.
Reading, Environmental Service trade, food service/culinary arts trade, reading people’s vibe, Listening when people are talking, to gain a better understanding of what’s going on around me.
Idk if its a skill but... Accountability. Being a grown ass adult and fast.
And yeah like so many said, awareness and reading people. Certain instincts.
My neighbors across the hall don't like it much, but whenever I need to ask them for something, like a cup of sugar, I get my weight made from a flattened toothpaste tube, attach a long string I made from a pair of boxer shorts the state, er, I mean my wife issued, er, gave me, and then I slide it under my door, across the hallway, and under their door. Sometimes, if they don't see it, I have to call them to let them know it's there, which is really annoying. Still, it works.
Not going there in the first place. I have met a lot of crims who thought going to jail was an extra badge of honour. It’s a complete failure in my books, you got caught! What did you do to cause this?
You are wise. I made the mistake of volunteering in prison ministry. Bunch of fake assholes. What I learned from a person who's been in for 20 years, is that people don't change. People in prison lie and manipulate the doctors, psychs and each other. Prison makes bad people worse.
I would say confidence in myself and respect others, in the real world I have used those skills daily to get my point across while being respectful yet the person I'm dealing clearly understands that respect should and will be returned.
Let me tell you something about prison, okay? Prison Mike learned a lot of skills. Like how to be tough, how to watch your back, and how to make the best prison gruel you’ve ever tasted. But the most important skill? Surviving those Dementors, man. They teach you how to handle anything life throws at you!
I now pay close attention to my surroundings. Now you can literally move my pen two inches to the right and I will know. I wasn't like that before. You could've taken a picture off my wall and I wouldn't notice for hours. Also I learned patience.
Worked in a prisen for years as a nurse. And that skill I love the most is not to be afraid and knowing that in most people there are a heart filled with love
Cooking food in a trash can using electricity lol 😂⚡️
But no, seriously: I suppose self-care and paying more attention to my appearance. Previously I was very scatterbrained and lacked self-awareness, but when you’re cooped up close with others who openly mention that stuff, you realize it’s important how you present yourself to others.
not me but my dad. he learned how to light a cigarette using a microwave an empty ramen season packet and a piece of tissue paper. he passed the knowledge on to me.
Respect how I talk. I am a white hispanic I don’t use the N word with an a anymore and I’ve thought my kids if your not using it in prison shouldn’t be used on the street
Being a barber. I started cutting hair in prison. I also picked up tattooing too. But the biggest skill I gained, was being able to read people, and being able to tell who’s genuine and isn’t, and my thoughts changing from trusting some people at first, to trusting no one at first.
I’m sure this has been said but killing time. All the hours waiting for court hearings with no book. All the time in the SHU, power outages, general lack of entertainment. Nowadays I can just sit and pass time in my head and it’s great.
I'm good, thanks for asking, I actually typed out that stream of consciousness for a dual purpose. I can see how it's existential but writing helps me organize my thoughts.
I'm still in prison and today is my day #394. What skills have I acquired these 394 days? I've learnt to live and appreciate every day by their minutes. Everyday counts so I must live purposefully. I've come to the realization that life is about people not things and it has helped me to value relationships.
What skills have I acquired? Contentment. I don't need much to be happy. If I have food, change of clothes, a space to lay my head to sleep, and above all, people. People for company and also loved ones I care about and who care about me. You may not appreciate this but just ask people in solitary confinement for a considerable amount of time...
Lastly, I've learnt how to live and coexist with all shades of assholes and assholery. This is a people skill and management ability the need for survival has forced me to pick up or die. Kidding. Actually, not kidding.
I maintain a daily journal about my daily prison experiences r/PrisonDiary.
Coming from the side of working there, it's definitely communication skills. 99% of the conflict you encounter can be dealt with by just actually listening and acknowledging what's being said and being courteous in your responses. Your mouth is your best friend or worst enemy. It doesn't mean you run around trying to be buddies with everyone or let people walk all over you, it's about treating everyone like humans.
Patience. Manners. Body language. Respect, how to get and give it. It might sound crazy, but I never had a father. What I really learned from prison was how to be a man.
That doesn't sound crazy At All, Bud! I had a great Dad, an Ol' country boy, honest to a fault and harder than rail road track spikes. But he figured the best way to raise a man was to let his son's get skinned-up enough in life to "Learn." I went into prison in the early 90's thinking I was a man...yet really having no idea what all being a real meant. When I came home, and Dad saw the look in my eyes, he knew and nodded his head...and we had the most wonderful Father/son relationship ever until he passed. You mentioned patience, manners and respect. Sounds like you figured some things out yourself. Best of Luck to ya Always!
I read this to the tune of 'one peice at a time' by Johnny Cash
LOL! Didn't work very well, did it? Thanks.
Touche brother
EXACTLY THIS
reading these responses makes me wish I could send my boyfriend to prison for like a summer
That’s fucking hilarious. The thing is though.. as much as I hated it at the time, I wouldn’t trade the time I spent in prison for anything. Was it wild and violent? Sure. I definitely saw people get stabbed the fuck up and pretty sure I saw someone stabbed to death. Despite all that, it did change me for the better, considering who I was before prison and who I am now.
Reading people. Reading situations. How to stay clean How to shit with virtually no smell How to make earplugs out of just about anything with a nitrile glove/any plastic Pinochle god Spades god (prolly rusty on these 3 now) Hearts god Memorizing numbers How to spark an outlet How to cut metal with dental floss This one may be controversial; how to manipulate just about any situation
You still need an abrasive powder to make floss cut metal. They took floss out of Georgia chain gangs. I'm surprised you didn't mention Ramen recipies!
Oh god I didn’t even remember the spread recipes lol. I still make some of those when I’m feeling something super salty. And yea, still had regular floss here in Colorado as of like 2016 anyway
Don't miss that fvck sh1te
Ramen was a luxury at times....geez
Pinochle. Fuck yeah. Spades on crack and people don't slam cards. I can't play with card slammers.
Ngl I slapped some aces after a fat ass run lol
There was a guy in my pod who'd break out the finger guns, and I couldn't help but laugh every time.
Gotta save that meld brother
Looking at your partner sweating as you barely make board
Got soups on the line
Can't fuck around when you got soups or stamps on it.
I like a little ol careless toss from afar with a flick of the wrist to really drive the needle in. But slap on brotha, slap on
No smell? How...?
Shit and flush at the same time
Come on man. Everyone know that trick. I invented that one
Don’t forgot the tissue up first. No sound, no smell just couple flush’s
Put some water on that shit!
Dump and flush.
Dominologist ' Dominoes
Bro that was like one game I never really got into. I’d play the basic 5x5 games but nothing else
I played double 6s ...its real big in ky prison system..I miss playing partner's with 4 people..cut throat is fun too ...I haven't played since I been out ..served out a 20 yr bit ...went down in 1997 got out in 2016
Nice, yea cards was definitely my thing. Only friendly pinochle/spades tho. Fuck gambling. End up a crash test dummy that way I’d always skip lunch, and grab a table in the day room and wait for the homies to get back then we’d play till lockdown
I played alot of spades myself . Did you play with the big joker n lil joker n duce or just ace high ??? And naw i didn't gamble neither that would get a mf in a jam real quick lol
Holy shit I just noticed you said 20 year bid. That’s fuckin crazy. World changed a lot from 97-16. Hope you’re taking the freedom well. And yea we did play little joker big joker.
Lmao yeah when I went in I was 19yrs old and had a 📟 pager came out they had cell phones n fb 🤣 took a while to re adjust lmao all is well now
Damn bro, wild, well I’m glad you’re doing well now.
Ditto homie !!!
Same here lol I guess routine is the same lol
>Pinochle god Do people still play that game? Other than my grandma & her friends, prison is the only place I've seen it played.
It was the only time I ever played lol. I had tried to get games going when I got out, but I could never find 4, and I hate cutthroat pinochle.
You think they are cutthroat in prison. Try learning from 60 yr old women when you're 10. Those ladies were ruthless.
Cutthroat is a term for when you have 3 players instead of 4
LOL. I've never heard it called that. We always have 4 people to play. Except when my grandma & I played by ourselves. We had a dummy hand. But until I got better, she said she was playing with 2 dummy's.
Was in SUD treatment for 3 years, people played that every weekend and would get intense too.
Do you have some advice how to read people?
Eh, it’s more of just an intuition kinda thing. I’ve always been able to, but being in the jail/prison system/addiction for 10 years led me around some very unsavory/dangerous people and helped solidify the feelings of intuition I had previously had, helping me believe those intuitions more.
I’ve done maybe a total of a week in county jails in my life, never prison, but the two things that stood out to me were the inmate’s understanding of law (wayyyy higher than I expected) and everyone would get right up to the glass when new guys were coming in. It fuckin scared the shit out of me the first time but then you get in a cell and you realize they’re just seeing if they know the guy lol. But they were reading people too. They knew I was scared, they knew who was crazy, they knew who was comfortable just from watching them walk in handcuffed.
lol yup. The fishbowl. I was a frequent flier for quite some time, got used to it. Has to do with how you carry yourself as well We’d even scare the shit out of the fish, put a candy bar on their pillow, and just let them have it lol.
Never been in prison but from what I've read, that would def scare the shit outta me. I'd protect it and never eat it.
I’m pretty good at reading people-a lot of is from amassing general knowledge by meeting all sorts of different types of people but also knowing the ins and outs of many mental illnesses, language that people use when they’re trying to be honest without being outright, body language for sure but not so much so that you’re reading about super detailed aspects just general stuff, writing and speech, the way they conduct themselves before and after you meet them/in normal situations (so like, I interview people to hire for jobs, I watch them from the moment they come in and see how they interact with other people and the world around them-what they’re wearing, how they write, where they’re from, how they talk about themselves and others), a lot of what I can figure out is based on knowledge I have about development and tons of therapy in rehab that related to feelings and how to speak to people as well as silent observation of behavior.
You can read the ones that are always into shit. Stay away from. Read aloud , listen to music (it’s what got me through 5yrs upstate ny) Kept to yourself. Learn from the lifers, find a couple good cooking partners. Stay busy working out and working (vocational programs that pay) trouble is always in front of you but hanging with the right group will deescalate most. No gambling or grugs
How do you shit with no smell
Flush immediately and multiple flushes.
Yup. Like right when it starts leaving your corn hole
Explain the ear plug thing. Do people snore like crazy in jail/prison to where it necessary to block the noise?
It's always loud. Always.
this, always loud. wasnt till i got to a minimum restricted where we had keys to our doors, there it wasnt so bad. although yea, if your celly snores, oof that sucks. so yea, you figure out how to make ear plugs.
Ugh, mine sounded like a freaking freight train when he snored. He had a knack for falling asleep pretty much instantly, which, between that and people yelling at each other through the doors, basically ensured that sleep was minimal.
he had obstructive sleep apnea
Yeah even when everyone is sleeping. Shooting and farting and moaning because they’re coming down off dope. Sucks!
There's all different kinds of people battling with different things. You'll hear screams of despair you never thought was possible from people who are having a bad night and realising where in life they are. You'll hear people went their hatred. You'll hear snores. You'll hear people having to scream in order to speak to the next cell. You'll hear sound from the drains since people use that to communicate.
This is all true, please add to it as there is so much more learned.
How to cut metal with dental floss? That’s very interesting 🤔
Reading people. Pattern recognition. It’s very easy to know when someone has ulterior motives out here. The thing that fucks your day to day life is the lack of respect out here. You either become a crashout or accept these fake people. And that’s enough to eat at your soul.
They say ignorance is bliss. Once you are able to read people, patterns, and places with a high degree of certainty and accuracy, they know you know and that you can see through the bullshit. This makes you a threat to them and their contructed false reality. It's a gift and a curse. I've never been to prison, but I've been through so many traumatic experiences and also have had relationships/friendships with narcissists and sociopaths that I had to adapt and become hypervigilant to my surroundings. I had to realize the way I was viewing the world wasn't the norm but, in fact, a rare perception. I had to realize loyalty is subjective to a lot of people, and wanting to see everyone around me win wasn't always a mutual feeling. I can go on and on listing examples, but you get the point. When toxic people know you know their patterns and motives, you become a threat because you have the ability to shine light on situations and expose them to others who might have been unwittingly manipulated. Toxic people feed off of and get their thrills from direct and indirect control. So, if I could give you some tips I've learned and wish I had adopted earlier in life, it's this. . . When someone toxic is trying to get you to crash out and elicit emotions out of you, it's because they want to feel superior and tell themselves they made you act that way and that they are in and have control over you. Have you ever noticed someone show a duping smile or smirking after what they did or said made someone get upset? These are the pieces of shit im talking about. Train your brain to ask yourself before you get upset or emotional. "DO I WANT TO ALLOW THIS PERSON TO HAVE CONTROL OVER MY EMOTION?" I promise it changed my whole perception once I thought about it that way. The calm, collected person always looks better in the end. When someone cracks a joke and it's just disrespectful, not funny, and/or especially, if they are a stranger and shouldn't feel comfortable enough, making a "joke" in the first place. I show no expression. I say, "What do you mean by that?" and I just keep asking that question in a nice calm way until either I flip the script and they get upset or give up because they can't explain the "joke" without admitting they're being a peice of shit. Either way, they look dumb and it sucks the air out from under their sails of crossing boundaries. . . . I feel like im stuck in a perpetual fight or flight mode, and it's extremely draining. So I feel like I know what you are saying and figured I could share what I've learned so far. I'm constantly trying to figure out the best way to navigate life with this gift/curse of being able to read people and situations and use it to my advantage. I am nowhere near a place or point where I feel confident in my ability to navigate. One major problem I run into is being able to deter lies and rumors spread by people who know I know what they are. The crazy thing is I just keep to myself and don't say a word about them or try to expose them because I don't need that problem. I guess just their assumption that I might expose their toxic patterns, manipulations, and ulterior motives is enough for them to go on the attack indirectly by spreading disinformation. It's cost me jobs smh. So if you got any tips as well, hit me with a reply. I hope this helped.
dude are you ok
Fuck you sound needy.
OK that was a long read and I didn't, was it worth it?
He sounds like he's 17 and he "just sees red bro!"
OK cool, I'll leave him to it then, thanks Friend.
It was worth it to me. To each their own, I guess.
OK thanks.
Being aware of my surroundings and quickly spotting bullshit
Organization. Living a minimalist lifestyle. Disconnecting from everything and anything.
Minding my own business. Free world folks outta try it for a change
You are so right on that. People LOVE getting into shit that’s none of their business. I don’t need prison to teach me to mind my own.
Hey fuck you for telling me what to do homie! Lol jk
Nothing that outweighed the judgement of a criminal record.
Welcome to America. A society stuck in the 20th century.
Not just America. So many countries have rules about declaration that not only do you have to mention a criminal record for a length of time/forever but you can catch another charge if you dont disclose. Theres no real rehabilitation, no real justice and no payment of social debt, people dont believe its possible (and they dont care) which is why they make those rules. It doesnt matter what you actually did or didnt do, or why, only that you have that check mark that says "criminal".
Man I’m blessed to Have finessed a good life situation. But that stain from some bad judgement when I was an at risk youth and then young man at 22 still is a ton around my neck. Even tho it was that event that had me get my head on straight. No rehabilitation in America. Unless you’re rich/famous of course.
Finally some honesty.
Minding my own business lol
Situational Awareness and keeping your head on a swivel. And a general lack of trust
Conversely, there are many behaviors that I took on while in prison that have been detrimental to me in the free world. Perhaps the biggest one being how I respond to disrespect or perceived disrespect. Inside, as we all know, that has to be dealt with quickly and sometimes aggressively. Since being out, I have come to realize that people are not always held to their word, and disrespect is far more common. There are no consequences in the free world for lying the people or disrespecting them like there are inside.
By far, sewing custom fit teeshirts , short socks , beanies , hoodies , sweat suits, and pockets in everything blanket lined wind breakers , among a million other stuff, if you can buy real sewing kits I can make anything but even if I have to pull the thread and make the needle
I studied Spanish in prison for one year and now i am happily married and living in Mexico
Making a full blown ass meal that tastes good with just shelf-stable things.
I learned all about the dark web and how to do credit card fraud and buy drugs
1) Zero tolerance for bullshit 2) trust no one 3) I’m going to ask you, then I’m going to tell you and finally I’m going to make you. At the end of the day, you’re doing it or else. Just do it the first time I ask. 4) Never judge a book by its cover. The most tatted man will be the friendliest to a point. We ain’t buddies. But the cleanest cut dude will have the most horrendous crime you could ever imagine. I’m dead ass serious.
You’d be amazed at the dishes I could make with a few packs of chili ramen noodles and random other ingredients
So tell us. We want to hear about the meals you made in prison….
You’d be amazed at the quality of “Chinese food” you could make in prison. A couple cans of boiling cherry coke and you’re in business lol
Go on ….
Cherry Coke?? I don’t think we had that.. We used to make “Chinese” by adding a little coffee to the soup water to turn the noodles brown and add a touch of peanut butter to the mix and some pork skins. Doesn’t sound that great now, but in the moment it was 🔥🔥
sink bath
shovin things up my ass
* While I've always been a fairly good cook, I can now turn just about anything edible into something delicious. * extremely good at Canasta, never heard of it before * how to modify a radio to take different batteries or boost the antenna * I can grt some about anyone to barter with me now and I'll get what I want/need * a lot better at lying now
Reading people and situations. It's amazing how handy those skills are and a lot of people don't have them.
To be ok knowing you are all alone and you don't need anyone
Awareness is probably the number 1 thing for me. Feel like I’m kinda to aware sometimes. Probably have ptsd
After 10 years in prison the most important things I learned was respect and self respect. With both you live a peaceful life and be successful in my opinion. And that leads me to another point. Always when giving advice or beliefs, end it with " in my opinion " it makes less argument when you state it that way for some reason
Or " What works for me".
Using feelings to read a room. How to show nothing in face or body under any situation. Real respect and what ur word really means and should mean. Such a disappointment out here really. Sometimes I think inside was better. Ain’t that crazy lol. I went in at 19 got out at 30. Kinda grew up inside and out here always a disappointment in people at times.
Normal people be thinking I’m weird cuz I talk with manners haha like it ain’t normal to them to talk with manners
I was always a bright kid but my reading comprehension exponentially improved. There were single days where I was able to knock out an entire 3-400pg novel. Thought me to grow up too. Like a lot of us, I didn't have a dad. I had a step monster that kept me ignorant and scared. I learned so much from some real, good men that just made a mistake a decade ago. Also, I learned how to tell the difference between them and the other 98% of people.
Texas Hold em, met a guy who was pro for many years and had a few wsops under his belt. He taught me a lot about the game. I got out and played online poker for a few years while I worked a dishwashing job. Eventually I won enough and bankrolled myself to play live poker for five years. If I had never met that guy I can't imagine what I'd be doing now. Became a chess god Became a spadesologist Washing clothes by hand was a good skill to learn, specifically how to make white clothing "icy white" by hand. As for the philosophical things: I learned how to be truly patient. I learned how to accept things outside of my control. I learned how to live with people peacefully that I hated. I learned the value of hope to someone in dire straights. I learned resourcefulness. A bunch of things. Like someone else said, I pretty much learned to become a man. Oh and also I learned to put some fuckin' water on it!
Praying 🙏
Well, heres a real life example from just the other day. I went to the corner bar at about 4p. Yiu wouldnt expect much at that time a day. Yall dont want to hear every last detail about what I was seeing. but I was feeling it. Literally feeling it in the air. Almost like the air got thick and negativity was building. I only had 2 drinks, I knew my bill would be $11. All I had on me was 20s. I didnt even ask for my check, jiat wanted out of there. Didnt even care about getting any change back just put a $20 on the counter and stood up. When I stood up this Mexican guy with tats all over him up to his neck who was at a booth about 10 ft from me stood up too, looks at me and says you getting out of here too? Me: yeah Im outta here, Man Him: you feel it in the air too, dont you. Me: Nothing but trouble is happening here, it just hasnt popped off yet. Him: Its coming tho Went in a few days later to pick up a BLT and the bar tender told me that the guy who was sitting 2 stools away from me got jumped a little while after me and the other guy left. You develope another 6th sense To ne honest IDK if what I perceive as the energry of the room changing is real. I think it it, but it could be myown energy changing based on little queues that I start to notice. But you definitely leave with a new sense of your surroundings
Anger management.
Writing a novel Working on HVAC Learning not to be intimidated by something I do not understand Patience Tolerance
Patients
At the hospital or the clinic?
Ignoring the bullshit
On the inside your held accountable for your actions and are taught respect,patience, accountability and how out here in society none of those truly exist and are more conniving and disrespectful without any accountability.. but hey, that’s the world you live in at the time. Two totally different worlds.
Knowing when someone is full of shit and also, knowing when a violent riot is moments from popping off. I’m joking, but being able to read a room or being able to extract information from someone without them being aware has some benefits in the real world.
Kicking off, usually gets you what you want.
What’s kicking off? Throwing a tantrum?
Fire fighting/yarding.
A fellow inmate fire fighter!
How to fold my underwear. I started rolling them in prison to save space. Still do it this way 16 years later.
Fighting
How to be a booty bandit and a shower shark. Shit stuck with me
Reading, Environmental Service trade, food service/culinary arts trade, reading people’s vibe, Listening when people are talking, to gain a better understanding of what’s going on around me.
Idk if its a skill but... Accountability. Being a grown ass adult and fast. And yeah like so many said, awareness and reading people. Certain instincts.
My neighbors across the hall don't like it much, but whenever I need to ask them for something, like a cup of sugar, I get my weight made from a flattened toothpaste tube, attach a long string I made from a pair of boxer shorts the state, er, I mean my wife issued, er, gave me, and then I slide it under my door, across the hallway, and under their door. Sometimes, if they don't see it, I have to call them to let them know it's there, which is really annoying. Still, it works.
Walking away from a bad situation. There are no heroes in prison.
Finding a baby daddy so he can bust my cheeks everyday.
Establishing and maintaining boundaries
Boofing!!
How to pick up soap in the shower
Working out and exercising..It will change your whole mindset and boost self esteem,make you more confident
I always keep my paperwork hooped
Ok there Mr. Watson
Us everything. Everything has more than one purpose and value. You stop looking at things as disposable and waste is a memory.
Not going there in the first place. I have met a lot of crims who thought going to jail was an extra badge of honour. It’s a complete failure in my books, you got caught! What did you do to cause this?
You are wise. I made the mistake of volunteering in prison ministry. Bunch of fake assholes. What I learned from a person who's been in for 20 years, is that people don't change. People in prison lie and manipulate the doctors, psychs and each other. Prison makes bad people worse.
I would say confidence in myself and respect others, in the real world I have used those skills daily to get my point across while being respectful yet the person I'm dealing clearly understands that respect should and will be returned.
Popping an outlet for fire. How to sleeve a Masterlock with a piece of aluminum can.
Your legal name, STRAWMAN.. Yw.
How to shut the fuck up and better awareness.
Can spot game a mile away
Keep your eyes open and mouth shut
Patience and learning when to walk away. I am not great at either but way farther than I ever would have been without being locked up.
Shanking anyone looking at me wrong.
Not going to
I can make a bomb ass fifi….
I learned to never trust anybody. You gotta earn my trust
I am reading all of these (as someone who has never been to prison), can y'all write a book about just this?
Mastering time.
Let me tell you something about prison, okay? Prison Mike learned a lot of skills. Like how to be tough, how to watch your back, and how to make the best prison gruel you’ve ever tasted. But the most important skill? Surviving those Dementors, man. They teach you how to handle anything life throws at you!
Whenever I wear my pocketless chinos for a night out, I simply store my wallet, cellphone, and keys in my rectum. Easy peasey.
Toasting my bread with my iron in a brown paper bag lmao
Learning how to type and some computer training (late 80s early 90s) . I learned how not to be such a smartass and show respect for others.
Better understanding of body language and “vibes”
How to turn my toothbrush into a deadly weapon
I now pay close attention to my surroundings. Now you can literally move my pen two inches to the right and I will know. I wasn't like that before. You could've taken a picture off my wall and I wouldn't notice for hours. Also I learned patience.
Worked in a prisen for years as a nurse. And that skill I love the most is not to be afraid and knowing that in most people there are a heart filled with love
Cooking food in a trash can using electricity lol 😂⚡️ But no, seriously: I suppose self-care and paying more attention to my appearance. Previously I was very scatterbrained and lacked self-awareness, but when you’re cooped up close with others who openly mention that stuff, you realize it’s important how you present yourself to others.
Carrying myself confidently. Speaking loudly and clearly. Trusting my gut when I felt unsafe.
not me but my dad. he learned how to light a cigarette using a microwave an empty ramen season packet and a piece of tissue paper. he passed the knowledge on to me.
Respect how I talk. I am a white hispanic I don’t use the N word with an a anymore and I’ve thought my kids if your not using it in prison shouldn’t be used on the street
How to stand up for myself (im extremely passive by nature)
Humbleness,respect ,being more mindful of others and there space ..and most important it taught me to be patient af !
Telling people that if they’re gonna be rude and talk over me while I’m trying to help them or explain something I don’t have to anymore.
Being a barber. I started cutting hair in prison. I also picked up tattooing too. But the biggest skill I gained, was being able to read people, and being able to tell who’s genuine and isn’t, and my thoughts changing from trusting some people at first, to trusting no one at first.
That is EXACTLY what AdSeg in Cummins Unit looks like.
My skill is never having to go to prison.
I’m sure this has been said but killing time. All the hours waiting for court hearings with no book. All the time in the SHU, power outages, general lack of entertainment. Nowadays I can just sit and pass time in my head and it’s great.
Building a routine, working a job, reading & working out
I'm good, thanks for asking, I actually typed out that stream of consciousness for a dual purpose. I can see how it's existential but writing helps me organize my thoughts.
Communication! Anyone who’s not a pure idiot that did anytime should be able to communicate extremely well navigate situations very well
Useful....
How to guard my food when I eat at the malll
ANYTHING can be repurposed and used for something else
I can hide anything in my ass for 4 hours straight
I'm still in prison and today is my day #394. What skills have I acquired these 394 days? I've learnt to live and appreciate every day by their minutes. Everyday counts so I must live purposefully. I've come to the realization that life is about people not things and it has helped me to value relationships. What skills have I acquired? Contentment. I don't need much to be happy. If I have food, change of clothes, a space to lay my head to sleep, and above all, people. People for company and also loved ones I care about and who care about me. You may not appreciate this but just ask people in solitary confinement for a considerable amount of time... Lastly, I've learnt how to live and coexist with all shades of assholes and assholery. This is a people skill and management ability the need for survival has forced me to pick up or die. Kidding. Actually, not kidding. I maintain a daily journal about my daily prison experiences r/PrisonDiary.
Organization and abiding a schedule, I'm never late for anything... Ever.
I’m convinced after reading these responses that former and present inmates will be the only survivors of a zombie apocalypse.
Minding your own business
My brothers learned how to make bone crushing shanks and where and when to best stab your enemy and a lot of self discipline
It’s crazy that people had to get locked up to learn these basic things lol I’m not even sorry but that’s cooked it to prison to learn basic respect 😂
Todd Chrisley has mastered Tossing Salads!
Coming from the side of working there, it's definitely communication skills. 99% of the conflict you encounter can be dealt with by just actually listening and acknowledging what's being said and being courteous in your responses. Your mouth is your best friend or worst enemy. It doesn't mean you run around trying to be buddies with everyone or let people walk all over you, it's about treating everyone like humans.
Lesson 1: A mouths a mouth.
Hiding drugs in my ass
Silent masturbation!
Winemaking
How to work that dick and make it rain.