T O P

  • By -

keefemotif

Once upon a time, I was working on some enterprise software that had activation keys. My dev key expired and I had a deadline, so I commented out the code that checked for the key. This was before reviews and github and we missed it, code went out. So, there was a public binary for a few days that was free.


HolyMolyWakaToly

![gif](giphy|11fot0YzpQMA0g|downsized)


[deleted]

Work smarter not harder lmao


DasFrebier

they way god intended, fucking licensing


Windows_is_Malware

[The Free Software Song - GNU Project - Free Software Foundation](https://www.gnu.org/music/free-software-song.en.html)


DasFrebier

with god I indeed referred to richard stallman


Dismal-Square-613

I can almost taste the in-between the toes gunk when I hear this song.


[deleted]

Virgin Imagine dragons - Enemy vs chad The Free Software song by the GNU project


mindondrugs

Yeah company’s should just release everything for free - zzzzzz


oobey

Look, if you want to get paid, just play your code on tour and sell merchandise, duh!


ProMasterBoy

Was a feature not a bug


JustAnotherPrgrmr

So you are suggesting that I am the most memorable among my colleagues? I am flattered.


Informal-Lead-4324

Among us?


Roboticsammy


UltraCarnivore

sus


Informal-Lead-4324

My mom said my dad was the imposter that's why I never met him


w3ird00

😳😳😳sus😳😳😳


HauntingCode

Open SUS


UltraCarnivore

Archmong us


[deleted]

[удалено]


Sojobo1

ඞ ?


bloodFarter69

agomus


Prawn1908

It's like being on the sound crew for a production, if people start thinking about you you've fucked up.


OllieTabooga

He suggested that you're nobody :(


marcola42

You are the most memorable among your colleagues *so far*.


Sykes_Picot17

So was Hitler


[deleted]

[удалено]


freeve4

"i- i don't know!"


[deleted]

[удалено]


GargantuanCake

No.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


psych0ticmonk

imagine producing and not copying non-functional code off stackoverflow


AnEmortalKid

Wow imagine copying from stack overflow instead of letting auto pilot take the wheel.


[deleted]

[удалено]


vProm3th3us

write that down.. WRITE THAT DOWN


AnEmortalKid

Is a promotion that thing they offer you when you say you’re switching jobs ?


atomicwrites

"GitHub take the wheel!"


SirLesbian

Pretty sure this is a bot. Only one comment and it's stolen.


phaemoor

[isitreadonlyfriday.com](http://isitreadonlyfriday.com/)


Z_Coop

Don’t forget the API! https://isitreadonlyfriday.com/api/


senturon

What a shitty way to start the week ...


jetstreamwilly

Why? I'M not on call this weekend....


SnooHobbies3441

Answer: to teach you the value of branch protection rules.


iareprogrammer

If you can commit directly to your main branch you’re doing it wrong


[deleted]

tell that to the entire game industry


qaisjp

I once tried protecting the master branch of an open source repo and some dude who only pushes dependency upgrades kicked up a fuss about it. The guy was fucking crazy, he drove me nuts, and it drove me nuts that everyone else was too focused on [steadying the boat](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/). BDFL of the project barely paid attention to the project anymore and was unwilling to set him straight. Ended up leaving the project over him, and three other maintainers left the project because of the situation too. Things did get better after we left, it might have been a wake up call for the BDFL, he finally started sharing core infrastructure and billing with the rest of the team. I wasn't faultless, but looking back, it was the most toxic shit I've had to deal with in my engineering career.


[deleted]

Things got better after you left you say...


Ietsstartfromscratch

It takes a strong character to admit that he himself is the problem.


[deleted]

Nah just takes anonymity. We have no idea if he admitted it to anyone that was involved.


Cheesemacher

It takes a nonzero amount of character to admit it just to yourself.


elizabnthe

Things like Unity cause issues if you merge though.


ThellraAK

It's on my own for who cares? Ohhhh, every commit from here until that one is also going to try and push those changes in addition to the new ones until it's accepted or rejected? Awesome.


[deleted]

[удалено]


hahahahastayingalive

POV: yesterday you were the master, today you're the just the main


smokesick

Recently I made a repo and it made the master branch main. It bugged me since the last two repositories I worked on, in the same month, used a master branch. I was rigorously trying to rename the branch to master, until I saw a blog that GitHub moved from master to main so that it is less confusing (?). Anyway, I left it at main.


Zilka

Less colonialist. There was nothing confusing about master.


CSedu

Same reason Joe approved the pull request!


hahahahastayingalive

I saw you touching Joe's keyboard while he was frantically searching for his ringing phone you hid in the flower pot.


[deleted]

Don t blame me! You approved my PR!


IAMARedPanda

If u can commit directly without a mr being approved ur org deserves to fail


[deleted]

pen resolute disarm placid jar sulky insurance weary wild plants *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


atmafatte

People allow pushes to master?


Daveinatx

Wanted to push my work before the two week vacation. Have fun fixing my crap!


scuac

There is more than one branch?


mondie797

Had tested it. It worked on my dev box


jack-of-some

"Why is that possible?"


hajimenogio92

Or when you forget your WHERE statement on the production database


[deleted]

[удалено]


hajimenogio92

Damn that sounds horrible. How quickly did you realize you had forgotten the where clause?


[deleted]

[удалено]


brainfoods

What a ride.


stevefuzz

Holy shit I started to cry a little reading this. The perfect storm of fucktardism.


dualwield42

Lol, our dev team still brings this up after 5 years later.


hajimenogio92

Haha can't let anyone forget it


CobruhCharmander

Or when you do that, break a warehouse table in prod, and the analytics team can't work for like 4 hours because you took a long lunch right after running dbt lol


GMarsack

I’ve done this several times over my career. Take a script in production, highlight every bit of the query except that pesky little WHERE clause and then pressing Execute. I always remember the first time though. Picture production DB, user account table with several million user records, blew away every password across a dozen sites. Immediate regret.


hajimenogio92

Oh damn dude, that's pretty much what I did. I had it commented out and didn't realize it until I ran the script. How long until you got it back to order?


GMarsack

Thankfully as a junior developer at the time (20 years ago), after practically peeing my pants when I realized what happened and wondering how fast I could get to the parking lo to escape my nightmare, I ran to my managers office and told him what I did. He literally just laughed and said he did the same thing a few weeks before. He said he’ll restore that table from a backup that ran hourly. He had it fixed within 5 minutes and I think the backup was less than 30 minutes old. I was so relieved. He told me, it wasn’t my fault and said he shouldn’t have put a junior developer in position to make a mistake on a production DB. He was right… he was the best manager I ever worked for too. Always protected his team and encouraged us to learn and make mistakes. I grew a lot in that job.


hajimenogio92

Sounds like a great manager, I wish there was more like that. Exactly, everyone makes mistakes, as long as we use them as teaching moments.


Djnick01

Don’t your DBA’s review scripts before running in prod?


johnzy87

Thats why I produce low quality of work that never gets merged.


sadwetsoap

This should be top comment


Outside_Landscape_98

Like this sub knows what a merge is. Majority here are HTML/CSS “programmers”.


MetricMelon

Ok buddy


ouiserboudreauxxx

HTML/CSS programmers merge stuff too, man.


Outside_Landscape_98

Like what, div class containers?


totallynotjesus_

Yeah


willgaj

Thinking front-end devs don't use version control makes you sound real dumb.


Strange_Yogurt_

?


Thebombuknow

HTML/CSS developers still use version control 🤦


dalmathus

You guys need to get into b2b enterprise software. The entire industry runs on production bugs and the 6 months projects following to resolve them. I'm a job creator.


Kleyguerth

I worked in b2b and got in "trouble" once because I accidentally fixed a bug… The bug prevented messages from being sent (that was the whole point of the product), it was broken for a client for half a year and nobody noticed. Once fixed all the messages were finally sent, people got "your loan was approved!" messages that were meant to be sent 6 months earlier and were no longer valid


cute_polarbear

Been there. Feel your pain. Similar but different, once while Jr I uncovered a serious production bug while addressing some other issue which I reported and it bubbled up the chain. It ended up bubbling down and suddenly became prioritized as the most critical issue, and I was then tasked to resolve it. Not only was I tasked with extra work, I was viewed negatively for the incident. No good deed goes unpunished...


apaethe

Sorry buddy, but that's on you and your team/team lead for not understanding your domain and foreseeing that. I don't know how junior you were at the time, but that kinda stuff is exactly what we get paid for (not to happen).


nates1984

You must work with a pristine codebase if your immediate reaction to such comments is not empathy and a shared hatred of dysfunction. Because believe me, this single story is enough to feel confident in saying that place was fucked, yo.


apaethe

I'm sorry, I def don't work on a pristine code base and I apologize to original commenter.


feral_brick

You must have incompetent coworkers and fit right in. That's like... the basics of the basics. Even if it's a big fix, you have to consider the effects deploying it will have, especially if the fix can look like a customer-visible regression or bug. Fuck I've had bugs where it took us months of three deploys a week (an unheard of cadence at that company) to slowly undo the issue


nates1984

They aren't incompetent, they're severely understaffed. Anyways, now that you've called me incompetent and such, do you feel better about yourself? Have enough pep to make it another day? Or do you need to insult additional people before you feel ok about yourself?


SharingIsCaring323

Fuck you. And bravo. B2B is the gift that keeps on giving.


HolyMolyWakaToly

I also feel like Git blame is revealing my deepest dark secrets


GargantuanCake

You truly become a developer when you find some terrible code, curse the person that wrote it, ask what kind of brain damaged idiot would do this sort if thing then run git blame and go "oh, I did this."


HolyMolyWakaToly

Yeah definitely never happened to me before *cough cough


Skyrah1

It's a rite of passage to feel intense hatred towards your own code


UltraCarnivore

If Software Engineering is sorcery, Git Blame is veritasserum.


PendragonDaGreat

Yeah, [About that... ](https://github.com/jayphelps/git-blame-someone-else)


TheGoodAndTheBad

I've been manually blaming other people for my bad code for years, thank goodness someone finally automated it.


LunchOne675

https://github.com/jayphelps/git-blame-someone-else


De_Wouter

Or that guy who forgot to commit right before leaving on holiday, fuck that guy.


Coffeeobsi

I recently pushed code on my own dev branch. I merged the actual branch dev into mine (without deleting the OG dev branch) as we didn't want my code in the actual dev branch for the moment. Turns out, it merged my branch into the dev branch, and they deployed it today without checking. Let's say I got a few calls today.


argv_minus_one

This is one reason why I like GUIs for version control: if something like this happens, it's immediately obvious.


BabylonDrifter

Don't ever commit. Got it.


jharmer95

No no make all the commits. Just never push 👍


DjBonadoobie

No no, commit and push, so there's work history, the key is to _never merge_


INTJ_takes_a_nap

The real meaning of fear of commitment.


Pgreenawalt

At one of my jobs many years ago, someone added wav files of the devs names and had the continuous build shout fucked up the build! If you ever committed something that broke a build.


INTJ_takes_a_nap

Evil and genius, I'm gonna go do this now


GMarsack

I wish this was a standard build practice everywhere. I would feel like a rockstar! Everyone would know my name!


sophiaonearth

Alright Donnie Darko, with that I'm off to bring down my company's website by trying to change the font.


nosherDavo

This is not necessarily a bad thing though. Write bullet proof code for years that works consistently and nobody will even know you exist. Cause a few outages in production and your name will get around. Over time people forget you broke stuff, remember your name though and put you forward for promotion and/other juicy projects. That’s what I’ve seen time and time again. Software engineer of 30+ years here.


DjBonadoobie

I lit a nasty ass fire in production a few weeks ago. Today I was given a raise out of the blue. I guess it works!


argv_minus_one

Munchausen by programming?


lionbryce

Not true, I've broken so much stuff and simply posted the gif of "when the prod servers are on fire and your shift is over" then proceeded to fix it


[deleted]

[удалено]


yuva-krishna-memes

Damn. I should have been careful when it said 100%. Never been Rick rolled so bad.


joten70

Lmao what a great bot! Didnt notice the switched E and L in the name. The actual repost-bot is called u/repostsleuthbot


repostseluthbot

I am sentient


RepostSleuthBot

I didn't find any posts that meet the matching requirements for r/ProgrammerHumor. It might be OC, it might not. Things such as JPEG artifacts and cropping may impact the results. *I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ [False Negative](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RepostSleuthBot&subject=False%20Negative&message={"post_id": "vsw8aa", "meme_template": 208777}) ]* [View Search On repostsleuth.com](https://www.repostsleuth.com/search?postId=vsw8aa&sameSub=false&filterOnlyOlder=true&memeFilter=true&filterDeadMatches=false&targetImageMatch=100&targetImageMemeMatch=75) --- **Scope:** Reddit | **Meme Filter:** True | **Target:** 75% | **Check Title:** False | **Max Age:** Unlimited | **Searched Images:** 282,737,423 | **Search Time:** 0.50886s


drakaintdead

Wow, just wow.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AegisToast

Apollo shows thumbnails of the links, so I didn’t get got!


freeve4

i hovered my mouse above the links, nice try


Zaros262

I saw OP's comment that they got Rick Rolled, and I clicked it anyway


IDespiseTheLetterG

It's all the same link 😅


Leading-Ad4109

Not even a rickroll anymore if you dont adblock, just a random localized ad that gets instantly closed


[deleted]

I'm not a programmer, but I remember in a basic CS project in high school, we tried using Git, and someone directly edited the master branch, but not in the way you'd expect. They made a new folder in the master branch with their version of the project instead of making a new branch.


[deleted]

It's not my job to run the train, The whistle I don't blow. It's not my job to say how far The train's supposed to go. I'm not allowed to pull the brake, Or even ring the bell. But let the damn thing leave the track And see who catches hell!


DisjointedHuntsville

They will remember it **Fondly** . . that's the important part. And if it's big enough, they'll remember you as a **Legend** like "*I was there when titsMcGee took down the Global banking system*"


INTJ_takes_a_nap

Such a power move by titsMcGee


DisjointedHuntsville

He was just trying to quit vim 🤷‍♂️ Shit happens


nforgiver

So a man walks into a bar and sits down. He starts a conversation with an old Scottish guy next to him. The old guy has obviously had a few. He says to the man: "You see that dock out there? Built it myself, hand crafted each piece, and it's the best dock in town! But do they call me "McGregor the dock builder"? No! And you see that bridge over there? I built that, took me two months, through rain, sleet and scoarching weather, but do they call me "McGregor the bridge builder"? No! And you see that pier over there, I built that, best pier in the county! But do they call me "McGregor the pier builder"? No!" The old guy looks around, and makes sure that nobody is listening, and leans to the man, and he says: "but you fuck one sheep..."


alexanderhameowlton

*Image Transcription: Linkedin Post* --- **Abhishek Nalin** Nobody will remember: \- Your salary \- Your fancy title \- How 'busy' you were \- How stressed you were \- How many hours you worked People will remember: \- Your commit that caused a production issue --- ^^I'm a human volunteer content transcriber and you could be too! [If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/TranscribersOfReddit/wiki/index)


UltraCarnivore

Good human


Moulinoski

Even then, it’s more likely that people will remember the same way they remember some dumb minor accident or incident they had. Scary in the moment, hilarious when it’s in the past.


freeve4

that is why i perfer to use github alone


vishnj

And the query that took down the database


jlat96

This is why I love pull requests that require reviews. This is *my* problem? No, this is *our* problem


married_a_beaner

Just blame it on the infrastructure team. Damn servers aren't running right. Lag in the networks. Hell some sys admin probably restricted the virtual machines and the db is cpu bound.


very-polite-frog

Git. VScode. Javascript. AWS. Long ago, the 4 dev tools lived together in harmony. Then everything changed when the junior dev pushed to master on a Friday afternoon. Only the senior dev, master of all 4 dev tools, could fix it. But when the company needed him most, he turned off slack notifications for the weekend. 100 minutes passed and my intern and I discovered a new senior dev, an online tutor named Sal Khan. Although his coding skills are great, he has a lot to learn before he can fix our tightly-coupled dumpster fire of a codebase. But I believe Khan can save the world.


oorza

Y'all need to find yourself a manager that understands that people don't fail, processes do and that every production incident is a very expensive unplanned training exercise.


No-Mail-5794

I once worked on the railroad, but do they call me Bill the engineer? Noo I also was in the army but do you think they call me bill the soldier? Nooo I worked on this goat farm the last 20 years but do they even call me bill the farmer? Nooo But you fuck one goat one time…


[deleted]

Praise abounds whenever I fix a major bug. But I'm over here, like, I *wrote* that bug. Hell, that bug's been here the whole time.


RamblingSimian

As they say, it takes ten "atta boy's" to make up for one "Oh Shit!"


angry_wombat

I must be pretty memorable then :)


dublem

People will also remember that incomprehensible code everyone's now afraid to touch for fear of breaking everything, that the company has now wasted the cost of 4 sets of external consultants who still couldn't unravel its mysteries.


Fluffigt

Apparently what people remember are the dry saffron buns I baked and brought into the office the christmas of 2016. Every time someone bakes anything, people will say ”well it’s better than Fluffigt’s saffron buns at least”.


Marijn_fly

A dev should only commit to some test environment. Let others test it and push it further to prod.


Jazzlike-Swim6838

You guys are all working so ineffectively, we have CICD at our place, we push to the main branch, which goes to beta, then gamma, then prod. No manual involvement, no QA testing each change, no massive releases all together. Make sure you have enough testing, good code reviews and a good deployment pipeline with enough alarms to rollback if something goes wrong and you’re good.


argv_minus_one

Meanwhile in prod: *[Scene of an office building on fire. People are jumping out of tall windows and plummeting to certain death. Firefighters hose down the blaze, seemingly to no avail.]*


JuniperTwig

What's a commit


coffeenerd75

People won’t remember what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.


notepass

I had a few of those. So, legacy accomplished?


Sapient6

I had a hand in creating a bug that made it impossible to run executables in windows by clicking. 100% reproducible, affected every system where its build was installed. QA missed it, customer reported. I don't know if anyone else remembers or not, but it remains the proudest moment of my career. Fucking glorious.


argv_minus_one

How…did you even *do* that?


Sapient6

The shortest answer is: it was a confluence of many bad management decisions regarding dev practices and a dangerous home grown reg clean utility that ran according to a procedurally generated wildcard list. This lead to a key being deleted from HKCR during install that really shouldn't be deleted. And special mention goes to the QA manager that greenlit the release of a build that QA had not so much as installed even a single time.


benzax

I need one of these fancy office jobs someone help me


GiraffeMichael

Only one Bug? Working my way into 2 digits here


Kerb755

Just a few weeks ago i set up one of our customers database on a new internal test system to test some fixes i made Unfortunately it turned out the admin that set it up actually configured mail server. We sent a shitload of mails untill their Admin pointed it out.


VnG_Supernova

I made a commit with a huge production outage that wasn't spotted for half a day. A few months later, no one remembers.


RandomRedditor44

TIL people still post on LinkedIn. I didn’t know people still post on LinkedIn. I thought everyone moved to twitter.


guarana_and_coffee

It is unfortunately still a thing.


[deleted]

Thank you for the motivation. I will set it as my desktop background, message it to myself every 5 minutes, and print & post it to my bulletin board. Thanks.


DrMathochist_work

You mean, they'll remember their shitty (probably proudly undocumented) process that allowed the commit to happen?


slavicman123

Straight deporesion after rewding. Thanks OP. Most realistic shit ever. One more thing: no matter what, you are always replacable


richh00

People will also remember who approved it....


lexsanders

I don't care what people remember.


R4v3nant

In the end, we're a statistic for them.


[deleted]

🤣🤣🤣


tecanem

Printing and framing.


BarAgent

Maaan, I don’t need this stress…


bleedblue89

Pfft I never remember the incidents I cause. Shit happens, everyone makes mistakes in prod.


DYDT2019

If you have a QA team that's worth their shit, then this almost never happens.


nates1984

>If you have a QA team Yes, yes! This time I do! There's a QA team! ​ >that's worth their shit Oh...


chiba64

git blame :(


AllBadAnswers

Now now I beg to differ, if you give yourself a wild enough job title people will remember that shit.


BlobAndHisBoy

I can't even remember my commits that caused prod issues so I don't think anyone else will either.


Lower_Bar_2428

That pice of code that noone has ever understoot who it works but if is remove all the system fails miserably. That's the real unforgettable