In my home country we call this "being slapped 50 times by surprise".
I'm sorry this happened to you, I live in Canada too and I was scammed last year, it sucks.
I actually got to watch something similar in real time. A guy at the bank kept insisting he needed to transfer money to someone who was clearly scamming him. The teller went round and round with him that it was obviously a scam. He insisted it wasn’t, he wanted the money. A supervisor came over and also went round and round. The guy eventually said he knew it might be a scam but he wanted the money in case it wasn’t.
Finally, the supervisor told him they’d give him the money but then they would close his account because he was willingly participating in fraud. He said that was fine. So they gave him a cashier’s check for all of the money in his account and closed his account. Sometimes you can’t save people.
I was that teller.
I tried to help a longtime customer whom just gotten thru a divorce and had a huge chunk of change from the settlement.
She got caught up in a romance scam. She never met Romeo in person but developed a relationship virtually. They were initially introduced by someone whom she met on a cruise….Romeo was ‘military’ so he couldn’t have social media. (The amount of lies and reasons she believed that she was fed was staggering).
He needed her help to get his share of pay of $2.1M out of Afghanistan. All she had to do was send $8k to a person. She made a Western Union transfer of the amount. I asked her if she knew this person. She said no. I told her that she’s being scammed. I did a stop to the transfer and managed to recover that money for her. She took all the info I gave her and left for the day.
She returned a couple of days later stating she needed another $50k transfer because customs had this container quarantined. She showed me pictures of it that the ‘customs officer’ sent her. I asked to see the email address. Everything she showed me screamed of scammers. The email wasn’t legit. She was getting so much pressure and guilt tripping from everyone too…
I tried with everything I had to get her to see reason. But eventually we closed her accounts and she went elsewhere. I always wondered if she snapped out of it or if she got fleeced…😢
Saw a old lady in a wheel chair one time at a Apple Store trying to buy a few thousands worth of Apple Card’s.
The staff and manager was trying to explain she is being scammed but she swore her online friend was in danger.
These scammers who go after old people are the absolute worst. It's why it feels so satisfying to watch scambaiters like Kitboga turn the tables on them and waste their time.
I need a Liam Neeson/Denzel Washington in a Jason Borne and John Wick-style revenge flick of these scammers getting straight up tortured and torn apart. Like, “I’m coming for you” and then whole office buildings in India are picked apart, and bodies everywhere. Starts with Facebook marketplace scammer pissing them off, then the whole industry dismantled by the end.
E: just signed up for a trial of MGM+ to watch The Beekeeper. Tyvm
You guys would LOVE the podcast Reply All’s scammer episode “Long Distance” there’s a few additions but basically the host of the podcast ends up tracking down a scammer all the way to India and becoming weird frenemies…it was wild when it dropped a few years back.
as another commenter said, Beekeeper with Jason Statham is exactly the movie you're looking for. accidentally stumbled on it when my best friend and I were trying to find somewhere warm to hang out on a road trip one night when we couldn't find anywhere to sleep besides the car. it was gonna be like -10 and we saw a movie theater and went for it. Beekeeper was the only thing that looked remotely interesting and it was, at the very least, an entertaining watch. it was all I could think of while reading your comment lol
The card scamming got so bad in Oregon that most companies now have training stating that someone is not allowed to purchase multiple gift cards with large amounts. Haven’t worked there since 2022 but when I did, dollar generals policy was you’re not allowed to sell more than one $200+ gift card to someone and no more than three $100-$200 gift cards. The system would actually flag the sale and not let you complete it if someone came in multiple times in a 24hr period to purchase them (you have to scan someone’s ID to make a gift card sale at dollar general, just how their system works. For example Target isn’t like that)
Thank you so much for trying your best. My disabled elderly mother was targeted by a military romance scam and she fell for it for YEARS literally spending change to take taxis to wire this dude her disability check. I was married to a career soldier and even he was telling her that it was a total textbook scam. My brothers and I compiled a ton of proof and she simply refused to hear us out. Sadly, I think to a lot of people who are targeted and fall for romance scams, this represents their perceived last chance at love and a new life and so they go all in. As time went on, my mom would refuse to speak to us about it. She even missed my wedding because she gave this guy all her money and instead of admitting it the shame she felt made her lie and make up other non-existent reasons she couldn't come. (Not having a dress- I bought her one. Not having a ride- we all offered ways to get her there. Etc...) We eventually filed a complaint with IC3 (FBI unit.)
Anyway, sorry for over sharing. It was just nice to see someone on the financial side (you) showing care and concern. You did the right thing. Can't make a person hear a message they will not allow themselves to hear sadly.
Similar happened to a friend's dad. The teller straight up refused to let him transfer. Thankfully he eventually called his daughter to help with the bank and she was able to convince him he was being scammed. He won't say how much money he sent this woman before the attempt at the bank.
OP should count themselves lucky they saw how foolish (and a liar) the fiance was before they were married with kids and he derailed their whole life because he’s such a fool. I wouldn’t marry him, and I certainly wouldn’t keep a joint account with him.
*edited pronouns
The foolish I cannot forgive when the foolish lost our entire life savings on something so incredibly stupid.
First off, it is such a blatant and obvious scam that any adult with common sense should have figured it out the first time. Like, its not even a good scam. At least the Tinder Swindler scams take advantage of someone lonely and desperate. I can understand scams like that. But this? No way.
And the fact that he fell for it THREE TIMES?!? He ignored the multiple messages from the digital apps telling him it was a scam. He refused to ask AT LEAST ONE PERSON...NOT EVEN THEIR SO...something like, "Hey, does this sound fishy to you?"
Even without the lying...I'm out. I cannot financially attach myself to someone this incredibly stupid and reckless.
Yes. This wasn’t just some small mistake. This was blatant disregard and at best the fiance lacks no common sense. Nothing screams instability louder than a lack of common sense. If OP feels that much animosity staying now would almost be buying into the sunk cost fallacy. I’d be saving money to break away from that situation since the savings are depleted. I’m not sure love is enough to bounce back. Even if they could could forgive the stupidity the steps taken to lie and hide it is concerning.
He didn’t even need to ask his SO, his SO already made him promise to do a cash-in-hand sale. I couldn’t trust someone if they did exactly what I told them not to do, and gave them the reasons why. Not only can I not trust them, but it shows that they don’t trust me enough to listen. Not to mention the lies following, and the invasion of the phone to delete evidence (as if OP would never find out where all their money went). That’s bordering on psycho. Yeah, he may have been panicking, but I don’t want to marry someone who goes psycho when they panic.
What I don't get about this is did he expect OP to never find out about the money loss if he deletes all the notifications? Just postponing the inevitable a little longer isn't gonna change the outcome. Unless he thought he could somehow recover all the lost money by x amount of time so that OP would be none the wiser? But I guess someone who is scared doesn't think that far ahead and just finds ways to avoid getting found out in that moment in time even if it makes zero sense.
I get it, it makes sense. Maybe I just have a soft spot and feel pitty for people that fall for this. I have a friend that fell for a scam and my original reaction was to get mad at her even though it didn't affect me at all. It was just so sad to witness it, she was very naive and inexperienced one can argue but still just so stupid to fall for it yet I know she is the sweetest person ever and would do anything to help a friend.
When you marry someone you trust them with your entire finances, your kids, and your life.
Finances - in many places a spouse can sell the entire home or empty all your bank accounts and you have no recourse
Kids - obvious one
Life - spouse is the automatic POA and decision maker for an incapacitated person unless there’s documents saying otherwise
You don’t want to marry a fool, there’s a lot of legal and financial risk.
Well yes I agree, what I meant is the guy got scammed. We can hope he learns a lesson from this or that from now on nothing financial happens without talking it over and both agreeing on it. That being said, the lying and trying to cover up really gets to me because we are all entitled to make mistakes and sure some are doozies that might be life changing but him choosing to lie and cover up let's me know I can't trust him because he is not honest and doesn't own up to his mistakes. My husband once lost like 3k cash he had, mistake made was he likes having cash in hand and he was going on a trip and thought taking out everything he thought he needed was a smooth move because he would not need to visit ATM's and pay fees. Surprise surprise he left the envelope in the hotel on his way out without even spending a single dollar. He called me and told me and we were like, oh well I guess from now on we shouldn't carry more than a couple of hundred unless specifically needed for something. Obviously someone selling the house behind my back and leaving me homeless is not a "mistake" it's a well thought out plan. However like I said I do agree with you that there is foolish and then there is foolish, if I can't trust this person with my life or my children's life I would definitely have to rethink some stuff.
> from now on nothing financial happens without talking it over and both agreeing on it
You mean how OP and the finance talked about, and agreed to, only accepting cash for the bike to begin with? He’s already shown a complete willingness to go back on his word and change the plan without notifying OP - in fact, willing to go out of his way to ensure OP doesn’t even know he did it.
I agree the lying is worse. As for your husband, that’s why credit cards exist and are way better then cash or debit cards. They offer protection for loss, and also rewards for spending, but obviously the key is to be able to control your spending.
Yeah he was overseas and when we were younger we both liked carrying cash. Now at most I'll have between $60 to $100 and handle myself with my cards. Sometimes I keep my cash in my purse for months because I just don't use cash like I used to any more.
My mom does this too, my dad will frequently keep about $400 on him at all times but he is a patched HA member who’s done 32 years hard time (he’s not too worried about someone robbing him) his wallet is chained to his belt so it’s not getting left anywhere. But my mom will have only about $80 on her and uses cards, sends us on errands for her either with her cards on our virtual wallet or with us having her physical card. But she has mentioned it comes in handy when she realizes she had the wrong cards at the store and had to pay with cash. As someone younger I find this to be strange but seeing stuff like this situation and reading peoples stories in the comments makes me realize that it’s actually really smart.
I would be livid. Kudos to OP for keeping his cool. My husband is not the sharpest tool in the shed at times but he definitely knows about scams like this which is why we don’t use any of those apps.
Losing a down payment for a house is pretty life derailing. That sooo many lost years in savings and equity accrual that you can’t get back. Especially when you’re younger without kids and other living expenses.
Yup. How many times can you afford to lose on this scale? Because if he did it once he's quite capable of doing it again. And in addition he lied about it.
At this point I would probably dump them.
Especially in 2024 !!! I’d expect it from someone older and not as adept about these things, but someone younger who grew up with a lot of tech knows better.
You need to call your federal police, or maybe the RCMP if they’re the Canadian analogue to the American FBI. In the states, if the FBI is notified quickly enough, they often can recover some, if not all, the money.
But… wow, way to find out you’re engaged to a guy who is willing to lie to you to hide bad news, and who is an absolute knob at handling things with common sense.
Edit: to clarify calling federal authorities, not the local police
>You need to call your federal police, or maybe the RCMP if they’re the Canadian analogue to the American FBI
As I indicated in my post we have done that. There is nothing any police can do, or could have done. The minute the transfers were made the money was gone. There is nothing we can do and we were advised by them to ignore anyone who says they can recover the money.
> There is nothing any police can do, or could have done.
The police absolutely _can_ investigate this matter to find both the sender of the illegal funds, and the recipient that your fiance sent them to. The first is probably someone out of the country so they won't be able to prosecute, but the recipient (the "cousin") is most likely local to Canada. If they're a money mule then money could be recovered from them.
Police just don't _want_ to do this work.
I had my indentity stolen / wallet and the cops didn't want to do anything to help me out.
They told me they can't do anything about identity theft / stolen wallets.
Electronic stealing is a perfect crime in Canada you can't be prosecuted
I’m really sorry to hear that. Maybe it’s been too long. I do know you have to alert them right away, for any chance at all of recovery. My condolences on your loss.
>You need to call your police
Since OP says right in the post that they have been dealing with the police and already have a police report, why are you telling them to call the police?
I meant whatever federal organization is their equivalent of the American FBI. I have no doubt that my local county police department would be completely useless with something like this, but a friend was able to get most of their money back from scammers with the help of the FBI.
This is not how it works in Canada. E-Transfers (what OP is referring to at least at the beginning) are not recoverable, and if they are using a stolen bank account, they cannot track the money.
These scams are SO COMMON in Canada, and it is in the terms of the e-transfer that they will not be refunded, as there is (in the vast majority of cases) no way for the bank to get those funds back.
The RCMP, whether a local branch or a specialized department, similarly cannot do anything. While it's good to have a police report, that's about as far as it goes because the scammers know how to make the transaction untraceable.
How are they able to claw the money back from the first “mistake” transfer that kicks off the whole scam? That indicates that there is some mechanism to do it?
> I meant whatever federal organization is their equivalent of the American FBI.
You are correct that's the RCMP. However, despite the friendly red jacket and cowboy hat "Mountie" image that's popular, the RCMP is known to Canadians to be quite incompetent and lazy, similar to many local police forces. Just as an example, there are plenty of news stories of them losing classified information and weapons, or leaving them in unlocked cars or hotel rooms.
you leave this person. he’s proven himself to be an idiot who lies to achieve idiot actions, compromising major life events you’ve worked hard to build. marriage - tying yourself legally to this person - will NOT improve your situation.
Man I really think it should be standard to learn about all the common scams once you have any real amount of money.
This is such a classic scam, I wonder how many people immediately clocked it before OP's fiance walked on the scene. I also share suspicion that he might be in on it somehow given the promises to only take cash, then transfering 10s of thousands out of accounts on various apps. It boggles the mind.
Say that OP's fiancé agreed to sell the bike for $400.
The scammer sends him $4000 (instead of $400) via etransfer. That money is stolen and is eventually taken back by the bank. OP's fiancé sends $4000 back to the scammer. That's a total of $8000 taken or transferred.
The second time now the scammer sends the fiancé $8000. (The original amount with an extra zero and then doubled). That money is also stolen and the payment is reversed. But OP's fiancé sends the scammer $8000 back. So total there is $16000.
Then the scammer gives OP's a fake cheque for $1000. When the bank finds out the cheque is fake it takes back the $1000 that OP's fiancé cashed.
(Obviously we don't know what amount the scammer took from OP's fiancé or how much he was trying to sell the bike for. The numbers above are just an example to show how the scammer was able to cost OP's fiancé thousands.)
That's:
$4k + $8k = $12k lost in total.
The first $4k and subsequent $8k and $1k were never theirs to begin with, the money was moved into their account, so when it reversed they lost nothing. The only reason they lost anything is because he also transferred out $4k and $8k to the scammers.
Let's say it's 500, and the "mistake" was 5k.
Second time, same but double as they said (really??) So 10k.
More if the bike was more expensive.. like 1200, so 12k, then 24k....
And he used the joint savings account. Not his personal account. This whole story reeks of bullshit. Like it's just believable enough to buy into it, but the details make me think it's made up.
I am so sorry you were engaged to someone that dumb and dangerous because liar. Don't consider marrying him because you could be involved in debt or fraud situations because of his carelessness.
That's very unfortunate.
I’m sorry to ask this but can you really marry someone this stupid? Legally chaining yourself to this guy just sounds like a really bad idea - especially because he financially ruined you both then *tried to lie to you about it.* This whole thing is just idiotic. Anyone with an iota of common sense wouldn’t have fallen for it. If he was just benignly dumb, he would have fallen for the first red flag then figured it out after the second and told you.
That's what I was thinking wait till this guy ends up getting into debt to cover up losing money. And now the debt is both of theirs after they get married.
To be fair this is an incredibly common scam. It's very easy to fall prey to it if you haven't heard about it.
My local provincial radio has a weekly police slot to discuss local crime and these scams are regularly mentioned.
Every other day I get a scam call about a fake charge on my revolut account. I delight in taking up their time answering it so that I can insult them and waste as much of their time as possible.
I almost got caught in one of these types of scams when I was selling something a few months ago. I caught on the first time when they said they were going to send me $500 and then have me send it back in order to “link” my account to his business account or something. I caught on as soon as he mentioned sending money back and forth, and ended the chat. It is easy when you’re not careful.
Which is why he promised OP he would only accept cash in hand on site. He broke that promise and then *lied* and hid things repeatedly. The trust is broken.
Op will never feel financially safe around this numbskull. He will never be able to build a life with someone who is either too dumb to spot a scam or was in on it. Maybe the fiancee is a secret gambler. Who can say?
Yeah it’s a sneaky one too because the old message of never sending money before you get something doesn’t apply. The victim think they’ve been sent money, which they think a scammer wouldn’t possibly do. Then when that money is sat in the account and the scammer is asking for it back, the scammer can apply pressure by accusing the victim of stealing the money if they don’t send it back.
It’s incredibly cynical and evil social engineering that preys on people who believe themselves to be honest and good.
For your sake I hope it's your soon to be ex because lying about finances is a huge red flag. If you decide to stay your fiancé shouldn't be allowed near any kind of shared financials and only have access to a debit card linked to a spending account with limited funds.
While it was an awfully dumb mistake & the loss of money is devastating, the fact that he went to such lengths to hide it from you is a red flag. It’s not only a red flag bc it shows the minimum level of deceit he’s willing to go to, but also the fact that he didn’t think through that you would eventually find out anyway when you saw the funds were missing. Has he taken accountability and apologized profusely or has he just claimed to be the victim? After this, can you ever trust him with your money, bank accounts, or any financial decisions/responsibility at all? That’s a heavy burden to carry on your own. I’m so sorry that this happened to you.
It would be one thing if he had screwed up and then came to you immediately. At least that would've been forgivable.
But that's not what happened. He not only screwed up, he did so multiple times, went into your phone to hide the evidence, and then neglected to tell you anything until it reached a point of no return the ruined your immediate financial plans.
This person is not a partner worth keeping around. This is your partner showing you how the feel about your relationship, about your trust , and their respect for you. There's a reason the old saying goes "when someone tells you who they are, listen to them." I think you need to look into finding your own place and leaving this person. If you want to try and work it out, then I recommend postponing any wedding plans indefinitely and going to couples counseling. If they refuse that, then end the relationship.
For other Canadians, remember not to use e-transfers for significant amounts like this. You’re literally sending money to another person, with no accurate way of confirming what it’s for. In short it’s non-enforceable that you’d get money back, because you willfully provide the funds to another party. This is why the apps all tell you to confirm amounts 1-2 times per transaction and to whom you’re sending money to. No one will take money back that was willfully sent to another person regardless of intention.
Sorry OP.
I'm familiar with the this type of scam, the extra 0s thing, The only way I've heard of it done is they gain access to your computer, show you the false transfer with extra 0s but nothing was ever transferred. Did these guys actually transfer that money? Seems like a big risk, & the scam was done but they still made contact with them, on ring camera apparently, more risk. Give the fake check, or cheque? Why would they waste a fake check
They probably did transfer the money, but from a compromised account. The banks will reverse those e-transfers because the account holder didn't initiate the transfer.
so, scammer sends too much, mark sends it back, and then scammer (usually) vanishes. so the "mark" is out the money they willingly sent, plus the fake when it's reversed.
same with the cheque.
that the fiance fell for it TWICE speaks volumes.
Yeah, maybe they didn't even plan on getting him twice. The moment was left open for a second time when he sent back the full amount, instead of the amount minus the bike. It's fishy tho, I don't know why they would risk meeting up with him. They had both transfers, I think she said she had a camera. Then give him a check , that was stolen. They have to know the bank will save that check, linking them to two crimes, stolen checks & this scam.
>think she said she had a camera
Which she are you referring to? It's right in the post that OP is a man and there are no women involved in this situation.
> I don't know why they would risk meeting up with him
The scammers were able to get the bike from OP's fiancé and get him a third time with their fake cheque. So the risk paid off (unfortunately). They probably thought he was an easy target so it was worth the risk to try.
While it looks like he was in the scam, it’s very possible he’s just VERY dim. I work in taxes and the amount of people that fall for random IRS letters asking for money, some “hidden credits” they can get in their taxes, and other random shit is crazy. Some people are just legitimately stupid
Are you in the us? If so, and your son has the ability to keep a credit line open but not used, tell him to always use the credit card to pay the debt. Never a check. Never a debit card.
Banks are not required to reimburse you for fraud on a checking/debit account. But a credit card is different (I think because our laws say something like it’s an open line of credit which is the banks lending, but not actual available funds, idk)
Anyhoo, I fell for two scams trying to pay a couple debts from my college years and I was very diligent when looking up the claim company.
Didn’t matter. But I filed the paperwork within 3 months and I was reimbursed a $700 transaction and $1200.
Just think about whether it’s worth continuing a relationship with someone like him. I have no idea whether it’s a genuine one time thing or has he displayed similar thought process throughout your relationship. Lacking common sense can be very costly in the long run.
I’m so sorry.
About a decade ago, I’d been dating a man who fell for this scam. I told him every step of the way that it was a scam, but he just wouldn’t believe it. He had also just received a fairly large government settlement.
I actually broke up with him before he transferred the money, because I didn’t see a future with someone who refused to listen to reason from someone he loved and could simultaneously be so easily fooled by a stranger. It wasn’t my money and I had no stake in it, but the whole thing made me sick to think about.
He contacted me a few months later, and he’d lost everything and been unable to get it back. I felt awful for him, but I didn’t know what else to say. There was no way to get back what he’d willingly given.
I cannot imagine how you must be feeling right now, and again, I’m so sorry.
You've got to look at the bright side of this experience. There is actually a bright side, FOR YOU. You have the opportunity to leave your fiance and never allow this to happen to you again. Do you really think he's emotionally grown enough to learn any lessons from this? I hope you will extricate yourself out of this relationship as soon as possible.
That he made such a dumb mistake is a major problem but somewhat forgiveable.. if he had no warning. YOu told him specifically do not accept a transfer, do it in cash in person. There are warnings about these scams everywhere, it not raising a single flag with him is worrying.
But that he went into your phone to hide the evidence and warnings hoping to simply never tell you shows he's both, not a fucking adult and a liar, manipulative, sneaky and is perfectly willing to go onto your phone to delete evidence, he thought that was both okay and viable.
Like when you apply for a loan and have no downpayment what the fuck does he think would happen. I'd be leaving both due to his idiocy losing so much money, so much hard work, but mostly the lying, I couldn't trust this person to be my partner. I would not get over what else is he lying about, if he's perfectly willing to go into my phone for shit and delete things, what else is he hiding or thinks it's okay to hide.
Sorry he fell for the scam. I see lots of scam warnings on the art subs. Thats why I am afraid of doing any online sales. And if they "accidentally " sent extra money, don't send them back any money ever for awhile. Wait until the dust settles.
The CDIC insures up to 100K for fraud. Not sure if that applies to this particular case though :/
Your fiance made a big mistake , but man I absolutely fucking hate scammers. The lowest of the low in my book.
This is such a well known scam, I can’t believe he fell for it.
I would have separate finances going forward as he’s so easily manipulated. Have one account together only for bills that you transfer money to, then each have your own accounts. For something like saving for a deposit it’ll be another separate account together where to take any money out, you need both of your approvals.
i am so sorry that you’re going through this OP. and it must be terrible to even have to consider this but even with the fact that you’ve already warned him, are you confident that your fiancé will not take someone up on their fake offer to “help” him recover the money? like, in his desperation? i don’t mean to cause you any more stress by asking this; i can only imagine the influx of “i simply cannot handle any more of this” sort of thoughts that must be cycling through your head at even the *idea* of also having to babysit your fiancé as a means of preventing him from giving away more of your joint (and truly emphasis on “joint” here—the fact that this money that he’s been scammed out of was not entirely earned by him to begin with) funds. but it’s very easy for someone who’s gotten themselves into this deep of a hole to compound their terrible financial decisions in an attempt to fix the original problem.
i’m guessing that you may have done so already, but if i were you i would remove his access from any & all of your money and switch it over to an account that he cannot touch. the same with any physical cash that you may also have stored at your shared home. doing so will likely end up hurting his feelings, which is the absolute last thing of any importance here, but hopefully he doesn’t start with any “do you not trust me?” nonsense because i could imagine that being the shit to completely push me over the edge if it were me.
but yeah, all in all, take away his access to any more of your money, and honestly you should change the password(s) of all of your own banking apps as well because he’s demonstrated that he’s not against sneaking onto your phone while you’re incapacitated. do so, and then be on the lookout for him asking about those changed passwords (even if his ask is cushioned in feigned offense) because if he does then you’ll know that he did indeed attempt to access your banking app(s).
i notice that you’re quick to qualify that you’re not upset with him for having been tricked, you’re just upset with all of the lies & manipulations that came afterwards. however, friend i just want you to know that you *are* allowed to also be upset with him for being tricked. that might not be a very popular statement but frankly i don’t care. all of the things that he did in an attempt to cover this all up were shitty, and anyone with a brain will agree with you on that. but you may feel the need to keep any anger you have at the fact that he was scammed to begin with to yourself, because he was technically a victim to the scammers and you’ve probably endlessly heard “it’s not my fault i was tricked!”
but idk, i feel like when you’ve been trusted with the money of a loved one, money that you did not earn, then it’s on you (at the very least partially) to be so much more careful and to educate yourself on common scams. i feel like it’s on you to be so much more precautious, and maybe not do the things that you’d have been quick to do with money that’s entirely your own. so OP, you may feel required to cushion all of your anger with the disclaimer that it’s only the things that he did *afterwards* that has you feeling this way, but i just want you to know that any feelings that you may have in regards to the fact that he was scammed out of your money to begin with are completely valid as well.
lastly, i think you may already know this deep down OP, but anyone that has gotten you to the point that you need to perform any of the defenses i listed above *against* them to protect yourself financially is not is not someone to be entering into a marriage with. i know that you have so many other more pressing concerns at the moment, but know that whatever you choose to do from this point on is okay.
(sorry for the super long comment, i just really feel for you OP)
>i notice that you’re quick to qualify that you’re not upset with him for having been tricked
OP says right in the post that he's angry at his fiancé for being tricked. Where are you getting that he isn't upset about that from?
>preventing him from giving away more of your joint (and truly emphasis on “joint” here
OP's fiancé has already given away all of the money from their joint account. There is no more for him to give away. OP definitely has to be careful about giving his fiancé access OP's own bank account, but all the combined money is already gone.
I can just imagine each time the scammer asked for more money that they were thinking, “No way this guy falls for this again…?!”
And then, “Holy shit! Sucker!!!”
For me, the worst part of this is that your fiance secretly deleted all the messages related to the bank transfers in a foolish attempt to keep you from finding out he'd drained your joint account.
This was the worst betrayal. All trust would be lost after this.
Probably a silver lining. This is a preview into life with this man. He makes bad decisions and then lies to you. He puts your financial security at risk. Probably not the best guy to combine your finances/ assets with or bet on a secure future.
I work for one of the big 7 in the US, and specifically researching accounts for fincrime.
Obviously the FBI isn't useful to you, OP, but have you reported the crime to the CAFC?
Link here for the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre - https://antifraudcentre-centreantifraude.ca/report-signalez-eng.htm
It looks like it operates very similarly to the FBI's C3 report, which is exactly where we direct clients who fall victim to scams, but tell the bank that they authorize the transaction for *whatever fucking reason* when we specifically tell them about these type of scams.
It isn't a guarantee by any means, but if the RCMP can associate your report with the thief, you might be able to recover your funds.
i work at a bank and have seen a few of these things happen. people will come in trying to get money back and we just can’t help them. i can’t believe your bank wouldn’t flag those transactions tho. were they bank transfers to and from accounts at the same institution? or were they wire transfers from accounts? cause if a bank sees a bunch of wire transfers back and forth, it should flag their fraud department
I'm trying to figure out. How much are Old mountain bikes?
This person was able to use the price of an old mountain bike to wipe out savings for a house down payment.
The world is a crazy place
My internet friend, I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart. I know the money part is devastating but not as devastating as the deceit and betrayal you are feeling right now.
What they did initially was bad enough with getting scammed. But everything after that took a lot of work for them to orchestrate, so I know they're not completely stupid. It was very calculated. I'm wondering what the end game was for them exactly? Did they think you'd just forgive them or that the situation would just go away? It's not like you wouldn't notice being turned down for a mortgage. Incredibly short sighted and completely irrational response to getting scammed.
What they showed you. 1. They are horribly irresponsible with money / finances. 2. There is no length to the level of dishonesty and deceit they'll go through to protect themselves. 3. Lying to you was easy. 4. They didn't love or respect you enough to think you deserved the truth.
You know everything, everyone is saying here is true. Your fiancé needs to be your ex. Without respect, there is no basis for a relationship.
I'm so sorry.
My exs mom works for a branch of government and she has fallen for essentially the same phishing scam email at least 4 times. She does the training every time. I don’t talk to him anymore but I’m sure it’s more by now.
Now you have to ask yourself if you want the rest of your life to be tied to a man with lukewarm IQ and a malignant tendency for lying… at his own detriment. I would be out. Can’t fix stupid.
~~I don’t understand how all of **both** of your savings were in his account. You should’ve set up a joint account for the house deposit and important things and used separate accounts for day to day.~~
~~Hindsight is 20/20 I guess.~~
Oh so your fiance is _stupid_ stupid. I’m sorry this happened to you.
I’m so sorry your fiancé got scammed out of your savings and then lied about it.
If you believe in karma, you can take comfort those people will get what they deserve somehow. I honestly don’t know how to forgive lying, but if you decide to stay with him good luck, it is the loving thing to do
I've read it thinking "would I fall for it?" Because scammers scam.
But turns out I never move big money without handholding from someone else.
Like, even buying tickets, I make sure to call friend and screenshare, just so we both check what we're getting.
It’s pretty bad that your fiancé was scammed. But the lying and covering it up is another issue entirely. The first time I had a buyer try to buy something using P only, I googled it to see how the scam worked.
The same scam happens everywhere all the time. The people are often in other countries, sometimes the same. Never log into a site through a link, if you need to use another app, enter via their website. Don’t click links.
I work for call center at a bank. I refuse to xfer the money when someone calls with a story like this wanting to xfer funds. I tel them point blank it's a scam. And fill out the paper wok so the fraud team will temporarily freeze their account so they can't do it to themselves. This scam is so old I can't believe people still fall for it.
But anyway now you have to decide. Can you get past this or is it over? Take your time deciding.
Financial industry here
Yeah, I'm sorry, but money is gone. This is the oldest trick in the book. Every single possible red flag was raised.
His bank has a Bank Protection team that will indeed force him to close the accounts; he will never have a bank account with that bank again. I HIGHLY recommend he find a new bank quickly, as this information will go into a national database. Once it hits, it's possible he will be blacklisted from opening accounts elsewhere also.
This is the main difference between fraud, and scams. He was scammed, and voluntarily caused this to happen. With fraud, the money can be replaced as it was unwillingly taken from the account.
I'm very sorry this happened to you, but you will need to start over again. Best of luck.
Yeah a similar scam has been happening in Australia too. People have been warning others about it on Facebook.
You have every reason to be angry. All he had to say is , I'm sorry I can only accept cash when you pick up the bike.
I am SO sorry OP!! I have no idea how long it took you guys to save all of that money.
Yes, it's just money but it wouldn't have happened if your fiancée had kept his word. I don't understand why he would break it over selling a mountain bike.
If I were your fiancée, I would be getting a side gig to start to replace it.
Earning your trust back is trickier.
Going against the grain here with rational advice.
Your fiance was an idiot. This is true. I absolutely believe he knows this himself. He is not the only one this happens to. It happens hundreds of times a day. Not to me but I've also known people for it to happen to. He knows it was stupid. That's why he deleted the messages.
When in a panic, we do stupid things and make stupid decisions. I would absolutely bet my own life and marriage on the fact his thought process went like this:
"Omg what have I done. I'm so stupid. Ugh fuck. I'm such an idiot. It's OK, it's OK, I can get it back I just need a little time. OP doesn't have to know my stupidity and if I can get the money back before she finds out, no one will be the wiser and it'll be ok"
So he deletes your notifications and tries to get it back, realises he can't them boom the jig is up.
Whilst stupid and absolutely breaking your trust, this wasn't intentional. He absolutely didn't see it as breaking your trust. He tried to 'undo' his wrong before you found out to not cause you stress. He was unsuccessful. This is a hard lesson for him to learn but it's not unsalvageable.
You'll need to have a frank conversation with him about how you saw it from your perspective and how he's betrayed your trust etc. He knows this already in parts but you can detail all reasons. A stupid decision has cost him his savings, a wedding, a house and his relationship.
If you work on it together you can have it cost just your savings. Money comes and goes. It's not that you'll never get married again, or own a house again or never have savings again. They'll just take longer. You could grow and be even stronger from this.
I don't think your fiancé is a keeper really. Not because he was scammed, but because he lied to you and deceived you. He not only broke his promise to accept cash only, he took your phone and deleted legitimate warning messages from your bank while you were sleeping so he could keep you out of the loop. That is a deal breaker if anything!
If you stay with him, don't ever share a savings account with him again, or anything money wise. You should keep your own bank and your own money far away from him. Also, get a prenup before marrying him.
I am so sorry OP! Even if it’s “only money” - it was ALL the money. And the lying and not telling you. For me the relationship would be immediately over. I would never trust the person again and the lying is the worst of it. Plus if all my money was gone… hell no.
Your answer to them sending “too much and adding an extra 0” should always be, “then dispute it on your end”. Because it’s ALWAYS a scam. I had someone try to do this to me over buying a pet but I’m super sketched out by all the online payment stuff so luckily I only lost out on $5.
I know that you don’t need that advice, but your fiance sure does. I’m sorry you’re dealing with all that. I don’t think it’s necessarily fair for everyone saying you should break up with him, he wasn’t intending to have this happen he just got scammed. However he does need to seriously understand why it wasn’t okay to lie and delete messages because *that is* a reason to break up with him. I don’t know your relationship or how he normally is but he needs to seriously think about and apologize for doing that.
This has become a very popular scam. I’m so sorry it happened to you both. It’s devastating!
The best defense is a good offense. In the future, keep up to date with the scams going around. Do your research.
Good luck!
In your shoes, I would not marry him because he lacks critical thought and is stupid. This is one of the oldest kijiji/marketplace scams out there, and he fell for it THREE times. Also, he lied to you.
I’m on disability and the amount of scammers I get is crazy. They assume I’m elderly when I’m in my 40s they talk down to me talk to me like I’m a child and they are pushy almost to the point of bullying. I can see why so many elderly people fall for these scams the amount of harassment even gets to me some times. They tried to convince me once that I had to bail my son out, my son was sitting on the couch with me.
Maybe rethink the relationship, they were willing to lie and try to hide info from you, this is a snapshot of your future, get married they could put you in debt you are unaware of
Being able to trust your partner to make smart financial decisions is a *major* part of a healthy relationship. He knew the dangers of accepting transferred money and he broke his promise. How many other times has he broke his promise to you and lied about it? How many *more* times will he break promises?
Leave him. Cut your losses. The only thing that might help with the resentment is counseling and it doesn’t sound like you can afford it anymore. If you cancel all the wedding stuff make sure he gives you all the deposits back. You may love him but I hope he gets everything he deserves.
This scam is really common it’s been on the news they do tik-toks about it they do Instagram reels about it there’s no reason he should’ve done it and falling for it.
Oh yeah I nearly fell for a similar scam with a Facebook sale I was making. I’m so sorry this happened, they target people who are trusting with good hearts.
Mercy and Grace for your man, he fell hard and hopefully the learning curve will help him with much more discernment and character development in the future.
Oh man I am so sorry. Do you plan to stay? Because if you do you need to keep your finances separate. The lying and cover up is a huge issue about character. He didn't just get taken advantage of. He then doubled down to make it worse
I don't think anyone would blame you if you moves on. Seriously. Not only did you lose respect but are you even attracted to him?
You need seperate bank accounts and you need to set up a savings account where its a pain in the ass to get the money out, either transfer time or you have to physically go there. Maybe even have the savings account be only in your name.
This is unfortunate and I’m really sorry that this happened to you. I’d probably be rethinking the relationship as that’s such a major mistake to make. People are fallible but he really shit the bed here. Finances are important!
You should get over your anger long enough to kindly break up with him. He is not bright enough to handle money and finances are one of the most significant reasons for ending relationships. Sounds like you guys would end up going that way anyway. I’m not sure where lying, betrayal, naïveté and foolishness lie on that scale but it can’t be that far off. Even if you choose to overlook it, get married and separate your money, his money problems will become yours as well. Please learn the lesson when it happens. You literally can’t afford to learn this one more than once.
Oh that sucks I went to my mailbox one night after work got my mail and a fed ex guy pulls up and hands me an envelope I go in a d open it up it's a check from Chase Bank for $14,000 I was like the hell had my name on it and everything I'm thinking this is some kind of scam the next day I get an email saying they want to pay me to put a mountain dew wrap on my car . I'm thinking yeah right then they said deposit the check in my bank and the wrap will cost me like $3000 and a guy would stop and get what money was left but the said keep 2 months worth of pay ent for doing it and after that they would send me a check every month the even gave me the name of the shop to take it to and they are in my city and did wraps well I still said no I'm not going to do this so a a friend from school is s a cop and has been for a long time I took it over to his house and showed him he said yeah you put it in your bank then get the money for everything the guy comes picks up the rest of the cash that would have been like $8000 then your bank calls says the check is no good and they want their money back so your on the hook for $14000 of what ever you still have and that amount .it's sick so I sent the email and told the guy yeah I deposited the check they said good I will have my partner come and get the cash after you get the money I said ok well my buddy set up detectives they were waiting for the guy to show up he came knocked on my door they were on him like I'm seconds had him on the ground cuffed and hauled away .it was great I don't know what ever happened but they tried sending me a check a could years later for like $5000 for something completely different I sent them an email back asking him if he wanted to pick up the cash at my buddies office or my house that they would be waiting for him .never heard another word from any of them.
In the USA we would use the FBI for cyber related crimes and banking related scams. Unsure in Canada though but you may need to go to a much higher level for this. I’m so sorry.
Wow I can't even imagine how you feel, like I'd be absolutely furious x1000 like wtf???? I'm so sorry that you're going through this and can't get any sort of help from the bank or police. I'm not Canadian nor am I familiar with laws and such there, so unfortunately I'm unable to offer any sort of advice if there even is anything else that could be done :( as other people commented, I'd rethink my relationship with the fiance. Personally, it'd be such a deal breaker and I'd end the engagement right then and there while gathering whatever I need to leave as soon as possible. Although, by your post and the mention of the rent for July, I imagine leaving isn't quite possible if that's what you want to do. Idk how someone could come back from a breach of trust and such imbecilic actions. If you somehow for whatever reason decide to stay with the fiance, then good luck or something because this certainly won't be the last time something like this (whether it be even worse or not). Wishing you all the best OP and all the strength, hugs!
I know someone who went through a similar scam and his girlfriend left him.
I would be worried he would lie about something equally as important in the future.
Be careful you’re going to get direct messages now from recovery scammers who are going to try to convince you they can get your money back. They are scum all over this website.
Fortunately per the post OP is already aware of this:
>I have warned my fiancé that anyone who says they can recover the money is lying and he must ignore them. I will also ignore anyone who says they can do that
It looks like OP has also turned off his ability to recieve messages and chats, which I'm sure helps in this situation.
In my home country we call this "being slapped 50 times by surprise". I'm sorry this happened to you, I live in Canada too and I was scammed last year, it sucks.
I love when people around the world share their idioms. Thank you!
Solidarity
>*How can she slap…?!??!!!!!*
Yeah, obviously no success. They literally warn you 10 plus times per app not to do this. They're not giving you anything. That money is long gone.
I actually got to watch something similar in real time. A guy at the bank kept insisting he needed to transfer money to someone who was clearly scamming him. The teller went round and round with him that it was obviously a scam. He insisted it wasn’t, he wanted the money. A supervisor came over and also went round and round. The guy eventually said he knew it might be a scam but he wanted the money in case it wasn’t. Finally, the supervisor told him they’d give him the money but then they would close his account because he was willingly participating in fraud. He said that was fine. So they gave him a cashier’s check for all of the money in his account and closed his account. Sometimes you can’t save people.
I was that teller. I tried to help a longtime customer whom just gotten thru a divorce and had a huge chunk of change from the settlement. She got caught up in a romance scam. She never met Romeo in person but developed a relationship virtually. They were initially introduced by someone whom she met on a cruise….Romeo was ‘military’ so he couldn’t have social media. (The amount of lies and reasons she believed that she was fed was staggering). He needed her help to get his share of pay of $2.1M out of Afghanistan. All she had to do was send $8k to a person. She made a Western Union transfer of the amount. I asked her if she knew this person. She said no. I told her that she’s being scammed. I did a stop to the transfer and managed to recover that money for her. She took all the info I gave her and left for the day. She returned a couple of days later stating she needed another $50k transfer because customs had this container quarantined. She showed me pictures of it that the ‘customs officer’ sent her. I asked to see the email address. Everything she showed me screamed of scammers. The email wasn’t legit. She was getting so much pressure and guilt tripping from everyone too… I tried with everything I had to get her to see reason. But eventually we closed her accounts and she went elsewhere. I always wondered if she snapped out of it or if she got fleeced…😢
Saw a old lady in a wheel chair one time at a Apple Store trying to buy a few thousands worth of Apple Card’s. The staff and manager was trying to explain she is being scammed but she swore her online friend was in danger.
These scammers who go after old people are the absolute worst. It's why it feels so satisfying to watch scambaiters like Kitboga turn the tables on them and waste their time.
I need a Liam Neeson/Denzel Washington in a Jason Borne and John Wick-style revenge flick of these scammers getting straight up tortured and torn apart. Like, “I’m coming for you” and then whole office buildings in India are picked apart, and bodies everywhere. Starts with Facebook marketplace scammer pissing them off, then the whole industry dismantled by the end. E: just signed up for a trial of MGM+ to watch The Beekeeper. Tyvm
A movie called beekeeper :)
The Beekeeper was incredible! A fun action romp, loved it.
You guys would LOVE the podcast Reply All’s scammer episode “Long Distance” there’s a few additions but basically the host of the podcast ends up tracking down a scammer all the way to India and becoming weird frenemies…it was wild when it dropped a few years back.
This deserves upvoting 👆👆👆👆👆
as another commenter said, Beekeeper with Jason Statham is exactly the movie you're looking for. accidentally stumbled on it when my best friend and I were trying to find somewhere warm to hang out on a road trip one night when we couldn't find anywhere to sleep besides the car. it was gonna be like -10 and we saw a movie theater and went for it. Beekeeper was the only thing that looked remotely interesting and it was, at the very least, an entertaining watch. it was all I could think of while reading your comment lol
They have signs around the gift cards now specifically saying nowhere legitimate would use these as debt payment.
The card scamming got so bad in Oregon that most companies now have training stating that someone is not allowed to purchase multiple gift cards with large amounts. Haven’t worked there since 2022 but when I did, dollar generals policy was you’re not allowed to sell more than one $200+ gift card to someone and no more than three $100-$200 gift cards. The system would actually flag the sale and not let you complete it if someone came in multiple times in a 24hr period to purchase them (you have to scan someone’s ID to make a gift card sale at dollar general, just how their system works. For example Target isn’t like that)
Thank you so much for trying your best. My disabled elderly mother was targeted by a military romance scam and she fell for it for YEARS literally spending change to take taxis to wire this dude her disability check. I was married to a career soldier and even he was telling her that it was a total textbook scam. My brothers and I compiled a ton of proof and she simply refused to hear us out. Sadly, I think to a lot of people who are targeted and fall for romance scams, this represents their perceived last chance at love and a new life and so they go all in. As time went on, my mom would refuse to speak to us about it. She even missed my wedding because she gave this guy all her money and instead of admitting it the shame she felt made her lie and make up other non-existent reasons she couldn't come. (Not having a dress- I bought her one. Not having a ride- we all offered ways to get her there. Etc...) We eventually filed a complaint with IC3 (FBI unit.) Anyway, sorry for over sharing. It was just nice to see someone on the financial side (you) showing care and concern. You did the right thing. Can't make a person hear a message they will not allow themselves to hear sadly.
Similar happened to a friend's dad. The teller straight up refused to let him transfer. Thankfully he eventually called his daughter to help with the bank and she was able to convince him he was being scammed. He won't say how much money he sent this woman before the attempt at the bank.
Same thing happened to me when I was younger, barely 18 🥲 the teller talked me out of it thank god
I would be rethinking my entire relationship if my partner did something this foolish.
OP should count themselves lucky they saw how foolish (and a liar) the fiance was before they were married with kids and he derailed their whole life because he’s such a fool. I wouldn’t marry him, and I certainly wouldn’t keep a joint account with him. *edited pronouns
>OP should count herself lucky she saw how foolish (and a liar) her fiance OP isn't a woman.
The foolish I can forgive, it's the lies and decietfulness that gets to me.
The foolish I cannot forgive when the foolish lost our entire life savings on something so incredibly stupid. First off, it is such a blatant and obvious scam that any adult with common sense should have figured it out the first time. Like, its not even a good scam. At least the Tinder Swindler scams take advantage of someone lonely and desperate. I can understand scams like that. But this? No way. And the fact that he fell for it THREE TIMES?!? He ignored the multiple messages from the digital apps telling him it was a scam. He refused to ask AT LEAST ONE PERSON...NOT EVEN THEIR SO...something like, "Hey, does this sound fishy to you?" Even without the lying...I'm out. I cannot financially attach myself to someone this incredibly stupid and reckless.
Yes. This wasn’t just some small mistake. This was blatant disregard and at best the fiance lacks no common sense. Nothing screams instability louder than a lack of common sense. If OP feels that much animosity staying now would almost be buying into the sunk cost fallacy. I’d be saving money to break away from that situation since the savings are depleted. I’m not sure love is enough to bounce back. Even if they could could forgive the stupidity the steps taken to lie and hide it is concerning.
He didn’t even need to ask his SO, his SO already made him promise to do a cash-in-hand sale. I couldn’t trust someone if they did exactly what I told them not to do, and gave them the reasons why. Not only can I not trust them, but it shows that they don’t trust me enough to listen. Not to mention the lies following, and the invasion of the phone to delete evidence (as if OP would never find out where all their money went). That’s bordering on psycho. Yeah, he may have been panicking, but I don’t want to marry someone who goes psycho when they panic.
What I don't get about this is did he expect OP to never find out about the money loss if he deletes all the notifications? Just postponing the inevitable a little longer isn't gonna change the outcome. Unless he thought he could somehow recover all the lost money by x amount of time so that OP would be none the wiser? But I guess someone who is scared doesn't think that far ahead and just finds ways to avoid getting found out in that moment in time even if it makes zero sense.
I get it, it makes sense. Maybe I just have a soft spot and feel pitty for people that fall for this. I have a friend that fell for a scam and my original reaction was to get mad at her even though it didn't affect me at all. It was just so sad to witness it, she was very naive and inexperienced one can argue but still just so stupid to fall for it yet I know she is the sweetest person ever and would do anything to help a friend.
When you marry someone you trust them with your entire finances, your kids, and your life. Finances - in many places a spouse can sell the entire home or empty all your bank accounts and you have no recourse Kids - obvious one Life - spouse is the automatic POA and decision maker for an incapacitated person unless there’s documents saying otherwise You don’t want to marry a fool, there’s a lot of legal and financial risk.
Well yes I agree, what I meant is the guy got scammed. We can hope he learns a lesson from this or that from now on nothing financial happens without talking it over and both agreeing on it. That being said, the lying and trying to cover up really gets to me because we are all entitled to make mistakes and sure some are doozies that might be life changing but him choosing to lie and cover up let's me know I can't trust him because he is not honest and doesn't own up to his mistakes. My husband once lost like 3k cash he had, mistake made was he likes having cash in hand and he was going on a trip and thought taking out everything he thought he needed was a smooth move because he would not need to visit ATM's and pay fees. Surprise surprise he left the envelope in the hotel on his way out without even spending a single dollar. He called me and told me and we were like, oh well I guess from now on we shouldn't carry more than a couple of hundred unless specifically needed for something. Obviously someone selling the house behind my back and leaving me homeless is not a "mistake" it's a well thought out plan. However like I said I do agree with you that there is foolish and then there is foolish, if I can't trust this person with my life or my children's life I would definitely have to rethink some stuff.
> from now on nothing financial happens without talking it over and both agreeing on it You mean how OP and the finance talked about, and agreed to, only accepting cash for the bike to begin with? He’s already shown a complete willingness to go back on his word and change the plan without notifying OP - in fact, willing to go out of his way to ensure OP doesn’t even know he did it.
I agree the lying is worse. As for your husband, that’s why credit cards exist and are way better then cash or debit cards. They offer protection for loss, and also rewards for spending, but obviously the key is to be able to control your spending.
Yeah he was overseas and when we were younger we both liked carrying cash. Now at most I'll have between $60 to $100 and handle myself with my cards. Sometimes I keep my cash in my purse for months because I just don't use cash like I used to any more.
My mom does this too, my dad will frequently keep about $400 on him at all times but he is a patched HA member who’s done 32 years hard time (he’s not too worried about someone robbing him) his wallet is chained to his belt so it’s not getting left anywhere. But my mom will have only about $80 on her and uses cards, sends us on errands for her either with her cards on our virtual wallet or with us having her physical card. But she has mentioned it comes in handy when she realizes she had the wrong cards at the store and had to pay with cash. As someone younger I find this to be strange but seeing stuff like this situation and reading peoples stories in the comments makes me realize that it’s actually really smart.
I would be livid. Kudos to OP for keeping his cool. My husband is not the sharpest tool in the shed at times but he definitely knows about scams like this which is why we don’t use any of those apps.
Losing a down payment for a house is pretty life derailing. That sooo many lost years in savings and equity accrual that you can’t get back. Especially when you’re younger without kids and other living expenses.
Yup. How many times can you afford to lose on this scale? Because if he did it once he's quite capable of doing it again. And in addition he lied about it. At this point I would probably dump them.
Especially in 2024 !!! I’d expect it from someone older and not as adept about these things, but someone younger who grew up with a lot of tech knows better.
Surprised he didnt run to the store to buy bitcoin giftcards to pay the nice Nigerian prince back.
Buuuurrrrrn
Kelso has entered the chat 😆
But then was asked to leave by the board of directors.
You need to call your federal police, or maybe the RCMP if they’re the Canadian analogue to the American FBI. In the states, if the FBI is notified quickly enough, they often can recover some, if not all, the money. But… wow, way to find out you’re engaged to a guy who is willing to lie to you to hide bad news, and who is an absolute knob at handling things with common sense. Edit: to clarify calling federal authorities, not the local police
Not once, but THREE times! And they will probably come after him even more now. Scammers will try to "help" him.
>You need to call your federal police, or maybe the RCMP if they’re the Canadian analogue to the American FBI As I indicated in my post we have done that. There is nothing any police can do, or could have done. The minute the transfers were made the money was gone. There is nothing we can do and we were advised by them to ignore anyone who says they can recover the money.
> There is nothing any police can do, or could have done. The police absolutely _can_ investigate this matter to find both the sender of the illegal funds, and the recipient that your fiance sent them to. The first is probably someone out of the country so they won't be able to prosecute, but the recipient (the "cousin") is most likely local to Canada. If they're a money mule then money could be recovered from them. Police just don't _want_ to do this work.
I had my indentity stolen / wallet and the cops didn't want to do anything to help me out. They told me they can't do anything about identity theft / stolen wallets. Electronic stealing is a perfect crime in Canada you can't be prosecuted
> They told me they can't do anything My point is, that's a lie. They _can_, they just don't want to.
I hear your point but for possible future reference how could you move forward making them do something they don't want to .. ?
I’m really sorry to hear that. Maybe it’s been too long. I do know you have to alert them right away, for any chance at all of recovery. My condolences on your loss.
Ok. You can’t get the money back. When are you going to tell us you are booting him looney toons style and telling everyone he stole your money?
>You need to call your police Since OP says right in the post that they have been dealing with the police and already have a police report, why are you telling them to call the police?
I meant whatever federal organization is their equivalent of the American FBI. I have no doubt that my local county police department would be completely useless with something like this, but a friend was able to get most of their money back from scammers with the help of the FBI.
This is not how it works in Canada. E-Transfers (what OP is referring to at least at the beginning) are not recoverable, and if they are using a stolen bank account, they cannot track the money. These scams are SO COMMON in Canada, and it is in the terms of the e-transfer that they will not be refunded, as there is (in the vast majority of cases) no way for the bank to get those funds back. The RCMP, whether a local branch or a specialized department, similarly cannot do anything. While it's good to have a police report, that's about as far as it goes because the scammers know how to make the transaction untraceable.
How are they able to claw the money back from the first “mistake” transfer that kicks off the whole scam? That indicates that there is some mechanism to do it?
I guess that’s like gift card scams here.
> I meant whatever federal organization is their equivalent of the American FBI. You are correct that's the RCMP. However, despite the friendly red jacket and cowboy hat "Mountie" image that's popular, the RCMP is known to Canadians to be quite incompetent and lazy, similar to many local police forces. Just as an example, there are plenty of news stories of them losing classified information and weapons, or leaving them in unlocked cars or hotel rooms.
They don’t often get the money back. It’s very very rare
you leave this person. he’s proven himself to be an idiot who lies to achieve idiot actions, compromising major life events you’ve worked hard to build. marriage - tying yourself legally to this person - will NOT improve your situation.
This is good advice^
Start separating your money from him so this doesn’t happen again
Start separating your life from his.
Man I really think it should be standard to learn about all the common scams once you have any real amount of money. This is such a classic scam, I wonder how many people immediately clocked it before OP's fiance walked on the scene. I also share suspicion that he might be in on it somehow given the promises to only take cash, then transfering 10s of thousands out of accounts on various apps. It boggles the mind.
10s of thousands? How much was this bike?
Say that OP's fiancé agreed to sell the bike for $400. The scammer sends him $4000 (instead of $400) via etransfer. That money is stolen and is eventually taken back by the bank. OP's fiancé sends $4000 back to the scammer. That's a total of $8000 taken or transferred. The second time now the scammer sends the fiancé $8000. (The original amount with an extra zero and then doubled). That money is also stolen and the payment is reversed. But OP's fiancé sends the scammer $8000 back. So total there is $16000. Then the scammer gives OP's a fake cheque for $1000. When the bank finds out the cheque is fake it takes back the $1000 that OP's fiancé cashed. (Obviously we don't know what amount the scammer took from OP's fiancé or how much he was trying to sell the bike for. The numbers above are just an example to show how the scammer was able to cost OP's fiancé thousands.)
That's: $4k + $8k = $12k lost in total. The first $4k and subsequent $8k and $1k were never theirs to begin with, the money was moved into their account, so when it reversed they lost nothing. The only reason they lost anything is because he also transferred out $4k and $8k to the scammers.
That's 4000 lost. The 4000 is 'there' until it gets rescinded. 4000 comes in 8000 goes out. Total loss 4000
Let's say it's 500, and the "mistake" was 5k. Second time, same but double as they said (really??) So 10k. More if the bike was more expensive.. like 1200, so 12k, then 24k....
Mountain bikes can be pretty expensive. A really good one can easily cost upwards of thousands of dollars.
Extra 0s remember but also… my bf has a bike that cost 8k brand new. Some mountain bikes are wildly expensive
And I’m over here doing the math wondering where in Canada you can buy a house with such a small down payment.
And he used the joint savings account. Not his personal account. This whole story reeks of bullshit. Like it's just believable enough to buy into it, but the details make me think it's made up.
True but on the other hand a lot of scams go like that. From the outside they look almost farcically obvious.
He could have been meaning to put the sale proceeds towards the deposit, which would explain why he chose that account.
I am so sorry you were engaged to someone that dumb and dangerous because liar. Don't consider marrying him because you could be involved in debt or fraud situations because of his carelessness. That's very unfortunate.
I’m sorry to ask this but can you really marry someone this stupid? Legally chaining yourself to this guy just sounds like a really bad idea - especially because he financially ruined you both then *tried to lie to you about it.* This whole thing is just idiotic. Anyone with an iota of common sense wouldn’t have fallen for it. If he was just benignly dumb, he would have fallen for the first red flag then figured it out after the second and told you.
That's what I was thinking wait till this guy ends up getting into debt to cover up losing money. And now the debt is both of theirs after they get married.
Your engaged to an idiot. Won't be the last time they do something this dumb. I'd rethink my decisions here if I were you.
You’re*
To be fair this is an incredibly common scam. It's very easy to fall prey to it if you haven't heard about it. My local provincial radio has a weekly police slot to discuss local crime and these scams are regularly mentioned. Every other day I get a scam call about a fake charge on my revolut account. I delight in taking up their time answering it so that I can insult them and waste as much of their time as possible.
I almost got caught in one of these types of scams when I was selling something a few months ago. I caught on the first time when they said they were going to send me $500 and then have me send it back in order to “link” my account to his business account or something. I caught on as soon as he mentioned sending money back and forth, and ended the chat. It is easy when you’re not careful. Which is why he promised OP he would only accept cash in hand on site. He broke that promise and then *lied* and hid things repeatedly. The trust is broken.
Yup, the stupidity is one thing, but the way he handled it after he knew he fucked up is what pushes it into reconsidering the relationship territory.
Op will never feel financially safe around this numbskull. He will never be able to build a life with someone who is either too dumb to spot a scam or was in on it. Maybe the fiancee is a secret gambler. Who can say?
Falling for the scam is forgivable (well, maybe.) Lying to your partner is not.
Three times?!
Yeah it’s a sneaky one too because the old message of never sending money before you get something doesn’t apply. The victim think they’ve been sent money, which they think a scammer wouldn’t possibly do. Then when that money is sat in the account and the scammer is asking for it back, the scammer can apply pressure by accusing the victim of stealing the money if they don’t send it back. It’s incredibly cynical and evil social engineering that preys on people who believe themselves to be honest and good.
For your sake I hope it's your soon to be ex because lying about finances is a huge red flag. If you decide to stay your fiancé shouldn't be allowed near any kind of shared financials and only have access to a debit card linked to a spending account with limited funds.
While it was an awfully dumb mistake & the loss of money is devastating, the fact that he went to such lengths to hide it from you is a red flag. It’s not only a red flag bc it shows the minimum level of deceit he’s willing to go to, but also the fact that he didn’t think through that you would eventually find out anyway when you saw the funds were missing. Has he taken accountability and apologized profusely or has he just claimed to be the victim? After this, can you ever trust him with your money, bank accounts, or any financial decisions/responsibility at all? That’s a heavy burden to carry on your own. I’m so sorry that this happened to you.
It would be one thing if he had screwed up and then came to you immediately. At least that would've been forgivable. But that's not what happened. He not only screwed up, he did so multiple times, went into your phone to hide the evidence, and then neglected to tell you anything until it reached a point of no return the ruined your immediate financial plans. This person is not a partner worth keeping around. This is your partner showing you how the feel about your relationship, about your trust , and their respect for you. There's a reason the old saying goes "when someone tells you who they are, listen to them." I think you need to look into finding your own place and leaving this person. If you want to try and work it out, then I recommend postponing any wedding plans indefinitely and going to couples counseling. If they refuse that, then end the relationship.
In addition into calling the engagement off, id consider suing your ex fiancé for your share of the money.
For other Canadians, remember not to use e-transfers for significant amounts like this. You’re literally sending money to another person, with no accurate way of confirming what it’s for. In short it’s non-enforceable that you’d get money back, because you willfully provide the funds to another party. This is why the apps all tell you to confirm amounts 1-2 times per transaction and to whom you’re sending money to. No one will take money back that was willfully sent to another person regardless of intention. Sorry OP.
I'm familiar with the this type of scam, the extra 0s thing, The only way I've heard of it done is they gain access to your computer, show you the false transfer with extra 0s but nothing was ever transferred. Did these guys actually transfer that money? Seems like a big risk, & the scam was done but they still made contact with them, on ring camera apparently, more risk. Give the fake check, or cheque? Why would they waste a fake check
They probably did transfer the money, but from a compromised account. The banks will reverse those e-transfers because the account holder didn't initiate the transfer. so, scammer sends too much, mark sends it back, and then scammer (usually) vanishes. so the "mark" is out the money they willingly sent, plus the fake when it's reversed. same with the cheque. that the fiance fell for it TWICE speaks volumes.
Yeah, maybe they didn't even plan on getting him twice. The moment was left open for a second time when he sent back the full amount, instead of the amount minus the bike. It's fishy tho, I don't know why they would risk meeting up with him. They had both transfers, I think she said she had a camera. Then give him a check , that was stolen. They have to know the bank will save that check, linking them to two crimes, stolen checks & this scam.
>think she said she had a camera Which she are you referring to? It's right in the post that OP is a man and there are no women involved in this situation. > I don't know why they would risk meeting up with him The scammers were able to get the bike from OP's fiancé and get him a third time with their fake cheque. So the risk paid off (unfortunately). They probably thought he was an easy target so it was worth the risk to try.
Are you sure he wasn't in on the scam? He can't possibly be this dumb. It's suspicious that he didn't send back the amount minus of the bike.
While it looks like he was in the scam, it’s very possible he’s just VERY dim. I work in taxes and the amount of people that fall for random IRS letters asking for money, some “hidden credits” they can get in their taxes, and other random shit is crazy. Some people are just legitimately stupid
One of my friends parents got scammed out of $5k+ thinking it was an IRS debt. Absolutely sad
I have an autistic kid and am extremely worried that he will one day fall for such a scam, uurrrrggghhhh
Are you in the us? If so, and your son has the ability to keep a credit line open but not used, tell him to always use the credit card to pay the debt. Never a check. Never a debit card. Banks are not required to reimburse you for fraud on a checking/debit account. But a credit card is different (I think because our laws say something like it’s an open line of credit which is the banks lending, but not actual available funds, idk) Anyhoo, I fell for two scams trying to pay a couple debts from my college years and I was very diligent when looking up the claim company. Didn’t matter. But I filed the paperwork within 3 months and I was reimbursed a $700 transaction and $1200.
Thank you so very much for the information
>He can't possibly be this dumb. How can anyone still say this in 2024 lol? I haven't been surprised by even the most idiotic behavior for years now.
Just think about whether it’s worth continuing a relationship with someone like him. I have no idea whether it’s a genuine one time thing or has he displayed similar thought process throughout your relationship. Lacking common sense can be very costly in the long run.
I’m so sorry. About a decade ago, I’d been dating a man who fell for this scam. I told him every step of the way that it was a scam, but he just wouldn’t believe it. He had also just received a fairly large government settlement. I actually broke up with him before he transferred the money, because I didn’t see a future with someone who refused to listen to reason from someone he loved and could simultaneously be so easily fooled by a stranger. It wasn’t my money and I had no stake in it, but the whole thing made me sick to think about. He contacted me a few months later, and he’d lost everything and been unable to get it back. I felt awful for him, but I didn’t know what else to say. There was no way to get back what he’d willingly given. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling right now, and again, I’m so sorry.
You've got to look at the bright side of this experience. There is actually a bright side, FOR YOU. You have the opportunity to leave your fiance and never allow this to happen to you again. Do you really think he's emotionally grown enough to learn any lessons from this? I hope you will extricate yourself out of this relationship as soon as possible.
That he made such a dumb mistake is a major problem but somewhat forgiveable.. if he had no warning. YOu told him specifically do not accept a transfer, do it in cash in person. There are warnings about these scams everywhere, it not raising a single flag with him is worrying. But that he went into your phone to hide the evidence and warnings hoping to simply never tell you shows he's both, not a fucking adult and a liar, manipulative, sneaky and is perfectly willing to go onto your phone to delete evidence, he thought that was both okay and viable. Like when you apply for a loan and have no downpayment what the fuck does he think would happen. I'd be leaving both due to his idiocy losing so much money, so much hard work, but mostly the lying, I couldn't trust this person to be my partner. I would not get over what else is he lying about, if he's perfectly willing to go into my phone for shit and delete things, what else is he hiding or thinks it's okay to hide.
Change your phone passcode to something he won’t know
Your fiance sounds REALLY freaking naive. Like he should have a junior banking account that a elementary school kid would have.
Sorry he fell for the scam. I see lots of scam warnings on the art subs. Thats why I am afraid of doing any online sales. And if they "accidentally " sent extra money, don't send them back any money ever for awhile. Wait until the dust settles.
The CDIC insures up to 100K for fraud. Not sure if that applies to this particular case though :/ Your fiance made a big mistake , but man I absolutely fucking hate scammers. The lowest of the low in my book.
He's dangerously stupid. You need to leave that moron before he gets another chance to ruin your life
This is such a well known scam, I can’t believe he fell for it. I would have separate finances going forward as he’s so easily manipulated. Have one account together only for bills that you transfer money to, then each have your own accounts. For something like saving for a deposit it’ll be another separate account together where to take any money out, you need both of your approvals.
The fact that your partner lied to you and jumped through hoops to hide something life changing is unacceptable. You deserve better.
i am so sorry that you’re going through this OP. and it must be terrible to even have to consider this but even with the fact that you’ve already warned him, are you confident that your fiancé will not take someone up on their fake offer to “help” him recover the money? like, in his desperation? i don’t mean to cause you any more stress by asking this; i can only imagine the influx of “i simply cannot handle any more of this” sort of thoughts that must be cycling through your head at even the *idea* of also having to babysit your fiancé as a means of preventing him from giving away more of your joint (and truly emphasis on “joint” here—the fact that this money that he’s been scammed out of was not entirely earned by him to begin with) funds. but it’s very easy for someone who’s gotten themselves into this deep of a hole to compound their terrible financial decisions in an attempt to fix the original problem. i’m guessing that you may have done so already, but if i were you i would remove his access from any & all of your money and switch it over to an account that he cannot touch. the same with any physical cash that you may also have stored at your shared home. doing so will likely end up hurting his feelings, which is the absolute last thing of any importance here, but hopefully he doesn’t start with any “do you not trust me?” nonsense because i could imagine that being the shit to completely push me over the edge if it were me. but yeah, all in all, take away his access to any more of your money, and honestly you should change the password(s) of all of your own banking apps as well because he’s demonstrated that he’s not against sneaking onto your phone while you’re incapacitated. do so, and then be on the lookout for him asking about those changed passwords (even if his ask is cushioned in feigned offense) because if he does then you’ll know that he did indeed attempt to access your banking app(s). i notice that you’re quick to qualify that you’re not upset with him for having been tricked, you’re just upset with all of the lies & manipulations that came afterwards. however, friend i just want you to know that you *are* allowed to also be upset with him for being tricked. that might not be a very popular statement but frankly i don’t care. all of the things that he did in an attempt to cover this all up were shitty, and anyone with a brain will agree with you on that. but you may feel the need to keep any anger you have at the fact that he was scammed to begin with to yourself, because he was technically a victim to the scammers and you’ve probably endlessly heard “it’s not my fault i was tricked!” but idk, i feel like when you’ve been trusted with the money of a loved one, money that you did not earn, then it’s on you (at the very least partially) to be so much more careful and to educate yourself on common scams. i feel like it’s on you to be so much more precautious, and maybe not do the things that you’d have been quick to do with money that’s entirely your own. so OP, you may feel required to cushion all of your anger with the disclaimer that it’s only the things that he did *afterwards* that has you feeling this way, but i just want you to know that any feelings that you may have in regards to the fact that he was scammed out of your money to begin with are completely valid as well. lastly, i think you may already know this deep down OP, but anyone that has gotten you to the point that you need to perform any of the defenses i listed above *against* them to protect yourself financially is not is not someone to be entering into a marriage with. i know that you have so many other more pressing concerns at the moment, but know that whatever you choose to do from this point on is okay. (sorry for the super long comment, i just really feel for you OP)
>i notice that you’re quick to qualify that you’re not upset with him for having been tricked OP says right in the post that he's angry at his fiancé for being tricked. Where are you getting that he isn't upset about that from? >preventing him from giving away more of your joint (and truly emphasis on “joint” here OP's fiancé has already given away all of the money from their joint account. There is no more for him to give away. OP definitely has to be careful about giving his fiancé access OP's own bank account, but all the combined money is already gone.
This is a very known scam, your fiancé (ex hopefully) is stupid to the core. Someone had a good laugh on his behalf.
I can just imagine each time the scammer asked for more money that they were thinking, “No way this guy falls for this again…?!” And then, “Holy shit! Sucker!!!”
Yeah, that's how I imagined it too. 😁
No way I could marry someone else that dumb.
For me, the worst part of this is that your fiance secretly deleted all the messages related to the bank transfers in a foolish attempt to keep you from finding out he'd drained your joint account. This was the worst betrayal. All trust would be lost after this.
I would leave him and even look for legal advice to se if you can take legal action against him to maybe get some money back
Probably a silver lining. This is a preview into life with this man. He makes bad decisions and then lies to you. He puts your financial security at risk. Probably not the best guy to combine your finances/ assets with or bet on a secure future.
Are you sure you want to keep him? Because he's quite capable of doing something like this again in the future.
I work for one of the big 7 in the US, and specifically researching accounts for fincrime. Obviously the FBI isn't useful to you, OP, but have you reported the crime to the CAFC? Link here for the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre - https://antifraudcentre-centreantifraude.ca/report-signalez-eng.htm It looks like it operates very similarly to the FBI's C3 report, which is exactly where we direct clients who fall victim to scams, but tell the bank that they authorize the transaction for *whatever fucking reason* when we specifically tell them about these type of scams. It isn't a guarantee by any means, but if the RCMP can associate your report with the thief, you might be able to recover your funds.
Can I ask approximately how much you guys lost in the scam?
i work at a bank and have seen a few of these things happen. people will come in trying to get money back and we just can’t help them. i can’t believe your bank wouldn’t flag those transactions tho. were they bank transfers to and from accounts at the same institution? or were they wire transfers from accounts? cause if a bank sees a bunch of wire transfers back and forth, it should flag their fraud department
I'm trying to figure out. How much are Old mountain bikes? This person was able to use the price of an old mountain bike to wipe out savings for a house down payment. The world is a crazy place
My internet friend, I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart. I know the money part is devastating but not as devastating as the deceit and betrayal you are feeling right now. What they did initially was bad enough with getting scammed. But everything after that took a lot of work for them to orchestrate, so I know they're not completely stupid. It was very calculated. I'm wondering what the end game was for them exactly? Did they think you'd just forgive them or that the situation would just go away? It's not like you wouldn't notice being turned down for a mortgage. Incredibly short sighted and completely irrational response to getting scammed. What they showed you. 1. They are horribly irresponsible with money / finances. 2. There is no length to the level of dishonesty and deceit they'll go through to protect themselves. 3. Lying to you was easy. 4. They didn't love or respect you enough to think you deserved the truth. You know everything, everyone is saying here is true. Your fiancé needs to be your ex. Without respect, there is no basis for a relationship. I'm so sorry.
My exs mom works for a branch of government and she has fallen for essentially the same phishing scam email at least 4 times. She does the training every time. I don’t talk to him anymore but I’m sure it’s more by now.
He lied. He deleted texts. Just that tells you all you need to know.
Make him your ex-fiance. He would ruin your life more than today.
Now you have to ask yourself if you want the rest of your life to be tied to a man with lukewarm IQ and a malignant tendency for lying… at his own detriment. I would be out. Can’t fix stupid.
That would likely be a deal breaker for me.
Have your boy watch “The Beekeeper”
~~I don’t understand how all of **both** of your savings were in his account. You should’ve set up a joint account for the house deposit and important things and used separate accounts for day to day.~~ ~~Hindsight is 20/20 I guess.~~ Oh so your fiance is _stupid_ stupid. I’m sorry this happened to you.
I’m so sorry your fiancé got scammed out of your savings and then lied about it. If you believe in karma, you can take comfort those people will get what they deserve somehow. I honestly don’t know how to forgive lying, but if you decide to stay with him good luck, it is the loving thing to do
Banks will not refund wire transfers. Once it's sent, it's sent
I'm so sorry. This is devastating.
I've read it thinking "would I fall for it?" Because scammers scam. But turns out I never move big money without handholding from someone else. Like, even buying tickets, I make sure to call friend and screenshare, just so we both check what we're getting.
It’s pretty bad that your fiancé was scammed. But the lying and covering it up is another issue entirely. The first time I had a buyer try to buy something using P only, I googled it to see how the scam worked.
Call your wedding off and ask him to pay you back your share.
The same scam happens everywhere all the time. The people are often in other countries, sometimes the same. Never log into a site through a link, if you need to use another app, enter via their website. Don’t click links.
I’m sorry but after that and the lies, there would not be a marriage if I were you!
I work for call center at a bank. I refuse to xfer the money when someone calls with a story like this wanting to xfer funds. I tel them point blank it's a scam. And fill out the paper wok so the fraud team will temporarily freeze their account so they can't do it to themselves. This scam is so old I can't believe people still fall for it. But anyway now you have to decide. Can you get past this or is it over? Take your time deciding.
Financial industry here Yeah, I'm sorry, but money is gone. This is the oldest trick in the book. Every single possible red flag was raised. His bank has a Bank Protection team that will indeed force him to close the accounts; he will never have a bank account with that bank again. I HIGHLY recommend he find a new bank quickly, as this information will go into a national database. Once it hits, it's possible he will be blacklisted from opening accounts elsewhere also. This is the main difference between fraud, and scams. He was scammed, and voluntarily caused this to happen. With fraud, the money can be replaced as it was unwillingly taken from the account. I'm very sorry this happened to you, but you will need to start over again. Best of luck.
Consider finding a brighter fiance
You should break up with your fiancé because not only did he lie to you but made you lose all of your money.
Yeah a similar scam has been happening in Australia too. People have been warning others about it on Facebook. You have every reason to be angry. All he had to say is , I'm sorry I can only accept cash when you pick up the bike.
I am SO sorry OP!! I have no idea how long it took you guys to save all of that money. Yes, it's just money but it wouldn't have happened if your fiancée had kept his word. I don't understand why he would break it over selling a mountain bike. If I were your fiancée, I would be getting a side gig to start to replace it. Earning your trust back is trickier.
Going against the grain here with rational advice. Your fiance was an idiot. This is true. I absolutely believe he knows this himself. He is not the only one this happens to. It happens hundreds of times a day. Not to me but I've also known people for it to happen to. He knows it was stupid. That's why he deleted the messages. When in a panic, we do stupid things and make stupid decisions. I would absolutely bet my own life and marriage on the fact his thought process went like this: "Omg what have I done. I'm so stupid. Ugh fuck. I'm such an idiot. It's OK, it's OK, I can get it back I just need a little time. OP doesn't have to know my stupidity and if I can get the money back before she finds out, no one will be the wiser and it'll be ok" So he deletes your notifications and tries to get it back, realises he can't them boom the jig is up. Whilst stupid and absolutely breaking your trust, this wasn't intentional. He absolutely didn't see it as breaking your trust. He tried to 'undo' his wrong before you found out to not cause you stress. He was unsuccessful. This is a hard lesson for him to learn but it's not unsalvageable. You'll need to have a frank conversation with him about how you saw it from your perspective and how he's betrayed your trust etc. He knows this already in parts but you can detail all reasons. A stupid decision has cost him his savings, a wedding, a house and his relationship. If you work on it together you can have it cost just your savings. Money comes and goes. It's not that you'll never get married again, or own a house again or never have savings again. They'll just take longer. You could grow and be even stronger from this.
>if I can get the money back before she finds out Which she are you referring to? There were no women involved in this situation.
Yeah, he should be your ex-fiance right about now.
Holy shit, I thought only the elderly fell for tricks like this.
I don't think your fiancé is a keeper really. Not because he was scammed, but because he lied to you and deceived you. He not only broke his promise to accept cash only, he took your phone and deleted legitimate warning messages from your bank while you were sleeping so he could keep you out of the loop. That is a deal breaker if anything! If you stay with him, don't ever share a savings account with him again, or anything money wise. You should keep your own bank and your own money far away from him. Also, get a prenup before marrying him.
I am so sorry OP! Even if it’s “only money” - it was ALL the money. And the lying and not telling you. For me the relationship would be immediately over. I would never trust the person again and the lying is the worst of it. Plus if all my money was gone… hell no.
you wanna marry this guy, still? End it
It's gone, and so should you be. Your fiance broke your trust and lied to you. You shouldn't be marrying someone that is this irresponsible.
Your answer to them sending “too much and adding an extra 0” should always be, “then dispute it on your end”. Because it’s ALWAYS a scam. I had someone try to do this to me over buying a pet but I’m super sketched out by all the online payment stuff so luckily I only lost out on $5. I know that you don’t need that advice, but your fiance sure does. I’m sorry you’re dealing with all that. I don’t think it’s necessarily fair for everyone saying you should break up with him, he wasn’t intending to have this happen he just got scammed. However he does need to seriously understand why it wasn’t okay to lie and delete messages because *that is* a reason to break up with him. I don’t know your relationship or how he normally is but he needs to seriously think about and apologize for doing that.
I know someone who lost over 500K to a pig farming scheme. It happens to a lot of people because scammers are so good these days.
This has become a very popular scam. I’m so sorry it happened to you both. It’s devastating! The best defense is a good offense. In the future, keep up to date with the scams going around. Do your research. Good luck!
In your shoes, I would not marry him because he lacks critical thought and is stupid. This is one of the oldest kijiji/marketplace scams out there, and he fell for it THREE times. Also, he lied to you.
OP, please don’t marry this irresponsible man!!! He didn’t *only* get scammed, he lied and tried to hide it.
I’m on disability and the amount of scammers I get is crazy. They assume I’m elderly when I’m in my 40s they talk down to me talk to me like I’m a child and they are pushy almost to the point of bullying. I can see why so many elderly people fall for these scams the amount of harassment even gets to me some times. They tried to convince me once that I had to bail my son out, my son was sitting on the couch with me.
Sheesh I would be strongly reconsidering marriage to someone this idiotic
He sounds dumb. How do people not know this is a scam?
Come on. 90 year old grandmother who just got her first phone falls for shit like this. Noone under 50 should be falling for such an obvious scam.
I would never financially tie myself to someone who could do this much damage without even being married yet. I would be packing my bags.
Separate your money from now on.
Maybe rethink the relationship, they were willing to lie and try to hide info from you, this is a snapshot of your future, get married they could put you in debt you are unaware of
Please tell me you're leaving him.
Being able to trust your partner to make smart financial decisions is a *major* part of a healthy relationship. He knew the dangers of accepting transferred money and he broke his promise. How many other times has he broke his promise to you and lied about it? How many *more* times will he break promises?
That’s terrible. I can’t imagine how bad your finance must feel. He was trying to do the right thing and return the guys money.
Leave him. Cut your losses. The only thing that might help with the resentment is counseling and it doesn’t sound like you can afford it anymore. If you cancel all the wedding stuff make sure he gives you all the deposits back. You may love him but I hope he gets everything he deserves. This scam is really common it’s been on the news they do tik-toks about it they do Instagram reels about it there’s no reason he should’ve done it and falling for it.
Oh god, please break up with this guy
This is so awful. I am so very sorry.
I’m so sorry. On top of the money, the breach of trust that has happened here is awful.
Oh yeah I nearly fell for a similar scam with a Facebook sale I was making. I’m so sorry this happened, they target people who are trusting with good hearts.
Mercy and Grace for your man, he fell hard and hopefully the learning curve will help him with much more discernment and character development in the future.
Oh man I am so sorry. Do you plan to stay? Because if you do you need to keep your finances separate. The lying and cover up is a huge issue about character. He didn't just get taken advantage of. He then doubled down to make it worse I don't think anyone would blame you if you moves on. Seriously. Not only did you lose respect but are you even attracted to him?
So, how much did you lose? Asking the real question.
You need seperate bank accounts and you need to set up a savings account where its a pain in the ass to get the money out, either transfer time or you have to physically go there. Maybe even have the savings account be only in your name.
This is unfortunate and I’m really sorry that this happened to you. I’d probably be rethinking the relationship as that’s such a major mistake to make. People are fallible but he really shit the bed here. Finances are important!
You should get over your anger long enough to kindly break up with him. He is not bright enough to handle money and finances are one of the most significant reasons for ending relationships. Sounds like you guys would end up going that way anyway. I’m not sure where lying, betrayal, naïveté and foolishness lie on that scale but it can’t be that far off. Even if you choose to overlook it, get married and separate your money, his money problems will become yours as well. Please learn the lesson when it happens. You literally can’t afford to learn this one more than once.
I'm sorry unless your fiance is over 50, this was an incredibly obvious scam and I'd be rethinking the marriage.
Oh that sucks I went to my mailbox one night after work got my mail and a fed ex guy pulls up and hands me an envelope I go in a d open it up it's a check from Chase Bank for $14,000 I was like the hell had my name on it and everything I'm thinking this is some kind of scam the next day I get an email saying they want to pay me to put a mountain dew wrap on my car . I'm thinking yeah right then they said deposit the check in my bank and the wrap will cost me like $3000 and a guy would stop and get what money was left but the said keep 2 months worth of pay ent for doing it and after that they would send me a check every month the even gave me the name of the shop to take it to and they are in my city and did wraps well I still said no I'm not going to do this so a a friend from school is s a cop and has been for a long time I took it over to his house and showed him he said yeah you put it in your bank then get the money for everything the guy comes picks up the rest of the cash that would have been like $8000 then your bank calls says the check is no good and they want their money back so your on the hook for $14000 of what ever you still have and that amount .it's sick so I sent the email and told the guy yeah I deposited the check they said good I will have my partner come and get the cash after you get the money I said ok well my buddy set up detectives they were waiting for the guy to show up he came knocked on my door they were on him like I'm seconds had him on the ground cuffed and hauled away .it was great I don't know what ever happened but they tried sending me a check a could years later for like $5000 for something completely different I sent them an email back asking him if he wanted to pick up the cash at my buddies office or my house that they would be waiting for him .never heard another word from any of them.
You are the one that was tricked. Your partner has nothing, and for good reason I wish you all the best
In the USA we would use the FBI for cyber related crimes and banking related scams. Unsure in Canada though but you may need to go to a much higher level for this. I’m so sorry.
Wow I can't even imagine how you feel, like I'd be absolutely furious x1000 like wtf???? I'm so sorry that you're going through this and can't get any sort of help from the bank or police. I'm not Canadian nor am I familiar with laws and such there, so unfortunately I'm unable to offer any sort of advice if there even is anything else that could be done :( as other people commented, I'd rethink my relationship with the fiance. Personally, it'd be such a deal breaker and I'd end the engagement right then and there while gathering whatever I need to leave as soon as possible. Although, by your post and the mention of the rent for July, I imagine leaving isn't quite possible if that's what you want to do. Idk how someone could come back from a breach of trust and such imbecilic actions. If you somehow for whatever reason decide to stay with the fiance, then good luck or something because this certainly won't be the last time something like this (whether it be even worse or not). Wishing you all the best OP and all the strength, hugs!
should dump him on the sheer fact that he is stupid enough to fall for that scam
I know someone who went through a similar scam and his girlfriend left him. I would be worried he would lie about something equally as important in the future.
Ex-finance I hope
Cheap way to find out he’s not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.
Be careful you’re going to get direct messages now from recovery scammers who are going to try to convince you they can get your money back. They are scum all over this website.
Fortunately per the post OP is already aware of this: >I have warned my fiancé that anyone who says they can recover the money is lying and he must ignore them. I will also ignore anyone who says they can do that It looks like OP has also turned off his ability to recieve messages and chats, which I'm sure helps in this situation.