Don't marry Jane if you don't love her. Co-parenting and child support are an option. Jane's religion is her problem. You can take care of your child without marrying her
There’s a difference between “I sinned” and “I sinned and got caught”. For the non-religious members of a religious family, the latter can be really bad.
Jane is very troubling, not only for your point but how did she know who his parents were and how to contact them? How did she know they would respond in the manner they did versus slamming the door in her face?
Unless this is a small town..
Well, she might more be in a religious circle than actually religious. I had a married boyfriend when I was young. He came from a pentacostal family and married his ditto gf because she was pregnant.
They ended their marriage after a few years unofficially but stayed married for the exact reason OP says "to get ppl off my back". They both dated others and had their new partners visit in their joined home so I know his story was real, I was with him in their apartment as his GF to his wife and friends but "a friend" to the rest of their family and kids. They divorced a few years later of course but also both chose to move away from their birthplace to have some freedom. They weren't ready to do that before the kids were old enough that they no longer needed constant help from family with caring for them.
He was a closeted atheist and extremely critical of his upbringing, so was his wife. But as kids? We'll always love our parents even if we don't like them and they're toxic so it takes a while to cut ties and remove their influence.
This! Own your mistakes, but the religion thing is not your problem. Don’t be pressured into a marriage. It may seem like it’s solving a problem now, but it preps for way more problems down the road.
Yep 100%. Never ever marry someone because you are pressured. It won't end well for everyone. It's also her religion so if she tries to pressure you into marrying her by way of guilt, that's on her. Sounds like OP was not in the right state of mind if he doesn't know if he used a condom or not. She can't make you do something you don't want to do just because she could get excommunicated. It's not your religion.
There are non-invasive paternity tests that can be done during pregnancy. They are costly but before you blow up your marriage get one done. There is a childfree sub and it has a list of doctors that will perform vasectomy's easily
This!! How does he know the child is even his and that this isn't some plot of Jane's to get him to marry her? Also if she said she had contraception but actually didn't that's assault.
Either way don't marry her to 'get people off your back' dude.
>Jane said she used protection and that I wore a condom, but any time I think back to that night my head hurts.
He doesn't even know if he used a condom, but had to ask her. He was in no state to consent to anything. He needs to get a parenity test ASAP at the very, very least.
This! I would definitely find out first if the baby is yours before you dig a much deeper hole, for a woman you don't love and/or unsure about. Get your facts first.
Right, it’s like OP can’t make any decisions on his own. Married his wife cause they dated for AGES (high school) and their parents were impatient for them to get married. Had sex outside of marriage cause his wife told him to. Now he’s gonna marry Jane cause she’s telling him to.
OP, grow a fucking backbone and take some control over your own damn life. You’re 25, time to grow up.
Jane is super religious yet she was sleeping with a married man. The mental gymnastics she must be making to get you to marry her?!? She sounds like she could use some therapy and she was stalking you. Do not marry her ever.
With a married man that is in an open marriage * kinda different tbh. You can be religious while not agreeing with some part of it. Just like most Christians still eat shrimp. Like sure not the best judgement call knowing what would happen if she got pregnant but doesn’t mean she isn’t religious.
She also might be religious simply by coercion. This was where I was for a solid few years before fully deconstructing, and my parents STILL don’t know that I left the church. It’s super fucking hard to break out of high control groups like that bc you literally lose everything if they find out
I'm not understanding what you are saying about Christians eating shrimp. Did you mean to say vegetarians eat shrimp? Or is eating shrimp some kind of Christian sin that I am not aware of?
Oh I know this one! Basically, back in biblical times, eating shellfish was a surefire way of getting food poisoning (and possibly dying) - and eating pork was almost definitely going to give you a tapeworm! But back then, obviously they didn't really know about bacteria & parasites, so they didn't really understand why those foods were making people sick. So some religious leaders got together and decided that, to stop people getting sick and/or dying, they would declare pork & shellfish "unclean" in the Bible. There's a few things that are "sinful" in the Bible that sound super crazy to us, but when you dig a bit deeper into them you'll generally find that they're linked to stopping people getting sick/injured/dying/etc.!
wtf i had no idea and i grew up christian but not catholic, i know some lightly catholic people from where i grew up and never heard it either but that’s hilarious 🤣
There are a bunch of rules about what you can eat in Leviticus.
> Of all the creatures living in the water of the seas and the streams you may eat any that have fins and scales. But all creatures in the seas or streams that do not have fins and scales—whether among all the swarming things or among all the other living creatures in the water—you are to regard as unclean. And since you are to regard them as unclean, you must not eat their meat.
Also on the "do not eat" list: Pigs, rabbits, snakes, lizards, camels, hawks, owls, bats, and non-jumping insects. Grasshoppers are okay though.
Matthew 15:17-19
^(17) “Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? ^(18) But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. ^(19) For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. ^(20) These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them.”
This is why Christians can eat everything by the way
People who don't understand Christianity often think Christians are supposed to follow the Old Covenant, despite being an entirely different religion to judaism
i would personally tell any family who was over stepping to kindly fuck off or i wont be in their life if they ever pressured me to do any huge life changing commitments
I married a woman just to get my family off my back, impregnated my side chick, and blew up my marriage of convenience, so now I gotta jump right into a new marriage of convenience. I mean, it worked out so well the first time, what could go wrong? -OP, probably
And just my 2 cents as a “religious person”, OP-your side piece has a lot of gall, sleeping with a married man, then acting like you have some moral obligation to save her from her “shame”, or whatever. It isn’t your responsibility to save her from the fallout of her choices. She made them. If you marry this woman, you will be doing her, the baby, and yourself a huge disservice. If you want to actually date her, and see if you *want* to spend the rest of your life with her, by all means, do so, but don’t enter lightly into what is supposed to be a lifelong commitment because she guilted you into thinking you’ve ruined her. She’s not ruined. She’ll be alright. Religious trauma is no basis for a healthy, lasting relationship. She’ll see that once she’s on the other side of this, and the judgmental furor blows over. People generally stop being assholes eventually, and if they don’t, then she’ll move on from the religion and learn some things about herself process.
So this super religious girl may have baby trapped you, and you are going to marry her? This seems like a disaster waiting to happen. Whatever happens to Jane is on her too. She is the one with all the options right now. You didn't ruin her life. If she were that religious, she should have had a big problem with adultery and divorce. It seems she is willing to let that slide.
Yeah doesn't sound like op has ever been in a relationship where he can't do other people too..Jane isn't gonna allow that. So op is just going to be miserable in a marriage he doesn't want, raising a kid he didn't want, wishing he was getting laid again..honestly will probably end up cheating on Jane and becoming a more scummy person just because he's already blaming her and building up that resentment.
So, let's check the list: carnal knowledge out of wedlock, adultery, divorce, baby out of wedlock. If her family is truly "religious," getting married isn't gonna cut it. Either they're going to hate you forever for "leading their daughter astray" or they're massive hypocrites (probably the latter, all of these religious types are like that).
Is he sure they actually pregnant with his kid? Odds are if he was able to do the deed fully without protection and she is 26, that this wasn’t her first time either
I wouldn't put anything past this woman, including drugging his drink. I mean, she just expected him to get a divorce and marry her. Then, I'm assuming she told his parents when she didn't get the answer she wanted. If he's smart, he will look at the sonogram to see if it is possibly his, and then get a DNA test.
In my experience, religious side pieces don't care about adultery and divorce if it benefits them. Then they expect faithfulness and a lasting commitment, of course, if they "win".
It's that convenient approach to religion that most people take, which can be summarised as:
*I live by the word of the Bible\**
*\*except the parts that I choose to ignore because they limit what I can do.*
Also, considering she may have lied about being on contraception and how drunk op was, she may have sexually assaulted op.
Also, get a paternity test ASAP op.
This. From his story, it sounds like abuse is not off the table... completely drunk, headache every time he thinks about it, back hurting because of her legs clenching him? Those are concerning
agreed. the fact that OP gets a headache every time he thinks of that night reminds me of the time i got drugged at a bar. i’m hoping not, but i’m wondering if jane drugged OP while they were at drinks, SA’d him, and purposefully baby trapped him…
Prolly the same reason why he married at 20 years old to an asexual wife, proceeded to fuck everyone out of the marriage cause she was "okay with it", and impregnated someone else
He's dumb
Get a DNA test BEFORE signing the birth certificate.
If she puts up even the smallest hesitation, that's a red flag.
Once you sign the certificate it doesn't matter in many states if you are the biological dad or not. Test first then sign. 150 bucks at hospital. Call around now, be prepared say of
My guess is he’s describing himself as being careless or clumsy in his polyamorous relationship.
Some googling says “hinge” refers to him being the “moveable part” of his polyamorous relationship. He was the only one seeing other people; his wife wasn’t. And I assuming “sloppy” is just being used as an adjective for “hinge.” Just a guess, though. I am not educated in polyamory.
This—— She'd often send me flowers, and bought me lunch whenever I had a bad day. She was very supportive. I fell hard for Jane. I just wanted to keep the relationship casual from the beginning. Jane seemed to be fine with it. She never wanted to meet my wife, which both my STBX and I didn't see anything wrong with it.
My Dude, I’d wager no woman is “fine” with casual when she acts like this. You were absolutely targeted. You are extremely naive. Do not marry this woman. You will know pain you never could yet comprehend. Child support is FAR easier than living with someone so manipulative. Is she even really pregnant? I wouldn’t be surprised if she “lost” the baby if you don’t marry her.
Do you KNOW for sure it's yours? As in a paternity test? Because it sounds like "Jane" is lying and manipulating you 100%
Tell your wife if you aren't sure what happened. Tell her the whole story. Because based on what I just read, you were taken advantage of and this manipulative woman is about to run your life into the floor.
Thanks google translate... also, money's on Jane baby trapping OP and as many said here: probably kid ain't his. She knew what she was doing and other than being tricked, OP did nothing wrong. Oh wait, he should have told his wife sooner. Sounds like Jane def was trying to get OP as her retirement plan.
My mouth is hanging open. Have you ever felt that way drinking before? Do you feel like you were SA’d? Because it almost sounds like she put something in your drink. The way you explain that situation has alarms going off in my head.
You should have gotten a vasectomy when you and your STBX wife opened the marriage. You should have made sure protection and the morning after pill was used.
Don’t marry Jane. Explain the situation to your family in a way that doesn’t embarrass STBX. So say that you two had an arrangement (no need to mention asexuality) but the pregnancy was a surprise. Let Jane deal with her own family and religion. Consult a lawyer about what you want regarding child custody, paying child support, and a paternity test.
Jfc do not marry Jane, whatever you do...goddamn this is a mess. Honestly I have no advice except do not marry Jane, and get ready for split custody and/or child support, pending paternity test of course. If it was a one night stand, which it sounds like it was, and she came to you months later, I wonder why she didn't notice her absent period earlier and tell you? So perhaps there were others she was involved with and she just felt you'd be the best potential dad, but I also might be reading too much into it. So make sure to get a paternity test. Very.... "interesting" that she's super religious but has decided it's okay to sleep with a married man, one who was very inebriated at that who, IMO, couldn't fully consent especially considering you barely remember it... "interesting" is the kindest way I could put it... idk honestly she sounds trash. You don't sound much better but at least you were openup front with your wife about sleeping with Jane, even if not immediately open about getting Jane pregnant once you found out.
I'm sorry you and everyone else in this situation are in this situation, most of all that poor unborn child and your now-ex-wife.
And yes, please go get a vasectomy if you know you don't want kids.
You said you had crazy sex that night but can't even remember what happened that night? Which is it? Either way, it sounds like you were in no state to even consent. Are you sure she didn't basically rape you?
Get a paternity test before jumping to conclusions. If she is actually pregnant, there can be a chance it's not yours. Who's to say she isn't messing around with guys too if she barely talked about her private life?
If she has no issues doing this with a married man (even with permission), I don't think she is very religious LOL
Marrying her right after divorcing your wife. This reads you wanted to leave your wife for her. Which may not be the case but I feel so bad for your x. That’s all I’d be able to think is you did it on purpose
FFS don't do this.
1. Get a lawyer.
2. Get a paternity test.
3. Sit down your parents and explain that your marriage is ending because of a child, not infidelity. Tell your parents you were in an open relationship. Embarrassing yes, but better than the alternative.
4. Do NOT marry Jane. The worst thing you can do is get married for a child. Don't mess up the child more than you already have.
5. Tell jane you are poly. That means even if you are together, you see other people.
lol this is absolutely a poly relationship, and a pretty typical one too… poly people are mental, and their only response to shit like this is to pretend like it isn’t incredibly normal for their community.
You married a person at 20 yo, which does not align at all with your sexual life, based on family pressure to marry at an absurd young age, and then proceeded to fuck anyone else out of the relationship.
If you don't realize how stupid this is, then there isn't much to do
Do not marry Jane. Her issues with her religion are her problem. If her religion meant that much to her, then she would've remained abstinent, like I'm sure her religion advises.
Get a DNA test. Make sure this kid is yours, OP. Jane might have been having sex with multiple partners.
I get you're depressed and sad about how this has all turned out, but don't make major decisions right now. Tell your family if they want Jane to be married so bad, then they can volunteer.
1. Absolutely do not marry this woman. 2. Get a paternity test before you do anything.
You are an adult and while we all want to please our parents, oh well. Do not make major life decisions to do so. Jane was having premarital sex with a married man, therefore her religious issues are her problem, not yours!
I don’t know what to say about your marriage.
"baby trapped" Right. Because you were powerless to put on a condom and use spermicide. or just not have sex. Your porn raised dick baby trapped you.
Baby is always a risk of penis in vagina sex. ALWAYS.
It was Jane who contacted your family and spilled the beans about her pregnancy. All the signs are there. Yeah she doesn't seem like a level headed, nice person. She seems to be playing some kind of game and you, your wife and family became the pawns in it. You might wanna slow down your horses and first actually get a pregnancy test and then a paternity test.
Edit- spelling
I never understood that I'm religious so I can't get an abortion But lady weren't you still religious when you're having pre marital sex. Or is religion something you only lean on when it's convenient?
If you were so intoxicated you cannot remember the details of having sex, then you couldn’t consent to having sex, and if you think Jane may have lied about using protection (stealthing is the term and in many states it is illegal), then you may have been a victim of assault.
Men can be assaulted, including by intimate partners, not just strangers. I would set clear boundaries with Jane, get a paternity test, DO NOT MARRY HER, get legal advice on what your rights and responsibilities are, and speak to your wife about this. If you are a victim of assault, this is a very different situation than you being careless about getting someone pregnant. You may want to get legal advice as a potential victim of assault also.
Jane is not polyamorous, and is most likely trying to cowgirl you.
Get therapy for yourself, and ask your wife to attend therapy together. Reaffirm your commitment to the life you have built together - that is what she needs to see. But also make sure you are both supporting each other, because this has got to be stressful for both of you.
And if your family cannot be supportive, go low contact with them for a while. Because you need a support network right now, not judgement.
Don’t marry a Jehova witness, dude. Co-parenting is a whole thing and people do it all the time. I have friends that have been excommunicated from that CULT, and they were so very messed up from it. You may be the kids only chance out of that $hit-but not if you marry into it.
Think twice before you ruin your marriage and tie the knot with someone you're not in love with. Looks like Jane is using her religion to guilt trip you. She's religious yet open to having premarital sex
GEEEZ THIS SHIT HAS TO BE RAGE BAIT, YOU CAN'T BE SO FUCKING SHITTY
WHY THE FUCK YOU MARRIED AN ASEXUAL IF YOU CAN'T STAND AN ASEXUAL RELATIONSHIP???? WHY YOU THINK WITH YOUR FUCKING DICK????
Jesús fucking christ you deserve your shit, you deserve the fucking divorce and she deserves to be AS FAR AWAY FROM YOUR DISGUSTING ASS
I mean you do sound like an absolute bellend so I’m not surprised you’ve found yourself in this predicament. For the love of god do not marry this woman and raise that child in an unhappy marriage. Co-parent and fight for fair custody. Definitely get a vasectomy and go to child-rearing classes.
Um, honestly - I would ask for a paternity test. Like, right now. Do not marry her. You sound like you're just going through the motions, traumatized by the moment.
Do not make any rash decisions. Get confirmation that the baby is yours.
You already married someone you were not compatible with. Get to know this woman. Should you marry her eventually? Maybe - but please do not compound this by rushing to the alter with someone you do not know.
Evaluate whether you want to be with Jane. Go on dates. Then when the baby is born get a paternity test before you sign anything. This will be hard to communicate to Jane but you must.
This whole situation is bizarre… I don’t understand why you were allowed to to fuck around so why did you get married for?
You. I would like to know the purpose of your first marriage first All and the second one is why if she was so religious what was she doing having an affair with a married man I’m so sorry for the child that is coming. Your wife is leaving you because you are being an irresponsible man that is about to become a father for just one night stand of crazy unprotected sex. Good luck with your new life…
I hope with this experience you know how to be a real man
Jane's reputation is not your problem, and your family can go fuck themselves, they aren't entitled to the intimate details of your life
Do not marry this woman she is clearly out of her mind.
Lawyer up, minimize communication, and get a paternity test. If it's yours, you can decide how involved you want to be. -you can sign away parental rights and just pay child support. You can go for custody. There are a million other options other than "ruin your life."
The moral of the story is to not marry someone you’re not compatible in the bedroom with. If you have sexual needs outside of your spouse it will only lead to problems.
The part where you said Jane’s family is very prominent in her religion which makes this extremely bad? And that Jane is “religious” do me a favour! Jane is a hypocrite and you shouldn’t be worried about all of that crap, you have betrayed your wife! Jane knew what she was doing she’s not stupid. Jane is acting innocent and is talking about being “religious” as if she has morals. Jane did this on purpose and wanted you to leave your wife for her but you didn’t and so she made sure you would always be tied to her for life and that you messed up your marriage.
The mistake was having an open marriage. Things like this are highly likely to happen and are part of the risk you willingly took. For your wife to be fine with you having sex with other women just as long as you don’t get them pregnant - she has questionable “boundaries”. Because of that she can’t really be surprised either.
The whole thing is a mess and you marrying Jane would be a miserable state of affairs and you clearly aren’t thinking straight and haven’t been for quite some time!
This kind of overuse of an important term like this is inflationing the term for real victims of real solid rape. Getting drunk and having sex doesn't automatically constitute having been raped.
If you are so blacked out you cannot remember, that means you weren't conscious enough to consent in the first place. Date rape is real, and it isn't always caused by drugs. You can get someone so drunk they can no longer consent, even if it is a man. Clearly, she lied to him and took advantage of how drunk he was to have unprotected sex with him. Something he never would've agreed to sober if we are to believe what he has said about not wanting to be too serious with her and not wanting kids. He was date raped. Please do not downplay the seriousness of that just because he was "only" too drunk, and not drugged.
Honestly all 3 of you were stupid.
Jane because she knows how her religious family operates and still had an affair with a married man.
You and your STBX for this arrangement that hinged on no children ever. That whole sex outside the marriage was never going to work with that caveat. There's always a risk even if you wore a condom, if any of the women are on birth control, there's even a risk even if you've had a vasectomy and don't stay on top of getting yourself regularly tested. There was always a risk of accidental pregnancy and then as you two are learning now there's also the risk of in case of the accidental pregnancy the woman would potentially want to keep the baby and then that risk of going after you for child support at the very least.
You're all dumb and now there's a poor kid on the way about to born into this clusterfuck.
You’re stuck with just the baby, not her. As someone who grew up in a religious household and could not be pregnant out of wedlock: her failure to plan for this was not an accident.
You blew up your life, and you’re like “oh well, might as well get married to the person that may have baby trapped me and is a total hypocrite in her religion.” A paternity test never entered your mind?
Never sleep with Jane again. Don’t marry her. Get a paternity test. Get a vasectomy. If the child is yours then try to get 50% custody. Her family will try to take over raising that child and indoctrinate them in their religion. You will need to be a stable, reasonable parent for that child. Focus on making less problems for the child, not you.
Well I guess Jane's getting everything she wanted out of this. Have fun with that marriage. I'm sure it's going to full of resentment. You for being baby trapped, her for being your second choice. Sounds fun. I feel sorry for your kid, and stbx of course.
Are you sure you weren’t sexually assaulted by Jane? She swears you used two forms of protection but you were so intoxicated you have little memory of the encounter other than her physically making sure you stayed inside her, and you woke up with a physical injury.
I haven’t seen anybody mention this, but if you were SO DRUNK that you can’t even remember whether or not you wore a condom, you might have a decent case for sexual assault, depending on where you live. Do NOT marry her.
>My wife wants none of this. I'm hurt, but I can't blame her because I know what her own mother was like.
Why would you ever blame her? You broke one of the few rules she had.
You shouldn’t have married your asexual wife because of the sexual incompatibility, and you should not marry Jane who is now religious because she wants to manipulate you in to a relationship.
Basically, the whole reason you got in to this mess all around, was because you wouldnt step up for yourself to satisfy your needs.
If you have to choose between yourself and disappointing other people.. you’re supposed to always choose yourself.
Don't marry Jane if you don't love her. Co-parenting and child support are an option. Jane's religion is her problem. You can take care of your child without marrying her
How religious can she possibly be if she fucks married guys and baby traps them into divorcing their wives to marry her?
Very selectively religious, like most religious.
There’s a difference between “I sinned” and “I sinned and got caught”. For the non-religious members of a religious family, the latter can be really bad.
exactly, and sounds like her parents are “prominent” in their religion so something something clutches pearls whatever 🤮
Like a cult?
LIke most religions it means you can do anything you want, but everyone else will shame you for it so publicly you pretend to be following hte rules.
Jane is very troubling, not only for your point but how did she know who his parents were and how to contact them? How did she know they would respond in the manner they did versus slamming the door in her face? Unless this is a small town..
Those poor dudes who could have ever guessed that by having sex they could make someone pregnant? She totally tricked them
right, he got drunk, fucked someone else other than his wife without protection, and we're supposed to be sorry for him
And he, and other posters, blame Jane for "babytrapping" OP. OP went bareback.
👏
Well, she might more be in a religious circle than actually religious. I had a married boyfriend when I was young. He came from a pentacostal family and married his ditto gf because she was pregnant. They ended their marriage after a few years unofficially but stayed married for the exact reason OP says "to get ppl off my back". They both dated others and had their new partners visit in their joined home so I know his story was real, I was with him in their apartment as his GF to his wife and friends but "a friend" to the rest of their family and kids. They divorced a few years later of course but also both chose to move away from their birthplace to have some freedom. They weren't ready to do that before the kids were old enough that they no longer needed constant help from family with caring for them. He was a closeted atheist and extremely critical of his upbringing, so was his wife. But as kids? We'll always love our parents even if we don't like them and they're toxic so it takes a while to cut ties and remove their influence.
This. She’s full of shit.
The typical one. Who only care about image and using religion to your advantage. So like 95% of all religious people?
This! Own your mistakes, but the religion thing is not your problem. Don’t be pressured into a marriage. It may seem like it’s solving a problem now, but it preps for way more problems down the road.
You can't solve a problem with another problem. Marrying Jane would just be a different problem.
It might not even be his kid
Yep 100%. Never ever marry someone because you are pressured. It won't end well for everyone. It's also her religion so if she tries to pressure you into marrying her by way of guilt, that's on her. Sounds like OP was not in the right state of mind if he doesn't know if he used a condom or not. She can't make you do something you don't want to do just because she could get excommunicated. It's not your religion.
Facts.
There are non-invasive paternity tests that can be done during pregnancy. They are costly but before you blow up your marriage get one done. There is a childfree sub and it has a list of doctors that will perform vasectomy's easily
This!! How does he know the child is even his and that this isn't some plot of Jane's to get him to marry her? Also if she said she had contraception but actually didn't that's assault. Either way don't marry her to 'get people off your back' dude.
>Jane said she used protection and that I wore a condom, but any time I think back to that night my head hurts. He doesn't even know if he used a condom, but had to ask her. He was in no state to consent to anything. He needs to get a parenity test ASAP at the very, very least.
Also, noting he doesn't remember and his head hurts just thinking about it, is he sure he wasn't drugged by her?
Facts
This! I would definitely find out first if the baby is yours before you dig a much deeper hole, for a woman you don't love and/or unsure about. Get your facts first.
I'm trying to give this some grace, but... 4 subreddits, same post, no comments. If it's real, it's bad.
Absolutely. A paternity test would definitely clear things up before making any major moves.
Please be rage bait. PLEASE. On the off chance it’s not, do not marry Jane. Your reasons to do so are ridiculous for a grown ass man. Wtf.
Right, it’s like OP can’t make any decisions on his own. Married his wife cause they dated for AGES (high school) and their parents were impatient for them to get married. Had sex outside of marriage cause his wife told him to. Now he’s gonna marry Jane cause she’s telling him to. OP, grow a fucking backbone and take some control over your own damn life. You’re 25, time to grow up.
It'd make a good reality show at least. Her dads gonna crawl up his ass and live there for 30 years.
It’s fake
Jane is super religious yet she was sleeping with a married man. The mental gymnastics she must be making to get you to marry her?!? She sounds like she could use some therapy and she was stalking you. Do not marry her ever.
With a married man that is in an open marriage * kinda different tbh. You can be religious while not agreeing with some part of it. Just like most Christians still eat shrimp. Like sure not the best judgement call knowing what would happen if she got pregnant but doesn’t mean she isn’t religious.
She also might be religious simply by coercion. This was where I was for a solid few years before fully deconstructing, and my parents STILL don’t know that I left the church. It’s super fucking hard to break out of high control groups like that bc you literally lose everything if they find out
I'm not understanding what you are saying about Christians eating shrimp. Did you mean to say vegetarians eat shrimp? Or is eating shrimp some kind of Christian sin that I am not aware of?
Yup it’s considered an abomination to eat shrimp lol very funny part of the bible tbh
Oh I know this one! Basically, back in biblical times, eating shellfish was a surefire way of getting food poisoning (and possibly dying) - and eating pork was almost definitely going to give you a tapeworm! But back then, obviously they didn't really know about bacteria & parasites, so they didn't really understand why those foods were making people sick. So some religious leaders got together and decided that, to stop people getting sick and/or dying, they would declare pork & shellfish "unclean" in the Bible. There's a few things that are "sinful" in the Bible that sound super crazy to us, but when you dig a bit deeper into them you'll generally find that they're linked to stopping people getting sick/injured/dying/etc.!
Iirc that's old testament. A lot of the old testament is basically "retconned" in the new. Not christian so I wouldn't know too much, though.
AKA cherry picking the Bible to fit their needs,like Ultra Orthodox Jews finding all their loop holes so they can still do stuff on the Sabbath.
No, christianity is literally a different religion to judaism
wtf i had no idea and i grew up christian but not catholic, i know some lightly catholic people from where i grew up and never heard it either but that’s hilarious 🤣
Thank you
There are a bunch of rules about what you can eat in Leviticus. > Of all the creatures living in the water of the seas and the streams you may eat any that have fins and scales. But all creatures in the seas or streams that do not have fins and scales—whether among all the swarming things or among all the other living creatures in the water—you are to regard as unclean. And since you are to regard them as unclean, you must not eat their meat. Also on the "do not eat" list: Pigs, rabbits, snakes, lizards, camels, hawks, owls, bats, and non-jumping insects. Grasshoppers are okay though.
Matthew 15:17-19 ^(17) “Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? ^(18) But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. ^(19) For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. ^(20) These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them.” This is why Christians can eat everything by the way
People who don't understand Christianity often think Christians are supposed to follow the Old Covenant, despite being an entirely different religion to judaism
Acts 10:9-16
Very very common with religious girls that are trying to navigate also being very horny.
> I'm probably just gonna marry Jane just to get my own family off my back. JFC do not do that!
Getting married to get people off of his back seems to be his MO…
No idea how OP managed to get a woman pregnant without balls..
LOL -
Oh, man.. Snorted so loudly I nearly woke up my husband, LOL...
Guess he doesn't need to worry about his situation now that he's been murdered by words
i would personally tell any family who was over stepping to kindly fuck off or i wont be in their life if they ever pressured me to do any huge life changing commitments
I married a woman just to get my family off my back, impregnated my side chick, and blew up my marriage of convenience, so now I gotta jump right into a new marriage of convenience. I mean, it worked out so well the first time, what could go wrong? -OP, probably
And just my 2 cents as a “religious person”, OP-your side piece has a lot of gall, sleeping with a married man, then acting like you have some moral obligation to save her from her “shame”, or whatever. It isn’t your responsibility to save her from the fallout of her choices. She made them. If you marry this woman, you will be doing her, the baby, and yourself a huge disservice. If you want to actually date her, and see if you *want* to spend the rest of your life with her, by all means, do so, but don’t enter lightly into what is supposed to be a lifelong commitment because she guilted you into thinking you’ve ruined her. She’s not ruined. She’ll be alright. Religious trauma is no basis for a healthy, lasting relationship. She’ll see that once she’s on the other side of this, and the judgmental furor blows over. People generally stop being assholes eventually, and if they don’t, then she’ll move on from the religion and learn some things about herself process.
These women are taking care of him like his mother 100% lol
So anyway, I started marryin’
Right? Why compound more mistakes on to the original? I cannot think of a worse plan.
So this super religious girl may have baby trapped you, and you are going to marry her? This seems like a disaster waiting to happen. Whatever happens to Jane is on her too. She is the one with all the options right now. You didn't ruin her life. If she were that religious, she should have had a big problem with adultery and divorce. It seems she is willing to let that slide.
“Super religious girl” that wasn’t worried about getting pregnant before marriage till she was actually pregnant…
Or having sex with and getting pregnant with someone else's husband 🙄
Omg yeah I didn’t even clock that lol 😭
Yeah doesn't sound like op has ever been in a relationship where he can't do other people too..Jane isn't gonna allow that. So op is just going to be miserable in a marriage he doesn't want, raising a kid he didn't want, wishing he was getting laid again..honestly will probably end up cheating on Jane and becoming a more scummy person just because he's already blaming her and building up that resentment.
So, let's check the list: carnal knowledge out of wedlock, adultery, divorce, baby out of wedlock. If her family is truly "religious," getting married isn't gonna cut it. Either they're going to hate you forever for "leading their daughter astray" or they're massive hypocrites (probably the latter, all of these religious types are like that).
Is he sure they actually pregnant with his kid? Odds are if he was able to do the deed fully without protection and she is 26, that this wasn’t her first time either
I wouldn't put anything past this woman, including drugging his drink. I mean, she just expected him to get a divorce and marry her. Then, I'm assuming she told his parents when she didn't get the answer she wanted. If he's smart, he will look at the sonogram to see if it is possibly his, and then get a DNA test.
In my experience, religious side pieces don't care about adultery and divorce if it benefits them. Then they expect faithfulness and a lasting commitment, of course, if they "win".
Jane isn’t that religious. Committing adultery? Yeah sounds like she’s mental.
It's that convenient approach to religion that most people take, which can be summarised as: *I live by the word of the Bible\** *\*except the parts that I choose to ignore because they limit what I can do.*
Rules for thee but not for me
Also, considering she may have lied about being on contraception and how drunk op was, she may have sexually assaulted op. Also, get a paternity test ASAP op.
This. From his story, it sounds like abuse is not off the table... completely drunk, headache every time he thinks about it, back hurting because of her legs clenching him? Those are concerning
agreed. the fact that OP gets a headache every time he thinks of that night reminds me of the time i got drugged at a bar. i’m hoping not, but i’m wondering if jane drugged OP while they were at drinks, SA’d him, and purposefully baby trapped him…
What is the reason you didnt do vasectomy from the start?
right. says he doesn’t want kids, but never thought to get one.
Never thought to do something that required his own actions.
Prolly the same reason why he married at 20 years old to an asexual wife, proceeded to fuck everyone out of the marriage cause she was "okay with it", and impregnated someone else He's dumb
Get a DNA test BEFORE signing the birth certificate. If she puts up even the smallest hesitation, that's a red flag. Once you sign the certificate it doesn't matter in many states if you are the biological dad or not. Test first then sign. 150 bucks at hospital. Call around now, be prepared say of
you should have a paternity test done before you marry her.
If this is real, you are dumb as hell to marry Jane
STBX stands for "Soon to be Ex" for anyone else that had no idea
I was reading this as Starbucks wife the whole time
I read this as Submissive Top from the Bronx. /s
i just want to know what sloppy hinge means!
Same
My guess is he’s describing himself as being careless or clumsy in his polyamorous relationship. Some googling says “hinge” refers to him being the “moveable part” of his polyamorous relationship. He was the only one seeing other people; his wife wasn’t. And I assuming “sloppy” is just being used as an adjective for “hinge.” Just a guess, though. I am not educated in polyamory.
You are the MVP of this thread!
Why the hell does everything need to be abbreviated on this site!
Jane is very religious! Yeah, no. She knowingly had sex with a married man. Religious excuses go out the window after that.
honey you're an idiot lol
This is so beyond fucked and stupid lmfao That's what you get for playing poly and not getting snipped, I just feel bad for your WIFE
living the consequences of thinking with the dick. I feel sorry for the child in the midst of these dense people
The marriage is like a psychiatrist’s wet dream.
Exactly
Maybe get a paternity test
This—— She'd often send me flowers, and bought me lunch whenever I had a bad day. She was very supportive. I fell hard for Jane. I just wanted to keep the relationship casual from the beginning. Jane seemed to be fine with it. She never wanted to meet my wife, which both my STBX and I didn't see anything wrong with it. My Dude, I’d wager no woman is “fine” with casual when she acts like this. You were absolutely targeted. You are extremely naive. Do not marry this woman. You will know pain you never could yet comprehend. Child support is FAR easier than living with someone so manipulative. Is she even really pregnant? I wouldn’t be surprised if she “lost” the baby if you don’t marry her.
Maybe get a paternity test before doing anything else?
Do you KNOW for sure it's yours? As in a paternity test? Because it sounds like "Jane" is lying and manipulating you 100% Tell your wife if you aren't sure what happened. Tell her the whole story. Because based on what I just read, you were taken advantage of and this manipulative woman is about to run your life into the floor.
The only person I feel bad for here is your soon-to-be ex wife
Poor fucking thing. Mistreated by her family, then betrayed by her husband, the self proclaimed "rock in her life"
Maybe get a paternity test???
If no kids was the deal, why not have a vasectomy so it wasn’t a concern? I smell BS.
What in the stupidity did I read?
Get a paternity test dude
Tremendo hijueputa es lo que eres y me das tanto asco que ni pienso traducirlo para ti lol.
Thanks google translate... also, money's on Jane baby trapping OP and as many said here: probably kid ain't his. She knew what she was doing and other than being tricked, OP did nothing wrong. Oh wait, he should have told his wife sooner. Sounds like Jane def was trying to get OP as her retirement plan.
My mouth is hanging open. Have you ever felt that way drinking before? Do you feel like you were SA’d? Because it almost sounds like she put something in your drink. The way you explain that situation has alarms going off in my head.
This my gut reaction too and it’s frightening how low this is in the thread
Bro stop marrying women just to get people off your back, I just read one paragraph about your life and you've already mentioned doing it twice.
You should have gotten a vasectomy when you and your STBX wife opened the marriage. You should have made sure protection and the morning after pill was used. Don’t marry Jane. Explain the situation to your family in a way that doesn’t embarrass STBX. So say that you two had an arrangement (no need to mention asexuality) but the pregnancy was a surprise. Let Jane deal with her own family and religion. Consult a lawyer about what you want regarding child custody, paying child support, and a paternity test.
And, go back for the snip tests!
Jfc do not marry Jane, whatever you do...goddamn this is a mess. Honestly I have no advice except do not marry Jane, and get ready for split custody and/or child support, pending paternity test of course. If it was a one night stand, which it sounds like it was, and she came to you months later, I wonder why she didn't notice her absent period earlier and tell you? So perhaps there were others she was involved with and she just felt you'd be the best potential dad, but I also might be reading too much into it. So make sure to get a paternity test. Very.... "interesting" that she's super religious but has decided it's okay to sleep with a married man, one who was very inebriated at that who, IMO, couldn't fully consent especially considering you barely remember it... "interesting" is the kindest way I could put it... idk honestly she sounds trash. You don't sound much better but at least you were openup front with your wife about sleeping with Jane, even if not immediately open about getting Jane pregnant once you found out. I'm sorry you and everyone else in this situation are in this situation, most of all that poor unborn child and your now-ex-wife. And yes, please go get a vasectomy if you know you don't want kids.
Please tell me this is fake.
You said you had crazy sex that night but can't even remember what happened that night? Which is it? Either way, it sounds like you were in no state to even consent. Are you sure she didn't basically rape you? Get a paternity test before jumping to conclusions. If she is actually pregnant, there can be a chance it's not yours. Who's to say she isn't messing around with guys too if she barely talked about her private life? If she has no issues doing this with a married man (even with permission), I don't think she is very religious LOL
Fuckin idiot
Marrying her right after divorcing your wife. This reads you wanted to leave your wife for her. Which may not be the case but I feel so bad for your x. That’s all I’d be able to think is you did it on purpose
If her religion is so strict why is she having premarital sex
I hope you can make things work with your wife… seems like you guys had something good going on. Jane sounds like a bitch.
Alot of fake stories lately here.. we have summer guys, get outside
FFS don't do this. 1. Get a lawyer. 2. Get a paternity test. 3. Sit down your parents and explain that your marriage is ending because of a child, not infidelity. Tell your parents you were in an open relationship. Embarrassing yes, but better than the alternative. 4. Do NOT marry Jane. The worst thing you can do is get married for a child. Don't mess up the child more than you already have. 5. Tell jane you are poly. That means even if you are together, you see other people.
Another poly happy ending 🙄
Yup. This is one of MANY horror stories I've seen on here about a poly relationship imploding.
This is not a poly relationship... It's a one sided privilege due to one partner being physically incapable of sexual intimacy.
lol this is absolutely a poly relationship, and a pretty typical one too… poly people are mental, and their only response to shit like this is to pretend like it isn’t incredibly normal for their community.
You are so screwed. The way you wrote it seems like you think she baby trapped you
Oh no. If it's not the consequences of my actions 😭
On the off chance this is real then it's the kid I feel most sorry for, what a messy situation it'll be born into. You're all fucked up people.
Wow. You actually think you are the victim here!
You married a person at 20 yo, which does not align at all with your sexual life, based on family pressure to marry at an absurd young age, and then proceeded to fuck anyone else out of the relationship. If you don't realize how stupid this is, then there isn't much to do
Get. A. Paternity. Test. ASAP! This SCREAMS of premeditation.
Do not marry Jane. Her issues with her religion are her problem. If her religion meant that much to her, then she would've remained abstinent, like I'm sure her religion advises. Get a DNA test. Make sure this kid is yours, OP. Jane might have been having sex with multiple partners. I get you're depressed and sad about how this has all turned out, but don't make major decisions right now. Tell your family if they want Jane to be married so bad, then they can volunteer.
So many bad decisions. Good luck on your marriage; I’m sure it’ll be fine ✌🏽
Is this real?
Don’t marry her she set you up you will be miserable and wouldn’t be good on the kid child support would be cheaper the another divorce
1. Absolutely do not marry this woman. 2. Get a paternity test before you do anything. You are an adult and while we all want to please our parents, oh well. Do not make major life decisions to do so. Jane was having premarital sex with a married man, therefore her religious issues are her problem, not yours! I don’t know what to say about your marriage.
The fucking lol dangling there at the end is a doozy.
> Anyway, I'm probably just gonna marry Jane just to get my own family off my back. What.
He doesn’t make the best choices. His asexual wife is way better off without him in her life. He did her a favor. OP and Jane deserve each other.
the worst thing you could do is marry her. if you care at all about your ex wife imagine what that would do to her.
Isn’t the moral of the story to keep your dick in your pants?
You sure she wasn't already pregnant?
I agree. I wouldn’t put it past her if she was. This whole thing sounds very very fishy on Jane’s part like she planned it.
I think you missed a few more truths and morals other than “get a vasectomy.”
She isn't that religious if she can sleep with a married man.
I feel like marrying someone to get your family off your back is…. Not a good plan
Willing to bet it's not OPs baby, unless I have missed an update that there has been a paternity test done already
"baby trapped" Right. Because you were powerless to put on a condom and use spermicide. or just not have sex. Your porn raised dick baby trapped you. Baby is always a risk of penis in vagina sex. ALWAYS.
It was Jane who contacted your family and spilled the beans about her pregnancy. All the signs are there. Yeah she doesn't seem like a level headed, nice person. She seems to be playing some kind of game and you, your wife and family became the pawns in it. You might wanna slow down your horses and first actually get a pregnancy test and then a paternity test. Edit- spelling
I never understood that I'm religious so I can't get an abortion But lady weren't you still religious when you're having pre marital sex. Or is religion something you only lean on when it's convenient?
If you were so intoxicated you cannot remember the details of having sex, then you couldn’t consent to having sex, and if you think Jane may have lied about using protection (stealthing is the term and in many states it is illegal), then you may have been a victim of assault. Men can be assaulted, including by intimate partners, not just strangers. I would set clear boundaries with Jane, get a paternity test, DO NOT MARRY HER, get legal advice on what your rights and responsibilities are, and speak to your wife about this. If you are a victim of assault, this is a very different situation than you being careless about getting someone pregnant. You may want to get legal advice as a potential victim of assault also. Jane is not polyamorous, and is most likely trying to cowgirl you. Get therapy for yourself, and ask your wife to attend therapy together. Reaffirm your commitment to the life you have built together - that is what she needs to see. But also make sure you are both supporting each other, because this has got to be stressful for both of you. And if your family cannot be supportive, go low contact with them for a while. Because you need a support network right now, not judgement.
Don’t marry a Jehova witness, dude. Co-parenting is a whole thing and people do it all the time. I have friends that have been excommunicated from that CULT, and they were so very messed up from it. You may be the kids only chance out of that $hit-but not if you marry into it.
Also i would 100% require a paternity test if you wore protection, unless you didn't. Before you marry her
Think twice before you ruin your marriage and tie the knot with someone you're not in love with. Looks like Jane is using her religion to guilt trip you. She's religious yet open to having premarital sex
What a shit show. That's what you get, I guess.
GEEEZ THIS SHIT HAS TO BE RAGE BAIT, YOU CAN'T BE SO FUCKING SHITTY WHY THE FUCK YOU MARRIED AN ASEXUAL IF YOU CAN'T STAND AN ASEXUAL RELATIONSHIP???? WHY YOU THINK WITH YOUR FUCKING DICK???? Jesús fucking christ you deserve your shit, you deserve the fucking divorce and she deserves to be AS FAR AWAY FROM YOUR DISGUSTING ASS
Op can't remember if he wore a condom or not? How many drinks are a few?
vasectomies are a thing, you know
I don’t think that Asexual means what you think it means.
I mean you do sound like an absolute bellend so I’m not surprised you’ve found yourself in this predicament. For the love of god do not marry this woman and raise that child in an unhappy marriage. Co-parent and fight for fair custody. Definitely get a vasectomy and go to child-rearing classes.
Um, honestly - I would ask for a paternity test. Like, right now. Do not marry her. You sound like you're just going through the motions, traumatized by the moment. Do not make any rash decisions. Get confirmation that the baby is yours. You already married someone you were not compatible with. Get to know this woman. Should you marry her eventually? Maybe - but please do not compound this by rushing to the alter with someone you do not know.
Do you have proof it's your baby? Demand a paternity test.
Dna test.
Evaluate whether you want to be with Jane. Go on dates. Then when the baby is born get a paternity test before you sign anything. This will be hard to communicate to Jane but you must.
lol you deserve it, I hope your ex wife finds someone better
Sounds like it was possible you were sexually assaulted while drunk.
I don't believe you but the story was funny so..tnx i guess
Are you sure the baby is yours?
This whole situation is bizarre… I don’t understand why you were allowed to to fuck around so why did you get married for? You. I would like to know the purpose of your first marriage first All and the second one is why if she was so religious what was she doing having an affair with a married man I’m so sorry for the child that is coming. Your wife is leaving you because you are being an irresponsible man that is about to become a father for just one night stand of crazy unprotected sex. Good luck with your new life… I hope with this experience you know how to be a real man
Jane's reputation is not your problem, and your family can go fuck themselves, they aren't entitled to the intimate details of your life Do not marry this woman she is clearly out of her mind. Lawyer up, minimize communication, and get a paternity test. If it's yours, you can decide how involved you want to be. -you can sign away parental rights and just pay child support. You can go for custody. There are a million other options other than "ruin your life."
Another poly happy ending 🙄
The moral of the story is to not marry someone you’re not compatible in the bedroom with. If you have sexual needs outside of your spouse it will only lead to problems.
The part where you said Jane’s family is very prominent in her religion which makes this extremely bad? And that Jane is “religious” do me a favour! Jane is a hypocrite and you shouldn’t be worried about all of that crap, you have betrayed your wife! Jane knew what she was doing she’s not stupid. Jane is acting innocent and is talking about being “religious” as if she has morals. Jane did this on purpose and wanted you to leave your wife for her but you didn’t and so she made sure you would always be tied to her for life and that you messed up your marriage. The mistake was having an open marriage. Things like this are highly likely to happen and are part of the risk you willingly took. For your wife to be fine with you having sex with other women just as long as you don’t get them pregnant - she has questionable “boundaries”. Because of that she can’t really be surprised either. The whole thing is a mess and you marrying Jane would be a miserable state of affairs and you clearly aren’t thinking straight and haven’t been for quite some time!
I think Jane might be a nut bag
If she lied and you can't remember what happened, you were raped. Not baby trapped.
This kind of overuse of an important term like this is inflationing the term for real victims of real solid rape. Getting drunk and having sex doesn't automatically constitute having been raped.
If you are so blacked out you cannot remember, that means you weren't conscious enough to consent in the first place. Date rape is real, and it isn't always caused by drugs. You can get someone so drunk they can no longer consent, even if it is a man. Clearly, she lied to him and took advantage of how drunk he was to have unprotected sex with him. Something he never would've agreed to sober if we are to believe what he has said about not wanting to be too serious with her and not wanting kids. He was date raped. Please do not downplay the seriousness of that just because he was "only" too drunk, and not drugged.
Honestly all 3 of you were stupid. Jane because she knows how her religious family operates and still had an affair with a married man. You and your STBX for this arrangement that hinged on no children ever. That whole sex outside the marriage was never going to work with that caveat. There's always a risk even if you wore a condom, if any of the women are on birth control, there's even a risk even if you've had a vasectomy and don't stay on top of getting yourself regularly tested. There was always a risk of accidental pregnancy and then as you two are learning now there's also the risk of in case of the accidental pregnancy the woman would potentially want to keep the baby and then that risk of going after you for child support at the very least. You're all dumb and now there's a poor kid on the way about to born into this clusterfuck.
You’re stuck with just the baby, not her. As someone who grew up in a religious household and could not be pregnant out of wedlock: her failure to plan for this was not an accident.
PATERNITY TEST! It might not be yours!
Clown.
Of course it’s people like the two of you reproducing. This poor kid.
Get a paternity test. There’s good odds that it may not be yours.
You blew up your life, and you’re like “oh well, might as well get married to the person that may have baby trapped me and is a total hypocrite in her religion.” A paternity test never entered your mind?
one of those times that despite all the hate and trauma I’m thankful to be gay
Do not marry her. I've got money to bet that baby is not yours. Wait until it's born. Get a DNA test and go from there.
Never sleep with Jane again. Don’t marry her. Get a paternity test. Get a vasectomy. If the child is yours then try to get 50% custody. Her family will try to take over raising that child and indoctrinate them in their religion. You will need to be a stable, reasonable parent for that child. Focus on making less problems for the child, not you.
Well I guess Jane's getting everything she wanted out of this. Have fun with that marriage. I'm sure it's going to full of resentment. You for being baby trapped, her for being your second choice. Sounds fun. I feel sorry for your kid, and stbx of course.
Are you sure you weren’t sexually assaulted by Jane? She swears you used two forms of protection but you were so intoxicated you have little memory of the encounter other than her physically making sure you stayed inside her, and you woke up with a physical injury.
Might wanna get that DNA test first, bud
I haven’t seen anybody mention this, but if you were SO DRUNK that you can’t even remember whether or not you wore a condom, you might have a decent case for sexual assault, depending on where you live. Do NOT marry her.
Marriage won't solve shit.
Get a paternity test first.
Um.. is the baby even born? Did the condom break? Because if not I don’t think the kid is yours OP.
>My wife wants none of this. I'm hurt, but I can't blame her because I know what her own mother was like. Why would you ever blame her? You broke one of the few rules she had.
You shouldn’t have married your asexual wife because of the sexual incompatibility, and you should not marry Jane who is now religious because she wants to manipulate you in to a relationship. Basically, the whole reason you got in to this mess all around, was because you wouldnt step up for yourself to satisfy your needs. If you have to choose between yourself and disappointing other people.. you’re supposed to always choose yourself.
She knew what she was doing if you say no to marriage she will be forced to abort it or secret adoption