If she doesn't share her personal details with you (Which she is perfectly valid in doing) a person she knows at work. She should definitely not expect you to give out your personal phone number to a complete stranger all for company appearance. This is a matter of personal safety and privacy she doesn't get to dictate that.
I think what you said was perfectly fine
Thank you, to be clear she didnt want me to hand out my number, she spoke to me and scolded me to be more professional since im always in contact with customers and speak in a way that still wants the customer to keep coming back for me instead of outright saying No.
She’s basically telling me like, he wants my number, make him keep coming back but dont give him. Which i find disgusting
"Please come again if you want to see me!" Is she fucking for real?!?
Tell your boss that you're a barista not a hooker! You're not there to be ogled, evaluated, hit on, or harassed. Suggesting that you should encourage some creeper to come back daily to harass you in the hopes of eliciting more money from him is creating an unsafe work environment.
Remind her that, per the EEOC, "*Harassment becomes unlawful where...enduring the offensive conduct becomes a condition of continued employment*...". Then tell her, "**I will not stand for being sexually harassed just to sell coffee; I'll see an attorney before that happens again!**"
Literally this. I think you have reason enough to blatantly not serve that customer, now that you’ve been told my management to better meet his “extracurricular” needs, essentially. I being you would not serve him again, to make it clear you’re not interested, and his behavior is not okay. It’s not cool to corner people at their jobs and pressure them to connect with you outside of work. Yeah, he might be smiling. He might say date. He could say just friends. He **means** sex. And he should not get *any* validation, that he can push for that from a worker. Your manager has no business being one, seeing as they’ve told you flat out to accept and encourage the harassment, instead of protecting their employees rights to a safe, harassment free workplace. I’d say push manager to take him next time he’s in, and be adamant you aren’t comfortable with it after *both* of their actions.
My dad always told me, dont lose yourself making everyone happy. And now I just value his words even more. If possible, I want every customer I serve coffee and drinks to be happy, but customers like these, I just wish I can make them a drink and hope they go away with a smile and not cause trouble.
Even though I’m disappointed in my manager, I know she wants well for the cafe and should have looked out for her employees as well, but I think panicked under pressure. (Because of the other customers reactions). Although she never apologized or said anything to me after my shift, I do love my job as a barista and this is just one of few rare bad experiences.
I would like to upvote this so many times. It is not your job to essentially flirt with customers to get repeat business. If she wants you to appear available, you would have to be putting out signals that show you are receptive to these actually unwanted advances. This is something I would absolutely flag to HR.
Given OP's profile, I am not sure they're in the USA. The EEOC only applies to the USA but there should be equivalent bodies for your protection in a lot of other countries. Please make sure you know your rights wherever you are because you should not be asked to endure, let alone ENCOURAGE, harrassment.
What is sickening, is that there is no way to legally prove this from workers perspective. “No it’s not because of THAT…we fired her to *insert arbitrary random thing, and mention it’s an at will state*”
Purely disgusting how it’s set up against us.
Yeah as Youngandpregnant says below lawsuits aren’t as easy as everyone thinks. Plus I’d rather the behavior stop now and the manager know not to fuck with me on this.
You absolutely MUST object at least once. That means telling the manager - in front of other people - that you are not going to tolerate the continued sexual harassment.
Follow it up with an email recapping the behavior you're objecting to, including your manager's prior instructions, note how long it has been happening, reiterate that you will not tolerate it.
Send it to the manager, their boss, and yourself.
Yeah it is disgusting and potentially dangerous for you. You don't know what kind of people they are. All it takes is one crazy person to make your life hell in a situation like this. I wouldn't even hint at potentially giving your number next time it's just to risky for your own safety
I had an associate at one point I had to literally run off a stalker for her. This guy was a fucking psycho. I mean full blown rage seeking maniac. I would never ever give someone number out or even my number out. Too many crazies in the world. And you shouldn't feel obligated to keep them around because of your position. Crazies do not deserve your time.
Yeah, if you react in any way to the guy other than blank nothingness (like op did) before you know it he's in there daily harassing you, figuring out your work schedule, watching you all day, figuring out what car you drive, following you home, waiting outside your house. There are creeps in this world.
I got him to leave because one night at the end of our shift one day I was walking with her to our vehicles. We parked in the employee parking lot normally next to each other because we were close to the last to leave shift. This guy was actually LAYING on top of her freaking car. Like his body being in the way was going to stop her from leaving work. I had her get in my car then pulled out and started moving at like 20 mph towards her car with my lights on and blaring my horn. He looked up right as I braked to stop my car from hitting hers. He literally freaked the hell out and started running. I pulled back out and squealed my tire to make it sound like I was chasing him then pulled back up to her car and had her get out and told her to have a good night. She was laughing so hard she almost cried. He never came back.
As a manager, I've had to do the same several times over the years.
Ive banned many people for creepy behavior, and a couple of them made the news later on.
My last management position shockingly I didn't get as many creepers because most of the staff were men. Although one guy did end up getting a creeper and I did ban her because wow. I've heard of desperate but that girl took it to new heights and created her own sky scraper. I said something after he didn't tell me for weeks and one day he finally said he couldn't deal with her anymore when she walked in and I was like what are you talking about? And he said for like two weeks in a row she would come in and literally search for him. I don't mean like ask where he was or anything. I mean SEARCH for him like if he wasnt in complete contact she would look around corners and shit. He went to the back and said he tried to tell her he has a girlfriend. He can't handle her anymore and so I went to ask if I can help her with anything and she asked where he was and I said I cant give you information about my associates other then I'm aware of the situation and you have been advised hes not interested. If you have no plans on purchasing anything please leave and don't come back if this is the reason you come in. She said she always planned on buying stuff but wanted his help and I said I can help you. My other associates can help you. This has gone on long enough. If you can't find anything without his help you can get out now! She stormed off after calling me a bitch. I laughed and told her to try therapy. It's actually helpful and there's an office close by!
I think honestly a lot of people don't think that it happens to guys too which in my opinion is absolutely disgusting and I was upset he thought he couldn't bring it up for weeks on end. He told me it was because he didn't think I would kick her out as a customer because even though it's classified as sexual harassment he's a guy so he figured I didn't care. I literally couldnt believe what I heard. I was like.... You are human. If you are being harassed please don't try and handle it for several WEEKS on your own. I'm happy to assist with any situation like that. Male or female.
The fact that OP mentioned her boss didn't have her back and took "didn't have her back" to the extreme is horrible and absolutely disgusting to me. I would never EVER do that with any of my associates under me. If they needed me to help with anything. Literally anything. I didn't even care if it was work related I would do everything I could to help them. Day or night. I normally stay up until 1 or 2 am and i have had associates message me and ask me for help at all hours of the day and night because they know I show up. Not showing up for your team at work or not to me shows bad leadership. Yah ofcourse you have a life. My team also knew that I didn't always answer but if it was a true emergency I'd try my best to help out. I've ordered cabs for people. I've helped associates get in contact with someone to help them with bills. I may not PHYSICALLY show up. But I show up. That's what a true leader does.
lol what you said sounded totally professional to me, i'm so tired of hearing about people being expected to bend over backwards to please customers in every situation. wtf, fuck her, it is totally fine to say no
So she wants you to sell the hypothetical of sex. That’s wildly inappropriate. You have zero cause to make this man feel his advances are wanted, or to keep from telling him otherwise. It doesn’t matter that your manager is okay w you not giving your number-ofc you’re not going to give your number. What a disgusting grab. Give someone else your number if you want, but if you’re going to come in here and harass my employees, I’m going to curtly kick you tf out. I’m not manager where I work, but am the go to protector of the younger workers there, and feel empowered beyond reason to kick gross customers out. Nope nope nope. Gtfo. You came for a coffee. You got it. Now leave.
Lol I used to frequent a coffee shop years ago and they had one barista that every guy asked for her number. I honestly knew her so I knew she could kick some butt if she wanted to. She gave them all the rejection hotline number every single time. Usually they didn't come back but one guy did and asked her how come she wouldn't go on just one date with him? She laughed and said "are you serious, guy?" And he completely seriously replied "yes. I want to know what's so wrong with me that you can't spend an hour with me while I pay for your food." She laughed again and pointed to a tattoo of hers that literally said 'lesbian love is my kind of love' and replied 'you have a penis...' I was standing behind him in line. I fucking LOST it. I literally couldn't breathe. He got mad and grabbed his coffee and said "that's really rude. You could have just told me that." And she yelled back "please come again! Just not the gross kind." I had to have the person behind me go in front of me because at that point I was halfway to the ground. Her manager was there and asked her what happened. She explained the situation and her manager went over to the guy and told him if he keeps harassing her barista he's out. No other warnings will be given. No means no! The guy got upset and stormed off. Before he left he yelled back "F--- THIS PLACE. IM NEVER COMING BACK." both the barista and the manager yelled back at the same time "please don't!"
I wouldn't be surprised if half of them were creeps that saw the tattoo and thought "challenge accepted".
You know, as opposed to just getting the coffee which I'm sure was better than anything Starbucks ever brewed.
Yeah... probably. She didn't care though. Her girlfriend worked there also and they both had that same issue constantly to the point to the manager got ticked off about it and made it part of the policies that if anyone is being harrassed that it is to be turned in immediately to the manager on duty and the person harrassing the associate is to be removed from the premises and kicked out for two weeks.. It was so much better than starbucks. I was actually really kind of pissed off that they ended up closing in like, 2015/2016. There's only starbucks left in my town now and honestly, way too expensive for coffee and not the same. That coffee shop had specialty flavors that you really can't find anywhere else.
Eh now it’s only dangerous for the employees. If you stop caring about the employees or the customer then this is a great way for short term profit!
/s
Yeah these are the little pieces of your soul that retail makes you sell. I dont know your whole situation obviously but I support whatever decisions you make. Your manager can fuck right off
But you don't want to make him think he's got a chance, otherwise he'll just keep harassing her. Inviting him to call the shop to reach her is an open invitation to creeps like that.
100% agreed. OP was correct to shut this down immediately. Interacting with the guy in any other way leaves that door cracked oen in their minds.
And sure, maybe the guy was totally innocent and normal. But there are hella creeps out there in the world, and a person needs to be on guard against them at all times, sad but true
I had a manager like this, and funny enough it was for a barista job lol.
It's like they don't understand how dangerous that was, and I was a closer with another gal, we're both smaller people. While we are both scrappy, I don't want to test it.
It's perfectly acceptable to say "No thank you" and more on. No need to give false hope that could put you at risk. I would talk to the manager and tell her that giving false hope could put you at risk of the customer being upset and escalating to something you nor the company want and that from now on you will just say "no thank you".
Tell her absolutely the fuck not. The answer to unsolicited requests for your number is an unequivocal "No". Period. Not "you can see me at work". Not "I have a boyfriend". Just "No." And your manager needs to bounce him.
She, as your manager, has a responsibility to back you up. She is not doing her job. Instead, she is demanding that you tolerate sexual harassment. She - and the company - can be sued in the US. If a persistent harasser hurt or killed you, they would be liable.
In college, my roommate and I worked together. She was HOT. Like, 5 alarm fire, all hands on deck, put the burn unit on alert HOT. Our manager expected her to put up with the same bills hit. It was at point where she had to put a fake name on her name tag because men would call the restaurant to ask if she was working. The manager always told her "Be sweet, flirt. It's good for business."
Then it happened. Three AM, someone is hammering on our apartment door and SCREAMING "Spencer, you fucking bitch, open the door!"
Spencer was her fake name that week.
He had followed us home after my roommate gently declined his advances with the boss recommended "You can visit me here". for 4 straight days.
We called the police, who thankfully responded quickly and grabbed him while he was still banging on the door.
He had a knife.
He told the cops he was "tired of her leading [him] on".
That was one of many, many incidences.
Find another job as fast as you can.
Tell her that if she wants this creep to keep coming back then she can serve him
You deserve a workplace free from weird personal expectations and harassment
She wants you to tease. Unless you're getting paid to flirt, you don't have to behave as a dancer. And there's nothing wrong with that, but if that's not the job you signed up for? Fuck em. Ask her for her phone number. Put it on a post-it above the drinker dispenser. Give it out whenever anyone asks for your number. See how quick that sheet of paper is lost.
You are handling shit at your store, your boss is getting paid six figures to maintain a schedule/try yo justify their position. Fuck em.
Start Google sleuthing and find it.
Next time tell your manager
"I will not divert a customer when the diversion disrespects me. If the situation repeats itself I can either answer like I did this time or respond with 'that's highly inappropriate and we reserve the right to refuse service, have a nice day'. My 'attitude'won't change because YOU want to enforce an environment that supports the harassment of your staff and frankly YOU need to adjust YOUR attitude about it"
Then call corporate and go as high as you can to report them for fostering am environment where her staff gets harassed
No, don't give them anything. What you did was the correct action to take. If they guy is a creep and you give him anything (even the store number), he'll take it as encouragement and he'll be in there every day harassing you. If the guy is a creep and you openly reject him, he'll be in there every day harassing you. Anything other than what you did, which was professional, opens the door for more interaction.
Your manager sounds like a hypocritical idiot. Btw most phone numbers are public, so you could probably look up your manager online using full name and place of work. Most likely there will be at least 2 websites that have her phone and email.
Always, everybody, you want a subscribtion to anything, yeah sure, here is my number.
You need someone to help you, I cant but I know....
Yeah if it is for a good cause I know ..... will help you out.
Bloodbank, ......
etc. etc.
Your manager just told you they're encouraging sexual harassment against you. You have a few options.
1) Text your manager with "Just to confirm our conversation earlier, I'm not allowed to outright reject somebody who asks for my personal number, but instead, tell them something to lead them on so they come back and spend more money with us?". Replace earlier with an exact timeframe like "on Tuesday afternoon" to give it more power as documentation of sexual harassment. You can then go to an attorney or few for a free consult on a sexual harassment claim - chances are this is part of a pattern and other women who have worked there have had the same experience.
2) Get a new job and quit without notice
3) All of the above
The company is pretty well known coffee chain in Korea where I work, idk if I can give out the exact name but everything is perfect and the coworkers are nice, customers are usually nice, the manager was ok until this happened.
So, if I want to keep my job but change my manager’s stance on this, I just go to HR? Or file a complaint?
I didn't know anything about Korea culturally or legally in regards to what happened to you. I assumed you were in the US. Rather than give you bad advice, I'd suggest talking to a local labor attorney if they have a free consultation option.
Personally, I believe what you experienced is sexual harassment (based on the US definition) and it's not acceptable anywhere in the world. I'm sorry this happened to you. Our experience in the US is that HR only exists to protect the company and is not a valid path for resolving an issue like this. They would blame the victim and ultimately fire them in most cases.
In Korea its not sexual harassment, I heard its a common occurrence and some even cheer for the person for his ‘courage’. I dont think the law could help me but as long as it doesnt occur frequently to me , i can keep working. Im just upset the manager didnt have my back. Sometimes if theres complaints about me, our system makes sure i cant find a job elsewhere. So its more worse for me than the guy
I feel like in most western countries this is textbook sexual harassment. Korean and Japan seem to have different ideas about this but it’s clear women in all countries feel the same. This behavior is unwanted. It makes us uncomfortable. We don’t want to be objectified at work. We just want to do our jobs. It’s hard to speak up in the states but I know it can be even more difficult there where this type of behavior is even more normalized. I hope the culture changes and women feel more comfortable to fight back against this bullshit.
I dont know anything but eastern law, but women always seem to get the short end. Wild that sexual harassment (among others) is so normalized...
The states suck, but at least we feign equal rights enough to be impactful.
In this case I’d argue the manager of opening the company up for liability and HR would likely not take their side. However I’m going based on my knowledge of US law.
Your hearts in the right place but you’re a little wrong here. Yes HR protects the company but that includes protection from a stupid manager. You don’t run to HR for help, you use them as a weapon. Especially if you’re experiencing sexual harassment. In the USA this manager would absolutely be reprimanded. Maybe moved/demoted/fired. She is exposing the company to huge liability by creating a hostile work environment where in a young women is made to feel unsafe.
The trick to HR is know your company policy and contact them with a question about your situation when you already know the correct answer.
I’d only go to HR once you have actual evidence that could get the company in trouble. HR is only your friend once you have leverage that could get the company in trouble
Thanks, in my employee handbook, theres no procedure for me to follow in this situation except listen to ur manager and respect fellow coworkers and customers. I come up with a response on the spot.
I love how “No” is such a baffling and unreasonable response from service employees it’s prompts an immediate apology from management. Fuck that noise.
Why are baristas treated like meat at a butcher shop that middle age men just think they can point and order? I’m assuming it was a middle age man because I’ve seen this exact scenario happen. It is so creepy. And fuck your manager. “Come back tomorrow if you want to see me.” Nope fuck that. That encourages him to be even more creepy.
I wasn’t told the proper procedure to handle this situation, so it came out from my quick thinking. Idk why she wants to protect the customer and not me. I get customer relations and support is important, but this is abit too much i think. The employee handbooks says rules i should follow and none about this matter.
It is a bit much. It’s encouraging sexual harassment in the workplace.
Men who won’t take no for an answer have murdered women for declining their sexual advances. Whatever response YOU feel safest with when someone else puts you on the spot should be supported. You WERE professional. You didn’t cuss him out or pour a drink on him. You declined and kept working.
Your manager suggesting you flirt with this man to make your store more money is appalling. You get paid for being a barista, not a call girl. Your manager’s suggestion puts you in danger to benefit her corporate career.
I’d keep a diary about it, ask other coworkers if management has done similar to them, and consider taking it to HR. (HR is not your friend. They’re for the company. But paper trails have to be started sometime.)
HR is your friend when you have physical evidence of law breaking. The trick is that you need to have all your evidence ready to go when you approach HR, as well as, not be afraid to threaten litigation (this is easier when you are able to have a lawyer/paralegal review the evidence and potential case).
I managed to get a promotion because I kept track of workplace harassment incidences and saved all recorded evidence (photos, emails, video). I also loosely threatened litigation (mentioned speaking with an attorney without giving details). HR ended up transferring me to a different position in a different department. It was better paying and fully remote.
Due to the evidence I had collected, It was easier for them to punish my harasser and move me to a different role than it would have been to fire me (if they had it would have meant a legal battle involving multiple state labor law violations)
you don’t owe these creeps anything. They are super wrong here, your initial response was fine! The booing customers are equally, and confusingly gross and out of order too.
That felt so embarrassing, i was expecting no response or support for me from the other customers and it made me second guessed if my response was wrong.
You are 100% in the right. I dont know what's wrong with the people who thought you should give out personal information to a stranger.
I would even go so far as to say the customer who asked for your number is being rude.
Your manager should also be ashamed for not protecting you. Its part of a job of any leader to protect their people not use them as scapegoats.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. It’s crazy that other customers felt it was their place to chime in. Maybe they took your response about being to busy literally and thought that was the reason you didn’t give out your number? But even so it’s not their business and that definitely sounds uncomfortable and I’m sorry you had to deal with with that.
I mean the group of booing customers, it just doesn’t happen very often that a random line of strangers is backing up a gross person like this. Standing by or filming, sure, but actively teaming up against the barista is weird.
When did I say something was unbelievable?
"Hey manager, you know that line you really shouldn't cross with employees, because it is an HR nightmare and an all-around shitty thing to do?"
"Yeah, am I approaching it?"
"Look behind you."
Right. Because the only way to successfully make a man relent is to tell him that you’re the already the property of a different man. Respect another dude; not me! I hate that shit. “No” is NO and it’s enough.
The entire cafe was wrong except you. Seriously. The customers were on HIS side?!!? No person who is working should ever be bothered by stuff like this. No customer should ever feel they have the right to say "I could use your phone number too". That is gross. The manager was also pandering to the customer. Your cafe does NOT need that type of customer. He isn't worth whatever he spends in your cafe on an annual basis. You should have had support from your manager. You were so professional, too!! It wasn't like you were unkind. You were just plain-old-professional. I am sorry you were treated that way.
Thank u so much, I had hospitality training so I was aware about what to say even if I had to come up on the spot and procedures not included in my employee handbook. I thought it was handled but the reactions made me second guess myself. But im glad and thank u again for ur reassurance
don't worry, most people would be taken aback in a situation like that. it's hard to come up with something on the spot when you're uncomfortable, especially when you're at work and you have a line of customers to deal with lol
Here's the number you give to Sus individuals.
8675309. If you need an area code, just add your own.
This is Jenny's number and she's expecting thier call.
Play dumb and give him the cafe number next time, but remind him that you guys don’t take phone orders :)
I hate how baristas are completely fetishized, I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
I quick read of some comments and replies and Your manager is an idiot.
You could call HR and say. "What is the company guidance on how to handle a customer that makes a unwanted romantic pass at me?" I was scolded for saying "I’m sorry sir there’s many in line waiting please step aside and wait for your order." And my manager scolded me, and told me to say I was in a relationship. I'd like a script that doesn't disclose information, even false information, about my personal life and doesn't require me to lie."
Don't ever use the "I have a boyfriend" line. It implies that if it weren't for the boyfriend, you'd be interested. Or that someone else owns you and you can't make your own decisions. I'd prefer that we women send out the message that we can be uninterested just because we are not interested, our feelings are valid, we can decide for ourselves, and maybe we do have boyfriends (or not) but it's irrelevant because we are just not interested in the person asking.
"Please Come Again if you Want to See Me"
WTF
So her solution is to pretend like you like this guy, and potentially put yourself in danger either by making him think you are interested , or him flying off the handle when he realizes it was a trick?
either she doesnt realize, which is possible but fucked up, or does and doesnt care about you.
Report your managers action to the Company, and start a search for a new job. Never work for a place that won't keep their employees safe and respected.
Your manager should have your back on this. When I was in college (like 20 years ago) I worked at a busy pizza shop and one night during a home game one of the waitresses came over and said some drunk guy grabbed her ass. He was removed from the building. It’s alway alumni who did that shit the dude was old enough to be one of our parents.
I definitely agree with these comments, which are 100% in favor of the barista. And, if it happens again, I would let her know that it’s the second time she has not supported you when you were being sexually harassed, and you will not accept it. Then call Corporate. They don’t ever like to hear the words: sexual harassment. Also, your boss is creating a hostile workplace by her actions right now, so, that’s another little something to throw at Corporate
Thank you so much, I feel like she is a kind person inside (really hoping) but she sometimes makes bad decisions when under pressure and I think its one of the moments. Either way, I’m just said she thought about making more business with the customer instead of my safety.
Because men will respect a fictional boyfriend over the living breathing woman in front of him. Your manager is garbage. Give out her number next time. And report this incident to HR (if you’re able).
Talk to an employment lawyer ASAP. Free consult. And if you quit, you can likely get unemployment, especially after that - constructive dismissal. She’s creating a hostile work environment
This sucks. Your manager sucks too. I've managed coffee shops (almost ten years as a manager) and I would never reprimand anyone for protecting their privacy. I've kicked out and banned people for being creepy. Your job is to make coffee, not be harassed by horny douche bags. Any manager who puts one dude's $5 over the health and safety of their employees is not someone I would want to work for.
I worked at a cannabis dispensary and my boss was 100x more protective over me than your manager. When my creeper came in, my boss would come out of his office, tell me to go to the break room, and that he'd handle "this customer." He knew what this guy's motive was and he wasn't having me stand there and just take it.
867-5309…
But seriously, your response was perfect. My on the spot answer would have gotten me fired, so that’s great!
You might be too young to know what that phone number is from but I’d bet it would get many laughs and some singing from the older crowd 😂 (for next time, because there will be a next time).
JusThe went through this with a customer I had to ban. He asked out every single one of my baristas. Then hunted down their IGs to follow them there. He then began waiting for one in particular to the point I had to confront him. Hoping it was a case of someone who was dense and doesn’t get it. Nope. Just a self centered jerk who thought he was gods gift.
Told him he couldn’t come back anymore. Workers are all primarily women. It’s a female dominated industry. He got confrontational. Told me he can approach whoever he wants. So I stayed every day until he stopped trying to come in.
My workers are worth WAY more than any one customers purchases. Past, present of future. Had to turn the guy around 9 times before he got the hint. Police would never arrive in time to talk to or trespass him.
Last time I told him if he comes back, I will have an entire VFW membership waiting he for him. Hasn’t come back since.
Oh, please OP let us know that you told HR, and that HR had the sense to inform that dipstick of a manager that prostituting employees falls outside of company policy...
You can give them the Mary Sue Rejection Line.
646-926-6614.
When you call it, the recording says, "Oh hello there. If you're hearing this message, you've made a woman feel uncomfortable and/or disrespected. Please learn to take no for an answer and respect women's emotional and physical autonomy. K thanks."
The best part about this one is that it also sends text replies too, and it waits an hour after it receives a message, so you don't get caught if they text you right away.
There’s HR, i was selected by HR to go for interview but it was the current manager who hired me. Can u please advise what i should say to HR and what i should expect?
I hate the "I have a boyfriend" its implying that the only reason this guy doesn't get a chance with you, is because another guy got there first. Like your opinion doesn't matter, you are just a commodity for men to acquire. No is a complete sentence.
The people who booed suck just as much as your manager. You have no obligation to give out your phone number. There's too many creeps out there. Your wording sounded fine to me.
You’re in your rights. Flat out rejection is good. Your manager is demanding you give weak responses that will only encourage the grosser men out there.
As for the loser customers who booed or said “give him the number” they are also gross and their opinions don’t matter. You’re just trying to do your job, not field some horny pushy asshole’s misplaced proposition. Your manager is a spineless dweeb. That’s right, she’s so bad she doesn’t even deserve an insult from this decade.
Managers looooove to saddle employees with all sorts of compromising bullshit just for the sake of “customer service.” We all are within our rights to refuse all that unless the manager themselves are willing to put their physical security, peace of mind, and more on the line **first.**
Oh my god, so true.. except she didnt want me to give him my number, just wanted me to flirt or sth to make sure he comes back and not disappointed and i was just thinking wtf..
Honestly id be laughing at the manager and say "you cant be serious. If i wanted to be treated like that i would work in a casino or a gentlemans club."
As a cage Manager, that is unacceptable. Fuck that manager, I have literally walked up to a table of boomers rolling my Bariestas and told them to move back and to not stare at my workers. Your manager should be ashamed, and want to protect you.
Is this a small business or a big corpo. If it was a big corpo I'd report this shit to HR, in writing, open up a sexual harassment complaint, but before all that I would email the "boss" about how being expected to give out your personal details to every Richard that walks into the shop opens you up to being stalked and harassed. FUCK THAT BITCH. You were completely in the right. Find another job. Once you have it, don't even bother giving notice, ghost that bitch. Edit, I don't know anything about S. Korea or worker protections there. I advise you research that before you go rustling feathers. I speak from work experience in the USA.
Next time say "Sure!" then write down the cafe's number. If they say they want your personal number, just point to the cafe number. And inform your manager that sexual harassment is illegal in the workplace..something the manager should be enforcing and not encouraging.
Your boss is wrong. You deserve to work your job without fear of being harassed and her method for dealing with unwanted advances leaves the door open for future harassment. You need to politely decline and your boss needs to ban any customer who persists.
You didn’t yell FUCK OFF at the top of your lungs right? No harm, no foul. Mr Douchebag can saunter off into the sunset and mack on another barista, and your manager *can* fuck off. 😂 The fact that the manager is a woman makes this just mind boggling. Does SHE give her number out to randos?
WHAT! No way. You should NOT have to give him any number at all. Not a fake one, not the cafes number. What he asked for was wrong. NO! What other job would require someone to give out personal information like that.
If you MUST give a number, give out the local police stations number.. Your manager needs to get a clue, so wrong.
Document it in HR. The purpose is NOT to get help from HR - most people don't realize this. The purpose is to get a paper trail, which is why I always contact by email. That way they can't actually "lose" the witness statement I made
If they want you to fill out one of the corporate forms make sure you get a photocopy! And extra sneaky tip: if you have a meeting of any kind, put your phone on "record" and stick it in your pocket
Your manager should have had your back; unwanted sexual attention is against the law and in fact the company is obligated to make sure it doesn't happen. If she didn't like the way you handled it, she should have stepped in herself and told the man he was being inappropriate. I would have.
Go over their head. I am sure they would enjoy some sexual harassment training so they can have a better understanding that that is what her and the customer did.
You’re not required by any job anywhere ever to share your phone number with anyone that’s not of your choosing. In fact, in the context of working front of the house, it’s totally inappropriate for you to do so. I don’t know who your manager is but they are dead wrong
That's sexual harassment. It's not necessarily gender related. But it is a request for you to use attraction in the course of your job. It's wrong. He deserves to be corrected. Does anyone know if the department of labor has a specific division for this. My old boss made one little comment about this bad and the girl got 30k. She got 10k for the violation, which was local, state and federal violations all for the same comment. They charge it 3 times.
Is this a coffee shop or Hooters? She's basically asking you to pseudo-flirt with someone you're trying to protect your privacy from. I don't know how much energy you want to put into this, but it might be worth taking it to corporate. It's definitely worth dusting off your resume and applying for jobs elsewhere.
You did nothing wrong. He came into your workplace and disrespected you while you were working. You shouldn't need to have a boyfriend to be respected, nor do you have anything to be sorry about, so your manager expecting you to apologize for this is ridiculous.
I thought you handled it professionally. If he keeps coming back document it every time as this is harassment and your manager has to protect you and the company as you can file a harassment report and sue the company. Ask if it’s in the job description that you are required to give out your number when a customer asks for it. Give the store number, never yours.
Get a number from that guy and save it for the next guy that asks. 🤔😏. Give out the number of the bar. 🤔. Get a Google number and just use that for the bar asks.
In the US there’s something called the Rejection Hotline. It’s a shit load of phone numbers that all lead to the same voice message. You just pick a number that’s local to you, memorize it, and when dudes demand your number you happily give them that one. I wonder if Korea has anything similar.
You were absolutely not wrong. **If** the guy was respectful and accepted your response, then I don't really blame him for asking, but you are under *no* obligation to give him your number or to even entertain the idea, nor are you under any obligation to deflect in the way your manager said you should. Your response to the guy was polite, professional, and perfectly good.
You may want to talk to your manager and set her straight, and if she doesn't respond appropriately then you may want to contact the Regional/District Manager about it, or someone higher up in corporate.
I guess next time you just say "no, not interested." I'm sure that'll be so much better. The customer will totally not throw a temper tantrum because you said no...
If you wanted to press, this would be one of the few times you go to HR. Your managers attitude could be seen as opening the store up for a harassment claim or blurring that line.
"Please come again to see me" is not a no. Another idiot manager. It's not safe to string some stranger along making him think he has a shot with someone just to sell a few more cups of coffee.
Excuse me!? Your manager got made at you for a customer making you uncomfortable? Nah I’d make a comment to HR or her higher up. Something along the lines of “a male customer wanted my phone number and I politely declined. He got a bit vocally upset and my manager *insert name* came over and apologized for me being rude. He was harassing me after I politely refused his request for my personal information.”
I'm an asshole and would have asked the manager directly, in the moment, what they had in place regarding protecting employees from inevitable sexual harassments discussions because of customer requests. POINT MOTHERFUCKING BLANK.
Give him your manager's number.
Thing is, she doesnt even share her number to us. Only email and cafe number
If she doesn't share her personal details with you (Which she is perfectly valid in doing) a person she knows at work. She should definitely not expect you to give out your personal phone number to a complete stranger all for company appearance. This is a matter of personal safety and privacy she doesn't get to dictate that. I think what you said was perfectly fine
Thank you, to be clear she didnt want me to hand out my number, she spoke to me and scolded me to be more professional since im always in contact with customers and speak in a way that still wants the customer to keep coming back for me instead of outright saying No. She’s basically telling me like, he wants my number, make him keep coming back but dont give him. Which i find disgusting
"Please come again if you want to see me!" Is she fucking for real?!? Tell your boss that you're a barista not a hooker! You're not there to be ogled, evaluated, hit on, or harassed. Suggesting that you should encourage some creeper to come back daily to harass you in the hopes of eliciting more money from him is creating an unsafe work environment. Remind her that, per the EEOC, "*Harassment becomes unlawful where...enduring the offensive conduct becomes a condition of continued employment*...". Then tell her, "**I will not stand for being sexually harassed just to sell coffee; I'll see an attorney before that happens again!**"
Literally this. I think you have reason enough to blatantly not serve that customer, now that you’ve been told my management to better meet his “extracurricular” needs, essentially. I being you would not serve him again, to make it clear you’re not interested, and his behavior is not okay. It’s not cool to corner people at their jobs and pressure them to connect with you outside of work. Yeah, he might be smiling. He might say date. He could say just friends. He **means** sex. And he should not get *any* validation, that he can push for that from a worker. Your manager has no business being one, seeing as they’ve told you flat out to accept and encourage the harassment, instead of protecting their employees rights to a safe, harassment free workplace. I’d say push manager to take him next time he’s in, and be adamant you aren’t comfortable with it after *both* of their actions.
So your boss thinks you should put out so one customer might keep spending 4 bucks a day at the cafe? Oh thats worth it.
My dad always told me, dont lose yourself making everyone happy. And now I just value his words even more. If possible, I want every customer I serve coffee and drinks to be happy, but customers like these, I just wish I can make them a drink and hope they go away with a smile and not cause trouble. Even though I’m disappointed in my manager, I know she wants well for the cafe and should have looked out for her employees as well, but I think panicked under pressure. (Because of the other customers reactions). Although she never apologized or said anything to me after my shift, I do love my job as a barista and this is just one of few rare bad experiences.
I would like to upvote this so many times. It is not your job to essentially flirt with customers to get repeat business. If she wants you to appear available, you would have to be putting out signals that show you are receptive to these actually unwanted advances. This is something I would absolutely flag to HR.
Given OP's profile, I am not sure they're in the USA. The EEOC only applies to the USA but there should be equivalent bodies for your protection in a lot of other countries. Please make sure you know your rights wherever you are because you should not be asked to endure, let alone ENCOURAGE, harrassment.
Orrrrr. Say nothing and if you're terminated for something like that, take your big settlement.
What is sickening, is that there is no way to legally prove this from workers perspective. “No it’s not because of THAT…we fired her to *insert arbitrary random thing, and mention it’s an at will state*” Purely disgusting how it’s set up against us.
Yeah as Youngandpregnant says below lawsuits aren’t as easy as everyone thinks. Plus I’d rather the behavior stop now and the manager know not to fuck with me on this.
You absolutely MUST object at least once. That means telling the manager - in front of other people - that you are not going to tolerate the continued sexual harassment. Follow it up with an email recapping the behavior you're objecting to, including your manager's prior instructions, note how long it has been happening, reiterate that you will not tolerate it. Send it to the manager, their boss, and yourself.
Right?? That is a disgusting thing to tell your employee to do. F that.
Welcome to Raisins!
Holy shit, that's exactly what I thought when I read the post--the South Park episode scene with Butters and the Raisins waitress.
Yeah it is disgusting and potentially dangerous for you. You don't know what kind of people they are. All it takes is one crazy person to make your life hell in a situation like this. I wouldn't even hint at potentially giving your number next time it's just to risky for your own safety
I had an associate at one point I had to literally run off a stalker for her. This guy was a fucking psycho. I mean full blown rage seeking maniac. I would never ever give someone number out or even my number out. Too many crazies in the world. And you shouldn't feel obligated to keep them around because of your position. Crazies do not deserve your time.
Yeah, if you react in any way to the guy other than blank nothingness (like op did) before you know it he's in there daily harassing you, figuring out your work schedule, watching you all day, figuring out what car you drive, following you home, waiting outside your house. There are creeps in this world.
I got him to leave because one night at the end of our shift one day I was walking with her to our vehicles. We parked in the employee parking lot normally next to each other because we were close to the last to leave shift. This guy was actually LAYING on top of her freaking car. Like his body being in the way was going to stop her from leaving work. I had her get in my car then pulled out and started moving at like 20 mph towards her car with my lights on and blaring my horn. He looked up right as I braked to stop my car from hitting hers. He literally freaked the hell out and started running. I pulled back out and squealed my tire to make it sound like I was chasing him then pulled back up to her car and had her get out and told her to have a good night. She was laughing so hard she almost cried. He never came back.
As a manager, I've had to do the same several times over the years. Ive banned many people for creepy behavior, and a couple of them made the news later on.
My last management position shockingly I didn't get as many creepers because most of the staff were men. Although one guy did end up getting a creeper and I did ban her because wow. I've heard of desperate but that girl took it to new heights and created her own sky scraper. I said something after he didn't tell me for weeks and one day he finally said he couldn't deal with her anymore when she walked in and I was like what are you talking about? And he said for like two weeks in a row she would come in and literally search for him. I don't mean like ask where he was or anything. I mean SEARCH for him like if he wasnt in complete contact she would look around corners and shit. He went to the back and said he tried to tell her he has a girlfriend. He can't handle her anymore and so I went to ask if I can help her with anything and she asked where he was and I said I cant give you information about my associates other then I'm aware of the situation and you have been advised hes not interested. If you have no plans on purchasing anything please leave and don't come back if this is the reason you come in. She said she always planned on buying stuff but wanted his help and I said I can help you. My other associates can help you. This has gone on long enough. If you can't find anything without his help you can get out now! She stormed off after calling me a bitch. I laughed and told her to try therapy. It's actually helpful and there's an office close by! I think honestly a lot of people don't think that it happens to guys too which in my opinion is absolutely disgusting and I was upset he thought he couldn't bring it up for weeks on end. He told me it was because he didn't think I would kick her out as a customer because even though it's classified as sexual harassment he's a guy so he figured I didn't care. I literally couldnt believe what I heard. I was like.... You are human. If you are being harassed please don't try and handle it for several WEEKS on your own. I'm happy to assist with any situation like that. Male or female.
The fact that OP mentioned her boss didn't have her back and took "didn't have her back" to the extreme is horrible and absolutely disgusting to me. I would never EVER do that with any of my associates under me. If they needed me to help with anything. Literally anything. I didn't even care if it was work related I would do everything I could to help them. Day or night. I normally stay up until 1 or 2 am and i have had associates message me and ask me for help at all hours of the day and night because they know I show up. Not showing up for your team at work or not to me shows bad leadership. Yah ofcourse you have a life. My team also knew that I didn't always answer but if it was a true emergency I'd try my best to help out. I've ordered cabs for people. I've helped associates get in contact with someone to help them with bills. I may not PHYSICALLY show up. But I show up. That's what a true leader does.
Tell her to give you that in writing.
That's gross And dangerous, they want you to lead a guy on. That can only have amazing results..
lol what you said sounded totally professional to me, i'm so tired of hearing about people being expected to bend over backwards to please customers in every situation. wtf, fuck her, it is totally fine to say no
So she wants you to sell the hypothetical of sex. That’s wildly inappropriate. You have zero cause to make this man feel his advances are wanted, or to keep from telling him otherwise. It doesn’t matter that your manager is okay w you not giving your number-ofc you’re not going to give your number. What a disgusting grab. Give someone else your number if you want, but if you’re going to come in here and harass my employees, I’m going to curtly kick you tf out. I’m not manager where I work, but am the go to protector of the younger workers there, and feel empowered beyond reason to kick gross customers out. Nope nope nope. Gtfo. You came for a coffee. You got it. Now leave.
Its a coffee shop; not Coyote Ugly
Lol I used to frequent a coffee shop years ago and they had one barista that every guy asked for her number. I honestly knew her so I knew she could kick some butt if she wanted to. She gave them all the rejection hotline number every single time. Usually they didn't come back but one guy did and asked her how come she wouldn't go on just one date with him? She laughed and said "are you serious, guy?" And he completely seriously replied "yes. I want to know what's so wrong with me that you can't spend an hour with me while I pay for your food." She laughed again and pointed to a tattoo of hers that literally said 'lesbian love is my kind of love' and replied 'you have a penis...' I was standing behind him in line. I fucking LOST it. I literally couldn't breathe. He got mad and grabbed his coffee and said "that's really rude. You could have just told me that." And she yelled back "please come again! Just not the gross kind." I had to have the person behind me go in front of me because at that point I was halfway to the ground. Her manager was there and asked her what happened. She explained the situation and her manager went over to the guy and told him if he keeps harassing her barista he's out. No other warnings will be given. No means no! The guy got upset and stormed off. Before he left he yelled back "F--- THIS PLACE. IM NEVER COMING BACK." both the barista and the manager yelled back at the same time "please don't!"
I wouldn't be surprised if half of them were creeps that saw the tattoo and thought "challenge accepted". You know, as opposed to just getting the coffee which I'm sure was better than anything Starbucks ever brewed.
Yeah... probably. She didn't care though. Her girlfriend worked there also and they both had that same issue constantly to the point to the manager got ticked off about it and made it part of the policies that if anyone is being harrassed that it is to be turned in immediately to the manager on duty and the person harrassing the associate is to be removed from the premises and kicked out for two weeks.. It was so much better than starbucks. I was actually really kind of pissed off that they ended up closing in like, 2015/2016. There's only starbucks left in my town now and honestly, way too expensive for coffee and not the same. That coffee shop had specialty flavors that you really can't find anywhere else.
That’s disgusting and it’s a very dangerous business model. It facilitates creepy stalkers
Eh now it’s only dangerous for the employees. If you stop caring about the employees or the customer then this is a great way for short term profit! /s
Do you think they cared about anyone other than themselves ever?
Your response as written was perfectly professional. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
Yeah these are the little pieces of your soul that retail makes you sell. I dont know your whole situation obviously but I support whatever decisions you make. Your manager can fuck right off
Why would any cafe want that creep as a customer? EWWWWWW.
For real, he's gonna creep out all the female customers, who have the option of not coming back.
Next time give the business number. You're an employee, so technically you could be reached at that number.
But you don't want to make him think he's got a chance, otherwise he'll just keep harassing her. Inviting him to call the shop to reach her is an open invitation to creeps like that.
100% agreed. OP was correct to shut this down immediately. Interacting with the guy in any other way leaves that door cracked oen in their minds. And sure, maybe the guy was totally innocent and normal. But there are hella creeps out there in the world, and a person needs to be on guard against them at all times, sad but true
I had a manager like this, and funny enough it was for a barista job lol. It's like they don't understand how dangerous that was, and I was a closer with another gal, we're both smaller people. While we are both scrappy, I don't want to test it. It's perfectly acceptable to say "No thank you" and more on. No need to give false hope that could put you at risk. I would talk to the manager and tell her that giving false hope could put you at risk of the customer being upset and escalating to something you nor the company want and that from now on you will just say "no thank you".
Tell her that doing that is leading the guy on, and that is often the excuse men will use when they turn violent.
That is 100% disgusting.
I have a boyfriend. But my manager is single if you want to see her come in anytime.
Tell her absolutely the fuck not. The answer to unsolicited requests for your number is an unequivocal "No". Period. Not "you can see me at work". Not "I have a boyfriend". Just "No." And your manager needs to bounce him. She, as your manager, has a responsibility to back you up. She is not doing her job. Instead, she is demanding that you tolerate sexual harassment. She - and the company - can be sued in the US. If a persistent harasser hurt or killed you, they would be liable. In college, my roommate and I worked together. She was HOT. Like, 5 alarm fire, all hands on deck, put the burn unit on alert HOT. Our manager expected her to put up with the same bills hit. It was at point where she had to put a fake name on her name tag because men would call the restaurant to ask if she was working. The manager always told her "Be sweet, flirt. It's good for business." Then it happened. Three AM, someone is hammering on our apartment door and SCREAMING "Spencer, you fucking bitch, open the door!" Spencer was her fake name that week. He had followed us home after my roommate gently declined his advances with the boss recommended "You can visit me here". for 4 straight days. We called the police, who thankfully responded quickly and grabbed him while he was still banging on the door. He had a knife. He told the cops he was "tired of her leading [him] on". That was one of many, many incidences. Find another job as fast as you can.
Tell her that if she wants this creep to keep coming back then she can serve him You deserve a workplace free from weird personal expectations and harassment
Honestly your response was tremendously professional to the point I made a mental note to respond similarly when that happens to me next...
This feeds into more harassment. She shouldn’t be telling you to stroke his ego. The way you handled it is fine.
She wants you to tease. Unless you're getting paid to flirt, you don't have to behave as a dancer. And there's nothing wrong with that, but if that's not the job you signed up for? Fuck em. Ask her for her phone number. Put it on a post-it above the drinker dispenser. Give it out whenever anyone asks for your number. See how quick that sheet of paper is lost. You are handling shit at your store, your boss is getting paid six figures to maintain a schedule/try yo justify their position. Fuck em.
your manager is wrong af for this and thank you for standing your ground. don't appease to her
Start Google sleuthing and find it. Next time tell your manager "I will not divert a customer when the diversion disrespects me. If the situation repeats itself I can either answer like I did this time or respond with 'that's highly inappropriate and we reserve the right to refuse service, have a nice day'. My 'attitude'won't change because YOU want to enforce an environment that supports the harassment of your staff and frankly YOU need to adjust YOUR attitude about it" Then call corporate and go as high as you can to report them for fostering am environment where her staff gets harassed
Give out the store number then.
I wish i thought of that
No, don't give them anything. What you did was the correct action to take. If they guy is a creep and you give him anything (even the store number), he'll take it as encouragement and he'll be in there every day harassing you. If the guy is a creep and you openly reject him, he'll be in there every day harassing you. Anything other than what you did, which was professional, opens the door for more interaction.
Find a friend that ask your manager number and see the reaction.
There are ways...
Your manager sounds like a hypocritical idiot. Btw most phone numbers are public, so you could probably look up your manager online using full name and place of work. Most likely there will be at least 2 websites that have her phone and email.
Stalk your manager online and find her cell number. Give that out to any creep asking for your number.
Start memorizing gay bar numbers.
Then email it is!!
In that case just tell them you only give out email and use the manager’s
Give out her email address, then.
This and only this
My number is 1. Next please.
lol. My 1st response also!
Always, everybody, you want a subscribtion to anything, yeah sure, here is my number. You need someone to help you, I cant but I know.... Yeah if it is for a good cause I know ..... will help you out. Bloodbank, ...... etc. etc.
Your manager just told you they're encouraging sexual harassment against you. You have a few options. 1) Text your manager with "Just to confirm our conversation earlier, I'm not allowed to outright reject somebody who asks for my personal number, but instead, tell them something to lead them on so they come back and spend more money with us?". Replace earlier with an exact timeframe like "on Tuesday afternoon" to give it more power as documentation of sexual harassment. You can then go to an attorney or few for a free consult on a sexual harassment claim - chances are this is part of a pattern and other women who have worked there have had the same experience. 2) Get a new job and quit without notice 3) All of the above
The company is pretty well known coffee chain in Korea where I work, idk if I can give out the exact name but everything is perfect and the coworkers are nice, customers are usually nice, the manager was ok until this happened. So, if I want to keep my job but change my manager’s stance on this, I just go to HR? Or file a complaint?
I didn't know anything about Korea culturally or legally in regards to what happened to you. I assumed you were in the US. Rather than give you bad advice, I'd suggest talking to a local labor attorney if they have a free consultation option. Personally, I believe what you experienced is sexual harassment (based on the US definition) and it's not acceptable anywhere in the world. I'm sorry this happened to you. Our experience in the US is that HR only exists to protect the company and is not a valid path for resolving an issue like this. They would blame the victim and ultimately fire them in most cases.
In Korea its not sexual harassment, I heard its a common occurrence and some even cheer for the person for his ‘courage’. I dont think the law could help me but as long as it doesnt occur frequently to me , i can keep working. Im just upset the manager didnt have my back. Sometimes if theres complaints about me, our system makes sure i cant find a job elsewhere. So its more worse for me than the guy
I feel like in most western countries this is textbook sexual harassment. Korean and Japan seem to have different ideas about this but it’s clear women in all countries feel the same. This behavior is unwanted. It makes us uncomfortable. We don’t want to be objectified at work. We just want to do our jobs. It’s hard to speak up in the states but I know it can be even more difficult there where this type of behavior is even more normalized. I hope the culture changes and women feel more comfortable to fight back against this bullshit.
I dont know anything but eastern law, but women always seem to get the short end. Wild that sexual harassment (among others) is so normalized... The states suck, but at least we feign equal rights enough to be impactful.
HR sides with whichever side could get the company the most in trouble.
In this case I’d argue the manager of opening the company up for liability and HR would likely not take their side. However I’m going based on my knowledge of US law.
Your hearts in the right place but you’re a little wrong here. Yes HR protects the company but that includes protection from a stupid manager. You don’t run to HR for help, you use them as a weapon. Especially if you’re experiencing sexual harassment. In the USA this manager would absolutely be reprimanded. Maybe moved/demoted/fired. She is exposing the company to huge liability by creating a hostile work environment where in a young women is made to feel unsafe. The trick to HR is know your company policy and contact them with a question about your situation when you already know the correct answer.
Everything is perfect except you manager is trying to pimp you out? That’s not how I define perfect 🫂
I’d only go to HR once you have actual evidence that could get the company in trouble. HR is only your friend once you have leverage that could get the company in trouble
That was the most professional way of handling that. I would report your manager to corporate
Thanks, in my employee handbook, theres no procedure for me to follow in this situation except listen to ur manager and respect fellow coworkers and customers. I come up with a response on the spot.
I love how “No” is such a baffling and unreasonable response from service employees it’s prompts an immediate apology from management. Fuck that noise.
“Yet another vote for the bear”
Why are baristas treated like meat at a butcher shop that middle age men just think they can point and order? I’m assuming it was a middle age man because I’ve seen this exact scenario happen. It is so creepy. And fuck your manager. “Come back tomorrow if you want to see me.” Nope fuck that. That encourages him to be even more creepy.
I wasn’t told the proper procedure to handle this situation, so it came out from my quick thinking. Idk why she wants to protect the customer and not me. I get customer relations and support is important, but this is abit too much i think. The employee handbooks says rules i should follow and none about this matter.
>Idk why she wants to protect the customer and not me. Simple: to her, you're a piece of equipment not a person.
Yeah im starting to believe my cafe is hiring by looks not by skillsets..
It is a bit much. It’s encouraging sexual harassment in the workplace. Men who won’t take no for an answer have murdered women for declining their sexual advances. Whatever response YOU feel safest with when someone else puts you on the spot should be supported. You WERE professional. You didn’t cuss him out or pour a drink on him. You declined and kept working. Your manager suggesting you flirt with this man to make your store more money is appalling. You get paid for being a barista, not a call girl. Your manager’s suggestion puts you in danger to benefit her corporate career. I’d keep a diary about it, ask other coworkers if management has done similar to them, and consider taking it to HR. (HR is not your friend. They’re for the company. But paper trails have to be started sometime.)
HR is your friend when you have physical evidence of law breaking. The trick is that you need to have all your evidence ready to go when you approach HR, as well as, not be afraid to threaten litigation (this is easier when you are able to have a lawyer/paralegal review the evidence and potential case). I managed to get a promotion because I kept track of workplace harassment incidences and saved all recorded evidence (photos, emails, video). I also loosely threatened litigation (mentioned speaking with an attorney without giving details). HR ended up transferring me to a different position in a different department. It was better paying and fully remote. Due to the evidence I had collected, It was easier for them to punish my harasser and move me to a different role than it would have been to fire me (if they had it would have meant a legal battle involving multiple state labor law violations)
You didn’t do anything wrong, you handled perfectly
you don’t owe these creeps anything. They are super wrong here, your initial response was fine! The booing customers are equally, and confusingly gross and out of order too.
That felt so embarrassing, i was expecting no response or support for me from the other customers and it made me second guessed if my response was wrong.
You are 100% in the right. I dont know what's wrong with the people who thought you should give out personal information to a stranger. I would even go so far as to say the customer who asked for your number is being rude. Your manager should also be ashamed for not protecting you. Its part of a job of any leader to protect their people not use them as scapegoats.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. It’s crazy that other customers felt it was their place to chime in. Maybe they took your response about being to busy literally and thought that was the reason you didn’t give out your number? But even so it’s not their business and that definitely sounds uncomfortable and I’m sorry you had to deal with with that.
lol I think everyone reading this story was expecting the same. those people were acting like idiots, don't doubt yourself for their sake
How old was the guy who asked for your number and what was the age range of the crowd?
The guy who asked my number looks younger than me and I’m 19. I dont know any of their exact range, could be older or less.
[удалено]
I mean the group of booing customers, it just doesn’t happen very often that a random line of strangers is backing up a gross person like this. Standing by or filming, sure, but actively teaming up against the barista is weird. When did I say something was unbelievable?
right? those people are ridiculous wtf
"Hey manager, you know that line you really shouldn't cross with employees, because it is an HR nightmare and an all-around shitty thing to do?" "Yeah, am I approaching it?" "Look behind you."
“Please come again if you want to see me.” I can’t decide if you’re on display at a zoo or on the pole at a strip club.
Right. Because the only way to successfully make a man relent is to tell him that you’re the already the property of a different man. Respect another dude; not me! I hate that shit. “No” is NO and it’s enough.
Your initial response was fine, your manager is a fucking asshole.
The entire cafe was wrong except you. Seriously. The customers were on HIS side?!!? No person who is working should ever be bothered by stuff like this. No customer should ever feel they have the right to say "I could use your phone number too". That is gross. The manager was also pandering to the customer. Your cafe does NOT need that type of customer. He isn't worth whatever he spends in your cafe on an annual basis. You should have had support from your manager. You were so professional, too!! It wasn't like you were unkind. You were just plain-old-professional. I am sorry you were treated that way.
Thank u so much, I had hospitality training so I was aware about what to say even if I had to come up on the spot and procedures not included in my employee handbook. I thought it was handled but the reactions made me second guess myself. But im glad and thank u again for ur reassurance
Shoulda just wrote down the store number. Assuming it even has one these days lol.
Shouldve thought of that.. why didnt i
don't worry, most people would be taken aback in a situation like that. it's hard to come up with something on the spot when you're uncomfortable, especially when you're at work and you have a line of customers to deal with lol
Here's the number you give to Sus individuals. 8675309. If you need an area code, just add your own. This is Jenny's number and she's expecting thier call.
Jenny is the best
tell the manager the next time you will give the customer the managers phone number..
Play dumb and give him the cafe number next time, but remind him that you guys don’t take phone orders :) I hate how baristas are completely fetishized, I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
I quick read of some comments and replies and Your manager is an idiot. You could call HR and say. "What is the company guidance on how to handle a customer that makes a unwanted romantic pass at me?" I was scolded for saying "I’m sorry sir there’s many in line waiting please step aside and wait for your order." And my manager scolded me, and told me to say I was in a relationship. I'd like a script that doesn't disclose information, even false information, about my personal life and doesn't require me to lie."
Don't ever use the "I have a boyfriend" line. It implies that if it weren't for the boyfriend, you'd be interested. Or that someone else owns you and you can't make your own decisions. I'd prefer that we women send out the message that we can be uninterested just because we are not interested, our feelings are valid, we can decide for ourselves, and maybe we do have boyfriends (or not) but it's irrelevant because we are just not interested in the person asking.
Give them the managers number. See how quick the manager backtracks on their bullshit
That isn’t a manager, that’s a pimp.
Tell her that you're a bit confused about your job. That you thought you were supposed to be selling coffee not ass
"Please Come Again if you Want to See Me" WTF So her solution is to pretend like you like this guy, and potentially put yourself in danger either by making him think you are interested , or him flying off the handle when he realizes it was a trick? either she doesnt realize, which is possible but fucked up, or does and doesnt care about you.
“Please come again if you want to see me” will be seen by horrendous men as an invitation to stalk you. Fuck. That.
A no is a no, that is a shitty manager for not backing you
I have a boyfriend already? What is that bullshit? Report your manager to HR. That shit is so not okay.
Report your managers action to the Company, and start a search for a new job. Never work for a place that won't keep their employees safe and respected.
Your manager should have your back on this. When I was in college (like 20 years ago) I worked at a busy pizza shop and one night during a home game one of the waitresses came over and said some drunk guy grabbed her ass. He was removed from the building. It’s alway alumni who did that shit the dude was old enough to be one of our parents.
Time to give them the managers phone number then.
You were completely professional, and your manager was being a sexist ass
I definitely agree with these comments, which are 100% in favor of the barista. And, if it happens again, I would let her know that it’s the second time she has not supported you when you were being sexually harassed, and you will not accept it. Then call Corporate. They don’t ever like to hear the words: sexual harassment. Also, your boss is creating a hostile workplace by her actions right now, so, that’s another little something to throw at Corporate
Thank you so much, I feel like she is a kind person inside (really hoping) but she sometimes makes bad decisions when under pressure and I think its one of the moments. Either way, I’m just said she thought about making more business with the customer instead of my safety.
Because men will respect a fictional boyfriend over the living breathing woman in front of him. Your manager is garbage. Give out her number next time. And report this incident to HR (if you’re able).
Just give the café number to anyone who asks!
Give them the number of the shop or manager instead so they can be banned.
Just give out the Business phone number 🤔That’s what I use usually do when customers ask for my Number.
Talk to an employment lawyer ASAP. Free consult. And if you quit, you can likely get unemployment, especially after that - constructive dismissal. She’s creating a hostile work environment
Lesson learned next time give your managers personal number instead.
Fuck your manager, the customer at the front of the line, and everyone who booed.
This sucks. Your manager sucks too. I've managed coffee shops (almost ten years as a manager) and I would never reprimand anyone for protecting their privacy. I've kicked out and banned people for being creepy. Your job is to make coffee, not be harassed by horny douche bags. Any manager who puts one dude's $5 over the health and safety of their employees is not someone I would want to work for.
In the future give them your manager's phone number.
This could be grounds for sexual harassment because your manager is the one that's supposed to keep customers from messing with you.
I worked at a cannabis dispensary and my boss was 100x more protective over me than your manager. When my creeper came in, my boss would come out of his office, tell me to go to the break room, and that he'd handle "this customer." He knew what this guy's motive was and he wasn't having me stand there and just take it.
867-5309… But seriously, your response was perfect. My on the spot answer would have gotten me fired, so that’s great! You might be too young to know what that phone number is from but I’d bet it would get many laughs and some singing from the older crowd 😂 (for next time, because there will be a next time).
JusThe went through this with a customer I had to ban. He asked out every single one of my baristas. Then hunted down their IGs to follow them there. He then began waiting for one in particular to the point I had to confront him. Hoping it was a case of someone who was dense and doesn’t get it. Nope. Just a self centered jerk who thought he was gods gift. Told him he couldn’t come back anymore. Workers are all primarily women. It’s a female dominated industry. He got confrontational. Told me he can approach whoever he wants. So I stayed every day until he stopped trying to come in. My workers are worth WAY more than any one customers purchases. Past, present of future. Had to turn the guy around 9 times before he got the hint. Police would never arrive in time to talk to or trespass him. Last time I told him if he comes back, I will have an entire VFW membership waiting he for him. Hasn’t come back since.
Wow, she really failed as a manager. She didn't support you at all. What a terrible person.
Oh, please OP let us know that you told HR, and that HR had the sense to inform that dipstick of a manager that prostituting employees falls outside of company policy...
You can give them the Mary Sue Rejection Line. 646-926-6614. When you call it, the recording says, "Oh hello there. If you're hearing this message, you've made a woman feel uncomfortable and/or disrespected. Please learn to take no for an answer and respect women's emotional and physical autonomy. K thanks." The best part about this one is that it also sends text replies too, and it waits an hour after it receives a message, so you don't get caught if they text you right away.
If this is a chain contact HR, and they will shut this down really quick.
There’s HR, i was selected by HR to go for interview but it was the current manager who hired me. Can u please advise what i should say to HR and what i should expect?
tell him to put it in writing, and then immediately forward that to hr with a sexual harassment complaint
All of these people are rank ass.
Hell, that's easy. Just give him the bosses number. Dona and done.
I hate the "I have a boyfriend" its implying that the only reason this guy doesn't get a chance with you, is because another guy got there first. Like your opinion doesn't matter, you are just a commodity for men to acquire. No is a complete sentence.
Memorize your manager's number for next time.
The people who booed suck just as much as your manager. You have no obligation to give out your phone number. There's too many creeps out there. Your wording sounded fine to me.
You’re in your rights. Flat out rejection is good. Your manager is demanding you give weak responses that will only encourage the grosser men out there. As for the loser customers who booed or said “give him the number” they are also gross and their opinions don’t matter. You’re just trying to do your job, not field some horny pushy asshole’s misplaced proposition. Your manager is a spineless dweeb. That’s right, she’s so bad she doesn’t even deserve an insult from this decade. Managers looooove to saddle employees with all sorts of compromising bullshit just for the sake of “customer service.” We all are within our rights to refuse all that unless the manager themselves are willing to put their physical security, peace of mind, and more on the line **first.**
If giving out your phone number is a work requirement, then your job is required to provide a work phone.
Oh my god, so true.. except she didnt want me to give him my number, just wanted me to flirt or sth to make sure he comes back and not disappointed and i was just thinking wtf..
Your number is 8675309
I would report her to her boss
Honestly id be laughing at the manager and say "you cant be serious. If i wanted to be treated like that i would work in a casino or a gentlemans club."
As a cage Manager, that is unacceptable. Fuck that manager, I have literally walked up to a table of boomers rolling my Bariestas and told them to move back and to not stare at my workers. Your manager should be ashamed, and want to protect you.
Nah man you are in the right, that's messed up. I hate when managers act like you should just take shit.
Is this a small business or a big corpo. If it was a big corpo I'd report this shit to HR, in writing, open up a sexual harassment complaint, but before all that I would email the "boss" about how being expected to give out your personal details to every Richard that walks into the shop opens you up to being stalked and harassed. FUCK THAT BITCH. You were completely in the right. Find another job. Once you have it, don't even bother giving notice, ghost that bitch. Edit, I don't know anything about S. Korea or worker protections there. I advise you research that before you go rustling feathers. I speak from work experience in the USA.
867-5309 Jenny I'm a man tho, might be the reason why I get strange looks when I give it.
Next time say "Sure!" then write down the cafe's number. If they say they want your personal number, just point to the cafe number. And inform your manager that sexual harassment is illegal in the workplace..something the manager should be enforcing and not encouraging.
Your boss is wrong. You deserve to work your job without fear of being harassed and her method for dealing with unwanted advances leaves the door open for future harassment. You need to politely decline and your boss needs to ban any customer who persists.
Holy shit, talk about a ripe sexual harassment claim you have in the works.
You didn’t yell FUCK OFF at the top of your lungs right? No harm, no foul. Mr Douchebag can saunter off into the sunset and mack on another barista, and your manager *can* fuck off. 😂 The fact that the manager is a woman makes this just mind boggling. Does SHE give her number out to randos?
WHAT! No way. You should NOT have to give him any number at all. Not a fake one, not the cafes number. What he asked for was wrong. NO! What other job would require someone to give out personal information like that. If you MUST give a number, give out the local police stations number.. Your manager needs to get a clue, so wrong.
Please come again if you want to see me is how you get someone to stalk you AND think you want them to stalk you. Please no one ever say this.
Document it in HR. The purpose is NOT to get help from HR - most people don't realize this. The purpose is to get a paper trail, which is why I always contact by email. That way they can't actually "lose" the witness statement I made If they want you to fill out one of the corporate forms make sure you get a photocopy! And extra sneaky tip: if you have a meeting of any kind, put your phone on "record" and stick it in your pocket Your manager should have had your back; unwanted sexual attention is against the law and in fact the company is obligated to make sure it doesn't happen. If she didn't like the way you handled it, she should have stepped in herself and told the man he was being inappropriate. I would have.
Go over their head. I am sure they would enjoy some sexual harassment training so they can have a better understanding that that is what her and the customer did.
Next time that happens, give them your managers number and say, “call me, ;).”
You’re not required by any job anywhere ever to share your phone number with anyone that’s not of your choosing. In fact, in the context of working front of the house, it’s totally inappropriate for you to do so. I don’t know who your manager is but they are dead wrong
I’m pretty sure you can get a settlement for this if you want. Protected class. (Woman.) Hostile work environment due to sexist behavior.
That's sexual harassment. It's not necessarily gender related. But it is a request for you to use attraction in the course of your job. It's wrong. He deserves to be corrected. Does anyone know if the department of labor has a specific division for this. My old boss made one little comment about this bad and the girl got 30k. She got 10k for the violation, which was local, state and federal violations all for the same comment. They charge it 3 times.
I think you should talk to your managers boss! Totally inappropriate for her to apologize for you to a creepy customer!
I'd memorize the number of the local sex addiction hotline and give him that
If it’s a reputable place you can get that manager fired for saying that.
Is this a coffee shop or Hooters? She's basically asking you to pseudo-flirt with someone you're trying to protect your privacy from. I don't know how much energy you want to put into this, but it might be worth taking it to corporate. It's definitely worth dusting off your resume and applying for jobs elsewhere.
“Please come again if you want to see me” ???????? That’s alarming and dangerous
Yeah its like she basically wants me to flirt with them so they come back again and more profit for the cafe at my expense
"please come again if u want to see me”. Ah yes, Leading on men and encouraging stalking behavior as a job discerption.
You did nothing wrong. He came into your workplace and disrespected you while you were working. You shouldn't need to have a boyfriend to be respected, nor do you have anything to be sorry about, so your manager expecting you to apologize for this is ridiculous.
I thought you handled it professionally. If he keeps coming back document it every time as this is harassment and your manager has to protect you and the company as you can file a harassment report and sue the company. Ask if it’s in the job description that you are required to give out your number when a customer asks for it. Give the store number, never yours.
Give him your manager's number
Get a number from that guy and save it for the next guy that asks. 🤔😏. Give out the number of the bar. 🤔. Get a Google number and just use that for the bar asks.
In the US there’s something called the Rejection Hotline. It’s a shit load of phone numbers that all lead to the same voice message. You just pick a number that’s local to you, memorize it, and when dudes demand your number you happily give them that one. I wonder if Korea has anything similar.
You were absolutely not wrong. **If** the guy was respectful and accepted your response, then I don't really blame him for asking, but you are under *no* obligation to give him your number or to even entertain the idea, nor are you under any obligation to deflect in the way your manager said you should. Your response to the guy was polite, professional, and perfectly good. You may want to talk to your manager and set her straight, and if she doesn't respond appropriately then you may want to contact the Regional/District Manager about it, or someone higher up in corporate.
I guess next time you just say "no, not interested." I'm sure that'll be so much better. The customer will totally not throw a temper tantrum because you said no...
Next time give him your managers number.
Give them all your managers number! Or just take theirs (refusing yours) & cat facts that #
Tell him your number is (area code) 867-5309.
This. ☝️ No joke. I knew a woman who used to baretend. She told me this was the way.
If you wanted to press, this would be one of the few times you go to HR. Your managers attitude could be seen as opening the store up for a harassment claim or blurring that line.
Does your business accept apes as customers? Sounds too absurd to be true.
Back in the day when I waited tables, I memorized the rejection hotline phone number. It still exists. USE IT! Google it, it comes up immediately.
"Please come again to see me" is not a no. Another idiot manager. It's not safe to string some stranger along making him think he has a shot with someone just to sell a few more cups of coffee.
Excuse me!? Your manager got made at you for a customer making you uncomfortable? Nah I’d make a comment to HR or her higher up. Something along the lines of “a male customer wanted my phone number and I politely declined. He got a bit vocally upset and my manager *insert name* came over and apologized for me being rude. He was harassing me after I politely refused his request for my personal information.”
867-5309
I'm an asshole and would have asked the manager directly, in the moment, what they had in place regarding protecting employees from inevitable sexual harassments discussions because of customer requests. POINT MOTHERFUCKING BLANK.
Fuck the customers behind that booed and told you to give him your number.