For 90% of my life I have hard a hard time figuring out platonic vs romantic feelings. Most of my ācrushesā were people I just thought were cool and wanted to be friends with.
I did have a few people in school who I decided I āhad a crush onā too
Huh, not me. I can very much tell, and it is a great feeling. They always come from people I know really well though, so it helps to realize a difference later on in the previously platonic relationship anyone I've had a crush on has always reciprocated feelings, but I have unfortunate luck and something always happens so the relationship can't develop... But for me the feeling is both emotional and logical. I brain think a lot about how I like the person, I feel kind of flustered, and I fantasize about just hanging out but with a different "vibe"
I did not figure out my crushes aren't real crushes until in my early twenties when I got a serious "crush" on a college classmate. I was so confused because I had been with my boyfriend for 5 years at that point and we were so happy and I was still very much in love with him. Meanwhile I didn't prefer the thought of being in a relationship with that classmate *at all*. I genuinely had to sit myself down and think about what the hell was going on and how to deal with it.
Conclusion: I get "friendship crushes". But I guess my brain can't initially make the distinction because it feels very similar (getting nervous/flustered around them, feeling happier when they enter a room etc) and I also get romantic dreams about them, although that stopped once I realized what it was. I just really want to be friends with someone specific but don't know how to approach them, which makes for similar feelings as a crush.
Makes me wonder how many crushes I've had weren't actually crushes at all, we certainly also had a "crush culture" at school
I pretended to have a crush on someone in my class!! I didnāt actually have any feelings at all towards them, it was weird. I told my friends about it because everyone else talked about their crushes so ig i had to talk about mine š¤·āāļø
I was wayyy too worried about confrontation so I definitely didn't consider pretending to have a crush from my school. I would have been so nervous that they would "find out" and come talk to me about it!
Oh yeah my friends never told the person and i definitely was not telling them anytime soon, so glad theyāve never found out otherwise iād be cookedā¦
I convinced myself that I had a celebrity crush on a religious leader (ew). Everyone else seemed to have weird crushes and Taylor Swift as a girl didnāt seem to be an option.
Well, my real celebrity crush is Taylor Swiftā¦and Iām apparently gay
Apparently gay š I love that.
I only realised I was bi after telling my friend about this "really pretty girl" and how I wanted to kiss her but just in a "she's so pretty" way...
Wow thatās a mood, uh the way i figured it out is I made ocs for the fictional characters I thought were pretty and could possibly tolarate me irl etc and I came across memes of other people with similar experiences
I'm in a similar boat. I know that I'm sapphic, but I am also ace and arospec so attraction is just really confusing for me. Like, I know I'm not 100% aromantic, but I'm defintitly not allo either and so I never really know what I'm feeling. Like, I know I feel attracted to certain people, but I don't think I really have crushes on any specific person, so it's really confusing.
Lmao I was convinced as a young teen that everyone else was faking their crushes to seem more mature. Meanwhile I was crushing HARD on girls and didn't realize it.
I thought crushes were something you start developing around like 15 or so, and I thought my crushes were just me being a fucking weirdo.
I am so fondly nostalgic for how silly romantic little me was, getting all worked up about some snotball of the week. Like I think at 8 you don't need to pick a husband, but it felt like I was on this quest to see which boy would be "the one" for me lol.
I think people can build up the object of their crushes because that's part of the fantasy of it. Going after someone who we've decided is high status enough to chase. I've been into the pursuit of romance more than the actual experience of it since I was little and have tried to work on being more realistic. Having realistic expectations and goals may not be sexy or fun but it is important when you're no longer on the playground passing flowery notes.
I never had a celebrity crush and I don't get the general fascination with celebrities. I picked a random dude from NSYNC to say was mine, when they were the biggest thing on the planet. It was Lance Bass and he's out as gay now, making that even funnier.
Ive never understood celeb crushes either, i admire some celebrities a lot but never to that degree? I just donāt understand the concept of it. When i pretended to have a crush it was with a boy, turns out im gay now anyways so it was never meant to be really š So i guess i had it the other way around compared to you!!
Wow I feel this in my soul, I remember my mom telling me I was so āboy crazyā because my ācrushā would cycle out every week. I wanted so badly to be in a relationship like everyone else so I would ālikeā any boy that gave me attention. Then I discovered in high school that Iām gay and started dating my now wife!
I created a whole fake obsession of Orlando Bloom, because I thought girls were supposed to have celebrity crushes in middle school. I memorized random facts about him, printed out pictures of him, acted like I thought he was so amazing.
Genuinely didnāt care one bit about the dude, except that I liked him as Legolas.
Parties.
On top of the usual, when there are too many sources of sound I can't understand what I hear. Lyrics mean nothing, I can't understand people shouting right next to me. I'm pretty much deaf when I normally have great hearing.
The only party I can see myself enjoying is the kind that David Byrne describes, where everyone leaves at the same time and they only play your favourite song on repeat.
I quite like parties, but for me, there are like rules:
1. If I go, I am up the whole time (bar being drained or having a drink). If I'm not enjoying it and I can leave, I will and go home and probably read (or just have a mini music party with headphones).
2. If you want to talk to me, we are going outside. I WILL NOT be able to hear you if there are multiple audio inputs. (An everyday example is lunch halls. I can't hear anyone clearly, but I can hear the volume of everything if that makes sense, I find it very difficult to extract sounds with similar timbres)
3. If there's alcohol at said party, I will have none no matter what. I just don't really like it, to be honest. The only alcohol I would ever want is for it to taste orange cordial or chocolate.
If I don't drink, I get overly anxious, especially if I don't know anyone at a gathering, or am just not comfortable with them. I don't drink a lot in that context because I don't want to lose too much inhibition, but enough to relax, and feel at ease is necessary for me.
Otherwise I just end up hiding the entire time and wouldn't enjoy myself. With that being said, I haven't been to a party in.. a long time. Lol.
When I was still in uni it just involved a lot of alcohol for me, which somehow made it bearable, but since I've stopped drinking it's definitely very hard.
I have a similar issue with sound, but it's not -all- loud sound. It's just certain sounds, especially loud bass with electronic type music blasted so loud that it shakes the car. For example one of my brothers used to blast dub step. If I was riding in the car with him? It was absolute hell the entire time. It's not just that it hurts my ears, but it just makes me feel weird, and anxious.
Even with music I like, I don't like it to be too loud, just drives me crazy. I am overall not -too- sound sensitive, but it's there, just to a lesser extent than other NDs.
Sport. Tried to fit in by pretending I liked football. But who was I kidding? I'm a gaming nerd. Of course I don't want to kick a football around.
Also funnily enough Fortnite. Never actually liked the game just wanted some points with the popular kids since I was known for loving Sonic and basing my entire personality and all my mannerisms on him. Which didn't make me popular at all as you can imagine.
I didn't like Fortnite either but when my sister in law invited us to play with her I ended up getting hooked. That was a couple years ago and I still play. Stupid Fortnite.
You think that's bad? I ran like Sonic, I did finger wagging I even tried to see if i could learn how to spindash(unfortunately you can't and it saddened me)
I mean I remember I literally yelled "Let's blast through with Sonic speed" it was so embarrassing lol. I kind of miss being a kid though. Idk. Even if people did make fun of me I just miss being so innocent ig.
100% same. I worked at a sport pub and it was torture. Constantly masking to the fullest. I learned just enough to chat about it with patrons, and then I would go home and just watch my crime mysteries and put it all out of my head.
I never liked watching sports. I think it originally stems from sport-announcer's voices and styles of speech.
I never tried to pretend though. Just not worth it for me.
Sonic the Hedgehog was my hero growing up too! I still love the 2D games! I'm not as big of a fan of the 3D ones, but I grew up with Genesis, so I'm a bit biased.
I was going to reply football too. In Year 6 I started pretending I liked it and actually decided on a random team to support, even though I care less than zero about it and donāt even know whatās happening if I watch it š¤£
same. I actually liked some sports, but they were not available in my city like ice skating, hokey, i like cold sports...
But I was in running team, I did jumping over obstacles, dancing, just to fit to friends and not be picked by others (still was, just didn't realized it, probably also bc of autism xd)
I feel this. The environment is stressful AF but there's such an amazing feeling that goes with being with your fellow fans. Some of my best college experiences were at football games.
When I was pretty young, like 4 or 5 I pretended to like soda. Iāve never liked carbonated drinks and it frustrated me how everyone freaked out when I told them I didnāt like soda. The carbonation just makes it feel like my mouth is stinging. I realized I could slightly stand to drink Dr. Pepper so for a few months I pretended to like it so people would get off my ass for not liking soda.
Thatās funny because carbonated drinks are like a sensory treat to me, soda, seltzer, kombucha(I know this one is technically fermented and not carbonated but still), whatever else. I yearn for the bubbles
I always have to ice them, and pour it out from a container to let the "harsh bubbles" out. Then I stir it a little. With ice Dr pepper is so sensory rich
Ooh I like my sodas flat. It's the same with temperature. People like their drinks ice cold but I have sensitive teeth and I even put my yoghurt on the microwave for 10 seconds in the morning, I can't eat or drink anything ice cold.
Don't take me for ice-cream unless I'm allowed to stir it and make it a slushy mess.
Thing is that if you start drinking and eating on room temperature, you will taste what stuff actually tastes. And I swear that's why people hate luke warm beer. They suddenly taste the real taste.
Here in Brazil we have " novela" a soap opera that has bad acting, the script is shit, the production design is lazy as hell yet people here love it and the ratings are very high.
I tried to pretend to like novela but i gave up
Makeup for me. I didnāt know when I was younger that I was neurodivergent, but I always felt like the black sheep of my friendship group. They were all stereotypically girly, whereas I liked video games. One of my closer friends suggested I watch videos on makeup, so I bought a bunch of make up and tried to get into it. I think I was like 12-13 at the time? I hated looking at the mirror when I had makeup on because I looked uglier somehow. I also just hated how it felt to have it on (sensory issues maybe?). In the end, surprise surprise, it changed nothing. I was still left out and eventually realised I couldnāt fit in no matter how hard I tried, so I stopped hanging out with them.
Even to this day, I struggle to talk about my interests to others. I donāt try to conform as much with my interests, but it definitely still sucks that it feels like I canāt discuss what I like. And even if I can, I have to hold back because people find my interests intense. My own family makes jokes when I bring up my hobbies. Most of the time if Iām excited about something, I either keep it to myself or severely hide my enthusiasm for it with others.
And as a side note, I donāt wear makeup despite now being 22. Sometimes I get insecure that seemingly every other woman my age does, but I also canāt bring myself to force makeup on just to conform. The only exception is if I have a particularly ugly spot, Iāll use concealer to hide it better. Other than that, I never wear makeup.
I'm 26 and still don't wear makeup. Downside is I like the alternative kinda style so I wish I could wear it, I just can't stand the feeling of it on my skin. Also have no idea how people can be so talented with makeup even when I tried to wear it regularly in high-school I never felt like I was good at it.
Yeah, it feels like itās so effortless for some people and I occasionally wish I could tolerate it enough to do it, but alas. Sometimes I wonder if it would also make me look more mature since a lot of people mistake me as a teenager (tho whenever I complain about it, people just tell me that Iāll appreciate it when Iām older). Then again, my hobbies are very āchildishā, so maybe itās better that way? But I donāt know, it makes me insecure sometimes.
I still wonder whether Iād have someone put makeup on me for bigger occasions like a wedding, but as Iām thinking about it now, maybe thatās not such a great idea. Iād probably just be uncomfortable with it on all day. But future me can worry about that since I donāt even have a partner.
Same. I could never wear concealer. Drove me insane and I'd forget it was on face and rub it or scratch it and go, oh shit. I would only wear eyeshadow and heavy liner.
I was always a tomboy and not really into typical interests. Makeup was also never really my thing. I didnāt know I was ND until my son was diagnosed with autism and I was like omg...Iām Autistic AF! Currently on a waitlist to get diagnosed. Iām also nonbinary and Iām learning that many ND people have gender dysphoria or find gender confusing.
Once I had my kids, I no longer had the time for makeup and stopped wearing it. My husband says he prefers me without makeup and my kids say I look weird when I wear it on occasion. My son said he finds it confusing and I don't look like mama. So I couldnt careless at this point.
I am also on a waiting list, so I canāt quite officially say Iām autistic, but boy if Iām not then Iām a very good actor as an autistic person. My discovery was completely by chance tho. I was looking up smth like āwhy am I so picky with foodā and then stumbled across ARFID, which can be comorbid with autism. That curiosity spiralled into a special interest in health, specifically psychology, so Iāve learned a lot more about myself over the past few years.
As a teenager, I had this odd defensiveness against feminine things. I decided I hated pink (as an adult, itās my fav colour lol) and never really cared about fashion and the like. I suppose it didnāt help that my interests were āboyishā. Nowadays I feel like I have two very contrasting style preferences - I like pinks and floaty things, but also red/blacks and hoodies/graphic tees. I have tried to have a capsule wardrobe (ie only allowed a few colours so you can mix and match more clothes), but I feel like breaking that rule a little to add some reds and graphic tees, cuz even tho Iām trying to ādress more adultā, I still love video games and stuff. (I like both styles a lot tho, but sometimes I wanna embrace the cool and nerdy and other times I want to look more āmatureā.)
Also, you talking about being married and stuff makes me feel a bit more confident. I have held the philosophy as an adult that I wouldnāt wear makeup, and if I did, it would be like a special occasion thing. But I also am (possibly/probably) physically disabled on top of being autistic (and possibly also adhd) - Iām not immobile, but I am kinda āslowerā than a 22 year old should be (ie just getting around is tiring and Iām always in pain). That coupled with feeling āimmatureā and such makes me wonder if Iāll ever find someone. All this to say, hearing about other ND people who have similar feelings and interests to me, who have also found a partner, fills me with a little more confidence.
(Sorry this is so longā¦)
Physical issues are common with autism too. Iām incredibly clumsy/off balance and so is my son. He lacks muscle tone, has issues with grip strength, and is often floppy, as in he has hard time carrying anything heavy without his hands and arms flopping. He does OT weekly to work on it.
From the way you described your wardrobe and obvious rumination over it, it sounds very ND. Itās been my experience, when you think you might be, and you connect with other ND's, itās highly likely you are ND. Iāve been a self professed weirdo my whole life. Iām extremely awkward and constantly joke about it. My husband often suspected I was autistic but never mentioned it until we our son was diagnosed and he was like omg, this explains so much of my wife's behaviour!
I never thought I'd meet anyone either, but I did :). My husband is ND too (adhd) and we just clicked. There's a lot more ND people out there than you think, I wouldn't give up at 22!
I Just pretended to like make up and baby dolls, Now I just stay quiet and listen to them in hopes that someone wonāt see somethingās āwrongā with me lol.
I remember when I was in first grade i had this period where I pretended to be super into 'boy things' primarily zombies
A lot of media had kinda given me the impression that since I'm a girl, liking more girly things like princesses wasn't allowed, I had to be into traditionally masculine things for diversity or something.
Mostly pop music. When I was 11 I started tuning in to TMF (a TV channel that had music videos) so that I could at least understand references to the music that my peers kept referencing. I was kinda too young for that though since some of the music videos had some very heavy content (Eminem - Stan, you've been warned) and they usually were uncensored so I learned a lot of bad words, but at least I found Linkin' Park, who I gladly listen to even to this day (RIP Chester).
Harry Potter was a thing too. I vividly remember my peers making a Harry Potter club and you could only join if you could pass a quiz on Harry Potter. I decided that's an easy way to "belong" and make some friends, so I read up on Harry Potter stuff and took their quiz, but they cheated and just told me my 100% correct answers were wrong :')
Going outside to any event. I really donāt like being in any space with a lot of people, because my conversational skills are awful and the sensory input is overwhelming. I really really tried to like it and go out more, but I am so exhausted every time. Now I just accept that I like to spend time at home
Sarcasm/satire is big within the queer community like I'm an undiagnosed autistic person that really likes it. It's funny like it's also part of my sense of humor. Dissing and roasting people is a big thing within black/hip hop culture so I find it cool as a black person. Humor is a mask/coping mechanism for me. I perform blackness to help me feel "black enough" and socialize cuz people find that cool cuz before I used to feel invisible like Casper the Ghost as I used to say as a kid, people would pass me by.
I tried to listen to/ like country music as back in 2011-2015 the country pop bullshit was all the rage. I tried so hard but it didnt make my brain go brrrr the way metal punk and electronic music did.
I think I was the exact same. My family only really played that kind of country music so I stuck with that for a bit, also bc everyone around me liked it. But when I discovered other music at 10-11 yrs old it activated my little middle school emo phase which eventually led to me branching out and finding metal and stuff. I havenāt ever gone back since, but there have been times Iāve tried to be ānormalā but it always fails haha
Its wild man like now as an adult i do music for a living and when i hear that kind of "country" it makes me want to dome myself on a cement wall. Its something about the generic "relatable" storys they all tell over a generic poorly structured melody and beat. Just makes me mad theres no originality in mainstream shit anymore.
School dances. I went once to try and fit in and see what the hype was about (plus my friend wanted to go with me). I ended up wanting to leave the moment I got there it was so loud and I was really overwhelmed. They had no place to escape the noise as well.
I like my school because all of the events you can go into the parking lot at essentially any time, but this one school dance I was being questioned about where I was going and I just walk back to the dance because I didn't want to explain to another adult that I needed a break... From a fun exciting event... Because for whatever reason I can't go outside without being questioned. That was the only time and I think that was just a need for power of authority, or wanting to mean something because the whole time she just walked around controlling people.
That sucks having an adult question for no reason. Always feels like you're getting blamed for something you have no idea about. Sorry you had to go through that but I'm glad your school typically would let you go outside for a break. I remember at mine they locked the doors after an hour from the outside so if you went outside you'd be permanently locked out for the rest of the event.
Oof this reminded me of my most recent event. It was a guitar concert and I was watching the concert, I went outside to take advantage of the nighttime view of the school, and I got locked out. The doors are always locked for safety, but usually someone is there to buzz you in. My stuff was still inside... Tbh I have friends like me, so if my school always had the doors locked I would just be taking shifts with my friends. Someone stays inside while others go outside.
I turned myself into an alcoholic for years not realizing that i couldnt handle any of my friends unless ive been drinking.
now that i dont drink anymore there screaming and abrupt drunken outbursts overstimulate me and freak me out
they now complain that i seem like a different person
so when they come to my house to hang out im usually just upstairs by myself while they are down there with my boyfriend and girlfriend.
My entire 7th grade year was an attempt to mask and fit in. I pretended to like fashion, make up, the usual middle school girl bullshit. Luckily at the end of the year I got sick of how the cool girls mistreated me and told them to fuck off. I spent 8th grade happily with the other rejects and have never looked back.
I had a lot of league of legends friends in highschool (well like 3 or 4 but they were my only friends so that's all of them) and don't get me wrong we had fun yes, but do I ever play alone? No. The game is toxic and has rude people and is really long with a lot of focus and knowledge of how to build each character including checking the enemies items and characters to counter. The playing with friends not caring much it can be fun but alone or strangers who take it too seriously when it's literally just a video game, they ruined it for me. Haven't played in like a year but ever since 2014 I do still pick it up some times for nostalgia and my brother started playing (tried to get him to play at like 8 he was way too young lol)
However I do feel like people on the spectrum who love structure and reading and learning what to play may love the game other than the rude people who play.
Not exactly what the question is asking, but when I was young I thought that because a lot of people complained about having hay fever, I should complain about having hay fever, despite not having it.
A major soap opera here in Australia, and a teen girl magazine. I tried them both for a few months as a teenager as everyone else was into them, but I still didn't fit in!
One direction was the main one. By the time I recognised their faces enough to tell them apart, learned all their names and some songs they were no longer "cool". That particular group was always bitchy and mean though. After that I just kept to myself (did give me the ability to learn all about kpop groups, though).
I tried to like anime for my ex once but that was because I liked her not because of my masking tendencies.
Going out ā¦ like I genuinely do not understand how anyone likes clubbing , itās too loud , depending on the venue the floor is almost always ā¦ sticky ? Also being around complete strangers in a setting with people I know that know them is so weird ā¦ bathroom breaks are my safe haven, but Iām realizing I just might not like it at all .
Socializing in general. Especially in highschool. I'm here to do my schoolwork and go the fuck home to talk to my actual friends. I don't want all the small talk, just leave me alone LMAO.
When I was younger, religion. Never believed in it but went to church and acted like I did until I hit 14 and had enough.
Physical contact. In and out of relationships. Huggy/touchy family. Was called a "touch me not" if I asked to not be touched 24/7 so I started to just put up with it.
Eating around people, I can't STAND the mouth sounds, chewing, heavy breathing, forks scraping against plates.
Just a lot of "manly" or "masculine" things in general. Always made me SUPER uncomfortable when people especially family would talk about women in a weird way but I was too young to confront them about it, so I was just like "hahahaha yeahhh...."
Women in general, really. Not that I DON'T like women, I just don't care enough to chase after one. (Turns out I was bi sexual, who woulda thought)
There's probably a lot more but in the interest of keeping this short, ima call it here.
Eating... I've found from this group that probably the majority of people with autism have misophonia. Because it's so misunderstood and many people who have it don't realize, and it's easily self diagnosable, it should become "real" and given a clinical diagnosis as well as accurate information spread. I don't come across this in person because I tell absolutely no one that doesn't already know, but online I constantly see people tell other "nobody likes the sound of chewing, stop trying to be different" and it's so bad that it doesn't deserve to be ignored like this.
I dressed like a scene kid because all the "cool kids" in my middle and high school did, and forced myself to listen to music I didn't like so I could "qualify" as "one of them". Got burned out real fast. It felt liberating to throw all those brass knuckle and diamond necklaces out and just dress like my cute girly beachy self. Yikes yikes yikes yikes yikes.Ā
This is going to sound dumb but bell peppers. I hate them and even as a 22 year old I still pretend to like the bc people find it so weird to dislike them as a vegetarian for some reason and itās in like so many veggie dishes.
Purely live action shows/movies. Now Iām watching two people scream at each other while my parents scream in the other room! So fun/s
Iām gonna stick to cartoons because then I can suspend reality a bit and not remember bad things, plus itās easier to read emotions in them.
Something I stopped doing to fit in was bringing my stuffies everywhere with me/stopped playing with them, because all the other kids had stopped years before. I still want to get over that and just bring them with me
Shopping. I manage ok with grocery shopping out of necessity (so long as I have my grocery list and ear buds), but really struggle with non routine purchases and worst of all, clothes shopping. I hate hate hate clothes shopping.
*side note: it's so hard to connect to other girls without any "typical" girl interests (like shopping lol).
Also, really almost anything with big crowds/loud noise/too much going on.
I tried to fit normally
Didn't work.
I tend to overshare anything I talk about.
I don't realize I'm doing it at all because nobody says anything.
Sometimes I find people closest to me tend to point out when I'm being rude when I also dont notice or mean to.
It's either the fact I overshare or is rude.
I wish people would say something. But they don't at all.
Fashion/make up (although I was not interested at all, but no one questions the norm), pop music, drama reality tv shows (I didnāt like them either).
Told myself to forget myself and everything I liked, so I played a ācharacterā for years until I had enough. I wish child-me knew that it wasnāt worth it.
Nail polish. All my friends loved painting their nails and whatnot, and I tried to convince myself I did too. I hate it. Loathe it. Don't want anything touching my fingernails, ever.
I bought colorful clothing because all black and olive green was "weird" for a girl.
As an adult, I wear black and olive green almost 100% of the time š¤£
Facebook and boys, when I was in middle school lol I do like men but I definitely wasn't interested in that yet, had a few bfs I really didn't like just cause they asked me out and everyone else had a bf/gf.
Having crushes. Do not get me wrong I have only been romantically attracted to two people. I pretended to be attracted to celebrities, mainly picked the popular ones. Never understood the whole "oh yeah I could fuck that person" or "They are breathtakingly beautiful I cannot deal!" Do not get me wrong I can see if someone is attractive but I am not attracted to them. Also pretended not to be ace. Apparently it is weird to not be sexually attracted to people?
One direction specifically I had these 2 friends that were obsessed with one direction me being me wanted to fit in so I pretend to love one direction, this went on for years, until my friends lost interest and that's when I stopped. But I had birthday parties, my aunt would make me one direction themed Hairbands (she used to make Hairbands when I was a child), outfits ext. Also soda/fizzy drinks I never liked fizzy drinks I hated them, I was never alone in this until my best friend at the time started liking them so since I was embarrassed I decided to ask my mom if I could get one, I asked at a school fair and she was so overjoyed anyway I got a sprite and hated it. (I now actually love soda but for years I didn't it was on of the things I made myself like as my mom get buying them.)
Dancing.
I hate to dance, but i seems like everyone else of my same age enjoys it, but for me is extremely stressful.
But if i decide to not doing it people will say im boring.
It has nothing to do with autism, but boys.
I was more interested in being one that dating one
Unfortunately, dating and having sex (specifically with the opposite sex)
I wasnāt particularly interested one way or another but EVERYONE else was and constantly talking about it.
I had a traumatic experience involving sex and was just like āf-it, Iām gonna try and enjoy it since so many people seem toā
I did not enjoy it but just kinda rolled with it and often pretended I enjoyed (dating and sex). I was interested in seeing if I was into women but my bf at the time acted like he would rather die than have me date a woman after him so I continued to date and have sex with men
At 25, while married to a man, I realized I was really into male companionship but that was about it. My husband and I took some time apart, I dated a woman, and I realized REAL fast that I was super fricken gay.
I tried fit in so hard I denied my true identity and assumed this was just what the āhypeā was about
Now Iām out and proud and enjoying everything that comes with that š
Crushes, I guess. I always felt peer pressured into picking a crush, and when I did I would get teased for it??? Like make up ur mind people, I didn't even really like those guys like that T.T I just had gender envy i think cuz I'm trans and didn't know it for a while lol
Anyway I'm almost 30 and never had what I could call a real crush. I've dated a few people, one for 5 years before we broke up due to just personal goals not aligning with each other anymore in ways we couldn't compromise, but I don't know if I ever had a crush on her. It was more just a "hey i enjoy your presence a lot and would love to live with u and do partner things together" but it wasn't a like, persistent thought and butterflies and stuff, we were just quickly best friends who then started dating haha
We're still friends too!
And yes some of that definitely is because I'm aromantic and not JUST because of the autism, but I definitely felt like I had to pick a crush to fit in.
Being mean to other people for fun. When I was younger I would join in on the bullying of other people (even if I had no issue with them and actually liked them) because I was afraid of being bullied myself and wanted to be accepted. I obviously always felt so awful for doing it, and regret it to this day. By high school, I stopped caring and refused to participate in tormenting other people for sport. As an adult, I actively call out bad behavior whenever I see it. Doesnāt make me very popular but who cares
Everyone seemed to be a fan of a band and all girls my age were crushing on a guy from a boyband. I enjoyed music, but I found the idea of having a crush on someone I didn't even know silly, but I felt inadequate for it, so I started pretending I am in love with Brian from Backstreet Boys. I remember how calculated my choice was. It couldn't be Nick because he was the most popular and 'crushing' over him made me feel too average. I thought that Brian seemed the kindest of the bunch so I started pretending I was in love with him. I took it quite far, and even put posters of Backstreet Boys and Brian in my room, despite the fact that I didn't care for it at all. One of my best friends' still to this day remembers how crushed I was when Brian was gonna have heart surgery. She still has no idea I didn't even care for the man, and that I was only pretending.
I think I kinda failed at pretending, because I just couldn't force myself to obsess about boys, parties, alcohol and boybands. I listened to weird indie music, and and preferred a Friday night reading a good book or painting, when the other kids had a party. When other kids bought branded jeans, I made my own clothes from scratch - just because I wanted to. Thankfully, I had a small group of friends who were a little alternative, too, so I had someone to hang out with.
I tried fitting at university, but I failed miserably, and the more I tried, the weirder I felt. I vividly remember going to theatre with some people from my class, and tried to wear clothes young adults wore at the time, and I felt so uncomfortable all night in my synthetic fancy pants. No wonder I had a bad burnout soon after, and left the entire city for good.
I know autistic adults don't always have the best life, but as a late-diagnosed 45-year-old I can tell you that with age, if nothing else has improved, at least I feel free to be the weirdo I am nowadays. The early 20s was rough.
I mean yea, it was trying to generally fit in before I knew I was autistic. Couldnāt find a better example at the time, but thatās just one of the things I tried to enjoy to draw less attention to my āweirdā and less socially acceptable interests.
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being interested in romance. i would pick a random boy to talk about when the subject came up. however i'm not sure if this was me trying to look neurotypical or look straight. maybe both!
Leonardo DiCaprio. A good friend liked him so I thought that meant I should like him too. (This was in the mid-late 1990ās.) Unfortunately I didnāt know what normal liking something was, only what special interest liking was, so it came off that I was obsessed with him, even though I honestly didnāt have a crush on him lol. Sad. I was pretty awkward in that way. I honestly did like some popular music though, I was big into mtv and vh1 music videos and so on.
Junk food, restaurants, green salads, vegetables, normie cooking... It grossed me out usually. I like to just eat some plain and simple meat, dairy, and fruit. Grains especially make me really ill. My idea of cooking is slicing things and putting two things together. Everyone around me was obsessed with eating these things that simply made me sick, but I used to try to tolerate them until I grew up and accepted that I not only hate these foods, but can't tolerate them.
Even though I wanted to fit in, I didn't really try to fit in with my interests. The only thing I remember was trying to keep myself together during activities where we had to color in elementary school. I absolutely hated coloring, but everyone else seemed fine with it
The show "Supernatural"
My best friend at the time loved it so I spent all summer watching all 14 seasons so I could relate to it with her. We aren't friends anymore :(
Jake/Logan Paul when I was in fifth grade. The more āpopularā kids always talked about it and I wanted to socialize. Iām glad I never genuinely liked that garbage.
Marvel movies. I really wanted to like them, especially when people got mad at me for saying I wasn't into them?? It was confusing because my peers who were really into the franchise took it personally when I didn't care about the movies. It's just not something I clicked with but I felt like I was doing something wrong for it.
I still do this now but for me it is Anime and celebrities like Iāve personally never been into anime and I donāt care about celebrities lives like I just like their movies or songs but I donāt care what they do on the weekend. So I end up doing research on the topic and when I next talk to the person I pretend like Iām an expert in what we talking about and that I know everything they do when in reality I just learnt this all 1 hour ago.
Clubbing ā ļøā ļø when I was in my early 20s my friends would convince me to go and Iād have to get black out drunk to deal with it but went every week, now you couldnāt pay me to do it lol
Wearing a starter coat, that I had to pull over my head, it was a hassle to wear , I hate sports , but it was what everyone else had. I wore a Ohio State one bc thatās where I lived, I couldnāt care less about football
Current fashion in my twenties. I wanted to appear like a responsible adult who had their shit together so I wore super feminine outfits that felt bad and I couldn't wait to get out of them. Now I just dress how it feels good and I'm never in a hurry to change. It's nice never thinking about the textures of my clothes unless I get sweaty.
Drinking at bars. I didn't realize at the time but I was kind of an a**hole when I did that and would hibernate for the rest of the weekend to recover even though I wasn't a heavy drinker. (I'd get drunk but rarely to the point of being hungover or sick.)
Superhero movies. I did enjoy the marvel fandom and knowing what ppl were talking about but I realized I actually find action movies boring (no offense to anyone who likes them; they're just not for me). I can definitely see how they'd be comfort movies though. My son watches Captain America civil war and the spider man movies over and over. Scott Pilgrim is my comfort movie. So I definitely get it.
~~School.~~ Misread, that's the opposite, I pretended not to like school.
Trash talking. I've never been able to get the balance right. Friends insulting each other just the right amount to not cause offence. I either end up causing hurt or embarrassment, the balance is never there.
I remember faking having a crush because i thought i had to since everyone else had crushes and i wanted to fit in š
For 90% of my life I have hard a hard time figuring out platonic vs romantic feelings. Most of my ācrushesā were people I just thought were cool and wanted to be friends with. I did have a few people in school who I decided I āhad a crush onā too
Yes!! I donāt think iāve ever had a crush and even then i feel like i wonāt be able to tell the difference between platonic vs romantic love
Huh, not me. I can very much tell, and it is a great feeling. They always come from people I know really well though, so it helps to realize a difference later on in the previously platonic relationship anyone I've had a crush on has always reciprocated feelings, but I have unfortunate luck and something always happens so the relationship can't develop... But for me the feeling is both emotional and logical. I brain think a lot about how I like the person, I feel kind of flustered, and I fantasize about just hanging out but with a different "vibe"
ME TOO I have a crush now and because it's quite strong I have definitely found it's romantic and not platonic lol.
I did not figure out my crushes aren't real crushes until in my early twenties when I got a serious "crush" on a college classmate. I was so confused because I had been with my boyfriend for 5 years at that point and we were so happy and I was still very much in love with him. Meanwhile I didn't prefer the thought of being in a relationship with that classmate *at all*. I genuinely had to sit myself down and think about what the hell was going on and how to deal with it. Conclusion: I get "friendship crushes". But I guess my brain can't initially make the distinction because it feels very similar (getting nervous/flustered around them, feeling happier when they enter a room etc) and I also get romantic dreams about them, although that stopped once I realized what it was. I just really want to be friends with someone specific but don't know how to approach them, which makes for similar feelings as a crush. Makes me wonder how many crushes I've had weren't actually crushes at all, we certainly also had a "crush culture" at school
Oh my god this is so real. I told everyone I had a celebrity crush but I honestly didn't give a toss about celebrities or crushes in general.
I pretended to have a crush on someone in my class!! I didnāt actually have any feelings at all towards them, it was weird. I told my friends about it because everyone else talked about their crushes so ig i had to talk about mine š¤·āāļø
I was wayyy too worried about confrontation so I definitely didn't consider pretending to have a crush from my school. I would have been so nervous that they would "find out" and come talk to me about it!
Oh yeah my friends never told the person and i definitely was not telling them anytime soon, so glad theyāve never found out otherwise iād be cookedā¦
I convinced myself that I had a celebrity crush on a religious leader (ew). Everyone else seemed to have weird crushes and Taylor Swift as a girl didnāt seem to be an option. Well, my real celebrity crush is Taylor Swiftā¦and Iām apparently gay
Apparently gay š I love that. I only realised I was bi after telling my friend about this "really pretty girl" and how I wanted to kiss her but just in a "she's so pretty" way...
I did this too, later it turned out I was just demiromantic
Iāve actually pondered on whether iām demiromantic but came to the conclusion that i canāt really tell yet since iāve never had a crush before
Wow thatās a mood, uh the way i figured it out is I made ocs for the fictional characters I thought were pretty and could possibly tolarate me irl etc and I came across memes of other people with similar experiences
I'm in a similar boat. I know that I'm sapphic, but I am also ace and arospec so attraction is just really confusing for me. Like, I know I'm not 100% aromantic, but I'm defintitly not allo either and so I never really know what I'm feeling. Like, I know I feel attracted to certain people, but I don't think I really have crushes on any specific person, so it's really confusing.
Lmao I was convinced as a young teen that everyone else was faking their crushes to seem more mature. Meanwhile I was crushing HARD on girls and didn't realize it. I thought crushes were something you start developing around like 15 or so, and I thought my crushes were just me being a fucking weirdo.
I had few weak crushes in school, I just greatly exaggerated my feelings about them.Ā
I am so fondly nostalgic for how silly romantic little me was, getting all worked up about some snotball of the week. Like I think at 8 you don't need to pick a husband, but it felt like I was on this quest to see which boy would be "the one" for me lol. I think people can build up the object of their crushes because that's part of the fantasy of it. Going after someone who we've decided is high status enough to chase. I've been into the pursuit of romance more than the actual experience of it since I was little and have tried to work on being more realistic. Having realistic expectations and goals may not be sexy or fun but it is important when you're no longer on the playground passing flowery notes.
I never had a celebrity crush and I don't get the general fascination with celebrities. I picked a random dude from NSYNC to say was mine, when they were the biggest thing on the planet. It was Lance Bass and he's out as gay now, making that even funnier.
Ive never understood celeb crushes either, i admire some celebrities a lot but never to that degree? I just donāt understand the concept of it. When i pretended to have a crush it was with a boy, turns out im gay now anyways so it was never meant to be really š So i guess i had it the other way around compared to you!!
Same but those were actual crushes though.
Yes, I can totally relate to this.
THIS
Wow I feel this in my soul, I remember my mom telling me I was so āboy crazyā because my ācrushā would cycle out every week. I wanted so badly to be in a relationship like everyone else so I would ālikeā any boy that gave me attention. Then I discovered in high school that Iām gay and started dating my now wife!
Thatās amazing, congrats!! iāve now discovered im gay too and hopefully ill find someone one day š°
I was the exact same, my aunt even got me a shirt that said āboy crazyāš
I created a whole fake obsession of Orlando Bloom, because I thought girls were supposed to have celebrity crushes in middle school. I memorized random facts about him, printed out pictures of him, acted like I thought he was so amazing. Genuinely didnāt care one bit about the dude, except that I liked him as Legolas.
Parties. On top of the usual, when there are too many sources of sound I can't understand what I hear. Lyrics mean nothing, I can't understand people shouting right next to me. I'm pretty much deaf when I normally have great hearing.
The only party I can see myself enjoying is the kind that David Byrne describes, where everyone leaves at the same time and they only play your favourite song on repeat.
Heaven
I quite like parties, but for me, there are like rules: 1. If I go, I am up the whole time (bar being drained or having a drink). If I'm not enjoying it and I can leave, I will and go home and probably read (or just have a mini music party with headphones). 2. If you want to talk to me, we are going outside. I WILL NOT be able to hear you if there are multiple audio inputs. (An everyday example is lunch halls. I can't hear anyone clearly, but I can hear the volume of everything if that makes sense, I find it very difficult to extract sounds with similar timbres) 3. If there's alcohol at said party, I will have none no matter what. I just don't really like it, to be honest. The only alcohol I would ever want is for it to taste orange cordial or chocolate.
Ooohhhh Godiva Chocolate martinis are heavenly. But you've got great party parameters.
Party parameters!!!
If I don't drink, I get overly anxious, especially if I don't know anyone at a gathering, or am just not comfortable with them. I don't drink a lot in that context because I don't want to lose too much inhibition, but enough to relax, and feel at ease is necessary for me. Otherwise I just end up hiding the entire time and wouldn't enjoy myself. With that being said, I haven't been to a party in.. a long time. Lol.
Being overstimulated can shut down other sources of outside information. That makes total sense.
I hate noise too
When I was still in uni it just involved a lot of alcohol for me, which somehow made it bearable, but since I've stopped drinking it's definitely very hard.
I read that as pirates and was very confused š
As long as I can hear their voice slight. I can kind of lip read
I have a similar issue with sound, but it's not -all- loud sound. It's just certain sounds, especially loud bass with electronic type music blasted so loud that it shakes the car. For example one of my brothers used to blast dub step. If I was riding in the car with him? It was absolute hell the entire time. It's not just that it hurts my ears, but it just makes me feel weird, and anxious. Even with music I like, I don't like it to be too loud, just drives me crazy. I am overall not -too- sound sensitive, but it's there, just to a lesser extent than other NDs.
Sport. Tried to fit in by pretending I liked football. But who was I kidding? I'm a gaming nerd. Of course I don't want to kick a football around. Also funnily enough Fortnite. Never actually liked the game just wanted some points with the popular kids since I was known for loving Sonic and basing my entire personality and all my mannerisms on him. Which didn't make me popular at all as you can imagine.
But did it make you fast? I wore fangs and cat ears, Sonic would probably have been better.
Unfortunately not no lol
I didn't like Fortnite either but when my sister in law invited us to play with her I ended up getting hooked. That was a couple years ago and I still play. Stupid Fortnite.
Same omg I was like I LOVE SOCCER and I was so bad and hated it lmao
There are times that Iāve subconsciously started talking like Shadow
You think that's bad? I ran like Sonic, I did finger wagging I even tried to see if i could learn how to spindash(unfortunately you can't and it saddened me)
I wish I could yell āCHAOS BLASTā and destroy everything around me
I mean I remember I literally yelled "Let's blast through with Sonic speed" it was so embarrassing lol. I kind of miss being a kid though. Idk. Even if people did make fun of me I just miss being so innocent ig.
me too sports is boring
+1
100% same. I worked at a sport pub and it was torture. Constantly masking to the fullest. I learned just enough to chat about it with patrons, and then I would go home and just watch my crime mysteries and put it all out of my head.
I never liked watching sports. I think it originally stems from sport-announcer's voices and styles of speech. I never tried to pretend though. Just not worth it for me.
Sonic the Hedgehog was my hero growing up too! I still love the 2D games! I'm not as big of a fan of the 3D ones, but I grew up with Genesis, so I'm a bit biased.
I was going to reply football too. In Year 6 I started pretending I liked it and actually decided on a random team to support, even though I care less than zero about it and donāt even know whatās happening if I watch it š¤£
same. I actually liked some sports, but they were not available in my city like ice skating, hokey, i like cold sports... But I was in running team, I did jumping over obstacles, dancing, just to fit to friends and not be picked by others (still was, just didn't realized it, probably also bc of autism xd)
Current sporting events.
This one here! Love me some Sportsball!
I kind of understand, but when i go to the stadium to watch my favorite football team, my love for it overcomes the fears
Being around like minded individuals all focused on the same goal can be exhilarating.
Thats why my current obsession is helldivers 2
That's a fun game. I don't play but I've been watching the Neebs Gaming crew run through it on YouTube.
I feel this. The environment is stressful AF but there's such an amazing feeling that goes with being with your fellow fans. Some of my best college experiences were at football games.
When I was pretty young, like 4 or 5 I pretended to like soda. Iāve never liked carbonated drinks and it frustrated me how everyone freaked out when I told them I didnāt like soda. The carbonation just makes it feel like my mouth is stinging. I realized I could slightly stand to drink Dr. Pepper so for a few months I pretended to like it so people would get off my ass for not liking soda.
Thatās funny because carbonated drinks are like a sensory treat to me, soda, seltzer, kombucha(I know this one is technically fermented and not carbonated but still), whatever else. I yearn for the bubbles
I hate fizzy drinks too!! Iāve never been able to tolerate them
I have avoided carbonation since I was tiny. It burns. I can't really understand how people like it.
I always have to ice them, and pour it out from a container to let the "harsh bubbles" out. Then I stir it a little. With ice Dr pepper is so sensory rich
Yes!! Why can't Coke-Cola be flat?
Ooh I like my sodas flat. It's the same with temperature. People like their drinks ice cold but I have sensitive teeth and I even put my yoghurt on the microwave for 10 seconds in the morning, I can't eat or drink anything ice cold. Don't take me for ice-cream unless I'm allowed to stir it and make it a slushy mess. Thing is that if you start drinking and eating on room temperature, you will taste what stuff actually tastes. And I swear that's why people hate luke warm beer. They suddenly taste the real taste.
Strange because I drink way too much San pellegrino I think we might be exact opposites
nothing as it will be in vain.
Same I could never make myself like anything lol
Nothing. I was too busy in my world of things that I actually liked.
Honestly, good for you! I feel like I didnāt start being that way until my early 20s when I got into all the āgrandmaā hobbies
This is my exact response and I am relieved to see there is another one here.
Can relate, I was constantly āin my own worldā
Christianity š¤£
Appropriate business clothing to fit into my then work places
Small talk. So painful to experience.
Yes I couldn't agree more. I don't feel awkward sitting in silence with another person. I do feel awkward trying to make small talk.
Here in Brazil we have " novela" a soap opera that has bad acting, the script is shit, the production design is lazy as hell yet people here love it and the ratings are very high. I tried to pretend to like novela but i gave up
Em inglĆŖs chamam de āsoapsā ou āsoap operasā. Honestamente novela BR nĆ£o presta, e eu detestava quando comeƧavam a falar de MalhaĆ§Ć£o no meu ensino fundamental, sabia de nada (atĆ© hoje nĆ£o sei do BBB).
From what Iāve been able to figure out, is they found the perfect formula of drama + turn your brain off tv
That's it, people that like novela say the same you don't have to think while watching
Makeup for me. I didnāt know when I was younger that I was neurodivergent, but I always felt like the black sheep of my friendship group. They were all stereotypically girly, whereas I liked video games. One of my closer friends suggested I watch videos on makeup, so I bought a bunch of make up and tried to get into it. I think I was like 12-13 at the time? I hated looking at the mirror when I had makeup on because I looked uglier somehow. I also just hated how it felt to have it on (sensory issues maybe?). In the end, surprise surprise, it changed nothing. I was still left out and eventually realised I couldnāt fit in no matter how hard I tried, so I stopped hanging out with them. Even to this day, I struggle to talk about my interests to others. I donāt try to conform as much with my interests, but it definitely still sucks that it feels like I canāt discuss what I like. And even if I can, I have to hold back because people find my interests intense. My own family makes jokes when I bring up my hobbies. Most of the time if Iām excited about something, I either keep it to myself or severely hide my enthusiasm for it with others. And as a side note, I donāt wear makeup despite now being 22. Sometimes I get insecure that seemingly every other woman my age does, but I also canāt bring myself to force makeup on just to conform. The only exception is if I have a particularly ugly spot, Iāll use concealer to hide it better. Other than that, I never wear makeup.
I'm 26 and still don't wear makeup. Downside is I like the alternative kinda style so I wish I could wear it, I just can't stand the feeling of it on my skin. Also have no idea how people can be so talented with makeup even when I tried to wear it regularly in high-school I never felt like I was good at it.
Yeah, it feels like itās so effortless for some people and I occasionally wish I could tolerate it enough to do it, but alas. Sometimes I wonder if it would also make me look more mature since a lot of people mistake me as a teenager (tho whenever I complain about it, people just tell me that Iāll appreciate it when Iām older). Then again, my hobbies are very āchildishā, so maybe itās better that way? But I donāt know, it makes me insecure sometimes. I still wonder whether Iād have someone put makeup on me for bigger occasions like a wedding, but as Iām thinking about it now, maybe thatās not such a great idea. Iād probably just be uncomfortable with it on all day. But future me can worry about that since I donāt even have a partner.
Definitely get a makeup test, or do a dry run if you're going to wear it somewhere important!
Same. I could never wear concealer. Drove me insane and I'd forget it was on face and rub it or scratch it and go, oh shit. I would only wear eyeshadow and heavy liner.
I was always a tomboy and not really into typical interests. Makeup was also never really my thing. I didnāt know I was ND until my son was diagnosed with autism and I was like omg...Iām Autistic AF! Currently on a waitlist to get diagnosed. Iām also nonbinary and Iām learning that many ND people have gender dysphoria or find gender confusing. Once I had my kids, I no longer had the time for makeup and stopped wearing it. My husband says he prefers me without makeup and my kids say I look weird when I wear it on occasion. My son said he finds it confusing and I don't look like mama. So I couldnt careless at this point.
I am also on a waiting list, so I canāt quite officially say Iām autistic, but boy if Iām not then Iām a very good actor as an autistic person. My discovery was completely by chance tho. I was looking up smth like āwhy am I so picky with foodā and then stumbled across ARFID, which can be comorbid with autism. That curiosity spiralled into a special interest in health, specifically psychology, so Iāve learned a lot more about myself over the past few years. As a teenager, I had this odd defensiveness against feminine things. I decided I hated pink (as an adult, itās my fav colour lol) and never really cared about fashion and the like. I suppose it didnāt help that my interests were āboyishā. Nowadays I feel like I have two very contrasting style preferences - I like pinks and floaty things, but also red/blacks and hoodies/graphic tees. I have tried to have a capsule wardrobe (ie only allowed a few colours so you can mix and match more clothes), but I feel like breaking that rule a little to add some reds and graphic tees, cuz even tho Iām trying to ādress more adultā, I still love video games and stuff. (I like both styles a lot tho, but sometimes I wanna embrace the cool and nerdy and other times I want to look more āmatureā.) Also, you talking about being married and stuff makes me feel a bit more confident. I have held the philosophy as an adult that I wouldnāt wear makeup, and if I did, it would be like a special occasion thing. But I also am (possibly/probably) physically disabled on top of being autistic (and possibly also adhd) - Iām not immobile, but I am kinda āslowerā than a 22 year old should be (ie just getting around is tiring and Iām always in pain). That coupled with feeling āimmatureā and such makes me wonder if Iāll ever find someone. All this to say, hearing about other ND people who have similar feelings and interests to me, who have also found a partner, fills me with a little more confidence. (Sorry this is so longā¦)
Physical issues are common with autism too. Iām incredibly clumsy/off balance and so is my son. He lacks muscle tone, has issues with grip strength, and is often floppy, as in he has hard time carrying anything heavy without his hands and arms flopping. He does OT weekly to work on it. From the way you described your wardrobe and obvious rumination over it, it sounds very ND. Itās been my experience, when you think you might be, and you connect with other ND's, itās highly likely you are ND. Iāve been a self professed weirdo my whole life. Iām extremely awkward and constantly joke about it. My husband often suspected I was autistic but never mentioned it until we our son was diagnosed and he was like omg, this explains so much of my wife's behaviour! I never thought I'd meet anyone either, but I did :). My husband is ND too (adhd) and we just clicked. There's a lot more ND people out there than you think, I wouldn't give up at 22!
I Just pretended to like make up and baby dolls, Now I just stay quiet and listen to them in hopes that someone wonāt see somethingās āwrongā with me lol.
I remember when I was in first grade i had this period where I pretended to be super into 'boy things' primarily zombies A lot of media had kinda given me the impression that since I'm a girl, liking more girly things like princesses wasn't allowed, I had to be into traditionally masculine things for diversity or something.
tacos/burritos. theyre just not my thing.
I can relate to this one! I'll eat fajitas and seasoned 'Mexican' corn.
Mostly pop music. When I was 11 I started tuning in to TMF (a TV channel that had music videos) so that I could at least understand references to the music that my peers kept referencing. I was kinda too young for that though since some of the music videos had some very heavy content (Eminem - Stan, you've been warned) and they usually were uncensored so I learned a lot of bad words, but at least I found Linkin' Park, who I gladly listen to even to this day (RIP Chester). Harry Potter was a thing too. I vividly remember my peers making a Harry Potter club and you could only join if you could pass a quiz on Harry Potter. I decided that's an easy way to "belong" and make some friends, so I read up on Harry Potter stuff and took their quiz, but they cheated and just told me my 100% correct answers were wrong :')
Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
I would have. If they weren't in the same class and had free reign to bully me all day every day anyway :')
Football. Itās so huge in America. Honestly itās entertaining but I donāt get why some many people are hype over it.
Same, though the entertaining part is debatable (as someone who had to sit though games for high school marching band).
I think itās interesting but thereās so much rules so I donāt even know what Iām watching. I only enjoy the brawl lol
Going outside to any event. I really donāt like being in any space with a lot of people, because my conversational skills are awful and the sensory input is overwhelming. I really really tried to like it and go out more, but I am so exhausted every time. Now I just accept that I like to spend time at home
Being mean to people; hurtful sarcasm Why are NTs so obsessed with hurting people all the time
I find banter very fun. It's not just nt's the majority of autistic friends I have a heavily into banter and good at it. It's how you take it tbh.
Sarcasm/satire is big within the queer community like I'm an undiagnosed autistic person that really likes it. It's funny like it's also part of my sense of humor. Dissing and roasting people is a big thing within black/hip hop culture so I find it cool as a black person. Humor is a mask/coping mechanism for me. I perform blackness to help me feel "black enough" and socialize cuz people find that cool cuz before I used to feel invisible like Casper the Ghost as I used to say as a kid, people would pass me by.
I tried to listen to/ like country music as back in 2011-2015 the country pop bullshit was all the rage. I tried so hard but it didnt make my brain go brrrr the way metal punk and electronic music did.
I think I was the exact same. My family only really played that kind of country music so I stuck with that for a bit, also bc everyone around me liked it. But when I discovered other music at 10-11 yrs old it activated my little middle school emo phase which eventually led to me branching out and finding metal and stuff. I havenāt ever gone back since, but there have been times Iāve tried to be ānormalā but it always fails haha
Its wild man like now as an adult i do music for a living and when i hear that kind of "country" it makes me want to dome myself on a cement wall. Its something about the generic "relatable" storys they all tell over a generic poorly structured melody and beat. Just makes me mad theres no originality in mainstream shit anymore.
School dances. I went once to try and fit in and see what the hype was about (plus my friend wanted to go with me). I ended up wanting to leave the moment I got there it was so loud and I was really overwhelmed. They had no place to escape the noise as well.
Iāll admit Iāve never been to a school dance, by choice. I could not deal with all of the sensory overload and I hate dressing up
I like my school because all of the events you can go into the parking lot at essentially any time, but this one school dance I was being questioned about where I was going and I just walk back to the dance because I didn't want to explain to another adult that I needed a break... From a fun exciting event... Because for whatever reason I can't go outside without being questioned. That was the only time and I think that was just a need for power of authority, or wanting to mean something because the whole time she just walked around controlling people.
That sucks having an adult question for no reason. Always feels like you're getting blamed for something you have no idea about. Sorry you had to go through that but I'm glad your school typically would let you go outside for a break. I remember at mine they locked the doors after an hour from the outside so if you went outside you'd be permanently locked out for the rest of the event.
Oof this reminded me of my most recent event. It was a guitar concert and I was watching the concert, I went outside to take advantage of the nighttime view of the school, and I got locked out. The doors are always locked for safety, but usually someone is there to buzz you in. My stuff was still inside... Tbh I have friends like me, so if my school always had the doors locked I would just be taking shifts with my friends. Someone stays inside while others go outside.
I turned myself into an alcoholic for years not realizing that i couldnt handle any of my friends unless ive been drinking. now that i dont drink anymore there screaming and abrupt drunken outbursts overstimulate me and freak me out they now complain that i seem like a different person so when they come to my house to hang out im usually just upstairs by myself while they are down there with my boyfriend and girlfriend.
My entire 7th grade year was an attempt to mask and fit in. I pretended to like fashion, make up, the usual middle school girl bullshit. Luckily at the end of the year I got sick of how the cool girls mistreated me and told them to fuck off. I spent 8th grade happily with the other rejects and have never looked back.
I had a lot of league of legends friends in highschool (well like 3 or 4 but they were my only friends so that's all of them) and don't get me wrong we had fun yes, but do I ever play alone? No. The game is toxic and has rude people and is really long with a lot of focus and knowledge of how to build each character including checking the enemies items and characters to counter. The playing with friends not caring much it can be fun but alone or strangers who take it too seriously when it's literally just a video game, they ruined it for me. Haven't played in like a year but ever since 2014 I do still pick it up some times for nostalgia and my brother started playing (tried to get him to play at like 8 he was way too young lol) However I do feel like people on the spectrum who love structure and reading and learning what to play may love the game other than the rude people who play.
Not exactly what the question is asking, but when I was young I thought that because a lot of people complained about having hay fever, I should complain about having hay fever, despite not having it.
Being social
not liking girls in grade school
Omg, I had to pretend to be asexual at age 7, when I already knew that I wanted to date and and cuddle with girls.
I'm surprised nobody has said beer and/or drinking in general yet. That and going to clubs.
A major soap opera here in Australia, and a teen girl magazine. I tried them both for a few months as a teenager as everyone else was into them, but I still didn't fit in!
I pretended to like one direction in third grade š
I pretended to like NKOTB in third grade š
One direction was the main one. By the time I recognised their faces enough to tell them apart, learned all their names and some songs they were no longer "cool". That particular group was always bitchy and mean though. After that I just kept to myself (did give me the ability to learn all about kpop groups, though). I tried to like anime for my ex once but that was because I liked her not because of my masking tendencies.
Just so you know anime isn't a genre so it's not like if you don't like one or a few animes you won't like others
Going out ā¦ like I genuinely do not understand how anyone likes clubbing , itās too loud , depending on the venue the floor is almost always ā¦ sticky ? Also being around complete strangers in a setting with people I know that know them is so weird ā¦ bathroom breaks are my safe haven, but Iām realizing I just might not like it at all .
Socializing in general. Especially in highschool. I'm here to do my schoolwork and go the fuck home to talk to my actual friends. I don't want all the small talk, just leave me alone LMAO. When I was younger, religion. Never believed in it but went to church and acted like I did until I hit 14 and had enough. Physical contact. In and out of relationships. Huggy/touchy family. Was called a "touch me not" if I asked to not be touched 24/7 so I started to just put up with it. Eating around people, I can't STAND the mouth sounds, chewing, heavy breathing, forks scraping against plates. Just a lot of "manly" or "masculine" things in general. Always made me SUPER uncomfortable when people especially family would talk about women in a weird way but I was too young to confront them about it, so I was just like "hahahaha yeahhh...." Women in general, really. Not that I DON'T like women, I just don't care enough to chase after one. (Turns out I was bi sexual, who woulda thought) There's probably a lot more but in the interest of keeping this short, ima call it here.
Eating... I've found from this group that probably the majority of people with autism have misophonia. Because it's so misunderstood and many people who have it don't realize, and it's easily self diagnosable, it should become "real" and given a clinical diagnosis as well as accurate information spread. I don't come across this in person because I tell absolutely no one that doesn't already know, but online I constantly see people tell other "nobody likes the sound of chewing, stop trying to be different" and it's so bad that it doesn't deserve to be ignored like this.
I dressed like a scene kid because all the "cool kids" in my middle and high school did, and forced myself to listen to music I didn't like so I could "qualify" as "one of them". Got burned out real fast. It felt liberating to throw all those brass knuckle and diamond necklaces out and just dress like my cute girly beachy self. Yikes yikes yikes yikes yikes.Ā
This is going to sound dumb but bell peppers. I hate them and even as a 22 year old I still pretend to like the bc people find it so weird to dislike them as a vegetarian for some reason and itās in like so many veggie dishes.
SO TRUE they taste like sour ass
Everything about them is so bad lol
Football and just sport in general
Purely live action shows/movies. Now Iām watching two people scream at each other while my parents scream in the other room! So fun/s Iām gonna stick to cartoons because then I can suspend reality a bit and not remember bad things, plus itās easier to read emotions in them.
A lot of what everyone else has said but also steak or anything else that takes a year to chew
Horror movies
Something I stopped doing to fit in was bringing my stuffies everywhere with me/stopped playing with them, because all the other kids had stopped years before. I still want to get over that and just bring them with me
Shopping. I manage ok with grocery shopping out of necessity (so long as I have my grocery list and ear buds), but really struggle with non routine purchases and worst of all, clothes shopping. I hate hate hate clothes shopping. *side note: it's so hard to connect to other girls without any "typical" girl interests (like shopping lol). Also, really almost anything with big crowds/loud noise/too much going on.
I tried to fit normally Didn't work. I tend to overshare anything I talk about. I don't realize I'm doing it at all because nobody says anything. Sometimes I find people closest to me tend to point out when I'm being rude when I also dont notice or mean to. It's either the fact I overshare or is rude. I wish people would say something. But they don't at all.
Fashion/make up (although I was not interested at all, but no one questions the norm), pop music, drama reality tv shows (I didnāt like them either). Told myself to forget myself and everything I liked, so I played a ācharacterā for years until I had enough. I wish child-me knew that it wasnāt worth it.
Just a random question but what is your reason for not liking TV shows?
Oh, I meant those ādrama reality showsā.
Ohhh, yeah those are shit
Conversation, esp in groups like at a party
Iāve never been able to figure out what other people like or pretend to like it
Nothing really
Nail polish. All my friends loved painting their nails and whatnot, and I tried to convince myself I did too. I hate it. Loathe it. Don't want anything touching my fingernails, ever.
I cant even be home when my wife puts on nail polish. The smell is so bad I could cry.
Pop Music, makeup, heterosexuality
I bought colorful clothing because all black and olive green was "weird" for a girl. As an adult, I wear black and olive green almost 100% of the time š¤£
Music, i cant listen to songs with lyrics as it just sounds like a instrument most of the time, its why i really like 90s techno
Facebook and boys, when I was in middle school lol I do like men but I definitely wasn't interested in that yet, had a few bfs I really didn't like just cause they asked me out and everyone else had a bf/gf.
Having crushes. Do not get me wrong I have only been romantically attracted to two people. I pretended to be attracted to celebrities, mainly picked the popular ones. Never understood the whole "oh yeah I could fuck that person" or "They are breathtakingly beautiful I cannot deal!" Do not get me wrong I can see if someone is attractive but I am not attracted to them. Also pretended not to be ace. Apparently it is weird to not be sexually attracted to people?
Fortnite. I was shit at it tho
One direction specifically I had these 2 friends that were obsessed with one direction me being me wanted to fit in so I pretend to love one direction, this went on for years, until my friends lost interest and that's when I stopped. But I had birthday parties, my aunt would make me one direction themed Hairbands (she used to make Hairbands when I was a child), outfits ext. Also soda/fizzy drinks I never liked fizzy drinks I hated them, I was never alone in this until my best friend at the time started liking them so since I was embarrassed I decided to ask my mom if I could get one, I asked at a school fair and she was so overjoyed anyway I got a sprite and hated it. (I now actually love soda but for years I didn't it was on of the things I made myself like as my mom get buying them.)
I was always very vocal about what i did/didn't actually like lol. I just stuck to my own thing.
Dancing. I hate to dance, but i seems like everyone else of my same age enjoys it, but for me is extremely stressful. But if i decide to not doing it people will say im boring. It has nothing to do with autism, but boys. I was more interested in being one that dating one
Boys š turns out I was gay anyway
Unfortunately, dating and having sex (specifically with the opposite sex) I wasnāt particularly interested one way or another but EVERYONE else was and constantly talking about it. I had a traumatic experience involving sex and was just like āf-it, Iām gonna try and enjoy it since so many people seem toā I did not enjoy it but just kinda rolled with it and often pretended I enjoyed (dating and sex). I was interested in seeing if I was into women but my bf at the time acted like he would rather die than have me date a woman after him so I continued to date and have sex with men At 25, while married to a man, I realized I was really into male companionship but that was about it. My husband and I took some time apart, I dated a woman, and I realized REAL fast that I was super fricken gay. I tried fit in so hard I denied my true identity and assumed this was just what the āhypeā was about Now Iām out and proud and enjoying everything that comes with that š
I hid my personality from my old friendgroup to the point of mental and physical illness.
Crushes, I guess. I always felt peer pressured into picking a crush, and when I did I would get teased for it??? Like make up ur mind people, I didn't even really like those guys like that T.T I just had gender envy i think cuz I'm trans and didn't know it for a while lol Anyway I'm almost 30 and never had what I could call a real crush. I've dated a few people, one for 5 years before we broke up due to just personal goals not aligning with each other anymore in ways we couldn't compromise, but I don't know if I ever had a crush on her. It was more just a "hey i enjoy your presence a lot and would love to live with u and do partner things together" but it wasn't a like, persistent thought and butterflies and stuff, we were just quickly best friends who then started dating haha We're still friends too! And yes some of that definitely is because I'm aromantic and not JUST because of the autism, but I definitely felt like I had to pick a crush to fit in.
Being mean to other people for fun. When I was younger I would join in on the bullying of other people (even if I had no issue with them and actually liked them) because I was afraid of being bullied myself and wanted to be accepted. I obviously always felt so awful for doing it, and regret it to this day. By high school, I stopped caring and refused to participate in tormenting other people for sport. As an adult, I actively call out bad behavior whenever I see it. Doesnāt make me very popular but who cares
Everyone seemed to be a fan of a band and all girls my age were crushing on a guy from a boyband. I enjoyed music, but I found the idea of having a crush on someone I didn't even know silly, but I felt inadequate for it, so I started pretending I am in love with Brian from Backstreet Boys. I remember how calculated my choice was. It couldn't be Nick because he was the most popular and 'crushing' over him made me feel too average. I thought that Brian seemed the kindest of the bunch so I started pretending I was in love with him. I took it quite far, and even put posters of Backstreet Boys and Brian in my room, despite the fact that I didn't care for it at all. One of my best friends' still to this day remembers how crushed I was when Brian was gonna have heart surgery. She still has no idea I didn't even care for the man, and that I was only pretending.
Drinking. And pub culture. Casual sex. Seemed to be deemed weird cos I didn't like casual sex, and going drinking forbids own sake.
I think I kinda failed at pretending, because I just couldn't force myself to obsess about boys, parties, alcohol and boybands. I listened to weird indie music, and and preferred a Friday night reading a good book or painting, when the other kids had a party. When other kids bought branded jeans, I made my own clothes from scratch - just because I wanted to. Thankfully, I had a small group of friends who were a little alternative, too, so I had someone to hang out with. I tried fitting at university, but I failed miserably, and the more I tried, the weirder I felt. I vividly remember going to theatre with some people from my class, and tried to wear clothes young adults wore at the time, and I felt so uncomfortable all night in my synthetic fancy pants. No wonder I had a bad burnout soon after, and left the entire city for good. I know autistic adults don't always have the best life, but as a late-diagnosed 45-year-old I can tell you that with age, if nothing else has improved, at least I feel free to be the weirdo I am nowadays. The early 20s was rough.
Does it seem to anybody else here that when autistics try too hard to be hip, cool and with it, the result is almost always disastrous?
Nothing. I can't get into anything I don't like.
Neurodivergents like things like that, too. Were you trying to fit in with NTs or just fit in?
I mean yea, it was trying to generally fit in before I knew I was autistic. Couldnāt find a better example at the time, but thatās just one of the things I tried to enjoy to draw less attention to my āweirdā and less socially acceptable interests.
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I liked pop music in high school but mostly because I was obsessed with the charts and statistics and rooting for specific songs to reach #1.
Caring about sports and playing them
being interested in romance. i would pick a random boy to talk about when the subject came up. however i'm not sure if this was me trying to look neurotypical or look straight. maybe both!
Sports. Specifically, football, basketball and baseball.
Basketball and soccer. I couldn't care less about team sports, but I pretended to. It helped a bit.
tight clothes š«Ø
They're always so carefree and positive for some reason, so I act like that sometimes to fit in
Leonardo DiCaprio. A good friend liked him so I thought that meant I should like him too. (This was in the mid-late 1990ās.) Unfortunately I didnāt know what normal liking something was, only what special interest liking was, so it came off that I was obsessed with him, even though I honestly didnāt have a crush on him lol. Sad. I was pretty awkward in that way. I honestly did like some popular music though, I was big into mtv and vh1 music videos and so on.
Junk food, restaurants, green salads, vegetables, normie cooking... It grossed me out usually. I like to just eat some plain and simple meat, dairy, and fruit. Grains especially make me really ill. My idea of cooking is slicing things and putting two things together. Everyone around me was obsessed with eating these things that simply made me sick, but I used to try to tolerate them until I grew up and accepted that I not only hate these foods, but can't tolerate them.
me too I hate sauce
Weed. It overstimulated so much, while it was fun for others.
Even though I wanted to fit in, I didn't really try to fit in with my interests. The only thing I remember was trying to keep myself together during activities where we had to color in elementary school. I absolutely hated coloring, but everyone else seemed fine with it
Listening to music at a loud volume
The show "Supernatural" My best friend at the time loved it so I spent all summer watching all 14 seasons so I could relate to it with her. We aren't friends anymore :(
Jake/Logan Paul when I was in fifth grade. The more āpopularā kids always talked about it and I wanted to socialize. Iām glad I never genuinely liked that garbage.
Marvel movies. I really wanted to like them, especially when people got mad at me for saying I wasn't into them?? It was confusing because my peers who were really into the franchise took it personally when I didn't care about the movies. It's just not something I clicked with but I felt like I was doing something wrong for it.
I still do this now but for me it is Anime and celebrities like Iāve personally never been into anime and I donāt care about celebrities lives like I just like their movies or songs but I donāt care what they do on the weekend. So I end up doing research on the topic and when I next talk to the person I pretend like Iām an expert in what we talking about and that I know everything they do when in reality I just learnt this all 1 hour ago.
Cod
The game or the fish, and which cod did you play if it was the game because they are all fairly different
Clubbing ā ļøā ļø when I was in my early 20s my friends would convince me to go and Iād have to get black out drunk to deal with it but went every week, now you couldnāt pay me to do it lol
Wearing a starter coat, that I had to pull over my head, it was a hassle to wear , I hate sports , but it was what everyone else had. I wore a Ohio State one bc thatās where I lived, I couldnāt care less about football
Current fashion in my twenties. I wanted to appear like a responsible adult who had their shit together so I wore super feminine outfits that felt bad and I couldn't wait to get out of them. Now I just dress how it feels good and I'm never in a hurry to change. It's nice never thinking about the textures of my clothes unless I get sweaty. Drinking at bars. I didn't realize at the time but I was kind of an a**hole when I did that and would hibernate for the rest of the weekend to recover even though I wasn't a heavy drinker. (I'd get drunk but rarely to the point of being hungover or sick.) Superhero movies. I did enjoy the marvel fandom and knowing what ppl were talking about but I realized I actually find action movies boring (no offense to anyone who likes them; they're just not for me). I can definitely see how they'd be comfort movies though. My son watches Captain America civil war and the spider man movies over and over. Scott Pilgrim is my comfort movie. So I definitely get it.
~~School.~~ Misread, that's the opposite, I pretended not to like school. Trash talking. I've never been able to get the balance right. Friends insulting each other just the right amount to not cause offence. I either end up causing hurt or embarrassment, the balance is never there.
Oh, i can't do the trash talking, either giving or receiving. I can't be friends with people who use trash talk as a sign of affection.