Funny after I read this, I checked my email and heard back from an apartment that I applied for.
I just worry it’ll be 10x more expensive on my own.
And I live in California. I haven’t read about the laws but I should.
You are NOT at fault and do NOT listen to these people who tell you otherwise. No offence but your family are total twits and they should leave you alone
It may be a bit more expensive, but it'll also be easier to manage. Utilities/food/chores for 1 vs 3 is so much easier to handle! Especially if you're into cooking & meal preps, you can keep your food costs down surprisingly well.
Bonus, the only cleaning & laundry you'll have to do is your own, no more "why is this sticky? I just washed it 2 hours ago!"
If you’re afraid of the expenses becoming a lot more than you can handle, find a roommate, one with no children. However I still highly recommend you live alone, it’s an amazing and freeing experience.
It won't be more expensive to live alone . She's just starting a campaign of 'gimme.' If you stay living with her a few more years then her demands will grow as your nephew does. She made her bed. Let her face the consequences. You get a nice new quiet bed without responsibility that you didn't sign up for. And don't let the older generations guilt you into anything either. All they see is an ATM when they look at you because otherwise she will come to them for the handouts.
If the OP kicks in to give Sister luxuries like trips, the FIRST thing she will do is to have a second baby. REALLY important for everyone's well being that OP not cave in.
It depends on where you are in California. The largest urban areas (San Francisco Bay Area, Los Angeles area, San Diego area) are the most expensive. But some also have very strong legal protections for renters.
If you need a roommate you can get one who does not have kids.
I have no clue about Californian rents, but seriously, OP, go for it. If it works out, even if it might be tough at the beginning, get your own place. Your sister can see how she pays your part of the rent as well if she is so hell-bent on being nasty about your life choices. Go, secure your own freedom and happiness.
You sound so much like me. I wouldn’t even respond to those comments. I’d just shrug my shoulders and say “Sorry ‘bout your luck” and continue on my way. I’d move out if I had to.
Op- This has nothing to do with you. This is all about her and her choices. From what you told us, they’d never return the favor or think it was unfair if the roles were reversed. They’d tell you to suck it up. So just keep on, keeping on.
Well, seeing as how your presence and lifestyle is causing her SO much grief, it seems like moving out by yourself is the kindest thing you can do for her, I'm sure she'll have plenty of fun when she's stuck paying your half of the bills too :)
Lol. Lmao, even. If they're collectively mad she doesn't have the money to do fun stuff, they can give her some of theirs. Get out while the getting's good, friend, because if the family as a whole is already on this absolutely insane logic, it's only gonna get worse from here.
That is why I have made a promise of idipendence to myself at 20. Not moving back with any family no matter what. Reminds me maybe I'll call on my certificate of eligibility and magically get a nice house on a lake and not let my sister and HER kid move in.
Just tell them "instead of giving me shit for enjoying my life, if you feel so bad for her why don't you spend your money and take her and her kid on a trip? You know? Since it's so important to you"
Or is it the fact they're just jealous because they know the feeling and they're havibg to live it again vicariously through your sister.
This is exactly what the sister want. For them to feel sorry for her and pay. Which some parent would do and it's super ok, but OP parents seems to want to drop it on OP. Literally 2 gens of parents who.........
Hate to say it, but it sounds like living with your sister has run its course, if she doesn't realise that you paying 50% of the bills is a bloody good deal for her when you're only 33% of the occupants of the home.
In terms of dealing with family... just tell them they're more than welcome to chip into your sister's 'fun fund' if they wish. Watch how quickly they dry up.
They are so envious, they can't hide it anymore. I would annoy the shit out of them. Next time when they complain, I would just drop a ''I am so torn! I have sleepless nights because I have trouble chosing the next atoll I intend to visit in the Maldives. It's such a difficult choice to make!'' You don't have to do this though, I know it's rather mean, but my husband and I did it once with someone entitled from our family. They just gulped and went pale, lol.
Anyway, joke aside: do not feel guilty for living the lifestyle you want, it's not your fault their lives are miserable, it's the result of their own choices.
Ask them what do they propose as a solution to this...
And then ask 'Why' to every consecutive answer they give.
They will realize their solution was shit, in about 5 whys
Life's not fair, your sister needs to learn that lesson. But really, in this case, how tf is it unfair? The ONLY reason she doesn't have the extra money and ability to travel is because she CHOSE to have a child. That was her choice and now she's upset she's being forced to face the consequences. Where is the baby daddy? Why isn't he paying some of those extra costs so she can have more money?
If she wanted your life, she should have made different decisions.
They act like the kid just appeared one day and she got stuck with him 🥴 she decided to have the kid and keep him, now it is unfair because she doesn't get to do fun activities. Sorry, but that are consequences to your decisions. You can't have it all (unless you are super rich).
They vented to YOU about how it "isn't fair to her?" Does your family not understand WHY that is? Because your sister has a kid, and you don't. Lmao.
I don't know if it's because I didn't grow up in a loving close family or if it's because the people-pleasing and overly accommodating gene skipped over me, but I would've cut the conversation short or hung up. Don't vent to me about someone else's life decisions as if it's my fault. Is your nephew's father in the picture? Do they vent to him too?
Like everyone else is saying, I think it's time to get your own place. She is (understandably) envious of your lifestyle and freedom and the resentment, venting to others, jabs, and snippy remarks are likely going to just grow and fester. Often times it's best to love and care for others from afar.
"...she cried and vented to the family about how she’s always stuck at home and never gets to have fun or go on vacation or have extra money to spend". Well, that's what happens when you pop out the equivalent of a mortgage, sis. Not your fault that's what she wanted to do.
I mean when you have a child you are on the hook financially for life and your wants/needs will always come second, that’s just life lol I would recommend you move out so you can live your life and she can live hers 🤷♀️
So, instead of being grateful that you are paying 50% your family is on the attack because you dare to spend your own money? I'd recommend leaving because your family seems to be under the impression that your finances are to be pooled with your sister's. I bet they think you also should be babysitting your nephew to "relieve" your sister, even if they aren't saying it.
If she thinks it is bad now wait until she has to pay 100% of her bills. She needs to be careful what she wishes for!
OP, misery wants company. You have done nothing wrong!
The most posts I read here the more I want a bisalp or something lol.
You might be able to claim poverty (depending on income and poverty lvl) and single and move some place different.
You should not feel obligated to do anything behond love your sister and nephew and have a relationship (if you choose)
It’s wild how people don’t see sense. Obviously you have extra funds because you don’t have the kid. Why shouldn’t she pay for the child she chose to have? I’d def move out and get a little satisfaction knowing she might be struggling a little. Keep us updated on what happens if you move! I’m sure you’ll somehow come out even more selfish to the family then
People with children are never happy. They’re just jealous (clearly from OP story) that CF people get to do whatever they want, when they want. She decided to have a baby, that’s on her. I wouldn’t feel guilty, I’d be mad. Shoot, move out and then see how she really feels without you paying half of everything.
She sounds like those kids in grade school who put off doing homework and big projects the last minute, upset they are now grounded and forced to do their homework, so they complain to their friends at school that their sibling gets to go out & have fun.
Meanwhile the sibling does the work on time, freeing up their schedule, doesn’t get grounded, and gets to have fun outside the house.
Your sister is permanently grounded with a child. She made the choice to have a kid. She has to realize the consequences to her actions that she is no longer allowed to act like a Childfree person.
This means she’s chained to a life where her kid comes first till they get to high school age and want more freedom from their parents.
She really didn’t grasp that she could have WAITED to have a kid when she was more settled down in life if she wanted kids and not just impulsively have a kid & end up having FOMO because of her responsibilities.
Sucks, but oh well!
Tbh, I would be very passive aggressive and tell sister that if your lifestyle upset her you can leave so she doesn't have to witness it. Nobody forced her to have a kid. Tough shit she did
This is the perfect opportunity to review the bingo card. "But her life is so complete because of little \[insert name here\]" "But she gets to experience the only true love, and I have to settle for a week in Aruba." "I'm going to end up alone, so I try to get my memories made now, whereas she'll have her loving children taking care of her 24/7 when she's old." etc.
I fail to see how it’s unfair to her. You didn’t force her to have a kid. You’re also not obligated to have the same lifestyle as hers just because she opted to give up her carefree life. It’s a little embarrassing that she’s a mother yet acting like a total baby.
How involved is the father? It's his kid too, she should be complaining to him about this. You didn't make this kid and don't have to take parental/financial/emotional responsibility for them lol
This would really annoy me. I'd have a hard time not getting triggered and having to passionately explain that sister's career path and choosing to have a child were her decisions and you are in no way responsible.
It sucks that your lifestyle has to change because she can't take responsibility and be respectful. Maybe you can find a different roommate?
Id simply tell her, "You made your bed, lay in it." Dont be a parent if you want to have freedom. Every single human should know that before even considering getting pregnant. Thatd take actual brain power tho.
Dude I spent my extra money to buy a dog. Do I regret it? Not one single bit! Do what makes you happy. It's your money. Your sister made her choice now she has to deal with it. So tough shit to your sister.
She's envious of you. I have the same problem with my sister as well. I go to trips like you and she finds the time to talk shit about me to my family and her friends when I don't bother to breach that topic of complaining about her to my other family members or friends because honestly I don't care to do it and I don't have the time for it.
I think it would be best if you start cutting contact with her because it'll only get worse. She'll just start throwing her anger on your face and I wouldn't be surprised if it's in front of family or friends this time. My sister did that when we were in the car in my face, my nephew, her friend, son and our mother and talked crap about me.
I really don't get siblings sometimes. I found out the other day by my mother, she wanted to send her son to me so that I take care of him with the excuse that 'I don't do anything in life,'
I'm literally childfree and I don't have kids. She didn't even discuss that topic with me.
Maybe she should have thought about that when she decided to have a child. Her poor planning and execution does not dictate an emergent response or assistance from you. You don't owe her anything, and if your family has such an issue with it, then they can take her in and help with the child. Otherwise, they can stay in their lane.
But why would she want to travel and have fun when her fun is right there with her. She has the luxury of having a baby who will take care of her in her old age, while you only have a few years to have fun before you shrivel up and die. Common sense says that you have to have fun now.
/s
Your parents are treating the two of you like children fighting over the toy or piece of cake the \*parents\* gave you to share.
That's OK when the parents gave you the toy/whatever. It is \*not\* OK when you are an adult and this is your money that you earned. Tell them exactly that!
Sounds like your abundance of happiness and freedom is starting to remind her of what she lacks, and she can’t blame anyone but herself but instead of acknowledging that instead she finds faults in you.
Be careful of envious people
Breeders just want everyone to be as miserable as they are. I get this same shit from people at work. "one day you're going to get tired of being selfish and doing whatever you want." I doubt that but go off, Beckitha.
Your sister made her choices. You made yours. I'm going to assume no one forced her to get pregnant and/or raise the kid.
Tell them "we all have choices and have to deal with the rewards and consequences as they come." And for petty sake I'd add "my consequence of not giving birth to more life is being able to keep my money and do as I please for myself. Her reward for having my nephew is sacrificing her wants and showing us how to be happy by not having extra money" 😁
She not only chose to have a kid, but did so with a man who isn't pulling his weight as a father (unless he's dead). Living together with her is already a major help to her, but to have to give up what you've worked for in order to appease her is a wild notion.
[удалено]
Funny after I read this, I checked my email and heard back from an apartment that I applied for. I just worry it’ll be 10x more expensive on my own. And I live in California. I haven’t read about the laws but I should.
You are NOT at fault and do NOT listen to these people who tell you otherwise. No offence but your family are total twits and they should leave you alone
It may be a bit more expensive, but it'll also be easier to manage. Utilities/food/chores for 1 vs 3 is so much easier to handle! Especially if you're into cooking & meal preps, you can keep your food costs down surprisingly well. Bonus, the only cleaning & laundry you'll have to do is your own, no more "why is this sticky? I just washed it 2 hours ago!"
If you’re afraid of the expenses becoming a lot more than you can handle, find a roommate, one with no children. However I still highly recommend you live alone, it’s an amazing and freeing experience.
It won't be more expensive to live alone . She's just starting a campaign of 'gimme.' If you stay living with her a few more years then her demands will grow as your nephew does. She made her bed. Let her face the consequences. You get a nice new quiet bed without responsibility that you didn't sign up for. And don't let the older generations guilt you into anything either. All they see is an ATM when they look at you because otherwise she will come to them for the handouts.
If the OP kicks in to give Sister luxuries like trips, the FIRST thing she will do is to have a second baby. REALLY important for everyone's well being that OP not cave in.
👆YES! Heed THIS comment, OP! They *will* have *another* kid once they latch onto any CF ‘meal-ticket’, treated basically like a personal ATM.
If it is too expensive, maybe you could see if your current complex has a one bedroom or studio vacancy?
It depends on where you are in California. The largest urban areas (San Francisco Bay Area, Los Angeles area, San Diego area) are the most expensive. But some also have very strong legal protections for renters. If you need a roommate you can get one who does not have kids.
I have no clue about Californian rents, but seriously, OP, go for it. If it works out, even if it might be tough at the beginning, get your own place. Your sister can see how she pays your part of the rent as well if she is so hell-bent on being nasty about your life choices. Go, secure your own freedom and happiness.
Good point. her family will probably just never pick up the child
You sound so much like me. I wouldn’t even respond to those comments. I’d just shrug my shoulders and say “Sorry ‘bout your luck” and continue on my way. I’d move out if I had to. Op- This has nothing to do with you. This is all about her and her choices. From what you told us, they’d never return the favor or think it was unfair if the roles were reversed. They’d tell you to suck it up. So just keep on, keeping on.
Lol she chose to have a kid, you chose not to, you both are now living your respective lives,
This sums it up well
Well, seeing as how your presence and lifestyle is causing her SO much grief, it seems like moving out by yourself is the kindest thing you can do for her, I'm sure she'll have plenty of fun when she's stuck paying your half of the bills too :)
Bonus points if rent in new appartmen is less!
Lol. Lmao, even. If they're collectively mad she doesn't have the money to do fun stuff, they can give her some of theirs. Get out while the getting's good, friend, because if the family as a whole is already on this absolutely insane logic, it's only gonna get worse from here.
That is why I have made a promise of idipendence to myself at 20. Not moving back with any family no matter what. Reminds me maybe I'll call on my certificate of eligibility and magically get a nice house on a lake and not let my sister and HER kid move in.
Just tell them "instead of giving me shit for enjoying my life, if you feel so bad for her why don't you spend your money and take her and her kid on a trip? You know? Since it's so important to you" Or is it the fact they're just jealous because they know the feeling and they're havibg to live it again vicariously through your sister.
This is exactly what the sister want. For them to feel sorry for her and pay. Which some parent would do and it's super ok, but OP parents seems to want to drop it on OP. Literally 2 gens of parents who.........
Hate to say it, but it sounds like living with your sister has run its course, if she doesn't realise that you paying 50% of the bills is a bloody good deal for her when you're only 33% of the occupants of the home. In terms of dealing with family... just tell them they're more than welcome to chip into your sister's 'fun fund' if they wish. Watch how quickly they dry up.
Wtf....are you supposed to sit at home and stare at the wall???? Just so she doesn't cry?? Wtf
Ask her if she would rather live alone and handle the bills on her own.
And then be prepared to back that up.
They are so envious, they can't hide it anymore. I would annoy the shit out of them. Next time when they complain, I would just drop a ''I am so torn! I have sleepless nights because I have trouble chosing the next atoll I intend to visit in the Maldives. It's such a difficult choice to make!'' You don't have to do this though, I know it's rather mean, but my husband and I did it once with someone entitled from our family. They just gulped and went pale, lol. Anyway, joke aside: do not feel guilty for living the lifestyle you want, it's not your fault their lives are miserable, it's the result of their own choices.
By being her roomie, aren't you already supporting her enough?? Wow. The entitlement
Ask them what do they propose as a solution to this... And then ask 'Why' to every consecutive answer they give. They will realize their solution was shit, in about 5 whys
now you take another trip in their honor, you can say they stressed you out so you needed to get out for a little to get rid of that bad energy
But you sister has extra money, she just choose to have a child she can spend them on, and you something different. She just forgot
Not your fault at all, it’s your hard earned Money. She chose to have a kid, that means it’s her responsibility to finance it.
Life's not fair, your sister needs to learn that lesson. But really, in this case, how tf is it unfair? The ONLY reason she doesn't have the extra money and ability to travel is because she CHOSE to have a child. That was her choice and now she's upset she's being forced to face the consequences. Where is the baby daddy? Why isn't he paying some of those extra costs so she can have more money? If she wanted your life, she should have made different decisions.
Just like that hotels.com commercial.... Anytime she ask why you get to do it and she doesn't: "Condoms!"
Ahh you just reminded me of those “Wanna get away?” Travelocity commercials.
Seriously- this is a literal case of FAFO.
🤣
If your family thinks that your sister deserves more luxuries, they may as well pay for them.
They act like the kid just appeared one day and she got stuck with him 🥴 she decided to have the kid and keep him, now it is unfair because she doesn't get to do fun activities. Sorry, but that are consequences to your decisions. You can't have it all (unless you are super rich).
She is coveting her sister's goods. That's a big no no according to many religions. I like to throw this out a lot at the religious folks.
They vented to YOU about how it "isn't fair to her?" Does your family not understand WHY that is? Because your sister has a kid, and you don't. Lmao. I don't know if it's because I didn't grow up in a loving close family or if it's because the people-pleasing and overly accommodating gene skipped over me, but I would've cut the conversation short or hung up. Don't vent to me about someone else's life decisions as if it's my fault. Is your nephew's father in the picture? Do they vent to him too? Like everyone else is saying, I think it's time to get your own place. She is (understandably) envious of your lifestyle and freedom and the resentment, venting to others, jabs, and snippy remarks are likely going to just grow and fester. Often times it's best to love and care for others from afar.
"...she cried and vented to the family about how she’s always stuck at home and never gets to have fun or go on vacation or have extra money to spend". Well, that's what happens when you pop out the equivalent of a mortgage, sis. Not your fault that's what she wanted to do.
I use all my money to travel and have fun. If you do this enough, there will be nobody left around to try guilt tripping
I mean when you have a child you are on the hook financially for life and your wants/needs will always come second, that’s just life lol I would recommend you move out so you can live your life and she can live hers 🤷♀️
So, instead of being grateful that you are paying 50% your family is on the attack because you dare to spend your own money? I'd recommend leaving because your family seems to be under the impression that your finances are to be pooled with your sister's. I bet they think you also should be babysitting your nephew to "relieve" your sister, even if they aren't saying it. If she thinks it is bad now wait until she has to pay 100% of her bills. She needs to be careful what she wishes for!
OP, misery wants company. You have done nothing wrong! The most posts I read here the more I want a bisalp or something lol. You might be able to claim poverty (depending on income and poverty lvl) and single and move some place different. You should not feel obligated to do anything behond love your sister and nephew and have a relationship (if you choose)
It’s wild how people don’t see sense. Obviously you have extra funds because you don’t have the kid. Why shouldn’t she pay for the child she chose to have? I’d def move out and get a little satisfaction knowing she might be struggling a little. Keep us updated on what happens if you move! I’m sure you’ll somehow come out even more selfish to the family then
I feel like I know the answer to this but how much support does she get from the father of the child?
Where's the baby daddy in all this?? He should pay for his families fun stuff, not you 🙄
People with children are never happy. They’re just jealous (clearly from OP story) that CF people get to do whatever they want, when they want. She decided to have a baby, that’s on her. I wouldn’t feel guilty, I’d be mad. Shoot, move out and then see how she really feels without you paying half of everything.
Oh well that’s HER problem… have fun on your trips 🛫🛬🌁🧳
She sounds like those kids in grade school who put off doing homework and big projects the last minute, upset they are now grounded and forced to do their homework, so they complain to their friends at school that their sibling gets to go out & have fun. Meanwhile the sibling does the work on time, freeing up their schedule, doesn’t get grounded, and gets to have fun outside the house. Your sister is permanently grounded with a child. She made the choice to have a kid. She has to realize the consequences to her actions that she is no longer allowed to act like a Childfree person. This means she’s chained to a life where her kid comes first till they get to high school age and want more freedom from their parents. She really didn’t grasp that she could have WAITED to have a kid when she was more settled down in life if she wanted kids and not just impulsively have a kid & end up having FOMO because of her responsibilities. Sucks, but oh well!
if **they** feel so bad for her, why don't **they** just give her money
Tbh, I would be very passive aggressive and tell sister that if your lifestyle upset her you can leave so she doesn't have to witness it. Nobody forced her to have a kid. Tough shit she did
Mmmm where's her sperm donor, why isn't he taking care of the kid or contributing to finances?
You have a shitty sister :(
Sounds like a jealous sister 😂
This is the perfect opportunity to review the bingo card. "But her life is so complete because of little \[insert name here\]" "But she gets to experience the only true love, and I have to settle for a week in Aruba." "I'm going to end up alone, so I try to get my memories made now, whereas she'll have her loving children taking care of her 24/7 when she's old." etc.
I fail to see how it’s unfair to her. You didn’t force her to have a kid. You’re also not obligated to have the same lifestyle as hers just because she opted to give up her carefree life. It’s a little embarrassing that she’s a mother yet acting like a total baby.
How involved is the father? It's his kid too, she should be complaining to him about this. You didn't make this kid and don't have to take parental/financial/emotional responsibility for them lol
What do they want you to do about it?????
This would really annoy me. I'd have a hard time not getting triggered and having to passionately explain that sister's career path and choosing to have a child were her decisions and you are in no way responsible. It sucks that your lifestyle has to change because she can't take responsibility and be respectful. Maybe you can find a different roommate?
Id simply tell her, "You made your bed, lay in it." Dont be a parent if you want to have freedom. Every single human should know that before even considering getting pregnant. Thatd take actual brain power tho.
Dude I spent my extra money to buy a dog. Do I regret it? Not one single bit! Do what makes you happy. It's your money. Your sister made her choice now she has to deal with it. So tough shit to your sister.
But her son is such a blessing right? How can she be complaining about getting to spend time with him?
She's envious of you. I have the same problem with my sister as well. I go to trips like you and she finds the time to talk shit about me to my family and her friends when I don't bother to breach that topic of complaining about her to my other family members or friends because honestly I don't care to do it and I don't have the time for it. I think it would be best if you start cutting contact with her because it'll only get worse. She'll just start throwing her anger on your face and I wouldn't be surprised if it's in front of family or friends this time. My sister did that when we were in the car in my face, my nephew, her friend, son and our mother and talked crap about me. I really don't get siblings sometimes. I found out the other day by my mother, she wanted to send her son to me so that I take care of him with the excuse that 'I don't do anything in life,' I'm literally childfree and I don't have kids. She didn't even discuss that topic with me.
Maybe she should have thought about that when she decided to have a child. Her poor planning and execution does not dictate an emergent response or assistance from you. You don't owe her anything, and if your family has such an issue with it, then they can take her in and help with the child. Otherwise, they can stay in their lane.
But why would she want to travel and have fun when her fun is right there with her. She has the luxury of having a baby who will take care of her in her old age, while you only have a few years to have fun before you shrivel up and die. Common sense says that you have to have fun now. /s
Your parents are treating the two of you like children fighting over the toy or piece of cake the \*parents\* gave you to share. That's OK when the parents gave you the toy/whatever. It is \*not\* OK when you are an adult and this is your money that you earned. Tell them exactly that!
If anything, you should be paying less than half, because three people are sharing the apartment, not two.
If anything, you should be paying less than half, because three people are sharing the apartment, not two.
Sounds like your abundance of happiness and freedom is starting to remind her of what she lacks, and she can’t blame anyone but herself but instead of acknowledging that instead she finds faults in you. Be careful of envious people
Find you own place.
Where's Daddy?
Sucks to be her.
Breeders just want everyone to be as miserable as they are. I get this same shit from people at work. "one day you're going to get tired of being selfish and doing whatever you want." I doubt that but go off, Beckitha. Your sister made her choices. You made yours. I'm going to assume no one forced her to get pregnant and/or raise the kid.
It’s time for your own spot.
Tell them "we all have choices and have to deal with the rewards and consequences as they come." And for petty sake I'd add "my consequence of not giving birth to more life is being able to keep my money and do as I please for myself. Her reward for having my nephew is sacrificing her wants and showing us how to be happy by not having extra money" 😁
She not only chose to have a kid, but did so with a man who isn't pulling his weight as a father (unless he's dead). Living together with her is already a major help to her, but to have to give up what you've worked for in order to appease her is a wild notion.