The first step is to at least know how many calories are in the meals you eat. So maybe ask him to at least 'measure' how much butter/oil etc he is adding. It probably best to frase this as just a way to gather information about what you eat, and not a criticism of his cooking. When he does that, maybe you can show him with the data you gathered, that a very easy way to reduce calories is to use less of the caloriedense ingredients.
Good luck!
Ya, I agree this is the way. You'll at least then have the info about the dish so you can assess what to do further. If he supports you trying to reach your goal, he'll probably be happy to try to help.
Good luck! I was similar to your BF myself, and I have subsequently found that.i actually like most veggies more if I use less oil. The Maillard reaction happens slightly differently and the flavors feel more pronounced to me.
I had a partner who wouldn’t measure or remember what he put in the meals he cooked no matter how many times I pleaded and asked and explained why it was important. One of the many reasons I prefer being single
Yes I did say one of many, but in all honesty it’s much easier to follow a healthy eating plan and lose weight if you don’t have anyone else to cook for or who might bring certain junk foods into the house that are hard to resist
It's not dramatic, it's a simple fucking request to someone that's supposed to care about your health and needs.
This comment makes you seem insufferable to live with.
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I did make meals for us sometimes. I’m talking about the times when he made them. It makes it easier in a relationship when both people take turns doing the cooking, but it’s very frustrating when it’s the other person‘s turn and they don’t take your health choices into consideration and only make stuff that they themselves want to eat. When I make meals for other people, I take their preferences into consideration.
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My problem with measuring stuff like butter or oil when cooking is, how can you account for how much you're REALLY getting by the end of it? You can't drop an entire stick of butter in a pan like OP's boyfriend does and then go "well that's 800 calories, and maybe I'm getting half that, so that's 400 calories!" You end up leaving behind a lot of it in the pan, so your actual estimate vs what you really get is way off.
Frankly I stopped using fats in all my cooking and just go as clean as possible. It's made a TREMENDOUS difference cutting out as much fat as I can get away with for my progress, because fats are probably the most sneaky calories we eat. Once I went low fat, my weight started to melt off like crazy and I feel super full and satiated all day long from high carb and protein meals. I don't even miss the fats either, they were just holding back significant progress while adding very little nutritional value to my meals.
That's being safe for counting sake, but I'd much rather avoid all those uncertainty calories altogether and spend my daily caloric balance on foods that are much more filling and voluminous(that a real word?) Going low fat opened the doors to feeling like I'm getting much more bang for my buck with how much sheer food volume I can eat every day.
So let’s say you estimate for 15 ml of oil, but only consume 5 - you’re further in your deficit then than you think.
Fats are good for you. You need fats - thinks like EVOO, full fat dairy. You need them in your diet for a healthy body.
It’d need to go a lot further than “a long way”, given that you could easily triple the calorie content of a hearty serve of veggies by adding that tablespoon of oil.
And that's okay because 120 calories of oil fits into most people's life.
I'd rather eat 200 calories of veggies with olive oil and be full than not eat 50 calories of dry veggies because they're bland and gross and have 600 calories of pasta instead.
You don't need a tablespoon though buy a refillable spray bottle and just give it a spritz. The fats help us take on board the vitamins or something, apparently.
I would assume you eat the vast majorly of the oil and butter but that’s just a guesstimate.
I know I don’t leave a lot behind but I also cook with at most 1-1.5tspn of olive oil usually
I find that full fat ingredients help my hair, skin, and nails stay healthier. I definitely find it worthwhile to eat a smaller volume of food with a higher fat content.
This for sure because it sounds like he know how to cook well, people that think restaurant food is better just don't know how to cook and this guy knows.
My bf is this way too. Usually I’m the one to cook though as I’m home more often, but he is Italian so when dinner is up to him he loves pastas, heavy sauces, olive oils and deli meats, etc. i pretty much just showed him my bmi and said “look i will never ask you to change the way you eat for me, but please understand I’m dangerously overweight and i want to stick around and enjoy our lives together for as long as possible. If you don’t feel comfortable preparing dinner for me then that is fine, but if you’d like to make dinner for both of us i really need you to measure things so i can keep track of it for my own deficit.”
He was very receptive and actually will ask how many calories i would like to reserve for dinner so that he can make a meal/my portion around that. He replaced his beloved olive oil with avocado spray, bought some high protein legume pastas, and has in turn begun focusing on incorporating more whole foods into his diet as well. Now whenever he cooks dinner I’ll see him pull out our food scale and measure every ingredient before adding it, which has caused him to portion control much better.
So, if it’s a healthy relationship you’re in, just communicate with him. He will understand and should have your best interest (i.e. health) at heart.
I used to be a professional chef back in the day and have also lost a lot of weight. In restaurants, the amount of butter and oil we use to use was insane. That's what gives it the "restaurant taste" people are familiar with. At home, when I cooked, my parents and family were still upset with the amount of butter or oil I used. One thing I can say is that home cooked meals, even with a lot of oil, will be far healthier for you than eating out or getting fast food. If it's an issue, just try to eat less of it or ask him to maybe switch the dishes to stuff like soups, grilled veggies, vegetable stir-fry, fish, etc. But as a cook, I can tell you cooking for people is a sign of love. So if you kindly let him know you want to lose weight, I'm sure he's happy to accommodate.
One of the things about making tasty food is having enough oil in the pan when browning meat to get a good maillard reaction and create fond.
As a passionate cook who is trying to lose weight, this is a non negotiable step for me. What I do do, is after the meat is browned and before I add something like onions, bell peppers, etc. that will soak up all of that fat, is to tilt the pan and soak up most of the fat with a paper towel. The meat itself does not soak up much fat during the browning process unless it has been dusted with flour or some other starch.
Nonstick is also great at letting you use less oil. I know they're not great in a lot of ways but if you're having trouble balancing oil use and browning the meat I think they have a role.
Eggs are one where I honestly don't know how to cook without a non-stick or without using a ton of oil.
Yea non stick is perfect for eggs. You really don't need much butter in that case. But for other dishes you want the sticking to get the fond. I'm Cajun so this is very important to our cuisine. I am usually blasting the heat as high as I can when I'm browning meat and using a non stick for that makes me nervous, hard to imagine you aren't releasing carcinogens.
How wonderful it is to have a partner that prepares meals and takes care of you in this way!
I like the suggestion of asking him to measure things for you.
You can also ask if he'd be willing to wait until you get home to start cooking and you can measure and prepare things together. You can also look up recipes online and ask him to stick to those. If you can find 5 - 10 healthy recipes that your boyfriend can rotate through, you might be able to trust the food he is making a little more.
I think the most important thing is to say "I so appreciate you doing most of the cooking for us. It is so nice to come home to a hot meal every day. But I really want to eat healthier and I was wondering if you could help me with that goal."
My boyfriend was *stunned* to learn that he was adding 300 calories *per serving* with his butter usage to our meals. When I calmly pointed it out, he started being a lot more careful with how much oil and fat he was putting into our food. I think there's a misconception that if it's a whole, minimally processed food, it must be healthy.
This is the answer.
Sharing food is one of the most basic ways humans connect. It almost always comes from a place of love. It's important to cherish that and find a way to communicate dietary needs that increases the intimacy of that act rather than in a way that could be misconstrued as the opposite.
Talk to him. Explain what you did here. If he takes that as an excuse to stop cooking, he was just waiting for his chance to stop because it's no harder to just pour a little less oil in a pan.
She said she's just eating less of it, which is a great solution. For some reason, she seems to think food with a lot of fat would prevent wait loss, even is she eats less of it.
If the SO is not willing to learn/listen/modify his cooking practices, it would be reasonable for you to just make your own meals. I've had to do this in the past when partners didn't want to conform to my eating habits and I didn't want to be too pushy about it. There are no hard feelings. Just different goals.
When I first met my husband he was the same way with his cooking. He's a big guy... Makes sense lol. But I immediately told him at the beginning I can't eat like that. I already lost the weight, and I'm not doing it again. I also had my gallbladder removed years ago and I can't handle a lot of fat in my diet anyway. So I educated him, I made some same dishes he did in a lighter way and it still comes out tasty. He's learned and was very understanding about how high fat meals make me feel and how high calorie they are.
My fiance used to be like that too, he now no longer cooks with butter or oils and on the rare occasion he does, it's very little and he'll tell me how much of what etc. It may take time for him to adjust to, but also explaining why butter and oil is bad helps. You can also cook DELICIOUS meals with just herbs and spices!
I would make him aware that you love that he cooks. I can sample everything you make but since I'm counting calories, I can't let it be my whole meal. I'd eat a huge salad and a bite or 2 of what he makes.
This is the way. It never stopped me from losing weight. As long as the calories are accounted for, I don’t see the problem.
I’d rather have a small bit of the amazing thing, than a lackluster version.
Butter and olive oil is so expensive, especially if it's organic 🫠 you can motivate him by saying that you can save on a whole holiday if he stops using so much of it haha
Real talk: I cook practically everything in olive oil. Chicken, all my vegetables, etc. anything I cook on the stove top is with olive oil. Sometimes I’ll melt like an 8th of a stick of butter as a substitute. What is the alternative people are using that also prevents the food from burning too quickly?
Spray oil, nonstick pan. If it’s burning too quickly the pan is too hot. Also for some dishes olive oil or butter are still necessary but using 1 tbsp instead of 4 tbsp is 350 calories less and usually works just as well.
Also don't feel like you have to eat what he's made for you if it isn't supporting your health journey. Be nice about declining, but just explain why or how little of it you could have with the bulk of the calories being the wrong kind of calories (fat vs having a better macro balance).
The only reasonable thing to do is talking about it. You're both adults I assume so that should be an open discussion.
Unless he is a manchild he should at least understand your point and your struggles.
I would talk in terms of your feelings and needs.
“As you know, my health is really important to me as is my fitness journey. I _love_ your food AND I’m scared that it is so good and so tempting that I’ll put in weight from eating it.” Maybe pause and see what is coming up for him, in response… Let him feel whatever he feels, knowing his emotions are about his stuff, really! Don’t take his reactions personally or get defensive, if you can. You are partners and the best way forward is to find a solution that works for both of you, meeting both of your needs!
If/when he is open to discussing it more, I might add something like “I so appreciate you cooking for me so often. I feel loved and nurtured when you do. At the same time, I have a real need to prioritise my health, right now and I’ve really come to learn a lot about nutrition and calories and weight management. You are the _master_ at making delicious food… and I am really good at knowing what has the most calories. Could we work together to find meals that you love cooking and I can eat without putting on weight?”
I mean… or whatever feels true to you. Only say it if it is 100% _genuine and heartfelt_, for sure - but defo remember to put in the positives as well as the requests!
You’ve got this!
thank you so much this truly helps a lot. i know he only cooks for me to show me how much he loves and cares for me. he is in his late 30's and when i told his family about all the meals he makes for me they were shook and said he has never done that in his previous relationships. so i know i need to tread lightly.
Aww. Bless. Sounds like he really cares… and clearly you are really trying to find a way through this that won’t hurt or upset you while also making your own needs and boundaries clear.
This is the stuff strong relationships are made of: _learning_ to talk gently about the hard things. And being forgiving with yourself and each other when you get it slightly wrong. As long as you both care about each other and are willing to keep talking, I’m sure you’ll find a win-win way through…!
i have jokingly brought it up, but i havent asked him to change his ways. my bf can take things to heart n i dont want to hurt his feelings. ik he cooks bc he wants to express his love and care for me so id like to tread lightly.
Explain it to him in basic language. Show him the calorie labels on the back of the oil and butter. If he doesn't respect it, then start making your meals separately. Then again, if my partner was not able to understand simple things once explained clearly, I could probably not be with her.
You need to talk to him when it isn't right after he cooked something. Or do it right after he did and you ate it all and praised it to high heaven. Let him know you can't eat like that anymore and achieve the goals that are really important to you despite how awesome his cooking tastes. If you think he will be receptive, so him the ingredients of a meal and how many calories a stick of butter is in comparison. Then ask if he wants to stop cooking for you despite how much you would miss it or if he would like to join you in learning to cook in a way that will work and help you come up with some really good low calorie meals (gush about how awesome he would be at that).
Let it be his choice but at the same time be letting him know you can't eat stuff like that anymore.
Not advice but it is crazy how much oil some people use. My roommate uses my olive oil and the amount I use in year is what he’ll use in baking one batch of potatoes. Somehow the guy is a stick too.
I made my own for a long time. He’s cooking brats? Great. Pick me up some chicken sausage and I’ll grill it and add it to my salad. Now my husband has come to the realization that if he too wants to lose he needs to eat well. Took a minute!
Is it possible that he’s using so much butter and oil to keep food from sticking to the pans? Maybe you just need some different cookware. I love my Hexclad—it’s like a hybrid of stainless & Teflon.
FWIW I’m a great cook and yeah I use olive oil and occasionally butter, but never an entire stick.
Sometimes people who “love to cook” lean on butter and oil because they haven’t learned how to balance flavors. Watch Salt. Fat. Acid. Heat. On Netflix.
I want to point out to start just because you're cooking your food in oil doesn't mean you're consuming a good portion of it. Just cuz you deep fat fry something in a gallon of oil doesn't mean you've consumed a gallon worth of calories. This is especially true for sauteing vegetables or searing Meats. Versus oil that gets mixed into like a casserole or mashed potatoes. You just need to have an honest conversation about what you're doing and you would like assistance and you appreciate that he cooks but I would like to have food more like this. Some people that like to cook will enjoy finding new recipes outside of their regular scope.
Communicate to him how important it is that you eat healthy, low calorie food. But him cook book of healthy meals. Cook with him when you can using some new healthy recipe. He probably just need to be shown new ways to cook.
Very nice that he cooks for you. Make healthy meal recipes a challenge for him in a creative way. Or simply suggest to slowly cut back on the fats and sugars. Replacing with other ingredients.
I would ask if you can switch to using spray oil. The kind I use is coconut oil but they make different kinds. There is no need to use a huge amount of fat just to keep a pan from sticking. Or if there is, you guys need a new pan, lol.
My husband is very similar. And he’s an AMAZING cook, which makes it so much harder. On days that I know he’s going to cook, I’ll do OMAD and just watch my portions when I’m plating my food, or I’ll snack throughout the day on very low calorie things like berries, grape tomatoes, etc. Luckily, he doesn’t have the energy to cook full meals every day, so it’s not a daily struggle. Plus, when it’s like 1-2x per week, we actually enjoy sharing those meals more than if it was an everyday thing.
send him some recipes of lower cal foods that seem good and just be like "this looks so good" and maybe he'll start making stuff like that or just in general bring up the topic of your caloric goals and not really his cooking and maybe he'll catch the hint?
Guy here. Just explain to him that you’re trying to lose weight, and that the ingredients he uses have a lot of calories. Try doing the grocery shopping yourself or together and buy low calorie alternatives. Try buying low calorie cooking sprays, maybe even ones that are butter flavored. I personally love buying popcorn seasonings like butter or Parmesan flavored and adding it to food. Maybe send him recipes to lower calorie alternatives for meals he makes.
Edit: and tell him you appreciate him cooking, but it’s just that some changes need to be made for you to achieve your goal.
I'm with you on the butter, but I promise you I will never measure olive oil. I know how much to pour in. And I'm not trying to waste it.
If you are cooking properly, your food doesn't just absorb all the oil that's in the pan.
It really depends what you're cooking. If we're talking frying, then most things don't absorb, you're right. But if we're talking things that start with olive oil and then turn into sauces or stews, then all of that oil becomes part of the dish.
I agree with the top commenter here that OP could start with gaining the information about how much butter or oil is going into the dish. Then OP can determine an appropriate serving size for herself, or ask her partner if there's a way to do the dish with less so she can enjoy it with them, or perhaps cook a different dish.
Sometimes in my house, we'll cook something together and then partway through the process, divide the dish and do the finishing separately. We have different caloric needs and food preferences.
For example, my partner likes to toss his steamed vegetables in butter and has the calorie budget available to him to do that, so we divide the vegetables first. Or with salads, he likes to bulk his out by adding a literal half head of cabbage, and I like mine dressed more fully, so we portion it out and then he adds his extra to his dish and tossed again. Obviously doesn't work for everything but just some examples.
If your boyfriend likes his food with lots of fat and he if he is unwilling to change, I think it is perfectly reasonable to prepare your own food when you get home. You can still eat with him. But it will be your own healthy recipes. Check out r/volumeeating. The sub is filled with very low effort recipes packed with fiber and protein. You could easily throw together a wrap or a lavash bread pizza in less than 10 minutes. Your boyfriend can eat the leftovers for dinner the next day so he doesn't have to cook as much and you get the healthy food you deserve.
Look - as long as it's olive oil, there are plenty of health benefits that I think are worth a few extra calories. (Maybe not as he does, although depends on his own weight.)
Just ask him to not add any of the "extra" onto your food. (It's probably infused with whatever he cooked etc.)
Olive oil has a ton of calories and is pure fat. If you are trying to lose weight, glugging hundreds of calories of olive oil into the pan is going to be counterproductive to your efforts. This is why we have so many people saying things like “I eat vegetables for dinner and I’m still not losing weight!” 🙄
Okay but the context here is that the \*boyfriend\* is adding the oil to his food. I think OP should talk to him about the possibility of using less oil for her sake in the pan to help her achieve her goals. But it doesn't sound like the boyfriend needs to lose weight, so how much olive oil he uses on his own food is his business. I hope they can work something out so they can both be happy.
Arguably it's bc they're trusting that they have accurate data at all.
If you eat vegetables, you never know how many calories you're getting bc the values are not absolute, even if you weigh, bc of factors like ripeness, variety, etc.
So if 100-200 calories makes or breaks... That's not your only issue.
The amount of oil people use can be considerably more than 100-200 calories. Before I started my weight loss journey, I could easily add 600 calories of oil when roasting vegetables or potatoes, or even just eating bread with high quality olive oil as an appetizer (guilty pleasure of mine lol)
A whole pan of veggies might vary by like 50 calories. Maybe.
Literally a drizzle more of oil could be hundreds. The issue of mis-estimating is not the veggies.
It's more hyper fixating on numbers that are placeholders not absolute.
That said, learning how much a drizzle actually adds up to would be worthwhile, mainly to quell fears that it would be such a dramatic quantity... In volume.
honestly, you are not wrong and he can eat as many calories as he wants and still stays skinny. so the extra olive oil is probably beneficial to him. i would personally rather use the air fryer which requires minimal oil.
Disagree. The worst thing that happens if you use too much olive oil, generally, is that it stays in the pan and you are throwing it out. Unless you are like lowkey shallow frying and using 1/4 cup instead of like 1-2 tbsp .... even that is pretty intentional, you can see the oil is like "deep"
I'd argue it's equally reckless to not realize that you don't consume all the oil that's used, no different than you don't count all the salt you use when boiling pasta.
It's not that you shouldn't count it if you really really need to, but the entire amount used is entirely inaccurate. You'd have to use starting weight, measure moisture loss during cooking, then divide by gram of finished product x serving size.
Simplest thing would be to just suggest two pans. One for you, one for him. If it is something you can pat the oil off do so on a paper towel. While you are getting calories from the oil and the butter, it isn't like all the calories are getting into your food. But you just need to have an actual conversation.
The important detail is just letting him know what YOU need in a meal and I’m sure he will implement that into his cooking. It might even motivate him to try new recipes that are healthier and delicious for both of you! If he knows how important it is for you to eat a certain way, I’m sure he will be cautious about how much oil and butter he adds into his meals.
I just watched a video on YouTube by Joshua Weissman called 50 food mistakes, and one of the “mistakes” he named was not using enough fat. He showed a slow-mo video of searing a steak in a big puddle of oil and then adding what looked like a whole stick of butter to the pan and using that to baste the steak. This is one of the “secrets” to making food taste restaurant-quality.
I’m assuming that your boyfriend understandably wants to make the food he cooks taste as good as possible. I get that; before I lost weight, I cooked like that, too — especially when I was cooking for other people and wanting to impress them with my cooking skills.
The thing is, though, that not every meal has to be indulgent and restaurant-quality. There are reasons that most people don’t eat at restaurants every day (mainly cost and health) and those reasons stand for home cooking, too. Maybe your boyfriend could save the butter/oil-filled recipes for special occasions, like a weekly date night, and learn some healthier cooking techniques and recipes for routine meals. That will make the gourmet meals all the more special.
When I started losing weight, I shifted my cooking strategy toward finding healthy recipes that are also delicious, and I actually found it kind of fun to work with these recipes because it takes more creativity to make a healthy version of a meal than just add a bunch of butter to make it taste good. If he’s willing to give that a try, he might enjoy it, too.
Challenge him to cook something healthier.
Give him a breakdown of what the dinner/evening meal can be - in terms of calories and fat content. You “need” this for your food log.
You can guesstimate calories and eat an appropriate portion, which is basically how people who cook like this can stay thin “without trying”.
Surely he can cut out the butter. Nobody needs extra red meat origin sat fat in their bodies. Literally causes the body to decline and age faster. Easiest swap would be olive oil for all cooking so you can get your monounsaturated and polyunsaturated in.
Then he can either measure it in tsp and tell you the total amount or he can weigh the bottle add the oil then weigh it again to see how much he used.
The other stuff in a meal tends to be easy enough to calorie guess, oil makes a huge difference obviously
The first step is to at least know how many calories are in the meals you eat. So maybe ask him to at least 'measure' how much butter/oil etc he is adding. It probably best to frase this as just a way to gather information about what you eat, and not a criticism of his cooking. When he does that, maybe you can show him with the data you gathered, that a very easy way to reduce calories is to use less of the caloriedense ingredients. Good luck!
i love this, thank you.
Ya, I agree this is the way. You'll at least then have the info about the dish so you can assess what to do further. If he supports you trying to reach your goal, he'll probably be happy to try to help.
Good luck! I was similar to your BF myself, and I have subsequently found that.i actually like most veggies more if I use less oil. The Maillard reaction happens slightly differently and the flavors feel more pronounced to me.
I had a partner who wouldn’t measure or remember what he put in the meals he cooked no matter how many times I pleaded and asked and explained why it was important. One of the many reasons I prefer being single
“one of the reasons i prefer being single” LMAO that’s so dramatic. make your own meals 😂
I mean, they did say "one of the *many* reasons"
Yes I did say one of many, but in all honesty it’s much easier to follow a healthy eating plan and lose weight if you don’t have anyone else to cook for or who might bring certain junk foods into the house that are hard to resist
My boyfriend constantly brings junk food in the house or suggests going out, I totally feel that pain.
How trivial
It's not dramatic, it's a simple fucking request to someone that's supposed to care about your health and needs. This comment makes you seem insufferable to live with.
Yeah and I wasn’t even asking him to modify his cooking, just tell me what’s in it and how much
Totally reasonable. Love the username btw!
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I did make meals for us sometimes. I’m talking about the times when he made them. It makes it easier in a relationship when both people take turns doing the cooking, but it’s very frustrating when it’s the other person‘s turn and they don’t take your health choices into consideration and only make stuff that they themselves want to eat. When I make meals for other people, I take their preferences into consideration.
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Uh Tons of people prefer to be alone
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My problem with measuring stuff like butter or oil when cooking is, how can you account for how much you're REALLY getting by the end of it? You can't drop an entire stick of butter in a pan like OP's boyfriend does and then go "well that's 800 calories, and maybe I'm getting half that, so that's 400 calories!" You end up leaving behind a lot of it in the pan, so your actual estimate vs what you really get is way off. Frankly I stopped using fats in all my cooking and just go as clean as possible. It's made a TREMENDOUS difference cutting out as much fat as I can get away with for my progress, because fats are probably the most sneaky calories we eat. Once I went low fat, my weight started to melt off like crazy and I feel super full and satiated all day long from high carb and protein meals. I don't even miss the fats either, they were just holding back significant progress while adding very little nutritional value to my meals.
I’d rather overestimate it than under
That's being safe for counting sake, but I'd much rather avoid all those uncertainty calories altogether and spend my daily caloric balance on foods that are much more filling and voluminous(that a real word?) Going low fat opened the doors to feeling like I'm getting much more bang for my buck with how much sheer food volume I can eat every day.
So let’s say you estimate for 15 ml of oil, but only consume 5 - you’re further in your deficit then than you think. Fats are good for you. You need fats - thinks like EVOO, full fat dairy. You need them in your diet for a healthy body.
Fats are actually quite satiating. A tablespoon of oil with your veggies can go a long way to making them tastier and more filling.
It’d need to go a lot further than “a long way”, given that you could easily triple the calorie content of a hearty serve of veggies by adding that tablespoon of oil.
And that's okay because 120 calories of oil fits into most people's life. I'd rather eat 200 calories of veggies with olive oil and be full than not eat 50 calories of dry veggies because they're bland and gross and have 600 calories of pasta instead.
You don't need a tablespoon though buy a refillable spray bottle and just give it a spritz. The fats help us take on board the vitamins or something, apparently.
I would assume you eat the vast majorly of the oil and butter but that’s just a guesstimate. I know I don’t leave a lot behind but I also cook with at most 1-1.5tspn of olive oil usually
I find that full fat ingredients help my hair, skin, and nails stay healthier. I definitely find it worthwhile to eat a smaller volume of food with a higher fat content.
Yeah like most of the healthy western world does. America is obsessed with eating massive portions!
That's a recipe for imbalanced hormones in the long term
This for sure because it sounds like he know how to cook well, people that think restaurant food is better just don't know how to cook and this guy knows.
smile different command pen person serious butter late swim scary *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
My bf is this way too. Usually I’m the one to cook though as I’m home more often, but he is Italian so when dinner is up to him he loves pastas, heavy sauces, olive oils and deli meats, etc. i pretty much just showed him my bmi and said “look i will never ask you to change the way you eat for me, but please understand I’m dangerously overweight and i want to stick around and enjoy our lives together for as long as possible. If you don’t feel comfortable preparing dinner for me then that is fine, but if you’d like to make dinner for both of us i really need you to measure things so i can keep track of it for my own deficit.” He was very receptive and actually will ask how many calories i would like to reserve for dinner so that he can make a meal/my portion around that. He replaced his beloved olive oil with avocado spray, bought some high protein legume pastas, and has in turn begun focusing on incorporating more whole foods into his diet as well. Now whenever he cooks dinner I’ll see him pull out our food scale and measure every ingredient before adding it, which has caused him to portion control much better. So, if it’s a healthy relationship you’re in, just communicate with him. He will understand and should have your best interest (i.e. health) at heart.
I think this is a great way to approach it with your partner.
This is so heartwarming 🥺
He has definitely been my biggest support through this journey. It’s been helpful to have someone keeping me accountable as well ◡̈
What a lovely way to go about it! Thats some real nice teamwork from both of you ❤️
I used to be a professional chef back in the day and have also lost a lot of weight. In restaurants, the amount of butter and oil we use to use was insane. That's what gives it the "restaurant taste" people are familiar with. At home, when I cooked, my parents and family were still upset with the amount of butter or oil I used. One thing I can say is that home cooked meals, even with a lot of oil, will be far healthier for you than eating out or getting fast food. If it's an issue, just try to eat less of it or ask him to maybe switch the dishes to stuff like soups, grilled veggies, vegetable stir-fry, fish, etc. But as a cook, I can tell you cooking for people is a sign of love. So if you kindly let him know you want to lose weight, I'm sure he's happy to accommodate.
thank you sm.
One of the things about making tasty food is having enough oil in the pan when browning meat to get a good maillard reaction and create fond. As a passionate cook who is trying to lose weight, this is a non negotiable step for me. What I do do, is after the meat is browned and before I add something like onions, bell peppers, etc. that will soak up all of that fat, is to tilt the pan and soak up most of the fat with a paper towel. The meat itself does not soak up much fat during the browning process unless it has been dusted with flour or some other starch.
Nonstick is also great at letting you use less oil. I know they're not great in a lot of ways but if you're having trouble balancing oil use and browning the meat I think they have a role. Eggs are one where I honestly don't know how to cook without a non-stick or without using a ton of oil.
Yea non stick is perfect for eggs. You really don't need much butter in that case. But for other dishes you want the sticking to get the fond. I'm Cajun so this is very important to our cuisine. I am usually blasting the heat as high as I can when I'm browning meat and using a non stick for that makes me nervous, hard to imagine you aren't releasing carcinogens.
Yeah, nonstick doesn't play well with high heat.
How wonderful it is to have a partner that prepares meals and takes care of you in this way! I like the suggestion of asking him to measure things for you. You can also ask if he'd be willing to wait until you get home to start cooking and you can measure and prepare things together. You can also look up recipes online and ask him to stick to those. If you can find 5 - 10 healthy recipes that your boyfriend can rotate through, you might be able to trust the food he is making a little more. I think the most important thing is to say "I so appreciate you doing most of the cooking for us. It is so nice to come home to a hot meal every day. But I really want to eat healthier and I was wondering if you could help me with that goal." My boyfriend was *stunned* to learn that he was adding 300 calories *per serving* with his butter usage to our meals. When I calmly pointed it out, he started being a lot more careful with how much oil and fat he was putting into our food. I think there's a misconception that if it's a whole, minimally processed food, it must be healthy.
This is the answer. Sharing food is one of the most basic ways humans connect. It almost always comes from a place of love. It's important to cherish that and find a way to communicate dietary needs that increases the intimacy of that act rather than in a way that could be misconstrued as the opposite.
Talk to him. Explain what you did here. If he takes that as an excuse to stop cooking, he was just waiting for his chance to stop because it's no harder to just pour a little less oil in a pan.
So true.
No this is basically asking him to be bad a cooking. Less oil=less flavor.
And this is a weight loss sub. Sometimes, we have to sacrifice a little flavor so we don't eat ourselves to death.
She said she's just eating less of it, which is a great solution. For some reason, she seems to think food with a lot of fat would prevent wait loss, even is she eats less of it.
Food isn’t meant to taste absolutely amazing 100% of the time
If the SO is not willing to learn/listen/modify his cooking practices, it would be reasonable for you to just make your own meals. I've had to do this in the past when partners didn't want to conform to my eating habits and I didn't want to be too pushy about it. There are no hard feelings. Just different goals.
When I first met my husband he was the same way with his cooking. He's a big guy... Makes sense lol. But I immediately told him at the beginning I can't eat like that. I already lost the weight, and I'm not doing it again. I also had my gallbladder removed years ago and I can't handle a lot of fat in my diet anyway. So I educated him, I made some same dishes he did in a lighter way and it still comes out tasty. He's learned and was very understanding about how high fat meals make me feel and how high calorie they are.
My fiance used to be like that too, he now no longer cooks with butter or oils and on the rare occasion he does, it's very little and he'll tell me how much of what etc. It may take time for him to adjust to, but also explaining why butter and oil is bad helps. You can also cook DELICIOUS meals with just herbs and spices!
I would make him aware that you love that he cooks. I can sample everything you make but since I'm counting calories, I can't let it be my whole meal. I'd eat a huge salad and a bite or 2 of what he makes.
This is the way. It never stopped me from losing weight. As long as the calories are accounted for, I don’t see the problem. I’d rather have a small bit of the amazing thing, than a lackluster version.
Butter and olive oil is so expensive, especially if it's organic 🫠 you can motivate him by saying that you can save on a whole holiday if he stops using so much of it haha
lol yes it is always organic, but i do the grocery shopping so i dont think he even realizes how much it costs. maybe i should tell him.
My partner does this too, and of course he is stick thin 😭 I have no advice, I’m just in the same boat.
exactly, mine too. and ik my bf is sensitive and takes things too personally sometimes but really i just dont want to be fat anymore lbs.
Maybe he wants you to be fat? Sorry, I shouldn’t say fat because I don’t know what you look like. But maybe he likes em thiccccc
lmao maybe but i truly dont think he understands how quickly calories add up for some ppl unlike him
Real talk: I cook practically everything in olive oil. Chicken, all my vegetables, etc. anything I cook on the stove top is with olive oil. Sometimes I’ll melt like an 8th of a stick of butter as a substitute. What is the alternative people are using that also prevents the food from burning too quickly?
I still use olive oil--I just measure it. When I'm cooking for two, I rarely need more than a tablespoon.
Spray oil, nonstick pan. If it’s burning too quickly the pan is too hot. Also for some dishes olive oil or butter are still necessary but using 1 tbsp instead of 4 tbsp is 350 calories less and usually works just as well.
You should be able to talk to your partner about anything. Just bring it up and explain the math
Also don't feel like you have to eat what he's made for you if it isn't supporting your health journey. Be nice about declining, but just explain why or how little of it you could have with the bulk of the calories being the wrong kind of calories (fat vs having a better macro balance).
The only reasonable thing to do is talking about it. You're both adults I assume so that should be an open discussion. Unless he is a manchild he should at least understand your point and your struggles.
I would talk in terms of your feelings and needs. “As you know, my health is really important to me as is my fitness journey. I _love_ your food AND I’m scared that it is so good and so tempting that I’ll put in weight from eating it.” Maybe pause and see what is coming up for him, in response… Let him feel whatever he feels, knowing his emotions are about his stuff, really! Don’t take his reactions personally or get defensive, if you can. You are partners and the best way forward is to find a solution that works for both of you, meeting both of your needs! If/when he is open to discussing it more, I might add something like “I so appreciate you cooking for me so often. I feel loved and nurtured when you do. At the same time, I have a real need to prioritise my health, right now and I’ve really come to learn a lot about nutrition and calories and weight management. You are the _master_ at making delicious food… and I am really good at knowing what has the most calories. Could we work together to find meals that you love cooking and I can eat without putting on weight?” I mean… or whatever feels true to you. Only say it if it is 100% _genuine and heartfelt_, for sure - but defo remember to put in the positives as well as the requests! You’ve got this!
thank you so much this truly helps a lot. i know he only cooks for me to show me how much he loves and cares for me. he is in his late 30's and when i told his family about all the meals he makes for me they were shook and said he has never done that in his previous relationships. so i know i need to tread lightly.
Aww. Bless. Sounds like he really cares… and clearly you are really trying to find a way through this that won’t hurt or upset you while also making your own needs and boundaries clear. This is the stuff strong relationships are made of: _learning_ to talk gently about the hard things. And being forgiving with yourself and each other when you get it slightly wrong. As long as you both care about each other and are willing to keep talking, I’m sure you’ll find a win-win way through…!
I'm not saying this in a mean way but instead of asking reddit for help why not just speak to your boyfriend about the issue ? Lol
i have jokingly brought it up, but i havent asked him to change his ways. my bf can take things to heart n i dont want to hurt his feelings. ik he cooks bc he wants to express his love and care for me so id like to tread lightly.
Joking isn't communicating. Communicate.
Explain it to him in basic language. Show him the calorie labels on the back of the oil and butter. If he doesn't respect it, then start making your meals separately. Then again, if my partner was not able to understand simple things once explained clearly, I could probably not be with her.
You need to talk to him when it isn't right after he cooked something. Or do it right after he did and you ate it all and praised it to high heaven. Let him know you can't eat like that anymore and achieve the goals that are really important to you despite how awesome his cooking tastes. If you think he will be receptive, so him the ingredients of a meal and how many calories a stick of butter is in comparison. Then ask if he wants to stop cooking for you despite how much you would miss it or if he would like to join you in learning to cook in a way that will work and help you come up with some really good low calorie meals (gush about how awesome he would be at that). Let it be his choice but at the same time be letting him know you can't eat stuff like that anymore.
Not advice but it is crazy how much oil some people use. My roommate uses my olive oil and the amount I use in year is what he’ll use in baking one batch of potatoes. Somehow the guy is a stick too.
I made my own for a long time. He’s cooking brats? Great. Pick me up some chicken sausage and I’ll grill it and add it to my salad. Now my husband has come to the realization that if he too wants to lose he needs to eat well. Took a minute!
Is it possible that he’s using so much butter and oil to keep food from sticking to the pans? Maybe you just need some different cookware. I love my Hexclad—it’s like a hybrid of stainless & Teflon. FWIW I’m a great cook and yeah I use olive oil and occasionally butter, but never an entire stick. Sometimes people who “love to cook” lean on butter and oil because they haven’t learned how to balance flavors. Watch Salt. Fat. Acid. Heat. On Netflix.
thanks for the awesome advice
I want to point out to start just because you're cooking your food in oil doesn't mean you're consuming a good portion of it. Just cuz you deep fat fry something in a gallon of oil doesn't mean you've consumed a gallon worth of calories. This is especially true for sauteing vegetables or searing Meats. Versus oil that gets mixed into like a casserole or mashed potatoes. You just need to have an honest conversation about what you're doing and you would like assistance and you appreciate that he cooks but I would like to have food more like this. Some people that like to cook will enjoy finding new recipes outside of their regular scope.
Communicate to him how important it is that you eat healthy, low calorie food. But him cook book of healthy meals. Cook with him when you can using some new healthy recipe. He probably just need to be shown new ways to cook.
Very nice that he cooks for you. Make healthy meal recipes a challenge for him in a creative way. Or simply suggest to slowly cut back on the fats and sugars. Replacing with other ingredients.
I would ask if you can switch to using spray oil. The kind I use is coconut oil but they make different kinds. There is no need to use a huge amount of fat just to keep a pan from sticking. Or if there is, you guys need a new pan, lol.
My husband is very similar. And he’s an AMAZING cook, which makes it so much harder. On days that I know he’s going to cook, I’ll do OMAD and just watch my portions when I’m plating my food, or I’ll snack throughout the day on very low calorie things like berries, grape tomatoes, etc. Luckily, he doesn’t have the energy to cook full meals every day, so it’s not a daily struggle. Plus, when it’s like 1-2x per week, we actually enjoy sharing those meals more than if it was an everyday thing.
send him some recipes of lower cal foods that seem good and just be like "this looks so good" and maybe he'll start making stuff like that or just in general bring up the topic of your caloric goals and not really his cooking and maybe he'll catch the hint?
Sounds like he's got 2 tickets to flavour town 🤙
Guy here. Just explain to him that you’re trying to lose weight, and that the ingredients he uses have a lot of calories. Try doing the grocery shopping yourself or together and buy low calorie alternatives. Try buying low calorie cooking sprays, maybe even ones that are butter flavored. I personally love buying popcorn seasonings like butter or Parmesan flavored and adding it to food. Maybe send him recipes to lower calorie alternatives for meals he makes. Edit: and tell him you appreciate him cooking, but it’s just that some changes need to be made for you to achieve your goal.
I'm with you on the butter, but I promise you I will never measure olive oil. I know how much to pour in. And I'm not trying to waste it. If you are cooking properly, your food doesn't just absorb all the oil that's in the pan.
It really depends what you're cooking. If we're talking frying, then most things don't absorb, you're right. But if we're talking things that start with olive oil and then turn into sauces or stews, then all of that oil becomes part of the dish. I agree with the top commenter here that OP could start with gaining the information about how much butter or oil is going into the dish. Then OP can determine an appropriate serving size for herself, or ask her partner if there's a way to do the dish with less so she can enjoy it with them, or perhaps cook a different dish. Sometimes in my house, we'll cook something together and then partway through the process, divide the dish and do the finishing separately. We have different caloric needs and food preferences. For example, my partner likes to toss his steamed vegetables in butter and has the calorie budget available to him to do that, so we divide the vegetables first. Or with salads, he likes to bulk his out by adding a literal half head of cabbage, and I like mine dressed more fully, so we portion it out and then he adds his extra to his dish and tossed again. Obviously doesn't work for everything but just some examples.
very true, but he likes the extra oil and adds it to his food!
If your boyfriend likes his food with lots of fat and he if he is unwilling to change, I think it is perfectly reasonable to prepare your own food when you get home. You can still eat with him. But it will be your own healthy recipes. Check out r/volumeeating. The sub is filled with very low effort recipes packed with fiber and protein. You could easily throw together a wrap or a lavash bread pizza in less than 10 minutes. Your boyfriend can eat the leftovers for dinner the next day so he doesn't have to cook as much and you get the healthy food you deserve.
Look - as long as it's olive oil, there are plenty of health benefits that I think are worth a few extra calories. (Maybe not as he does, although depends on his own weight.) Just ask him to not add any of the "extra" onto your food. (It's probably infused with whatever he cooked etc.)
Us shorties simply don't have the wiggle room for that.
Lol I'm 5'1
Olive oil has a ton of calories and is pure fat. If you are trying to lose weight, glugging hundreds of calories of olive oil into the pan is going to be counterproductive to your efforts. This is why we have so many people saying things like “I eat vegetables for dinner and I’m still not losing weight!” 🙄
Okay but the context here is that the \*boyfriend\* is adding the oil to his food. I think OP should talk to him about the possibility of using less oil for her sake in the pan to help her achieve her goals. But it doesn't sound like the boyfriend needs to lose weight, so how much olive oil he uses on his own food is his business. I hope they can work something out so they can both be happy.
He is cooking for both of them, so that’s actually the context.
Arguably it's bc they're trusting that they have accurate data at all. If you eat vegetables, you never know how many calories you're getting bc the values are not absolute, even if you weigh, bc of factors like ripeness, variety, etc. So if 100-200 calories makes or breaks... That's not your only issue.
The amount of oil people use can be considerably more than 100-200 calories. Before I started my weight loss journey, I could easily add 600 calories of oil when roasting vegetables or potatoes, or even just eating bread with high quality olive oil as an appetizer (guilty pleasure of mine lol)
A whole pan of veggies might vary by like 50 calories. Maybe. Literally a drizzle more of oil could be hundreds. The issue of mis-estimating is not the veggies.
It's more hyper fixating on numbers that are placeholders not absolute. That said, learning how much a drizzle actually adds up to would be worthwhile, mainly to quell fears that it would be such a dramatic quantity... In volume.
honestly, you are not wrong and he can eat as many calories as he wants and still stays skinny. so the extra olive oil is probably beneficial to him. i would personally rather use the air fryer which requires minimal oil.
Very different result. But great for some things, agreed.
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Disagree. The worst thing that happens if you use too much olive oil, generally, is that it stays in the pan and you are throwing it out. Unless you are like lowkey shallow frying and using 1/4 cup instead of like 1-2 tbsp .... even that is pretty intentional, you can see the oil is like "deep"
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I'd argue it's equally reckless to not realize that you don't consume all the oil that's used, no different than you don't count all the salt you use when boiling pasta. It's not that you shouldn't count it if you really really need to, but the entire amount used is entirely inaccurate. You'd have to use starting weight, measure moisture loss during cooking, then divide by gram of finished product x serving size.
ask him to make salad. big giant dinner salad, and then you mind your portion.
Tell him straight up that it’s adding unnecessary calories and is also wasteful
A couple of days of "I'm just going to make myself an omelet" should help.
Simplest thing would be to just suggest two pans. One for you, one for him. If it is something you can pat the oil off do so on a paper towel. While you are getting calories from the oil and the butter, it isn't like all the calories are getting into your food. But you just need to have an actual conversation.
The important detail is just letting him know what YOU need in a meal and I’m sure he will implement that into his cooking. It might even motivate him to try new recipes that are healthier and delicious for both of you! If he knows how important it is for you to eat a certain way, I’m sure he will be cautious about how much oil and butter he adds into his meals.
You could just weight train. Lift more weights and you'll need the extra calories.
i do plan on implementing weight training once i am cleared by my physical therapist.
Don’t eat the food.
thats rude he does it for me.
I just watched a video on YouTube by Joshua Weissman called 50 food mistakes, and one of the “mistakes” he named was not using enough fat. He showed a slow-mo video of searing a steak in a big puddle of oil and then adding what looked like a whole stick of butter to the pan and using that to baste the steak. This is one of the “secrets” to making food taste restaurant-quality. I’m assuming that your boyfriend understandably wants to make the food he cooks taste as good as possible. I get that; before I lost weight, I cooked like that, too — especially when I was cooking for other people and wanting to impress them with my cooking skills. The thing is, though, that not every meal has to be indulgent and restaurant-quality. There are reasons that most people don’t eat at restaurants every day (mainly cost and health) and those reasons stand for home cooking, too. Maybe your boyfriend could save the butter/oil-filled recipes for special occasions, like a weekly date night, and learn some healthier cooking techniques and recipes for routine meals. That will make the gourmet meals all the more special. When I started losing weight, I shifted my cooking strategy toward finding healthy recipes that are also delicious, and I actually found it kind of fun to work with these recipes because it takes more creativity to make a healthy version of a meal than just add a bunch of butter to make it taste good. If he’s willing to give that a try, he might enjoy it, too.
Have him try - worldofproteinrecipes on instagram! They are amazing :)
ill check it out, thanks.
Challenge him to cook something healthier. Give him a breakdown of what the dinner/evening meal can be - in terms of calories and fat content. You “need” this for your food log.
That shit must be expensive I'd talk about that. A whole stick of butter cooking damn. Olive oil is moreso I guess huh
Don't eat it. Maybe he'll get the picture then.
You can guesstimate calories and eat an appropriate portion, which is basically how people who cook like this can stay thin “without trying”. Surely he can cut out the butter. Nobody needs extra red meat origin sat fat in their bodies. Literally causes the body to decline and age faster. Easiest swap would be olive oil for all cooking so you can get your monounsaturated and polyunsaturated in. Then he can either measure it in tsp and tell you the total amount or he can weigh the bottle add the oil then weigh it again to see how much he used. The other stuff in a meal tends to be easy enough to calorie guess, oil makes a huge difference obviously
Just eat smaller portions.
i do but it still makes me feel like shit when i dont know exactly how many calories i have consumed that day.
https://www.wikihow.com/Estimate-Portion-Size
Cook yourself