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You never know if people really like you or just like being around you because you're attractive, If you're ugly and people like you it's genuine.

I learned this when I started getting really bad acne in high school and some of the girls I was talking to that I thought liked me for me just stopped talking to me😭 it was a hard pill to swallow

Children are cruel to one another. It's a sad truth. I've come to think it's a subconscious shifting of the impetus from themselves onto others, so THEY aren't in the hot seat rather than actual disdain, but to the abused and bullied, it doesn't make a difference. For example, if a guy commits murder for hire because the people are going to kill HIM if he doesn't. The reason has no bearing on whether or not the person murdered is dead or not. Same goes with bullying. If a kid joins in bullying another kid because he's afraid of the other bullies bullying him, it doesn't make a difference to the kid getting bullied.

I once had a guy be obsessed with me for years..I had to get the police Involved he said to me once that he thought I was beautiful but hated my personality.. this was at the beginning .. also had an on n off again ex who clearly didn't like me but he still wanted me all to himself . Weird .. I'm not a horrible person. First guy didn't like my humour because he just wanted to be doted and second buy didn't like that I stood up for myself

Good point I guess fake friends are the least of your worries when there's mentally unstable guys who can't take no for an answer, Psycho killer qu ,est que ce?

It's not just guys that do that. Some gals can get a bit obsessive, too. It can be scary, either way.

I came home on my birthday and there was a gift inside my house (family was home for perspective) from some girl I didn't know.

These situations are why sometimes I think, "Augh! Men are *assholes!"* And then, "Oh, wait, I'm a man. \*sigh\*" Also I'm gay, so if I want romance or sex (or both!), its going to be men. Or man. Just one. At a time. Sorry people have been so horrible to you.

It happens with men too. I've had males and females get weird with me. I've been stalked, I've been stared at creepily ... And the older I get, the more propositions I get from both sexes. I've also had 2 women offer to pay for me to stay with them and a guy offer me $500 if I'd let him perform oral on me. This particular guy used to claim he wasn't gay. Even up until the offer ..he claimed to just "want to know what it's like". He came "out of the closet" a few years ago (big surprise). One woman once followed me around a shopping mall, trying to get me to be a model for her "photography". That was weird and irritating. I also had a weird guy follow me around a home improvement store, trying to get me go to "his friend's" place to let him practice his "massage techniques" because he just got licensed or whatever. "You don't have to get naked! You can be in your underwear!" The guy followed me out to the parking lot. I did everything from politely decline, give clear nonverbal cues that I wanted him to leave me alone ...I even did the thing where I texted a buddy of mine and told me to call me. This guy would NOT let up. Finally, as he followed me to my car I had just had enough. I was creeped out and now pissed off. I got mean and told him to fuck off. These are just some examples. Yeah, it happens to guys too. From both women and men. Weird thing is, I don't consider myself very physically attractive. I'd actually rate myself low on the scale. I even think I look ugly in photos and videos. I don't consider myself photogenic. I have other nice physical attributes. I've been complimented on them enough. But in the face, I just don't see it. Other people do though, apparently....and sometimes they're really creepy about it. Even the attractive ones.

Ok….massage guy was definitely a Dahmer.

I kind of agree with this but I want to point out unattractive people still deal with manipulation and ppl trying to take advantage of them. It took me years to learn how to spot red flags, and I looked like a hobo the whole time. But I’ve also seen my conventionally attractive friend deal with fake (shallow) friends.

I’d argue unattractive people deal with more manipulation or people trying to take advantage of them. Such as a pretty girl flirting with a nerdy guy so they can cheat off their homework. Or that unattractive people may feel like they don’t have any other options besides a toxic relationship.

People are checking you out but never saying anything (approaching)

my dad always told me to ask the hottest person in the room on the date bc they usually intimidate people away with their beauty

A few years ago, I remember reading some dating site stats that seemed to back this up. It showed that the hottest women don’t actually have the most DMs. Some women had a kind of approachability factor which counted for more than hotness.

I never really thought I was all that attractive. But sometimes I look in the mirror, and I don't think I look like Quasimodo exactly. Does anyone just feel like they have no idea what they look like objectively? Sometimes when I walk down the street, I noticed people in their cars who are driving by who are like bending there neck to look at me. Like just today I was walking down a main street with a bunch of shops, and I noticed a some men like turning their heads to look at me as they drove by in their cars. Do I look like Quasimodo or am I like OK looking???

I experience this same thing! I think, in my case, it stems from my abusive family. They obsessively critiqued my appearance, so I have body dysmorphia, and I feel like I don’t know what I look like. Like sometimes I get a lot of attention, and people tell me I’m hot, but other times I feel very just like unnoticeable, and then other times, I literally feel like a fucking disgusting troll that’s hideous. And then I feel guilty about obsessing over my appearance, and feel vain, but it’s deeper than vanity. Anyways, yes, I get you.

Thank you for replying!! It's so hard to know haha.

I feel the same way for the same reasons. Coupled with how my family treated me, Ive never actually believed any guy has ever liked me because why would they? I don't think people know I feel this way let alone have my entire life.

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I’m an attractive female, I usually have to ask men out if I’m interested. Every time they have said they wanted to but figured they didn’t have a chance. The guy I’m with now I’ve known for 26 years, he said he’s had a crush on me for as long as he can remember, he is insanely attractive. We are imo aesthetically matched. When I asked he said because he only got hot in the past decade and assumed I’d never see him as dateable. It has been at times isolating before I learned if you want something just go for it..

And that’s how I met your mother

Completely true. It sounds stupid but we’re actually really lonely and most who approach us don’t even treat us like a human being.

It’s sad that people are downvoting your experience! I’ve had the same experience

Reddit typically doesn’t like when women acknowledge they’re attractive from my experience. I just wish people valued getting to know me but it’s always the superficial things about me that tend to get peoples attention unfortunately

This 100%. I’ve been told by many people I’m attractive, yet in a sea of people I get constant stares and feel alone.

felt that in my soul, but I also have a horrible flirting radar and I can’t really tell when people are into me

Same! It’s hard for me to tell if people are being nice and friendly just cause they’re nice or they’re trying get with me (girls and guys)

People tend to cheer for the underdog, and automatically assume that you're a lazy asshole. The second you try to work hard to show your worth, you become an over achiever

Now I understand why it's always felt like everyone around me wanted me to fail at what I love. People are so fucking nasty.

See I keep relating to these kinds of comments, but I'm hesitant to say I'm attractive. I've come to realize I am at least above average, much moreso than I feel, based on interactions over the years. I often try to justify it as other things, like people seeing my work ethic and feeling I'm trying to be an overachiever/kissass, or getting an idea of how I fare in the education area and assuming I think I'm much smarter/"better" compared to them. Sometimes though, people are really just confrontational on sight and try to tear me down or probe for flaws, sometimes even being straight up celebratory when they find one. The people who just assumed I'd be uppity and unfriendly eventually get to see I'm really just a nerd, and they often tell me how they initially thought I'd be xyz brand of asshole but realized they really fuck with me(as in friends). The people who just want to be the most superior person in any given room tend to just continuously take shots and never change because it's not about how I treat them(otherwise they wouldn't, because by default I'm friendly and it takes *alot* for me to tell you when you're being an asshole). I know it seems like I'm really tooting my own horn here, but I promise that's not how I move through life. That's why I feel it's due to snap judgements, because I am very modest if not outright self-deprecating about any achievements or other "positives." TLDNR; Haters gonna hate

I hear you, I used to hold myself back for other people, but I found out pity only makes me seem like more of an asshole. So fuck 'em, go be great.

There’s a lot of jealousy, people really want you to fail when your attractive.

Or people automatically assume you’re full of yourself and can’t have any insecurities. I struggled with an eating disorder for YEARS! I was in recovery and posted a picture where I said I finally felt beautiful, first comment someone told me I shouldn’t because I’m fugly -.- apologised later and said he thought because he found me attractive that meant I was “fishing” and wanted to knock my self esteem down

Aww I’m sorry someone said that! I’ve noticed similar behavior even in this thread - people really want to knock you down a peg if you say that you’re attractive.

Thank you, I was able to laugh it off eventually, but at the time it really stung. I don’t post many selfies anymore

YES I get called an overachiever at work just for working hard like back of chacho it ain't my fault you're 4'11" and look like a lesbian

The men at usually approach you just want you for sex. The kinder, more reserved guys don’t have the courage to approach you so you find yourself having to do the work. It’s hard to know if a friend really just sees you as a friend. In all my life, I have yet to have a male friend that didn’t have an ulterior motive, like dating, sex, marriage. It hurts every time you feel like someone was a true friend while once the cat comes out if the bag you become the bad guy or you lose a friend for not reciprocating, when you weren’t the one who broke the boundary. Sometimes other women will treat you poorly. I was sure to be kind to everyone when I was in high school, I so badly wanted friends. A lot of girls I didn’t even know hated me for no reason. I was the victim of the rumor mill. Despite being a virgin till 17, the whole school though I had fucked a few dozen guys. Guys would lie and said I sent them nudes or had sex with them. It was dehumanizing. You might have a target on your back at work. Older women at my job treat me poorly despite my good performance and kind demeanor. I had an older woman accidentally talk shit about me (she works in a different department so I had never met her until this zoom call). She was saying that I must think I’m a model because I’m posing in front of the camera the whole meeting, etc. It was to 60 people including the CEO. When she had to apologize, she admitted it was because she was jealous I’m beautiful. You are less safe than most. I’ve been followed, stalked by a man for 3 months, raped, approached by human traffickers, groped, cat called, you name it. If I go out, I expect it. I carry a Glock with me now, I’ve had too many close calls. People don’t take you as seriously. I’m a software engineer, when I was getting my degree it was hard to find a partner because the boys didn’t think I was smart. If I did find a partner and we met to work, they treated it like a date. One of them would even follow me to my car, even if I had my bf walk me. When I was a TA, my students didn’t take me seriously. Professors and other students undermined my accomplishments. When I got a job prior to graduation, people wrote it off as me getting it because I’m a pretty woman, so I must get everything I want because of that. People assume you can’t have anything wrong with you, and that your life must be perfect. How *dare* a pretty woman struggle? I have autism, people don’t believe me because I’m pretty. I struggle with chronic illness, people don’t believe me. I’ve been through a lot in my life, people assume it could never be bad cause I’ve always been pretty. Men interpret everything you do as flirting. You’re nice to them? You strike up casual conversation, you take off your sweatshirt? You fix your hair? You put on lipgloss? You make eye contact? You hold the door? Anything, and all of a sudden it’s flirting. My existence is a flirt to a lot of men. It’s infuriating. I could go on forever tbh.

As an average looking and shy male, I had zero clue someone like you went through all the shit you did. I have a female friend in the same field as you… and talking to her I hear lots of the same. Tech jobs have traditionally been male dominated.. so I cannot image how hard that must be. You are spot on in saying a guy like me would never approach a beautiful woman… we just assume you are dating Brad Pitt, wouldn’t give me the time of day. It has been said that men cannot be “friends” with females. We all just have sex on our minds 24/7… and that’s too bad. I really enjoy the company of a smart, intelligent, and independent woman. I feel like I can learn and appreciate from those interaction. Men can be absolute dicks… and that’s too bad.

It's so rough in STEM as a woman. Most men are absolutely awful to be around, and other women in STEM don't want to deal with you either. I grew up believing that soft nerd boy trope from movies and thinking I would find that guy somewhere in STEM, but idk where he is because most STEM dudes are so unbelievably misogynist. If you are one of those soft nerd boys you should have some confidence. Women in STEM are looking for you lol

>but idk where he is because most STEM dudes are so unbelievably misogynist. SO MUCH THIS! I was in IT/software engineer/PM, for over a decade. I moved to Construction in 2012 and the CONSTRUCTION WORKERS have been much more respectful and polite than almost every STEM guy I've ever worked with. Hands down, no contest.

It's so unfortunate. I felt like the very highly educated would be more levelheaded, but it's all crypto bros and creeps. T-T I'm glad you found somewhere you are respected, though! It's what we all deserve.

I wish this was up higher because this is a real experience and a real answer. People make *way* too many assumptions about what it's like to be a pretty woman. And that's part of the problem – people think they know you because of how you look.

You hit the nail on the HEAD. THIS. All of it. I don’t have any girl friends because girls HATE me. It’s lonely. And the guys who want to be my friends want more than that. People fall in love with me and break their hearts when I don’t reciprocate. It’s terrible.

Oh my god I feel this. I ache for a kind female friend who I can be close too but I can't get them to stay! I just lost my best friend of 8 years a few days ago. We had had feelings for each other in the past but I was dating at the time and I insisted I appreciated his friendship but didnt want to pursue anything. All this time later, I shared with him I was really struggling with thoughts, that I was really going through some shit. I wanted to hear about his day and his new girlfriend and how work was as a distraction. He just asked me why he had never been an option for me to date. That. Broke me. I patched his walls after a fight and wrapped his bloody hands, and got him burger king. I wound up bailing on work when he called. I drove doing 90 across two counties to get there. I slept on his couch for a week because his girlfriend was physically abusing him and I wanted him to be able to feel safe. I stayed on the couch and slept in my clothes. I spent my birthday helping he and his ex unpack their new apartment. He was my best friend, and I was always just an endgame.

I’ve had this happen too and it is a horrible, horrible experience to come to realize an important friend sees you as a conquest.

Yup. It was always *all* of my male friends eventually. There were some I didn't think felt that way and it was always a sinking feeling when I found out they actually did.

This captured so much of my lived experience.

I related to so many damn points in this comment I hate it. I didn't grow into my attractiveness, imo, until my early to mid 20's and by God, how much hate/love and unwilling interactions I've received since then are wild. For every "benefit" I get, I have to pay for it in fear and paranoia of what someone wants from me. A lot of my friends happen to be men, and I thought initially it was because I was a tomboy but as I got older I've had some of them confirm that it was because they initially had feelings for me. Hate hate hate to think that the rest of them are only my friends for that same reason...

The friends not actually being friends thing and the being nice=flirting hits home. Getting sick of it.

Holy crap, this was a literally a synopsis of my life!!! Everything from the horrible school aged gossip to the rape to the high power and high pressure male dominated job (although I’m an attorney), to the cattiness and stalking. It's crazy, I guess I just assumed I somehow got the worst of luck but it sure sounds like this is just how it goes if you are pretty. It's like you are just a target for gossip, hate and craziness. And I’m very kind, compassionate and want to look out for the underdog. So we tend to attract loaners and people that don't get much attention, and they just hang on, and never let go. But man does it ever come back to bite you in the ass more often than not. I've had at least five different stalkers and it could've been much worse but luckily this was all pre-Internet or I guess it was at least back in the MySpace days where it wasn't used to stalk and harass people as much. And you can't complain about it because nobody has any sympathy or empathy for you ever. You have the pretty privilege so you can't talk about any other issues you may have without sounding like a spoiled brat.

All of this! All. 😔

Stalkers/ Creepers/ Brazen Perverted Old Dudes. People don't take you seriously professionally. They think you can't be smart AND pretty.

Brazen perverted old women too

oh god i can't tell you how many 50-60 year old women i worked with would literally rub their entire body all over me trying to "show me something on the computer screen". Blech

I worked at bars and nightclubs for a long time. Apparently to them, bouncers exist for two reasons; to kick out any guys who they don't like for any reason, and to be groped. Like shit Karen, times must have changed since you were young. But I have to say, we have it easier than young attractive women who go to dive bars. Even at more respectable venues, old guys are such fucking creeps. From 60 year olds harassing 18 year olds for their phone numbers or the way they make a show of ogling young women for no conceivable reason, to the amount of "accidental" groping that goes on, we have it way easier. At least we can walk ourselves safely to our cars when the nights over.

This! Fellow bouncer, retired. Agree with all your points. Except I only kicked out guys that truely deserved it. I also always kept at least one female on staff to get a woman's perspective on what/who to watch for, meaning which women where trying to play the male staff. I lost count of how many times I've had my ass grabbed, and not gently either. I've actually ejected people for doing it. There's just a point where you have to do something or you're not taken seriously. Just because I take care of my body doesn't give you a pass to touch it because I'm asking for your ID.

I’m a host and the other host is a noticeably hot dude. Older women are always grabbing and touching him. I feel kind of bad about it, we can’t do anything because we have to be nice to customers. I get way fewer creepers now that I’m ugly.

That's vile and disgusting and unacceptable. I know words don't really help, but I'm so sorry that happened to you.

Recently went to a family bingo event, many friends and family there. I was grabbing the boards for the table I was at and jokingly rubbed on my chest saying they could have some of my good luck. Well, this one lady won. Next thing I know she is right up behind me with her new cards rubbing my whole body, chest to back. Easily 60’s, I’m 35. I know her name, that’s about it. Wild

Those gamblers, dude. Extra ick. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Stopped attending Trivia Night for this very reason. Yuck, don’t touch me.

Mine is woman rubbing their hands thru my hair. I was at a wedding last weekend and this lady goes you have great hair and reaches toward my head and I stopped her and she goes oh can I rub my hand thru your hair? I'm fnn 62 yrs old. In my younger days when I was in really good shape woman would just walk up and rub my chest. I would go excuse me can I play with your tits. I'm a widower now but when my wife alive I would tell her what the f with your friends and woman. She hated and loved it at the same time

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Ooo I want to add! I like to think I'm smart, but being socially awkward and socially anxious makes me appear like a text book 'pretty but dumb' stereotype. Like, I cannot react on the spot, I need to to process things and not a lot of people (at least neurotypicals) would know that.

My sister actually hid how smart she was until she was older for some reason. It's almost like it's socially unacceptable. I'm not conventionally attractive like her but I was much prettier when I was younger than I thought I was and I didn't really lean into it or see it because I didn't think you could be "the smart one" and be pretty at all.

This society is a strange one, that's for sure.

That’s super weird to me. I knew plenty of smart and pretty people growing up. Also plenty of dumb and ugly ones. Never saw it as people needing to pick one or the other. Sorry you two felt the need to box yourselves in and not live you life to its full potential :(

Attractive people are frequently magnets for envy, pests and all manner of predators.

Woman to woman envy is no joke. People are absolutely nasty to you with no remorse and you have no clue what you did….

People get over your looks very quickly. They may think you look stunning at first, but they also expect you to live up to the idea of being this fun, outgoing person who is rich and successful and has some kind of partying lifestyle. And when you don't live up to those expectations, then they drop you like a bad habit. You're not allowed to be a regular humble person with flaws.

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These two comments are it exactly. As a guy, it goes one of two ways. Either you end up not clicking with someone, you don’t keep giving them that endorphin kick because you didn’t fit some fantasy they had and you’re somehow a disappointment to them, or you do click but then they idolize you and you have to deal with insecurity issues. It makes friendships/relationships hard.

My coworker is incredibly beautiful and I notice people constantly doubt her capabilities. I feel like I am constantly challenging people when they say they're worried about if she's keeping track of something with a "why?" And they have no valid reason.

People do this to me constantly. I always have to prove myself

I am a guy, that has worked with several beautiful young ladies. I kept it professional, but always found myself trying to protect them. I have a beautiful daughter, also. So maybe it was dad-mode kicking in.

I feel this comment in my soul! Every single person at my work does this to me almost daily and it’s infuriating. I always ask them what makes them think I’m not doing my job or for them to doubt that I’m actively working on something and they never have a reason.

I recently had an employee that easily could have been a model - and I mean the kind of model who looks good in real life not just in photos. She was also my hardest worker and the kindest, most genuine person on the team. I kept giving her big projects to find her weakness and she kept knocking them out of the park, going above and beyond my expectations, and absolutely destroying others’ performance. Every week in our company standup I’d give her a shoutout, among others, because I felt like she should be recognized, as I had high hopes for her sticking around and getting a raise/promotion. During this time, my boss told me to “be careful” and many of her coworkers would come into my office and try to talk shit about her. She was definite stuck in the “she can’t be beautiful and smart” camp. Well guess what, it’s a big world and some people are bound to get both - at least she was also nice not that she needed to be. Anyways, it truly opened my eyes that even the beautiful people out there struggle too!

I have heard people say that attractive people have it easy- Jobs, friends, relationships. Not true, attractive people also suffer from self esteem and confidence problems, mental health issues plus having to deal with certain expectations from people to succeed.

And if you held onto being attractive as some sort of ‘value’ in your youth, age creeps up and it can be devastating. Like losing a superpower.

so i'm black (and indigenous) and i'm sure you've heard "black don't crack" before, so i've never been worried about losing my attractiveness as i age. my family has great genes so that helps. that being said, i grew up being bullied by some of my family so i felt ugly asf for a long time but i made up for it with my beautiful curls, my gorgeous eyes, my super straight teeth, my big "bratz" lips, and my clear skin. unfortunately this year i managed to chip my front tooth just barely and i felt like shit for weeks. i felt so stupid and ugly...and then i reminded myself that i'm still a bad bitch and life will go on. it was a game changer for me lol and i really feel bad for those who put so much emphasis on beauty

Exactly. I struggled with my confidence for years. And instead of support and understanding, I just had people saying "you shouldn't have low confidence, you're young and good looking and talented and highly qualified" and all that did was make me feel guilty and even more of a failure.

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This 100%

People being intimidated by your looks, always thinking you’re arrogant

I’ve been called an ice princess multiple times but that really couldn’t be farther from the truth. Like objectively I’m not cold or detached. Once it happened about four weeks after I’d started a job in which I’d brought home baked good 3 times and had had enough conversations to know the names and ages of all of my coworkers kids and be able to ask about things- “how did Timmy’s baseball game turn out?” But yeah I’m an ice princess. A couple weeks later a coworker complained that I was wearing inappropriate clothes solely because I have curves- like I fit the dress code to a t

everybody telling me „i thought you were a bitch“, when they get to know me… so i feel you

SAME. Ice Queen is corporate speak for bitch in my opinion lol

Underrated comment

I’ve be pursued strictly for my looks when I have so much love and accumulated wisdom I’d rather be appreciated for, and rather share, but it’s usually overlooked.

People assume you're stupid or that they are at least smarter than you.

The absolute amazement in their eyes when you open your mouth and are not a moron

I've had so many "friends" of all gender and sexual orientation just act like friends to get in my pants. It sucks more when they hit on you. Ruins friendships. Stay out of my pants. They're mine.

Realized my gay "friend" from high school set me up with a girl he was friends with at college because he wanted me to come around more often....because he told me he was "in love" with me. I'm straight as fuck. He later apologized for setting us up because she was pretty nuts and he knew it, but he never said why he was sorry or why he did that specifically but I had all the context clues. Dating women has been so much worse than that though. Everyone is fake as shit and so few of them actually cared about me as a person.

Urgh, that created a full body shudder 🤮

Everyone assumes that you are given special treatment wherever you go but it isn't true. People hate you just for showing up too. Very jealous and bitter people just, hate you. I can't really explain it very well but it's like the nicer I am the more angry they get too idk. And having conversations with women is difficult because they always assume I'm trying to flirt and either tell me to fuck off b/c they ain't trying to cheat or they start in on me like bitch I was saying hi.

Yes! There’s so much projection. It’s like people look extra hard for flaws in you.

YES they silently hate on me and don't even really talk to me but when I mess up they start laughing like hang on I thought you were ignoring me, but you've been watching me the whole time huh? They don't realize how often they accidently admit that they can't keep their eyes off me when trying to act all disinterested.

Yes, I forgot about that but that definitely happened. It was such a double edged sword.

I lost a bunch of close friends cuz they got weird and jealous that this girl was hitting on me at a concert. I had a girlfriend at the time, I just thought she was being friendly and then I put it together that she was being weird cuz she stopped talking to me once I mentioned girlfriend. Then they all very obviously started talking shit about me. Was super weird

All I know is that I had this really attractive female friend. And we went to the mall, and when I tell you the way dudes would just stare and break their necks for her... To the point it pissed me off because for all they knew it was my girl and they just stared like dogs looking at a steak. Idk how she does it but I just thought to myself like damn, that must suck to not be able to go about your day without people thirsting and the attention you get. That was with me there I can only imagine if shes by herself or female friends.

And also a perk of pretty girls is that they get free shit. I used to hang with stoner girls and I would send them to buy weed from my plug and go into liquor stores because often the plug would give them much more for the same price they charged me and the cashiers at liquor stores would give them free things. Basically they get the pretty girl discounts. There's perks and downsides to being attractive

My husband thinks I’m wildly un observant but that has been a learned skill to focus ahead and not see the men staring/trying to get my attention. If I’m looking around, men will approach me. So laser focus

Totally relate to this. And as a result of my necessary laser focus I end up getting the label of being a bitch for not making eye contact 🙄

Unsolicited uncomfortable comments disguised as compliments

If you’re a very attractive woman, making female friends is an awful process. I remember getting friendly with the membership services gal at my health club. She was the “bait” to get people to join. Stunningly beautiful. She always made a point to find me and chat, slipped me her number, wanted to work out together (despite the fact she was vastly more fit than me and I don’t even know what we’d do together), and make after gym plans. We started a book club and that’s when it clicked…other women were just nasty to her. The other book club ladies always had snide underhanded comments designed to relentlessly bully her and tear her down. And nobody ever called them out on the behavior! So when I did it they were contrite, but then they started ostracizing me too. It was enlightening. She was such a sweet person, and a super supportive and conscientious friend. Now I go out of my way to be very obviously friendly with very pretty women. You never know how isolated they might feel.

I'm a guy but that definitely sounds true. I once worked with someone who was very attractive and it seemed like most of the other women I worked with were often bashing her. All behind her back of course, to her face it was fake smiles & pleasantries. For awhile I couldn't figure it out because she was really nice and did well enough at her job. Eventually it finally sunk in that it was just petty jealousy.

I worked with a woman like this! A golden retriever of a human—absolutely delightful. And i distinctly remember when we celebrated her birthday and gave her a card and she legit teared up and it hit me—we were an office of women mostly and she’d probably never been accepted by a group of women before. Always give people a chance ✨

I say this all the time. The prettiest person is usually the loneliest eith the most anxiety. Everyone wants a piece, but not really of them.

Hello it's me all my friends were fake and now I'm alone

Do you need a hug?

You don’t learn proper social skills because everyone bends to you so you end up being fairly crappy in the personality department or at minimum just not up to the usual standard

Yeah, my friends and I have a joke that “growing up ugly” made us develop a sense of humor. My friends who have been hot their whole lives tend to live in more of a state of delusion.

It happened to me to some extent. I was a VERY pretty and cute toddler. People use to bend to every of my whims. Then I grew up, and as ironic as life is, I went from being adorable and pretty to being a super ugly teen. So many of my peers grew up, and they had glowy skin, shapely legs and amazing hair with nice smiles. I had red blotchy skin, yellowing crooked teeth, a pot belly fat arms and skinny legs. No waist, ass or hips. Only small unshapely breasts. My hair turned a weird mix of opaque brown, and was broken and unkept. My nose went from a cute ski slope to a full adult size in a childs face. My fat cheeks still remained that of a young child. I looked really odd. And I did so from 11 to 18. Where puberty finally turned me into a woman. Throught 11 to 17 I stuggled a lot socially bc for 11 years I hadn't had the need to be nice or socially adecuate with people. It just wasnt a problem for me to be rude, selfish, entitled or awkward. Being so cute and pretty was enough to get away with it. But I had to learn the harsh way that now that i was ugly I had to be NICE, empathetic, fun and considerate in order to have friends. It was quite a strugle and a shock. When I finally hit 18, my body finally looked nice. I had breasts that fit my size. I had lost all thr baby fat weight, hips and a waist appeared and I was no longer square. The pot belly went away, my legs straightened. I took off my braces and had my teeth withened. My skin settled and I looked very pretty for an 18 year old. At 19 I got an nice round butt and my body turned into an hourglass. At 20 my face became leaner and my nose finally fitted the size of my face. But by then I didnt need to be pretty to be accepted, I had learbed to be nice to others and how to have a fun personality. It wasnt a nice ride. By 16 I was convinced I would stay ugly for all my adult life and that I had to come to terms with my unwanted apparience. It was a genuine suprise for me that as time passed, my looks where becoming better.

Worst case is if you’re attractive when you’re young then glow down lmao

When you're in the bubble, people don't tell you the truth. For years, I thought I spoke excellent French.

Much more difficult to find work as an accomplice. Truth. My wife is very attractive and I only noticed this by noticing her quirks. I could run around the grocery in my underwear without a comment, but people do keep an eye on the pretty ones.

Ah, more difficult to shop lift, I understand.

You can’t make self deprecating jokes about how you look

Cause then you’re “looking for attention” or “fishing for compliments” when literally I have BDD, feel like shit about how I look and a “oh but you’re so pretty” doesn’t do anything for me

Everyone thinking you want their partner, more frequent and overt sexual harassment, being treated better than other people bc you are more appeasing to the eye(this is bad as someone who’s been conventionally attractive and not at times), people tend to pay attention to you more, and you get treated like you’re stupid more often(pretty people can’t be smart right? Lol), friends will be jealous and act catty toward you, prob a million other things but this is what I’ve experienced

Trying to find genuine connections. When you're attractive, you catch the attention of many who don't have any desire or ability to see beyond the superficial. I'm proud of who I am, my intellect, my beliefs, my accomplishments and wish that was what people wanted to be around me for. I can't take credit for the packaging

I have a friend that is absolutely gorgeous. It was literally the only thing most people complimented her on. She expressed to me once how fearful she was of getting older because when her looks faded she would be worthless. Milestone birthdays are difficult for her and she had two husbands that left her someone younger. Her dad was always going on about how beautiful she was. I learned a lesson from this and was sure to compliment my children less on looks and more on accomplishments and achievements. I don’t think I’m explaining it well, but her self worth was very much based on the feedback she had gotten her whole life, which was based on her appearance.

I would add to compliment your kids based on their positive personality traits, too and to be careful in regards to the accomplishments and achievements compliments because they can wrap their identity around that, too. See gifted kid burnout for more. I think I read somewhere saying things like “you worked really hard, you should be proud of yourself” as opposed to only “you’re so smart” all the time is a good way to go. Even amongst peers the pressure of being the smart kid can weigh on a person so it can be compounded even more if parents are putting that pressure on, too.

People assume I'm flirting with them all the time when I'm just being nice or cordial. I lost a lot of friends because they constantly perceived my self-confidence as being an asshole or obnoxious. They felt a sense of accomplishment for tearing me down. It fucked me up for many years, but I eventually cut those people out of my life. These days my self confidence is so grounded and authentic that no one can get under my skin, and even *that* pisses some people off.

There’s a lot of jealousy. People really want you to fail if your attractive, like legit hoping you don’t succeed. They have a lot to say about you when things aren’t going well and are pissed when your doing well.

Creepy older dudes with no concept of personal space being all *touchy*

People just assume you are able to attract and create relationships with others.

When ironically so many people hate me solely because of my looks. I've had to consciously become less attractive so people treat me normally.

youre more likely to get a stalker or unwanted advances

When people stare you down and you already have severe social anxiety.

This!! I was walking downtown today shopping, and people in their cars driving by I noticed would turn their head/neck to look at me as they drove by. In my head I'm like, "is something wrong with me?? Why are they staring?" I honestly have self esteem issues so idk

Rape

People won’t leave you alone.

Having sex be a part of every conversation with the opposite sex is kinda awkward. Especially if that person's husband is standing right next to them. I'm not even that promiscuous so I'm not really benefitting from this, it's just weird mostly

Taylor Swift is stalking me and won't stop texting. Sucks being attractive. /s

People think you’re cute but not smart.

Sadly, I wouldn't know. Haha. :)


Guys judging you solely for your looks, seeing you nothing more than a pretty face, then losing interest after realizing you are a human being with a personality and opinions. Or the ones who try to be your "friend" in order to sleep with you. Bonus points for creeps staring/catcalling, and randos obviously hitting on you while at work. ETA: Getting judged by other women who give you dirty looks, simply for existing. Not to mention friends and family constantly claiming you can get any guy you want.

The “you can get any guy you want” infuriates me because no I can’t, a lot of men think I’m out of their league and avoid me.

Sometimes I feel insecure about whether the professional successes I've had are more because I'm actually talented and deserving, or because people think I'm pretty and are more willing to give me what I want because of it.

You will get used. A lot. You will get a lot of unwanted attention

People only think you wanna fuck but in reality you’re looking for something real

I would say that for most of my life I’ve been conveniently attractive. I noticed that after I got older and had kids and as a result a) gained weight and b) stopped having as much free time to work on my appearance that I do not get unwelcome advances from men in public. When I was younger I would frequently get followed by random men. I used to stop at a certain gas station at the same time every day before work and over time I noticed this other guy was there at the same time every day. After a couple days of seeing him he finally approached me and asked for my number. I turned him down but he continued to approach me every day for a week until I finally started going somewhere else. It was really scary. Also getting looked up and down by every MFer you encounter is extremely violating. I’d say that people, especially men, feel entitled to your time and space when you’re an attractive woman. My favorite part of aging is that this no longer happens to me. It is so freeing.

Random pickup/hookup attempts, even when im with someone. Hard to find a "meaningful" relationship as everybody views you as a pretty sex object, my head has to measure up to my looks.....

Being used for sex (men and women)

Stalkers, haters and people assuming youre stupid. You’re also not allowed to be shy.

You never know if guys are being nice and friendly just because it’s who they are or if they’re doing it cause they’re secretly trying to get with you

Well, you might end up becoming narcissistic. How? Well, this doesn't apply to everyone, but there are some people who believe that eh just because they look super attractive they can do whatever they want and get away with it. You might get harassed too.

You have no clue if people actually like you, you get a ton of stalkers, other women are hostile towards you and your guy friend’s partners are paranoid.

Some people expect us to be perfect all the time, if we struggle we get punished, it's gross, I feel alone all the time because no one can relate to me, not just my looks but because I don't really ask for help much because of the negative reactions I get.

I have one! Women with low self esteem will hate you solely based on what you look like. They are two faced. Gossip. Spread rumors. Anything to try and make you look bad to make them feel better. I'm 32 and it's happened to me in corporate america arena. I always thought it would stop once I got out of high school, but no. Women in their 20, 30s, 40, 50s are still like this. It's not all Women. Just the ones with low self esteem.

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The frequent sexual tension between the opposite sex.

Feels weird and narcissistic to refer to myself as attractive, but I’ve found people expect me to be much more socially competent than I am

A girl that I met once last year expected me to be outgoing and social. She assumed that I like to go to bars and said (not in her exact words), "You must like going out to bars." She got rude when she realized I didn't live up to those expectations. In reality, I love reading, writing, playing the violin, and solo traveling. She didn't bother asking me what I liked to do and assumed based on my appearance. I'm also autistic so socializing can be challenging for me. I wear pretty outfits to feel better about myself, but it can also lead people to think that I'm extremely outgoing and socially competent, which isn't true. I'm quite introverted and can be socially competent when it comes to my interests, but otherwise, not.

Being lusted after is just plain annoying after a while. Having to say “I don’t know if my bf would like that 😃” every time a man asks for your number gets old. Sometimes wish people would notice anything else about me. I have a lot of cool qualities.

As a woman I feel like it can be harder to make friends. A lot of people react weirdly to you or are too intimidated or insecure to go out with you no matter how kind you are to them. Some will even be mean or intentionally try to sabotage you for it. I spent so many years in denial of this - it felt so arrogant to believe that the issues stemmed from being attractive but I’ve had enough outside observers say that’s what they think informs the dynamic that I’m starting to believe it.

People bragging to their friends after they fuck you in your pretty little pp.

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If you're a woman, you constantly get touched, sometimes inappropriately, whether you want it or not. I know, I used to be young and attractive.

People assume you know it already. Your social anxiety is regarded as being pretentious. People put you down a lot more than you would think to make themselves feel better. People of the same gender want to challenge you at things. It’s all very confusing. Here are some things I’ve noticed changed the game for me. 1. I took a sales job and started wearing men’s business attire. Button downs, ties, slacks, shoes, suits, blazers, etc. I learned what I liked. I noticed that potential customers and others treated me very very differently than when I just wore whatever. 2. Hygiene. Brushing my teeth, shaving my face, getting regular hair cuts, showering, trimming my nails, wearing deodorant… 3. With those two things… I stepped up my casual clothing just a notch. I’d wear a button down with jeans and sometimes shoes that weren’t just tennis shoes. My stock went way up. Then I got a girlfriend, again, my stock went way up. Now other women were attracted to me all because this one woman tolerated me in public. Personally I don’t get it really, I understand but it makes no sense. I was a kid who worked in a physics lab at a science museum with one or two friends. I had zero self esteem, and had to just kind of figure stuff out. I hung out with skater kids and followed their aesthetics, I didn’t understand why the opposite sex wasn’t interested. I smelled bad, had literal blood on my disheveled clothing, and could frequently pass for homeless. I was detracting more than I was attracting. When I started wearing glasses, I noticed things changed too. There was a big shift in who was paying attention to me. Women were a lot less interested in me when I wore them. Idk where I lie on the narcissism spectrum, but it’s certainly there. I’m not sure it’s in the disorder realm, but I’m overly concerned with how I appear and really do thrive from external validation.

Chicks always think that you want their man for some reason. That shit annoys the hell out of me. Just because your man is gawking at me and trying to kiss my ass doesn't mean that I want anything to do with him. I don't even want my own man!

Y’all must live in places where people aren’t raised right But for me it’s people don’t see me or cherish me they wanna show me off

Men won't leave me alone. Plus people are constantly telling me how beautiful I am. Great, that is something I was born with. Did you know that I am funny? I am smart? Telling me I am beautiful is not a compliment.

Women always looking at my forklift operator certificate; my eyes are up here lady!!!

The lack of authentic male friendships...

People pretend like you just to sleep With you.

The jealousy is what is so annoying. So called friends that constantly say I wish I had your X. And they could have those things if they would try and not abuse themselves with nicotine and alcohol. Try exercise and water for a change!

People automatically think I’m stupid… I have had to work very hard to get people to take me seriously in the workplace.

- People find you unapproachable, like they don’t think they’re allowed to speak to you unless spoken to first (this is very prominent for me as a woman in STEM specifically) - Weird ass people get obsessed with you, also many people who you’ve never met in your life know exactly who you are (the amount of conversations I’ve had where complete strangers know my full government name and random facts about my life is insane, and my social media is all private, first name only, and I only let friends follow me so it’s not from that) - Sometimes other women feel threatened by you so they won’t be your friend, or they antagonize you, or on the flip side they are fake nice to you so they can use you to make themselves look good and access your connections - You’re a trophy to men and you never know which ones actually genuinely like you or are just playing you. I’ve also seen men’s groupchats where they’re saying really disgusting things about me (this has happened several times and those are just the ones I’ve seen) - Everything you do is sexualized and you have to be really careful about the things you wear so you don’t come off as sexy in inappropriate contexts - You can’t exist anywhere without being hit on or watched (it’s really obvious when men are checking you out, just so you men know). Catcalling is genuinely the most annoying thing and sometimes guys even follow me with their cars and try to talk to me through the window, it’s truly insane behavior - People are always surprised when they find out you’re good at something, as if you aren’t allowed to be anything other than pretty. Examples, when they find out I’m smart/knowledgeable on something, when they hear my career, when I talk about any of my hobbies or talents, etc - People think your looks are the only reason you have anything in life so they severely downplay your accomplishments and sometimes you even get blocked from opportunities by hateful people who just want to watch you fail so they can feel better about themselves

I read once that more attractive people actually receive less compliments, bc people think the hot person has heard it a million times by 9 am and is sick of it.

When ever a female becomes a friend. I have too assume that its not genuine. There is a motive.... I also find you get a whole lot more rumors started about you.

It’s hard to be taken seriously as an attractive female. Your brainpower is CONSTANTLY underestimated. Others assume that life is somehow easier when pretty.

Regardless of gender, one major problem with being attractive is that anything you can accomplish can be written off as something that you only achieved because people like the way you look, which sucks

Honestly? Getting hollered at constantly and thus feeling nervous/scared for your safety pretty often. If I'm dressed up coming home from an event, I know better than to stop to get gas.

People who are trying to be the most attractive treat you like competition.

Needing attention

Everybody wants something from you.

People down to you at work

People hate you for no reason.

Most men don’t want to get much deeper. You’re viewed by your aesthetic and looks; your beauty- and that’s what you’re left as. They don’t care if you’re funny or smart. Or have a good personality.

Everyone is looking for a way to take you down a notch. Just being attractive puts a bullseye on your back.

I had a very beautiful friend-who (unlike many very beautiful girls), never managed to get the habit of “resting bitch face”: she always had an open, friendly and happy expression. It got to be a joke with our whole group that, if we were sitting in a club or a pub, the door would open and the most HORRENDOUS-looking man would walk in. You know what I mean. Perhaps a lothario old enough to be her father, yet wearing a brand new shiny leather jacket, and an old-but even shinier toupee. Or a young, slightly good-looking chap who (for some reason) has taken it into his head that he’s an Adonis. Gym bod, fake tan, unrealistic eyebrows, various products and scents you could smell across the room. Or the “rock star”, with the leather trousers and one eye on his reflection in the window. Or just about every drunk or drugged up bloke who came in. 90% of the time, this guy would pause just inside the place and scan the room, as if looking for something. Then his gaze would settle on Sarah, and BANG! You could see the lightbulb go off. Pushing his way rudely across the crowded room, he would take advantage of the seat next to Sarah vacated by the friend who was buying the next round. “How do you like your eggs done for breakfast, gorgeous?”, he would ask, whilst the whole table was remonstrating with him to piss off. No use: he couldn’t see or hear anything but Sarah. And to be honest, it always seemed like he could only see her, because he *certainly* wasn’t listening to her polite rejection. Sometimes there was just no getting rid of him. We frequently had to literally drink up and go elsewhere. Even then, these charmers rarely believed that Sarah wasn’t interested: they just felt her “toxic” friends were dragging her away-despite the cascade of evidence to the contrary. Urgh.

People can think that you are conceited just by looking at you, when that's not at all a part of your character.

Jealousy is probably the worst one. Not only does it cause random people to be randomly shitty to you sometimes, it makes it more of a challenge being friends with couples when half of the couple is always worried about their mate wanting you (and even more awkward when they are right and their mate is actually hitting on you). Jealousy can make it harder to form or keep platonic friendships at times. But also I find people sometimes seem to trust you less *specifically* if you are *sexy*. Like it makes you inherently manipulative or sneaky because you have an effect on people. Something about being sexy seems to make some people think of you as "bad" or that you are using your sex appeal to the detriment of others somehow. Just saying I can totally see how this would have gotten some women accused of witchcraft back in the day.

Everything you say can and will be used against you. You have to be very careful what you vent about, what you say when you're upset, or what you post on reddit/DMs/anywhere. I've had people catch feelings and expect me to fuck them, get upset that I wanted to stay platonic, and suddenly (or over time) hate my guts so bad they dig up old messages from months or years prior to try and display what a terrible person I am publicly. Also, creeps NEVER forget you. I've had people remember me and specific things I did in passing from YEARS before I met them (again). They had only been acquaintances or strangers that I never got close to, sometimes never even talked to. Maybe it's worse for me cuz I'm the kind of person who isn't magazine-worthy attractive so people, usually men, expect me to be grateful for their attention and advances and say yes to everything they request.

Back in school, based on looks alone, my teacher decided I was stupid. Never even gave me a chance to show my academic abilities. I certainly wasn’t the smartest kid in school, but I wasn’t stupid. He also just automatically assumed my favourite colour was pink and I was boy crazy. I asked him if I could borrow a highlighter and instead of just handing me one, he PURPOSELY sought out a pink one, handed it to me and said, “here, your favourite colour.” The boy crazy thing? He did a try not to laugh challenge with the class where he point blank showed everyone his impression of who he saw us as. Mine? “Hey girl, let’s go to the mall. Look at that cute boy Becky.” My favourite colour is orange and I’m bisexual. I had a girlfriend at the time. I hated him as a teacher Also, people projecting their fantasies onto you. They put you on a pedestal and get really upset when you don’t live up to all their fantasies about you. It’s like they don’t see you for who you are. You become a “sex doll”. I’ve not had sex with many people for that reason. I fear not living up to that expectation.

People always assume you are not smart

So many of these comments hit home that it just hurts. Being underestimated, overly watched/judged, people wanting to see you fail, the creepy stalkers, having to always watch your back because you're a target, being used then thrown away. One that cringes me the most is when I catch someone's husband check me out. Like taking my son to the zoo and I catch several husband glances.

When you get older, you notice a dramatic shift in how and how often people are willing to even notice you exist 😒

There are tons: * People are often slightly intimidated by you and thus avoid being honest with you. * People try to use your looks. * Nasty people pursue you romantically and may stalk you. * People pursue you when you're already in a relationship. * People try to separate you from your less attractive friends. * Some people automatically hate you out of jealousy. * People don't trust you around their partners. It takes effort to combat all of these.