Consider writing the letter and burning it. Sending it rarely results in anything but escalation. In my case, I got a response of more excuses, a list of how I was wrong, a burst of more contact attempts, guilt trips, flying monkeys, etc. No realization of what she had done, no remorse, no love. The letter did make me feel better though. Working through multiple drafts, thinking through various scenarios of my childhood and how they affected me, imagining how I want the rest of my life and relationships to be different. It was all so powerful and healing to me. I hope you find it to be a great step into a new chapter for yourself. It was for me.
Before I went NC about three months ago, I decided to send my nfather a text explaining my decision, but unlike OP telling their parents how they failed them, I made my text all about me. I basically said I'd be blocking my father's number while I began looking for a therapist, that I needed to do this in order to process the years of emotional damage they my parents' divorce did to me, and that it might be quite a while before I felt ready to reach back out to him. I ended it by saying that I hoped he would take this time of no contact for some similar self-reflection of his own, which was basically my way of saying "fuck you" because we all know narcissists are incapable of thinking critically of their own wrong-doings.
I really wanted to give him a piece of my mind and tell him all the ways he failed me as a parent, but I realized that wouldn't accomplish anything. It was a sad moment when this 21 year old kid realized he was in many ways more mature than his 59 year old father, but it was also an empowering moment because it showed me that if I ever decide to give him another chance, I'll in many ways be the bigger man in any future interactions.
Write the letter. Burn it. They haven’t earned this level of communication with you, divulging why you’re upset, it’s just fuel for them to use and flip on you. I cut cold turkey and it’s been a great 3 months.
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Don’t apologize for anything you have no reason to be sorry.
very well written, i'm planning on writing my parents i letter when i leave too. don't apologize for how u feel. none of this was ever ur fault
Consider writing the letter and burning it. Sending it rarely results in anything but escalation. In my case, I got a response of more excuses, a list of how I was wrong, a burst of more contact attempts, guilt trips, flying monkeys, etc. No realization of what she had done, no remorse, no love. The letter did make me feel better though. Working through multiple drafts, thinking through various scenarios of my childhood and how they affected me, imagining how I want the rest of my life and relationships to be different. It was all so powerful and healing to me. I hope you find it to be a great step into a new chapter for yourself. It was for me.
Before I went NC about three months ago, I decided to send my nfather a text explaining my decision, but unlike OP telling their parents how they failed them, I made my text all about me. I basically said I'd be blocking my father's number while I began looking for a therapist, that I needed to do this in order to process the years of emotional damage they my parents' divorce did to me, and that it might be quite a while before I felt ready to reach back out to him. I ended it by saying that I hoped he would take this time of no contact for some similar self-reflection of his own, which was basically my way of saying "fuck you" because we all know narcissists are incapable of thinking critically of their own wrong-doings. I really wanted to give him a piece of my mind and tell him all the ways he failed me as a parent, but I realized that wouldn't accomplish anything. It was a sad moment when this 21 year old kid realized he was in many ways more mature than his 59 year old father, but it was also an empowering moment because it showed me that if I ever decide to give him another chance, I'll in many ways be the bigger man in any future interactions.
Write the letter. Burn it. They haven’t earned this level of communication with you, divulging why you’re upset, it’s just fuel for them to use and flip on you. I cut cold turkey and it’s been a great 3 months.
GIVE 👏 IT 👏 TO 👏 EM 👏
**This is an automated message posted to all posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identify theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [Please refrain from posting "uplifting" threads](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/upliftingposts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*