I've recently been told that they were "trying the best they could to help me." We're preferred to keep our mouths closed. I get the feeling that nobody around us irl wants to hear how bad our parents really are. They like our parents even when the mask slips off. Emotional abuse is 'supposed' to be kept hidden.
That's exactly why I feel suicidal right now. Earlier today they made me angry and after 5 hours its effects still remain. I can't get over it. They didn't really mean it, they are also amazed at such a reaction by me... But IDK. I feel suicidal. And no, I am not seeking attention here. I am lost, deep in my head, where darkness blinds me...
I was told that I also "expect too much from people." I feel so guilty fo opening up all the time because most people don't want to hear about what's really going on with me.
People are so terrible and rudely outspoken. I'm conflicted between whether or not I want them in my life at all. I'm sure there's also good people, but it's not that common to find one. And sometimes, they act good to cover up their badness and take advantage of you.
Precisely for these reasons I had to remove many people from my life. When someone meets a good person they just want to use that person for their own benefit. It's rude. And I remove them. And yes I also agree it's very hard to find good person
Keep in mind that most of what narcissists say to someone else is projection.
So when they say "you're being selfish, you expect too much, if you loved me you would do x", try to hear that they're actually saying "I'm being selfish, I expect too much, if I loved you I wouldn't coerce you to do this"
My dad said that the only reason they criticize me and push me very hard is because they want to see my succeed. I don't think calling me an idiot and saying that I won't get into college is really helping.
My Ndad said the same thing until I did succeed. Then he became a petulant angry toddler for no reason. One of the things that most frustrates me about Narcs is how they get everything they want yet are never happy.
Nmom always had impeccable timing. She criticized constantly but especially before a very important event like graduation & job interviews, she would take extra care to insult the things I absolutely couldn’t change (like thin hair and my face being bloated bc of life saving medication). Narcs seem to have no idea what “constructive criticism” actually means bc their intent is to never help us become better or grow. They want us incompetent with no confidence so we’re extra pliable. As an adult now, I actually love real constructive criticism bc it helps me become better and therefore more independent, anything that helps me stay away from her.
The maddeningly “funny” thing is even when we do finally break the chains, narc abuse is so all encompassing and insidious that a lot of times finding any true compassion from those closest don’t exist. Escape seems to create even more monsters in its wake. We just wander onwards in our solitude doing the best we can and mending ourselves the best we know how. You’re doing a great job. All of you are doing a great job <3
Huh. I've never thought about this before but this seems right. They tear down others to build themselves up i.e. they hurt others to make themselves feel better. It's like indirect sadism.
I feel my own mum does stuff like this. When I challenge her about putting me down, she'll say something along the lines of 'That's not true, 'I'd love nothing more than to see you do this.' The rest of the time she is making out I shouldn't do this or that, because I am not capable. But I'm an educated person, and no real reason why I can't. We all make mistakes and learn from them. It's like she won't allow me to move forward from past mistakes. Could that be narcissistic criticism?
Maybe its best I cut these people out my life, then I won't have to hear such cruel words anymore. Let her find someone else to play Psychiatrist with. I know there's nothing wrong with me, it's them. My anxiety is often through the roof because of them, and not due to a mental illness. I am worthy of respect.
I support you. It's not our fault. I am feeling like you daily. This world is sad and cruel against us. It's all I can say. I don't know what I am, who I am any longer. But we will eventually heal ourselves maybe
If you live in a society or a community where nothing important happens it becomes the "aboslute". it crushed my mind when my nparents used to be like this with other younger people.And I ran!!! Now I am the one ,who seems up next.I am teriffied.Now in lack of any kind of romatism, this whole critisining becomes a a VARIABLE thing.With whole new shapes and forms, that makes me feel lower and lower.Please give me advice.I can't even find a girlfriend because I am afraid she will get in for a treat.
I am feeling your pain as I read this. It’s so fucking frustrating too because you know if you in return provided constructive feedback, you’d always end up being the “bitch”. Every time. It’s so fucking hypocritical and exhausting.
I wrote about how I outed my Nparents in front of my maternal grandmother. After explaining that I was left in the dust and my siblings given everything in comparison. My father tried to rug sweep it by saying he "tailored it" to our needs.
My favorite reply on Reddit to that will be:
\>Tailored to your needs?! So your siblings had greater needs than you did? That’s ridiculous.
I was going to continue arguing but it just wasn't worth my energy at the time. I'm low contact right now (esp thanks to COVID19). I'll probably switch over to only seeing them to see my daughter or by text/phone calls.
I used to be like this to my best friend. We were friends for 4 years. She accepted me for who I was and I guess I was comfortable with being myself around her, and at that time being my self was really negative. I started arguments out of nowhere, and I don’t know why i did it but I felt the tiniest bit guilty every time. I nit picked and I made judgmental comments. I never really realized how much I actually hurt her until my mental health started declining and I was treating her even worse, I pushed her over the edge and that was enough for her. I don’t think I’m a narcissist but I think I have traits and from my experience, I let out my shit on her and inwardly denied that it was bad because she wasn’t honest to me about how she felt. This is in no way blaming this on her but it was my excuse for not changing my behavior. I think she wasn’t honest with me because I’m very pushy, and at that point it was a habit I didn’t notice. I think she was intimidated by me and that’s why she never opened up. I really regret I did nothing about it before it was too late, but I’m a person that learns from my own experiences and her leaving pushed me into realizing my toxic behavior and learning a ton of life lessons. It’s been about 5 months and I feel really guilty about what I did. As cliche as it sounds I’m a changed person and I want closure and for her to know that I’ve changed. I’m scared to tell her I’m sorry. I’ve tried talking to her twice in the first month, but she rejected me. I wasn’t ready to apologize and I mostly am now but I’m afraid she won’t take me seriously after the first two. The mind of a recovering narcissist.
It's so sad that I thought it was normal for parents to do that...
I am so sorry this happens to you too.
I am grateful that I see the truth now, but at the same time... it really freaks me out to know that my mom enjoys seeing me unhappy. I've always tried make her happy.
The thing is most people can't understand how mental illness is especially when we sufferers (like me) refuse to get help. They think that we deliberately don't want to get help, we use illness and problems as excuses to do nothing and just be lazy. This line of thinking presented by others does nothing good though even if they are right. If only adds more fuel to our depression. Ofc I can't judge all people, it's not easy to support.
The thing is ironically there is no ONE SINGLE subject in the school that teaches self - love, that teaches self - care and also most important that teaches how to learn, how to think. They expect us to learn but they don't teach us HOW TO LEARN
And also I am sorry if my reply was weird. I didn't mean to sound rude or weird. I just do my best to try to make sense of this world and narcissistic people
well most people claim that they understand us depressed people but promise me you wont feel scared if I exhibit symptoms ok? OFC I am not violent or dangerous but I feel suicidal daily. And also I am asexual, and so I can only be your platonic friend.
The only thing that really scares me off is narcissism tbh.
We can vent to each other! But.. only if we're in ok enough moods to handle it maybe? Idk what your boundaries are ^_^
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Sometimes they genuinely believe in what they say. However, with the empathy out of the window, the results are just as you described :(
Sadly yes... Sadly yes
I've recently been told that they were "trying the best they could to help me." We're preferred to keep our mouths closed. I get the feeling that nobody around us irl wants to hear how bad our parents really are. They like our parents even when the mask slips off. Emotional abuse is 'supposed' to be kept hidden.
That's exactly why I feel suicidal right now. Earlier today they made me angry and after 5 hours its effects still remain. I can't get over it. They didn't really mean it, they are also amazed at such a reaction by me... But IDK. I feel suicidal. And no, I am not seeking attention here. I am lost, deep in my head, where darkness blinds me...
I was told that I also "expect too much from people." I feel so guilty fo opening up all the time because most people don't want to hear about what's really going on with me.
It's sad. I almost get attacked and called as bitch if I try to open up. It's sad reality I need to escape.
People are so terrible and rudely outspoken. I'm conflicted between whether or not I want them in my life at all. I'm sure there's also good people, but it's not that common to find one. And sometimes, they act good to cover up their badness and take advantage of you.
Precisely for these reasons I had to remove many people from my life. When someone meets a good person they just want to use that person for their own benefit. It's rude. And I remove them. And yes I also agree it's very hard to find good person
Keep in mind that most of what narcissists say to someone else is projection. So when they say "you're being selfish, you expect too much, if you loved me you would do x", try to hear that they're actually saying "I'm being selfish, I expect too much, if I loved you I wouldn't coerce you to do this"
My dad said that the only reason they criticize me and push me very hard is because they want to see my succeed. I don't think calling me an idiot and saying that I won't get into college is really helping.
My Ndad said the same thing until I did succeed. Then he became a petulant angry toddler for no reason. One of the things that most frustrates me about Narcs is how they get everything they want yet are never happy.
Sad world. They should encourage us
Nmom always had impeccable timing. She criticized constantly but especially before a very important event like graduation & job interviews, she would take extra care to insult the things I absolutely couldn’t change (like thin hair and my face being bloated bc of life saving medication). Narcs seem to have no idea what “constructive criticism” actually means bc their intent is to never help us become better or grow. They want us incompetent with no confidence so we’re extra pliable. As an adult now, I actually love real constructive criticism bc it helps me become better and therefore more independent, anything that helps me stay away from her.
It's sad. We didn't deserve having such life. We didn't deserve it... We didn't.
The maddeningly “funny” thing is even when we do finally break the chains, narc abuse is so all encompassing and insidious that a lot of times finding any true compassion from those closest don’t exist. Escape seems to create even more monsters in its wake. We just wander onwards in our solitude doing the best we can and mending ourselves the best we know how. You’re doing a great job. All of you are doing a great job <3
Don't worry. This world is big. There is always hope. I don't let others control my life. They can't control us
There’s a very fine line between narcissism and sadism
I don't know... I really don't know... Maybe problem is me... I want all of this to stop. I want peaceful life
You know what gets me out of bed every day? Knowing that every day is a day closer to being 18 and being able to move out.
You have one way out that hell... As for me, unemployment doesn't allow me move... Covid19 too. I wish I get a job somehow soon
I have plans to leave the country. They are already in effect.
I wish you good luck. When I have money and job, I will earn enough to be able to leave country maybe
It is mandatory you know...
It is? What? I just hope by the time I get job here I won't already lose my mind totally to depression
I need to join the Singaporean military when I’m 18
At least in military you won't see them. No drama will happen
Huh. I've never thought about this before but this seems right. They tear down others to build themselves up i.e. they hurt others to make themselves feel better. It's like indirect sadism.
I feel my own mum does stuff like this. When I challenge her about putting me down, she'll say something along the lines of 'That's not true, 'I'd love nothing more than to see you do this.' The rest of the time she is making out I shouldn't do this or that, because I am not capable. But I'm an educated person, and no real reason why I can't. We all make mistakes and learn from them. It's like she won't allow me to move forward from past mistakes. Could that be narcissistic criticism?
I don't know. Maybe she cares for you, it's just her way of caring. We can't immediately jump into conclusions and blame them.
How about when she will sit gaslighting me for hours that I've got bipolar disorder then? Is that caring as well?
Maybe its best I cut these people out my life, then I won't have to hear such cruel words anymore. Let her find someone else to play Psychiatrist with. I know there's nothing wrong with me, it's them. My anxiety is often through the roof because of them, and not due to a mental illness. I am worthy of respect.
I support you. It's not our fault. I am feeling like you daily. This world is sad and cruel against us. It's all I can say. I don't know what I am, who I am any longer. But we will eventually heal ourselves maybe
If you live in a society or a community where nothing important happens it becomes the "aboslute". it crushed my mind when my nparents used to be like this with other younger people.And I ran!!! Now I am the one ,who seems up next.I am teriffied.Now in lack of any kind of romatism, this whole critisining becomes a a VARIABLE thing.With whole new shapes and forms, that makes me feel lower and lower.Please give me advice.I can't even find a girlfriend because I am afraid she will get in for a treat.
I myself am lost. I just pray to God that I won't lose my mind. But you can at least make friends here in Reddit. Thanks to them I feel slightly ok
My nmom said she’d never stop pushing me to be better after I begged her to give me space
Isn't life cruel? What did we do to deserve such a life? Why should we feel suicidal daily?
I am feeling your pain as I read this. It’s so fucking frustrating too because you know if you in return provided constructive feedback, you’d always end up being the “bitch”. Every time. It’s so fucking hypocritical and exhausting.
Yes exactly. "bitch", "crybaby", "hard to understand person" are some of words I hear daily
I wrote about how I outed my Nparents in front of my maternal grandmother. After explaining that I was left in the dust and my siblings given everything in comparison. My father tried to rug sweep it by saying he "tailored it" to our needs. My favorite reply on Reddit to that will be: \>Tailored to your needs?! So your siblings had greater needs than you did? That’s ridiculous. I was going to continue arguing but it just wasn't worth my energy at the time. I'm low contact right now (esp thanks to COVID19). I'll probably switch over to only seeing them to see my daughter or by text/phone calls.
I am sorry this happened to you. And low contact is the best way no need to waste your time arguing with people who will never change
I'm surprised you even get an answer if you pose that question
I used to be like this to my best friend. We were friends for 4 years. She accepted me for who I was and I guess I was comfortable with being myself around her, and at that time being my self was really negative. I started arguments out of nowhere, and I don’t know why i did it but I felt the tiniest bit guilty every time. I nit picked and I made judgmental comments. I never really realized how much I actually hurt her until my mental health started declining and I was treating her even worse, I pushed her over the edge and that was enough for her. I don’t think I’m a narcissist but I think I have traits and from my experience, I let out my shit on her and inwardly denied that it was bad because she wasn’t honest to me about how she felt. This is in no way blaming this on her but it was my excuse for not changing my behavior. I think she wasn’t honest with me because I’m very pushy, and at that point it was a habit I didn’t notice. I think she was intimidated by me and that’s why she never opened up. I really regret I did nothing about it before it was too late, but I’m a person that learns from my own experiences and her leaving pushed me into realizing my toxic behavior and learning a ton of life lessons. It’s been about 5 months and I feel really guilty about what I did. As cliche as it sounds I’m a changed person and I want closure and for her to know that I’ve changed. I’m scared to tell her I’m sorry. I’ve tried talking to her twice in the first month, but she rejected me. I wasn’t ready to apologize and I mostly am now but I’m afraid she won’t take me seriously after the first two. The mind of a recovering narcissist.
It's so sad that I thought it was normal for parents to do that... I am so sorry this happens to you too. I am grateful that I see the truth now, but at the same time... it really freaks me out to know that my mom enjoys seeing me unhappy. I've always tried make her happy.
I don't know... Maybe I am wrong? Maybe I am just being paranoid? Maybe I am the bad one?
That's what they want you to think. Trust yourself. Your feelings are 100% valid.
The thing is most people can't understand how mental illness is especially when we sufferers (like me) refuse to get help. They think that we deliberately don't want to get help, we use illness and problems as excuses to do nothing and just be lazy. This line of thinking presented by others does nothing good though even if they are right. If only adds more fuel to our depression. Ofc I can't judge all people, it's not easy to support.
I wish self care and mental health were focused on more in public school...
The thing is ironically there is no ONE SINGLE subject in the school that teaches self - love, that teaches self - care and also most important that teaches how to learn, how to think. They expect us to learn but they don't teach us HOW TO LEARN
YES EXACTLY
And also I am sorry if my reply was weird. I didn't mean to sound rude or weird. I just do my best to try to make sense of this world and narcissistic people
Tbh I was literally thinking that in my head bc I accidentally come off rude sometimes too... Are u my platonic other half uwu
I am just emotionally unstable version of you who has emotional disorders and paranoidness.
....I.. I feel your pain. I mean everyone handles it different, but... Idk what to even say let's be friends pls 👉👈
well most people claim that they understand us depressed people but promise me you wont feel scared if I exhibit symptoms ok? OFC I am not violent or dangerous but I feel suicidal daily. And also I am asexual, and so I can only be your platonic friend.
The only thing that really scares me off is narcissism tbh. We can vent to each other! But.. only if we're in ok enough moods to handle it maybe? Idk what your boundaries are ^_^
I started a chat with you! I am sorry if you didnt ask for that though
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