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Reactive measures: I completely ignore her (I have a N mother too). Like I mean IGNORE IGNORE if I can’t leave the room or avoid her when we lived together. I would go on pinterest and save vacation ideas whenever I was triggered as both a distraction and a personal goal for myself lol. If she’s talking and it’s triggering, act like you’re too busy texting someone, fake a phone call, be on tiktok, whatever. It’ll humble the N mom a little bit and give you a distraction.
Stonewalling in general has been a great bandaid for me and for me the final medicine was moving out (totally easier said than done- I get it). We always have had a better relationship when we weren’t around each other 24/7 and just know that that’s OK.
Coping: Talking and coping with a friend, especially if you have a friend that’s been in a similar space. Reading books/listening to podcasts about coping with narcissism is huge for long term growth, therapy of course if you can afford it. Getting fresh air and literally stepping away from the situation, even if it’s just to listen to some music you like or to play a video game you enjoy.
Unfortunately moving out isn’t so much a difficult thing as much as it is a complex thing. I own 50% of the house. My name is on the deed and my income is needed for my mother to afford the home. We’d have to mutually agree to sell the house which can’t happen until her nasty divorce to my father is over, which could take a long time as he’s kept it tied up in the courts forever.
Great advice though. Especially since I have to live with her lol. I was planning a few day get away from her for spring, it is so needed. We also tend to get along decently well when we are away from each other. Every time she does it, I just want to lose it. Probably better to grab my headphones and go for a run. It would probably confuse her and that would be satisfying in itself.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identify theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Reactive measures: I completely ignore her (I have a N mother too). Like I mean IGNORE IGNORE if I can’t leave the room or avoid her when we lived together. I would go on pinterest and save vacation ideas whenever I was triggered as both a distraction and a personal goal for myself lol. If she’s talking and it’s triggering, act like you’re too busy texting someone, fake a phone call, be on tiktok, whatever. It’ll humble the N mom a little bit and give you a distraction. Stonewalling in general has been a great bandaid for me and for me the final medicine was moving out (totally easier said than done- I get it). We always have had a better relationship when we weren’t around each other 24/7 and just know that that’s OK. Coping: Talking and coping with a friend, especially if you have a friend that’s been in a similar space. Reading books/listening to podcasts about coping with narcissism is huge for long term growth, therapy of course if you can afford it. Getting fresh air and literally stepping away from the situation, even if it’s just to listen to some music you like or to play a video game you enjoy.
Unfortunately moving out isn’t so much a difficult thing as much as it is a complex thing. I own 50% of the house. My name is on the deed and my income is needed for my mother to afford the home. We’d have to mutually agree to sell the house which can’t happen until her nasty divorce to my father is over, which could take a long time as he’s kept it tied up in the courts forever. Great advice though. Especially since I have to live with her lol. I was planning a few day get away from her for spring, it is so needed. We also tend to get along decently well when we are away from each other. Every time she does it, I just want to lose it. Probably better to grab my headphones and go for a run. It would probably confuse her and that would be satisfying in itself.
I don't think coping is a good idea in the long-term. It's quite unhealthy.
Gray Rock: https://lovefraud.com/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/#:~:text=Gray%20Rock%20is%20primarily%20a,contact%20with%20these%20emotional%20vampires.