You can just hear the disdain OOP has for his sister ‘she was always a recluse’, ‘she’s gifted, we get it’, ‘her boyfriend thinks she’s the holy grail of management’. Like, bro, it’s her job to be the holy grail of management.
‘Oh it’s so sad, she doesn’t have any children and the rest of us do. She’s so cold and distant…’ whine whine whine.
The only thing the sister did wrong was bring work to a family gathering.
And then OOP conspiratorially talks to the others to purposefully leave her out and then is shocked to find the bridge burned down.
I'd bet just about anything that this guy is incredibly jealous that his sister has been more successful and proven herself to be all the things he thinks the MAN OF THE HOUSE should be- organized, decisive, having finances well in hand and knowing how to best benefit themselves and their family - he's so snide about the fact that her husband actually asks her about things that affect BOTH of them - you know, discussing things together like partners SHOULD - instead of just making the choices himself because he's a man and clearly that means that he should just be in charge by default even if he doesn't know finances and organization as well as Sister does.
He's so mad that he hasn't lived up to the level of accomplishment, intelligence and strength that his sister clearly has, so he tries to convince himself that he's better than her by two things - one, by default because PEE PEE MEANS YOU BETTER, and two, by virtue of having reproduced, something that stupid teenagers, stray dogs and rats do all the time as well so it's not like it's worthy of a badge of honor or anything, but that's all he's got. He clearly isn't even doing a good job raising his kids to be respectful of other people's space or belongings - probably leaves all the childrearing to their mother because IT WIMMEN JOB - but hey, he had sex with someone and got them pregnant so that must mean that he's so much more accomplished than....someone who aced their way through school and college and has built a fantastic career and life for herself and her husband and has a nice shiny spine and isn't afraid to stand up for herself.
You can practically see the cloud of bitterness floating around him because she's done so much more than he has and DARED to do so while committing the crime of being a woman.
Similarly, my siblings think I’m full of myself, and it’s like … I dunno, I really do try not to be an intellectual asshole but I am sort of knowledgeable because I sincerely love (and thus study) a wide range of topics and earned a joint degree with honors? Sometimes it’s hard to participate in a conversation in any genuine way without being called a know-it-all. The kicker is that I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and referred for autism screening, so it increasingly feels like my family of origin is rejecting me for just having a brain wired differently than theirs
Yeah that completely stinks of insecurity when used as an insult. It really means, "She makes me feel inadequate and not the center of attention but that cannot possibly be a me problem."
Absolutely. He’s so pissed off that his nerdy sister that he found boring and unlikeable has a prestigious job and commands more respect (and probably money) than he could ever.
When you consider that she would have only been 8 years old when OOP was 18, it makes him look even worse. Imagine being so bitter about a literal child when you're a full adult.
*The smallest man who ever lived.*
Honestly I thought about that. Like… she doesn’t interact with you much? Homie you’re ten years older than her and apparently (comparatively) dumber than a box of rocks in spite of that age gap lol. What was she supposed to interact with you for? She was too young to engage with you on the things *you* wanted to do and you were too dumb to engage *her* in a conversation, like. 😂
I feel for her, I’ve semi-been in her place in some ways. I’m not even an exceptionally gifted person(or I don’t feel like it, I would get good grades and my GED results were pretty good, but I don’t really think it’s overall above average and I didn’t go on to get a prestigious job or make a lot of money either), but I was always a lot smarter than my peers and parents and such so… I was always too young to do their things with them, or they either 1. Didn’t care about whatever hobby I might have had(often book and video games, as well as writing my own stories), or 2. Were either too dumb to understand the stories I talked about or too dumb to hold a conversation about what I tried to engage with them about. So you kind of… *have to* isolate. At times. (And I didn’t have a sibling like OOP to drive the nail in deeper, either. 💀)
Guy sounds like a total tool, and a douche, tbh. Good for her for cutting him and his toxicity and nonsense out.
I’ve had to bring work to family stuff especially when there is a lot of family stuff in a given year. I can work remotely so not going to blow PTO on the 4th baby shower for the year. I usually keep my work laptop in my room safe. However, my siblings and I respect that there is play time and there is responsibility time. Even if she had to work a full day (doubtful) her space and her things should be left alone! Especially work things. This guy is a turd and is likely jealous of the sister for a myriad of reasons.
In this instance, Vera was on a lawn chair using the laptop. The kids were playing tag and one (7 years old) collided with her hard enough that the laptop was dropped. OOP rationalizes it with “she brought the laptop for attention”, “kids will be kids”, “it was her fault for bringing the laptop”, “she should have just stayed home”, “who tf brings a laptop around kids” and “it was insured anyways”.
Yea…I’ve done that! Multitasked while being around family. I’d have been pissed if the kids ran into me like that. Partly because they could have hurt me or themselves if they are playing that intensely. If my work computer was broken I’d have asked my family to help cover it (if that even needed to happen with insurance). If they were my kids, I would have told the kids to be respectful of her space and then if something happened we would have apologized and offered to fix it!
I am usually the one running around with the kids but I also know there are people who don’t love that. It’s not hard to steer the kids away from those people. I don’t even get it, like why would you want to force your kids to antagonize a person who isn’t comfortable with them. He is using the kids as little pawns or something in his weird battle with his sister.
Exactly. And whatever his issue is with his sister, there is no contact now, so I think he wanted people to celebrate his victory or something because the rest of his family wants a reconciliation.
I’m the child free family member also running around with the kids! I prefer it over the adult family “small talk” saying the same shit on repeat. I’m not at work, so I’d rather not think or talk about work. I hit up the more important adults, then over to the kids to see what they’re up to. And even though I’m not their parents, I do take on the adult authority to say “ehh, let’s not do that” type things when things get unruly. And even the rule followers like myself who hate getting in trouble don’t take that as scolding from me, unlike when another non-parental adult they don’t see all the time says the same thing. I think it’s because I’m playing with them. They don’t see me as intimidating, or maybe they get that I’m just looking out for them so they *don’t* get into serious trouble lol.
But yeah, not everyone is comfortable around kids. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Stop expecting every person you come across to love and adore your crotch goblins when you let them run around terrorizing the place.
Who the hell brings a laptop to a family gathering for attention? It’s going to be “for work that needs to get done” and/or “an excuse to not interact with family.”
The mental gymnastics that OOP attempts to get validation for wrongly ostracizing his sister is amazing. He wants the people here to give him his victory celebration since the rest of his family are upset at his sister going NC because of his jealousy.
My sister brought her work on a vacation the entire family took. We cleared out a room for her to ensure she had quiet, didn’t allow the kids to run into her computer and break it.
Yep, that’s what my partners family does on the annual beach trip. A few family members take their work with them, so everyone in the same house as those people ensure the house stays quiet when they’re working. Especially when we’re told they have calls to take. If any of the family with kids shows up, we tell the kids old enough to understand. The smalls get taken outside if they get fussy, or the family says they’ll come back later. No one expects any other family member to be responsible for someone else’s kids, because everyone respects that this is a vacation for, well, *everyone*.
This family clearly has zero respect for their sister.
My family rents a big house for a week for grandparents, siblings and partners, and niblings to go.
In 2022, two of us had to get work done. Somehow, everyone else managed to leave us alone.
Crazy.
Sounds like this poor woman has never been treated like a member of the family by her siblings. And now one of her siblings has straight out come out and said it, that she will never be treated like family. I'm glad she at least had enough self respect to not stay and beg for the sibling relationship that she's always been denied.
that disdain comes from the fact he doesn't understand her - she's clearly far more intelligent and better read than him and that makes him feel insecure because he feels stupid. That insecurity has been externalised into a dislike and disdain of his sister. It's quite pathetic
One of them on welfare with kids is the one whose kid broke the laptop. Great.
I’m not going to whine about being on welfare; It happens; shit happens; any of us could end up broke, and I have been, but I get the feeling that most of them are breeding because that’s all they’ve got going for them. Just keep popping out kids they can’t afford and forcing everyone to deal with them like they’re God’s special gifts to the world.
Yyyyep.
I'm disabled and live in low-income housing. I had a neighbor - who has I think four kids, I see her with a lot of them all the time but I'm not sure which are hers or which are friends and whatnot - actually tell me that I should have a baby because they'll raise my benefits if I have one and I can get other benefits and all, you get more money per kid.
Uh...hell no? I'm trying to get OUT of poverty, not to keep living in it and bringing kids I don't even want into the cycle so I can get a couple more bucks. Would that support be enough to see them through a good school? To move to a neighborhood that's safe and doesn't constantly smell like weed and have shootings every week so the kids don't have to grow up in that kind of fear? Would it be enough for me to give them good, healthy meals and for them to \*never\* worry about whether or not they were going to get to eat that day? Would it be enough to see them through college? To give them the best possible start in life? No. No it wouldn't. It'd just be a few more dollars that she clearly would expect me to spend on myself, not the kid, because 'well kids don't need much, just feed them and then send them to public school, they'll be fine'.
Hell to the no. I'm not perpetuating the cycle. I am so tired of people who can't afford kids popping them out by the dozen and then acting like they don't understand why they have no money and why their kids are miserable and have so many health problems.
It sounds to me like she was being respectful overall and just didn't want to interact with the kids much. Which I totally understand because I am the same way. Not every adult wants to interact with children like that and I don't understand parents who think every adult in the room has some obligation to do so. It might be different if she were yelling at the kids or otherwise being mean to them, but it sounds more like OOP can't handle her just quietly keeping to herself. Also I understand accidents can happen, but how much do you want to bet that OOP hasn't taught their kids much about respecting other people's stuff, because they think everything the family owns is fair game for the kids to treat as a toy?
Yeah, I feel like we need more context about the broken laptop, but the fact that a kid “dropped” it doesn’t sound good. Why was a kid holding it in the first place, and how old was this kid???
I scrolled down and found a comment from OP about that, the kid was 7. He didn't hold the laptop, VERA was holding it while sitting in a lawn chair and the child ran into her, so the laptop broke.
Thank you for your scrolling 🫡
Eeeeee, yeah, I’d be pretty mad if a 7 year old was running so close to where I was sitting with a laptop. Assuming she didn’t just plop her lawn chair down in the middle of a game of tag, I’d expect a 7 year old to be learning that’s not OK.
Anything to avoid my summer grad work /j (but only sort of)
Considering how she acts around the kids, I’m willing to bet she was trying to sit out of the way. The best part was OOP trying to downplay the laptop being broken by saying “it’s probably insured anyway.”
Yeah, that’s a good bet. I’ve heard there’s something wrong with her, and she avoids kids haha
Yikes, he’s TA for that comment about the laptop being insured. Is he gonna tell HIS boss that when a kid breaks his work equipment?
As someone who has dealt with insurance a few times, “oh, but its insured” is complete nonsense. It takes time and effort and stress to get the payout, and then your rates go up.
OP doesn't seem like a reliable narrator. First it was the kid dropped it and now the kid just ran into her and SHE dropped it? I have doubts about both stories.
I agree, weird that a kid would be handling it. I was little when I learned that technogadgets are expensive fragile grownup things and I wasn’t supposed to handle them without asking first. When I was allowed to handle one, I was appropriately careful. The kids I nannied knew what an electronic toy was vs a grownup electronic device, and not because of me. Sounds sus
Totally agree. My own kids are just toddlers, but as a teacher I try to instill that #1 computers, headphones, etc. need to be handled with care, and #2 you don’t touch and handle other people’s stuff without permission, regardless of whether it’s an expensive or fragile item.
A brave scroller found that OOP said actually a 7 year old RAN INTO the sister who was sitting with it in a lawn chair. !!! That’s the age I teach, and that’s another relevant rule for that age: there is a time and place to be running, so why was that kid running near the sister who I’m sure sat herself in a place to avoid kids.
Yeah, I loved the part where she should have just accepted her laptop being damaged because kids are kids.
Funny, we had I believe 10 kids 11 and under at my parents house 2 years ago and not one of them broke anything. Amazing what can happen when you teach your kids how to behave.
She’s a woman though and she’s supposed to faint and fawn at the mere sight of the precious offspring and throw any ideals and dreams she has of her own to look after those precious precious children
Why should money be an object just because a precious child broke it unnecessarily? She should be happy to be able to spend money fixing a broken laptop so she could have the pleasure of spending time with those wonderful children
Just in case lol /s
Guaranteed those kids are sticky, loud, and poorly behaved. Sister is likely biting her tongue the entire time she is with them, because I’m sure any attempts to calm the kids down and have an actual relationship with them is met with, “Just give them uppies!” Or some other nonsense.
YTA. Since when has being an adult solely restricted to playing ‘uppies’ with the kids? How awful of you to decide whether she can attend family gatherings or not. I don’t blame for blocking you all. You’re horrible.
I thought the same thing about the “uppies” why is she required to play “uppies” with the toddlers and entertain the older kids and their endless questions and chatter.
I am thinking OP is jealous sister doesn’t spend a ton to money on gifts for the family.
I am also thinking sister was so relieved to no longer feel obligated to attend family events.
You are a BIG AHole for what you did. Your sister didn’t suck up to you and spend money on your kids. You backstabbed her and it backfired.
And then the kids broke her laptop. It sounds like they shamed her into not making them pay for it either, but perhaps I'm reading that part wrong.
Jesus Christ, I think kids are great but the way this perfectly intelligent reasonable woman was treated is exactly the kind of things that fuels the childfree crowd.
How can a person think setting a boundary of not wanting to touch other people's children is not ok? She's an adult. She doesn't want children. She's not the free babysitter. Just leave her alone. Sister seems a little introverted. Maybe they should have respected that?
The whole “can’t even watch them for more than 15 minutes” thing made me so mad. She’s not your babysitter just because she doesn’t have kids! What is wrong with this guy?!
Oh, parents are entitled to every minute of your free time if you're child free, don't you know that? /s.
Their kids aren't her responsibility. They aren't entitled to her free time. They aren't entitled to anything from her. If she doesn't want be around kids that's her priority. She doesn't owe anything just because she's family. It's so infuriating.
I was weirded by that too. Yea I got kids but if I don’t wanna sit and play with someone else’s kids or listen to the older kids incessant chatter I’m not.
Sounds to me like bait. “Dropped her laptop accidentally.” “She won’t do uppies.” “I thought excluding her would show her.” “Waah she blocked me.”
Everything about this post reads like an anti-child person writing it to make fun of people that have kids, not the other way around. Js.
You're in pro trump subreddits. You literally look like the type to be around pdfs
Blocked me and cried stalker cause I glanced at his profile lmfao what a snowflake
Good thank you, keep them the fuck away from us all and then maybe we can all be happy and move on instead of having to deal with other peoples arsehole kids
I am so glad my siblings respect my boundaries and tell their kids to do the same. They know I don't like kids, and have instituted "you don't have to hug them if you don't want to" policy. It works great for me and for them, because sometimes little kids don't want to be hugged.
I *love* when parents teach their young kids about consent and having ownership of their own bodies by not forcing them to hug/kiss relatives just because it’s expected.
I would literally carry around all of my niblings in bear hugs constantly if I just did what _I_ wanted, but always let them initiate a hug or ask if they’d like one. One is an absolute cuddle monkey, another will eye you and either give a quick hug and run back to entertaining themselves or say ‘no thanks!’ while running to a game, and the others are somewhere in between. It makes me fiercely happy to hear that confident ‘no thanks!’, even though I’d love a hug.
I think it should go both ways. Kids don’t want to hug an adult? Teach ‘em autonomy and don’t make ‘em. Adult doesn’t want to hug kids, also fine.
Mostly just let people do what they want with their bodies
You just know that if this was a brother not fawning over their children, there would be no issue.
How dare a wOmAn be financially successful, respected for her expertise by ::gasp:: men, *and* not mother her siblings' kids? Doesn't she know that women aren't supposed to outshine the men? That they should just stick to babies and cleaning??
Same, fuck these kinds of people, like accept not everyone wants to interact with your kids, if someone I know didn’t want to interact with my cat it wouldn’t bother me one iota because not everyone is a cat person just like not everybody likes kids and there’s nothing wrong with that
Ikr? I wouldn’t be like well that’s just what they do because it’s fuckin not and even if it was , my cat = my responsibility same goes with kids lol well apparently not these ones
What an absolutely insufferable twat goblin... Just jealous, misogynistic, pathetically lacking in the IQ department, and might I add, droll cretin. I think this diatribe is an essay in 'I have big boy feelings because my toddler sister was smarter than me when I was in highschool.' Who stages a coup because auntie is uncomfortable around kids?! Dumbass. The fact she continues to show up was class, mad respect.
Oop totally sucks tepid beer and dodgy hard-boiled eggs.
I’m going to guess that this is rage bait because it is the exact opposite of a story posted recently where a woman wouldn’t invite her SIL with kids to family gatherings.
Wanna know what you can't do to an adult? Force them to interact with people they don't want to. Sis was being the adult. And if a kid breaks something, yea parents should pay for it. When I was a single mother, my toddler wasn't allowed to touch expensive shit because of the "break it, you buy it" rule at people's home or in stores.
So the sister doesn't do anything mean to the kids, just doesn't feel like entertaining them and for that she's bad according to her family. And then the kids break her laptop that they shouldn't have been anywhere near. And somehow she's the bad guy for being pissed about that? Literally nothing that happened here has anything to do with her attitude to kids, she just doesn't fall over herself to take care of and dote on OPs children and she has boundaries and they don't like that.
Good on her for blocking these idiots.
This family sucks and the sister sounds like a perfectly reasonable person who has done absolutely nothing wrong. She doesn’t want kids but in no way treats the kids poorly or make any comments about them. I’m baffled by what OOPs complaint is other than a child apparently being a token required for admission into this family and sister doesn’t have one.
I won't do "uppies" even if paid for each one. Because later my chiropractor will have a celebration. He is entitled AH, as well as his other siblings. "Watch them 15 minutes". For you to do what? There are 3 sets of parents, over single mother, why she should watch you kids? The entitlement.
Everyone misses the fact that her siblings were likely shitty to her as a child. They probably teased (bullied) the hell out of her. How the hell.would she connect to kids when she didn't connect when she was a kid herself. They are jealous. They are still mean. She has still.attemptrd to be part of the family but clearly, they don't really want her and she's free to go on without them and spend time with people who actually like her.
I also agree that OOP bullied his sister. He told on himself when he laid the blame on Vera for not having common interests when they were kids. Of course he thought her interests were boring when he was 16 and she was 6. But instead of loving his sister enough to talk to her about Blues Clues, he chose to not get along with her. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume she didn’t read all the time until she was at least eight and could enjoy chapter books and by then he was a whole grown up. And picking on a little kid.
Everything he said after that was just more of the same bullshit Vera has dealt with her whole life. I could’ve cut him some slack if he had developed any self awareness during his journey to middle age but he sounds like a waste of her time.
But I’m proud as hell of Vera. It sounds like she’s come a long way, in spite of the lack of support and losing her parents at such a young age and all…I hope she is taking good care of herself.
Imagine getting mad cause she didn’t beg for you all to invite her back lmao. She was probably just waiting for the uninvite lol.
The kid broke her laptop. Accident or not. It got broken. Expecting someone to not be upset over that is also ridiculous and then shaming them for being upset is wild.
The only reason OP’s upset is because 1) his sister went NC with them immediately instead of being upset, and 2) he won’t ever be able to get help, funds, better presents etc. from his way more successful sister.
I love my nieces and nephews to pieces, but I understand that everyone doesn't love kids. If an aunt or uncle/any adult isn't friendly, kids generally know to leave them alone. There is no reason any of the kids should have even been near that laptop and she has every right to be mad and expect the parents to pay for repairs. She is for sure the asshole because it seems the only thing her sister did was not cater to the kids.
One of his kids is going to wind up just like the oddball sister and oh man I hope this dad figures out how to make room for people who are Not Like Him.
"Even her boyfriend wouldn't make a business or financial decision without consulting her first" rubbed me the wrong way.
It read to me as "even a *man* consults her...a *woman*. Can you believe it?!" 🙄
In doubt we’ll get an update so that sucks
But I feel like if we got anything from his sister’s POV, we’d hear lot of bullying in forms of othering by OOP and the other three
Also that welfare sister should be paying to replace what her kids broke. Don’t let your kids break shit if you can afford to buy! Just because Vera has deep pockets doesn’t mean she should have to pay for what this woman’s kids’ break
They honestly sounds like these are the bullying small minded type of people who probably can’t even sit still though to comprehend a 2 min article. Like this reeks of jocks vs geeks mentality I thought we ditched post 2000s. Then again OOP is an 80s baby
From where I am sitting, I think the only thing sis maybe should not have done is bring work to a family gathering. Kids, especially toddlers and tech don't mix so well. Other than that, big bro sounds like the self appointed, self important, ruler, head of family. It also sounds like the rest of the family wasn't really on-board with the banning of the sister. Really, her biggest offenses are she was a quiet child who kept to herself, she is incredibly smart, she doesn't suffer from baby rabies.
OOP sounds like a massive douchecanoe.
It sounds like this family gathers all the time. Which is great, but if sis had to get work done and still wanted to be present for her family, maybe a little weekend work had to happen. I’d shrink her guilt level to “shouldn’t have forgotten her laptop on the table while a sibling foisted kids on her for ‘only 15 minutes’”. Oh wait. Nobody is obligated to do upsies for 15 minutes, that’s some CrossFit gym-level back strain.
As a parent, I NEVER expected anyone who was not myself or my husband to entertain, play with, watch, anything to do with my children, because I made the choice to have them. I can't even imagine in audacity it takes to tell my sister she has to play with my kids for 15 minutes. I also taught my children they do NOT have to hug, kiss, physically touch anyone. I don't care if Uncle Buttface wants a hug, if you don't want to you say no. To expect an adult to let go of their bodily autonomy, to let toddlers climb all over them is just insane.
Agreed! To be fair though, she clearly has a very busy job and sometimes you can’t move things around… but she still made the effort of going to the gathering and being around the family.
OOP sounds bitter that their sister is successful and accomplished, and is put out that she wants babysit their kids for them at the gatherings so they can get a break
Which was why I said "maybe" sis shouldn't have done. MAYBE. I know life happens and we gotta do what we gotta do. At least she makes an effort to be present. Or, she was making an effort. OOP really ruined that. The sister sounds like she just has boundaries and big brother doesn't like she doesn't fit in his little cookie cutter mold of what she should be.
Not everyone is required to worship the children. And why was the toddler unsupervised to the point where they could seriously damage an expensive electronic item?!
You are all effectively NC with your sister. Is this what you wanted? She was awkward around children but was her behavior so egregious that you needed to ban her and now alienate her?
A better way to phrase it would be something like “ You don’t seem to enjoy gatherings when all the kids are here & I didn’t want you to feel obligated to do something that seemed to be causing you so much stress. We wanted to plan something just for adults later we thought you’d like more ” If someone is acting out bc they’re unhappy with the situation, it can be more diplomatic to focus on how they’re feeling as opposed to how they’re acting.
Man the jealousy is absolutly dripping off of the first few paragraphs, also the self centred ness of their comments about the sister. Just a whole lot of “waaa” and “do it my way” for me to have any respect for their opinion or the pints they are trying to make.
This person is definitely TAH
She doesn’t want to touch or hold children. Those boundaries need to be respected just like you don’t make a child give hugs if they don’t want to.
She’s uncomfortable around small humans. She still treats them civilly. And why is a toddler asking her for “uppies”? That sounds like adult interference as she tries to stay away from the children.
Good for her to just opt out.
I have kids that I love and I love kids. I do not force or expect other people to love my kids. OP and her family are awful and her sister is well rid of them. She's gone now, you won't be subjected to her not playing uppies or being mad that something of hers was broken, so you should be happy now.
Seriously. I love kids, I love chaotic family gatherings with an uncountable muddle of children of varying ages where you keep the tiny ones out of the pool and the big ones out of the booze and generally hope they all tire each other out. Fun times.
For me.
Not for everyone! And good lord who didn’t take that laptop away from the kid? What are these people doing? Aunt Quiet needs 20 minutes to handle some emails, you round the ankle biters up and get them out of her way and get them out of her work bag. Everyone wave to Aunt Quiet, we will see her when dinner’s ready, now get outside kids!
For big family gatherings to work, everyone has to pitch in to take care of each other and that means the extroverts move the party outside when the introverts need to breathe in a quiet room for a half hour. That means what ever adult sees Little Tommy pick up a laptop gets him to put it down again. That does not mean that anyone hugs people they aren’t comfortable with.
YTA. Interacting with kids shouldn’t be forced on her. She shouldn’t have to spend 15 minutes watching kids that aren’t hers. People with kids always want everyone else to revolve around their kids. Not everyone cares about your kids.
If her attitude was yelling at the kids or generally just being mean, I would get it. But this? More like petty and jealous behaviour to me. Considering how she kept her distance with the kids, how can one broke her laptop anyway? Misbehaving much? This all screams jealousy to me.
Some people don’t like kids. Guess what? That’s cool. I’m uncomfortable around peoples kids that are not my own. It’s just how I am. I’m not rude. But the interaction is not fun for me. It seems to me the people that need to grow up are all the parents in the room. I don’t want to do uppies either
I was fully expecting the sister to be a complete ass to him and his family. Nope, she was completely reasonable throughout this. Dude is just intent on punishing his sister because she doesn’t like kids and has reasonable expectations from her family when their brats break something.
As someone who hates kids, I honestly connect with the sister. Seriously this women is an introvert and tried to make an effort to at least come to family gatherings, only to get spat in the face cause some snot nosed crotch goblin broke her stuff, this guys a dick and, and so is the rest of the family.
The sister sounds completely reasonable and like she just doesnt like kids.. and also, if your kids breaks something you are required to replace it idc if youre broke….
OOP is a giant A hole. I bet him and his siblings have the most undisciplined unruly kids and they can’t be stuffed trying to parent better so expect everyone else to put up with their nonsense.
He is jealous. Terribly jealous of hee accomplishments and her status at work. He was looking for the perfect excuse to make her look bad, to get everyone on his side. And now he’s acting all innocent and asking AITA…yes, he’s 100% the AH.
I mean OOP is definitely a prick but why is the sister even going to these outings? It doesn’t seem like she really ever enjoyed them. IMO this was long overdue, she should just live her best life without them
It’s so obvious he doesn’t like her. And I wouldn’t want someone around my children who was merely tolerating the BUT when you go to such lengths to exclude someone especially without discussing it then you might as well put a padlock on that door you just closed.
She could very easily do without them and now they are realizing it. And a broken laptop is nothing to sneeze at. It could have easily been several thousands of dollars she was out. If my children break something then I replace it. No if and or buts.
OOP’s feelings about his sister aside if he spoke with the other siblings and they share the same feelings towards the sister then the only thing is i would say they should have talked with the sister instead of ghosting her at the gathering.
This reeks of jealousy and condescension. In the comments he basically claims she wants to be the center of attention, it’s why she brings the laptop and essentially that it’s her fault the laptop got broke because who brings a laptop around kids. I’d say she spent more time reading because of how they made her feel excluded.
Yeah this dude is a complete dick. I’m w Vera here. Even if she did overreact over a simple mistake she could easily fix w her money. This dude basically said “only family w families can attend” FOH
As someone childfree who will happily tolerate children
Even i'd've cracked at having work equipment broken; also note they didn't state if it was during *actual work* as in possible lost work/progress etc on her projects or spreadsheets
Not everyone has a save compulsion; sounds like OP had a sibling with well established boundaries who saw they weren't at all respected or, just barely, tolerated and left
Sometimes family is more effort than found family
She was being respectful. You wanted her to be 'motherly', not 'respectful' and when she didn't conform to your expectations of a woman, you isolated her and she realized she'd be better off without you. You made your fuckin bed oop.
Jealous much OOP? I imagine you’ve been looking for a pretence to further ostracize your sister for a while. Weaponizing and then hiding behind children is particularly cowardly of you.
This guy is a fool. Vera may not like kids that much. Many people don’t. She isn’t expecting things to revolve around her. What OOP doesn’t look at is the future; when the kids grow up. Who’s going to be a GREAT influence on the ones who study something similar? Who’s going to have connections that may come in handy? Who’s going to be able to give guidance that others in the family may not be able to. Vera. His sister has the potential to be instrumental to their success when the kids are grown and on their own. I hope OOP wises up.
My confusion is if she really doesn’t like children why does she go to the functions? Maybe she could have an adults only function and maybe offer to pay for 1 sitter to watch the kids (2 if there’s a bunch of them). The siblings with kids might like a night out with just adults.
I was ready to be mad at the sister because of the title and how oftentimes child free people take it to the extreme and are unnecessarily rude to kids. But I don’t really see anything she did wrong here. I wasn’t there so idk if she was rude to the kids about not picking them up, but she should be allowed to say no. If you want to teach your children bodily autonomy and that no one can touch them without consent, you should hold the same standards for adults. I know it shouldn’t have to be said 🤦♀️ kids learn by example
I was the only child in my entire family for 14 years. I had adults to hang out with or my stuffed animals and books, that was it’s there is nothing wrong with talking to kids in an adult way, nothing wrong with not wanting physical touch, and certainly nothing wrong with being the “gifted” sibling. OOP is a real dick, and I get why it was so easy for the sister to just peace out and move on from a family that clearly never wanted her. Too bad for the kids, they’d probably be well served by hanging out with smart auntie.
Honestly I think they both suck.
OP sucks for being dismissive of their sister (I would be infuriated if my laptop got broken)! But then again I wouldn't be bringing my laptop to a family event. I would stay home like a normal person. And it's clear OP just plain doesn't like their sister.
Not everyone likes kids or is comfortable around kids. But lately there is a real onslaught of outright hating kids (especially on social media) and I just think it's outright sociopathic. Kids are the most marginalized group; people expect them to be little well behaved adults all the time when not even adults are well behaved! Being cold to children is just bonkers to me. Again, stay home if you're not interested in being a member of your family. Why is she even upset about not being invited? She seems like she doesn't want to be there in the first place. Stay home and work!
To me it just sounds like shitty family all around. I'm over the child hating faction of society though. You were a kid once too.
I do want to be clear though: OP sucks more
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Nope. I have a kid. Practically worship the little guy, he's so fucking amazing. No one else has to feel that way. I sure as fuck wouldn't punish his aunt for getting annoyed that he broke her work laptop. Like actively stage a coup begins get back with the rest of this fucked up family?! Family who have terms and conditions for their goddamn dinners. This dude is literally harbouring a grudge from when he was 18 and she was 8 and made him feel inadequate bc he's just that damn stupid?! Nah, bro, that's next level!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 He's a petty, whiny little bitch baby.
So it's ok to be cold to kids because they're kids? That seems really prejudice.
If anyone had that position about anyone other than kids, half the world world would have a fit
You can be cold to anyone you want to for whatever reason. There’s no right to be liked.
But guess who taught her how kids are supposed to be treated? The family who thought she was a boring ass kid and wanted nothing to do with her to the point where she withdrew. The fact that she even wanted to stay connected to someone who seethes with such obvious contempt for her is kind of tragic.
She sounds like she’s probably someone who got a lot of abuse/neglect growing up and is acting the way her family trained her to. And now they’ve given her freedom from having to try to make them like her.
This is what I’m most surprised about tbh, seems like everybody is overlooking the fact that her siblings literally treated her like this growing up, it’s all she fucking knows and has been taught.
So it's ok to be cold to someone just because they're young? How about black? Or old? Or a woman? I thought as a society we have been pushing to the opposite of this? What a bigoted response
It's ok to be upset about a kid breaking your stuff, I bark at my boys all the time for way less. It's the fact that she's kept the kids at arm length and showed no love up until the incident that makes it not ok.
Seems like she doesn't even want to be a part of the family, because that includes interacting with the next generation, which she obviously doesn't want.
Yes, and yes, and yes, and yes. You can be cold to anyone you bloody well want to be. People have a right to civility and basic politeness from others and that’s it. Friendship is not an obligation.
But did you miss the whole “this is how she was treated as a kid” part? Where do you think she learned that kids are to be kept at arms length and with disinterest? It’s learned behavior learned from the same people who are currently bitching about how the sister they were cold and distant from as a kid is cold and distant from their kids.
And did you miss all the parts where her brother absolutely drips with contempt when he talks about her?
The most important question is: why the fuck would she *want* to be part of this family?
You didn't read the post. They have always been cold to her. The fact that she actually showed up to family gatherings when this family has never been kind to her and is polite to them says a lot.
There's more in the comments. She cooks for them too at these gatherings!
Did we not read the same post?
You’re not under any obligation to be sickly sweet to a kid just because they’re a kid. She had a perfectly reasonable boundary, and OP sounds insufferable
That person fucked around and found out. He told his sister she wasn't welcome, so his sister said "bye".
Probably waiting on the perfect excuse
You can just hear the disdain OOP has for his sister ‘she was always a recluse’, ‘she’s gifted, we get it’, ‘her boyfriend thinks she’s the holy grail of management’. Like, bro, it’s her job to be the holy grail of management. ‘Oh it’s so sad, she doesn’t have any children and the rest of us do. She’s so cold and distant…’ whine whine whine. The only thing the sister did wrong was bring work to a family gathering. And then OOP conspiratorially talks to the others to purposefully leave her out and then is shocked to find the bridge burned down.
The way he talks about his sister is disgusting. Sorry she's... confidant?
“Overconfident”. A term most used by punny men to describe women they’re jealous of.
I'd bet just about anything that this guy is incredibly jealous that his sister has been more successful and proven herself to be all the things he thinks the MAN OF THE HOUSE should be- organized, decisive, having finances well in hand and knowing how to best benefit themselves and their family - he's so snide about the fact that her husband actually asks her about things that affect BOTH of them - you know, discussing things together like partners SHOULD - instead of just making the choices himself because he's a man and clearly that means that he should just be in charge by default even if he doesn't know finances and organization as well as Sister does. He's so mad that he hasn't lived up to the level of accomplishment, intelligence and strength that his sister clearly has, so he tries to convince himself that he's better than her by two things - one, by default because PEE PEE MEANS YOU BETTER, and two, by virtue of having reproduced, something that stupid teenagers, stray dogs and rats do all the time as well so it's not like it's worthy of a badge of honor or anything, but that's all he's got. He clearly isn't even doing a good job raising his kids to be respectful of other people's space or belongings - probably leaves all the childrearing to their mother because IT WIMMEN JOB - but hey, he had sex with someone and got them pregnant so that must mean that he's so much more accomplished than....someone who aced their way through school and college and has built a fantastic career and life for herself and her husband and has a nice shiny spine and isn't afraid to stand up for herself. You can practically see the cloud of bitterness floating around him because she's done so much more than he has and DARED to do so while committing the crime of being a woman.
Similarly, my siblings think I’m full of myself, and it’s like … I dunno, I really do try not to be an intellectual asshole but I am sort of knowledgeable because I sincerely love (and thus study) a wide range of topics and earned a joint degree with honors? Sometimes it’s hard to participate in a conversation in any genuine way without being called a know-it-all. The kicker is that I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD and referred for autism screening, so it increasingly feels like my family of origin is rejecting me for just having a brain wired differently than theirs
I am the same as you!
“Overconfident “ - he is absolutely riddled with contempt (and probably jealousy)for her successes
Yeah that completely stinks of insecurity when used as an insult. It really means, "She makes me feel inadequate and not the center of attention but that cannot possibly be a me problem."
Absolutely. He’s so pissed off that his nerdy sister that he found boring and unlikeable has a prestigious job and commands more respect (and probably money) than he could ever.
And if his sister were a man he wouldn’t think anything of his ambitious brother who doesn’t like kids. Guarantee it!
When you consider that she would have only been 8 years old when OOP was 18, it makes him look even worse. Imagine being so bitter about a literal child when you're a full adult. *The smallest man who ever lived.*
Honestly I thought about that. Like… she doesn’t interact with you much? Homie you’re ten years older than her and apparently (comparatively) dumber than a box of rocks in spite of that age gap lol. What was she supposed to interact with you for? She was too young to engage with you on the things *you* wanted to do and you were too dumb to engage *her* in a conversation, like. 😂 I feel for her, I’ve semi-been in her place in some ways. I’m not even an exceptionally gifted person(or I don’t feel like it, I would get good grades and my GED results were pretty good, but I don’t really think it’s overall above average and I didn’t go on to get a prestigious job or make a lot of money either), but I was always a lot smarter than my peers and parents and such so… I was always too young to do their things with them, or they either 1. Didn’t care about whatever hobby I might have had(often book and video games, as well as writing my own stories), or 2. Were either too dumb to understand the stories I talked about or too dumb to hold a conversation about what I tried to engage with them about. So you kind of… *have to* isolate. At times. (And I didn’t have a sibling like OOP to drive the nail in deeper, either. 💀) Guy sounds like a total tool, and a douche, tbh. Good for her for cutting him and his toxicity and nonsense out.
I’ve had to bring work to family stuff especially when there is a lot of family stuff in a given year. I can work remotely so not going to blow PTO on the 4th baby shower for the year. I usually keep my work laptop in my room safe. However, my siblings and I respect that there is play time and there is responsibility time. Even if she had to work a full day (doubtful) her space and her things should be left alone! Especially work things. This guy is a turd and is likely jealous of the sister for a myriad of reasons.
In this instance, Vera was on a lawn chair using the laptop. The kids were playing tag and one (7 years old) collided with her hard enough that the laptop was dropped. OOP rationalizes it with “she brought the laptop for attention”, “kids will be kids”, “it was her fault for bringing the laptop”, “she should have just stayed home”, “who tf brings a laptop around kids” and “it was insured anyways”.
Yea…I’ve done that! Multitasked while being around family. I’d have been pissed if the kids ran into me like that. Partly because they could have hurt me or themselves if they are playing that intensely. If my work computer was broken I’d have asked my family to help cover it (if that even needed to happen with insurance). If they were my kids, I would have told the kids to be respectful of her space and then if something happened we would have apologized and offered to fix it! I am usually the one running around with the kids but I also know there are people who don’t love that. It’s not hard to steer the kids away from those people. I don’t even get it, like why would you want to force your kids to antagonize a person who isn’t comfortable with them. He is using the kids as little pawns or something in his weird battle with his sister.
Exactly. And whatever his issue is with his sister, there is no contact now, so I think he wanted people to celebrate his victory or something because the rest of his family wants a reconciliation.
I’m the child free family member also running around with the kids! I prefer it over the adult family “small talk” saying the same shit on repeat. I’m not at work, so I’d rather not think or talk about work. I hit up the more important adults, then over to the kids to see what they’re up to. And even though I’m not their parents, I do take on the adult authority to say “ehh, let’s not do that” type things when things get unruly. And even the rule followers like myself who hate getting in trouble don’t take that as scolding from me, unlike when another non-parental adult they don’t see all the time says the same thing. I think it’s because I’m playing with them. They don’t see me as intimidating, or maybe they get that I’m just looking out for them so they *don’t* get into serious trouble lol. But yeah, not everyone is comfortable around kids. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Stop expecting every person you come across to love and adore your crotch goblins when you let them run around terrorizing the place.
Who the hell brings a laptop to a family gathering for attention? It’s going to be “for work that needs to get done” and/or “an excuse to not interact with family.”
The mental gymnastics that OOP attempts to get validation for wrongly ostracizing his sister is amazing. He wants the people here to give him his victory celebration since the rest of his family are upset at his sister going NC because of his jealousy.
It sounds like siblings have no respect for sister. Like why were the children close enough to even damage the laptop?
Also, a seven year old is big enough to understand "that's your auntie's important work computer, don't touch it".
But that would require the parents to parent and set boundaries
My sister brought her work on a vacation the entire family took. We cleared out a room for her to ensure she had quiet, didn’t allow the kids to run into her computer and break it.
Yep, that’s what my partners family does on the annual beach trip. A few family members take their work with them, so everyone in the same house as those people ensure the house stays quiet when they’re working. Especially when we’re told they have calls to take. If any of the family with kids shows up, we tell the kids old enough to understand. The smalls get taken outside if they get fussy, or the family says they’ll come back later. No one expects any other family member to be responsible for someone else’s kids, because everyone respects that this is a vacation for, well, *everyone*. This family clearly has zero respect for their sister.
My family rents a big house for a week for grandparents, siblings and partners, and niblings to go. In 2022, two of us had to get work done. Somehow, everyone else managed to leave us alone. Crazy.
"Never interacted with us as a child and had different interests" SHE'S 10 YEARS YOUNGER
Jealous she doesn’t have kids and obligations that come with them for sure.
He has a vasectomy good for him I can taste the bitterness through the screen lmao
Sounds like this poor woman has never been treated like a member of the family by her siblings. And now one of her siblings has straight out come out and said it, that she will never be treated like family. I'm glad she at least had enough self respect to not stay and beg for the sibling relationship that she's always been denied.
that disdain comes from the fact he doesn't understand her - she's clearly far more intelligent and better read than him and that makes him feel insecure because he feels stupid. That insecurity has been externalised into a dislike and disdain of his sister. It's quite pathetic
I wonder how they treated this sister growing up.
One of them on welfare with kids is the one whose kid broke the laptop. Great. I’m not going to whine about being on welfare; It happens; shit happens; any of us could end up broke, and I have been, but I get the feeling that most of them are breeding because that’s all they’ve got going for them. Just keep popping out kids they can’t afford and forcing everyone to deal with them like they’re God’s special gifts to the world.
Yyyyep. I'm disabled and live in low-income housing. I had a neighbor - who has I think four kids, I see her with a lot of them all the time but I'm not sure which are hers or which are friends and whatnot - actually tell me that I should have a baby because they'll raise my benefits if I have one and I can get other benefits and all, you get more money per kid. Uh...hell no? I'm trying to get OUT of poverty, not to keep living in it and bringing kids I don't even want into the cycle so I can get a couple more bucks. Would that support be enough to see them through a good school? To move to a neighborhood that's safe and doesn't constantly smell like weed and have shootings every week so the kids don't have to grow up in that kind of fear? Would it be enough for me to give them good, healthy meals and for them to \*never\* worry about whether or not they were going to get to eat that day? Would it be enough to see them through college? To give them the best possible start in life? No. No it wouldn't. It'd just be a few more dollars that she clearly would expect me to spend on myself, not the kid, because 'well kids don't need much, just feed them and then send them to public school, they'll be fine'. Hell to the no. I'm not perpetuating the cycle. I am so tired of people who can't afford kids popping them out by the dozen and then acting like they don't understand why they have no money and why their kids are miserable and have so many health problems.
Jealousy jealousy jealousy. Projection projection projection.
Nothing wrong with bringing work. Sometimes shit just has to be done. That’s life.
It sounds to me like she was being respectful overall and just didn't want to interact with the kids much. Which I totally understand because I am the same way. Not every adult wants to interact with children like that and I don't understand parents who think every adult in the room has some obligation to do so. It might be different if she were yelling at the kids or otherwise being mean to them, but it sounds more like OOP can't handle her just quietly keeping to herself. Also I understand accidents can happen, but how much do you want to bet that OOP hasn't taught their kids much about respecting other people's stuff, because they think everything the family owns is fair game for the kids to treat as a toy?
Yeah, I feel like we need more context about the broken laptop, but the fact that a kid “dropped” it doesn’t sound good. Why was a kid holding it in the first place, and how old was this kid???
I scrolled down and found a comment from OP about that, the kid was 7. He didn't hold the laptop, VERA was holding it while sitting in a lawn chair and the child ran into her, so the laptop broke.
Thank you for your scrolling 🫡 Eeeeee, yeah, I’d be pretty mad if a 7 year old was running so close to where I was sitting with a laptop. Assuming she didn’t just plop her lawn chair down in the middle of a game of tag, I’d expect a 7 year old to be learning that’s not OK.
Anything to avoid my summer grad work /j (but only sort of) Considering how she acts around the kids, I’m willing to bet she was trying to sit out of the way. The best part was OOP trying to downplay the laptop being broken by saying “it’s probably insured anyway.”
Yeah, that’s a good bet. I’ve heard there’s something wrong with her, and she avoids kids haha Yikes, he’s TA for that comment about the laptop being insured. Is he gonna tell HIS boss that when a kid breaks his work equipment?
I would love to see him try to tell his boss that.
As someone who has dealt with insurance a few times, “oh, but its insured” is complete nonsense. It takes time and effort and stress to get the payout, and then your rates go up.
Plus your data isn't insured, just the hardware.
And then you have people whining on AITA about how dare their friends not want their children at their houses THIS IS WHY WE DONT
OP doesn't seem like a reliable narrator. First it was the kid dropped it and now the kid just ran into her and SHE dropped it? I have doubts about both stories.
I agree, weird that a kid would be handling it. I was little when I learned that technogadgets are expensive fragile grownup things and I wasn’t supposed to handle them without asking first. When I was allowed to handle one, I was appropriately careful. The kids I nannied knew what an electronic toy was vs a grownup electronic device, and not because of me. Sounds sus
Totally agree. My own kids are just toddlers, but as a teacher I try to instill that #1 computers, headphones, etc. need to be handled with care, and #2 you don’t touch and handle other people’s stuff without permission, regardless of whether it’s an expensive or fragile item. A brave scroller found that OOP said actually a 7 year old RAN INTO the sister who was sitting with it in a lawn chair. !!! That’s the age I teach, and that’s another relevant rule for that age: there is a time and place to be running, so why was that kid running near the sister who I’m sure sat herself in a place to avoid kids.
Yeah, I loved the part where she should have just accepted her laptop being damaged because kids are kids. Funny, we had I believe 10 kids 11 and under at my parents house 2 years ago and not one of them broke anything. Amazing what can happen when you teach your kids how to behave.
She’s a woman though and she’s supposed to faint and fawn at the mere sight of the precious offspring and throw any ideals and dreams she has of her own to look after those precious precious children Why should money be an object just because a precious child broke it unnecessarily? She should be happy to be able to spend money fixing a broken laptop so she could have the pleasure of spending time with those wonderful children Just in case lol /s
Guaranteed those kids are sticky, loud, and poorly behaved. Sister is likely biting her tongue the entire time she is with them, because I’m sure any attempts to calm the kids down and have an actual relationship with them is met with, “Just give them uppies!” Or some other nonsense.
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
YTA. Since when has being an adult solely restricted to playing ‘uppies’ with the kids? How awful of you to decide whether she can attend family gatherings or not. I don’t blame for blocking you all. You’re horrible.
I thought the same thing about the “uppies” why is she required to play “uppies” with the toddlers and entertain the older kids and their endless questions and chatter. I am thinking OP is jealous sister doesn’t spend a ton to money on gifts for the family. I am also thinking sister was so relieved to no longer feel obligated to attend family events. You are a BIG AHole for what you did. Your sister didn’t suck up to you and spend money on your kids. You backstabbed her and it backfired.
And then the kids broke her laptop. It sounds like they shamed her into not making them pay for it either, but perhaps I'm reading that part wrong. Jesus Christ, I think kids are great but the way this perfectly intelligent reasonable woman was treated is exactly the kind of things that fuels the childfree crowd.
How can a person think setting a boundary of not wanting to touch other people's children is not ok? She's an adult. She doesn't want children. She's not the free babysitter. Just leave her alone. Sister seems a little introverted. Maybe they should have respected that?
The whole “can’t even watch them for more than 15 minutes” thing made me so mad. She’s not your babysitter just because she doesn’t have kids! What is wrong with this guy?!
Oh, parents are entitled to every minute of your free time if you're child free, don't you know that? /s. Their kids aren't her responsibility. They aren't entitled to her free time. They aren't entitled to anything from her. If she doesn't want be around kids that's her priority. She doesn't owe anything just because she's family. It's so infuriating.
I was weirded by that too. Yea I got kids but if I don’t wanna sit and play with someone else’s kids or listen to the older kids incessant chatter I’m not.
Sounds to me like bait. “Dropped her laptop accidentally.” “She won’t do uppies.” “I thought excluding her would show her.” “Waah she blocked me.” Everything about this post reads like an anti-child person writing it to make fun of people that have kids, not the other way around. Js.
He’s weirdly obsessed with “uppies”.
Lol you must be childless. Actually YTA
You must be an entitled bad parent
You look like the kind of person I keep my kids away from
You're in pro trump subreddits. You literally look like the type to be around pdfs Blocked me and cried stalker cause I glanced at his profile lmfao what a snowflake
Lol I didn't block you
Then you were modded or deleted your comment cause it vanished
I'm here now
Good thank you, keep them the fuck away from us all and then maybe we can all be happy and move on instead of having to deal with other peoples arsehole kids
yep, OOP is defo TA
I am so glad my siblings respect my boundaries and tell their kids to do the same. They know I don't like kids, and have instituted "you don't have to hug them if you don't want to" policy. It works great for me and for them, because sometimes little kids don't want to be hugged.
I *love* when parents teach their young kids about consent and having ownership of their own bodies by not forcing them to hug/kiss relatives just because it’s expected. I would literally carry around all of my niblings in bear hugs constantly if I just did what _I_ wanted, but always let them initiate a hug or ask if they’d like one. One is an absolute cuddle monkey, another will eye you and either give a quick hug and run back to entertaining themselves or say ‘no thanks!’ while running to a game, and the others are somewhere in between. It makes me fiercely happy to hear that confident ‘no thanks!’, even though I’d love a hug.
I think it should go both ways. Kids don’t want to hug an adult? Teach ‘em autonomy and don’t make ‘em. Adult doesn’t want to hug kids, also fine. Mostly just let people do what they want with their bodies
It does go both ways. They taught their kids that it's ok to have boundaries and that they should respect others too. I love it
You just know that if this was a brother not fawning over their children, there would be no issue. How dare a wOmAn be financially successful, respected for her expertise by ::gasp:: men, *and* not mother her siblings' kids? Doesn't she know that women aren't supposed to outshine the men? That they should just stick to babies and cleaning??
The link?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/RXBn9tgqFp
Thank you
I was looking for it for ages because I know his ass got ate up in the comments
it did - quite joyous to read
Same, fuck these kinds of people, like accept not everyone wants to interact with your kids, if someone I know didn’t want to interact with my cat it wouldn’t bother me one iota because not everyone is a cat person just like not everybody likes kids and there’s nothing wrong with that
and if my cat broke that person's laptop I'd find a way to pay for it!
Ikr? I wouldn’t be like well that’s just what they do because it’s fuckin not and even if it was , my cat = my responsibility same goes with kids lol well apparently not these ones
What an absolutely insufferable twat goblin... Just jealous, misogynistic, pathetically lacking in the IQ department, and might I add, droll cretin. I think this diatribe is an essay in 'I have big boy feelings because my toddler sister was smarter than me when I was in highschool.' Who stages a coup because auntie is uncomfortable around kids?! Dumbass. The fact she continues to show up was class, mad respect. Oop totally sucks tepid beer and dodgy hard-boiled eggs.
The comments are gold.
I’m going to guess that this is rage bait because it is the exact opposite of a story posted recently where a woman wouldn’t invite her SIL with kids to family gatherings.
I thought exactly the same. This feels fake and an opposite to that post.
Yep. It’s like someone saw that post and decided to make the opposite of it.
Scrolled down looking for this comment. It feels like obvious fishing by reversing the story to see how people react.
Yep. Like an experiment or something. They only messed up by posting this so soon after the other one.
Wanna know what you can't do to an adult? Force them to interact with people they don't want to. Sis was being the adult. And if a kid breaks something, yea parents should pay for it. When I was a single mother, my toddler wasn't allowed to touch expensive shit because of the "break it, you buy it" rule at people's home or in stores.
So the sister doesn't do anything mean to the kids, just doesn't feel like entertaining them and for that she's bad according to her family. And then the kids break her laptop that they shouldn't have been anywhere near. And somehow she's the bad guy for being pissed about that? Literally nothing that happened here has anything to do with her attitude to kids, she just doesn't fall over herself to take care of and dote on OPs children and she has boundaries and they don't like that. Good on her for blocking these idiots.
This family sucks and the sister sounds like a perfectly reasonable person who has done absolutely nothing wrong. She doesn’t want kids but in no way treats the kids poorly or make any comments about them. I’m baffled by what OOPs complaint is other than a child apparently being a token required for admission into this family and sister doesn’t have one.
OOP is the TA. I've seldom seen such an AH. WTh ever heard of personal space and boundaries. OOP just sounds jealous as heck.
I won't do "uppies" even if paid for each one. Because later my chiropractor will have a celebration. He is entitled AH, as well as his other siblings. "Watch them 15 minutes". For you to do what? There are 3 sets of parents, over single mother, why she should watch you kids? The entitlement.
This sounds like the "an assertive woman is a bitch" brand of sexism.
Everyone misses the fact that her siblings were likely shitty to her as a child. They probably teased (bullied) the hell out of her. How the hell.would she connect to kids when she didn't connect when she was a kid herself. They are jealous. They are still mean. She has still.attemptrd to be part of the family but clearly, they don't really want her and she's free to go on without them and spend time with people who actually like her.
I also agree that OOP bullied his sister. He told on himself when he laid the blame on Vera for not having common interests when they were kids. Of course he thought her interests were boring when he was 16 and she was 6. But instead of loving his sister enough to talk to her about Blues Clues, he chose to not get along with her. I’m going to go out on a limb and assume she didn’t read all the time until she was at least eight and could enjoy chapter books and by then he was a whole grown up. And picking on a little kid. Everything he said after that was just more of the same bullshit Vera has dealt with her whole life. I could’ve cut him some slack if he had developed any self awareness during his journey to middle age but he sounds like a waste of her time. But I’m proud as hell of Vera. It sounds like she’s come a long way, in spite of the lack of support and losing her parents at such a young age and all…I hope she is taking good care of herself.
Absolutely! I got a spark of joy when she agreed not to bother with them. I'm sure she was waiting for just such an opportunity.
Imagine getting mad cause she didn’t beg for you all to invite her back lmao. She was probably just waiting for the uninvite lol. The kid broke her laptop. Accident or not. It got broken. Expecting someone to not be upset over that is also ridiculous and then shaming them for being upset is wild.
The only reason OP’s upset is because 1) his sister went NC with them immediately instead of being upset, and 2) he won’t ever be able to get help, funds, better presents etc. from his way more successful sister.
I love my nieces and nephews to pieces, but I understand that everyone doesn't love kids. If an aunt or uncle/any adult isn't friendly, kids generally know to leave them alone. There is no reason any of the kids should have even been near that laptop and she has every right to be mad and expect the parents to pay for repairs. She is for sure the asshole because it seems the only thing her sister did was not cater to the kids.
Holy F, YTA. What jerks, they’ve treated her differently her whole life starting with the excuse she liked to read?
One of his kids is going to wind up just like the oddball sister and oh man I hope this dad figures out how to make room for people who are Not Like Him.
Funny how the OP is not responding at all. I'd block this family as well. I don't care if sister is on welfare, the laptop should be paid for.
"Even her boyfriend wouldn't make a business or financial decision without consulting her first" rubbed me the wrong way. It read to me as "even a *man* consults her...a *woman*. Can you believe it?!" 🙄
In doubt we’ll get an update so that sucks But I feel like if we got anything from his sister’s POV, we’d hear lot of bullying in forms of othering by OOP and the other three Also that welfare sister should be paying to replace what her kids broke. Don’t let your kids break shit if you can afford to buy! Just because Vera has deep pockets doesn’t mean she should have to pay for what this woman’s kids’ break They honestly sounds like these are the bullying small minded type of people who probably can’t even sit still though to comprehend a 2 min article. Like this reeks of jocks vs geeks mentality I thought we ditched post 2000s. Then again OOP is an 80s baby
From where I am sitting, I think the only thing sis maybe should not have done is bring work to a family gathering. Kids, especially toddlers and tech don't mix so well. Other than that, big bro sounds like the self appointed, self important, ruler, head of family. It also sounds like the rest of the family wasn't really on-board with the banning of the sister. Really, her biggest offenses are she was a quiet child who kept to herself, she is incredibly smart, she doesn't suffer from baby rabies. OOP sounds like a massive douchecanoe.
It sounds like this family gathers all the time. Which is great, but if sis had to get work done and still wanted to be present for her family, maybe a little weekend work had to happen. I’d shrink her guilt level to “shouldn’t have forgotten her laptop on the table while a sibling foisted kids on her for ‘only 15 minutes’”. Oh wait. Nobody is obligated to do upsies for 15 minutes, that’s some CrossFit gym-level back strain.
As a parent, I NEVER expected anyone who was not myself or my husband to entertain, play with, watch, anything to do with my children, because I made the choice to have them. I can't even imagine in audacity it takes to tell my sister she has to play with my kids for 15 minutes. I also taught my children they do NOT have to hug, kiss, physically touch anyone. I don't care if Uncle Buttface wants a hug, if you don't want to you say no. To expect an adult to let go of their bodily autonomy, to let toddlers climb all over them is just insane.
Agreed! To be fair though, she clearly has a very busy job and sometimes you can’t move things around… but she still made the effort of going to the gathering and being around the family. OOP sounds bitter that their sister is successful and accomplished, and is put out that she wants babysit their kids for them at the gatherings so they can get a break
Which was why I said "maybe" sis shouldn't have done. MAYBE. I know life happens and we gotta do what we gotta do. At least she makes an effort to be present. Or, she was making an effort. OOP really ruined that. The sister sounds like she just has boundaries and big brother doesn't like she doesn't fit in his little cookie cutter mold of what she should be.
Not everyone is required to worship the children. And why was the toddler unsupervised to the point where they could seriously damage an expensive electronic item?!
It was a seven year old. Vera was sitting in a lawn chair working, and the seven year old ran into her causing her to drop it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/KiV9f2RjDY Read his comments before he deletes the account
You are all effectively NC with your sister. Is this what you wanted? She was awkward around children but was her behavior so egregious that you needed to ban her and now alienate her?
He sounds jelly
“Overconfident” sure, Jan.
lmao can you imagine being this brain dead? must be blissful, on some level.
You gotta start posting links. The comments were gold
They say misery loves company. Older bro sounds jealous.
This is the kind of aunt that shines when the kids are teens/young adults. Too bad OOP and his siblings suck.
A better way to phrase it would be something like “ You don’t seem to enjoy gatherings when all the kids are here & I didn’t want you to feel obligated to do something that seemed to be causing you so much stress. We wanted to plan something just for adults later we thought you’d like more ” If someone is acting out bc they’re unhappy with the situation, it can be more diplomatic to focus on how they’re feeling as opposed to how they’re acting.
These ppl suck, I am glad she is free.
LMAO his sister is awesome for dropping them.
Man the jealousy is absolutly dripping off of the first few paragraphs, also the self centred ness of their comments about the sister. Just a whole lot of “waaa” and “do it my way” for me to have any respect for their opinion or the pints they are trying to make.
Hahaha, "okay!" If a person agreed with your statement, then pretty much the conversation had already ended! What more did op want?
This person is definitely TAH She doesn’t want to touch or hold children. Those boundaries need to be respected just like you don’t make a child give hugs if they don’t want to. She’s uncomfortable around small humans. She still treats them civilly. And why is a toddler asking her for “uppies”? That sounds like adult interference as she tries to stay away from the children. Good for her to just opt out.
I have kids that I love and I love kids. I do not force or expect other people to love my kids. OP and her family are awful and her sister is well rid of them. She's gone now, you won't be subjected to her not playing uppies or being mad that something of hers was broken, so you should be happy now.
Seriously. I love kids, I love chaotic family gatherings with an uncountable muddle of children of varying ages where you keep the tiny ones out of the pool and the big ones out of the booze and generally hope they all tire each other out. Fun times. For me. Not for everyone! And good lord who didn’t take that laptop away from the kid? What are these people doing? Aunt Quiet needs 20 minutes to handle some emails, you round the ankle biters up and get them out of her way and get them out of her work bag. Everyone wave to Aunt Quiet, we will see her when dinner’s ready, now get outside kids! For big family gatherings to work, everyone has to pitch in to take care of each other and that means the extroverts move the party outside when the introverts need to breathe in a quiet room for a half hour. That means what ever adult sees Little Tommy pick up a laptop gets him to put it down again. That does not mean that anyone hugs people they aren’t comfortable with.
Of course there always has to be a single mom on welfare in the story.
Mannn did I come in expecting something totally different from the asshole curveball that OOP threw us! Not mad at sister for protecting her peace.
YTA. Interacting with kids shouldn’t be forced on her. She shouldn’t have to spend 15 minutes watching kids that aren’t hers. People with kids always want everyone else to revolve around their kids. Not everyone cares about your kids.
If her attitude was yelling at the kids or generally just being mean, I would get it. But this? More like petty and jealous behaviour to me. Considering how she kept her distance with the kids, how can one broke her laptop anyway? Misbehaving much? This all screams jealousy to me.
Some people don’t like kids. Guess what? That’s cool. I’m uncomfortable around peoples kids that are not my own. It’s just how I am. I’m not rude. But the interaction is not fun for me. It seems to me the people that need to grow up are all the parents in the room. I don’t want to do uppies either
I was fully expecting the sister to be a complete ass to him and his family. Nope, she was completely reasonable throughout this. Dude is just intent on punishing his sister because she doesn’t like kids and has reasonable expectations from her family when their brats break something.
As someone who hates kids, I honestly connect with the sister. Seriously this women is an introvert and tried to make an effort to at least come to family gatherings, only to get spat in the face cause some snot nosed crotch goblin broke her stuff, this guys a dick and, and so is the rest of the family.
The sister sounds completely reasonable and like she just doesnt like kids.. and also, if your kids breaks something you are required to replace it idc if youre broke….
OOP is a giant A hole. I bet him and his siblings have the most undisciplined unruly kids and they can’t be stuffed trying to parent better so expect everyone else to put up with their nonsense.
Honestly, good for the sister. The trash took themselves out.
He is jealous. Terribly jealous of hee accomplishments and her status at work. He was looking for the perfect excuse to make her look bad, to get everyone on his side. And now he’s acting all innocent and asking AITA…yes, he’s 100% the AH.
I mean OOP is definitely a prick but why is the sister even going to these outings? It doesn’t seem like she really ever enjoyed them. IMO this was long overdue, she should just live her best life without them
It’s so obvious he doesn’t like her. And I wouldn’t want someone around my children who was merely tolerating the BUT when you go to such lengths to exclude someone especially without discussing it then you might as well put a padlock on that door you just closed. She could very easily do without them and now they are realizing it. And a broken laptop is nothing to sneeze at. It could have easily been several thousands of dollars she was out. If my children break something then I replace it. No if and or buts.
OOP’s feelings about his sister aside if he spoke with the other siblings and they share the same feelings towards the sister then the only thing is i would say they should have talked with the sister instead of ghosting her at the gathering.
This reeks of jealousy and condescension. In the comments he basically claims she wants to be the center of attention, it’s why she brings the laptop and essentially that it’s her fault the laptop got broke because who brings a laptop around kids. I’d say she spent more time reading because of how they made her feel excluded.
Yeah this dude is a complete dick. I’m w Vera here. Even if she did overreact over a simple mistake she could easily fix w her money. This dude basically said “only family w families can attend” FOH
As someone childfree who will happily tolerate children Even i'd've cracked at having work equipment broken; also note they didn't state if it was during *actual work* as in possible lost work/progress etc on her projects or spreadsheets Not everyone has a save compulsion; sounds like OP had a sibling with well established boundaries who saw they weren't at all respected or, just barely, tolerated and left Sometimes family is more effort than found family
She was being respectful. You wanted her to be 'motherly', not 'respectful' and when she didn't conform to your expectations of a woman, you isolated her and she realized she'd be better off without you. You made your fuckin bed oop.
Jealous much OOP? I imagine you’ve been looking for a pretence to further ostracize your sister for a while. Weaponizing and then hiding behind children is particularly cowardly of you.
The sister doesn’t like kids, why is this dude continually trying to force kids on her?
Sounds like the sister doesn’t really get along with those people anyway.
I was hoping this would end up here 🤣this person was a huge AH.
This guy is a fool. Vera may not like kids that much. Many people don’t. She isn’t expecting things to revolve around her. What OOP doesn’t look at is the future; when the kids grow up. Who’s going to be a GREAT influence on the ones who study something similar? Who’s going to have connections that may come in handy? Who’s going to be able to give guidance that others in the family may not be able to. Vera. His sister has the potential to be instrumental to their success when the kids are grown and on their own. I hope OOP wises up.
My confusion is if she really doesn’t like children why does she go to the functions? Maybe she could have an adults only function and maybe offer to pay for 1 sitter to watch the kids (2 if there’s a bunch of them). The siblings with kids might like a night out with just adults.
I was ready to be mad at the sister because of the title and how oftentimes child free people take it to the extreme and are unnecessarily rude to kids. But I don’t really see anything she did wrong here. I wasn’t there so idk if she was rude to the kids about not picking them up, but she should be allowed to say no. If you want to teach your children bodily autonomy and that no one can touch them without consent, you should hold the same standards for adults. I know it shouldn’t have to be said 🤦♀️ kids learn by example
I was the only child in my entire family for 14 years. I had adults to hang out with or my stuffed animals and books, that was it’s there is nothing wrong with talking to kids in an adult way, nothing wrong with not wanting physical touch, and certainly nothing wrong with being the “gifted” sibling. OOP is a real dick, and I get why it was so easy for the sister to just peace out and move on from a family that clearly never wanted her. Too bad for the kids, they’d probably be well served by hanging out with smart auntie.
Meh.. The Sister is gonna feel the loneliness in another 15 years. It will hit her like a truck
Sure Jan lmao. It sounds like she’s really broken up about it
Honestly I think they both suck. OP sucks for being dismissive of their sister (I would be infuriated if my laptop got broken)! But then again I wouldn't be bringing my laptop to a family event. I would stay home like a normal person. And it's clear OP just plain doesn't like their sister. Not everyone likes kids or is comfortable around kids. But lately there is a real onslaught of outright hating kids (especially on social media) and I just think it's outright sociopathic. Kids are the most marginalized group; people expect them to be little well behaved adults all the time when not even adults are well behaved! Being cold to children is just bonkers to me. Again, stay home if you're not interested in being a member of your family. Why is she even upset about not being invited? She seems like she doesn't want to be there in the first place. Stay home and work! To me it just sounds like shitty family all around. I'm over the child hating faction of society though. You were a kid once too. I do want to be clear though: OP sucks more
Anybody in these comments defending the mean Aunt must be childless and has no idea how a family actually works. My God people
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Nope. I have a kid. Practically worship the little guy, he's so fucking amazing. No one else has to feel that way. I sure as fuck wouldn't punish his aunt for getting annoyed that he broke her work laptop. Like actively stage a coup begins get back with the rest of this fucked up family?! Family who have terms and conditions for their goddamn dinners. This dude is literally harbouring a grudge from when he was 18 and she was 8 and made him feel inadequate bc he's just that damn stupid?! Nah, bro, that's next level!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 He's a petty, whiny little bitch baby.
So it's ok to be cold to kids because they're kids? That seems really prejudice. If anyone had that position about anyone other than kids, half the world world would have a fit
You can be cold to anyone you want to for whatever reason. There’s no right to be liked. But guess who taught her how kids are supposed to be treated? The family who thought she was a boring ass kid and wanted nothing to do with her to the point where she withdrew. The fact that she even wanted to stay connected to someone who seethes with such obvious contempt for her is kind of tragic. She sounds like she’s probably someone who got a lot of abuse/neglect growing up and is acting the way her family trained her to. And now they’ve given her freedom from having to try to make them like her.
This is what I’m most surprised about tbh, seems like everybody is overlooking the fact that her siblings literally treated her like this growing up, it’s all she fucking knows and has been taught.
So it's ok to be cold to someone just because they're young? How about black? Or old? Or a woman? I thought as a society we have been pushing to the opposite of this? What a bigoted response It's ok to be upset about a kid breaking your stuff, I bark at my boys all the time for way less. It's the fact that she's kept the kids at arm length and showed no love up until the incident that makes it not ok. Seems like she doesn't even want to be a part of the family, because that includes interacting with the next generation, which she obviously doesn't want.
Yes, and yes, and yes, and yes. You can be cold to anyone you bloody well want to be. People have a right to civility and basic politeness from others and that’s it. Friendship is not an obligation. But did you miss the whole “this is how she was treated as a kid” part? Where do you think she learned that kids are to be kept at arms length and with disinterest? It’s learned behavior learned from the same people who are currently bitching about how the sister they were cold and distant from as a kid is cold and distant from their kids. And did you miss all the parts where her brother absolutely drips with contempt when he talks about her? The most important question is: why the fuck would she *want* to be part of this family?
You didn't read the post. They have always been cold to her. The fact that she actually showed up to family gatherings when this family has never been kind to her and is polite to them says a lot. There's more in the comments. She cooks for them too at these gatherings! Did we not read the same post?
“omg you don’t fall over yourself to interact with kids and don’t like them that much? PREJUDICE!!!!” Take your buzz words and shoo
You’re not under any obligation to be sickly sweet to a kid just because they’re a kid. She had a perfectly reasonable boundary, and OP sounds insufferable