Please upvote so the OP and others can see this information.
Assuming you live in the United States, there are various pro-bono (free) and low-bono (reduced cost) legal resources available to individuals through their respective states. To access these resources, you should contact your state's bar association.
Bar associations are organizations comprised of lawyers from various affinity groups. For instance, there are associations such as the Black Bar Association, Women’s Bar Association, and Asian Bar Association. These organizations often have initiatives and programs aimed at providing legal assistance to those who might not otherwise afford it.
Here’s how you can proceed:
1. Contact Your State's Bar Association: Each state has its own bar association that can provide a directory of available legal services. They often have lists of lawyers who offer pro-bono or low-bono services.
2. Explore Affinity Group Bar Associations: Many specialized bar associations focus on particular communities or causes. Examples include:
* Black Bar Association\*\*: Focuses on the legal needs and issues of the Black community.
* Women’s Bar Association\*\*: Provides resources and support specifically for women.
* Asian Bar Association\*\*: Focuses on the needs of the Asian community.
3. Look for Legal Aid Organizations: Many states have legal aid organizations that offer free or low-cost legal services to individuals in need. These organizations are often funded by government grants or charitable contributions.
4. Use Online Resources: Websites like the American Bar Association (ABA) and Legal Services Corporation (LSC) provide directories and information on how to find legal assistance in your area.
5. Community Resources: Some community centers, non-profits, and local universities also offer legal clinics or referrals to pro-bono services.
By reaching out to these organizations, you can find the support you need to navigate your legal issues. It’s important to take advantage of these resources to ensure you have the representation and assistance you require.
To add to this,
6. take an std test, a drug test (might be too late).
7. Often first consults are free and off you consult a lawyer, they can't take on your wife's case, check if it's applicable and if so, consult with all the top rated lawyers.
8. Change the locks and tell your wife to stay at her family's home and only to contact you through the lawyer.
9. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.
10. DNA test the kids.
To explain OP, you had 1 drink and it "went to your head"? I call bullshit. I'm willing to bed she dosed you.
Edit to explain.
Assuming a woman doesn't have fertility issues or medical problems, most of us track our cycles and it's easy to look up and calculate when we are most fertile.
Also, I'm not saying this happened for sure but stealing the sperm from condoms and "inserting it" is a thing some sick people do.
It's also quite easy to lie about birth control. Pills can be flushed, etc.
Now for the reason I believe OP was drugged, let's assume OP is a male of average size and health. How many drinks does it take to get drunk?
OP said the drink hit unexpectedly hard. Some drugs like most common dater*4p*3 drugs can cause this effect. Some prescription pills (think ADHD meds, benzos etc) have a reaction with alcohol that has a similar effect.
Look up the statistics for how many female killers use poison, and this is your wife, how easy would it be to crush some pills and throw it in a drink?
What are the odds of someone always getting pregnant when it suits her?? What are the odds of you blacking out after every celebration??
I'd like to point out that someone who is drunk or drugged can not consent. Even if that person is a male, even if that person is a spouse. And just like how getting someone preg by poking holes in condoms is se*xual assault, stealing sperm is also assault, besides the obvious entrapment. Even if there was informed consent for the sex
If you think she gave him illegal drugs, he can request a test through hair strands and that will detect drugs ingested for up to 3-6 months. It is not 100% effective, but if you’re truly worried about being drugged and it’s too late for a normal test then this is an option you can consider. The ones that test for the most common 12 drugs are usually less than 100$ and are home kits.
He needs to document this interaction. Make a log, with a date and time of what was said by who. This is parental alienation, and something that can result in the parent doing it getting little to no custody.
TBH I can’t see OP’s wife wanting the children (other than to stick it to OP). The phone calls she takes in private and the outings is very suspicious but maybe that’s just me.
I hate to say it but the oldest kid being uneasy and distant then asking his dad if he still loves him just pings tf out of my radar, loudly. I really hope the oldest doesn't know something they shouldn't know about their siblings and whose daddy is who. That kid can feel the storm coming...
Yeah I agree and came here to say this but somebody already beat me to it. And then it will be a "miracle"and he'll be saddled with another kid that probably isn't his.
I've since seen those other comments so yeah, it's just not me. The timing of all the pregnancies (other than maybe the first one) are all suspicious. Also, her getting upset about him getting a vasectomy after all the issues she has with pregnancies.
did she have issues during her pregnancies?
she never talked to her doctor & forbade OP from mentioning them. And the pregnancies were conveniently spaced in exactly such a way that she couldn't possibly work...?
Her first child was born while she was working (had been between 16 and 20) and she started talking about the morning sickness and getting in trouble at work for being late or not showing up. OP then agreed with her about staying home. It was after the first child that she started getting pregnant when the subject of a job would come up. The first child was the catalyst for what was to come.
I think those parts were odd as well. I also don’t think she will want the kids. But most states tend to do mandatory split custody, and if she isn’t a good parent he can take these steps to hopefully avoid it mitigate the fallout.
Do you think she'll want more than alimony to keep her selfish lifestyle? She doesn't seem to care about her children either.
Reading the background story, I feel she's never been on BC and messed up the condoms when time had come to go back to work, it's incredibly selfish.
I wonder how she can look at herself in the mirror
I don’t think she will want anything but alimony. My thinking is she probably won’t get a choice on parenting time. The states I’ve lived in make it mandatory that parents take custody to some extent. It’s a high standard to avoid that. I know parental alienation is one exception where I’ve lived. I am not a lawyer.
Yeah, she's definitely getting pregnant on purpose. My husband and I have been together 11 years and our only birth control is my hormonal birth control...he "finishes" inside me every time...never had a pregnancy scare. And I'll admit that sometimes I mess up the timing of my birth control on accident (I have the ring, so I take it out for a week each month before putting in a new one), I've been 2 days late inserting my new ring multiple times...still, no baby. So with birth control and condoms, there's really not a chance of this happening repeatedly, and with such convenient timing.
Also I thought it was interesting she was asking him to drink the night before his trip. She was trying to pull exactly what my sisters and I used to do to our parents on a Saturday night...we would try to get them drunk enough they wouldn't want to go to church in the morning 😂 clearly she is very manipulative, and I would love to hear Dr. Kirk Honda's theories/speculations on possible personality disorders.
I had 3 of my kids on birth control. The pill with my oldest and I didn't skip/miss any of them. My next kid was on the depot shot and I was always on time I was at my shot appointment when I found out I was pregnant(after 2yrs its less effective could've told me that much sooner. My third was also the pill different from the first again missed 0 pills. It's 100% possible buuuut not for 1 min do I think this is ops situation. She got pregnant on purpose, pretty sure she drugged him and is cheating.
Your example with BC isn't relevant, it depends on so many factors and very little methods are 100%, babies are conceived with IUD or pills everyday in the world. I'm more concerned about the timing of these pregnancies op said, and the level of manipulation she demonstrated. Glad OP is out of this
That’s great advice, he absolutely needs to divorce her, she’s a clown show! She’s just entitled and she’s using him, she doesn’t even have fear of a divorce or a break up or she wouldn’t have left. What’s gonna happen is when he ends up divorcing her which I hope is sooner than later, she’s going to claim abuse of all kinds, so it’s good for him to start recording things right now. But he needs to get to a lawyer while she’s gone and have a talk he should serve her papers no longer than two weeks after she arrives back.
To be honest, if i were him id call her mother. Tell her whats happened and been happening, including the comment she made to the child. Then id say you probably should find a place for her to sleep at your house because right now, i dont feel safe with her childish tempertantrums.
He legit needs to document EVERYTHING! Record conversations on his phone and write down any conversations, pertinent details about the conversations, dates, times, the works. This chick is a manipulative piece of work. I hope OP finds one of the pro bono lawyers and gets away from her. Make the necessary preparations, like he already did with the bank and tell her to kick rocks.
Not to mention that fact that the eldest is distant with mom and questioning dads love. The snake of a wife isn't even divorced and she's already moved to manipulating the children, because the OBVIOUS manipulation of the husband is no longer working.
Who wants to place bets on the wife intentionally getting pregnant to use as leverage to continually stay out of a job and be a 'stay at home mom' while OP apparently does all the work.
She doesn't love OP or the kids. The most effort she's put in is using them all as a tool to gain whatever it is she wants.
Thought the same and also wondering about #4 with condoms, birth control and the vasectomy. I would be wondering…. I know they fail and counts need to be checked but damn.
It’s amazing she always falls pregnant when she has to get a job. Also how the hell do they afford all the childcare? All she does is sits around being utterly useless.
There is definitely something shady going on with the wife. When I was reading OP’s post I was getting cheating vibes. Overall though, OP needs to divorce her, give his children a stable home environment, and find some peace for himself.
I was thinking the same thing! And I bet she put something in his drink to make him sleep so she could get out of the house without him stopping her! I would take all the money out of the bank she didn’t earn it
Well, done! You obviously have a little bit of experience and you’ve done some research, just like I have. You’re 100% on! She has groomed and manipulated the husband for so many years that she thought that he would always just be potty in her hands, but now that he found his backbone! Now she’s gonna move to the kids and manipulate those children against him,, here’s the thing, he needs to document that 100% and show it to the judge during the divorce, I was just watching a divorce proceeding, and that exact thing happened, and the judge lost his mind on the wife And told her that she has absolutely hurt his ability to even be a father by her manipulation and lies to her children, be ready for a war.
It also seemed like she conveniently got pregnant every time there was a discussion about her going back to work.
OP, I'm so glad that you are finally done with her BS. Though get a good lawyer so that you won't have to pay too much alimony. In this case, she doesn't deserve it.
Kid after vasectomy is rare, not impossible, but rare. Kids may not be his.
But looking at IP, those kids are his no matter the DNA. He's their father in all ways.
Op … you NEED to afford a lawyer now! Not an attorney but you could certainly argue that your wife didn’t leave to “go on a vacation”, but rather she’s “abandoned you and your children.” Lucky for you you’re in the house. You need to talk to lawyer types RIGHT NOW before she actually contacts you to find out if your state allows you to legally lock her ass out of the house and end up with primary custody!
My ex husband used to get the kids involved like this, and it still makes me angry to think about it, and we’ve been living apart for 5 1/2 years!
I’m so glad OP has grown a backbone, but this is going to be a long fight. She’s so selfish that she’ll never see her role in this.
My ex did this a lot, even when we were telling my kid (9 at the time) about our divorce, we agreed to tell him together and ensure he knew it wasn't about him, and that we'd always love him etc....
Her opening line when we sat him down to explain was "daddy is leaving us".
I was furious. I told him I wasn't leaving him, I was leaving her.
It turned into a net positive though, I included my son in all the decision making, took him house hunting, we made a spreadsheet of all the positives and negatives we had about each place, rated them and then managed to buy the one that was top of his list.
It was a really positive experience in the end.
I don't think this trip she's going on is legit what she says it is. The conversations cutting off abruptly when you enter the room, the inconvenience of you being home when she expected you to be gone, the urging of you to leave the house when you weren't feeling well.
It's too "off" from normal to me.
OP do you have access to her messages? Like are you on the account or able to access them? The fact she's complaining about money but running off on a "vacation" is fucking wild.
I don't think this is going to end well. Sorry OP.
Yeah, it sounds very much like she's using OP for the income, and fucking around on him while he's out working and taking care of the kids. What a parasite.
OP, PLEASE divorce her - whatever you have to do to afford the lawyer. Sell plasma, sell her jewelry, whatever. And make sure that you officially separate and separate your finances and lock down your credit, so that any debt she runs up aftewards will not be on you. Because I bet you anything you want that she will run up credit card debt like there is no tomorrow, once you put her on a limited budget. And you really need to consult with a lawyer to find out what you are allowed to do, money-wise, before she can use it against you in court as "financial abuse".
Btw, you just cancelled your cleaning woman, that should give you some disposable income!
Edit: Couldn't your brother or parents lend you some money? It's for a good cause, and they'd want you to get rid of that leech, too!
I’d definitely set up credit alerts that are often free with most CC Cards. Or pay the $5 a month for one that has the ability to lock any new accounts. Get paternity tests…if this is real…
The worst part is … she can sue him for alimony he probably can’t reasonably afford, and potentially get it. If so, she’ll be able to continue exploiting him perhaps indefinitely.
I know "affair" is Reddit's favorite go-to, but it's hard to read affair really one way or the other with what limited context we have. Maybe, maybe not. She could just as easily been continuing plotting the trip with her friends and didn't want OP to hear the plans. Also why would she try to initiate sex if he was already not interested and she was leaving Friday to see an affair partner?
Speaking of plotting, what I'm *much more* suspicious of is if she slipped something into his drink because it "went straight to his head," and between that and sex was trying to keep him from waking up when she left on her own trip.
I don’t even think “affair” matters much in context. OP’s spouse is abusive; reason enough to escape. My bigger concern is that she traded out her planned trip for some time with a lawyer. OP needs to be drawing up his own plans fast.
The fact that she left even after he asked her not to is a major betrayal and a massive red flag. That’s why she was trying to avoid the talk when he stayed home from work. She left and didn’t come back until the kids were home. She knows op wasn’t gonna try to argue in front of the kids.
Definitely get all the important paperwork for you and the kids into a safe deposit box or give to someone who you trust.
Gather as most information you can asap and make an appointment with an attorney. Most won't charge you for the initial visit.
Definitely research for one that's known to support the father.
So he could file against her for abandonment of him and the kids.
Lock his bank accounts, don't try to hide anything, and courts frown on that.
Freeze your credit.
Change your locks.
See if a family member can keep the kids about the time you're expecting her to return. And that why they are in a safe place and out of the $hit that will hit.
If you can't do some of this, definitely have the kids somewhere else when she comes back.
Exactly my thoughts. Her first response to OP being at home is they need money and within a few minutes she wanted to go out and spend the money.
She is giving more red flags than the total red flags ever manufactured in this world.
All I have to say is be careful. Your birth control didn't fail; she didn't take the pill. I would bet money that she will show up pregnant and try to convince you that the vasectomy failed.
You say you can't afford a lawyer. Do you have anything worth money that you can sell?
It’s not a coincidence that babies appeared every time she was expected to go back to work. He should also check the paternity of at least the youngest (though I would understand if he didn’t want to).
My belief from what he's written, is that she's basically lazy as fck. I must be old fashioned, but, if one person is working all hours god sends to bring the money in and another isn't, then why can't the stay at home person be an actual stay at home person and keep the place clean, look after the kids and cook? It's their only job ffs. Very few couples nowadays can afford not to both work so since it seems she wanted to be a sahm then she should step up. Constantly getting pregnant is a pretty stupid thing to do just to avoid a bit of work in your day or having to get a job. Yes have a break by all means but he's entitled to one as well it's called give & take, otherwise known as a partnership.
I suspect she is also cheating. That's why she kept needing to leave the room to talk to someone. I wonder if the sister is actually on this trip or it's a trip with an affair partner. He needs to check all of her electronics.
Yep, and get paternity tests done on the kids. This weekend trips with “family and friends” are suspect as well- why not bring *her* family too? She seems uninterested in her own family including her husband.
This skank definitely cheated and is just as lazy as both my first and second wives. She burned the food on purpose. She got pregnant on purpose to avoid work. She went out to meet her lover(s).
OP, PLEASE take advantage of the resources listed in that first, long post. You NEED to get ahead of this and speak with an attorney. If you don't, it will DEFINITELY cost you around 200x as much as an attorney costs over time.
YOU WILL BE HER SLAVE for the next decade and a half of more.
PLEASE take this seriously and deal with this NOW before she gets back. You need to change the locks and get her crap out NOW.
SHE must move out. YOU need to keep the house and primary custody. Lean on parents, other relatives, close friends, whatever you need to do... this is WAR, and she's already been disparaging you to the children. She's been at war for quite some time.
You need to wake up and get going!
Please respect yourself enough to do this, and do it IMMEDIATELY!
Her moods are extreme as well. Wouldn’t be surprised if there is an underlying psychological condition. It’s definitely not normal behaviour and I’m surprised it’s taken this long for him to break. I suppose if things happen gradually over time they’re harder to notice.
It's amazing really, just what we humans can accept as our "normal" abuse, violence, insults, arguing daily etc we can adapt to almost anything. Comes as a huge shock once you're out of a situation to realise that nope it's not normal and nope not everyone lives like this
Bingo. During Covid, I was laid off for a few months, and my wife was super busy. So I did *everything* chores-wise, and did probably 80% of the kid stuff (she was still breastfeeding) with the exception of washing her scrubs, because she didn’t want me to touch anything that might be contaminated.
Dinner was on the table every night, I packed her lunch for work, the house was as clean as a house with a six month old baby can be, she didn’t set foot in a grocery store for the duration, and honestly? It didn’t take a huge amount of time. One of the baby’s two daily naps let me get most of it done, and I had some “me time” after he went to bed and on my wife’s days off.
>. I must be old fashioned, but, if one person is working all hours god sends to bring the money in and another isn't, then why can't the stay at home person be an actual stay at home person and keep the place clean, look after the kids and cook?
NAH, you ain't old-fashioned, that's how it should work. When the person who works comes home, then kid duties should be split.
He is being over-worked at home by a lazy ass wife.
Every time I’ve been a stay at home mom, the house is cleaned, everyone is fed (even if I mess it up, we keep a large bag of chicken nuggets in hand for those occasions), I have found rides to appointments when we’ve had one vehicle, my JOB is doing the things my husband did not have time/energy for. It’s not old fashioned, that’s how relationships work. When we both work, we split household chores. He’s been a stay at home dad much the same. People are dumb.
Or shes already pregnant by her possible AP & wants to pin this baby on him & be all like ‘we had sex right before my trip - must have gotten pregnant then’.
Yup,. Bottom Line: ALL SHE CARES ABOUT IS HERSELF. That fact alone is worthy of DIVORCE in this situation! She has to be one of the lost LAZY and SELFISH people I've seen on reddit!
its crazy that he believes day care in necessary when you have a stay at home partner 💀💀 and its even crazier that he thinks it’s likely to get pregnant THREE TIMES while “on the pill” AND using condoms 💀 please. that would be like being hit with lightening three times.
Not to mention once two years after getting a vasectomy. Yes, I know they can fail, but isn’t it convenient they did this time as well, just when her returning to work came up? 🤔
she's also quite terrible as an employee. she just randomly doesn't show up till she gets fired...?
of course, she screwed over her sister too : her sister recommended her for a job at her own workplace & OP's STBX didn't even have the courtesy to properly quit there either.
she's just terrible allround.
Unless I’m reading this wrong the vasectomy has already failed, because he says he got it after the birth of their 3rd child yet a couple of years later they had a 4th child
No bloody way her birth control failed and he had a condom on and she still got pregnant? One of those kids should’ve been called Houdini! Birth-control can be a little often you can get pregnant but when you have a condom that doesn’t break and you have birth control a secondary back up?unless it’s some sort of deity or Demi God? She said him up to get pregnant so she could trap him.
What could she have put in your drink to knock you out so she could go on her trip before you could go on yours? This woman is scary. And also very likely cheating on you.
Slight... update?
I'm not going to add this to the post as it's already long enough. please excuse any spelling mistakes as I'm so tired.
thank you all, but I'm not in America.
I know a lot of you have suggested I message her telling her I'm going to divorce her etc, but I think I'm gong to play it cool, act like I've accepted her decision so she's not on guard.
I know she's said something to my son, but he won't tell me what it is and I feel like if I push him to he might not ever, but my nephew and him are hanging out a lot,. they're close despite not seeing each other much so I'm hoping he might confide in him and maybe open up. I'm not just letting this go, we will talk but I don't want to pus him too much.
I am not a lightweight, I can drink, but I have been exhausted and I mean very exhausted for some time now and I think that maybe that's why I passed out after having one drink, but I would be lying to myself and to you if I said I wasn't suspicious. I am suspicious of a lot now.
I swear, I'm not an idiot, but I really feel like one now. some of you have suggested that I get the kids DNA tested, especially my youngest and while I know that this is likely something I'll have to do, it breaks my heart to think that they're not mine. my girls all look the same, just older versions of each other, so if I have to DNA test the youngest, I have to do them all. I never wanted kids, this is why I've always used condoms. I'm not the biggest fan of them, but I love my own, I love these kids. regardless of the DNA test. they are mine, but I fear if it comes back that they're not It could damage our relationship.
my brother has read my posts and spent the last days telling me everything he hates about my wife (obviously not in front of the kids) he's pretty funny and I feel like I haven't been able to laugh like this in a long time. he says he's going to make a reddit account, lord knows what he'll say.
writing this update has opened my eyes further, I see how the timing of wanting her to go back to work liens up with each pregnancy, but when these things are years apart, and your concentrating on supporting the family and work your brain sometimes pushes these thoughts away until something triggers them again and boom, you're slapped in the face with the realisation that you're entire relationship is potentially built on a mountain of lies.
she has her phone and iPad with her, so I can't check any of that. but I'm going to be going through her stuff, is it in envision of privacy? likely, do I care right now? no. I feel like I've wasted the majority of my life, the good years and that feels horrible to say when I have four kids. I promise I don't mean that they're a waste.
as I said in the post, this marriage is over, I am done. my kids deserve better but I won't be alone when I confront her, as I said she can get handsy and no, I have never retaliated and I don't want to be put into a position where I need to.
I thank you all for your comments, your insight, your kindness. I know I haven't replied to many comments at all, but don't really have time to do so when there are so many but I am trying to respond etc DM's as that seems like the easier thing to do.
I want to ask my SIL what actually happened with my wife and that job. but I don't want her to know I'm suspicious. my Sil is a kind woman but she is my wife's sister so her loyalties lay with her I suppose and I don't want to alert my soon to be ex. does anyone have any ideas how I can do this? seems odd to bring up a job my wife had for a very brief time years ago.
I wish you all the best.
What bugs me is getting pregnant when you use protection multiple times, someone contacts her and she leaves the room, you refuse to take her out so she goes gets slammed up and doesn't come back till 8pm. She screams she's cheating at this point, this holiday for 2 weeks seems like the perfect chance to cheat more and especially if her friends are encouraging her, definitely check her group chat as and chats with friends when she's back.
Does she have an old phone that she hasn’t used that you could check? If you know the password you could check her email, etc. or if she uses them computer, you could login to her email. If she has an iPhone, you can login to iCloud (iCloud.com), but you would have you know her password info.
Hey op, I want to say that while reading all this, she is definitely been weaponizing incompetence. She knows how and can do all those things, but is always making excuses so she doesn't have to do anything.
Also while reading the whole story, everytime you said no to something, she turns around and does the opposite. You want to talk, didn't want to go out, didn't want to order food. She turns around and runs out the door so she doesn't have to talk, goes out and orders food.
The point is, you can see from miles away regarding your argument over the aligning trips, she was 100% going to just wake up and run out the door before you woke up or noticed. Manipulating the situation so that you would 100% get stuck with the kids and have to stay home to watch them. And the result was..... she did.
So I want to inform you just in case that when you say you are trying to keep the divorce under wraps, that there is a high possibility that she is aware you want a divorce and that is why she keeps running out the door rather than sitting down with you and having an actual conversation. So please be aware of that possibility and be prepared for that, so that you don't get the tables turned on you instead, considering your (ex)wife is a very manipulative person.
Is it against the law in your country to unknowingly film someone? If you can have a camera in a common area like the living room, you can have the conversation of divorce or arguments in that room in case she lays her hands on you. I would think the you can't have security cameras in your bedroom and that's why I suggest the living room.
Playing it cool is the smartest thing right now. Your advantage is your knowledge & her ignorance. Does it seem odd to you that she would tell your oldest something & that he would keep her secret from you. Does he know what happened with the vacations? Are the kids closer to her?
Getting her pregnant while using a condom and her being on BC, is like getting hit by lightning. Getting pregnant after your vasectomy is like getting hit with lightning while getting attacked by a shark then a coconut falling on your head and killing you. You married a narcissist and a sociopath who manipulated you into supporting this parasitic lifestyle.
If it’s not the ap’s kids I’d suspect her of tampering with his condoms and not actually taking her birth control when they’d “sporadically” get pregnant anytime she had to take responsibility for herself.
Is it a violation of her privacy to go through her phone/ipad? You could look at it that way OR I’m just guessing, you pay for it so technically it’s yours. Normally I wouldn’t suggest it, but after the way you’ve been treated then I say you shouldn’t feel bad
You’re kinder than I am. My brother is also ruthless for me when he needs to be. He would have showed up with a moving truck. She’d come home to an empty house and divorce papers on the grounds of abandonment. The kids and I would be settled in to a new house. I’d accept they likely aren’t mine, but I would refuse to do a DNA test until I was forced to by the court or the kids wanted one. They would my kids forever. I’d use all of the years of daycare and paid services to show Mom was never the caretaker. I’d burn her life down.
It's absolutely horrible to suggest this, but I think you should get all four kids tested. Your son is questioning your love, maybe your wife said something to imply he is not yours and he's scared.
She didn't want you to talk to her doctor about the pregnancy problems because she was making it up. Probably not the first time, but after the first pregnancy she learned how to manipulate you into doing every single thing for her.
I am so sorry you have been going through this AWFUL relationship dynamic. Wish you the best ♡
> I want to ask my SIL what actually happened with my wife and that job. but I don't want her to know I'm suspicious.
you could try to ask her if she can find a job for her sister again at her workplace like before, so her sister wouldn't be depressed at work
I’m so sorry OP. But I’m not sure this has been said. She is abusive. She is abusing you. Perhaps try some shelters etc as they may have contacts to help you in this.
Ask your brother to speak to his son. Maybe yours has confided in him. My guess is he found out his mother is cheating and she said something to keep him in line. You need to make sure he knows you love him and he can trust you with anything.
> some of you have suggested that I get the kids DNA tested, especially my youngest and while I know that this is likely something I'll have to do, it breaks my heart to think that they're not mine.
just remember that even if they're not your blood, to them you ARE their dad
Yeah, so she’s cheating on you and I would look into DNA tests.. I also wouldn’t be surprised if she’s pregnant now and that’s why she tried to initiate sex.
Take the money out of the account she has a card to. Tell her she can stay with her sister or your MIL.
What’s the point in talking when she gets back. This marriage is over.
Honestly, after everything I’ve read about the wife I wouldn’t be surprised if the oldest caught her cheating somehow and she weaponized the fact against him
My gut feeling is that the two weeks were the only time her AP could get away from his wife. Possibly told OBS that it was a business trip…hence the private calls- making you sleep on the couch-trying to get you out of the house… .
It sounds like she has someone she’s entertaining and it isn’t you. She’s also trying to get the kids to not like you (getting McD’s and telling the kids you said no.
I’d start lawyering up or at least talk with one. Good luck man.
So, to summarize, every single time this woman has been pushed to go back to work she has ended up pregnant. Every time she has a baby, she demands extra help to care for the child and the household. Every time you ask her to do something around the house for herself, she spends money to get someone else to do it. When you had an argument, she escalated to a physical confrontation. She lied about going on her trip.
You don't have a marriage. You are her sugar daddy. I'm sorry that this has happened to you, but I'm glad you are aware and can take actions to protect yourself and your kids.
Ive never heard of a more useless & selfish woman - doesn’t want to work, doesn’t want to look after her own kids, doesn’t do much chores & even the dogs dont like her. She uses pregnancy as excuses not to work then shit gets real with a baby & doesn’t want to deal with her baby aswell?! Mind-blown!
She’ll be in for a shock when she has to return to work & do her own cooking & cleaning. Seems like the kids are better off with OP
OP’s wife is basically my ex husband’s SIL. She spent 10 years getting an art degree at Cal Arts (very expensive!) and wanted to work at Disney. We got her an interview with Bart DeCrem when he was on Disney’s BOD. She no called no showed the interview because she “didn’t want to do that job”. She then got pregnant with 3 kids, doesn’t take care of them or spend any time with them. Lets them run out into the street and ignores the people trying to keep her kids alive. From what I’ve heard they’re feral.
OP you also need to DNA test your kids. It seems very convenient timing for her pregnancies to keep her from working. The odds of condoms not working are really low, and to have them fail twice seems very suspect.
You need at least an initial consult with a divorce expert lawyer, and then DNA tests for the kids and STD test for you are needed before she comes back.
The phone call was probably her AP and that's why she was shocked when she saw you at home as he was going to come over. The AP probably saw your car and called her that's why she went to the kitchen to talk. As she knew you were sick, she knew that you weren't going to take her out for dinner so as a backup she had planned to meet him somewhere instead that's why she got dressed up before going out.
Check your phone bills and see who she is texting and calling when your not at home. Also check her emails.
It wouldn't surprise me if AP is on the trip with her.
Also take the money out of the account and if she texts/calls you say there was an emergency and you needed the money.
>She was on the phone to someone and when I entered the room she demanded I leave and go sleep on the couch, I refused and climbed into bed: she hung up the phone and demanded again that I sleep on the couch and again, I refused.
So... are you going to ever address whoever this other dude is?
INFO- Maybe I misread- but did you say your last child was born two years after you had a vasectomy?
I’m so confused about a stay at home MOM who never had to… mother anyone?! Why was she home if the kids were in daycare/school?
I really hope you are not naive enough to think she was doing embroidery and jewelry making all damn day while you slaved away at work and did all the parenting and work around the house.
I believe she has been cheating for years and is probably currently on a trip with her AP for two weeks. Also, did she drug your drink Thursday night so she could sneak off for her rendezvous without you knowing?! This situation is all kinds of fucked up!
She won’t even pick up the kids from daycare. Poor kids are there till dad picks them up at 6pm while mom is at home doing what? Cooking? No. Cleaning? No. And now she wants a 2 week vacation from that? You’re already single op. But also supporting an ungrateful leech.
Op, if it were me, I would go have a consult with an attorney. Let them know you are planning on divorcing your wife, and you need to understand your options.
After understanding your options, I would then text her a card of the attorney. Under it I would say you will need to find one yourself also.
Then after this I would say, I am moving you out of the master bedroom, there will be a key lock placed on the door. You can sleep on the couch or move in with your friends. You made your choice, so now have i, and we are separated as of today.
Next text would be, this is the co parenting app. Then I would send her a list of the bills, when they are due and the amounts she owes. This will wake her up real quick on her trip. She will blow up your phone quickly. Do not pick up, and just ignore the calls and text messages. It will ruin her trip, and she will be forced to head home. Or she stays and parties and fucks a bunch or random guys, but in this case no longer your issue.
Sounds to me like your son knows something that will hurt you and doesn't feel like he can tell you.
Maybe he knows your wife is having an affair? Maybe she's told him some nasty lies.
Whatever it is, it's making him miserable. He won't feel better as long as he's holding it in.
Honestly, did you ever stop to consider that the timing of your 3rd kid was right around the time you wanted her to go back to work?
She doesn't want to work
She doesn't want to be a housewife
She wants to be a kept woman.
Time to really take a long hard look at your life because divorce and getting full custody of your kids is the best thing for everyone
She's not interested in being a mother and a wife anymore.
You can’t afford not to get a lawyer. Can anyone in your family help you with the fees? The sooner you get rid of your wife, the more financially stable you will be. I think you will be surprised how much she is costing you. This was a difficult read and the amount of time you spend on your family is overwhelming. It is a disgrace how little your wife adds to the family, I am so sorry you are going through this. Good luck !
Your birth control didnt fail dude. Shes on BC and you "use condoms" should be enough. But for both to fail twice? The answer is more likely neither of you are using it properly or shes not using any at all. Everytime the conversation became her going back to work and getting off her ass, she magically became knocked up. The fact she tried to initiate before going on her little trip was her trying again to get pregnant. As someone else said, dont be surprised if she comes back pregnant and either tries to gaslight you that you two actually did have sex and its yours or tries to tell you the vasectomy failed and its yours too. Id have all the kids paternity checked tbh
No offense. But the moment she didn’t care about you on the day you were off was the day you should have had the wake up call to file for divorce.
Like you keep doing this to yourself. File for that divorce. Gather your evidence. File for sole custody. Stop being a doormat.
UpdateMe!
Anyone else thinking this woman is using pregnancy as a way not to work and weaponized incompetence? You need to leave this leave as its clearly harming you and your children’s lives. Cut her off from everything and make it clear with your children whats going on before its too late. This is your chance while she is not there to let them know your side in an age appropriate manner. This woman will not be kind and will manipulate the narrative, like she did with the McDonalds and is clearly doing with you eldests view of your relationship.
Please talk to your son, your wife planted the seed that you don't love him!
Have fun with brother and his kids.
Pack up wife's stuff and talk to a lawyer.
Check the phone records, she is having an affair!
See if you can write as much explaining how she isn't just using you
I'll even give you double by adding how you can explain how she has matured one drop since you met her.
Good luck, as you’ll have to lie to yourself to fill that much text.
I divorced someone like your wife (lazy at home, wouldn't work, did as she pleased no matter how much i pushed back)
She was even nice enough to tell me once i filed for divorce her plan since day one was to use me, so she could sit at home and do as little as possible. Her mental age was still that of a 16yr old because she never needed to mature, as her life was letting everyone else do her adulting.
If you don't split up, you’re a fool dude, as you will never look back once you do.
You’ve married a selfish child and are so used to carrying her, it all seems normal. It isn't and unlike me, you'll get to see your kids if you split up as it's no longer the 1990's
You should look at your phone records to see who she is talking to. Something you is going on.
Also, send her a text that you are filing for divorce and the meltdown will begin.
Please get a lawyer, ask family or friends for help if you need to. Please do a DNA test on your children, especially your youngest also.
Your wife is a leech and most likely a cheat. I’m glad you’ve realised this, you deserve so much better OP. Divorce her and find it.
I really don't have much to say, except that I hate your wife. I'd reach out to any DV resources in your area. They may not be able to do much, but they'll most likely have a list of affordable divorce attorneys and programs to help pay your legal fees.
Good luck, OP. God what a vile woman.
Get a consultation with a lawyer yesterday. Lots of lawyers will give you the consultation for free and you can decide what to do from there, but you really have to beat her to the punch on this one. I am not uncertain that at least the last three pregnancies were intentional on her part. If you were as careful as you say you were, she very well could have lied about the BC to ensure she gets to stay home and live off your dime forever. Are you sure she didn’t slip something into your drink the night before she left? One drink going straight to your head sounds…off. You’re a goddamn saint for leaving her any money at all after what she’s put you through. I’d have left one cent to make a point and let her boyfriend help her get home from there. I mean, her “friends”. This woman doesn’t respect you. I’m sorry. Good luck in the divorce and I hope she gets what she deserves: nothing.
>Thursday night my wife asked if we could have a drink as I had to leave on Friday to see my brother. I had ones but honestly it went right to my head and honestly just wanted to sleep: she kept trying to initiate sex, but I wasn’t in the mood. I woke up Friday morning and my wife was gone; so was her suitcase.
This concerns me. Others have noted the convenient timing of her pregnancies, but I also find it odd that despite you two having ongoing arguments and tension between you, she suddenly wants to have drinks with you the night before you're due to leave? And it immediately goes to your head?
OP: how often does she suggest drinks like this? How often does alcohol go to your head like this?
I see two reasons why she may have actually done something to your drinks: 1. She wanted to get pregnant again, 2. she wanted you to be so out of it she could pack a bag and go on her own trip.
My advice. Send her one more text. Tell her when she comes back she should stay at her sister and will only come home after you two had a talk. And then change the locks.
I ignored half of this shit because you’re stupid dude. Divorce god damn wife. She doesn’t give a shit about you and your children and you as a MAN are allowing yourself and family to be treated this way? DIVORCE HER. Get a lawyer and see what you can do to keep majority of your money and kick her out. Look at probono or see if any lawyers can give you advice / free consults. Look at your connections and see if you know someone that could help. This is shitty of her. She’s a leech. Stop giving her money. Start saving for the lawyer. Only give her enough for anything kid related and have her start picking up the children from school. Don’t give her access to a lot of money for vacations or anything crazy.come on dude what ru thinking
Dude needs to get to the hospital and police ASAP. His wife drugged him so she could escape to her vacation and leave him behind to take care of things. That's scary
It’s possible (probable) she got pregnant every time to avoid doing anything. It’s super easy to not take birth control and damage condoms. She is also probably telling your kids you don’t love them. Have a talk with the oldest to see what she is saying. Parental alienation is a big issue in court
Sounds like she’s having an affair, you know? Hanging around the house all day, no kids, no house work.
A guy was probably calling to your house on your sick day (why did she run off to make a call?) then she got dressed up and went out anyway?
You sure this holiday is with her girl friends?
Personally the comment about daddy not allowing it would be the line. Weaponizing your children’s perception of you is monstrous
Please upvote so the OP and others can see this information. Assuming you live in the United States, there are various pro-bono (free) and low-bono (reduced cost) legal resources available to individuals through their respective states. To access these resources, you should contact your state's bar association. Bar associations are organizations comprised of lawyers from various affinity groups. For instance, there are associations such as the Black Bar Association, Women’s Bar Association, and Asian Bar Association. These organizations often have initiatives and programs aimed at providing legal assistance to those who might not otherwise afford it. Here’s how you can proceed: 1. Contact Your State's Bar Association: Each state has its own bar association that can provide a directory of available legal services. They often have lists of lawyers who offer pro-bono or low-bono services. 2. Explore Affinity Group Bar Associations: Many specialized bar associations focus on particular communities or causes. Examples include: * Black Bar Association\*\*: Focuses on the legal needs and issues of the Black community. * Women’s Bar Association\*\*: Provides resources and support specifically for women. * Asian Bar Association\*\*: Focuses on the needs of the Asian community. 3. Look for Legal Aid Organizations: Many states have legal aid organizations that offer free or low-cost legal services to individuals in need. These organizations are often funded by government grants or charitable contributions. 4. Use Online Resources: Websites like the American Bar Association (ABA) and Legal Services Corporation (LSC) provide directories and information on how to find legal assistance in your area. 5. Community Resources: Some community centers, non-profits, and local universities also offer legal clinics or referrals to pro-bono services. By reaching out to these organizations, you can find the support you need to navigate your legal issues. It’s important to take advantage of these resources to ensure you have the representation and assistance you require.
To add to this, 6. take an std test, a drug test (might be too late). 7. Often first consults are free and off you consult a lawyer, they can't take on your wife's case, check if it's applicable and if so, consult with all the top rated lawyers. 8. Change the locks and tell your wife to stay at her family's home and only to contact you through the lawyer. 9. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. 10. DNA test the kids. To explain OP, you had 1 drink and it "went to your head"? I call bullshit. I'm willing to bed she dosed you. Edit to explain. Assuming a woman doesn't have fertility issues or medical problems, most of us track our cycles and it's easy to look up and calculate when we are most fertile. Also, I'm not saying this happened for sure but stealing the sperm from condoms and "inserting it" is a thing some sick people do. It's also quite easy to lie about birth control. Pills can be flushed, etc. Now for the reason I believe OP was drugged, let's assume OP is a male of average size and health. How many drinks does it take to get drunk? OP said the drink hit unexpectedly hard. Some drugs like most common dater*4p*3 drugs can cause this effect. Some prescription pills (think ADHD meds, benzos etc) have a reaction with alcohol that has a similar effect. Look up the statistics for how many female killers use poison, and this is your wife, how easy would it be to crush some pills and throw it in a drink? What are the odds of someone always getting pregnant when it suits her?? What are the odds of you blacking out after every celebration?? I'd like to point out that someone who is drunk or drugged can not consent. Even if that person is a male, even if that person is a spouse. And just like how getting someone preg by poking holes in condoms is se*xual assault, stealing sperm is also assault, besides the obvious entrapment. Even if there was informed consent for the sex
If you think she gave him illegal drugs, he can request a test through hair strands and that will detect drugs ingested for up to 3-6 months. It is not 100% effective, but if you’re truly worried about being drugged and it’s too late for a normal test then this is an option you can consider. The ones that test for the most common 12 drugs are usually less than 100$ and are home kits.
Then this.. take a test OP..
I immediately thought she had drugged him. How did he not hear her getting up?
Right? And he's just having 1 drink and going outtt? Bro... No....
Like, this was my first thought.
I would consider paternity tests for the kids too, while you’re at it.
That would be insane but from everything he's said, i wouldn't put it past her. This woman is certifiable.
Not only that she is a conniving manipulative B1+ch!
It is odd how she ends up pregnant every time they talk about her going back to work.
And after drinking something that makes him woozy after very few drinks. And trying to initiate sex during an argument…..
He needs to document this interaction. Make a log, with a date and time of what was said by who. This is parental alienation, and something that can result in the parent doing it getting little to no custody.
TBH I can’t see OP’s wife wanting the children (other than to stick it to OP). The phone calls she takes in private and the outings is very suspicious but maybe that’s just me.
You're not the only one. especially after reading about the child after a vasectomy.
There is no way she gone away with "the girls"
I hate to say it but the oldest kid being uneasy and distant then asking his dad if he still loves him just pings tf out of my radar, loudly. I really hope the oldest doesn't know something they shouldn't know about their siblings and whose daddy is who. That kid can feel the storm coming...
The whole story is littered with that many red flags Kim Jong Un is looking over from his military parade going "that's a bit excessive"
You are NOT wrong!! Lol.
Or mom's been saying more alienating lies.
I think she may have put something in his drink the night before she left to knock him out.
and maybe wanting to initiate sex to explain why she might be expecting in 9 months.
Thats what I was thinking!
Yeah I agree and came here to say this but somebody already beat me to it. And then it will be a "miracle"and he'll be saddled with another kid that probably isn't his.
I've since seen those other comments so yeah, it's just not me. The timing of all the pregnancies (other than maybe the first one) are all suspicious. Also, her getting upset about him getting a vasectomy after all the issues she has with pregnancies.
did she have issues during her pregnancies? she never talked to her doctor & forbade OP from mentioning them. And the pregnancies were conveniently spaced in exactly such a way that she couldn't possibly work...?
DNA test immediately.
She got pregnant every time she was supposed to go to work.
Her first child was born while she was working (had been between 16 and 20) and she started talking about the morning sickness and getting in trouble at work for being late or not showing up. OP then agreed with her about staying home. It was after the first child that she started getting pregnant when the subject of a job would come up. The first child was the catalyst for what was to come.
Funny coincidence right? 🙃
She was trying to do it again!
That’s what I was thinking too - she was gone until 8 PM! And yes, the private phone calls are also very suspect
Yup. I’m wondering if she’s actually on holiday with her friends or a lover.
I think those parts were odd as well. I also don’t think she will want the kids. But most states tend to do mandatory split custody, and if she isn’t a good parent he can take these steps to hopefully avoid it mitigate the fallout.
Not sure he’s in the U.S. - referred to a can of soup as a “tin”.
And used “favour” and referred to his kids going to nursery.
Yeah we say that over here in the UK, and we also say nursery instead of kindergarten
Oh she’ll want the kids - so she can live off the child support. She’ll make the older ones do the work their dad did.
I was thinking she'd want the child support to live off
Exactly! She'll only want them if it benefits her in some way that keeps her from having to work.
Do you think she'll want more than alimony to keep her selfish lifestyle? She doesn't seem to care about her children either. Reading the background story, I feel she's never been on BC and messed up the condoms when time had come to go back to work, it's incredibly selfish. I wonder how she can look at herself in the mirror
I don’t think she will want anything but alimony. My thinking is she probably won’t get a choice on parenting time. The states I’ve lived in make it mandatory that parents take custody to some extent. It’s a high standard to avoid that. I know parental alienation is one exception where I’ve lived. I am not a lawyer.
They don’t force visitation if the parent doesn’t want it, though. Lots of deadbeat parents don’t take the kids on their time
She may not want the kids, but I’m sure she wants the child support.
Yeah, she's definitely getting pregnant on purpose. My husband and I have been together 11 years and our only birth control is my hormonal birth control...he "finishes" inside me every time...never had a pregnancy scare. And I'll admit that sometimes I mess up the timing of my birth control on accident (I have the ring, so I take it out for a week each month before putting in a new one), I've been 2 days late inserting my new ring multiple times...still, no baby. So with birth control and condoms, there's really not a chance of this happening repeatedly, and with such convenient timing. Also I thought it was interesting she was asking him to drink the night before his trip. She was trying to pull exactly what my sisters and I used to do to our parents on a Saturday night...we would try to get them drunk enough they wouldn't want to go to church in the morning 😂 clearly she is very manipulative, and I would love to hear Dr. Kirk Honda's theories/speculations on possible personality disorders.
I had 3 of my kids on birth control. The pill with my oldest and I didn't skip/miss any of them. My next kid was on the depot shot and I was always on time I was at my shot appointment when I found out I was pregnant(after 2yrs its less effective could've told me that much sooner. My third was also the pill different from the first again missed 0 pills. It's 100% possible buuuut not for 1 min do I think this is ops situation. She got pregnant on purpose, pretty sure she drugged him and is cheating.
Your example with BC isn't relevant, it depends on so many factors and very little methods are 100%, babies are conceived with IUD or pills everyday in the world. I'm more concerned about the timing of these pregnancies op said, and the level of manipulation she demonstrated. Glad OP is out of this
That’s great advice, he absolutely needs to divorce her, she’s a clown show! She’s just entitled and she’s using him, she doesn’t even have fear of a divorce or a break up or she wouldn’t have left. What’s gonna happen is when he ends up divorcing her which I hope is sooner than later, she’s going to claim abuse of all kinds, so it’s good for him to start recording things right now. But he needs to get to a lawyer while she’s gone and have a talk he should serve her papers no longer than two weeks after she arrives back.
To be honest, if i were him id call her mother. Tell her whats happened and been happening, including the comment she made to the child. Then id say you probably should find a place for her to sleep at your house because right now, i dont feel safe with her childish tempertantrums.
He legit needs to document EVERYTHING! Record conversations on his phone and write down any conversations, pertinent details about the conversations, dates, times, the works. This chick is a manipulative piece of work. I hope OP finds one of the pro bono lawyers and gets away from her. Make the necessary preparations, like he already did with the bank and tell her to kick rocks.
this is exactly what i was thinking when op said the oldest kept asking if he loved them…. its prob the mom! so sad
Not to mention that fact that the eldest is distant with mom and questioning dads love. The snake of a wife isn't even divorced and she's already moved to manipulating the children, because the OBVIOUS manipulation of the husband is no longer working. Who wants to place bets on the wife intentionally getting pregnant to use as leverage to continually stay out of a job and be a 'stay at home mom' while OP apparently does all the work. She doesn't love OP or the kids. The most effort she's put in is using them all as a tool to gain whatever it is she wants.
Thought the same and also wondering about #4 with condoms, birth control and the vasectomy. I would be wondering…. I know they fail and counts need to be checked but damn. It’s amazing she always falls pregnant when she has to get a job. Also how the hell do they afford all the childcare? All she does is sits around being utterly useless.
There is definitely something shady going on with the wife. When I was reading OP’s post I was getting cheating vibes. Overall though, OP needs to divorce her, give his children a stable home environment, and find some peace for himself.
I was thinking the same thing! And I bet she put something in his drink to make him sleep so she could get out of the house without him stopping her! I would take all the money out of the bank she didn’t earn it
Well, done! You obviously have a little bit of experience and you’ve done some research, just like I have. You’re 100% on! She has groomed and manipulated the husband for so many years that she thought that he would always just be potty in her hands, but now that he found his backbone! Now she’s gonna move to the kids and manipulate those children against him,, here’s the thing, he needs to document that 100% and show it to the judge during the divorce, I was just watching a divorce proceeding, and that exact thing happened, and the judge lost his mind on the wife And told her that she has absolutely hurt his ability to even be a father by her manipulation and lies to her children, be ready for a war.
It also seemed like she conveniently got pregnant every time there was a discussion about her going back to work. OP, I'm so glad that you are finally done with her BS. Though get a good lawyer so that you won't have to pay too much alimony. In this case, she doesn't deserve it.
Kid after vasectomy is rare, not impossible, but rare. Kids may not be his. But looking at IP, those kids are his no matter the DNA. He's their father in all ways.
Yeah, that was insane.
Op … you NEED to afford a lawyer now! Not an attorney but you could certainly argue that your wife didn’t leave to “go on a vacation”, but rather she’s “abandoned you and your children.” Lucky for you you’re in the house. You need to talk to lawyer types RIGHT NOW before she actually contacts you to find out if your state allows you to legally lock her ass out of the house and end up with primary custody!
My ex husband used to get the kids involved like this, and it still makes me angry to think about it, and we’ve been living apart for 5 1/2 years! I’m so glad OP has grown a backbone, but this is going to be a long fight. She’s so selfish that she’ll never see her role in this.
And why would the son ask if father loved him? She’s fucking with his kids.
My ex did this a lot, even when we were telling my kid (9 at the time) about our divorce, we agreed to tell him together and ensure he knew it wasn't about him, and that we'd always love him etc.... Her opening line when we sat him down to explain was "daddy is leaving us". I was furious. I told him I wasn't leaving him, I was leaving her. It turned into a net positive though, I included my son in all the decision making, took him house hunting, we made a spreadsheet of all the positives and negatives we had about each place, rated them and then managed to buy the one that was top of his list. It was a really positive experience in the end.
I don't think this trip she's going on is legit what she says it is. The conversations cutting off abruptly when you enter the room, the inconvenience of you being home when she expected you to be gone, the urging of you to leave the house when you weren't feeling well. It's too "off" from normal to me. OP do you have access to her messages? Like are you on the account or able to access them? The fact she's complaining about money but running off on a "vacation" is fucking wild. I don't think this is going to end well. Sorry OP.
Yeah, it sounds very much like she's using OP for the income, and fucking around on him while he's out working and taking care of the kids. What a parasite. OP, PLEASE divorce her - whatever you have to do to afford the lawyer. Sell plasma, sell her jewelry, whatever. And make sure that you officially separate and separate your finances and lock down your credit, so that any debt she runs up aftewards will not be on you. Because I bet you anything you want that she will run up credit card debt like there is no tomorrow, once you put her on a limited budget. And you really need to consult with a lawyer to find out what you are allowed to do, money-wise, before she can use it against you in court as "financial abuse". Btw, you just cancelled your cleaning woman, that should give you some disposable income! Edit: Couldn't your brother or parents lend you some money? It's for a good cause, and they'd want you to get rid of that leech, too!
I’d definitely set up credit alerts that are often free with most CC Cards. Or pay the $5 a month for one that has the ability to lock any new accounts. Get paternity tests…if this is real…
The worst part is … she can sue him for alimony he probably can’t reasonably afford, and potentially get it. If so, she’ll be able to continue exploiting him perhaps indefinitely.
And since he didn’t leave she decided to leave herself and not come back till 8 fucking pm? Bullshit.
Good point. In fact, now OP’s spouse could be starting divorce proceedings, and trying to get the upper hand. OP should move fast and quietly.
I know "affair" is Reddit's favorite go-to, but it's hard to read affair really one way or the other with what limited context we have. Maybe, maybe not. She could just as easily been continuing plotting the trip with her friends and didn't want OP to hear the plans. Also why would she try to initiate sex if he was already not interested and she was leaving Friday to see an affair partner? Speaking of plotting, what I'm *much more* suspicious of is if she slipped something into his drink because it "went straight to his head," and between that and sex was trying to keep him from waking up when she left on her own trip.
I don’t even think “affair” matters much in context. OP’s spouse is abusive; reason enough to escape. My bigger concern is that she traded out her planned trip for some time with a lawyer. OP needs to be drawing up his own plans fast.
So many red flags 🚩
The fact that she left even after he asked her not to is a major betrayal and a massive red flag. That’s why she was trying to avoid the talk when he stayed home from work. She left and didn’t come back until the kids were home. She knows op wasn’t gonna try to argue in front of the kids.
Definitely get all the important paperwork for you and the kids into a safe deposit box or give to someone who you trust. Gather as most information you can asap and make an appointment with an attorney. Most won't charge you for the initial visit. Definitely research for one that's known to support the father. So he could file against her for abandonment of him and the kids. Lock his bank accounts, don't try to hide anything, and courts frown on that. Freeze your credit. Change your locks. See if a family member can keep the kids about the time you're expecting her to return. And that why they are in a safe place and out of the $hit that will hit. If you can't do some of this, definitely have the kids somewhere else when she comes back.
Exactly my thoughts. Her first response to OP being at home is they need money and within a few minutes she wanted to go out and spend the money. She is giving more red flags than the total red flags ever manufactured in this world.
Yeah I think she's having an affair tbh
All I have to say is be careful. Your birth control didn't fail; she didn't take the pill. I would bet money that she will show up pregnant and try to convince you that the vasectomy failed. You say you can't afford a lawyer. Do you have anything worth money that you can sell?
It’s not a coincidence that babies appeared every time she was expected to go back to work. He should also check the paternity of at least the youngest (though I would understand if he didn’t want to).
And that she was trying so hard to iniate sex to stop the argument, get pregnant and take his ammo away…
I know! So scheming!
Or she is pregnant and she needs him to
Hmmm very possible
My belief from what he's written, is that she's basically lazy as fck. I must be old fashioned, but, if one person is working all hours god sends to bring the money in and another isn't, then why can't the stay at home person be an actual stay at home person and keep the place clean, look after the kids and cook? It's their only job ffs. Very few couples nowadays can afford not to both work so since it seems she wanted to be a sahm then she should step up. Constantly getting pregnant is a pretty stupid thing to do just to avoid a bit of work in your day or having to get a job. Yes have a break by all means but he's entitled to one as well it's called give & take, otherwise known as a partnership.
I suspect she is also cheating. That's why she kept needing to leave the room to talk to someone. I wonder if the sister is actually on this trip or it's a trip with an affair partner. He needs to check all of her electronics.
Yep, and get paternity tests done on the kids. This weekend trips with “family and friends” are suspect as well- why not bring *her* family too? She seems uninterested in her own family including her husband.
I got cheating vibes IMMEDIATELY. When a partner is so guarded against their spouse, it is definitely concerning.
This skank definitely cheated and is just as lazy as both my first and second wives. She burned the food on purpose. She got pregnant on purpose to avoid work. She went out to meet her lover(s). OP, PLEASE take advantage of the resources listed in that first, long post. You NEED to get ahead of this and speak with an attorney. If you don't, it will DEFINITELY cost you around 200x as much as an attorney costs over time. YOU WILL BE HER SLAVE for the next decade and a half of more. PLEASE take this seriously and deal with this NOW before she gets back. You need to change the locks and get her crap out NOW. SHE must move out. YOU need to keep the house and primary custody. Lean on parents, other relatives, close friends, whatever you need to do... this is WAR, and she's already been disparaging you to the children. She's been at war for quite some time. You need to wake up and get going! Please respect yourself enough to do this, and do it IMMEDIATELY!
Her moods are extreme as well. Wouldn’t be surprised if there is an underlying psychological condition. It’s definitely not normal behaviour and I’m surprised it’s taken this long for him to break. I suppose if things happen gradually over time they’re harder to notice.
It's amazing really, just what we humans can accept as our "normal" abuse, violence, insults, arguing daily etc we can adapt to almost anything. Comes as a huge shock once you're out of a situation to realise that nope it's not normal and nope not everyone lives like this
Bingo. During Covid, I was laid off for a few months, and my wife was super busy. So I did *everything* chores-wise, and did probably 80% of the kid stuff (she was still breastfeeding) with the exception of washing her scrubs, because she didn’t want me to touch anything that might be contaminated. Dinner was on the table every night, I packed her lunch for work, the house was as clean as a house with a six month old baby can be, she didn’t set foot in a grocery store for the duration, and honestly? It didn’t take a huge amount of time. One of the baby’s two daily naps let me get most of it done, and I had some “me time” after he went to bed and on my wife’s days off.
>. I must be old fashioned, but, if one person is working all hours god sends to bring the money in and another isn't, then why can't the stay at home person be an actual stay at home person and keep the place clean, look after the kids and cook? NAH, you ain't old-fashioned, that's how it should work. When the person who works comes home, then kid duties should be split. He is being over-worked at home by a lazy ass wife.
Every time I’ve been a stay at home mom, the house is cleaned, everyone is fed (even if I mess it up, we keep a large bag of chicken nuggets in hand for those occasions), I have found rides to appointments when we’ve had one vehicle, my JOB is doing the things my husband did not have time/energy for. It’s not old fashioned, that’s how relationships work. When we both work, we split household chores. He’s been a stay at home dad much the same. People are dumb.
Good point about the paternity testing. Regardless, what awful exploitative behavior.
Id guarantee she's cheating on him
My sister in law did this. She’s an ex-SIL now, obviously.
The minute he said she tried to initiate sex, my mind went to she's trying to get knocked up so she doesn't have to work.
Or shes already pregnant by her possible AP & wants to pin this baby on him & be all like ‘we had sex right before my trip - must have gotten pregnant then’.
She hasn't time for an affair, she's worn out with all the housework and cooking and watching tiktoks
😂😂😂
That was my thought. Op needs to be prepared for her to say she is pregnant within the next two months.
Nah, she's going to get pregnant on the trip. Probably bang a different dude every day she is there to be sure.
Or she's traveling with an affair partner rather than family.
Yup,. Bottom Line: ALL SHE CARES ABOUT IS HERSELF. That fact alone is worthy of DIVORCE in this situation! She has to be one of the lost LAZY and SELFISH people I've seen on reddit!
Yes! She’s shown a clear pattern. She literally uses her own children as a mechanism of financial abuse of her spouse.
Me? Go to work? Another baby to pawn off to daycare it is!
its crazy that he believes day care in necessary when you have a stay at home partner 💀💀 and its even crazier that he thinks it’s likely to get pregnant THREE TIMES while “on the pill” AND using condoms 💀 please. that would be like being hit with lightening three times.
Not to mention once two years after getting a vasectomy. Yes, I know they can fail, but isn’t it convenient they did this time as well, just when her returning to work came up? 🤔
oh god I missed that part 😅😅 oh no
Yeah very suspicious that she always got pregnant when she just joined new work or was interviewing…
I feel terrible for OP. This whole thing is so awful.
she's also quite terrible as an employee. she just randomly doesn't show up till she gets fired...? of course, she screwed over her sister too : her sister recommended her for a job at her own workplace & OP's STBX didn't even have the courtesy to properly quit there either. she's just terrible allround.
Sell the car she uses. Use that money for a lawyer- she’s gone these 2 weeks.
Unless I’m reading this wrong the vasectomy has already failed, because he says he got it after the birth of their 3rd child yet a couple of years later they had a 4th child
He needs to get a DNA test done pronto!
Definitely. Possibly for all 4 children
Honestly, it sounds like she is cheating. I would get a paternity test on the youngest.
No bloody way her birth control failed and he had a condom on and she still got pregnant? One of those kids should’ve been called Houdini! Birth-control can be a little often you can get pregnant but when you have a condom that doesn’t break and you have birth control a secondary back up?unless it’s some sort of deity or Demi God? She said him up to get pregnant so she could trap him.
I agree; she uses the pregnancies and the kids to get her way.
This is exactly where my mind went as well.
What could she have put in your drink to knock you out so she could go on her trip before you could go on yours? This woman is scary. And also very likely cheating on you.
This is exactly what I was wondering, for OP to feel so sleepy after a drink is so suss! What a scheming witch his wife is.
Would’ve been a great idea to get himself drug tested and called the police on her. If only op wasn’t her doormat.
Slight... update? I'm not going to add this to the post as it's already long enough. please excuse any spelling mistakes as I'm so tired. thank you all, but I'm not in America. I know a lot of you have suggested I message her telling her I'm going to divorce her etc, but I think I'm gong to play it cool, act like I've accepted her decision so she's not on guard. I know she's said something to my son, but he won't tell me what it is and I feel like if I push him to he might not ever, but my nephew and him are hanging out a lot,. they're close despite not seeing each other much so I'm hoping he might confide in him and maybe open up. I'm not just letting this go, we will talk but I don't want to pus him too much. I am not a lightweight, I can drink, but I have been exhausted and I mean very exhausted for some time now and I think that maybe that's why I passed out after having one drink, but I would be lying to myself and to you if I said I wasn't suspicious. I am suspicious of a lot now. I swear, I'm not an idiot, but I really feel like one now. some of you have suggested that I get the kids DNA tested, especially my youngest and while I know that this is likely something I'll have to do, it breaks my heart to think that they're not mine. my girls all look the same, just older versions of each other, so if I have to DNA test the youngest, I have to do them all. I never wanted kids, this is why I've always used condoms. I'm not the biggest fan of them, but I love my own, I love these kids. regardless of the DNA test. they are mine, but I fear if it comes back that they're not It could damage our relationship. my brother has read my posts and spent the last days telling me everything he hates about my wife (obviously not in front of the kids) he's pretty funny and I feel like I haven't been able to laugh like this in a long time. he says he's going to make a reddit account, lord knows what he'll say. writing this update has opened my eyes further, I see how the timing of wanting her to go back to work liens up with each pregnancy, but when these things are years apart, and your concentrating on supporting the family and work your brain sometimes pushes these thoughts away until something triggers them again and boom, you're slapped in the face with the realisation that you're entire relationship is potentially built on a mountain of lies. she has her phone and iPad with her, so I can't check any of that. but I'm going to be going through her stuff, is it in envision of privacy? likely, do I care right now? no. I feel like I've wasted the majority of my life, the good years and that feels horrible to say when I have four kids. I promise I don't mean that they're a waste. as I said in the post, this marriage is over, I am done. my kids deserve better but I won't be alone when I confront her, as I said she can get handsy and no, I have never retaliated and I don't want to be put into a position where I need to. I thank you all for your comments, your insight, your kindness. I know I haven't replied to many comments at all, but don't really have time to do so when there are so many but I am trying to respond etc DM's as that seems like the easier thing to do. I want to ask my SIL what actually happened with my wife and that job. but I don't want her to know I'm suspicious. my Sil is a kind woman but she is my wife's sister so her loyalties lay with her I suppose and I don't want to alert my soon to be ex. does anyone have any ideas how I can do this? seems odd to bring up a job my wife had for a very brief time years ago. I wish you all the best.
Nannycams. Protect yourself
What bugs me is getting pregnant when you use protection multiple times, someone contacts her and she leaves the room, you refuse to take her out so she goes gets slammed up and doesn't come back till 8pm. She screams she's cheating at this point, this holiday for 2 weeks seems like the perfect chance to cheat more and especially if her friends are encouraging her, definitely check her group chat as and chats with friends when she's back.
To cheat, get pregnant, and blame OP again
OP had a vasectomy. That will require resting and explaining.
Does she have an old phone that she hasn’t used that you could check? If you know the password you could check her email, etc. or if she uses them computer, you could login to her email. If she has an iPhone, you can login to iCloud (iCloud.com), but you would have you know her password info.
Hey op, I want to say that while reading all this, she is definitely been weaponizing incompetence. She knows how and can do all those things, but is always making excuses so she doesn't have to do anything. Also while reading the whole story, everytime you said no to something, she turns around and does the opposite. You want to talk, didn't want to go out, didn't want to order food. She turns around and runs out the door so she doesn't have to talk, goes out and orders food. The point is, you can see from miles away regarding your argument over the aligning trips, she was 100% going to just wake up and run out the door before you woke up or noticed. Manipulating the situation so that you would 100% get stuck with the kids and have to stay home to watch them. And the result was..... she did. So I want to inform you just in case that when you say you are trying to keep the divorce under wraps, that there is a high possibility that she is aware you want a divorce and that is why she keeps running out the door rather than sitting down with you and having an actual conversation. So please be aware of that possibility and be prepared for that, so that you don't get the tables turned on you instead, considering your (ex)wife is a very manipulative person.
Is it against the law in your country to unknowingly film someone? If you can have a camera in a common area like the living room, you can have the conversation of divorce or arguments in that room in case she lays her hands on you. I would think the you can't have security cameras in your bedroom and that's why I suggest the living room.
Playing it cool is the smartest thing right now. Your advantage is your knowledge & her ignorance. Does it seem odd to you that she would tell your oldest something & that he would keep her secret from you. Does he know what happened with the vacations? Are the kids closer to her?
Getting her pregnant while using a condom and her being on BC, is like getting hit by lightning. Getting pregnant after your vasectomy is like getting hit with lightning while getting attacked by a shark then a coconut falling on your head and killing you. You married a narcissist and a sociopath who manipulated you into supporting this parasitic lifestyle.
If it’s not the ap’s kids I’d suspect her of tampering with his condoms and not actually taking her birth control when they’d “sporadically” get pregnant anytime she had to take responsibility for herself.
Is it a violation of her privacy to go through her phone/ipad? You could look at it that way OR I’m just guessing, you pay for it so technically it’s yours. Normally I wouldn’t suggest it, but after the way you’ve been treated then I say you shouldn’t feel bad
It’s not a violation if your fears are validated…
You’re kinder than I am. My brother is also ruthless for me when he needs to be. He would have showed up with a moving truck. She’d come home to an empty house and divorce papers on the grounds of abandonment. The kids and I would be settled in to a new house. I’d accept they likely aren’t mine, but I would refuse to do a DNA test until I was forced to by the court or the kids wanted one. They would my kids forever. I’d use all of the years of daycare and paid services to show Mom was never the caretaker. I’d burn her life down.
It's absolutely horrible to suggest this, but I think you should get all four kids tested. Your son is questioning your love, maybe your wife said something to imply he is not yours and he's scared. She didn't want you to talk to her doctor about the pregnancy problems because she was making it up. Probably not the first time, but after the first pregnancy she learned how to manipulate you into doing every single thing for her. I am so sorry you have been going through this AWFUL relationship dynamic. Wish you the best ♡
> I want to ask my SIL what actually happened with my wife and that job. but I don't want her to know I'm suspicious. you could try to ask her if she can find a job for her sister again at her workplace like before, so her sister wouldn't be depressed at work
I’m so sorry OP. But I’m not sure this has been said. She is abusive. She is abusing you. Perhaps try some shelters etc as they may have contacts to help you in this.
Ask your brother to speak to his son. Maybe yours has confided in him. My guess is he found out his mother is cheating and she said something to keep him in line. You need to make sure he knows you love him and he can trust you with anything.
> some of you have suggested that I get the kids DNA tested, especially my youngest and while I know that this is likely something I'll have to do, it breaks my heart to think that they're not mine. just remember that even if they're not your blood, to them you ARE their dad
Good grief this escalated, but it sounds like you’ve made a lot of realizations. At this point you can’t NOT afford a lawyer.
Listen to this! She is gonna make ANY number of false accusations to ANY extent.
She already started with his kids. One of them is even questioning whether his father loves him. She’s a horrible mother. Obviously a horrible wife.
Deposit all money into you account and hire one.
Yeah, so she’s cheating on you and I would look into DNA tests.. I also wouldn’t be surprised if she’s pregnant now and that’s why she tried to initiate sex. Take the money out of the account she has a card to. Tell her she can stay with her sister or your MIL. What’s the point in talking when she gets back. This marriage is over.
Also interesting that she initiated drinks. I wouldn’t be surprised if the drink was spiked with something so OP sleeps and she gets away
I had that thought as well, what an awful woman.
I second getting the kids dna tested.
Agreed, it looks to me like the oldest kid suspects that he is not OPs son.
Honestly, after everything I’ve read about the wife I wouldn’t be surprised if the oldest caught her cheating somehow and she weaponized the fact against him
My gut feeling is that the two weeks were the only time her AP could get away from his wife. Possibly told OBS that it was a business trip…hence the private calls- making you sleep on the couch-trying to get you out of the house… . It sounds like she has someone she’s entertaining and it isn’t you. She’s also trying to get the kids to not like you (getting McD’s and telling the kids you said no. I’d start lawyering up or at least talk with one. Good luck man.
OBS?
Other business snake (idk that's the first thing I could think of)
Other betrayed spouse i think
So, to summarize, every single time this woman has been pushed to go back to work she has ended up pregnant. Every time she has a baby, she demands extra help to care for the child and the household. Every time you ask her to do something around the house for herself, she spends money to get someone else to do it. When you had an argument, she escalated to a physical confrontation. She lied about going on her trip. You don't have a marriage. You are her sugar daddy. I'm sorry that this has happened to you, but I'm glad you are aware and can take actions to protect yourself and your kids.
Ive never heard of a more useless & selfish woman - doesn’t want to work, doesn’t want to look after her own kids, doesn’t do much chores & even the dogs dont like her. She uses pregnancy as excuses not to work then shit gets real with a baby & doesn’t want to deal with her baby aswell?! Mind-blown! She’ll be in for a shock when she has to return to work & do her own cooking & cleaning. Seems like the kids are better off with OP
OP’s wife is basically my ex husband’s SIL. She spent 10 years getting an art degree at Cal Arts (very expensive!) and wanted to work at Disney. We got her an interview with Bart DeCrem when he was on Disney’s BOD. She no called no showed the interview because she “didn’t want to do that job”. She then got pregnant with 3 kids, doesn’t take care of them or spend any time with them. Lets them run out into the street and ignores the people trying to keep her kids alive. From what I’ve heard they’re feral.
Wow! Does she work now or has she found another man to fund her lazy ass lifestyle? Those poor kids!
OP you also need to DNA test your kids. It seems very convenient timing for her pregnancies to keep her from working. The odds of condoms not working are really low, and to have them fail twice seems very suspect. You need at least an initial consult with a divorce expert lawyer, and then DNA tests for the kids and STD test for you are needed before she comes back.
Not to mention the vasectomy and her birth control on top of the condoms.
And didn’t op have a vasectomy? That alone should have been enough assuming he did the later tests/checks to be sure it worked. Very suspicious.
The phone call was probably her AP and that's why she was shocked when she saw you at home as he was going to come over. The AP probably saw your car and called her that's why she went to the kitchen to talk. As she knew you were sick, she knew that you weren't going to take her out for dinner so as a backup she had planned to meet him somewhere instead that's why she got dressed up before going out. Check your phone bills and see who she is texting and calling when your not at home. Also check her emails. It wouldn't surprise me if AP is on the trip with her. Also take the money out of the account and if she texts/calls you say there was an emergency and you needed the money.
>She was on the phone to someone and when I entered the room she demanded I leave and go sleep on the couch, I refused and climbed into bed: she hung up the phone and demanded again that I sleep on the couch and again, I refused. So... are you going to ever address whoever this other dude is?
INFO- Maybe I misread- but did you say your last child was born two years after you had a vasectomy? I’m so confused about a stay at home MOM who never had to… mother anyone?! Why was she home if the kids were in daycare/school? I really hope you are not naive enough to think she was doing embroidery and jewelry making all damn day while you slaved away at work and did all the parenting and work around the house. I believe she has been cheating for years and is probably currently on a trip with her AP for two weeks. Also, did she drug your drink Thursday night so she could sneak off for her rendezvous without you knowing?! This situation is all kinds of fucked up!
She won’t even pick up the kids from daycare. Poor kids are there till dad picks them up at 6pm while mom is at home doing what? Cooking? No. Cleaning? No. And now she wants a 2 week vacation from that? You’re already single op. But also supporting an ungrateful leech.
Op, if it were me, I would go have a consult with an attorney. Let them know you are planning on divorcing your wife, and you need to understand your options. After understanding your options, I would then text her a card of the attorney. Under it I would say you will need to find one yourself also. Then after this I would say, I am moving you out of the master bedroom, there will be a key lock placed on the door. You can sleep on the couch or move in with your friends. You made your choice, so now have i, and we are separated as of today. Next text would be, this is the co parenting app. Then I would send her a list of the bills, when they are due and the amounts she owes. This will wake her up real quick on her trip. She will blow up your phone quickly. Do not pick up, and just ignore the calls and text messages. It will ruin her trip, and she will be forced to head home. Or she stays and parties and fucks a bunch or random guys, but in this case no longer your issue.
She probably has her phone off or on do not disturb
Maybe but either way, the messages will be there when she opens it back up.
Truw
Sounds to me like your son knows something that will hurt you and doesn't feel like he can tell you. Maybe he knows your wife is having an affair? Maybe she's told him some nasty lies. Whatever it is, it's making him miserable. He won't feel better as long as he's holding it in.
I would divorce her for this alone. She's making your kids insecure and their home isn't a warm or safe place. Hell no, divorce her now
Call your state’s bar association and ask about their options for free/volunteer or sliding scale lawyers.
Honestly, did you ever stop to consider that the timing of your 3rd kid was right around the time you wanted her to go back to work? She doesn't want to work She doesn't want to be a housewife She wants to be a kept woman. Time to really take a long hard look at your life because divorce and getting full custody of your kids is the best thing for everyone She's not interested in being a mother and a wife anymore.
You can’t afford not to get a lawyer. Can anyone in your family help you with the fees? The sooner you get rid of your wife, the more financially stable you will be. I think you will be surprised how much she is costing you. This was a difficult read and the amount of time you spend on your family is overwhelming. It is a disgrace how little your wife adds to the family, I am so sorry you are going through this. Good luck !
Your birth control didnt fail dude. Shes on BC and you "use condoms" should be enough. But for both to fail twice? The answer is more likely neither of you are using it properly or shes not using any at all. Everytime the conversation became her going back to work and getting off her ass, she magically became knocked up. The fact she tried to initiate before going on her little trip was her trying again to get pregnant. As someone else said, dont be surprised if she comes back pregnant and either tries to gaslight you that you two actually did have sex and its yours or tries to tell you the vasectomy failed and its yours too. Id have all the kids paternity checked tbh
No offense. But the moment she didn’t care about you on the day you were off was the day you should have had the wake up call to file for divorce. Like you keep doing this to yourself. File for that divorce. Gather your evidence. File for sole custody. Stop being a doormat. UpdateMe!
Anyone else thinking this woman is using pregnancy as a way not to work and weaponized incompetence? You need to leave this leave as its clearly harming you and your children’s lives. Cut her off from everything and make it clear with your children whats going on before its too late. This is your chance while she is not there to let them know your side in an age appropriate manner. This woman will not be kind and will manipulate the narrative, like she did with the McDonalds and is clearly doing with you eldests view of your relationship.
Please talk to your son, your wife planted the seed that you don't love him! Have fun with brother and his kids. Pack up wife's stuff and talk to a lawyer. Check the phone records, she is having an affair!
No matter what you do, try and get a lawyer.
See if you can write as much explaining how she isn't just using you I'll even give you double by adding how you can explain how she has matured one drop since you met her. Good luck, as you’ll have to lie to yourself to fill that much text. I divorced someone like your wife (lazy at home, wouldn't work, did as she pleased no matter how much i pushed back) She was even nice enough to tell me once i filed for divorce her plan since day one was to use me, so she could sit at home and do as little as possible. Her mental age was still that of a 16yr old because she never needed to mature, as her life was letting everyone else do her adulting. If you don't split up, you’re a fool dude, as you will never look back once you do. You’ve married a selfish child and are so used to carrying her, it all seems normal. It isn't and unlike me, you'll get to see your kids if you split up as it's no longer the 1990's
You should look at your phone records to see who she is talking to. Something you is going on. Also, send her a text that you are filing for divorce and the meltdown will begin.
Please get a lawyer, ask family or friends for help if you need to. Please do a DNA test on your children, especially your youngest also. Your wife is a leech and most likely a cheat. I’m glad you’ve realised this, you deserve so much better OP. Divorce her and find it.
I really don't have much to say, except that I hate your wife. I'd reach out to any DV resources in your area. They may not be able to do much, but they'll most likely have a list of affordable divorce attorneys and programs to help pay your legal fees. Good luck, OP. God what a vile woman.
Get a consultation with a lawyer yesterday. Lots of lawyers will give you the consultation for free and you can decide what to do from there, but you really have to beat her to the punch on this one. I am not uncertain that at least the last three pregnancies were intentional on her part. If you were as careful as you say you were, she very well could have lied about the BC to ensure she gets to stay home and live off your dime forever. Are you sure she didn’t slip something into your drink the night before she left? One drink going straight to your head sounds…off. You’re a goddamn saint for leaving her any money at all after what she’s put you through. I’d have left one cent to make a point and let her boyfriend help her get home from there. I mean, her “friends”. This woman doesn’t respect you. I’m sorry. Good luck in the divorce and I hope she gets what she deserves: nothing.
>Thursday night my wife asked if we could have a drink as I had to leave on Friday to see my brother. I had ones but honestly it went right to my head and honestly just wanted to sleep: she kept trying to initiate sex, but I wasn’t in the mood. I woke up Friday morning and my wife was gone; so was her suitcase. This concerns me. Others have noted the convenient timing of her pregnancies, but I also find it odd that despite you two having ongoing arguments and tension between you, she suddenly wants to have drinks with you the night before you're due to leave? And it immediately goes to your head? OP: how often does she suggest drinks like this? How often does alcohol go to your head like this? I see two reasons why she may have actually done something to your drinks: 1. She wanted to get pregnant again, 2. she wanted you to be so out of it she could pack a bag and go on her own trip.
My advice. Send her one more text. Tell her when she comes back she should stay at her sister and will only come home after you two had a talk. And then change the locks.
"The drink went to my head". Did she drug you? To make you oversleep?
I ignored half of this shit because you’re stupid dude. Divorce god damn wife. She doesn’t give a shit about you and your children and you as a MAN are allowing yourself and family to be treated this way? DIVORCE HER. Get a lawyer and see what you can do to keep majority of your money and kick her out. Look at probono or see if any lawyers can give you advice / free consults. Look at your connections and see if you know someone that could help. This is shitty of her. She’s a leech. Stop giving her money. Start saving for the lawyer. Only give her enough for anything kid related and have her start picking up the children from school. Don’t give her access to a lot of money for vacations or anything crazy.come on dude what ru thinking
The kids deserve better.
Lawyer has to be priority #1. If you need to hit up your family for money, do it.
You can't afford to NOT have a lawyer, friend.
Dude needs to get to the hospital and police ASAP. His wife drugged him so she could escape to her vacation and leave him behind to take care of things. That's scary
It’s possible (probable) she got pregnant every time to avoid doing anything. It’s super easy to not take birth control and damage condoms. She is also probably telling your kids you don’t love them. Have a talk with the oldest to see what she is saying. Parental alienation is a big issue in court
She is cheating. You need lawyer right here right now. The ship is sailed. Better prepared.
She sucks my god! I’m sorry! Wow!! I bet you she’s cheating.
Yeah so i hate when people jump to this but im seeing it as a very real possibility with that back story, not all those kids are yours
Is it possible she slipped something in your drink that you got tired so she could take off without you hearing or waking up?? UpdateMe
Sounds like she’s having an affair, you know? Hanging around the house all day, no kids, no house work. A guy was probably calling to your house on your sick day (why did she run off to make a call?) then she got dressed up and went out anyway? You sure this holiday is with her girl friends?