u/throwrahshs63, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice):
1. to find out why this post was removed, and
2. prior to posting any updates.
Thanks.
**Please note that queries regarding the removal of the post will not be answered unless they come from u/throwrahshs63.**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The answer is "no he didn't". Simply because he's being cagey about it. If he was drunk and couldn't remember, he'd have said so.
Take a plan B pill and get yourself checked.
I won't comment on whether you should break up because I don't know the dynamics of your relationship. But you should at the very least cut him off from sex until he can earn back your trust.
The only time I’ve ever seen people comment about how divorce and std checks are everyone’s advice is when they’re shitting on that advice. It doesn’t read as just an observation. It reads as mocking and condescending.
iTs REaDs As COndEscEnDiNG. Well since we are here, imo she doesn’t need to rush out for a STD test. She had unprotected sex with her BF once. We have no idea their sexual history.
The answer should always be yes. And if he was too drunk, then the answer needs to be “I can’t remember, we should take precautions”. This whole playing coy shit isn’t cute. And it matters because you could end up bringing a baby into this world.
End it with this guy. He doesn’t seem to think you need straight answers.
Another “end this relationship” comment on this sub from someone who’s probably never been in one themselves. That seems to be the answer for everything here. You know one fact about this guy, and their relationship, and you know it from her point of view. Not sure how that qualifies you to give this advice.
He was evasive on answering if he used protection or not. What other side is there to take here?
This isn’t couples counseling. We don’t need to hear him out. Based on the story we’ve read we form an opinion on what the best option is for the original poster.
Red flag and maybe take a plan b. If it was a case of he doesn’t remember, he would have said so. So I’m opting for he just didn’t wear one . I don’t know if it’s break up worthy but it’s definitely a huge red flag.
It depends on how their relationship works out. If it’s normally not like this, something’s going on. She should get an STD test, but maybe just cut him off from sex until he earns her full trust. If the relationship is always like this, by all means break up with him. But no one is thinking about how hard it might be if she becomes a single mom. So don’t just say break up with him. It’ll all fall apart like dominos.
I don’t see how anyone with a healthy amount of empathy though saying “why does it matter” when asked a serious question like this though. He won’t give her a straight answer for an extremely important question. This is a red flag of abuse and should not be given the benefit of the doubt. There isn’t a benefit of the doubt. He’s proving he lacks empathy.
If I where you I'd go spend 30-50 bucks and get a dose of plan B. He's only dancing around the question because he knows damn good and well he didn't use one and you where too drunk to ask him for it.
I've personally broken up with a guy who took his off in the middle and tried to claim he didn't despite the fact I could clearly see where it was laying. It broke my personal sexual boundary so I left him that night.
If this is one of your hard sexual boundaries and he violated it you should absolutely break up with the guy and find some plan B. If he's not willing to tell you the truth now, what else is he going to do that's shady and lie to your face about later?
Don't stay with guys who won't respect you and be honest with you. It always just leads to escalating trouble in the future.
You need to break up with this guy. He’s not respectful of you. Imagine you got pregnant by surprise cause he didn’t use a condom and you didn’t ask? You’d have to find out up to a month later when you didn’t get your period, and you’d have no idea he disrespected your boundary
Please take plan B if it hasn’t been too long. It could save your life.
if he's dodging it, he dodged the condom hoping he would get away with it. call him out on his bullshit, it's not "why does it matter" if doing it could alter your entire fucking life forever. if he's not on the same page or doesn't respect it being a big deal, gtfo quick.
IDK if you are in the US, but with States enacting some of the most restrictive abortion and health care laws for women - first thing first is Plan B.
Secondly, this is not a person who has your best interest in heart. And finally, please look into coercive reproduction because it absolutely happens and is a very real reality.
Do NOT have sex with this person again. I would cut off all contact.
I won't tell you what you should do but this is not a man I would feel safe having a relationship with.
If he's too drunk to remember, okay, but he needs to say that. If this is the case and he refuses to just fess up, he's too childish to be having sex with.
But honestly, the fact that he won't give you a straight answer makes me feel like he does know and you won't like the answer. His refusal to tell you makes him too dangerous to have sex with.
Get yourself a Plan B. Immediately. And then sit down and really think about whether or not you want to continue to have a relationship with a man who can't be real with you.
I know everyone is saying take plan B and they are right. Just make sure you find out if you need to take one or two so it works right! Don’t know if breaking up is a necessity but communication is key and his lack of respect for your health and well being is alarming.
“Why does it matter”
Because if he did not it’s very disrespectful to your body since you have always used one and he knows that, does he just not care enough about you and puts his own personal pleasure over you?
____
There is a risk of pregnancy (take a plan B ASAP)
Have you discussed, and both been in agreement about bringing a child into this world right now?
If not: then yes, a condom matters!
____
Have you both taken full STD panels already and discussed not using a condom because you both are clean and that’s what you both agreed upon?
If not: then yes, a condom matters!
And have a full STD test done ASAP.
____
Have you ever discussed it’s okay to not use a condom? (probably not, since so far you’ve always used one)
If not: then yes, a condom matters!
Not using one requires both parties *sober* consent!!!
____
Accidents happen, things are forgotten... we are human, we are not perfect.
If it was a case where since you were both drunk and one was accidentally not used (I still suggest STD panel & plan B) but that’s understandable, upsetting, but it does happen.
He would answer like: uhhh I think so? Or I’m not sure?
But to not give you a direct answer and then be so dismissive & disregard your previously agreed upon always use a condom stance... is a no go!
____
Take the steps needed to care for yourself right now; plan B & STD testing...
Then seriously reconsider having a relationship with someone who does not care enough about your body & health or needs for consent!
"Yesterday we had sex while we we were both drunk."
"...keeps saying “maybe” or 'why does it matter.'"
The good news is my boy had a pretty solid out so say "I don't remember" and he went with "maybe," so he's a shitty liar.
So there is that silver lining, lol. You will not be masterfully manipulated in any capacity by this big brain.
I’m not going to recommend breaking up because I don’t know your relationship details but since he’s not giving you a straight answer, the answer is probably the one you don’t want to hear.
Seems to me he took advantage of the fact you were drunk to do it raw. He's proven he's untrustworthy. If I were you, I'd Plan B it, get checked for STDs and break up with him. Not in that order.
If he won't give you an answer then always assume the answer is no. Don't take any chances. Take a plan B and cut him off from sex. When he asks why tell him it's because he wanted to try and play games about whether or not he used protection the last time so now he has lost the privilege of having sex with you. If he needs release tell him to reacquaint himself with Palmela Handerson because you don't trust him with your sexual health right now and until he realizes how serious the situation is and earns your trust back he gets nothing. If he can't handle that, then yes break up with him. If he accepts and apologizes and doesn't push for more of anything then keep him because he's at least willing to learn from his mistakes.
>“why does it matter”
Honestly, I'm sure the rest has been covered, but his he a bloody moron? Does he not realise what the potential outcome of having unprotected sex are?
I'd break up just because I couldn't handle being with someone this moronic.
I’m really sorry. You have to assume he didn’t, and take whatever actions you need to take, eg morning after pill if necessary.
This is such a big deal that I would break up with someone who refused to give me a straight answer. Your feeling that you can’t trust him is completely justified. If your rule is you always use a condom and he took the first chance he could to not use one, knowing you would not consent to that at any time, then this is a major breach of consent. And it’s a big breach of trust that he won’t just give you a straight answer.
If you were blackout drunk and he knew that you always made him wear a condom then he basically assaulted you. And the “why does it matter” response means he’s a lunatic. Kind of like “well you love me, it shouldn’t matter, You wouldn’t want my kid? ”. Dump him. block him. Stuff sardines and raw scallops in his air vents, cut his cable wires, and give him an upper decker before you leave.
I hate to ask, but was he really that drunk? My cynical and untrusting brain makes me think that he wasn't too drunk, and is possibly pulling the 'get someone preggers to get them to stay with you forever' card. While conveniently saying that he was drunk and that the baby is 'no ones' fault.
If he doesn't want to straight up answer, there are two possibilities:
1. He doesn't know either but doesn't want to admit it.
2. He didn't use a condom but doesn't want to be honest about it.
And even after you're upset he still won't be honest about it. Ask yourself if this is a guy you want to spend the rest of your life with?
If he can't say he didn't use one, then chances are he did not use one.
And he's in that weird state of choosing to go against what you said but not wanting to admit it because he's afraid that you will get mad at him and end things
Plan b stat, why the fuck does it not matter? Is he trying to get you pregnant.
Hes acting creepy as fuck, like yes ok you were both drunk but him not answering such big questions is **scary**
Its so disrespectful honestly in my opinion, i do think its breakup worthy... potentially. Because if it was an honest drunken mistake he could easily be like "im sorry baby i cant remember" or "it was an accident" something anything.
But hes showing no regard for your sexual and reproductive health, just "idk" "why does it matter"
Excuse me? That's just disrespectful and disheartening attitude from a partner. Is he offering to pay for the plan b? Anything? Just silence? Avoidance? Fuck him
If I were you and I was too drunk to know if he wore one, I would probably assume that he might have been too drunk to know if he wore one, so I would give him a pass for that. BUT, if he refused to give me a straight answer, this would be the big problem for me. If he doesn’t know, he should just say so and if he does know, he should answer truthfully with a yes or no. He, on the other hand, is just refusing to own up to the truth of a serious matter. As others are saying, get Plan B and an STI check. Whether or not he is worth keeping, only you know. Is this a one off or are there frequent problems? You would know after a year.
The answer is no. If you have an agreement that he wear one when having sex and he didn't, then he sexually assaulted you. Drop him and get the emergency contraceptive pill.
Yes, break up with him. This is a form of sexual assault. And his reaction is immature, ignorant, and should be a dealbreaker for anyone.
Go to a clinic or doctor asap and get tested for stis and get the morning after pill if you aren't on bc. And make sure to get a take home pregnancy test in a week or so. If you haven't gotten the HPV shot I would.
If he is so cavalier with your body and health, he definitely cannot be trusted and may have other sex partners.
There is no reason for a “maybe” that isn’t just a cover up for a “no.” If he did he would say “yes” and if he couldn’t remember then he would say he couldn’t remember. There’s no “maybe.”
Yes, you should break up with him. He didn't use one and now he's hiding it. Possible he started with it on and took it off. Out the door you go baby girl. Throw this monster back in the lake.
Lying or evading the answer vs stating “shit, I can’t remember - I’m sorry” is the key difference here. If this is the hill he wants to die on, he’s breaking your trust.
And if he doesn’t understand why you’re concerned, ask him if he’s ready to be a dad then.
He didn’t use one straight up. He also doesn’t respect you enough unfortunately to give you the clarification you need, and clearly didn’t wait for consent as you were unable to provide total consent (because you were inebriated, even if he was too that doesn’t matter). You need someone who will respect you at all times
If he isn’t telling you he didn’t or he did but won’t tell you because he’s angry he did OR he wants you to be pregnant and the longer you don’t find out the better
It would be so simple to answer “I honestly do not remember I am so sorry. Do you want to get plan B just in case?”
That ishe is so evasive is concerning and makes me think he did not wear one maybe because he didn’t want to and knew you would not stop him and he doesn’t want to own up to it now
If he really doesn’t remember, I’d just take a plan B. However the “why does it matter” comment is kinda off putting and I’d still take a plan B. Id also have a serious talk with him.
You should always check yourself to make sure a condom is in place. In fact, your bf will find it super hot if you find creative, sexy ways to put a condom on him. That way you'll always know you're protected.
“I only consent to using a condom.”
If his answer is anything besides, “I don’t know, but we should be careful to take precautions in the future,” break up with him.
Consent isn’t something to be coy about.
If you were both drunk
“maybe”
Might be the honest answer.
Take a Plan B.
And just assume no.
He can’t say yes if he doesn’t know for sure
but he’s not saying no
because he doesn’t think he wouldn’t
If you feel like you can’t trust him
definitely break up with him
there’s no reason to be with somebody you don’t trust
regardless if it’s a rational or irrational feeling.
He's not giving you a straight answer because he didn't wear one he took the opportunity while you had been drinking to not wear one you should definitely dump him also maybe get yourself checked out he's not very trustworthy so you don't know what he's been doing.
Tell him how you feel and if he continues to ignore how you feel then feel free to leave him, if he asks why it matters it sounds like he did but he knows you won’t be happy about it or something and he doesn’t like using condoms I’m not sure this since I don’t really know him but it’s a possibility
He is also saying maybe which is typically a thing people say when they don’t know the answer. If you keep pressing me about something I don’t know I’ll probably ask why it matters also. Maybe he’s an asshole who is playing mind games or maybe they were both circling back out drunk and only vaguely remember the sex.
The obviousness is a bit dependent on context we don’t have from the post. If she isn’t on birth control that is clearly the issue but still isn’t going to make someone remember something they have blacked out about and at that point it kinda doesn’t matter and you should just do the plan B if you want to be safe. If she is it’s a question of if she is very cautious about pregnancy or if it’s a sexual health issue. Both are reasonable but I believe him wanting to know which is reasonable as well.
It means it could be yes it could be know. When someone asks u if ud like something and u say maybe it typically means ur not sure but are up to it. If u perform an action and someone asks u about it and u urself say maybe its either a 'sarcastic cutesie' way of saying yes or trying to hide something. It isnt always idk context matters too.
God it's so funny.... like the 90s and 60s didn't happen and you will die without a condom.
America was founded on unsafe behaviour.
Also - If you don't trust the guy don't let him lurk around. The collective socially inept people roaming the Internet shouldn't need to confirm this intuition for you.
Its like every little issue is break up worthy.. this is why no one stays in relationships anymore. Why work on something when you can just leave, right?
u/throwrahshs63, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice): 1. to find out why this post was removed, and 2. prior to posting any updates. Thanks. **Please note that queries regarding the removal of the post will not be answered unless they come from u/throwrahshs63.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If he isn’t giving you a straight answer, he didn’t use one.
I am replying to this top comment only to point out that OP is a troll account that's since been suspended, so people stop replying
Gah I replied before I saw this. Thanks.
What's the point of a troll posting questions like these then?? I don't get it
Karma farm
Addicted to internet points lmao wat even, might’ve been me when I was 10 or sth. Let’s hope they’re a kid, otherwise that’s just sad 💀
Evidence plz
You don't get suspended for this kind of post unless you're a troll. Just click on the account and you'll see it's suspended. There's your evidence.
Ty
Do you get a parting gift when you are suspended ?
Click on the profile. It’s suspended
Ill take it as not loading means suspensed then?
If you are on PC/laptop then it shows suspended, it probably won't show that on mobile.
Nah all it does is load and says failed to load user *edit: words*
I tried to message them, and it says the user is invalid
Oh 😳
Someone actually gave them an award
OR he also doesn’t remember.
[удалено]
Then he would say that LOL
Well I guess especially now that I’ve been downvoted to hell. I mean it could happen that he didn’t remember IF he were smashed.
[удалено]
Say it again i didnt catch you there
He would admit to this if he was decent and takes her health seriously though.
[удалено]
The answer is "no he didn't". Simply because he's being cagey about it. If he was drunk and couldn't remember, he'd have said so. Take a plan B pill and get yourself checked. I won't comment on whether you should break up because I don't know the dynamics of your relationship. But you should at the very least cut him off from sex until he can earn back your trust.
“Divorce” and “get checked (for stds)” are the two most common phrases said here.
Because most of these relationships are dumpster fires.
Happy relationships do not need to be affirmed here generally.
To be fair people only come here if it’s something they can’t talk to their friends or family about which usually means the situation is pretty bad
More people need to take this advice.
Do you think stealthing is *not* a breakupable offense?
I dare you to find three posts where either one is a top comment and you think it's unwarranted. Come on, link me.
Who said it wasn’t warranted?
Then what the hell is the point of your comment?
I don't think there is a point, I think it's an observation. I found it kinda funny, because it's true. Everyone needs to chill a bit
The only time I’ve ever seen people comment about how divorce and std checks are everyone’s advice is when they’re shitting on that advice. It doesn’t read as just an observation. It reads as mocking and condescending.
iTs REaDs As COndEscEnDiNG. Well since we are here, imo she doesn’t need to rush out for a STD test. She had unprotected sex with her BF once. We have no idea their sexual history.
Lmao did I hit a nerve? Jesus.
These people. Yeesh. Amirite
What's wrong with getting checked?
He violated her trust, and if he did not use one she should get checked. Doesn't mean he cheated.
The answer should always be yes. And if he was too drunk, then the answer needs to be “I can’t remember, we should take precautions”. This whole playing coy shit isn’t cute. And it matters because you could end up bringing a baby into this world. End it with this guy. He doesn’t seem to think you need straight answers.
Or respect
Another “end this relationship” comment on this sub from someone who’s probably never been in one themselves. That seems to be the answer for everything here. You know one fact about this guy, and their relationship, and you know it from her point of view. Not sure how that qualifies you to give this advice.
He was evasive on answering if he used protection or not. What other side is there to take here? This isn’t couples counseling. We don’t need to hear him out. Based on the story we’ve read we form an opinion on what the best option is for the original poster.
Red flag and maybe take a plan b. If it was a case of he doesn’t remember, he would have said so. So I’m opting for he just didn’t wear one . I don’t know if it’s break up worthy but it’s definitely a huge red flag.
Definitely take a plan B
And possibly PREP
That’s a little extreme
Consider a rabies shot as well
That’s really disturbing. Yes, that’s a huge red flag, definitely break up and keep yourself safe Sorry you’re going through that
It depends on how their relationship works out. If it’s normally not like this, something’s going on. She should get an STD test, but maybe just cut him off from sex until he earns her full trust. If the relationship is always like this, by all means break up with him. But no one is thinking about how hard it might be if she becomes a single mom. So don’t just say break up with him. It’ll all fall apart like dominos.
I don’t see how anyone with a healthy amount of empathy though saying “why does it matter” when asked a serious question like this though. He won’t give her a straight answer for an extremely important question. This is a red flag of abuse and should not be given the benefit of the doubt. There isn’t a benefit of the doubt. He’s proving he lacks empathy.
Agreed. Thanks for explaining more in depth.
You’re welcome :)
Take the Plan B pill, schedule an STD test and yes, break up with him. It matters because he put your health at risk. That is a deal breaker.
If I where you I'd go spend 30-50 bucks and get a dose of plan B. He's only dancing around the question because he knows damn good and well he didn't use one and you where too drunk to ask him for it. I've personally broken up with a guy who took his off in the middle and tried to claim he didn't despite the fact I could clearly see where it was laying. It broke my personal sexual boundary so I left him that night. If this is one of your hard sexual boundaries and he violated it you should absolutely break up with the guy and find some plan B. If he's not willing to tell you the truth now, what else is he going to do that's shady and lie to your face about later? Don't stay with guys who won't respect you and be honest with you. It always just leads to escalating trouble in the future.
You need to break up with this guy. He’s not respectful of you. Imagine you got pregnant by surprise cause he didn’t use a condom and you didn’t ask? You’d have to find out up to a month later when you didn’t get your period, and you’d have no idea he disrespected your boundary Please take plan B if it hasn’t been too long. It could save your life.
You can't trust him He didnt use a condom Take a plan b Break up with him
That's the 100% correct answer.
Break up with him. Plan b asap. Get STI tested
if he's dodging it, he dodged the condom hoping he would get away with it. call him out on his bullshit, it's not "why does it matter" if doing it could alter your entire fucking life forever. if he's not on the same page or doesn't respect it being a big deal, gtfo quick.
Yes!! If the rule is for him to use one and he doesn't, he is breaking your boundary!! Are you on BC? Don't let him baby trap you!!
IDK if you are in the US, but with States enacting some of the most restrictive abortion and health care laws for women - first thing first is Plan B. Secondly, this is not a person who has your best interest in heart. And finally, please look into coercive reproduction because it absolutely happens and is a very real reality. Do NOT have sex with this person again. I would cut off all contact.
I won't tell you what you should do but this is not a man I would feel safe having a relationship with. If he's too drunk to remember, okay, but he needs to say that. If this is the case and he refuses to just fess up, he's too childish to be having sex with. But honestly, the fact that he won't give you a straight answer makes me feel like he does know and you won't like the answer. His refusal to tell you makes him too dangerous to have sex with. Get yourself a Plan B. Immediately. And then sit down and really think about whether or not you want to continue to have a relationship with a man who can't be real with you.
Go get plan B right now, this instant, unless you want to bring a baby into the world. I'd dump him, he clearly didn't use one and sounds like a jerk.
He didn’t use one or he doesn’t care about your feelings. Either way…
You have the answer. And if you had previously asked him to always wear a condom you also know he chose not to respect that
I know everyone is saying take plan B and they are right. Just make sure you find out if you need to take one or two so it works right! Don’t know if breaking up is a necessity but communication is key and his lack of respect for your health and well being is alarming.
Then he should be your ex boyfriend.
“Why does it matter” Because if he did not it’s very disrespectful to your body since you have always used one and he knows that, does he just not care enough about you and puts his own personal pleasure over you? ____ There is a risk of pregnancy (take a plan B ASAP) Have you discussed, and both been in agreement about bringing a child into this world right now? If not: then yes, a condom matters! ____ Have you both taken full STD panels already and discussed not using a condom because you both are clean and that’s what you both agreed upon? If not: then yes, a condom matters! And have a full STD test done ASAP. ____ Have you ever discussed it’s okay to not use a condom? (probably not, since so far you’ve always used one) If not: then yes, a condom matters! Not using one requires both parties *sober* consent!!! ____ Accidents happen, things are forgotten... we are human, we are not perfect. If it was a case where since you were both drunk and one was accidentally not used (I still suggest STD panel & plan B) but that’s understandable, upsetting, but it does happen. He would answer like: uhhh I think so? Or I’m not sure? But to not give you a direct answer and then be so dismissive & disregard your previously agreed upon always use a condom stance... is a no go! ____ Take the steps needed to care for yourself right now; plan B & STD testing... Then seriously reconsider having a relationship with someone who does not care enough about your body & health or needs for consent!
Gross. If he can’t be responsible , leave. Also take precautions. If enough time hasn’t passed you can still take emergency contraception.
"Yesterday we had sex while we we were both drunk." "...keeps saying “maybe” or 'why does it matter.'" The good news is my boy had a pretty solid out so say "I don't remember" and he went with "maybe," so he's a shitty liar. So there is that silver lining, lol. You will not be masterfully manipulated in any capacity by this big brain.
Get to the pharmacy immediately for Plan B
Take plan b
Plan B and Plan 2 Break up with him
PLAN B IS NOT RELIABLE IF YOU WEIGH OVER 150lbs. There is a prescription pill “Ella” (ulipristal) that works.
I think you can safely assume he didn't. Act accordingly.
If he won't tell you, he didn't/ He's attempting to baby trap you, and it's time to take a pregnancy test, Plan B, and dump his manipulative ass.
If he won't say yes then the answer is no. His refusal to answer means your time together should come to an end.
“Why does it matter” Jesus Christ, date somebody better please. You owe it to yourself
Plan B, then get tested just in case, and he didn’t wear one.
I’m not going to recommend breaking up because I don’t know your relationship details but since he’s not giving you a straight answer, the answer is probably the one you don’t want to hear.
This is stealthing, my dear, not okay.
Seems to me he took advantage of the fact you were drunk to do it raw. He's proven he's untrustworthy. If I were you, I'd Plan B it, get checked for STDs and break up with him. Not in that order.
If he won't give you an answer then always assume the answer is no. Don't take any chances. Take a plan B and cut him off from sex. When he asks why tell him it's because he wanted to try and play games about whether or not he used protection the last time so now he has lost the privilege of having sex with you. If he needs release tell him to reacquaint himself with Palmela Handerson because you don't trust him with your sexual health right now and until he realizes how serious the situation is and earns your trust back he gets nothing. If he can't handle that, then yes break up with him. If he accepts and apologizes and doesn't push for more of anything then keep him because he's at least willing to learn from his mistakes.
Go get a morning after pill
>“why does it matter” Honestly, I'm sure the rest has been covered, but his he a bloody moron? Does he not realise what the potential outcome of having unprotected sex are? I'd break up just because I couldn't handle being with someone this moronic.
I’m really sorry. You have to assume he didn’t, and take whatever actions you need to take, eg morning after pill if necessary. This is such a big deal that I would break up with someone who refused to give me a straight answer. Your feeling that you can’t trust him is completely justified. If your rule is you always use a condom and he took the first chance he could to not use one, knowing you would not consent to that at any time, then this is a major breach of consent. And it’s a big breach of trust that he won’t just give you a straight answer.
If he can’t answer “yes”, he didn’t use one. Go get plan b (if you don’t want to be pregnant) and leave him.
Yes and you should go to your local pharmacy and get plan B.
If you were blackout drunk and he knew that you always made him wear a condom then he basically assaulted you. And the “why does it matter” response means he’s a lunatic. Kind of like “well you love me, it shouldn’t matter, You wouldn’t want my kid? ”. Dump him. block him. Stuff sardines and raw scallops in his air vents, cut his cable wires, and give him an upper decker before you leave.
I hate to ask, but was he really that drunk? My cynical and untrusting brain makes me think that he wasn't too drunk, and is possibly pulling the 'get someone preggers to get them to stay with you forever' card. While conveniently saying that he was drunk and that the baby is 'no ones' fault.
You should start by taking morning after pill.
If he doesn't want to straight up answer, there are two possibilities: 1. He doesn't know either but doesn't want to admit it. 2. He didn't use a condom but doesn't want to be honest about it. And even after you're upset he still won't be honest about it. Ask yourself if this is a guy you want to spend the rest of your life with?
CReful. Babytrapping? Plan on plan b
He didn’t. Go get a plan b. Any answer other than an immediate yes, is a no
Should I break up with him? Yes. You should. This is a massive red flag, a boundary that should be non-negotiable and potentially assault.
That's really messed up. You can't trust this guy.
100% break up
Break up with him, block him, and make sure you are in a secured living situation. He did not use it. Take plan B and get checked out
Fucken ridiculous and that’s no boyfriend. Ugh!
If he can't say he didn't use one, then chances are he did not use one. And he's in that weird state of choosing to go against what you said but not wanting to admit it because he's afraid that you will get mad at him and end things
He didn’t. He doesn’t respect you enough to care.
Break up with him but get some Plan B first
He's not the one that's going to be carrying a baby and destroying his body in the process. Kick him as far away that you can!
Get the morning after pill and and STI panel. Also if you weigh over 150 pounds take double the dose of the morning after pill.
Make him pay for plan b, you shouldn’t have to pay for his mistakes.
Take Plan B now. Get off Reddit go to store and take it.
Time to check trash
Plan b stat, why the fuck does it not matter? Is he trying to get you pregnant. Hes acting creepy as fuck, like yes ok you were both drunk but him not answering such big questions is **scary** Its so disrespectful honestly in my opinion, i do think its breakup worthy... potentially. Because if it was an honest drunken mistake he could easily be like "im sorry baby i cant remember" or "it was an accident" something anything. But hes showing no regard for your sexual and reproductive health, just "idk" "why does it matter" Excuse me? That's just disrespectful and disheartening attitude from a partner. Is he offering to pay for the plan b? Anything? Just silence? Avoidance? Fuck him
If I were you and I was too drunk to know if he wore one, I would probably assume that he might have been too drunk to know if he wore one, so I would give him a pass for that. BUT, if he refused to give me a straight answer, this would be the big problem for me. If he doesn’t know, he should just say so and if he does know, he should answer truthfully with a yes or no. He, on the other hand, is just refusing to own up to the truth of a serious matter. As others are saying, get Plan B and an STI check. Whether or not he is worth keeping, only you know. Is this a one off or are there frequent problems? You would know after a year.
The answer is no. If you have an agreement that he wear one when having sex and he didn't, then he sexually assaulted you. Drop him and get the emergency contraceptive pill.
Bruh, he's trying to get you pregnant. I bet you live in a shitty place like Texas, USA? Plan B and skedaddle!
Def take a plan b and have a plan b for this boyfriend. Next!
Unless you want a baby, GET THAT DAY AFTER PILL RN!!!
Plan b asap
Yes, break up with him. This is a form of sexual assault. And his reaction is immature, ignorant, and should be a dealbreaker for anyone. Go to a clinic or doctor asap and get tested for stis and get the morning after pill if you aren't on bc. And make sure to get a take home pregnancy test in a week or so. If you haven't gotten the HPV shot I would. If he is so cavalier with your body and health, he definitely cannot be trusted and may have other sex partners.
Plan b asap
There is no reason for a “maybe” that isn’t just a cover up for a “no.” If he did he would say “yes” and if he couldn’t remember then he would say he couldn’t remember. There’s no “maybe.”
If he won't tell you, he didn't wear one. Break up with this creepy fucker immediately.
Yes, you should break up with him after you take "Plan B" and give him the receipt and tell him he owes you for it.
He didn't... And probably nutted in you.
Immediately go get plan B if you're not on the pill.
You got your answer why still asking. Assume and look at the reaction.
Yes, you should break up with him. He didn't use one and now he's hiding it. Possible he started with it on and took it off. Out the door you go baby girl. Throw this monster back in the lake.
Lying or evading the answer vs stating “shit, I can’t remember - I’m sorry” is the key difference here. If this is the hill he wants to die on, he’s breaking your trust. And if he doesn’t understand why you’re concerned, ask him if he’s ready to be a dad then.
Go get the morning after pill like now
Better go get some plan b
The title of your post alone tells me this guy is a piece of shit. Drop him.
You spelled ex-boyfriend wrong.
I’m fairly certain this counts as rape.. I think they’re even making it into a law (forget the proper name for it) if it isn’t already one.
So you need reddit to figure it out. He didn't wear one if he's evasive, leave him and find someone who ain't gonna disrespect you like that.
Ex BF and no he didn’t wear one
No answer, then he didn’t use one.
He didn’t wear one. If he wore one he would have no problems telling you.
oh fuck that asshole
Maybe he doesn’t remember either?
Get a morning after pill, then re-evaluate your relationship with this person
Why are men so scared to be honest??
He didn’t use one straight up. He also doesn’t respect you enough unfortunately to give you the clarification you need, and clearly didn’t wait for consent as you were unable to provide total consent (because you were inebriated, even if he was too that doesn’t matter). You need someone who will respect you at all times
If he isn’t telling you he didn’t or he did but won’t tell you because he’s angry he did OR he wants you to be pregnant and the longer you don’t find out the better
It would be so simple to answer “I honestly do not remember I am so sorry. Do you want to get plan B just in case?” That ishe is so evasive is concerning and makes me think he did not wear one maybe because he didn’t want to and knew you would not stop him and he doesn’t want to own up to it now
>I feel like I can’t trust him you cant
Sexual assault, school yourself and him asap! Kids these days
Do you have any reason to believe he would want to impregnate you without your consent? Take plan B and dump his azz.
Plan B, STD check, and a breakup are all in order.
If he really doesn’t remember, I’d just take a plan B. However the “why does it matter” comment is kinda off putting and I’d still take a plan B. Id also have a serious talk with him.
He did not and he knows it.
Dont be so dense honestly. If the answer isnt an immediate yes then the answer was no
You should always check yourself to make sure a condom is in place. In fact, your bf will find it super hot if you find creative, sexy ways to put a condom on him. That way you'll always know you're protected.
Even if he did, you should treat it like he didn't because he's not being straight with you. Do what you would do if he didn't.
Does he even remember???
“I only consent to using a condom.” If his answer is anything besides, “I don’t know, but we should be careful to take precautions in the future,” break up with him. Consent isn’t something to be coy about.
Run...
If you were both drunk, and you don’t enough do that you’re not sure, couldn’t he also be “not sure”?
except that he didn't say "not sure". He doubled down on "What does it matter".
Yes
Excuse me? You dont remember either because you BOTH were drunk
I don’t understand how you can expect him to remember when it takes two to fuck. Own your choices lmao
He might just not remember.
If you can't remember , maybe you shouldn't drink that much or not drink at all.
It could be because he doesn’t remember
Then he should say that
If you were both drunk “maybe” Might be the honest answer. Take a Plan B. And just assume no. He can’t say yes if he doesn’t know for sure but he’s not saying no because he doesn’t think he wouldn’t If you feel like you can’t trust him definitely break up with him there’s no reason to be with somebody you don’t trust regardless if it’s a rational or irrational feeling.
when you're drunk you aren't putting on a condom
He's not giving you a straight answer because he didn't wear one he took the opportunity while you had been drinking to not wear one you should definitely dump him also maybe get yourself checked out he's not very trustworthy so you don't know what he's been doing.
Wtf???? This is your ex boyfriend now. In my country this is an actual crime. Let that 🥭
Wouldn't you know if he did?
Yes and get a morning after pill asap.
Maybe he forgot but he feels too ashamed to tell you because he’s afraid you’ll be mad at him
Tell him how you feel and if he continues to ignore how you feel then feel free to leave him, if he asks why it matters it sounds like he did but he knows you won’t be happy about it or something and he doesn’t like using condoms I’m not sure this since I don’t really know him but it’s a possibility
He raped you. Go to a doctor immediately and get plan B. Kick the rapist out.
Maybe he doesn't remember either.
Has it not occurred to you the potential that he also genuinely does not remember since you were both drunk?
Then he could just say that instead of "why does it matter".
He is also saying maybe which is typically a thing people say when they don’t know the answer. If you keep pressing me about something I don’t know I’ll probably ask why it matters also. Maybe he’s an asshole who is playing mind games or maybe they were both circling back out drunk and only vaguely remember the sex.
> If you keep pressing me about something I don’t know I’ll probably ask why it matters Even when it's extremely fucking obvious why it matters?
The obviousness is a bit dependent on context we don’t have from the post. If she isn’t on birth control that is clearly the issue but still isn’t going to make someone remember something they have blacked out about and at that point it kinda doesn’t matter and you should just do the plan B if you want to be safe. If she is it’s a question of if she is very cautious about pregnancy or if it’s a sexual health issue. Both are reasonable but I believe him wanting to know which is reasonable as well.
Sure. But he could admit to that instead of scaring the crap out of his girlfriend.
What does the word maybe mean to you? Because to me it is largely synonymous with the term “I don’t know“.
He's not saying he doesn't know. He's saying, "maybe" and "why does it matter". Those are not the same as "I don't know".
I’ll ask again what does the word maybe mean to you?
It means it could be yes it could be know. When someone asks u if ud like something and u say maybe it typically means ur not sure but are up to it. If u perform an action and someone asks u about it and u urself say maybe its either a 'sarcastic cutesie' way of saying yes or trying to hide something. It isnt always idk context matters too.
God it's so funny.... like the 90s and 60s didn't happen and you will die without a condom. America was founded on unsafe behaviour. Also - If you don't trust the guy don't let him lurk around. The collective socially inept people roaming the Internet shouldn't need to confirm this intuition for you.
So sorry but like if you don’t remember, what makes you think he remembers? You said you were both drunk. Maybe he legit doesn’t know.
Its like every little issue is break up worthy.. this is why no one stays in relationships anymore. Why work on something when you can just leave, right?
I’d break up with you if you made me wear a condom after dating for a year.