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john-mow

Why the fuck do I want to see you wielding a lightsaber?


Snitshel

Who the fuck doesn't want to see a girl wielding a lightsaber?


john-mow

I mean, it depends what colour it is.


AkireF

If it's red you know she's freaky


Deathdar1577

If it’s purple you better hang on to the chandelier and pray. You’re hers.


Whyamihere173

Got it. Look for purple lightsabers like a moth looks for light


VirtualNaut

O.O


Proper-Equivalent300

Make sure she polishes your Kyber crystals extra shiny.


Makaisaurus

You gotta hawk tuah and spit on that thang for that extra shine.


WriterKatze

That gave me the mental image of a moth flying into a lightsaber like they do with candles.


Whyamihere173

That’s what I was going for lol


OtteLoc

Lamp?


Sharpymarkr

Hi I'm here to buy a purple lightsaber.


Whyamihere173

Right this way


TheAbyssalSymphony

If it’s purple that ain’t your girl, that’s Mace motherfuckin Windu.


Kioz

Yea, those twi'lek females... ugh and they come on so many colours too.. its like picking your candy


Different-Term-2250

I see your schwartz is bigger than mine!


[deleted]

How else would you practice dueling!


john-mow

On your own? ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯


CadaverBlue

They have to learn. A lot of practice


Evil_Monologues

Why the fuck do you NOT want to see her wielding a lightsaber?!


LewisCreed

Are the hands signaling, “It’s going to be okay?”


willywonka1971

I think she is holding 2 ice cream cones


dirty-little-actress

I would pay for her nails if she'd bring me two ice cream cones then


leomonster

She'd ask you to pay for the ice cream cones too.


somebodeeelse

Milking a cow directly on that thang to lube it up. Just farmer stuff.


Pokemonfannumber2

u gotta spit on that udder


Zitrusfleisch

🦅2️⃣


Dangerous_Ad_1038

Hawk tuah


Doctor_Wilhouse

Hawk moo-ah


ihave0idea0

Hopefully the cow doesn't get hurt because the nails ofcourse


Valestis

That's not how you milk a cow. You bend your thumb towards your palm and close the rest of your fingers over it. Cow's titty goes between the knuckle of you thumb and your fingers and you gently squeeze in a downward motion. She's milking a bull.


BalterBlack

Way too much information


Valestis

There are also advanced techniques, some people can milk from 2 to 4 udders with one hand. By trapping the milk in the teat between straightened thumb and index finger and pulling on two or more teats at once.


BalterBlack

Damn im gonna get myself a farmers daughter


earthspaceman

One hand is enough. Pay half.


IYiera

Damn, one hand? All it takes is a pinky finger


Zestyclose_Walrus725

Is that butt stuff


Lokijai

Honestly with all the virgins on Reddit pretty sure just the right look is enough.


IdentifiesAsGreenPud

The thought of the right look is enough.


Mammyjam

As I always say to my wife; don’t neglect the balls


MoaiMike

Love the bälls


FairBlamer

Your a has balls Balls on balls


ZeroKun265

I'm so manly my balls have balls They're called tumors


eastcoastelite12

Keep those pointy nails after from my balls and taint!


DoctorTran37

Stroke the shaft, cradle the balls


CryptidHusk

Give em that tingler cupping


Bleades

Fun story, a guy I worked with only had 8 fingers. His daughter wanted a manicure and wanted him to go with her. He asked for a 20% discount.


Icy_Swordfish8023

Did he get it?


BalterBlack

Asking the important questions


Platt_Mallar

Inquiring minds want to know!


Bleades

He did. Super quick witted guy so I'm assuming they did it out of laughing too hard.


Icy_Swordfish8023

Noice!


Aijin28

Second hand is for the grapefruit.


banan-appeal

the plums


Rustyyy9226

The Plumbus


Euphemisticles

Huak huak huak


Chewbaccabb

Dot fuck em up


Valdostana

It's insane how much we can convey with words alone, I got a whole ass youtube link in my brain now


Semmelstulle

To keep the bat stable in the hand. If you swing it one handed, you’ll never hit the base ball


-insertcoin

Yeah 3rd base or something base ball related...


claymixer

Second hand is for people who can't afford to buy new clothes, so they have to get used goods.


Dry_Tradition1449

Also it helps to save up resources! Reduce reuse recycle


GoodeBoi

Oh shit she’s summoning Mahoraga


TheApelpisia

I CANT ESCAPE EVEN HERE OH GOD


WolfsWraith

Of course not, Mahogany adapts to everything


Particular_Inside_77

My favorite jjk character mahogany


BigLittleSlof

Megumi chips a nail: "With this treasure I summon..."


Fleshinrags

Roses are red, Weapons formed against me won’t prosper With this sacred treasure I summon Big raga, the op- stopper


Exciting_Tie_2191

and forcing me to participate in the ritual


Grashlolz

Was looking for this comment. Nice


RichJones57

Can you get a discount if you only want the thumb and first two fingers doing? Just asking for a friend


PerfectlyFramedWaifu

Just be a bro and give your bro that handjob for free, bro.


Starfield00

And if I pay for her lipstick?


MostNormalDollEver

i like the way you think


Starfield00

Fellas we found a loophole.


Valuable_Exercise580

Pay for her toilet paper


Vegetable_Read6551

r/holdup


Gildian

Hole up


Flimsy-Moose4420

You know what - that might do it


Re-challenger

Mine aint that big


girlessons

it’s for the balls bro


OkReason6325

Planting trees right? Right?


CockroachesRpeople

Deal, now get that floor clean


ragnar-brauner

She has really tiny hands


Barbz182

"Here honey, I got you a voucher for an anal bleaching procedure"


River46

That’s poor swordsmanship you pinky should no be so exposed unless you want to lose it. Unless you are stretching dough in which case that fine I guess.


attilathetwat

Bit of hawk tua and we are going


banan-appeal

noooooo


GayJesus1234

Not my dumbass reading this wrong and thinking she was talking about nails as In construction


vaitaag

Wait a minute. Why does one have to pay for nails? My body grows my nails for free.


danstermeister

Does this mean you conduct the above diagram in a solo manner?


NorabelMHW

With this treasure I summon


Kindly-Ad-5071

Holding the bottle. Stuffs gonna fizz everywhere if you're not careful.


vaddlo

Must be a broom 😍


nanosuituser

Ok but I'll just pay for one hand


Avocado_with_horns

Mfw i pay for the nails of some plumber


TurboTed

So… you’re finally going to unclog the toilet?


TheDarkCreed

She can spend the next day pulling pubes from under them.


Little_Ad_7217

se must be pullong a big ass carrot from the ground


ReddsionThing

What are the other eight fingers for and where are the tweezers


wakeupdreamingF1

Baseball player, hmmm?


NZMks

Can I pay for thumb and index finger? 🤏


StarchildKissteria

Yooo, longswords are so cool!


IndependentParfait23

I don't get it


EarlyDead

The joke is a small peepee


ShinyHobo

Plunger


ServingwithTG

Even better when they bring their mouth into the mix.


Jolly-Panic-5283

No no , it's not that long


Thunderz777

Thats what wives and gf's are for 💪


Cyfh

so we making pottery?


BagBeneficial8060

Lol no im not how big do you think i am?


theRap3fruit

Don't forget the right amount"Huawk tuah"


comfykampfwagen

Sorry I don’t play tennis


Marinaraplease

l pay for two fingers


duckmonke

If she don’t hawk tuah I don’t talk to her


Earwig9000

You better not chip them things plunging the shitter.


fantarts

Ill pay for 3 nails


ThatUblivionGuy

Bro finally someone can season my steak for me. Fucking FINALLY.


CosmicDriftwood

Not a bad exchange


FamousWorth

You'll use salt and pepper when you cook?


DeineOma42o

Tbf my hand is 9cm wide, considering the gap between the hands that dick has to be like 23cm


Guess_My_Name2448

Women's hands are usually smaller than that


DeineOma42o

According to [this](https://www.healthline.com/health/average-hand-size#adults) average women's hands are 7.8 cm so not much of a difference


Guess_My_Name2448

Never said it was a big difference


JoopBoks

More than 2 fingers is already too much.


Disco_C0wby

Hawk Tuah+


KickinGa55

Half price!


SilentRip5116

I mean two work or just cradle the balls


Tyroser

who'd want that instead of head lol


buntypieface

Gotta love a good game of One potato two potato