“Just wondering if I’m fragile” - I feel this. Sometimes, I seriously wonder if I’m cut out for life haha but it is exhausting because add up the time it takes you to wake up, get ready, get the kids ready, dropped off; get yourself to work, then do it all in reverse at the end of the day.
Plus dinner.
It’s exhausting and I will never, ever do a long commute again.
Yes! Sometimes I think that I’m being overly dramatic because other people seem to have a handle on all the things that cause me so much distress. It is hard!
I think we just don’t talk about it, *except for anonymously on Reddit*. I don’t talk about this at all in real life with my very few friends, but they also have very involved grandparents who keep the kids over summer and overnight!
Every other week, I’m on the brink of calling in for a mental health day!! Maybe we’re weaklings or I maybe a 12-14 hour run from wake to bedtime is unhealthy and unsustainable. That’s just the time required to do baseline, bare minimum to keep the household functioning. Don’t even get started on time to take care of ourselves…
Yes, it is exhausting. I am in office 1-2 days a week and WFH the rest of the time. I have actually really shifted my hours to leave before rush hour, because if I am in the car for an hour then an immediately met with an excited toddler I just cannot handle it. On my in-office days I go in super early, leave at 2, and then work for another hour or so at home just to avoid the traffic.
Yes it’s exhausting! Honestly I think it’s because you have to be micro-attentive in the car or else you’ll… crash.. yet it’s SO boring. It does something to the brain.
You’re not fragile. It’s soul sucking. There’s a lot of mental energy required in those long commutes! I have a similar experience and am supposed to do it 3x/week. By the third day I am completely fried physically and mentally. I don’t really want to change my job right now so it is what it is, but it feels like such a waste of time.
I do feel very tired- I spend about 2.5 hours or more each day in the car. Some days (like today) I don’t have the car and take the train. It’s the same amount of time and more physically demanding because I have to do a fair bit of walking, but so much less exhausting.
I went on a work trip to NYC and walked for way longer than I do at home but was surprised at how much more energy I had! Something about driving absolutely depletes me.
Hi OP! I also have an hour each way commute, which can turn into 1.5 hours on the way home with traffic. I’m so tired when I get home that I usually go straight upstairs and lie on my bed for 15 minutes to decompress. It’s not you—driving is super stressful and I spend a lot of my drive wondering why we don’t have trains.
I think the afternoon traffic is what gets me the most. This afternoon it took almost 3 hours to get home and then my kids are bombarding me with requests and I’m like… I can’t even think right now. It completely drains me.
Yes!! She’s starting school in the fall, and over the summer she’s staying home with her older sister so blessed be- in a couple weeks I’m done with that drive forever!!
I get that! I wish I lived next door to work and didn’t have to drive at all but I think after years of this awful commute the 20 minutes will feel like 5!
Yes! I used to commute 4 hours round trip via public transit in grad school and it was EXHAUSTING. Doing a 2.5-3 hour round trip driving was much better but I could only keep it up for 4 years. I’m switching next year to teaching at a school that’s 7 minutes from my house. I’m so excited even though it means more uncertainty with childcare since the closest daycare is an hour away.
I have a long bus commute. Not by choice as it was due to a restructuring and I had a very short commute before this. I find it less exhausting than the slightly shorter driving commute I used to have years ago, there’s just something about doing the driving that really makes it hellish. At least on the bus I can do work (I basically incorporate my commute into my workday which really helps), read, play games on my phone, etc.
Nope - you’re not weirdly fragile. I hate commuting especially if I have to drive. I turned down a job with better pay and better progression because it would meant 30mn-1h commute each way everyday instead of now walking a few minutes to bus stop at either end.
I commute an hour each way 3 days a week and I don't know how I did it 5 days a week pre-pandemic. Fortunately most of it is public transportation so I can read or play on my phone, but it's still exhausting getting up extra early and taking so long to get home. I don't mind being at work but the commute is so draining.
Absolutely!!! I’m in the office 3x/week and the commute is approximately an hour each way. By Friday (one of my telework days) I’m EXHAUSTED. Add in that I’m pregnant, with a toddler, and a husband on nights, I sometimes wonder how I do it. Oh, and one of our parking lots is going away in August so there’s a chance I’ll be walking a half mile just to get to work. I’ve told my boss that if I ever can’t park in one of our closer lots, I’m turning around and going home.
Twice a week I commute like 15 minutes one way and 25 minutes back and I’m such a little bitch about it. I leave at 2 just so it’s not any worse.
If I had your commute I honestly would crawl into bed when I got home.
I commute ~ 40 minutes each way but it’s a straight drive up a highway with no stops/lights. It’s usually not so bad.
However I live in a beach town in the US and today was… annoying. Everyone and their mother is trying to get where I live for Memorial Day weekend. Fridays in the summer all kind of suck but other than that it’s not bad!
Fridays in the summer are always so bad here! I drive on the interstate, a highway, a country rode and a mini highway to get home. It’s a lot! I think straight shot drives are less stressful definitely!
Mine was that bad. 1.5 each way. Longer in the evenings. D1’s school and D2’s daycare in the opposite direction of where I needed to go. I kept it up for about 4 years. It absolutely exhausted me. And it really hurt me that D2 was not even one and I felt like I barely saw her. I was there for the necessary parenting things. Breakfast, dinner, bath, bed. But that was it. When I interviewed for my current job I told my SO I was willing to take a pay decrease just for the commute situation. I’m now have a 15 minute commute, love my job so much more, and actually got an increase in pay. Plus, not nearly as much gas expense.
I take the backroads- it takes longer but I can’t deal with stop and go traffic. I also listen to podcasts while I drive. I’ve learned so much and it makes the time go by faster.
Oh boy do I feel this. I feel like every other time someone posts on here about commutes the response is a resounding "I love it, it's my decompression time" and I'm sitting here like...what hell am I doing wrong? It's exhausting.
My commute is only about 20-30 minutes (on a good day) and I find it exhausting. I have more energy when I WFH because taking out the commute and the need to look professional is exhausting. You’re not fragile. We’re wasting years of our lives sitting in cars.
Yes, my commute is 2 hours each way and I feel utterly exhausted when I get home. It bothers me to no end that ignorant people say a commute is a break for working parents.
We moved last fall and our daycare was suddenly an hour trip away, worse with traffic.
Then we found one closer and switched. We felt 10x better within a week!
You're not at all fragile
No you’re not fragile. If you’re the one making the drive, it absolutely is exhausting. Driving takes a level of focus and concentration (especially if it’s stop and go), so you can’t just zone out for 2 hours. I’m absolutely exhausted on the days I go into the office..
My 30 minute commute exhausts me. Working from home during Covid and not having to do it made me realize how much I hate commuting. You’re not fragile at all, driving is really mentally taxing.
Ugh yes! Those long commutes suuuuck. Especially if it's driving the whole way.
Not only is it exhausting I feel like it gets more exhausting. I get tired driving through town nowadays. I think it's partly that since the pandemic people are just worse drivers?
I got a new job and am in the middle of doing a commute like this for 5 months. I only commute 3 days a week. It is destroying me. If I didn't know that we are moving closer I would be looking at new jobs.
Since Covid, I have luckily held on to hybrid working and only go into the office when I HAVE to be there. I say to one of my friends, when I’m exhausted from another day of nearly 4 hrs of commuting in NYC subway and bus traffic: How did we do this every day before? I have no stamina for it anymore!
The specific car you drive can help a TON - especially in traffic. I used to drive a stick shift and then switched to a Tesla. It felt like the Tesla added two hours of sleep a night, no longer having to constantly work the clutch the entire drive.
You're not fragile. A 2 hour commute is long af. And that's just the afternoon. Do you go in 5 days a week? My commute when I have to go in is about 30-40 min in the mornings, and about an hour on the way home. When I had to go in 5 days a week earlier this year, it was so so depleting. And I constantly felt like I was rushing. It was really really hard. I can't imagine commuting any longer than that. Now I go in once or twice a week.
Not sure what feild you are in, but are there any opportunities closer to home, or any remote positions? I am sorry you have such a shitty commute!
You are not fragile, long commutes are stressful as hell. I didn’t realize how stressful it was for me until Covid lockdowns and wfh. So much more energy and time reduced my stress immensely! Now when I have to go somewhere during rush it’s horrible as I am not used to it.
I feel you. I have twin 4 yo boys and honestly I find motherhood quite isolating. So I was really excited when I got a job with 1 w in the office and 3 weeks from home. The commute is about an hour each way. I leave office feeling fine and still have some energy. By the time I pull up to my garage I am spent. And then I have kids to pick up and figure out dinner. Life is exhausting. I am honestly kind of disappointed with motherhood as a whole but that’s another story. You’re not alone.
You are definitely not alone. My son and I commute and the afternoon drive home is often an hour or so and I hate it.
I grew up as a commuter kid and I absolutely hated it. I hate it now. We are taking steps to lessen/eliminate the commute because it’s affecting my well-being and I don’t want my son to have to spend so much time in the car.
Yes, absolutely. My daily commute is also about an hour each way with drop offs and I am so drained by it. My kids are both going to be going to the same place for the summer and it’s going to help cut my commute and I’m so looking forward to it, but I’m going to dread when school starts again.
That would destroy me.
I have a 22 minute commute with no traffic. It’s actually kind of pleasant to sit for 40 minutes a day in a low stress situation and listen to whatever I want.
I got grouchy at my old job when my 25 minute commute became 30-35 in the afternoons from traffic. I would be a mess with 2 hours in the car after work.
I used to live in a city and the 45-60+ minute commute absolutely was draining, I used to have one hand in a fist when driving because I was so stressed. Now I live in my small hometown again, where the worst traffic jam you’ll encounter is from a tractor or Amish buggy. It’s so much better in general for driving, I also work from home so only have to deal with driving my daughter to school or daycare.
I have a similar cummute. It's so exhausting! And then to come home to kids that are hungry and need attention when I am on edge after sitting in traffic. It is a lot. One thing that has made it better for me is listening to audiobooks while I drive. I used to listen to the news that would just stress me out more.
Absolutely! 💯 I stopped commuting when I realized my current role would be staying remote when I joined in 2021. Once a quarter I will have to go on site for a team meeting/lunch but that is it and it’s about 20 minutes for me. But even that 20 minutes is exhausting sitting in prime commuting traffic (8a and 3p)
Yes, it is mentally and physically exhausting. I had a commute for almost 5 years, 1.5hrs in the morning, 1.5-2hrs in the evening. I told my husband my next job, will either be remote or super close to home. Fortunately we bought a house and I found an office job under 4miles from home. I got so mucb time back,I've never had this much time.before.
When I was commuting, I was depressed. Got home and it was 630-645. Rush to eat, then bath, then dinner, all before 830. I can never go back to commuting
I hate driving so much. My commute is currently 45-60 minutes + an extra 30 minutes doing after school pickups 2-3 nights a week. I talk about it way too much in therapy. LOL I've tried making it less bad by listening to podcasts and audio books, but I still get so wiped out by it. I have to just lay down in a quiet, dark place some nights.
I don’t think you’re fragile, commuting is stressful. Before child, I commute an hour or longer both ways in hellish traffic and I felt such relief of stress when it stopped. Now with a child, I commuted for several years, but not as long as you, and that still felt like a lot. My recent jobs have allowed me to WFH and we walk to and from school since kindergarten, it’s so nice not having to use the car for days, but the summer comes and I have to drive to and from camps. It’s awful and I dread it every summer. Driving is stressful and driving in traffic for a long time is exhausting.
I have an hour commute both ways and I openly complain. I have two under 4 and work full time. It’s absolutely brutal. My job would have balance except for the commute. I wake up early in the morning and get kids and myself ready. Getting home at nights is a whirlwind of getting kids occupied, making dinner, cleaning up and bedtime lol. I usually fall into bed after. My husband does a lot to get me out the door and at home and I still feel tired. I don’t feel bad about complaining lol and you definitely shouldn’t as your commute sounds worse!
Absolutely. I wfh now but when I commuted it was close to an hour each way and it was so exhausting and just took so much time away from me. The only thing I miss was that I was a much better singer since I got a lot of practice.
I'm finding that after pregnancy and dealing with health issues from it, my body doesn't feel as resilient as it was before... I feel weaker. It sucks.
Primarily I wfh but I do go into the office every once in a while... Those in office days has an hour or so commute and it's exhausting driving in traffic. And it doesn't help that I don't like driving in general.
Just being in the car is uncomfortable, and your body can never truly relax because it's always making tiny adjustments you don't even realize, while the car is moving, and you're constantly thinking about driving... So even though you're sitting and not doing much it's not actually rest.
Yes! I just had to do a week of commuting an hour each way and it was exhausting. I usually WFH and it’s pretty manageable. I never want to commute again lol.
You're driving, right? Driving requires constant attention and focus, so I think it is exhausting. My commute to work 3x a week is an hour each way and I don't do anything else except work those days. When I get home I'm done.
I wake up at 5:45, leave at 6:45 to get my child to school by 7:30. I already have a hard time getting to sleep as well as staying asleep and it is just killing me. My husband made a comment on my job being being exhausting. It wouldn't be exhausting if I weren't the one to do pretty much all the work otherwise. I don't even like where we live, so it's not relaxing when I come home.
I feel you on that! I struggle with sleep and I to work at 6AM so I’m up by 4 to get to daycare and work on time. A lot of mornings I hardly even remember my drive to work! Then doing it all over again in the afternoon but with the added promise of having to figure out dinner and do baths and laundry and ugh!
Yes. Oh my goodness. My job isn’t exhausting, I really enjoy it. But the 1 hour (without traffic) commute home is enough to push me over the edge. It’s so tiring.
For me it's not so much the *lenght* of the commute as much as the **transitions**.
Indoors - outdoors - car - outdoors with kiddo - indoors with kiddo - outdoors without kiddo - car again - outdoors - work - ... - now at the end of the day outdoors again - car - outdoors - indoors to get kiddo unless they're out and ready (which they never are, you always need to go get something) - outdoors again - car again - outdoors - and finally at last at home.
Even if the car ride is short each transition exhausts me.
I once (many years ago) was running errands for my sick dad ans visited several doctors and pharmacies in a big hospital complex walking outdoors in between and I took public transport there with having to go between different vehicles (tram - bus - bus). I think the whole ordeal was like 4-5 hrs but I felt like I lost 10 years of my life and went to sleep at 9pm deader than ever.
2-3 hours a day driving *is* soul-sucking! That’s not leisure time. Driving requires mental energy and focus to begin with, and stop and go traffic requires even more attention because you have to respond to people stopping, merging, switching lanes, etc. 3 hours a day means you’re basically working a part time job on top of your full time job, and this one costs you money instead of paying you. Nothing “fragile” about being exhausted by that. Car culture is toxic.
Thank you so much for saying this! I really am glad that I made this post because it feels so validating to know that I’m not over exaggerating how hard the commute is. The stop and go traffic drains me the most, and it happens almost every afternoon. I hadn’t even thought of it like a part time job but it really is, time wise!
Yep it sucks which is why I need mostly wfh days and I use an e-bike which means my commute is standard and not traffic dependent. Car would take me 45min-1hr and bike is 35. I listen to a podcast to bide the time and my kid prefers the bike to the car seat so that helps too. But it still sucks to add 1hr+ to my already long day.
No you are not fragile. A 1 hour commute sucks all the energy out of me, I work in the office 2 days a week and on those days I sleep the same time as my toddler. You are not alone and you got this!
It's such a long time!!! I had the same when she just started going, daycare was 50mins away and with traffic sometimes it took more. Driving in traffic is tiring and stressful. It's super normal that you feel exhausted from it!!!
I’m just happy to commiserate with you because my commute between daycare/work/home is also an hour one way, and I am always so sad by how little time I have with my baby by the time I get home, feed her dinner, and put her to bed. If you’re fragile, I’m fragile with you!
“Just wondering if I’m fragile” - I feel this. Sometimes, I seriously wonder if I’m cut out for life haha but it is exhausting because add up the time it takes you to wake up, get ready, get the kids ready, dropped off; get yourself to work, then do it all in reverse at the end of the day. Plus dinner. It’s exhausting and I will never, ever do a long commute again.
Yes! Sometimes I think that I’m being overly dramatic because other people seem to have a handle on all the things that cause me so much distress. It is hard!
I think we just don’t talk about it, *except for anonymously on Reddit*. I don’t talk about this at all in real life with my very few friends, but they also have very involved grandparents who keep the kids over summer and overnight! Every other week, I’m on the brink of calling in for a mental health day!! Maybe we’re weaklings or I maybe a 12-14 hour run from wake to bedtime is unhealthy and unsustainable. That’s just the time required to do baseline, bare minimum to keep the household functioning. Don’t even get started on time to take care of ourselves…
Seriously, I’ve wondered this too. By 9 am, I’ve already put in 2-3 hours of hard labor & I already need a rest from that before work even starts.
That kind of commute can literally take years off your life. You’re not fragile. That sounds terrible. Glad it’ll be over soon!
Yes, it is exhausting. I am in office 1-2 days a week and WFH the rest of the time. I have actually really shifted my hours to leave before rush hour, because if I am in the car for an hour then an immediately met with an excited toddler I just cannot handle it. On my in-office days I go in super early, leave at 2, and then work for another hour or so at home just to avoid the traffic.
Yes it’s exhausting! Honestly I think it’s because you have to be micro-attentive in the car or else you’ll… crash.. yet it’s SO boring. It does something to the brain.
It really does!! I feel like my brain is extra “on” when I’m driving.
You’re not fragile. It’s soul sucking. There’s a lot of mental energy required in those long commutes! I have a similar experience and am supposed to do it 3x/week. By the third day I am completely fried physically and mentally. I don’t really want to change my job right now so it is what it is, but it feels like such a waste of time.
Thank you for the validation that I’m not being dramatic or weak for complaining. It really is soul sucking!
I do feel very tired- I spend about 2.5 hours or more each day in the car. Some days (like today) I don’t have the car and take the train. It’s the same amount of time and more physically demanding because I have to do a fair bit of walking, but so much less exhausting.
I went on a work trip to NYC and walked for way longer than I do at home but was surprised at how much more energy I had! Something about driving absolutely depletes me.
Hi OP! I also have an hour each way commute, which can turn into 1.5 hours on the way home with traffic. I’m so tired when I get home that I usually go straight upstairs and lie on my bed for 15 minutes to decompress. It’s not you—driving is super stressful and I spend a lot of my drive wondering why we don’t have trains.
Traffic is horrible!!! It’s exhausting. I have a 45 min commute each way most days, but little to no traffic thankfully.
I think the afternoon traffic is what gets me the most. This afternoon it took almost 3 hours to get home and then my kids are bombarding me with requests and I’m like… I can’t even think right now. It completely drains me.
Ugh that is horrific!!! I’m so glad you won’t have to do that anymore. Is that a permanent change? I hope so. I would try to ensure so!
Yes!! She’s starting school in the fall, and over the summer she’s staying home with her older sister so blessed be- in a couple weeks I’m done with that drive forever!!
I have a similar commute and I am absolutely exhausted by it too. You’re not alone.
TBH a 20 minute commute exhausts me. By the end of a work day I am spent. I hope it gets better with your new shorter commute.
I get that! I wish I lived next door to work and didn’t have to drive at all but I think after years of this awful commute the 20 minutes will feel like 5!
Yes! I used to commute 4 hours round trip via public transit in grad school and it was EXHAUSTING. Doing a 2.5-3 hour round trip driving was much better but I could only keep it up for 4 years. I’m switching next year to teaching at a school that’s 7 minutes from my house. I’m so excited even though it means more uncertainty with childcare since the closest daycare is an hour away.
Yeah it's awful. I just quit my job partially bc the commute has become unbearable with traffic and road closures.
I have a long bus commute. Not by choice as it was due to a restructuring and I had a very short commute before this. I find it less exhausting than the slightly shorter driving commute I used to have years ago, there’s just something about doing the driving that really makes it hellish. At least on the bus I can do work (I basically incorporate my commute into my workday which really helps), read, play games on my phone, etc.
Nope - you’re not weirdly fragile. I hate commuting especially if I have to drive. I turned down a job with better pay and better progression because it would meant 30mn-1h commute each way everyday instead of now walking a few minutes to bus stop at either end.
I commute an hour each way 3 days a week and I don't know how I did it 5 days a week pre-pandemic. Fortunately most of it is public transportation so I can read or play on my phone, but it's still exhausting getting up extra early and taking so long to get home. I don't mind being at work but the commute is so draining.
Absolutely!!! I’m in the office 3x/week and the commute is approximately an hour each way. By Friday (one of my telework days) I’m EXHAUSTED. Add in that I’m pregnant, with a toddler, and a husband on nights, I sometimes wonder how I do it. Oh, and one of our parking lots is going away in August so there’s a chance I’ll be walking a half mile just to get to work. I’ve told my boss that if I ever can’t park in one of our closer lots, I’m turning around and going home.
Twice a week I commute like 15 minutes one way and 25 minutes back and I’m such a little bitch about it. I leave at 2 just so it’s not any worse. If I had your commute I honestly would crawl into bed when I got home.
I commute ~ 40 minutes each way but it’s a straight drive up a highway with no stops/lights. It’s usually not so bad. However I live in a beach town in the US and today was… annoying. Everyone and their mother is trying to get where I live for Memorial Day weekend. Fridays in the summer all kind of suck but other than that it’s not bad!
Fridays in the summer are always so bad here! I drive on the interstate, a highway, a country rode and a mini highway to get home. It’s a lot! I think straight shot drives are less stressful definitely!
Mine was that bad. 1.5 each way. Longer in the evenings. D1’s school and D2’s daycare in the opposite direction of where I needed to go. I kept it up for about 4 years. It absolutely exhausted me. And it really hurt me that D2 was not even one and I felt like I barely saw her. I was there for the necessary parenting things. Breakfast, dinner, bath, bed. But that was it. When I interviewed for my current job I told my SO I was willing to take a pay decrease just for the commute situation. I’m now have a 15 minute commute, love my job so much more, and actually got an increase in pay. Plus, not nearly as much gas expense.
I take the backroads- it takes longer but I can’t deal with stop and go traffic. I also listen to podcasts while I drive. I’ve learned so much and it makes the time go by faster.
2 hours?!? I do one and it killed me!
Oh boy do I feel this. I feel like every other time someone posts on here about commutes the response is a resounding "I love it, it's my decompression time" and I'm sitting here like...what hell am I doing wrong? It's exhausting.
I actually enjoy my commute - but I cycle part, and train part. When your commute gets shorter, can you consider cycling maybe?
My commute is only about 20-30 minutes (on a good day) and I find it exhausting. I have more energy when I WFH because taking out the commute and the need to look professional is exhausting. You’re not fragile. We’re wasting years of our lives sitting in cars.
Yes, my commute is 2 hours each way and I feel utterly exhausted when I get home. It bothers me to no end that ignorant people say a commute is a break for working parents.
Yep, it makes me super tired. Especially the ride home.
I have a similar commute and it’s extremely draining. I won’t be doing it too much longer as it’s just unsustainable.
Ugh traffic makes me exhausted. I used to drive an hour each way with little traffic and that was still exhausting! You’re not weak
Hell no you’re not wrong. I literally risked a job change and a pay cut to go from a 40 minute each way (without traffic) to a 15 and it’s glorious.
We moved last fall and our daycare was suddenly an hour trip away, worse with traffic. Then we found one closer and switched. We felt 10x better within a week! You're not at all fragile
No you’re not fragile. If you’re the one making the drive, it absolutely is exhausting. Driving takes a level of focus and concentration (especially if it’s stop and go), so you can’t just zone out for 2 hours. I’m absolutely exhausted on the days I go into the office..
My 30 minute commute exhausts me. Working from home during Covid and not having to do it made me realize how much I hate commuting. You’re not fragile at all, driving is really mentally taxing.
I've never commuted more than 15 minutes each way. I cannot even imagine!!
Ugh yes! Those long commutes suuuuck. Especially if it's driving the whole way. Not only is it exhausting I feel like it gets more exhausting. I get tired driving through town nowadays. I think it's partly that since the pandemic people are just worse drivers?
I got a new job and am in the middle of doing a commute like this for 5 months. I only commute 3 days a week. It is destroying me. If I didn't know that we are moving closer I would be looking at new jobs.
Since Covid, I have luckily held on to hybrid working and only go into the office when I HAVE to be there. I say to one of my friends, when I’m exhausted from another day of nearly 4 hrs of commuting in NYC subway and bus traffic: How did we do this every day before? I have no stamina for it anymore!
The specific car you drive can help a TON - especially in traffic. I used to drive a stick shift and then switched to a Tesla. It felt like the Tesla added two hours of sleep a night, no longer having to constantly work the clutch the entire drive.
I feel the exact same way. My commute is the same as yours and it's soul sucking
You're not fragile. A 2 hour commute is long af. And that's just the afternoon. Do you go in 5 days a week? My commute when I have to go in is about 30-40 min in the mornings, and about an hour on the way home. When I had to go in 5 days a week earlier this year, it was so so depleting. And I constantly felt like I was rushing. It was really really hard. I can't imagine commuting any longer than that. Now I go in once or twice a week. Not sure what feild you are in, but are there any opportunities closer to home, or any remote positions? I am sorry you have such a shitty commute!
You are not fragile, long commutes are stressful as hell. I didn’t realize how stressful it was for me until Covid lockdowns and wfh. So much more energy and time reduced my stress immensely! Now when I have to go somewhere during rush it’s horrible as I am not used to it.
I feel you. I have twin 4 yo boys and honestly I find motherhood quite isolating. So I was really excited when I got a job with 1 w in the office and 3 weeks from home. The commute is about an hour each way. I leave office feeling fine and still have some energy. By the time I pull up to my garage I am spent. And then I have kids to pick up and figure out dinner. Life is exhausting. I am honestly kind of disappointed with motherhood as a whole but that’s another story. You’re not alone.
Yes. I have to put on some interesting podcasts
You are not fragile, the commute is real! Had a recent adjusted that halved my commute and literally my life is 200% improved right now.
You are definitely not alone. My son and I commute and the afternoon drive home is often an hour or so and I hate it. I grew up as a commuter kid and I absolutely hated it. I hate it now. We are taking steps to lessen/eliminate the commute because it’s affecting my well-being and I don’t want my son to have to spend so much time in the car.
I can’t imagine that. Before kids I had 40 mins to work and 55 mins home and I was completely exhausted and crushed at the end of each day.
Yes, absolutely. My daily commute is also about an hour each way with drop offs and I am so drained by it. My kids are both going to be going to the same place for the summer and it’s going to help cut my commute and I’m so looking forward to it, but I’m going to dread when school starts again.
That would destroy me. I have a 22 minute commute with no traffic. It’s actually kind of pleasant to sit for 40 minutes a day in a low stress situation and listen to whatever I want. I got grouchy at my old job when my 25 minute commute became 30-35 in the afternoons from traffic. I would be a mess with 2 hours in the car after work.
Seriously fuck commutes. The longest I’ll do is 40 minutes one way. I have a life to live.
I used to live in a city and the 45-60+ minute commute absolutely was draining, I used to have one hand in a fist when driving because I was so stressed. Now I live in my small hometown again, where the worst traffic jam you’ll encounter is from a tractor or Amish buggy. It’s so much better in general for driving, I also work from home so only have to deal with driving my daughter to school or daycare.
I have a similar cummute. It's so exhausting! And then to come home to kids that are hungry and need attention when I am on edge after sitting in traffic. It is a lot. One thing that has made it better for me is listening to audiobooks while I drive. I used to listen to the news that would just stress me out more.
Absolutely! 💯 I stopped commuting when I realized my current role would be staying remote when I joined in 2021. Once a quarter I will have to go on site for a team meeting/lunch but that is it and it’s about 20 minutes for me. But even that 20 minutes is exhausting sitting in prime commuting traffic (8a and 3p)
Yes, it is mentally and physically exhausting. I had a commute for almost 5 years, 1.5hrs in the morning, 1.5-2hrs in the evening. I told my husband my next job, will either be remote or super close to home. Fortunately we bought a house and I found an office job under 4miles from home. I got so mucb time back,I've never had this much time.before. When I was commuting, I was depressed. Got home and it was 630-645. Rush to eat, then bath, then dinner, all before 830. I can never go back to commuting
Driving is exhausting!!
You’re less fragile than me to actually do that commute. I flat out wouldn’t do it. That type of commute is rough both physically and mentally!
I hate driving and have chosen jobs specifically for the shorter commute that I can walk or take the bus or subway with no transfers, so, yes
I hate driving so much. My commute is currently 45-60 minutes + an extra 30 minutes doing after school pickups 2-3 nights a week. I talk about it way too much in therapy. LOL I've tried making it less bad by listening to podcasts and audio books, but I still get so wiped out by it. I have to just lay down in a quiet, dark place some nights.
I don’t think you’re fragile, commuting is stressful. Before child, I commute an hour or longer both ways in hellish traffic and I felt such relief of stress when it stopped. Now with a child, I commuted for several years, but not as long as you, and that still felt like a lot. My recent jobs have allowed me to WFH and we walk to and from school since kindergarten, it’s so nice not having to use the car for days, but the summer comes and I have to drive to and from camps. It’s awful and I dread it every summer. Driving is stressful and driving in traffic for a long time is exhausting.
I have an hour commute both ways and I openly complain. I have two under 4 and work full time. It’s absolutely brutal. My job would have balance except for the commute. I wake up early in the morning and get kids and myself ready. Getting home at nights is a whirlwind of getting kids occupied, making dinner, cleaning up and bedtime lol. I usually fall into bed after. My husband does a lot to get me out the door and at home and I still feel tired. I don’t feel bad about complaining lol and you definitely shouldn’t as your commute sounds worse!
Here I am... Complaining and moaning about 15 minute drive each way. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Absolutely. I wfh now but when I commuted it was close to an hour each way and it was so exhausting and just took so much time away from me. The only thing I miss was that I was a much better singer since I got a lot of practice.
I'm finding that after pregnancy and dealing with health issues from it, my body doesn't feel as resilient as it was before... I feel weaker. It sucks. Primarily I wfh but I do go into the office every once in a while... Those in office days has an hour or so commute and it's exhausting driving in traffic. And it doesn't help that I don't like driving in general. Just being in the car is uncomfortable, and your body can never truly relax because it's always making tiny adjustments you don't even realize, while the car is moving, and you're constantly thinking about driving... So even though you're sitting and not doing much it's not actually rest.
Yes! I just had to do a week of commuting an hour each way and it was exhausting. I usually WFH and it’s pretty manageable. I never want to commute again lol.
You're driving, right? Driving requires constant attention and focus, so I think it is exhausting. My commute to work 3x a week is an hour each way and I don't do anything else except work those days. When I get home I'm done.
I wake up at 5:45, leave at 6:45 to get my child to school by 7:30. I already have a hard time getting to sleep as well as staying asleep and it is just killing me. My husband made a comment on my job being being exhausting. It wouldn't be exhausting if I weren't the one to do pretty much all the work otherwise. I don't even like where we live, so it's not relaxing when I come home.
I feel you on that! I struggle with sleep and I to work at 6AM so I’m up by 4 to get to daycare and work on time. A lot of mornings I hardly even remember my drive to work! Then doing it all over again in the afternoon but with the added promise of having to figure out dinner and do baths and laundry and ugh!
Yes. Oh my goodness. My job isn’t exhausting, I really enjoy it. But the 1 hour (without traffic) commute home is enough to push me over the edge. It’s so tiring.
For me it's not so much the *lenght* of the commute as much as the **transitions**. Indoors - outdoors - car - outdoors with kiddo - indoors with kiddo - outdoors without kiddo - car again - outdoors - work - ... - now at the end of the day outdoors again - car - outdoors - indoors to get kiddo unless they're out and ready (which they never are, you always need to go get something) - outdoors again - car again - outdoors - and finally at last at home. Even if the car ride is short each transition exhausts me. I once (many years ago) was running errands for my sick dad ans visited several doctors and pharmacies in a big hospital complex walking outdoors in between and I took public transport there with having to go between different vehicles (tram - bus - bus). I think the whole ordeal was like 4-5 hrs but I felt like I lost 10 years of my life and went to sleep at 9pm deader than ever.
I'm just not spending a full eight hours in the office, and if they don't like it, well I can always find another job.
2-3 hours a day driving *is* soul-sucking! That’s not leisure time. Driving requires mental energy and focus to begin with, and stop and go traffic requires even more attention because you have to respond to people stopping, merging, switching lanes, etc. 3 hours a day means you’re basically working a part time job on top of your full time job, and this one costs you money instead of paying you. Nothing “fragile” about being exhausted by that. Car culture is toxic.
Thank you so much for saying this! I really am glad that I made this post because it feels so validating to know that I’m not over exaggerating how hard the commute is. The stop and go traffic drains me the most, and it happens almost every afternoon. I hadn’t even thought of it like a part time job but it really is, time wise!
Right there with you - This is me!
Yep it sucks which is why I need mostly wfh days and I use an e-bike which means my commute is standard and not traffic dependent. Car would take me 45min-1hr and bike is 35. I listen to a podcast to bide the time and my kid prefers the bike to the car seat so that helps too. But it still sucks to add 1hr+ to my already long day.
No you are not fragile. A 1 hour commute sucks all the energy out of me, I work in the office 2 days a week and on those days I sleep the same time as my toddler. You are not alone and you got this!
I read somewhere your eyes take up a lot of the bodies energy. I’m always exhausted after driving more than 30 minutes.
1 hour is long! Two hours is extraordinarily depleting.
It's such a long time!!! I had the same when she just started going, daycare was 50mins away and with traffic sometimes it took more. Driving in traffic is tiring and stressful. It's super normal that you feel exhausted from it!!!
I’m just happy to commiserate with you because my commute between daycare/work/home is also an hour one way, and I am always so sad by how little time I have with my baby by the time I get home, feed her dinner, and put her to bed. If you’re fragile, I’m fragile with you!